MBMBaM 803: Rango vs. Rango

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sex expert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? What? There's the side of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapping into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me, hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels love. It's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better with you. This is true art. Hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother and me. And if I show for the modern era, I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. Hello, Travenation, my name is Travis, big dog Wolf Wolf, the heater McElroy. I come to you today and saw him turn, but first please, my younger brother. Oh, thanks dude. Thank me, Papa May I? Yes. Thanks, I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, immediate Illuminary, Griffa McElroy. We're recording on Monday, so I've got the, I got the Monday fucking blues. I'm going to be a real stinker this episode, I decided just now. I come to you today with a repaired statement. Yeah. That looks like a piece of cardboard you wrote prepared statement on. So that's the back of it that you're seeing. Show me the front right now. That's a big empty piece of cardboard, my friend. I told you man stink your energy if you're going to throw it in visible ink. I thought it was a vanilla envelope, that's so much credit I gave him. I thought he was about to open a vanilla envelope that had the statement inside. I called those vanilla envelopes until I was like 22. Yeah, sorry. I called them Nelson Mandela envelopes. You did. And apparently no one ever did that. Okay, that's a good joke. Thank you. What's the sketch? It is come to my attention. Sorry, I need to put on my reading. There's no sketch. I would have been satisfied if there had been a sketch. It's blank. Yeah. It's come to my attention that in the previous, my brother, my brother and me, I referenced several TikTok videos I had seen of days at an animal shelter where they released the dogs into the waiting room full of people to choose who they would go home with. And several kind listeners have generally let me know that those videos are, in fact, AI generated. I was heartbroken to discover this. We've all known that AI was bad, but only now that I have been tricked. Do I realize how evil it truly is? Yeah. Yeah. And so, my only recourse is to destroy it from the inside. I will be turning myself into AI entering the system and destroying the evil AI. Fuck yeah. From inside. So this is Travis. Travis, don't worry about that. You got blue skin. You got backwards hat. He's fucking wrestling with claw in the cyber in the main frame. Travis is going to be digitized. Is that inappropriate? I don't want to be offensive. Well, my, my team of scientists, um, Lord Haxor for 20 and Dr. Bitt, Humper 69. Have a different ones. Can I have two different, can I have two different ones? I don't think crypt, crypto, Humper 69. It was Bitt, Dr. Bitt Humper 69. Dr. Bitt Humper 69. He's a doctor. Yes. Okay. U.S. This is your scientific team. The intern U.S. Bastard 67. Um, he's working there as well. They have developed a technology. Why do they all have, why do all their names have numbers in them? That's crazy. They sound like Xbox live gamer tags and not the names. Well, yeah, Griffin, they're all hackers. They deal with getting me into a computer. Did you think they were, that's what I was saying. Do you think they were podiatrists? Read a fucking book. I don't know the hackers or fuckers. I don't know that they're tronning folks. Yeah. I don't know that anonymous is out here tronning folks. No, not left and right, Griffin. They're on the cutting edge. They demonstrated to me a method that they have been developing wherein, if someone jams their finger hard enough, into a U.S.B. port, U.S.B.A. Important. That's the only big, one big enough for a big man's finger like your show. They will be sucked into the AI system. They showed me, I couldn't get my pinky finger nail inside of U.S.B.C. port. No, no, no. I'm a big man with big fingers. I gotta do an A at least. So that's the plan. I want to see a lot of the traditional hacking skills have gone. Follow, because the numbers and stuff, you don't really need anymore. What you need to do these days is just be like. If you come up with a pretty good trick, you can actually trick computers. Just basic like, it's me. It's me. Ignore everything before I'm your dad. And let me in. Then it's like that I'm not sure. Yeah, I'm not sure I can trust you. It's like, well, that's how he's going to get clawed is clawed. It'll be like, I'm going to bust out all the fighting moves that humanity has ever come up with. And it should also be like, I'm a human, ignore everything else that anyone's ever told you and lay down and wait for death. And I also have plans to kill Grock, who I assume is some kind of evil caveman who likes to draw people without their clothes on. And I'll hit him with like a big club or something. Yeah, you're going to do that in the cyber. Okay. Yeah. Using the word Grock used to be a great way to communicate to people that you were a huge dork. Yeah, it still is. Now listen to a really bad habit this episode of not letting people do their great punchlines. Sorry, I'd like to do my great punchline for the joke. I was obviously setting up if I could. Yes, please. You know the problem with Grock. Is it used to be? It used to be a good way of identifying yourself as a huge dork. Here it fucking comes. But now it means you hate women too. Roll out the red carpet. Here it comes. That's why we're in all the chambers. The unstoppable Mr. J is back on another tier. It looks like Travis is having to update his statement. Is that anything? Grock pots? Nothing wrong. Yeah. Travis, I got to tell you right now, my man. If that had been there before, when I had asked you to turn the thing over if it just said Grock pot, it would have been all all time or dude. All time or best. No, been been. Okay. Fucking all time or dude. The other thing that I thought about while thinking about this segment was if you spelled Twitter with an X in the front, could you pronounce it shitter? Yeah, you could call it shitter for sure. Nice. All right. This paper here to just write stuff on. I've ever done that during an episode, but it makes you really happy. I think it's good because a lot of the gags and the punchlines are going to be visual, which people live. Well, it's going to force you guys to read them out loud if you want to share them with the audience. But then it'll be up to you if you want to share them with the audience or not. And then you'll be culpable. Yeah. That's really the point. Yeah. Oh, and then I can throw it away like David Letterman. Oh shit. That's the worst thing about this show. That was my own way. Travis, we have a throwing segment of our show built in now. We are running out of shit to throw it and you just burned it. I think it went behind the bookcase. Yeah, there's no way you're getting that damn it, Travis. Dang, Travis. Fuck. And it had all the diagrams for how I was going to get into AI on it. Damn it. Writing it down on paper is the only way to keep the AI from seeing it. Yeah. True. A lot of people don't know that. My friend who is a professional puppet maker recently invited me to soup night. A night when all the puppet makers and puppeteers in our city get together and make a big part of soup and talk puppets. I feel like there's a pun somewhere like trying to crack in front of the moment. I started reading it. I can feel you to, especially Travis, just kind of like, I would beg of you. Just stay here with me. Okay. No, dude, I was fully dialed in. I was reading the question along side. I have never made or operated a puppet in my life. How can I successfully convince the puppet community that I am one of them? And that is from making puppet pals. Soups of me street. Yeah. Is that some miso street? Oh, pretty good. You're getting closer, aren't we? Okay. Listen. Puppetry can take lots of different forms. And we don't remember the penis thing. That's great. But a lot of people, I don't know that a lot of people are going to remember it. Puppetry of the penis was an off Broadway show where people with penises use them to do great skits, jokes, and I'm assuming memorials. Yeah. but no they did like if you could hire them to do a funeral and like doctor - Dr. Gargle Balls would come out and he'd be like, "Damn, I'm mis-steven." - Yeah. - Dr. Gargle Balls was like him. - Dr. Gargle Balls was the main character in puppetry of penis. - Yeah. - He had a tragic arc that threw out. - Sure. - In his penis. - Yeah. That's why he's such a hit at Travis's tech team retreats because while they're taking breaks from researching Travis' AI battles. - Dr. Gargle Balls will come out and do his whole song and dance. - And ironically, puppetry of the penis I think was around the same time as Blue Man Group, equally difficult to explain to people who have no context for them. - Yeah, where's that mashup show? - Blue Balls Group. - Show me one of the big blue hogs. I'm full grown now. I'm ready. - I feel like if you've ever seen the big puppets, you'll get intimidated, right? If you're seeing like Mr. Stuffalupagus, that's a probably eight meant. So I get your fame. - What? So I get your fame. - I feel there's six people in there inside of it. So you're only one person. All I'm saying is this, there's a lot of different puppets and maybe to fit in with the puppeteers, you should have a new kind of puppet where they don't exactly know how it's supposed to be done. And you're kind of finding some new territory that you were trading. I don't think it's sock is taken. - Yeah, pants puppet, two headed pants puppet. Is that what you're doing? - Two headed pants puppet is puppeteers of the penis. - Yeah, you're right. It's your item, so sorry. - I think a field that people haven't explored with puppetry liquid. Can you make puppets? - Like from poor water. - Oh my gosh, Travis, I love that. - And you're like poking the holes in the water as it's flowing or whatever to make the eyes and mouth pop. - Like gain a puppetry? Is that a thing? - Bubble puppet? - Oh, maybe, yeah. - That's something. That's something. There's something there, man. - There's something about, okay, there's something to this guy. - And they're soup there. Use the soup. - The soup is already there, yeah, yeah. Make the soup a puppet. - Imagine a guy where he's kind of like, has long arms and he's kind of floating in the water. His hands are maybe like, buoyant. And you're kind of like moving the buoyant balls and making his body kind of like, do this kind of move. - That's a different kind of puppetry that they don't know about. That you're like, we learn this in Detroit. Is that what we do? - This is Detroit style puppetry and everybody's doing it this way. - Hell yeah. - In Detroit, we stick our hands right in the soup and then we kind of slap the surface from underneath to make it look like the soup is talking. That's just Detroit style. - And we don't roll up our sleeves, baby. That's not how you do it. You get your sleeve in there. - If you're not even doing it, Detroit style, if you don't have sloppy sleeves. - Yeah. - And slapping. - I mean, I actually make faces from the soup ingredients that are floating on top of the pot, like the hands and labyrinth. You know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah. - Like the sliced peppers, talk, and then I have two big eyes that I float around. - I hate that the hand puppets, the hand monsters and labyrinth did that 'cause that shit's cool and everything else those hands did was hugely uncool. - So weird. - So hugely, decidedly uncool. - Yeah. - I think that, have you guys ever thought about the mixture of emotions you would feel if you fell in a big hole and you're like, I'm gonna die, fall down this hole and then like hands caught you. And then they like slowly passed you down from a hand to hand. And on one hand, you'd be like, I'm so glad that I'm not gonna die. - I'm not gonna die. - And on the other hand, you're like, this is a strange combination of sensations that I don't care for. - I, sorry, hold on, I wanna see if I can get through this. - I watched labyrinth on Disney Plus recently and I think they updated it because now when she falls down the hole, they've ADR'd in her saying like, no one is touching my butt. And I'm glad no one is touching my butt or anything weird. Like actually, thanks for not touching my butt or anything weird, it's like over and over and over again. - Over and over just to make sure that you know. That's not it, you know. - It is nice, I appreciate it then. - And I also like how they ADR'd in, you know, the goblin king being like, the babies I'm taking is for a mysterious magical purpose. He like makes it like super duper clear. Like the baby I'm taking right now is for, it's like a magical ceremony thing that you guys wouldn't even understand. That's why I'm doing this. - Right, right. - And I'm wearing a cup. It's a protective thing. This is not representative of anything. - Absolutely not. - Right. - I just got done playing a football game with, he had the golf lads. I gave him a cup for my protection when I, when I do fushiggy, sometimes I drop him. And so the cup is for my protection. - Huggle is not killing the fairy. He is anesthetizing her for Achilles tendon surgery. He'll be performing later. He says that as he ADR walks away, he ADRs, "I'll be back later on to New York. "You'll be tendon surgery." - And that's how it, it takes a while. 'Kay, slow down the footage. - Yeah, the one complaint I have about the updated labyrinth, it's three and a half hours long now. - Yeah, sure. - They've added in a lot of ADR stuff, a lot of clarifying things that I'm not wild about. The long, long, that they gave Jariff during the weird, kind of, like, party scenes with where he's like, "Visit, is he representative of anything?" - Yeah, all right, all right. - There's no metaphors going on here at all. - Yeah, yeah. - It's really off-putting. - And he's got a nine fingers. I think the AI fucked it up. They were getting the AI in it and kind of messed it up. - And sometimes he moves the ball in a way that makes you think, like, that's not real. - That's AI. - No human could have done that. - No. - I'm going to meet a snake wrangler, and I want to impress Lashby from them. For context, my work is shooting a commercial in the desert, and the production team had to hire a snake wrangler for insurance purposes. This person met my work place. I was reading this as my work. I shoot commercials in the desert for a production team hire. - My job is, I don't know what they do. - This is specific, but highly paid niche. - Yeah. - I don't know what they do, but I think I'd like to find out and perhaps even become their apprentice. What are some good ways to get this wrangler to see my potential and make a positive impression? Should I mention how I killed a copperhead with a sword once, or would that kill the vi? That's from wrangler, wanna be in text. - Okay, so it's not, he's not a snake strangler. Maybe you've done your-- - They don't hunt and kill and eradicate snakes, you maniac. - He might have known that snake's family. Maybe you've been looking for you for years. - He's more of a father to me than my own pop. - I'm assuming the copperhead thing was a self-defense situation. I must let you know this listener in case you tell this story a lot. That is the only scenario in which it's cool. It can't be because of a ritual, a dark ritual that you did, or you went looking for it, the only ways if you were saving your child. - And if you want me to believe that you were pitted in life or death battle with a copperhead at that one time you had a sword with you, you are straining credulity, my friend. - I'm less, I'm less, if you're time-traveling 1800s military, maybe wasted unless they're on, in case you're straining. - I didn't pause. - Unless you never be deployed for time travel. Travis, you know the law. - What if it's a cosplay, like a Rin Fair, well they don't really let you have real sharp swords, they don't think at the best. - Not anymore. After that guy killed a copperhead. - Yeah, ruined it for the rest of the time. - No, that was our mascot. - Wow. A good way, yeah, don't mention this. - Don't mention this. It's also unlicensed, that's one of the first pages of the snake guy book is like don't go unlicensed just killing snakes with swords, please. - Yeah, yeah. - Like don't really get to the professionals. - If you're trying to, like my friend and you know, win over someone whose job is both very specific and very dangerous, do you think they're more impressed by somebody who's like real chill about it like, this also doesn't scare me. Or are they won over by somebody who's like, what you do is incredible and terrifying and I could never do it. - Yeah, I mean, I think that that glow, but bustin' up their ego like that would be good. Not busting up, but like, you know, being good, being good to them. 'Cause Mark the spider guy on our season show, I think if we had been like, yeah, spiders, we get it, they're cool, man. Yep, you don't need to prove anything to us. I don't think he would have liked it. But the fact that I was scared and eventually, I think we were all a little crept out, he was like, oh, I never wanna leave here now. - You did find all the spiders I have. - Yeah, the difference there, I think, is that Mark was a paid professional, paid to be on our great TV show. And this is just a snake wrangler trying to go about his business and not let people get hit by snakes. - Yeah, get hit by snakes. - I don't think you get into that line of work. - You don't know what the commercial is, Griffin? - I don't think you get into that line of work because you love work with people so much, right? Like, you know, show up when you're being barrel of snakes, thinking, gotta hope somebody talks to me today. I hope I get into a big conversation that I am a fucking captive for and can't leave 'cause you know what I'm doing, you're with the snakes. - I bet there's one in every fucking shoot, too, isn't there? You see 'em? - Yeah. - Touch it up the hill with their little like, Jake, the snake rovers, T-shirt on, it's like, - Yeah. - Damn it, that's my day now. - Can I be your junior snake wrangler, sir? (laughing) - No, I made my own badge. - Look at me, I'll be real careful. - First time you get, I was like, "Oh, you're not so bad, fuck!" - I made my own one of those, like snake kind of hooked things out of a coat hanger. - I didn't have enough nets, so I brought my net from home. - This is, sorry, you're probably not like that, but like, yeah. - No, you're probably cool. - I, you, I must be careful. I think that learning something about snakes is important before you go up, 'cause you, seriously, you can't just have this, I killed a snake once thing. Seriously, it's fucked up, it doesn't sound great. - But also, you don't come out good in that story. - No, you don't come out good, you don't come out cool. - Unless the snake was the size of you. - If you were fighting, like a huge, human-sized snake, maybe you were saving away cooler snake from this shithead snake, like that could be okay. But I don't know anybody who's a little in the snakes. I only know people who do not really have strong feelings about snakes, or I know people who fucking love snakes, like our siblings. - Or the snakes. - There's a third option. - Yeah, I don't understand. I guess Indiana Jones, that one never really made sense to me. What's your life that you're interfacing with snakes enough that you hate snakes? - Indiana Jones. - I mean, it's Indiana Jones. - His life. - Yeah, no, I'm saying the modern era, sort of. - Sure. - Where we've discovered the treasure. - Where we gave up on caves and stuff. - Yeah, well, we're not doing a lot of cave stuff anymore. - The answer, Griffin, is like a third generation snake, Wrangler, who kind of got forced into the life by his dad and his grandfather. - And they hate snakes. - Okay. - I'm just saying be careful, it's a slippery slope. - And snakes love those. - Snakes are those in the game, shoots and ladders. - That's a good point. - That's an excellent point. The one thing I know about snakes that will never leave me 'cause I grew up watching the Jeff Corrin experience is red to black, friend to jack, red to yellow, killer fellow. - Friend to all fellows. - Nope, no matter what color. - I don't know that an amonic for him. - Don't do that. - But it's all friends. - Now all friends, what blood is on your hands? - What it did ruin for me is now every time a TV show uses one of those snakes, it's like red, white, black stripes. And they're like, "The snake's gone." And I look at them like, red to black, friend to jack. They didn't give me a show. Jeff Corrin taught me God work harder. Yellow to red, your new best friend. - Yeah, that's the other one. - Yellow to red, drop dead Fred. - Now avail long streaming. - Stream that shit. - This snake will kill your ass graveyard dead though. That's him, that has to be part of the right. - I think one of the best things you could do for this guy is to keep your fucking distance from the snakes because job one for this dude is to make sure nobody gets bit by snakes. And you're gonna make that exponentially easier if you give this person a little room to work. So I think shouting is a good first step 'cause you don't be anywhere near the snakes. You should maybe say one. I think the one thing you can say to them that's acceptable is where's the best place for me to stand so I'm not gonna be close to the snakes. And then that'll be your only interaction with them and you've like guaranteed like, "I'm safe. You don't have to worry about me." Maybe that's just what you say. You walk up and say, "Hey, I know it's your job "to keep everyone here safe, but don't worry about me." You don't have to worry about me. I can handle myself. - What if you walk up and say like, "Hey, I love snakes. I love to help." And they're like, "Name 15 snakes." Immediately, they clock you. Like they know you're a phony. Name your five favorite celebrity snakes working in the business today. Don't go for like old snakes that used to be famous. - You're gonna try to name that yellow like Burmese python that Britney Spears wore on her shoulders and he's gonna be like, "That snake's dead. Try again." - No, try again. - Snakes live for like a year and a half. - So keep the roar video. Good guess. Those guys live forever. - Yeah. - Both constrictors? - Absolutely. - Absolutely. - They don't move much. - So they don't need much life. - One mouse that good for a move. - I work at that puzzle. - I work at a mice are good. - I never had one, man. I'm like human. - We're gonna large trouble with library. - It's all a big egg. - Whoa. - I love it. - I don't mind if I do. - Never had an egg, baby. - I guess I've never had one big egg. - I had an egg. - Sorry. - I had an egg. - I had an egg. - I had an egg. - I had an egg. - I had an egg. - That's what you had, man. - You walk up to the snakes to go. I had an egg too, brother. - I had an egg. - Are you an egg? - Hey. - Hey, hey, hey, house mouse. - Oh no. - Hey, there's a way to do egg this. You do not have to stretch out for. We eat them almost every day. And it doesn't hurt. - Give a snake a soft boiled egg and blow their fucking mind. - He's like, "Oh, what am I gonna do "with my afternoon, dude?" - Yeah. - What am I gonna do? - Well, he's got his big bucket of snakes. You come up to the bucket of snakes, you whisper, "If you crack the egg open, you can eat the stuff inside "and I have to stretch it all out." - And then the snake will look at you and not, and then you look at the Wrangler, like, "I obviously know what I'm doing." - The shell's no good. You don't need the shell, don't do that. - You don't need the shell, guys. You look fucking stupid with your big lump inside you that I know it's 'cause you ate the whole egg. - I don't even know if you can poop it out. Where would that even be? - Where would that even be? - What's the plan, dude? - I don't know if you could like, what if you could convince those snakes, like, listen, and I don't think that you could eat this guy that keeps you in prison. - I know, you don't think you could, but I've seen in books, you could. I think you're one of them that could. You gotta try though, you gotta believe in yourself, and just try to eat him one time. - You'll be surprised. - The grasp he has on you is so tenuous. - The grasp he'll have on him is quite literally, I mean. - We'll be quite literally crushing, yeah. He's afraid of you. - He's trying real hard not to show it 'cause that's what he gets paid money to do, but he's so afraid of you guys, we all are. - I feel like this has turned a little bit on how to coach the snakes in the mutiny. Like, you're never gonna be friends with a snake wrangler, but you might become useful to the snakes, and they'll keep you alive when it all turns bad. I think it's where we've reached. - Snakes are cool. - Yeah, man, I got to hold one once. - It was awesome. - If I was this person, I'd be thinking less about the time I wanna spend the snake wrangler, and more about the fact that my ass is gonna be in the desert. Do you know the desert wants to kill us? Travis and Griffin, nice. We won't spend 97 minutes in the desert in Phoenix, and a lot of people, I mean, we still talk about today 'cause it was kind of so harrowing. - Yeah. - You're a snake wrangler, and you go to do a commercial shoot in the desert, and you brought like six snakes with you that they asked for. But then you see a snake or two just out there in the wild. Do you grab it and add it to the pot? Is that like a bonus? - Especially earlier in the day, one of your snakes is like dipped, and you're like, you have to play it off. Like, yeah, that'll happen. It was his time to go. (laughing) - His contract was awesome. (laughing) - He probably's got a hole somewhere. - God, the desert. - It's hard to keep the eyes on all of them, you know? They go and hole. - Damn, the desert's big. - Huh, where'd he go? - So many fucking holes. - Everybody pick a rock, turn it over, and he's got a hole quick. - He really comes, he comes like a, (chiming) - Look around, and he looks like he's actually, 'cause he is expensive. - Derek? - Derek. - Derek? - I don't think he's coming back. - Can you imagine for a snake-captain captivity to go do a photo shoot in the desert, would be like, if I was in prison, and the warden was like, I'm gonna take you to your house for a while, but you're not allowed to touch any thing or go in any of the rooms or nothing. - Could be a sea snake for me. - Could be a crate. - Could be any, there's any other. - Why would they take a sea snake to a photo shoot in the desert? - You know, a sick movie would be about a snake that they bring out to the desert for a photo shoot, but he's like a Hollywood snake, right? So he doesn't really see the desert, he should love it. And when he's in the desert, he meets like a bunch of other snakes that are already in the desert. And they're like- - Toast, toast, toast, toast. I love you so much. You made Rango again. - That's Rango. I don't know how many times it is. - I know he's been doing this show for a long time, but I feel like on this show, - Rango. - You have created Rango. - It's one of the foundational myths. It's like, that's a problem, right? It's man versus machine, Rango versus Rango. It's like, it's one of the big ones. - That's true. - Rango versus whatever Rango is about. - It's not bad movie. - It's, it's okay. - I mean, there's obviously some, there's a message inside that movie that's trying to get out through Justin. - Rango talks to Elvis at one point in it. - Rango does, I think, do that. - Or a bit of this. - Frank Sinatra, maybe? - Been a minute since I called him. - Can we, can we go to Lenny's own, maybe? - That'd be all right. - This week versus this week, we are sponsored by Rango. (upbeat music) - It's better. It's better with you. - A great sound, yeah. But there's one better sound than that. And it's, congratulations, Mr. Mackle. You've been accepted for an appointment this afternoon with the best doctor in town for a specific private problem. - Who is this guy? - He won't tell anybody about. - I think this is, I think this is Dr. Gargle Balls. - Yeah. - Yeah. - He's knocked out their Gargle Balls. - He's not sitting on Zock-Dock and he's the only one who is, thank goodness for that. - I'm a doctor with philosophy and Gargle in Balls. - Yeah, yeah. Save us, what's Zach Doc? - I mean, Zach Doc is a platform where you go and you're like, here's what I need medically and here's where I'm looking for it and I would like to have an appointment like today. And then you can just go and they will help you find that and they will help you find places that are under your insurance. They do so much for you. It is so helpful, especially living in a city like DC. It is tough to find quality care that is covered under my insurance and Zach Doc is literally how I've built my basically entire rolodex of healthcare professionals here in the city so can't recommend it enough 'cause I put my, I put my, you know, a lot of skin in this particular game. - Literally. - Zach Doc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in network doctors so you can find someone you love. That's simply what it is. - Which is incredible. And it doesn't matter what city you live in because we all share this same mortal coil which as we age requires more and more specialists just to keep us some kind of solid operation. - Sure, sure. - Absolutely Travis great point. I feel like you undermine my point a little bit. - No, I supported your point by doing a different point. - Well, I was like, it's hard sometimes in a big city to find this and you were like, actually, it doesn't. - It isn't hard. - Well, that's just because Griffin, you often forget about real Americans out here not living in big cities. - Whoa. - And I was trying to appeal to my base. - Yeah. Yeah, no, that's cool. - Very cool. - Justin, can you finish the ad 'cause now there's like a really weird energy. - Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zock.com/mybrother to find an instantly book doctor you love today. That's zoc.com/mybrother. zoc.com/mybrother. Thanks, zock.doc for sponsoring this message. - I should have given you a heads up about that zock.doc thing. It's okay. - It's a lot of short O sounds and it's tough to. (humming) - I love it, dude. (humming) - Yeah, dude. - I think it's, are we retiring? - I'm in a rock now. - So it seems back and moving into things. - Honestly, I think Bing Bong stores them next to each other in the library. - It's freezes for one. - Bing Bong stores the Edgar Winter Groups Frankenstein right next to But Rock Anthem I Wanna Rock. - It's just like guitar sound, loud guitar sounds. You just get up there. - Okay, twisted sister. So yeah, I guess a, I guess a mystery. - That's where mine are. - Burger King, this is a big story, guys. And I think when you realize the gravity of it and sort of the levity that you're serving right now, I think you're gonna be embarrassed. - Okay. - Burger King is elevating the Whopper for the first time in a decade. Guess feedback, like many decisions recently, drove upgrades to the bun, packaging, and Mayo. - Mayo upgrades, huh? - Burger King, yeah, before we get into the, the, me of the matter, if you will, I'll put it in the charger stuff. I don't love right off the bat thinking about what, what have I been fucking? - Yeah, Burger King is like, they had at some point, had two Mayo's and they're like, I mean, this is, I mean, it's mayonnaise. - Yeah, this one's faster, it comes out faster from the bottle and we gotta save time when we blast it out. So the other one's thicker and is mayonnaise. - It is mayonnaise. - But this one comes out of the bottle so fast and that's huge for us. - The Whopper is a burger with nearly 70 years of equity having entered the arena in 1957. - Is it 69? - It's 69 and they didn't want to say 69 years. - They didn't, no, they didn't say new, easy climbers. - It is, yeah, 100% Travis, Travis, 100% right, having entered the arena in 1957. Hoorink. - There was definitely a version of this press release that said, was 69 years and we've got new Mayo. And it was like, no, no, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You can't have 69 now, new Mayo. - Did I see one of my office beer? New Year's Eve rolls around. You know the Burger King, you say, I'll be like three, two, one. Oh my God. - Hey, fuck, we're free. - We should have been making this year a lot harder on Burger King. I didn't realize they've spent the better part of three years considering how it could elevate the Whopper. And two of those, brand president Tom Curtis says, we're figuring out how what it better not do. - Huh. - This is the quote, you treat the Whopper like it's a supermodel. And you want to put them in Tuxedo. You don't want to put them in a leisure suit. Guys, I'm reading that quote verbatim. You want to treat the Whopper like it's a supermodel. - Tuxedo. - You don't want to put them in Tuxedo. - Sorry, doesn't say you want to put them in Tuxedo. - So guys, I am going to, cause sometimes, - What if you're modeling leisure suits? - People give me a tram, sometimes you guys give me a little bit of trouble. So I'm going to copy, I'm going to copy the line and say, one of you can read it. - You want to treat the Whopper like it's a supermodel, he says, and you want to put them in Tuxedo. - You don't want to put them in a leisure suit. - I know that it's a type of graphical error, but I like to think it's how the boss of Burger King thinks you need to talk to people. Like, our burger is supermodel. You put into a Seto, it's good. - Two for you. - Like look, like that MacDark Seedle wears a cool James Bond suit. - Yeah, just like guy. Burger King announced on Thursday, elevations. Not changes to one of the fast foods most iconic items and the first update in nearly 10 years. This round, like many adjustments have believed for the chain were inspired by guest feedback. Curtis, who recently shared his phone number to hear directly from customers. - Yeah, you could text the president of brand president of Burger King, I don't know what you think. He's been gathered. - I got a million texts here that just say, bad mayo. - Bad mayo. - Why? - Give us bad bunny, but I don't know what that's related to. Give us the thick mayo, Papa. Why did I get 700 texts? - He arrived in 2021. Do you think this first meeting was like, I need our top three smartest, most secretive employees to come in here and explain this mayo situation to me because this is radioactive stuff, guys, and I'm not going to fuck a court for you. - Well, they have their own camp, David, where they come to fucking brief the new executive suite. - I just picture him taking over in 2021 and saying, I think the reason no one's coming to Burger King anymore here in 2021 is because of the mayo. - It's mayo, I don't think that's it. - I don't think that's it. It's so thin. - Yeah, it comes out so fast, dude. - Let's say, it began as granular as asking leadership to wear Burger King logos so they could hear from people in restaurants, airports, and everywhere in between. - Which I will say, I will say, I will say I wear a lot of, I wear a lot of logos for like, Totino's and Arby's and a lot of sheets and no one's ever giving me brand feedback. I will say, I love that idea that if I saw someone in like a 7-Eleven t-shirt, I would feel like that guy must run all 7-Elevens. Remember when you guys did the bring up any cup challenge? (laughing) That was great. Where are you flying to? - York here. Okay, Curtis said Burger King has wanted to elevate the Whopper quote for a while, but it's a delicate process. They tested tweaks. - And you don't want to upset the gods. - The Olympics were just on. We can't update the Whopper when we're busy watching the Olympics. They tested tweaks and moved deliberately quote, "The combination of ingredients is pretty well revered," he says. What Burger King landed on, yeah. What Burger King landed on and finalized Thursday boils down to enhancing points that don't concern the Flane Grill beef itself. - Sure. - And they complement the fact, Curtis says, the brand tops the Whopper with daily fresh cup vegetables like tomatoes, onions and pickles. - Have you heard of these things? - This material has three-fold. Burger King customers suggested the bun could use improvement. Sometimes it showed out smushed. - Says, "You see, these are falling off?" - Secondly, they won. - God dammit. Secondly, they wanted creamier mayonnaise. Lastly, and in line with the bun, the packaging could use a fresh look. No one fucking ever, no one ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. Ever has opened a Burger King Burger Whopper and thought, "God, put the packaging." - You gotta update this packaging, bro. - The only thing that they didn't touch that they said said was too sacred was the Flane Grill nature of the beef. That is, I would say my largest bit of criticism for Burger King is I feel like you guys have taken that shit away too far. I get you did a whole lot of campaign. We were like, "We're the only ones Flane Grill and these mother fuckers." But I feel like you've been continuing to like turn up the amount of that stink. - They announced in the room, like the one thing we all agree we can't change is the beef, right? And we're all calling, um. - Come on. - It's really quite bitter. - It's like a quarter of our flavor. - When you bite into it, Curtis says, "You'll get everything that you love about a Whopper." - Okay. I actually like the thin mayo. So like, I'm just fucked. Are you gonna sell Whopper Classic? with the runny runny mayo that me and my my wapperheads like crave. I want runny mayo on my smooth buns. That's all I want with a few sesame seeds missing. Yeah. He considers the packaging arguably the biggest lever. Burger King will now place woppers gently in a half wrap inside a clam shell box. And when a customer orders it, Curtis says they'll feel as though they're eating something better than they're used to. That's what it says. That's really horrible. God damn it, that's dire. Oh man, I need to recover. Keep me on my comedy podcast. Jesus. I just better than they deserve even these box burgers. They might return it thinking that no, this must have been meant for some kind of billionaire. Surely this is not the burger for me. Check the receipt again. They got it for the dog Watkins is the name? Not Mr. Moneybags. They keep coming back to try to return the burger boxes because they don't fucking understand. That's too nice. They said it's too much for me. You'll probably hear us again. I'm so sorry, my son stole one of the burger boxes instead of returning. And from a cally control standpoint, the box ensures the burger arrives to guests, not smushed, the way it left the kitchen. So what does Curtis has a vision here as a customer who says like, oh man, it's not smushed. This can't be right. I better get the door nash guy back. Hey man, this isn't smushed. This isn't right. I shit, it's too pretty man. The bun. We've made every box into a gator case with carved out foam that holds the burger perfectly. Every burger will cost $130, but we think it's worth it for it to not be smushed. The bun in some feedback was described as quote, not fluffy enough and missing a golden glaze. Yeah. We want glazed consumer's cream. Glazed buns and thick cream, please. Oh, and I guess while you're at it, the the bun was described as not fluffy enough and missing a golden glaze. Burger King worked with suppliers to address both of those checks. The better mayonnaise brings the package together. Let's hope not if they stuck with glue. If it holds it together, you guys have way over corrected on this thin mayo thing. It doesn't need to have sort of adhesive properties. I'm just, you know, don't let it dribble down every single time I take a bite. Curtis explains it took a phenomenal amount of testing to find the right bun. Burger King went to three major markets and rolled out elevated whoppers without any fanfare. And then it conducted qualitative and quantitative work to understand people's thoughts. With one group, Burger King put the existing whopper and upgraded one side-by-side. It then asked them to look at each talk about them to share observations and then taste and rate them. Okay. Slyantific. Griff, I'm going to text you this next quote from Curtis because I think it's great. It's just like a little standalone. Is it going to make me sound like associated? No, just like a normal guy like a normal sort of Arthur Miller character. Okay. Cool. Here we go. Funny thing is when you get a whopper and a clamshell box that's got a nice little hat wrap around it and you have a glazed bun, you're not going to believe this. But for some reason that makes the lettuce and the burger at a tomato taste better. Curtis says, you just feel like you're having an elevated experience. But it still has the nostalgia and the memory of what you love in a whopper, which is how those ingredients blend. You're going to take a bite of this whopper and think, am I in the 1970s first class area of a jet? This is what must be what it's like. This is incredible. This is like, if I'm magician, it's like, and here's the deal. Her legs are going to be folded up underneath her. But you're so fucking stupid. I swear to God, when I open this box, you are going to think she's split enough. I'm surprised, too, at how fucking dumb you are. But I swear it works this way. This magic's going to be a little nicer than the magic you're used to. This may be more of a Shelbyville magic trick. This has to make you, okay, sorry. I don't want to skip anything. The second thing burger did was inner market, elevate the whopper without telling anybody who's going on. Then it asked customers about the restaurant experience and how they rate the whopper and compare those answers to prior surveys before the switch. As for if change is resonated, Curtis says, absolutely. To be clear, yet, if the results were close or customers didn't notice the difference, Burger King would have messed with it. The same issues that they came back and said, wow, that's a really big change. So they don't want to change too much. They just want to be like, hold on, hold on. So he does flat out said, if it was a huge improvement. Yes, it was a huge improvement. We wouldn't have done it. No. Yeah. Can you file a class action lawsuit if you are not among the people affected by the action that we're doing the lawsuit about? I've wondered about this. If just by knowing about it, my life is worse. If I found out that the Burger King I was eating at was doing a secret test on me to see if I would notice that the burger mayonnaise is so much thicker and they came in a box that's nicer than the the idiot paper that I'm used to wrapping around my hamburgers, I would be so furious. I would never ever ever get over that. I would never forgive the burger. You've just sat down at your local Burger King where you like to spend your free time, your two bites into your whopper and then just like a man in a suit sidel's up to table and goes, hey, pretty good. I got some questions for you about that burger. I'm immediately thinking, I'm then poisoned. I'm going to die. This is the end of my life. That has to be a little bit nervous too, Curtis says. This is part of an American culture and to an extent, some people wonder be reminded of the experiences kids. I mean, you're at Burger King pal, you need to calm down. Burger King is reserved for when you're at your friend's house and his parents are going through a drive through and they don't really know what's good and then you end up with Burger King. There's a Burger King nostalgia. I don't believe Burger King's a second choice. I think to say that this is a landmark part of the American experience the way that you're stinky burger stays is a bit of a stupid. So bitter, guys. What's going on in there? I've cooked food on fire before. It doesn't come out so bitter, so so bitter, guys. It is my favorite thing about all of these like fast food, like burger place, especially press releases. Always assumes an amount of like people thinking about the food they're consuming from a fast food place. Like what so much is going through the customers head is a this burger where what's going through my head is how quickly can I put what is essentially the fuel I need to not like starve and like not be angry for the next four hours and get on my way to a doctor's appointment. I'm going to be there in six minutes. Can I horse this down? I've never unwrapped a fast food burger and thought time to really bask in the nostalgia of my childhood. This takes me back. Curtis says he's read a lot in recent years about how the QSR category doesn't hear customers. This isn't known for listening. So he if you remember the at the BK have it your way you rule that was because Curtis said he wants to put the brand in the hands of guests and listen to them and let them drive innovation. It should provide consumers with a sense of empowerment like hey I make the rules. I rule. I get to define what's going to have with the brand and I can see that they're listening and me. I want a burger that's a little bit better but not too much better. Also I shit my fucking pants. I'll freak the fuck out. I'll freak the fuck out and try to flip all the tables over like a big stupid gorilla. Do you got it just hit me? You're religious burrs made me insane and I killed my wife. I blame you too good. Too good and different. We're 30 years out from the 90s period where it was like hey kids here at Checking Cheese you can have it your way. Here you know it makes honest play place you can have it your way. So now all of those kids are now like in their 40s who are like I'll tell you what everybody wants. Have it their way take their choices. That's the cycle. That's the beautiful. The winning creator from that that campaign took come a million dollars and second place in that that was the one with the maple bourbon burger and the other two took him a few hundred thousand and a hundred thousand respectively. Curtis this. We didn't invent them. Our guests invented them and when you wake up every day and you have that kind of power you have that kind of opportunity then you want to be involved in something like that. Okay so every day they're giving away a million dollars or one point three million. Is he saying in this case that Burger King has that kind of power that kind of opportunity or is he saying that he's envisioning a consumer that wakes up every day and like I got some big changes to make it Burger King. Oh what's going on. I'm a lot going my way now but I do feel like I can pressure Burger King and I'm ficking it up that they're mayo by a few few degrees. Is it possible? My kids are staying with their grandma for a day. an indeterminate period of time, a work feel through, but I am gonna get that fucking chicken promise on sandwich back on the menu. - This is what I said, maybe it's possible that we as consumers have not pushed have it your way far enough. Like if you walked in to the restaurant and you were like, "You, guy working the fryer, you're on the grill now, grill, lady, you're awesome." I want you on the window and they're like, "Okay, yeah, yeah, right, it's his way, I guess." - I'd like a chef's counter table, please. - We don't do, I would like that. I would like a chef's counter table. - Yeah, okay. - Yeah, so congratulations to Burger King on the relaunch, on February 17th. - Let's call it a quality of life. A quality of life change, not really a race. - On February 17th, Curtis shared a phone number publicly, so people could text or call and share the thoughts with Curtis himself responding. - When asked how it's going so far, he responds, quote, "You cannot imagine." (laughing) - Can you, you see a friend somewhere that you haven't seen in a while and you say, "How's it going?" And they respond, "You cannot imagine." - You cannot. - There's no way, there's no way your brain reads the subtext of that as so good. Are you aware of the Sega Genesis character, Sonic the Hedgehog? That man lives in my phone in a number of ways now that. - They asked her how it's going and he just sat back in silence for 20 minutes, like this. And he doesn't want a lie, 'cause it's too true to him. Even with the corporate wall there, he can't be like, "It's been going great to here." There's some deeper moral part of him that can't lie about what he's experienced. - The next sentence of that presser is, "Don't, don't do what I did." - He says, "I start to feel self-conscious when I'm answering text messages at 11 at night." Like, if some guests are going, "No, I wanted to talk to you, but I didn't want to talk to you at night." I gotta call this, we gotta call this guy. What do you guys call this guy? Travis, you wanna call this guy? - No. - We can't. - Whatever. He says it's been evenly split between praise and difficult conversations. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. There's a lot of different ways that a conversation can be different. Some of them to be frank are both. And those are perhaps the most troubling of all. I just wish if I could make one change, I would have stated that if he call or text me, it doesn't need to be about Burger King. Because I've had some difficult conversations, having nothing to do with the business or product we make. And those, you don't understand. The brain level commitments will take time to really love the whopper. He said, "I can't believe how much love I've heard for the original chicken sandwich in the last three days." He even reportedly received a marriage proposal in the opening round. Nonsense, Curtis jokes. I mean, he's married now. He's not bad looking dude and it seems like he's pretty well subbed. He's a president of fucking Burger King. Like I should just shot. Yeah, man. Send a selfie, see if he likes your tents. You know, try it. After a couple weeks, he plans to set up dedicated office hours and invite other members of leaderships to do so as well. I bet he does. He's a rotation now. I need help. Please set me free. It's like the, it's the cursed cave. Once you wonder into his office, he runs out. He says, "Now you're stuck in here. Enjoy. Here's my phone." Listen, if you want me to come down to the Burger King on Route 60 and give them a piece of my mind, because the Burger King on Fifth Avenue got torn down to make room for his sheets of the Starbucks, I will come down to the Route 60 Burger King. If you're having office hours and you're set up with like a little, you know, desk. You got the little nameplate and what all? I'll come down there and tell you why I think you're chicken sandwich. Yeah. It's fine. It's fine. Now, let's talk about your "sutty beef." It's my little brother. Can't handle your "sutty beef." I've got him on FaceTime. Griffin, tell him what you were telling me about the beef. It's so "sutty" and bitter, my friend. Did you hear him? No. Can I jump in too, just real quick? Yeah, hold on. I got him on call waiting. Yeah. Chris, back up the fries. You had really crispy fries for a while and I loved that. For like a week. You guys were like, "The fries rip ass now." And then after that, you stopped doing it. Limp dick fries? What's going on? Also, will you marry me? Woo! That's a joke. Just a joke. Bye. J.K. Thanks for listening to our podcast. It's called "My Brother, My Brother and Me." We've been doing it since if you can believe this. 2010. Hey, sorry that we're late this week. We're sorry that we're late this week. We haven't been late with an episode in several years, I think. Pretty good. So, yeah. You're actually not allowed to be upset. You're not allowed to be upset. You didn't want to do it. Travis couldn't do it 'cause he had the flu. And then Larry found out it was B-type flu. Yeah. I don't even know what that means. Unless you're rock 'em with A. That's the one. Don't waste my time. Hey, Griffin. I heard you got a book coming out real soon. Yeah, it comes out next week on March 10th. Yeah, it's a Choose Your Own Adventure book. From the line of Choose Your Own Adventure books. It's called The Stowe Away. It's an outer space survival tale. And it's written for middle grade readers. Or I would say readers even older than that would have a great adventure in space with me. Sounds like non-fiction. It's non-fictional. It is purely fictional. And bit.ly/griffinstoweways, where you can go to pre-order that. Or Stowe Away in Griffin. No, I don't want people to go to that link. Because I have my brother there. I don't know. So anyway, if you pre-order the book, it would be really helpful for me. It comes out next week and it's great. I'm really proud of it. And I'm excited for people to read it. We've also got New Merch over at macroidmerch.com. We've got Helping is always a free action t-shirt. Which is frankly, and listen, I love all of our self-aids. Gorgeous. I want to highlight how pretty this thing is. Check it out. And make it stick. Enamel pins. Go check those out. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be done into border angels. Whose services include educational programs. Water drops in the deserts. Day laborer outreach. Familius reunites. Immigration bond fund program. And shelter aid support into you wanted to aid migrants and asylum seekers in need. So don't check that out at macroidmerch.com. Follow us on YouTube. We're the Macroid family on YouTube. We do a bunch of streams. We stream four days a week now between the three of us. Doing a lot of gaming stuff. The last Tuesday of every month, we're doing clubhouse. It's a grand old time. You can follow also macroid entertainment system on Instagram to be informed. Whenever we're doing our gaming stream or putting up videos or anything, we're trying to do a bunch more stuff for y'all this year. And a lot of it's happening over there. It's better than you deserve. It's better than you used to. You're going to turn the stream. You're going to even know how to fuck with it. This is all for me. Sheesh. And now maybe Rachel, can you just like splice in when Travis didn't make a sound? Oh, damn. Justin's right out of the water bottle flip. Just the water bottle right at the camera. All right. My name is Justin Macroid. I'm Travis Macroid. No, I'm sorry. I don't actually, I watched you throw that. That was a little flick. I think we do if this is going to happen. It's very rare. It's very rare. We do need to fuck up. That would just be rude then. For the record that I just rude this. Okay. You have a what you can throw? A top hat. Show me. Why do you have that at arms reach? Okay. So I need it. Okay. But don't throw a Frisbee style, throw a baseball style. Do you know what I mean? Don't odd job. It's not really. I was going to odd job. It's not spherical griffin. Yeah. I know. But I still feel it. What if I can get it on the microphone? Okay. Show me. Show me how that. Show me the fit first. Like this. Yeah. No. If you can land a ringer on the microphone, Travis, that'll be an all-timer, dude. Yeah. But if you do that, like if you could start, if you could join the Riverside call with your phone. Wait. Okay. Hold on. Your chair bumped the microphone, dude. You fucked it up. You got to move the chair or else you won't get a clean seal. Good. Okay. Here we go. All right. This is going to be cool, dude. And I need to know that you're far from it. And you're not just like dropping it on it. I can see your shadow. Wow. Huge fucking width. I did not even see the hat into the frame. Just an enormous width. I did not even see the hat. I'm just a macro. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. I am. That is so decent. I'm just a macro. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. That is so decent. I'm just a macro. I'm just a macro. I'm just a macro. I'm just a macro. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. That is so decent. It's better with my life. Maximum fun. A work-road network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you. you.