MBMBaM 796: Wire and Ass

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better. It's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with two. My life, ah, it's better with you. Hello and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era where apparently we're not even allowed to cough anymore. You weren't coughing, you took a giant mouthful. Up off the ground, why was it on the ground? And you waited until we had. It's an audio podcast, we finished. It's an audio podcast. Like, we synced and then you knew it was game time and you reached down. And then you were like, bite of apple. I had a coughing fit. Yeah. You didn't! A chewing fit. That sounded like me eating an apple, but like. And looked like it. And looked like it, we saw it. Why was it on the ground? That's not for them. Why did you have a ground apple, though? We have done so much work on our video setups, Justin, for you to keep saying that's not for them. Yeah. Guys, I've sipped, can I just say, I've sipped so greedily from the chalice. Of life. Yeah. Since we last recorded. I both saw the third Avatar movie and had my first colonoscopy. At the same time? No. That would have been very convenient. Even though that is the way that the director, Jim Cameron, did intend for you to see the third Avatar. Fire and ass. Intended vision. Fire. Wire and ass is. Guys, can I just tell you, this is, I won't tell you, which do you want to hear about? Shit, man. Can you talk about them both? What do you want to hear about? Can you talk about it in a way that it applies to both of them at the same time? Can you compare and contrast? Yeah, that's cool. Well, I meant like make big, broad, general statements. It took longer than I would have wanted. Like that kind of stuff. Right. There were some surprisingly funny parts. Okay. I liked it when the whale talked. There was a twist. Sigourney Weaver was there. Guys, when I sat down, Slice and I were going to go see Fire and Ash. Dad was going to see a movie with the girls at the same time. So we were just going to hitch a ride and really embrace. Fire and Ash, like really get deep into the world and I pulled up my app, my special app I used to tell me when to pee, you know, run pee and I saw it said three hours and 15 minutes until credits and I tried to like, I figured it was a bug so I tried to make my phone refresh and I looked at Slice and I said, Slice, is this motherfucker three hours and 15 minutes long and I almost at that point was like, not even for the Vine, my man. Not even. I have to go. I can't stay for Avatar. Has anyone let Jimmy Cameron know that they have let him make multiples of these and he doesn't have to squeeze it all into one viewing experience? Just curious how many pee breaks were in this bad boy because that sounds like three dozen like good fertile ground. I took five. All right. I took five and one of them I went and bought gummy snakes and then found the theater that my kids were in watching Spongebob and went and just saw. How they were doing. Problems. I just checked in on them for a little bit. Just like a little field trip in the middle of middle of Jim's vision. I haven't checked the run times, Justin, but I imagine there's some disparity between Spongebob and Avatar three. They see it twice. They do. Yeah. When they finished it, they just wait the hour and 45 minutes for your movie to be done. Hey, guys, there's a lot to do at Pullman Square. I don't know if you've noticed, but it's not just a movie theater anymore. There is a Chico's. Yeah, sure. Sure. Did you see the movie? Because you made it sound like you left the movie because you thought it would be too long. No, I left in the middle of the movie for a while and then came back. This movie was so long that I like I disassociated and then had the thought like there is no way this movie is still going. I like completely left spiritually, too. That doesn't count the five physical absences that I took during the movie. Yeah. Which will be a really new textured experience when I watch at home. Right. With the family gathering. Now, were you able to suddenly it will all make sense. Were you able to similarly kind of astral project while you were getting your butt examined your butt and butthole looked at? Do you guys know about the the whole I had to drink? I had to drink a liter of diuretics in addition to not eating the day before. I had to drink four liters of diarrhea. I had to drink a jug this big. That's a big jug. And they're like. When I call when I they're like we're about to start. This is the how you do the prep. And they hand me this huge jug that I had to drink. And they chanted your name and said down in one down in one. This is no problem for me. I can drink lots of stuff. No problem. It looked like your big jug that you have Griffin your big water jug. But then motivational. There's a twist in the instructions where you have to start drinking at six. So I had to start drinking at 6 p.m. The night before my procedure. And then every 15 minutes. It's another cup. So like if I did my own little power our diuretics did Johnny Johnny 40 hands with fucking diarrhea juice. You are allowed to sleep though, right? Oh, Trav. That's so interesting. Legally. Yes. From a legal perspective. No judge. As you slosh around like a hot water bag. This is the actual. Procedure. I had to drink every 15 minutes a cup of it. And then at first for the first hour. I was like, I don't think this laxative is working and then I was wrong. Yeah, and then I did that for three hours every 15 minutes until I drank three liters and then you have to start the next round five hours before your procedure, which for me was 2:00 a.m. So I had to wake up at 2:00 a.m. Start drinking laxative. Couldn't go back to bed during this guys. Cuz like. How the laxative does practical. It's not a real product. You know what I mean? Right? I watch predator killer of killers man. And if you need a movie to watch up at 2:00 a.m. It's there for you or colonoscopy laxative. I have to imagine your nerves nerves are already on edge. What from all the laxative? I imagine introducing the predator into that mix is overload. Oh, no, it was exactly the sensory. Distraction that I needed the predator killer of killers. The predator was there for you when you needed him most. I wanted to go in. There is a chart that shows you how good you did at cleaning out your colon. And it's like a leaderboard. Like if you if your last BM looked like clear, like that's what we're going for is clear water pee from the butt. If your last one was clear, you get an a-plus. Is that how the doctor described? Is that what the doctor said to you is clear water pee from the butt? They say you can't get our you have Clearwater, Florida pee from the butt this morning. We know it's important for you to do this exam. Gentlemen of your age should certainly be safe and keep an eye out for stuff, but we won't do it. We won't do it until we get clear water pee from the butt. We've noticed there's still some things in your system. We're waiting for you to go clear water pee from the butt. Audit those right out of there, buddy. It was I had to wait about two hours before I could really get it going. Yeah, and before I get the anesthesia and stuff and I was separated by very thin curtain from strangers getting a very similar procedure to me who were being asked a lot of invasive questions at the gentleman next to me was pretty determined to answer at his loudest possible volume. I don't want to dox this guy by telling you what the questions he was asked were but the answer was like, I don't know if I have diabetes or not or this is good. Yeah, not quite clear. Or for brown and mucky. It's like I was in my head feeling very superior. Yeah, and she's like show me on the chart. He's like, well, let me take a look here. It's like, oh, no. Oh, no, pal. But I had the I got it a super clean bill of colon health that I did loved it. Love the colon said I've been taking a bit too much ibuprofen. Oh, which is interesting because the wrist doctor told me to gobble up like Pac-Man. So I don't know man. These. Did they find the ibuprofen still kind of clumped up down there? There's still like eight or nine ibuprofen in here. No, it just is all like messed up and bad down there. Like, you know how you're not supposed to take a lot of, you know, it's just messed up and like the plumbing plumbing works aesthetically. It's not so great. We've seen better call. I'm cutting back on that. But no, but the colon was great at I did this because I turned 45 and James Van Der Beek. It has been raising awareness about about getting getting these screenings done and 45 is the cutoff for mine because because James has been. raised awareness of colon cancer and I wanted to get it out and ahead of it. I got a clean bill of health and when you turn 45, if you haven't gotten a colonoscopy yet and you also haven't seen Predator Killer of Killers yet. Sure. Or Avatar Fire and Ash because it really juiced really. Or Avatar Fire and Ash would be actually a, actually that would be a, when it's available to stream on home video, that would be an excellent late night. A raw colonoscopy laxative. Maybe not during the colonoscopy, but while you're drinking the juice, for sure, like the number of run, I mean it'd be run pee from the butts, which is a different app that we're starting and we're gonna be sued out of existence. Yeah, you gotta have clear water, pee from the butt. Gotta have clear water. Is it too late to change the theme of the year? I did when I touched. 2020 drips, clear water, pee from the butt. We're not changing the year. It's so good, you guys. I don't know, how are you feeling? It's really great. One week out, actually we recorded that, what, almost two weeks out now. How are you guys feeling about it? I love it. I'm loving it. I've been living it. The more, That's great. The more I live with it, the more I love it. I have been, as you guys know, I'm very active on MySpace and I've seen some questions about who the big boy is. Oh my God. And I thought this was self-explanatory. Yeah. We said it's a boy in a hospital. A boy in a hospital who's counting on you to stick to your goals for the year, right? Yeah. I maintain, I maintain that the big boy could also be like inside of you, like the witness of you, like your consciousness or whatever. And I maintain that for the right price, it could literally be Frisch's big boy if they would just pick up the phone and call. So I want you all to put listeners, yourself in the mindset of that baseball player who the big boy is like, just throw a heater, just one heater for me. But maybe it's like, the big boy's like, hey, you know how you've been thinking about learning French for a while? Do that for me. I'm dying. Yeah. But like, don't get too hung up on that part. It's not the dying part. I don't think he's dying. He's an imaginary boy. Yeah. But you need to do it. Do it for someone. But even the imaginary boy shouldn't die. Like, the boy in my girl was imaginary, but his death still caused a great pain. Yeah. If he finally learned French, he won't die? Yeah, maybe. I mean, no. Are you trying to get to like, a yearly submission because you realize that we do not have a way of ending this episode? No, so I'm glad that you brought that up, Johnson, because part of my make it stick is to stick with the fears because I really like it and I want to make that stick. Oh, that's interesting. I kind of thought. We didn't discuss that beforehand. Did it? I think we're going to have to make it stick like stick the landing for the first time in our 15 year career. We'll make it stick. Just go back to Yahoo Answers. No problemo. That would be good. That would be good. Hey, this is still an advice show. That's not changing. No. Right? Never. That's consistent. That will not change. And we're going to take your questions and turn them out and be like in the wisdom because that's our trade. That's what we do. My wife and I, that's what we do. That's what we do our job. My wife and I are starting to look at houses. I was afraid to look at them for a long time too. I used to shield my eyes as my father went. It's too much. We got married in October. Yay. Our realtor keeps sending us suggestions that only have one bathroom. This would be probably fine for a typical couple, but we both have IBS and need two plus bathrooms. It's a good plus there. That plus is doing some heavy lifting. How do I tell the realtor that one bathroom just won't cut it? That's from problems in Providence. I mean, obviously, you can tell your realtor that you really only need a home with two plus bathrooms. Please don't. Realtors will keep showing you shit. Like there is no amount of asking you can do or the realtor is not going to be like, but maybe that I know that you guys both have pooping emergencies every day, but look how charming and the price for a square foot of this one is good. Sorry about the poop emergency thing, but I am going to show it to you. There's no way, but like if you say I need two bathrooms and if they say why you had to have an answer prepared. What are you going to say? You'll just freeze. You got to know why. I don't think there should be fair, though. I don't feel like having two bathrooms is a wild request that you would need two bathrooms. Why? Yeah, but obviously they obviously they felt like they needed to justify it at some point. If you guys want to continue to challenge the premise of the existence of the question, we can, but it feels like it might be more fruitful to just chuck right through it. This never comes up on like House Hunters or House Hunters International or House Hunters Beachfront or House Hunters, I don't know. The requests are never like how many bedrooms or bathrooms they need. Yeah. So maybe if you throw out like eight weird things that you need and two bathrooms and then you're willing to let go of the eight weird things as long as there are two bathrooms there. I don't think they let you do that. I think they want, if you're going to be on the show, you're going to have weird stuff. They can't have you be on the show and be like, I take, when my dumps come, they got to come now. And same for the misses. So. I watched the House Hunters recently. I love when they do this. The guy was like, I love a wide view. I want to be up high where I can see a lot of stuff. And the wife is like, my main thing I'm looking for is I'm scared of heights and I don't want to be up there at all. And they cut to the realtor and it's like, what do you want this fucking guy to do? What do I do here? You don't want to be low. In the middle, you're both sad, right? There is no, there's no winning for this guy. I got you a real sloped house with one side of it's real low. I got you a one story ranch style with a big periscope. Big periscope. I'm always on the, I'm always looking for, you know, the producers trying to work their magic. This does feel like one of those cases where like, fear of heights, real. This guy like, I just like, I just like to be up high sometimes. I think maybe a producer told you you feel that way. Maybe, pal. Go somewhere. Nobody just like, wants to be high a lot. There was one I saw where a guy's like, refused to like, not if it has, was not if it has too many outlets. Yeah. Too many outlets. When has that ever been a problem for anybody? Fucking never, man. God damn. I, we've moved a lot of our shit around for our video stuff and that involved me putting my desk in the center of my office where outlets don't live. I have been absolutely just pipe dreaming it to glory over here for the last week. Just running electricity. Just like a line, a county lineman am I making it work. I think you should just tell your realtor that you have IBS. I think there's no stigma. IBS is so non-stigma in my mind at this point. Like, there's so much other stuff and IBS has been around for so long. It's like, yeah, I'm one of the ones that has irritable bowels. If you're looking for a fun way to tell your realtor, bring them a six pack of IBC root beer but you've marked out the C and you've written in an S and it's like, I have something I need to tell you but I think this will explain it all as you hand it to them and you won't have to say anything. You just need to invent another toilet purpose. Like, it doesn't have to, you just like, I need one for obvious and one to flush paints. Yeah. But I'm done with paint. I like to flush paints when I'm done with them. We love keeping fish but we're so bad at keeping fish. Yeah. And we need one to be the graveyard toilet. Cut it out the middle. We raise them in there. Travis, that would actually save a lot of time, man. If the fish are in the toilet, the fish die, flush, done, next. The missus and I are making a real stinky potion and we need a special cauldron just for that. Who can afford these wine prices currently in this day and age? Well, I'm gonna make my own toilet wine. You want me to just pour my stinky potion fixings down the storm drain outside when I'm done with them? No way. I need, I need, I need, I need a fixture for that. You all right, Juice? Hmm? Yes. Sorry. My apple was about to roll off the table so I looked down to catch it. The apple? And then I look back. Is that how the apple ended up on the floor the first time? I, Griffin, if I knew, if I had seen the apple fall the first time, I would have picked it up off the floor immediately. Okay, I, because I asked many times. And he would have discovered gravity. It never came back to it but I asked a few times why did you have dead, dead ass an apple on the floor? Like, I've got stuff on the floor. I've got a box here. I have an open, there's my controllers on the floor. There's, let me check, zero fresh edible produce. So like, I had recently dropped it. It had recently fallen. I have a knife on the floor. But I don't know exactly when. I didn't clock it falling exactly but I had been enjoying it moments before. And then it ended up on the floor and then you picked it up off the floor. I don't want to, I don't want to, I realized when I was getting my colonoscopy, I don't want to be stuck in a hospital bed. I got to take care of my engine, right? So I'm giving him an apple? A lot more, a lot more great produce. that's the smallest apple I've ever seen in my life. I'm making some big changes this year. One apple during my audio recording window. Yeah. Let me see that, let me see that bad boy. Beauty blog that shit. Beauty blog that tiny apple. Yeah, he's taking a couple bites out of that. Just, that's, hold it still for me. You can see the exact shit. Just, that apple is as big exactly as Justin's mouth. One of your bites goes, goes stem to stern on that thing. Nope, right in the, right in the gub. You spit that out right now, peepers. You're Galactus the apple eater. That's wild. Oh, I almost got it. These are cool tricks. I almost got it, hold it. Nope. This is what you get with video. We shouldn't have video. That was the problem. I dropped the goddamn apple again. And now it's definitely covered in something because it's wet with your mouth goop. But I'm hungry. Yeah. I won't eat it during podcast though. That's huge. Anymore. Yeah. I didn't realize this was. Schmanners. I didn't realize this turned into schmanners all of a sudden. We all have to be so etiquette. Feels like we're on schmanners. Our apples. Whoa, Griffin. Why are you starting with Justin? Yeah, it feels like we're all on schmanners, right guys? I promised him two small apples. Ah, dear me. No, it's actually, man, somehow we end up with three bags of rockets. I'm just trying to get my kids to eat these tiny apples. I don't know. I love those apples. A few weeks ago, a package for the previous owners of my house showed up on my doorstep. I brought it inside and waited about a week, after which I opened it. When I opened it, I found a pair of Birkenstocks slippers that fit my partner perfectly, so I gifted them to her. A few days after that, a note was slipped through my mail slot by the previous owner explaining that they mistakenly had an extra present shipped to the wrong address and asking if I would text him to arrange picking up the slippers. Brother, what do I do? A slippery situation in Baltimore. Boy, that's a slippery situation. Indeed. I put this question in because sometimes we get questions where we're. We're like, oh, you fucked up. You have to know you fucked up. Yeah. It's the clearest, like, what did I do wrong? A week is not long enough. You know that, right? A week's not long enough. It's also mail fraud. Boom. We got you. Before Christmas, too, there's a few things about the timing here that is hugely sus. I would have definitely, definitely given it until the new year at the very least. You know what? Sometimes people on TikTok mispronounce words intentionally to build engagement because everyone in the comments will be like, hey, you said this wrong. This feels like a cry for help in that same sense, right? Like, you needed us to step in. Like, you need. I don't want to be. I worry it's a kink. A little bit. It's like, you know what I mean? I worry this person wants to get beat up in public. Yeah, absolutely. They want to get beat up in public by us. One time, I opened. I got several huge boxes to my front door. I opened one of them. Inside. Inside. Is, I believe, 10 foam boogie boards. Shit. That I did not order, but had been. I remember this. In maybe the strangest scam ever. Scammed, like, on my Amazon, like, to my card. I was able to get the charges refunded. Delivered to his home, though, right? Yeah, to my home. Like, you got him. The perfect crime. And I was able to get the charges refunded. Still sitting in my garage. Yeah. are three boxes. of 10 to 12 foam boogie boards. Uh-huh. that I don't know what to do with for fear that one day Amazon will contact me and say. Hey. Hey, we gave you the refund. We do need those back. Well, Trav, when the big one comes, I think you'll be glad to have 10 premium boogie boards. Yeah. I mean, 30 to 36. I can't remember the exact count, Griffin. That's a lot of fucking boogie boards. I have enough for a child's classroom to each get a boogie board. Or for some sort of survival. Bunker, floating survival bunker, Noah's Ark 2, boogie down. Or if robots that only have, like, nerf-level weapons attack. Yeah, for sure. I've got a bunch of shields going. We've really harped on that, and I do want to apologize. I do want to. I don't want to. I feel like you kind of made your own bed. Yes. Shouldn't be our problem. But no, we're professional. That's not. We're professionals. I know, I know, I know. It's so hard because you messed up so bad. You fucked up really bad. This is hard on us. Does your partner know how these Birkenstock slippers were. Because, one, you shouldn't take it back and then give them to him. You should get a new pair or something. Gotta get a new pair. Oh, damn it. The porch. Oh, damn it. You know what it was? Them damn porch pirates got me again. I never got it. Now, this is a lie. These damn porch pirates got me again. Yard. Yard. I never got it. So I don't know what you're talking about. Must have been the Buccaneers. Now, we did. We do have. If we ever get questioned, we'll flip on you so hard. Oh, dude. The speed at which I will say, yeah, they emailed us. They got the slippers. That should be. We've been doing ads for stamps.com for so long. We're basically mandatory reporters when it comes to postal fraud. Absolutely. There's very little fraud I care about. But it's postal fraud and frog fraud. I think you gotta replace the thing. And then give it to them. But, God, that's stressful. Because are you gonna get the exact right one? Also, can I tell you something else? You can't get that packaging back. You can't. No, the packaging's not. Well, with that. You have to go to. Okay, you know what you have to do? You have to go to Amazon. You have to buy these for that person. Yeah. Right? And then have them shipped to that former address. Right? That's the only way out. And you better pray you can get it there quickly. Because if those damn things are on back order, it's gonna be two to three weeks. You're gonna have to come up with a pretty hefty lie as to why you haven't found them yet. Dude, I'd love to help you out. It got Grinched. He came, he got us good, dude. Your shit, my shit. And don't get me wrong. I'm on his trail. And I think I'll catch up to him in two to three weeks. Your Christmas tree's still up right there. Yeah, it's weird. He only wants shoes. He's a fucking. He's nasty and weird. So he wanted only the shoes. Hey, let's take a quick break and we're gonna head on into the Money Zone. I had an idea for a new kind of direction with the Money Zone. Oh. That I wanted to try. I thought we could do like an altar call. Oh. Where you guys give me some quiet, like amazing grace in the background. Yeah. Okay. I could get like, yeah. Let me get GarageBand open on my phone while you start the copy points. Now, hey, everybody. I know we've had a lot of fun here today. And a lot of you guys have already come to Squarespace and accepted your trial with Squarespace. You've tried Squarespace out. But I just feel, I feel like out there, there's still some people. And you know, you're thinking about it. It's in your hearts. But you're not. You're not sure. And listen, yes, Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. We know that. You get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments. And in your heart. Griffin's almost ready for you to start, Trev. I'm almost there. I just, I can't figure out how to change this. Nope. Yeah, you get it when you. Okay. And plus you could streamline your workflow. I thought you said your piano was like within reach now. With built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. And it's calling to you. Holy shit. You can feel it. I understand. So we're just going to do a couple more, couple more stanzas here to give you a chance to consider their cutting edge designs, their award-winning templates, everything you need. You know, I accepted. Griffin is thoughtfully changing the melody enough so we don't get auto-matched by the bots. He's like mixing it up a little bit. And you know, Squarespace has done so much for us, so much for me. So much. It's changed my life. Squarespace has been there for me and I know that you're ready for Squarespace to be there for you, to set you up with that website you need. Give me the offer code, Trav. Give me the offer code. All right. We're going to say it one last time. Head to squarespace.com slash mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother, all one word, to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Amen. Griffin has gone fully Frampton comes alive over there. Wow. That was pretty cool. And I think we should just do that from now on. Yeah, that felt good. Let's see. Squarespace, did you like that? You never tell us. Look at us, Senpai. Senpai, look at us. Senpai. Just tell us if you're listening, Squarespace. Send us a message. The checks are still clearing, so something's got to be working. Respect me. Cool. All right. I want a munch. Squad. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. I want to munch. Squad. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Welcome to Squad. It's a podcast within a podcast profile. The latest increase in brand eating. There's a ton going on right now in the world of food and fast eating. I want to tell you guys, though, I'm excited about Jenny's launching an ice cream collaboration with Bridgerton. That's right. Bridgerton Ice Cream. The partnership, the collaboration that everyone has been waiting for for many, many years since Bridgerton was extremely popular. Now, I've seen every episode of Bridgerton in existence. I think I'm the only person to have done that. Yeah. And they're still making it, Trav, for you, I assume. I can't wait for the Benedict season. Are you kidding me? He's my favorite. Second brother, bit of just like a rascallion out there living his life, doing his art and whatever. I'm so excited. Are you kidding me? I can't watch Bridgerton without eating ice cream. Well, Trav, they're going to capture the decadence of the Regency era and popular Netflix and Shondaland series with these two iced creams. Gout flavor. Making his first appearance on the 15th of January is Queen Charlotte. sponge cake ice cream. Royals have been immortalized in confections in Queen Charlotte's sponge cake is Jenny's tribute to the fashionable and discerning monarch of the ton. It is a brown sugar and almond buttercream ice cream filled with raspberry rose jam and honey sponge cake. I'm just going to say, Queen Charlotte, not really an important figure in the books. I don't know if she's present in the books at all. Was wholly made up as a character. I mean, not made up. She was an existing person, but you don't want to be added for the TV show. So we either they went that direction, kind of a snub to the literary folk. Is Bridgerton just sort of period piece entourage? Discuss. Yeah. It's a period piece OC in a lot of ways. Don't you fucking, don't try to. I don't say that because that sounds extremely good. It's fun. It's a fun show that makes people fun. I watched it at the beginning, Bridgerton, and then there was an, an entire episode that hung on a young lady being surprised by the idea of jizz and not understanding the mysteries of jizz. The, the, if you will, as Sydney and I have begun to refer to it, the secret of the ooze. And when she discovered the secret of the ooze, I was kind of done with Bridgerton writ law. I watched Bridgerton. What's it like to have hardened your heart that much, Justin? It's fun. It's innocent, but still sexy and fun and sexy and innocent and fun and sexy. I was watching Bridgerton, but it lost me that episode where a smoke monster came out of that lady's privates and killed a guy. Oh, I said, I said, check, please. Actually, I was going to say that was lost, but I don't know what that was that you were watching. It was Bridgerton season one. When the smoke monster comes out of, was it a fan made thing? No, it's like a pretty important plot point. Like the guy who got killed is like a big, big character. And I was upset by it. What was his name? Renly Baratheon? I think it was Cowboy Curtis. I might be. No, they were together. So they, they, yeah, they could turn into one another at will. Yeah. Okay. For the second release, they're doing an Earl Grey creme brulee ice cream. Cool. Which is fun to say. Hell yeah, it is. Yeah. Wrapping the favorite tea blend enjoyed by the ton. What character is that? Yeah. The ton. That's like. That's like the aristocrats of the like high society. Here's the thing. What character is that based on? That's just tea. You know, tea. They're like tea. This is an interesting twist Jenny's has done. They've given us a, it's like a quote, but they haven't sourced it to anybody. If that makes sense. This is the next last paragraph in this. It was for this collaboration. Jenny's was inspired by the fantastical decadence of the Regency era brought to life in the scenes of Bridgerton. It was essential that the flavors, a like an extension of the essence of the show, romantic indulgent and captivating ice creams that would linger long after they were gone and to which you cannot wait to return, whether you're a Bridgerton fan or not. I mean, probably the, if you're a Bridgerton fan, we'll probably that though, right? Probably that one would be what you would stick with more. That quote was actually from Jonathan Bailey star of Bridgerton. He he's a big champion of this. Ice cream, Bridgerton crossover. He's been pushing for it for years now in all of his interviews. Uh, I also wanted, this is more of a, an alert. I did one letter. We know that, uh, uh, Subway is doing protein pockets. All right. What's that mean? Yeah, you can, yeah, you can sink it. They're protein pockets. They're packed with 20 grams, more than 20 grams of protein in these little tortillas. And, uh, here's the quote about it. Cause, uh, Dave skin is up in the mix. Okay. Get, get more protein in their diet is important to so many people, but too often that protein is expensive or fried. I like that part. Cause that's subway saying like, what is it? Our food. Like they're trying to go like one of the two things. What is it? Wait, has Dave? Well, it's not expensive. Has Dave scanna always been at subway? No, he used to be donuts. Yeah. Good for him. Dave scanna. Yes. Yeah. He, he relocated. Can I used to be with Krispy Kreme? Now he's with subway. Justin, I want to tell you what's bothering me. I've never read about Dave scanna before, so I was not aware of Dave scanna. So far in this alert, they have not specified what the protein is in a way that makes me wildly uncomfortable from a company known for questionable ingredients. Yeah. They've run hot chicken, peppercorn, ranch, chicken, Italian trio and Turkey and hum. Getting more protein diet is, ham, Turkey and hum, Turkey and ham, Turkey and ham. Turkey and ham. All too often that protein is expensive or fried with Subway's new protein pockets. They can get over 20 grams of protein for 399 without sacrificing taste. And with our new sub of the day lineup. Yeah. Or your child. You don't have to sacrifice anything. No sacrifice. This is a Subway. You have to sacrifice 499 at the altar. Yeah. Oh, also we're replacing all of our point of sales with alters. So that's going to be. So we are actually. Throw you off a little bit. And we're now only accepting Zelle and blood magic. This is the only two currencies. Zenny, Zelle or blood magic or ass or grass or cash. Nobody eats Subway for free. I've been a manager for around a year now in the chemistry lab I work in. In one of the recent meetings with the rest of the management team, I happened to glance over at the laptop of a person sitting next to me and saw that they were in a team chat titled, young, hip managers. I would like to think I'm reasonably hip. I'm also the youngest manager in the building. What can I do to subtly imply that I'm cool enough to be invited to the secret group chat that's from young, but not hip enough in Ann Arbor. Oh, it's tough. It's a tough one. Did nobody wants to think they're not young and cool and hip. See, this is difficult because for me, I both know that I am neither young enough nor hip enough. To be in a group chat that seems to be living by those ideals. But if it was like a strong, strong guys, like you saw a chat, strong guys, right? And you're like, you look over and you're like, Hey, wait, I'm a strong guy. If it was strong guy, purple hair. Yeah. I'd be like, I definitely have purple hair. It's if it said that you've been Truman showed and you need to stop because that's gone too far, right? That that's it. So they're doing a prank on you, but then you look over. Someone's got there on a thread called limp, Dick idiots. And you're like, I'm glad I'm not in that. Yeah. You know, count your blessing, count your blessings. Cool. Awesome. I'm unjealous. Maybe it's ironic. Maybe they, it's like they, they're kind of like the old boring manager. Okay. But they want, so they're like the level of self awareness. They're like a winky sort of like, we're the ones that suck. Yeah. We're old. Can I get in that? You don't want, you can't. It's they're so old. We're actually doing it. You don't understand. You don't want in this. I struggle with a part of this question, which is that, you know, you're not a part of this group chat. And when you share that information with us, you say, I happen to glance over at the laptop of the person sitting next to me. That suggests maybe you don't know who that person was. And therefore why would you be in a group? Why would you be in a group chat with them? Is there anything there? Young hit managers are planning young hit managers. I guess so. Maybe, maybe, maybe it's fantasy football managers. And it has nothing to do with work. Yeah. Ooh, that's, isn't that tricky when you find yourself in a fantasy football chat? It happened over the holidays a couple of times. I realized two to three people around me were talking about fantasy football. And then if I stood there for long, long enough, they were going to ask me to join, or they might just sign me up. I don't know how you get in fantasy football. It keeps happening to me. of security on Dunstan Lovers. What's going on with this lab that we need so many goddamn managers anyway, man? What is it, this lab, that we need a stratification of management? It's a chemistry lab! Is the person sitting next to you even a manager? Maybe there's a group chat to talk about how cool and hip their young managers are. They're in there talking about how great you are. That's why you're not in it. It's like an issue of Tiger Beat. A young manager is like, which manager has the dreamiest eyes? It's Prunjip! We love him! It's hugely problematic, of course. Maybe they're chatting with their physical therapist for a pelvic injury that they suffered, and so now they have to learn from their young hip manager. That's not anything. That might have been it, Griffin. You don't know. No, that's not that. Maybe they're organizing snacks by brand, and it actually said young chip managers, and you just misread it. Could be. There's any number of reasons why you wouldn't be involved in a group chat that don't involve you not knowing the people in the group chat. But if you started wearing a backwards baseball cap, and you made people ask, and when they did ask, you say, I saw. Shit! No, you can't! Because you can't be like, I was looking at a. There's nothing less hip than looking at a neighbor's laptop. Yeah, that's a bad start. It wasn't hip that you looked, and you can't say, like, I saw it, because it's so not hip. Here's what you're going to do. You're going to go to these other managers, and you're going to say, I'm thinking about starting a group chat for us young hip managers. Oh, yikes. Would you guys be interested in that? Don't say the exact. You know you've got to change it a little bit. No, I heard it out loud. Yeah. I'm starting a group chat for us youthful, sexy, cool. crazy, sexy, cool managers. I think it's got to be more organic. I think you've got to do cool experiments. I think you've got to show up next day, make an elephant toothpaste, point at it, point at everyone else, point at it again, like to check my. Hey, check it. Mark Robert. Yeah, start like a robot fight club. Start a robot fight club. In your chemistry, we're getting a little bit far from the exact. Well, no, you wouldn't want to do it. That's separate from work, Griffin. Work still needs to happen. You know, manager is still a part of the young hip managers, Griffin. No, yeah, I know, but this is specifically at work, and so I don't know why. Is this like. Are they getting paid to manage it? Is it like the safety patrol? Like, what is with all these managers? Maybe it's like a team, like an equipment manager, where they're like making sure that everybody has all the chemicals and powders and reagents that they need access to. I want to highlight one detail in this that I've just noticed. In one of the recent meetings with the rest of the management team is when this happened. You got some really. I think it is hugely, hugely rude to be in a meeting of other managers and be in your young hip managers chat. That is cruel, because you know that room someone's going to see. Like, if you're trying to keep it secret, what is wrong with you? Yeah. Are you sure there were other people in this group chat with this person and not just them talking to themselves about how young and hip and cool they are? Yeah. Right. Another question? Okay. We've been in the house we're renting for five years. Four years ago, I had a baby, and I didn't tell my land lord. It's a boy. When lease renewal came, I didn't want to tell them we had a whole extra person in the house we never mentioned. Now we're looking for a bigger place, and our land lord has a great place in the exact area we want to live. How do we introduce our four-year-old without it being weird? That's from not kidding around. So many great, great options. So many ways to pretend like you just kind of added a four-year-old to the squad. Can we do it? I would like to pause it to us. Can we do it without accidentally tiptoeing into gaslighting? No. I mean, we could. It'll tie our hands behind our back in a major way. Are we worried about, like, doing bad stuff to a land lord? No. Gaslighting is obviously not great, but to a land lord? Land lord? Land lord? What if he just says, say, this is my short uncle? Cool. I'm just saying, this is my short uncle. No, I love it. Keep building on that. This is my short uncle. Yeah. He's not huge on English yet. He is my uncle, and I am taking care of him from his Benjamin Button disease. I would like very much to not have any questions about that. Benjamin Button is not about a very short man who aged the normal way and was four at four. Yes. You'd be dealing with, if my math is correct, like a 96-year-old boy. A four-year-old. You guys, did we not say basic, competent stage makeup assumed? Okay. Like, that's assumed. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Assumed! I think short uncle's really promising. Who is that? Could you also be surprised that the four-year-old is there? Why do you gotta. Oh, God! What? Why do you need to introduce your four-year-old? Why not keep the con going? Why not keep the con rolling? You do not need to own up to this. The longer you go, the funnier it is. Uh-huh. Like, if you can make it to ten, that's quite a prestige, I gotta say. Ten? They're not gonna. You know, you know, James. You know. What are you talking. How did you miss the fact that we had a son for this long? A child? He's a congressman! He's been around for a while, is what I'm saying at that point. Yeah. Sure, I understand. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always a trench coat. You can always. Sure. You can always stand on the kids' shoulders and wear a big trench coat. Stand on the kids. Well, it sounds like if they're. You can always stand on the kids' shoulders and wear a big trench coat, pretend to be one person, one taller person. Then you tell the landlord, I got taller over the summer, I got the surgery to make you taller, but I'm wearing the trench coat to cover up the scars. Yeah. You could. Now, I've never seen The Odd Life of Timothy Green, but I've heard people talk about it. Say you grew him. Is that the one with Lin-Manuel Miranda? Is it? I think it's Jennifer Garner in it. You grew him. Yeah. You planted a boy, you grew him. Yeah. He grew up. He's only, like, three days old. Uh, you had good soil. You grew a boy. You grew him. Do you get charged more for a lease when you have a child living there, too? Are you. Oh, maybe it's more of a social situation of it's embarrassing you didn't introduce him and now it's gone on so long. Yeah, you didn't know when to bring it up. You didn't know when to bring it up. I think that's reasonable, and now it's like it's weird. Yeah, I get it. I think it's fine. Trench coat. I want a trench coat. Trench coat's okay. Can we. Is there any wiggle room in the stacking order? Because I think that putting an adult on top of the four-year-old's shoulders. Griffin, I know what you're saying, dude. But the alternative is, I know, it's a four-year-old's head and arms coming out of the huge, giant body. It was almost enough to make me consign that idea to the dustbin of history and not say it. Yeah. Because both options. Both permutations of it are illogical and bad. Yeah. But it had already left the gate. Okay. So I just had to back the horse. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. What about this? Yeah. This is my child security guard. I've been threatened by a lot of children in the neighborhood lately, and I can't get adults to beat up those children. Yeah. So I hire this child as a bodyguard to beat up other children for me. A reverse Drillbit Taylor Benjamin Button situation. Yes. Drillbit Taylor Jr., where he licenses his son out as. Drillbit Button. Where he hires a kid, a strong kid, to kick bully kids' asses? That feels borderline criminal. They're showing a Drillbit Taylor They're showing a Drillbit Taylor 2 when he's, like, 95 and he's, like, he needs protection, and he hires a kid to protect him like a strong kid. Yeah. I just. I'm 95. I just started playing Fortnite. I'm getting absolutely fucking shit on. I need to hire the coolest 14-year-old at the high school to be my Fortnite Drillbit Taylor. Yes. Yes. Yes. Make it, Hollywood. Fortnite. I know you guys are doing all kinds of media stuff. This one's free. Take it. This is Splash Jug Taylor. Yes. Splash Jug Taylor. It's not gonna get any better than that. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast, My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's this one. The one you're enjoying. You just enjoyed. A couple quick announcers before we wrap up, folks. Yeah. Clubhouse will return January 27th at noon Eastern Time. We're gonna be streaming on the last Tuesday of each month from now on. But, Travis, what are we gonna be doing all the other Tuesdays? Man, I'm so glad you asked, Justin, because it was the next thing in the bullet point that we're doing Super McElroy Brothers video game stream next Tuesday, January 20th at noon Eastern Time. It's gonna stream all the other Tuesdays, plus a bunch of other video game content on our YouTube, all under the McElroy Entertainment System umbrella, so make sure you check that out. Also, we got some merch. Yeah, you can follow that at McElroy Entertainment System on Instagram. Yes, good call. We've got some merch over in the McElroy Merch Store. Bestie's Tiebreaker Coin featuring the one and only New York Giraffe and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Immigrant Defenders Law Center, so make sure you check that out at McElroyMerch.com. And now, for the. My name's Justin McElroy. We still have to think. We gotta think. Thank you, Montaigne, for the use of our theme song, My Life Is Better With You. It's a It's a fantastic track, and the fact that I'm terrified that I don't know what's going to happen next doesn't detract from the fact that i'm just a huge big fan of it i was thinking so for the ending that griffin could give us like a little motivational speech as the big boy um asking for the heater just to kind of establish a tone like griffin like a sick victorian child anyways i was thinking i would pick something up off my desk and throw it at the wall as hard as i possibly could oh just like the sound of that yeah that's okay do you like that the end of every episode this year will be one of us throwing something at a wall yeah to see if it sticks i'll get the i got the mic against the wall now so this is my don't throw the mic dude i'll use my lens cap here's my lens cap make it sick i won't be able to hear i gotta take my headphones off because i'm gonna go around something i'm gonna go behind the desk and just absolutely absolutely hum this fucking thing okay dude absolutely buzz it sick man sick this is good this is yeah i like this energy three two one my name is justin mackaroy i'm travis mackaroy yeah that was good i'm travis mackaroy i'm griffin mackaroy this is my brother my brother yeah kiss your dad square on the lips lens cap this is good this is good you maximum fun a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you