MBMBaM 786: Flatman

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's the sight of something beautiful, a small quaintance has blossomed, it's rapping into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me, hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach, my life, it feels like. It's better, it's better with you, my life, it's better, it's better with you, this is true, it's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better with you. Hello everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother me an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. What's up, Travis Nation? It's me, your middleest brother, Travis, Travis Big Dog Wolf Wolf McElroy. Shit, he's doing remixes of some of your favorite classics. This is your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy, and Justin is joining us from fucking G4TV, I got my Funko Pops in here. We got a big office, huge office remodel, and folks not watching this because it may or may not be watchable. Yeah, but it's also my face. Justin's, we were zoomed out on juice, establishing shots, interior, date and stuff, Justin gets embarrassed and has to change his shirt. We're zoomed out, so the crop includes a little bit of desk. We've got some keyboard action on there. I think we're seeing the top of his monitor. This is the news station. It's like Justin's our man in the chair, and Travis, I notice that maybe to match, you've also zoomed out your own camera so that your keyboard's in it. Did you just turn it backwards? The shirt? It was very distracting, because it's me, and I try to think about if I'm going to be looking at a camera when I get dressed in the morning to see if I have pictures of myself or things that I made up. I think maybe it's just the way your shit set up now, juice is you're barreling a lot. You're giving me lots of love, Jim, how can I say what I'm doing? So the thing is, I'm trying to fucking dome, too. If I can break you guys inside the bit, okay, so I'm still figuring out the quarks of the studio, okay? You guys are down here, so do you see this blue thing? Yeah, that's you guys. And then the hoops troops, they're up there. This is helping me to remember to not focus on, because I've been so focused on you guys. That's how we don't pay you. You don't pay me. No, they pay me. What I'm getting right now is very much Justin, like news anchor, and with my things zoomed out, you can see so many plants that I feel like I'm in the field, like I'm reporting in the field. And so Griffin, I'm picturing you in a helicopter. See, for me, I was thinking I'm like the guy at the board, and they switched to them, like every, like just show them, like, doing that to like someone in the corner. Like when Regis and Kathy Lee used to like cut to their like, yeah, they would say something like, and you know who loves stinky pizza is Teddy, and they cut the Teddy in the studio, and he's not even like paying attention. He's like over there, but hit the tape. Yeah, that's me right now. You guys in fucking 8k fucking attack of the TV TV s news desk, and I don't like. I love how Griffin keeps holding out high definition feeds. There's something to be embarrassed. So it's you're so crisp, dude. I can see your vascularity. It's crazy, dude. I don't talk about my plants, Griffin. Your plants look good too, dude. But you're giving me like three three and a half K tops. Yeah, I turned down the case so that it wouldn't be overwhelming for a nation. I'm getting lost by the case right now. I can't give a sh*t out of it. The loyalty is already spiking dirty dogs. They are. Yeah, and I love it. I love my dirty dogs. Oh, yeah, you do say that privately a lot. We'll bet me and get to heaven. That's from Matt. Thank you, Travis. Thanks Travis for putting that question. This is a big swing at the beginning. Yeah, and it's not advice question. It's not the cafe we normal. No, I'm so confused by why you chose to lead off with it. I think sometimes it's nice to have a good thought starter. Matt, Matt and I, I will say what, what Travis just said is true, is that sometimes it is nice to have a good thought starter. Yeah, and now like that one is, this is a boiled down like, hey, do you want to get to the heart of morality in one simple question in a few words? Would Batman get into heaven? Yeah. This is going to say a lot, I think, individually about our views on morality. So this is actually one of the things the perks the studio does have that I think is really exciting is it's got this holy shit board that I've hooked up to our YouTube right so like I can see what Travis is doing I can see the effect that's having our subscribers and let me just take a quick look. No, it's not moving the needle at all travel. We are stuck 398. Yeah, I'm so sorry, man. I'm so sorry. No new subscribers from this bit. I'm sorry they want to hit a million so that my children will respect me even more. Yeah, I had because I have the silver play button up on my wall, but that's 100,000 subscribers. I don't think that's reflective. If we don't get to 500,000 subscribers today, they're going to put me back in the big button box. And you guys know I hate the big button box. They make me guess the button that lets me out, but most of the buttons just burn me and don't worry about just turning out the pixels that people crave. Yeah, and I'm wearing a Batman shirt, which is complete a complete happens to answer this question. So would that is still a pressing concern? Yeah, we are still going to address Batman. Okay, so we know from the movie where the boy gets gets zapped while he's on the Ferris wheel and dies for 10 minutes. That heaven is for real. Batman is debatable. I'm guessing we don't want to get into semantics like is Clooney getting into heaven. No, I think conceptual Batman, a Batman of the mind Batman. Okay. He's never murdered, but that's just one of the sins. So like you don't get up there and St. Pete's like, let me check. No murders. That's cool. Go on it. Punisher is not getting into heaven. Punisher. Why can't Punisher get into that thing? Punisher's done a lot of murders, but he's not sure is a a travel all to say Punisher's a vet. So he's a vet and I can't believe you'd say that. Have a good have a good have a good Monday. Okay, so Punisher is getting into heaven. It's your Monday, dude. Punisher's never had one impure sexual thought, even one time. Nor has anyone who wears Punisher merchandise in real life. Never one lustful idea. Even cross I will say we've seen Batman. We've seen Batman succumbed to the charms of Catwoman. Oh, yeah. Poison Ivy. I bet he watches pornography on his big computer in his bat cave. We all know. There's certain scheduled times where Alfred's not allowed to come down. Yeah, dude. So if he gets to heaven and we're I think we have to assume. Okay. The way we were raised. Thank you. We were raised back in my day. Okay, the way we were raised. What we understood is that the only way you got into heaven was through an abiding faith in Jesus Christ is your savior, right? They were way more chill than that. They were. They were super chill. They did not. They were real. You got a different. They were like, just say you're saved and sometimes saving. They're like, you're good. Go for it, man. But you don't know the content. You can say it out loud. You can proclaim it from the body of the church, but only Christ knows the contents of Batman's heart. You know what I mean? So like I can't sit here and tell you authoritatively if Batman will get into heaven because that is such a deep impersonal connection between him and Jesus Christ and his faith in that crimson blood. That was said so many years ago on Calvary. I will say just in the new studio setup has really changed your views on faith. I gotta say it's changed a lot about the energy of this show. I can't stress enough. We never push people to our video content and the audio feeds. You simply must see the vibe Justin serving right now. It's really really crazy. It's a huge power. It's a dominance play that you I was you did not want turning on our religious upbringing. If you let me finish. I'm saying is that Batman. I don't want to go to a heaven where someone who has worked so hard. Right. For the people of Gotham is not going to be admitted for why because he was a Piscopalian or Methodist or whatever the wrong team. Come on. Well, I think it would more because he punched all those people. Punch and smile got Jesus flipped over the tables. Excellent point. There was that one day where Jesus beat us and people really really I don't know they like to bring that one up a lot. I feel like you hear less about the parables and more about the timing when absolutely. really apes shit on the money lenders. - Yeah, that rule though. - I mean, yeah, but it's like the deal. He also healed people from death. But everyone just wants to talk about the time he went fucking John Wick asked nobody asked on those, on those candy ass money lenders. - You know what, I wonder sometimes about the water in the water. 'Cause that was like his crappy mountain goats cassette first tried demo tape and everybody's still talking about it. - I mean, I was like, we came and talked about wine and water without somebody being like, let me get him a little bit. - Do you think he can do other liquids and other liquids or do you think he was limited to that combination? - Thank you so much. - Probably just that. I mean, we can talk all day about how cool Jesus. - I don't want to talk about Jesus. - I don't think Batman would go to heaven because he would request to go to hell to beat more ass. - Oh, that's cool, dude. I think that Saint Pete would be like, "Yeah, Batman, come on, anything, be like." - No, send me to hell. - Yeah. - I'm gonna beat up demons. - Okay, okay, wait. If I'm Batman and I get to choose-- - Yeah. - Which I like that, I would go to hell. Why? Because of the existence of Lazarus pit. So, Ross, I'll go and his daughter Talia. - Right. - Thank you. - Right, access to Lazarus pit. - Right. - I can't bring people back from life. - Yeah. - From death, excuse me. - Two life, okay. - But Batman won't bring people back from life. Batman's one rule is he won't bring people back from life. - Yeah. - I learned my lesson. I try to bring my mom back. She's a zombie, she's so scary. She's trapped in this big metal suit. - She's the big penny, I fucked up. I made my mom into a big penny with my junk. She's my big penny, I'm sorry, I forgot. - She's the big penny, okay. What I'll say is, if I'm Batman and I know there's a chance to tell you, I'll go, or her father, Ross I'll go, is going to summon me back to existence with the Lazarus pit. - Right. - I do not wanna be pulled out of the bosom of Jesus. - Yeah. - I wanna come back from hell. - Mad, can you imagine a Batman who was already pretty scary. - Yeah. - And then he went to hell for a while. - We can't kind of a ghost writer, Batman. - Is what you're describing? - That's probably a thing. - There's gotta be, and like-- - You gotta do that in Malcolm crossover. - There's gotta be like an Alan Moore strip where Batman does go to hell. - Alan Moore's comic strips are amazing. I used to read them in the newspaper every Sunday morning. - Yeah. - And this is what it's called. - It's a funny piece, just like this, ribolo sliloc fox. - Yeah. - And his road on Mutt's was epic. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Sunday, he took Beetle Bailey in such a weird direction. - Batman gotta get into heaven though, Travis. - Well, they'll never die. Okay, that's interesting. See, that's why I was touching on the Lazarus pit. It's like, you're talking about a narrative version of a Batman that can't die. - Yeah. - Because I don't think it's most helpful for determining an afterlife, right? If Batman were to die, I think he would go to heaven because I think God would want to hang out with him. - Batman's not gonna die. You guys don't know about this, but Batman can't kill people. And so all of his bad guys, they also know they can't kill Batman. - You saw me just take Travis by the scruff of his neck and bring him back to the premise of the question and say what will happen? And then you immediately pile it on and say, no, no, no, Batman can't die. Griffin, is Batman gonna go to heaven when he dies? Or a hell? - I'm saying Batman doesn't kill people. Batman doesn't kill people so they know not to kill him. It's haunted house rules. - That's true because if Batman beyond, canonically, we get, oh man, Batman. - Yeah. - And Batman dies. It will be him trying to do one of his sick ass disappearances to the fast. It'll be somebody turning around, right? And they're like, anyway, Batman, I was gonna, and then he turned around like, where'd he go? And then they're gonna hear, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. He zip line up, that's how they'll get it. He zip line up to the gargoyle, but he didn't gargle, stop it fat. Gargoyle fall right on him, squish a Batman pizza. - Yep. - Now he's an arctic fat man. - I had an arctic fat man. - I did that arcticity. - Constantly. - It happens all the time. - All the time. - And it's a hazard of the job. - It gets a Batman. He's nervous, he approaches St. Pete. St. Pete's like, don't worry, punchins okay. And you never had a single lustful thought. - Also, the Joker's here. - The Joker is here. - The Joker also got it. - He did a lot of bad stuff actions, but his heart and his brain was very good, and we love that here. - And he kept the ties, man. I don't know what to tell you. - Joker was, he did 15%. Batman, he went above and beyond. - Yeah. - He's in, man. - He got six times. - He got six times. - All we cared about was tithing. - That was all time, that was all the time. - All the time. - All the time. - That's why he kept robbing bakes to a 40's times. - That's it. - You don't have to take care of anybody. Just tithe, 10%. I'll take care of the rest. - Batman's got to go to have a next question, please. - Is learning the yo-yo really that hard, or is it just me? I'm not one trying to, okay, sorry. There's a lot of words in this one. I'm gonna take another pass. - Okay. - Is learning to yo-yo really hard, or is it just me? I'm not one to keep trying at something that I'm not good at immediately, but I really wanna yo-yo. Do y'all remember ever being relatively proficient in throwing yo-yo? I watched so many tutorial videos, and I'm still banging my head against the wall here, please. I wanna have yo-yo fun, and also impress my BF. Thank you. - Are you gonna say who that's from? - Hmm, yep. Yo-nope in Charlotte. That's from Yo-nope in Charlotte. - Now, Justin, you had a proficient yo-yo face. Is that correct? - I like all my fixations. I got just good enough to annoy people that actually know what they're doing. That's what I would say. That's what I would, I got just enough to act like I know too much in conversation. - Yep, I could do like 10 tricks. I will say honestly, this person is probably the yo-yo. There's some yo-yo's that have a tight fix. - Oh, God. - That just wanna come right back. - Tell me about it. - No, I'm agreeing, this is not exasperation. This is me expressing frustration with a tight fix tool. - Yes, it's not frustration. That's better for looping tricks. But if you want to, if you want to do sleeping tricks, you need to loose axle to get a spin. - You need a butterfly to DNA. - Butterfly, if you wanna do like a looping trick, like you wanna catch down the strategy. - We love those, yeah. - You could mod it. - Mod it, too. - You could use it. - Mod it, extra bearings. - At some LEDs. - Fatter bearings, LEDs. - Start it with a yo-yo. - Cool, famed tricks. - That's the yo-yo ball that comes back to you all the time. - Now that's interesting, 'cause that's one of the worst ideas that you've done today. And it's because did you know that a yo-yo ball is a toy invented by Satan to challenge us? And it makes kids see it and they say, I want that and you say, cool, yeah, yo-yo ball. That's a staple in my youth, let's grab it. But what you forget is that it's a heavy plastic ball that you throw and then actually, and they don't put this in the commercials, is designed to come right back at your teeth as fast and as hard as it possibly can. It's a plastic ball you throw that then comes right for your mouth. - Oh, self-inflicted mace. - It's a mace, it's a morning star that you use on yourself. And it doesn't even look a little like yo-yoing. - Originally, yo-yo Griffin was a weapon. And yo-yo was designed to be at the top of a tree and you would hide in the tree and then you would drop the tool and you would hit the person and then-- - How you bring them back up. - Just like in Star Troops. - Just like in Star Troops, exactly. - But I don't think it was a way now. - I don't think they invented the yo-yo and the person who invented the weapon yo-yo was like, hey guys, check this shit out. Wow, wow, wow, pal, in their own face to hurt them. - Probably the first time though. - Yeah. Probably the first time. - Probably the first person to invent a yo-yo pulled off, walked the dog the first time. - It would be so cool if we never got weapons better than yo-yos and so then all war was just sort of yo-yo. - And the second amendment was like, right to bury yo-yos? - Yeah, but I think that would be better. - Yeah, Griffin, I actually do think that would be better. - Is it just our country because I do think we will be beat up. - Yeah. - Where is it worldwide? - We need all the countries to agree on it. - I can't Griffin, let's say if it's just our country, we're gonna need some very good yo-yos. - Or very big yo-yos. - Yeah, and I can't have any tight axles here. 'Cause we're gonna be-- - That would be the arms race. It's like just keep making yo-yos bigger and bigger. - Yeah, yeah. - Until eventually they're like, you can't have that yo-yos the size of a Volkswagen Beetle. You can't use that. It's a war crime to use that yo-yo. You can have like Dunkin' have its own paramilitary force that they use mercenaries trained in the art of forbidden yo-yos with two-strand yo-jos. - Yo-jos, yo-jos. - I'm gonna struggle a little bit. - Kind of talk to you guys for a second. - Yeah, let's go over here. - I spent that time learning yo-yo tricks. - And I have not done a yo-yo trick. I've not touched a yo-yo years. - I know you have one. - I'm sitting here thinking like, a younger me, a different me. - A yo-yo younger you would have gone to get the yo-yo. And say like for the podcast, for the vinyl do it. And I'm not, I'm clearly not, I'm not standing. I'm not going to get it. - Yeah, I was surprised to. - I'm not doing that. I'm saying here, right? - Now you did see it turn your shirt around. So like we know that that. - Are you afraid we'll see your back and see the design with your face on it and know that your shirt is backwards? Or is it an issue? - So it's inside out. - It's inside out, okay. - So that our faces aren't going to be as flattering. - So sorry, Travis. - The cut would be fine. - The cut would not be right. - Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Hey Justin, go get, go get your fucking yo-yo. - Go get your shirt, shine box. Okay, let me just see. I don't even know if I have one, sheesh. - Okay, this is the second time he's left. - Well, he has to get his yo-yo. 'Cause I want to see, I'll be honest Travis, we just got back from what felt like our fourth tour in a month and a half. I'm feeling a little bit worn out. A little exhausted for this early morning. - You think his yo-yo is going to really pump up. I think that we're, I think a yo-yo trick with boosom in the f*ckin' twenties. 4k like he's serving right now my fucking high bit rate my high bit rate King I can't wait to see this. Yeah. Yeah, you're gonna see it I don't even have one I don't even have one more that's bullshit, dude How do you I'm not gonna wait I probably have some upstairs? I'm not gonna go upstairs and waste a bunch of pockets Will you post it later like on tiktok or something? No, the point is like I don't what I was struggling with is like Why did I hyper fix it? You know like that's what I was angry about because you can't control where you If you could figure out how to decide what your hyper fixate on we'd be unstoppable Travis would be the wealthiest man And in the in the world. I know, but if I'm gonna have the kind of brain That has is gonna make me hyper fixate on stuff. It should it should not be humbled in my older age To make it so that I don't see got opportunities to yo-yo, you know to me like I should I should continue to want to display This this what you're describing as a hobby Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, but there's not so much guilt that I would hide all my yo-yo's It never want to look at him again. Right Travis. That a hobby. That doesn't sound like a hobby to me No, I'm saying that if what what you had was a hyper fixation Which burns fast burns bright, right? You're talking about a lifelong interest in a thing that you demonstrate and I'm looking for ashes where there is nothing. Yeah, right transit just like it was like a comment I'm like, yes, but it's my tender. He's a hurricane season. It's just it's not all of my loves all of my hobbies Live fast die young, you know, I mean, that's me. I have the James Dean of hobbies. Sure. I gotta say that Travis You really delivered on leather work. You talked a lot about leather work man when that one paid off that would hit big It was very impressive. I'm late in love that I'll never do it again. Yeah, so sad to know that's a 20/25 thing dude I know I wish I still have so much leather to use. I spent so many fucking he's got a big box of grommets That he's gonna throw in the dumpster. Yeah, the key the key time to make friends with one of us is right at the end of one of those cuz God almighty am I looking to unload do you do anybody who makes a passing interest like hey, you know I've always kind of wanted to pick up the yo-yo here's five. Here's five. Yo-yo take seven. Yo-yo's I never want to see a yo-yo again. I'm so embarrassed. One of them is better to spend these crafted from an artisan Who specializes in making yo-yos and I spent five thousand dollars on it. It's yours. Please. I think I don't know Travis that yo-yo you gave me cost five thousand dollars. Are you serious? Yeah, man Thank you, man. Yeah, that was made by my real Duncan senior. That was a Daryl dozen HDS. Yeah, man I mean, it was made out of graphics cards. So that's why it was pretty uncomfortable That explains every time I did a walk the dog a bit coin fell out. Yeah, exactly. That's why it was worth so much money I don't know if I don't know if yo-yo is extra hard. I don't know if yo-yo is like More than other things beyond your ability, but I do think yo-yo belongs to a special class of skill or activity that is difficult to practice because after you do it once or twice and you fail You feel like the world's biggest asshole piano. I can sit down at and I can play my scales until they get good And I don't feel like an asshole the moment I mess up But you drop a ball the yo-yo don't come back up and you have to spend like 15 seconds winding it I'm not gonna do that more than two or three times and so I'm simply never going to get better at it I mean, I've been trying to learn how to juggle for I mean it's been 11 years I've had juggling balls like handy. Yeah, and I can do like yeah five passes and I'm done five is crazy, dude I get I'll say that I get three and I'm like I'm juggling baby, I'm trying to get one and my brain gets so excited that my hands Absolutely trust every every single fucking time dude. Here's here's a thought. I'm juggling mama. Look at me Yeah, I'm done falling dead dead two passes. I'm juggling. I'm dead But this is when having hyperfixation brain is is a great skill because like the other day my kids got like a paddle ball game I picked it up once I was immediately bad at it, and I said oh this brings me no joy and I had no desire to Really learning it whatsoever. I thought that was gonna go I would have played with my kids I think in that case. No, then I did I just watch my kids do it and I'm like have fun guys But if something doesn't immediately bring me joy. Yeah, I don't have to care anymore That's what Marie Kondo says she said give him one shot one shot one this is she says everyone gets one shot And if not you're gone forever. I will say also the the one gag with yoos if you can do the one thing where you throw it the ground and it Stays down there for a bit. Yeah, you can do a whole fucking lot of stuff That's the basis of most tricks All you got to do is fuck around the string and not do it so hard that the guy comes back up Yeah, and then you can like twist it you do walk the dogs the same idea. It's all the same junk It's just spinning also get like a like a toothpick that you want in the cool leather jacket And now you're just doing it on the street corner and I know you're waiting for something to go down There is there an opportunity here for us to make a kind of like perfect synergistic Like hyperfixation kind of Like all day carry all day. What's that called everyday carry every day carry situation where it is a yo-yo But it's also like on one side of it is for you are really you're a tough target to bring down aren't you there Jason I can't remember the acronym for EDC gripping highly muggable over here if you needed to a soft targ good fucking life What do I have all day carry though? Yeah, I think that I'm like I can't put this down once My glasses. I think it's probably it my guilt my glasses yo-yo one side Virtual pet on the other side It's got A lighter maybe it also does a lighter and it's just like all of these like cool little Affectations hobbies fixations that you could do fidget well now because I don't you know I guess it could be a spinner if you if you want it to be but I'm thinking beefy or something yo-yo's where the original spinner Yeah, no, I know and that's why I'm saying we should get one But I guess I'm just saying there should be a yo-yo with a giga pet in it So what's what else are we doing here today guys? Well Griffin, I'm glad you asked we're gonna take a quick trip to the money zone Oh A yo-yo that has a giga pet in it that like you feed by doing yo-yo tricks is so fucking insanely Valuable of an idea. No, it's great. It's great Griffin. Yeah, I know I I'm just saying I feel bad that someone's gonna take it It's not funny. I'm you know like great ideas. I'm always funny. That's that's true That's true. That's why we saved those for the money zone. You're right You know guys called the funny zone. No, we can be we can really let our hair down and be pretty serious here It can get pretty tough to keep track of your money dollars and cents It's going in. It's going out. Where's it going? Yep. Well, you need a friend you need high I'm just a mac right paid endorser for rocket money. You need a friend in your corner Somebody's gonna be watching your transactions someone who's gonna say hey. Did you forget about the subscription? I can cancel it for you or at least try And Justin is willing to be that for you Justin's gonna be that for each one of our listeners gonna fix your business No, I'm I am sadly Announcing the closure of Justin's I fix it I fix it money all in one financial accounting services. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm on screen repair and I Scream repair Yes, Travis my iPhone screen repair and money financial guy business is down the tubes because rocket money is putting me out of business Oh, man these guys are using computers. Yeah Yeah, my yellow ledger keep track of your finances is it is utterly humiliated by rocket money's ability to Find your options you forgot about and try to cancel them for you to help you to balance your finances to keep track of where your money's going All that good stuff just Travis one time Justin's yellow ledger fell off his desk and fell open And it was completely empty and I was like what the fuck is he doing? Terrified dude rocket money has saved users over 2.5 billion including over 880 million in cancel subscriptions alone They're 10 million members save up to $740 a year when they use all the apps premium features Well, this is weird. I'm looking at Justin's yellow ledger right now And I have the moonlight reflected in the Osiris stone Yeah, and it's a bunch of names and the worth of their souls next to okay Was the Osiris stone that we were missing cancel you unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with rocket money Go to rocket money dot com slash my brother today. I'm reading the ledger now That's rocket money dot com slash my brother rocket money dot com slash my brother Griffin your names in here Yes, and my don't tell everybody my soul value because it's Embrace the three cents Yeah, man, I wish I hadn't worked so hard in that last ad because this next ad is for smalls And I'm gonna work on and you're like the biggest smalls head like mr. Smalls, but the fact is I want to talk about smalls because my cast love. It's so I have I have a much better. Would you say sals is killing you? I don't think they would want that man. Yeah, that's kind of a negative connotation. You're killing me smalls. Yeah You guys remember that? No, yeah, totally, but I don't think they they probably don't like it Like if you call your company smalls, you probably learn to not like when people say what about you're saving me smalls That's cool. You're protecting me smalls. You've you're putting your body between me and danger smalls Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So the cats love this stuff. They got smooth bird, smooth other bird, smooth pig, no matter which animal you want, smoothed up, smallest is going to do it for you. They're going to put it in, uh, ship it to you, smooth, the rice frozen. You get the amount of food you need, right? You defrost what you need. So it's fresh when your cats want it and it's ready and they really, really like it. They will bother me in the morning until they get to enjoy it. Smooth criminals. They will do that. They'll serve you criminals. You know, but all smoothed up. You know how hard it is to do two ads back to back. I know, man. Travis and I are trying to help, Travis and I are trying to help and help. I know, but it's just not, it's not helping. It's not, one of you do call the action move. What are you waiting for? Give your cat the food that they deserve. The song smooth by Rob Thomas and Santana. You're not doing a good enough job because you're just reading it like a cat food ad. This is important. Give your cat the food they deserve for a limited time because you're a mabin bandlister. You get 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com/mybrother. One last time that's 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com/mybrother because y'all so smooth and they sell your smooth bird to feed you your cat. Okay. I'm watching the subscriber count. Damn the subscriber count that. This isn't even live. No one's hearing this as we recorded. How is the subscriber count plummeting? Damn it. No, Justin, I see you there that you have a yo-yo. I didn't want to talk about it, but yes, I did find one during the break, Travis. You didn't want to talk about it, but you came in carrying it. Yeah. Well, I guess you're right. Yeah, I found one. I had one upstairs. Is that like a 10 Christmas yo-yo? What kind of yo-yo is that? This is a magic yo-yo. Magic yo-yo? Hold on, dude. What? In my way? I feel like you're trying to trick me or something, dude. No, no, no. Are you about to like try to sell it to us for a lot of money? Oh, I would never. No, I would never. He couldn't partly. No, no, no, no, no. Magic yo. Well, at least let me make it. At least let me make an offer. I can't. $5,000. You're embarrassed. Looks like you had the loop maybe sized for one of your kids. Sorry, it's a sliding loop. Why are you? He's new to this. Justin, he doesn't understand. I don't really know much about it. So look, so this is a loop, right? See, I made a loop for my finger. Oh, so it can slide. You've made a snare. I'm gonna stand up. I'm gonna try. Yeah. I will describe it. Sorry, this has been a really visual episode, but that's, I mean, Justin's new desk celebration video forward. Here we go. Okay, can't see it. Higher. Wow, wow. He's hanging. It's hanging, dangling. He's got, he did the thing and it went back to his hand. Yeah, I haven't done this in years. Make it roll down though. Make it grind on your headphones wire. That should be so dope. Oh, he's got it in the cradle. He's got the baby in the cradle. He gets it back up. He's 30. He, he, you know, he going back down. He's going back up now. Go back down. Oh, shit. He's the world's strongest man. It's his muscle. And it's back to his hand. And oh, good recovery. He, he beefed it, but then he pulled it back up. Justin, you're ready to start telling kids not to do drugs. Yeah, man. Okay, it's the cradle again. Yeah, well, you just saw the crazy again. Like it's that easy. I mean, it's just, you already showed us that one. That's the only ones I know. You got, you can walk the dog. DNA it, do DNA. Okay. The dog got away. The dog ran away, dude. Run away dog. That's run away dog. It's a cool juice. That looks awesome, man. You still got it. Yeah, imagine my relief, dude. I used to be able to do a lot more tricks, but honestly, in the studio, wait a minute. Gotta be careful. Yeah. Can't take the risk, you know, expensive equipment in there. Sure, man. Yeah. All right. So did you get out of breath? Did you get a heartburn from that? Was it heartburn or out of breath from you? Oh, yeah. Which one is it? What are you doing? Stalgia. Stalgia burns. Stalgia burns. It's your tummy hurt. My friend recently completed her first marathon. After cheering her on his spectators, my four-year-old daughter was so excited about it. She told me she was going to draw a congratulations picture for my runner friend. She drew a stack of pictures while I was busy. I grabbed the most polished with a lot and gave it to my friend the next day. It was a picture of Saturn, and it had some letters next to it, and a pretty shockingly good stab at the word Saturn next to it. Brothers, my husband drew the picture and most of the letters. I just gave my friend a picture of Saturn, my 34-year-old husband drew in crayon help. That's from doodles out into more. That's okay. That's okay. That's a sweet gift. Regardless of who it came from, it's still like sweet that someone did a drawing for someone else. I assume your friend is either named Saturn, or maybe they have a very like Saturn. They're a fan of the planet. The planet is like one of their faves. I think the problem here is that when you are judging a child's drawing, especially a four-year-old versus a 34-year-old, there's different subjective criteria that one would use to be like, this is amazing versus like, oh, you did your best, right? Yeah. And if you reveal, after they've been very impressed by this pretty good drawing of Saturn, and then you're like, actually, that was my husband drew that. It might take something away. I will say that don't judge too harshly, because I am usually trying to keep my light under a bushel a little bit when I'm drawing with the kids. I don't want them to get discouraged when they see me drawing Saturn, and they're like, God, I'll never. I'll never. Do you ever find yourself drawing with the kids, and you draw something at about three-course away through you suddenly are struck by how proud you are of the thing you're drawing. Yeah. And like, man, I hope I get a really good. I drew a kick-ass, like, healer family. Oh, wow. Yeah. And I was like, everybody stop what you're doing. Hey, look at this. Look how good this is. Yeah. I would love to be able to draw and be able to draw something other than just like a dog's face. Like a good drawer. Like a good drawer. And name a good drawer. Like, it can do a bait. Like, if you asked me to draw right now, an apple, the result would be humiliating. And that's like one of God's most basic fruits. Draw it upside down. What? So it's a technique used because we in our heads have developed images of how things are supposed to look. And so I'm sorry, as sorry, yeah, you understand that as Travis is saying this, you need to get out of pen and paper and attempt it. Yeah. I have the ink. So all. Yeah. So we get these things. It's like, you know, when you draw a house, right? Everybody starts to default like drawing or roof rectangle windows, right? Yeah. Instead of drawing what an actual house looks like because we have shorthand images in our head. And we are often trapped in those images. And it's difficult to make real things. So by drawing it upside down, you remove that subconscious bias of what things look like. And you start to actually think about the lines of the thing you're drawing, what the thing looks like. God. Griffin is about to show us an apple that is going to absolutely knock us off our ass. Yeah, we're gonna shit. He's doing it. He's doing it. Look. Oh my god. He's doing it. How do you like these apples? At this point, it's gotten to a joke because I feel like maybe he's not going to be a Justin Justin. I work hard on it. He's doing it. Good job. You work hard on jokes sometimes. But the problem is that the screen, I think it changes based on how it's like tilted. So the apple is going to look upside down no matter what. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a pretty good apple. I mean, it's really not bad. Griffin looks better. It looks better. It's auto correcting. It's fucking stop. Anus stop turning it. We can look at it upside down. We know. That's a close to the anus. Now get back from the anus. Leave that's the bottom of the apple. The bottom of the apple. It's the bottom of the do that. Turning it. The bottom of the apple is where the I don't know what the fuck's going on down there. But he's got a little like a little hole. The trap. That's really strong. That's really powerful. Thank you for that tip. Yeah. We're all we're all just like I love this being a space of self improvement. Yeah. And we can yoyo and we can draw and we can have fun and like create. I mean, we're forgotten how to create, I think. I feel like maybe that's maybe that's true. Now, do you just mean that three of us? Yes. Oh, oh, yeah. Not like America. He's not like. No, no, no. Look on TikTok. Man, people are making it. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, this man us. How about another question? I love that. I need a cilantro for recipe. So I watched at the grocery store to get some, but they were out. I'm away back home. I passed the herb garden of a local elementary school. I make this walk all the time and in retrospect, I've always noticed that these herbs appear poorly tended. You just say a lot. No, I just and are often going to seed or otherwise seem uncared for. So I reach to the friends and yanked out a clump. Is it okay to steal from children if they don't seem to respect God's gifts? That's from the Brooklyn, Vambino burger. Did anybody else think that when they were like, I noticed that these plants weren't very well tended. There was some small part of me that thought like, so I took them under my wing and I started growing them and helping them to find their. No, you just grow to grow. Big handful, huh? Because you got past it. You got big pesto plants. Well, sorry, kids. Sorry, kids. I've got noodles and nothing else going for them. So I need these more than you do. Sorry, kids. I mean, I think. I'm, I'm maybe unorthodox about this. - Oh, here's my opinion. I think if it's growing in the land. - Yeah. - Nobody owns the sun. Nobody owns the dirt. If it's growing in the land, it's all of ours. - Hi. - No. - Well, no. - Maybe if that's a little bit far to take care of. - I mean, it's absolutely deranged what you said, 'cause that means you can just go to farm and like get it. To get it. - They're not gonna do it. - No one's talking about ethics. What I'm talking, you're talking about the law. I'm talking about ethics. There's no farm guards in the scenario I'm describing. You have an armed Italian defending the cilantro. - Yeah. - If there's nobody there. - If the need is there. - If the need is there, obviously. Yeah, I mean, it should be, it should be. Yeah, no kids are gonna notice this unless it's someone's science experiment. That's a real danger you didn't even think about. - I think if you went to the cilantro farms and you were stopped by a guard and he said, "Holt, it's what your business." - And you're like, "I just need some cilantro. I want some." - Yeah. - Like a reason I bow them out? - Like a handful. I feel like they would give you some. Like that's not gonna move the needle for them. - Yeah. - You've taken such an extreme position so quickly that I feel like your brain began showing you illusions, beautiful illusions of things that don't exist. Like cilantro guards. - Don't let me be a cautionary tale people. Don't end up like me. You gotta have your head on the floor. - It was really instant too because you were like, I think, one, I think it's okay to grab this cilantro too. There are armed guards at every cilantro farm. - It become almost like a post-apocalyptic thing where cilantro has become money. - Yeah. - And like, there's a Fort Knoxville cilantro with guards. - I don't think that's the case. Like a year in town, but instead of going to the bathroom, it's cilantro. - I want to make something very clear to everybody who does not have elementary school age children. When you see produce in the garden, that is like a class project. It ain't usually the kids who are getting those buds and those fruits to come up out of the ground out of nothing. That's mostly an adult, that is mostly an adult job. There's nuance to that process that a lot of kids aren't gonna be able to handle. So do know that you're not stealing from children. You are stealing from some adult and maybe this moment in the garden is the highlight of their day. - Yeah, I bet it's also, it's interesting. You know a question I ask you. You talk about how, let me see if you see the seam. In retrospect, I always notice that these herbs appear poorly tended and are often going to seed or otherwise seem uncareful. You know what would probably discourage me is a plant tender. When people keep reaching through the fence and helping themselves to goddamn handfuls of my cilantro. - The fences. The fence is a bit of a deal breaker, huh? - The fence is rough, man. I feel like you're not contributing, sorry. I feel like you're not contributing to the overall health of the cilantro patch. - Yeah. - And maybe you are making it look even worse that it already does. - Yeah. - Take a cilantro, leave a cilantro. - Is what Justin's saying. - Yeah, or at least some seeds. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Why'd they put the cilantro so close to the fence? - Fucking honey pot. - Ah, there's a camera. - Janki, you need to watch and waitin'. - They're not learning about gardening. They're learning about sting operations. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's a plant. - I recently, I don't know if you guys knew this, I recently found myself having a CrySash in the car and stopped in the Wendy's drive-through for a pic meal. - Yeah. - It was obvious that I had been crying, but the lady that drive-through window didn't treat me any differently than normal. Guys, if people, the windows, sorry. If people with the Wendy's windows are gonna start treating people different 'cause they've been crying, that's gonna be an exhausting day for them. They can't handle that emotional up and down. Okay, they're gonna see a lot of people crying today. They can't open up a vein for everybody that rolls through. It's obvious I'm in crying. The lady that drive-through window didn't treat me any differently than normal. It was nice, but I kinda wish she had felt a little bad for me and given me some nuggets for my troubles. Is there any way I can make myself look more pitiful in the drive-through and which fast food chain drive-through seems most charitable? That's from McChairy Case and Columbus. Thank you. - That's awesome. That's a good one. That's a good one because it is extremely relatable. To, it makes me so deeply uncomfortable when someone leverages some kind of personal difficulty or hardship into some sort of goodwill currency that benefits them vis-à-vis free-nuggies for crying in the car. My fear is that if you codify that too much, then people are going to start making themselves cry so they can get free nuggets at Wendy's. - You can't institutionalize kindness like this. It has to be spontaneous. - Has to be. - The problem is it's tough to communicate with the audio of the drive-through that you've had a hard time and that you're going to need some nuggets for it, right? 'Cause I don't think you can eat. Maybe with your order, maybe it's like, I'll take a hamburger and oh no wait, that was Steven's favorite. I like chicken. - You better be like, put a little narrative in there. - That's dense. - It's a lot of chew on it though. - It's a bit dense to drop. 'Cause that's usually the one of the first things you say over the loudspeaker is like, usually it's, "Hi, welcome to Wendy's." And you would say like, "Give me just a minute please." And then you would say, "Let me get it." - Then you say, "Give me a hamburger." No, that was Steven's favorite. I like chicken. - Okay, Griffin. The idea that I would, dude, are you serious? The idea that I have the drive-through window would say, "Give me just a minute please." Are you fucking crazy? - You don't want to do that. - It's my time. - You never have other people in the car? I have to be, do you remember how that used to get? - Yeah. - In the car? - Yeah. - Apparently that's just genetic and it sucks, but I've inherited it. I can't drive through ordering, I've become the world's worst man. - You just have to blast through it. - You have to blast through it in one go. No time for deliberation. - I need everybody. I'm as I am pulling up, usually about two blocks away. - Yeah. - And the conversation begins. - You're on the bubble then. - I want, and the orders are in before I see a sign. - Yeah. - We're locked, okay. Call me Mr. Berzai. It's for Rosen. - Yeah, okay. - No, thank you, kid. - I don't want to name names, but there is another adult in my family unit who is often in the car with me and my kids. When we go through the drive-through, I don't want to name names, but she, I think, has what Dana Carvey had in clean slate about the Wendy's drive-through menu. - Good, yeah. - Where she needs, she needs to see it fresh every time. - What if they have new shares? - No, now Travis, that's you sound so stupid, dude. The Wendy's menu is always changing. If she doesn't take the time to Peruvian's house, she's gonna know about the mozzarella pretzel burger. - Yeah. - She's got another. - She's got another point, just. - Got another latest stuff. - What if Wednesday has a new milkshake? - That's my time to chat with the drive-through person. Well, she decides and tell them about all the hard stuff. - No, Jeff, she should be looking this up on her phone. - Before, before we even go, she should be on her phone looking this up. - I'll let this hypothetical person know that that's your advice, Justin. - What's the softest fast food brand? Which fast food brand is gonna give you the most for your tears? - That's the question I-- - That's the first guy to say White Castle. - No, they're two like Bing-Bing Boom. They have like two things on the menu. They want to get you in and out as quick as possible. They're not gonna give you nothing. - An Arby's? - Arby's would try to give you more. I need to be like, I actually, this is-- - They have a history of slipping an extra curly in a regular fry or some regular fries in a box of curly. - A rotational baggler, that's true. - Yeah, they're giving out freebies left and right. - I think Jack in the box? - Jack in the box. - The fun food. - And she food. They can give you a taco for 50 cents. - That's exactly it. - They've got fun shit just lying around. They'll pitch something at you if they think you're having a tough one. - I feel like Popeyes, especially red beans and rice. To me, I feel like if you ask really nicely, that's free. - Yeah. - Like if you're like, I really need-- - I'm really do super good to say. - I'll tell you when I'm not getting anything for a hard time, Taco Bell, because-- - No one's going through Taco Bell on the best day of their life. - Yeah, you're here. Yeah, we know. - Yeah, man. We know. - You made-- - We have a big graduation today. Weird. - I'm saying that at best, Taco Bell is a little reward or treat or cheer me up that you're getting for yourself. - Yes. - Right? You're at Taco Bell. You have already done the self-care for them. - Right. - This is the end of the road on self-care. - You already needed this. - Nowhere else to go. - Yeah, you're taking care of it already. - I'm trying to sit farther away from the mic just so I can be kind of like one of the boys, like one of the guys. - How's it feeling? - I mean, I'm so far from my computer that I can't read the words on it anymore. - Yeah. - But I do feel like more-- Travis, you can't zoom in now. - That's like, you gotta understand. - How far can I go? - It's an audio podcast. - I know, dude. - How far can I go? - How each-- - Listen. - This Halloween I've been doing the idea for four times new. - All right, this Halloween I've been talking with the idea of being the Grinch. Unfortunately, being the Grinch for Halloween seems like a full performance tip-to-your-round being a nuisance in other Grinchly behavior. I'm a pretty fun loving guy. So being a grump doesn't come naturally to me and I have no acting background. How can I better prepare myself for the coming days to be able to pull off a Grinch costume? Or I'm doomed to just be a boring green bummer. That's sort of nervous Nellie and Norwalk. PS, I already spent $150 on the costume. - Cool. - Glad that you included that. Seven years ago we had a very realistic wrench. Okay, remember it came out in kidnap Dwight. Yeah, and this very realistic wrench, I will say did a lot of realistic actions and a lot of realistic motions once they became the wrench. And I will say that no one liked it. That had to be near it. No kids, we didn't like it. But also grown ups. No, grown ups, nobody liked it. Very impressive. But when they would get into the full, I've been raised from childhood to be afraid of this guy. Yeah, I mean, like, it doesn't feel good. I will say this, what you're forgetting, is there are two parts to the Grinch's journey. Yeah. Yes, yes, there's the curmudgeonly grumpy Grinch. Right. But then there's the heart three sizes Grinch. This is the Grinch after you get saved. Yes, I'm saying it's a Grinch. Formed Grinch behavior. I wish the movie went a little bit longer 'cause I would love for the Grinch to after 20 minutes to be like, well, yeah. This has been fun. Yeah. Okay. That movie, if it went on for five, let's start small a little change every day. This has been great. I've lived all alone for 50 years. I need to go or I'm gonna scream. There's, if there's 20 more minutes on that movie, the movie ends with them having the roast beast and they're all having their big meal and having a great time. 20 more minutes runtime gets us. Grinch finishes his meal 'cause, oh, I'm stuffed. I'm gonna, I'm gonna get some rest, guys. I'm pretty worn out from all the Christmas celebrations, but he can't because of their Bing-Bing boomers and their zips uppers and their trubiting, their bloopers. And it's like, that's right, Miss Sleep. Yeah. Oh, oh, that's right. That's, this fucking sauce. Don't hate it. I fucking hate, I need rest. I'm so tired, that's why. That's right. I was up all night stealing your stuff and then bringing it back. I'm exhausted. I thought if you come downstairs at like three in the morning, the Grinch who you asked to stay with you as your guest is putting all of your presents into a bag. It's like, you promised me. You said you were done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the loud ones, though. You can keep the slippers and the rope and stuff. Yeah. The flinging lax and the snooze bags and all that stuff. That's all good. Just throw away the alarm clocks, right? And the Wiz Trumpets. The Wiz Trumpets. Put those in the Wiz Garbage. Thank you. Hey, thanks so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed it. We hope you've enjoyed yourself while you're listening to it. We hope you shouted some of your own jokes as we encourage you to. Do we? Do we? I mean, I guess when it's not a live show, go ahead. I don't want to train people. Is it that particular? That's true. That's fair enough. Hey, we have some new merch over at McRoyMerch.com that we would love for you to go check out. I'm pretty sure you can still get that hunger beanie, which looks rad, prep yourself for the cold winter months. Speaking of the cold winter months, we're coming back to Huntington for Candlenites, baby. That's right. Home for the Honda Days. December 6th at 7 p.m. Eastern time. We're going to be performing at the Keith Albion Huntington West Virginia doing our Candlenites spectacular. We're also going to be recording it for video, and there's going to be a digital premiere of the recording of the show on December 19th at 9 p.m. Eastern time. We're going to be in the chat for that. And all the proceeds from Candlenites, as always, will be donated to Harmony House, which seeks to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs. bit.ly/candlenites2025 is where you can go. Get your ticket for the show or for the live streaming version. And point the note, your in person ticket also includes the stream ticket. Yes, absolutely. And yeah, it's going to be a hoot. We're really excited. It's been a minute. Also, November 3rd. So I think that's next Monday. Yes. At noon, Eastern time champions grove for 2026. It goes on sale. Come hang out with us at Ravenwood Castle in Hocking Hills, Ohio for a weekend full of gaming and hanging out with people and fun events and get to meet some RPG, TTRPG creators and dress up and have fun at a castle in the woods. You can go to championsgrove.com to get all the information. One more time tickets go on sale on November 3rd at noon, Eastern time championsgrove.com. OK, this is also extremely important. If you go to I'm in a pumpkin carving competition, it continues until Halloween. If you go to givebutter.com/HCMVIPs. That's Heisen Childs Museum. It's a fundraiser for them. I carved a pumpkin. I'm currently-- and I don't want to worry anybody-- I'm currently being beaten by Tony Stroud, who's the chief legal officer at Marshall University. He says that he, in his bio, says he has no artistic ability. So if I get beaten by him, I don't need to tell you how hard that will hurt. So please support the museum. But most importantly, help me beat Tony Stroud, a stranger. I've decided to make an enemy of Tony Stark. Nope. Nope. Tony Stroud carved this pumpkin in a cave. Hey, do you guys-- Do you guys-- has Tony Stroud falls asleep with nightmares about me and his mind. Whoa. I keep in there, huh? I don't know, Tony, that well. So I don't know that you should say what you just said then, man. Yeah, maybe I do need to take that back. Tony Stroud, I take that back. Yeah, I'm sorry. You're currently beating me. So you clearly have a lot of powerful friends, and I don't want them to-- And I think it's entirely possible. Kill me. Justin is having Tony Stroud based nightmares, and he didn't want to, like, he's embarrassing. I'm saying Tony Stroud has the juice in my town to have me killed if I get out of line. So I'd love it if you would go to HCM. Sorry, givebutter.com. Yeah. Hey, your internal temp got a little high there. All right. Good to know. All this perfect timing. That's going to do it for us for this week. Did you say things to maintain? No, thanks to my team for these for a theme song. My life is better with you. It's a great track. Justin's camera got so hot that it stopped working, which is, I'll say, a flaw in the new system, maybe. Well, as long as you don't podcast for so fucking long, dude, for a different hour and one minute, man. Yeah, it's out of sight. Here's a final fear for us to read. Here it goes. I want to be faster than my fear of the ghost woman in the movie, talk to me, who sucks on a guy's toes in his sleep. Sounds pretty bad. Sounds like, uh, yes. Red spire. It's just a macaroid. I'm Travis Macaroid. I'm Griffin Macaroid. This has been my brother, my brother. Be a kiss your dad, squirrel. [MUSIC PLAYING] It's better, it's better with you. This is true. It's better, it's better with you. My life, oh, it's better with you. Maximum fun. A work-road network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.