MBMBaM 793: Fruit of the Loam

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's a side of something beautiful, a small quaintance has blossomed, it's wrapping into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me, hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach, my life, it feels like. It's better, it's better with you, my life, it's better, it's better with you, this is true, it's better, it's better with you. My life, oh, it's better with you. Hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. No glasses for me. No glasses for me either. What's up, Travis? I'm your male, this is my other driver's big dog Wolf Wolf from McElroy. What's up, Travis? Travis, we're your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, immediate, luminary, Griff and McElroy. Oh wait, did I say Griff and McElroy? Because I am Paul Dano. Huh, oh man, go on. I am Paul Dano. We're recording this one. We're recording this one like two weeks in advance, so I don't know which way this Paul Dano thing's going to break, but the episode that just came out with Quentin Tarantino where he was talking shit about Paul Dano, I said no one else in this whole fucking industry is going to stand up for this guy. So I'm going to draw a line in the sand right in here and say I don't care if it costs me a role in one of Quentin Tarantino's future products. I quit. I quit. I quit. I was cast in Quentin Tarantino movie and I said I'd quit in Tarantino. I quit. I quit. I quit Jesus Christ Travis in Quentin Tarantino, you decided to put quit. Well, I started I started it Griffin with and I knew there was a queue in there somewhere and I couldn't remember where because I was already had his name right at the top. Hey, he also talked shit about Matthew Lillard and I was like, yeah, that guy doesn't have it. After I learned he went after Oh and Wilson, I think that obviously we won't stand for that either all our guys. I've just all our got all our best guys and I've chosen to rep Paul Dano. You can't talk shit about Paul Dano unless it's in a kind of a funny way like we didn't we talked about how he said when he played the Riddler, it made his head get super hot. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine because it's like fun and having funny. That's funny. And he would appreciate he would appreciate that. He would appreciate how crazy it was he was Riddler. Yeah, I think that's super funny. If you still with us today and I do and but to say that he's the he's the quote weak sister. What's first of all? Well, you've chosen even a rough way to insult like to come up with a bad insult, but to say that he can't hang and there will be blood where he acts the roof off that mother fucker. Are you and yeah, sometimes I got a stop and thing about which one's Walt Dano which one's miles teller and I don't know why that is that in my head. I have to listen. I know, but do you know how I'm 45 now? Do you know how hard Paul Dano had to fight to get into my head? He was like the last celebrity. He was like the last famous person I learned and I had to hear that mother fucker's name. Yeah, 50 times before it was like, okay, it's not there. Okay. I'll learn who you are. He worked fine. I will learn. I will accept that Paul Dano is a real name and not someone making fun of Bowser from Shalana. Yeah, fine. Paul Dano. You're a real guy. You really? You know, known for his wonderful acting, um, his super superb acting brave a fuck does he get off? Yeah, man. Yeah, man. I'm glad my boy DDL came down from the rafters where he had retired himself from being sort of a figure in the public consciousness. It was like actually fuck you, Quentin Paul Dano rules. Yeah, he came down from the clouds and he was like actually we're not actually recording this two weeks in advance. Everyone has become united by this one issue and I guess also I loved Matthew Lillard in the Scooby Doo movies and the screen franchise. Huff my phone and it just seems like kind of a cool hang Owen Wilson. I don't know personally, but he's been in some bangers too. Daniel day out. A lot of times celebrities have beef when they can come together and be like, listen, we love each other like professionally. This got out of hand. For this to be okay, Clinton, I don't think he can come back to be like, I was wrong. Paul Dano rules. I don't think I have seen the only way he does away. Yeah, it's the only way he's like, yeah, actually Paul. Paul Dano takes us. I'm sorry. I guess I was speaking from a place of jealousy. Yeah, I wanted to be the riddler. I wanted to be in the beach voice movie and I wasn't and I was so mad. I'm sorry. I can't even imagine that man skunk making the pose of like his hands together like actually actually thought about it and I like Paul Dano. I was wrong. I was wrong. Everyone about it. Just sort of an artistic opinion. I was wrong. And then I went and watched the whole cars franchise and Owen Wilson delivers just a absolute just baller performance. Yeah, and I hadn't seen any of Matthew Lillard movies. I would be in him with him. If he wants like, why would Matt Lillard catch a Shaggy's evil? Matt Lillard, Matt Lillard. This is what happened. Good God conversation. Yeah, conversation went like this. Best movie of all time. That's there will be blood. Too bad about Paul Dano though. He sucks. You know who else sucks? Owen Wilson and Matt Lillard. Anyway, next question. What the fuck are you doing? It is catching the strings but like honestly, in terms of the Paul Dano brand, it probably hasn't been a terrible week. Incredible. In terms of the Dano brand. I maybe maybe maybe Matthew Lillard can fight a way to piggyback off of this. We hope you know we hope that he has it brought down. But this random drive. Yeah, I think that he was just running through names watching the face of the interviewer were for them like, oh yeah, and like the next on his list was Jared Leto and he just didn't get to it in time. Oh man, you almost had it. Maybe. Oh God. This is how he gets out of it. He comes out and he says actually guys. I was thinking of Jared Leto. I said I said the confusion angle. I wonder if he has at some point. Check the time to be to see if there is a Dan polo. Yeah, he could act like he was maybe switching him with in his head. Like, oh, I love Paul Dano. Yeah, he's. I was thinking. Polo Dan. Polo Dan. That guy sucks. That guy. That guy sucks. Not Paul Dano. How are we feeling about Luke Wilson? Can I. Oh, as everybody on board with Luke Wilson. I bet this is really, really driven. Is that anything. I think this is probably really driven a wedge between Luke and Luke and Owen. I worry because Luke can't come out because he, you know, he could get cast in the hateful nine or whatever. The next one is the squeaky. I just think it's crazy. That quit and tear Tito with all the movies that he made didn't realize that Paul Dano was supposed to be wimpy in the movie. It's so wild. He gets beat up by like a real skinny tall guy. Like he's got to be kind of a baby man. That's kind of the point of the whole movie. It's so wild that he didn't understand. He's just be a baby guy kind of that one. But in a different one in the Batman one, he's more mysterious. He's like a different see that one. Quentin. I didn't like Paul Dano. This is the Quentin Tarantino quote. I didn't like Paul Dano in the Batman because he was mean to Batman. He was mean to Batman. One of my good friends. I like Batman. He's a he's a nighttime defender. And I enjoy that. And Paul Dano's out here writing mysteries for him to solve. I had to stop working with Samuel Jackson. Do you see how many people he's shot in my films? I'm back in the top. I'm called for it, but the murders. Kristoff Waltz. Oh man. Oh man. This guy has some troubling opinions. The challenge very crystal. I think you write this guy. Really anything. But back to Quentin Tarantino's favorite podcast. Oh no. Oh no. Gosh. I recently graduated college and moved to a new city for work. I enjoy going to the gym and found a small community gym. There's on my morning commute. I do group classes in the morning and bring a change of clothes for work. During a warm-up lap around the parking lot for a group class this week, my instructor said, "Uh oh. Looks like the underwear is still there." Pointing to a pair of underwear, sitting in the lot. Looks exactly like my favorite pair of underwear that I thought I missed place recently. How can I inconspicuously investigate the underwear to make sure they're mine? And how do I even take them back if they are? How would I explain the underwear's disappearance? This from boxer brief bother in the Bay area. The one that I want to start with is how would I explain the underwear's disappearance? So what you imagine here is that the underwear that everybody - Everyone loves the kind of mascot, yeah. - The mascot underwear shows up and they show up and it's not there. And then everyone's like, what do you make of this? - David? - Yeah. - Like, why on earth would you be a suspect in the disappearance of the underwear? - Unless you're wearing them outside of your pants quailman style, which hopefully you have the good sense not to do that, IRL. - You could also just say a bird took 'em. - A big bird, a big bird must've taken 'em. - Yeah. - And as the old bird must've done it. - Hey, can you, I know they're your favorite, but the still there implies to me they've been outside for some time. I think it's time to let them go. - Hmm, but what if they're really nice and like it's good point? - They're not nice anymore. They're not nice anymore. Things aren't supposed to, okay, you wash the clothes. Right? - Yeah. - You wash the clothes. - Slow down, let me leave 'em in there. I'll come back later. I'll remember to put 'em in the dryer. I don't have time right now. You remember tomorrow? - You go to open the clothes. (laughing) - Yeah. - The smell, it's a nightmare, you know? - It's not gonna be a better way. - And Justin's telling us a new problem. - He's been doing this for a week. They're done, they're done. We can't do these anymore. These are over. - This is the nature of such a pants now. - That's nature's underwear. - That let 'em return to the loam. - What if you investigate the underwear? - Fruit of the loam. - Fruit of the loam. - The risk is too high. - Sorry, you're saying that if the underwear, isn't yours, the risk of what? - What's the risk? You tell me what the danger is. Guys, these are clothes that sometimes touch your privates and butt, I think we're being a little childish about it. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Griffin, the risk of the, okay. There is an embarrassment factor there. If you're caught scoping out these underwear and you're like, these were mine, they fell out of my bag. Oh my god, I was so embarrassed. Versus, you're scoping them out. We're really getting in their CSI style. You get checked doing that and they're not yours. - And then you're not satisfied. - Sorry, sorry, I just wanted to see how cool these loose underpants were. - Travis, this is insane what you've just said because how is, you go and you check them out. Someone else realizes they're not yours and is like, hey, get away from those dirty, parking lot underwear though. That's not yours. How would they know that they're caught in the crime? - Maybe you pick them up with a twig or something and you're looking at them and you're like, these aren't mine. Uh-oh, Bobby sees me. Yeah, these are mine. - And they got put in your pocket, Griffin. - No, what are you talking about, man? - What are you talking about? - Travis, Travis, I don't know. - I don't understand. How would you get, who is the authority? Do you understand for a crime to occur? So what has to happen? - God. - It's closed that touch your butt. You guys, and I think maybe everyone, venerates underwear in a way that I find very peculiar. It's just closed. It's inside pants. There's nothing bad or wrong about them. Everyone does wear them. Can you not just walk up, pick them up, say, oh, I like these. They fell out of my car. You're gross for looking at them. And you put, then it's on them. Like, this is fine. It's closed for your butt. - It goes on your, it goes, okay. - It goes outside for starters. It goes outside for starters. - If they're yours. If they're yours, okay, that's right, Travis. Look at it, like, if they're yours, they've been in dirt for weeks. Sitting in dirt and you're gonna what? Get a little plastic bag and put them in there and take them home and wash them and put them on you. - Like they're a lost puppy. - Like they're like a straight pup. - I take them home. I take them home. I wash them until they are, because they have dirt all up in the stitching. - Why did you get them in the first place? - 'Cause they might be mine. If you're doing this bad financially, I'm doing this bad financially. We have to talk. - Oh, dude, I've got all kinds of sweet underwear salvage secrets. That's really good. - If it has one pair of underwear, that if he misplaces them, there's no coming. - Not true. I have many pairs of wonderful undergarments and they're just pants on the inside. They're just-- - For many sponsors throughout the year. (laughing) - It's fun. - I don't even know where to buy the ding-dong things anymore as Dr. Rapunzel. - Hey, Dio, open up the mailbox and Andy's just flow out. Andy's in mattresses, baby. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm rolling in 'em. Look at these. I'm buried in digital photo frames, baby. - Websites? - Websites? - Websites? - They let's not actually do ones that still advertise. - No, I love them. - I love them. I love all of these great sponsors. They just don't get to be mentioned. - Yes, without money. - Without money, we can be talking about any underwear, Griffin. - Sure. - Yeah. - We have so much love for so many products, just pinned up, ready to bust. We just, we simply must be paid for. - Let us shill. Let us shill. - Let us shill. - Oh, man, what a, kind of all the times I wish we could transition into the money. - Can we get Paul? - Yes, we simply can't. I'm sorry. - Can we get Paul Dano to sponsor us? And then we can-- - Paul Dano to convince other people to sponsor us. - Or Matt Lillard. No, I mean, I don't want that. - Matt Shillard, we get him to go out there and get people to give us money. He's shilling for us. - Yeah. - This podcast's like boxing sometimes. You guys ever notice that where you'll be like, you'll say something and then another person will come up with a better thing faster and it's like, you're trying to bob and weave and keep it moving. - Oh, sorry, Griffin. - Griffin, I thought you didn't want anyone to say anything funny after you're cool, so they made the vibe weird. - Our office manager just asked everyone I work with, what their favorite candy was. And if they liked apple cider or eggnog better, I said Skittles, thinking it was just a fun little survey. Since Halloween, I've now received three gift packages of Skittles from her at Halloween, Thanksgiving, and now Christmas. I don't really care for Skittles that much. So, like, why do we have to fix this one? - Just finish it. - You know? Why do we have to fix this one? - Because I want to know that we can. I need to know that we can. - But it's not, you know what I mean? - Yeah, I get it. We get, yes, it's the whole concept of the show. - Why do we have to fix it? - Yes, absolutely. - Why didn't you just finish it? - I don't really care for Skittles that much, but now I'm drowning in them. She gets such joy in bringing them too. Yeah, probably 'cause you told her it's your favorite candy. You fucking maniac! - Sorry. - She gets such joy in bringing them too. I don't have the heart to tell her. Yeah, brothers, how do I suddenly let on that I'd rather have a different candy? That's from Sweet tooth and Tampa. Discrothers, this person I work with just absolutely off the chain every single day doing the wildest shit, unbelievable. Just last week I asked her favorite candy. She mentioned what she didn't even like. Wild, brothers help. Am I in danger? - Depending on what kind of conversation your boss usually trucks in with you, I could see them coming up and asking, what's your favorite candy? If one of my kids came up and said, "Hey, dad, what's your favorite candy?" I wouldn't think I better pick real good 'cause they could be setting me up for non-stop gifts of this one specific candy. - What's your favorite candy? - Skittles. - Fuck. Okay. But this isn't a tough one, right? This isn't like a deep stuff. - Shouldn't you have a. - Heath bars. - Heath bars are up there for me, honestly. That's a top five or for sure. - This is what I'm saying. It's like, does everybody not have at least a vague idea of what their favorite candy is? It's not a tough one. That's not like what's your favorite style of vintage car, right? - I don't. - Justin, what's your favorite candy? - Chocolate payday. - Crazy. - Griffin, what's your favorite candy? - I mean, jelly beans. - Now again, nobody likes jelly beans. - I love jelly beans. - Like jelly beans? - Jelly beans and licorice sweets, sweet creams. - What kind of jelly bean? If you could only have one kind of jelly bean, what kind would it be? - There's a super loud truck outside. And this is a good time to think about it. - Yeah. - Starburst, red starburst jelly bean. Easter time, Easter time delight. - Toasted marshmallow jelly beans. - Look at you. You fucking stinker. - Look at you, spanky ass. - Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. - What are we listening for? - You're gonna say you're gonna say you're gonna say you're gonna be a jelly bean? - Yeah, but Travis, Travis, Travis, Travis, Travis, Travis. - The prompt, Travis, the brief, you have to be as weird as fucking possible. - For some reason. - Okay. - We've decided to make this like a weird sort of audio waste land. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Favorite jelly bean. - Your favorite one. - Jelly bean. - You can hear me? - My favorite one. - Jelly bean. - Jelly bean, jelly bean. - And weird, jelly bean. - My favorite Billie Jean. - It's honestly, it honestly, black like a rich. - That's fucked up, no. - We are, we are doing a real one. - The vibe is like-- - That is the real one. - It's right now. It's a real one, but it's like, is it? - We destroyed the vibe thinking it would be built back up by the completion bike. - Okay. - It's the, and I don't, 'cause she, bad, it's bad, but the birdie blots everywhere being the grass one, I like it. - That's fucking wild travesty. - Oh my two. - The two tastes one, I like a minty jelly bean. All right. -I don't like jelly beans. -Okay. -Could you just say your offskittles? -Three bags of skittles. -No, they're not to be offskittles. They're finding out. Just say that, did you hear with the food dash stuff? -Oh, wow. -Oh. They say you're not supposed to be eating skills anymore. -Yeah. -It's bad for you now. So I guess I'm offskittles. -Yeah. -Ooh, la, la. -Vegan. -Vegan. -They found out about them. They got carnubi wax and it's made out of beetle kighten. -No, that's right. -I don't like either of those things. -We got genbottomies. -Didn't bother me before. -I'm a friend at a beetle. -Yeah. -And now I can really see things from their point of view. -Hey, can we also just touch into. I don't think Eggnog or apple cider is a binary question. -This is not a cake or pie, Elvis or beetles, clear dichotomy situation. These are pretty niche beverages. -Yeah. -Why only different experiences, too? -Yeah. -You just have to have something other than Eggnog. Like, you can't solely offer Eggnog. Even the Eggnog fans after Eggnog is not a refreshing beverage. -One time I got sent a five pound bag of Swedish fish to our post office box. And I, because I talked about how much I like Swedish fish, and I'm wonderful. And I ate, I've almost certainly told this story on the show before. -You know what I was looking for? I've been looking. There's some candies that I would buy in bulk. You could maybe buy some bulk candies to have on offer. -How is this going to get you over the course of many months? You would become known for them. I don't actually have a good, I'm sorry. I didn't have a joke. -No one has a good joke. -Find somebody who likes Skittles more. -Okay. And get them to tell your boss your favorite candy. -And then you can trade. -Yeah! -I once sold a big bag of Skittles to my Spanish teacher, Senora Berry. And Senora Berry upon receiving the Skittles the next day. She told me those Skittles were delicious. I had to cut them in half because they were extremely sweet. -That's awesome. That's a cool story, juice. -Never heard of that. Guys, I was 15 years old when that happened. 30 years. I'm still thinking about this lady saying, "Oh, one whole Skittle Whiff." -What's the implication there that a serving size for her was half a Skittle at a city? -Yes, this is good. -Imagine this woman said to me that she got a knife and cut Skittles in half because the rush of a single Skittle was too much. -But what's the span of time between the second half of the Skittle? -It has to be like the wave has to have passed her. -Yes. -Her pleasure has crested and is now in its end to climax. And as the wave of pleasure begins to recede, she puts the other half into her mouth. -Like you were. -Oh, like Chris once more! -Like you were a dealer selling her like shrooms or something and she's like, "Oh, no, no, no, I'm gonna need an ape. I can't take a half." -I just swallow my pills. -If your boss saw you cutting one in half, then maybe they would understand the pace at which you are working through them. Like if you're like, "Listen, I love this and I do love Skittles. I only allow myself one half Skittle today, so you do not have to keep stocking me up." I said. -I'm good for 10 years. -Make some Skittle art. Skittle art. Huge, my kids will pay top dollar for that shit. Make a Goku with Skittles. -And that's good in the post-apocalyptic, right? Because then there's some Skittles left. -Yeah, sure. I mean, I would rather die than eat my Skittle Goku, but yeah, I mean, for sure. I paid $15,000 at Ken Ditopia for that. And I'm not gonna eat it just because I'm hungry. -Like the ones on the walls? I didn't think they sold those. They sell them for $42,000. -For a motivated buyer, they will pretty much sell you anything. -Yeah. -At Ken Ditopia, that is the rule. If it's not nailed down, bring it to the register. It's like the mention on those two. You just, anything you just pick it up, take the front, buy it. -They gotta do this. -That's actually the case most places. If you go to the register with anything, and you're like, "I will give you X amount of dollars for it," there is some number that solves four X. -Yeah. -At which point, you can take a help with it. -How much to buy that register? -But there's money in there. I know, add that up. -No. -And the value of the register is plus a dollar. -That's business, baby. -They have docents at those candy museums that try to trick the kids into eating that you'll say like, "You see one with a hat over there?" You see that, Matisse? Grab yourself some. Those Jolly Ranchers are waiting for you, Kenneth. He goes for it. -You bought a Kenneth $32,500, Kenneth. -That was a Banksy. -Banksy, dude. -You can call anything a Banksy. Banksy's not going to show up to tell you you're wrong. -He does. -He does. -What? -He will do. -Fuck, really? He does revenge on you, but it still has to be like art-based. So he like, he will trick you into getting into the art world and then invest in one of his paintings that he makes like, turn into toilet paper that goes into toilet. -Fuck. -Well, you see what he did to me was he painted a huge picture of me pooping his body. And he painted on the top of a skyscraper right across my office. And so every time I look at my office, when I'm distracted from my charts, my spreadsheets, I look at Simon Window and there's me, a very unflattering lightness, squatted on the potty, and I'm using a squatty. I'm using a squatty potty and I say a speech bubble, "I need this, or I'll die." Using the bathroom. It's like one of the meatest pictures that's ever painted in a big picture, just as well. -Is it a little picture at least? -It's eight stories tall. -Wow. -My pupils are all lit windows. -Yeah. -Sins of the sky. -I don't know. -S staring down at New York City. -He had to shut. He had to rent out three floors of this building just to do my, just to do my scrotum. -Yeah. -It's really, it was a very unflattering man. -Why, why? -It's inside. It's inside. You have to go, -It's a pretty miserable sleeping. -Oh, no. -It's a tiny little sleeping. Yeah. It's for helicopter guys. If they fly by, they're gonna see my balls and buttons every day. -That's a great huge. And I'm on the potty. -Yeah. -I'm so sorry. -He did, yeah. -You know, he just, he came to my house and he installed in my toilet. I didn't even see a special machine so that when I sat down on the toilet, see it shredded up my butt and put it in the garbage. -No. -I just tried it with my butt and my private hand. -Yeah, it shredded it all up down there and it put it in the garbage. And then he kicked the door and was like, "Now you don't have it anymore." And I was like, "That's crazy. That's crazy. I'm okay now." -Yeah. -You healed up. -I healed up. -It turned out when I got home one day, after living in this house for many years, I went to sit on the toilet and just fell straight down. And I was like, "What?" And that's when I realized the toilet was a painting on the wall and it had been, since I bought that out 3D. -Yeah, dude. -Yeah, I hate that. And where has it been going? -Right, and so I went out to tell Teresa about this. -Okay. -And suddenly she was a painting on the wall and she had been there the whole time. -Oh, I hate that. -And like, I started spinning around and realizing everything was a painting and I was trapped in it. -Yeah. I'll tell you what, he switched all my shirts with shirts with little sketches of me kissing a pig's ass on it. -No. -Every single one of my shirts, guys. He came in my house and he tore it up and he just went ahead and he put a picture of me kissing a pig's ass on it. Every single time. -Like a real- -Scrash-up. -He took it, yeah. -No, it was like a little sketch. -Okay. -He scratched up all my burnt mixed CDs. I've been saving them at a big binder since I was in college. All my mixed CDs that I burnt myself. He scratched them all up. And he, you know what he scratched into him? -Wait. -Thanks to rules. -Oh, no. He came into my house and painted a gift on the wall. -Well, what? -Of me eating a what? -Yeah. -Wow, Jesus Christ. -Yikes. -That's an S- -No, it was painful. -And it was emanated. -And right now, it's worth a billion dollars. -Yeah, because it's like a new technology. -He painted a movie and it was incredible. -It's awesome. Let's go the money's up. [music] -It's better. It's better with you. -Do you guys like to dance? -It's better. -Do you like to sing? Do you like to party? -Yeah. -Do you like to code? -Um. -Trying to sneak a little stem in there. -Yeah. -I do like that stuff better than the dancing and singing, actually. -Okay, let me try another thing. Do you like bad websites that are ugly and make you feel bad? -No, I don't. I don't like that. -Do you like websites that are well-designed and easy to use? -Yeah, I guess prefer to the other one, sure. -Okay, great. Then you guys are going to love Squarespace. -They make good websites by helping you make good websites. It's easy to use. You don't have to dance or sing or code to use the Squarespace. -To use the Squarespace to make a website? -I'm an idiot. -Is there help for me? -Yeah, in a lot of ways. But specifically when it comes to website building, yeah, they give you everything you need to offer services and get laid. No, get paid all in one place. -What? -Pravice, Patrick, everything. - They've begged us to not do that. - That one joke. - That one joke, they said, "We are a clean company." - You're right. - Don't say yucky stuff like that about us. We're clean. - Okay, but the word does come up again in the next sense and I want to say it again, Griffin. - You can, 'cause you've already done it once. - Okay, get laid on time with professional-- - And pay on time. - Get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments plus streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. They also have just beautiful, professional-designed and award-winning website templates, all kinds of options and drag-and-drop editing. It's really, really good. It's easy editing. - It's easy editing. - It's easy editing, dummies like us. You can do it. I believe in you. Head to squarespace.com/mybrotherhood or a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MyBrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Did I say trial weird? It felt weird. I feel like I can hear myself say trial. - Trial. - Trial, trial, trial, trial. - I love when that shit makes it a man. - I think people are wild by our sort of folksy sort of charm. - That's kind of our deal, right? We're just down home, simple. - It's every, it's every like 250th word for me. - Well, we'll hit with some of that. And I don't know, I'm such a fan of it. - We're just three podcasts hosts you can have a beer with. That's our deal. - Folksy guys. - Three folksy people. - Wait, we were gonna call the show. Three folksy guys. - Yeah. - We thought the brother angle would hook people better. So we changed their names and the rest of the history. - It was the worst mistake we ever made because three folksy guys was in taken over by Adam and Ricky. - Smartless. - Smartless. - Smartless. - This is so good. - This is so good. - Game smartless. - Yeah. - Three folksy guys as they eventually became smartless. - Right. - So Orrah Frames is your holiday hero, because there's a lot of people who live lives that make them difficult to buy presents for. Now that's a complicated series of words and ideas I just put together, but I think everyone heard them and understood exactly what I meant. Some people are not easy to figure out what to get gifts for them because of their lives and choices. Well, let me tell you this. Orrah Frames is the Urgift, the Allgift. Because it's just an incredible, very, very nice looking digital picture frame that is super easy to set up. And you sort of manage it remotely with the app. And you can just send whatever pictures you want onto it. You can gift it to other people and then keep them updated with galleries of stuff going on in your life. You can, we have one in our house too. Because it's like constantly rotating between like precious family memories. And the kids always get very excited when they see themselves on. - And if you've already bought one for a loved one, there's still time to go into their house and break it on accident and then get them a new one. - You can just put one in another room. And then they have a beautiful frame. - Oh dang, you just have one picture frame in your house. Well, I have just one, Orrah. - Yeah, I'm really sorry. I broke all of your Orrah's then while I was in town for candle lights. I didn't think about that, Justin. I'm so sorry. - That's quite right. - Right now, visit OrrahFrames.com and get $55 off. Orrah's limited edition stone collection frame by using promo code BrotherIt checkout. That's auraframs.com promo code Brother. This deals exclusive to our listeners and frames sell out fast. So order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions apply. - How about another question? - Yeah, boy. I have recently discovered that my mother has quote adopted a poster that used to be my exes. We used to live at my mother-in-laws unit and decorated the place with some funky stuff, including an old school movie poster for my exes childhood bedroom. We thought we took everything when we moved out but obviously we missed stuff. I found this out when I stayed at my mom's while visiting for the holidays and my mom has put up the poster we left like it's hers. She loves old movies so it wouldn't seem out of place. How do I tell my mom I have to confiscate her poster and return it to my ex? My ex had mentioned the poster when we broke up and at the time had assumed it was totally lost. Do I have to return it to her since she's given up on it? - That's from poster puzzled in Seattle. - Scott free. - The first country. Like not the richest jumping off point but 100% true. You're so money. You're so, you don't even know how money you are. - This is they will never track this back to you in 100,000 years. This secret dies with you and now us and everyone. But until now, well do you know how one million listeners and three podcast hosts keep a secret? - How? - One million and two of them have to die. Well that's what I was going to say. What were you saying, doesn't it? - I said as smartless. - Yeah yours is better. Mine involves killing all of our listeners. - That's crazy man. - Yeah, it's crazy. Yours is better. I'm just thinking around my house. I've moved so many times in like the last just like 15 years since like graduating college. I could not begin to catalog the things in my house that once belonged to someone else that I was lent or belonged to a former roommate or whatever that just over the course of so many moves became catamari domicied into my possessions. - Do you ever just pick up stuff in your house and say hey I'm gonna throw this away. How's everybody feel about that? And then like everyone looks at you like I thought you love that. Like no, I hate this. Can we throw this away? No one knows how it got there. Maybe someone put it there's a joke three years ago. Like it's it's yes. - A hundred percent. - Scott Freys. - Scott Freys, don't even worry about it. Every break up I think you should get one little gift. Both teams in the break up. - Gets a vento? - A little vento? - A little vento. - A little gift. - A little vento for the room. - You shared special precious memories and you worked hard for that relationship. You both did. - We put in a lot of work and something went wrong. Obviously something soured there. That doesn't mean those memories aren't worth anything. I think they're worth a single steal. - Especially when it ends up being gifted to your emotional support team. - Yes. - Right? - Absolutely. - It's almost like a wrap gift on a movie. You know where it's like yeah after the break up. Here's a little reward for you mom. - You had to deal with all of this too. - Got me through the hard times. - There you go. Here's the movie poster. - Now don't steal nothing big now. Don't go crazy. Like don't steal nothing. - There's a dollar out of you. - Now my client Griffin went through a lot during that break up. - Sure. - I think that should come with certain allowances. - You can say that. - We can't say that. We can't say it's okay to steal anything you want. I wanna be on record saying don't steal nothing big now. Please. A poster, a jacket, fine. Shoes is good. - They're dog. - Shoes is not definitely not. Thank you for finding a bad example. They're done. - What about a plant? - That's fine. - Plants good. - Okay, cool. - They're great. - Plants cause it's kind of a chore too. - Yeah. - You invested in that. - Social security number. - You've got, no, don't steal. Social security number. - Okay. - That's bad, try to think about that. Think about actually doing that, right? It's not very nice. - It's not nice to do. - Okay. - But you have equity in that plant. It's a fine steel. - It's a fine steel. - It's a fine steel. It's a great steel. - I think it's important to call this steel. - I think that we as a society need to land on a time frame after which something has been left in somebody's possession. - Yeah. - That then it is like, we all agree that you shouldn't be thinking about this item anymore. - Statute of limitations on wanting something back. I don't know. - I don't know. - Because we occasionally get questions or it's like five years ago, a friend let me a book. There's no way that friend's still thinking about that book. - Yeah. My friend Evan's mom stole my bin fold hoodie that I got at the very first concert I ever went to when I was in high school and I went over to his house like four years later and I went to hang out my coat in the closet and saw it in there. His mom had been wearing it and I was like game recognized game. You got like, sure, you got me. This has been four years. It's a jacket, it's yours now. - It looks good. - And it looks good. - And at that point Griffin, could you take it back? Could you say like this, I'm re-- - You can't, right? - No, because she's had it longer than I had it at that time. - So this poster isn't even there, it's not even, it belongs to the mom now. - Scott is free. - It's not as Scott free, there's no crime. - There's no crime. - It's hurt. - Okay, there's no claim. - Case adjourned. - Case adjourned, the judges out of court. - Yep. (laughs) - Yep. - Guilty? - Uh-uh. - Nope. - Well yours, I decided-- - Two minutes. - Lawyers to your chambers. - Baylif? - Baylif? - A sport the lawyers out. Remove these lawyers from my premises. Baylif? Court them away. (laughs) - You're all arrested. - Jury, have you dismissed the case? (laughs) - Jury, skid-addle. - Jury objection. - Unsacquestered. - And hammer. - I lost it. So I just say it out loud now. Hammer, hammer, hammer. Pay attention please. - You wanna know the question? - Yes please. - I just almost, guys, I was spent almost, I was two weeks in a row now. I've almost talked about the French meal in McDonald's, and I. I don't want to talk about the Grinch meal at McDonald. - No. - You know, I don't. This one I don't want to. But they have green salt. Grinch salt. They have Grinch salt in the Grinch meal. There's Grinch salt. It's a special dill salt. - Yeah. - It's Grinch salt. - Oh, that sounds good. - And they have a little pickle make shaker fries that have the extreme salt that the Grinch loves. And it's a very Grinchy kind of thing that's happening. - Yeah, that's cool. - I would weigh, weigh, weigh, weigh, weigh, weigh, weigh, rather talk about Walton Goggins Grinch. - So this is what I want to say. This is, there's a, I was on what's all this then, which is a great podcast about British culture. We were talking about Christmas adverts. And there's one here. You know what? Can I just show you this one? 'Cause it's like such a treat. - Please. - Absolutely, please. - Hold on a second, let me share it. - I love this kind of like. - Yeah, I just want, this is not a much squad. - No, it's just one talk. - Organic sort of. - Yeah. - 10 seconds. - Just a fun munch. Justin, I know you're looking at a marner that's in front of you. I just felt like you were judging me so hard in that moment. - You're being directly into your soul. You got to take advantage of that when it happens, Travis. All right, you ready? - Yeah. - Are they taking the front? - Oh, the price is this year, a frightful spending gifts I've seen a cypher. - We're getting sick of that low on dough. It's a no. It's a no. It's a. - This is the Grinch by the way. - Nice color. - He's flying? So you get the idea. It's, yeah, it's the Grinch. Is it Asta? Asta? So this is like a Walmart. It's apparently a Walmart-owned franchise in the UK, right? And what we see in this ad is like the Grinch shopping with his family. And then we have watched the list. - Let's say Justin, he's human family. - He's human family. - And also a one point he likes shopping so much that he starts to fly through the air. That is not a power that I think the Grinch has in the source material. - May I ask you to over here to the side for a second to make a plea to humanity? - Yeah. - Sure, yeah. - Can we stop making me Travis McRoy look at close ups of the Grinch of a human being in Grinch makeups phase? - Travis, this is exactly what I wanted to speak about. I'm so happy that you're here and you're on the same page as me 'cause like, here's the thing. - I don't wanna see a real Grinch ever again. - It's good to ask. Matthew Morrison in the Broadway Grinch on TV hated. - Jim Carrick. - Jim obviously hated. Terrible movie. You gave your all. - That shit. - You gave it your all but we hate seeing it. - That shit. - We hate seeing it. - They're ugly, greasy. - You're not the worst thing about that movie. That movie completely misses the point of the whole story. But every time you see a real Grinch, it is a hell. I don't ever wanna see real Grinch again. And this Christmas season, we're traded to three. Walton Goggins Grinch, Walmart, the Walmart Walton Goggins Grinch Goggles are fully on over at Walmart. We got this as the Grinch. And then there's the McDonald's Grinch with this Grinch song. I don't wanna see the real Grinch ever again. I hate it. - It's unpleasant to a degree of like, this is haunted. Haunted. It's a nightmare. - It's a real Grinch. - It's terrible. It's not that he's ugly. All who's beautiful, definitely. - He's not supposed to be real. - But he's scary that he's not supposed to be real. - Yeah, that's good. - It's the quality of green hair and the smooth, the weird, greasy smoothness to the face and everything, there's wrinkles to it. It's that, here's what I think it is. When a makeup artist or a makeup team gets the chance to do a real life Grinch, they go crazy. - They go so deep. - They're freaking stamp on, yeah, man. - They're so stoked. - Oh, it makes me unhappy. - I really, it's just seeing the Grinch. - Oh gosh, yeah. - You know, anytime you see it, anytime you see the Grinch as a real man, as a cartoon, we love this guy. - Sure. - Like, yeah, nasty. - We didn't want to wrapping paper. - Yes. - We didn't want it to start. 'Cause he's like a big man of imagination at that point when he's a cartoon. Because he's just like a little center, little center. But then when you see it on the hat. - That's tiny little center, tiny little center guy. - When he's real, and you think like, could this happen to me? And it's scary and I don't want my kids to see it for sure. I don't want my kids exposed, especially to Walton Gawken's Grinch, because this is a smooth and cool Grinch who likes jazz. And that's going to sort of confuse them. That's gonna make them not understand the very real and very present threat that Grinch's do sort of present to our festivities. - It's also often amorphous of when we're encountering said Grinch, if he's particular arc, which I don't enjoy. - No. - I'm also just gonna pin real life cat in the hat to there too. Don't make human beings look like cat in the hat. - Same rules. - Same basic rules. Ah man, I really hate it. If I could just show you that the Matthew Morrison would, we always hate seeing a real Grinch around these parts. But if I could just, huh. - It's just, I just, huh. I hate to see it. - Yeah. I hate it. - Let me see him. - I hate to see the Grinch. - Well, here's the thing, they gotta, they gotta, for the stage, they've gotta make his stage. For the stage, they have to make his features big and loud and pronounced. And so like, you're not supposed to see this Grinch this close, obviously. - And if that Grinch showed up in cats too. - I would, I would do. That was such a sick cross-ever. They're like now, Grinch. - No, the Grinch love cats. - That's kind of a hot Grinch. - Uh-oh. - That's still Matthew Morrison's Grinch. I'll trick you. - Uh-oh. - You trick me with hot Grinch. - Well, here's our brownies hair. - Hair is all one thing, Griffin. - Yeah. - Yeah, don't ever show me the real Grinch again. That's the lesson of the holidays this season. I don't wanna see the Grinch. Love a cartoon still. - Yeah. - Don't wanna see the real Grinch ever again. Thank you. - Even, look, can I ask you this? - Hmm, we are open to, yes. - Is the Benedict Cumberbatch 3D animated Grinch pushing it? - Wouldn't you agree that he's pushing it a bit for my taste? - It is a bit much. It's a lot, here's what I will say. It is a lot of time to spend with the Grinch. - Sure. I will say this, he does begin to, his presence does begin to wear on one. - Yes, yeah. - Around hour two. - The Grinch is sometimes food. - You know, I don't mean that all the time. - It's a 40 minute fable expanded for two hours. - That's just a lot of personal time with the Grinch. - He's soft, didn't he? The Benedict Cumberbatch. Like they did the illumination studios like kind of cute, cute filter on him. - I mean, you know, I used him. - He's soft and many nice in this movie. - So we have soft Grinch, we have hot Grinch, cartoon favorite Grinch, and then like three or four upsetting human visages of Grinch. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Every time the Grinch is seen as a real person, it's terrible. - Yeah. - And this is my political Hollywood, so please don't do it ever again. Thank you. - Unless it's Paul Dano. - If it's Paul Dano, I'd watch it. - No, Paul Dano Lorax, Paul Dano, real life Lorax for real. Wouldn't you? - Yeah. - Wouldn't you? Would you, could you shoot with the Dano? - With the Dano. - With the Dano's. The Dano's also the one slur. - The Dano's also the one slur. - How good, how good, could that be? - Very, very good. - That's what I think. - Yes, please. I speak for the Danos. - I speak for the Danos and they are loving it. (laughing) - I speak for the Mies and we are very pleased. (laughing) - Dano, you didn't. Okay, listen, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. It's called My Brother, My Brother Me. I wanna say a special thank you. If you came out for our candlelight show last weekend or you supported that show or you have already purchased your video on the man ticket for that over at bit.ly/candellights2025. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. It was, I don't know, I want to speak for you guys, but Travis and Griffin loved it. - Yeah, okay, wow, okay. It was, let me, let me lay this out for you guys so you know what you're getting. First of all, like two and a half hours of show, it's still available. You go get it, you go get your VOD right now. A December 19th at nine p.m., it's gonna go live. - There was a new medicine called Christus in there. There's some things about it, sheets in there. There was a smell-based competition. There was a lot of surprises. Cartoon, some swapped bits. - Yeah, a lot of good stuff. - It was a lot of good stuff. - I highly recommend go to bit.ly/candellights2025. The video on demand premieres December 19th at nine p.m. Eastern time, we will be in the chat talking through it. That video on demand is available through January 4th. There's bonus behind the scenes footage, all the benefits from the sales on that and from the show in general. and are going to Harmony House, which seeks to end homelessness in Huntington. It's truly, truly a great organization, and I think a show you're really gonna enjoy. Bit.ly/candlemines 2025. - Thank you so much to Montagne for these, for I think some of my life is better with you. It's a really, really kick ass track. Montagne's been crushing lately. The new album, it's hard to be a fish, it was my number one album, "According to Spotify" wrapped. So, it's legit, and you're gonna groove on it. Thank you also to you, our sweet listener at home. - Okay, we never do that, but thank you to our sweet listener at home. - That's awesome, dude, yeah, I love that. - That's cool, cool. - If you haven't already, go to Instagram and follow McRory Entertainment System. Our new, our new-- - We're real gamers now, and we're gonna make a video game, and stuff next year, so. - Check that out. Justin, you want to hit us with that fear? - Yeah, man, I'd love to. - (clears throat) This year, I want to live faster than my fear of underwater scenes and movies when we all have to hold our breath with the protagonist. - My name is Justin McRory. - I'm Travis McRory. - I'm Griffin McRory. - This has been my brother, my brother, me, Kister Dad, square on the lips. (upbeat music) ♪ It's better with you ♪ ♪ My life, oh ♪ ♪ It's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ It's better, my life, oh ♪ ♪ It's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ This is true, oh ♪ ♪ It's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ My life, oh ♪ ♪ It's better with you ♪ - Maximum Fun, a work-road network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.