MBMBaM 790: Face 2 Face: Frogspotting

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three. It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like life. Ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with two. My life, ah, it's better with you. Hello everybody and welcome. My brother, my brother, main advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up Trav Nation, I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis Big Dog, vroom, vroom, woof, woof, McElroy. What's up Trav Nation, I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin, 30 under 30, media luminary, Belford, tough, McElroy. And I regret to inform everyone that I've just realized my Lightning McQueen, jumpsuit costume has shrunk dramatically in the wash from the last lightning. Or you've gotten bigger and musclier. I don't think so, man. Bigger muscles, it's possible. You didn't have it dry cleaned? I did. The idea of you bringing that to a dry, it's like halfway up my calf, man, like it went up. It didn't go in, it went up. Oh no, you accidentally, you wore Henry's. Oh, that's what it was. You may have to have a costume changes like I did. Maybe it's time for you to reevaluate. San Antonio, I hope you appreciate Justin's rocking a new steez just for you. I switched to the drive cosplay because I was informed during our last engagement that my. Which was in Atlanta, who was very mean to Justin. Very mean, because they said that when I took my helmet off, my Speed Racer costume made me look like I was a Donald Duck bounding. Paul, do you have an image of my costume? So you all can be the judge of whether or not I'm a. Sorry, it's a nude photo, so we can't actually. They censored, they censored. Well, it's pantsless. They censored it out. Wait. Yeah, so. You've lost the ascot. So this isn't very representative, but I have a red ascot. And you can actually, if you look at my jumpsuit in this picture, you can see how now it's riding up. It used to be bigger. Way high. And for some reason, Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 was on the screen. Maybe we were playing that while doing a live show? Oh, yeah, we got fucking bored and just had to crank out some combos. Yeah. Oh, well. So thanks, Paul. So I changed. I had, can I just say, a wonderful day in San Antonio, Texas. I got up. I got up at 6.30 because I had to say goodbye to my kids, and I realized, oh my God, I'm up. But luckily, it was already. It was already 85 degrees here. Hell, yeah. So I got out, and I got a little. I rented a. You know, sometimes you can rent the little stand-up scooters here in San Antonio. You can rent little sit-down guys. Sit-downs like Vespas? Like little sit-down Vespas you can rent. And it is hysterical to drive around the city because you're not allowed to drive on the sidewalk, and you're also not. You can't go faster than 20 miles an hour. Right. So it's like everywhere you're going, it's a little parade just for you. You know? Like, they get. The honking get mad. You just wave like, I can't do anything other than this. That is such a classic, like, comedy movie about just a real doofus in town who does that kind of thing. Like, oh, I'm so excited for this. And then everybody's stuck in traffic honking behind them, and you watch it, and you're like, what a doofus. Tommy Boy and his magic scooter. What a fucking goofball. I definitely ended up on some roads that I should not have been on in a little. Just on a clover turnpike. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. I'm up so high. Jesus Christ. I heard truckers like, oh. We got a baby's day out situation over here. This baby is just rolling free. No, but it's great. I went to Archie's Coffee, and then after that, I went to Vela Coffee because I just wanted more coffee. And then I drove the Vespa out to the Japanese Tea Garden. Have you all been out there? Holy shit. It's gorgeous. I got to say, your vibe. Unreal. Your vibe just now, though, was not matching the vibe of the Japanese Tea Garden. I disagree, Griffin. You didn't go. When I went, I yelled, holy shit, this is an amazing tea garden. One of the most beautiful places I've ever been in my entire life. It was incredible. And I followed that up with something just as majestic, a visit to the Wonderland of the Americas. That's right. Hey, listen. That is a singular place, guys. I loved it. Can I describe Wonderland of the Americas for you? Yes. So we've all got dying. I love dying malls. I love a dying mall as much as the next guy. Wonderland of the Americas. Our mall's been dying since it was born. Wonderland of the Americas has the guts to just not go down without a fight. So you get dropped off at the most nondescript entrance possible. You then have to walk through a hallway of four of the most depressing businesses. Literally, it's like tissue replacement, sick kid store, bone health for veterans. It's just like the sad. It's like a haunted house. It's a haunted house, but for being sad, right? And then you chuck all the way through it, and you swear to God it must be closed. Everything's closed, right? But then you go upstairs, and it's like some of the coolest little stores and shops, and everything is fantastic. But the bottom, they should rope it off or something. You know, like cask of a Montalado style, just break it off. Like, we don't have a downstairs. It's just cool shops upstairs. And then a very large. I mean, an insane Burlington Coat Factory. It looks like it was built by a fucking Sauron. What's wrong with you guys? But I had one more trip in the Vespa. I don't know if Joe's here, but Joe almost ruined the show for everybody. Travis ran into Joe before. Joe didn't know we were doing a show. Joe was staying at the same hotel we were staying at. And Travis told Joe, like, hey, we're doing a show. Come to the show. As I'm leaving, I don't have enough time to get to the venue. Oh, man. But guess what? Guess who's still there? My Vespa is parked out front. So I'm like, okay, well, I got to. To make it to the show on time, I gotta get the Vespa. This is how the Aerosmith roller coaster at Disney World starts, by the way. Yeah, I gotta get the Vespa. So I get the Vespa, and I'm like, all right, time to ride out for the show. I'm on the edge of my seat. I've got two bags that are balanced on the handles, right? I'm barely making it. And then Joe comes out, and he's like, hey, I'm really excited for the show. And it's like, oh, cool. It's nice to meet you. And then I'm like. Like, kind of joke about how I'm about to ride a Vespa to help I live, blah, blah, blah. But then I realize, like, as I'm about to leave, I'm holding a can of coffee that I have just opened. And I have absolutely no fucking plan. Like, I have no plan. So what did you do? But Joe's right there, right? Well, what I had to do, Travis, I had to chug the entire coffee right then and there, right? Wait, how is this Joe's fault? How is any of this Joe's fault? Because if he hadn't been there. If he hadn't been there, I would have just dumped it out, probably. You know what I mean? Like, or gone to a sewer and dumped it out in a sewer. So Joe held you accountable for your impact on the environment. And somehow this is Joe's fault. I would have recycled it. As Joe's lawyer, I must object, sir. As you've certainly guessed from my life choices, this is an advice show. That's better. Thank you so much, Paul. Very demonstrative. Much better, Paul. Excellent. Much better pick. This is an advice show. And we are going to. Wait, but for what era? Oh, the mantra. Thank you so much. We're going to take your questions that you have submitted to us and turn them alchemy-like into wisdom as is our purview here on the program. I don't know if you've listened before. You're vamping because you forgot to unlock your iPad again. Is that Joe's fault too, Justin? You know, it can be hard trying to carry the entirety of the show on my shoulders. If you guys wanted to do any jokes, that would leave a little bit of padding. For me to, you know, open up the documents. I went and got a massage today. There he goes. It wasn't funny. It was just nice. Go off, Travis. I needed it because I deal with a lot of stress when my brother can't open the doc during the show. That's enough. Okay. My brother-in-law refuses to go to Chili's with me. My husband and my sister, his wife. It's my favorite podcast. He is a very talented and creative cook at home, so I think he feels like Chili's is beneath him. How do I convince him that $6 margaritas. and a triple dipper are cool, and even though Chili's isn't a five-star establishment, from Sister-in-Law in San Antonio. Are you here? Jesus Christ! I've never been scared by one of those before. That's the energy of someone who has appreciated the great deal of Chili's tonight. Yes. Have you been there and received amazing service and reasonable prices? Okay, great things about Chili's, just to start off with. One thing is that Chili's has the guts to sell adult tenders, and not pretend like it's something else, and they'll put a little bit of a fancy sauce in there, like, oh, have you tried our elegant new bourbon tenders? It's like, nah, nice try. I love it, though. Thank you so much. Appetizer samplers. Yeah. No, they do those. Fancy restaurants don't do that. That's true. Fancy restaurants won't give you one shrimp in a cocktail. And another thing is, fancy restaurants will get mad at you when you get mad at them for not doing that. That's true, Griffin. They get all snooty about it. Yeah, I want the pate and the shrimp and the hush puppies. Do them all. All on one plate. That was a crazy restaurant I just described that had all three of those things on the menu. Another thing I like about Chili's, random shit on the wall. Yeah, that's fun. That is fun. You don't have to just go to a restaurant for the food, because sometimes you can go there just for the hangs. Just make a good hang. It seems like maybe the best hang at Chili's, you've got everything you need. You're like, what, Griffin? $6 margaritas. Huge. Big shit on the wall. Yeah, covered. That funny commercial with the barbershop quartet. Baby, baby, baby, baby. That's the one. What restaurants can you go to where you have an excuse to sing barbershop quartet because of the place you're at? Also, one of the few restaurants I've eaten at where I've had to be warned by the serving staff not to touch the plate that my food was on because it was a sizzling hot iron skillet. Everything is sizzling hot. They trusted me with that, though. That's a level of trust and responsibility. They gave me what amounts to a deadly weapon and said, he's going to be fine. Maybe they're just really, really hardcore into Applebee's and they are worried they're going to get spotted. You think that's crossing the line? You know how sort of protective of their turf those two businesses are. That's why you said on TGI Fridays, right there between Applebee's and Chili's. No one's ever dined at a TGI Fridays. They don't exist, actually. It is a money laundering front. But they'd be so happy to have you. Chili's is awesome because when you see it out in the wild, there's a Chili's in Austin that is like the meme Chili's. And that's great and all. We can all compare it to the other great restaurants in the area that a Chili's is at, sure. But when you're at an airport, uh-oh. Hey, wait a minute. That Chili's is looking pretty good right about now, isn't it? When that Chili's is the only option next to a Panda Express and a raggedy-looking Subway, hey, wait a minute. Chili's is fine dining in this moment. At least Chili's to go presupposes that you're just here for the food. Fuck yeah. You know, you don't need to hang around for the ambiance. You're just here for the food. Here's a bit of, like, actionable advice. Maybe try a pitch like this. You know what will be so wild and silly tonight? Okay. If we weren't the Chili's. Can you imagine? And then you get him there, and you're like, that food is pretty good, isn't it? That's how everyone who— You enjoy the food. You enjoy the ambiance. That's how everyone gets into it, man. Are you having a fun time? Here's a gift card, Todd. It's for $5,000. Let him go— Okay, before he leaves, let him fill a Ziploc baggie with spices and butters and herbs. Cool. And one knife. But just one bag. Just one— Okay, he can have four bags. Four bags of butters, spices, and a knife. Spices, fats. Salty, sweet. Knife in a bag. Knife in a bag. Knife in a bag. Butters, salt. That's three bags. If you saw some rope in there, that's like a serial killer cannibal's set-up bag. But please finish the thought scheme. The fourth bag will be empty. Okay. Because that's for leftovers. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know if you guys had stuff for that either. Travis, I have no idea where our brother is going with this whole run, and I'm really— You're also going to have an induction cooktop. So you're going to arrive, and one of you will put on the Ted from Chopped Voice, and it's going to be a good idea. It's like, okay, here's your mystery basket. It's jalapeno poppers from TGI Fridays or wherever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now bust out your spices and your butters and your knife and your empty bag for mixing. Yeah, dude. That's what it's for. It's for mixing. Oh, okay. And try to like up— We're going to like upcycle it. Like boost it. And then when the server comes by— No, that's the game. They can't see because they will be hurt. Okay, so when the server comes by— They can't see it. Their feelings will be hurt. When the server comes by and sees your brother-in-law under the table going, no, they can't. And smoke starts to rise up. And then they're like, hey, sir, what the fuck are you doing under there? This is a Chili's. He says, oh, I'm gushing up the egg rolls in a bag to make it better. So the server says, goddammit, another Chopped-style game in our restaurant? This is the fourth time today. I did say you can't be seen doing it. In the setup, I said they can't catch you doing it. So they catch you doing it. You just say, I'm masturbating under here. Leave me alone. I'm admitting the one thing that can't happen in this game, okay? If it does happen, it is seen by all participants as a failure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're secretly cooking on an under-table induction cooktop and mix-and-mush-in bag. Right, and then— There's no way. There's no way you have more to this. There's more steps? There's no way, dude. Everybody eats it. If you guys hadn't put on so much weight, I could have just said everybody eats it and moved on with our lives, you know? You guys don't always have to pull over the car for a few words. Is there a rule that the server can't see anyone eating it? They absolutely can't see. The eating? The eating that you have to see. Okay. Because I need them to be a little bit confused. The server's going to come by and see you eating your hot mush, your hot egg roll mush. If they clock it, you lose. Okay, cool. Wait, lose what? Win what? The game. What are the stakes? Did you not even pay attention to the fucking question, Travis? My brother-in-law wants to play a high-stakes secret under-table Chili's clickbait. Winner takes all, no holds barred deathmatch. Art doesn't need rules. It says right here, if they catch us eating the sloppy glop, then he loses. So fucking pay attention next time, dude. You're right. It's my fucking fault. Art doesn't need— I have a favorite local coffee shop across the street from my apartment complex. Recently, one barista started a coffee shop conversation, asking what my plans for the day were. For some reason, maybe tired brain, I decided to overshare and stated, oh, I'm on my way to qualify for regionals. They asked, in what? I said, oh, it's for magic. They proceeded to get a lot more interested and said, that's super cool. I love magic. What kind of magic can you do? Yeah, you guessed it, friends. I was actually talking about going to a Magic the Gathering event. So I just said, cards. Cards. You were impeccable with your word. You honored your first agreement. That is true. I believe the record will show I did not lie, Your Honor. I did not lie. But I said, they asked if I could show them a card trick since no one was in line. But I just said, sorry, but my backpack was in the trunk. Can you imagine if you had made the backpack appear right then? Hold on. You said that your magic was cards and then you said your backpack was in the trunk. It's cards. Yeah. Like, why? It's cards. They're in your pocket, right? They're very large cards, Justin. They're huge novelty cards. That's the magic. I juggled them with chainsaws. It's a whole thing. Anyway, brothers, what kind of card tricks can I quickly learn in case they remember and ask again? That's from I Just Want an Iced Coffee in San Antonio. Are you here? All right. Fair enough. Thank you for not scaring me. That was amazing. You may be a barn owl sitting in the distance. That's cool, too. I'm a barn owl who just qualified for regional at Magic the Gathering. If they ask you again, say, well, I qualified for regional and now I have to save my mana points for when I perform tricks at San Antonio. At State. And what do you think? How will they receive that sentence that you just said out loud? What do you think the response to that sentence is? I think if you say it with a solid enough chilling look, they'll never talk to you again. Travis is right, actually. If you say I can't because I'm saving up my mana points, this will not be an issue ever again. The problem here is I realize mana points is also a thing in magic, right? Wait, hold on. I meant more like I'm casting magic tricks using my magic points. Wait, but you're not. They didn't think you're an actual wizard from Final Fantasy-ass magic time. But they don't know how magic works because the rules of magic say I can't tell them how I do my tricks. Did you think that the issue here was. I didn't think anything, Griffin. I was doing a fucking bit. I was doing a fucking bit for our audience to enjoy with comedy jokes. I'm a grown man. I was a national merit scholar, sir. There you go. Cards. I'm trying to be funny for once. You're right. - I apologize. - The good thing is, the hard part is done because your hands know the cards. Your hands know the weight of the cards. The heart of the cards. When you hold a king ice velociraptor or whatever, like you know what that feels like. Sorry, a what? You know that just from the ink of the ice wind guy, quests guy, that like you know that card. I got a commander deck that's based around the ice wind quest guy. Yeah. Tear shit up. Like, is the trick, Justin, that you close your eyes and pick up a card and tell them what it is? Yeah. Like, you could do that if you know your deck. When you are really in tune with your deck, you don't need to look at it anymore. Like, you know the cards. Yeah, yeah. You know the cards just from like the weight and the crinkles that your uncle put in. Whoa! Hold on. He was trying to throw them away and you're like, please don't. I love those cards. Wait, why was your uncle? Because every card tells a story. Like, you know what I mean? Why is there mustard on the back of my Charizardados or whatever? Yeah, because my fucking uncle. Yeah, it's my fucking uncle used it as a napkin again. It's not all uncle related. It could be like my best friend Johnny spilled ketchup on it or whatever. So there's mustard on it because Johnny spilled ketchup on it? Every card tells a story. Whoa! Yeah, every card tells a story. I think that anyone can learn how to do tricks of sleight of hand and subtle gestures with those cards, but not anyone can make an infinite mana loop. One hit, KO, first round, knockout, some real shit. So I think you could say like, okay, first of all, the coffee shop needs to be very fucking empty because this is going to take you like 45, 50 minutes. There's a lot of setup and then you do have to execute the infinite loop. You make them draw all their deck. You have to draw your entire, it's a whole thing, but then when it's over, they're going to be like, wow, I get it, man. I would also just say, and this is what I'm saying, this is not to try to like pump you up, but seriously, like that kind of success in anything, I think people actually are interested to hear about it. Like, I don't think there's going to be any judgment. I of course would be interested to hear about someone's Magic the Gathering proficiency. You know, I've learned four or five card tricks and I've tried to learn Magic the Gathering and I can't. I think that's the magic, frankly. I'm way more impressed when somebody can play Magic the Gathering. I've played many games of Magic the Gathering and when they have ended, whether I've won or lost, I have no idea why it happened. I always think, I've got to get more into this game. Most card tricks don't require you to use tokens and track health loss and tap things. So which one's more impressive, Griffin? Definitely Magic the Gathering. Easy, yeah, for sure. Hey, try this move. Oh, I misunderstood you. Now it's on them. You could also do like slide of hand with Magic the Gathering cards and then when you ask them later, was this your card? They'll have absolutely no fucking clue. I think, yeah, it had a dragon on it or something. There's fire. Something like that, yeah, for sure. Sorry, this just like, this just came across my desk. There was a puff of brimstone and sulfur. This is just coming across my desk. I'm so sorry, guys. We do have a haunted doll watch. Um, first up, let's, uh, meet Holly the Pixie. Oh, no. Woo! I wanted to bring some positivity this time. Okay, that's cool. And I'm telling you right now, a bold like Mary Tyler Moore-esque woman in the city, fighting for her own right there. She is, meet Holly. She's an enchanting spirit known as a Pixie Fae. She has a deep connection to Holly. It just doesn't say. Holly, encourage. Holly encourages humans to reconnect with nature, showing respect for the environment, and a deeper appreciation for the beauty that surrounds us. She loves all animals and critters, and they love her presence. She brings hot into your life. Wait, what? Whoa, whoa. By the way, that was cool hearing everyone say, wait, what, in the exact same voice. She brings hot into your life by uplifting moments with laughter and positivity. She possesses a bunch of magical abilities. They don't often promise this much. A bunch? Yeah. She'll make you happy is not often a promise made by hot dogs. Yeah, sure. The first one's awesome, because her first one is animal communication, which like, peruv it. Yeah, good point. That would involve like my dog being like, this is legit. Yeah, yeah. Once we invent that helmet we put on a dog or on us to make that conversation possible, you think the first thing dogs are going to say is, holy shit, thank Christ you can hear me. All the dolls in this house can talk to me. Holly the Pixie makes it so fucking hot in here, Doug, and we're getting married. She has the ability to, she has plant growth, the ability to accelerate growth with the role of a D8. She can, as a bloom of plants, coaxing flowers to blossom and gardens to flourish. She has weather control. What? Whoa. She has the ability to influence subtle weather changes. Okay, now hold on. They're not over-promising, okay? Maybe a bit more fog than you used to. It's 95 degrees instead of 94 degrees. Thanks, Holly. You did indeed bring the hot by one degree. She also promotes natural healing. There's so much more to Holly. She's definitely one of the best I've ever encountered. Then wouldn't it be supernatural healing? She brings. No, nothing? No, that's fair. I don't think so. She brings, it's a very good point, Travis, inviting a feel to your home, and I know she'll add a touch of greatness to your life. Are you Holly's new keeper? Adopt Holly today. Keeper sucks as a title to have because of a thing I bought on eBay. Yeah. So that is Holly the Pixie. Next up. I wouldn't even call myself, like, my dog's keeper. Yeah. Alright. Next up, a haunted vessel doll, a protective spirit of a mother who lost everything. Ugh. Hey, wait, it might get funny. The name's fun. I. Uh, no. I mainly wanted to feature Marguerite. She's a devoted mother in the late 1800s, a woman who gave everything for her family. Let's see that first picture, Paul. Jesus Christ, Justin! Her life was cut short by scarlet fever, a brutal disease that took her swiftly. An eye-too-big-itis. Leaving behind ten children. The youngest only six months old, and the eldest seventeen. Even as her body failed, her soul refused to leave. Fuck! The thought of abandoning her children, of leaving them to face the world without her was unbearable. Paul, let's see that next image. Yes. Yeah, dude! I've never seen anyone do this shit. It's fucking so good. It is so good, dude. Give me another one, Paul. Hit me with another one. Oh! Oh, baby! Yeah, dude! Hey, how come she got neck wrinkles? That's fucked up. Okay. Hey, what's she made out of? This is starting to border on montage of dead wife in movie. She remained earthbound, searching for a way to continue protecting those who needed her. Eventually, her spirit found its way into it. But who's protecting me from Marguerite? Let's see. Can we see another picture of the vessel? Ah! This one's hard. Hey! You dumbfound me under the bed! Come on in! Let me show you my secret place. Marguerite is a fiercely protective spirit drawn to those who need comfort. My own daughter has asked me to place her vessel under the bed at night to keep the monsters away. I thought you were talking about Charlie and Cooper for a second. No. That would be amazing. Marguerite seems to like this role. So this is, to be clear, mommy's putting this doll underneath your your mom. The only mom you have, supposedly, is putting this haunted doll in here to protect you from the other haunted dolls. Yeah, this. Oh, fuck. No. Hey, this is a mother who lost everything and her kids are definitely not in the picture anymore. I definitely want her to form some kind of strong bond with my daughter. Yeah, man. She's chock full of raw mom energy. One day you'll be older and you'll get married and James Wan's going to have a lot of fun with that one. Let me tell you, this goat is going to freak out. The doll's going to try to kill him. This is actually pretty good, now that I say that out loud. Paul, write that down. Tim, Tim. Insidious five something. Okay, I want to. No, Paul! She's saying goodbye. Goodbye, Marguerite. Travis, that wasn't me. It was Marguerite speaking through me. Her influence grows. I should mention, there is a mystery of her purple eyes. There's an unusual purple eyes in Eerie Yet Beautiful Anomaly. At times, they seem to illuminate. That's her ass, Paul. Nice. When this happens, the atmosphere in the room shifts, sometimes comforting and warm as if a mother is near, watching over you. Or under you, because she's mainly a sub-bed sort of. Yeah, I would say the majority of the photo shoot has happened under bed. Do you guys want to meet the best dude ever? Fuck yeah, dude. Okay. Hey. Paul, no more jump scares, please. No more, Paul. Hey, let's fucking. Let's meet Bouchard, Bouchard. Yeah! Let me see my son Bouchard. Hell yeah! Haunted vessel doll sweet, Bouchard child. Wait a minute. Why didn't you guys like Bouchard? Hey, let me tell you. What kind of jaded assholes are you? Bouchard's great. Let me tell you a little bit about Bouchard. This is Bouchard. From the moment he came into my home, he has been nothing but a joy to be around. His energy is light and warm, like a child's laughter echoing through the house. Everyone adored him when he was alive, he grew up surrounded by his aunt. and cousins, always tagging along as the youngest of the bunch. His older cousins would take him skating to the batting cages, and he loved every second of it. His favorite place in the world was a spot he called Bullwinkle's, a place that brought him endless happiness. I'm going to skip his death. Yay! That's not. Wait, does he have a pair of dice with him? I'll get there. He's playing some C-Lo. He's shooting some crafts. His parents had both passed over from overdoses when he was only two months old, so he never knew them, only stories and not good ones. This made him frightened of crossing over, afraid of what might be waiting for him. As opposed to most three- and four-year-olds who are like, can't fucking wait to kick it. Hey, you know, thank you for your faith so far, because you know how hard Bouchard has to deliver to make up for that real bummer of a beginning. So let me tell you this. Here, he is safe. He is calm. He is sweet and playful. He has always been a joy to us, and I know he will bring the same to his next keeper. My own children discovered that Bouchard loves offerings of Pokemon. One night, while they sat in the same room with him, he made that very clear. Because of that, he will go to his new home with the Pokemon items you see in his pictures at my children's request, since they don't want him to be without them. So, Bouchard is being said, hey, parents, I am always looking for great ways to get rid of my kids' shit. If I thought I could also box up a bunch of their garbage with haunted dolls, this is epic, lady. Good on ya. Sending away a bunch of their Pokemon cards. Also, scalpers have ravaged the Pokemon card market, so, I mean, you are getting yourself quite a deal with this Bouchard doll pickup. Just to clarify, though, in case you are buying Bouchard, items in the photos will be included with him, except the bench his vessel is sitting on, that is mine. Thank you for clarifying about the bench. Thank you, Vessel Boy, taken too soon. Hey, do you have anything of Bouchard in action, Paul? My buddy, my buddy, my buddy, wherever I go, he goes, my buddy, my buddy, my buddy, my buddy, my buddy, sweet haunted Vessel Boy, taken too soon, that's Bouchard! There was a time when we were children, and we had a My Buddy doll, and my older brother, Justin, propped it up inside a closet, so that when I opened the closet door, he seemed to spring out at me. Yeah. And I don't remember him being around much after that. No, I don't think so. The doll, not Justin. I was around. Justin remains. Hey, when Bouchard talked to the kids about how he wanted Pokemon cards, I'm just curious what that conversation sounded like. Hey, what do you got? What do you guys got up there? Give me all your Pokemon cards, or I'll haunt your sister. What imaginative little monsters you've got there. If only I hadn't been killed by that stray bullet. Oh, no! Oh, no, I didn't tell you kids about that, did I? It was rough, but I did always want a Charizard, if you have a spare one. I gotta learn some new Pokemon. I love frogs, but I can never spot them in the wild. I live in a relatively damp place, so I know there are plenty of frogs around. Often, other people will point out frogs to me. When I see them, see that I'm taking photos of wildlife, and I'll get so excited to have the chance to take a photo of a frog. I'm haunted by all the frogs I know are out there that I didn't see, and thus couldn't take photos of. Brothers, how can I get better at spotting frogs? That's from Frogless and Frustrated. I fucking. Brave of you. How brave of you to finally say it. Every time I spot a frog, it feels like such an accomplishment. Like, haha, got you. Oh, but the crushing defeat of someone else spotting a frog before I do. I hate you! Oh, when they see the frog first. Or it's just a weird rock, and now you're an asshole. Or, fuck, it's a toad? Dude! Sometimes I'll bring a frog with me places, so I can set it down and be like, frog! And everyone get impressed with me at how good I am at spotting these. Well, shit, Griffin, because that was my suggestion to fix this problem. Not forever, but just some practice. practice frogs that you would bring with you, let loose, and then know those frogs there, know what they look and sound like, what their names are, and then be able to spot them with some kind of accuracy so that you gain confidence in your frog spotting ability. The movie Frog Spotting is so weird with all the drugs. Especially drugs. The hardest thing to spot is a turtle. Because when you spot it, you're definitely looking at it, and you're like, yes, I see it, but then the turtle will continue to be there, and you definitely have to have a moment where you're like, okay, I get it. I gotta go. Other animals, you get close to them, and they're like, that's enough. The moment's over. There's not a lot of animals beside turtle that I see, and I'm like, I should pick you up. And then my brain's immediately like, no, don't do that. You don't need to pick it up. But why do I have this reflex? Is it because he has. It's football shaped. I guess he's got his own little lunchbox that he carries around with him. I would also say, a turtle is an animal that I could spot, be excited, and it could be dead, and I'd have no idea. And I'd stare at it for like 20 minutes, being like, nature is beautiful. Anytime I've ever seen a turtle in my life, I think, ah, buddy, you shouldn't be here. Let's get you out of here, pal. But you don't want to touch them, because they got salmonella. Cool. Yeah. No. Your wife's a doctor, so I just assume that you know what you're talking about, man. It would be turtle. I'm also your older brother, so thank you for recognizing. We have other questions for you, from you, our beloved. Not for. Yeah, hey, can we ask a question for you? Anyways, just enjoy the frogs you see. Don't worry about the ones you don't see. They don't exist if you don't see them. Wow, Trav. Thank you. Next question. Wow, beautiful. Also, also, thermal vision goggles. Wait a minute. Wait, are frogs. Yeah. Notably, that's a really bad idea. Oh, that's lizards. Wait, cook the frogs before. What? You have to have a friend help you. Get a discreet friend to plant 30 toy frogs in the local woods. Oh, toy frogs. Have them give you a GPS. Where the fuck are they gonna find 30 real frogs at? At the fucking frog store! Yeah, man. Read a book! Frog store, dude. What, like bait frogs that you buy to feed the bigger lizards? Yeah, dude. To feed the nasty, fishy fish. I'm going fishing today, but only for really fucked up psycho fish who eat whole fucking frogs, man! That's my favorite section of the pet store, when there's pets that are actually food for other animals, but they don't know about it. Like, the crickets think they are there waiting on the right child. You know? Yeah, yeah. Now I will be loved. That one open-minded kid. Oh, look at that! They gave me a lizard to eat! Wait a second. They're looking for a kid that needs a moral compass. I got a room for this big, scaly roommate of mine. I love this guy. Hey, boys. Yeah, Trav? I've got a pretty important new development to share with you guys. Alright, man. As both the leader of TravNation and. Thank you. And the CEO of TravNation Company Industries. Oh, I didn't know about that. Yeah. We're constantly looking to incorporate brand integration. Okay. And indoctrinate more people. Right. So all the embezzling you've been doing from our company has been for. Oh my god, I'm so glad you brought that up, Griffin. Sort of. So tonight, I have a brand new segment called. Paul, can you pull that up? TravNation Industries introduces Travesties! It's Travis plus novelties seeking angelic investors. So I've got three. Is the TM there your initials or trademark? Correct. Okay. So. It's both. TM, TM, TM. Wait, isn't that what it always is? Oh, okay. Okay. I have three investment opportunities for you guys tonight. Okay. But much like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie when they were selling the pictures of their baby Shiloh to the paparazzi, I am going to take your bid sight unseen. Okay. And then I'll tell you. What I've just bought. Now, because I've embezzled so much money, you guys have accumulated quite a few TravBucks. Sure. And it is, I should state, a one-way exchange. That's so rare with exchanges, you know. Where U.S. dollars become TravBucks, but TravBucks cannot go back. You know, nobody ever comes out. They're like arcade tokens in that way. Yeah, sure. And I'm going to give you guys a chance to ask me some questions. The first investment opportunity is a food stuff. Okay. And now you can ask me some yes or no questions before you give me your bid in TravBucks for the first investment opportunity. Okay. Would this be something that I would feature on Munch Squad? No. Is it wet? Yes. Oh my God, I figured it out! No, I haven't. Is it real? Like, a thing. - Is there anything that you could exist. Yes? I've never played this game before, Travis. I'd like to at least. Is it a sauce? No. How can it be wet then, dude? Is it a liquid? No, I mean. Are you telling me what the fuck? Oh, is it a suspension, dude? How about an answer unclear? Is it like duplex, dude? I'm going to say yes, no, answer unclear. I'm going to say the plasmoid state of whatever this. A sauce is present. Okay, is it an entree? Travis, I need the foodstuffs I invest in to fit squarely into one of the three states of matter. Yeah, is it a plasmoid? And it is for that reason that I'm out. Hey, Griffin, here's the problem. You actually can't. How much do I have to bid? Yeah. So is it a commercial product that you want to sell? It's bidding time now, Justin. This is bidding time. Yes, how many TravBucks are you willing to invest? How many do I have? You maniac? Yeah. 500. Okay. 500 feels right to me. 500,000. Hey, Juice. Babe, how many TravBucks is it okay for me to spend? I know, I know. They're supposed to be for the girls' college. Hopefully TravNation University will be closed by then. Okay. Yeah, all right. Thank you. 5,000 TravBucks. Okay. 4,999 TravBucks. Okay, let's see what you've invested in. New beef Travioli. Okay. Kids love that it comes in a can. Parents love that it is edible. With twice the schlork sound that the leading competitor when bored from a height contains absolutely zero, Travis. That's great. Wow. Wow. Do you want to increase your bids? Fuck no, man. I'm actually an investor in Cup O' Noodles, and I can't actually have competing products on store shelves. You understand. I do. Also, this sounds gross. I would like to reduce my bid, please, because Wait, you can't reduce. I would like to at this point, now that I know more, reduce, because I feel like the fact that it doesn't contain any Travis. Well, there's an asterisk there. That is true. Okay, yeah, you're right. Awesome. Because everything has a little Travis in it. With the way that, like, Dust and Star Stuff and shit work. Last Breath of Julius Caesar, etc. Okay, our second investment opportunity is a household good. Is it wet? No. Is it dry? Yes. Okay. Is it a powder? No. Because sticky is half wet and half dry. It's a household good product. Is it for cleaning? Yes. Is it poison? No. Toxic? No. Purple? No. Green? No. Red? Orange? No. Blue? No. White? Glass cleaner. Gray? No. Clear? Yes. Edible? Clear? No. Gray? Yes. It's gray, Juice. It's gray? We're ready for your bids. Wait, no! You can't just say! I just gave you so many fucking questions! If there's a limited number of questions, that information needs to be. If I knew there was a limited number of questions, I wouldn't have sang Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat up here. Clearly, Trav, $5,000 on the gray thing that's dry. We don't accept dollars. $5,000 to Trav Bucks on the dry, gray household thing. I'm gonna say $30 because I really. I'm gonna say $300,000 Trav Bucks. Is that the exchange rate? No! I did the conversion in my head. Sorry, I have to do the conversion in my head. Okay, let's see that product. The Trav Can. I was right. Loves to eat your garbage. No questions asked. Totally judgment-free. Motion-activated, real-time talk action with mmm, yummy trash, and that's a totally normal thing to throw away, and I turn trash into jokes. That one's. I think it sucks that I have to be up here, and because I'm a paid professional, I'm forced to bear witness to something I would cook away so fast from on Tumblr that it would make your head spin. You don't want to throw trash in my mouth? Look, my mouth is the lid. My mouth opens just for the trash. You understand, like, I've already engaged with this mentally more than I would ever in my entire life. Trav, I'm dying. You see what happens, right? My mouth opens and says, yummy trash. Hey, you got your laugh, right, man? You got your laugh? I'm doing one more dollar than Justin did. I love this product. I think it's funny. I think kids will like it a lot. Hey, Travis, it makes complete sense! If the next one is just this on a toilet, I'm walking off the stage, dude. I'm gonna do that either way because it'll be the end of Act 1, but still. Okay, let's go to our third and final investment opportunity. This is an online course. Is it wet? No. It's not wet. If you missed. Is it dry? Yeah. Is it taught by you? Yeah. It's a class. Yeah. It's an online course. It's a dry online course. Yeah, yeah. If you can imagine such a thing. Do you teach podcast? No. Okay. We already wrote a book about that. That's true. Don't tell them our secret, Travis. That's our private book. Our private book. Our secret diary. For friends and family only. That's our vanity book. I bet that's the game. Five million Trav bucks on this. Okay. Six million. God damn it. You're so good at this game, James. Let's see it, Paul. This is the Trav wife. Online course. We'll teach you how to pick up and quickly abandon all kinds of usual hobbies. The worst thing I've ever seen, Travis. Officially clean the house by hiding seven closets and cabinets. Please your husband the Travis way. If you're not taking a picture of this image, if it's up to me, it'll never be seen again. So make sure you get it recorded for posterity, please. This looks like the. Look for all of these things on your shelf on the internet. I think the Oak Ridge Boys finally done. Fell off. If you have questions that you'd like us to answer and you would want to come down to the mic and talk with us about it, you can email live at mbmbam.com. Try to keep it short. Try to keep it tight. Those are usually the best ones for a live setting. Yeah, the instructions should be up on the screen, but we're going to take a quick break and we'll be back after the intermission and we'll see you guys in a bit. Hello, my friends. This is Griffin. I'm so thankful for you this week of extraordinary gratitude. I want to tell you about our sponsors this week. We got Aura Frames on the docket. Aura Frames is a great time to talk about Aura Frames because Aura Frames is a really great present, a really great gift for a lot of different sort of people categories you might have in your life. I'm talking about Peepaw, Meemaw, Jeejaw, Grigraw, all them folks. Parents, grandparents, extended family members, loved ones who live from afar, who you want to keep up to date on what you and your family or whatever looks like. You can do that so easily with Aura Frames. They are a premier digital picture frame. You download the Aura app. You connect to Wi-Fi. It takes like two minutes to set up and then you can change photos. You can upload photos to other people's galleries with their permission obviously and it's so easy to keep people in the loop on what you got going on in your life with a really beautiful looking digital picture frame from Aura Frames. We've given them out as gifts to a lot of people and it's always a hit because even if they're not the most tech savvy person in the world, you can help manage that yourself. For a limited time, visit AuraFrames.com and get $45 off Aura's best-selling Carver Mat frame. Name number one by Wirecutter by using promo code MYBROTHER at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-FRAMES.COM promo code MYBROTHER. This exclusive Black Friday, Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year so order now before it ends. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Also want to tell you about Factor Meals. This time of year is a shit show for everyone. There's like a hundred holidays that all happen basically all at once and work is so crazy right now. You gotta make sure that you're eating good stuff and Factor's gonna help you do that. They've got chef prep dietician approved meals that are designed to make it easy to stay on track and enjoy something comforting and delicious no matter how hectic the season gets. You can choose from a bunch of different meal options, premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost. There's Asian inspired meals with bold flavors influenced by China, Thailand, and more. Just on the menu this week, there's a potato leek mash and grilled chicken with roasted corn and zucchinis saute. That looks gorgeous. A smoky gouda macaroni and shredded beef with parmesan buttered green beans. Yum yum, don't mind if I do. Everything I've gotten from Factor has been really really great and super super quick to get ready and make me feel like I'm eating like a person and that's important to me. Eat smart at factormeals.com slash brother50 off and use code brother50 off to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. That's code brother50 off at factormeals.com for 50% off your first box, plus free breakfast for one year get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with factor offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase also want to tell you we got some stuff coming up as you know every american thanksgiving the three of us with our good friends tim and guy from the worst idea of all time are our honorary brethren from new zealand get together to watch a little film called paul blart mall cop 2 this is the if i'm not mistaken the 10th year that we've done it but our 11th watch and that takes us a while to kind of unpack in the watch uh there's also a pretty high concept and i will say costly prank style thing that happens this year uh that i think really sets it apart i'm not going to talk anymore about you know what the quality of the watch was this year but if you've seen the movie or heard us talk about it before i mean you know what to expect it's the boys we're talking about pbmc2 and that comes out uh on on thursday on on thanksgiving uh so you can check that out also candle nights is coming up very very soon december 6 we're going to be performing at the keith alby theater in huntington west virginia our hometown uh for our our annual candle night show it's been a while since we've done one in person uh but we are very very excited to to be putting it back on in huntington this year uh it is going to be a a sort of a variety styled show not exactly a a live mbim bam but a lot of sort of mbim bam uh uh segments some clubhouse stuff everyone in the fam's getting a hand on the ball and it's going to be a good time and uh all of the the proceeds from the show are going to benefit harmony house which is an amazing organization in our hometown of huntington that uh works to end homelessness by providing countless supportive uh services to people experiencing homelessness uh it is a great organization and it's going to be a great organization and it's going to be a great organization and we are really honored to to be able to partner with them and help them out and you can help them out too by coming to the show if you can't make it to huntington we're also going to be putting uh a video up of the of the show on december 19th uh you can get live tickets or those video on demand tickets uh over at bit.ly slash candle nights 2025 uh there's also some new merch in the merch store including some candle nights merch and some paul blart mall cop to uh tell death to us blart merch uh and and that's all at bit.ly and we'll see you next time on the show at mackroymerch.com so go check that out also enjoy the rest of the live show we will be back with a new episode next week uh so keep it locked and uh have have a have a great holiday if you choose to celebrate that and uh we'll talk to you soon bye we're gonna we're gonna take things uh to you all now we're gonna call some folks down to the microphone that we have if we can get some house lights up a little bit just to help with navigation you three sitting in front of it so sorry the guardians of the micro the cerberus ask them their riddles um if you all every once in a while could do the hear no evil see no evil kind of bed i'd appreciate that you won't acknowledge it but you could do it and hey while we're working on that thank you to the tobin center here for having us yeah this room is so beautiful um they were showing us some of the fancy light tricks that they can do and we told them we don't deserve any of that stuff hello hi hi hi oh i'm celia pronouns are she they he any pronouns hi celia how can we help a lot of celia heads in the audience tonight which i'm loving hard not to be yeah uh so my question is how do i keep mascots from approaching me yeah so that's chapter and verse celia the question you sent to us i am wondering what that means and my follow-up is celia have you found this to be a problem in the past or are you worried that this will become a problem in the future what's the context uh so for example you might go to a sports event there might be like a here in san antonio maybe a spurs coyote going into the audience saying uh wanting to interact with you my problem is that i don't have a problem is that i never know what to do they kind of scare me sure good instincts celia you're describing a hypothetical situation that might happen has a mascot ever approached you this has absolutely happened too many times okay yeah that's i i think if you get just right down the mouth is the key that's where the eyes are down the mouth and say don't yeah honestly i was gonna say it strong no don't not now not now look at me for real right in the mouth because what you're probably looking at celia right now on stage you're looking at three people who have done mascot work many many many times i also don't want to be there yeah you're right to be off put because they no matter how dedicated they are to the cause of the spurs um they they don't want to have an interaction probably unless it is contractually required what's hard is silly i think if you start putting your hands up like no thank you i don't want any then they're gonna make that a fucking bitch oh dude it's gonna be a video the raptor from the basketball team eating the the the person in the crowd like scary scary yeah for sure man that sounds scary but if i saw that happen wait pretty scared a person i think there should be mascot no don't leave it off a mascot ain't a person it's a video it's a big yeah it's a raptor you watch a lot of weird videos griffin we've just covered it is there a san antonio mascot that everybody likes do you all have a favorite is there like a beloved please celia i i did hear the balapeno a couple of times that makes a lot more sense i thought people were saying volcano at first i didn't understand how that could be a mascot is it a mascot i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't In an actionable way. Is the ball of peña like a ball that's also a pepper? So he's an anthropomorphic jalapeno pepper. Yes. How does that treat you? If that runs up on you, how does that feel compared to a coyote? Are we happy to see a ball of peña or are we not happy? That's so scary. I don't want that to happen. Okay, Celia, I've got you. Celia, are there any less scary? Out of curiosity, if a mascot had to run up on you, is there like one that you're least scared of where you'd be like, okay, not bad. Why am I asking you? We were specifically asking Celia. In the world, like if you were trying not to think about one Ghostbusters, which one would you make into a giant monster? Like which one do you like? Oh, truthfully in my heart, they all kind of freak me out. I did hear H-E-Buddy, H-E-Buddy, I guess. H-E-Buddy? H-E-Buddy? Okay. Celia, I got your back here. You ready? Yes. They have shit peripheral vision. Yeah. If you, they have like a 15 degree wide cone. Stay out the cone. You move to the left or the right, they don't fucking know you exist. Fucking slice the pie, Celia. You will not get clocked, I guarantee you. Yeah. You could shove children in front of you. You could duck down six inches and they'll just lose you completely. They'll look around and go off to the next row. I hope that helps, Celia. Does that help you? Yeah, that was perfect. Thank you. Thank you so much. What's H-E, Griff, what's H-E-Buddy look like? H-E, what's H, can we get a picture of H-E-Buddy on the screen? I gotta get to H-E-B-D-S-M cereal. Okay. We'll get H-E-B, H-E-Buddy isn't in the house tonight. We're not gonna bring H-E-Buddy out. That would be so cool. Uh, hello. Hello. Hi. Whoa. Um, hi, I'm Sandy. Hi, Sandy. P.M. Hi. And my question, I'm just gonna read it, is. Please do. How do I explain to servers at Mexican restaurants that I might order something besides H-E-B-D-S-M? Besides tacos, when they see my taco time knuckle tattoos, without it being a huge letdown. Sammy, can I tell you what I'm dying to know? Can you show me the orientation? Yeah. What time is it, guys? Is it, is it, I'm trying to see from here, but I don't have good vision. Is it taco time, how is it? Taco time. Time. That's usually how knuckle tattoos, it's not a, usually like a. Really? It's a rebus that people have to solve. I said, I gotta unscramble the knuckles. You see, if I cross my fingers like this, it's supposed to. All right. I thought this was a comedy. Hey, guys, I'm a national merit scholar. Yeah, here he goes. I know. Okay. I met, oh, Pat, I don't understand. The place we ordered from for dinner had the most outrageous chips I've ever eaten in my entire life. I think they were the best chips I've ever eaten in my entire life. I could hear the crunch from across the room. They were crunching. What was that place called? It was Taco Bell. Taco Bell. Taco Bell. Rosario. Rosario. Rosario. Unreal. So good shit. When they come by, when the server comes by, you get so excited, you look at your knuckles, maybe bash them together for a second, and then look at your watch and get, oh, so dejected. Yeah, yeah. And say, not yet. I guess I'll just have fajitas. What are you? And then you pull up your shirt. You've got fajitas time tattooed on your tummy. Yeah, get another tattoo. under Taco Time. It says like 4.38 p.m. Yes. Get up. Get a palm tattoo that says not, and then you can just kind of semaphore your orders out. Sounds good. Does it sound good, Sandy? Sandy, what's your order if you're not going to get tacos? What are you in the mood for usually? Chicken nuggets. I mean, it's all good, but usually enchiladas. Yeah. I have to assume, Sandy, that you do have an affinity for tacos. I do. Okay, great. All right, so maybe buckle in and get some tacos, Sandy. You made a commitment. You made a commitment, Sandy. That's very true. That's very true. Maybe you should order a side of tacos just for the bit. Like, just for the gag. I think it would be such a bummer to not be able to bring you tacos. Could you get a tiny tattoo that's a question mark after time? So for the rest of the time, is it? Is it? Tell them the owner said you could get free tacos with that tattoo whenever you wanted. Can you know before you go to the restaurant you don't want tacos and wear gloves instead? Like, Justin has. He's on. Yeah. I'll need to invest in some driving paraphernalia. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. It's a cool look, and it's kind of the year for it, man. Sounds good. Does that help? Tremendously. Thank you so much, Sandy. Hello. I'm Amelia Sheher. Hi, Amelia. Well, I wrote in two questions. You sent in one about a gas station visitor. The important one is. One of these is a pressing issue. How do I get this gentleman? How do I get this gentleman to stop coming in and asking for $25 delicious dollars in gas? Oh, are you okay? Yeah, $25. Say it again, please. Well, that's the problem. That's all he says. No, no, sorry. Sorry, Amelia. It's worth saying twice. He said he walks in. He's very emphatic. He says, hello, can I have $25 delicious dollars on pump one? Yeah, in gas. He doesn't just, he's not demanding money from you. Yeah. Hey, I'm the weirdest robber in history. No, no, no, no, in gas, in gas. Okay. Oh, am I calling card? I make everyone uncomfortable. I'm an eccentric gentleman thief with some overdue library books. I got to give you credit, Amelia, because the no would have been out of my mouth before I even had a chance to think about it. Absolutely not. I do not have that for you, and you cannot access it. Thank you. I mean, try again tomorrow in a less weird fashion, please. The issue is that I try to be, you know, like, have good customer service, but I can't stop myself from laughing at this person. Oh, Amelia. When they say Amelia, that's the problem. The first time that person came in, they misspoke. Yeah. They didn't mean to say delicious, because that's not a thing human beings say. No, no, no, no. He said it twice to two different people. Did they? Wait, Amelia. No, stop. Did they laugh? Okay, a lot. Wait, did the second person, would they have been within earshot of the first person? Like, did he know he was delivering it a second time? Absolutely, he did not. My coworker texted me a few days earlier, and he was like, it's crazy. This guy just came in and had me for 25 delicious dollars. Of gasoline. Yeah, of gasoline. Of gasoline. Wait. In gas. And then I was like, haha, that's funny. And I moved on with my life. And then a few days later. Were you starstruck? This guy, I was. Oh, it's him. It was a regular who had come many times before, and he's never said this before. But this time, this time, a little bit after he said it to my coworker, now he comes in to me. And first he asks me, how am I doing? And I say, good. And he's like, that's excellent news. Can I have 25 delicious? Hey, Amelia, listen, this is going to sound like a joke, and I get that, but weird things happen. Maybe it's an angel. On a scale from 1 to 10, how strongly did the feeling hit you of maybe this person has been taken over by an alien, and they're learning how to talk like a human being? Or ghosts. Maybe they aren't. I'm asking Amelia to give me an honest answer. Well. No, I thought he was human, because I have come to expect this from our customers. I didn't know. I actually. Wait, what the fuck does that mean? I don't know. Hey, Amelia, here's my thing from now on. You know who deserves good customer service? Good customers. That's true. And that's what Chili's offers you. Yeah. Amelia, have you ever. And this is. I think I know the answer to this question, but have you ever seen him eating money? Or eating gasoline? I don't know. I watched him leave. Nothing weird happened after that. I just thought. I guess he thinks it's a normal thing to do. He doesn't shove the pump into an exhaust port in his chest. Or just keep walking. You realize he doesn't have a car. And suddenly he's rising off the ground. Well, the thing about that is that I kind of overemphasize the amount he asks for. Usually it's two to three dollars. Two to three dollars? Okay, no way. Hold on, Amelia. It's a pickup truck. Two to three dollars every time. How often does he come in? Yeah, every single day. Okay. But he's never said this before. This is a one-time thing. This is killer new material. He's been trying to work up the nerves. That's why he buys so little every day. He promises himself he's going to say it. Amelia. Yeah. I think every other person in this room. This room is sitting here secretly jealous of you. This is a wonderful human encounter to have so regularly. Does that help? Not at all, but I appreciate it. Thank you, Amelia. Right on. I believe we had one more. Yes, hello. Hello, my friend. Hi, my name is Bennett. Hi, Bennett. Hi, Bennett. So, yeah. The other day I was thinking about the fact that my family has like a weird thing with three-letter names. Like dad, bomb, mom, jam. Brother, Lee, uncle, Jim, and Kay. So on and so forth. That was tough to follow. Yeah, but we get it. The point is it's a lot. I thought you were saying you have a dad named Dad. No. And I was like, oh, cool. But yeah, and then I thought, I was thinking about Lee's name and it's like, oh, shit. I have no idea how to spell Lee's middle name. Sorry, this is your brother? Yeah, it's my younger brother, Lee. I'm 30 and he's 28. And you don't know how to spell your younger brother's name. Yeah. Well, Lee, obviously, like that one's pretty simple. Lee's a slam dunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we're all pretty good on Lee. We're good on Lee for the most part. There is no wrong answer to this. Yeah. What is Lee's middle name? McMillan. Yeah. Hey. Fucking yeah, man. I get it. Wild, wild middle name. Yeah, and I was trying to think about it. It's like, ooh, I feel like when I was little I used to say McMillan. Like, was that actually a gaslighting myself now? Like to what it actually is? Is Lee here tonight? No. Oh, okay. That's what I wanted to know, too. That was a huge. No. That was going to be a big thing. And I'm safe, too, because he doesn't, like, listen to my bam bam or anything. All right. Fuck him. Fuck Lee. You walk up to him and say, hey, Lee, you think you're so fucking great that you don't want to listen to the show? How do you even spell your middle name? Guess what, Lee? I know two of your three names now. I have power over you. Hey, can I say something, Bennett? Sure. Absolutely. Crab-solutely, do not say your last name at that microphone. If you can't, you haven't said your middle name yet, but if you care about your brother Lee, you will not say your surname on that microphone. True question. Bennett is my middle name. That's what I go by. Got me again. Is your first name McMillan? No. Hey, go to your brother and say, hey, right now, I bet you can't write my middle name properly. Yeah. Because there could be, like, three N's in there. People get it wrong all the time. It's two E's, two N's, two T's. The only N's by itself is the B. But one B? Yes, exactly. That's the trick. I would have written it, but Bennett. Oh, man. I mean, this is a tough one. Getting someone to write their middle name down sounds like how you, like, trick Rumpelstiltskin into killing himself or something. Can I tell you something? With no context, I tried to explain the story of Rumpelstiltskin to my daughters the other day. Fucking wild one. At no step was I able to do it. I was like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. Were they having any part of it? Yeah, no way. They were like, wait. And the king thought, what? And he said, what to her? And then she did what? And he had a spoon? And I was like, yeah, listen, there's no part of this that makes any goddamn sense. So, Bennett, does that help? I mean, it's essentially just don't ask. No, don't. You can. Hey, someday your brother will die. No, no, no. That's the worst scenario because it's like, what do you want to put on his gravestone? Like, just an MC scribble. Yes, yes. Get it like a fancy script so you can't really tell. Or a real age stone where like this has been here since the 1800s. You don't have to wait for him to pass to get his gravestone. Our dad's already got one, which is so cool for us to go and see from time to time. Get it now. Get that middle name on there. You're in the clear. Does that help, Bennett? Sure. - Thank you so much, Bennett. - Thank you, Bennett, I'm glad we could help you so much. No one disagrees that we helped. And thank you so much, San Antonio, for coming to our live show tonight. What an incredible town. I loved it. Fucking amazing. I love this. We have, of course, some more posters for sale out in the lobby. They were designed by John Barlow. I am fucking wild about this poster, and you can get one for yourself. We also, I believe, still have some challenge coins for the Paul Soborn Memorial Can Food Drive for sale out in the lobby, which go to benefit the San Antonio Food Bank. Also, tomorrow we're doing Adventure Zone, and then my brother, my brother, me, and Austin and Griffin's driving there tonight, and we're driving there tomorrow, so I know it's drivable. Come on. I know you all could be there. We also want to say thank you to Paul and Amanda and Rachel and Clint, our dad, for helping us with the show tonight. Thank you to the Tobin Center. Wonderful to be here. And thanks, y'all, for coming to our show. We really, really appreciate it. It's very cool. And fun. I hope you have fun. I hope you liked it. We had a great time. I had a good time. I had a kick-ass time, and I want to thank Montaigne for the use for a theme song, My Life Is Better With You. It's a bop. And I want to thank that cursor for being my shining star. I genuinely do not think it's a cursor, Travis. We have to cut it every time, because there's no continuity. Hey, we've been asking you for your fears that you want to be faster than in the year of our Lord, 20 Thunder Drive. What is our fear for this episode? This final fear to leave us off. This year, I vow to be faster than my fear that Dennis Rodman will show up unannounced and throw money at me again. My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother and Me. Kiss your dad's square on the lips. It's better with you. My life. It's better. My life. It's better. Yes, it's true. It's better. It's better with two. My life. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.