MBMBaM 805: The Most Forbidden Fritos

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? What, Daryl? It's the start of something beautiful. A small quaintant has blossomed, it's rapping into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me, hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach, my life it feels like, it's better, it's better with you, my life it's better, it's better with you, this is too hard, it's better, it's better with you, my life it's better with you. Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and me. It's an advice show for the modern era, we're so happy to have you here, and yeah, I'm the oldest brother out in here, Justin McElroy. Sorry, the rhythm got thrown off a little bit, sorry, what's that? So I'm Chad Nation, it's me Emile, it's my brother, Travis Big Dog, Wolf Wolf, room for him, the heater, McElroy. And I'm Griffin, guys, I will admit to having taken my eye off the ball a bit for the book, for the stowaway, I'm out now at Fine Book Retailers, I took my eye off the ball, and so I can't help but blame myself for Tim Shalamay's entirely unnecessary, just absolute brand-tanking. I know he kind of relies on me a little bit, so I advise on how to do a good job with your brand and stuff, and I wasn't there for him, I guess what you need me most, and so he has stepped in major do-do, and I just, I apologize, I apologize for the cellying of Wonka. And he tried to drag McConaughey down with it too. Did you see McCut, that clip, Tim Shalamay's like, at least I'm not doing anything fucking boring and stupid like ballet or opera, and you see, you don't see Matt McConaughey as he like, for that frame, he's just like a log in the background, and then a log with a mask on, and then once that moment's passed, pff, he's back, he's not trying to catch that shit. No, for a man who like embodies the spirit of, all right, he's like, no, I can't, now that would have ruled, this would have been a great educational moment, if he had said, nah, nah, Bronco, that was almost a good Matt McConaughey, and I gave myself, I don't know what you were, you heard how good it was, I heard how good it was, honestly freaked me out, where he's like, nah, Bronco, listen, these are beautiful art forms, and you need to apologize. If he had said like, you're right, Matt McConaughey, that was hugely unnecessary, what was I saying? These are classical art forms that are still highly sought after artistic endeavors, and I am, I do apologize. All of a sudden everybody's wild about his fucking ping pong movie again, but nope, we'd have no teaching moment. He also made it sound like if his acting career were to go south and fail, yes, he would accidentally end up doing ballet or opera. Dude, yeah, it's all three of our backup plan, right, guys? If this podcast thing ever goes under, I can either sing high loud for long times or spin on my tippy, tippy, tippy toes. One of those will be my other job for sure, astronaut, ballet, or sing, those are the three. It probably won't come as a surprise to you guys, sometimes the nuance of some of these situations escapes me on the social end of it, and I'd like to clarify something, this is for my own safety, is, are we mad at Timothy for saying that opera and ballet are boring? Are we mad at Timothy for thinking that opera and ballet are boring? Tim is obviously allowed to think whatever he wants, and ultimately I think that's okay. That's okay. That's okay. You can't juice, and we'll say this, you can't get in trouble for not enjoying opera, ballet. It's allowed to not enjoy this promise you do. I promise you do. Here's my thing, guys. I love one of those, and I fucking hate the other one. But I'll never say which one, because I'm not a fucking Joker like Tim Shellumette. I wasn't there for him when he needed me to say no, cousin, don't. Unprompted too. Unprompted. Damn, stress. It's not like the interviewer was like, hey, do you think opera and ballet are boring? Yes or no? Yeah. No, because he wouldn't set him up like that. If you're going to go after an art form, you've got to start smaller with, like, jugglers. You guys see how much we do juggler shit? Yeah. Are you circling back around for jugglers? I'm just saying the corpse? We had a pretty fucking good grift going there for a while. We're the three of us determined apropos of nothing, actually, juggling's kind of played. And we didn't get anything, because we slow rolled into it. We didn't just say, like, no one's allowed to juggle any more. Like, that would have set off alarm bells, um, and also we're not-- Okay. Okay. I have a legitimate question, and it is completely separate from the Timothy Schell made conversation. Okay. So if you try to draw parallels, I don't even want to hear about it. Okay. Can you change your lighting in your room to, like, designate that this is, like, happening in different control? I've lost control. Oh, did you? I'll bomb a little bit in this dramatic look. Yeah. I need you in there. Yeah, I've read it. Not a foracle? Huh. Seize. Both, dude. They'll used to be, like, huge. And actually, the way that we say someone, do you think that that started with, like, one person was, like, in the middle of a vavel show, and maybe they had, like, heard about movies, or they saw movie yesterday, and they, like, middle of vavel stood up and were like, guys, this is cooked. It's done. I'm done with this. This is so played. This is cooked. Or do you think it was the person doing it, looked out at the audience, and everyone, the audience is like, this sucks. The person on stage is like, guys, I have an announcement to make. You may be thinking by yourself that this is boring, but everybody else is, and I'm going to stop doing it. Where? This is the end of, no one wants our dance sketches or magic anymore. It's time for the incredibly appropriate giant hook to pull me away for the last time. I know a dead body down the eddy rondax. I know what you are saying. Certainly, there's some things to preserve, but I'm here to tell you, there's so much racism in vavel. We could wipe it. We're going to turn all these old feeders into movie feeders now. We're just the whole, we're done, we're done with it. The people that are best at it, one, you can be in movies, two, never talk about the racism thing. Every game, please. Movies are completely different. Ignore the guys. It's so different. You guys. So different. Never any racism in movie. Never any racism. It's not like in vavel. Please, you guys can't keep doing this. It's completely separate from a conversation about opera and ballet, which are foundational art forms that have gone on to inspire many other forms, and if you're just trying to draw a parallel, you're wrong. Hey, listen, I'm going to do this as a public service for other actors and stuff who find themselves in this position where they need a poll of like, I don't want to end up being I think you can safely reference the blue man group. Like I don't, I would hate from Mike, what? They're cool as hell, man. I'm not going to kick them. They're cool. They bang. Yeah. I don't want to like, they already did them in an arrested development too, Travis. So the ground right. I think Travis was just soft launching his like, now it's time to raise the blue man group. And I don't think that's one. I don't think that's the organic next step from jugglers. I think we would need to move on to people who are still juggling. They did not get to miss. That's true. Maybe more than ever. Yeah. Not as many though. That's nasty. That's true. No, it's fewer people juggling more. Yeah. Sure. More pins and balls. The biggest night. The scariest thing with with juggling is the number of balls. So maybe they got to like 12 or 13 and some of it was like, that's it. That's the peak. We can't do any more than this. That's the that's the limit of like juggling technology for nothing. I think if you go be, you think it's nine. That's the record number of little hacky sack level balls. Don't look at that. Don't you look at it up like number of things juggled at once. That's the number right? Yeah. Number of things juggled at once. Number of things juggling at once. All right. Let's don't Google it. Okay. I guess I'll guess and then I'll Google the answer. This is our new segment. Don't Google it. Okay. I can say it on three. No, no, the three. Yeah. Let's take a second. Yeah. I have a question because what I've been vamping. No balloons either. Balloons doesn't count because balloons you can like hit really hard and then they stay up for a longer time. So what is the question? While I was vamping, I forgot it. The largest number of uniform solid objects with normal wind resistance kept aloft by a juggler. or let's say two full rotations of it. I think we can, like if anybody can throw, I don't wanna throw it with a standard. I'm not throw 28 things in the air. And then be like, 28 in the air. The world's greatest juggler. No, okay. I need to get a few rounds through that. I like your count idea. Let's do the count. I'll say a number. Okay. Okay, so we're gonna do one, two, three, go. Right? Okay. Yeah. One, two, three, go. Four, two, six, 12, 14 and 26. I like my spot right in the middle. I'm feeling actually pretty good. All right, let's Google it. Number of, let's see. 33 consecutive catches. But he's got, so 11 balls. He made the most catches with 11 and 13 balls. God, I think 13, shit, guys, it might be 13. How is someone not beat that? No, my boy, Alex Barron, 14 bean bags, 14 catches. What's up? I got it right on the fucking money. I know these guys. I know what they're capable of. And they do not scare me. They don't scare me any. Do you hear that, Jugglers? We know the whole thing. The whole fucking thing. We know the whole fucking thing. We get it. You're not gonna speak back in and be like, what about the 14? No. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. No, I seen you doing it. I thought Uncle Vodville pulled up in the truck. Uncle Vodville pulled up in the truck. He said, get in, Juggling. We're going to heaven. I'm telling you, I looked at what you guys did and I was like, 14 is the max. And I can imagine it. So you don't even need a bother doing it. I'm not scared. He was tracking the pathways of everything. Grievous said, that's max capacity. That's max. You can't go any more than that. Bang, bang. They bump it into each other. Hey, but do hit me. I don't know. My camera's out of focus. I got to do hit me up if we ever get that number up to 15. Alex Barron, we're all rooting for you. 15, 15 balls, 15 Juggs. Are you kidding? That would be sick, dude. You're making me wish I had 15 hairs. Oh, wait, 30. One for each ball and jug. Well, and then another 30 to clap for myself. 60 hands. My, the greatest fear I have with AI is that it becomes so impressive that someday my daughters are impressed by the side of a human being juggling. Yeah, that's the real terrifying scenario. If it goes all the way back around where they're like, now that's something you don't see every day. Because they do so many incredible computer movies. Yeah, damn it. Damn these computer movies. This is an advice show. We help people. We say, hey, sometimes we drop the fucking ball. I can't fix Tim's whole deal. I live the DMV. I know what you're thinking. Cool. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Cool. Thanks, Ruby. You can do it. You can do it. It's a mix of files. It misses basically. Is it the Dallas Metro? No, my boy. It's DC, Maryland and Virginia. Okay. I live in the DMV and frequently take the Metro to great. I should have, if I had gotten a metro, I would have known. Yeah, probably. Sorry. Here in Ohio, it's the BMV, the Bureau of Motor Vehicles. We get it, guys. You're, you're weird. You're quirky. I live on the plum other side of town. No, my total trip is often over an hour. Sometimes I will watch someone who looks like they're going to slash from work just fall asleep. My question is, should I wake them up? I would be mortified if I slept past my stop. So I want to help out. But I also know lots of people have ways to alert slash wake them at a specific stop. That's from dumbfounded in the DMV. I've never, I don't take the public transit living in Cincinnati and more than that working at home. But would you travel a lot for tours and stuff? And sometimes if it's a plane with a meal and my seatmate has fallen asleep, I do often think like, do I need to wake them up, let them know the meals there? And then I remember that there is nothing more precious to me than sleeping when I am able to. Right. You don't want to be the thief of that. You also don't want to, to a stranger go, hey, hey, time for numb, numbs. Wake you up. Wake you up. Wait, wait, numb, numb time. Hey, little birdie. How the fuck would you decide when to wake this person? That is the thing to me. How would you know there's to it? Yeah. That's the, that's the X I can't solve for, right? Like the instant they does, they may just be meditating. So you have to give them a full 20 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So at that point, how do you feel? Minimum. Minimum. It takes me 40 to bus these days. I think, I think we could deductive reasoning a little bit, because it's not the next stop, right? They wouldn't have fallen asleep if they're getting off at the next stop, right? Right. What if they were asleep when you boarded the train? They've been on there for a god knows how long. Then it's, then it's beyond somebody else, somebody else responsible. Now it's a fucking collateral situation. Maybe they have passed away and they've been on the train for a long time and no one knows it. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. They're going to miss their stop no matter what. Yeah, I guess so. Or maybe they've reached their final stop. Their final destination. Heaven. Yeah. You know, at the end of every train loop when it, like, it gets to the end and they just like do a UE. Go back the other way. Oh, yeah. Yeah. If they were like, we're about to do the UE. That would be a, yeah. I think that's a fair time to waste, somebody else. Well, man, when you're on the train, when it flips, shitties, you're not staying put in your seat. That is the centrifugal force of that act of a train doing a hairpin, you turn. But that'll absolutely put you down on the floor. So that will solve the problem, ultimately. Also, I assume organic material cannot survive whatever that process is. Right. How does that even happen? It goes in. It condenses down to a molecular level, goes through some kind of tube and then gets re-expanded back out. I can't explain. No, man. They go on one of those turntables I can Thomas in France. Oh, shit. They get on one really big. Yeah. They're on the ones in twos. No, they don't do that. Although, I bet they could. That theme song fucking slaps. I feel like I've heard that theme song mashed up with hip hop tracks more than any other British kids television theme song. That pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, put me on the subway. Sorry, the Metro. Flip me around on one of those turntables real fast. Get me all dizzy and stuff. That sounds kick-ass to me. You could do a loud cough. When the stop's coming up, just like a, no, man, COVID kind of spoiled that whole idea now because that sets in too much panic for everyone. Accidental wake up is the best I got. I think that's not bad, Travis. Not a cough. That's tough, but. Oh, well, will he? A beatboxing. Yeah. Drop a big textbook. Big fart. Big fart. Yeah, dude. No. That's how I said it all. I said it all. I said it all. I said it all. I said textbook. None of the sounds in the word I said are big loud. Travis, it's like, it's like a confined space. Yeah. That's so bad. None of the words I said are big. Now, juice, where you think Travis, Travis, get more thinking- Travis, get more thinking. Or do that sucks. Travis, read more thinking. It would be the sound of the fart that will wake them up or just how grody it smelt. It's a one-two punch. I guess so. You're tackling many senses, all. Like smelling salts. Can I hit you with this? Tap them on the shoulder. They wake up suddenly, be like, hey, a pickpocket almost got you, but I got rid of them. I kept you safe and I protected you. Oh, you think you're trying to pick their pockets? One, they wake up. That's good for them. See, I had that thought. If you touch them at all to wake them up. If you touch me and rouse me awake on the subway, my immediate thought is, you've got my stuff. Now, you- We're not telling you to touch anybody on this shit. That's pretty much. No, we would never ever say that for any reason. But this is why this idea in particular is an on-starter, but if you did do it, you could say, I'm not pickpocketing you. Someone else tried to. Then they jumped out of the train, moving at full speed, but I say, anyway, is this you? Are you coming up? Is this your wallet? Is this your wallet? Oh, shoot. Okay. I've made less strange assumptions when waking up from a nap, to be honest. Like, oh, it comes at somebody and says, yeah, okay, I know what happened here. Because you're walking out the door at your stop, you're just going to do a real, like, reach through the door. Tap their shoulder. You're gone. No touching. Tap the window. There's other stuff you can tap. Oh, tap their window. You've drawn a little heart and some fog. You've blown on the window and said, and you've written all you tiny letters here, but when you huged a huge heart, that's what I said, Griffith. Sorry, dude. I misunderstood. You've written in the heart. You missed your stop. Love Travis. Yeah. That works too, man. We've got a lot of good ideas. You have to write it backwards, though, so they can read it. Can you play your out and your new mixtape? Pretty loud and say, hey, everyone, hit me up for my soundcloud details. Here's my top single. Stop's coming up, Derek, and it's a special song. I kind of will switch in the name, kind of like those people who's seeing Happy Birthday on YouTube. But then they cover up their mouth and ADR and afterwards, like, mooso. This is where, in reverse, a sign would hell. If you're good, if you know, like, I got 45 minutes on the Metro before my stop, a little sign around your neck that says, I set a timer on my phone. I know where my stop is. Yeah. Don't bother me, because I feel like if you're on the train with any regularity, like, you know the rhythms. It's easy. Yeah. You know what I mean? You know, you don't, I don't show my eyes what I'm waiting on a flight. If I don't have an alarm set. Right? - I'm a plan, I'm an adult, I'm an adult, I'm an adult. I made it this far, this many years, without you nanny stating me, you know? - Guess what happens if they do miss their stop? They get to go on a long, romantic night time train ride through the city looking up the window at the street lamps through the raindrops on the glass, just having a full my dinner with Andre kind of moment. That's cool, that's huge. We don't get a lot of that stuff. Seeing plastic bag fly around in the city, you only get that kind of shit living here, you guys. Justin, is that a trader's branded water bottle? - Well, Travis, I don't like to brag, but yes it is. - That's sick as shit. - Yeah, dude, as a former employee of CISO, they didn't send me all the NBC, Peacock, Brandon-- - I don't get shit! - You don't do? - You don't do? - Technically the son of CISO, CISO son. - Peacock. - So they do send me all of the great trader stuff. - Yeah. - No, I bought it. - I got my whole on it with a tank top for my wife. - Six months ago I started-- - My job. - I got a cool, this is us lunch box. (laughing) - This is lunch on the side. - No, this is the cape, the cape. This is the cape from the cape, the cape cape. This is your own cape. Six months ago I started my job as a janitor at my local school. One of my janitorial duties is to look at things and see if they're dirty. And if things are dirty, I clean them. - Is that one of your janitorial duties or perhaps-- - A lot of them. - A lot of them, probably. - I've noticed that now I look at everything this way, even when I'm not at work. How can I stop myself from looking at everything with my janitor eyes and feeling they need to clean all the time? That's from clean keeper in Kenosha. Oh, you could do what I do. Clean until people ask you to stop politely. That's a strategy that I use if things are irritating me in the day-to-day world and I'll start shaking a little bit and if people tell me to stop, then I do. And that's it. That's the end of the behavior. It's a pretty simple one to follow. - I'll just say it's just straight it up. - Just go ahead and straighten it up. I mean, just-- - Yeah. - And then it's strained and you get a little break from it for a little while, don't you? - It may be harder when it's your job and you're not doing it for the love of the game. 'Cause that's me, that's, you know what I mean? I'm just doing it to keep my brain chugging. - You ever thought about going pro? - Oh, I try to have. That's the dream, isn't it? But I don't think I have the back for it. And honestly, I've only got one good wrist now. And you need to watch a little movie called The Rookie, Justin about an elderly man who I think is a teacher but turns out he's good at pitching. That's the difference though. I'm not good at pitching. I wasn't when I was young and I'm not now. - This would be about a baseball player who realized he was maybe good at teaching. Now that his wrist didn't work as good anymore. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, which is a different film. - Good one. - Still wide. - Good, a good flick. - There's gotta be janders. I mean, assuming you're not just talking about like at your house, like you're at the mall or whatever, go find a janitor and just janitor to janitor be like, I was looking with my janitor eyes and they'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, I noticed some spots. I've highlighted them here on this map to let you know where they are so you can, you know, go take care of them. - What a janitor to janitor. - What if you straighten it up and you're like cleaning the spot and then out of the corner of your periphery you see another janitor like how that was better you. - This is my life, this is my livelihood. This is how I put food on this. Are you coming back tomorrow to clean up that apple? Because if not, you've done nothing systemic. It's a band-aid, you know. - I have a cycle going. - I have a cycle going off. - This is an ecosystem. It's all sustainable. If you pick that up now, what will the ants eat for lunch? I leave the food for the ants. I have a plan. - The ants eat all the food and then the rats move the food to their house. I don't have to clean up the food 'cause the rats and the ants eat it. - We have a bargain. The cats eat the rats and their big bushy tails sweep the floors. It's a whole fucking system. - It's a whole thing. - Yes. - The dogs are chasing the cats. They have all sponges on their feet and they're cleaning the linoleum. It's a whole thing and you fucked it all up. - Now what do the cows do? I'm glad you asked. The cows chew up the weeds that grow in between the tiles inside the mall because I haven't done my job. - And the geese are the nannies that keep this whole jolly circus a moving. - I know how part of it. You are goose now, magic. - I know that we have talked about the little ladies who sold the fly a lot, probably on this show. - Yeah. - It remains a wild one to me. When I like read, we have a book version of it that Gus wants to read sometimes. And like, I don't know, man. Why did you swallow a dog to get a cat? That's first of all kind of wild. Like maybe sure, maybe a particular type of like wild dog and like a kind of nasty cat. Like maybe he'll go after it and eat it. But then a goat to get the dog is like so out of fucking pocket. What is a goat going? Are goats famously unchilled to dogs? Are they predators in the wild? - Especially once you swallow it all of them, they're gonna team up in the enemy of my enemy. Like, - Everything after cats just bonkers. Cow for goat? - No. - Moo, I'm gonna fucking kill you, go friends. If anything, they went to college together. - And then a horse to get cow is like, actually those are out of order. Horse for goat, that I get. I would totally send a horse in after a goat. And then maybe a cow after a horse, but like cow's bigger than a horse. So what the fuck do you think though? The horse isn't gonna do anything, but if it was, are you just talking about like mass? Because I think a horse is more powerful and taller. - I don't know. All I know is that this lady swallowed a horse and she died of course, but she made it through a whole cow. God damn dude. - Yeah. - It's sad and obviously like it's a sad Griffin. - Well, I mean. - She was a monster who ate a lot of animals alive, presumptuously. - Yeah. - And she had an Icarus style downfall for sure, but like props, props up. You got a lot of barnyard animals in there before you croaked and that's pretty impressive and cool and I want to make space and celebrate that. - I was looking it up because I was interested in the history and we don't know who wrote it, but this is, I really, this brought me a lot of joy. The earliest reference in the British newspaper archive to a song about a woman who swallowed a fly comes in an 1872 report in the era about a show called Britannia's Picture Gallery, the Polytechnic. A new comic extravaganza is here sung by Mr. Buckland being the story of a Mrs. Somebody who might be anybody and whose door for fate it was to sew all over the fly. (laughing) - You won't believe what happens next. - See Tim, this is what we're trying to tell you, Tim, is that there has always been a moment where this person is getting stoked out of their mind for the little lady who swallowed the fly 'cause it's new to them and they're like, the, she swallowed a dog too, this is fucking insane. - It got in there, right? There's no way. - No way. - Something else. - The Daily News in 1896 recounts how a Colonel Chatterton quote convulsed the assembled infants and most of the grownups with an inimitable song about a lady who swallowed a fly. So funny was this song that the people could not, they were always killed. They were on the floor laughing so hard at this incredible ballad. - Old-timing newspaper language is so vaguely threatening. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He convulsed the children. - What is that? - Jesus Christ. - Sorry, our first, our first evening, this is a quote from a performance of a show about the old lady who swallowed a fly. The hall was so packed that men were even perched on the window ledges. No audience could possibly have been more enthusiastic or shown their appreciation in greater degree. I'm sorry to not have that first program. Third officer Phillips and several of the other officers sat in the front row of the restroom, really the dressing room on concert nights. One of the officers recited, and I have never laughed so much as I did that night as he told us about a woman who swallowed a fly and then swallowed a cat to eat that fly. - No. - And the ball fucking out. - Okay, dude, I know you're excited. - So, dude, you jumped like four animals there. I know you stoked, but like, get it right, holy shit. - There was a dog in there somewhere, perhaps the dog was after the joke. - I was like, it's so hard, I can't remember it. - I passed out. - It was so funny. - For three hours, I laid on the floor of that feeder, unable to breathe. - I begged him to stop, I racked my brain, surely there cannot be a bigger animal than the cow. I beg of you, summing up no elephant. - My blackout was so powerful, I was pronounced dead at the scene and buried alive till I rung a bell and they dug me up. And when I got up, I said, "Oh, but what did she swallow next?" And I went back to the show only to pass out once more. - What they don't tell you in that article and hit because history has erased this fact, is that they also did it. So they did have someone swallowing all that stuff on set. And there was someone who did die on stage every single night. - Usually way before horse, most didn't get pass cat if I'm being 100% honest. But that's what people were like into because of World War I had really kind of like made things like really kind of violent and scary then. - In the 1872, something like that. - Just the fear of the upcoming World War, like they were planning. - We've got a World War coming up. We're pretty freaked out. - They all knew they saw how fast and loose arch dude, Franz Ferdinand was living and they all knew like it's it's a comment. Guys, he's made a lot of enemies guys. Yeah, everybody's mad at this guy. Let's uh, let's think break. Let's go to the money sign. Okay. Cool. That's me blasting off and I'm blasting off to a future where my money is working for me, rather than me working for my money. Can I come with you? Is there room in your space? Yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody can get on board. And while I'm in this rocket, I'm going to download an app called RocketMoney. Oh, there's separate, these are separate ideas. Wow. Yeah, yeah. I'm just in a rocket and I'm downloading because when I get back from space, I would like to fix my finances up. So I am downloading an app called that is interestingly enough, Tyler RocketMoney. That's very smart, Justin, because relatively like you will be moving at a different speed than the Earth. So you'll be gone for like a week, but like 60 years will pass and your debt will have piled with the fuck up. RocketMoney can look at your transaction history. I think that's right. And you'll also be taller. RocketMoney can look at your transactions and your wiener will be a little bit longer. They hate when you put that in the ad a lot of it wider. Sorry guys, listen. RocketMoney has nothing to do with your wiener getting longer. This is purely talking about being on a rocket that you spent money on. Which also doesn't have anything to do with rocket money. Not even that app. They can look at your transactions and say, hey, what about these subscriptions? Did you forget about these? This is something we can maybe help you out with and they will because you'll want them too because they've saved a lot of people a lot of us. We noticed you've just purchased a 15th drugling ball. Are you out of your goddamn mind? No. Are you aware of the risks? Don't you? That was money down the fucking toilet hole, dude. Let RocketMoney help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/mybrother. That's rocketmoney.com/mybrother. RocketMoney.com/mybrother. You know, Justin, when you return from space and six years has passed and it's only been a week for you, everyone you know and love will have aged. So will your furniture, the stuff in your house will have crumbled the dust and we'll have cool future furniture now. You will need to update your whole setup. Yeah. Travel that's true. Except you're wrong. Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Because I bought all my stuff at Wayfair. So it's very good and it didn't fall apart when I was in space. Oh, wow. That was cool. That was awesome. Yeah, it was a good idea. You know, reverse though. Yeah. You really fucking flipped it on traffic. That was actually really cool. I'm gonna have you buy new stuff at Wayfair when you got back. No need. He's already there. But I was already there. Step ahead in the imagination. Okay. Cool, man. I'll be outside the rocket, dying in the vacuum of space, I guess. I think Wayfair probably would rather us tell a story about someone who fixed their problems by shopping at Wayfair and not just saying like, "I have already shopped at Wayfair. So I'm good." They made great stuff. It doesn't have a role model, but a role model in the end. I'm the example that you guys are looking at. Yeah, but they don't often. You don't see a lot of commercials where the spokesperson pops them and goes, "Hey, you need to check out Wayfair." And the guy's like, "I already did." And they're like, "Oh, thank you so much." You look so automobile. Automobile commercials. They're like, "Don't even worry about this one. You already have one of the old automobiles, and it's totally great." I was gonna tell you about how you should get a new one. But it looks like this one's holding together pretty good. It's fine. That's cool, man. If you pull up to the car lot, they're like, "You need a car?" Well, how did you get here? Yeah. We're actually not going to let you buy a new car because that's irresponsible. That car is in good condition, man. You got no car. Five years on that, baby. No problem. I read it this whole office and found a lot of furniture on Wayfair that fit my exact specifications, including this big, big ass credenza behind me. I needed it to be right in three different dimensions than it was. And they got it here quick, and it looks great. There's so much stuff in my room that's all Wayfair. I couldn't be happier with it is where I go when I need some specific furniture because they're going to get you. I had an outdoor table. I got from Wayfair. It's been sitting outside underneath the cover. Just popped it off for the season. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beauty. Ready to rock. So find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home that's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R. on Wayfair every style, every home, every time. - Jalalalala. - Yes. - Jalalalala. - Oh, yes. - Jalalalala. - Jalalalala. - I wanna moot. - Squat. - Bra, bra, bra, I want to munch. - Squat. - Squat. - Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap. Welcome to much squatters podcast. This is a podcast profile and latest grace of brand eating fucking get comfy. - Go for it, all right. - Get comfy guys. - Because Taco Bell blacked out in the booth. - I'm gonna tell you about the absolute wildest menu announcement in all of human history. - Oh my god, juicy. - Oh my god, juicy. - I am gonna try to not use the rest of this fucking show. But if it gets to a point where you're like Justin, you're using the rest of the show, you gotta stop me, okay? - Okay, but if it's worth it, then I'm not gonna stop. - Guys, other people aren't doing this. The game is different for Taco Bell. They're on a different level. They're having, they announced 20 new menu items for 2026 at Live Moss Live. Let me say first, 2027 Live Moss Live, your boy hoops is right here. I don't know who's there, that's not me. They have a Bethesda style E3 announcement for new menu. - I don't get the invite that I didn't get the invite. So 2027, it's fine, but just like, - Next time, if not me, who? - Yeah. - Are you guys ready? - Yeah. - Don't look too closely at the screen, I'm about to show you because this is more of a cover image. And we are going to go item by item. Thank you so much to Snackelator for their diligent work in uploading all these incredible images. - I get all my images from Snackelator. - All right, here we go. - Oh my gosh. - First touch. - Wow, I mean, it's just like the first thing is a salad, not just any salad, but the flame and hot mini taco salad. - So guys, okay, so what we're looking at here, beautiful Christy and tortilla flowers, tiny tortilla flowers, stuffed with, it looks like beans and lettuce and some sort of cheese, but then also, - And other chips. - It got extremely spicy fritos. It looks like the world's most forbidden fritos on this thing. - It also looks like, frankly, a trap that you would take a bite out of it. - And it was immediately all over. - It's also one of the easiest to see the sauce. - Not mouth shaped at all. - It's rimmed, it's rimmed with the flame and hot seasoning around the rim of it. - Okay. - It's rimmed. - Okay. - Oh yes, I see that now. - We have Diablo Dusted Chicken Nuggets. Now, no prizes for this one. They're spicy chicken nuggets with a Diablo dust on them. - Yeah. - Mountain Dew Baha Midnight Zero Sugar. Now, this is just a sort of, thanks, from me to you. I love the delicious flavor of Baha Blast. Love to see a New Zero Sugar Baha Blast as somebody who's trying to cut down their sugar. I just wanna say thanks, not a joke here. Just awesome. - Great, great flavor, but the vanilla Baha Midnight makes me go fucking crazy. - It makes me go crazy, this one makes me go so fast. And so it's good to have a no sugar one. - Say, bring me a bitter mountain. - All right, a bitter mountain too, please. - Not show fries now permanent. - Yeah, permanent. - Permanent, right. - Permanent. - Permanent. - Anything, anything. - No, no, no, no, no, no. They don't say a limited time only. Not show fries are here to stay to prove it. We got new flamin' hot, not show fries. - So they're just making everything sort of way, way hotter itself. - Everything, not everything, but not show fries are way, way permanent and way, way hotter. - Some things are just less sweet. - Griffin. - Yeah, I guess. And I guess that's true, like Bob Midnight, zero sugar. - Next up, would you guys eat these? Would you guys eat flamin' hot? - No, not show fries? - Yeah, no way. - Maybe if I was facing execution and I wanted to go out sort of on my own terms. - I love not show fries so much and I would start eating them too fast before the spice really hit, you know what I mean? I wouldn't be able to recover from that. - I simply have a weak little mouth that would get burned by a little weak mouth. Milk bar X Taco Bell birthday cake empanadas. Pretty good, looks like they're pretty sweet. There's like sprinkles on the outside and sprinkles on the inside and a lot of cream. - There is no sprinkles. There's no way if I crunch into one of these empanadas, there's gonna be sprinkles on the inside. This is fucking AI. - This was fun. - This was fun. - I'm also just gonna go ahead and tell you. - Oh! - Sorry, Griffin, what did you say, bud? Cheese G? - Cheese is such a G-sliders, guys. These look like little Chalupa double cheese wrap Chalupa. - Guys, they're tiny. - Oh, I want these little cheese Gordina Cruz. - Oh my God, it just got with cheesy cheese stands for. - It's also what we call Griffin off show. - It stands for me, but it's also this, these are little cheesy Gordina crunch sliders that I can have 15 of. - Dude, there's cheesy cheese and you can have 15 cheesy cheese, no problem. - Man, there's only 14 cheesy cheese. I was just traveling staying at a hotel which is the only scenario where I I could eat one of these because I would need my own kind of habitat for the time. There's a comment on this where somebody commented starting to lose the plot. What plot were you following at Taco Bell that made sense until now? Yeah. Not never a cogent sort of. They put Dorito dust on shit. I guess it kind of makes sense now they're putting Frito dust on shit. Yeah, I adore GZG's, all I care about GZG's. This is my favorite menu item that we have loved. I love it. I love it. I love it. I, Jesus. God, I'm so uncomfortable wanting Baja Minnite pie. What's the sugar situation on this? I could tell you right now that's some wonderland ass-looking shit. Right? Yes. Yeah. You're getting that wonderland. You're getting it in a neverland. Yeah. That's not a real color. You got to believe in the pan. You're going to see this guy for sure. It looks like the Cheshire cat's face is going to appear on it. That's not real. He's fucking guys. Okay. See what that's like what they've done. You see that right? They can take a Mexican pizza and then they put another fucking one on top of it. They double-deckered it. They double-deckered it with a cantina chicken Mexican pizza with jalapeno citric salsa. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, guys. I said it. Cantina, cantina chicken Mexican pizza with jalapeno citric salsa. And it's got a sprinkle, a drizzle of red cabbage which fucking, I can't remember any fast food establishment ever serving up in their menu to any- but seeing red cabbage in this fast food menu is like, takes my breath away a little bit. It's like, I didn't know how it is. It's exquisite. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. Yeah. A lot of people. I love it. Between the red cabbage and the Baja Midnight. It's purple. I already bet. A lot of people. No, get ready. Let's see what's next. I have no idea. Oh. Crembrule Lake Contrap Slider. Interesting. I don't know. The image here is overexposed, but one of these sliders appears to be getting sucked up by some sort of brilliant white light. Like there's two beautiful caramelized beauties in the background and then one sort of desiccated husk of a- Yeah, there were two brothers on an island. You see Griffin. One of the brothers was good. But one of them was a Crembrule Crunch Flat Slider who also happened to be evil and controlled the smoke. I want you guys to know that restaurantbusinessonline.com said that the Crembrule Crunch Flat Slider was the best thing they've tasted all year. Now that's pretty high praise. It's a dessert crunch wrap with a vanilla filling and a caramelized cinnamon sugar crust. I can't even. I can't. It seems like a lot. It seems like it would be the best. You're right. Parrot with my cheesy G sliders slightly right home, a double-decker pizza pie. You know, I don't know. I think it's going to save you a lot of time on bathroom trips for the next three days, which is nice. Yeah. Because you'll live there. Mexican pizza and pizza. Oh. Oh. Now that's a Mexican pizza that they put in an impenata, guys. That's pretty good. That's a pretty good idea. Honestly. It's definitely called what they want, that is that really the way they have cross-sectioned this pizza impenata does give it huge pizza roll vibes. Yeah. Indeed. But I'm looking right here. Six pack for $6 in this economy. What did they say? What did they say? I would never say that impenatas are a rip or a fun play on a pizza roll. But when you do stuff them with pizza, it does begin to take on the loose shape of a Tatino's pizza roll. And it is like, but it's also like we, they invented the pizza. And then Taco Bell said, well, wait a second, we can do that. Well, we'll do that in our funky way. We'll do our funky fresh take on it. And now they've taken the pizza and they've put it back into the, the steak is eaten as its own tail, you see? Yeah. Because the pizza has gone all the way back to, out to the moon, like the Martian, right? It makes the pizza all the way out there and it's like, I'll come back. Now I'm back as an impenata. What if we learn how have you changed in this journey because you're back where you started? If anything, it's changed, it does. You know? Yeah. It's true. Hey, one of these, your first bite into it is going to turn inside of your mouth, like one of the bad guys from Indiana Jones when they open up the Ark of the Covenant. It's going to be a whole absolutely fucking blister your whole situation. And somehow this has burned in on my monitor, no matter how quickly you eat them, the last one will be freezing cold. There's no consistency of heat throughout your eating journey. Oh my God. Look at these little guys. Strawberry and cream. Oh, yeah. Like I expand the side. This is a, this is a taller one. They're going for some strawberries and cream Mexican pizza bites. They're like tripling down on Taco Bell dessert options in a way that's boggling my mouth. They're also just playing with form. It's like, this time we're all about littles and we're all about staccoms. We've got little staccoms and what's pizza doing in there? The words. Yeah. What is it doing in there for us? Strawberries? Sure. Cream. Circle? Is that what it's saying? It's round because they have other round things. They could have just called it strawberry and cream bite because that's what it is. Round with on top. It's kind of what they mean. It means. Yeah. Wait. This isn't it. You did fucking look at it. Look at it. And fire. Think for a second about what you're seeing. What is it? Hold on. Your brain. For a second, Travis, your brain isn't going to let you see it. Yeah. And then you'll be able to understand which is a razzle dazzle situate. Like, yes. You aren't able to hone in on what is happening in the image that is so this is an optical illusion. No, Travis, it's exactly what it looks like. The fire case of sauce packet is an edible sauce packet. Yeah. Fuck. Dude. Dude, you goofed that open. Do you see what I'm saying, guys? Yeah, dude. This is. This is. They had lost the plot. They're writing fucking Ulysses. They're gone. It's. They didn't start to think about if they should. You know? They didn't. They didn't. These come in a little like special red box that says like this has super duper hot. This is not a pop it in your mouth situation. You lunatic. You need to split the seams of this thing and apply it to other foods. It is not a gush or it is the world's worst gush or they give it to you on a big cardboard disc. It's the new Taco Bell Mexican cardboard pizza. It's perfect for serving. It's like a fried. It looks like a. It looks like a small square impignon, a full of fire casso sauce. It looks like a nightmare where you bite into a hash brown and it bleeds. Yeah. No, it's happening again. It looks like if I retired and I was 80 and I lived in the cabin in the woods. This is from Munch Squad. This is the image that you need to bring to the woods to get me to come out like I've seen everything. Yeah. One last thing. Okay. Let's see. This. Yeah. Casso Crack. Casso Crack. Continuble. Casso Crack. Continuble. It's my favorite V52 song. Casso Crack. I need it. It's hard. Come on. I'm sorry. Need this ball. Casso Crack. Carnita ball. Cantina ball. Cool Ranch Doritos and Flaming Hot Chicken Nuggets. Yeah. I'll eat 20. Sure. Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. Cool Ranch. Sorry. Okay. Cool Ranch Doritos with Flaming Hot Chicken Nuggets. But these are saying there's Cool Ranch Doritos Chicken Nuggets. Okay. I got confused by the. No, no, no. It's just like you. No, it's like you rode in your dream journal. It's Cool Ranch Chicken Nuggets. This image is also just reminding me that this is done in front of a live audience where a human being that worked for talk about had to get up at a podium and announce these things with some build up to it. Yeah. To the audience, which I hope would react appropriately. You know, they were losing their fucking minds, dude. Are they putting that dust back up on the hard shells, though? That's all like, that's genuinely all I care about. Yeah. That's a really good question, actually. I don't know if it's got, if it's just seasoning or if they got some like, I think there is the breading has some like corn, like tortilla, like ground up chips, firecracker burritos, a red flour tortilla shell filled with seasoned rice, a nacho cheese sauce, seasoned beef, fiesta tortilla strips, creamy chipotle sauce. This is where I'm always with them, and then they got to lose me a little bit with reduced fat sour cream. And then, yeah, a sprinkling of cayenne poppin crystals for flavor and texture experience that is, quote, sure to surprise, yes, which is high and inked. Yeah. Poppin Christ pop rocks, pop rocks, cayenne pop rocks. That's what they're doing over there. Just at Taco Bell, yeah. I've always had the thought when I did pop rocks of like, I wish this had an even worse kind of like impact. I wish this hurt. Yeah. I want to pay you a little more. Yeah. Yeah. Salt and straw taco latte chiller. I can't believe I got that through that on my first try. Griffith, I was sitting here wondering if you were going to get it, but you did. Salt and straw. It does look like it says taco late. I think it's chocolate because taco latte would have two teas. Oh, that's right. Okay. All the flavors, all the flavors fans love from the original taco latte. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I think it's a chocolate. - I think it's a chocolate. - You would say, it's a chocolate. - An overnight sensation when it debuted in 2025 are now blended and served as a sipable chiller. So it's a chocolate chiller. It's the perfect evolution of salt and straws to take on a nostalgic ice cream taco. - Whatever dude. - So it's a nice. - Every other, every fucking, every fast food place is like, and come to us for your morning Joe. That's not what I use you for. - We got strawberry herchata refresca. - Sure, let's get started. The whole brew with purple herchata cold foam. - Purple, purple morn, yes. - So there, that is the absolutely stunning. - Yeah. - Earth shaking. Press release from Taco Bell. Like the whole world is different. Now, will any of these actually come out and be available here in Huntington? I don't know. - Man, I don't know. - Oh god, if they only do like one store this is the thing 'cause the pie has put such a bad taste in my mouth. Not that the pie itself would because I can't get one. - You know, I don't want them to be, if this is all for the vine, leave me out. I'm a real fan. I want to consume all the products. Let me buy 'em, coward. - I'll never eat a Taco Bell again if they do not. The next time I eat a Taco Bell, we'll be when I can order a cheesy Jeep slider. - Oh, cheesy jeez is for, dude. - If they don't like cheesy jeez out to the store, that will be my next Taco Bell meal. So it's the balls and you're fucking court Taco Bell. If you want me there, you're gonna actually need to put those cheesy jeez back on the menu, please. - Yeah, and Griffin, I'm gonna say this right now if they ever take cheesy jeez off the menu, I'm gonna divorce my wife. - Whoa. - That's out. - Yeah, no, you don't, no, you have to go higher. - No, no, no, you heard me. - It's just that you said that about nacho fries and now that nacho fries are permanent, it feels like you're moving the goal of-- - But you hated that wife. Like how sad would you guys have been if I hadn't dumped her? - That's true. - Yeah, but we love Sidney like a lot. And so I think it's like, I think-- - You better buy fucking it's many cheesy jeezes you can. - You better make it fair. - You hear that cheesy jeezes? (laughing) Come on cheesy jeezes, you can. Get these back on the menu. - Save Justin's marriage. - Save Justin's marriage cheesy jeezes with your wonderful little tacos. - Thank you so much for listening to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. We hope, hope you enjoyed yourself, hope you learned something, hope you grew, and I hope you're gonna buy enough cheesy jeez to keep me married because the stakes are real. - Yeah, real high. - Now we haven't been paid for that, so it'll be on each one of you that for every cheesy jeez you buy, you mail us a dollar bill in the mail. - Right. - Yeah. - That's a weird ask. But that's how we're doing that. That is how we're gonna be doing the next maximum drive. - Yeah. Hey, we got some new merch in the merch store. We got Make It Stick and Amel Pins. And a bunch of other really cool stuff over there. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Border Angels whose services include educational programs, water drops in the desert, day laborer outreach, familias, reunites, immigration, bond fund program, and shelter aid support in Tijuana to help migrants and asylum seekers in need. All that over at macroidmarch.com. Thank you to Montaine, also, for this right theme song. My life is better with you. My, it's just my favorite track. My favorite track to move around my day too. - Don't forget, check us out on YouTube. Just search Macroid Family and find it there. We've got all kinds of different videos there as well as our live streams that we do each week. We do one all together called Super Macroid Brothers on Tuesdays. And the last Tuesday of each month is a Macroid Family Clubhouse. And I believe Justin Streams on Mondays playin' some video games. - Oh yeah, I just started the miss series. It was a lot of fun. - You can go watch that on YouTube. - Yeah, I'm doing Return of the Overton and Griffin's doing a try-out by Fieri Redux. - Redux. - It's not a redo. It's a new experience. The Majora's Mask randomizer. It's crazy. It's on Fridays. - It wouldn't be a sequel, a spin-off. - Yeah, it's kind of a sequel to Ocarina at the time. - We don't know, Majora's Mask or this new, anyway, it couldn't add or less. If you follow Macroid Entertainment System on Instagram, by the way, it will tell you when all of these things happen. - Also, I just wanted to remind everybody to get their copy of Choose Your Own Adventure that's still way by Griffin McRoy, buy it now, and read it a bunch of times. - Ten bucks, Henry finally started reading it, guys. - Yeah, we did it. - Aw, fantastic. - He's very into it. He waited until I was out of town to start, but it's finally, things are really happening for me. I did the throw last time. I don't really have anything right nearby that looks like a great option. - I actually have this screw. - Screws too little. I need to be able to see it. - Yeah, we need to see it. - You may throw the traders bottle? - I got the bottle. - Yeah. - Ooh, that's a big one, are you sure? - No, actually I'm not gonna do it, 'cause there's a bunch of stuff. It's like a bunch of stuff. - There's a bunch of stuff. You don't have a great spot to throw a metal water bottle. - I have a bucket set that I can try to land on the microphone. - Oh, that could be, well, no, we need a pitch travel, and that would be more of a frisbee toss. - Well, that's a big boy. - Is that a plaster frisches big boy? - No, it's a plastic big boy bank. He's not going for it. - Yeah, okay. You're sure he won't expo-- - This bit, by the way, guys. - Look, look at the big boy. He's fine. - Yeah, do it. - I'm just now realizing this bit is going to escalate over the following year. - It is half two? - Then half two just throw the big boy. - Throw the big boy. Throw a heater for the big boy. - Fuck that. - Yeah, dude, that was an angry throw. You never see pitchers do that shit. - It left so much dust. Where'd that dust come from? Is that the chair from big boy? Oh my God, it's wood dust. It's everywhere. What's wrong with me? Say your name. Say your name, please. Set us free. (laughing) - Okay. My name's Justin McRoy. - My name's Justin McRoy. - Oh, there. - I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. - I can't say that. - We're good. - You're good, baby. We got it. And rap. (laughing) - Kiss your dad. - I'm just a McRoy. Kiss your dad. Squirrel lips. One more time. - And I was-- - I just got it. I refuse to do it again. I'm stop wasting my time. We definitely got it perfect. (upbeat music) (soft piano music) - Maximum fun. - A work-or-own network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.