MBMBaM 826: Right to the Couch Hole

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. My life, it's better, it's better with you. It's better with you, this is true. It's better, it's better with two. My life, it's better with you. Are we on? Are we live? Yeah. Okay. Hello everyone, and welcome to my brother, my brother and me. I'm Justin McElroy, thank you for being with us. Everybody, thank you so much for being here today. I'm your. Most brother, Travis Big Dog, Wolf Wolf Room, from the Heater Award winning McElroy. It feels inappropriate to do all the preamble stuff in your thing. Yeah, but I didn't want to not show this man with the respect, you know? Yeah. My name's Griffin, and I'm very sorry. I'm the most, no matter what we say or are about to say, I'm the most sorry of the three of us. It turns out, Dr. Doom is like a really cool, badass, very cool guy. Like a very cool, bad dude. We had a clip from the episode where we did discuss Dr. Doom. Dr. Victor Von Doom, sorry. We need to put as much respect on that name. It did break containment and went viral. It did break containment. Our audience is sophisticated, okay? Our audience understands that we're doing a very complex, meta-layered bit where we acknowledge we know about the superhero guy. A lot, yeah. But also pretend that we don't know about the superhero. Don't know everything. In a way, that's still funny, but if you're not part of our twisted, fucked up world that we've built over the past decade. That's the best word for it. It's fucked up. When we say Dr. Doom isn't as strong as the big purple alien man, that's fucked up to say because I know his name. I know what he brings to the table. Right. But someone who is not familiar with us. Yeah. They hear me. Our engagement bait. You ever see the people in the TikTok ads, and they'll do the whole ad with a big glob of spaghetti sauce on their face? Yeah. And it's like, all the comments are like, the spaghetti, God, get it! It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is kind of our version of that, where we'll say something wrong about Dr. Doom and just wait for the white guys to just pile on top of us. We're like, oh, a big magnet would stop him, and then they're like, he's got cosmic armor that protects him from reality forge from the demon skin of his ex-girlfriend. Now, tell me another one, and buy some Javi while you're at it. Keep clicking bell. Yeah. Yeah. Click all our ads. Do click all our ads. I don't mind doing that type of content, but I want to know that we're doing it. So I can be very, very careful about the words that I use, like saying Dr. Doom is not a sorcerer, or like whatever it happens to be. People did share that, I think, with friends. I think some people maybe shared that clip with friends they knew it would irritate. Okay. And then they commented. A real Travis move. So you know, they're like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, they're trying to bait people into it. That's crazy. I've never once shared anything to anyone I care about in my life that's like, hey, go shit on this for me. I've never once sort of like, had the thought of like, this sucks, it makes me mad, Jeff's gotta see this. That's most of what Travis texts us though, right? Yeah, that's what I do. Like, it's like most of Travis's material is that, right? Yeah. My thing is like, well, they won't like this, but people will like that they don't like it, you know? Yeah. I guess I'm just saying, I don't do, I don't do that. You know what? I don't apologize. Dr. Doom's a villain. Okay, don't apologize. Dr. Doom is a villain. Okay. And anyone who defends him is also a villain. Wow. Okay. The defending, I don't, again, I don't think people were saying, actually- People were like, he's actually very nice and he deserves a kiss on the cheek. No, they just wanted to, they wanted us to know he was very strong, 'cause we talked shit about like, you're gonna, Captain America's gonna beat this physician's ass. Strong and handsome. And I, I just, I didn't, I wasn't careful. I mean, I don't wanna double down here. But if I could just say one thing, Dr. Doom, Dr. Doom is, okay, we have to establish the stakes of a villain, right? Yeah. Why are we afraid of them? We have to do that work narratively. Thanos poofed half of all people away! Yeah. That's so, that's twisted! Yeah. That's so wild, that's so many people, and he just did it like, it was almost as if just a snap. Yep. Just like, in a snap, he made everybody poof away. Dr. Doom's not gonna do shh. He's not gonna do anything close to that, I don't think. I'm willing to eat our words if, in this movie, at some point, Dr. Doom snaps, and like, 53% of the population poofs away. 66% of the population. Yeah, he needs to find one more turbo gym. If you find a turbo gym, and you put that- We know they're not called turbo, we know they're not called turbo. They're chaos emeralds. Yeah, but this would be a turbo emerald. Whoa! That you would put in that links the other ones, and is like, I've ramped it up, it's like, wow. Feels pretty rad, it's like, now try snapping, it's like, whoa, you just wiped out 57% of the population. Yeah. It's just like, that little bit, that would get me excited, now where I've got sequel-itis, now I'm ready. The shit Thanos did was so monumental, that you can't watch a Marvel television show, and not spend the whole time thinking like, I hope no one about to get snapped, because they won't tell you when the show takes place, you'll just be watching, you know, Ms. Marvel. Yeah. And then you'll be like, I love the grandpa character, and then he's poof, because he gets snapped by Thanos, because he got- Mid-sentence in some of these shows. Mid-sentence, just get some poof. I do think that was an amazing choice by Kevin, I want to say, Faige. I'm going with Faige this time. I like that. Feige, never going to book one of these flicks, are we? No, but to be like, if this actor starts asking for a little bit too much money to come back for season two, they actually got poofed away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got it snapping. Audience doesn't like this character? That's fine. They must have gotten in the poof. I guess they were in the poof, but they didn't realize. Oh, it was a delayed snap. Yeah. They got him. So, sorry, Dr. Doom. I guess, I don't know. I don't know, man. This is an advice show, and the way it works is you send us questions, and we read them, and then we see if we can help. My neighbors like to leave free items in our back alley for others to come by and claim. Recently, a neighbor placed a shit ton of cinder blocks in the alley. My rough count is around 100 blocks. Context. In very good condition. If it were just four or five cinder blocks, I could easily ignore this, but 100 blocks feel like a challenge against my capacity for craft. Brothers, if I take on this block burden, what should I do with them? Who's that from? That's from Cinderella in Columbus. What do you think? I didn't even think about this when pulling the question, but what scenario do you think led to this person having 100? 100 extra. Good condition. Yeah. So this isn't like they weren't at any point mortared together and smashed apart. If they were putting up a retaining wall, they suck shit at math. Maybe it's just what it is, or spatial sort of reasoning, because they bought 100 too many cinder blocks, and those shits are not cheap. The scale of project you would have to be doing to accidentally overbuy 100 cinder blocks is like it took 100,000 cinder blocks. Yeah. Right? And that's how many I ordered, and then I only ended up using 999,900 of them. Right. I have a story about this. Sydney wanted a wall at the house. Between you guys? No, no, no. A retaining wall outside for gardening purposes. And she wanted to, the way that happens is that me and Tommy go to the block store and buy hundreds and hundreds of blocks. Yeah. A blockbuster. Buy hundreds and hundreds of cinder blocks, and then build a wall. We've done it a couple of times now in a couple of our different houses. And I went to pick up the blocks in a truck, and what I understood about this truck was that it had 10,000 pounds of towing capacity. Cool. And so when I went to the store where they had the blocks, the gentlemen were like, so there's a huge pallet of blocks here. And I'm like, what should we do with them? How do you want to do this? And I'm like, well, I did a little quick math, and my 10,000-pound towing capacity can handle this no problem. So you get the forklift there, guys. You just lift the pallet up, pop it right down in the truck bed. And they did, and it fell a little low. Was there some maybe miscalculations? So I started driving. Mm-hmm. I started driving. And the thing is. The thing is that you guys need to know about that I discovered between Lowe's and the bank on Route 60 near Target. is that towing capacity is different from hauling capacity. Because hauling capacity has a downward force on the chassis of your vehicle. So while I'm driving, I Google, hey, I'm doing this. Am I good? And Google says, no, no, you are not good. You're about three times past good. You need to stop now. Yeah. I'm surprised your car didn't develop sentience to start yelling. It was like squatting. It was like squatting down. It was push. I could feel it. And, man, it hated turning. Woof-a-goof-a. Oh, man. Really playing with that object in motion kind of stuff. I barely dragged it into this bank, and I could see it bending. And I'm like, ah, fuck. See what bending? The truck. So I opened the back. I started taking blocks out one at a time. This is a mega, this is like a half-ton load. And I am unloading cinder block by cinder block. How are the bank people feeling about this? It's a Sunday. I'm alone. I'm alone in the bank parking lot, luckily. And I had to call Sydney, and I say, I don't know what to do. I bent the car. I bent the truck. I bent the car. No, I had to unload roughly. I had to unload roughly 300 cinder blocks from this thing. When you called Sydney and said, I don't know what to do, did you think her doctor training was going to help here in some way? I don't know that anyone's really prepped for the exact situation you got yourself into. Guys, once you have accepted you're the dumbest person alive, pretty much anybody is going to be helpful. That's true. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Especially the smartest person I know. Right. So multiple car trips later, I will tell you there were like 40 cinder blocks that I just couldn't. Okay. That I just couldn't. And I hope the bank put them to good use, and I'm sorry. And that is how sometimes there might be a pile of cinder blocks around. Yeah, the cinder block fairy comes and fucks up. You never know. You never know. Good quality bricks. Free to a good home. Maybe they're still there. Maybe they've been incorporated into the bank. Maybe the land has reclaimed them. It's the wildest geocache. Geocache in history, folks. Go get yourself a cinder block from the bank on Route 60. Get yourself a whole ass cinder block. I don't know if 100 is enough for this, but there was a time where Rachel and I were living together in Austin on 37th Street, and there wasn't much to do around there. And so the one bar that was like within walking distance of our place was an establishment that was constructed out of cinder blocks called Nasty's. Yeah. And so Nasty's was kind of our, our stomping grounds for, did we take you to Nasty's? No, it just, if you are building a bar out of cinder blocks, Nasty's feels right. And there was some stuff that they did. I think it was like thematic where they had like bras and panties like stapled to the ceiling and they had the flattest beer I've ever drank. And one time you- It's a good stapler that can get into cinder block, I gotta say. Me and my friends went there once. I don't know, the ceiling was like plywood or something, but my friends and I went once for an open mic comedy night just to watch. Was this a FEMA shelter perhaps? Is this a real establishment? Possibly a repurposed FEMA shelter. We went for an open mic comedy night one time and we sat down and the vibe was really weird. And after about five people had gone up on stage and done their jokes, one of which was completely stolen from Carlos Mencia. And it was crazy that like I even clocked that. Someone said, you guys know you're the only ones here who are not performing. You're the ones we're delivering all of these jokes out into. And we were like, well, that sucks. So you got up and did a type five? So we got up and did a tight leave. But nasty's was, I mean, the construction costs on that place must have been quite low. You could make your own cool little bar. Nasty's too. Nasty's too. Your own establishment. It's nastier than ever. The problem is that with a hundred blocks, right? I'm assuming you're doing this by hand. Maybe you have some kind of heavy duty hand truck, but let's say you're doing it by hand. Even if you could pick up a cinder block in each hand, you're looking, you're looking at 50 trips sucks. And the chances that you will be clocked. Yeah. Doing this, moving these blocks, a not far distance. There, there is a, there is a point and I can vouch for this at which the, the, the monetary value of something and its physical heft start to shift, start to shift places. You know what I mean? It was like, it was, it was like back during the peak of COVID when they couldn't sell oil, they were just giving, they were just giving it away. It's like that, right? Eventually you're like, fuck blocks. I don't want them. There's too many. It's a problem. Now they no longer have value. Now it's just a chore. And trust me, as someone who constantly has the impulse of seeing something and going, well, you're getting rid of that. I could use that, but not actually having a plan for it. What's going to happen. You're going to haul these hundred blocks to your backyard. Then you're going to try to think of a crafting thing to do with it. And you're not going to come up with one. And two weeks later, those blocks are going to be back in the alley. And now your neighbors are going to say, they're going to see that those blocks are now behind your backyard. And they're going to be like, they thought they could use those just like I thought. And then you find out that these are the sisterhood of the traveling cinder blocks. And they've just been moving down the alley as people have picked them up thinking, well, that's a hundred cinder blocks. I could use those. And they've changed everyone's life to realize I'm not creative. And I actually need to get rid of these blocks. Pizza oven. Oh shit. Good point. Oh, that's good. Cinder oven pizza, people want to do bricks. Fuck that. Concrete for me, thanks. Yeah, you could do some industrial pizzas in that thing. Industrial strength pizza crust on these bad boys. Mmm. Real black at the bottom, real white at the top. Real light, like doughy at the top. Yeah, real burnt up. Chemical taste, chemical taste on it. Mmm. Little gum, little gum on there. You think the first pizza oven backyard was made out of straw and it burned up. And then the next one was made out of sticks and that burned up. And then finally they did it out of bricks. And they were able to roast a whole pig. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Probably not. That. I'm dog sitting. Can we move on? Yeah, I was about, we both sensed it. It's a shame that I interrupted you there, because I think you said dog shitting and. We'll never know. Damn. I'm dog. Almost. I'm dog sitting for my neighbor's parents who I don't know very well. They went on about how excited they were to have someone responsible watching the dogs as their last dog sitter had lost their spare keys immediately. And they'd had to call a locksmith. Well, it's the second day of dog sitting. And some movers they hired came in to take the old couch and put in a new one. Problem is, I realized after the moving guys had left that my keys, which the spare keys were attached to, had been left in the old couch that was taken. Fuck. How do I get in contact with the movers? I don't remember the moving company they used to get my keys back without letting the people in dog sitting for know that I lost their spare keys. They're paying me really well. And I want them to hire me again. That's from Irresponsible in Iowa. I also love, once again, that you're really worried about this. And not the fact that your own keys are lost. Your own keys are gone. Yeah. You need those. That's a tomorrow problem. You gotta take these things one at a time. You can't eat a whole elephant. Yeah. You gotta slow it down a little bit. Well, that's what you do. You call the owners and you say, "Listen. Before I say anything else, I've protected your key with my life. I've got it right here in a special chain around my neck. But my keys, I don't care about those guys because they're not yours. They're not special like your key is. I did leave those in the couch." You could maybe bury the lead a little bit and just be like, they come home and be like, "I'm so sorry. There's been a terrible crime. I tried to stop them, but these mean men took your couch and they stole your couch. And I guess they felt bad later because they brought a different one." Oh, yeah. Back. And I guess I asked for your old couch back. They said they didn't have it. But I'm so sorry I let them steal your couch. I was a victim here. And they beat the shit out of me. Yeah. I beat my ass up bad. I threw my keys at them. You gotta sell that part. Yeah. I threw my keys at them to try to dissuade them from stealing it. And they beat my ass so bad for it. One of them ate the keys and he got bigger from it. Yeah. I did that thing they teach in self-defense class where you put your keys between your fingers. But I put them in backwards the wrong way. And then I hit the guy with my hand. And I hurt so much. And then he laughed at me. And he did that thing that they always do in movies. He brought a nice new couch, though. Yeah. They did that thing they always do in movies where they kick the person in the stomach when they're like kind of posed on their side. Yeah. Perfect position to be kicked in the stomach. And it's not as fun as it looks in the movies. Not really as fun. I didn't like it. Can't. I don't. You could call the locksmith too, right? But this. The locksmith can't make a new key for you. They can just get you in the door. What they can do, and this is a service that not a lot of people talk about, is they can change the lock. Now no one's got keys to the house. You're all on even playing field now. No one's got keys to this house. Squatter's right. We don't know how to get into your house. It seems like everyone fucked up equally here. Yeah. You could fake that they've never existed. That's one option. Oh, yeah. They come home. Their key doesn't fit the lock. You don't know them. Yeah. You don't recognize them. You will have to train the dogs. I don't know if you live there. That seems like a big play. You're gonna have to train the dogs to like you better. That's gonna be a whole thing. And teaching them how to play. Yeah. the dogs to ignore the owners when they come back it's gonna be a tough putt but you can do a tough sell i would have attached the keys to the dog that doesn't help you now but just something to think about yeah if you lose one have the dog sniff out the couch oh travis that's good actually hold on now hold on you need a smell you need a trace smell of the couch where are you yeah we i was thinking you're less like do you think they left a cushion or some sort of but it's gonna have the house smell right you just be like fine house fine house house just hold it up so i can smell the house yeah it'll get it and then it'll be like get the couch and then open the door and let their dog go yeah huff some of your jeans that you wore on the couch earlier in the week you haven't done laundry yet the dog will be able to get a scent from that then what you do no leash that's important yeah i know as a dog walker it's encouraged but you gotta let it ride if it's gonna track down this stink for you you gotta let it ride and you pop off that leash and then you start running because it's gonna start no you don't start running you have the other dog to watch at home just tell that dog to come back with your keys when they find them awesome that dog to find the first dog well i mean if it comes to that shore that's a real airbag yeah getting me out of a sticky situation i think that's what happened in uh that movie with the two dogs and the cat homeward bound homeward bound yeah the cat got away they sent one dog after the cat and they're like wait that was the dumb dog it was a little old lady who swallowed the fly yeah for sure they should have sent a horse after the two dogs and the cat the horse would have brought him back do you guys think there's i want to help do you think there is one central couch dumping spot in town do you think that they've already taken it to the couch dump or do you think there's like a way station in between like i cannot imagine this furniture store is in the business of like tidying couches up and reselling them at a profit right yeah i mean they're probably taking it to the couch dump probably taking it right to the couch hole but then you just gotta ask some cool teens where they hang out and drink beers in secret because i guarantee it's the couch dump now the couch hole would be dope for drinking secret beers the couch will be so cool for drinking beers yeah dude quick trip stand outside with your id out yeah and just a wad of cash and it's like when any teens walk by like can i buy you some beer to show me show me can i buy you some beer to show me where the couch dump is yeah yeah that could work yeah i don't see any problem with that plan that's actually good because they will once they're there you could be like i could actually i would love some help yeah uh getting there's a lot of couches here there's a lot of couches here if everybody could just dig through the couch is that i guess you guys are probably doing that anyway that's how you spend your fridays if you're kicking it at the couch hole you're looking for change basically yeah around the clock do you think the teens that run the couch dump are checking cushions for keys though as soon as couches come in now justin the word you used there was run the couch dump rule is what i meant to say okay okay okay i was trying to figure out what the business model couch dump like in lord of the flies okay you used to have parents now they have trash you walk up and you see a bunch of keys on tall sharpened sticks to send a message like no grown-ups welcome in here this is what happens to you only boomers have keys oh my god i think i think it's time for the retractable lanyard to make a sort of like not comeback but just sort of like well snap back to a snap back like a proliferation where now anyone other than you know maybe uh janitors or sanitation uh workers custodial staff um i love that look of a and you let it go you let it go in it right to your head right in the nuts hits you right in the we're all torn aren't we i mean i think i think anybody's ever seen that or at least i should speak for myself uh i'm always right on the line i mean i see it i'm like god that would be cool that would be not just cool but convenient easy i don't know what even you know what i mean like i don't need something in my hands all the time i just like i love the maybe like a pocket knife yeah and then it's like right back you gotta remember the second half of the equation yeah the zip back is important actually there's not a lot of stuff i want trucking towards my head stuff fair enough i mean phone like i don't know i feel like we we really blew it with the like phone holster and it became like even before we were out of like the the the 20th century people were like that's dork shit and now if we had normalized it and it we wouldn't have a gun problem in this nation and i believe that yeah if we just all had if we were packing yeah if we were like all packing a phone we wouldn't need it anymore this would have been you know we would have we would have like the confidence of something being holstered is this yeah guys we have to be very careful here because we are all griffin's almost in his 40s we're all dads of an age talking as though we've just realized phone holsters are a great idea and cool and maybe we misjudge them as though we're young people making this realization but in fact we are just the target audience yeah right for the phone holster we just aged into the demo of the phone holster i guess i'm just mad i'm mad at those fucking nerds from the late 90s with their for making it uncool because for making it not cool to your point travis i do think it would be useful to have a phone holster but i'm too cool and sexy yeah to have a phone holster i can't do it even though it would be very useful in my day-to-day and it appeals to me yeah i can't do it phone ankle holster like your backup weapon like they always have like yeah that's what i want to do every time i want to collect my eggs in the idle game i'm playing i want to do a full fucking full bend over a full i want it to look like i want it to look at a glance like i should be at home with my ankle monitor i want it to be indistinguishable maybe like a back holster like it was a shotgun in evil dead that's cool big long phone you're gonna need a long phone for it to work i don't know that's gonna get like i think it's crazy when people are like don't use cell phones because it shoots all the radiation in i'm like that's ridiculous but if i did keep it right there trav yeah i don't know it seems like i'm flirting with disaster like i don't necessarily adhere to that but like i don't know i want to keep it right next to the base of my skull i was gonna say like one of those shoulder kind of ones like mobsters have in movies but that feels like it's gonna lead to a lot of rib yeah i mean you don't want that you don't want that you want people to be safe out there obviously yeah i you know what i was always jealous of because i knew i could never pull it off when the people would jog with their ipods and phones and stuff on their arms yeah in their straps and i'm like i know i'm i don't look aerobic enough to justify that right but when you see someone jogging along and they have it like on their bicep and they're doing it you know they're like cool over your head oh man i did a i had a brief flirtation with couch to 5k back when i lived in austin and how far did you make it at that time fucking living half a k 0.5k um i i had a i like one of those iphone xls at that point and keeping that attached to your arm and running with it there's no amount of tightness you can do that doesn't cut off circulation and also doesn't make the phone flop around all crazy with every single step that was a that was a rough time for me oh my god call the owners and say hey i've been and now that this new couch is here it's not the same yeah i can't i'm not feeling the same motivation as when i was couching on your couch to 5k right can you tell me who those movers are so i can see if i can start my 5k from where that couch is yeah can you just say i need the name of that moving company because i like the way they move it and then you can keep it i was i'm thinking about hauling a little uh personal cargo and i'm thinking about hauling a little uh personal cargo and i could use some help and i like the way they move it maybe you calling or like hey i'm here with somebody who says that they are supposed to take your couch but that doesn't sound right did you hire a moving company and if so what name and phone number would you have used to do that what name that's how you probably should have done initially yeah yeah you should have confirmed if you were going to be there you should have confirmed who the people the strangers who were going to come into the house did they bring a new couch with it or did they maybe take the old couch and say they'd be bringing in the new couch later and it's still not there yeah because you might have gotten robbed yeah that's a classic that's a classic house sitter mix them up there that's tough that's tough you can't shake that rep i think one of the main things is don't let people take our couch yeah under false pretenses and not with your our house keys inside oh my god if they find out one thing away if you take one thing away from our answer to your advice question is don't lose your keys don't lose your keys i'm i'm surprised if it was my house i'd just be like fuck there's so many popsicle sticks i can't even believe it how did you get so many popsicle sticks in this couch there's it's under it and around it they're all stuck to it Why'd you do this? Can we take a quick trip to the money zone? I'd love to. Thank you. It's better. It's better with you. Hey, I've been using quants. You have? Quants. I've been using quants. When I came into this summer, my wardrobe, I realized, was in dire need of a bath. Yeah, it was so bad. It was so jacked. The worst. Absolutely garbo. Okay, so I realized, I guess, when the summer started, that a lot of my stuff didn't fit or look good anymore. It didn't look like a kid wearing a dead suit. Travis, don't say ugly. He can hear you. Oh, shit. Did you say the clothes were ugly, or they made me look ugly? Yeah. You're not an ugly person. No, the clothes, they didn't highlight your natural contours and beauty. Okay. I love your lines. You know that. You are always talking about the shape I cut, and I do appreciate that. Quants is a much better steward of my shape and my lines and my curves, my bodacious body. Yeah, man. I didn't mean to say that word that way, but it's just how it came out. You've been looking a lot more bodacious lately. Thank you. It's because of quants. I use them to basically update my summer wardrobe. I got some really comfy tees. You know what I got a lot of was some lightweight linen short sleeve button-ups. I had zero of those that fit me, and I love all the stuff they've sent over. And now my wardrobe is ready. And guess what? Fall's just around the corner. So if you need longer stuff, quants can help you get there, too. They can help you pad out your stuff with just staple stuff, just stuff you're going to wear all the time. And it's all priced 50% to 80% less than similar brands because they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. If you're going to get yourself just a new look, a new lineup, a refresh, I can't recommend quants enough. The prices are great, and it all fits great and looks really good, too. Upgrade your everyday. Download the quants app for app-exclusive offers or go to quants.com slash mybrother. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash mybrother. Don't be like Griffin. Get better clothes. I did do it. Oh, right. So be like Griffin. You all right, Juice? Blast it off. Hey, guys, I'm calling from space. I just blasted off. Oh, I'm in a rocket ship to debtor's prison. Oh, no. In space. Yeah, I'm going to the really bad debtor's prison in space. I just never figured out a way to get control of my money. They're going to make you mine, like, Mars or something to make it habitable? Yeah, I got to mine the atmosphere of Mars with an oxygen laser. And I'm going to do that for 100,000 years, but they have chemicals that are going to keep me alive. God, I wish I figured out a way to get my money right. Oh, Justin, I wish you had told me sooner, because I would have told you to use rocket money. Ironically. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, right. No, rocket money's real. That's really funny, Travis. I get it. I get it. Justin's being blasted to space debtor's prison in rocket money. Yeah, uh-huh. No, I can see the irony, but it's a real thing that would have saved you from 100,000 years. I can see Ironton from here, actually. So you're not that far. Ask him to turn around. Okay. You know what? I'll perish. I'll parachute out. Keep telling me about rocket money. Okay, so rocket money. I use rocket money in my everyday life. I'm sorry. No, I must interrupt. I don't think you can parachute out of a rocket. I'm pretty sure there's a flame situation happening immediately. It wasn't that far up. You could still see Ironton. No, I know, but there's still the enormous plume of white hot flame. He jumped out. God, Griffin, tell me you're a SpaceX investor without telling me you're a SpaceX investor. All right, rocket boy, we got you. All right. All right. If you've made some bad investments. Like Griffin has. Then rocket money is. I actually invested in SpaceX. Just the idea of it. Yeah. I'm sorry. I misspoke. Yeah. Everything he had. That's my very work. He liquidated all of his assets to invest in SpaceX. Into the idea of zero G porking. Zero G spot, they called it. It was terrible. So, rocket money. I use. On a regular basis to keep track of not only my spending, but it will categorize, uh, like the spending you do. So it's a lot easier to go through later and see like what your habits are, where you can cut back and it will reveal your spending patterns. Let you know, like, Hey, you spend this much on this kind of thing. Is that really what you're comfortable doing? And you get reports in it, real time alerts for large transactions. Um, and sometimes like deposits, if I'll get the deposits to let me know, like, Hey, you have a little more money available. And it's really nice to help with scheduling stuff and planning stuff. And I can not recommend it enough. Um, so rocket money is a, you're right. Was that the sound of you landing, dude? How are your bones? So rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions and monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocket money.com slash my brother. That's rocket money.com slash my brother. Rocket money.com slash my brother. I want a munch squad, but I want to munch squad. Welcome to munch squad. It's a podcast of the podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brands. Today, we're going back to a local favorite by which I mean, it's opened three times in Huntington and keeps closing. It's Buffalo wild wings. Oh yeah. I didn't know that we had added a third, a third sort of cycle. So here's what happened to the, you remember the one down at the place that on fourth where Travis ate the really spicy wings? I remember that. Yeah. So then they opened the one. My toes and hands went numb. Yeah. Yeah. They opened the one at the mall. And that was a big, like full B dubs and they couldn't keep it open, which God help you. If you can't keep a B dubs open at the Huntington mall, you are officially bad at business. I'll just go ahead and say it. You fucked up, but now there's a BW threes to go. So you can't get the luxury of sitting in there, but you can get them sent to you via delivery. Okay, cool. More on that later. Buffalo wild wings debuts first ever pop and ranch, a savory ranch pop and ranch. Pop and candy finally brings the crunch and the crackle to wings. What? Dude, this feels like the most, like let's get on Munch Squad. Like it's been a while since we've been on Munch Squad. We need something. And then they came up with pop and savory ranch candy. The brand reimagines ranch in a playful multi-sensory way, launching July 20th ahead of national chicken wing down July 29th. Sorry to have missed it. This also pop and ranch. Ranch sounds like a euphemism for boner that like a college friend is trying to get going. Dude, and I was popping ranch. I'm over here popping ranch. I mean, it sounds like a crude reference to ejaculate. I think in my opinion, that's what I was popping. That's fair. Popping mad ranch last Saturday night. It was uncontrollable. I'm really concerned. I was popping so much ranch, I flunked out of college. Oh no. No, no. Buffalo wild wings is turning up. The. Flavor with the launch of its newest menu innovation, pop and ranch launch in July 20th at participating Buffalo wild wing sports bars and Buffalo wild wings go locations nationwide. That's what I got. Pop and ranch reamends the iconic flavor fans already love by transforming it into a playful multi-sensory experience that quite literally pops. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Whether sprinkled directly onto wings mixed into ranch. Or added to a favorite Buffalo wild wings menu item popping ranch offers a bright burst of savory ranch flavor followed by an audible pop and a crackle that brings even more excitement to every order. I'm so glad that one of those options wasn't poured directly on tongue. Like I thought it doesn't seem to suggest a direct application, which I appreciate, but they know. Right. I think I can. I actually think that they don't say it because it won't give people the same. Sick thrill when they do it. If it's like permissible, you know, like they want to know that they've stepped outside the lines. Oh, I'm looking at the package here. There's actually a surgeon general's warning at the bottom that it should not be consumed directly on tongue. Yeah. Surgeon general's warning. Go to a different restaurant. B-dubs has done something that has never been done before with pop and ranch, says Tristan Moline, the brand president of Buffalo wild wings. Is he clutching a cigar? Yeah. Yeah. Why is he? It's an evil genius. Okay. He's an evil genius in this one, but he's listed as the brand president of Buffalo wild wings, which makes it sound like fake, like, like an honorary president. Like you would let a dog be mayor. Yeah. Right. Yeah. He's the quote president of Buffalo wild wings. He's the president of the brand of Buffalo wild wings. He's got a little badge for him and everything. I get to wear a sash. B-dubs has done something that's never been done before with pop and ranch. It takes that. Classic Poppin' Cannon. Indy, you remember, and pairs it with our signature ranch flavor. And ruins it. Ruins both in the process. It's an unexpected sensory experience that sounds wild, tastes delicious, and has to be experienced to believe. You know what else is an unexpected sensory experience? Getting slapped out of nowhere. Getting slapped by a stranger. If somebody just were to suddenly slap me, I'd be like, that was an unexpected sensory experience. Not something I would pay someone at BW3s to do to me. If I was walking out of a funeral and somebody dumped a big bucket of dead sardines on my head, that would be a very unexpected sensory experience. Yeah, I also find ranch to be a pretty aggressive flavor anyway. And also, pop candy, pop rocks are sort of an aggressive sort of texture. No matter what, if I'm eating either one of those, I'm hanging on for dear life. The idea of combining both of those, it just seems like too much. Too much, man. I found that whole paragraph adorably sweet for some reason, Griffin, that the flavor of ranch and popping candy might be too much for you to handle. One time at church camp, I ate so many Warheads that I burnt my tongue real bad, and then I ate some ranch-flavored Pringles that Mom had packed for me in my suitcase, and it hurt so bad to eat it because I had fucked up my tongue so bad eating all the Warhead candy. Are you okay? Are you okay? This was a long time ago. No, I know, but I assume it's had lasting effects. I make good choices now. I don't eat the Poppin' Ranch. This has no appeal. Is there any part of you that's even. I have 0%, not even morbid curiosity about what eating the Poppin' Ranch would be like. This is completely lost on me. I mean, I'm not a big ranch guy. It's just so aggressive. I mean, I've tried before, but it's like, whoa, knock me over. It's like a very bold flavor. Yeah. I would not source it. I would not source this, but if I was somewhere. If you have some in front of you, I guess, is the question. If you're at a party and your friends are like, hey, we're Poppin' Ranch. Oh, I'd try it. Okay. Not because I think it'd be good, though. Let me be clear. Just for the story, for the vine, I get it. For the experience. I don't even want it for the vine, man. So there's two other images I just wanted to show you guys. This is. Yeah. Here's them sprinkling the Poppin' Ranch onto a meal to illustrate that you could do that. That's no problem. But the meal is so wet. The meal's already really wet. Doesn't that ruin the pop part of it? Maybe. You don't want the pop to happen in the mouth, though. You really don't. Now, this is the last image. Here we go. Here's the last one. Here's the last image. Now, it's just a huge pile of Poppin' Ranch on one wing. It's a snowbank of savory pop candy sitting mostly on one wing. It's congregated on one wing. They've chosen one to really. Well, Griffin, why? Well, because it's available for just 99 cents per packet. Poppin' Ranch gives guests an easy way to customize their order, whether they're leveling up wings, sides, or anything in between. Because when it comes to flavor. A kiss with a lover? A kiss? Because when it comes to flavor, there are no rules. There should be. It's so not true, man. There's lots of rules for flavor. I'm pretty sure there are. Name one flavor rule, Griffin. I mean, you can't. Toothpaste and orange juice. That's not really a rule. If they're bad, don't put them together. Is there a law that could be applied to. I mean, you don't want to hurt people. You don't want to burn people. Well. Not just like super spicy, but like dangerous. Don't serve it so hot that they burn their tongue? That's not really even a flavor thing. What flavor is it? No. Yeah, I guess there are no. You're right. There's no rules for flavor. There should be. I think the only rule is that when you eat something, it's not a flavor. If it's umami and someone says it's umami, you have to say, ooh, mommy, afterwards, right? Or it doesn't count. Yeah. I think wings are supposed to be kind of crispy. So to me, if you're like. It feels like artificially juicing the crispiness of it. It feels like an admission that you don't know how to get them crispy. You don't know how to make them crispy. You don't think that BW3s is delivering an authentic Buffalo Wings experience? I think that BW3s is delivering an authentic Buffalo Wings experience. I think that BW3s has opened three times and keeps getting closed. And I'm not making them close. So somebody is. You tell me. Can I say maybe it's because of fucking shenanigans like this? Maybe if we talked about an investment in the core product. If we talked about. Yes, I believe. Where's the weck is what I'm asking. Where is the weck? Bring the weck back instead of doing these fucking memes. I can now tell you guys about my experience because I saw this story yesterday and I thought I'm going to do. I'm going to get some of this stuff. Oh, great. So I ordered from BW3s last night. BW3s go. And I waited a good half hour and then I got an update that my around the world dipper sampler had been canceled. No. And I think it's because they no longer have the delicious peri-peri sauce or the delightful avocado sauce. So many of the sauces from the around the world sampler were canceled. And I was heartbroken. And I was, I mean, I was like, I was trying to recover. And then 20 minutes went by and the entirety of my order was canceled. Wait, what changed to that 20 minutes? What changed to that 20 minutes? That's question one. That's a very good question that I would like to begin with. First of all, they didn't have that sampler. That's fine. Okay. It was seven o'clock at night. I don't understand. BW3s just said like, no, I'm not going to do it. No, it didn't. No, I refuse to give him dinner. No dinner. They're open still. They were open last night. They're still open today. They just decided that I couldn't have it. I couldn't have dinner. And I called the service that I used to have the meal delivered to me that may or may not have been a sponsor of this show at one point. And I said, what about the dinner? And they said, well, we've already put $5 in your account. I said, but why won't they bring me the dinner? Right. What did I do wrong? And unfortunately they said they can't contact me. They can't contact BW3s. So I don't know. I guess it's just a mystery for the ages. I think they were so embarrassed about not having this special crispy powder that they didn't even want to bring the order. That's they were humiliated. They knew. They knew that was the only thing you wanted. They didn't have it. I mean, Justin, is it possible that they knew you were going to dump on it here on our huge hit podcast? Oh, they recognize your name. I'm saying you're definitely in a database somewhere. I would have made my kids try it and tell you what they thought. I wouldn't have tried a ranch thing myself. It's an aggressive flavor. I think you, and I can both agree on it. It's literally a flavor you put on stuff to make that flavor less aggressive. Funky. Wow. All right, man. Okay. The cream does most of that work, Travis. The ranch flavor is aggressive. Boys, I'm just saying between this and your full-throated endorsement of cell phone holsters, you're not doing yourselves a lot of favors. Talk about how ranch is a little too strong for you. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, man. It's just, I'm trying to be authentic. Yeah, it's just too much. I can try to be authentic. I can try to be younger if you want, like cooler. I know that that's sort of like been sort of my trademark. I do miss that energy, Griffin. I think that was kind of a nice balance when like I was kind of the older one and you were kind of like the wild one. What was I? The wild child that couldn't be contained. What was I? What? What was I? Steady hand at the rudder. The witness. Thank you. What's a witness? The observer. The mutineer. The surrogate. You're the key. You're the key. You're the key to it all. You're fated to find the law. And it depends on who I side with. Travis, I didn't realize. And you, my friend of the tower. I said that purely as a joke, not realizing that it was the meanest imaginable thing that I can say. The witness? Yeah, we're over here doing bits and you're just kind of watching. No, it made me feel like it's my job to tell the tale when it's all over. One of us must survive the Tom team. What are my responsibilities at a play or musical as an audience member? I recently went to my kid's theater camp performance and was seated close enough that every cast member could and did see me from stage. How expressive and encouraging can I be before it gets manic and distracting to the performers? Also, where do I draw the line between I'm a parent cheering for my kid versus I'm an audience member watching hardworking actors? That's from Audience Anxiety in Colorado. P.S. One of my shoulders was in the spotlight. Which meant every movement cast a shadow on part of the stage. That's a level of involvement. I'm sorry that happened to you. That shouldn't have happened. That shouldn't happen. We should elevate these spotlights. There should not be a spotlight on the audience at all. The bottom of the spotlight should be on the performer's feet. Yeah. I just feel bad. I'm sorry. Don't think that all theater experiences are going to be like that. It sounds like this one was maybe a little amateurish. Oh, this kid's, this school children's play? The kid's theater camp performance. It sounds a little amateurish, if I'm being honest, from a technical perspective, at least. A gentle thumbs up and nod like Fred Savage in that one wizard meme? I mean. I think that's centering yourself in a way that's a little distracting. You know, when a kid really nails, like, suddenly Seymour or whatever, and you're just like, you did it. You gotta have. Do you guys have, like, a. Do you guys have, like, an audible sort of. showy appreciative response to performance that you can bust out in this situation do you have a for comedy no what do you mean like for like for like a kids theater show when like someone gets up and they do their solo and you want to bust out like a yeah like a yeah I do the brief like yeah yeah just like I do a woo and sometimes every time I woo every time I woo I'm at the moment after I'm like who is that yeah where did that come from you are not a wooing guy you don't woo in your day to day life but for some reason I see Shrek up there singing woo yeah this is what I liked about church and church camp in general is like there was no limit you could fucking ah you could fucking go absolute beast mode and you were like in good company and it was literally yell hallelujah you know what I mean there was no upper limit on it what church did you guys go to because that is not true for Highlawn Baptist Church where we all went no like teen summer camp I'm talking about centrifuge dude I'm talking about church camp in general where you yeah that was an experience because you would go to church camp with kids that went to churches that were a lot more performative so like us sort of like button down Southern Baptist kids were a little bit more like restrained and then you'd see some kids who were fully up in the toes and it's like woo alright occasionally laying hands you know and you're like ooh I don't know about this you gotta have a go to and you gotta distribute it evenly I don't know I don't know if I'm reading other parents for this in performance situations I'm pretty dialed in I think on my own sort of kids experience but you gotta make sure to spread it around and not just woo for your kid you gotta would it kill you to sort of boost everyone's ego because maybe someone there doesn't have a supportive parent in the room and you could be that supportive parent doesn't that sound nice wouldn't you like to be that for some time you should just assume everyone needs the yeah everyone needs the woo you know if we could do it on some sort of cue like they used to do applause signs where just like a simultaneous woo from the audience yeah that'd be cool you would hand it out in a program ahead of time and like their woos would be in like bold type face here it comes I have a trick because I have had to I've watched a lot of children's theater and it's you know a varying levels of quality and community theater I think the same thing a trick that I use sometimes all theater is a little boring sometimes it stinks a trick that I use is rather than get swept up in the show flip your brain so that you're seeing everything literally for what is happening in front of you and it adds a level of absurdity the experience that you will be delighted by if you stop seeing you'll be delighted by it and you'll be delighted by it and you'll be delighted like a bad Shrek and starts, this is, I saw a very good Shrek recently, so I don't want anybody to think I saw a bad Shrek. I saw a fine Shrek. But if you see a bad Shrek, then you can stop watching the show and start realizing like, oh my God, that is an 11 year old barely dressed as Shrek. What is my life? And if you can get yourself in that head space, the whole thing takes on a real, a real fantastic vibe. Because then you're seeing, wow, somebody had to paint that whole dragon. Unbelievable. Especially fun if you go to like a high school and you're watching like a 15 year old do like a Willy Loman death of a salesman thing. Yeah. Enjoy the ride. Yeah, you're right. This kid's a teenager. He doesn't know, he's not scared to die. How fun. Have fun with it. Michael Beck texted me a news story he read about a group in Virginia that had a, a production of Rocky Horror Show that was canceled by a bomb threat. And when they, this was just last week. And when they traced the bomb threat to the caller, it was the director of the show who didn't want to deal with the actors anymore. Right. And the crew. And they're like, I can't do it. I'm not going to go back in. I'm going to get this entire show canceled due to bomb threat. Sometimes that's how, it's a sacrifice the island requires sometimes, man. Sometimes, sometimes, that's what it takes. Was the show a hit or did it bomb? It. I don't think it went on, Trev. I mean, I'd like to believe that they started it several hours late. And I think you knew that. But the show must. And I think you knew that when you asked the quality of the show that was canceled. The show must go on. That's actually working outdoors. You'll find that's frequently not true. If there's lightning, Kevin says stop. Okay. You got to stop. Yeah. The show actually stops at that point. Okay. Yeah. All the world. Is it a stage? I don't think so. I don't think my Kia is a stage. I think when I'm in there, it's private. Try doing Equus at Sam's Club. Yeah. They won't let you get past the intermission. That's for sure. Hey, thank you so much for listening to this podcast called My Brother, My Brother, and Me. This is our 826th episode of this program. Yeah. That's perverse, man. That's so many. That's awesome. That's a big milestone. What a piece. What a work. What a piece of work is, man. What a testament. Yeah. Hey, we got some new merch up in the merch store that you can go check out. We got the new Sawbones logo. Yeah, we got a sticker of that. Oh. We got the new Schmanners logo. Yeah, we got a pin of that. McElroy Family Clubhouse. Yeah, we got a pin of that as well. We got all kinds of pins and stickers and all kinds of cool stuff over at McElroyMerch.com. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will also be donated to Native Women Lead. So go check that all out. If you are a Taz listener, we just wrapped up Taz Royale, our sort of battle royale season. We just wrapped up Taz Royale. Yep. That was cool, man. Thanks. You can email us at AdventureZoneCast at gmail.com if you have a question about the season for our TTAZZ to Taz's episode that we like to do. Just send that in with Taz's Royale in the subject line and we'll know to go and answer that. I got this. I got this fidget gear thing. I mean, we got the book also, AdventureZoneComic.com. Oh, I'm not selling the fidget. I was talking about for throwing it. To be clear. No, I know, but we just have other stuff to plug. I'm not selling it. Buy our book. It's so good. Taz Story and Song. You can find it in bookstores or at TheAdventureZoneComic.com. And also, we're doing a Besties live show in October. October 9th at the Town Hall in New York City. I just realized I've been saying October 8th on everything, so fuck. Oh, no. But you can get tickets over at bit.ly slash besties on Broadway. And thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song My Life is Better With You. Yep. Thank you for that. You got a fidget? Here we go. Fuck, that was actually cool. Did you hit the microphone, dude? I might have. That's cool, dude. That was cool. That was cool, actually. It felt like I was fucking Beyblading the chair. It was incredible. I didn't just McElroy. That was cool. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. You're spitting my brother, my brother in me. Kiss your dad square on the lips. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. Is it true? Ah, it's better, it's better with two. My life, ah, it's better with you. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.