MBMBaM 792: They're Not Drunk, They're Just Fighting

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's. It's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with two. My life, ah, it's better with you. Hello everybody, welcome to My Brother, My Brother, me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, TravNation? It's me, your middle-aged brother, Travis, big dog, wolf, wolf, vroom, vroom, McElroy. It's me, your sweet baby boy, the 3930, me, the Illuminary, Griffin, McElroy, and. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Guys, check the chyron, check the newspapers. There's no chyron? Check the, there's a chyron at the bottom of the screen right now, it says, check it out, and it says Hamnet, it says Hamnet, watch. And this is a new movie out in theaters, and it's called Hamnet, and Hamnet is about the son of a professional playwright, Bill Shakespeare, had a son, and named his son Hamnet. And so this movie is called Hamnet. It's a real guy, his name was Hamnet Shakespeare, and I. Wait, that's a real guy. I thought I knew a lot about this fucking dude, because, like, I've been in his shit before. Deep in his shit. Speak hands for me, fucking in there. I thought I knew everything about him. He's still got it. He's still got it. Thanks, man, I don't. I knew everything about this old Victorian man or whatever way before that, dark ages. He had a son? Cool, first of all. And he named him Hamnet. Hamnet, which is also cool, because he also wrote a play and called it Hamlet. Now, hold on. And that's awesome. This is what we need to talk about, Griffin, because I've known this for a while, and the thing that blows my mind, imagine. So Hamlet. Yeah. Is a real wiener who murders people and, like, all this stuff, right? Then Shakespeare's son becomes a kill. Well, no, that's Hamlet. Imagine if Dad wrote a story about someone named Groff. Goffin. Yeah. Who was a real wiener who complained all the time and was just like, oh, and, like, killed a man. I haven't seen the movie, and this is a Hamnet watch only, sort of, conceptually, because it looks so boring. But he had the son first, called the son Hamnet, and then wrote a play about a real piece of shit, and was like, I'll call him something that sounds a lot like my son's name and not the other way around. I believe so, yeah. That's not actually historically how. That's not what happened. From what I understand, he wrote Hamlet, and then Anne Hathaway gave birth to their first child. Yeah. And she says, Bill Shakespeare, tell me true now, what is. And she was holding the baby up, and she's like, Bill Shakespeare, tell me true now, what's the best thing. And she was shorn. She was shaved. Shorn. She did that again. She said, I like that look. It's not Anne Hathaway. Anne Hathaway is wife Griffin. Oh, sorry. And she says, Bill Shakespeare, tell me truly now, what's the greatest thing you've ever created? And, like, without even thinking, he's like, Hamlet. And she's like, what? And he's like. I said, Hamnet. What? I said Hamnet. Hamnet. And that's the name of our. That's the boy's name now. I would like to name, if I may. It's a family name. I've been calling him privately for a while now. Hamnet. It's a family name that I came up with, because my father used to catch hams in a net. He was a ham fisherman. And that's real. It would be as if Stanley, younger Stanley, walks out of the. The hospital, holding his little bundle of joints, and says, everyone, I'd like you to meet Spiberman. This is Spiberman, and he's my beloved son. I named him after one of my favorite guys, Excelsior. I'm drunk. I named him after him, but not really. Yeah, they said that you shouldn't name kids when you're drunk, but I called this one Spiberman, and I put it on the papers and everything. I named it close enough to it that it's very. It's very obvious, but for some reason, I changed one letter. Just so fucking wild. This is my son, Excelsior. Yeah. I haven't seen the movie. I assume it's just two hours of a man named Hamnet walking around going, oh. I can't believe this. Oh, man. Not again. Crazy. Everybody loves this play. I believe it's pronounced Hamlet. No, I. No, it's not. Yeah, no, I get that. I get that a lot, but Dad put an N in there, because he's a wordsmith or some fuck. I don't know, man. God bless Hamlet. Is it the name of the fake. Play from Something Rotten, Trav? What's the name of the fake show in Something Rotten? I don't know. Omelette. I'm kind of a John. Omelette. Oh, it's hilarious. Hilarious stuff. I just love Shakespeare. I love Shakespeare, and I love all of his stuff. It's cool that this movie came out, and it's going to help old Hamnet Shakespeare's SEO, certainly. Oh, yeah, for sure. Because now I think we're going to get a lot fewer auto-corrections, like, um, did you mean the great tragedy, Hamlet? It feels like a sequel to Shakespeare in Love, but that's only based off of the three seconds that I accidentally saw on a TikTok. And I was like, is this Shakespeare in Love? But no, it's Hamnet. Okay, three seconds of Shakespeare in Love or three seconds of Hamnet? I saw three seconds of Hamnet. Okay, I thought you were saying, like, I'm too cool for Shakespeare in Love, because I used to work at the Great Bards, like. No, no, no, Shakespeare in Love rules. I'm saying, there's a moment where Geoffrey Rush says, the show must, and then someone says, go on. And you're like, that's how they came up with it. It's brilliant. That happens in Hamnet? No. It happens in something rotten. God, damn it. No, it happens in Shakespeare in Love. They gotta stop making movies about Shakespeare, guys. And then Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks are hanging out, and they fight a big snake. No, that's Dragnet. Sorry. God, damn it. That's Dragnet, the movie, based on the TV show of the similar name. Which one? Sorry. I don't know if Hamnet is about Hamnet or William Shakespeare. It's about, is William Shakespeare in it? Is there an old. He better fucking not be. I'll kick his ass. If I see that dude, I'm gonna kick his ass. Wow. Wow. Yeah, man. Sheesh. Yeah, dude. Sheesh. If you see him on the movie screen, you're gonna kick his ass. You're gonna say, kids, stay seated. I do that. You know how heated I get, and I have real temper problems when it comes to people who wrong me, and if I do see Shakespeare on a screen, fictionalized, being played by an actor, the real guy. I will go in there and kick his ass, Purple Rose of Cairo style. Justin, I want to say that in your little short vignette of a scene you did there, were you imagining that Griffin has taken his nine-year-old and four-year-old son to go see Hamnet? I bet it's okay. I bet it's suitable for work. Both scene and vignette were very generous there, Trav. Thank you so much for that. You're welcome. Yeah, it was. Guys, I'll be honest with you. From the moment. From the moment you said Hamnet. Hamnet, I have been imagining an animated film about a pig Shakespeare. Yeah, like Spider-Ham, yeah. And guys, nothing you're saying is erasing my pig Hamnet from my mind. It's just there. I love. Justin, you're great. So, like, in my mind, he was seeing Hamnet starring Seth Rogen as Hamnet. You know what I mean? Like, that's what I was seeing. In your mind, they wanted to make an animated film about Shakespeare, and they took the name Hamlet, and they said, no, no, no, we got to funny it up. So, Hamnet. Okay. Yeah. Okay, so the movie apparently. Okay, guys, the movie starts. A written prologue states that in Stratford, Renaissance England, Hamnet and Hamlet were considered the same name. I imagine this is like a. There's no way. Return of Emperor Palpatine sort of crawl, like, hey, listen up, you funny. Hey, chuckle fucks, before you guys start busting on your podcast, you should know that they used to say these names pretty much the same way. Was Hamnet a nickname for Hamlet? Yeah, dude. Sometimes they would just swap sounds around. That's why he came up with so many goddamn words. He's a great bard. But I'll kick his ass if I do say those. I know, Griffin. I get it. Yeah, man. I work in the defense industry and routinely have to travel to military bases for my work. I'm also an avid disc golfer and love playing new courses. Awesome. A surprising number of. What? Just that's awesome that those two things are true, but that's awesome. That's cool. I bet that overlap is bigger than you think. You think so? Disc golf and the military? Defense contractors? Yeah. Yeah. I guess so. You have to travel a lot. I bet you want any common ground, right? For people that travel a lot, I bet just having something where you can bond with people. I'm also in a lot of things that fly through the air. A lot about trajectory. A lot about UFOs. A lot of. Yeah. Shorts. You can wear shorts while you do it. A surprising number of bases have disc golf courses on base, often right in the middle of everything, which presents a dilemma. Well. How do I go? How do I go out and rip discs after having these serious military meetings? That's from Desperate to Disc in Orlando. I don't understand. understand why this is a problem and not an incredible opportunity because if you're out there fucking tony stark and you're selling huge bazookas or whatever it is i'm assuming that you do i just assume it's huge bazookas or huge bazongas bazongas huge bazookas and you say jason man's and someone's yeah you're ripping zookas out there and people like how do i know i'm getting a good deal on these 20 bazookas you're selling me and then you turn around and fucking aceron yeah especially if you yell pull pull when you do it and then the bazooka goes off boom hits that disc you say pull and a 10 foot tall jason manzookas launches a clay pigeon into the air hell yeah dude yeah and you hit it with your disc and a clay pigeon explodes and you're like now imagine if that was a bazooka yeah you you yeet your disc up into the sky and someone blasted with one of these new you eat your ski and the someone shoots a bazooka blows up the disc and then they say hell yeah these are good bazookas and you say what the fuck man that was on pace for a for an ace it's been so long i can't believe you blew up my disc foul um first of all i don't love the idea that someone with this serious of a job is aware of us and i have tried to be pretty firm about that that if you do have a real profession you're not going to be able to do that you're not going to be able to do that or something serious like that i we would prefer you find your entertainment from more erudite sources i i don't like the idea that i'm influencing anyone of import yeah even subconsciously email us tell us that you have a ding-dong job yes please i make my own bowling balls and sell them on etsy like that kind of stuff uh secondly what's confusing to me about this situation is if you went to here and you started playing disc golf what if someone else also started doing that and then they wanted to talk to you about it and talking about how you were doing it and comparing it to the way they were doing it if you that's a possibility how do you even go on the boat base to begin with i assume they're not playing disc golf on top of like an aircraft carrier because that would lead to a lot of lost discs a lot of discs but 3d printers these days sure what does that mean finish no finish that sentence you can 3d no no i want justin defense not i can't believe you fucking bailed him out he was with a new disc you pop print a new disc he's my brother in print griffin i gotta back him up i know you gotta support a brother just because you're not a philly you don't have to come and rain on our parade you know filament was the only other 3d printer word i could think of i am a pla pal i i also want to say this if they put that thing square in the middle of the base they're so excited when people are using it you see that sometimes where there's like an aspirational pool table that someone has put in like an office or something and they're like everyone's going to use this and then people are like doing their jobs yeah like you would see it like in a firehouse right oh yeah there's a fire station we put a pool table in here and they can relax and do it they don't want to do that they want to say it's like when you're hosting a holiday party and you take out a tray of appetizers that you're very proud of and set them down and you expect the gravitational pull of the table like the whole mood should shift yeah it's weird that people keep talking you know what i mean you kind of want there to be like hush silence slowly turn yeah those are pizza rolls you know like that you want the moment cool party cool party actually i'm kind of hungry now especially if you bust those out in the middle like that's a good way to get over a lull or an argument oh no the politics argument is broken out but guess what i have pizza rolls okay you know travis no we're not talking about peace rules man we're talking about this called it was a metaphor man i don't know why you're still talking about pizza rolls you're really hung up on the metaphor pizza rolls i do love the idea of like you're negotiating or whatever you're talking it gets heated and you're like you know what let's just go i think things are getting a little heated let's take just like a quick 45 minutes to an hour i don't know how long around a disc golf takes person to call a phrase or the ship or the base and then we'll much like the disc boat ship base whatever it may be justin really wants there to be a ship and then this is a crazy about this ship that he imagined just like a frisbee i'm going back through the question to see where aircraft carrier can i finish my job please finish travis just like a disc will circle back okay all right that's good can you do the joke again like a frisbee because i missed it did it go over your head yes oh dude damn damn i'm operating on four hours four hours of sleep and what is the team i didn't have what is your temperature right now what's the current temperature degrees in my house my house was without power for 25 hours while it was under 32 degrees outside and i'm bringing the heat myself yeah you are dude you're an internal confunct confunction engine my rod function engine you're i'm having a great time and griffin's actually lowering his stock in his effort to compliment you griffin's getting worse sometimes i just i love that support this is not this is the opposite of a zero-sum game this is a some some i'm a therapist and i also have ibs coffee makes it worse but i need it to stay awake each day this presents an obvious conundrum often i find myself in the middle of a session sipping on my ice mocha when my tummy begins to grumble audibly i start sweating and let's just say the call of nature becomes undeniable up till now i've been white knuckling it through the rest of the session when this happens but it definitely detracts from my focus thus how can i maintain the quality of my services and also heed my bowels and i don't want to read the name of this one but i will am i a shitty therapist do you have an in-office bathroom like an attached bathroom to your office okay i was wondering how in office the center for it to originally the thing i did picture was a porta potty but i think that that might be i mean okay yeah that's cool because after they tell you something you're gonna say hmm that's oh that's a toughie i'm gonna have to step into my thinking chamber and then like you've decorated but if it's a porta potty you could make it like a tardis and i'm gonna go back to your childhood and observe like how your parents treated you i'll be right back and then you're gonna play some loud tardis noises to cover what's about to happen the justin's doing the same thing we we live we're the wind beneath your wings i can't really pull into you to get a tire changed thank you you could get if you got a big enough singing bowl you could say let's try a grounding technique close your eyes no i'm sorry you're not shitting into the signal how big would that have to be that you could shit in it while they rub it not know what's up that's a big ball brother no i'm i'm pretty sure the singing bowl needs to have its kind of form uninterrupted entirely you're not supposed to get those things stabilization well where to other it's gonna yeah it's gonna throw it off yeah i'm trying to hit that man god tone and i'm trying to vibe not the brand no i'm saying with a big enough singing bowl you playing that thing's gonna be going for like four or five minutes which is should be enough time for you to get next door blast off and get back hey if this thing starts to slow down you just gotta clang it again all right or your meditation is gonna be all up and you'll have ruined it oh man if i had a singing bowl as part of my professional work environment and skill set i would never let anybody touch that yeah man my kids would always be coming in like let me hit the singing bowl and it's like you guys don't even understand how to get the right stuff out of anything wouldn't it be kick-ass if part of podcasting was like just once in a while you're like hold on hit the same ball and everybody just had to shut the up yeah just like let the ball do it but that's cool thing i don't know if you clang a singing is that what you do with the z-ball just whack it with a mallet or something i don't think you're sp i don't think you're supposed to i don't think you're getting gong action i think it depends on what kind of music you're playing you know if it's scream metal that you're wanting to sing i think you could do it yeah could you incorporate maybe get another like therapist in the practice that you're like you can trade these kinds of favors with and you'd like slip them a text and then they pop in and they're like hey it seems like this guy is pretty well sorted um we've got a real this guy's childhood was real messed up i'm going to need you to come over here for like five or ten minutes and help me through this one and maybe bring a book for me personally personally maybe the second therapist looks a lot like you and you can get them to look away for a moment and they travel there in the tortoise and it's you for the future you guys you guys when you've already pooped you guys always bring magic into this if we're going to bring magic into this the doctor isn't magic yeah science over here pal okay well the doctor gave me a special machine and when i press it it makes the poop leave my body with a like teleportation you should probably have a therapist that looks like you in the building in case you gotta go do something that's all that you teleport that you teleport in fictionally that you okay you're gonna have them lay on the couch like i assume all therapists do but i've never been asked to and i should probably find a new therapist because i've never gotten to lay on the couch and talk and as the they're talking, you're gonna slowly turn the lights down to a very soothing level. You're gonna play some white noise and turn that up a little bit. You're gonna maybe like pump some aromatherapy in the air. Wait till they fall asleep. - Good night. - And then you can go poop. - Sleepy time. Here's that 432 hertz. - Surf, brother. - If you can somehow get the other person to poop. - Then you with scarecrow-esque brain tricks. - Will somehow be such a supportive ass. - A huge, huge ethical violation. - I'm there for you. I too will go to the bathroom. Let's both take a bath. - I'm very empathetic. - If you gotta get the other person to use the bathroom more than you, that's what the water feature's there for, right? If somebody's gonna wanna pee, it's gonna be the patient. - I actually have a set of stalls where we could continue this conversation. - Let it out, those are toxins. - Here's a professional. - I'm a bad therapist. Those are toxins, let 'em out. - Those are toxins. - I don't know how any of this works. - Here to help me is a professional illusionist, Darren Brown. He's just gonna say some words that are gonna make some things start happening inside your body, right? - But it was all your idea. But as long as you're going, I might dip out too. - Whoops, I also listened to Darren Brown. - Oh no. - Oh no, uh-oh. Damn it, he got me again. How annoying must it be to be at the mall walking and talking with your friends and then all of a sudden you just put both your hands up in the air and you look around and sure enough, Darren Brown's up there doing one of his specials and he's like, "I got you all fucking again, you idiots. "God, it's easy to make you ants do whatever the fuck I want." - This is a social experiment or whatever the fuck. - What would you do if you weren't for Darren Brown around pay negotiation time? You're like, "Darren, I think I deserve a little bit more." And he's like, "Look behind you." And then you look and you turn back and he's gone. He convinces you that you actually didn't need a pay raise the whole time. He's like, "How much do you think you're worth?" And you're like, "I don't know, a dollar less an hour "than I'm making now." What the fuck? - What the fuck? How did you? - Why did I say that? - Don't even sweat the cost of living, boss. Why are my hands up over my head? - Stop. - Stop it, Darren. God damn it. - I'm a high school teacher. Earlier this semester, I elected to cut my own hair. It wasn't that bad. - Man. - But one of my students runs a barbershop business out of his garage and when he saw my hair, he wordlessly placed his business card on my desk. - Oh! - Awesome. That's cool. - Now it's time for a cut again and after seeing his portfolio, I agreed to schedule an appointment with him. Great. However, my partner recently mentioned that for the duration of his haircut experience, I will have to figure out topics that make good small talk. What do I talk with about a student who is good at hair, but who is not particularly high performing in my class? Should I avoid topics related to school? Should I use it as an opportunity to enrich his academic life? That's from Overdue in a New Do in Omaha. - Can I just say, I love when this happens. Where like, the first two thirds of the question, I'm like, oh, I see what, I see the problem here and what the social, and then you're like, and that didn't bother me at all, but I will have to speak with them. What do I say? And I'm like, I thought this was gonna be about the hair critique. - There's some extraordinary power dynamics that work here, huh? Because you're the teacher and they are the student. Their academic life is, you hold it in your hands. But also, in this moment, they're the one sort of holding the keys. And by keys, I mean scissors. I didn't need to put as many metaphors in there as I did. - Well, you could cut the thread of their fate just as they cut the hair of your head. - Yeah, or just to put it simply, in the classroom, you're in charge, in the barber chair, they're in charge. And that's complicated, but don't undersell this situation. This is a toughie. It's a tough knock. - And I guarantee you, this student is also having some version of this. - We all think connection's a good idea until we're face to face with it. You know, until we're staring down the barrel of it. And it's like, well, I have to connect. Time to prepare for that. - There's also, oh my God, there's another thing. Hey, question asker, let me give you something else to worry about. If this was wordlessly exchanged, there was no talk of cost or price or money exchange? - Oh God, are you gonna have to negotiate price too? Oh. - Oh, I thought it was a price. - No, I'm saying that are they doing it out of the goodness of their heart as you're their professor and you needed some help? Or are they networking their business? - Trav, I will say that sounds challenging yet, but not particularly funny. So I think that you are probably right that that is a problem. I don't necessarily wanna unpack here, Trav. - I wanted to explore the bribery route a little bit because it does feel like maybe this is an extra. - I'm getting panicky thinking about having to figure out what to pay this kid, and it is not my problem. I can tell that your heart is actually racing. - So let's take that, rewind it back, and go back to there is something about someone wordlessly handing you anything that feels threatening to me. - They should, they should. A business card is one of the most threatening things to hand to someone wordlessly. - You assume that on the back of it is a number that is either very good or very bad for you. - Yes, correct. - It's a phone number of someone that can help you, or it's a number that something costs that you don't have, or they'll kill you. - Yes. - Something like that. - What if it's like a, what if it's like a cool, embossed gold sort of business card, but just like a symbol on the front of it, like some sort of like secret symbol with scissors or whatever in it, and then you turn it around and there's just an address. - Oh shit, so this is, it's like Kingsman. - It's like a Squid Game. - It's like a Squid Game Kingsman. - Yeah man, it's like a crossover. - Kings Game, Squidman. - I feel like we need to-- - Nicole Squidman. - We need to re-embrace silence, and I think that it's not something that we do a lot on this podcast for obvious reasons, I think, being an audio show and everything. - Let's try it. - No, silence is a covenant, you know what I mean? And I think that we forget sometimes that if you're sitting there thinking what to say, and the other person's sitting there thinking what to say, you're agreeing on silence, and to break it is to break a covenant, you know what I mean? Maybe we just embrace the, maybe we just embrace it, maybe just embrace that covenant of silence. - I'm gonna say something that I know you guys will disagree with. - I love that, Travis. Don't, it's never stopped you before, man. - But I've been out here breaking social norms. When I get my hair cut, I say, "Is it all right if I pop my AirPods in?" I pop my AirPods in. - That's unacceptable. I don't agree with this. - And here's the thing. - You called it exactly, Trav. You called it exactly. - I am of the opinion that they also don't wanna talk to me. And so this lady, I'm letting them get-- - Now, that is a huge guess because that's very person-dependent. There are people running around that just love to talk to people. I've met 'em. - I've been going to the same hairstylist for eight years. We've developed a mutual understanding with one another. - They understand, Justin. I can't believe in the same minute that you established that silence is a covenant. - Silence is a covenant that does not need technology to be reinforcing it 'cause that's a barrier, right? Silence, in that case, is a wall. I'm saying-- - What are you cranking? - What? - What are you listening to in those pods while you're talking? - Usually videos dissecting well, maybe, videos dissecting horror video games that I'll never play. - Yeah? - They're too scary for me to play, but I do wanna know what happens in them. - Hey, Trav, you should try hand 'em a bud next time. Hand 'em a bud. Pop a bud in there and have a share. - Pop a bud in there and have a share. - I thought you meant like a Budweiser. - No, I mean, crack a bud if you want to, but like pop out a bud from one of your ears, pop it in there, and she can be like, you know about fucking Freddy Fazbear? Cut my hair. - Cut my hair in two pieces. - This is a YouTube short. - Let's go to the money zone. - Travis, don't hide behind your microphone after fucking nailing a landing like that, dude. Do not get sheepish when you smash and swing and dunk that fucking-- - It's guilt, I can tell it's guilt. He feels guilty about the extent to which he's running the show today. - You're fucking, I was being impish. - Yeah, you're a little fucking, you're Allen Iverson hanging from the rim with a coquettish little grin on your face. You just fucking got nasty on it, dude. - Now let's go, now we're actually gonna go to the money zone. - Griffin? - Yeah. - Can I tell you my problem I've been having? - Yeah, just one? - No, just the main one that I'm thinking about right now that's really boiling my noodle. - Ew. - I signed up for so many random apps, and websites, and services, and everything. - Yeah. - I'm losing a million and a half dollars a year. - Whoa, dude, a year? - A year. - Okay, so this number you made up is dramatic, but it's also at the same time kind of conservative. I thought you were gonna go silly, like 50 million a week or something, but a million and a half a year is just on the border of believable based on what I know about your financial responsibility. - I made it up, huh, yeah. - Which is-- - I made it up. There's a number I made up 'cause it would be-- - Travis, Rocket Money's gonna save your life, buddy. You gotta get on it. Rocket Money is an app, it's a personal finance app, and it does a bunch of stuff. I would say the thing that is most frequently useful for me, and it sounds like for Travis, is that it will go through your spending, and it will find subscriptions you forgot about, like maybe you pay for twice and you forgot about it, and it will help you cancel those, help you lower your bills, help you track your spending, Uh, so, so that you can reach financial goals and grow your savings. It's a really, truly great idea, and it works super great. They've saved users over $2.5 billion, including over $880 million, which is more, Trav, than one and a half in canceled subscriptions alone. Their 10 million members save up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. That's less, though. That sounds like maybe, though, you're going to be an outlier. It sounds like on average. Yeah, because it's probably an average. Yeah, it's an average. Yeah. So huge is your waste that you might bump that average up a significant amount. That would be amazing. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions, Travis. Please, Jesus, I'm worried about you. I'm worried about me, too. I was going to fake my own death, but I'm really glad. Don't do that. Yeah, Rocket Money. Because you know why? It's expensive. Fuck. Instead, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash mybrothertoday. That's rocketmoney.com slash mybrothertoday. rocketmoney.com slash mybrothertoday. I'm going to do that instead. I think that that's better. Yeah, cool. Hey, everybody, not for jokes. When my house lost power and it was cold outside and my power was out for 25 hours, yes, of course, I was worried about my kids and my wife and I, but we made sure to find an Airbnb we could stay in for the night where we could have our pets there because pets are a member of your family. You love them. You want what's best for them. You want to take care of them. And that's not just in emergency situations. That's every day, baby. That's every day. You got to pamper that little kitty. Yeah, I was wondering what you were about to say. I wasn't brave enough. Did you see the courage fail? I heard your tiptoe. Dude, Justin had to run to a quick errand. And so it's just me and Trav here. And we shared a moment of fear and vulnerability. That moment when I said, pamper your, and then I wasn't brave enough to say a different word about the kitty cat. But you do need to take good care of them. And Smalls helps you do that. Gosh, we need to get to saying the name of these businesses way faster, man. Smalls Cat Food is protein-packed and made with preservative-free ingredients that you'd find in your fridge, delivered right to your door. And starting with Smalls is easy. You share your cat's diet, health, food preferences, all that stuff. And they're going to put together a personalized sampler for your kitty cat. So that it can choose the ones that it likes best. And after switching to Smalls, 88% of cat owners reported overall health improvements. And that's a big deal from Smalls Food. Justin has been using Smalls for his two precious angels. They like him better. They do like him better. I think that's the main takeaway. They look great. Their coat is shiny and waxen. But I think that's the main takeaway. I think the big takeaway is that they just seem to enjoy being around Justin more. When we would visit, they used to pretty performatively display how much they didn't like. Like, they would see us there and they'd be like, hey, watch this. And then they would, like, cuss him out. And, like, say mean things. They'd be like, what? And you would know, like, that they said that to, like, they did it an inch away from his face. It's undeniable that he did. But now they, like, tolerate him. And, like, occasionally. They even show him affection. Yeah. Sometimes they'll get close to his face this time and be like, cool dude. And they'll say creepy things at him real close. Yeah. So, I guess, what are you waiting for? Give your cat the food they deserve for a limited time because you're a Bim Bam listener. Get 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to Smalls.com slash my brother. One last time. That's 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to Smalls.com slash my brother. Smalls. Pamper that. Do it. Baby. Kitty. Precious. Fuck. You'll get it. Great news, guys. Great, great, great, great, great, great news. Our hero is back. What? From, oh, sorry. I got to do the intro. I forgot. Yes. Yes. I want a munch. Squad. I want to munch. Squad. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast. It's a podcast. Profiling the latest in grace and brand eating. One of our favorite heroes of recent history in fast food advertising is back. You may remember him from the Do You Suffer From Need commercial. Yeah. He is a giant buffalo with wings. Yeah. Which is truly beautiful. I can't remember who he works for, though. He works for, yeah, it's weird, huh? No, he works for Buffalo Wild Wings. Oh, yeah. And they're in a new, a new promo. It's the first ever holiday campaign for BW3s. Not a brand that you think of necessarily when it comes to the Yule time. Is the theme of it, is your uncle in town? Maybe. Please. Do you know, this is where, that's where when we were, I was in, Cincinnati filming Till Death Do Us Blart. And afterwards I had to wait for, for, uh, uh, uh, get some food. And I had my, my pal Tim bat with him and had to take a, do an American eatery. And where did I choose? That's right. Buffalo Wild Wings. Did you go to B-dubs? Dude, I went to B-dubs. Cause that's the American experience right there. No problem. It truly is. Um, all right. Truly. Now, so we're going to watch this ad. If you haven't listened to this year's Death Blart, it's great. And the video's up on YouTube. It was an absolute treat. We got to spend some quality time with Tim bat. And Guy remotely. You ready? Yep. And that's why Mrs. Claus is on the naughty list. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Santa, you bad, bad man. Ooh, hey, this Buffalo Wild Wings pick six is a real jolly miracle. A meal for two for $19.99? Nothing better. Dude, off my wings, Blitzen. Oh, is Widow Pantle upset? Can we pause? Hey, knock it off, Antler Cloud. So this is a good time to pause. Uh, it is. It's a great time to pause because there's been like five things. One, what's a jolly miracle? It's a jolly miracle. Santa says that like it's a thing that any of us have ever thought about before. Like a Christmas, like a happy Christmas miracle. I think it's a minced oath, Griffin, where maybe he was going to say it's a fucking miracle. Yeah. Jolly is like, okay, interesting. It's a fucking miracle. It's also the entire ad is presented in a Rankin-Bass style, so we're being treated to. Yeah. It's like, I'm going to be a little bit more creative. fuzzy wings and fuzzy cokes each more decrepit looking than the last i really hate looking at these yarn versions of food guys it's hitting bad for me dude think about the mouthfeel of one of those linton sort of buffalo wings yeah are we not gonna talk about how they start it with the punchline of a joke where santa says and that's why mrs claus is on the naughty list and they're We're like, yeah, this is Ribble, Travis. She's like, this is Santa for 2025. May we? Just a rock. Okay. We've got gifts to deliver. F***! How am I going to fly my sleigh? It's not like there's a flying mythical beast just hanging around with nothing to do. You know I can't fly, right? Hyah! Oh, come on, Hank. You're scratching my sleigh. I told you I can't fly. Hyah! I can't do it. My wings are decorative. You have to believe, Hank. Believe. Oh, I'm doing it, Papa. So he's flying. Lil Hank is doing it. I mean. What's happening? I told you I could fly. Happy holidays to all. And to all, go to Buffalo Wild Wings. You heard him. I don't want my kids seeing this. Is there anything visually that you need to address before we move on? Because, like, that was a lot to take in. And it was, like, it's surprisingly well executed, I think, at least. It's adorable. Sure. Yeah, from a visual aesthetic standpoint. The thoughts are horrible. I think there's an – the thoughts and ideas are horrible, and there's an inherent sort of failure to communicate here that is inherent, I think, to the nature of Buffalo Wild Wings trying to get a hand on the holiday ball. I simply don't think it's your purview, and I don't think it's your jurisdiction. This is their first ever one. They're trying to get a leg in. Maybe they're making it a holiday thing. But here's, this is the thing, though, J-Man. There's nothing in this that is specific to Buffalo Wild Wings besides the fact that they're eating a Buffalo Wild Wings. That they're eating a Buffalo Wild Wings, and it's a buffalo with wings, but even that could have been a different buffalo wing. Maybe this will help, Trav. Restaurant. There's no other ones. I'm right there. Wingstop, I guess, and Quaker State and Lube. Is that it? There's probably others. It's a good point. Secondly, not any other Buffalo place has the first ever blind box inspired by the ads, which is available exclusively to Buffalo Wild Wings rewards members. Is it surprised by what kind of wings are you getting? Is that what you mean? They say in the release, it says the brand's iconic buffalo with wings. is brought into the holiday spotlight in a stop motion short that's styled like a 1950s Christmas special. Definitely, definitely a the story opens on christmas eve inside a buffalo wild wings where hold on i just need to double check this yeah okay yeah rudolph the red-nosed reindeer definitely came out in 1964 so like i don't know what they're talking about uh yeah hank and santa share a pick six meal for two and then they describe the the ad which is packed with humor heart and unmistakable b-dubs energy let's touch on heart let's come back to heart it's humor heart and unmistakable b-dubs energy okay i'll get i will grant you the former i will say that it made me there's an energy to this commercial that felt uh threatening and like very masculine and so i will also grant you that it does have big b-dubs energy they also showcase just two people getting randomly drunk before work and getting in a fight so i don't know i don't they're not people they're reindeer so it's the heart so it's justin then it's animals getting drunk in a bee in a buffalo wild wings they're not drunk animals came in and got drunk juice listen those reindeer were fucking fainted and i know that you have trouble sometimes sort of you know giving these places the benefit of the doubt but those those two reindeer were like fucking zooted out uh i mean uh i don't want to see this hairy food i don't blame you but like they got sodas they clearly have sodas they're not drunk they're just fighting because they're dickheads yeah a random fight breaks out between two animals in a buffalo wild wings and they were like that's big buffalo wild wings energy i like this cute hank though i like this cute fuzzy hank he's way less scary than the other guy would have to be i mean he would almost have to be to bring the creative why does santa say fuck you i don't want to see this hairy food i don't blame you but like they got sodas they clearly have sodas they're not drunk they're just fighting because they're dickheads fuck i guess is my question i need to read this paragraph because it sucks please to bring the creative to life for fans that's how it starts oh i love to hear the creative referred to like a like it's buffalo wild wings imagineers yeah yeah i love to hear the creative referred to like it's a resource in warcraft bring the i've got 200 of the creator fleash buffalo put it through the mill put it put it through the mill put it through the mill and turn it into content buffalo wild wings is introducing a limited edition hank the hall's blind box for 20 available december 10th exclusively to new and existing buffalo wild wings rewards members they specify new existing presumably it's not uh uh offered to lapsed or banned buffalo wild wings rewards members do you think there's a restaurant on earth that has a longer list of band do you think there's a restaurant on earth that has a longer list of band do buffalo wild wings have their own sort of enforcers at the like a sort of tsa face scan that they do before you come in so thorough is their band list each blind why is it can i also just say hank the halls is nothing yeah man yes hank the halls is nothing each blind box features a felt ornament that brings the campaign to life starting with the star of the show the chicken wing ornament fans will also uncover scene driven god i hate reading these words this is really taking a toll on my spirit scene driven keepsakes like the reindeer brawl and santa mid-swear scene driven keepsakes driven from this from this one you just watched turning the spot grandmama grandmama where did you get this beautiful ornament of santa swearing oh that came from a buffalo wild wing blind box on my first date with your grandfather i got very lucky with that buying box fans will also uncover scene driven keepsakes like the reindeer brawl and santa mid-swear turning the spot's funniest moments into holiday decor jesus fucking christ you guys are absolutely glazing this commercial that's because it's a cheeky reminder the buffalo wild wings offers more than free food perks it delivers more memorable rewards and unexpected delights for its most loyal fans okay okay this is where i want to i want to die like dive into this for a moment catch your breath because i can tell this is really hurting you when they talk about buffalo wild wings most loyal fans i believe that there are people who enjoy eating at buffalo wild wings and i'm not saying that's not true but when you tell me there are people who are fans of buffalo wild wings to the degree that they will not only get ornaments based on a commercial they've just seen the creative travis the creative thank you but also engage in a blind box roulette scenario box is the most insulting the blind well can i can i take the quote listen listen yeah here's a court quote um heck the halls marks buffalo wild wings first ever holiday campaign and search to remind our fans that the holidays are a great time to come into our restaurants with friends and family says tristan malene chief marketing officer of buffalo wild wings the blind boxes are the 20 blind boxes are our way of saying thank you to our loyal fans with something special it's not thanks give me 20 bucks for a fucking felt chicken wing dipshit because it'd be that you might already have you might already have you've got random thanks give me 20 bucks for a fucking felt chicken wing dipshit because it'd be that you might already have you're trying to get santa swearing because it's so irreverent and fucking funny south park humor you keep pulling chicken wings and reindeer we're all you gullible idiot at b-dubs thank you at b-dubs we're all about celebrating all your social occasions with our unique experience and delicious food and drinks hey unique weddings christenings funerals unique unique experience that's really interesting buffalo wild wings tell me why you had to shut down the buffalo wild wings at the huntington mall and run away from the buffalo wild wings re-open as a buffalo wild wings to go downtown what a great experience that you don't even want me to have yeah sucks while hank is saving christmas guests can pick sorry while hank is saving christmas guests can save big with this is a real this is where it starts to get into like are they trying to make people insane guests can save big with buffalo wild wings pick six meal it's a pick six meal for two starting at $19.99 with the pick six guests can choose two entrees two sides and two fountain drinks all for $19.99 options include 10 boneless wings the all-american cheeseburger or three crispy chip and chicken nippers pair with fan favorite fries tots or wedges want to upgrade you could swap in buffalo chicken ranch or beer cheese cheesesteak for just three dollars more $20 guys if that number rings a bell for you it should uh-huh because it's what they're charging you to get a filled chicken wing maybe in a box from a commercial made that's if i say here's $40 head to buffalo wild wings bring me 300 chicken wings or or or two reindeer fights yes honey i know times have been real tight this holiday season and our food budget is a little low but i've made an amazing investment with our last one $20 this is an investment in the accrual value of collectibles victoria now i haven't opened the blind box yet you can either but the energy off of it tells me it's cursing santa chicken wings tonight once or in 20 years eat chicken wings every night of your life derrick you've bought 200 boxes i know the cussing santa is the chase ornament i've got a system victoria as i keep saying many of the boxes are just loaded with discarded boxes i've got a system victoria as i eat bones i don't know how their system is so faulty they should be looking in the boxes even if nobody else is you have to go in bulk did you not see cherry and march go large if you buy 200 boxes you get at least four cursing santas that's where the money is i've been watching all of the youtube content creators as they've gone through their blind box system this is the meta darling don't you understand do you not want to watch reindeer fighting on the tree every year god what a dope tree if you show up and it's just covered in little tiny reindeer fights from the bw3s collection yeah i don't know man they must just stumped them into one big pallet then that was just the day i got there goddamn okay thank you so much to everybody who came out to the candle nights the live version but good news if you weren't there it's not too late you can go to bit.ly forward slash candle nights 2025 and uh still still check it totally out it'll be streaming at december 9th and i'll see you next time bye 19th at 9 p.m and we're gonna be in the chat correct right so uh yes you can still get your streaming ticket for that and that's gonna be a lot of fun so make sure you check it out yeah it's gonna be on demand uh december 19th through january 4th so you'll have plenty of time to catch it and also all the proceeds still go to harmony house uh which seeks to end homelessness in the huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs that link again bit.ly forward slash candle nights 2025 your support is really really really appreciated so thank you so much in advance over the merch store we've got a dice tray and uh dice tray bundle with balanced dice um and the 2025 candle nights poster and candle nights ornament by scott hotch and uh 10 of all merch proceeds uh this month will also be donated to harmony house So head over to MacroEmerge.com, check that out. Get some gifts, I guess, for people or for yourself. You're worth it. Yep. Hey, do we have a – oh, thanks to Montaigne for the use for a theme song, My Life Is Better With You. I'm so grateful that we're able to use that track as the introduction and out-introduction of our show because the energy and the vibe is just so choice. We've got a fear here, a final fear to take us out of the episode, and I'd like to read it. Go for it. This year, I want to be faster than my fear that there's a second cheese packet in the mac and cheese box. Because you pull the one out and you don't want to dump it. Yeah, for sure. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother, Me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. Because it's true, ah, it's better, it's better with two. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.