MBMBaM 818: Announcing: Utilidrink

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? What do I say? It's the start of something beautiful. A small quaintant has blossomed, it's wrapping into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. My life, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, it's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better with you. Hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother and me. If I show for the modern era, I'm your oldest brother. Just McElroy. What's up, Trap Nation? It's me, your middle-aged brother, Travis Big Dog, Wolf Wolf Room, Room The Heater. Big Dog, did I say that already, award-winning McElroy? What's up, sweet Trap Nation, it's your sweet baby brother, 30-and-a-30 media-illuminary Griffin McElroy. Just a quick update, by the way, about the award-winning thing. Yeah, did just get notification. They've started making the awards. So should be getting that any month now. Is that a trap? Is that a goof? Nope. Goddamn, you're just so good at making goofs like that, that it's hard to tell truth from. I know that seems so wild when you hold your awards ceremony seemingly 18 months ago. Yeah. I want to tell you guys about my drink that I'm enjoying. This is the only cup big enough that I have. I used to have it when it says Life's a Beach that I stole from a house, but now I just have this cup. This is my breakfast boy and I want to tell you guys about it because I think that I can get you guys in on the ground floor of this. It's how I start my morning, every morning. I get a. Disney on ice cup, part of the. I did cover. It's the only cup I have that's big enough. And if you miss it, he did do a subliminal. He held it up right next to his head to give us a size comparison, to give us a bit. That's a big rest of his voice. Yeah, the Cupsland A actually, the Cupsland Ticular, and I'm resisting the temptation. I love that. Thank you so much. I actually know that because my kids also have a Disney on ice cup and seeing it, did make my skin crawl every time you held it up. Thank you very much. Well, I will continue to drink it. But so it's a blend of a premier protein caramel or coffee flavor, depending on how how caffeinated you want to get. Usually I do that. And then I dump in all the old coffee from yesterday. Right, aged. Don't say old, say aged. If we're going to market this later, just know that aged salt and then I take a sip of it. And I see if it's. And then it's like, is this quite enough? It's not usually quite enough coffee flavor. So then I'll add a little. This is a secret. A lot of people won't tell you this. Dunkin' Cold Brew concentrate. You dumped that in there. What was the last word? Dunkin' Cold Brew What? Concentrate. Concentrate. You and I now have three caffeinating, proteining factors. Let me tell you. The first thing about utility drink. Awesome. Yeah, dude. I love when you just like, say shit with that like, and by the way, I'm announced. This is an announcement and a very casual. The first thing with utility drink is you are going to be able to time your bowel movements with the clockwork position of a trained engineer. Uh-huh. If you drink one of these, you know exactly when you're going to use that for your next. What's going to happen? I argue it's the primary utility of utility drink. We could get, like Griffin has his big water bottle with the markings on it. You could. You could time it out. You could make like not just the drink, but a bottle that comes with it with markings of it to like start getting ready, collect reading materials, use your phone charged, but you're going to be in there for a while. Yeah. But you guys, you guys, I'm glad to see you guys so excited about this because I don't think that I can just, we can just sell premiere protein mixed with old coffee. Right. So we got to add, I think utility drink is very powerful because it gets your day started and to somebody with a brain like mine, I like the idea of having one liquid. Oh yeah, I'm good to go. Yeah. So like, what else can I get into utility drink? I've already thought about crunchy, that was some clariton in there. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Holy shit, man. Yeah. Oh my god. Justin. I know. utility drink will be prescribed. Listen up pharmacist because this affects you. It'll be prescribed. I don't mind handing that one over to the tech, to the tech lords. Because it's. You're going to see an AI doctor who will prescribe only utility drink. Holy utility drink. Yeah. And Justin, can I, oh, I've just been struck, Griffin, go on. I've been struck by a marketing, but Griffin, go on. One idea at a time, guys. One idea at a time. I don't just want utility drink to contain two different kinds of coffee, a premiere caramel or coffee flavor protein. Yeah. And also a little bit of clariton because I'm so bad at that. And DC is, according to recent polls, the sneeziest city in the United States. I think you could grind it up. I do think the size, I get to drop it in there and not think about it. Why stop there? Utility drink prescribed by AI doctors. Let it get my bupropia on in there. Do you know what I mean? Let it get my lexipro in there. Just one drink and I don't have to blah, blah, blah, blah, take the four pills that let me like go. It's like the Pepsi machine, the Coke machine we talked about the other day, where you just walk up to the style. And you mix the flavor. Yeah. Free style medicine drink. It's a me style. It's me style. It's like, oh my god, it's a me style. It's a me style utility. Me style. We can figure out densities by the way. So I know dookey's happening two thirds of the way down and then probiotic right there at the bottom. Oh, man. It's a bottom like boba. Yeah. And then I'm getting that probiotic back in my tummy right there at the end. Big fat probiotic pearls waiting for you at the bottom to suck through a big straw. Utility thing that I've been actually afraid to think about because it's actually too powerful is the idea of layering. So like, yeah, what if at the top layer, you had a diuretic. And then at the bottom layer, you had an anti diuretic. Yeah. So you have it in midway. So you're like, oh, now wait, okay, one issue with this just from an engineering level juicer is that if we are, it's not a juicer. You're right. You'll just contain. Yeah, there's no fruit or vegetables. No, no, organic or material. It's all microplastics. If you use it, I like that, by the way, Griffin. Yeah. I can you yes, at the end. And everybody else does it. Everybody else doesn't want to anymore. We'll take more of the cheap. If we use a long straw with this medicine parfait, that you've described, we're going to get the anti diuretic before we get the diuretic. And I'm not even sure what my bot I would I would probably bust. I would probably burst and die if that combination was given to me in that order. There will be very specific, like also don't operate heavy machinery after drinking utility drink. Like I think that there will be a lot of warnings down the side. Unless that's your job, in which case you will be completely prepared for it. Yeah, then you can I love I love the straw that you yeah, or Griffin, I think it was love the straw that you slipped in there. Check this out. I just ate the straw. It's mint candy. The straw is a mint candy. At the end of it, you eat the straw. So the you till the final you tell that it provides the bottle. You tell us the fresh expression. Yeah, that's good. Here's my marketing campaign that I've pictured commercial. Okay. Charlton has an ask actor comes charging out of a building as people everyone's walking around. And he's holding up utility drink. And he screams like utility drink is everything. Yeah, utility drink is everything. And he falls down on his knees. And everybody's like, Oh, cool. And then they start drinking utility drink. And he's like, Oh, actually, yeah. Now I hear it out loud at rules. Is it people? No, it's medicine. Might be people. I worry actually people might I worry people might have other ads. Oh, yeah, sure. Traffic is supposed to add someone puts an ad. It's a Mark Ruffalo and he walks into the kitchen and you see his face. And then it's just his face, right? Yeah, you don't actually see utility drink in this one. You see his face. And he looks and he's like like this. Like confused. He's like, it's really scary. He's like, Skylar, that's my utility drink. Yeah, cut to black. Yeah, that's how powerful it is. Yeah. Now, it's the way you drink the wrong utility drink. Probably. Now why, listen, you know, I love the Ruffalo Buffalo. So, my every man is to answer your question. Everybody. Why are we paying Ruffalo Buffalo prices? Yeah, for, for just that. It takes you to a person. He's the utility person. He's a doctor who's a Hulk. Yeah. He's also in drama. And also he made a robot out of Emma's stone like it or had sex with her. I didn't watch. I was also. But, uh, uh, like, he's is that every man, he's like the Utila drink. - Yeah. - Like a perfect sponsor. - And full of probiotics. - Yeah. - I always confuse people on the street as Mark Ruffalo. I think he's got, he's in DCs, lobbying for something. Never, he's just, he's every, he's every man. - I walk next to him one time at New York Comic Con going through the back tunnels to get to things. - Is he little? - He looks little. - Is he like 4-11? - He's, uh, what, he's the size of one Mark Ruffalo. Like if you're thinking, like for scale, you would put him next to another Mark Ruffalo, and you'd be like, yeah, that's exactly how it's marked. I'm like, Google, how tall is Mark Ruffalo? And Google, Jim and I, AI is gonna be like, nine feet tall, we need the Hulk. Thanks, fucking, thanks, dude. - I've tried to word this in a way that makes sense before, but you know, sometimes like you're somewhere and you think you see a celebrity and you're like, I kinda know, who is that? Oh, is that somebody, that's somebody. When I saw Mark Ruffalo, it was negative time. Before I knew it was Mark Ruffalo. - One of the most recognizable people in real life, I've ever seen. - 5-8. - Yeah, it feels right. What's the MSRP are we thinking juice on Utility Drink? - So every, that will be very conditional. Like obviously if you're on some high grade experimental medications, or ones that have to be specifically tempered, controlled, that's the thing with Utility Drink, there are gonna be some Utility drinks that are probably gonna be kind of like JB Weld, where they have to be stored in separate containers, and then you squish 'em out, and then you mix it, and you have to drink it like, right away. - Yeah. - For word hardens. - I don't like it, whatever. - I'll tell you another. - Probably 50, probably 50 to 20 grand. - I'll tell you my, okay, yeah, that makes sense. - So my per 50, wait, $50 to 20 grand, or 50 grand, to 20 grand, which is not normally the way you would list it. - It's like 50, $50, it's like basically just coffee, you're good. - No, it's like. - Yeah, yeah. - Right, and then you're gonna reverse that, because there is a step-down process to quit Utility Drink. You're not gonna wanna stop cold turkey, or you will die. - That's what you do. - And what I gotta tell you guys is pretty much all peptides. - It's okay, real. - We real with those R on one of these days. - It's not real, it's basically all peptides. - It sounds important. - It sounds, yeah. - It's all human-grown chicken, or one of peptides. - I tell you, my issue is every 12 weeks, I gotta shoot up the SkyRizzy. - I don't know how we incorporate that element into Utility Drink. - Five-hour energy drink style Utility Drink just comes in a little one with the SkyRizzy. - So these are delivered to you via Express Mail. You get the huge ice box with your weeks Utility Drink. - A little label, or we'll be stolen. - And then every 12 weeks, I'll get one in, that only has six big bottles of Utility Drink, and then one very menacing, small glass vile, full of a thing. - Rachel, where's the packaging? Rachel, did you tell us the packaging for this? Rachel, did you see a small bottle? - It's my SkyRizzy Utility Drink. - For premium members, I would also like to pitch Utility Drink Nights, where there is red wine in it. - Ooh. - Okay, you see, Travis. - That's a different Utility, it's a different Utility. 'Cause that's just booze. Like, booze does all that for you. All the only job you have at night is to drink. - Oh, you're right. It's just a bottle of wine. - It's just a drink, right. - Listen. - It's the wine is the Utility Drink Nights. - Without this, you will not sleep. - We cannot stress enough, there's so much in Utility Drink that if you drink Utility Drink without Utility Drink Nights, to cast the antidote, you will stay away for four days. - It is. - Maybe it is just an anti. - It's a big bottle of anti-stuff. (laughing) - You're gonna break you back. - This is gonna break you back. - It's absorbent stuff. - Yeah, these are all activated charcoal. - I think this would be good. - This is all carbon. - Sawdust. - It's three parts Cabernet, Selvignon, and then it's one part, it's one part melatonin, and then the rest of it is sawdust. - And it absorbs the rest of it. - And activated charcoal. - This is gonna get you out of the crest as we call it and pull you back down. - In the morning. If you don't have your next Utility Drink the next morning, you will perish. - You will die, you need it. Your body's gonna be fluctuating through states of ketosis and matter, regulation. You need to stay on the, you need to keep surfing the wave where you will fucking crash, dude. - We're gonna have to, we're gonna start every press conference the same way. Everyone, hi, thanks for coming. Again, I will ask, do not ask about nanomachines and the Utility Drink. That is company, company information. Can I share that? - I know what he's saying that makes it sound like I'm saying there's nanomachines in the Utility Drink. - That's not one way or the other. - We're not saying that, we're saying there's not not. And if they are, they're beneficial. - But there's not any in there or there's not not any in there. - But if we were going to, today's my, we wouldn't tell you. - Today's my Sky Rizzy day, I got it on the brain and I wanted to share that, you know, I started taking it for my, for my terrible skin. - I don't think it's leave, that's the name still. - It's awesome, it's such a good fucking name. And it's like one of the best. - Can you imagine a Ferris Bueller like came into the conference room and he was like, "Guys, I got it." - Yeah. - Sky Rizzy. - Drink. - What? - It was probably a lot like that. - Yeah. - That guy just beat Skyrim the night before. - Yeah, yeah. - It was one of the lines of that. - And he started, and he was like, "Skyrim, I just got, guys, I just beat Skyrim the night before." I'm leaning on the edge of my window. I don't know if this will play. - Yeah, no if it is, it's cool. - You don't look wild at all. How big is that window? - Today's my Rizzy day and I'm so grateful. Thank you Skyrim, not sponsored. Thank you Sky Rizzy for fixing my psoriasis. I was watching TV a couple months ago and I saw an ad and it was like, "Do you have moderate "to severe Crohn's disease?" Well, that can make life very difficult, can it? Luckily, we've got a drug for you. It's called Sky Rizzy and I was like, "Wait a minute, I've never taken a drug for one thing "and then found out that it also fixes "a totally different, completely other thing." And maybe I had moderate to severe Crohn's disease all never know 'cause if I did, the Rizz licked it. So that's pretty, I've never had that happen before where it's like my depression medication is also making my ween or huge or what? Like, it's never do, it never does two secret things. - Well, it usually does two secret things, just one of them's not beneficial. There's a lot of like, oh, also it turns out, sorry about that. Well, beauty is a depression medication that they also use to help people quit smoking. And it's like, maybe you're just sad. You know what I mean? Like maybe you were sad and you smoked to deal with it. You can't actually can't know the difference. I was taking lexipro for depression, and then my doctor, my therapist diagnosed me also with anxiety and she was like, just keep doing the lexipro. I was like, oh, cool, wait, hold on. - It's all one thing, guys. We're all one- - It's all a continuum. That's what you do the drinks about. That's what, that's like the ads are gonna be like, people passing around a can of utilage drink, and it's like we all have different utilage drinks, but the one thing that eat nights is all. And people were like, the can, the can, the can, the can. And then a few people were like, the nanomachines. - No, no. - Get out of here. Get that out. - And then there will be a very large print across the bottom. - Do not share your utilage drinks. - These aren't delirium drinks. - No, they've got to show the ad blend. You gotta show the ad right after where Mark Ruffalo says, like, no, Janet, that's my utilage. You have to show that right after so people know that the last ad was like a joke. - Do not share an ad, it's also, we all share an ad. - There should be more ads that are also PSH for the dangers of your products. - Yeah. - It's like, it's like advertising how powerful it is. Like, this is a kid's stuff. We're not joking around. It's chocolate flavored, but like, that's not. - The health disclaimers on utilage drink in the ad will be robust enough that it will not leave us a lot of runway for the ad part of the ad that talks about how good the product is. We're going to have about a second and a half of Mark Ruffalo being like, "Utilage drink good!" - And then 59 seconds of like, "Utilage drink will kill you." Fucking graveyard day if you do it right. - No, it will only kill you if you drink someone else. Like that's, we can't stress enough. It won't kill you. - No, it will kill everyone you love if they drink too much. - If they think, yeah, just label 'em. - Get your own apartment. - Just be safe. - We won't label them. We will put nothing on the can that says, like, "This is Mark's Utilage drink." You need, it's up to you to do that at home. - Personal responsibility. - It's huge. - That's right. That's what America, that's what this country was founded on. - Yeah, I'd like to ask you some questions. And these came from our listeners, these aren't mine. - Okay. I don't want it to be weird about it. These are ones that they've sent to us. - Hey, Justin, just in that moment, you started typing. Hey, you felt like such like an Oracle-esque. - It was cool. - You made them in the chair for a second. - It looked so fucking cool. - Yeah. - I know why it looked so cool, 'cause I'm trying to register utiletrink.com. - Oh, yeah, you looked very professional in that moment. - It's so stupid. Well, that's when I do my job. - Travis, this is when I register. - We have to reevaluate your job title and description, by the way. It's been a couple of years now. We need to add some meetings. - I know. - I keep skipping the annual meetings where we get new job titles and stuff. Do you think this stuff? - I don't know if it Travis says at the beginning of the Mabin Bay episodes is like jazz. That is like-- - No, that's voted on by board members. I get docked every time I miss one. - 18.99. - $18.99 for-- - $18.99 for UtilityDrink.com. I mean like-- - That's dude. - Graphic investment, man. - We're building a brand that shit will cut everything out of the beginning of this episode because someday someone will make UtilityDrink that will really make it, and then we'll sell that back to them for-- - Yes, I've read the terms of sure. - Yeah, how much UtilityShorts is, too, because we can do like a fun thing where it's like summer branded shorts. - Yeah. - Do you think Amanda gets notifications every time I do this? I hope she does. - She does. - Sometimes she takes me behind her back 'cause she's worried about you and our finances. - Yeah, good, she should be. I like to keep everybody on edge. Listen, listen, my barber's old. Aside from my years at college and a few years living across town, I've gone to the same barber my whole life. I'm worried he'll retire, and I won't know where to get my hair cut. Is it okay to ask him where I should get my hair cut when he retires? I don't want him to think I'm looking to ditch him already. That's from seeking a sure and Springfield. It's so hard, you mean die, right? You're trying to retire from this plane? - They mean die, right? - Well, I think it's the same. If your barber retires and you don't see them anymore, - Yeah, unless they're your uncle, they're pretty much dead to you. - Basically, man. - What if the barber died in the mail of cutting your hair, and it was left unfinished forever? - Yeah, you said the live with that hair cut. - You had to find someone to do the other half. - Maybe that's how you do it. He says, you're looking for a new barber after me. He only cuts half of your hair. He says, now the timer's ticking. Get out there, find someone who can complete the look. And they'll know informed by my past work, how you like it done. - Could you ask him to put together a detailed build book as he cuts your hair of like shots of the cuts and methods he's using. And then you put it all together in a very detailed separated binder that he can just hand off. And at this point, question asker, find yourself a 21 or 22 year old barber because you don't want to go through this again. - I mean, you got to go through this again. The old heads are the best because some, they'll do like old timey. They'll like slap you on the shoulder, give you a little, like on your forehead, like a little percussive, like, you know what I mean? With their old hands just, just bongo in all over you. - The old student, Huntington, that we went to, a couple of times early. - I think it was his name? - Yeah, early. God, that guy was early to life. He got here before everybody else. - He got started before he got there before everybody else. - That motherfucker Haley's right. - He had pneumatic like sheers. - Yeah. - Like I remember, they were like, to a tube, like to the wall. When he turned it on, it sounded like a steamant, like a piston, like, (imitates gun) and you could feel like the air going off of him. It ruled, man. - Yeah. - And all of his haircut styles had like, number seven with bangs, you know? It was all like, you were ordering out of Delhi. It ruled. - But the thing about barbers and hair cutting and hair styling, and I have to assume this is true for everyone, is if you start seeing the same person to cut your hair for a long enough period of time, you forget kind of what it is like with other sort of stylist hair professionals. There could be a whole world of not sort of older barbers out there who can offer you so many cuts. I got my haircut at Happy Hair Bruteek for a long time, basically up through college. It was just where mom took us. And it was a lady who we went to church with cut our hair. I think at a discount, which was super chill. But it was, but my style was not great until I, when I was like a senior in college saw someone else who cut all my hair off and I was like, I look different now, this is way better. And I don't have to talk about Jesus Christ during the styling, which I also super duper appreciate. - Guys, when I lived in LA, I went to the same stylist as Cameron Esposito. - Oh, fuck. - A person named Pony. Pony was incredible. Pony was incredible. And don't get me wrong. I love my Cincinnati stylist. Oh, she's great. Love her, she's great. - But Cameron's hair is just very, very, very powerful. - So good. - So good. - I've been seeing the same guy. Joey Griffith, Kim on Booksy, check him out. Great, great cuts. He's a younger fella. We used to just go wherever mom took us, which is usually into the happy hair boutique just where she went. We would normally slide open there. - Happy hair boutique, even tell by the name, specialized in teenage boy hair cut. (laughs) - Yeah, 'cause we were happy at the end of it. We didn't have hair. The barber shop is specific. If you go to the actual barber shop, and I think part of what makes this so hard is you're not just talking about the barber, because unless you're going to like a master cut or something at the Walmart, every barber shop is just a loose confederation of maniacs that decided they could share the same basic room. Like it's like, there's no, there doesn't have to be a sort of like, the music is whatever everybody can kind of agree to. And if not that, it's three different kinds of music and Fox News. It's like, it's just a bunch of people living in tight quarters in this like cycle of strangers that are just like in and out of their little like wings sitcom that they're doing, but it's like, it's a vibe. You gotta find one that fits. I've gone to the, I've gone to a barber for a year where I was uncomfortable like I didn't like being there. I was like, I hate this, but I can't find anything better. I can't do any better than this right now. But it's just about the, it's about the room. It's a vibe. - My current stylist, I'm a salon I go to. The radio station they play over the sound system is the hits of the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s, and today. - Wow. - So that's all music. That's all the music. - All the music. - It's the most whip-lashes. - Yeah, that's a sonic experience. - And this is Sound Check for Whip-lash. - Yeah. - At my tempo cut. - Incredible. - At my tempo. - Every week, my office tests the fire alarm between 255 and 305. It scares me and every week, damn. That guy's really careful. We work at the gasoline factory. - Yeah, right. - He's got to check it again. - I love the idea that you would need a fire alarm at the gasoline factory. And it wouldn't be immediately, hugely instantaneously apparent. - Nobody else in the office ever reacts. The exact time varies from week to week and it only lasts a few seconds. I've been at this job for every year now and I'd like to figure out how to stop embarrassing myself on a weekly basis. How can I be more prepared for this noise, scientifically designed to make me react? That's from dreaded drills in Dublin. - That, can I tell you what's wild? There's many things that's wild about this. But here in Cincinnati, you guys have heard it many times. First Wednesday of every month, they test the tornado warning. - Yes. - At noon, first Wednesday of every month. - It is interrupted recording times and it's always extraordinarily eerie to hear. 'Cause it's a pretty scary side. - It sounds like an aerorade side, is it? - Yeah. I have lived in Cincinnati now for many, many years over a decade and a half. Tornados are not a normal thing. I don't know how it comes up. But when you're working a job where they're testing at every Wednesday, the idea that you would know it's Wednesday consistently every week to the point where if it went off on a Tuesday or Thursday, your immediate thought would be today's definitely not Wednesday. This is a problem. Like, your first thought is going to be when you hear it. Wednesday again, because that's how life works. - Well, they don't confirm that it's the same day. I don't think so. It's just that it happens at 255 to 305 PM some days. Once a week. - I thought it said every Wednesday. - Yeah, once a week. This is what I'm saying. This person is so careful. Every week, they test the firearm between 255 and 305. You shouldn't feel like you can't do it different days. Because then that's not that's yeah. - Well, but Travis, fire comes any goddamn day it wants to. - Fire is burn on Monday. - This is test, doesn't. Monday to Sunday. Unless you're doing like your training for like a battleship under siege and you're like doing like repel borders training where it's like every week you do the drill. We've got, you're gonna have the fire escape plan down, right? Like, no one has ever done a fire. I can't remember a time in school when they would do fire drills and every student or even any student would be like, let's take this seriously guys. Like it never saved for me. Captain of the fire patrol. - Yeah. - Trying to get my trip to that. - That was fire patrol too, yeah. - I mean, I was, I was kind of a fire patrol. I got kicked off say these drills, not important. But, you never treat it like it's a real fire. - If I knew that my office did this, this is not, I would leave during this time period. I would not be around. I would find a reason to not, I hate this. This sucks. If I, I don't like the very loud, like, no thanks. It's gonna be so loud. - How do you feel about the sudden? - Do you like the sudden? - Well, sudden, this is the worst sudden, but you know that it is coming, right? You know it's gonna be in this window, but you don't know exactly when. - No thanks. - So you can be scared of it. - I'll go to Walgreens. Thanks, I gotta get my medicine from my utility drink if I don't add another little thing to it every day. It coagulates That's so I got that that's fair the stuff. I'm gonna add the intercoagulant. You got a key but it's 73.5 degrees I'm right. I think that One of the problems and I think we're gonna dress this right now. This is an easy salt When a fire alarm kicks on or an alarm it kicks on full blast right at the start And that's going to disorient you yeah right because now you gotta get used to the fact it's going on you got to calm it down It's shocked your sister. Okay, we need something with a slow And I would slow but like a ramp up. Yeah, right like the fire alarm is also so like is there a fire right? So it's like a beep Yeah, I mean why even be that what are they testing when they test the fire alarm system that all the things are doing the noise right Why does the noise during the test have to be a scary honk noise? Why can't it be September by earth wind and fire like something to get the get the office move in Probably not September. We don't want to go with that probably Whether you went on earth wind and fire either, you know, you wouldn't want that's it. Yeah, there's like it's like a bunch of the natural disasters It's a fair that's a fair point in the one What if on the day that they test the fire alarms the boss Can decide that that is at the time that everyone can also punch out So you hear the fire alarm all of a sudden it's not something that you're scared of it's something you're excited for because when the fire alarm goes off Everybody gets to go home for the day Where you just say like it's the first 10 people get to punch out right like the first 10 oh cool. Yeah Right, so now for everybody to believe the building Yeah, that's going to also increase that Pavlovian response right when you hear the fire alarm get the fuck out of the building Get out of the building. I want to go home and fucking chill That's a good idea you incentivize a little bit of the carrot rather than than the stick Yeah, you're incentivizing people. What if you had just like a huge cooler full of Mountain Dews outside. Yeah, just pops it open like That's cool I haven't done a fire and a slip-and-slide from the front of the cooler just like post soccer just like after soccer It's like a bunch of boxes little debbies. Yeah, yeah, you catch more flies with honey than fire is is what I yeah, grandpa anymore for the debbys You catch a lot of flies with little debbys Hey, let's take a quick break a quick surgery and then we'll return Hello, I appreciate your coming. I know it's Daniel Worthington. I'm of course the CEO of the pretty kitty committee And I have some unfortunate news today we are forced to ban the use of smalls from competition In the pretty kitty committee unfortunately It is just too high quality the cats it creates an unfair disparity between the cats that are enjoying Moves these protein packed meals are a hundred percent human grade The delicious I I eat them every morning. Of course, but of course I know more cats Consuming smalls will be permitted to compete to the pretty kitty committee Sorry Gryffin raised his hand, but Travis is making cat noises so he wins. Yeah Yes, thank you. Um, did you know what funny magazine are you from oh, I'd like to know the day of fun Time magazine Okay, uh one We voted you the person of the year For not only your work with the pretty what is his fucking name Daniel Worthington no tre just in I want to answer. I'm sorry Dr. Brewer thinkton. Yeah, I'm but also is why not just give why not emperor or think to emperor dr. Brewer thinkton Why not just give all the cats smalls and make it fair? Yeah, well Travis that would be very good for the cats of course 88% of cat owners reported Overall health improvements, but what about the Yes, Travis another question. Well, so this doesn't seem like there's a reason not to give the cats. It makes the cats. Yeah I like if we could get around to my question too, and it is a yes, Gryffin you had a question. What was your magazine? My I'm I'm not on magazine. I'm the C Oh of pretty the pretty kitty committee. You should know that we've worked together for 45 years They are a sponsor of us And I like banning smalls cat food because it's so good for cats and you've been using it for a long time in your cats have never looked Sexy. Yes my cats are sexier than ever before. You're right Gryffin. Hey Gryffin Thank you. Yep, so You didn't really thank the thank you is nice to receive one of those after 45 years is awesome actually for me But I do you didn't really address the issue, which is that smalls is one of our sponsors this week And I'm worried that banning them from the competition that they are sponsoring sends a message that they won't like Yes, old friend For 45 years you've been a steady hand on the till once again. You have steered me right Smalls is a sponsor of this program and thus we are requiring smalls For all cats in the pretty kitty committee. Yeah Stop serving your little carnivore ball of process shortcuts for a limited time because you are a my brother My brother be listener a member of the pretty kitty committee get 60% of your first order plus free shipping and free treats for life When you head to smalls.com slash my brother that's 60% of your first order plus free shipping and free treats for life When you head to smalls.com slash my brother Listen as a journalist I'm so excited to be here. Unfortunately time magazine has dissolved So now I've decided to start my own independent Yep, it's cap fancy too Yep, I decided I'm going to start my own independent journalism website We are I can report on this breaking news that smalls is required by the pretty kitty committee So I've turned the square space to build my website So that I can publish all these breaking stories and also my coverage Oh, you know wars and political stuff So it'll be a wars and political stuff and news about the pretty kitty committee will be like my main focus now Travel you're no great shakes in the brains department. How do you that's true? Why do you think that you're going to be able to pull this off? Well, even a real dumb dumb like me with mushy head can Build a website with square space because they have all kinds of hopeful tools and intuitive design and services that they offer to help me Do the things I need to offer my goods and my services and get paid all in place. It'll make me Seem professional in a way that I simply am not yeah, and the cutting edge designs will Really cloud and mask the fact that I'm just a real stupid face. He didn't say that When you take you to show Justin some grace for the thing he said no, I have macaroni for brains Overcooked macaroni brain say you have macaroni brains say any of that. He didn't say any of that. It was deeply implied I think I think it was deeply implied that I have overcooked macaroni brains with raisins. Yeah, I don't know why you're saying this Travis I love square space. I bet Justin's probably gonna use just that you guys didn't invite me to be on the board of the pretty kitty I had to become a journalist just to be in the room where it happened Well, you know, I offered you that here. So I have a trap Justin offered you that role You said yes, please he offered me that role. Do you hear what I did? I said no I'm taking a bigger role in this sketch You have to do that here man. You know, it's cutthroat Sometimes someone sets you up for something and you got to say no, I don't want that part I want a bigger part that's bigger than your part even I'm Garfield Yeah, and I didn't even have to do a voice just and did a voice I didn't even do a voice and I still wanted that bigger part Can I take Justin's part? Yeah, no problem you gotta do the I'm Samuel Worthington That's good resident of the pretty kitty committee that's good and I'm requiring all cats to build a website with square space. I love this voice you guys can do it I love this cats this voice you guys do which I've named Daniel Day Lewis Is is really uh very practiced and uh a featured guest here on the show Hey head to squarespace.com/mybrotherfeupertry No, I was going to say it Human or kitty head to squarespace.com/bybrother for a free trial And when you're ready to launch use offer code my brother to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain Is a cap not entitled to a website and smalls? No says the man in Washington I I click your squarespace I click it up Hey, baby, baby, baby, I want a month squad But I want too much squad vote angles jumps - It's scared. - Bojangles does scare indeed. I just had to share these little beauties with you. - Yeah, shit dog. - Bojangles has turned up the flavor this summer with the return of a fan favorite breakfast staple. Now with an extra kick. Starting June 8th, guests can enjoy the breakfast, Bo Rito. All of this is so shiny. - It shines and glistens. - Everything on the screen is shiny. - So good. - The gloss of this thing is beautiful. Back by popular demand, it feed delivers a hearty, hand-held breakfast, packed with Bojangles flavor. This original features country-style sausage, fluffy eggs, crispy bow rounds. That's a hash brown. - Yeah, melty, moderate jack cheese and southern sausage gravy. All wrapped up in a warm flour tortilla and served with Texas Peat Hot Sauce. Now if you wanna serve a day with a little more fire, the new fuego. - tarot with a utility drink. Only at Bojangles. - Built on the same cravable foundation, the fuego version as a spicy ghost pepper sauce, all wrapped in a warm red tortilla. - Yeah. - To let you know. - To let you know this is spicy. - That's how I wanna start my day, knowing that in four hours, it's gonna be spicy. - What's interesting, guys, and I think this is so cool, is that the boredo lineup is designed for convenience without sacrificing the brand's signature, made from scratch quality. - Oh, that is interesting. When I see this, I think most made from scratch. - I call it, so there's still good in it. - You know, in Stardew Valley, when it's like winter, and you're just trying to get through it so that you can get back to farming and stuff, and you'll just wake up and then you'll immediately click on the bed and go right back to sleep until tomorrow. - I feel like what Bojangles has offered here as a breakfast dining option is the food equivalent of that, where I could have one of these Tuesday morning and then Tuesday's over. (laughing) Tuesday's done, we're on, we're on. - Your journal entry for Wednesday is just like rough one yesterday. - Yeah. - Here it is. - Short day. - Day. - End of entry. - Hibernating. - Hibernating, slept for 23 and 1/2 hours. - It's just enough to drive the Bojangles and bank, and I didn't even get to finish the BoRido before I was back asleep. - Still out of finish. - Our breakfast. - The whole one of them. The name BoRido is great, because if you say it like a normal person would say BoRido, but you say it enough, it just, your friends will start to worry you don't know how to pronounce BoRido correctly. - I'm a BoRido, keep up with the BoRido. - I'm gonna have a BoRido. BoRido. - I'll, yeah, can I get a new one for you? - Yeah, can I get one BoRido? (laughing) - You would say BoRido? - You would say BoRido? - No, no, no, no, no, no. - BoRido. - Our breakfast, BoRido was so well received, I guess last year, that we decided to bring the heat for its return to the menu this year, and the new Fuego breakfast, BoRido, does just that, says Marshall Scarborough. - Hey, Marshall's boss. - Marshall's president of Menu and Culinary Innovation Act. Marshall Scarborough. - Marshall Scarborough. That's Travis McEwitt, my magazine. - Have you thought about BoRik Bo? - And just get it, maybe a pros? Griffin, I got one for you, too. This one is, this one's just for Griffin? - Well, it's not just for Griffin, but it is, say here, I wanna share with Griffin because Griffin would, I think appreciate the story. Love Island, Griffin, it has their own drinks at Scooters Coffee. - All right. - I don't know why, but Summer Love is in the air at Scooters Coffee with the launch of four new hot drinks. - One of those is just a Red Bull, hold on. - Yeah, one of them, yeah. There are bombshells. They can only be described as bombshells. With strawberry, hard jelly, swimming in a pool of strawberry and dragon fruit flavors, it's hard not to fall in love with these refreshing drinks, launching June 18th. God, I haven't looked for a quote by Nicholas Shea in this, there's not one, sorry guys. - There is, okay, that's not his, that's not his, that's not his. - That's not his, that's not his. - The, the, - I tried to remember the name of this ball, and then I couldn't get it. - Matcha latte with red heart jelly candies in it? - What's that bar, dude? - It's upsetting. - In such, why would I want socks? - Why would I want jelly candies? In anything, let alone my matcha latte. - Don't worry Travis, they have a perfect match for you. - Oh my gosh. - Now what you said, matcha latte is the ideal poolside companion, starring our earthy and naturally sweet matcha with a side of strawberry and dragon fruit flavors. Strawberry, heart jellies pop up in this bright green drink, making, - To choke you to death, to kill you. - Disgusting. - There, you can get these bombshells at Scooter's Coffee locations, beginning June 18th Griffin, so. - If you dare, - Go celebrate. - Can I just, this is, this is weird to admit, I do not fuck with love Island. - I can't say you griffed me too. - I tried, it just kind of sucked, it just kind of sucks, and it's weird 'cause it's like, it'd be like, if you met someone who was like, I don't know, like a big sports guy and watched all the televised sports that there was, and you were like, what about football? And that person was like, I fucking can't stand football, it sucks. - I know, I like all the other stuff, but this one is not good. The host just hangs out. The host is the same age as the people on the show, and she just kind of hangs out with them all the time. Where's the distinction? Oh, minion. - Yeah. - Hey, check this out. I just wanted to let you guys know when these is Dan Leishman, Minions and Monsters meal with the new Banana Frosty as well. - Why did they decide do you think that a minion with a video camera pointed at me making food decisions is the best way, maybe the best image I've ever seen, and I bet Andy Warhol wishes he had made it because it's like so good, 'cause the minion is, you're having your 15 minions of fame right now, and it's him filming you, looking at the minions. - That's really good. - They've also succeeded. - The composition of this is really amazing. - It's really, we got a big bowl of apple slices that will go untouched. We got two big, long, beautiful, amber-hued chicken tenders. - Uncontained. - Uncontained chicken tendies. We've got a big sort of 12 ounce of straight milk. It looks like in a clear plastic cup. Is it a milkshake? Is it a frosty swirl? - Okay, vanilla frosty. And then we've got a little-- - Why not put that in a wind-beast cup? - We got a little dip in cup of zesty ranch dip in sauce, and a minion pointing candy. It's really, it evokes the renaissance. - They've also chosen the minion who is famously yellow on kind of a very yellowish green background. - Yellow green shirt. - Green shirt, she blends in, yeah. - Yeah, it's almost like he's trying to sneak up on me and hurt me. - Awesome. This is, okay, so there's two meals. You're looking at the Monsters and Minions kids meal. Okay, it's available now. And-- - I was thinking this isn't mature enough for my grown foes. - Well, yeah, they don't really offer apple slices and adult meals, and I think that's bullshit. I need it the most. - I am. - Yes, right, I'd love to enjoy some apple slices. What a treat that would be. - Remember when meals used to have desserts, you know, in my day. - You're Lewis again. - The so-that kids meal is choice a two piece chicken dinner, four piece nuggets, a hamburger, or a cheeseburger. - Awesome. - Hot and crispy fries, or apple bites. When kids drink, they're getting the fries. - I love this one. - It's so crazy that they put it up. Has anybody ever legitimately asked your kids? No kid, ask your kids, they will laugh at your face. They'll spit your face. - No joke. I've tried at multiple locations to be like, you know what, we'll get the apples slices. And the answer is always, oh, we don't have those. - Yeah, that's a joke. - They didn't think you'd ask for. - They do have the choice of two chicken tenders or four chicken nuggets. They are offering you, basically, how much of a chicken continuum are you looking for? Would you like, you could make more as code, do you want a dot of chicken or a dash of chicken? - Do you want to build an intermission? - Yeah, exactly. - So the windies, the minions and monsters meal, and there's a lot to offer here. Let me see here. I want to show you the, I have a full image here that I can share with you. - Is there an adult version of this that you're, - Whoa, whoa, so there's an adult meal, right? The adult meal for adults. - Oh my god. - Is it banana frosty swirl, a big bacon classic? - No. - But more spicy chicken sandwich, and now they do it. - Banana. - Say banana, like here's the thing that I really want to highlight with you guys. If you look at the bottom of the image here, you can see the kids meals, which are James and Gumi and Richard and Endort and Henry. All the greats, my favorites. - But if you get an adult meal, then maybe you'll get one of the adult criminals. - They are all doing rude gestures. - The best partnerships. The best partnerships start with an understanding of what our fans are passionate about. Says Lindsay Redkowski, the US Chief Marketing Officer for the Windies Company. By bringing together one of the world's most beloved entertainment franchises with Windies iconic, high quality food our customers love. We're creating shared experiences that fans will go bananas for. - I get it. - Awesome. It's, we can't drive this point home hard enough. The kids meal toys. They've just come with six different minion and monsters collectible toys. And the adult meals come with four completely different collectible toys. - And a blind box. - And a blind box. They're not collectible toys. You sound like a fucking idiot. They are minions and monsters. Blind box collectibles. You can collect them all and unlock the fold minions. - Okay, you don't play with these. - Let's take this apart. - You have these in your China cabinet. - You can't have four collectibles. That's fucking crazy. You can't have four things and be like collect them all. There's fucking four of them. - They say toys, the press release, they do say toys for the kids, collectibles. - That's awesome. They look identical. - Except they have Wendy's. The adult ones have Wendy's. - The minions are like Wendy's food items. 'Cause they're in a blind box. And the kids are in clear packaging. - Yeah. - So the adults have to guess which one they're getting. I guess the kids hate blind boxes. - Yeah, and adults fucking can't get enough of. Spend seven dollars or something. My kid might be hugely disappointed in. Yeah, don't mind if I do. Let's get 20. - I do, guys, can I say though? - I know one adult that is seeing the minion stress is Wendy's food and it's kind of losing his fucking monitor for here. I would do anything, man. Look at him. - Is it guys? - Can you guys not see it? James looks like Wendy and Ed looks like Fries. - Yeah. Canery looks like a Frosty. Are you kidding me? - What is Gumi? - Gumi's a bag. Gumi's the monster. He's the evil guy, I bet. - I'm not gonna go see the Fries. - I bet they become friends by the end. - I cannot start paying attention to the minion's trailers. I just gotta see the movies. I can't. - Yeah. - I mean, if you're making a Gumi drink, Gumi, let me just-- - I don't think he's pure evil. Gumi? Well, yeah, I bet he'll turn it around by the end of it. Yeah, there's pineapple, minion, mishifiz, and Gumi's gliming lime. Can we have drape names that don't try to sound like they're trying to trick me into saying a slur, please? Like, would you sound normal? Like normal names, please? I feel like the mispronouncing be canceled. - He's a grummy limey! - Grummy limey, daddy! - That Gumi's won't grummy lime! Gumi might be something, like, there's people listening somewhere in a different country who are like, "You think Gumi can't fall in love?" - Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. It's been called "My Brother, My Brother Me" since we started it, and there's just no way to change it elegantly. - Unfortunately, it was a tough way. - My brother and my brother and me. - Yeah, they all agree. - It's that one. I wanted to give a brief plug. We never do this, but our friends weird out and puddles pity party, both contributed to our candlelight's video last year. And I wanna say, I saw them in Charleston last week, and it was a great show. So you should get out there and see them if you wanna laugh and have a great evening of entertainment. They don't need my plug, but here it is. I really enjoyed that a lot of it. - I mind to make a plug, and we always do this. We have merch over the macro-emerge store, including the Make It Stick Siggy Notes, designed by Evan Cruz, and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Lambda Legal, a national organization working to achieve full recognition of the civil rights of LGBTQ+ people, and everyone living with HIV through impact litigation, education, and public policy work. - I wanna do just a quick plug for, if you go to the adventurezonecomic.com, you can pre-order the last task balance graphic, and you don't have a lot of adaptation story and song. It comes out in one month. We're doing a book release event in Boston. Take it to go on sale. I mean, they're on sale right now, actually, as you are hearing this, and the event is July 16th, at 7 p.m. at the Chevalier Theater, and each ticket comes with a signed paperback copy of story and song provided by Brooklyn Booksmith. - What? - Chevalier. - Chevalier? - Do you think it's Chevalier? - Chevalier, Chevalier. - Well, I don't, I mean, if you, if locals know what it is, but it means, you know? - Lowell. - I was not what it is. - 90s forward, 90s kids member. - Come on down. - Chevalier, is the Chevrolet Theater. - It's Chevrolet Theater. - That's a nice sponsor. - I got in a big box of copies of the book yesterday, and it's the heaviest thing in the universe, because this book is so fucking thick with emotion, and story, and song, and art, and I can't fucking wait for this book to come out, y'all. - Throw it. - Thanks to Montagne for these four themes on my life, it's better with you. We are associated with Montagne, and so I'll say, if you have the chance to get out to see them in concert, you should do so. I have, well, I would love to see Montagne in concert. - Me too. - Montagne comes to just the cities where we live. - Yeah, I'm gonna throw our book. - Oh shit, yeah. - Look at this beefy guy. - Yeah, I see you're about one third of the way into it. You're gonna lose your place, man. - That's okay, I remember what happened. - I'll just say this. If I know how good the last one was, I would've tried harder on the first ones. - Yeah. - Here we go. (laughing) - That was good, dude. - That look like you were welcoming the book as a guest to our podcast, and just got you in. - See, too, I don't know if it played, but I clipped to my monitor, too, as I knew it. - No, awesome. - You didn't have a rotation, that's sad, dude. - Yeah. - I can't believe it. - It's just a back ride. - And it still works. (laughing) - My name is Justin. - I'm Travis Backride. - I'm Griffin McElroy. - It's me, my brother, my brother. - Hey, kiss your dad, square on the lips. (upbeat music) ♪ It's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ It's better with my life ♪ ♪ Oh ♪ ♪ It's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ This is true, oh ♪ ♪ It's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ My life ♪ ♪ Oh ♪ ♪ It's better with you ♪ - Maximum Fun, a work-road network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.