MBMBaM 828: *Unless I’m Pissin’ Pants

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sex expert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? What, do you think it's the start of something beautiful? A small quaintant has blossomed, it's rapid, into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me, hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. My life, it's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you, this is true. It's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better with you. Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother, and me. An advice show for the modern era, I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. What about a travel nation as me and your middle-aged brother Travis McDuck Wolf will affirm from the heater award winning McElroy? Good morning, Travel Nation, it's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media, luminary, driven McElroy. I am so excited guys, because I have some news where we're obviously of a time of year when we start looking to find out where the spirit Halloween is going to be in your area. Right, I want to be ready. Ars has been at the abandoned Toys or Us for the past few years, but guys, I don't know that we're going to get one in hindsight this year. It seems like we may have to go to Ashland. Oh cool, dude. Did you do something, did you do something wrong? Do you think, maybe you didn't. Bottom two, hard went too frequently, probably lingered too long without buying enough for the mountain. You press the button on the animatronics too many times, then they're like, you're just here for the animatronics. I was thinking more like a deficiency in your Halloween activity, like a almost like a hallmark movie premise, like the town that skipped Halloween. Yeah, I would use the changing rooms there, even for like non-costume changing, just like my day to day clothes changed, like just, you know. But it's actually where I got all my groceries too. You remember that week that I was just living off candy cigarettes and gummy eyeballs? Yeah, and you drank only fake blood? Yeah. I remember last time I stayed over actually at the house, and I was like, "Hey, I'm going to take a shower. Do you have any towels?" And you said, "Yes." And you opened up a closet, which was traditionally your linen closet, and just a bunch of Freddy Krueger masks spilled out. And you said, "Here you go." You said, "You said wetters, which would have stayed." You said, "Here you go." And you handed me a Freddy Krueger mask. And I was like, "This isn't going to dry my nude form off. This is a Freddy Krueger mask." My relationship to Spirit is not what is the topic today. Major business news this week. For starters, did you guys know that Spencer Gifts owned Spirit Halloween? That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, that really clicks for me because for whatever reason, Dot has been asking a lot of questions about Spirit Halloween lately, like how it works, why it goes away. And I was explaining to them that a Halloween store being open in April doesn't make any sense. But then I thought they must have a board of CEOs. Are they employed? They just hibernate. No, they have cryopods. They climb into November 1st. And then, honestly, probably mid-April. They're back. They're cracking. Tristan, I got really excited when we realized a fairly big department store closed about six months ago near us. And the possibility that that could become a Spirit Halloween and it's very big was exciting to us. Yeah. So this is one company, Spirit and Spencer. Now, Spencer, if you don't know, they're the bad boys and mall gifts. If you go into a Spencer Gifts at the mall, you're going to see cleavage and butt cracks and hearts. Yeah. And black light put jokes about getting old. Yeah, jokes about getting old for sure. I actually, I bet there's some new high-tech stuff maybe holograms are what have you. But now there's something brand new that you're going to be able to enjoy there. Because the not will not buy it Spencer. But the Spencer Spirit company has purchased Hot Topic. No way. There's an access. There's an access of power now. Like this is our best shot at like I'll be like as the conglomerations start to make their steam punk pivot into militarized Google, militarized Amazon. We need one corpo that we can room for that has like the hopes of humanity pinned to it. Spirit, Spencer's spirit holdings gets hot topic, which also is box lunch and her universe. So now Spencer gifts box lunch hot topic. There's one man I tell you's eating good is Jack Skeleton. Yeah. I bet he could be here to get this deal and shares. They couldn't even afford to pay. Jack Skeleton and the dude from deaf note are hanging out. There's on their big pile of money making bank. Can I hear a bank a day me as I think. Do you think that somewhere there's like a council convening of like the leaders of like the emo kids and the leaders of the golf kids and the leaders of like, you know, the weep kids and like then incomes like the Spencer's gives just like dirt bag kids with like big weaves on their shirts and they're like, I call this beating to order. And they're all making big decisions about what's going to be in. I cast my scrying bones and it's just a bunch of little plastic dicks. Yeah. That's the Spencer's that's the Spencer's mysticism. If they swallow up like Hollister. Fuck man. They can't see that. Hollister is going to get the other ones can change the Hollister kids. Those are different kids. No, there's one saying if they were to ever swallow up, if we got news that Spencer's had bought Hollister. Yeah. I think there'd be a singularity. Yeah. The CEO said Steven Silverstein said, well, our operating models and the strategies catered to unique and different audiences. Our core values, mission and commitment to hating our parents. Yeah. Clearly aligned. Sailors notes. Sorry. It said technical commitment to innovation. Excuse me. A commitment to big tattoos and fishnets. It's fully aligned. This transaction enhances our long term durability for their proving. It's not a phase, mom. It prongs our reach. And musicians us to write the next chapter of our retail history together. Which will be, it will be sins, not tragedies. That is the chapter we'll be writing together. Get this dork out of here. I need a cooler member of the executive suite. Shareholders will be excited to receive their dividends this year via blind bags. So you'll see, you'll find out how much you got on the day. I chimed in with a haven't you people ever heard of cutting our prices to attract a different clientele? Thank you, COO, Brandon, Yuri. Thank you for driving in. We are so happy to have you in this company. You've been such a great addition. Mmm. The board recognizes Pikachu. Yes. (laughter) Uh, there. Yes, that's a great. I'm written. I can't even say that. But I guess they're going to stay separate. But. And now, man, for a while, this is going to be a game stop situation eventually. There will not be an electronic sputik no more. I think they're just going to combine into one. Really, a store with a lot of tood. Just a tood. Just call it tood. Just call it tood. Just call it tood. Just call it tood. Yeah. How far are we from Spirits? What's Gadsukes one? What's Gadsukes one? Do you think there is a point at which their own enough businesses where Spirits Halloween just has to say, like, listen, joking aside. I am tired of opening and closing these stores so much. We have all these other stores we don't have to do this. It's such a pain in the ass. Just leave it open, please. Yeah. You know they have Spirits Christmas? Do you? Okay. Okay, but there's a good chunk of the year there where you're not. I mean, Easter, we do up, I guess, a bit. Just do a PayPal. But I know that year round Christmas stores exist. Yeah, they can live. I don't understand how, but I know that it happens. There's a year round Halloween store. The problem is it's Hot Topic and they just bought them. So I don't know. I don't know where you go from there. What if Spirits Halloween becomes hidden within Hot Topic? Yeah. It's all kind of pieced together throughout Hot Topic. You'll just start noticing different stuff going in leading up. This idea that maybe Spirits Halloween is more like an infection that we have to drain every Halloween. So it becomes bulbous and it's like, whoa, we got it's smelling throughout the store. The name comes from the fact that it haunts dead stores every year. Halloween haunts dead stores. So I think it's a possession problem and it must be exercised through commerce. There was a Spirits Halloween that was really close to our old house in Austin that used to be a furniture store. store that specialized in like Texas shit. So like a lot of long horns, a lot of cow skin, rugs, a lot of heavy wooden furniture. I think it's called primitives. And I never saw anyone in that store even once. And then it became a spirit Halloween. But whenever you were in their shopping for costumes or Boba dukes or whatever, you could tell there was a lingering. There was a lingering sort of funk of Texas, large Texas furniture, just kind of in the air. You can feel that in Texas in general, a funk of large Texas furniture. Yeah. It makes air quality terrible. This is, this is an advice show. Yeah. So like, um, we're gonna do that still. Like that would be wild to stop at this point to like not do that. Like we're still gonna do that. Sorry, I had a email from hunter killer that just said dead body thumbs down, solving a mystery, thumbs up. It's like, okay, guys, it's really boiling down the concept. You got it all in the subject line. I'm really impressed. That sounds like the subject line of like the act blue emails that I still get. Good for you, Griffin. That was meant to be a complaint about the subject line of fundraising emails and less. Griffin has it given up. I live in an adorably small town in Tennessee and have heard rumors that we will be having a hallmark movie based on the town that will be doing principal photography locally. I do not know the schedule or any plot details obviously, but I desperately want to be in this movie. What can I do to secure my part as a local weirdo in the production? I already host trivia at two spots in the town if that helps. Yes, obviously that mark hopeful in the hauler. Hmm, I did witness them filming a lacy shabere vehicle hallmark movie. It wasn't like a lacy shabere mobile, right? Because I've been asking them to make one of those forever. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, look, that look like Joe with a lacy shabere mobile. Look, would it be like the wiener mobile, but just a big lacy shabere? Or it's like a mobile that spins around. It's like the Joker mobile, but it's her face on the front just smashing through walls and got them. Oh, I saw it as a thing that calmed down babies that would just spin over their crib. Yeah, weirdly, when this big fucking V8 powered lacy shabere car comes up on a baby there. That's so weird that you said that track because I actually was thinking of lacy shabere mobile alabama. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, so it's actually confusing. But I saw them filming this and now it's coming out and I'm very excited. I didn't have the courage to approach the filming it anyway. I had my resume, Trolls World Tour just written out on a piece of paper because that's all I've got. And I tried to hand that over and they threw me just a piece of paper and set Trolls World Tour. And they threw me into the pond in the middle of the world showcase. So yeah, it didn't pan out, but good luck. I mean, can you get your sad card? That seems like a good good start. Are those all union gifts? You might not need it. You might not need it, but it's better to have it and not I've had my sad card for a long time and needed it. A couple like two or three times. Yeah. And so I'm speaking from experience, it's better to have it and not need it. Host a trivia night of hallmark movie trivia. That's going to be kind, especially if you put up a big cash prize, the production team is going to try to get in there, recoup some cost of the filming, right? Because they're like, this is going to make our budget, right? It's going to have to be a big cash prize. Yeah. And you're going to draw them out. Gathering a group is solid. The fact that you're doing trivia already, like if you can say like, listen, I can get a group of people together. And I know that's probably the biggest pain for you, because you just want people in the background. So like, I'm usually, I can get 20 to 30 people by just start asking questions out loud. That's, and that, I think you just have to have one really, really good trivia joke that they can't cut. And you have to make them, yet like one really good, I don't know what a good trivia, you know, like you can be anything's trivia, but like you get it. If you can connect the trivia joke to like also be a summary of like kind of the plot, hinge of the movie, you're making it in the trailer, they can't cut that, right? So if you can make something about like, you know, like, oh, you know, when you look at it, I think that pursuing your job over a love of Christmas is pretty trivial, right? Like something like that. Yeah, that's good. Is that the question? The, here's the question. What's important in life? A, the love of family. Oh, that's good. You know, it's here in the violins, like, what's there a movie that I guys have, was there a movie that we have watched about Christmas that has a scene very much like this in it? Because I feel like in, I believe in Santa Claus, there's like a pub trivia. There's a Christmas trivia. Well, Christmas is based trivia. Christmas trivia comes up, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Maybe they don't want to, they don't want to, they're, they're all super concerned with being original over there. So they don't want to like rip off anybody else's Christmas trivia scenes. You got to find out more about the plot of the movie. And I don't know how you got, you got to talk. We'll talk to Joel. We'll call Joel up and see if he knows about one of these projects shooting in a cute town in Tennessee, because you got to tailor it. You can't do the same trivia for hot, hot, uh, hot frosty too that you would do for like, yes, Chef Christmas too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I still believe in you. I got chills. Like I just, I know you walk around town just loudly talking like on your cell phone about how the true meaning of Christmas is having the most successful trivia night. And that's what you're really dedicated to. And you don't have time for love. And like, you haven't done your mom. That's hard to, but they're trying to spin it around yourself. Yeah. Maybe the one element they're missing is a story and lead actor. We found a location. We're so close to budget. Now we need to figure out what happens. We just need a married 40-something to really bring this thing together. I think it's hubris to think you're going to make the shoot come to you. You're going to need a network. You're going to need to eyes. You're going to need boots on the ground, eyes in the sky. And you're going to need them to post up at, for instance, it is not too early now to start reaching out to all the owners of like Christmas tree lots in the city. And just say like, if you hear something, I'll slide you a, you know, a 20 to give me a ring. And you can just be in the background. But they won't be doing that in Christmas time, though. No, it's usually a lot of people. You got to go to the Arbor Day lots or some of the other like more, like summer lots. If there's a coffee shop in town that also has a stone fireplace in it, that's guaranteed. That's locked in. You're going to want to just sit there for like six hours a day looking for them because they got to put up those things that are like, if you walk into this, you're in the shot and we own you now, right? They got to put that on the door of places. So you're looking for those. You're looking for them. You're looking for crafty. You just got to start spreading the word, just start putting the dragnet out. Start printing out flyers of a can't, Candice Cameron. Berk. Berk. I just say I just say Mrs. Bill Berk. It makes it's easier for me to remember. Yeah. Lacey Schoberg. Just printing out flyers. She hyphenated her last name when she married Bill Berk. Lacey Schoberg. Just printing out flyers of one of them and saying like, if you see this woman, give me a call. Yeah. Have your name. That's good. Hi. I'm looking for Lacey Schoberg. Come back. Have you seen Melissa John Hart? Or Candice Cameron? Bill Berk. Recently, like, recently, I've probably seen Sabrina, the teenage, like we've all seen, yeah. Watch Clarissa, Wednesday. I'm saying like, have you seen her around town nearby in the neck? If you traveled with a t-shirt that said, I can sit to be filmed. That could probably get you. Yeah. That's a cool shirt. Yeah. I can sit to be filmed at all. Dang. Hold on a second. We got to get that one going. Yeah. We'll sell that. Yeah. There's no problem. Nothing bad could come from that. No. I can. Yeah. No problem. No problem at all. Oh, wait. On the back, asterisk. Only when I'm doing cool shit. You know what I mean? So that way, it's clear, unless I'm missing pants. Yeah, unless I'm missing pants. That's in tiny, that's in tiny, uh, small print at the bottom. A full legal could sit to film me at any moment, asterisk, unless I'm missing pants. Uh, if it pleases the court, if you look at my client's shirt, I'm wearing the shirt now. Actually, your honor, if you look at the shirt, I've provided one for everyone in the audience. You could see a case dismissed and then roll credits on the greatest homework movie ever. And wait, one more question, young man. Where was the URL you purchased this great shirt? It's MacRoy Merchard. Come, it's an ad. This Christmas. The greatest brand pairing between home art movies and MacRoy Merch.com. brings you, I consent to be filmed unless I'm pissing pants, the movie. Unless I'm pissing pants, it got so commercial, so fast. I can send to be filmed unless I'm pissing pants used to be outside of shit. Another making goddamn homework movies about it. I remember when I bought that I could said to be filmed less I'm pissing pants shirt when it was cool when it meant something. I used to give my consent to be filmed unless I'm pissing pants before it got all corporate. Now there are the protest shirts also available on Maggaret Merch.com. The others are at Goodwill. I'm done with that. I don't consent to being filmed unless I'm pissing pants. You have caught a blow. Yeah. Hey, roll away, Mr. Ziegfield. All right. Here's another question for you. The our beloved audience. My partner and I are visiting his parents tomorrow to stay for the week. Normally I only bring one pair of shoes to visit them, but I recently acquired a pair for the express purpose of wearing outside. Since I hate going barefoot around the house inside shoes and outside shoes, house shoes. Okay. I want to bring these shoes with me. So I don't have to deal with dust and crumbs on the bum of my feet, but my partner's family is generally no shoes inside the household. How do I let my in-laws know that I'm wearing house only shoes and not disgracing their floors with dirt from the outside while keeping up the illusion that I'm a well adjusted young man who doesn't ever think this sort of thing and it's a good match for their son and doesn't what email podcasts about it. I'm assuming he's the underlying and not this not the exact thing. I mean, why not what I am that suggested in the post script of every question we get. Yeah. If people knew that they listened to our show and were asking this question, it would put some English on the ball basically every time this my house. My house shoes are black rubber slide sandals, which I have never worn outside. My in-laws have tile in every room in their house as it's common here. Y'all first starters, if you want us to try to solve this in another country, you at least have to tell us what country we are talking about. Yeah, Southern Europe. I don't I don't even know. What is that? I think that's Antarctica. Spain. Italy. Where's Italy? Where's Greece? It's down there right down there. Yeah. How on earth? How on earth would I begin to presume to know how to help you to navigate? But that is good so we don't dox here. I see you're being very careful here. Right. Those countries are so small it would not be hard for someone to try and gillate. I have to assume it's from a country without sock arenos. Is that the implication? Yeah. Italy, they don't have sacks. Well, I mean, Italy's shaped like a boot. So if we take that. That doesn't make a sense. Right, sure. I've been with thought of thoughts way before. Yeah, man. They've been early adopters. Here's I think there's a problem here too. Well, I mean, there's many problems. But even if you were to say the exact like I these shoes have never been outside, I'm just wearing them and then follow up with because I don't like getting crumbs and shit on my feet. You're telling you're in laws like because your house is not dirty. I can't get past this. If you're walking I'm not a clean freak or nothing. But if you're walking around your house and you sit down and you hoist your puppies up and they're covered in crumbs and dust, you have a float. That's not a foot problem. That's a floor issue and you need to swiffer wet jet all that shit. It takes just but a moment now to be fair. I've got two two dogs in a cat. It gets bad so quick. You could do it. I'm going to say man. I don't know what fantasy. This is my socks at the end of every day have to be decontaminated. Like my foot, if you've only worn your shoes in my house, then good news. You probably only have baking soda and crayon and food coloring on them. So it should be no problem at all for you to pop those right on my beautiful pristine linen couch. Griffin keeps his kids in a taped off area with plastic wrap down and like yeah, that's how he keeps it. I don't know. My kids eat all over the house like the Tasmanian devil and I don't know. I can't. I don't even see them do it. I just know what's happening. But you get your feet get cold. Your feet get cold on the tile. I don't know that slide sandals are going to do much for the warmth factor. But it's going to keep the heat transfer. The heat transfer guys. We're trying really, really hard. I can tell we're trying really, really hard when the answer is socks and it's like crazy that it's like we haven't. It's like we have a. Can I just say like it's definitely not black rubber soul sandals. That's what you wear to my house if you're coming to help me clean up flood damage. Like since that's not an indoor shoe. Now I know we've already developed. I can say to be filmed less on piss and pants, right? But what if we developed a sock with a hidden soul at the bottom? Right. So looks like a sock, but inside the sock right along the bottom. It's like a shoe. Yeah. Okay. If it's okay. If the soul is just a physics thing. If the soul's on the inside of the sock, you're going to destroy the sock beneath the soul. I think the soul has to be outside. Okay. Outside of the sock. So you need like spider man basically like spider man. Ballet shoes on those. Hospital socks like that kind of deal. If you get hospital socks in your back pocket, that's what I talked about last week. Maybe removable soul. Awesome. Magnetic. It's velcro. No. I was trying to help you out and get you away from this bad idea of it. You just know. I was thinking with it like the soul sticks to the bottom of the sock because the velcro on the soul. You see you don't even need velcro on the sock side because the sock will provide that naturally. All the hollage are on the soul. And then you can change it in and out. I have I wish I wasn't this is true. I have a pair of shoes that I got off a shark tank that have they basically convert into a slipper. You like put the bottom of the heel on and it attaches and then you're in outdoor mode. And then when you get into the house, you rip the bottom of the shoe off. And I guess set it aside. I don't know. I've never figured that part out. It didn't go with like a case or something. Yeah. Where do I kind of just throw these in a pile by the door? I don't want to forget them. And then it's a slipper. Right. So you've like you just remove your out your outdoor uh uh soul. Which is like you just wear those 24/7 then. Well I'm adding those puppies out. I'm adding a third layer to that Justin. A more complication. Where it's like then you can remove another layer and it's just sock. So you go shoot to slipper to sock. Yeah. That's good. That's actually a huge boot. Give me a boot upgrade. I want a whole iron man thing that I step into. Yeah. And it just kind of gets me where I need to get one step up from that boot. It's like sock, slipper, shoe, boot, thrusters, pants, thrusters. Oh, okay. I was going to say it's all one piece. Wait, man. That's a utility. I mean you're talking about, yeah, like waiters. I mean, you're going to zip off pants. But instead of it than me, it happens at the top of the boot. Sometimes we stumble into a really good answer after just kind of vamping for a little bit. I think if your shoes are part of your pants, the parents can't say anything. You walk in and they they can't be like, this is a no shoe household. You'd be like, uh, it's part of my pants. What do you want me to get my dick and butt out? Nice to meet you by the way. Nice to meet you. Crazy energy. Like hi. Do I should I hang my suspenders up somewhere or how do you want me to work this? Excuse me. I'm wearing a big inflatable among us crewmate costume that I got from Spirit Halloween. It's a onesie. You want me to climb out of this and be naked with you? I can. Although I could return it to my local box lunch or spirit. For credit or Spencer gifts for credit. It's been used well loved. I like it. It's played a lot on this costume. Never worn infrequently worn but warm with a depth that feels like time has been. Yeah. Hey, how about we take a quick break? Yes. I love that. Yeah, I mean, I'm exhausted. My water bottle's been empty this whole time and I've been like honestly kind of panicking about bringing the ad guys to do the ads. I'll be right back. The best guys. I really am a phyllis. I'm thirsty as hell. Yeah, man. Get a hydrate. Okay. Hi, everybody. Quick. Before Griffin gets back, Justin, I want to tell you about Benobos. Benobos is great but we want to tell you before Griffin gets back. Yeah, he wants to keep the secret to himself. Yeah. If he hears us talking about Benobos, he's going to kick our ass. Yeah. Griffin has loved Benobos so much. What are you two? Gibroni's talking of that. Nothing. Nothing is from everything. Nothing. It was another. No, boss. Or I'm going to turn your tail pain. I'm going to turn your tail's pink if you keep talking about the nobos. No, sir. It's not them. No, no, no. This is another another great, great option for nailing the perfect fit and men's pants. It's a different place. It's not Benobos. No, this isn't the other one. I'm going to make those pants fit. But when I pink your behinds, not again talking about the nobos. No, this is the great about the nobos anyway, Griffin. Why are you so protective of them? Why, what's so great about binobos? - I mean, the pants fit perfect genuinely. They got polos, they got everyday shirts, shorts, everything in between, they got whatever you need. It all looks very trendy. You're gonna look like a stylish person that seems like they know what they're doing. And I genuinely, I got some stuff from binobos a few months back and I cannot tell you how frequently they've entered the rotation. Some of my favorite slacks I've ever gotten. - You literally can't tell you 'cause he doesn't wanna get the word out 'cause he wants to keep it all to himself. - Well, no, 'cause binobos is paying us to spread the word, so I do, I'm conflicted. But maybe they compromise, it's just you guys don't make a big deal out of it. Or else you're hankering for a spanker and if you keep this up, guys. - Hankering for a spanker. Okay, here's what I'll give you an example of what I'm not gonna say, just for the future reference. - Okay. - I will not say, so put on binobos, feel good and get on with your day. Right now, head to binobos.com/mybrother and use could my brother for 25% off your order. Once again, that's be-o-n-o-b-o-s.com/mybrother for 25% off and make sure you use our promo code. My brother, so the new, we thank you. - Hey, have you ever noticed how fuzzy the world looks? And it's like hard to see things that are far away or tired to see things that are close up? - Well, I got news for you, glasses. You're gonna love these things. They're like telescopes you wear on your eyes. - They are like little telescopes. - They make the world clear and it makes things that are like two magnifying glasses. Like you're some sort of cool double detective from the time I got them on. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Two monocles sort of situational. - Bionicles, if you will. - Mm-hmm. And we've all been waiting for Bionicles to come back and Warby Parker surprisingly is the one to do it. We all thought the Lego company would be the Bionicle. Nope, Warby Parker does incredible glasses and sunglasses, prescription lenses, whatever you need. And also these rad Lego action figures with their many multicolored masks and weapons. - Now I'm worried that we're gonna be seeing Bionicles in the toy will not improve your vision. We wanna make that clear. I tried for many years, but no matter. How many IA, it didn't make my vision any better. - No. - Bifocals? - Yes. - Bifocals? - No. - No. - Happy Pride Month. - So. (laughs) - Bionicles for happy Prideism. - Bionicles and Bifocals. - We're late, like it would've been something in June, but like, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - I just bought, literally just bought new sunglasses from Warby Parker yesterday 'cause I lost my other pair at the pool. And that sucks when that happens, but it sucks less because the glasses are so affordable. Prescription glasses started just 95 bucks. These are Warby Parker's. I have multiple pairs of glasses now for the first time 'cause Warby Parker makes it. - These are here. - Warby Parker's. - No. - Makes it just so affordable. - And they look great. And I don't think those are Warby Parker's. Those look like novelty sort of pineapple glasses. - Oh, much better. Now I don't see. - Now I can see the most important thing, Griffin. My future is bright and sunny. - Hooray, thank you, Warbo. - So thanks Warbo for this sponsorship. Take it from me, a lifelong fan. - I can't believe we're beefing it. This is a Warbo porky. - This is the guys, I don't know how to relate to you on these ads. I can feel you losing control of it. I don't know what to say, my vision's perfect. I wanna step in, but I'm not welcome in this space. - I have tried to get glasses other ways. Warby Parker is the only way that I have found to do it that makes sense financially. And I'm afraid there'd be an off-dition on there. - No, right now. - It's a baby doctor. - Right now, but I won pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional pairs at WarbyParker.com/mybrother. That's 20% off any additional pairs. When you purchase one pair at W-A-R-B-Y Parker.com/mybrother. - W-A-R-B-Y, because you can't see clearly without them. - Yeah. - That's not bad, Travis. I would hold that one in reserve. - Yeah. You should charge extra for that. But I mean, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - What? - What? - What? - What? - What? - The squat. - Wow. - (mimics squatting) I want a bunch. - Squat. - Squat. - (mimics squatting) I want too much. - Squat. - Squat. - (mimics squatting) Welcome to Munch Squat. It is podcasted within a podcast, profiling the latest in grace and brand eating. And guys, we've talked a lot about Burger King, 'cause they are, it's kind of getting a little weird how much they want to do a better job. It's like every time they're like, "We really want you to come to Burger King." It's really now. - Yeah, it's starting to be, I don't know, they need someone to tell them they're doing a good job. I don't know how many people have to finally say to Burger King, like, "No, we've had it our way." - What's good? - We enjoy it our way. - And they'll be like, "Hey, God." Burger King is continuing to turn guest feedback into action with the your way champion. Burger King is launching into the next chapter in its brand transformation. Acting on feedback shared by thousands of guests across the U.S., just four months after inviting guests to share honest feedback through its listening initiative that gave out President Tom Curtis' phone number. - Bullshit. - Bullshit. - Bullshit. - I mean, yeah, I remember, but I did get a call back, by the way, and I was just scared to return it like I couldn't. They were like, "We heard you talking about on the podcast, I couldn't. " - No, wait, really? - Can't do it. - Can't do it. - We, two week, Burger King is. (laughing) - Man, we, God, juice, this is brave. People never do this on, like, entertainment products where they're like, there was a thing we could have done. It probably would have kicked ass, but I am two weeks. - You're scared to do it. - Two weeks. - Two weeks. - Two weeks. - Burger King. - You can imagine, guys, with that content. - Yeah, yeah. - It would have been great. - We're just not the ones to make it. - Burger King is better in your imagination than it would have been in real life, so you're welcome. - Yeah. - If it had just been me and that person, they would have just been me trying to get them to like me. It would have been funny. You know, you're not gonna enjoy that. Burger King is introducing two new initiatives, designed to improve the moment's guests told the brand matter most. One, providing consistent, accurate, and welcoming in restaurant experience. This is the number one thing about Burger King when people called them and said I would never eat. I would, I don't like eating in Burger King as much as I used to. Are you, first of all, leave the building. - First of all, okay. - Like, do not, unless you're going in to get a crown. - Yeah. - Do not be in Burger King longer than you. But apparently the number one thing they heard is, I used to love eating in Burger King and I don't love that experience like I used to. - I hope they factored in the curve of, it's 2026. None of us like anything that we used to like as much as we used to like it. It's tough out here and we're all struggling a bit. I used to, I would probably say, I probably enjoyed eating in Burger King more than I currently do. - Yeah. - Unless the next line in this press release is, so we're bringing back the Burger King Kids Club with KidVid and Wheels and all your favorites. I'll never go in in a Burger King again. - I see only press release. - Yeah. - Yeah, dude. - Yeah, dude. - Or an apology press release for chicken fries. For them to be like, we fuck that. We really, really, really hug a lot of our hopes on these long days. - Hey, we're sorry that we made good fries for like a month and then stopped. We apologize. - Burger King is the only brand that'll sell you halfsies. - If you want half of onion rings and half french fries, they'll do that for you, halfsies. It's on the menu. - No problem. - That's cool. Anyway, one thing Burger King heard consistently from guests was that they wanted someone in the restaurant who could quickly make things right when needed. - Oh, yeah. - Wait. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. - Burger King is excited to announce, "Mana, Jair." "Mana, Jair." The mana, Jair, who comes when things are bad to fix them. - Griffin. In response, the brand is introducing the Your Way Champion. A reimagined restaurant manager role designed to empower restaurant leaders and put the guest experience first. More than overseeing restaurant operations, Your Way Champions serve as a dedicated point person, clearly identifiable in a Your Way Champion uniform and the bastard sword that they have slung around their back. - They are. - Oh, see, I was making like a championship bell. But yeah, that works too. - Or both. - Who welcomes guests, insures orders are prepared the way they're requested and is available to make things right whenever needed. So, okay, I want to stop here in the press release to discuss, yes. - Sorry, does a quick question. Was I not already doing that? - No, I don't know what that the number one thing that people told Burger King is, I will tell people that things are wrong and they will respond to me with stony silence and a refusal to address the issue. I need at least one person who will not meet you with stony silence and refuse to address the issues. Now you have the Your Way Champion. Who they have described as sort of like, they're like an extra Burger King. - They're like almost outside the sphere. - Yeah. - Like this is gonna go. So they like, listen, Corpus has a not supposed to do this, but they have unhinged me for the shackles. I can, right. I'm literally like deputized to go to do whatever it takes with everyone else at that Burger King to hate the your way chain. Oh, yeah. It's the internal investigations of Burger King. Right. Right. Yeah. Can you? I, this reads as the most passive aggressive way to tell managers like, yeah, we're changing it. Now on, you're going to be the your way champion. Yeah. Can I please, can I just say no, because managers before weren't fixing problems, they weren't making sure food was done consistently. So now you're a your way champion, so who wouldn't bet who would not bail? I feel like there would be a mass exodus at Burger King large enough to impact the global economy. It has gone wrong at Burger King that they need to make it someone's job to care if the burger is upside down. Yeah. I don't understand that they have to have one person who's like, shouldn't everybody kind of want it to be my way? Like, I feel like that's probably the idea. Hey, I ordered a Whopper and this box was empty. Yeah. I don't know how to tell you the your way champion isn't here right now. So fuck off. I go. So fuck you. Yeah. They're in a pan. Yeah. You got to hear shrimp dick. It's the it's the implication that if the your way champion is on lunch break, don't even fucking. Don't even go to Burger King. They're going to put up a hot and fresh like a sign like yeah, Chris McCree has. They will make your entire meal perfectly and then they'll take the tray and smash it into your chest. Yeah. Just smash it all and knock you in the toilet. Can I get a double whopper to you? Did you just fucking spit on me? Yeah. No champion. No rules. No god. Get out of here. Further. Where's your champion now? I think, okay, in in fairness, there should have to be a staff champion that tries to thwart the your way champion in our way champion. The staff needs someone to stand for them against the your way champion. It's an imbalance of power. Well, we then will need a third party for them to team up again, a hamburger ass like and I'm here to stop at a no way champion. I'm here to stop at all. Well, that's the burger king does that takes a firm can can can mediate for the champions of the row. Oh no, I need an evil one. Oh cool. And then we reinforce the commitment to getting things right Burger King is also introducing a wapper guarantee, which is something that I thought I lived under the protection of already. Yeah. Apparently I do not. I didn't know that it was a wapper at your own risk scenario. Yeah. The wapper is the brand's most beloved item and guests expect to have it served hot exactly the way they ordered it. That's why if a wapper doesn't meet a guest expectations, the brand will not only continue to remake it on the spot, but they'll offer the guest next wapper for free. Uh oh. Infant of food hack. When we asked this is Tom Curtis who I've read a lot of press press releases. I believe this is written by the man Tom Curtis, let me say that one. I believe this is written by Tom Curtis to I believe that Tom Curtis took phone calls from people who eat at Burger King regularly for some amount of time because this is a changed man. We're seeing a CEO express this level of humility quote when we ask guests where we could do better. They gave us a lot of honest feedback who chill and now it's our responsibility to act on it. We're not going to get everything right every single time. But we're committed to listening intently that by working so much work there, but what I promise, but we're committed to listening intently and improving every day. When guests choose us, when guests choose us, they deserve they expect high quality food orders made the way they ask and a team that's there when they need us. I have lost track of the pronouns at this point. I do not know who is them and I don't think Tom is left. I don't think he's kept track of it. That's what these changes are about. We're raising the standard in our restaurants so every guest feels like they made the right choice. Is it? He knows it's funny. Tom Curtis took phone calls from people who all eat at Burger King and he's like, I got to figure out why people aren't eating at Burger King where I got to get to the bottom of this. Do you know how humbling it must have been? To be like, the one thing Tom is it would be nice if it didn't suck and if everybody gave a shit if it sucked and if I could and they fixed it when it sucked. Is that? Okay. Thanks. Bye. And that Justin is the calls from people who love Burger King enough to call the CEO and give feedback about Burger King. Yeah. If Tom wanted to be like in store dining experience. If Tom wanted a really representative sample slice, he should have called, uh, like called strangers, just picking 10 random numbers on the phone saying like, Hey, real quick, this is Tom from Burger King. Do you like it? What could we do to possibly get you back? Bring back Vid Kid and wheels in the whole weekend. We'll never know. I got to give that up. The first in tummy. Your way champions serve as a clear point of contact for guests throughout their visit. Have you ever been into Burger King, be like, who the fuck do I talk to about this? Who knows? Is it the people in the strife shirts or not? I don't know where I was just ago. I guarantee you, though, Justin, the managers at the time did love any tiny bit of anonymity that they had during that time. That's true. And now they have to wear the big hat with streamers on it that says your way champion and they can't hide from it anymore. I got to say also as a customer, I don't want that much attention to be paid to me. Well, I'm at Burger King. I'm really, I'm probably on a road trip stopping for lunch. That's the only reason I can think that I would be in there in the first place and I don't need someone. It's like an interactive theater experience that I was not really that I didn't sign up for. I don't need someone wait and watch and look at prowling everything okay here at Burger King or latest innovation. We've installed a third window at the drive-through with an arm down that you can't pass until the your way champion confirms that the burgers you got in the bag are your way. And if you want to eat them, you won't be allowed to leave until you eat them in front and enjoy and smile at the your way champion only then will the R&B lifted and you can continue on your way. We did pretty good, huh? Maybe Tom was like, okay, guys, I've done, I've crunched all the numbers and I talked to everybody and I figured out what our biggest problem at Burger King is. Bring up the next slide, napkin theft, that's our big problem. The reason we're not making more money is people are stealing too many napkins. So the your way champion is really just hang out by the napkins like, whoa, whoa, partner, was that made wrong? You need somebody napkins? Yeah. Cause I can do it. We can make it again. What if they were like, one day, get a spill cause we keep a mop back there partner. What if one day Tom, after pouring over charts and chalkboards and everything you eat you realize that the problem is that people who order at Burger King don't know what makes a burger good and their way sucks. Yeah. And he's like, actually, we should make it our way because we're the ones who have learned how to make the burger is good. Yeah. And so from now on, there's one burger you can order. One burger, one size of the best one. This is it. This is the only one you get, but we nail it every time I would, oh man. I'm just thinking about I mean, I'm not going to eat inside of Burger King. No, I'm thinking about the social pressure of eating inside of Burger King and having this person. And what if I'm the only one there? You know, what if it's just you and the your way champion staring you down new friend watching you chew? Hey, partner. This seat taken. How was that? Why not? What about that one? What? More catch up. More catching. Hey, you know, the black bun makes your poops a different color, right? Don't be freaked out. That's still your way. If your poop's weird, it's just your way. You may not know. That's cool. The your way champion can be a little pushy about what your way should be. Yeah. Don't freak out. By the way, to make redeeming the Whopper Guarantee Frigialist, guess who aren't satisfied with their Whopper can scan the QR code provided inside their Whopper box to receive a unique six-digit code that can be redeemed for a free, classic Whopper during their next visit to burger. No way anyone will abuse that. What? That's what I'm saying. How do you? But does it also say under the QR code like, but be honest because I can be fucking prank on this. Yeah. But please. Please. Free. Free has an asterisk next to it and I cannot find what that asterisk is referring to. I also. Give me so much that it's like, Hey, if your burger is gross and you didn't like eating it, don't worry. You can have another one. Yeah. We'll make you another one. No problem. Yeah, but I didn't like the first one. I don't care. Here's another one. Maybe. Hey, maybe don't like whoppers, eat this one. I didn't like that one either, scan the QR code. I don't want, scan it. - Okay. - Scan it. I think I just don't like the flame grilled taste. Yeah, no, you will like it. - Yeah, you don't know the other one. - You'll love it. - You'll love it. - Putting the code in the box feels like when in video games you're watching a cinematic and there's a huge skip cut scene button. It's like they really are not confident in this product. They really want to make it clear how you get around this. Like opening the box would be like disappointed. - Scan it. - Scan the code. - We know. - We know again, we know. - Is it under, it has to be on the bottom of the clamshell container, right? - I'm not on the top. - Because the supposition would be at that point, but like, then you have to finish the whole whopper. You don't like that sucks. - It's in the middle of the whopper, like a fortune cookie. - Does it make less sense than? Does it make garlic to meet the whole thing that the codes at the bottom of the burger? - It doesn't make less sense than opening the box and the first thing you're confronted with is a little QR code that's like on the off-chance this sucks. - Listen. - This may not be good. You might not like this hamburger you see. - Pasta for you. - Oh, they've written out the QR code and ketchup on the bottom of the bun. That's nice of them, thank you. - Hey, thank you so much for listening to this podcast, which is call my brother, my brother and me. - That's true. - That is, yep. - I can give you guys think I was gonna say more stuff. - Well, if you like other podcasts specifically-- - Oh, it's stuck in the book. - It's supposed to be like a podcast called The Besties. Boy, have I got huge news for you. The Besties is performing live on Broadway and not just like out on the street, like in a feeder at the town hall in NYC, like on a stage too, not just like in a lobby, like a quartet singing, they'll be on the stage doing Besties live and you can get tickets now at bit.ly/BestiesOnBroadway. - That's October 9th, coming up real soon. - It's gonna be a great show. - It's gonna be a time. We got some new merch up at the merch store over at McRoyMarch.com. We got a pew-pating is always a free action shirt inspired by this has Roy Alpha Nally. That one's only available till the end of September designed by Brent Doherty. Thank you so much, Brent. And 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will also be donated to Native Women Lead. So go check all that out over at McRoyMarch.com. - I've got this 3D printed pirate ship that I haven't even broken the support trees off yet. But I can't let you think we've doing it. - I think I could argue this pretty good. - How do you resist? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I know. - Okay. - I'm gonna try to do it without looking and not slamming into all the precious awards I have. - That's what I'm saying, man, that's my tie stakes. Well, you're standing. - Yeah, I need some room. - Okay, you ready? Here we go. Can you see me enough to know that I'm not facing? - Fucking not at all, bro. - That's my shoulder, see? - I'm just saying you can do it from your chin. Okay, you got it. - That sounded big. That sounded like a big smash-reason. - Is it okay? - Let me see. - I gotta find it first, jeez, please. - Yeah, sorry to get pushy, dude. - There it is. - Oh god. It's okay. - That's all right, man. - Woo. - A piece of the support came off, but that's okay. - That's fine, that's what you want. - That's an ideal, that's like ideal. - Yeah, it was perfect. - Do it again. - My name is Justin McAroy. - I'm Travis McAroy. - I'm Griffin McAroy. - This is my brother, my brother, my brother, me, Kiss your dad's growing the lips. (upbeat music) - Maximum Fun. - A work-road network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.