Mayci Neeley (Secret Lives of Mormon Wives) Breaks Her Silence on Sexual Assault, Ending A Toxic Relationship, & Choosing Happiness

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Let me just unload everything. New episodes every Wednesday. Leave those filters at the door, because it's time to get real. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to RealPod. Today, we are bringing you such a good episode. If you are feeling like you need the inspiration to keep pushing through whatever it is you're going through in life, and the trust to know that it's all gonna work out and you're gonna be thriving and successful on the other side, that's the kind of inspiration that today's guest, Macy Nealey is bringing to RealPod. You've probably heard of the wildly popular reality TV show, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, or the infamous group Mom Talk on TikTok, which Macy is a part of. She's a content creator, TV personality, the CEO of her brand, Baby Mama, and the newest author of her book, Told You So, which is out everywhere now. I got a sneak peek to read the book before it was out, and let me tell you, it really is so vulnerable. Macy leaves nothing unsaid as she takes you through all the ups and downs she's experienced in her life, and how she's turned that pain into purpose and so much success. So make sure you check out the description where you can purchase the book and read it yourself. On today's episode of RealPod, Macy is going to explain how she's stayed strong and weathered the storm throughout all of the trauma she's experienced. She is going to be diving into the details of that, so I wanted to offer a trigger warning, that today's episode is gonna talk about grief and sexual assault, and I commend Macy for being voiced, something that so many people experience, but don't talk about. And Macy's going to share where she credits her strong self-esteem too, and provide tools for us to implement so that we can feel more confident in our own lives and stop comparing ourselves to other women. It's really such a refreshing and inspiring episode, and I'm so grateful for Macy, if we're coming on RealPod and being so candid with all of us here, and I want to give her a huge congratulations once again on the launch of HerBook told you so. So without further ado, please help me welcome Macy Nealey to RealPod. Macy, welcome to RealPod. Thank you. I'm so happy to have you. I am so happy to be here. And this studio is so cute. Oh my god, thank you. I love when people say that, especially like cutie girls. Oh my god. That means a lot of this. Like, it's so cute. And it looks so good with your book right there. She's leave it there. It's told you so by Macy Nealey out now. How does it feel? It's so crazy. Like, I still can't believe it's real. Like, that I wrote a book because it's been like a dream for the last 10 years. So it feels like bizarre to me that it's like here. I bet. And honestly, reading it felt like reading a diary. Like, I felt like I just found something in your room that I wouldn't maybe wasn't supposed to be reading. But I was like, I'm reading it. I don't know. It's not crazy. Like, when I was proofreading it, because I had to proof here like five times over just to make sure like, there's no mistakes. And I like what I wrote in like all these different things. And I was like, whoa, I like sometimes forget how much I put in there. I'm like, yeah, like all the stories. I'm like, okay, so this sounds like a diary, right? My favorite part, though, of your show when your group of friends is when you guys get vulnerable. And you start to talk about what you've been through. Even Michaela and season two. Like, I would just never know those things about her. And so I think it's the most admirable. And at the end of the day, like, is it entertaining to watch you guys do fun things? Yes. But what actually, like, impact someone that makes them feel seen is the vulnerability. Yeah. And I feel like that's what this book's going to do. Yeah. They're going to say it was fun to watch you guys fight. I'm like, well, yeah, like, great. I'm getting, but yeah, no, I think that's why I was excited for season two to come out. Because I'm like, okay, you can hear more of our stories. And it's not just all the drama. But even then, you're getting to show your story in like one minute or two minutes. It's not the same as like actually telling the story. So I'm really excited for everyone to read it. And all of you are crushing it. I mean, you just wrote a book. Yeah. Jen and Whitney are dancing with the star. It's crazy. Taylor is the bachelorette. Isn't that bizarre? I like so excited for that. Like, I cannot wait. Did you guys know for a while before it came out? I've known for like a month, maybe. Were you as shook as everyone else? Yes and no. Because we told her, I'm like, you should go in the bachelorette. Like, we've been telling her that. But like, she's kind of been like her little fog or like dating with Dakota and whatever. And so like, once it was kind of ending, I was hopeful. It should do something. I mean, I thought it's pretty dramatic going from one guy to 30 like overnight. So like, we need to get some dates in like in the between or something because yeah, it's crazy. But I'm not surprised. But I am that she actually committed to it. Because I wasn't sure if she would be like open to doing it. I'm tuning in. Oh my gosh. No matter what you think about it, you're tuning in. I'm like, oh, I will be there sat. Like watch parties every week. I also feel like instead of the family episodes, it needs to be like, you need approval from all of the Mormon wives. Like all of the 100%. Mom talk needs to approve you before you can be able to. Funny because I just all take talk on that before I walked in here. It was like, we need Macy's approval or something because I always go like hard at the relationships or something. So I mean, I'm down. I'm down to see who the red flags are, you know. And like, I'm down to help out. You always sussed them out. It's like, it's a vibe. You can just tell. Yeah. And you just had a baby. It's your third. Yes, my third. I cannot believe you are like postpartum. And you're crushing it. And like building your business and publishing books. Oh, how do you feel? I know you said you have some brain problems. So I'm tired. Yeah. I'm exhausted. Like actually, it's so tired. But like, it's been so fun. Like, guesters at Disneyland all day. And I'm like, just trying to do all the things. Because I work so much. I feel like with this career that I need to enjoy the little moments. Like, thinking of the families. I've been trying to do all of that. And soak it in. But the same time it's go, go, go. Like this career is like so busy. I'm so grateful. But like, yeah, it's just a lot. The fact that you're first born. You had in college as a division one tennis player. I say I was stressed as a student athlete. That was another level. Oh my gosh, that was crazy. How would you think though that that experience has prepared you for, you know, your second trial and not your third child? I think just like having so much chaos so young. Like, I feel like now when it gets chaotic, I'm like, okay, no problem. Like no big deal. Like I can balance like 60 things because I had to do it as a single mom and college. And so I feel like just another day. Definitely like having one so young. Like now having a third. Like it's still hard. Like the more kids you have. And it's like still hard no matter what. But it's not as hard to me. That's like no big deal. And getting pregnant in college with a boyfriend is something in general. That would be difficult. But coupling that with how you were raised more man. And probably being told that that was the ultimate sin. I'm guessing at the time, how did you process that? And then what was the reaction of like parents and friends when you finally told them? Oh yeah, like my parents were not stoked. So I'll just spend that way. But it's funny because I do say like we were like the cool Mormons. Like we were like chill Mormons. So I mean like yeah, I was a really big shock to them because like my parents obviously thought it was like a virgin. But like it still wasn't like, oh, end of the world, we're going to go ship you off to like a farm to go have a baby in secret. Because that's like what they kind of used to do back then. Not like Mormons by that generation. It was like they just disappear and all of a sudden they'd come back and they'd probably go, they're maybe up for adoption. Like that's kind of how it was. My mom said like back then, my parents were not like that. Obviously they were like very supportive. Like I think it was hard for them. My initially was like, I'm pregnant. Because they didn't even know I was dating anyone. Like in my relationships and stuff like that. So I think that was hard. But at the same time, like they just welcomed me with open arms. Like that's not to say that they didn't bring up everyone. So I like, wow, just can't believe you would do that. It was a hard experience, but a great experience at the same time. I have a handful of questions about being raised Mormon and then how that affects kind of the way you think about yourself. Before we dive into that, so are you currently still Mormon and what's the relationship with the church? Because I think that will help inform like how we discuss it. Yeah, most people don't think I am because they watch the show. And like Mormons don't do that. I actually am. I'm like so active in the church. Like I've always said that I'm someone in the middle. Like there's people in the church who are like very religious. They follow every single guideline to a tea. And there's people who maybe don't at all, but they're still Mormon. I'm like, rain in the middle. I don't do anything too crazy, but I don't follow like everything perfectly. So how did you get there? Because I do think there are people who, if they're on the more extreme end of the spectrum, truly believe that if they do any sort of intimate sexual act before marriage, that jeopardizes their chance, you know, in the afterlife. Because there's a lot of people who cannot find the gray area. Yeah, I think it's just the way I was raised. That was raised a lot more chill like being a California Mormon. I always say that is different than being a Utah Mormon. Utah's where most of the Mormons are, right? And so I think there's a difference in culture. We also in the church, we believe obviously in the atonement. And so we are forgiven for our sins. So like I think people make those mistakes and they think they won't be forgiven. But we believe to our core that you will be forgiven if you're a pet in your sins. But people just sometimes when you're very extreme, they just think the worst. you know? And I just don't care at this point. Like I'm like, I know who I am. I know what I do. If you want to judge, that's their problem, but I'm good. I think that's almost a beautiful aspect of not making mistakes because obviously like your firstborn has shaped your life and you're like, I can't even imagine. Like probably the biggest blessing of your life is that you got your pregnant in college. So I think for anyone in life, you could think it's a negative, but it actually turns out to be positive because you even talked about in the book how you thought your quote life was over. Yeah. When I got pregnant, like, this is the worst thing to ever happen. My life is over, like, it's never going to be the same. But then it turns out I actually had been like probably the best thing for my life because like I went from getting like a 1.9 GPA to like a 40 and I came back because it motivated me to be better person. Like I now had to do it for him too and not just myself, but also I wanted to do it for myself because I think I was being kind of complacent and just like, I was like, I'm just going to be an athlete and then become a mom one day. Like I mean, I was still motivated into my sport. To be honest, I was going to kick in the ass when I got pregnant. I was like, kale, now I don't have a choice. I have to get good grades because I'm going to have to have a career to support my son and like take care of him. Yeah, I'd never been like the best thing. I think also like all the trauma I went through and just like being a mom so young, shape me into the person that I am now. Like, and I wasn't a bad person before. I just don't think I was like, I'm a lot better now. I would say a lot more empathetic, a lot more understanding. I would say overall, it just made me a better person. That was actually something I wanted to dive into with you because you've talked about this on the show and in the book, but devastatingly, the father of your first child passed away in a car accident, texting you while you were pregnant, which is unimaginable to many, but was your reality? Yeah. I'm curious how that experience has affected the way you move through life. I would say that because of that, I have a lot of trauma even from losing him. I feel like I get triggered really easily around death. To this day, death scares me. I don't know. My husband doesn't respond to me in a certain amount of time. I'm like, oh my gosh. Did he die? I constantly have triggers from it. I'm more cautious now and I think it helped me appreciate life. It is short and you just never know. You need to live it to the fullest. But I also think it has also brought trauma in the sense that I'm probably too overly protective now over my son and my husband and just family. But I think it goes both ways. It's a positive and negative going through that because you learn how short life is and I am someone that you even don't see in the show, like I don't like having bad blood with people because I'm like, I don't know what's going to happen. Because it happened to me and it was overnight, like it was so quick, I never want to like offend someone or make them sad. And I think that's a good thing that comes from it. It also is hard because I think I get burned a lot because of it. So I don't know. But I would say overall like, yeah, it changed me completely. Forgiveness is like the word that comes to mind, which I'm sure with something that you learned that lesson in such an extreme way, but to not have regrets with people you love. Yeah. And I think that that is powerful to understand. Yeah. Although it's something we don't want to learn at that place. Yeah. And I think it's also interesting because you have to learn how to forgive yourself. And I think I didn't really do that or didn't take that into heart in the past as always. Like, let's forgive others what they do. But you also have to forgive yourself. Like mistakes that you make to better understand yourself. I mean, because like, I mean, I did things. I'm like, why did I do that? Like, or like, situations I was in where I was like, why did this happen? But it's like, you have to forgive yourself. Like, you're younger self because like, you didn't know. Like, you're just trying your best, you know? I think a lot of people can relate to that with the ones we love. I mean, in such a small way, Maya, who's in her 80s, has been telling me to read the women by Kristen Hannah. And I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, I don't want to read this book that you read. Like, I'm good. And then I just started thinking, okay, well, she ever passes away. I'm literally going to be like, and you didn't read the fucking book. Yeah, like, you should have the book. Like, yeah, so much time. And so I did read it. But I think something that you've been candid about, which is helpful, is that like your relationship with Eric wasn't on the best terms. You had said that he'd hurt you and he was apologizing. And there wasn't like closure in that conversation. And yeah. So how have you healed and accepted that? Because I think there are more than not people out there who've lost a loved one and didn't have the final conversation they wanted. Yeah. I mean, I think that's why it's taking me a long time to heals because I don't think it really had proper closure. And then I think if you watch the show, you see season two where I actually go the first time to like where he died. And it was because I'm going to avoid it. Like, I don't want to put myself in that space. Mike, why do I want to feel sad? You know, but at the same time, that stuff never goes away. It's just like buried under the rug and then it's still there. And so I think just in general, I have a hard time being vulnerable in the sense that like I like to protect my heart. And it's hard. But I mean, part of me is like, have I been through it? I don't know. There's times where I'm like, oh, I hate that that happened. I get frustrated. But at the same time, when you lose when you love, it's like, all I have in my heart for him is love and like warmth. And like, I'll always have a piece of him in my heart because like that is the biological father of my child. And I did love him. And like, we had a great relationship. Despite what happened, we never fought. It was great. And especially compared to the relationship I was in before, like, it was like night and day. So like, I feel like that relationship as sadly as it ended was so good for me at the same time. But it is hard because it never did get that like full closure. And there were so many questions I had. Like when he passed away, like at night, I like couldn't sleep. I just been thinking about questions or I missed him and how I wanted him back. I just want to have one more conversation. And and it's just something I never got. And I don't know if there really is a right answer for it. It's just like, it is what it is. You know, they say that grief doesn't ever go away. It just gets a little lighter. Yeah. Even then it's still something that's always going to be a part of you. My best friend Aubrey lost her dad when we were really young. And I've seen the beautiful way that like her family has talked about him and like kept him alive in so many memories. As you've been raising your children, obviously, your son. How have you done that? Right? Because it's like, you don't want it to be a sad thing every day. You know what I mean? How have you been keeping his legacy in your son's life? I would say through like baseball because my son now plays it and he loves it. And his dad, Eric was like a very good left handed pitcher. Like he was like best in the stay. Like I knew he was good. I know he was like that good until like he passed away. And so I think that's one thing I try to do. Like my son, when he goes on his baseball teams, a new team, he always always likes to get the number eight. And that's his dad's number. So like he has those connections to him in that sense, which is great. I don't ever like push things on him ever. Like if he has questions, I'll answer them. I don't really like to like really enforce it because he also has a dad like my husband. So it's like, and he's been in his life since he was 10 months old. I want him to know his biological dad and like had that connection and not feel like, oh, there's something missing here. But also like respect his dad who's raising him, you know? Yeah, but he could have both. Yeah, and he does. And he gets it now. Like he understands both and he my husband's his dad, you know? And he knows that he has another dad. I think I try to make it a positive thing to me. Like isn't it cool? You like two dads and not everyone gets to have two dads. Yeah. And I think he loves that. Just guardian angel. That's looking over him. Exactly him. This podcast episode is brought to you by one of the best gluten free snacks. And that's Crunch Master. Crunch Master has been a trusted gluten free brand for over 20 years. Crunch Master is a pioneering brand in premium gluten free snacks committed to delivering high quality, delicious and gluten free snack options. Crunch Master is one of Cubby's favorites. That's my sister-in-law who's gluten free. She loves it so much because it doesn't compromise on taste. I'm not gluten free and I think they're delicious, even though I could eat a gluten free cracker. 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I was so like gaslit and like manipulated that I didn't even know like what was happening to me. Like I thought it was normal because it's like it builds up over time to where you think it's normal. So it wasn't really until like I literally googled it and I like I was on some website and it said like all different signs of abuse and I could like check off every single one and I was like oh my gosh like yeah. And I just didn't even know until that moment which is so crazy to me and even then it's like I still didn't want to like admit it because I didn't want to like be a victim you know because like it's like a pride thing I'm like no I'm strong like I'm not this you know but you can be a victim and still be strong and I think that's what I took me to realize but I mean I guess my biggest advice is like if you have friends to lean on them because at least I didn't at that time and that's why if you see on the show people are like why is Macy so obsessed with Taylor and Dakota's relationship is because I can see right through it and I don't want her to have what happened to me happen to her and very protective over my friends because of that relationship I went through and like some people say it's invasive but I'm like I'm just trying to help because I wish I had someone to help me back then you know and people like that who are emotionally abusive and narcissistic they like start with these little things to test and see like what they can get away with and then the abuse just increases because they realize like they have some room to go yeah no that's how it was we're like little things here and there that I didn't think as like red flags you know until like you get out of it and you're like wait this thing this thing this thing like yeah for example I don't even think I wrote it in the book but just if I didn't want dessert one night it was a fight he was mad that I didn't want dessert like the littlest things I think he wanted me to gain weight because he didn't want me to like be desirable to other men like because if a man looked at me it was like a fight you know he tried to make something out of nothing like every single day in reading the book too was in like the very beginning you casually mentioned that you were sexually assaulted and the first time you're addressing it fully is in your book yeah what inspired you to feel ready to talk about that because it is one in three women macy when I read it I just like froze because I was like I was thinking if sitting at a dinner party with you and meeting you for the first time you're sitting at a table of these women you have no idea what anyone's been through and I think that's why I wanted to share is because you don't know because it is hard to talk about and not everyone wants to talk about it and that's okay if they don't but I think it's because I don't want to make it normal but like unfortunately in our society it is because it is one three women and it's really scary and it's really sad and so I feel like that's why I wanted to share is because it's also going through that is like what changed me into a who I am now and it also like makes sense like I didn't really know anything about sex really because I like was a little more sheltered growing up and so I didn't really know like what was right and what was wrong and like what was happening to me and also because I didn't share it with anyone because I was scared I felt like I was kind of trapped and so yeah I think that's why I share is because like I want anyone who's going through something similar to be like I can do something about this because that's what I wish I would have done back then you know I wish I would have had someone being like hey you can tell someone or you can do this but I didn't and I didn't feel like I could people were really talking about it back then because this is like 2014 and so I think that's why I want to share it and I'm so glad you did and the situation that you went through specifically when you lost your virginity it is one of those things where you're consensually hooking up with this person and like dating them yeah but then you said that he most likely slips something into your drink yeah and then the next thing you knew he's having sex with you yeah and you did not consent to that and you're saying I don't want this and you just kind of wake up fuzzy and then the next morning he's taking you to breakfast yeah and he's like we did that last night you're like what are you talking about and that type of rape is so manipulative because they're kind of convincing you then it wasn't yeah and it was like your idea and like you were into it because then I might even confuse but I'm like no because like I've always wanted to save myself for marriage like I know I wouldn't have done that so like it was very confusing and then and then I never want to admit that it was rape because I was embarrassed like I should have known or I should have done something to stop it or never put myself in that situation for that to happen when I'm like it wasn't actually my fault and that's the hardest part about it it took a long time like through therapy to be able to like forgive myself even though it wasn't my fault it literally took for a therapist to send me down being like you were raped and like I knew that in the back of my head I'd never want to say it out loud because like then it's real you know and I didn't want to be a victim you don't want to admit that someone's like taking power over you and like I have a hard time with that you know in general I thought rape was someone like like jumping out of the bushes and attacking you like that's what I thought it was until like it happened to me I had no idea that it could happen in like relationships I know is considered rape at that point you know something Brenda Tracy who's a rape survivor set on this podcast I'll never forget is rape should never be the consequence of yeah it should never be the consequence of wearing a short skirt exactly the consequence of drinking with your friends yeah it should never be the consequence of falling asleep next to a guy yeah it should never be the consequence and I hope that can get through to women as well who are feeling like oh well all these eight things I was a part of before this doesn't matter yeah does it never never okay or the consequence of any action you do exactly it's just the worst who because I think it's like someone taking your body when you didn't want them to like and I don't think people who haven't gone through it realize how mentally that like messes with you you have truly been through so much yeah you are strong as fuck and you're so well spoken and you're so on your shit and you're thoughtful and you're kind and like thank you what you've been through breaks a lot of people may see like it really sends them on like a totally different path in their life maybe they're not a present parent maybe they yeah can't hold a job they can't relationship and I know some of that is going to net out to brain chemistry right sometimes someone's brain just the chemicals and the pressure and the stress they can't compute it what do you think it is that's kept you so strong it's actually so fine but I definitely attribute it to the way I was raised like I think it's just when my parents raised me because they're a very tough love to an extreme like I'd be on the tennis court I'd be like puke gang and like get out there like you have a match that's just how it was growing up so I really attribute it to like the way I was raised in sports because like I didn't really have time to make excuses like I have pulled muscles and I still play my tournaments and I'd be on my deathbed like still out there playing like even as at BYU like my sister is my coach that same energy like came through into college and it was like I remember one day I got food poisoning is like pretty severe tried to get an IV but I had a match the next day but I still went out there and played you know and I won so it's like I had to just like be strong my whole life and so I feel like going through hard things is like it was the hardest thing I've ever been through all those things but like in my head it's almost like I don't have a choice I have to be strong and that's not gonna be the case for everyone but I think it's also helped me a lot in my life because then I think I pushed through it was like the little things aren't as big to me you know what I mean like even the show it's like the drama like that means nothing to me because I've been through big things like he said she said I don't care like and that's why people are like oh she writes events. Like, no, it's just because like. I've been through time and I genuinely don't need to be involved in this. Like it's so dumb compared to like what's going on in the world. I know it's great TV and it's like fun to watch, like get it. And like, and it is our real lives, because people think it's like fang. But like, unfortunately, it's like, no, that argument happened. Yeah, my God, like really happened. And like, people are taking sides. And yeah, so I think that's why it's the way I was raised. And like, having the sports background, I think a lot of people are in sports. You can probably relate. You kind of have to be strong a lot of times when you don't want to definitely. And I would agree wholeheartedly. There's just like things when it comes to discipline, when it comes to consistency, when it comes to effort, that you're just going to tap into that mindset. Because, you know, you played at such an elite level. And I know that that is only sustainable for so long. So I don't doubt that that was instilled in you and that you pushed through. Now though, I mean, you mentioned going to therapy. I at least feel like I've been learning about the softening of myself and my life. It's actually really healthy for me. Yeah. Cause we can't just be in offense our entire life. So what are some of the ways that you feel like you have unlearned some of that to feel safer and more comfortable and have more balanced mental health? It just takes time for me. In time myself, you can have a break because again, I'm the person who's like, if I sit on my bed and like scroll my phone, I'm like, you are the laziest human being because I'm so used like, go, go, go. Like, be on top of things. But I think for me, it's like taking time for myself and just be like, you can chill. Like you don't have to be doing something all the time. You're not lazy for taking a break. And so I think that for me is what I had to realize and like to give myself more grace and like time to just like chill and also like discover who I am because I became a mom so young that I feel like you kind of lose like who is macy? Like, I don't think I even knew who I was before I became a mom. So I think for me, like, as cheesy, it sounds like being part of mom talk, actually, like kind of help me be like, who do I want to be? And like, that's kind of like where I decided I can be active in the church. And I can drink coffee and I could be a bad person. And that's helped me like not only slow down, but also like still want to be successful and like thrive. Like, and like, you can have both. Like it doesn't have to be like one or the other. It's like it's giving you roots. Yeah. Because I think if we imagine ourselves as like, you know, this like very delicate branch, like you can just go wherever the wind takes you that day or the storm. And it's like, once you know who you are, you can plant yourself. And yeah, we're going to like sway, but you're not going to feel threatened or ever to move because of the stability you've felt. This episode of RealPod is sponsored by BetterHelp. I love therapy so much. So do a lot of my guests. We talk about therapy on this podcast, almost every episode. And if you are interested in working with a therapist and seeing what that can do for your life, I highly, highly encourage it. And you can start now with BetterHelp at BetterHelp.com/RealPod. BetterHelp therapists have helped over 5 million people worldwide on their mental health journeys. That's millions of stories, millions of journeys. And behind everyone is a therapist who showed up, listened and helped someone take a step forward moments in therapy. Like the right question, a safe space to cry or a small win can truly change lives. And I know that from my own story. I have had a variety of therapists throughout my life. And I feel like each of them have taught me so many valuable things. And I go every other week. I have it as part of my routine. It's how I stay feeling like my best self. And I honestly don't know what I would do without that 45 minutes where I get to unload and learn and recalibrate. Also, October 10th is World Mental Health Day, which we love. One of our favorite days of the year here at RealPod. And this year, BetterHelp is shining the spotlight on therapists, people who truly make the world a better place. I love that they're doing that because therapists are angels and they deserve a shout out and their flowers for sure at the very bare minimum and BetterHelp's therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US. And you can switch therapists at any time to ensure your match is the right fit. So this World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward. 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Honestly, the simple things, even like listening to certain music you like, taking care of yourself, like, do I like to go on runs? Do I want to do like a hot mom walk or hot girl walk? Like I think finding hobbies, like I started like reading books. I started playing pickleball like this is really fun. And like things like that where you kind of are like, what am I feeling? Like and it's okay to feel these things because I feel like, yeah, for a while, I feel like you have to be so strong upon this happy face. But it's okay to take three hours and cry in the shower. If I want to do that, I can do that. And I think just giving ourselves grace. And I just think it takes time to like it took some time for me after having a baby. Like, and I think Michaela says the same. She's like, I had a baby so young like I didn't know who I was, you know? And I think you're always still discovering that. Like I don't think everyone knows exactly who they are even now. I think we're all still like growing and learning. And how are you with opening up to your friends? Sometimes with my friends, I lean more on the like, no, no, I'm fine. And I've been trying to be more candid with them and know that I'm not like burdening them or bothering them on the middle of a Tuesday. Yeah. I'm curious how you are with your girls. I'm kind of like that, too, where I'm like, oh, I'm good. Like don't even worry. And I think it's because when I am feeling something, I like to handle it alone. I don't know what it is. Like even my husband a lot of times won't even know like what I'm going through because I don't like to share it. Cause I'm like, I think it comes from the root of like, oh, I need to be strong, you know? But then I think in the last couple of years, I'm more open even telling my husband. I mean, I can't like this is hurting me. And this is like bugging me or like, and that wasn't always easy for me. And with my friends, I feel like it just takes time. Like once you get more comfortable with them and being like, oh, this is a safe space. Then you can share those things. But there's only a couple of people that actually do that with the thing. It's like you have to find your people. And even then sometimes it is hard to be vulnerable because it's like human emotions are sometimes hard. Like some people are good at it. And it's like so easy for them. But like I always just think of me and Michaela because like we're so close. But even then it's still hard for us to be vulnerable with each other. Like, should I be like, oh, yeah, I was crying all day. I was like, what were you crying? Like, I love your friendship. I feel like you're so similar. Yeah, no, we were like a very level headed. Yeah, I feel like we've like molded into each other. We'll see at the same things at the same time. Like we get pregnant at the same time, not even planning it. Like it's just so bizarre. But we've been actually pretty good like checking it with each other. Like post-partum and stuff because we know that post-partum hormones go crazy. But sometimes she's, yeah, she's a hard time being vulnerable too. So like we're both like, don't love emotion, but we've been pretty good now. Like getting more comfortable sharing that. And I think it's nice. We have a friend who is in the same as you to bounce off of that with definitely. And it's normal in girlfriend groups, especially that there's some comparison or there can be jealousy and we talked at the very top of this episode about how so many of you are crushing it. How do you navigate your brain comparing yourself to the other girls and who's doing this and who's doing that and feel confident despite other people's success? I think in this industry, especially like you have to be happy for your friends opportunities. And like let's say you wanted the opportunity, didn't get it. Being like, okay, I'm so happy for them. I'll get the next one. Like I'm going to have these opportunities too. It all comes from my positivity. And like I'm a big believer in like manifestation. Like I know that's like so cringey, whatever, but I believe it's real. I read the secret like tears ago. and I think it changed my life into like positive thinking because I'm someone who I do see the glass half full, but like when I first look at it, it looks half empty. And then I change my mind, I'm like, oh no, it's half full, you know? So I think it's taken time to rewire my brain and stuff. When it comes to this and like we're all doing the same show, right? But then we're all getting different opportunities. I always am trying just to be happy for them and being like, oh my gosh, let me root them on like cheer for them. And like I know the opportunities that I want I will get. Like in time, you know, abundance mindset. Yes, abundance mindset. What is the secret about? Oh my gosh. Yeah, it's actually okay. It's a weird book. I always listen to my books most of the time. But like if you listen to it, it's really strange because like when times and stuff is kind of like we but like it's about like manifestation, how like positive thinking will like get you whatever you want. There's certain things in there that like I don't necessarily believe. We'll talk about someone who wants to lose weight and like just think thin thoughts and you'll be thin. I'm like, okay, that's not, no, that's okay. That's not going to happen. Stuff. I take things that resonate with me, leave things that don't and that's what I would suggest with that one. But there's other things like being positive and how things will like happen in your life, kind of like abundance mindset, not like a scarcity mindset being like, oh my gosh, like if you're always worried about money, right, you're not going to have it. Like kind of being like, I know it's coming towards me and like positive things are coming and then they will. And when you have the positive thought, action's going to follow. If you wake up and tell yourself, I'm smart and worthy and good enough, you're going to wake up and dominate your day. You wake up and tell yourself, oh, that's never going to happen for me. I think the mind is a powerful way to then create the movement. Yes. And it talks about how your mind is so, so powerful. That's why I like about it is like, okay, like I can change things with my mind. Like who wants to live your life being unhappy and sad? So I think it really helped me like retrain my mind when I do get in those moods or like when I'm feeling negative or like sorry for myself. And I also like to practice gratitude. Okay, like what are some things I'm grateful for right now? Because when you think about that, I'm so privileged. I literally wrote down in my notes on my phone every day I wake up in this body in this life is a fucking gift. No, it is. Yeah, your mind right. No seriously. I won't say it like in a way to my face to slap me out of it. Yes, because like if you sit there and like feel sorry for yourself, you're going to ruin your whole day. When you think about how privileged we are compared to like even other people like so many people are going to have it worse in you. And like even if you're going through the hardest things like when I look at my story and people look at it and like, oh my gosh, I feel so bad going through so much. I'm like, yeah, but like there's so many people who go through even worse. So I feel like I should be incredibly grateful for like where I'm, you know, gratitude is so important. Yeah. Do you think that that helps you deal with internet hay and the online storm and all the opinions? I mean, it is no joke putting yourself on reality TV. Yeah. I feel like pretty lucky. I don't get too much hate, but I will see things and like, oh, like that's not true or like that's annoying or like you're missing the contacts, whatever. But then I think about it and like they don't know me in real life. I know who I am and I'm confident in who I am as a person that I'm a good person. So I don't need to worry about what he or she said because it doesn't matter. It's all just noise. But again, I've never experienced extreme hate. And I know like some people in the show have like after it's come out, it's like, I guess I can't fully speak on that because I've never experienced it to like a devastating degree. But you do put yourself at risk for it. Oh, 100% exposure could be enough to just tip anyone over the edge too. It does scare me. Like I'm not going to lie. It does scare me sometime. It's because I'm like, wait, that wasn't the intention like behind it. That's why I'm more so worried about like people perceiving me in a way that I'm not. And that's something you're subject to yourself to going on a show because I don't edit it. You know, I don't know what it's going to look like. Or maybe I had a moment of weakness. That was caught. Everyone has mistakes. But I think you're judged differently because you're on a show, right? So people are seeing that being like, well, you're putting yourself out there. You're subjecting yourself to it. And it's like, well, I didn't say for people to hate me. And honestly, to quote the Bible, one of my favorite quotes is let he who is without sin cast the first song. And it's like literally, if you say that, no one can speak. We have all made mistakes. We've done things wrong. You know, yes. And I'm like, there has been moments where like I see something and maybe like if you have an insecurity in that area, like it'll hit and you're like, oh, like I think it was like, it was not even before the show. I was like, when I was just doing influencer stuff, someone commented something like she treats her son like her little brother. And I was like, oh my gosh, do I do that? Because I am the baby of the family. So it's like, and I never had a younger sibling. I think it's the mom ones that get me because mom's try so hard to just like be a good mom, right? And so I feel like when you see something like that, you're like, wait, do I do that? Because I'm also someone who does like criticism. Because I want to improve. Like I want to get better. Yeah, you're an athlete. Yeah. It is true about us being athletes, though, that like every practice, we we're working on how to get better every game. Even if we won, we watch film about how we could have won better. Yeah. And so it is something I'm working on as an adult being like, you don't have to constantly be evaluating how everything could be better. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's so true. You know, you can just be good enough and how you did the moment. I feel like it's because winning is like the expectation. At least for me, it's like, I wouldn't even celebrate the win unless it was like a crazy good one. It was just like, no, you were expected to do that. Like that's the bare minimum. And so I think you're always reaching to be greater. And that's what's hard because then I don't know if you felt this way, like leaving college sports, it's like, cool, what now? I know a lot of athletes have become like depressed after college because it's like, if they're not going pro, then it's like, what what do I do now? Like your whole life was the sport. And now what's next? And so that even hit me a little bit too after having to finish my college career. It's like, how am I going to feel that success? That feeling of winning? I don't feel competitive in my career at all. Yeah. If I did it with sports, but I do feel like what's next? Like how can I reach for more? You know, I'm not winning. Funny you say that because I played pick of all this morning. Oh my gosh. And it was super fun, but I was playing with two family friends in town and my mom texted our family like two days ago, like they are so good. They are going to whoop your ass to which I'm like, whether they do crush me or not, that sounds fun to me. I would like to get my ass wet on the floor because it's like, yeah, I'm toxic like that. Yeah, anyways, I went this morning and like it was so fun. And I played with someone else and we won one set. We lost best of three. Yeah, but it was not an ass whooping. Yeah. But I just felt like I locked in. I was like on my sheet and I was being competitive and I like texted my husband and I was like, damn, I missed tapping into that because similar to my face. I don't feel that way in this career. I love my career. I don't want another one and I feel blessed. Yeah. And it's just not the same as like, yeah, not having any electronics and physically being pushed to a limit. Yes. I think I said this in the book, but like when I would get super tired, like, let's say you're doing sprints on treadmills, I would turn the treadmill up higher because I'm like, I want to see how hard I can push myself. I want to tell myself, okay, like if you can do it this hard, you can do it that hard the whole time, you know? And so I think that's what's interesting too, but I also like pick up a lot and I'm building one a court in my backyard right now. We need to play. I know. You guys come over. Come to Utah. It's so fun. It's like a whole like tournament. Yeah. It's so fun. And you know, that's important. It is important to find ways to say sporty and athletic. Yeah. This morning's pickleball has inspired me to think, okay, how can I get that feeling in my life more? Yeah. And to what you said about it's about hobbies, it's about thinking about what you like. I was like, should I do a dance class? Should I do a pull dancing or a hip hop copy? Yeah. Try to feel sexy and like outside my comfort zone. So I think even though we're becoming adults and we have responsibilities and we weren't. We don't have to stop the play. We don't have to stop the fun. No, no, no. And I do I miss the competitiveness towards the end of my pregnancy. And I was like, I miss that feeling of like competing and like feeling your like heartbeat really fast, but not from anxiety, but from the competition, you know. And so like, I'm like, what if I did a pro pickleball? The toxic in me is like, should I get like, I love that. No, you should. I'm not even a pickleball player. So I will probably say that, but I just assume I could like you're going to be because of tennis. It does. It definitely translates. The hand like coordination. Yeah. I would never do singles. So I'm like, I'm not going to be in shape enough of that. Let's do doubles. We'll go ahead ahead. We'll be partners. Yeah. Well, then we'll just just try. Yeah, it won't be fair. No problem. It's a competitive nature. Macy, thank you so much for coming on the show. I love talking to you. It was so fun. You're so easy to talk to. Oh, thank you. You are too. Like so nice. She a former athlete. You got it. So much in common. Yeah. Thank you. Appreciate it. This was great. It was so fun. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of RealPod. If this hit home or helped you in some way, send it to a friend, a teammate, Rumi, share the love, share the realness. New episodes of RealPod come out every single Wednesday. So make sure you are subscribed to this podcast. So you never miss an episode to leave a rating or review of the show. Head to iTunes. Let me know what you think. I love hearing from you. Not to mention you can stay connected with RealPod throughout the week, seeing behind the scenes info and sneak previews of upcoming guests by following the @RealPod account on Instagram. All information about today's show and guests will be linked in the description of this episode. Thanks again for listening. I love you guys so so much. Let's go dominate the day. And as always, keep it real. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Hi, I'm Pia Barangini, a creative director of LPA and entrepreneur, a wife and a dog mom based in Los Angeles. This is my new podcast. Everything is the best. But we basically ask interesting people, how did you go from zero to yacht? I'm always curious how to help people who came successful and I figured you would be too. Get on the internet with me. Let's laugh, let's cry, let's over share and let's get inspired to live our best lives. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. It's all for you, baby. Thanks for listening. Love you, mean it.