MBMBaM 797: Safe and Full of Grubs

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better. It's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with two. My life, ah, it's better with you. Hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother, and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Travis Nation? I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis Big Dog, Wolf Wolf, Vroom Vroom, Big Unit McElroy. What's, ooh, welcome. No, actually, no, dude. I think actually you need to. I think you need to drop on. No, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop. I like Big Unit. I like Big Unit. You need to lose something else, because I do think it pushes. I understand that this is da brand. It's getting a little. It's giving you Sador, I think. A little bit. Yeah, it's giving you Sador. Yeah, I get that. But you need to drop one of the conditionals. Can I be Big Dog Unit? Um, no, that, no. That sounds like an elite Marine. Unit Big Dog. We're Unit Big Dog, and we got Osama bin Laden. Like, we need. It just. Just drop one of them. I'm Unit Big Dog, God. Just think about it. I'm Griffin. Just think about it. I'm Griffin McElroy, the youngest. 30 under 30, media luminary, built Ford tough, fucking huge, huge dinger McElroy. Yeah, I mean, it works. Yeah, I guess. It doesn't. I don't know. It feels a little on the nose. Jesse, you started this episode. You kicked us off with. Always do. Always do. You always do, but you did this one, like, right after we did. We did our sync, right after we did our count. You had such a robust energy that made me think, like, this guy's got a fucking intro that is screaming to get out of him. That is absolutely. I think it sucks. I think it sucks that my. I think it sucks that my enthusiasm for recording a podcast for my brothers could be mistaken as a prepared competence. This is Griffin. This is all the build-up. Griffin, Griffin, this is the. He's about to do the prestige now. I know, he's fucking giving us the old rope-a-dope. You suck. Yeah, he's about to drop an amazing. Amazing intro. I know. Just give him the runway. I'm just a happy person. I'm just. I'm happy about what? Sure, man. Justin, what's making you so happy? Happy about the new Rowan Atkinson project that we're gonna fucking jazz on for. War with Grandpa 2's out, you say? Like, you've got something in the fucking holster, and I can't wait. Wait, Griffin, the one where he's a serious detective and it doesn't appear to be a comedy? Is that the one you mean? No, War with Grandpa, you do. We get grandmas in there. We gotta be careful, guys. I feel like it's Beetlejuice rules, where if we say the name of the movie one more time, we will end up talking about it. No, I'm saying that. Yeah, and Rowan Atkinson has a new one where he's a serious detective and it's not a comedy. Oh, is that true? Are you kidding me? Yeah. Sorry, wish list. Much. Sorry, fave it. Sorry, fave. Sorry, fave. Gotta go fave real quick. Sorry, I faved it. Cue that shit up, flicks. Did you guys know we're doing another. Did you guys know we're doing another Fockers, by the way? Oh, no. Yes. I just found this out today. Did you know this? No, that's cool. Did you know we're getting Fockered again? We're getting the Fockers? The Fockers are back? What are we calling it? America's favorite family, the Fockers are back? What are we calling it this time? Because it's 2026. What would you call it? Call it. Title it right now. Motherfockers. Motherfockers is. Travis, it's not, but God, man, it should be, huh? Go ahead. Griffin, what do you got? Focker family. It's not anything cool. It's like Focker family reunion or. Focker, I barely know her. It's Focker-in-law. Focker-in-law? Focker-in-law. A young man named Henry, son of Greg and Pam Focker, faces family chaos when he decides to marry a strong-willed woman who appears to be his complete mismatch. It is Ariana Grande. Oh! We are having the time of our life. Okay. Isn't that weird that the first movie, I think it's called Meet the Parents, and then at some point they were like, I think it's funny that we gave them the last name Focker, and we should incorporate that into every future movie. And it is good. It is good. It's cool. Yeah. We love it. They should have just called it Focker. They should have just called them Focker. What if they just had the courage of their convictions to call them the Focker fam? I think it's. The most interesting thing about the Meet the Fockers to me, and Focker-in-law, I just thought it's great that we're going back. Sure. And yeah, Bob's back. Ben, Bob. Ben, Bob, Billy, the whole crew. Owen, Terry, Skyler. Oh, we got the Skyler? We got the jizz? Dude. Skyler. Skyler, anything that you touch is. I didn't swallow because I wasn't sure if we were all agreeing on the harder stuff. Gee, so I kind of swallowed the. You can't swallow the Jizondo, Justin. That's. Please don't swallow the Jizondo. Hey, now some people prefer it. Now listen, I'll see anything that dude's got. Now, can we be. Can we be serious now? I'll see anything or purchase anything with Skyler Jizondo in or on it. That's an influencer right there, folks. That's hugely influential. Oh, man. Yeah. Prosper Belizia plays Elderly Man on trail if you're a Prosper Belizia fan. Hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, this is what I want to say about Meet the Fockers or Meet the Parents or whatever it was. When he says, I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? Whatever I feel about that movie, I don't even think I've watched that whole movie, but I think that joke is so powerful that it escaped the bounds of that movie and etched itself in the American consciousness. And I think it is just the strength of, I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? That is actually, I have said, not as like a sarcastic like, but it's just, you deploy it at the right time, everybody loves that reference. It's a great, pure, incredible joke. I don't think we need four movies about it, but I did love it. And he says it in every movie. But with different inflection each time. Like at one point, there's an emergency, where they need milk. And he's like, I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? And he's like very sincere about it. Yeah, I love the one where he's like, I have nipples, Greg. And then Ben Stiller's like, I know. Yeah, he's very tender. 'Cause the audience know, you know what I mean? Like we know the rest. I liked how at the end of the Joker, he said it to the Joker during the talk show, when he like got pulled a gun and he's like, you get what you fucking deserve. And he's like, hold up. I've got nipples, I've got nipples, Joker. I have nipples, Joker. Mm-hmm. Can you milk me? I'm laughing about how good the joke is. Yeah. For sure. I really loved in the newest Die Hard, when he says, you be kay-ay, nipple fucker. And it's such a good, it's just a little wink. It is a nice nod. You know, like you wouldn't catch it. It's a fun wink. You wouldn't catch it if you didn't know, if you weren't looking for it. It's such a good Easter egg. Does he answer the question? 'Cause the correct answer is, I don't know. Maybe. I don't know what you're, I don't know what you're packing. That's true. Do you produce milk? Should you produce milk? You tell me. I can't answer that question for you. It feels prying to tell the truth, Mr. Joker. I'm willing to try if you see it as a bonding experience. Like, are you sincere right now? That would be such a weird, everyone else at the table should have turned on Bob De Niro in that moment. Where he's like, I have nipples, Joker. And like this, dad, you know that's not what he's talking about. Hugely. And like, why the fuck would you bring that up? I'm glad you have nipples, dad, that you're not some kind of like, I don't know, Kyle XY kind of clone thing, like completely smooth on your chest. Can I mention one other media project to you guys that I've been really thinking a lot about? Yeah. Oh, and Travis, here it fucking is. I knew it. Dude's a double fate. We thought that it was gonna be the Falkers thing, but he's got another one fucking ready. Oh, he left the call. He left. He got too scared. We need to be, I think we need to be more gentle with this. Be chill and gentle this time. Okay. 'Cause it's, we-- Yeah, so you can come in, okay. Yeah, when you're ready. Oh, no, Travis, you made a face that was a little too, just like, we don't want anything. Nope, he keeps disappearing. Shoot. Have you guys heard about the new Patrick Dempsey project? No, man. I've only watched the trailers. McDreamy? Yeah, McDreamy's back. And I'm-- Is it his new restaurant where you order fruit plates for the table, Dempsey Dempsom? It's not, that's good, Trav. I really, I don't think that this new show is very tasteful, and I don't think it should be a show. I do think it's an adaptation of a foreign show that I'm sure is very good. I'm sure this show itself is very powerful. I would say the trailers, it is a show called Memory of a Killer, and this is the plot. I'm just telling you the plot from the show, okay? Losing one's memory is a devastating hammer blow for anyone, for Angelo Flannery, the stakes couldn't be higher. His hitman job would be perilous enough, but there's an added pressure. Angelo lives two, totally separate lives fearsome new york city hitman and sleepy upstate cooperstown photocopier salesman and father having built and maintained a brick wall between the two worlds angelo has seamlessly juggled and compartmentalized for years but now that's about to change because alzheimer's is a foe he cannot run and he already knows too well how this ends as his older brother is already lost to the condition so are we it is this are we rooting for mr dempsey in this so the well the the show is about it's a the tagline is uh about a man who lost his memory but gained a conscience okay and what we are supposed to what we're supposed to understand is the man will be at the photocopier store right and then he will open a closet yeah and inside that closet there will be a dead body yeah and he will think what the fuck i gotta call the cops i gotta call the goddamn cops cops right i gotta get the cops on the phone and then that's the show i also can i know what i mean like i don't know how they're gonna build drama out of the fact that the man you know what i mean yeah for sure it doesn't seem like it's gonna be a good show to watch i guess would be my main thing they just kind of throw in there don't they that he's built a brick wall between those two things like that's a thing one can do if they try yeah like that i've i've built a brick wall in my brain yeah to be like what's called a mental wall yeah it's a foolproof system yeah they i think the better version of it though because like they definitely want you to think that he's going to be like he's like the photocopier thing seems cool i would just much rather be doing that right yeah to choose between these two lives i do think it's going to be a lot more fun to watch this guy in the murder business murder murder mode the murder mode and then all of a sudden he's like hey i gotta sell this guy yeah like that just mid mid things he looks over and sees like an outdated like daisy wheel printer or whatever and he's like hey time out time out from the fight real quick time out yeah have you looked into this dot matrix bullshit you've got going on back there is stuck in 1993 my friend you need to get get with the times i it is it like a is it a transformation like when the full moon comes out he becomes a killer and then when it goes away he's a photocopier salesman i don't know griffin i think it's why probably alzheimer's isn't a great plot point for a tv show because it doesn't work there's not like magic rules right as far as i know what is it oh no i ate spicy food why alzheimer's yeah i don't think it's like that and i don't i don't mean to make i don't i'm not making a lot of alzheimer's like could just be to be clear i'm not making a lot of alzheimer's classically the least dreamy who should know better yes is i guess he's being a little distasteful but not me alzheimer's is famously the least funny sort of yeah condition or idea or thing um but i don't think i do i do feel like whoever came up with like you know there could be what if my what if this alzheimer's story was a bit more exciting it's like i don't think anybody wants that really no no no that i want to see i want to see this alzheimer's story needs a body count like i don't think that's what we've been missing you know i hope i hope there's a scene where that brick wall he's built in his mind breaks down and he realizes that he's made all this money from being like a new york like assassin guy yeah but also has chosen to work as a photocopier salesman and that's completely unnecessary from all the money he earned as like a new york assassin and he's like fuck man i wish i remembered i had all this money so that i didn't have to put in a nine to five yes it's gonna be great when he pulls up to the photocopier place at a slick new lamborghini and they're like where'd you get that and he's like i don't know i guess being a hitman has its perks they're like no you've never had that car did you just did you just take i guess i just took it from a guy i killed a hitman has its perks is that where you go is that where you go i'm always forgetting that i'm not supposed shit shit because of my canonical narrative alzheimer's that works much like werewolf rules yeah that i forget when the when the moon sets all right don't there's still time patrick you got two weeks before the show comes out it's about too late shelve that one no that's fox that's going straight to tv that's straight to broadcast we had to get this one right in front of the grandparents immediately with trailers for motherfucker or whatever the fucker in law there it is fucker in law this is an advice show all right and you send us your questions and we read them and then we help you that's the way it works i'm a teacher and i want to ride the bus to school the yellow bus that takes the kids yep i work in a rural area so the buses sometimes travel long distances to pick up kids and deliver them to school i live about 20 minute drive away and i see the bus pass by my house before i leave most mornings definitely a lot faster to drive myself but i don't like great i often need to be at school earlier stay late but whenever i can i'd love to take advantage of that ride that teases me as it passes by every morning it's the only reliable public transportation we have around here i don't actually know that it's against the rules but i don't see anyone else doing this so it has to be right well no well well i will say it will say look outside of the educational profession this is a hard no i don't know i don't know i don't i don't think you can see a school bus and say well the chipotle i work at is pretty close to the elementary school yeah i'll probably i'll just sketch i don't think that's i don't think that's okay now that actually no that is okay if you're a teacher you can sketch on and i think actually if regardless of your profession if you get on the back of a bus sketch style it should be okay because you found a loophole and one that looks fucking cool at that yeah dude i imagine having to sit next to a teacher on the bus every day like the teacher gets on the bus and it's like what am i supposed to do you know like and are we yeah my trouble are they a cool teacher i think in that case you need to have some kind of show man you need to have some kind of indicator of like at what is it like when you enter a school zone now you're in teacher mode but until then okay oh a hard a hard like hard reference it just tastes like or like or famously like memories of a killer from 30 seconds ago i mean you walk off the bus um i bet the bus driver would be stoked to have some adult company don't you think yeah in the jump seat and the buses have those co-pilot hello you can do the special break that's cool that's that would be cool yeah what if they have vastly different interests well you didn't see that coming did you every day you get on the bus and they're like did you see hey did you see that red breasted lock this morning it's like no dan as always i don't look at the birds i guarantee that they have at least they have one thing in common and it's which of the kids are shitheads yeah the ability to be like you ever had derrick on this bus oh derrick yeah and then derrick's sitting behind them like i thought i was doing better oh shoot i've really been working hard this year i've been working on that i think this is so smart i would absolutely do this in a heart this is not like a i'm not speaking figuratively i think this is great yeah kids are gonna get a big kick out of it you can get on there with like i mean absolutely uninterrupted sense of purpose you are going to your job you're there's nothing more you could be doing but you don't have to be doing anything yeah that's a dream that's beautiful well you are i think you are a little bit responsible for the kids i think if you are a teacher and you're on the bus you're a little bit responsible for your kids don't you okay that's in okay don't you think you're a little bit interesting so now it's like let's figure that out though i don't think that's assumed right right you have like i figured it out already you're absolutely culpable and responsible you have now added extra job to your day awesome this is like every time i walked up the stairs to my office i had to be making jokes the entire time i walked up the stairs you think okay that's not good yeah i guess i mean like i think there's also a world where like i think the cool teacher comes on and they're like i stub out a cigarette yeah on the floor and they're like listen i don't get paid to give a fucking shit about you you got until we get through that door just don't be i got a hangover don't be loud yeah don't yell at me i don't give a fuck so what we're talking about here is a special pod within the bus so i was just thinking a first class cabin situation on the school zion kind of just like something i don't know what you're talking about i don't know what you're talking about i don't know something that says not here like this is the rest of this bus is school yeah this pod yeah is not school and maybe the pod pulsates a blue light it makes a loud humming noise when you go into it so that the rest of the kids on the bus are like what even is happening in there do you know do you know about mr dempsey yeah he goes i don't know why i used his name he goes he's the pod one right yeah every day he gets on the bus with us he goes into a special pod there's a loud pulsing light and he comes out he calls it the teaker's lounge yeah it's weird it's so crazy Griffin didn't? Mr. Dempsey used to be an actor. What happened? He did. I guess the wall came down and maybe that's what the pod is for. He looks the same when he comes out of the pod. It's not like a tanning booth or any, I don't know what's happening in there. You know, this is such a good idea to have a separate adult section, but like we were so cavalier to get rid of smoking sections, weren't we? But like this, we didn't even think about the repercussions. We used to have a great little built-in adult place, you know, a place where just adults could exchange ideas, get their energy up, get excited about new ideas. A third location, it was. I guess what we're saying is bring back smoking sections. Make smoking cool again! Right? That's what the question's about. Wait, hold on, I'm re-reading it. I'm re-reading the question here. I'm a teacher. I do think, though, the one complicating factor, the only issue I have with this is going back to seat selection on a bus and having to do that every single day. That is intimidating. That's no good. That's no good. That's rough. I don't want to look at Jeremy and be like, and he's like, what's up? What's up, Dr. McElroy? It's so good to see you. I'm like, yeah, no problem. And Jeremy's so good to see you. This is you. Wait, hold on. This is you in this scenario and you're Dr. McElroy? I went back to school to get my doctorate. Why did that, why did your character, why did your character a. I'm not a, I'm not a teacher, right? Right now? So I might as well be a doctor teacher. I mean, if I'm going to be, it's just a thing I made up. Okay. Like, I might as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Sure. Okay, can I try this next time? Then why go Ph.D.? Justin, then why not, why not go like, like neurosurgeon or something? Why go Ph.D.? Yeah. Because why is he on the school bus? Why would I go get my Ph. You think I can pay back my fucking doctor school bills on a teacher salary? Travis, you're high. So check this out. Check this out. I walk on the school bus. There's no public transportation in my city. And the only way that I'm able to get to my job at the school, I think, responsible to the environment is to take the school bus. So I jump 30 feet into the bus and I go into my little pod and the bus driver's like, hello, Professor Spider-Man. And I'm like, hello. And I go in to my booth and in there. And the bus crashes and they say, is there a doctor on the bus? And Professor Spider-Man says, no, not me. And then I raise my hand. I say, I'm a medical doctor. I can help. Wait, you are now? You did go to medical school. I got my. I got a PhD, Trav. I got. It's a dual degree. Judas Prudis. I have a. Judas Prudis, yeah. I have a dual PhD with Judas Prudis. I graduated high school Judas cum Prudis. No, what sucked is, guys, this sucked, is I went to school to be a doctor. Yeah. And then I got this special kind of amnesia. I forgot I was a doctor and then I went back to school. Yeah. And I got learned as a lawyer and then I built a brick wall. Yeah. Between the two, this brick wall. And then? Yeah. And then you had to sue yourself for medical malpractice. Okay. And I showed up to court. It was very hard. You were on both sides of the case. I showed up to court ready to meet this Dr. McElroy everyone's so intimidated by and imagine my terror when I found that that Dr. McElroy was me. Is it possible to remake this Memory of a Killer show real quick before it comes out and make it so that the double life. A pre-make, if you will. Is he. The double life he is living. His double life is that he runs a photocopier shop and then on the other side of the mental wall he runs a different photocopier shop. Okay. If we're gonna demake it. Yeah. If we're gonna demake it then why not make it he runs a photocopier shop and there is. Maybe he spills some soda or something on one of the photocopiers and accidentally photocopies himself. Okay. And now this other version of himself opens a rival photocopier shop. This is cool. So like a. Like a clone comes out of the printing machine because he spilled a Coca-Cola on it. A Coke Zero. This is already a Gravity Falls episode, guys. I mean, if we can get an endorsement, that would be. That would fund the movie, frankly. Yeah. That's cool. If we could get Coca-Cola. That would be a cooler. That would be a cooler show. Oh, but the clone starts doing really well at photocopy sales because he knows the ins and outs. He was photocopied. He was. It's in his blood. Toner's in his blood. It's called Toner Cloner. Toner Cloner's good. Travis, that's like your ninth one. We've been going 24 minutes. That's like your ninth one, man. You're fuckin' on. I used it all up for the year. You're on fire. Do you save Toner. Do you save Toner Cloner Boner for the sequel? Yes. Or is it like. Yeah. That's what he says every time he messes up. It's his catchphrase. I made a Toner Cloner Boner. I challenged my dad who lives in Southern California to a, quote, big year to see as many different birds as possible January 1st through December 31st. Just gotta Google that real quick and see if it's a thing. You know, like the movie The Big Year. Would I believe? Like the movie The Big Year. Top of my head. Steve Martin. Jack Black and Owen Wilson. I've never heard of this movie. This is fuckin' jam-packed with talent. I live in Northern Illinois and did not anticipate him taking this challenge. So seriously, he's already been to six different parks slash beaches and has seen 30 plus bird varieties. I've seen 12. How can I see more birds than my dad? We're both amateur birders, but he obviously has the advantage of location. That's from flipping the bird on him. Okay. First of all, you should have anticipated your dad taking this seriously. He's the dad. Of an adult person, I assume, since you're listening to this show and emailing us. And I don't, like, when I'm a dad and my kids have moved out and they're living their lives, the free time I will have to do things? Unthinkable. A Big Year is an informal competition among birders who try to identify as many species of birds as possible within a calendar year in a specific geographic area. I've never heard of this before, but it's very, very, very, very powerful to me. And I feel like I've actually. I would say it's kind of an underground thing, were it not for the major motion pictures starring Jack Black and Steve Martin. Which, again, I had not heard of. Oscar award winner. Had not heard of until this very moment. Griffin, will you Google, since you're already doing it? Yeah, I'll Google. Do zoos count? Do zoos count a big year? I can't imagine they do. Do zoos. I don't see why not, this guy on Reddit says. Lots of birds in zoos. They're birds! Count them! Lots of birds in zoos come from all over the world. Now, fucking AI at the top is like, zoos do not count towards a big year. Of course, the bots would think that. Yeah, but the humans are like, fucking go for it, dude. I have a slam dunk. This is actually a good plan. Oh, okay. You plan on a secret visit to your dad for the holidays. You keep the race close. You don't tell your dad you're coming in. When your dad asks if you're coming in for the holidays, you say no. You say no. You lie. You say no. You lie. You get in a couple days early. You see every fucking nasty, feathery bitch that this guy has already seen, right? So you're eating his lunch completely. You show up and you're like, dad, it's. Quick logistics thing, how do they do that? How do they see. However the fuck you look at birds, Griffin! I'm a strategist. I assume. With your binoculars and your notebook. Justin can't look at the birds for the question asker. I can't look at the birds for him, but he shows up and he looks at all the fucking birds. In a few days. Just like, pow, pow, pow. He knocks out the location thing. Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. Yeah. Scoping them. And then he shows up and his dad bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. He cops knock on the door. He cop knocks because his dad grows weed and he wants to freak his dad out, right? Yeah. So he cop knocks. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. It ain't hard. It ain't hard to freak that dad out. He goes up and he's like, oh my god! Syllop! And then it's like, dad? It's like, he's so happy to see you and you're like, you whisper and you're like, checkmate. Because he's not, he can't go anywhere. He can't do anything. He doesn't know about the 30 birds you've just already seen while you've been kicking it. Yeah. That's awesome. That's a great plan. You open up your birder notebook and shun the list. He's like, oh, cool. And then it unfolds like a pornographic centerfold magazine. Keep unfolding, dad. Don't look away. That's great, Justin. I have a small suggestion that would require a little less work. Lie. No, okay, see, Travis. If I say I saw a bird. Justin, let him cook. We say yes first and then we shit on it. If I say to you, I saw a fucking condor yesterday, I want you, Justin McElroy, to prove I didn't. Yeah, Travis, I don't have to prove you didn't. I just don't have to give a shit. Do you know what I mean? Like, you can feel however you want, and I will close that door in my heart, and you'll never look at it again. Trust is the only commodity in the birder community. Once you lose that. Thank you. This is what I'm saying, Griffin. It's all built on trust. If you lose that, no one's gonna fucking. No way. No one's gonna believe that you've never seen a bird again. That explains so much because I have not heard from my birder group chat since I said I saw the giant golden eagle from Rescuers Down Under. Travis said he saw the luck dragon, and how many points is that? Yeah, I saw Falkor the luck dragon, and he was wrestling with the giant golden eagle from the Rescuers Down Under, and then I realized they were actually mating, and they had a baby that was half luck dragon, half giant golden eagle from Rescuers Down Under, and I saw it. I saw it. I ate its eggs, so that's 20 extra points. Well, no, those were not travis's eggs those are not travis's eggs so i wasn't allowed to have them Okay. I had my own eggs from the poacher that I work for. It gave me those eggs. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you very much. Anyways, they didn't believe me, and now they don't invite me to things anymore. Okay. But that one was true. That one was actually true, guys. That one was real. That one was real. You were on Periscope when that happened, so I remember that very clearly. Hey, you know where I'd like to take you, Travis? Where? To the money zone. Oh. To the money zone. To the money zone. I feel like if you got a big idea, you want to get moving on it, beginning of a new year, you know, this is the time to start taking steps. And can I say, a great way would be to start a website. Hi, it's Justin McElroy, paid endorser. I thought you were just a regular Joe. I didn't realize you were a paid endorser. I'm a paid endorser. Indeed. If you want to start. I think that building your own website for your idea and your business is a great way of organizing your ideas and trying to figure out where you stand with them. You want to bring people into this vision, you share your website with them. Hey, everybody. I made this. And it's going to look great. It's not going to look like you made it. It's going to look good. Yeah, it's not going to look like the bullshit you normally make. Justin's right. Not your usual trash. Yeah. It's going to look perimo. This is some. Like uncut website, bud. Sorry. Can you give me that? Can you give me that Foley again? Because I've never heard quite. Yeah. Usually it's more of a smooch. It was dry and wet at the same time. It's a dry and wide aperture sort of smack. Yeah. Yeah. You don't. I don't think chefs do that. Like, let me taste that ragu. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Delicious. Yes. Scarspace is. It's a marketplace of ideas, and they've been supporting this podcast for so long, and we appreciate them so much. Head to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I want to tell you guys about Rocket Money because it's very realistically near and dear to my heart. One of my goals in 2026 is to be more financially responsible, have like full like budget of everything, keep track of everything. Feel like an adult for the first time in 42 years, and Rocket Money has made that so easy and has really helped me on this journey. There were things when I logged on to Rocket Money that was like I had had to fill out a form once in like 2018, and I was like, yeah, free trial for this PDF filler thing, and then I won't ever think about it again. And then it's been seven years. Yeah, sure. Of that. Right. Right. Right. So Rocket Money was there for me, not only in alerting me of that, but then also taking care of the cancellation for it. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. So it's not just the unwanted subscriptions. They will also not only track like your spending, but will alert you if something is coming up or if there's a big purchase made, all of these things. They'll categorize your transaction. They'll help you set your budgets. There's all kinds of stuff that Rocket Money can do for you. And they help you save money. They have a full track record of it. So let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash mybrother. That's rocketmoney.com slash mybrother. One more time, rocketmoney.com slash mybrother. Big ups. Big ups to Rocket Money for literally just now reminding me that I am subscribed to an application. That is a prank that makes it look like your screen is broken for $10 a week. Thank you so much, Rocket Money, for catching up on the fucking Dragnet. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. But Travis, the cracks look so convincing. I did not subscribe to this app, obviously. Oh, okay. It was Rachel. It's Rachel. She loves pranks and doing pranks to me. She knows how much I love- I'll break your phone for $1 a week. Yeah, cool. We're back. Yes. I want a Munch Squad. I want to Munch Squad. Welcome to Munch Squad, a podcast with a podcast profile being the latest and greatest in brand eating. I did want to bring a quick update for everybody who has been waiting. All the noodles and co-fans like myself have been- I consider myself part of the co, frankly. That's beautiful, guys. That's beautiful. Good news, guys. Huh. Steak stroganoff is now stroganon. Stroganon. Okay. Huh. Okay. Stroganon. So, instead of being stroganoff, now it is stroganon. Okay. Noodles and co-fans- This looks like somebody accidentally just dropped some random chunks of beef into a bowl. Yeah. Noodles and Co., the fast casual known for craveable, globally inspired noodle dishes, is bringing back a cult favorite, steak stroganoff. Can I just say globally inspired is the least anything as opposed to Mars? Yeah, it's like, it's impacted by the outside world. As opposed to, like, this is how they eat it on Venus. Yeah. Backed by popular demand and available for a limited time only, Stroge's wavy egg noodles are enveloped in a rich mushroom sherry cream sauce and finished with tender marinated steak. Yada, yada, yada. Fans begged, they pleaded, emotions ran high. Noodles and Co. listen, bringing steak stroganoff back with an over-the-top return inspired by its fans' loudest social pleas. To honor the overwhelming demand, Noodles and Co. turned real social posts into AI-powered mini melodramas- What? Celebrating the fans' love and the influence it had on stroganoff's return. This is just- It's just- This is just- This is just all of them now, I think. I worry this is going to be all of them now. To celebrate your love, we just- We destroyed acres of forests. Our guests are at the center of how we shape our fucking menu, said Joe Cristina. Whoa, did he- No, he didn't. Sorry. And fuck all the haters. Fuck the haters and fuck rice. Fuck this flesh world. I want to be an AI man now. Put me in the noodle-verse. Fuck the haters. Fuck noodles. Fuck gnocchi. For real. We're thankful for the fans who patiently, or sometimes not so patiently, waited for its return. And we're excited to welcome this nostalgic timeline's favorite back as the temperatures drop. There's another quote. Steak's stroganoff fans did more than ask for its return. They showed us how deeply this dish is woven into their rituals, memories, and cravings, and we fucking listened. What does that mean? It means- It says- It means that stroge is everything. Because stroge means so much to our guests. That's what she said. I didn't mean that in a Michael Scott way. Why would she say that? Stroge means so much to our guests. Who would say that? What is the context in which that would be said in a suggestion? And how did they show it? How did they show it? Were they pulling out clips from home videos of like, look, look, do you see what we're eating there? Steak's stroganoff. And that was my dad's last day with us. Travis, I'm not going to leave this behind. Justin said, that's what she said, after stroge means so much to our guests. You didn't let me finish. I was trying to clarify. I didn't mean that in a Michael Scott sense. I meant she said out loud, because stroge means so much to our guests. I was trying to think of a context, like if you were the ticket taker at like a pornographic movie theater. No, I'm saying she's directly quoted as using the word stroge. That's what I'm saying. Okay, that's cool. That is cool. Working with our creative agency, Fortnite Collective, we transformed real fan submissions into playful, over-the-top, dry-emetic, there's an AI in there, dry-emetic reenactments using AI as a creative tool, guided by human insight, to bring their words and emotions to life and celebrate the fandom behind this iconic disc. A shout out to marketers and people in advertising. Shout out if you cannot see, how quickly, how, how short you are making the bridge between the people that run noodles and company and just put it into the computer, their goddamn selves. I really, my friend, it's a great work if you can get it. The sun, the sun is setting. My friend, you, it took a lot of very skilled technicians and programmers to make the AI stop turning out images that said Joe Rogan off. Yeah. It took a lot. The AI kept, wanting to make it Joe Rogan off and they had to go in and really tweak the parameters. It's the thing Trav, where like AI doesn't know how many Rs are in the word strawberry. It's like that sort of thing where someone said Joe Rogan off once and for whatever reason that was like one of the first things it learned. And so if you try to peel that away, then the whole thing's going to unravel. Like a kid saying, Biscotti. Yeah. Remember how you were talking about how can they prove that there's fans from February 10th through February 25th noodles and company is searching for its first ever Cheek. Sigh. It's not fair that I should stumble on this when all these words are basically made up. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm not held accountable. Noodles and Company is searching for its first ever chief strogan officer. All right. But I thought it was strogan. I do know that it is strogan on now. So pick a fucking thing, guys. Yeah, the casting call invites fans to prove they are not just steak stroganoff lovers, but true fanatics. This is the guest who never misses a stroganoff season, checks their noodles rewards religiously, and has been counting down the days since the dish disappeared last winter. Strogan honor guard. Strogan honor. Strogan. Were you trying to, was that whole time? You were trying to think of. Not the whole time. The winning monologue. Guys, this is. The monologue. This is an incredible prize. The winning monologue, whoever comes up with the best monologue about how much they love the stroganoff will be transformed into one of Noodles and Company's AI. AI-powered mini traumas featured across the brand's social channels and website. Okay, cool. Are they gonna Mike TV me? It sounds like it, man. They're gonna do the game. Now, I do want to tell you guys one other thing. And because I was feeling pretty down about this because I was so excited about it being stroganon. Yeah. And then the AI was like, bum me out. Seems like we didn't really come back to the stroganon thing. Yeah, it's like whatever. But Arby's launches a new Italian beef dip sandwich. Now, Arby's. Okay. I don't, I don't always. They didn't. They didn't have one? It's new. Yeah, no, they had. So they had the French dip. Yeah. With the au jus. But now they got a new Italian beef dip because they're going for it now. They're doing it like it is in Chicago. To mark the launch, Arby's partnered with entertainer Whitney Levitt in a new digital spot that highlights the sandwich's Chicago roots and robust flavor profile. I don't know who she is. I think she's a Mormon dancer. But there's a lot. That's a thing you can be now, I believe. But in conjunction with the product debut, Arby's will host the House of Italian Beef, a limited time pop-up experience in New York City, created in partnership with Chain, the experiential brand co-founded by actor and writer BJ Novak. The pop-up will be open to the public from January 23rd through the 24th. Designed as an interactive museum, the House of Italian Beef explores the history, culture, and craftsmanship behind Chicago's iconic sandwich while offering attendees an opportunity to sample. Arby's Italian Beef Dip. There's been a tremendous opportunity that has been missed here, it feels like, to me. A partnership with BJ Novak, that's huge. You can do a lot with that, but it seems like you haven't done the best thing with that, which is a commercial series in which he gets up there and says, and now I'm proud to announce that BJ stands for Beef Juice. I'm Beef Juice Novak, and I have been this whole time. And I'm excited to tell you about my new Arby's sandwich. Take it from me, Beef Juice Novak, it's a squishy one, folks. Wet as hell. Fox Entertainment in 2023 acquired a stake in BJ Novak's food experience company, Chain. You remember BJ Novak, man? Yeah. Yeah, he just did a different thing, and he opened up his whole own restaurant thing. Yeah. When Fox invested in it, this is what BJ Novak said. We love quotes here on my squad. We love quotes. Food continues to define culture. It's how we celebrate, how we remember, how we connect. No one understands how to turn culinary storytelling into cultural obsession like Fox Entertainment and Studio Ramsey Global. We're excited to work together to bring Chain experiences to more people, said BJ Novak, the guy from The Office. Well, actually, Justin, he sold that too. It's the guy from The Beefist now. Yeah. He sold the rights to being called the guy from The Office to Arby's, and he's the guy from The Beefist. He's changed the whole show. Have you not watched? Give it up for BJ Novak, man. He's always out there doing something. Have you not watched The Office since the Arby's company bought it and changed it to be all the- Is that what the paper is? Yeah, the paper is, yeah. They're really backdooring the beef side of things. It's the paper that they wrap the sandwiches in. They backdoored the beef pretty hard on this one. It's stroking on when they backdoor the beef. Yeah. It's stroking on when they're backdooring this beef. Yeah. I'm not just stroking on my backdoor till I beef. Nothing. I didn't realize how important stroke was to me until this time. Yeah, dude. I tried to do my rituals without it, and they didn't fucking work. It didn't work. The viscosity. It's a viscosity issue. BJ's not going to use AI in his Italian beef sandwich restaurant museum. Well, hopefully he will. Well, Italian has AI in it. I hope that's true. You can't spell Italian without BJ Novak's chain. It's got AI right in it. Right there. BJ, you can have that for free if you want to put that in your- Just capitalize the AI and triple your net worth. That's really sweet that you think he heard the thing about beef juice Novak and continued listening to the show. And wasn't immediately like, I have to do this before someone else takes it. He's probably on the phone with his private yacht dealer right now. It's crazy, guys. Yeah. You made a beef juice sandwich and you partnered with a guy whose initials are the same as beef juice. That's crazy, guys. You fucked that up. It's right there. Maybe if you used your fucking brains for a second. Instead of having the computers do it for you, the neurons- Computer can't think of something like beef juice Novak. Guarantee you. A million computers have a million. Yeah, we need to have a Griffin versus computer off to see who can think of beef juice Novak faster. It's a very niche competition, admittedly. I'd smoke it, dude. There's stuff it can do, but I would smoke it. Yeah, I would smoke its ass at that. I would smoke its robot ass. Let's do another question. Brothers, after any rainstorm, we get an ungodly amount of grubs on our back patio. We have tried everything we and Google could think of, but they stay for ages and return every time. I cannot own a chicken in my neighborhood and I really don't want one. That's a fucking crazy sentence. Yeah, dude. Say it again. That sentence is wild. Anyways, back to the question. That's what I was saying. They were doing fucking text-to-speech on their phone, sending this question and went like, "Up chickens, up chickens for sale!" No, I can't have one in my backyard, I don't want to. Anyways, grubs in the back patio. Take this beautiful, fertilized egg. I can't have chickens in my house and I do not want one. Anyway, so guys, the grubs. I'm trying to email a podcast in here. I'm in my pod, Derek. I told you not to talk to me. But, can I just say one more thing? Yeah, please, dude. For the future, not wanting to own a chicken is enough. Yeah. Like, it doesn't have to also be illegal. Yeah. One of those two excludes it. My city said I could, but I don't want one. My city said I can't, and I do want one. Either way. I would like to borrow someone else's chicken for a day or two. Where do I go to borrow a chicken? And how can I convince them that I will return their chicken safe and full of grubs and definitely not eat it? That's from Bountiful Bugs and Billings. If you don't know how on earth it would ever happen, it may be because it has not happened on earth. Yeah. That is a possibility. Yeah. It may be your, this is where you find, this is where opportunity exists. It's in that narrow crevice between good ideas and bad ideas. Yeah. We live in that fucking crevice, dude. That's opportunity. That's opportunity. My neighbor's got chickens. Okay. That's illegal, Travis. They can't have the chicken. They can't. No one is. They don't want chickens. I'm not gonna say which neighbor or where I live or where they live, but they also did get a rooster, which isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but man, if roosters only crow when the sun's up, that guy has no idea what time it is. Oh. Now that's an interesting idea, Trav. Is crows. Yeah. Why does it have to be chickens? Maybe there's ways to attract birds to your yard. Like, whatever the opposite of a scarecrow, do they make a scarecrow, but it's just like a sexy- A welcome crow? A sexy bird that people- A luring crow. An allure, yeah. Crows are really smart. You could probably just pay them and give them like fair wages and insurance benefits and stuff. Or grubs. That's it. You don't need to pay them. This is a sweet spot. You've got a fucking bird paradise. You're offering. Yeah. Right? Yeah. They should be paying you to come in. It's actually sick that you're offering these grubs even a chance to stay a part of the Great Chain. Yeah. True. That's beautiful. Because I'm pretty sure if there was a bunch of grubs outside of my house, I'd knock them out of the Great Chain with a pressure washer like extremely quickly. So I think it's beautiful that you're trying to come up with a really natural solution to the problem. When you blast them with a pressure washer though, they absolutely fucking explode, dude. Don't their nutrients go down into the soil to become enrichment for the corn or what? More grubs. That's true. That's true. I don't think you can blast something out of the circle, dude. That's true. That's actually true. I think it's hubris to think you can. Yeah. It can't. The circle can't be created or destroyed, Justin. No. It can't be broken. You can make it have a bit more of a circuitous route in the circle. Like if you blast. I just, I guess I feel like nature and fate has arranged those molecules to be those grubs. Yeah. And I feel like they could hang out together a bit longer, but when I put on the zero degree nozzle, those molecules are no longer in a grub state. Yeah. like orientation. - They're vaporized. - Now it's star stuff. - Returned as she does. But that's what I'm saying, Juice. Every breath you take has a little bit of Julius Caesar's last breath and a little bit of grubs from a back porch. A little bit of the grub that you pressure washed out of your grass in your yard. Which I cannot imagine. I keep losing track of this conversation because I blew those grubs out of reality so bad I don't know what we're talking about. It actually poked little holes in reality that's like causing some issues. And fucked your yard up real bad. Real, real, real, real bad. Yeah, but it's worth it. I'd do it again. Fuck grubs. The tiny screams make it all worth it. I want to help somebody else. I got a few minutes. I recently started going to pelvic floor physical therapy twice a month. Appointments can range from yoga-like stretches to internal exams in my various holes. I've learned that making conversations with my physical therapist during it relaxes me both mentally and physically to make my sessions more productive. What are some topics for conversations I can have with my doctor that aren't too invasive? During. My invasive therapy. For reference. We are both she-her people. That's from keeping it low-key in the down-low. Okay. You've come to the exact right place. Okay. Didn't know where that sentence was going to. My brother Griffin is an expert in the field. Yeah. I definitely didn't have to just Google what a pelvic floor was. It's the opposite of a pelvic ceiling. He's being modest. There's a lot of stuff happening down there that we've sort of grouped together as the pelvic floor. Go on. Go on. I've learned about the big year and the pelvic floor in this one episode of this education. And you can write down spotting the pelvic floor in your big year notebook. Yeah. Let me write that down. I heard it. I heard the pelvic floor. You guys. Hey, you guys can talk about stranger things. There's going to be lots of opportunities to bring that up. Right? Like my upside down. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Bring that up. That's funny. Yeah. And you can keep doing that too. There's lots of portals that open up in stranger things. That's true. I don't think that that's, I think that's pretty yucky, but. This is why everybody's got to memorize a thousand great jokes. Yeah. If you memorize a thousand great jokes, you're going to be the hit of every party. There is no pelvic floor exam that can whiz down a thousand great jokes. Yeah. Please. You're going to have themed ones. You're going to have ones that are pelvic floor. I'm saying if you order this book of mine right now. Oh. For two payments, $19.99, we're going to get you a hundred great jokes within the next four to six business weeks. Can I just make one payment of like, what, $38.98? We haven't printed all a thousand great jokes, so it starts with a hundred great jokes. Have you not printed them or have you not come up with them? I've not written them. So this is a kickstart. This is a kickstarter, Griffin, and you are currently violating an NDA. Okay. So do you want users to submit their great jokes? I would love that. I would love that. You can, instead of buying the book, if you just want to submit, say, 50 great jokes or 60 great jokes, then I can send you one. That's no problem. I'll send you one of the later ones, though. Well, you accept a lot of grubs instead. I don't have jokes or money, but I do have grubs out the wazoo. You get the grubs. You give them to the crows to write the jokes for you. Please. The crows write the jokes. The crows are so. We don't need AI. We need a lot of crows. They're smart. We need a lot of smart crows. Sid showed me a video of a crow talking yesterday, and then I was supposed to go about my day. What? After seeing this crow say, wow, mom, and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. I hope they don't learn to talk too much. What's a crow in Wilson? Trav. Wow. Wow. Damn it. God, son of a bitch. Hey, thanks so much for listening to our podcast. I hope you've had half as much fun as we have. We've had a real good time here, folks. Trav, I was listening to an old. This is relevant slightly. I was listening to watching a clip of the second episode of the MBM TV show, and I heard a joke of yours. It was kind of a burn on me that I've literally never clocked, and I've watched it 20 times, is when I'm trying to say ghost beef, and I'm coming out of the closet in the dorm room, and I'm laughing so hard, and I can't get it out, and you say, whoa, pal, save some laughter for the rest of us. It's such a mean thing to say to somebody who can't do their own thing. That was, I think, our first day of shooting as well. Okay. Oh, God. Hey, thank you so much. What do we have going on? What do we need to tell people? What's up? Well, Clubhouse is returning next Tuesday, January 27th at noon Eastern. We're going to be streaming Clubhouse from now on on the last Tuesday of each month. We've also got Super McElroy Brothers. It's going to be this Tuesday at noon Eastern time, and we'll stream all other Tuesdays. Make sure to follow at McElroy Entertainment System on Instagram for all our gaming content. Also, there's very few, I think four at the time of recording packages remaining for Champions Grove. Those are going to be 10% off for a new year, new you. New fun time special. Go to championsgrove.com and check those out. If you've already purchased your package, you'll be able to get first grab at the available sessions and stuff like that. Championsgrove.com. We've also got some new merch. Can I do the merch? Yeah, I was going to throw it off to you. Oh, okay. Wow. Tell us about it, Griffin. I want to tell you about the merch over at macronmerch.com. There's a lot of it. There is a balance bundle for Taz Balance. It's got a Taz dice tray, set of Bureau Balance dice, a Zonecast car decal. You can really rep the OG set from the Adventure Zone. And 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will be donated to Immigrant Defenders Law Center. Again, all of that is over at macronmerch.com. If I could do a quick plug, my Choose Your Own Adventure book comes out in less than two months on March 10th. It's called The Stowaway, and you can preorder it now. It would be very helpful to me at bit.ly slash griffinstowaway. I'm very proud of it and very stoked. I'm very stoked for that to come out. Thanks to Montane. Yeah. Go ahead. Thanks to Montane for the Use for a Theme song, My Life is Better With You. I really enjoy the words of that song. Talk a lot about the music. I am so distracted because Travis has a little duck that he's paying out. Yeah, I'm thinking about throwing this duck. Oh, yeah, baby. That's going to make a good sound. I've got a lot of shit behind me. You need to set up like a pitcher's. We all need like a pitcher's net. Yeah, I was thinking I could throw it at my chair. Yeah. Okay. Don't make a big meal out of it. Just throw it at the chair. And here is Travis's heater for the big boy. It is a small plastic purple duck about the size of my fist. You talked over it. I talked over it. Travis, can we get one more throw, my friend? Just one more good one. Really hum it. Hey, can I have our Spotify play button? Shut up. Hum it. I want the YouTube award. That was good. Shit, I did one more. Trav, I was talking, and I promise this is not going to be a bit because I have to use the bathroom. I think it's so bad, I'm going to die. Okay. The chair isn't making a very. My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. This is where my brother and my brother and me kiss your dead square on the lips. My life. It's better. It's better. My life. It's better. Yes, it's true. It's better. It's better with two. My life. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.