MBMBaM 829: Content Basement

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. My life, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with two. My life, ah, it's better with you. Hello everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middle-aged brother, Travis McDogg, Wolf Wolf Room from the heater, award-winning McElroy. It's me, your sweet baby brother, Griffin. 30 under 30. 30 media luminary McElroy. I will ask the question that has united children and their fathers all across this country. Are you watching Lanterns? Yeah. Hey, Dad, hopefully not. This is mine to our dad, so you guys can't use this one. I used it at dinner last night. Hey, Dad, watching Lanterns? I said, Dad, you watching Lanterns? Now, hopefully, Justin, when you say children of their fathers, you don't mean like child children. You just mean ostriches. I just mean, like, if you need something to talk to your dad about, and you've already talked about Reacher, you could just ask about Lanterns. You'd be like, you watching Lanterns? Yeah. If BB came to me and said, Dad, are you watching Lanterns? I'd be like, wait, are you watching Lanterns? How are you watching Lanterns? You shouldn't be watching Lanterns. You're nine years old. There's some strong language in there. And then, in episode two, and listen, if you haven't watched Lanterns, this isn't a spoiler. But in episode two, boom, full frontal corpse. Dong. Full frontal corpse. Now, that's interesting, because that's, comic books are for kids. If memories, from what I understand, they're kids' books, and they're funny books. And some of them's not so funny. Right. The Spider-Man 9-11 one, I did not think was super duper funny. And Spawn is like PG-13. Spawn's pushing it, definitely. But when I turn on my show, and I'm like, fuck, yeah, we got Coach Taylor. We got Roger. We got Rebel Ridge. And they're up there, and they're kicking ass. Fish table, yeah. They're kicking ass together. I love all of that stuff. And then a dead dick on the screen? Yeah. Yucky. What? Where? Why? Not even, like, a passing shot. It's like the focus of the shot, corpse dong. Yeah, because they have to get in there, and they're like, that's not a dick. It's an alien dick with, and there's two rings inside there. And they have to get him out. Well, then they each take turns being like, I think it looked like this. And recreate. And they're recreating it with the ring. And they're like, no, it was more like this. My five and nine-year-olds are sitting with me on the couch. I got an arm over all of them having family bonding time. And they're like, what is that, Dad? And I have to be like, it's a dead body's private parts. Yuck, Coach Taylor, this how you do me? God damn. They did that. They found the secret to success with lanterns. And that is, he just, nobody ever does any kind of magic ring stuff. And that's a secret. That's the secret to the show. Because you're like, you watch the whole show. You're like, somebody do something with a magic ring. But they tease you. It's just, it's. They do little things. Little things. And they'll figure like, oh, that ring could do something. Something. And it's just, I've seen the ring used more to like hold down papers and prop open doors at this point. Open a beer. Ironically for like close-up magic. For like, watch this ring. It's gone. I've seen that more times. Well, there is literally a moment where he creates a bottle opener and he reacts. Like he's just done a great sleight of hand trick. Where he's like, so fucking cool. Yeah, see? Look, Coach Taylor, early edition, he can do anything. I'll watch that man do fucking anything up on my TV screen. Absolutely. I do wish that they would explain why they're not using the rings more. Which is, if you read the comic books, you learn that the green stuff the rings make is stinky. Stinky as hell, dude. It smells super duper duper bad. And they haven't even shown that like one shot of Rebel Ridge making like a. Ew. Making a bubble around himself and then being like, what's that fucking smell? Because they cuss a lot on the show. Yeah, they do. What's that fucking dick smell? And then Coach Taylor can be like, that's the bubble. That's the bubble. That's the bubble. The bubble always makes this smell. The bubble makes the green stink. That's the smell. That's what you mean, Junior. It's green because it's stank. Oh, you don't like it because it's stinky? Oh, grow up, Junior. What the fuck? Sometimes magic's stinky. What world do you think you live in? Where? Magic isn't stinky. Grow up. Every time he drops some sort of alien bullshit, my whole body shudders. Every time they make that guy say something like, ah, been sewer. It's just like, wah. Delicious. Kyle Chandler's too cool. Watching him say nerd stuff. I do appreciate how much. It's embarrassing a little bit. Yeah. There's a lot of football that they ease you into in the pilot of Landers. I do appreciate that. Where there's like, okay, I see Coach Taylor on the field. He fits in the stands a lot. So you can anger him. It's like if it came on after Friday Night Lights and you're like. If you're already asleep, you wouldn't necessarily notice. Yeah. You wouldn't understand. Like, what the fuck? Did I turn on like a different language all of a sudden? Did Coach Taylor just ice that guy? Is that a dong? Is that a dick on lights? What? That was dead, man. This is Friday Night Lights nights. Friday Night Nights nights. I would love to see. I hope they go into a backstory where you just see Kyle Chandler as Hal Jordan, like, on like his second week of the job. And he's starting to feel like he's gone. And he's got a handle on it. And he's standing at like OWA. And he's surrounded by actual alien Green Lanterns. And like the Guardians are saying some alien bullshit. And you just see Hal Jordan like, what are they talking about? What is this shit? What are you talking? What? What? None of this makes any sense. I'm going home. I think it's a good show. I do feel like if they're going to put warnings on TV shows, which I fully support. Absolutely. They just have got to put warnings on TV shows. I'd be like, listen, if you have kids in the room, there's no reality. It wouldn't occur to you. Just I wouldn't even need it at the beginning of the episode. It said nudity at the beginning of the episode. I saw that. And I was like, well, OK, I wasn't expecting that. It's going to be some alien butt. You're thinking alien butt. You think it's going to be alien butt for sure. And it's like, I know you said nudity, but you didn't say what it was in a way that would have been actionable and useful. For me to brace for it in any way. I'm watching this show on my phone while eating my meals. And my kids will walk into the room where I'm doing it and they will see it. And I need Kyle Chandler to come on before each episode and be like, all right, gang. Thank you for watching the show like it was meant to be watched on your phone. On your phone. Listen, we got a dead alien dick in this one. It happens at three minutes and 15 seconds. So just be on the look. Keep your head on a swivel. Clear eyes, full hearts. It's a great plane show. You know, this is the kind of show that once it's all out, you can take a dram of me and just kind of vibe. And then all of a sudden I'm in 3B. The guy in 3C is looking at alien dong because I had no idea. And I didn't close my iPad fast enough. Or maybe I went to the bathroom and left it playing. You know me. And look, this isn't us taking a stance against televised penises. No. Far from it. Absolutely. Free the, free the, free the tipple is what I say about all of this business. I'm an equal opportunity employer and it's time. But to be dead and maybe an alien. I haven't watched this episode yet. It's the context that we need. The context. This is comic books. You know? Deadpool's not getting his dick out and he's the raunchiest dude in town. So like, I don't know, man. More corpse dong so that we become like inoculated to it. You know what I mean? So it's not a big deal. If Lanterns was like every five minutes. Full frontal corpse dong. Yeah. Right now I'm like, okay, I know exactly what kind of show this is. And by the time it happens, you know, like the 10th time, I'm like, well, they couldn't make the show without the dong. It's structural. It's a structural. That is a thematic. Yes. Dead alien penis. Absolutely. They got to have a flashback to it. At some point it's got to become narratively. Yeah. Structural dong. Yeah. If you remove the dong, the whole plot falls apart. The hero's journey ends and begins at the dong shot. The dong shot. That's, I mean, Plato said that. I think he's the one who came up with it. He said that, like, got to have the dong shot at the top and the bottom. I did think it was weird that not only did they not have Kyle Chandler's Hal Jordan react to it, but he said, like, not again. And you're like, wait, how often has this happened in the green room? And then you saw him make a little tally mark in a journal. And it looked like there were hundreds of them. Hundreds of little marks, yeah. And some of them were bigger than others, the marks. And so you're like, what's that mean? Is that some sort of code? And it recharged the ring. When he saw the alien dong, it recharged the ring for him. Yeah, I thought that was weird. It was a choice. I haven't read every issue of Greenland. Jon Stewart's like, do you hear a buzz? I hear a buzz from the ring area. Is there a buzz? I thought it was weird when the ring ran out of juice and he ran and he took a little girl's ice cream cone and he ate it and then the ring got power back to kill Sinestro. And I was like, okay, taking a few liberties. And the whole scene at the Cirque du Soleil-esque show and then he made a ring, he used the ring to make an electrified fork or something? Yeah, he used the ring to make a suitcase around himself that he rolled down a staircase in. It was a strange choice. It was strange. In the first episode, he makes money with the ring and puts it in a jukebox. And I gotta say, even as a comic book fan, that's strange credulity. Like, this is an optical device. Fuck that. Yeah, if I put a creased bill in one of these machines, it's like, no, that's not money. I mean, he good. You're telling me. He good. Yeah, he's good. But that shit's glowing. Quarter, maybe. Quarter, yeah. Gut-free gumball. You can fool it. Brightest day. It's awesome. But not this. Not this. You don't got $5 on you? Also, use the ring to make your own jukebox that's free and has all your favorite music on it. What do you mean? How? It's a big green boom box. It just carries around all the time. I wanna be your sledgehammer. You guys like this? You guys like this track? All I could think about. But it's all him singing because it's all him singing. He can't, for copyright reasons, recreate sledgehammers. I sell my tapes. They're $10. I'm pretty hard up now. The tapes are made out of my stinky green stuff. They will disintegrate as soon as I get out of line. It will disintegrate as soon as I stop thinking about it. I'm so sorry. But luckily, I never stop thinking about my music. Yeah. This is an advice show. We take your questions and turn them alchemy-like into wisdom. This is our first question. I work in a tech support. I have a job at a public elementary school. I don't have my own desk or room. So I set up my laptop at a back table in the school library. It's a nice spot. But it's right next to the kids' activity table with a chess board. Every day after story time, kids will go play chess or watch other kids play chess. And most days, there'll be at least one loud argument about the rules. And a lot of the time, everyone arguing is wrong. How do I get the kids to ask me what moves Bishop can make? Or how capturing pieces work instead of shouting at each other? From would-be chess referee in CT. Good. I believe that's connect-i-cut. I think it is connect-i-cut. Look, there's a lot of source material, a lot of inspiration you can lean on here. I'm not, like, great at chess. You know, I'm, like, 1950, 2000 on a good day, ELO rating. But I think that. I think that everyone wants that moment of becoming the wizened sort of chess maestro. The anime sensei-type character who's suddenly, like, backlit and standing over the board. And at first, you're like, who's this guy? And then he says something in, like, a low, quiet voice. And you're like, oh, my God. Yeah. This guy knows his shit. A Larry Fishburne searching for Bobby Fischer. Like, who's this old man at the park? It's so unassuming. Actually, he's a wizened chess master. Yeah. And he's going to train your. I don't remember the plot of that movie. I think that was it. Real good. I conflate that movie with Little Man Tate a lot. Sure. Way different. I know it's way different. But in my head, I was like, is Harry Connick Jr. in that one? I think Harry Connick Jr. is in Little Man Tate. Yeah. Yeah. I think that you're. I wouldn't start by quibbling about the rules. In a lot of movies, I've seen where someone turns out to be good at chess. Which is, in a lot of movies, you've got to start with something like, it's already over. Like, while the kids are playing, you're not even looking. Like, you're about to move Bishop to ninths three. And it's like, the game's already ended. And then the kids will kind of look at you like, what'd you say? And then, this is really important. Mm-hmm. Never mind. Yeah. Like, oh shit, dude. Sorry. Forget I said anything. Yes. Type, type, type. Computers, computers, computers. I'm assuming you say. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cables and wires, cables and wires. Plug it in, plug it out. Rom, rom, rom, rom, rom. Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. I, you could also name, like, ah, the, you know, the something opening, you know? Anytime it's like. Travis, name one chess opening. This is what I was thinking. I don't know it. Oh, man. Right. Griffin, name a chess opening. You make it up. Carol, Carol Kahn. Oh, I love the Carol Kahn. Queen's Gambit. Queen's Gambit is one. Yeah. I, you ever see in a TV show or movie when someone's playing chess and they're like, it's, it's mate in, you know, four or whatever. And I always think when they're doing that, if I was playing against them, I'd be like, ha, ha, ha. That is, you assume I know what I'm doing enough that I will make prescribed moves. But just on you, I don't know what I'm doing. No, didn't know that by the time they say things like that, a statement like that carries with it the assumption of competence from the players involved, right? You know, they don't just say that when, like, theoretically, you could. You could achieve this goal. But what Travis is saying, and I would love to watch this Netflix miniseries, The King's Gambit. It's time, dudes. We're going to have Travis in there. For the boys. And then he's, he, he grows up at orphanage and learns about chess. And there's a cantankerous sort of groundskeeper who's secretly really good at chess. And Travis is going to just say no thank you to those lessons. I'm busy. Because he, he rolls up, he's going to play Garry Kasparov. And Garry Kasparov is like, mate in two. And Travis is like, I don't know what I'm doing. What, could you explain that to me? What two moves are you thinking of? Yeah. And then you just do different moves. They can't stop you. Different ones. Never once have I seen, in a movie or TV show, someone say, like, mate in four. And somebody respond like, bullshit. Like, all right, mate in three. Is that what we're doing? Is this just like a bidding? Yeah, I can beat you in two then. I don't know, man. We're just saying shit. Griff, do you ever get really mad playing chess on your phone? Does it ever get you steamed? Do I ever get really mad playing chess? Do you ever get really steamed playing chess on your phone? I tend to play short burst games that don't allow me to have the time to get mad. Like, you know what I mean? But don't you ever lose like four of them in a row and you start talking to yourself like you're bad at chess or a bad person. And then it's like, you get really steamed. Do you ever experience that? No. No, man. If you lose a fear, I think everybody starts to be like, you fucking idiot. Like, why do you even play chess? You should go do anything else. Stupid. I don't think so. I don't really think so. Me neither. And I want to make sure people aren't doing that. And it's important that you got to take it easy on yourself because it's just a game. You see Magnus Carlsen stand up from a table. He just lost a game. He gets to, man. And he's fucking steamed. Fists balled up. Arms straight down. Stomps off. It's like. Life's too short, buddy. You look at Bobby Fischer. He got so angry at everyone. He got so steamed at everybody. The beautiful equation is the more you know about chess, the more you know how to play, the angrier you get when you lose. So the best way to lose at chess is to have no idea what you're doing. And then you lose and you're like, of course I lost. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have perpetually left myself in that, like, the sort of competence, you know, divot between just beginning something and actual competence where, like, like you experience it in fighting games, I think, where, like, you learn the move. Like, you start out pretty good here because you're just hitting stuff. And then you learn the moves and then you get much worse because you're trying to do moves. That's where I'm at at chess. I'm like, oh, yes. Well, I know just what this. Ah, fuck. Like, that's every single time. Yeah, no. I don't get that upset. I get disappointed in myself. Not anymore. Neither anymore. Neither anymore. Yeah. You've moved on. From chess. You just don't do chess. You don't do chess anymore. Don't do chess anymore. That's the secret. That's the secret. Can't make you mad if you don't do it no more. Stick to drawing. Doesn't matter how much you love it, how good you are at it, how much time you've invested in it. It can't hurt you if you do not do it no more. Can't hurt you there. This is an elementary school, by the way. Just wear a checkerboard patterned shirt and they'll ask you because they're like, you look like a chessboard. Hey. Well, okay, no, because if we want to be chess, if you want to look like a wise and chess master, you need to be a chess master. You need to have one, kind of a scruffy beard, two, a flat cap that you're wearing. Scottish accent. A Scottish accent helps. Absolutely, it does. But you need to be, it's more, it's less your dress and aesthetic and more your vibe. The more cantankerous you are, the better they are going to assume you are at chess. Or Forrest Whitaker. If you can do like a Forrest Whitaker, like you're kind of a soft-spoken giant, how big are you? Are you big enough to be impressive? How big a boy are you? Yeah, because if you're like. a big old like if you're taking up a lot of space but you can make delicate moves Oh, that's a powerful combination. Beautiful moves. Oh, like a beautiful dance, you know? So graceful on the chessboard. Problem with your situation right now is it sounds insane to complain about kids playing chess. And I think what you need to do is maybe amp it up. So can you get, you know, the things that you hit after you do a move and it makes the other timer start? Bring in four of those. Hand them to the kids. Wait two hours. Go to administration and say, listen, I can't work in there with this fucking chess anymore. It's a nightmare. They'll go in. It'll be true. The kids will have clubbed each other to death like Lord of the Flies with these clocks. Chess will be done. It'll be banned at the school. So you're saying this is a way of getting your own office. Yeah, eventually the library becomes your library like Belle in Beauty and the Beast. Yeah, no, the message of Beauty and the Beast is it's better to have your own library. That's my favorite part where the apocalypse happens and Belle walks out of the big vault and she's like, oh, there's so much time now to read all my books. Yeah, but then she drops her glasses. Oh, we should institute those little clock mechanisms into conversations. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, we're like, you ask the person like, oh, how was your day? And then you hit the button and their time starts. Yeah. How much time are we talking? I guess it depends on the person you're talking to. You walk up and you like, you have to agree like two minutes, bullet, a bullet conversation. If you, that sounds great to me. We have one minute each. I need the opposite one for me where it's like, how long do I have to sustain this? Okay, go. All right, 30 seconds of me holding court. Let's do it. And then I want to relax into the other person just whisking me away. I want to know how long I have to contribute before the other person can pick me back up. How long do I have to talk to you before you'll tell me about a hyper fixation you have and I can just enjoy it vicariously. And then go to sleep. Yep. You watching "Lanterns"? Click. Let's take another question from the audience. My friend has recently told me about a fried pie festival near their town and has invited me to submit an application to judge the fried pie contest. Problem is they want you to give reasons why you'd be good for the job. Now brothers, I don't like pie as much as the next guy and I eat my fair share of it around the holidays, but I don't think I have any special qualifications as a fried pie taster. Worse, I don't live in the town hosting the competition and I'm worried they'll favor a local pick. What do I say to convince the folks that I have the unbiased and refined taste needed to be an impartial judge so I can taste a bunch of free pie? That's for vying for fried pies in Georgia. God, that sounds good. Yeah, man. Fried pie sounds good? I love a fried pie right now. This is like a hand pie, right? Hand pie. And if they have, say, a fried pie, if they have savory ones, which they might, right? Do you think they have empanadas? I guess that's a hint. I guess that's a type of hint. Yeah, I guess that would be cool. You would think they'd put those in there. Fried pie? Can be a fried pie. It gotta be a different category, right? I shouldn't be comparing a savory hand pie to a sweet hand pie in the same judging. It's not fair. I think you could make the argument that a local judge will be inherently biased because like, you know, if, you know, Burt Wolf Ford's in there and he's making his own pies, then people are gonna be like, well, I love his commercials, so I'm going to give his pie a good score. But you can roll up and say in your application, like, I don't fucking care about any of you. I think your town is, sucks. And I don't know anyone there, except for my best friend, Dylan, who fucking shreds, dude. And Dylan is not allowed to compete, not by the rules, but by a conversation he and I had. Could you blindfold yourself too, to take it even further? Like I will be basing these on mouth experience alone. Yeah, I don't care how nasty they look. I'll eat them all up. Send a video of you eating 15 hand pies, just to let them know, like physically I can do this. I can have this. I possess the capacity for many fried pies. I'm gonna be having to eat a bunch throughout the day to judge them. And now you get to watch a trial run of that. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't sound that appealing. Here's what it'll look like. That's good. When you audition for a role, you gotta do sides. You gotta do, you know, self-tape. And so you just, you know, nom, nom, nom, mm, nutty and flaky. You need to demonstrate, yeah. Take the bite and then click a pin and jot something down on a piece of paper while you go, mm, mm, mm, mm. Maybe swish it around in your mouth a little bit. Yeah, do the advanced techniques. You gotta swirl it to check the tannins. And then spit. Check the nose of the fried pie. I think there's still time before this event to create the number one fried pie. Yeah. Fried pie channel on YouTube. Or like, maybe if you wanna be a little more current and shorter form, honestly. Like the fried pie TikTok guy. Fried pie guy. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think you have to put TikTok. I don't think usually they put the name in the platform you're making shit on. Fried TikTok pie guy? We're the McElroy YouTube brothers. And we would be so much more famous. Come on down and stream with us. If we had started calling ourselves the McElroy YouTube brothers in 2010, we would be billionaires right now. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. We'd have a content house and everything. Content house, that's the dream. Not a content basement that I live in. No. That I have to share with the garden basement and the TV basement, the 3D printing basement. How, I don't think I would like being a fried pie judge. Maybe this, we'd never take this tact with a email, but maybe reconsider that the thing you want to do would maybe not be a great thing to do. Why? I think you're getting paid. You get to eat a lot of fried pies, but this could also be like a- It's not what you're doing that's better than eating a lot of fried pies. Your parents catch you smoking cigarettes that make you smoke a whole carton. Maybe eating a hundred fried pies, you won't like fried pies anymore. But you're forgetting about the power, Griffin, that comes with being the judge. And we talked about being impartial, but what if you took it the other way? You get the job and then you're like, I am open to bribery. I am open to flattery. I will accept plenty of gifts and stuff. I can be extorted so easily. I have secrets that if they got out, I'd be ruined. That's kind of the opposite of the way. I was going with like, I can be bought, but I can be sold, I guess, is where Griffin's going. It's like, yeah. How many fried pies do you think you gotta eat for this? How many? I mean, do we think it's like a regular day or do you feel it's like gonna take a physical toll on you? Do you think that you're going to like- Well, it's a fried pie festival. Yeah, that's true, Trav. It's not a fried pie festival. It's not a fried pie picnic or shindig. It is a festival. Yeah, so I assume it's more than- It's a celebratory. One fried pie. You don't gotta finish them though, right? I don't think you gotta finish them. Nah, they probably have cut, which bites of the fried pie though, if you give me a really crusty corner one, I might be a little bit more in favor of it. That's not fair to anybody. I think it's probably the second section. I don't think they're serving fried pie course. Nah, I gotta have my funny filling in there, yeah. No question. But you can't get, I think the middle, mm, that is overwhelming. No, you can't do that. A lot of people do that. They're like, here's my sample of my pie, and they've cut off the corners and just left that fruity, funny filling. No, thank you. Yeah, dude. I have to try the whole pie. No, I think you gotta go, if you're looking at like a bell curve, separate it into fifths. I want the second- It should look like a bell curve, kind of like this. Yeah, I want the second or fourth, fifth. Not the corner, not the middle. Oh, that's the good stuff. No. I need that. That's gonna give me a clear indication of how much you filled it, because this, middle's gonna be too full to put. Not the heel. Not the heel. Not the rump. Not the rump. But between the heel and rump. The haunches. The haunches of the fried pie. That's gonna give you a good indicator. That's where the great pie is. And if you say shit like that in your application, you're gonna seem qualified, even though you're talking out your ass. Yeah. I think you could just change your name. To the fried pie guy? To the fried pie guy, the TikTok fried pie guy. My name is friedpieguy.com. If you legally changed your YouTube account to the TikTok fried pie guy, the TikTok fried pie guy, I think that you would start getting traction. At least in time to where you could like send a link to somebody if they didn't pay really close attention. Yeah. You might have to delete some older content if you've been doing other stuff on there. 'Cause if people go back like three videos and it's, you know, you're doing Minecraft tutorials and they're like, what is this? Yeah. You're like, I'm gonna make fried pie Minecraft tutorials on how to build fried pies in Minecraft. I've never played Minecraft. I don't know how it works. That's crazy. That's awesome. That's crazy you never played Minecraft, man. Not that I can remember, but I have about a week of memories at any given time. I don't have a lot of RAM. It's just, it's all over the place, man. It's a sort of cultural phenomenon. Did you see that movie? They made a Minecraft movie? All right, dude. Let's take a break. can i tell you guys wayfair has just what i need which was a new uh table for my office because the other one i got was like a three-legged thing that i had for like three months before one of the legs just snapped right off that's two legs and then you're sunk only two legs and it didn't really work that much a two-legged table is not effective So, I went on Wayfair, and not only did I find a better, sturdier table, it's pretty as hell, and matches the weird mid-modern century thing I'm going for. Modern mid-century? Whatever. I was able to find the exact thing. It's sturdy as hell. I could dance on this thing, and maybe I will to celebrate it. You should. They got a wide range of stuff at Wayfair. Whatever the budget is for this purchase, they got something that's going to fit your needs, and that's really nice. It's kind of your one-stop shop. They even have playground stuff. I've been looking to revamp the kids' playground as they've gotten bigger. They got playground stuff on Wayfair. Wow. Wow. Yeah, I love Wayfair. I always use it when I have, like, well, I've left one sort of 70-inch gap where I need to put a very extremely specific-sized piece of furniture. You can't really do that anywhere else. But Wayfair. Wayfair will get you exactly what you need. Transform your space with pieces that hold up to real life. Join Wayfair Rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to Wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. I'm killing, man, for a fried pie right now. It's all I can think about, dude. I just. I guess I don't know other. Yeah. I'm just going to Google fried pie. Do you remember when they, like, you could get. What was the pie? There was, like, a green filling pie. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pies. The hand pies. That's like a fried pie. Celebrity one, why not? What? No way. What are you? What are you doing now? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The hubris. The hubris. This is celebrity. This is celebrity tequila, por favor. And we're going to be talking about all the great celebrities that have wandered haphazardly into the world of premium tequila. Now, of course, this all goes back to Sammy. Sammy Hagar. Sammy Hagar with his Cabo Wabo. His Cabo Wabo tequila, which he was so integral in making. I mean, he was a pioneer of premium tequila. That's what. And also, if you say it, it sounds like you were trying to say something else, but you got sung by a bee on your lips and tongue at the same time. And all you can get out of it. Sammy Hagar Cabo Wabo. Cabo Wabo. Cabo Wabo. Well, eventually, Campari bought it all for a hundred million. So he can't do that. So they made him do it again, a different one, which doesn't seem very nice. But he is has Sammy Hagar is returned to his roots, his agave roots, that is, and bringing along Guy Fieri for the ride. Whoa. That's crazy to have him in the fucking side saddle. That's crazy to have him. Let me go ahead and pop you guys up. This isn't even to make the show better. It is just because I like you guys. And I want to show you a picture of these two. Just like. Chilling. So it's just a dad and his son. That's his dad. Sammy Hagar is Guy Fieri. Oh, it's nice that they can still get together. Yeah, it's beautiful. So, uh, with not enough bottles to really fill the shelves behind them. They really had 15 bottles. Yeah, they underestimated over, over my career. I've teamed up with a lot of high profile people says veteran rocker, Sammy Hagar. It's kind of like what you do with a band. Cause he was in chicken foot, I guess. So as you go on tour, you bring another big band with you and you can put together what they call a package. You sell five times the tickets and you play at big stadiums. Mr. Hagar, if you could just answer the question about the question was about tequila, Mr. Hagar, that's kind of the way I am. We're trying to do it with the liquor industry because everyone is now making spirits or liquor and getting involved, especially in the tequila. Yes. Hey, Travis and fucking everyone. Okay. Uh, yeah, especially the tequila. His first brand was of course, Cabo Wabo. And now he's back because his new tequila brand began by making a mezkila in 2017, which is neither mezcal nor tequila as both are internationally legally. Okay. Well, mezcal, they are internationally legally protected names, right? So he could, and because new. He's producing tequila. Like champagne. Yes, exactly. Travis. And if he made tequila, that would be in violation of his non-compete clause with Cabo Wabo, his first child of liquor. Right. Um, I, I tasted all these mezcals. This is Sammy Hagar. I tasted all these mezcals and went around the distilleries to see how it's really made. I decided that I don't really like it that much. You'll laugh at this, man. It's okay. Under what pretense did Sammy roll up to a mezcal distillery? If not, I want to start a competing brand to yours. Let me see how you do it. It's cool. I'm Sammy Hagar. I'm Sammy Hagar. Gulp, gulp, gulp. Yuck. I don't like it. This actually sucks. I don't like this. I actually don't enjoy it. And I won't be signing anything. Not that you asked. Uh, Hagar. Okay, so you went down to, I don't really like it that much. It's rustic. It's smoky as hell. If you try to age it, it gets sweet. It does funny things. It's not typical. Hagar, who admits he only began liking tequila in 1988. That's a long career of enjoying a particular spirit. It was only after tasting premium 100% agave tequila, he decided that he was going to try and make a blend of tequila and mezcal. The guys in Iwaka said, no, you can't even bring tequila into this area. And then a tequila guy said, no, you can't bring mezcal into the Jalisco area. That's where we made tequila. So I got some guys to bring truckloads of already made Espandin mezcal into Jalisco. And then Juan Eduardo Nunez, the former distiller for Cabo Wabo, got it in and he started trying to blend it and took us about a year to get it right. And I finally, I came up with the product and the name mezquila. So it's a combination, sort of a both, the best of both worlds. Is Guy Fieri just sitting next to him during this entire interview? So that's the story of mezquila. Smoking a big fat blunt, nodding his head. Sorry, that's the story of mezquila. That's my man. Now we're going to talk about Santo. That's the new product. I thought it was Santa. I thought it says Santa on Guy Fieri's shirt. Everyone knows Cabo Wabo tequila. How is Santo different? I'm much more involved. In the actual production of Santo, Guy Fieri and I go down and taste all the samples before it's put into the bottles. Hey, can I just- We take a sip from every bottle before we ship it in. If I could get an invite to that, by the way, I would just love to be along for that, hey, for that weekend. I can't believe that wasn't your Guy Fieri voice, by the way, Juice. It was hugely Guy Fieri-coated. Yeah, I did realize that. I didn't want to distinguish who was actually speaking, but yeah, you're right. The difference is we cook it. We cook it twice instead of once. We let it rest and cook it again, so it's caramelized. That's a big deal. That's like letting a steak rest, so the juices go back into it. The agaves are hand-chosen. And then cooking it again. It's like cooking it again. Like you put it in the microwave and give it that last bit of heat. Like all the famous chefs do it. It's not just a dump truck full of agave chopped up and thrown in the oven. Stop saying it is. We go through and get to the elders, the bigger, juicier agaves. Agave is expensive now, and there's a shortage, so everyone's using younger, greener agaves. We don't do that. Nope. We don't do that. Do you think they had to institute, after all of these Guy Fieri and Sammy Hagar, like, tasting sessions, they had to, like, put a big sign up on the wall for the end of the day that says, like, no conversations about coffee. We don't have collaborations regarding either recording an album together or making a cookbook together. You're drunk again. You're drunk. We've put you in this hyperbaric warehouse-sized chamber, just the two of you, where you can't harm anyone else. It's videos of them from the past. Like, hey, this is sober you guys. I know that it seems like it would be such a good idea to make an album where Sammy makes the music and it's themed to Guy Fieri's recipes. It's not a good idea. Who brought that guitar in here? You know we can't have guitars around when they're taste-testing. Not like this. They did ask about Guy. Guy wasn't interviewed for this, but he asked about the partnership with Guy. Guy was one of the first fans I met in the restaurant business way back when I started at Cabo Wabo. We held a contest. Whoever sold the most tequila in their restaurant got to meet me backstage when I was on tour in their area and went to sign guitar. So, of course, Guy won the contest by putting a premium on it. I was one of the first people to sign a premium tequila in his well. What a terrible business decision. wobbo he said if you ever do that again dude i want to make tequila with you so when i started making tequila he called me up and said hey what did you forget about me i said come on we shook hands and he joined the team and he's been the best partner anyone could have that's not the most flattering kind of it's not of him to put in a press please mr hagar let me be a part of the magic please i'll do anything i'm begging you um so that is that is sammy uh that is just a sampling i would like to very briefly talk about uh fletcher azul if i could if i could be so bold fletcher azul is the one by mark walberg um and mark mark has a different sort of take on this whole business and i wanted to be fair to um to mark because a lot of people um uh sort of wandered into this business and decided to make themselves tequila experts and mark has taken a different approach i really celebrate can you please get rid of the picture of sammy hagar it's been on my screen for twice hey we saw you from across the bar and we really like your vibe i've got screen burn on my monitor now there's just a ghostly trace an inverted trace of sammy hagar yeah he got burned in um it's not just the actor's go-to mark walberg is a tequila guy it's not just his go-to drink of choice but now he's invested in a line of tequila called fletcher azul co-founded by mexican pga golfer abraham anser and entrepreneur erone marquez it's funny because when it was first mentioned to me i said absolutely not you have all these other people out there claiming to have gone to mexico and created tequila and cultivated agave and all this stuff holy shit is this in is this in conversation with sammy hagar no this is off the record right yeah this is off the record right these fucking guys what what am i i'm not gonna go find some jerk off like guy fieri to partner up with let me list off six celebrities that i think can have ass yeah well these people uh and they claim okay they were like this is not what this is we have two amazing guys who are really young and like-minded i said i would just like to invest in them the trio partnered during the coronavirus pandemic and with walberg inking a deal last year as the principal investor and yes he did take a visit to the brand's distillery in jalisco mexico okay yeah well i said i wanted to put my money where my mouth is and cut a big check and get involved with your brand and utilize all of my resources everything that we have we're going to tap into and utilize to make sure this brand is as good as it can be and i'm going to tap into and utilize to make sure this brand is as good as it can be successful as possible cool you never hear that in press releases of someone being like fine i have so much money i have so so the amount of money i have would make you sick to your i was the executive producer of entourage i'm rolling in it guys i have cash on hand i am liquid um so he's just an investor there that is that is uh the entirety of uh mark's contribution he does know that others are in the space like duane the rock johnson of course and george clouhey uh that the tequila entrepreneurs um walberg is unfazed by the competition the space is growing thanks to guys like duane who have created a lot of awareness and excitement but that's not stopping walberg from heading for the top we're coming for everybody's spot we plan on being the best because we have the best product out there it's the best value proposition for the customer said mark walberg tequila investor tequila investor adding he's down to host a tequila off with johnson and cluny i've tasted their product they haven't tasted mine how do you know this is the my favorite part those guys know me very well they know my competitive spirit hey i'm really good friends with george cluny and duane okay i believe those guys know me very well one of those i believe one of those i do believe mark walberg and duane the rock johnson have been in at least one motion picture together um maybe probably more uh but george cluny and walberg i'm not a i'm not as sold that they are on each other's speed dial um do you think that he said that with such confident i tasted theirs but they haven't tasted mine is he calling them and asking them regularly hey did you try it try my shit hey what do you think do you like it i've tried yours it's pretty spicy huh oh i like the spice parts of it did you like put a lot of money into it one more just for this just for the quote for the vine recent this is a business story from 2022 abasolo ancestral corn whiskey and ojo de tigre mezcal the founders of those is called casa lumbre and they joined for us with renowned this is the this is in the title of the press release and renowned musician actor and designer lenny kravitz hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah to develop noche noche luna so tall an exciting offer in the newly emerging and highly promising so tall spirits category it's distinct from tequila and mezcal legally this this is yeah thank you travis almost certainly yes that is probably front and center we just want to clarify it is not these legally protected things now the the creator of this uh this uh ultra premium uh reference in the category noche luna uh lenny said as an artist i respect the journey and am inspired by every intricate step of how this team crafts noche luna so tall i value how this spirit stays true to the traditional ways of making zoetal exemplifying a true understanding of this craft says lenny kravitz i'm honored to bring further awareness to this incredible spirit huh and region hey could you clarify mr kravitz on like what that process is oh i have no idea i have no idea i could not even begin real quick how much money do you have and are you friends with george clutie can you clarify that in your i wrote a big check not in amount mind you but in size i don't know anything about this stuff but i have a significant portion of my own personal estate kind of riding on this please buy it you love my music you love my music i didn't make this stuff but i helped i guess so drink it drink it up please i was in hunger games please drink my legally distinct tequila fly i uh i did want to mention to you guys because i i love to talk matt mcconaughey is kind of like a west virginian basically because he did live here for some period of time so i would say i don't know if he's like a native west virginian but like he came into the subway next door to the tcby i worked at is that true i yeah so did you see him uh i didn't see him no but i heard about it oh that would have been cool yeah no lm i don't think he bathes i think he said that famously uh matthew mcconaughey uh has a tequila uh he has it with camila mcconaughey uh his wife it is called pantalones organic tequila and pantalones organic tequila is it recently expanded into asia actually this is from april pantalones organic tequila co-founded by matthew and camila mcconaughey is expanding into asia here's the quote we launch pantalones to remind everyone that tequila should be high quality juice and fun to remind everyone yeah that we've forgotten i think that tequila should be high quality juice and fun we've lost the reason for the season and yeah uh this christmas we want to remind you i just want to be like i launched this brand because i love money i like to get it and have it and spend it well i don't know this if it's that for a lot of the folks who become investors in tequila brands i think it's more like i would like to be as i would like to have my own liquor brand i think it would be cool to be a liquor magnate in addition to an award-winning actor do you think when they announced this uh brand coming out joe pantaleone was like they didn't even ask me i would i would have done it then my name is right there come on my name's almost right there come on i'm joey pants let me make the pants tequila when they dropped this this pantalones organic tequila uh he and camila did a video where they were riding on motorcycles with no pants and in the clip matthew mcconaughey says when did tequila stop being tequila damn how are you legally crazy matt that's that's crazy dude man that's not really your call to make i don't think you can everyone everyone listen tequila should be high quality juice and fun Fun! Yeah, everyone making it stinks. You said me though. Everybody's making serious business tequila for serious business meetings and stuff. It's supposed to be fun. The world doesn't need another celebrity tequila, but tequila sure could use a kick in the pants. Pantolones organic tequila is the best thing we've made with our pants on. Yeah. What's that mean, Matt? Are you talking about your kids? Everybody talking about tequila sounds insane. You sound, you understand that you shouldn't be the people saying, do you understand that? Here's a quote, remember Casamigos? That's got that from squishing together house and friend. House friend. George Clooney's my house friend. Sure. George Clooney's house friend. We talked about how this was gonna be like the bottles you see in old tequila. The old John Wayne movies where you slide the bottle down the par, pull the cork out with your teeth and pour yourself a shot. What the fuck does that mean? What are you fucking talking about George? If you go to Mexico for the holidays, you drink a lot of tequila. So we thought, why don't we just make one that doesn't burn going down? Casamigos was just made just for us, a safe non-burning tequila for white people. We didn't put any seasoning, it's not spicy at all. This is the mild chunky salsa. We put a little milk in there, just a little bit of milk to cut some of the acidity. It's 50% water. Okay, so I just wanna point out, one of the reasons I'm not that familiar with the work of Mr. Fluffy Iglesias, but I do know he's quite a popular Mexican-American comedian, he has the tequila. He has tequila. Now, this is the gentleman, he has the tequila. This is the gentleman I would like to listen to. Here's his quote about his tequila, which by the way, his tequila has flavors like Mexican candy and grilled pineapple. Okay, thank you. - Yeah, cool. - And he says, "As a proud Mexican-American, "I wanted to make a tequila that celebrates both my roots. "When creating Pocho Fino tequila, "it was important to me that tequila is approachable, "full of flavor, and fancy enough for a fine glass "or casual enough to drink out of a plastic cup. "That's what makes my kind of tequila." Okay! - Fucking talking! - That's a statement of intent that I understand. - Thank you, Mr. Fluffy. - I wanted to make a tequila you could slide down a bar. - Yeah. - Or, I hate this shit, but I've got so much goddamn money, and my famous friends, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, I love, I mean, McConaughey's is probably my favorite, where he led off saying, "The world doesn't need "another tequila made by a celebrity." He continues explaining why he did it. - He did it. - The world doesn't need this, but I did it anyways because my wife and I have sex and made cool children, but this is good too. - Even Wahlberg is not immune, 'cause he's like, listen, I don't know shit about tequila, I wrote him a big-ass check. He actually says later in that press release, "If I was being real, I would've done whiskey." If I was being real, I would've done Irish whiskey, but I don't know. - Is it too late? - He can't resist the temptation, he'll be like, "I mean, I went to Mexico. "Like, I went down there." - Yeah, I looked at it. - "I went down there and looked at it," as if that's in some way Skype, dude, like seriously. - Yeah, zoom in. - Yeah, they mentioned, yeah, I mean, Mark came down, Marcy went and poked around. - Yeah, I took some pictures with people. - I'm gonna stop there, I could go on and on and on, but I, yeah, I will return to this incredible world. - To this well or top shot? To this self, like tequila. - No, it was good, I liked it. - Okay, cool, thank you. - No, I liked it. I just didn't, I couldn't think of something like better. - You know what I like? - It's what I, I miss that, like, you know, in Clubhouse, we have that, like, sound. You know, they're like, "Bam, bam!" - We need to get a Ford Brother in here on like a sound effects machine. - Literally every show, like literally everybody but us does this, right? They have like a stream, I have a stream deck here. Look at it. - Yeah. - It's not plugged in. - Hey, Justin. - It's not plugged in, it doesn't do anything. - Justin, it's not plugged in at all. - That's crazy, guys. - Mine's a paperweight. Every time I plugged it in, every time I think, "This is the road to competence. "Here I come, professionalism. "I'm coming for your ass." And every time I'm like, "I really need that USB port. "It's my best USB port. "I need it for my handheld devices." Sorry, pal. - I can do this with my stream deck. - Whoa. - Lights on, lights off, no big deal. You guys gotta use this thing. It's like a remote control for tech. - And you people at home need to get your tickets and see the Besties live on Broadway, October 9th at the Town Hall in NYC. They're doing a Besties show live? I didn't even know they had real bodies, but they do. - True. - Get your tickets now. - Absolutely. - Bit.ly/bestiesonbroadway. - Yeah, come see us. We've never done one before. - It's gonna be good. - It's gonna be an absolute hoot. We got merch over at the McElroy Merch Store, McElroyMerch.com, including a limited edition, Pupating is always a free action design shirt. - A limited edition. - It is a limited edition. - I know it is. - Limited edition. Pupating is always a free action shirt inspired by the Taz Royale finale. All that is over at McElroyMerch.com and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will also be donated to the Midwest Food Bank's Disaster Relief Fund. So go check all that stuff out. - I also wanted to say, we just did an episode at Clubhouse with Alexis Nicole Nelson, aka Black Forager, and that's her username on a bunch of different things. It was such an absolute delight. And if you missed it-- - Such a treat. - You gotta head over to McElroy Family YouTube and check it out there in the live tab. It was so good. It was super fun. - So you can't say it's McElroy YouTube Family. - McElroy Family YouTube or McElroy YouTube Family. - Yeah. - Oh, and thank you to Montaigne for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You. - Oh yeah. - I can really hum this, is what I'm saying. Like I know it's not the most exciting one, but I can really-- - It's gonna make a good noise. - It'll be a good noise. - Yeah, I mean, absolutely. Okay, let me stand up. - Now look. - Oh, over the shoulder? - Yeah. - Yeah, I was trying to do things. - Let me make sure it actually is empty. Hold up. Oh no, it was not empty. That would've been disastrous. - Wait, do you not have a bag in there? And you're just emptying that into the can? - Raw dog. - Oh, that's sticky city for good. - There's no sugar in LaCroix. - It's flat LaCroix. There's nothing sticky in LaCroix. LaCroix is neutral. - Oh, I guess it's just like evaporates. - It's the memory of flavor. - Here we go. One, LaCroix. Like, dude, you did that so angry. Very cool. - You did it so angry. - Very cool. That's highly Jiff-able. - I hit my Garfield. I hit my Garfield fun. - Highly Jiff-able. That's gonna do it for us. My name is Justin McElroy. - I'm Travis McElroy. - I'm Griffin McElroy. - This has been My Brother, My Brother, Me. Kiss your dad square on the lips. ♪ It's better with you ♪ ♪ It's my life ♪ ♪ It's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ My life ♪ ♪ It's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ This is true ♪ ♪ It's better, it's better with two ♪ ♪ My life ♪ ♪ It's better with you ♪ - Maximum Fun. - A worker-owned network - Of artist-owned shows. - Supported directly by you.