MBMBaM 819: Real Guys Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? What do you think it's the start of something beautiful? A small quaintant has blossomed, it's wrapping into a precious friendship. It feels like it's better, it's better with you. Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother and me, an advice show for the Marginera. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Well, I'm your minimalist brother. What about "Travination"? It's me, Big Dog, Wolf, Wolf, Travis McElroy. What up, "Travination"? It's me, your sweet baby, brother, 30 under 30, media, luminary, Griffin McElroy. I might seem a little off of blue, the intro there. I've just been thinking a lot, as you guys know, "Travination is sweeping the world." Yeah. "Travination is sweeping the world." "Travination is sweeping the world." I'm still thinking about sleepy, I'm still halfway in the land of nod, but as you know, we're on pace now to have enveloped every cool person on Earth. Sure, man. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I am not willing to invest in my laurels, and I'm setting my sights to enveloping the universe, but I need the next big thing, and so I figured the obvious pathway, right, there's a branching decision tree before me, and I watch a lot of the TikToks of the Instagram reels and my space pages, and my two options seemed to be debate, bro, you know, going things to debate people, or like content creator boxing matches. Don't do that. Those are so confusing. Are you mean literal or virtual, literal boxing matches, yeah, but then virtual boxing, they get together, they get a remote play of ready-to-rumble boxing. People do this on TikTok, it's so confusing. People do this on the TikTok live, I find it so confusing. How do you box remotely? You'll see one. No, it's not boxing. It's just like, you'll see two creators sharing a screen, and they're just like, this guy sucks. And then the other creator's like, no, they suck, and they tell their fans, like, I hate this guy. Then the other person's like, I hate them. And then they're like, smash that like chatter, whatever, so it's like a fight they're doing. But it's like in boxing, when they do like a pre-match, like press conferences, and they just squirt each other's water guns, and then insult each other's wives and stuff. But they just throw galaxies around, galaxy, galaxy, galaxy, that's the best part of boxing. I'm excited about the potential for a galaxy around that's just, so. I'm looking at these two options, but then I thought, why not both? So here's my new pitch for a live event that I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of investors in. I call it a jab and gab, where the two creators do one round of boxing, and then one round of debate, and then one round of boxing, all back to back to back. Okay. Just beating each other up, but then debating, and then beating each other up, and then debating, until somebody hops out and says, like, you win, and then they have to change their views on the face. Yeah. Let's chicken shop date, more karate shop date. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I like that. Especially the part where they have to change their views. My favorite part of all those jubilee videos is after 30 absolute goofballs get schooled on sort of basic, fundamental principles of being a good human being. At the end of it, they all kind of do a big hug together, and they're like, we're fixed now. Yeah. He said the rightest stuff and we were wrong, and now vaccines, thumbs up, love it. And we can recreate that too if we have one big giant beefy person, and kind of 30 scrawny people. Okay. And like, they can debate, and then I'll fight, and then debate and I'll fight. Yeah. So when they get tired of using their minds and debating, then all of a sudden, we got 30 wispy guys trying to climb this big coconut tree of a man who's absolutely beat, just going to town on him, check a, check a boom boom style. Yeah. Exactly. There's my, the other alternate name I came up with, it was, ooh, that's smart. You think the problem with the TV executive, so be like, do you have another day or punches and hunches? Was another one? Not punches and hunches. We love the punches. Ooh, that smarts is good. But in gab, though, I think it was the one I landed on. I think I like who that smarts better. Are you, are you, are you, are you going to question mark, smarts, period? So are you just arranging this, are you going to participate in that because, Travis, I don't know that either of these things are something you have, certainly not asking questions and listen to the answers. If the boxing part is part of it, no, I want to do mine, certainly not asking questions and listening to the answers. Okay, go ahead. Yeah. If the boxing part is first, I'm 100% sure I could take Ben Shapiro. I think I could be his ass, and then. Well, yeah, dude. I do. He can't even get his wife left. What? What? You don't know what this? No, what? Why would I know about Ben Shapiro's capacity for, I should never do the experiences. You said it. You brought it to my first time. He brought it on his show after Wap came out. I don't. They should. He should Google. Not you. You drag this dead bird. You drag this dead bird into my house. I know what I'm saying. Okay, go ahead. You're right. When Wap came out, he publicly stated on the show, if it gets wet, you're doing something wrong. That's awesome. That's so good. I'm not being pure. I know. It's just like a fact. I don't want to get too raunchy because you guys are my biological brothers that's fucking gross. But like, what did he think? Was he like, if it gets wet down there, it looks like you made it or have a PP accident. Uh-oh, yucky. Like, what did he think was the mechanism that Ben Shapiro and this is going to be hard to believe? Doesn't understand how women work on any fundamental level. Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. Yeah. This is also the same guy that said that after the homes get washed into the sea that someone else would be lining up to buy them. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. That's not as crazy. Maybe that's what I was talking about when it gets wet down stairs. Yeah. That's a problem. That's a big problem. Right. Cool. Possibly. It's a thing called more bones where it's more episodes of bones, but not new seasons of bones. Okay. So, this is, I want to stop you because these are more episodes that just slot into existing seasons of bones to make more bones. So, I got to stop you. I got to stop you, Travis, because this bit started out about one thing. Yeah. And then it turned into you. You can't say my idea for expanding tribination is a combination pizza hut and Taco Bell and boxing match and debate, group debate, or they should make more episodes of bones. What the fuck are you talking about, man? What does that have to do with the first thing? You know, sometimes when you're trying to fall asleep at night and it's like, you know, midnight and your brain's like, here's another thing you could say. And this is when you come up with the stuff to say on the show is it midnight when you're trying to fall asleep? Yeah, babe. That's so fun. We can't be exposed to your creative process, you have to choose one of these things and come with it. You know what I mean? That's never been true. Yeah, that's never been true. When Morpheus comes to him and whispers in his sweet ear at night, more bones. More bones. Why? Where's the confidence, Travis, to have a great idea like more bones? Where's the confidence just sit on it and say, at some point, this will make organic sense for you. I'll bring up bones at some point. This will, in some way, someone will say the word, bones, and I'll have my, oh, I think you'll struggle. Oh, I'll strike like the ass. You know, Justin, if you're invading a city, do you wait for the wall to crumble or do you smash your way in? Well, and I must also take issue with the fact that they should make more bones is nothing. That's not an idea. No, no, no, no. Perfect, Griffin. They're not making more bones like new seasons. Maybe this is a clue. This is, they're going to produce more episodes of bones that just slot into existence. the best things seasons of. - Have they not aged? Have Dave and the audience of bones doesn't care about that? They just want more bones, but not more story. - Okay, you don't think it'll be a little bit distracting if one scene is like, David Boreon is like, we gotta go and find all the bones so we could solve the crime and his partner is like, yeah, but where do we start looking? And then it cuts back to him and he's like, - Maybe the Rizler can help us out. - And now he's 75 years old? - No. - Okay. - I don't think that will, as a medium level fan of bones, I would notice. - What is the first show that starts getting like, this will be, I feel like the first application of AI and television is to find existing old people's shows and secretly generate more of it. - I'm not certain, but I'm pretty sure NCIS has been doing this for 20 years. - This seems like what I've seen, but it's not exactly like what I've seen. - Yeah, Mark Harman has six fingers. That's okay. This is fine. - Is he partnered with a weird purple stitch? - What's happening? - The criminal and the victim were both blipping. - This can't be, right? - All right, what? - Right, that's all right. I'll be a sleep soon. - This is an advice show. By the way, I am enjoying a utility drink today. I did not think about the fact that now my utility drink is so easily clockable in videos. - Oh, because it's in a shout out. - Linticular Mickey Mouse Cup? - Sometimes. - Yes, that's true, Griff. - Yes, yeah, that's true. But then I told people what's in it. So now I mean, comments like, "Ah, I see someone's enjoying their utility drink." (laughing) - Can we not? No, it's actually good. Spread the brand, actually. - Spread the brand. - Are you making any money on utility drink yet? Have you filed the patents? I told you I told you how to do this. - I got you, I got the dot com. - Yeah. - Halfway there. - Okay. - Halfway there. - I've been thinking about doing a-- - You need to copy right. Hot girls utility drink, copy right there, huh? - Yeah. - Copy right. Hot girls utility drink, that's good. I've been thinking about doing a Jusero type machine where you'll get the utility drink pouches, right? - Yeah, that's awesome. - And you can, or you pay $600 for the machine, and then we'll sell you the utility drink pouches and they will be customized to you. - Yeah, your medicine is in one, but yeah, yeah. But we were selling cans before, and that's bad for the environment, so the utility drink pouches are just, you slide them in the machine, and then the machine basically like juices them like the Jusero itself. - If you could find a way that whatever is in utility drink makes the aluminum can recycle itself, then it's a cycle, 'cause that's like the one good thing to recycle is like aluminum cans, 'cause they go one-to-one. Justin, what about calling it Jusero? And then it's you and Michael Sera are working together. - A combo with him later. - Yeah, just sell for a long time. - Travis, did you notice how Justin and Michael Sera's beards came in roughly around the same time? - I have noticed that Griffin. I've been slowly building a board with red string, and just basically the two pictures of Justin and Michael Sera, but I've been weaving the string back and forth a lot, and it's making some interesting patterns. - Cool. - I love Michael Sera. - I don't know enough about him personally to make a bold statement. - I'm so glad he got to keep being Michael Sera. He just liked to, he got to keep being Michael Sera, and it's found places to be Michael Sera and Hollywood. He was in Twin Peaks. He's like, absolutely outrageous. - They did Running Man, and they were like, yeah, we could use a little Michael Sera for a while. - I'm gonna love to get Michael Sera on the show. - I'm gonna add him to my very short list, admittedly of him and Daniel Radcliffe, and Elijah Wood of like, hit it really big when they were little, when they were young, and then just said, I'll do anything weird, do you pitch me? - Yeah, I'll just keep it tight and cool. He's in the very merry Christmas. He wants me to build where he's agent. - Anyway, this is an advice show. It is not a retrospective of the career of Michael Sera, even though it has some incredibly fascinating hills and a few valleys. I live in New Hampshire, which is the granite state. I also grew up in the small town, which happens to be the granite town in the granite state. As such, there's lots of big hunts of granite all over the place. Like, basically, it's used for everything you could think of, and literally, literally, literally lines all the streets. And I really like that. There's no question. - Yeah. - That's just, that's the end of the day. - Just letting us know an interesting fact about New Hampshire. (laughing) Whenever I'm with friends that aren't from New Hampshire, I like to point out when I see some granite, my friends have just begun to comment on how much I talk about granite. My question is thusly, do I have an unnatural love for granite? Or is granite just notably cooler, harder, denser, sturdier, and just better than other building materials? That's from Stone, cold, Steve, granite. - So you said granite nine times in this one fairly short message, which is more than the national mean, I would say. So I wouldn't say, saying that you have an unnatural love for granite sounds like an unhealthy thing, but you do talk a little bit more about it just in the short time I've gotten to know you more than most. - I think you have a look. So in hunting to once or any other, you used to be a brick factory. - Yeah. - That was pretty dominating. And so for a long time, the streets of hunting to once or any were paved with bricks. And there's still a couple streets that have not been paved over that are still brick streets. And anytime I'm in town with Theresa and the girls, I make them, I will drive over it and tell them again, like this whole town used to be paved with bricks. - Yeah, imagine if our wheels were wooden, how crazy this would feel, right? - Yeah, man, I think best building material is really tough. That's tough to defend. I mean, like I probably will go wood. It comes from trees, smells good, fun to cut. Like I think if we're talking best building material, wood beats granite in that sense. In terms of like all engineered stone, I don't know. Granite versus quartz, I agree. If we updated three little pigs to add a fourth little pig, whose house was made of granite, and he actually goes after the big bad wolf, he's like, I'm a fortress. And we've actually been planning, we've had the security and safety here. Like yeah, you guys had straw and sticks and bricks. Cool, I've got granite and a big cannon. I think I would make my little pig house out of wolf poison. That's really good. - Which of the pigs do you think we would be? - Oh, that's interesting. - I would make mine out of chunk 20, 28 flags, just assuming the wolf would be like all cool nice. - Oh, like the wolf would be nice. - No, they'd be like the wolf, the big bad wolf, right? He's gonna be like, oh, choice, nice. - Yeah. - Never like that. - One of us, he'll say. - One of us, nice. - I'd make my house look like a big wolf. - Oh, a bigger wolf. - Yeah. - Granite is quarried directly from the earth. - And not gonna entertain which of us would be which little pig. - I don't like to think of myself. - I don't like to think of any of us as a little wolf. - I'm Stix. - I love that being. - Stix, is that a snake name? - Hey, Stix, let's get out of here. Hey, Stix, it's me, Bricks. Let's go to the road. - Yeah, we gotta get Stix. - Bricks and Pony boy. - Stix, Bricks and Dave. So granite is quarried directly from the earth and no two slabs are exactly alike. It's very heat resistant, so hot pots can go on the counter. But it's porous and require sealing every one of two years. - Now granite is every one of two years, shit. I've lived in my house for like seven years. - Oh no. - Oh no. - He got him. - Now compare to that, quartz is an engineered composite of natural stone and resin. It's non-porous, requires no sealing and offers uniform colors. But it's not as heat resistant as granite and can scorch your melt of exposed to high temperatures. - Also for mica. - Do you form mica? - When mother Gaia claims human civilization pulls it back down into the loam, all that quartz mixed in with chemicals, it's gonna be it's gonna be wrong. It's gonna be, I'm thinking about the future. I'm using granite which ashes to ashes, dust to dust one day will return to the loam. And it's a beautiful thing. - Don't reclaim the granite. It's a natural, beautiful granite. - When God claims new hampshire and pulls it down into the earth, so waiting mall. - And it will. - All that good granite. Mother Gaia is gonna chop that stuff up, yum. Because it's not mixed with any of our dirty chemicals. - Rock candy baby. - Rock candy from other Gaia. - Somebody's gotta appreciate the granite. You know, somebody's gotta be out there appreciating that granite work. And I think that you're, you seem a fine candidate for it. And you come by at honest, which is nice. You got a little local flavor there. - I think, I think, also, you need to get a granite job. - Okay, yeah, if you love fucking granite so much, why don't you start tug, why don't you start tugging it up out of the earth if you love granite so much and you won't stop talking about it? - Well, I'm saying, if you have a granite job, and then someone's like, you talk about granite, like it's, you know, the work, I can't leave it, you know, at the desk, you know what I mean? Like, as I know granite is just my job. You make the problem is you like make granite your job. And then it's, you can't enjoy granite the same way. If you make granite your job, then every time you see granite, you're kind of at the office. - You'll start taking it for granite. - I've been in this recent job for a little over a year now, and as I've been here, I've noticed one woman's restroom in particular has been collecting various perfumes, fragrant sprays and lotions. When I started, there was only one. Now there are five of them. phrase and one lotion. I live in Texas and it's pretty hot this time of year. Sometimes I wonder if it's appropriate for me to use said perfumes and times in New York. For granted. Oh, okay. Sorry, go on. Brothers, is this perfume for anyone? Or do you think the owners of said perfume put it in their for convenience? Am I allowed to use this perfume? That's from passing this in if test. I will tell you how this perfume gets there. If you want, I can guarantee it. Oh, shit. Okay. This is someone who likes to buy perfume and they bought a few bottles they didn't like and they bought them in the office. Oh, wow. 100% what happened? Yeah, I can guarantee it. I've done it back in the day when I used to do since. If I bought what I didn't really enjoy, I'd be like, oh, this could be a nice communal sit somewhere else. Not in my house. I don't like it for further away from house for the public. Giving it away means you don't like it. It's like, I don't want this ear. You know, I don't want this to be my personal scent. Where would you set up these these dead drops? Where would you go? At the park. At the park. Park. I leave the park. They're sweating their nuts off. Yeah. And then I take them to the bridge of park amphitheater. Yeah. Where people do the show be like, here, avail yourself to these beautiful clothes. Stink. You stink. You're stinky actor. As often happens with questions on it. There's a layer. There's a level that you ask the question, which I think is easy to answer. And then a deeper level that you didn't ask, which is the actual problem. This is for everyone. They wouldn't put it in a shared bathroom at work, right? They keep it at their desk or in their purse or in their jacket, whatever, right? They wouldn't just put, like, that's a shared space. Everyone knows what's up, right? Stink, shared space. But the real question is everybody sharing this bathroom sees those perfumes there. Yeah. You come out smelling like one of those perfumes. They'll know the awareness that everyone has of, oh, they opted for the bathroom perfume. Yeah. That's the question. It's that okay. And the stink stayed on them. And they had to hide the stinky smell with one of the communal bathroom sprays. And then if you like one of them, can you take it? Yes. Yeah. I that's no because it's like a tester. It's like tester rules. You can't take it. But somebody owned it at some point. The hotels have that weird thing where it's like hotel has this like a imaginary line at its head where if a bottle is of a certain size, you can't steal it. Everybody's guessing at the line. Like, I mean, for some reason, this big bottle, not okay. Small bottle. Yes. And they started touching them to the walls. Like, I can't bring the block bags and fill them up from the squirter on the wall and then just put them in my suitcase. Come on, guys. I'll steal that shampoo if I want to. I think it's squirter on the wall. Something they've never called Ben Shapiro's wife. Justin, Justin Tyler McAroy. Yeah. That joke made me sick. Yeah. Justin. Yeah. Tick-a-tick-a-take. Tick-a-take. Tick-a-take. I'm filing it. The fact that Griffin hadn't heard about it doesn't make it tightly or relevant. It does to me. God. Yeah. I made this bit that we all enjoyed. Thank you, Griffin. Yeah. Any other. Yeah. Any other great stuff? I heard about this pizza rat. You're about this pizza gate. What Griffin? No. We can't get in a pizza gate. What the frick, dude? I heard a rumor. The storm is coming from the online sources. Griffin, can you care to be guy that gets in the queue four years too? You don't understand. I think I'm writing some messages here, guys. You guys don't understand it. No. You've got a code. When all the queue guys bailed because of the obvious reasons why they did that, that's just part of it. That's part of it. That was all part of the plan. This is what they call the trial of belief. And queue warn us about this stuff. You got to pay attention. Push through, guys. Push through the lies. See the truth in your eyes and realize that real eyes tell real lies. And we're real guys doing our best. We're we still talking about perfume or we don't. I think so. There's a real there's a real part of this. I would like to engage with honestly though. We can send you. It does seem weird to me that like in an office where the reason I stopped doing fragrances is because I encountered enough people for whom allergies were like a serious concern, right? Where it's like, why you really mess me up with this? It feels weird to just like load up the office. I don't know in a in a in a context like that. It feels weird to just have these little like bombs of sure very assertive smell. And then you're even if it's not an allergy thing to like load people up and then send them back into the office fully like tanked up. I don't know. It seems putting all that in maybe the most necessary room of any building, which is the restroom and turning it into a sort of allergy test. You don't walk into a bathroom and there's peanut shells all over the ground and hey, hey all over the walls. Just long haired cats everywhere. Cats going around. Cats on a hot tin roof. Travis, did you you could talk about that if you wanted to? Oh, my idea of the yeah, cats on a hot tin roof where it's a production happen organically. Yeah, you see that production of one of the items in a roof. But everyone's dressed in like costumes from the show cats. Yeah. Right. And then that evolved that's reason I talked about it into fiddler cats on a hot tin roof. Yeah, it's a bunch of balls in a one. Yeah, spam a lot. A while ago, we had some pretty heavy rain. And I noticed that a neighbor's passenger side door was wide open in the rain and possibly near to else. The car was parked on the street. And I decided to walk over and close the door. It felt very weird. I was wondering if I should have knocked on the front door to let them know. But what would I even say? What would be the best thing to do in this situation? That's from non-wet neighbor in the true north, Canada. Friends, we got to get okay with this kind of thing. We got to look after each other and not worry about it. Yeah. You need, you know, somebody needed you to do a masala and you did a masala. It's the least we could owe each other. Like the least you could do. You know, overcame that you and you just come through the fear. Yeah. You know, people forget that sometimes. I watch a lot of weird supernatural shows and a lot of like, you know, crime mystery things. I think that is it okay to show someone I don't know. But if I saw what? What is it okay to like touch someone's car and show the door for? I don't know. But if I saw passenger side just advocate, advocate judgment. It's okay. You did it. Okay. And I see it sitting open in the rain. Something's happened. This is a crime scene. There's been a disappearance. And I worry about give fingerprints on there. And now I'm sorry. No, it's not that Travis. My dumb ass left the door open. Like my dumb ass just walked away and left the door open. This is my this someone is like, there's nothing happened. It's just someone who's a dumb ass. Somebody dumb ass left the door but it was me spiritually. You don't mean comically. 99 99 out of 100 times. It's me. It's you being a dumb ass left door. It's always just. But that one time where you got gone girl. And we didn't do anything about it. I'm gonna keep that's gonna keep me up for the one time that you actually get gone girl. That's why the car door was open. If I here's here's how this happens to me. I leave the door open because I'm still getting things out of the car. And I think, well, that would be such a pain to reopen. When I get back out here for all this other great stuff I have. So I'll just leave it open. And then I get in my house and I get distracted by my wife and all my other great stuff. So I forget about this. I don't need it. Your wife is a great thing. You need a pause of the thought. Okay, you're right. But but but my wife. I think I'm paranoid that you guys will. I think that's why I'm rushing. You know, to me like I want to put it down because you thought we were at no. I was I was worried about that. But like I want to get I get in there and then I forget about the car and then I go out a little bit later. I'm like, you I have some words for myself. A few thoughts that I'd like to share and were somebody could spare me that if they just wandered into my garage and shut my door. I would have forgot about the whole thing or a big a big fan a big fan of our work. Maybe gets a little too invested in it and juice naps you right out of your car right out of your on the back seat of your automobile. And then you're telling me and Travis to just sit on that and not to ask you. You like me that someone got the drop on me on my property. Is that what you're trying to convince me? Well, you did you say you're going to do this hypothetical. You've got to put me outside West Virginia. There's no way. There's no you're on hump. There's no way you've gone on one of your mini hikes through the Appalachia Mountains accidentally crossed the state law. Yeah. That's right. And you were driving too far. Driving along the Appalachia trail. Get out of the passenger seat. Right. But steering from the passenger seat like you do to fully enjoy nature and someone sneaks up on you while you're driving and pulls you out of your car and then puts your car back at your house with the passenger door still. open. Yeah. And we're just supposed to close the door without saying that about when it's their fault. If they let if they move the car and leave the door open then that's on them. That's their fault. That is a pretty big clue actually to leave behind. They didn't know that. Yeah. That was thoughtless. I they never caught the zodiac guy and it feels like he would be absolutely he would go gaga for juice. Never contract the ripper. He's probably got time probably got him. You don't know that. The zodiac guy would actually probably be pretty old also. I think juice you could probably take. I mean that's assuming like human mortality. I've got some theories to tell you guys. There's also the possibility that Jack the Ripper has been passing down his knives like the Green Lantern. There you go. That's cool. All right. You still have to expand on. All right. Sure I say they may be cool. You don't know when Jack ripper anyone can be Jack the Ripper. Yeah. That's beautiful. I have a green light. Everyone. Happy Friday. Anyone regardless of gender identity or sexuality can be Jack the Ripper. Let's versity, inclusivity and murder. What's England's most horrible horrible murderers. Anybody doesn't have to just be England anymore, Griffin. We're going. We're going to be an Indian Jack the Ripper. Oh, cool. Cool. Perhaps a Jose the Ripper. You don't have to limit it globally. You can be anywhere. Jack the Ripper. Jack the Ripper. Thank you. You're welcome. Rip the rip the Ripper. It's rip torn. Or it's rip from yellow stud. That's not what we're done. I'm sort of a fashion guy. Yeah. And I think people wait on me before they get sort of approval on some new looks they might be kicking around thinking about experimenting with. And when I say some people, I mean you guys I styled both Justin and Travis. That's true. As you can see, I told Justin that blue is really going to make the eyes pop. I told Travis that Gray is really going to make the eyes pop. That sort of thing like these tiny stripes. We're going to make it hard to show up on video. Yeah. I said it's going to absolutely dazzle your camera sensors. So if you trust what I have to say about fashion, then let me give my strongest personal endorsement to the Benobos clothing brand our sponsor this week. Benobos. I mean, gosh, man, I've I've worn a lot of Benobos in the past. I like the way they look. I like the way that they fit. I like their summertime options. And now they're sponsoring us. They sent me some clothes guys and it is. It's one of the greatest things that's ever happened. I got a light linen boardwalk pant that you can't get off of me. I wear these things till the till the till the crotch wears out and that won't happen for until the heat death of the universe because Benobos makes such quality stuff. Got myself a nice pair of jeans who fit just right around the hookahs. Make it look juicy. They made me look juicy right where I want to look juicy. Yeah. Which is the jeans area. But Benobos originally was sort of came came to power rose to power because of the perfect fit that they've engineered in their men's pants. And now they've got that for for your whole wardrobe. All of the stuff that I got sent to me by Benobos fits really perfectly. I got a nice blue kind of like seersucker short sleeve button up. And it fits great. That's a that's a part of my body that is difficult to dress sometimes. And they've done a really exquisite job with this. The specificity of this ad I've never heard in any clothing ad in my life. I'm very excited about the Benobos gear. The kit that I've gotten these boardwalks. But there's never been a clothing. I was so much inbuilt shame. Like I need you to love yourself first and then love these clothes. Yeah. All your body is to cut my weird elbows have never been clothed appropriately. No, no, well, no. It's just that there's Benobos has done a really great job of hiding my terrible greasy husk. Shambling pile of skin and mistakes. You're elbows been the wrong way. My camera keeps getting out of focus because it doesn't even want to see my terrible bot my horrible body. Get back in mother fucker. Benobos. Get back in to Benobos. Really, it's their terrific clothes. And you probably knew that already. If you're kind of a close head like me, but if not, go put on your Benobos. Feel good. Get on with your day. Right now, head to benobos.com/mybrother and use code my brother for 25% off of your order. Once again, that's B-O-N-O-B-O-S dot com backslash my brother for 25% off and make sure you use our promo code. My brother said they know we sent you. Then they'll they'll they won't like keep the door locked or whatever. If you're like the Macri brothers sent me like, Oh, come in. Yeah. When you go to benobos.com/mybrother, there's a big metal door with one of those little slots on it. It's going to slide open. You'll hear a voice say, yeah, that's when you let them know we sent you. You'll be let inside. Don't look. That's a horse of a different color. And throws it open and there's a home musical number welcoming you in. Don't look at anyone in the eyes. Don't. If someone invites you to play the quote, knife game in there, don't fucking do it, man. And if you do win. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, that's sort of your only option. If you don't win the knife game, nothing else is really going to be a problem ever. And it is safe to eat and drink. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can eat and drink in there. Yeah. They won't like take your take your soul. Not the pomegranates. No. Yeah. That's the one thing. If someone says you want to try on these comfortable linen boardwalk pants, say yes to that because they're great. They're terrific pants. And if they said you have any children, you're willing to spare, say no. Say, that's a no. Well, you do have a couple of hundred dollars, but there was a haunted object on the electronic bay that has a local flair that I want to share with you all. A little bit of a local, local energy, if you will. Let me show you our first haunted object. And it's just this. It's just this piano. Now, you're not buying a haunted piano. And I think, first of all, this is a great idea for listing. You show them a picture of piano and you clarify a little bit lower. Just to be clear here, you are purchasing one key from the piano. I say people have sold haunted piano keys before. This is a different. Yeah. Seven years ago, I purchased a used piano at C.A. House music in West Virginia. Okay. After having the piano delivered and placed in our sun rib, we noticed many random unsettling occurrences. They usually began once everyone went to bed late at night. We would randomly hear maybe it happens the afternoon at your work. People never want to talk about that. But during the day, you're watching Househunders International. You don't hear the ghosts, you know? Yeah. We would immediately, we'd hear what the key strike immediately after I would walk in to find no one or nothing in the room. I read online that bringing a haunted or spirit attached item into a home, often via antique shops or second neighborhoods, can introduce paranormal activity, including unexplained noises. So anyone who orders a key will receive a transcript from an interview done with the piano's owner. So that's really what you're paying $39 for. I've never heard of such a thing. You need a piano key and then you're going to get one piece of printer paper. Okay. I was curious because we've done haunted piano keys before where the new heat was for this one. This is a bold innovation in haunted doll technology. I'm trying to figure out what problem that solves. Like as though a typed up piece of paper isn't somehow proof of authenticity of a haunting. Like is this piano key haunted? It sure is. Well, there you go. It's worse. As soon as the filming began of the interview with the owner, as soon as the filming began, there were issues, issues with the lighting, sound, and mechanical errors that could explain some of the footage was unusable, which forced me to write a transcript to inform everyone what was described during the interview. So it's not even a record. At some point, the video recording stops and we have only these handwritten notes to justify these unexplained occurrences. We got to start blaming our tech issues on. Yep, ghouls and ghosts. Yeah, because that's a that's a great you know, I wrote the rest of their jokes down. I couldn't play Nancy Drew on stream because it's haunted. Yeah, a white or black key will be randomly selected and shipped to me ebay's shipping policy. And if you're mad about it, they know your racist. They got you. They got you bigger than the other. Okay, Trav, that's just it's going to hold more ghost. That's true. Did they it does person even stop to think that maybe these 88 keys don't want be separated from each other. They're like a family unit and you split it, splitting up the family like this is going to lead you. They didn't even think about a graph. They didn't even think about it. I'm going to pay the $3,400 required to purchase every single key. I'm going to put this thing back together, ship of thesis style. Now it says your eight have been sold growing. So you'll have to hunt down those. Oh, no. Fuck you, dude. Don't put this. No, no, no, no. A new challenger approaches the arena with a sassy head tilt, challenging you to think about death. How would you describe this one? Well, we're talking baby doll from the neck down and then from the neck up. It's a skull with long white hair. There's also something going on with that hand there, Griffin. There is something going on with that hand. I'm struggling to maximize the image wide enough. It's framed and background it like a child's spring school photo. Yeah. Yeah. It's not good. If your child was red skull, the bad guy from Captain America. Here's the, here's the story. New from American girl, doll. Yeah. The listing is actually what caught my eye with this one because you don't see a lot of this. This is a new approach. Okay. Scary, scary doll probably not haunted. Probably not haunted. Yeah. I mean, if I were a ghost, I don't think I would go up into a doll that had a skull head. I don't know. They see that coming a mile away and after market skull head. This is not, you know, yeah. This is a handmade. This one of a kind scary doll is a collectible item perfect for fans of science fiction and horror genres. Since it's one of one, I'm assuming collectible. And this just means you're afraid to throw it in the garbage. Right. Yeah. So I might see it. Yeah. This eerie toy is sure to thrill and terrify any collector adding a spooky touch to their collection. It's haunted design and creepy parents making a must have for those who enjoy the more sinister aspects of sci-fi and horror. She wears a custom made foam filled latex head with individually punched hairs and attitude to spare. I know what I'm getting Cooper for her birthday. I know. Cooper would love this shit, man. Best of all, she's probably not haunted at all. At all? That's so interesting. Interesting approach isn't it? The introduction of probably there probably not suggests that maybe everything is probably not haunted because you can't say for sure one way or the other. No one's really that's true. I fully affirm the existence of ghosts and therefore you cannot fully defer the existence and universal saturation of ghosts. Anything could be a dormant haunted objects. Probably probably not though, but it could be the absence of proof isn't proof, you know? Yeah. I'll travel. You're ready for this debate by. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You are. You sound like you've already taken a few bunches for me. Here we go. And I mean that as a compliment in this sense. This is my last guy. I freaking am wild about this guy. So we're looking at a clown and his legs and arms are big long curly potato fry sort of spirals. It's really dry. Crochet. He has no torso. Yes, no torso. He's legs all the way down. This is Andy. He is basically he's the scale of a person with a torso. But his legs started his neck. Yeah. After we had a haunted piano and a probably not haunted doll, I wanted to bring it home with a classic one that's definitely definitely haunted. And these vessels of 15 inches in length used good vintage condition handmade vintage vessel from the 1970s. Andy is a negative trickster spirit who died in 1999. He said I was killed in a car crash when I drove drunk and he said that no one else was killed. That's what I'm talking about. Yes, man. That's what goes with specificity. Oh, the year 1999, everybody was grooving to Prince. And I drove drunk and I killed myself. I was just worried about why 2k. I really can't I got drunk and I drove and I died just me. No problem. It was just me though. Nobody else dies. So you don't have to feel bad about that part of the story. And yeah, I died, but I was completely full and deserved it. Did I have a family? No, I did not. No, I did not. No family. No pets. No connections. Travis, I would like to ask you to play the role of Andy here because Andy is asked in this listing for a more follow-up and here on his bio. And here's what Andy said. I slacked it to you if you wouldn't mind. I lived in Maryland with my wife and kids and I was a welder. I killed a dog by accident when it ran in front of my car. And that is how I died. I swirved off the road and hit a tree. I was drunk. I made a lot of mistakes in my life. And that is why I'm a negative trickster. I want other people to feel angry like I do. I can't be in therapy for a while now. Yeah, why do we need so many layers? Andy, I lived with my wife and kids who was a welder. Fine. And that's how I died. So Andy, hit a dog, killed it, swirved, hit a tree, killed himself. And it was also drunk at the time. Yeah, he hit the dog then swirved. What happened? Andy killed the dog. Andy did a little turn to kill the dog. Andy did a hack of a trolley problem when he went down and he blasted the five people on one side and then he threw the thing in reverse. On one side of the road, there's nothing. On the other side of the road, there's a shithead dog at a tree and my dumb drunk ass. Well, I can eat a wolf with one. And listen, I know that this is Andy again. I know it seems very self aware that I understand that the reason I'm a trickster spirit is because I want everyone to be as angry as I am. And yeah, I'm working on that. Okay. I mean, with Dr. Stevens once a week and we talk through this. Also, you will need to set me up with the Zoom capabilities for my weekly therapy. Thank you very much. And Dr. Stevens is a ghost that haunts a speak and spell machine. And so yeah, our therapy takes a little while. You're going to need to pay for it because I don't have health insurance because I'm a haunted doll. Now, don't worry here, guys. Andy isn't a kind spirit because his intentions aren't pure. No, he's not. He's not physically mean. He does it physically hurt people or other spirits. His thing is getting under people's skin and tying them against each other. Basically, he like, Andy's a real missing step. It seems like, like people know how to like get by when Andy's around and not sort of make the situation worse. And he's never physically mean. He's a very, but he says a lot of like, do you hear what Doug said about you? Right? Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't he look tired? I keep an eye out for random objects out of place. That's how he likes to try to get under people's skin. He also likes to annoy other spirits. My little girl spirit named Serena said that Andy likes to mess with her hair to annoy her. Andy would pair well with a keeper that has at least some experience. Keeper. Is that the parlance? Human. A human keeper. That's cool. I can't get over here. I know that one to tell me that he's a mean trickster spirit, but they have clearly posed him in this photo and such a nice, a lot way. Yeah. He does me. Andy. What's up? I'm going to buy Andy guys. Andy's 45 bucks. That seems like a good deal. Right? That seems like a good guy. Right. He was crocheted sort of clown doll. Yeah. I guess 45 is pretty fair. And that's white crochet. And that's from the 70s looking crisp. Whoops. That's an, oh, you already did buy it. Fuck. I'm going to really regret that. Yeah. Man. I'm really not understanding that when it shows up. I mean, financially, it's fine. Like, I'll get $45 with the entertainment out of it for the audience. If nothing else. Yeah. That's their money. That's where they want their money. If they're money, if they're not agents, they're not being spit by the andies of the world. What are we doing? Yeah. I work for a local news stations, a producer. Part of my job is to give the anchors your reporters time cues when we're live on air. 90 seconds to air. One minute, 30 seconds, 10 seconds, and standby. One of my fellow producers is spiced up their cues, saying things like one minute time to feel it. 30 out, try not to shout. Oh, man. Sorry. That would just really rose the hairs in the back of my neck every day. Hi, man. That's cool. Oh, oh, man. So similar how they call it orders at certain cheeky fast food places. What are some snappier, funnier ways to cue in the anchors, preferably rhymes. That's from aspiring to amuse an albacurky whole. This is a chunky one, man. Shit. This is the one. Imagine someone do this in my proximity every day. Mm hmm. Pretty nifty. We got 60. Like, dude, please, there's been so much terrible news today. This is going to be a really heavy. Can you please not feel inflirty? We got 30. There was a terrible bus. There was a terrible bus incident that we're going to have to talk about. It's going to be the first time a lot of people are 10, my good friend. Maybe it's more validating. And it's like, it's okay to hurty, but we're on in 30, right? So that way it's like you're feeling your feelings and that's okay. But we do need to do the news in 30 seconds. Yeah. If you're willing to think out outside the bun a little bit, you could step away from kind of vocal cues like that. And instead have another way of marketing the time, you could do the Chicago Bulls theme song, "Serious" by the Alan Parsons project. That's about a two-minute-long track. So if you throw that on, and they know, once the-- starts to fade down, they're like, it's almost newstime. And you could say, maybe you could really do every-- you get rid of all of it, except for like the five-second one, and just be like, holy shit, newstime. And they know to like-- - I mean, the best to do it with is "Roundball Rock" by John Tesch, 'cause that gets everybody pumped every time. - Okay. - But what if it's still playing when you go live? John Tesch sues you. - Oh, fuck. - 'Cause then you use "Roundball Rock" without the permission of-- - He'll know the permission of NBC and the NBA and John Tesch. - Yeah, you play one nano-second of that. - Bum-bum-buts. - Nope, you're fucked. - Cancel. - Now we're fucked. - Yup. - Now that I think about it, Alan Parsons would come after your ass too. He would, again, these are iconic basketball songs, gang. - They might come together. - Yeah. Maybe you know what always gets someone hyped is like in a movie when someone diffuses a time bomb at the last second? - Yeah. - If you can build like obviously a dummy time, you don't want real explosive. - Come on, we're around here. But like that you diffuse on the last second before every like broadcast and someone's like calling out like we only have 30 seconds left, five seconds. And then you cut the wire at the last second every time and then point at them to go, right? And they're gonna go into it with a lot of hype. And maybe it's like a glitter bomb. Maybe it is like paintball or something like that. So it does have some kind of like stakes to it. - If you go out and clip their tie in half like they do on West Wing, just do it every episode of the news. - Yeah. - Every news on the set right before they size. - We cut a little bit of the tie off of every time. So they can get more than one wear out of it. - Yeah. - So you're kind of in a local vibe, but we're not made of money. - Yeah. - Is it possible, is it possible that maybe news broadcasts have become a bit too formal? Because everyone's favorite shit is like news bloopers or like someone but an anchor busts up another anchor on the news or-- - Or like they draw a wetter pattern and it looks like a penis. - They draw a wetter pattern and it looks like a penis or like a-- - You must not have watched the news lately. WSZ now just a half hour of Tim Ir, eating the tell-out of a cup with a spoon. - There's like no news in that scene. - And that's just kicking it. - That's a huge advancement. I feel like in news broadcast technology, maybe don't do a countdown. Maybe join them in the middle of a convo about, you know, the-- - That would be cool. - That would be cool. It's like organic. Like you want to stay and see what the conversation is. - Yeah. - They're gonna talk about the news adventures. - Yeah. - It's a modern water cooler. - Yeah, it's cool. The anchors aren't delivering to camera anymore. They're just talking to each other like, oh hey, do you hear about this? - And they mention the news. - Yeah, they'll mention it to each other in a casual hang environment. - And maybe they box between segments. - Yeah. - Maybe then you don't need a countdown. It's just like you feel the vibe. - Yeah. - And we were trying to convince Miggy to do that yesterday over playing the Dark Souls. Like, just whenever the groove feels right, just go ahead and like start the video. (laughing) Just whenever, just like feel it. I don't have any, I watched Wayne's World enough times that there's parts of my brain that are just replaced with Wayne's World. So for me, it's just a five, four. And then Wayne has to say, excuse me, I believe I requested the hand job. (laughing) - It's a good one. - It's a good one, it's a good film. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast, my brother, my brother, and me. It's one of the best ones out there, for sure. - Yep. - That's why I think at least story and song is our last graphic novel adaptation of the balance arc is a big book that you could pre-order right now at theadventurezonecomic.com. And if you're in the neighborhood of Boston, you can come and see us at a big launch event there at July 16th at 7 p.m. at the Shavallier Theater. Each ticket includes a signed paperback copy of story and song provided by Brooklyn Booksmith. So thanks. - Theadventurezonecomic.com. - We got some new merch in the merch store, McWaryMurch.com. I mean, I don't know how new it is. It's been there for the whole month of June, but it's still really rad stuff. We got, speaking of task balance, a you're going to be amazing shirt design. It was created by Sabrina Volonte. Proceeds from that shirt go to Lambda Legal and 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will also be donated to Lambda Legal and National Organization, working to achieve full recognition of the civil rights of LGBTQ+ people and everyone living with HIV through impact litigation, education, and public policy work. Hey, big thanks to Montana. For the use of our theme song, my life is better with you. It's, Montaine's whole catalog is so dense with jammers and they've really run the gamut of different kind of musical achievements across their body of work. It's such an adventure to go on every time you, you know, throw it on shuffle and you just have a little less. So thanks Montaine. - Thanks Montaine, thanks to you for listening. Appreciate you. Is your cup empty yet, Charleston? Could you throw your cup? - No, dude, no. - And then the worst part about it is like, you can never get it empty enough that the protein doesn't harden into little plates. - Oh, yeah, yeah, thanks. I have this, well, hard drive that has the entirety of the DOS game library on it. - Oh, are you willing to rip that? - I gotta, no, I threw the tripod recently. - Oh, TV remote, look at this. I can really check this guy. Oh, hell yeah. Let me throw this, Griff. - I have a used PlayStation 2 copy of Kingdom Hearts. - Yeah, that's good, that's good. - Yeah, I'm glad it's not your new one. Keep wrapped. ♪ Simple and clean is the way that you're taking me for you ♪ (laughing) - Yes, that was supposed to be a football throw you've ever had. - Yeah, man, that was fantastic. Great job, Griff. My name's Justin McAroy. - I'm Travis McAroy. - I'm Griff and McAroy. - This is my brother, my brother. I mean, kiss your dad square in the lips. ♪ It's better with you, it's better with you ♪ ♪ It's better with you, it's better with you ♪ ♪ It's better with you, it's better with you ♪ ♪ It's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ 'Cause it's true, it's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ It's better with you, it's better with you ♪ - Maximum fun. - A work-around network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.