MBMBaM 813: Somebody Cream Me!

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. My life, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, it's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better with you. Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, me, and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What up, Travis Nation? It's me, your middle-aged brother, Travis Big Dog Wolf of Vroom Vroom, the heater, award-winning Big Dog McElroy. Hi, it's Griffin McElroy, your youngest brother. That award, by the way, supposedly, in the mail. It's coming, man, tariffs, dude! The tariffs and the RAM shortage, dude! It's dragging everything down. It's coming, it's in the mail, it's coming. I just wanted to see, I wanted to check in, right? Mandalorian and Grogu is coming to theaters at a date. And we are, it's gotta be close, we're all getting pretty excited about May. 22nd? The 4th. Oh, this month? Yeah, May 22nd. They couldn't swing the 4th, huh? They couldn't get the 4th, they were off by a few weeks to polish up Grogu's CGI. You know, there was one, like, exec who was like, oh, but do you think, oh, but could we. Yeah. Make him creasier. More creases in his beautiful green skin. This is, and now, to celebrate the launch of this movie coming out on May 22nd and the fact that it was just May 4th, I would like to introduce a new character that I've just created. Created, yeah. Okay, awesome. It's called Guy That Hasn't Paid Attention to Star Wars in 20 Years. Okay. Ready? Okay. And he goes to the movies. I thought you were, I'm so sorry, Justin, I thought you were about to be like, his name is Biz Grispo. No, no, no, no, no, no. He's a pod racer. His name is, his name is Bitch Gizzard. He is a gloat. He's Kit Fisto's best friend. Yeah. Kit Fisto's best friend, Bitch Gizzard. But they haven't seen each other. So interesting. So interesting. So interesting. They haven't seen each other since childhood. Bitcho Gizzard. You gotta twist it a little bit to get Georgie Lucas excited. It can't just be. Yeah, it can't just be a cuss word. Okay, so here comes. And his midichlorians are off the charts. Absolutely. They bring those back. Mandalorian. Doesn't know what to do with them. Yeah. A lot of movies in the theater this week. Sorry, Juice, you gotta give us a clean, is this the guy? I'm looking at the, I'm looking at the posters. Yeah, just say like, just, but in the future, have you, when you're doing a character like this, if you could just say, the guy starts now. Yeah. I don't want to do that. I feel like I'm trying to bring you in. So we know that it's, or say like, exterior. Yeah. I'm trying to be like, in media res. Oh. I'll say it then. All right, everybody. The guy starts now. I feel like you're hanging too much of a thing on it. I'm not sure it's gonna work anymore. Exterior. Movie theater. We're gonna try it. Afternoon. We're gonna try it. Divorced dad. I'm saying now, at this point, if this dies on the vine, the blood's on your hands. A divorced dad of four. His children. The movie posters. Oh, what's it been called? Range between four and 14. He's looking at movie posters. Huh. A lot of different movies going on. Oh, they did a new Star Wars. I haven't paid attention to that for 20 years. What the fuck? Hey. Hey. Did they make a movie about Boba Fett and a tiny Yoda riding on his back doing adventures? Because I am back on board with Star Wars now. I'm actually really into this franchise. Okay. That's not the way I thought the character was gonna go. I thought the character was gonna be- Why did you think that your brothers might help to build on it and, like, in the way you've always done podcasting? Or did you think that- Okay, hold on. Say the last thing you said. Say the last thing you said again. I'm ready now. No, no, no. Juice, I have a fucking killer idea. No. Just say- Have you heard- Hey, guy looking at his movie posters who's suddenly into Star Wars again, tell me everything about Ahsoka. I just stabbed you in the stomach. I just stabbed you. My guy stabbed your guy in the stomach. Oh, my God. Freeze. I'm an usher for the movie theater. I slay his throat. And stab me. Stab me. Oh! Hi, I'm George Lucas. I'm the Mandalorian. I've been sent to kill you. I'm about to kill George Lucas, and I know this is George Lucas. The knife point is to your throat. Talk, George. Talk. Talk, buddy man. I'm so glad you liked my little guy, Grogu. That's not the real George Lucas. That's a fake- No. That's my evil twin. You're excused. I'm not gonna kill you, Connor. I can't wait for you to meet Blippi. Blippi's a new guy. Blippi's a new guy. He's a new guy I got. Blippi's in this one? Yeah. Do you know, do you remember Chewbacca? This is a little one. And his name's Blippi, and I'm playing him. You're playing him, George. Yeah, I'm gonna be Blippi, the little Wookie. The little baby Chewbacca. The littlest Wookie? And we have a new movie coming out, and it's called Darth Maul and Blippi. And it's about him, and he finds love with a new baby Wookie. This didn't sound anything like George Lucas from the movie. No, it also made it sound like Darth Maul and Blippi fall in love. Yeah. I'd watch that. I'd watch that. Well, I ship Blippi and Grogu, so which Blippi? Yeah, man. Hmm. Evil Blippi? The Blippi who is a baby Wookie that is Chewbacca's son. What are you fucking talking about, dude? Why don't we keep explaining that? We got Baby Yoda. Now we got Blippi and the Minx. Let's get some other. More baby Star Wars babies. Yeah. Give me a tiny, give me Jabba Worm. A little hut. Yeah, it's a tiny little Jabba, and he eats all the sandwiches that play in Star Wars. What a slime of guy-like character. Yes. The point I'm trying to make about this, guys, that we would have gotten to about a guy who hadn't paid attention to Star Wars, because it is just like, it feels like, I like you, all right, but it feels like smaller, and you could eat him. That would be good. It's like, yeah, we all like, yeah, Boba Fett's cool, but if he was like, different. Super noble, and he loved a little edible Yoda. I'd like that better. Could you make a movie where the, actually, now I think about it, nice Boba Fett and tiny edible Yoda together for me. Strong. For me, for a whole movie. Do you think, what's the appropriate running time for Mandalorian and Grogu? I'm not asking what it is. An hour and 40 minutes. Hour 40 clean, right? Yeah. I was going to say a tight 110. If Mandu and Grogu go over 150, they could. Like, there's no way those two boys can sustain that without a romance. No way. Yeah, for sure. How much discussion do you think there's been in production meetings about if when Grogu eventually talks? Must. Is he going to have the same grammar as Yoda, or was that just a choice Yoda made at some point? Oh, I see, I see. Is the other Dagobans, Two hours and 20 minutes? 20 minutes? That's too long, Georgie. Georgie Puddin' Pie, that's way too long, partner. Just because there haven't been seven years since the Star Wars movie, you don't have to smoosh them all in one big one? Jeez. All I'm saying is if he's raised by Mando, speaking, I guess, Galactic Common or whatever it is, is he just going to be like, hi, everybody, it's me, Grogu. I'm also here. Hello. What if he speaks Spanish? That could be cool. How come no one in the Star Wars world speaks any Spanish? Pedro Pascal privately taught Grogu Spanish. Oh, the actor, Pedro Pascal. The actor Pedro Pascal taught the man, Baby Yoda, how to speak Spanish. I mean, we're joking, but I did see an episode of that show one time where Mandalorian took his helmet off, and it was Pedro Pascal under there. Whoa. So it could have been the whole time, the only person that Baby Yoda has heard talk is the Mandalorian ever. So when he does talk, it's just going to be this little adorable tough guy, right? Like, I'm going to get you. They're done for. I'm going to get you. Cute. Don't eat me. Hey, put me down. Hey. Give me another one of them frogs to suck on, daddy. Give me a frog to suck on, dad. Dad, I want to eat a frog. Give me another one of them frogs, daddy. Arbor daddy, give me a frog. Arbor daddy, give me a frog to suck on from the corner. Mando daddy, give me one of them sucky frogs. Give me one of them crunchy frogs to suck on. Jabba's special sucky frogs. Wait, why is he Sling Blade? I don't know. He evolved. He evolved into Sling Blade naturally. Baby Yoda and Baby Sling Blade. Oh, boy, howdy. All roads lead to Sling Blade. Probably not. This is an advice show. We're going to help people. Thanks for your support and maximum fun drive. You're always great to us. We love you. Thank you. I recently started a new job. During an average eight-hour shift, I end up walking about 13 miles. Woo! god damn i don't know my co-workers well but there is one particular woman who says hey let's race or i'll race you down to the end of the hall every time we cross paths i haven't observed her doing this to anybody else well to be fair you couldn't right i mean scientifically speaking that event you're talking about is unobservable by you because you would have to be present and are therefore interrupting the race yeah uh this has happened about seven times and each time i've awkwardly laughed and shrugged it off i appreciate the whimsy but brothers i'm way too tired to race this person how do i get her to stop asking do i just have to beat her in a sprint the one time so she'll leave me alone or will this encourage further behavior that's from reluctant sprinter in sarasota this is this is something we can help with sure i'm excited yeah persistent just to kind of keep being a problem sometimes people email us about like this is happening right now but it's an email we can't i dropped a pie i dropped a pie on my wiener a hot pie and burns what do i do and it's like you're done with that definitely i think listen whole thing what we're coming back from here what we have to reel back in is my worry is that by you kind of chuckling at it politely you've given the impression of like this is a shared running joke we have it is a running it is a running it is a running joke isn't it but this is a shared moment there's your out travis there's your out dude you just got it in one you say i love this running joke and then you walk away right and then they're thinking about it and they're gonna bust up you're gone it doesn't matter they bust up or they don't you know what i mean but like that's that line end of exchange you've like busted it up you put energy into it right put a little investment in this person give a little bit of levity i thought of a joke for you you're comfortable with not racing you don't have to engage with them in a foot race well next time they ask you to race just say i'm not really a racist and that will end any interaction huh hold on it means something it means i'm glad it should be true i like it okay i like it actually it's good is it possible that you don't see this happening with anyone else because you're new to the job she's already beaten everyone else in a foot race and now you're new meat yeah it's optimistic that you think that by beating her in a sprint she'd stop bringing it up she'd stop and not that she would go train tirelessly until she could get her revenge this is we can agree that this is definitely not the first race that this person has challenged well this is what i'm i'm what there is an alternate scenario where you go to someone you're like hey what's up with vicky and they're like she was hired the day before you none of us know we can't figure it out either like we are just as lost as you are she literally started the day before you did yeah maybe she's a psyop and the boss was like everyone moves so slow around here we never get anything done and vicky was like i know just how i put me in boss i know how to speed everybody up i know how to motivate everyone to move a little faster down the hallways i you i understand that you i understand the temptation to just bust one time bust out break free yeah so fast it's like so fast just once go as fast as you can i understand that but you are gonna run into somebody you're gonna run into somebody they're gonna come out of their office when they're not supposed to and you're gonna fucking drill them and they're gonna have four big lemonades like if they will four ice cold lemonades they just made hand squeeze that they made in their office they're not bringing it from outside country time at country time we hand race our lemons the way my grandfather did while it's fresh stat we we sprint these yellow bastards right off the tree right into the fucking plant the last hundred yards my nephew dylan chucks them in just just fucking hurls them farm to table these are f t t m p h right we gotta get these things in there now they go off so quick no one says that did you say neil patrick harris is helping to get the lemons there with the power of magic as fast as possible we won't serve you up a glass of our chilly summer beverage until neil patrick harris has run each lemon personally 200 laps around our corporate headquarters oh boy just tell her next time she challenges you to be like i i'm just too competitive i would and like say that a couple times and then agree to the race and trip her to the start you know really take her out and say i told i tried to warn you yeah i was gonna get nasty this whole time i see a lot of clips on tiktok from shows like suits and billions and i don't know what i've done to curate that necessarily but all of these clips are just like well-suited people fighting over the good desk with their corporate margins and it's and there's sometimes they're like playing poker and it's like i bet a million dollars and my job and the other people like rock hard for it they're like yeah i love this competitive shit because this is suits or billions and that that's just how one gets ahead in america now maybe this is something like that but more of a double dare sort of physical challenge situation small side note driven this has happened a couple times now i love when you bring up stuff that gets served to you on your for you page and you're like i don't know why it gets served to me and then you go on to describe how you've watched them a bunch of times and you know what happens in them no that's why you're interested in i know i do watch yeah i'm not i know what griffin's talking about though there is a it's a terrifying moment when i see a tiktok from criminal minds because yes i i know that that's the moment that i'm gonna the algorithm is really watching closely because it has taken an absolute shot in the dark and it is like absolutely maybe criminal minds and i had this moment where i'm like i need to figure out what you're doing i need to figure out what this is but if i start poking around and like god forbid like hearting it like what is this oh dude the accidental part hey i i thought i was taking a shot in the dark with that criminal mind shit but justin's wild for it he's already tapped every actor tagged in it he goes to the commas is like scrolling through them he's loving this criminal minds content it's like i'm not i'm not i just am trying to figure out what you have done what have you brought me it would be like if your cat brought a sparrow's corpse and you're like trying to figure out where the lungs are and then it's like oh this guy loves sparrows hold on we'll get another one i'm just saying justin maybe you are interested in criminal minds and maybe the algorithm knows you better than you know yourself and you should just accept it and binge watch it we're not accepting applications at the moment you know what i mean we don't have space we do not have space for a billions or suits we can't i can't i can barely get to daredevil born again the things that are important to my life you know what i mean like i know these are relevance to me your friend daredevil i understand am i suddenly surprisingly curious to find out what happens in the limitless tv show because i got fed a clip yeah of course it's a pill that makes him so smart he can be president like yeah i'm of course i'm curious about that dude from the movie makes a cameo it's a shared universe not just a reimagining of it so yeah i want to know what happens there needs there needs to be another vector of interaction with with tiktok reels and uh instagram vision reels not detective vision but there's like the heart and there's the share and there's the resume it and you blast it out to your own followers there needs to be like uh i don't know what the image would be maybe a ship sailing away where it and that would communicate to the algo like thank you for billions thank you for this great clip of a high-stakes poker game from suits or billions but i am done i am done i am done with this topic i do not need any more and it may we may go our separate ways now in peace in gratitude but i do not need only only clips from ncis new orleans or whatever something that that maybe like is a way to communicate yes i did zone out while this clip from silicon valley played and that's gonna make you think whoa he watched the movie and he's like oh my god he's like oh my god he's like oh my god i watched it twice he wants a lot more silicon valley clips but i want to make it clear like no somebody asked me a question while it was on please stop i dropped my phone caught it with the with the share button i didn't even commit to the action but that was enough for i'll tell you guys i feel like 9-1-1 lone star is being made specifically for this exact purpose i feel like 9-1-1 lone star episodes are probably one and a half minutes of like rob lowe working as a firefighter in austin texas and then they're like a meteor is about to strike and you think like why the fuck are they doing this for their firefighter show and then the next you know 27 and a half minutes is just static dead air and then they put there are like they know like if we put this clip out of rob lowe and austin texas firefighter looking up in the sky like a goddamn asteroid is coming you know i'm going to interact with that in a in a serious way i bet if you were to sit down and stream that episode of television the way it scene happens and then it's sort of like it waits a beat and they're all sort of like staring and it's you hear someone say okay cut they've swiped away for sure they're gone there's no more yeah somebody holds up uh like a cellophane sheet with the tiktok information on the front of the camera so that's just built in to the shot you know the rest of the episode is just rob low and company just sitting around the firefighting table just kind of shooting the shit while like subway surfers takes up a third the right third of the screen and whatever the show is that has the guy who played steve from uh sex of the city and he's a firefighter he comes over and says hey are you guys done with the set we need to film 45 seconds of our firefighter tiktok show yeah absolutely um be the same show might be a number of years ago a member of a well-known mafia family told me quote if i ever need anything the family has my back i don't do crimes but i hate to let a good favor go to waste is it okay to ask the mafia to help you with non-crimey things and what should i use my favor for that's from an offer they can't refuse from ontario canada additional information it's been about 20 years and i have to go through facebook to claim it okay oh that's a shame that's everyone's rough it's the facebook having to go through facebook to claim it is is challenging the other thing i will say to you and this is from a place of absolute ignorance yeah but if you were in i don't know if you were in i don't know if you were in i don't know in ontario canada i don't think it was the real mafia i think it was maybe there are mafias everywhere there's definitely i just feel like it was probably not the capital m you know what i mean like the mafia but oh the mafia but oh mafia indefinite article listen to fucking just if it listen i just came here if it ain't capone no thanks can't get mad at me i said i was ignorant that's true you can't get mad at stupid people who know they're stupid that's that's why all those jubilee shows they start with every not the word i used ignorant you'd rather be ignorant ignorant is fixable fair enough i think that this is why it's important if you're going to become a mafia family or any kind of powerful organization that's able to say like if you ever need a favor you gotta have tokens of some kind that you can oh that's so fucking lit yeah absolutely a little coin with like some shit on it something on the blockchain tangible what wait you want fungible or not fungible tangible okay you want non-fungible tokens that you exchange with the mafia for favors non-fungible very tangible very well they're not fungible because you can't spin them at costco nfvt's nf i like the nfvt's non-fungible very tangible tokens i like the idea of a mafia member coming up to you and being like you've done my family a great service this day take this board ape jpeg and if you ever need it hmu on facebook and we'll get this thing going i i 3d printed some tokens now i've i've included a file to to the print design please don't print off a bunch more of these and start spreading them around it'll get confusing fast did we did we professionally sort of build the opposite of the of the mafia as a sort of like family concept like what if there was a what if there was a family organ a professional family organization that was not threatening and a lot of people a lot of favors yes absolutely that i cashed in on good the goodwill of thousands of people yeah we've inversely i i you know it's funny at the age i am i i feel like if you was a mafia person that maybe i would really appreciate help with just like you know how there's like cover businesses sometimes with the mafia like yeah you know he's not really an electrician he's like a mafia i really would like the mafia to help me with like the actual electrician guy you know what i mean like if you could help me find an actual electrician that would come to the place and do that like yes like if i think mafia as subcontractor would be very helpful oh yeah like they definitely probably know a guy that paints houses and then you're like no no no no no no no no no you don't understand no a guy that paints house i need a guy to paint or if you're looking to start a new business they've started all out of cover business you're like hey you guys started a lot of things if you could help me set up like a real electrician business yeah like yeah i i love that i'm not even asking for funding or whatever i don't know how to find a location i don't know how to get permits and don't threat i don't need like i want to really get the permit some of these people are just well liked yeah you know yeah there's such a thing as soft power it doesn't have to be crime it could just be like hey you know how everybody thinks you're such a good guy and so they like to help you out around town maybe you can help me talk to one of your friends about helping me out it's not crime the fact that you're thinking of it like a crime is why you haven't exchanged it these 20 years right it's like you got to think of it like just something you need a little i bet they don't like being asked to do crimes no they would probably no they probably prefer to help you move right do you think in the broad scope of history there's ever been a family who was surprised to find out that everyone in the city thought they were a mafia but really they were just really friendly and like did nice things for us and after like 20 years like this city really loves us they're like well yeah yeah man the mafia and they're like what who don't agree with you no no we're not we just are huge union boosters yeah we're big we're big into that life and we're very friendly and you always say there's a beautiful business it'd be a shame if something happened to it it's like yeah it was a beautiful business and shit happens all the time this is a gorgeous business oh man this china shop it sure would be a fucking shame if anything happened to it because of all the beautiful plates and cups and tea dishes cutlery and you talked about how your uncle was with the fishes now yeah no you're no he went to barbados and did a scuba diving thing and he fell in love with it and he does that now full time what are you talking about we were at shake shack the other day you ordered the gabagool yeah that's that was a mistake on my part i got it confused with a different with a different restaurant i meant to order like a large fry and i just got real marble mouthed you know like yeah there's certainly been a change of hands in the power structure too in 20 years right oh sure the person that owed that owed you a favor they maybe nobody likes them anymore or maybe they got kicked out for being late a lot you don't know that that might be you're late to mafia we've warned you so many times you forgot to sign in mafia starts at 10 a.m sharp that is not that early you have no excuse for being this late and it was your turn to bring the coffee and donuts and again and you said and the guns you forget you brought the cannoli and you forgot the guns you messed up come on man that stuff is a bad meeting of the mafia now carpool with you and now dave's late and it's not even his fault i know dave i'm not mad at you i know it's not your fault you're always we're gonna stop calling that guy mafia dave yeah yeah because he's so late for all the mafia stuff we're doing and we're gonna start calling you punctual pete but in an ironic way because you're already always late and when we say it you'll know that it sounds like a funny joke but we're really angry about it that's another demerit there should be a scene in the godfather where a detective busts the family for murder one and the whole thing falls apart because one detective followed all the clues of the cannoli they took from the murder scene that guy is like leave the gun because then it can't be attached to us but take the cannoli but then it turns out his sweet tooth is the undoing of the whole godfather family he actually edited out one of the great movie lines there griff have you ever seen the the have you ever seen the unedited scene he says no he says leave the gun take the cannoli there's a smaller gun inside that cannoli yeah untraceable tiny untraceable dark the modern beasting if i ran a mafia family yeah if i ran the zoo if i ran a mafia family i would have we bought a mafia yeah i would i would cancel all the crime stuff stuff i it's canceled but i would have tokens as established to hand out but they would be at different there would be different sizes to denote the size of favor you're able to ask for because if somebody does something nice but not very big i don't want to say like you can't ask us for a favor you did something nice you can ask for a small favor you left something at home you need one of us to pick it up for you and bring it to your work we can do that i can do that i like that i would like to do that i would like to do that i would like a sort of pay it forward system where you could do three things for three different people or one like turbo favor yeah and then two others and now you're owed to by two other folks mafias basically pay it forward and they're non-transferable it's important that these are non-fungible very tangible non-transferable tokens yeah you got to be careful also with the favors that you ask though and we did touch on this with painting houses but there's a lot of like can you take him to the cleaners and it's like but not not like that like i just want you to launder the money the money's literally dirty yeah like my money got dirty i need you to clean it for me literally literally please wash my money my dad can't sleep well unless it's at an aquarium so drive him to the aquarium and let him sleep with the fishes but like bring him back my doctor said i have a very specific orthopedic problem and i need concrete shoes they're concrete yes go get your shine go get your shine box the lp of soul collectives shine the box that has soul collectives shine on vinyl i'm doing a dj set later and i'd really like to mix it in i want some boot legs these are standalone legs decorative legs for boot display so it looks like it's hanging out of the back of my trunk but not real legs not really let's go to the money zone it's a beautiful website it'd be a shame if something happened to it beautiful website you got here be a shame if you built it wouldn't wait hold on it'd be a shame if you didn't build it it could be a beautiful idea for a website you got there in your brain be a shame if you didn't build it with square space that's another thing i would do is be a very inspirational based encouraging mafia like hey yeah i was just sitting at the bar and i was like oh my god i'm going to bar and i overheard you talking to your brother-in-law about this idea you got for a business that's a great idea for a business you got there it'd be a shame if you didn't follow through with it and if you're going to build that beautiful business you got to have a beautiful website hi i'm uh mafia don uh giovanni square space i think this is great no he's no juice i said it's great griffin yeah i've started a bit of a let's say organization that can help you with a beautiful website can i just a quick note i think you're saying beautiful like way too much with a sexy like i don't know what the i don't know what kind of like vibe you're going for with this guy with this character but he says beautiful okay let me try it a different way they've got beautiful templates beautiful drag and drop kind of click stuff beautiful text support so let's let's circle back to beautiful drag and drop like click stuff okay because that's not that's not in the copy and i'm not sure that they would appreciate that level of sort of abstraction okay they've got beautiful cutting edge design beautiful ways for you uh to offer your services and get beautifully paid uh all in one beautiful place um we've all used square space at this point to make a plethora of websites i think and how would you describe those websites in like one word griffin beautiful and you but we don't know anything about the internet or making stuff on it and so i mean i guess podcasts but that's like fucking nothing it's like nothing but websites can be tough to make them and make them look good but unless you use square space because square space is the the best i think they're even better than look good griffin i think yeah good is an under so head to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code my brother to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain beautifully done beautiful hey you know it can be tempting to just not think about something that you haven't done for a long time and you're like oh i'm not engaged with for a long time i get it you haven't thought about star wars 20 years and it's overwhelming to think about but rocket money if you've been doing that with your finances is a great way to get back on top of things they're gonna look at your subscriptions they're gonna look at your uh everything they're gonna dig through everything and you can beg them to stop they won't no they will if you ask them to but they're gonna look through all your uh your subscriptions and say hey did you remember you're paying for this and they might be able to help you uh a few bucks on it they have something you're doing a great good cop can i back up for a second yeah sure man hey grow up grow up get your finances in order be as cool be a grown-up with rocket money they'll help you grow up come on okay now you good cop again okay please specifically don't do a good cop bad cop yeah rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings what's that mean for you the layman or lay person it means that you're very good yeah just so inclusive and natural i'm really your special sticker thanks man i whoa it came to the screen yeah i'm gonna put that the good ally ribbon on your forehead today yeah every you know what griffin no matter how you express your gender you cannot know what you're talking about thank you lay person what a great what a great word let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster join it don't be like griffin grow up come on join it rocket my dot com slash my brother that's rocket money dot com slash my brother rocket money dot com slash my brother okay i want a munch squad i want to munch squad squad welcome to the podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating with everything going on with all the commotion of like star wars day and like max fun drive i haven't been able to cover some of the biggest stories uh in the world so i was like i want to do a quick survey like an overview real quick um first off this is like this is the first thing i want to tell you guys about and this one isn't funny oh okay okay so is it sad it's not sad no it's just like i would just want to talk to you about it real quick all the burgers are gone this isn't fun this is this this isn't funny i just want to ask you about this first of all huh leisure unveils mother's day menu first of all like all right how fucking good are these things look yeah that's what i want to ask you guys first this mother so i don't i don't even i'll be honest dude i don't know what i'm looking at tool is yours here to celebrate and honor special mothers in your life with a new lineup of cakes pastries and beverages so i'm just going to tell you that this is a ube spiral croissant flaky croissant dough filled with nutty ube cloud cream filling dipped with a ube white chocolate coating and topped with a white flour cc's pizza is bringing back the ole who do you turn to when you want to celebrate the ube cloud cream filling great cinco de mayo and that that incredible battle over the french of incredible victory you go to cc's pizza for their ole tuesday pizza and you've been asking for it trav you've been asking for this one i know from me a lot and you are not alone cc's has heard you it's because when people ask me hey do you want to go to like where do you want to celebrate you want to get some pizza to celebrate i say cc like yes yes yeah yes yes yeah absolutely yes we're changing our name to yes yes's pizza the nation's it says cc's pizza the nation's original all-you-can-eat buffet an iconic dining destination for families since 1985 there is no way they predated the pizza lunch buffet right no way no chance but all-you-can-eat pizza buffet i pizza hut never came to me and said that's enough pie for you uh senora mama me you've had enough of our delicious italian pie and pizza a lot of really good it's bringing back a lot of responsible accent work this episode i want to give everybody a special ally sticker for that a lot of ethical thoughtful accent play guys the nationwide return of its ole pizza a nostalgic taco style pizza huh what nostalgia could i possibly be experiencing the ole pizza combines heat texture and flavor all based on cc's signature crust the holy triumvirate of food make food that doesn't have one of those things that's fucking great this is a flavorless textureless but incredibly hot yeah jolly rancher has this new line of food that's fucking great this is a flavorless textureless but incredibly hot the flavorless hard candy's coming out and you just suck on them and they're just kind of in there and then they're gone we've had a lot of guests asked about this one over the years says jeff hetzel pretzel of cc's pizza and tragically not wetzel's pretzels the ole pizza is one people remember and the great thing about cc's is if you don't see it on the buffet we'll make it for you okay i want to pause here because one second do you want to stop so i could say one time out loud jeff hetzel president of wetzel's pretzels because i didn't want to hear it too now go ahead that does sound good jeff making the claim that people remember it and ask questions about it does not necessarily imply enjoyment or quality there are terrible things that have happened to me in my life that i'll never forget and that i have many questions about jeff did not just say everyone loved it so much they better - Yeah, I also need to pull over real quick and stop. Jeff says we've had a lot of guests asked about this one over the years and then Jeff goes on to say the great thing about CC's is if you don't see it on the buffet we'll make it for you well which the fuck is it Jeff which the fuck is it is it that people have asked you to make an ole pizza and you said eat shit no way or is it like maybe in a few years or is it yeah no problem this is CC's we'll put whatever garbage out there you want you know what I mean like which is it Jeff yeah in the meantime we're bringing it front and center for Cinco de Mayo so guests can enjoy it fresh hot and ready as part of the buffet wait a minute so is Jeff saying we would have made you an ole pizza the whole time all you had to do was ask you fools no one no one solved our riddle yet so we're disappointed we have to announce that this whole fucking time you guys could just be asking for ole pizza you just had to know the right combination of words and then you could have had an ole pizza it's the CCARG it's a CC it's the CC's P-P-A-R-G-A uh so that is that that story very important a lot of important work going on now this is the one that I I think might be um too visual and apologies if it ends up being too visual but I did want to share it with you because I have long suspected part of the the sadness of Munch Squad for me is that I have long known that AI when it comes for writing jobs the first job that's going to come for the the writing that no one but me is reading and I think that that that is that is there's a sadness to that but and and I and so my spirit though has been buoyed somewhat by the realization that it will also mean people are going to start using AI images in their press releases uh no matter the impact that might have on their brand so let's talk about Kona Ice's partnership with Gabby's Dollhouse oh wow oh no it's a nightmare on the left and it's hell on the right and grab Pandy's hand and hold on for your goddamn life holy shit dude this image is this image is really a this image is tough man the toughest part hey have you guys ever heard that new creepypasta about the about Gabby came to life and then uh just ate everybody how do I what would you just send me a fucking hyperlink to this image I need this to occupy my entire community computer monitor because I think there's there's fucking we gotta go we gotta go deeper we gotta go deeper in this image I mean just first thing it's a Kona Ice truck which is a flavored ice uh sort of truck and they have sort of one panel whole panel of their car is like carved out and that's where you can choose your flavor splashers but then behind the car there's just one of those racks of flavor splashers floating in zero space in no space I messaged you for some reason and also some sort of vertical hedge maze yeah is it yeah there is a 40 foot tall bush in this image definitely all rectangular there's a rectangular window cut out of the hedge about 20 feet off the ground it's insane it has turrets on the top it looks like it also it also has a it also seems to be that it's just Gabby standing by herself in front of her ice truck and she seems to have pulled up to some sort of villa or something it's just her there's no kids around there's there might be someone in the truck I'm like looking in the window it's like a half a silhouette of a person maybe this image I don't think is an official image of Gabby from Gabby's dollhouse either um there is a weird there's a weirdness to the proportions her legs are about 80 percent of her body this is a strange image is this an is this what the side of a Kona truck like I don't think they really use an image because there is a very upset looking crab at the bottom who also seems to be mad that he like scared that he's in there's no way that's a real Kono truck feature that right where the kids would stand there's a sad sad crab none of it is real there's also this like amazing thing where like it wants lines to keep going and it wants them to be the same like I like doing the grass on the truck I'm just gonna keep doing it on the ground it's like no stop that's the end of the truck you can't put another shelf there just because you want one I know you want it but you can't do that we gave the truck a shadow should we give Gabby one no no she's not real so it'd be weird to give her one Kona ice the nation's leader in mobile shaved ice is teaming up and apparently not driving someone in a goddamn Gabby costume 10 feet to have him standing in front of a truck is teaming up with DreamWorks animation a multi-million dollar company to celebrate the global smash streaming series Gabby's dollhouse that apparently can't afford a fucking 20-minute photoshop job this collaboration pairs Kona ice's commitment to community joy with Gabby's a meowsing world creating a multi-sensory experience for fans across the country uh the partnership represents a shared mission to inspire creativity imagination and fun I'm not kidding that's what it says in the press release underneath that image yeah unless I'm mistaken um in this very AI image it does say like DreamWorks or Dramworks on the sign yeah yeah you're right Trev it says DreamWorks I'm surprised I'm surprised I'm surprised I'm sorry Victoria it says DreamWorks on here it does look like the sad crab is gesturing to the DreamWorks logo as if to say like I did my best yeah sorry I'm sorry everybody I spelled it wrong don't tell Shrek it's celebrating uh to further add to the brand experience Kona ice will debut a specially designed licensed Gabby costume and a multi-sensory experience for fans across the I hope they got a human to do that each cup will feature Gabby herself bringing her signature smile it'll it'll feature an image of Gabby herself it's important to know it it will feature the name of Gabby and a depiction of character actor Robert Loja we're not sure why we went that way but like fuck it right bringing her signature smile and adventurous spirit to every Kona served beginning today these themed cups will be available at participating Kona ice trucks throughout the country serving as the perfect companion to the Rainbow Kitty magic flavor which did you not have a picture of was it a truck was it Gabby or was it not those two things because those are the only two mission critical things to this image which did you not have access to you couldn't just give us a picture of what this Rainbow Kitty magic I mean look like in the cup that she's not the thing that I can't express to you and if you're not looking at this image somehow she's not looking at you and it's like worse yeah you know what I mean like she's I don't know why but she's looking above you a little bit like there's someone like she's hoping a taller better person will come up behind you and take her away from this that's the expression on Gabby's face it's also not what Gabby like if I show this image to my kids who have watched and enjoyed Gabby's dollhouse and said you know Gabby they'd be like who is this who is this this is who this is Gabby this is look this looks like someone that's trying to lure you into a van to take you away from your mommy and daddy this sucks uh how about another question I would love that though um I am a 30 year old man who loves ice cream but does not like food waste for spending money I'll walk home from work past several convenience stores and occasionally buy an ice cream however I've noticed that it's often cheaper to buy a box of three or four ice creams from the frozen section than to buy a single ice cream from the to-go section I want to buy a whole box to save money and to give the surplus ice cream away to strangers they are individually wrapped but I'm worried people will I haven't read the rest of this sentence but they will be suspicious and think I'm trying to poison them or sell them something also I have to get people to accept these ice creams quickly so that we can all enjoy them before they melt so how do I give away this ice cream quickly without making it weird and that's from United by ice cream in the United States and I will just say I'm so excited to have someone write in who uses like ice cream is like a noun like a singular noun and I feel like can we do that just for this one time this one question because I love that like have an ice give me an example of like have an ice cream like they have they have an ice cream instead of several ice cream no not some ice cream yeah instead of that yeah instead of that it's like a like a ice cream like here's a here's an ice cream I can give to you that's why I like that I said cream and ice I don't do this yeah yeah you can't maybe things are different over there I don't know we haven't we haven't kept close tabs on y'all for for 250 years now but like with our own stuff we wouldn't do that over here I gotta say I loved we sell them you know I don't know why my assumption would be this is poison but it would be it would be I don't know why I think people are walking around going into convenience stores buying a box of ice cream then pulling I guess a laden syringe out of their pocket and injecting arsenic I suppose into the ice cream but that's what I would assume poison's not my first assumption anymore in 2026 I do feel like it's more of a I'm gonna be worried that I'm about to get a real hard timeshare like if someone comes up it's like ice cream i have extra i would not say yes because then they would like say hey have you ever thought about joining the disney vacation club or some shit yeah you know how you're not supposed to feed wild animals because you're teaching them that it's safe right i would have to work through so much internal stuff to be able to accept an ice cream from a stranger and would i be better off at the end of it no you know what i mean would i be would i be in a better state emotionally if it's like you know i used to be hesitant about accepting ice creams from strangers but now i do it all the time like i don't think you're better off we talk a lot in society about breaking down emotional walls and barriers and stuff but some walls are there like a flood wall keeps water out when the flood rises i don't think accepting random food from random people is a thing of like i don't know why we stopped doing that but no we built whole systems like you have to get a license a application you have to fill it out yeah oh yeah to sell food to people and you're just gonna be like oh i'm a unlicensed like ice cream vendor you can trust me you know i'm not are you sure that you're up to any nefarious it sounds like you're not but what i am saying is if you told me hey over the next 100 days 100 different people once a day are going to offer you ice cream all of them are confident that they're going to be kind and good people who wish you know no way no you just can't i'm trying to imagine what a day where a hundred people offer me ice cream even looks like travel not a hundred people i i tried to clarify one every person you interact with for a hundred days it's a different person each day so for a hundred days every person i interact with tries to give me ice cream no it's one person a day different times of the day you never know when they're gonna come it might be first thing in the middle you've just finished how many days in a row does that happen before you're like i need help i need professional help this is the weirdest version of the truman show i've ever been in it's some kind of viral marketing campaign for ice cream mr beast is really fucking with me like a personal beef i don't know jim carrey is the creamy man coming this summer to your big movie the cream will rise this summer why because it's creamy yeah c-r-e-a-m why somebody creamy yeah there it is somebody call me creamy pete anybody cream creamy guy if you cream him you won't learn nothing the cream the cream that's my liar liar yeah the claw it's like the best i don't know i don't these creamie penguins i've never seen mr popper's penguins but i assume it still works i love you creamy morris i haven't seen that one either yeah um honey i don't think we should watch the truman show anymore uh this if it's gonna be all this kind of content um i think i think our family is oh what's he doing with the cream now oh honey turn it off ever since they sold the truman show to borden's it's really gone downhill the movie what the movie would be fundamentally different if if he had turned out to be a pervert if they had just like a constant press conferences from the production company of the tv show the truman show having to be like hey guys so next season we're gonna do our best to like get him get him out of i mean he's really just kind of at his computer watching some pretty heavy shit um pornographically speaking for like six hours a day and like we can do our best we can send laura lenny in there to be like do you want to come drink oval tea with me but instead he's probably going to be like nah i just found this new website and i gotta jork like eight or nine times and i know there's people out there who love this arc for the truman show but please understand we're trying to make a family-friendly product here and we're worried about him we're worried about too much yeah thank you so much for listening to our podcast i hope you've enjoyed yourself i hope that you grew learn something as a person maybe so we got some new merch over there in the merch store if you can go over to mackerel merch.com namely or first off i should say we got a count donut cape vault sticker designed by nate freeberg yes the very same sticker that count donut puts on his cape vault you can now have your very own cape vault don't you want to have a cape vault sticker like your hero count donut now you can protect your capes folks we've also got new mugs over there that don't talk to me until i've had my podcast mug that i like all butts and no guts and i'll see you in the next one bye bye government mug uh and also a digital cross stitch pattern of that my brother my brother and tea available alone or in a bundle with a mug and 10 of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the first nations development institute i want to thank montaigne for the use for a theme song my life is better with you um a powerful song a mantra for some and i'm just so grateful i'm just so grateful and thankful that we get to use it thank you montaigne and montaigne said some really nice things about us on their uh on their website and i'll see you in the next one bye bye tick tock so now we're saying nice things about them again and the cycle cycle's gotta stop somewhere you can also pre-order the adventure zone story and song right now it's the final adventure zone graphic novel in the balance series you can go to theadventurezonecomic.com and get it there i could throw this tape measure and try to hold on to the tape measure side and see how far i can get it oh that could be cool yeah okay yeah throw the tape measure but hold on to the tape measure side but you really need to throw the tape measure very hard you ready yeah i'll throw it from the camera we can see how far i can get it okay don't break your shit cool my name is justin mackleroy i'm travis mackleroy i'm griffin mackleroy my brother my brother may kiss your dad square on the lips maximum fun a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you