MBMBaM 799: A Regular Human Footballman

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's the side of something beautiful, a small quaintant has blossomed, it's wrapping into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me, hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach, my life, it feels like. It's better, it's better with you, my life, it's better with you, this is true, it's better with you, this is true, it's better, it's better with you, my life, it's better with you. Hello everybody, welcome my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Travel Nations, me and your middle-aged brother, Travis, big dog wolf, room, room, the rocket, McElroy. What's up, Travel Nations, me, I was so distracted by the rocket, a sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. That's how he gets you, that's how the rocket gets you distracted by the rocket, and boom! 130 mile per hour fastball. Yes, that's it, so I've noticed that you've tried working in quite a bit of pitching and fast-throwing kind of terminology into your honorifics, and I want to applaud you for that, I think it's really good, I think there's a lot of really good nicknames associated with being a professional baseball pitcher, and I think you've hit on a lot of them. I'd love to just be Randy Johnson. Do you mean the big unit? Uh-huh, can I Travis please, I feel like I have to ask you if I can. Yeah, you can be the big unit. Fuck yeah. Can we all agree to you, by the way, that if you're Randy Johnson, and they start calling you the big unit, you're like, "Oh my God, guys, thank you." Guys, thank you so much, that's so much. It's like, "Oh, because you're really tall." No, no, no, no, no, but it also makes the sound like I have a huge dog, and I love that. Thank you guys so much. Here comes Sammy Massive-Wiener-Sosa, and he's like, "Wow, thanks, guys, I've been just hitting home runs out here, that's crazy, that you think that." Part of the appeal, I think, is that we were our age of guy was raised on this generation of film. I'm almost tempted to think of as a subgenre in hindsight, where apparently we went to every, like, middle-aged, white, screenwriter dude, and said, "Hey, what do you most want to write a movie about?" And he was like, "I think a magical baseball kid." Yeah. Because there's like, there's like eight magical baseball kid movies that came out within six months with each other. And it really did shape a generation of kids who want to grow up to be a magical baseball kid. There were at least two movies in which a full-blown, like, nine-year-old child either became the star picture of a team or owner of a team. And we as a society went. Yes. Well, you also had to have a basketball kid. It became so that if I was taken to a sports film, I went to see, I go to see Lil Giants, my boy. Tricky Dick Moranis. And I'm in there and I'm watching it. I love to get wrecked on the show, by the way. I love Holy shit what I get. I would be at the credits of the film, crying in the theater. And Daddy would be like, "Why are you crying?" I'd be like, "Because none of the kids got powers." I can't. Rudy, it's like, I've seen this exact guy do magic stuff before. But you're telling me he's not a schoolman. I hear it, Gold, and then he was just a footballman. He's just a regular human football player. What's he doing? Running and tackling gold. One time. You know? We watched a whole movie. Rudy plays about one minute of football. Come on. I hope you don't get. I hope you guys don't watch that movie hoping to get to watch Sam Asden play. You're strong as to play football or Sam Asden. It doesn't happen that much. Whoever that is, I hate to see him. This is a long few days here in the house. I haven't been able to technically leave this building that I'm in with the children. Sydney hikes to her parents' house today so she could ride down in her dad's big car to Harmony House. I'm still lucky to have a father in law with a big car. That's the dream. That's true. I want to ask you how you guys have been holding up because yesterday Gurfing you said something that honestly I meant to mention yesterday. It's been stuck in my head and Travis and I started talking about it before the show. Before we started to do a microwave family clubhouse, it's the last Tuesday every month and noon. Before we started doing that yesterday, you came on and said, "Sorry guys. I just shuffled my snow for 15 minutes and I'm more tired than I've ever been in my entire life." And I just want to see if you are doing okay. Have you guys played Minecraft? I was looking at Pickaxe inventory in my walkable hardware store options because that's what I need. The snow became turbo snow that froze and refraused so many times. That is hard like rocks. And I need a pickaxe or perhaps a Matic as they're sometimes called now that I know after shopping for one. And I think I'm going to get out there with a 5-pound Matic and smash this stuff apart because it's the. If you do not film that, we're not brothers anymore. I need a high-res glossy video of you. Sorry. I'll be honest. I've never used a pickaxe before. Why? No way. Listen. No way. Listen. That doesn't seem right. I'm almost 40. I'm almost 40. I'm almost 40. There's a lot of. You can hear you. And there's a lot of actions I can imagine what it's like to do them with my body, right? I've never done a cartwheel. But I think I know what it would be like. I have no idea what to expect. I may not even. this may be a mioneer situation where I cannot even get this bad boy over my head. My suspicion would be that in the full range of motion that it takes to swing a pickaxe, one of those muscles has never been used before. Garence, and has basically atrophy did dust. And like, upon its first use, we'll just. swing to the hospital, the whole operation, fly off like a child's toy where the child is maybe overestimated the possibility of the action figure. It was being leaking stretch Armstrong goop out of your elbows. Just hear a rubber band snap in there somewhere. And it could. Where did it go, Mom? He swung at the accident. It sounded like a ball of tinfoil just sprinkling up. But there's no way, guys, for me to privately practice this incredibly intimate act. I'm going out on my front yard. Everybody's kids got a foam diamond pickaxe from Minecraft, right? You can get in there and take a few practice. It's not going to be the same. This thing is heavy and sharp. And I'm lifting it way up over my head and then I swing it down hard. I don't have anything to do with it. You've got to go full bore first time. I want you in a hard hat. Yeah. I want you jump suited. Yeah. I want you singing like a coal mining song. If I get more than one hit in. Yes. If I get two to three hits in and I get into the rhythm, then it'll be like. Now, okay. Now wait a minute. Yeah. What if it like activates something? Because you come from the hills. Your blood is from. I'm scared of that. Action hills. You've got coal in there. I just worried in your blood. I just redid my whole office and it took a long time. I can't get the bug now to become a. A fine and bug. A fine and minor down there. When I've just redone my whole office, I'm not going to be in here. I think this is the fear, right? You chip your car out with the medic. You're like. Fuck. Yes. And that's all. Oh, don't get me wrong. Also, time out. There is a part of me that thinks when I smash this big thing in the little chunks and hurl them out of the way in my cart, that's going to feel also a real good. Yeah, but you keep going, man. You hit submit and you keep going. Keep going. Like you panic. Keep going. You're a minor now. That's how anybody starts. You know what I mean? I heard. Don't put it in front of you when you already have it. You know? I hit a fiber optic wire. No problem, baby. You're mining for JPEGs, though. Did you guys know about fiber optic wires in the ground that if a construction crew hits one of those, they're like, well, that's going to cost like 200,000 dollars to fit. It's like the biggest, uh-oh, accident that you can make in this life is being a construction person or an excavator of some sort. And you look down on the pit and you see little teal, little fiber optic cable. It's like, up. I'm ruined. Shoot. Dang. I hit the Cursed pipe. And now my life is financially in shambles. It's the opposite of oil. It is. Yeah. It's like it's an inverse. It's sucking the value away. a way yes to the pipes it's like if the Beverly Hillbilly's hit a fiber optic cable, and instead of getting to go to Beverly Hills, they had to go underground. To high. Griff, what's your plan? What's your plan for getting to the Maddox store? So there is a hardware store that is up the hill from our house. The hill is a slippery and a slighty, but the good news is I have two small Maddox. Now, these are too small to use on the thing, but I can't. Have you thought about it? You thought about it? You have to go up the hill, yeah. Call a head to the hardware store, pay them over the phone, and just have them slide down the hill. I can't have that. But again, it is a sharp five-pound shard of straight steel. And this thing coming in here, from the velocity, it's super, super duper tough. This thing could put a hole right in me. I can't wait to become. But always with what you're speaking about, the beloved weight, five pounds. Five pounds of hot shard with a lot of. Yeah. Coming down the hill at you? Five big pounds. You think it's going to be a grounder. If it hits a pebble, hops up in the air, embeds itself in my head, and that's how I always knew I'd go out that way. I thought by leaving the hills, it would become less likely not even want that liability of chucking pickaxes. Here's my next question. I use this pickaxe to smash out my driveway to get free. And I keep going down a little bit, and I destroy a fiber optic cable. What do I do with the five-pound pickaxe now? Where do I put that in my house? You need to get a big rock in your lawn that you kind of burry like wedged into. Yes. So it's there in case there's every possibility. There's every possibility. That is what's going to happen when I try to dig out my driveway is that it will get embedded in the ice outside, and then I will, it'll be out there in it then. Then it belongs to my little brother who I love very much. I love that your worry is you'll strike the ice too good that it will bury the pickaxe too deep in it to be removed. Yeah, no, I think that represents poor pickaxe technique. I don't think you're supposed to get it so deep in that you can't pull it out. I guess my bigger worry if I were you would be that my pickaxe would glance off the ice embed itself into the front of my car straight through I don't know the radiator or the engine or whatever. Yeah. My basic rule for tool uses this, Griffith. Think about the cool way you think a tool was supposed to be used, and it's probably not like that. It's probably a little bit different than that, right? Yeah. So like with a soldering iron, you think that you would just do it in there and start gluing it in around. No, no, no. You're supposed to heat things up. It's fucking disappointing the first soldering iron. So the matter could probably such like use the edge of the matter to like, graduate. Yeah, I do. It's probably not even the fun way. I've played it in movie. So much Minecraft, when you mine into a tree, which first of all, I don't think I could do that. I don't think I can use my matter to smash up a tree or a wall in my house. Maybe I could actually do that. But when you go out in Minecraft, it's like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. There's no fucking way, man. This thing's huge. It's not. It's popping out like that. Yeah, it's popping out. I don't think so. Not at first. Where do you need to go? Why do you need my door? Can I tell you? Sorry. I'm trying to underline in my head. Can you hear it? Right. You're saying like, why do I need to dig out my driveway so bad that I'm going to go buy a pickaxe? Yeah. I don't know, man. I just got the. I just got the jitters. I don't know. I just got the bug. I genuinely, I think it's from when we lived in Austin and got snowed in super bad when Rachel was eight months pregnant and the whole city was like, we don't know what to do. It's fucking fun. I never thought this would come. This hard rain has flumbics to us. I had to go out. Well, everybody has faith in society until it fails them, right? A tree fell in my house one time and then I get real. I get realy into your round tree. You actually? I get real skittish about trees. I had to go out. I had to make a journey out yesterday. Where did you go? Oh, did you? I had to ship some stuff. I'm participating. Participating. I'm sorry. I had to shit. And I couldn't. Oh, you're about to have to go to the outhouse. I had to shit. And I don't do that at home. And I can't do it to re-suck. I gotta go, man. I can't do that. I hope it's where my kids live. Yeah. No, I had to go ship some stuff. I'm participating in project for awesome and I'm going to be on the live stream and I made some 3D printed wooden ducks that I saw and signed them from me and from Magnus. And that's cute. I had to ship them and the whole way I'm driving there with the open box next week because I hadn't the seal yet thinking if I get into a car accident right now. I'm 30. Very hard to say. They really need a binwap block to figure out what the fuck was going on there. The day before was a level 3 snow emergency where I would have been arrested for being out on the road. And the next day, I'm like, super cool, trying to get these ducks in flight. Go, ducks. Yeah. Let me hit you with this. He picks up, sees Travis's dead body in this car surrounded by many wooden ducks. He picks it up. Looks like we've got ourselves a murder most foul. And then the name of the movie be called a murder most foul, a reen Johnson mystery. He picks up a duck and he goes, I think I'd quack through the case. That's quick. Duck. Duck. Exclamation point. Yeah. A murder most foul. Ducks. Ducks. Ducks. And he sees one of the forensics like grabbing my butt and he's like, duck, duck. Goose. Hey, leave that dead body bone alone. That's cool. That was the last one. He scraped some rust off with that. So we should move forward a little bit. I'm at the rest. I'm glad you did that. You did that, Travis. Thank you. We'll use all parts. You can put it on my bill. That's cool, dude. Awesome. I don't think we got a crime to solve. I think you have to poke a hole in the premise a little bit. I don't think they call Benoit Blonk into soft car accidents. [LAUGHTER] Oh, man. I'm going to stop this side of a vehicle. [LAUGHTER] What could have stopped? There's a destroyed vehicle in the middle of the road, tag tracks leading away. God damn it. What could have done, what kind of huge gorilla, is there an escape gorilla from the zoo that made of-- He was my camera. I can't help but notice. He was Googling. Who was that guy in that movie trailer that one time? Could that be a clue? What if he looks up? He's like, he looks dead pet. The camera is like, oh my God, bear his drive. How can this be? How can this be? I am at the airport. Bear is a massage chair right by my gate. I've had a pretty exhausting trip and I'd love to lose things up a bit before I get on the long flight home. Is it weird to use a massage chair at an airport? If I do use it, what is the appropriate level of satisfying noises I can make before it gets weird? [XBOX SOUND] That's from boarding pass to bliss from Cape Carl, Florida. I don't think it's weird. The shared massage chair continues to be one of the weirdest, like, yeah, unforced errors as a society that we continue to invite on ourselves. It's this incredible little dance that we've just scrolled away in some of our most vulnerable moments. I think-- Okay, here's my pitch voice. Do you tell me what you think about it? You are allowed to use it. It's not weird to use it. If the entire time you're in it, you appear one anxious to get out of it into three early, uncomfortable. You think that's okay? I think if you're in it and it's clearly like, I got in it, but only until they call my name and I'm springing out of this, even there's five minutes left of this chair, I do not enjoy this. I want out of this. Yeah, can you also just look around and be like, can I get out yet, guys? Like yell that to everyone nearby, maybe you're yelling at some friends who dared you to get in the chair. People see that they're like, he doesn't want to fucking be in there. If I see that though, I'm going to see, I make judgment calls. If I see people sitting in the massage chair and it is clearly activating, doing its special thing, I look at their face and if they're enjoying it, I assume they paid for it. If they're looking like it's like, kind of annoying, I assume someone else paid for it and left. And then they sit on it and be like a nasty little harmacherat. But they don't want to, they want to act like, this isn't what I want it, but like secretly like, oh, baby, they're loving it. If you have a business suit on and you're like on your blackberry while you're doing it, I'm like, that's cool. That person needs some tending to so they can get back to like the huge important deal that they're working on right now. I think, I think massage chair as professional device, I think is actually a pretty cool look. Would you bring it all the way around where you kick off your shoes, you put on a robe, maybe some cucumber slices, right, a little face peel, yeah, are you getting it? You charged it up for an hour and a half. Yeah. What's, what's weirder, the massage chairs at the airport or the shoe shine guys at the airport? Oh, nothing makes me feel like there is another world. It's a whole other thing happening when, except when I see the shoe shine guys at the airport because I see a guy doing the shoe shines, yeah, I see a guy get the shoe shines. Sometimes both of those guys are younger than me, sometimes both of those guys are older. So I don't think it's something that I'm eventually going to find out about how this happens. It's not. How we get into this circle. I don't know how Justin would get to you. Sometimes I have some nice leather boots that I enjoy wearing sometimes when I travel The shoe shine person is never on duty when I'm wearing the shoes not for you though. Yeah, I know Right, I thought about getting it But then I thought how long do I stand by the shoe shine place in my boots hoping they come back It's just it's it's bewildering to me I don't wear shoes That need that can be shined most of the time almost ever do I wear shoes That need shining or could be shine made of a material that would become lustrous with a wipe I can right and I know that other people do do that, but do we need a whole cottage industry Around a specific type of shoe material that most people I don't think are wearing most of the time You see the foam booths, and you see you know, you see a phone Alcove and you're like remember when yeah, I remember win pops Yeah, it seems like the shoe shine guys. I don't know. Have you ever seen about newsies? Yes, why don't we see news here so they're for selling paint? Yeah, yeah Yeah, I think that those booths that they have set up or you can rent to use it as a workspace for like 15 minutes If you need to like do a meeting or something. I don't know how much money that costs But there should be a little hole on the wall of that thing with a bill slot on it And if you put $50 into that the hole opens up and you're allowed to do one fart in there and they can't get out I think that would be a great investment and it would raise a lot of money for our schools and I just love the idea that we guy read a phone booths and then built booths that people can use their smart phones in yeah It makes me so happy. Yeah. Yeah, no $25 is much more expensive than a phone booth and $50 if you use the fart hole Do you think there's enough the Superman comics book somewhere recently? There's been a scene where superman's in like a Bitcoin exchange I mean, so he's like let me in there. Yeah, I think he presses for a while about whether or not He's allowed to go in the nursing pod to become Superman to save the airport He's like ultimately. Oh my god. TMGMG. I'm actually going to save a lot of mothers if I'm allowed to go in there And go sicko mode and become Superman So like I do think it's worth it. The optics are terrible Superman has to find another He's like you don't have to nurse just stand here. Don't look either. Yeah, don't look and assume I'm just still here in the booth the whole time I'm going because that's a real problem if he goes in there as Clark King he can't then leave a suit He's got to leave super fast that they gotta assume that Clark can still in there doing something Yeah, the entire time Superman is doing his Superman comes out of the nursing pot. He's like I left my friend Clark in there I'm gonna lock the door behind me I will come back and set him free and then I will vanish He's gonna be busy for 30 to 45 minutes In the nursing pod you don't bother him frequently it is restrooms that thinks well What I have to do is much easier in the accessibility stall And I will be very brief. Yes, so perhaps that would be if it I'll look around I think I'm okay. Yeah, no, no, you know what if he comes walking out though. Yeah, it's Superman comes walking out of the accessibility stall It's really Superman you need the whole big In there I'm an alien so many people I would have two butts. You don't know I don't know It's coming out of let's get out of it. I mean yours coming my tentacle shoot out to anchor me down while I'm doing my business Much like the Thanatar I have a tube exits my rectum where the poop comes out. I do everything with great force Everything don't you understand I wish it wasn't like this god how I wish sometimes I wish there was a red sun just over the potty God damn it. Yes, do you have a super plunger? I need a big toilet hole I Need to quit I can only use parchment paper. I did that's the level of durability I need to wipe. That's how tough my stuff is And I just say wide pipes. I don't want to go into detail. Yes, wide a pipe wide pipes looks like that Looks like the excel Hershey bar factory there big wide like a symphony bar Just a straight shot into balloon sculpting IE making cool balloon swords and monsters and shit It's a cheap blow stakes hobby and despite the occasional pop is surprisingly relaxing Of course I blow up a lot of balloons to practice which of course take a lot of space when inflated brothers I live in an apartment. How do I squash this rising balloon pile without pissing off my neighbors? That's from clowning in Connecticut. That's cool I decided I mean my impulse is like kill your little darlings You know what I mean? Like you're you're resting on your past works just like pop them But how but how without pissing off the neighbors because if I have a neighbor And sorry the neighbors would be pissed off if he just got rid of his incredible balloon art I just like they're very Just like proud of him proud. No, I'm not a lot of the thrashed way in my house So I forget the other people are allowed to paint sure that is true when my kids get a balloon animal from a fair Or whatnot we got to wait for that thing to die of old age You know and even then right Jesus Christ guys for Henry's Ninth birthday, we went to Michael's and we brought the kids and we to get balloons and Gus got these enormous six and seven balloons that have been floating in the corner of our living room Yes, like the meme. Thank you so much Travis and they Have been really in a dance of like dwindling kind of death For genuinely what we're for two and a half months or so Six is still rocking seven went down a long time ago six But it's at that point where it's like a barometer just kind of like going up and down depending on the time of day So that can be exciting, but you probably don't breathe helium out There were a couple of years where it wasn't so hard at my house, but eventually the girls caught on that these Magical pin pals were never gonna write back no matter how many notes we attach to the balloons saying like Here's an email if you find this like let us know or whatever. That was a pretty good until they realized this is going to the Forest probably yeah into a bird stomach or something in a bird's stomach. Yeah, I think that what you want to you're gonna save of all these balloons maybe the end of the week And pop them all at once in like a suplex or a full-body dive Yes, so that and you're gonna fake a huge knees when it happens and then after the loud after the loud popping sound And this is important to sell it. You're gonna have to scream and pain Like this huge sneeze popped something in you. Yeah, is there a risk they send help like call the authorities? Every time they call us and help and you say it's balloon popping time I had to don't I'm not injured. I had to pop all these balloons I think it would probably scare me more Travis to hear someone scream Do his screams these from the apartment above me than to hear the sound of many balloons popping Is it is it littering if you throw them out the window or is it kind of like a I think text book lettering I think I don't think it's like if a balloon animal you find a bowl You see a balloon if you saw balloon dog floating through the sky you would be like whoever you'd be like oh my god Just I think it's okay. They don't fill balloon animals with helium Yeah, dude, they float down to the ground and then you see it on the ground. It's like oh my god There's a balloon dog in the ground. What a day? Yeah, it's got a message for me. What it's the black spot? Mark for death. I'll say this. Don't mark people for death with your black spot balloons for the last time Travis I'll say this if I was gonna be Mark for death by the black spot I would want it to be delivered to me by a monkey on a hat that I could wear around a big hole. Yeah, the time Of I think if you if you throw your balloons out at a certain time of day It's only gonna take three maybe days before Children start to kind of like congregate at the balloon time as you the fucking the one slur comes out and makes it rain Doggies and monkeys and crowns and swords and stuff. That sounds pretty good right now that you're saying it Yeah, I'm a pretty magical actually. Yeah, you're the one slur now only instead of giving out sort of you know Lessons about how to be a good person It's balloon it is balloon animals. Yeah, the metaphors get a little metaphor got a little But I do love this theory that people who do balloon sculpting didn't start doing it because they wanted to give them two people But rather started giving them two people because they wanted to do balloon sculpting and then realize they needed to get rid of them Yeah, right hope is it's a virtuous circle, right? I mean you hope at some point that that just yeah You do love to give these things away to people and yes your friends do love to take them I mean you hope yeah, and the one thing you can make is the virtuous circle. It's pretty easy virtue of circle. Hey, actually, can I ask you guys a question? Huh? The one slur teach the child about the Lorax and the environment and everything required a payment of 15 cents a nail and the shell of a great, great, great, great grandfather's nail. The fuck's he doing with that stuff, man? What are you going to be doing with that one slur with 15 cents? Why do you need a nail? And the shell of a great, great, great grandfather's nail. Are you going to put that in that? And then what's the 15 cents for? You fucking pervert? Why do you need payment to teach me a lesson about how to be a good person and the environment? It does feel like the one slurs may be dabbling with a cult forces beyond his powers. Yes, control. Yes, feels like he's getting into some sort of curse or something that he heard. There should be a page at the end of the Lorax where the ones are pops his head back out, he's like, Oh, shit. Also, I eat all that stuff. I eat 15 cents, and I love eating nails and great, great, great grandfather's nail shells is my favorite snack. Hey, you don't love it. Don't litter for fucking real. Hey, hey, hey, are you littering? Leave the trees alone. But if you find any more great, great, grandfather's nails, you know what to bring. You know, fuck those guys. I'll see you tomorrow, Timmy. See you, Tim. You're cool, dude. I don't care what they say. All right. You want chat, you want to like hang out later? I don't have anything on. You must like, I don't have anything planned. You're gonna eat some snail shells. I got enough for two. Okay, you're going. Okay, cool. You left. Cool. I miss the war. I miss. We're going to head to the moon, son. How about at can I be? We're going to take break and come back. We'll talk about other stuff. Let's go to Mason. Hey, guys, I know we're in the money zone, but can I speak candidly for a second? I guess so. Sure. Can you make it about Doc Doc? I'll get there. Gently. Oh, are you ever reading Dr. Seuss books to your kids and thing? Yeah, it's easy to write rhyming stuff when you just make up bullshit words. Absolutely. It is. Yeah. I mean, some of this stuff is really good, but some of it is like, yeah, man, I could, I could do that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same way to the glop of the party pump pumpers and had a big glob of his glimpy glop glimpers like it's fucking easy, dude. That's how you can't trust every doctor in the world. But you know what you can't trust? What's that travey? Zock doc. They'll find the right doctors for you. Yeah. Absolutely. I don't think Theodore Geisel is on Zock doc. I don't think he has an account for many reasons. I would for a ton of reasons. Yes. For a slew of reasons. But if you have a, if you have a problem, you'll also have it. Check out Zock doc and let a doctor resolve it. Right? Because I don't know how to do any kind of medical stuff. And that's why when I moved to DC, I didn't have many doctors. I got on Zock doc.com. And they were like, let me hook you up. And they did. I've made great friends through Zock doc. I think I think a lot of that's not a lot of things that they advertise. I don't think they advertise that. But I will say like I will say like a lot of my doctors have become my closest friends here. So and they know that there's a sadness to that. I can't place. But it's there. It seems pretty obvious what the sad the shape of that sadness is. I'm, I'm, I'm nearing a old age. I'm in my twilight years. And I've had to get so many. Now it started to be like health is an escape room. Yeah. Where I go to a doctor to solve one thing. And then it opens up three more puzzles for me to solve. Yeah, absolutely went to a rheumatologist who is then like, Hey, you should also get like a nerve test and a vascular test and a bunch of stuff. I don't know how to find those people. That's why I use that. But now you're the happiest you've ever been. Zock docs a free Apple website that helps you find a book high quality in network doctors. So you can find someone you love. I know we've said a lot of other bullshit here, but that's best friend. That's or a best friend. I didn't say best friend. Some of my part of some of my best friends. I wouldn't have found them if not for Zock doc. I also wouldn't have been treated for my many conditions. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments, go to zock doc.com/mybrother to find an instantly book a doctor you love today says that it does say a doctor you love. So I do think a friend does say that fits the bill. That's zero cdoc.com/mybrother. Zock doc.com/mybrother. Thanks, Zock doc, for sponsoring this message. Did we even mention what it is? I think we missed the part. I said it. I said no, I said that part. Really good. Maybe I need to get my hearing checked. Yeah. Check out zock doc.com. What? You heard me coward. That's provided waste grace brand eating. You know what cuffing season is? If I said forget cuffing season, would you know what I meant? That's sexual. I think it's the where you someone comes in as a sort of sexual tag in reply like a tag in replacement. You tag them in. You go your turn. Is that right? Cuffing season is when you tag in. Sorry, what wasn't you tag in a sexual partner? Is that you're saying like the two of us will make love? Let's get in a ringer. Let's bring in someone's coming off the top road. Pitch a pitch hit or sort of situation. And then the other person has a special chair. Before I go over shares anymore, I'm going to release this off from our prison. Cuffing season is you got to find somebody before Valentine's Day or whatever. Well, yes. Or I'm pretty sure it's pretty sure it's the other thing with the special chair. It can be two things. The idea is that for the cold months, you hook up, you hook up for the cold months. And then you have a partner for the cold months. This is a short term thing. I don't really love deeply and make it truly love. But on the hot months, you say, no, thanks. It's too hot. I'm single and ready to have sex. Forget cuffing season. Sonic wants you to break up with your burger, huh? Introducing the new all Americans, smash your lineup. Please guys hold your questions. I will answer your questions. But I'm sure just for me saying that, you're fucking going wild with questions. We'll get to this is not a question. Can I just say something is not a question? It's not a question. Can I say it? What even is a smasher? What's a smasher? That's a question. That's legitimately, you were a journalist in a lot of detail that you will be furious because it went for too long for too long fast food burger fans have settled for relationships that just aren't working. burgers that keep going up in price and down in quality. Yeah. Are those two separate ideas? Sorry, that is the question. They're settling for relationships that aren't working. And also, and the burgers, the burgers, they're also, if they had happy relationships, they may cook for themselves more want to know to mean like get in some more lean proteins. I don't know, but it's two different things. Sonic is introducing the one worth committing to the all new all American sonic smasher. Most fast food burgers promise more than they deliver. But the all American sonic smasher is different. It's good. Yeah, it's good. Actually, good. We made it good. These other burgers are dirty shit bag. Fucks. They promise you will promise nothing. Nothing. This burger is here. You can get it. There's a lot of stressing, even early on in this press release about it being all American. And you don't even know how early on it is. Yeah. But is the Americanness of my burger here in the state of Ohio, something that I should have been concerned about prior to this. No, even how they would get you non-American burgers, as landlocked as you are. I wasn't aware that that was a thing I should be checking for. It is going to be impossible to detect the presence of AI and these things because they have been absolutely half baked for a decade. I don't know. How will you tell? You know, like, let's let's take this was written by humans. Most fast food burger promises more than they deliver the all American sonic smasher is different. Hands smashed, made to order and stacked with classic toppings. People actually crave. That's what it says. I don't know what that's about. That's such talking. Yeah. That's shit. But are they saying like other places are putting on like bean sprouts and nobody wants that. They're giving you the good shit. I don't understand. I also proof I've never been to a McDonald's and thought this burger is really promising me something. Yeah. That's never been what that exchange is about. It's proof that when it comes to burgers, sonic is Everyone's perfect match that commitment comes to life What that commitment comes to life with the $6 all-american smasher meal a complete burger meal that punches above its price point Well a lot of aggressive sort of Terminology in life. This is smashing my brother. There's gonna fucking blast your fucking face Nerd it's gonna be your butt. You're a shitty boyfriend the smasher meal is gonna punch you in the face and Improved that he's the right one for you. He's got tomatoes and shit that you like just your boyfriend have tomatoes on him No, fuck you. You actually want this it's got it's got crispy onions and Barbecue sauce and a huge dick Whoa exactly what you crazy there's a structural question there that I have Where I don't know it a text a textural question. No, it's a burger construction question because if you have the dick If you're gonna put on Wendy how does the dick? How does the top I love that a topic if there's just I assume the dick was coming out of the burger grip And I didn't assume it was I'm ready for you guys. I'm you know what? This is not anything worth looking at but I am going to like I have to at least share something here with you to give you some Are you about to show me a little burnt up crispy burger? Yeah, God damn it. I love that stuff I wish I didn't I hate how smash smash burgers as a concept is so vulgar to me and yet when I see one I think I bet biting into that is awfully salty and crispy and good. Oh, man. It's good. I love to make him at home, too They're good right off the griddle Boy I'm getting hungry for smashers the new all-american Sonic smasher takes the year. Okay. This is where we're gonna Get into the minutia where your questions are gonna start coming hot and heavy. Okay, I beg you to hold it Okay, okay, can I make an observation just not a question. Yeah, an observation not a question. Try that's fine No problem. There is definitely a trend in these fast food press releases where for whatever reason the food must be photographed in some kind of colored void Yeah, I will never understand. There's no context. You need perspective. You need to know how big this meal is by having some floating in the snacking shadows on it The new all-american Sonic smasher takes the original Sonic smasher even further with flavors designed to deliver premium quality in every bite without the premium price tag Okay, we recognize it the first version of the smasher. We fucked up. We know it. We could have we could have smashed it harder We didn't smash it hard enough Each all-american Sonic smasher is hand smashed Yeah, just fucking no tools just stop palm on the griddle Other burgers are smashed by AI We back up to buy the burger smashy robots. We hate to smash the burgers with our hands They keep saying Dave the calluses are developing soon. You won't even feel it anymore, but it's been five months We had a guy our sexy street location bringing some sort of heavy metal plate to do this mashing. We said no No way skin-on skin contact is important here at Sonic Drive-in. That's how you form a bond That's how you bond with the burgers Each all-american Smashers and smashed and made the order featuring two patties made with Angus beef Seasoned and seared to perfection for crispy edges and a juicy center Yeah, the patties are layered with melty American cheese crisp lettuce ripe tomatoes crinkle-cup pickles diced onions ketchup and mayo All served on a pillowy soft potato bun fresh off the grill. It's the classic all-american cheese burger leveled up Yeah, in want way it's how the lineup includes double and triple options with or without crispy bacon Okay, but so then the smash world isn't leveled up. I would need to pay to level it up Yeah, there's so much the the the ratio of Burger to produce on this thing is it's pretty crazy and I know that the those numbers get thrown off once you do bring smashing into the mix But I'm imagining the bite of this thing and it's it is extraordinarily produce forward Is that maybe do you guys think there's a chance that the smashing machine ends? With him getting fired from UFC and he ends up running the smashing machine at Sonic That's possible. Do you think there's any chance that that's like and then they're like I he's like I can do it with my hands Just let me be the smash. I don't think any one of the three of us is ever gonna know the answer to that question authority It's very fair actually Why can't they run the lettuce and the tomatoes and the pickles through the smashing machine and make them also flat Why is only the meat flat why are we not working with very very flat lettuce and pickles? They want you to hand squish those yourself the sonic Smasher proves you don't have to settle said Ryan Dickerson the chief marketing officer at Sonic Who would wait hold on me. I'm that's a bold statement to not have any qualifier on you don't have to settle for fast food No, no it proves you don't have to settle. Yeah about anything It's a premium made to order hand smash burr that's simply better than you'll find anywhere else in fast food or even fast casual It's America's favorite for a reason. I'm telling you I'm telling you Steve this lawsuit is going nowhere They're offering you a deal take it. No, my smash burger tells me I don't have to settle. I don't think I'm going to go in court. I deserve better I deserve all the crinkle cut pickles that the world has for me, Steven And it's all American favorite for a reason with the all American smash your lineup We're offering our best burger in a classic way people love without cutting corners on quality and at six dollars for a full meal We're not just offering the best value. We're raising the bar for what a fast food burger relationship should be Yeah, that doesn't mean anything, but go off king With your fast number now, okay Now we have reached the FAQ. Okay. Oh Okay, so now I will answer the question now. I will tell you what your questions are okay about this Okay, and you and I will then tell you the answers to your questions Okay, so Do I have to settle? So Travis you can take the first question. How does the all American Sonic smash or Travis could you wash it? Could you raise your hand? It's only nice. Yeah, Travis Travis go ahead stretching in my chair. It is not raising my hand. Do not. Travis then Griffin. Okay. Travis McRory Travis McRory times. How does the American Sonic smash or differ? Excuse me, Sonic smash or TM differ from the original Sonic smash or TM I've asked you to stop saying your initials during your questions Really trying to get the all American great question draft the all American Sonic smash or builds in the original Sonic smash or by adding Classic burger toppings let us tomato ketchup and mayo plus bacon and triple patty options both burgers are hand smash they're made to order and feature two patties made with Angus beef guilty American cheese crickled cut pickles and Diced onions griffin. What was your you had something? You raise a man Jesus man. That's not necessary. This is a fast moving thing. I need to just go ahead I'd already called on you so Griffin. Go from McRory. I'm in food times. What is included in the six dollar all American smash or meal? So you do have an all American Sonic smash or medium tots or medium groovy fries Medium they don't call them they don't call or they do medium Travis Yeah Travis McRory washington imposed. I actually want to circle back Congratulations. Thank you. Well, I certainly never get my for it. The getting my initials and they're paid off I want to circle back to the first question You said that the new Sonic smash or came with more toppings But then listed all the toppings that came on both of them and it did see your question It should be I think your question if you look what's your question Travis? How long will the old American Sonic? How long will the all American Sonic smash or TM and six all American smash or meal be available a limited time How limited a limited time. I'm sorry a limited time We don't have any more information for you than that Griffin. Yeah. Sorry. I had my hand raised for a long time. You didn't know. Thank you. Go ahead Griffin McRoy's CBS news is the six dollar all American smash or meal available in the Sonic app Yes, the all American Sonic smash or and the six dollar all American smash or meal are available in the Sonic app and online at participating locations I have one try a time for one more Travis Travis one more. Yes. I have a question about the heat at which Jeff fuel burns Sorry, and any other burger related I get to do mine. Yes, Griffin. What's your follow-up Griffin? Griffin Griff. Hey everybody Griffin McRoy one American news network and I am here Ask you does does the all American Sonic smash or replace the original Sonic smash or So no, and this is why we've been so Clear about like no. I'm glad I didn't so the all American Sonic smash or Excuse me, so that I'm stuck the answer that journalist over there just said some mean shit about me That shit wouldn't fly the Washington Post a name questions like that. I'm not here trying to get to the truth Get that man It's just an expansion of the video Thank you so much. So you're saying I could go to Sonic and say let me get a Sonic smasher and an all-american Sonic smasher. That's unhinged. I know, dude. That's why they had to do it. It's how your best release with a Q&A to explain what's going on here. Wild, dude. Let me get the new shit and the busted old shit that we all know is a mistake. For other countries. I want that busted old one that you would ship over to like China or something. You know, I don't want that good old American burger that you have. I want the good stuff. That stuff, John Cougar melanchamp, things about. Yeah, that's a little burger for Jack and Diane. You get it. Hey, thank you so much for a podcast. Must be the funny. Must be the funny. Wow. That's cool. That's a new tagline. It just like. Wow. Wow, it is. Care to welcome it definitely wasn't a thing for like must see TV NBC like 1999. They definitely. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. This is original. It's unbelievable. Oh, cool. That's good too. Travis. Did you write that? I did. We've got new merch. Yes, we do. Travis. We do. We've got. It's a good day for a fish to die. Camo hat, which is absolutely wonderful. And a Mickey hoodie design by Brent Dordey. The hat is also a Mickey related. If you've never watched like clubhouse, you're probably pretty confused by the fact that we are selling an extremely bass pro shops coded sort of pieces. But you watch that show. Yeah, it's good. The commitment once once a once a month. You can't come watch our great show. I just did a whole thing about avatar explaining all the land fauna of avatar for an hour. Yeah, watch that. Brent is door mouse on Instagram spelled D-O-U-G-H-E-R-M-O-U-S-E door mouse on Instagram check them out. Also 20 make it stick sticker designed by Lucas has been hide at mostly based on Instagram. We've got the candle lights video on demand pay what you want with all proceeds to going to Harmony House and check that out and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be noted to the immigrant mall center of Minnesota, which provides free immigration legal representation to low income immigrants and refugees in Minnesota and North Dakota. Hey, we got a bunch of streams guys. We're streaming so freaking much on the McRoy family YouTube channel. Like Justin said last Tuesday of every month at noon. We do a McRoy family clubhouse every other Tuesday that's three of us get together and play video games. For a show called Super McRoy Brothers and then like three times a week. We also go up and we do individual streams of us playing cool games and old games and weird games and that's all if you follow a McRoy entertainment system on Instagram, you can get up to the minute updates on all of our gaming content. We're streaming so freaking much. And just follow a McRoy family on YouTube and you'll catch all the stuff there. A few more packages available for Champions Grove, go to championsgrove.com, get them while they're available and we will see you there. I'm sorry, I just love this big picture of it's the big big burger isn't. Hey, thanks to montagne for this rhythm song. My life is better with you. It's it's it's really a track that helps me center myself each morning when you're looking for something to. I got chapstick that's like that's not I feel like it's helpful sometimes to use objects that like people know are like familiar with the past about it. So I'm going to take my headphones off so I can check the other side of the room and get a good chuck so in like you guys have like 10 seconds. You guys have like like me like 10 seconds and I'm just going to throw it can you give a big wind up to. Maybe like a 3 2 1. I should we be counting. Why did he was just a McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin. There was it even on camera at all. Yeah, little bit. Okay. It's. It's. It's better. It's better with you. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. It's better. Maximum fun. A work road network of artist own shows supported directly by you.