MBMBaM 785: Face 2 Face: Freelance Body Inspector

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Old Travis insists he's a sexpert, but there's a degree on his wall. I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like life. It's better. It's better. It's better with you. My life. It's better. This is true. It's better. It's better with two. My life. Hello, welcome to My Brother, My Brother, and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog, Wolf Wolf, Vroom Vroom McElroy. And I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 Under 30, media luminary, Griffin Built Ford Tough McElroy. Thank you. I've had the worst 24 hours of my life. Lay it out for me. Hell yeah, dude. What happened? I can't even believe I have to do a freaking show. Good night, man. This sucks. That's cool. Sucks. I can't believe I got to do this. Okay, so I had a bad flight here, and this is a dry campus, so I can't explain why. But suffice it to say, I was really fucking sick. Wait, hold on. It's a dry campus, but you guys know about the concept of alcohol, right? That's why it's a funny joke, Travis. It's a sort of recreational poisoning. Yes. If you. So I did that mess up, and I felt very bad. So last night, I needed to sleep very badly, and I woke up this morning, and I needed to get some coffee, and then I went to the place where I was going to go get coffee, and I was looking around the directions, and I walked into a place that I thought was the place, and as they were. I realized it was the wrong place as they were handing me a menu and said that I could sit anywhere, and then I had to. Yeah. Obviously, but I wasn't hungry at all. It felt like I wanted to die. Yeah. The food to be around was a hell, and the smell of it was a hell for good, and I did sit down, and she said, would you like coffee? And in my head, I thought I should say to go, and I thought, let's. And I said, yes. I didn't say to go. I said, yes, to start. Yeah. And then I looked at the menu, and the only thing I really. I really liked was the French toast combo. I really should not have ordered that much food, but that is what I did order, and then four German guys came in right after, and they were in a huge rush. Whoa, cool. Yeah, and I wasn't in a huge rush, and I felt so guilty, because I didn't even want to eat the food in the first place, so these guys were like, we are in a huge rush, and I'm like, please make theirs first, even though I ordered first, because I really am fine. Yeah. I'm good, but then they brought my food first, and they called me. I locked it. Oh, no. They absolutely saw. So then I got food that I don't really want to eat, and I had to take it home with me, and then I thought, well, this is turning into a bad day in Salt Lake City. Yeah. Let me pause you right here. There's going to need to be some pretty wild twists and turns for this to qualify as the worst 24 hours of your life. I can think of things that happened to everyone in a particular day that were super duper bad. That are worse definitely than this. I don't think you're listening to the same story I'm listening to. See, Justin was on a flight where he made some bad choices, and then he went to get coffee and had to get some food to go. Yeah. No, I didn't. Yeah, no, it sounds super duper bad. No, dude, I didn't get- If he needs money, I'm ready to write him a check right now. I didn't get food to go. I had to sit down at a restaurant, and I was the only one there, and I was by myself, and I was forced to eat because of the Germans. Yeah. That kind of thing. And I came in after, and had I canceled the food at that point, it would have looked like I was doing it for them. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's not why it was the worst day. I don't think I've communicated how well. The flight, I was really sick. You were super duper sick and sleepy accidentally. But accidentally on purpose, I guess, in a sense. But then dad texts all four of us and is like, you guys want to hit this immersive Titanic exhibit? And I'm like, dag, dag. Dag. Well, this has been- Sometimes when we're on tour, our dad will text us like he's a divorced dad who only gives the kids one week in a month, but he hasn't planned for it. Every time. And it's like day of like, oh, shit, I got to do something with you guys. Do you guys like horses? It's actually always a bookstore. He always texts everybody here and says, do you want to go to a bookstore? Usually some of us do. But this time he's like, just the four of us, just me, Trav Griffin, dad, do you guys want to go to this Titanic exhibit? And I, God, it was a real waiting game there. But I leapt in first and I said, yeah, if you guys want to do that, I think it could make like a fun thing to do, maybe a fun video. And then Travis and Griffin immediately bailed. Yeah. And I was like- Now, to be fair, I had already bailed previously when he asked about a bookstore. Yes. And I said, I can't, I have too much work to go on. And then he texted about the Titanic thing and said, Travis? And I was like, still no. Yeah. And in my defense, I have a oney nose. And I am, yes, super brave for being here and continuing to do the show tonight. After I heard how you all gave it up for our dad like that, the applause feels not as good if I'm being completely honest. So I didn't have the microphones that I wanted to record dad and I for our little jaunt. I wanted to make it special. Like dad and I have never made content together before. It seemed like fun. So I went to the store and he's. Dad and you have never made content before together? I mean, what do you want? Like, no. Like the adventure zone? Like, but not, you guys are usually in that. We have to find- Oh, I'm sorry that Griffin and I ruin it. We, no, but we do have to find the special dad and Justin energy, whatever that is. Right, right, right. I understand that. We have to find those specific rhythms. Sure. So I get back to the hotel with my recorder, my microphone, and I say, okay, dad, I'm back. What time slot you want to do? And he texts me back. It looks like the only thing they got is 3.30. 3.30, we can't do it. Sorry. We can't do it. And he said, maybe next time. Did he throw a champ in there? It feels like a champ moment. Yeah, dad, do you think maybe next time that we're in Salt Lake City, we'll go to the interactive Titanic exhibit? And the cat's in the cradle and the seal soon. Did you, sorry, did you say cuck? The cuck's in the cradle. Because this day has, this has already been the worst 24 hours of my life. And if you're capping it by saying the cuck's in the cradle at me, I don't think I can handle it. Justin, we're going to put on a kick-ass show tonight and we're going to raise your spirits right back up, brother. What do you think, Salt Lake City? I go for a run nearly every morning before work. My turnaround point is decided by wherever I hit a certain distance, not by a clear landmark. Sometimes I will pass someone. Seconds before or right as my watch shows me that I've hit my turnaround point. So I end up turning around and running right past them again, but in the direction they're going. Dearest brothers, how do I make it clear that I'm not turning around to race them or, or, or follow them or show them how fast I am? And that's from jogging in Ogden. Are you, are you, are you here? Hi. Hello. Not, not are you here for? Or Ogden anyone? Sorry. Sorry. Yes. Question asker. Ogden represent. And now that we've gotten that out of our systems, the specific person who wrote this question, are you here? All righty. I'm so glad this is our penultimate live mabim bam of this tour because I have washed this child's Halloween costume enough times wrong for it to be really, really struggling into the finish line here, which is ironic. It is the slightly ironic. I don't think Halloween costumes are meant to be worn or washed. I don't think it's the right way to wash this costume. That's a good point. I think that if you turn around and you run past them and they think that you did it to follow them, the following, the next thought is, and they're really bad at following me. Okay. Because I don't think when you follow someone, you're not following them. You should pass by them. Oh, well, then maybe you give them a, as you turn around. you hit your halfway point you turn around you run by them in the direction they're walking you yell follow me oh now the action's on them now whether or not they do it or not tag them as you go past i must tag them we must we mustn't we mustn't say touch travis we mustn't say touch the stranger travis you know this i'm hearing it you're hearing it now hearing it now we can't say touch the stranger but you can't say follow me in any tone i will say actually the tone of voice is important because if you turn around and run by them and you go follow me that's a mean joke you're doing that's a way different energy if you say follow me and then take a hard left and run down a hill they're gonna think they're in danger right like in the matrix or something follow me you're leading them on a quick and give them like a big arm sweep yeah it's a way maybe run down till you get to like the next like intersection then turn back around run back by them again turn around again just keep going and say when are you gonna start yeah there's a subtext to this question i really enjoy which is that my theory is that even people who like jogging and do it a lot when that little thing goes off in their watch that says you have hit the turnaround point you have finished half your jogging any jogging you do past this point is extra bonus jogging they even say fuck that no way am i gonna do extra jogging are you out of your mind this is where you exercise people it always falls apart you know what i mean it always falls apart because you always are looking forward to stopping are you yeah i do think the worst case scenario of this question is like the turnaround point is just past them yeah like two feet past them yeah right not like oh i went another no i got next to them and then turned around the ferris bueller slow down double take yeah don't do that touch uh no no touch don't ferris bueller okay when i pulled this question one of the things that struck me is your worry that they might think you were trying to race them because there's if you pull up in a car next to another car at a red light and you rev your engine yeah you're sending the signal like when this light turns green we're racing right and they don't have to engage but that's clearly what they're doing that means we don't have that for foot traffic but there's not like we reach an intersection there's the hand signal and you like stand next to them and start scraping your foot on the ground yeah and they're like oh shit it's on when that little walkman comes there should be a third signal that's like a finger saying like almost yeah almost take your marks we need something that allows people to know i want to race i'm ready to race you you say you don't you want to make it clear you're not turning around to race or follow or show them how fast you are it's got to be one of the three right like one of the three is happening because otherwise what are you doing out there and frankly how fast you are doesn't mean because you're so fast this is just how fast you are that's the level you're hitting maybe you make that clear to them like sometimes i'm slow too yeah don't take it personally you'll get there keep it can you can you run can you jog backwards and do like a yell at him like it's it's the matrix that's cool speak to him in reverse yeah tricks we have there wait i mean i know there's a comedy show but like usually the the suggestions at least have some narrative where in which they have benefited the question asker like i feel like your suggestion is like demonstrably worse yeah i'm turning around and running backwards past them quote liking the matrix and i really like i you guys are a whetstone upon which my blade is sharpened because you do not let me get away with these fucking stinker air balls and i appreciate that like for sure it didn't make any fucking sense at all run backwards and say it's the matrix you're gonna run backwards and say it's memento even memento that's not a memento it's inception that's getting closer i don't think there's like a really good movie where they run backwards tenant tenant actually is actually the exact one we were all the exact one where that happens for sure cool next question please i come from a family of fast eaters i am the fastest among them damn opting to chew is i can't believe and you're here what an honor uh opting to chew my name is jerry chestnut as little as possible with as few bites as i can i have married into a french family of slow eaters oolah with my wife being the slowest among them which she acknowledges opposites attract uh-huh whenever we go to france and we have a family meal uh one of the what do you think they call it in france a family meal i can't imagine i bet it's something very elegant uh it's 10 to 15 minutes i'm not gonna hang a lantern on that you see it was that's because it wasn't a joke it was just an observation it is somewhat i'm just living my life up here griffin that's why you have nothing you can't take me apart for being me man they call it a meal with cheese that's nothing now we're freaking talking it is somewhat awkward to be sitting in front of an empty plate with nothing to do but but it's not acceptable to leave the table brothers i humbly ask you what can i do while i wait for them to finish eating or can i do something to convince them to change that's from frantically eating in france and are you here all right question asker can i tell you the deep respect i have for you that there is a lot of respect for you and i'm going to tell you the deep respect i have for you that there is a lot of respect for you and i'm going to tell you the deep respect i have for you that there is no option of changing your own behavior either i need a highlights magazine at the table for when i'm done and they're still chewing or they need to speed the fuck up it is also i very much appreciate that it is obviously assumed that you can't talk to those gathered around you absolutely not that would just slow them down when they talk back justin for starters i'm assuming they're all speaking french so that can't maybe that's your problem it's also hard to get a word in edgewise because they're constantly stopping and going after every bite oh you know what two birds one stone you reach over start cutting up their food for them that's cool that way you have something to do and it's going to speed them up a little bit that's awesome that's one of those maybe start chewing it for them too that was one of those things i started doing for my four-year-old son and then i realized like wait a minute it kicks ass to just have all the cuttings done yeah man you sit down you do all the cutting up front and then it's just chomp city from then on hell yeah now you're just pac-man moving through the meal cut it up all at the beginning is one of the adults trying to sell you one that you never really thought about but i will never look back i cut it all up you give me a plate of spaghetti with four enormous fucking meatballs on it yeah i'm gonna cut those up first especially when you get a great grid going on a patty and you're just like gorgeous can i say i love the number of enthusiastic nods i've seen from the audience there's a there's a number of people who have looked at me and said fucking i'm going in i don't care i don't care what they've said i don't care what the law says i'm cutting all of it up so so that's a service you can provide your loved ones yeah you could you could spend a little preamble cutting into optimal delicious bites oh and stacking them like stacking them like you're getting it all ready like the pictures of ritz on the box yeah the serving suggestions of ritz turn them into a bunch of amuse-bouche you can eat it slower if they're all amuse-bouche that's true you gotta give time for your bouche to be amused is there a way you could start 10 to 15 minutes later than the rest of them oh like the tortoise and the hare like you where you lay down and take a nap while they start eating but then be careful what if they're done before you just send it back when everyone sits down on the table like i'm sorry mine is overdone i would like to please ask your father to prepare another beef wellington for me you could it's just that like you know you're supposed to eat slower is the thing this is like you don't chew you know it's so hard to be this is not different strokes it's a moral good it's for your body to chew more it's better for you to do that and when you're there in france you're representing all of representing all of us and we need all the help we can get we're deep we're in a deep deep deep hole of debt sort of culturally to france we changed the name of fries like we fucked them so bad like we did such a bad job by them please just chew just chew for america i have never been to france but i feel fairly confident that most of the time i would not be like that i would not be like that i would not be like that i would not be like horfing it down i feel like every every i feel like every meal i'd be fighting for my life listen sorry and what is this again what is the french word for bread more bread what is the french for more bread i'm gonna need to get this to go please i remember when i saw a ratatouille in the theaters with justin and at the end when they made ratatouille to save the day just was like so just a bunch of cut up vegetables what the fuck it's not even a meal this movie doesn't make any fucking sense even getting us beside the point that it was cooked by a rat yeah it's already over there we're not talking about that it's just slices of vegetables the child is nostalgic for sliced vegetables? Hey, guys. Yeah. It's been a little ribbled. Yeah. A little unsavory so far tonight, so I thought we might take an opportunity to class it up a little bit. With just a nice, mature work of art. I'm not even going to talk about the fart sound effect. I'm fucking dialed in. This is maybe the last work of fart of 20 Thunder Drive, and I want to keep my, I think, perfect record going. I'll pretend all you want that I don't like this game, but I'm in my fucking L. I'm in my zone right now. All right. Tonight, it's all classic rock. Oh, yeah, man. I'm going to give you the description of the song. Oh, man. You will give me. The classed-up title. Yeah. Yeah. But it's going to have, like, fart or pee or poop or something in it. That's. Up first. Yeah. In this song. Yeah. We find out about a place to get away from it all, stop what you're doing, and pass gas, thanks to Elvis Presley. Fart Break Hotel. Farts. That is correct, Justin. It's one-nothing. Fart Break Hotel. Yeah, no, it's awesome, man. What do you want from me, man? Juice, hey, Juice. You know how important this is to me, right, man? This might be the last work of fart of the tour. You know that, man, right? How important it is to me? Things are heating up. Did you see my runny nose, bro? To be fair, Justin had to eat a breakfast he didn't want. Yeah, that's true. I was so sick. Like, I can't. Okay, in this ACDC classic, we are told the story of a man who watches his wife have sex with Thor. Thundercuck? Correct! Yes! God, that's good. Dang it. Dang it. How many more are there, Travis? Tell me three. Three more. Jesus Christ. Billy Joel sings a song about a man singing a song about being in a bar where everyone urinates. Urinates on him. Piano man. Piano man? Piano man. Oh, I'm going to give it to Griffin. It was piano man. No, no, no. Like, he has to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Of course. Of course. And Travis, can I just say, that's why you write the work of fart because I'm going to come to something with Piano man and I just don't see it. Piano man. No, I get it. Yeah, like. Like, don't say it a bunch because it's not that funny, but like. Well, shit, that was the best one. Okay. You can stop now. Two to one. In this song, Elton John tells the tale of two young people during a simpler time when they could bond over their love of this reptile's penis. Crocodile cock. Yes, Griffin, that's correct. He did not tell me the answers ahead of time, guys. It seemed like with how fast I said that that that was scripted. It was not, I promise. It is currently three to one, so Justin, I'm sorry. Griffin has taken it, but there is one more. You never know if the last one's going to be three to one. The last one's going to be worth triple. That's fair. You never know if you're going to say that. No. But like, it would be better. For the game, it would be better. I'll tell you, it's only worth one real point, but it's worth three Travis points. That doesn't mean anything. It doesn't matter. I'm about to fuck it. It matters who I consider the winner to be. Okay, good. In this song. Yeah. Satan appears and challenges Johnny to a statewide cunnilingus contest. To a statewide cunnilingus contest. That went down on Georgia. That is correct. Thank you. So Griffin wins the game, but Justin wins the game in my heart. I'll take it. Honestly, I'll take it at this point. That's cool and everything, but. The devil went down on Georgia. Do you get it? Yeah, we got it, we got it, we got it, we got it. Do you guys get it? You really can't hang a lantern on these, my man. They are not load bearing. I have a very cute little dog named Chopper. Chopper. Chopper. Chopper. Sorry, they said we couldn't show Chopper. He's too cute. That's a lie. Show the picture, Paul. Out of sight. Out of control. My neighbors who I've never met have some girls who are around eight. They saw my dog one day and knocked on my door and they asked if they could play with him. Well, I let them out to play with him for a bit and I just thought, well, that was nice and that was it. But now they know that I have a cute dog and they're obsessed with him. They constantly come over multiple times a day to play with my dog. Brothers, the family has their own dog. How can I tell? Yeah, I mean. Oof. How can I tell these girls to stop coming to see my dog and play with their own? That's from Puppy Problems in Provo. Are you here? Hello. Hi. Is Chopper here? Oh, sorry, man. Oh, man. I bet you get that a lot. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's a terrible burden to have a dog that just like fucking drop dead adorable. Can I tell you guys just quick note, programming note. If you want to know how to slam dunk a question, write in a thing where kids keep coming over, you're facing basic problem and then introduce a neighbor cuck dog in. Slam dunk, dude. It's a fucking slam dunk. Absolutely. So I feel bad in a way because this is like one of the earliest parenting things you learn and it is. It is don't do something you don't want to do forever a thousand times. Correct. Because if you think it might bring joy or delight to the child, you're running the risk that all of a sudden they look at you and they're like, hey, this is my entire shit. Your dog. I know you think it's your dog, but your dog's my whole shit. Yeah. There are things that life lessons, important skills that I have tried to instill in my children multiple times over and over and over. And it does not. The seed does not. It does not take root. But there are things that I let them do once. Yeah. Five years ago. Right. That they're still like, hey, I'm going to do that again because you said yes to it that one time. So it must always be cool now. Right. Dad. Dad bought Cooper this tiny TV once and I put a bunch of put a bunch of episodes. Are you afraid of the dark on it? I showed it to her one time. And now that kid watches fucking four hours. Are you afraid of the dark on a tiny TV every day? I don't know, guys. You just take what you can get, I guess. But there's so much about the world of Pokemon that is better than our own. I'll just lay that out there carte blanche. And you all know, you all know that that's my truth and I'll stand on it. But one of the things that I think we could really adopt from that game franchise and make it part of sort of like the public consciousness in the real world. Pet fighting. No. I heard it. I heard it when I said it. But keep out that link. Cable, my friend, because what about pet trading? Now, I think now, listen, I think you can do that. Yeah, you can. How many pets have you traded, Trav? No, I don't think I would do it if Pokemon were real either, Griffin. You got to. So I got two dogs. Who needs two? Take one of them. Let me stop you right there, because that is the way that some of the Pokemon evolve. You can't just say like, well, I'll never have a May Champ because I'm not willing to trade. Can I tell you how wild it would be if you told me you have two dogs, Buttercup, and Lily? The only way they'll reach their best form is if you give them away. Yeah. Dude, Griffin was about to tell us how to make a May Champ, and you cut him off, man. I was finally about to crack it. I was so close to having a May Champ. I mean, it's Gen 1, but yeah, May Champ and Golem and Gengar, I think you can only get through trading. There's. I believe Steelix and Scizor, if you give them the metal coat item before you trade, then that's. Anyway, trade dogs, and I know that I'm outing myself as a non-pet owner, and this is probably unthinkable to a lot of you because you're giving up an incredible relationship with the pet that you've formed this deep bond with, but think about how stoked you're going to be to get to know that new pet. And to be fair, it sounds like this ugly-ass dog is going to really appreciate the attention. Oh, my God, yes. And then, ooh, makeover time. Uh-huh. It's time. It's time. Oh, you're going to make those eight-year-olds jealous now. Yeah. When you miss congeniality their dog. Yeah. You should let the dog choose. The kids may be more fun than you. Wow, choose? You should just let the dog choose, but have some bacon in your pocket because you're an adult, and that's what adults know how to do. Adults know how to rig the game for themselves. And if the dog chooses the kids, they do have to reimburse you what you paid for the dog because another thing adults have is the money to buy dogs. That's true. Buy your own dog. That's true, but hey, what I always. They already have their own dog. That's right. What I always say, guys, who bought who? Thank you. No. I am 37. Like I always say, who cleans up after who's poop? Makes you think about it. I am 37. It does make you think about it, Griffin. I am 37. My dog makes me think about it all the time. It's true. Proceed. Are you sure that you don't have any other multi-syllabic observations? to make you'll notice i didn't say jokes i'm more of a humorist justin but continue we're storytellers just i'm gonna kill you i'm gonna kill you i know what room number you're in i can have them make me a key card i could give them your name i'll go in and i'll kill you yeah it's true i'll tell them it's a birthday surprise except the surprise is i'm killing you i am 37 years old and tomorrow morning after the show is my first time flying on a plane how do i play it cool and not look like an aging noob who has never flown are you here hi hi hello there was not a name in here i don't know if it got cut off that's okay you've never flown before tomorrow you're flying uh and you want to know how to not look like an aging noob who has never flown and you're just like me a passenger right you're not flying the plane yeah because that would be wild i know there's like a pilot shortage or whatever but we're not down that low right not quite uh so i the thing that this is an actual answer that might help i don't know because it blew my mind if you go to the pilots and you say do you have any of the cards sometimes they have special trading cards about their plane and this blew this absolutely blew me out of the water when i found out that i don't have the guts to ask obviously because they would push me out of the plane or something but uh you could ask and i think that's a real pro move that's going to establish like oh yeah i've been on so many planes i'm collecting cards about them oh yeah and then when they give you the one you're on like i've already got three of these and hand it back i've been on them so many times i love the way these go up i thought you were saying i think first of all your best option is going to be absolute silence anything that leaves your lips i promise is going to betray the fact that you've never been on an airplane before maybe don't like as it's going up start screaming about how this is in defiance of gravity and god's will don't do that don't do that don't do that don't be like um excuse me flight helper i don't know what you're called shit um there's been a terrible mistake i don't know the person who's sitting next to me i don't know who's sitting next to me i don't know who's sitting next to me oh that's not that's okay just kidding that is how it's supposed to be and it's cool if we smoke in here right what things have really changed you're gonna this place is beautiful and i think flying out over it is going to be an amazing experience and that is something like you can i would frame it like that for yourself at first that's something to look forward to yeah and then after that it's all clouds and that gets old so fast you wouldn't even believe it uh i will say the part where it goes into the air initially will be bad bad not the best but here's what i will say you will be absolutely on a plane at that point and it was very there's no doubt about it they're actually and you might not know this because you've never done it before once you get on plane they have very little chill about you getting off plane yeah until they have reached destination that's actually like a big rule up there sometimes it's nice to just know you have no input into how the situation goes at all yeah yeah release the controls let the pilot and god take care of it yeah god god does this help god also keeps you safe in the plane and the fate so whatever does that help yeah all right i'm seeing two thumbs up i feel pretty good about that honestly i will take it my ex's stepdad introduced me to my mechanic years ago he was a total i know a guy guy and he set me up with the friends and family discount there i realized recently after an expensive repair that i still get the discount it saved me about four hundred dollars on this last visit but my ex and i broke up three plus years ago and i never got around to telling my mechanic that we broke up and it feels weird to tell him now good instincts and i also i'm not going to tell him now good instincts and i also i'm not going to tell him now i'm not going to tell him now good instincts and i also i'm not going to tell him now good instincts and i also i'm not going to tell him now good instincts and i also i'm not going to tell him now good instincts and i also i'm not and i also i have no idea if it matters do i need to tell my mechanic that i'm no longer friends nor family can i keep accepting the friends and family discount forever that's for morally muddled motorists are you here yeah i don't blame you for not volunteering your presence for that one that's a tricky situation i heard some of you all react to that in a way that left me wondering i think no matter when you did it it would be the same thing if you did it in a different way even if it was the day after it would be strange to go to your mechanic and say hey just so you know susan and i have broken up so now you must charge me full price for things yeah it is so like what you are saying though is i'm no longer your friend yeah that's awesome like like we are no our ships have parted we are no longer if anything that is the responsibility of your ex and your ex's family like a mafia dog like a mafia dog like a mafia dog like a mafia dog to call the mechanic and be like he's out it was actually a really acrimonious breakout do you have an enemy's discount oh it's an enemy's increase an enemy's increase okay you do good work understandable y'all would you like to hang out sometime doug see if we can repair that relationship i'll bring you a present on your birthday like in stardew valley do you really do you really genuinely believe that if this had been addressed early that it could have been like there was no moment at which you could have addressed it in a healthy way like obviously if you go in right after the breakup when you don't need a repair that will be bad that won't go well you can't make a visit just to say hey i am alone i feel like i don't need no wiper fluid's good thank you for thinking at the moment of checkout i feel like that is the last time yeah you can say hey just so you know i hope this isn't weird just to be honest with you we broke up so please don't give me the discount anymore no because i think let's take this a different way okay right instead of a mechanic this is a butcher shop okay and they call and say this is doug uh doug's you know dating our child he's cool give him the real good cuts of meat right and then you break up are you gonna go in and the butcher's gonna be like oh back to serving you the bad stuff travis like now you know fucking crazy that you were drawing a like no i don't think i'm gonna go back to eating rancid meat yeah dude that is not the conversation the two options are get good meat or eat like yeah it's not about the options travis it's like this equivalent would be you go to the mechanic and the mechanic says oh you're dating stacy i'll stop giving you bad rusted shitty car parts every car usually i throw 40 jelly beans in it just to be a dick i'm actually not gonna do that to you i won't put 40 jelly beans in your car the options are don't tell them or go to a different mechanic that's how it is i would you can't be like hey you know how you've only been charging me 500 for this you can go back to 750 why i would just go to and i would find somebody new though right i don't like if you're not like a new partner and see if they have a family mechanic yeah maybe you go to the mechanic you say i would like to try to explore a friendship with you yeah or go to go to your mechanic and say listen yes they and i did break up do you have any other friends or family that i can start dating to maintain our current situation i'm willing for this to chain together a new way i met them through through you no i met you through them now i make them through you yeah this this christmas on hallmark this i met them through me but you'll meet me through you on hallmark i'm you now i'm you i'm you now starring lacey chabert the talented miss ribley is talented at mechanicing lacey chabert and i'm you i'm you now folks a christmas tale lacey chabert is melissa joan hart in i am you a christmas story coming this october candace karen burr watches from a corner as melissa joan hart is lacey chabert in my christmas is inside you a psychosexual a psychosexual journey coming to lifetime coming to lifetime october 21st discounting the days till christmas we have signed posters out in the lobby rad posters they were designed by scott hoke we uh we're just wild about the vibe and the energy of these there's also i think are there coins yes we do still have some coins uh for the pulse of memorial can food drive all proceeds on those coins go to the utah food bank so uh check those out too send in your questions please we're going to do live audience questions in the next block after we take a brief intermission so go do all your dirty business and we'll be right but i don't know guys yeah i don't know either man you just kept going with i can't give you a high energy finish after go do your dirty go do your unspeakable bathroom crime and we'll be right back we've already gotten our dreams. But what about you, the little people? Hi, I'm Justin McElroy, a certified dream granter. Hey, all you tiny folks down there looking like ants to us dream giants. Yeah, we've strolled down from Olympus to tell you how to get a start on your tiny, humble dreams. Your little tiny heads can't even be big enough to have a dream in them. We are like Prometheus bringing unto you mere mortals, the fire of Squarespace. Do you know that we have used Squarespace ads to promote topics as varied as our wives' political campaigns and our dogs? It's true. No matter what you want to use the Squarespace website for, we've done it. And I know what you're thinking. From Jumanji to Moana. There is not a Squarespace website you cannot create. Why haven't we combined them and made a Squarespace site with our dog running for mayor? We could. We could. It would be easy. With these templates that they got, these, these best in class designers making for you, you're going to make them. You're going to make a website that looks like a real pro made it, not, you know, you, one of the common folk. If you want your mayor dog to charge for their goods and services and get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments, you can do that for your mayor dog. Set them up for success because it's expensive to run a campaign these days. Seriously, we've used, can we stop joking now? I'll try. We had, that was like, we were, can I say Griffin, that was like such a good ad. And then you took the ball and I thought you were headed to the end zone with it and bring it home for a big finish. I couldn't tell. Absolutely. Fumble. You ate it. Yeah. Can we be serious? You ate the ball. You ate the ball. I want to seriously. Well, I don't need people to know that the next part's not a joke because if they think that if you go to this URL and there won't be a good deal for you there, cause it's a joke we're saying then the, then Squarespace will get PO'd and there's not that many places that want to support us. Yeah. You know, sort of professional. That's great. This has already stopped being an ad. It becomes some sort of immersive theater you're doing. So whatever you want to do is fine. People love this shit. Are you kidding me? They love to get, get deep in the sausage grinder with us. Head to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That blew my mind. You guys at home are like, that was wild. Imagine sitting in the middle of it. Yeah. I want to tell you guys, we got some recently updated ad copy from ZocDoc, which is an amazing, amazing service website. That's going to help you find doctors and stuff in your area, but also included in here is that we have to play their Sonic logo. And I get confused by that every time thinking we're about to play music from Sonic the Hedgehog and they have a cool, like Sonic the Hedgehog is working with ZocDoc. No, it's cool. Like, and I don't think a lot of companies do this with us, but it's neat. Cause it's like, it's like a collab at that point. Like, we're doing our thing over here, telling you about how ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. It's amazing. I've used it so many times in DC to fill out my, my care team, my, my squad, if you will. But then they'll also come in there and be like, I haven't heard the Sonic, but I do think it's like a, I do think it's probably like a funky blues riff. I think it's probably like, gotta go for it. I think it's probably like a funky blues riff. And it's hard to do that because insurance is a myth and everyone does it different and everyone's trying to get at you and take everything, take everything that's important to you. ZocDoc helps you find the doctors who, who do take your insurance and will provide great care and let you book appointments with them in the blink of an eye. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash my brother to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash my brother, ZocDoc.com slash my brother. I heard a big rip when I sat down, boys. And now you're bragging about your farts to everybody. It's holding. It's holding. Uh, Griff, I'm going to pretend to be surprised by a munch squad here in a second. But before that, I did want to say, I overheard backstage dad talking about how his day went and you'll never guess one of the things that dad mentioned he did. Okay. Yeah. So this, I didn't want to bring this up, but. No, I know you didn't. You know how I know you didn't want to bring this up because you didn't. I had a runny nose and so I went to Walgreens to deal with it. And while I was there, I realized I wanted to get something for the Taz show that we're doing tomorrow in San Diego at a local game store. So I called an Uber to go to the game store. That's enter into the Walgreens at the same time, Clint McElroy. And he did come with me to the game store and it was a precious father, son memory, but I didn't want to like make a big fucking deal out of it or anything. But it's just so weird because like earlier in the podcast, I was talking about this thing like dad and I didn't do this thing together. And what's weird is like, that would have been a cool time for you to bring it up as jokes, but that's how I know that it actually, you think that I'm actually going to be upset about it because you didn't tell me in podcast. You just have to understand dad and Griffin just get along better than you and dad do. So that's just kind of it. I like to think of. Me and dad spent all that time when I was a kid together, which is why I'm well adjusted and awesome now. Awesome. Yeah, for sure. He was busy teaching me baseball and stuff. I think of me and dad is just kind of like buddies, you know, and sometimes buddies run into each other at the store because one of them has a runny nose and one of them forgot how their phone charger works and needs a new one. And they're getting it at Walgreens for some reason. And they go to the game store together to fucking kick it. Like, that's what buddies do. Is that sometimes you get a phone charger that has a micro USB charging cable, but you don't have one of those. And indeed, you don't even know what they're called. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of hostility towards dad. That's my friend, dude. He's just such a father figure to me. Yeah. That's how I think about our dad is a real father figure. He's kind of a father figure. Like the father I never had, you know. Griff, just tell me this. Did you at least have a nice time? Yeah, it was great. It's a Hollywood squad. I want a much squad. Ba, ba, I want to munch squad. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Welcome to Munch Squad. You probably thought. Now, you guys are probably too young for this, but I'm going to do a quick pop-up video here, which is like, just was so excited at the idea of interrupting Griffin talking about his time with dad that he did the wrong musical intro for the wrong bit. Okay. You guys probably thought that I did the wrong musical intro for the wrong bit. But no, I just tricked you. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Just like the cast of Now You See Me, Now You Don't is going to be tricking audiences this November. And to celebrate the fun, the coffee bean and tea leaf is conjuring movie magic with Lionsgate, Now You See Me, Now You Don't collaboration. It's the Now You See Me heist tea. I don't usually say. Oh, wait. No, shut up. Okay. Heist. Heist. Sorry. So what I'm going to tell you is heist tea. Heist tea. Fucking brilliant. Heist tea is, I mean, let's be honest. It's good. It's good. And it demands, you know what I like about heist tea? It demands something of the reader. Yes, sir. It does. Annunciation. Annunciation. And I also just say, did you type out the image we showed before this? Or is that from the clip? Because you put a colon in it. Yeah. And I don't think there's a colon in Now You See Me. Colon. No, you don't. I don't think that punctuation is there. This paragraph of a press release headline is so boring. It's so many words. I ain't reading all that. Okay. Let me sum it up for you. Something magical is brewing at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Anticipation of November 14th's release of Lionsgate. Now You See Me. Now You Don't. Glad to hear somebody is excited. The global speciality coffee and tea house is joining forces with the exciting film franchise for a captivating collaboration that blends cinematic wonder with flavorful indulgence. Cinematic what? You know when you're drinking. You're drinking a really good drink and you think this is just like seeing a movie. How can I capture the spirit of this movie with this iced tea? Heist tea. Thank you. Thank you. This exclusive partnership features limited time iced teas that partner bold Swedish berry tea. I just fucking got it. Not a joke. I couldn't figure out what was good about heist tea. I was like, is it just that the tea's kind of running through? It's on the screen in front of you. Yeah, no. Even that wasn't enough. How deep is the Sudafed in your brain? for bloodstream. The Sudafed He's like inner spacing right now connected into siphoning off your gray matter. Travis, I don't use that P.E. bullshit. I'm not a child. I use grown-up Sudafed. That gets you fucked up, fam. I like that they specify that it's an exclusive partnership. And that Now You See Me, Now You Don't isn't putting heist tees in every restaurant throughout the nation. Which would be a pretty good heist. Or be a good trick. Now You See Me, Now You Don't sounds like the wrong name for the first movie when someone's trying to remember what the name of the first movie is called. This exclusive partnership features limited time iced teas that partner bold Swedish berry tea with a twist of lemonade, juicy fruit flavors, and a magician's touch of glittering magic. Complete with a sweepstakes that invites fans to immerse themselves in a world of mystery. Tell your family they're doing a sweepstakes. Yeah. Wait, is there fucking glitter in the drink? Because the prestige then is my bowel movements later. Yeah. Well, I don't know, Travis. Can I first tell you about the film? Now, this is a press release for a drink. In Now You See Me, Now You Don't, the four horsemen are. I'm not going to read the cast names. I'm going to skip them. But there's a lot. In Now You See Me, Now You Don't, the four horsemen are back to unite with a new generation of illusionists for their most global, high-stakes, magical adventure yet. Wouldn't it be wild? Wouldn't it be wild? It was like their second most magical adventure yet. Their mission, expose the corruption. Is Lizzie Kaplan back in this one? Because I don't think she is. She's not. Their mission. Fuck off! Expose the corruption. They're not all back. So somebody saw the other ones. It's Travis McElroy. What an unsurprising outcome. Do you mean the movie's titled For Travis? Yeah. Now You See Me. Magic Thieves. The Travis McElroy movie. This is a movie that only Travis dreams of. In this movie, their mission. The mission is to expose the corruption of Veronica Vanderburg, a powerful diamond heiress with ties to arms dealers, traffickers, and warlords. Like, yeah, fucking obviously. Now You See Me, Now You Don't. What else are magicians supposed to do? Aided by the legendary Thaddeus, the two generations of magicians must overcome their differences. And I know what you all are thinking. Thaddeus, wasn't he a villain in the first two? He is. Twist. At the coffee? I know, it's the prestige, but not that one. Travis, I am actually going to. I forbid you from being actually excited for this movie on stage with me right now. At the cof. Mark Ruffalo's in it. The Ruffalo Buffalo's back. Yeah, he is. At the coffee, bean, and tea leaf, we've been part of the vibrant story of Los Angeles since 1963. Fucking yeah, dude. Okay. From the start, we built our legacy on handcrafted drinks that surprise and delight, said Tara Hinkle, the president and head of America's at the coffee, bean, and tea leaf. Our partnership with Now You See Me, Now You Don't brings that same sense of wonder. A life. Blending our LA heritage with a touch of movie magic. Again, I have very severe food allergies. I do need to know what this glittering movie magic is. The caffeine-free beverages. Oh, magicians never tell us their secrets, Griffin. No, the allergies are super duper duper bad, so. But look over here, Griffin. You're already drinking it. No, I need a website with all the ingredients. A mesmerizing. First off, there's the mango magic heist tea, which is a mesmerizing. Stop sprinkling on me. It's a mesmerizing mes. Stop it! It's a mesmerizing mix of mind-melding mango, lemonade, Swedish berry tea, and magical glitter. Hold on. Edible glitter? No, Trav. Deadly poisonous glitter. Now You See Me, Now You're Dead. There's also the strawberry shimmer heist tea, a dazzling blend of surprising strawberry. Fucking pretty surprising. You put it the first word in the title of the thing. Lemonade, Swedish berry tea, and magical glitter. You know. Well, fans of the Now You See Me franchise know that magic can be around any corner, said Angie Sharma, head of global partnerships and brand strategy for Lionsgate Motion Picture Group. You ride hard with this franchise. Is that true? Are you looking for magic around every corner? Yes, but that's where it's not gonna be, Griffin. It must have been a lonely, literally ten fucking years since the last one of these guys came out, huh? A long time to wait for the magic of Now You See Me. You can re-watch them as many times as you want. There's no law against it, yeah. Fans of Now You See Me. And you notice new things each time, Justin. It gets deeper and deeper, and then you watch the makings of, and you talk to our friend J.D. Amato, who worked as a magic consultant on the first one, and you find out things about the films, Justin. And it only deepens. It's a lifestyle, dude. It deepens, like enjoying wine, Justin. It ages. It ages, barrel ages, Justin. With Now You See Me, now you don't about to take the horsemen on their greatest heist yet. It's exciting to be sharing the magic with the coffee bean and tea leaf customers. Why'd you pick this voice? It's just what came out. I don't choose. And yeah, there's like nine horsemen now, Justin. There's tea leaf customers with their delicious drinks, and watch them disappear. And they're also doing a magical sweepstakes, which I don't even want to think about. What do you win? Well, they did a contest where if you texted a number when the trailer dropped, you could win $119. That's cool, man. I don't know why. That's awesome. That's just how much they had. They finished making it. They had $119 left. How much are you charging us to design this heist tea? Whoa, $15 million? Shit. Okay, all we got left is, oh, man, $119. That's a weird prize. But Dave Franco will deliver it. Is that anything? He won't. Man, I feel so bad, guys. I told Paul to download the trailer. Yeah? I told Paul to download the trailer for Now You See Me. No, no, no. Don't, please don't. Because I know, no, it won't be good now because, all right, he's already started playing it. Now I know Travis will enjoy it, and I don't like it anymore. No audio. I think it's important. No, no audio. It's better. I was just going to let him. Okay, we got, okay. I don't want to talk about it. We're just going to play over him. This is not sad. It's not this. This is not magic. This is a new magician. Yes, I'm not going to talk about it anymore. Everybody shut up. No, there's not even sound. There's not going to be sound. What I was going to say is I feel guilty for having Paul download it and then never using it. And that's what I was going to say, Travis. Do you guys remember that Jesse Eisenberg was on our show once? You guys remember that? That's a true fact. I remember sometimes. All right. And now he's in this movie. Paul, thank you. Look how we jumpstarted this career. Thank you, everybody. That's your Munch Squad for today. Thank you. Nothing about the edible glitter, huh? What do you want to know, dude? Nutritional facts. What's the difference? What makes it edible? What makes other glitter not edible? Okay, now I understand. The force and the will to swallow it. My daughters have been making every drink I drank glitterable since like 2015. Man, it's not a novelty to me. Everything has glitter in it anymore. You had the cadence of starting another question, which sent me into a panic spiral because it's not time for that. It's time for live audience questions. Thank you for sending in all of your questions. We're going to call some folks down, too. A lot of good ones, y'all. A lot of really good ones. We're going to call folks down to the microphone. Can we get the lights on? And up first, it's Jesse Eisenberg. Whoa! We're going to call you down. We're going to call you down to the microphone by your name and seat number. Please don't approach the microphone if we don't call you. Jesse Eisenberg came on to promote the independent karate movie that he had directed himself. The Art of Self-Defense. Yeah. I don't think Jesse will be on My Brother, My Brother, Me to promote. I'm not sure we're going to marry that. Hi, Liz. Please welcome any time. Hello. Whoever wants to talk first. Hi. Please. Please. Wow, a lot of great sweaters. Thank you. Hello. You're welcome. No kidding. You never see two great sweaters kind of back-to-back like that. That's really incredible. But no offense to you, third person. You're doing great. It's cool, too. I'm sorry that they didn't call you before the show started to say, like, hey, we're doing the sweater thing. Do you want to do the sweater thing with us? So sorry. Hello. Hello. Hi. So my question is- Oh, sorry. What's your name? Oh, sorry. My name's Natalie. Hi, Natalie. My pronouns are she, her. Hello. Hello. Hello. So my question is, how do I get my boyfriend's mother to stop sending us live lobsters? Yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah, that's good stuff. So- Sometimes it's just nice to know, like, what the first question's going to be of the audience questions segment. It seems like a breach of etiquette to send your, well, not in-laws, right? Because you're just dating. It's your boyfriend's mother. I mean, once you get more than one live lobster from them, it's your in-law-bsters. I know I mentioned- That's pretty good. That's a pretty good trap. I want to make space for that. I want to encourage that. Don't encourage that. I was going to say it's fucked up to give to anybody something alive, but I also said famously, people didn't like it earlier in the show when I said you should trade your dogs, so can I ask for some context? Yeah. So my boyfriend's from Maine, and so his family has historically liked to give him lobster for his birthday. Awesome. And this year, they were like, oh, we can't visit, so we're going to send you something in the mail. But what they neglected to tell us is what it was. So we weren't home when they were originally going to send it. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no. Did the lobster die? Oh, no. No, no, no, no. So they- Not until you killed it. They didn't tell us what they were going to send. They changed the date, and so we go to pick it up, and we're like, oh, no. Did they send lobsters? And they did. And unfortunately, my boyfriend picked it up with my friend, who's a vegan, and we were staying at her house. Oh. And so we had to kill the- - I'll go to Lobster's and cook them at her house. Hold on, wait. That sentence kicked ass. You said it real fast so that we wouldn't look at it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you know you can't sneak one by the fucking McElroy boys. We're going to clock it every time. Hey, Griffin, is it the word had? Well, you just said it was fucking out of pocket. Hey, Griffin, was it the word had to? Is that where it is, the had to? Are you lying? No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did the lobsters know too much? It is the way to. Was there a secret being kept? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The entire point of the vegan position is that you don't have to kill anything. Yeah, I don't think vegans are like, yeah, we don't believe in killing and consuming meat. Well, you have to. Make it quick. At least make it quick. Well, there's authentic Maine lobsters? Well, you've got to. It's already here. It's already here. What kind of life? I ate a lobster roll this afternoon, at which point Tom, our video editor, is here. He pointed out that this is probably the farthest I could geographically be from lobsters. Do you, I feel like I know the answer to this, enjoy to eat the lobster? I mean, I did cry a little bit, not to tell you. While eating it? When we opened it, because I was like. Well, yeah. They were moving. The great burden. Yeah. Yeah, sure. My boyfriend ate most of the lobster, not going to lie. Okay. So we're very grateful that they sent it, but we're worried that they're going to do it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, then I hear exactly what they're saying. The problem is, the next time, you're going to take the rubber bands off the lobster's claws, you're going to put rubber bands around your boyfriend's fingers. Now it's a fair fight. And now it could go either way. Now he's not murdering lobsters, he's defending himself. That's cool. And then he's just consuming his fallen combatant. Well, that's the warriors, right? Yeah. You conquer in battle, you eat the foe, that's the warriors, right? How else is his kite? How else is your boyfriend? How else is his kite going to get any stronger? That's true. I think you need to draft an email. I think you need to say, dear Valerie, the lobster culture in this country is fucking crazy. It's so wild. Dear Valerie, it's so wild that we had this one animal that when you, we name a restaurant after it, and then when you come in, you can pick one to eat, but you don't really get to eat that one. It's just a big jar of them you have to look at before they get eaten. It's wild that we send live ones. Just this one food, we're like, it'd be better if we send them around live. Lobster culture is crazy. And that's kind of like, that'll get them thinking, you know, like that'll get the thought starter. And then don't say anything after that. And then a few weeks later, come think of it, I think I'm out of the lobster. Or unless, when you said that they had to get them to stop sending, I knew you meant in the mail. But then I thought, what else could that be? What does that mean? And I pictured your in-laws taking the lobster to the airport. They've done that multiple times. No, no, no, let me finish. Let him finish his little fantasy. It's going to be cute. It's going to be so cute. Not in a box, but in a little suit, jacket, and vest. Oh, yeah. With a little note that says where he's going. Yeah. And there's a flight attendant that escorts him onto his seat. Yeah. And then he gets off and they bring him to the exit. He got a little lanyard that says unaccompanied crustacean on it. Yeah. And then you and your boyfriend pick him up. Yeah. And kill him right there in the airport. Because you fucking have to, right? You have to. You've got to kill him, right? Got to kill him. Well, the worst part is, is that they say if you don't want to eat it immediately, to put a damp towel over it and stick it in the vegetable drawer in the fridge. No, they like it. No, no, no. To them, that's good. That's like a sauna. And here's the thing you have to understand. Lobsters are technically immortal. They don't die of old age. Yeah. So if we don't kill them, they'd be fucking everywhere. Yeah, Doc. We're protecting ourselves, really. Does that help? I think so, yeah. Thank you so much, Natalie. Thank you, Natalie. Hello. Hi, I'm Jenny. Hi, Jenny. My question is, I work at an archive, and we have some cool stuff. How do I get people to stop asking very heist-sounding questions when I tell them this? This is really important. Heisty-sounding questions? I mean, in a way, yeah. Okay. Do you feel like that's a word, heisty? Because I got tripped up earlier in this very podcast. My husband was looking at me like an idiot. I realized it at the same time as you. What's up, Jenny? Jenny, I want to say, when I read this question, I was like, okay. And then I got to some of the example questions you gave. Can you give us some examples that you get, that you feel sometimes? There's a lot of like, oh, has someone tried to steal stuff before? Where did they fail? Compare and contrast other failed attempts. Don't mind me while I stroke my very real mustache. What kind of security do you guys have? What do you do to the people if you catch them? What do you do if you catch them is the best one of them. That would be my first. And when you answer, please speak into this flower I have on my lapel. Yeah. Jesus Christ. My jumbo boutonniere. What? Hey. What do you do when you catch them, and where have they failed before? I mean, last time someone attempted to run out of the room. Don't answer it, Jenny. That was a trap. Please don't yell. Please don't yell. This scared me. You actually gave me a jump scare by yelling right next to me. I'm sorry. I'm not even in front of the speakers. I'm really sorry. Please don't yell. I'm sorry. I mean, it was a failed attempt, so they mainly got yelled at. Did you bust them? Jenny, did you bust them? No. I was like, what's going on? I can't help with that. Cool. That's cool. I love the revulsion you answered with when Griffin asked if you stopped people from stealing, and you went, what? No. How would I even do that? I don't even, I feel like if we would stop putting art in museums, people would stop trying to steal it. Yeah, dude. Like, the only thing that makes it stealable is that the museum doesn't want you to. You know what I'm saying? If they were just like, fine, take them if you want. Take them if you want. I have no interest in art until someone tells me I can't have it. Yeah, then you want to heist it. That's the only, the whole reason people heist it is because they make it hard to do it. If they made it easy and just said, take all the art you want if you want it, I don't think anybody would ever steal it because it would feel rude. Unless. Unless? Jenny, you like your job, right? It's cool. It sounds like a cool job. Now we're talking. Yeah, you're nodding your head yes. If you could actually verbally say yes. So we have you recorded on audio saying that you like your job because it's actually important for the rest of my whole thing. Now, you and all your friends like doing close-up magic, right? No, no, no. And then, Jenny, we'll cut this part out of the podcast. So the only witnesses will be the 14,000 people assembled here. And if we have to kill them, we'll talk to Natalie about it. And Rachel, don't delete this. Permanently save it. Send it to the FBI. You could get it. Federal body inspector. It's not federal in that. You know that, right? When someone's claiming to be a body inspector in that way, they're not saying, and I work for the government. Yeah. And don't get it wrong. I'm not a state body inspector. Then what do they have for their draft? Female. They're usually on the beach. Female body inspector. I'm trying to be gender inclusive. Then you say, fund body inspector. Yeah. I'm a fatherly body inspector. No. Absolutely. Festive. Festive. Freelance. Freelance. Jenny. Fungible. Guys, a professional body inspector is a doctor. I'm a freelance body inspector. I'm a festooned body inspector. Check out my tinsel. Jenny, I'm a fast body inspector. Don't worry. We're going to get you in and out of here in moments. Let's keep this game of minister's cat going, Justin. Jenny, I apologize for my brothers. This behavior. You all don't deserve this. You all made plans to come here and see us live tonight. You did not agree to watch us play minister's cat on stage. You deserve better. Jenny, you deserve good advice. Get in on the fucking action is what I'm saying. Answer their questions. Get a little bit of fucking 20% off the top. I've known you for two minutes. You are the last goddamned person I would suspect in a million fucking years. You could be an absolute gajillionaire. Just like no one would buy it. And we have you on the mic saying shit like I would never help with a robbery, with a stealing. Of course not. That's evidence. That's evidence. And they can put that. But this part's not in the show. But that part's definitely in the show. Yeah, that's evidence from court. Does that help? Does that help? Oh, yeah. I got some plans now. Yeah, right. No. No, Jenny. Damn it. You misheard us. Thanks, Jenny. Hey, there. Hi, my friend. Hello, brothers. Hello. I like your shirt. For what it's worth. Thank you very much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry it's not a sweater. Yeah, it's okay. That's okay. I wish it was a sweater. They can't all be. So what's your question? My name is Seth. Seth. He, him. I actually sent in two questions. You had one about your grandma. Yes. I thought that might be the question that got me. You knew it. You knew it was sent in. You're like, this is a fucking banger. The boys are going to love this shit. So I live in a multi-generational household. It's my in-law's house. And so it's my wife, her mom, and her grandma. So multiple generations. generations there, this grandma is pushing 90 years old, watches gun smoke all day oh yeah yeah and then my tv i'm glad somebody's watching my tv keep it real yeah exactly that's that's what it is and um she has no idea how to interact with children yeah so when my nephew comes around or we actually just brought home a two-month-old foster boy congratulations thank you very much fantastic she scares the living daylights out of children yeah old people are scary you don't like to talk about it but they've earned that a little bit that's what i'm saying when you're pushing 90 and you've made it to the great grandparent stage you don't have to fucking impress anybody yeah yeah let alone a kid who's young enough to not remember these interactions anyway it is incumbent on the children to kind of stiff upper lip it and you ever seen gun smoke kids because it's pretty lit actually you um so you're looking for the exact wording of your question yeah it's very good the exact wording may i read it yes please how do i market my grandma to be less scary to the great grandkids that's awesome so we're the focus group yeah at this marketing firm of great grandma's ink yeah and we're gonna rebrand what's her name you don't have to say your great grandma but like give me what's her grandma name i mean uh just grandma okay we're gonna start there that's the start there can be boosted up what about pebo that was cool yeah that's fun to say kids will love saying that yeah like pebo bryson especially if you're like great pebo yeah okay great the great pebo here comes the great pebo fuck yeah okay yeah yeah the great pebo is a great start actually i thought it was a joke but it's turned out to be very good yeah the great pebo and maybe put some posters up of like get ready she's coming the great pebo oh that's cool yeah and maybe list some show times of when they just make them take ipad breaks every once in a while to watch the trailer you've made for the great pebo have you guys enjoyed how on tiktok we've recently discovered that like our octa and nonagenarians have a little bit left a little bit left a little bit of a little bit content left on them just a little bit of content left we can ship away before they join the choir invisible just like a little bit of content left in there to get you know just a little bit of content we could get out of there and we could get out of there and we could get out of there and we could get out of there and they just play man just make a play fallout 4 one time and then they could die just get a little bit more content out people often wonder how being 15 years of uh internet content creators has changed the way that we look at the world yeah that's it that's it like you just heard justin say i mean my grandma dressed up like frankenstein and talked to me about her life growing up like just a little bit more content only 20 likes grandma we gotta do more grandma could you do somewhere if someone stands in a square for five hours you buy him a tv learn the dance if mr beast would take a step back and just like lower the stakes a little bit and now i'm mr b senior yeah uh it does your great grandma do anything that like kids would uh be like our grandma loved playing bingo and that was cool bingo's an all right game come over and she would often she would often give me uh books of matches yeah it's cool fuck yeah she's got a ton of jewelry that she loves to give away to people kids love that shit dude that's good babies love jewelry they do they do could they earn it from her by acting like they like her and eventually the affection becomes real it's true that's how it happened in tuesdays with maury i think fuck i knew you were gonna say that i've never i gotta read that fucking book as much as i reference it every time they hang out more he gives them a new ring yeah and he's like i'm starting to like you distinguished older gentleman what's your name again what's your name what day is it oh man if i'd known that we would have hung out on mondays does that does she even have an apple watch she does not but christmas is what are you doing could you get her some google glasses does that help does she play roblox does she play roblox does she play roblox she will soon yes yeah thank you thank you sam now we're talking thank you does that thank you have we fixed your life thank you because it should have been mondays with more yeah no it would be it would have been easier for him to remember on his calendar on the same page on this hello hi hi i'm mitzi hi mitzi nice to meet you nice to meet you too i'm really looking forward to this people never say that we never get to hang out anymore you know but as you get older who has the time mitzi i know your question but would you yes so through the normal course of doing her job my sister has acquired an exceptional horse kidney stone yeah not our horse um not your horse yeah okay is her job stealing horse kidney stones now you see it now you don't now you not this not this um if if the owner doesn't come back for it we get to keep it and i'm looking for advice on the two if the owner there's like yeah dude every part of that if the owner doesn't come back where like to the jail kidney removal okay you don't want to say veterinarian okay you can say veterinarian say horse no i think you should say horse kidney removal place that makes me happier one of them makes me happy alive and it's that one so keep saying that one they didn't take the horse to a fucking jiffy lube and it's having a horse kidney removal place no it's a roller coaster where everyone passes the old alley jesus i wish so um imagine what is your so you get to keep it if they don't come back yeah so what's the problem i would love some advice on how to preserve and best display this treasure now preserve you know we have no fucking idea you know that but that's just science paul can we show the picture paul don't show it yet it's a little yeah it's like can we actually no no can we take a vote no i think we should show my show hands like if you want to vote with your eyes close your eyes if you don't want to see it i am curious if you would like to see the kidney so raise your hand okay that's pretty it's not even a question just like for like five seconds we'll just like throw it up uh so it's not gross as a former kidney stone sufferer it's it's not gross it's like exactly beautiful like just do show it well we're gonna show you the picture show it okay that's not and now and now take it away no wait no it's no way i need it i really i don't want to ask you a question see they don't like it they there is you gave nothing of scale here in this picture yeah that actually is actually a good question how bit like size of a plum fuck off how big how big was this horse like horse size horse size god damn that's funny shit that's a good way to make fun of griffin i wish i had said that yeah that was good shit um i was gonna say on a ring but even then do you know what sucks i had a kidney stone in college that was so bad that it put me in the hospital like three times they had to surgically remove it when i came out of anesthesia this next time i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like true i did ask my girlfriend at the time to move in with me not in the best headspace to do that but also they just got rid of the stone i was so pissed off are you kidding me i'm not probably gonna make another one of those so i get why this is a special relic and it was arrowhead shaped it was cool he could have turned it into a tiny arrow to kill a mouse with yeah sure because i'm really super super messed up i think i think now that i think about it resin would be a good option if you just got some clear resin and then you could paperweight that would be no john hammond it right onto a walking stick that's sick actually that would be sick or even bigger center of a bowling ball like a mystery man yeah i will i like walking stick because then you're kind of making this enormous foul horse kidney stone at eye level to everybody pretty much all the time and people are gonna come up to you and they're gonna say wow that's one fucked up looking pine cone and you say friend do i have a story for you you have no idea it's important to have a prop when you later have to explain to another scientist that maybe it was a mistake to build your theme park full of giant extinct horses and you can spin it in front of you as you like look into it and talk about all i wanted to do was bring back giant extinct horses based on this kidney stone and they're like we should have known better you're like well obviously you're obviously obviously oh man that thing was really really gnarly let's see one more haven't stone fruits been through enough forgive me i have stolen the kidney stones from the horse kidney they were so yucky and so sharp good but that was a real thinker and i loved it i loved it hey does that help you guys i don't know i don't know if you guys have any questions definitely thank you so much thank you so much hey that's gonna do it for us can we bring the lights back down you all have been so great you actually have made this the best 24 hours. Wow. And you heard all the really bad stuff you went through. He had to eat breakfast. Yeah. Well, no. Thank you to Anderson. Now, I will say, the me getting extremely sick on the plane is now 28 hours ago, so it's no longer in the 24 hours, so the clock has kind of moved, but it's still a lot of cheering and I do appreciate that very much. Yeah, thank you so much for coming. Thank you to Kingsbury Hall for having us. This is a beautiful venue. Yeah, it's a beautiful place. Don't you love the paintings? I love that if you don't like the show, you can just look at a painting. That's convenient. Yeah, it's like a big-ass painting for a while. Second screen entertainment. That's cool, yeah. Hey, did you all enjoy that video we showed during intermission? That was made by Tom, who does all of our video stuff for us, and he's here tonight, so let's give it up for Tom. Big time! Thank you, Tom! That's enough. It's still mainly us doing the jokes, so just a little bit of cheering for Tom is fine. So much to Paul and thank you to, yes, and thank you to Amanda and Rachel and our dad, Clint McElroy. So glad he and Griffin got some time together today. Love that. Thank you to Scott Hope, who designed this rad poster. I think there's still some more out there. I do believe we are out of the Paul Sabor Memorial Can Food Drive coins, but if you want to make a donation to the Utah Food Bank out there, to you in the second row waving the checkered flags, it's amazing how good that makes me feel. I genuinely feel really good. It does kind of feel like we're pulling into the finish line of the show. We can't finish without. This has taken everything from us. You have no idea. We're barely standing. I blew out three tires finishing this show. We can't finish until we thank Montaigne for these for our theme song, My Life is Better With You. Griffin. And I apologize for how yucky that's sounded. Oh, Travis has got it. I was going to say you're the only sucker with a screen now, but Travis got his. I've got it right. Yes, you're going to leave us off here. Thank you so much Salt Lake City for coming. Hey, thank you, Siri. I know you were supposed to say that at the end of the show, but thank you so much. It's been. You've all been amazing. Genuinely, you've been an amazing audience, and we've had a killer time all the time. I, a 35-year-old with a full nine-month-old child, will be faster than my fear of when the animatronics that spear at Halloween try to get me unprovoked. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother, Me. Kiss your dad square on the lips. My life, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah It's better, it's better with you. Because it's true, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah It's better, it's better with you. My life, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah It's better with you. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.