May Bonus Episode: Breaking Dawn (Part 1)

hey weirdos i'm ash and i'm elena and this is a bonus episode of morbid it's bonus it's bonus it's on top of the other two this week it's on top of everything biatch you guys oh my god breaking dawn part one is the worst movie i've ever seen in my entire life the book is also wildly rough oh my god i wildly i remember reading this book i was probably like 13 maybe when this one came out maybe 12 and i was like this is the sexiest thing i've ever read in my life and now i'm like oh what the fuck it's it's a trip it's yeah being almost 30 years old and looking back i'm like why the f- let me read this that's the and and i got i got my post-its back out in the book i love watching elena prepare for these episodes because that bitch whips out a pack of post-its and she just goes to town because you gotta we gotta do book and movie and illustrated guide yeah and website the web got some off the website i got a lot from the website i was i was surfing through that website and there's just so many things i have to say stephanie meyer is a trip like you are a trip like you just really are i just need to say this because it's ticking me off at one point she writes like somebody else is writing for stephanie in in on the on the on the um website like her fan site or whatever you want to call it and then she writes like she's writing it but it's within the same couple of paragraphs it's confusing so i said who the fuck is writing this if not you stuff yeah yeah it's a big it's a it's wild yeah it's a wild ride all the way through i feel like i now i can't remember breaking down part two at least like the movie because i when we were watching this i was like oh wow i don't remember like any of this i yeah specifically didn't remember that edward delivers the baby via his teeth yeah which is hard to forget it's wild it's i think that was actually a trauma response yeah for sure i think that was in a box it's somewhere in the deep back part of my brain yeah your brain really protected you there but now i'm like oh god what are what's gonna happen when we do part two part two just has a lot of funny lines in it and deliveries okay and then there's like a pretty cool fight scene i'm pretty sure if i remember correctly there is a cool fight scene and i remember i don't know why we're getting like into part two right now but i do remember that bella has that like force field thing she can do oh yeah i forgot about that i actually completely forgot about that that was i remembered that out of there yeah yeah uh okay but this part right now well before we get into that we wanted to announce our next um morbid book club period pick it's going to be victorian psycho by virginia fado i'm very excited we're very excited about it we have a special guest joining us special guest joining for it it's gonna be fun it's gonna be great it's an author an author you say it's a horror author horror uh and we're very excited about them coming yeah we're excited to talk to you about it uh it's a pretty it's a it's a book that's on the shorter side so it should be pretty pretty easy to get through yeah i think even if you're like um like an audio listener i think the audiobook is like four hours yeah for sure so so check it out and it's supposed to be great i'm excited to read it yeah that'll be what the end of june that comes out yeah mikey does that come out at the end of june oh yeah that'll be the end it's kind of funny so mikey you know what i should just start yelling at mike jones do you remember that the yin yang twins yes you absolutely should um so yeah that's the business that we have um also since we're talking about books if you want to pre-order a book you should pre-order the uh but your legacy cat and mouse because it's there yeah and you should order it yeah i read really good the prologue of it the other day after not reading it for a while and i said that's not that bad she said wow i don't even think i suck at this and i was like i'd actually venture that you're pretty good at this so i'm telling you i said that to drew and he goes does she realize she's been on the new york bestsellers list twice and he was like in like at the very beginning of her career it's it's the thing that will never he was like that's of pretty high esteem i'll constantly be like oh yeah i think i'm getting better at this you are you know you are uh always improving and i think you you have a natural talent to thank you i appreciate that so yeah go get go get that if you want to get it anywhere so and my uk babes some specials coming for you too so stay tuned is that the thing you showed me the other day yesterday nice yeah that's all for uk yeah that's so cool i know i'm gonna get one too though hell yeah oh can i have one yeah cool you guys will find out hey oh i didn't even mean to make that so so spoily or like or like exciting but i that's a cool thing see okay so yeah so that's all the business and now it's time for breaking down part one because it's time this one is wild y'all i forgot how true i think i we saw this together in the movie theater we did yeah i think we might have been with my mother maybe i mean you mean renee yes no watching this movie i said that would have been my mother if she was invited to my wedding she went good night that would absolutely be we will be getting into the disheveled hair at all she looked wild she was good she said everybody at this one didn't get to see she did she did i like charlie's speech the best i love charlie to an unhealthy degree i love when he walks in and he goes yeah i know i look hot and i was like you do i said you really do charlie you're looking good but you really do all right let's start where are we starting so we gotta start with one thing that makes me fucking so annoyed oh god so and it's the overarching theme of this whole thing okay so obviously in a lot of these things we find that stephanie meyer goes against her own lore that she created because the illustrated guide will say something the book will say something the movie will say and then they all collide into just like a fucking crazy thing now in the illustrated guide she says stephanie meyer says that she understands that people won't accept or get the whole vampires and humans having babies like that that would be like wait what like well yeah because you've never brought it up before yeah like immortal children have been brought up but that's like a different thing that was like when they were creating vampires baby and i have like kids yeah which is so so what kills me is she says but to her her and i quote scientific reasoning is enough for her huh was she doing experiments scientific reasoning she do the scientific method on this nothing about this and here's here's again where it doesn't make so you say whoa okay so you're science we're science here that's now science in case everybody's wondering is based in reality yes right we're firmly in reality right now because by her own words here we are two feet in reality okay so she says she went against her own previously set up lore obviously because like you know that happens and instead of saying like you know because i would respect this if she said i wanted this plot point you know i felt like it was going to be a good direction it felt important to me it goes against the lore but like i just went there because it was really important to go here i feel like all right she's like making it canon yeah i can at least respect that that you're saying you know what i'm going against my own lore but it's important and i think it's going to be worth it yeah but instead she says first that her scientific reasoning is enough for her for this to work and then she says guys it's fantasy vampires are real what you're oh boy wait what what what she really said fuck y'all so you just told me with 10 toes down in the realm of reality that it's based on scientific reasoning and then in the next breath you say to me oh you believe in vampires that's so cute you idiot that's so cute you fucking freak like it's just like what what and she's like no this i can make it up as i go along because it's fantasy and it's like no i know that you make the world and that like you can make it whatever you have to follow your own rules but the problem is you made lore and not only did you make lore you made an illustrated guide that you didn't need to make i think she might forget that she made that you made this illustrated guide that no one made you do because there's also another big thing that happens with jacob there's a few there's yeah there's some glaring issues that one is glaring to me yeah like it's and it's such an easy out to say it's fantasy yeah vampires aren't real that's like but you made this and it's like but also but you're taking it so seriously and it's like and it's okay if you take it seriously because it's your world you created right but in the same breath you're telling me that's fucking weird that you believe this but believe this please and care about it it's like no you can't have it both ways no also i do feel like it's kind of misogynistic that vampire guys it's like how like men can fuck until they're 70 and like be a dad i have a lot to say about that it's not nice that she was like vampire guys can impregnate human women but vampire women empty oh i'm stuck i'm gonna get so into that because what bothers me about just like to go back to that i don't like that i don't like that i don't like that i don't like that i don't like that i don't like that i don't like that i don't like that i don't like that is like i love fantasy yeah fantasy is fun yeah i will fully envelop my in a fantastical world and i will believe it for the moment that i'm reading it and it's like but you and and she as somebody who's writing fantasy like if i was writing a fan i love fantasy so much that i wish i could write a fantasy novel you could it just seems like a lot of work because you have to have a lot of that but i'm like adverse to work but i'm just saying like we know creating a whole lore and like magical system is like daunting i imagine well and i'm very impressed obviously tough because as it as it builds and builds and builds you have to remember all of the rules exactly it feels hard like maybe i'll try it someday because it does seem fun and now that i said that i don't think i could do it now i feel like i have to do it she has to prove it to herself you know why because she's a virgo rising that's not even capricorn coded that's virgo yeah there you go but if you are writing something like that i imagine that you take it very seriously and you take the the world seriously and to you it's in that moment very real and you want readers to feel like it's very real while they read it so then to to kind of cop out of fucking up against your own lore with you think this is real guys yeah like you silly gooses like what are you doing i'm like no you can't do that you can't make readers feel stupid for being enveloped in this world when you've given me every reason to be enveloped in this world like that's not cool no like you can't just be like it's fucking fake no we know that like you don't bring me back to reality that's not what we're looking for rooted in this world and again if you just said yeah you know what the story just had to go this way i felt very passionately about it going this way i'd be like okay girl like that i can respect that yeah but to to use the you guys are silly for believing this and caring so much is like okay like you don't blame your readers stephanie yeah don't blame your readers for giving a shit about your story and remembering your lore yeah huh like fuck she also said that this was inspired by the merchant of venice and a midsummer night's dream and i just need which are both in the movie by the way i just want to state that yeah that's all i'm just gonna leave that there like damn what yeah i don't know i don't know i don't really know i'm not sure about that i'm not really sure anyways and also why because we're like four movies in at this point why did the cullen's wigs change so much the wigs where's the wig police when you need them yeah like we're still like with the wig police like would say what the fuck is going on here he would because also what bothers me is i'm like so many questions here one why are their why is their hair changing when it's very much drilled in our heads that they are frozen yep frozen rosalie's hair in particular goes through such a such a character arc yeah it really does like her hair has a character arc um so does carlisle carlisle's hair what happened because he he looks so beautiful in like the first two and then i don't really feel like you've seen that much in three first couple is sculpted out of stone i mean he's beautiful gorge and i'm not saying he's ugly in the later ones but no no no his hair here's the thing his hair looks ugly it does and i'm willing to say that because it's not his hair it's not good it's like like what did you say it's like raw yellow and it's like parted over to the side but not like coiffed up it's just like mushroom hanging in his face it's giving mushroom it just doesn't make any sense and then jasper's hair who fucking knows what's going on with that jasper's hair is crazy i saw a couple tiktoks of him hosting like twilight discussion things and he's really funny yeah like the the actor who plays jasper uh he's played by jackson rathbone yeah see no uh i was like wait i figured it out no that's just the character hilarious i was like i was very impressed i should have just gone with it um but yeah one of the things that i think is really funny is that the like going back to what you were saying like one of the things because i'm like they're all supposed to be frozen because also where are the wigs from season from movie to movie okay that's what i was asking like that's like where'd you put them even mikey has a wig drawer yeah that's the thing we're not a production company and mikey has the same wigs in that drawer 24 7 rosalie's wig who has it from the first movie where'd it go i don't know where is it mikey is opening his wig drawer yeah that wig looked so scary that's that's the sherry moon zombie wig from when i was sherry moon when i was sherry moon oh my god there you go honestly that looks like one of the collins wigs that is rosalie's wig and but i really want to know if you're out there and you have those weight where are where did you where are they where are they because they change every every movie no it's true like there's no chain of custody for these wigs there's no there's there's no chain of custody for anything because also where are they alice's hair in the first movie is like super super like not super long but it's like longer yeah it's like a fuck ass bob and then it gets cut and then it's like long again and then it's good and i'm like but their hair is not supposed to grow that's the thing and i'm like when you cut it into a pixie you're committing to that that's your hair i love alice's hair at the wedding the way she like sculpts it on her face it's very like 20s yeah i really did love but alice in this movie pisses me off and she's a creep she's a creep alice does kind of piss me off alice is a creep because she everything is her way or the highway wedding she plans the whole thing which i realized like the whole thing is supposed to be like well bella doesn't want to and she doesn't like this stuff and i'm like but why is she getting married and having a huge wedding well and honestly i don't even think she's ever given a chance to no it's true she doesn't even get a chance to say because as i've said many times before she is baby girl she is she's so baby girl so baby girl i got a bone to pick with bella she's a selfish motherfucker honestly the poor cullen family yeah the poor cullen family truly their lives have been in the entire time she's been around yeah they had to up all of them had to up and move because edward was like can't do it yeah sorry and then they were like not come back we're in love yeah oh she's gonna have this baby and maybe die yeah but we're gonna have to try to like keep her alive and also not as she only is she gonna have this baby and maybe die it's also gonna void the treaty we've had for a zillion years with the werewolves and we're gonna have to try to like keep her alive and now they're gonna try to kill us oh also piss off the volturi off the volturi and now we're gonna have to deal with all those oh and also all the other covens are gonna have to get involved and all their lives are gonna have to be upended by this and they're gonna have to fight the volturi too and she doesn't care and this is all because bella just had to fuck as a human say it she just had to fuck as a human i have to have that one human experience it's gonna cause a that's gonna be ungodly beautiful that's the thing brother so why not and also i bet vampires i just watched tara and franklin fuck on true blood exactly i mean she's not a vampire yet but that looked incredible of course i think if you were a vampire as well oh my god yeah like oh my god sparks will fly i know you wanted that human experience but babe you kind of gave that up when you when you decided to marry a vampire and also edward didn't really want it she like guilted him into human terrified that's weird and if you just waited until after you were a vampire you wouldn't have gotten pregnant with a half vampire baby who tried to kill you who tried to kill you and it wouldn't have voided all the treaties and pissed off all the volturi so it's like girl i feel like this was this was a problem for everyone it's literally and it's very selfish this is bella's world and we're all just living in it and i may i venture to say this i think stephanie meyer hates bella i think stephanie meyer hates bella is like right but i think she hates her do why i just think she hates her because she puts her in all these crazy ass situations and also i think stephanie meyer really loves edward so like edward's always getting upset with bella that's like it like can't stay away from her all at the same time but i think she kind of sees a little bit of herself in bella maybe well yeah no i think she does because she's kind of like said that before so i think these crazy situations that we're in right now are the ones that we're in right now are the ones that we're in right now what the fuck are you doing she's like no that's great and that like maybe i just hate bella yeah i think maybe maybe maybe i feel like maybe that's what's going on maybe i'm just a hater maybe that's it and to go back really quick just to what you were saying earlier with the how completely sexist and misogynistic this whole thing is when you really dive into this she there's some serious internalized misogyny here 100 percent that just never should have been spat onto the page in my opinion and her words her website and breaking put down part one she says that vampire men can have babies uh-huh they can because they have they got them they have a fluid similar to seminal fluid oh yeah their shit works pretty much the same way which is wild really fucked up and if the venom slash sperm comes in contact with an ovum they can conceive but that and you say oh wow okay so vampires can conceive oh no no no because yes they can conceive the male vampire shit works right the same but women they can't because when they turn into vampires they are frozen that's so fucked up and their system stops working like a woman's body should work is literally what is said is that's like essentially what's being said here women's bodies in her words in the book quote don't have like vampire women quote don't have what is needed to accommodate a growing child so you You're telling me men are still pew, pew, pew, confused. shoot sperm everywhere every which way sperm like it's not even sperm it's sperm like and it still creates life it still creates life that pisses me off even more it's not even sperm it's venomous sperm and it still creates life yeah fake but we when we get turned into vampires everything just freezes in place done and we become frigid barren just we can't accept a baby and it's like what the fuck is that yep that's fucked it is fucked that is so it is fucked and i also have a problem like just coming off of that with because obviously rosalie is a great example of this when she explains that all she ever wanted was a baby and all she ever and that's why she's also pissed at bella for wanting to become a vampire because she's like hey bitch you're not going to be able to do that and that's also why she's pissed that you're able to become a vampire because she was really hoping she would die and that she could keep that baby exactly she made rosalie frigid stereotype of an infertile woman and this is coming from somebody who went through infertility so i can speak on it as a previously infertile woman fucking hate when they are portrayed as frigid mean like type a you're saying like over controlling like jennifer garner and juno like her husband's such a cool guy i'm like oh my god he's so cool he's a fucking predator by the way but what a cool guy and then she's portrayed as this very frigid uptight like well i can't have a baby and it's like nope nope why are we portraying that like why are we and it goes right into this she's fucking mean for no reason to bella she's nasty she's like a frigid bitch yep and she just comes off as being like well i can't have a baby so i'm mad at everybody and it's like that's literally not reality no and then it like goes further with this movie and this book because now all of a sudden she has a change of heart to bella because now bella has become a fucking vessel to her she doesn't give a shit about bella she doesn't she cares all she cares about is cool that baby's gonna kill you and claw its way out of you and then i get to have my baby yep that's also not reality of like an infertile like somebody going through infertility is like oh i'll just look at everybody else like a vessel and i can just watch them die and steal their baby like that's what a weird way to portray her it's crazy and i feel like it fucks up her character because she also has a cool like she has a backstory that's really like traumatic and crazy and like she's she gets like badass she gets like stifled down to just that yeah into this box is just being like baby obsessed lady who can't have a baby of her own and it's like that's it that's icky because you've made her like she's a strong character and it's like and she really dumbed her down and she's such a badass her backstory like you were just saying like in eclipse it's so cool and we i think we said it when we went over eclipse they didn't even go that far enough into it no i wish they had yeah but going back to the beginning of the one of the things that i noticed in the movie is in bella's room when she's like packing up her shit why is there just a painting of a dog next to her bed i wondered that and it's not like a wolf dog i wondered that too it's like a floofy dog yeah it's like a bichon yeah yeah i don't know just like a sheep dog i don't think it was there before either i don't know if it was there maybe it was and i just didn't notice it until the room was empty but i'm like why maybe she has like a desire to become one of those ladies that like shows those dogs i'm like you didn't give me any like you never mentioned that she had a dog or something like that i'm like i don't know if it was there yeah i don't think she did this very distracting big painting of a fluffy dog see i was too upset about the fact that she literally gets into bed wearing jeans and a belt oh i literally have that in all caps right here why does she get into bed with jeans on and also edward is going to break her house and at least she acknowledges that but it's always like oh no nobody knows that edward is here i'm like charlie is a cop yeah charlie is the the sheriff he knows that edward has attached to the house yeah like hello when he jumps on it's like playing like it's like every time and then emin and jasper are like like going on the roof knows that you have people over like charlie's a smart guy yeah charlie's smart he's handsome he's capable and he knows he's hot and he knows he says yeah i know i'm hot but yeah you're right he knows every single time come on and what are you doing going to sleep in jeans you freak oh god at least take your belt off just what are you doing what are you doing and then renee the mom getting the wedding ring and she's like oh my god like charlie reacted appropriately of having like a somber moment to himself being like fuck i really fucked up here yeah renee is literally like she's standing in her green screen beach that green screen beach was dire motherfucking follicle and phil who we don't see and she's just like girl it's happening like she's so happy that her 18 year old daughter fresh out of high school after dating this guy for oh 4.5 seconds i don't need how long is this gonna last they've been together at this point together that long because she transfers i don't i think they're like i mean they go to prom so i think she had to have been like a junior when they first got together so two years i don't even know if it's too i'm looking it up because i don't even know if it's two years i don't know well also it can't be because she transferred in the middle of the school year yeah 14 months 14 14 months they met in mid-january of 2005 and officially started dating in march of 2005 and she was like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know he left her in september they were separated for seven months and then they reunited in march 2006 and got married on august 13th so it's not even it's like seven months that they've actually been together some people count the break some people don't if it's 14 months yeah and you weren't together for seven of those that's half of that time that is half of that time we are gonna count that one as as a break seven months i didn't realize so technically they have only physically been together for seven months and then they got married in march 2006 and then they got married for seven months let that sink in everybody let that and then i want you to picture renee on her green screen beach saying that it's happening it's like you're a bad mom you're a bad mom renee i mean renee you hear me you're a bad mom based on the illustrated guide alone she's a terrible mother she's terrible she let bella take over the bills when bella was like 12 like she's took over the books because renee couldn't yeah like hello that's gnarly it's so funny because she's so parentified that's why she's so baby girl because in the book she was so she was a parentified child and then she met edward and she said fuck that she said he's a thousand i get to be the kid let's go i never got to do this yeah like damn yeah then we go to the wedding which oh my god i love her dress i will say the back of her dress is stunning one thing i do after i have to say though in the beginning she's practicing walking in like gigantic heels yeah her you don't her dress covers them she could have worn fucking fuzzy slippers if she wanted to i'm like you can't see the heels yeah but also as she walks down the aisle i said babe people are taking pictures of you if we're considering this a real wedding she looks she looks like a deer in headlights so horrified to be marrying this man and i love it because when they go out like she's like just don't let me fall and when and i love when charlie says like never or whatever he says it's really sweet i just love charlie cute cute kid and dad moment this is just gonna be me loving charlie period uh it's the only good thing about this but in that moment i was like if i was charlie i'd be like i'd be like i gesture broadly and be like i've already let you fall already did babe you know what i already did babe so here we are he got involved in our life too late i think he sure did like like more involved too late and there's a part where like when she's trying on the shoes too with alice oh yeah when she walks away in the movie she does this one little skip and then like hops up and deb and deb was the one who noticed it and i had never noticed it before and i was like why did she do that why did she do that just like just to skip and then she's just off i don't know it's very strange and then we do get like um when she's packing up her shit we get edward doing a flashback to like why he's still trying to convince her not to become a vampire before the wedding because edward still wants her to die of old age so he can go get it with someone else apparently i'm sorry that's like the most unromantic thing to me is a vampire not wanting to change the person he's in love it's a really annoying trope too because it happens in like every vampire movie or tv show and it's like it's very unromantic to me it is if you really loved me you would not want to live without me and you wouldn't want me to die someday and if you think i'm so beautiful why not freeze me in this gorgeous state yeah hello you just shouldn't ever want to be without me no so why you're just gonna wait me out also how about my own autonomy i'd like you to change me do it so i think it's dumb but he's in there being like let me tell you about when i turned into it i'd be like i literally don't care he also tells her his whole backstory like he's a monster i said first of all you were hella hot back makes him even better first of all sick haircut i love it edward in the 20s slash 30s a plus a plus a plus honestly men's looks in the 20s yeah a plus personality is probably not great yeah uh but he tells her all about his backstory and how like he basically murdered monsters like yeah he He was going very Dexter, exactly. And he says that, like, is that who you want? want to be with i'd be like yeah yes yeah i do like that would make me want to marry him more yeah she also he's like what what does he say he says like what do you want to see when you look in the mirror bella and she's like you and i'm like what what i said this romance is more fucked up than i thought that's weird you're not becoming one she actually said i want to wear your skin in a weird way to wear your face um but yeah that was weird but i liked the flashback because he looked really good in that he saves the lady he does a lady great outfit it's true because it was like the 20s 30s yep um and at the reception we meet like those blonde vampires from alaska i think it is yeah i remember they played a much bigger part in the book yeah because people tried to like set edward up with arena right well an arena apparently was like with laurence yeah yeah like and then obviously the wolves ripped him apart because he was gonna kill bella yeah when you know yeah it happens but she doesn't believe that and at first here's the thing at first when i saw this scene i was like i'd be pissed i'd be like get the fuck out of my wedding because she's like i don't believe that like and she has the way this this actress plays it yeah i know there's not a lot to work with here but like you got to do what you got to do it's like very dramatic but like the face she's making makes me laugh every time because she's so intense it's like when kim k cries yeah it's pretty gnarly and she's like and you know they're like you know lauren was gonna kill bella like there was really nothing i had to do and she's like i don't believe that i'd be like and then get the fuck out of my wedding like why are you gonna support me but then i'm like well breaking down part two is actually gonna bring like a pretty big headache yeah to all of these covens because bella just had to fuck as a human it all goes back to kind of on arena side here like because she's even like she's bringing a lot of problems well that's the thing all the vampires are looking around like you're really gonna like throw it all away for this bitch and it's also like just turn her yeah just fucking go turn her baby yes the volturi the volturi wants you to do it she's got the fucking shield like do it yeah the fuck this could all be fixed it could be but then jessica's speech jessica's speech i'm still thinking about it i will that i will cringe until the end of the earth or the hair as i call him or the hair as everybody calls him i was she said as i call him just just jessica that's her nickname for bella's husband and when they like flashed edward his wedding hair is shit it's awful complete shit i'd actually be so angry at john if during our wedding he had the worst hair of his life it's very floppy like well and he did nothing with it no no gel no nothing no slick no nothing happening no he might not have even washed i don't think he did that might have been on robert pattinson though because he did admit that he went six months without washing his hair which is he also has admitted in interviews that he had a strange body odor that smelled similar to crayon wax which i don't know if i know what that smells like but then wasn't it like wet crayons i think i might have been wrong about oh okay just crayon wax um they were dry but then kristen stewart said i think he's overplaying that like no he smells he smells fine he smells really animalistic he's got like an animalistic musk and i said my dog pretty much never smells good so i'm not sure i don't know if that's like a defense or not i don't know if i've ever thought of john having an animalistic musk but it is rumored that people on set like the crew was like why are you so stanky rob why are you so stanky i love that he's just like i don't know maybe it was because him and kristen were in that like like early 2000s indie grunge era like a little grungy yeah so maybe he really hadn't done it maybe that was it because it didn't seem like it and just her being like and like could have been me didn't notice me i was like who does that i don't know what like that's not i know once again as stephanie meyer would say it's fantasy you believe i'm like but this is supposed to be the real part of it i know they actually did get married like i'm like you nobody would do that no like no you can make her have a weird speech without being that was just so off the rails to me i was like speeches all the time but no one would say that she wasn't even president of the glee club or the school council yeah like like basically like you could have had me yeah like no one's doing that like i don't know like i don't know like i don't know like i don't know i was like damn and then renee's renee singing with her batshit crazy hair go to sleep and when you wake up and bella loves it she's like that's my mom she's just sitting there like that's my mom and i'm like damn that's you know why she likes it because she only sees renee a few times a year yeah she's like wow there's another story to tuck in my back pocket so see you in six years mom glad i don't have to do your books anymore you crazy bitch crazy bitch go back to your green screen beach where's phil jacksonville maybe yeah it is uh but yeah that was that was gnarly oh my god and then uh uh what's the name edward is like i have another gift for you it's here yeah and you're like oh my god yay like gift edward gives bella jacob as a wedding gift and that just feels weird to me that just feels weird to me he even lets him have a moment alone oh a very inappropriate moment alone as far as i'm concerned there are canoodling they're in the moss as you said much what did you say when we were watching i said why are you dancing with another man in the moss at your wedding and i stand by that question she like leaves the wedding yeah she stands in the moss in the forest as he like dances her and twirls her oh yeah and she like is has her head on his shoulder she they're canoodling they are canoodling in the woods on her very wedding day it's like the way the fact that edward's just like and he's so happy he's like i know you love him i know you love this werewolf so much he's kind of a cuck god he is a little bit you know do you want a chair to sit down in would you like to sit amongst the mall anything an ottoman for the fellow would you like to put your feet up what the fuck is going on here the wedding party's like hello they're like what's going on this wedding's getting weird we're gonna leave like in the last few movies and books jacob has been so disrespectful of their relationship bella has been so disrespectful of their relationship he has outwardly admitted that he would kill edward if he could just to snake his gal yeah he says and he's like you're not good enough for her i'm obsessed with her i want to fuck her i want to marry her we're supposed to be together like he said this several times i'm hotter than you he said and now you're just presenting him as a gift at your wedding it's really weird on what planet stephanie cuck planet like on what and in the book jacob is a cuck god and he's like i don't know what's going on with you so fucking unlikable in this book say in the book that he proposes being a throuple at one point he does i don't know if it's in the first part or like doesn't propose it it's implied okay i think edward is the one that kind of implies it did we just unlock a theme in this i'm not positive i need to look it up now which one oh it's yeah it was at the end of eclipse he tells her he's willing to accept whatever relationship she feels she needs to have with jacob oh so he's kind of being like that if you feel like you want to be with him as well as like i will understand which is essentially him suggesting or not suggesting but being open to the idea of like whatever you want yeah like an arrangement yeah okay those happen which i don't think he wants that which is even sadder he's just like i just love you so much that i'll accept it i'll give you what you want and it's like bella gosh wow but yeah it's and in the book jacob especially breaking dawn he's so unlikable his chapters are borderline unreadable for me they're also insanely named they are and i have a couple of them um but in the book in this part is when like they start talking about the honeymoon and he's like you know like basically saying you can't have a real honeymoon because you can't fuck and she's like well it's gonna be real as anyone else is basically like we will be boning and she's like weird combo to have with your guy book he gets so he gets mad in the movie he gets so mad in the book that he grabs her like grabs her shoulders hard enough that she's in pain oh my god and she literally is like oh that hurts in the book like yelling it hurts and edward has to come over and like literally be like i'm gonna fucking kill you if you don't let her go and like seth has to be like let her go you're hurting her it's her wedding like he literally is abusing her because he's mad that she's gonna fuck edward her husband on her honeymoon okay make that make sense like i need to know what happened here like where no one along the line said this is weird i guess not or did they and you just said like don't worry about it you have to think that by this point like when breaking dawn was out it was well established that this is ya like yeah that's really fucked up yeah it's a nasty relationship like for him to grab her like that because he's mad she's going to have sex with her husband and i realize that's not it like that's not the end of it it's like that he's mad because he's like you're gonna die yeah like he'll kill you but a part of his anger part of it but that does not justify hurting her no and a part of it is he's mad that yeah he's jealous he's gonna have sex he's jealous and he's upset that that could happen to her but it's like that does not justify grabbing her like that no nothing does like what the fuck it's wild edward's not telling bella where they're going on their honeymoon thank you my fan and like her family is aware of this like fucking uh renee is like oh my god where do you think you're going so fun that he's taking you somewhere he's told no one where the fuck are you going yeah my family would say hey you're not going yeah until we have your itinerary you're not going that's an episode of dateline i'm like that's an episode of dateline like i could never no i couldn't ever no my family would say i think not yeah like we just don't know where you're going that's like that's insane oh i thought that was thunder i was like what sorry i got so excited the trash bins were rolling and i said is it thunder talking about twilight and and the thunderstorm would be just chef's kiss but it was just trash but it was just i mean well it's just garbage well that's also fitting also this whole thing like this whole scene i'm like wow because from what i've seen on the website like stephanie's website she actually says before this even gets like moved into movie form she said this should be too moving oh really because she said she it's a long book it's a big book but she but like to be fair not a lot happens in part one as far as i'm not a lot of like had as but the move i mean part one of the movie is like nothing yeah but do you know if um the harry potter series had that book been split into two movies yet i don't know let me look because i wonder if that was part of the reasoning well i think she just i mean if you're gonna split it in two movies you're getting more money out of it that's i think it's just all based do you think it's that that's to me that she references the harry potter books on her website so that's the only reason that i wondered yeah um because turn like turning that into two movies like this part in particular we watch them get in the car we watch them get to the airport we watch them get in a taxi we watch them randomly walk through the streets of brazil for a minute we watch them get in a boat we watch them arrive at the island we watch them walk in the door by the time you get there you're like i didn't need to see all your traveling no i did not it's halfway through that i was like can we just get there yeah i don't need to see the traveling yeah no i i fully agree they had to because they had time to eat up that's the thing and there's not a whole lot of other stuff there's really not until you get to come well because like renesme has to be born and yeah volteria has to get upset and then you have to end it there because that's like where it splits yeah yeah so it's like that i don't think it needed to be i don't think so either it could have just been a long movie it could have been yeah exactly because i think the honeymoon is it's a long it's half of the movie we watch them playing chess for more of the movie than we don't yeah yeah it's a lot now just to go back the way that like another thing because like we're gonna get into now like the honeymoon you know honeymoon and baby and all that immortal children the way stephanie explains them in the illustrated guide and has carlisle explained them in the book is that immortal children are like outlawed because they can't keep the secret like a vampire because they're just like insane kids yeah they stay as kids so they just don't have the ability to keep secrets and like that they were so beautiful and enchanting and endearing that like whole covens would like just you know they would do anything to protect them so the valturi was like this is a problem it's too because we're having to eliminate entire covens just to get rid of these immortal children because they'll just protect them and it's like but the way they explain it it's like not because like they felt this need to protect these children because they're babies because they're children and like they need to be protected yeah it was that they were so beautiful that's weird and i'm like why do we have to and i say this because there's a lot of weird shit that that ends up with kids that ends up with kids in this that i'm like i don't understand why this had to be part of it i just don't it's icky like it just doesn't make sense like do we can we not well like even going back to and we'll touch on it in this in this part too but even last time when we were talking about is it quill who oh trust me we're gonna get into that yeah two-year-old yeah like that we get further into it icky shit and it gets weirder in this one well and she's not the only infant who's been imprinted on now no which we will get to that too now and also another thing that i noted here and it came out of like the wedding reception really uh and this is from the book is the way she has bella hate beautiful women yeah like hates is it when she sees arena she's immediately horrified by the presence of the and in turn the the donali coven are kind of assholes like because they're like they feel judged well and she makes them like well they're beautiful so they have to be mean like they have to be nasty like when they laugh like edward introduces her in the book as his wife and they're like and it's like she is his wife you were at you're at the wedding like it's just like that doesn't make sense like can we have some girls supporting girls moments please in this because there's none no there really isn't because even when she tries to do it with like the rosalie and belly bella thing i'm like no she has an ulterior motive rosalie is using you as a vessel it's not girls supporting girls and even alice alice is just manipulative with bella like i don't have a very pure relationship she just controls her uh-huh and it makes me crazy there's a lot of internalized misogyny that's happening here that is coming out in these things and like pitting women noticing more and more like in the book when the denali clan meets bella and they like say hello tanya is part of the denali clan i feel like tanya's not a vampire name i know but tanya was mentioned before as somebody that like i think they wanted to set edward and tanya up and tanya had like a big crush on edward oh i thought it was arena but i don't know because arena's with laurent so tanya like really was into edward but he was like not super into her i guess like that he was kind of into her but like not like he's into bella yeah and so she knows this and like which like whatever this is what you're saying yeah so she knows that like but she knows that like nothing happened and that he's not interested and that's it and also like they're getting married and also like you're at your wedding so like i think you won yeah i think you got it i think you got this but the way in the book it's like tanya gives like they give each other a hug edward and tanya and then it's like tanya was still holding edward like held on to him longer and then she says about all of them all the four of them and were all four so beautiful that it made my stomach hurt the hell like can you she's like intimidated you just be like wow they're beautiful yeah i'm married like it's just like well it has not like their beauty has nothing to do with you yeah and it says and that's when he says let me introduce you to my wife and it says the denali's all laughed lightly in response and then she says she says tanya was every bit as lovely as my worst nightmares had predicted jesus christ she eyed me with a look that was much more speculative than it was resigned and then reached out to take my hand but immediately i'll just be cool like she's more beautiful than like my worst nightmares it's like damn yeah can we just like and she's kind of being a bitch like why does it need to go like that yeah like why and it's like i realize she's young she's 18 yeah so you have those like we've many women have found themselves in similar positions but i'm just like but i feel like she's so she's never just like in awe of these women or just like wow what like you know i mean like just looking at them like wow what a beautiful creature she's always threatened it's always threatened it's always competition and it's like it doesn't it doesn't need to be that way babe and you just want to shake her and be like it girl it's okay you got him yeah it's okay he's literally sickeningly obsessed with you so like don't worry to a crazy level don't worry about it which i and i'm not even convinced they ever fuck like they don't have chemistry together they just don't which is wild i'm like did you guys screen test them i know because they're both pretty good actors like robert pattinson has gone on to be in a lot of like really great movies and kristen stewart i'd like when she was joan jedi i thought she was so good together i'm like and it's wild because they dated all right well that's the other thing they were together for a while but i'm like was that maybe that was just press i don't think we don't nothing's real i mean i don't know you got chemistry together on screen and never is it more apparent than when they finally get to isle esme and they are about to you know he's like naked in the water yeah and she's like just give me a second to get ready and then she acts like she's preparing to get sacrificed 100 which like maybe she is i've never seen anyone brush their teeth so vigorously and rip at their hair oh my god from the root yeah just root as a hairdresser yeah i said oh start at the bottom and then she also the way she shaves her legs i said just rip it up there you are gonna have razor burn yeah and cuts and then i didn't understand that alice packed for her which like what that's your brother and then alice just put a bunch of skimpy like teddies and lingerie in there okay here's the thing it's weird that alice packed that bag like i i'm not moving on from that i was like please do not tell me that's not weird that shit is weird but bella is so horrified by what was packed yeah that she's acting like it's like nipple pasties yeah i'm like this is your honeymoon good luck you get down with your bad self it's good and she ends up going out there naked so i was like well why were you so scandalized by the fabric you which like good for you hello like you should if you feel so inclined but but weird crumples to the ground at one point and it is like she's about to go out to meet a firing squad she i think she's just so embarrassed about like her body because she's so young her yeah like this is why you weren't ready to get married babe if you're crumpling onto the ground at the thought of fucking your brand new husband you're probably not ready for marriage probably and also it's like if you just waited until after you became a vampire you would feel confident as fuck i know so like why don't you just wait i know wait until you feel like a goddess but i do get what she's saying about not wanting to be like writhing in pain on her honeymoon yeah i mean that's a bummer yeah they should have figured they should have planned that long does it i think it's a few days i don't really know didn't seem like it at the cullen's house i think it is it's days i think i think it was just hours is that all it is three to five days yeah but also they were there for like 14 days they were there for a while so i was like okay so part of the first week is going to be you writhing in pain then you wake up looking like a snack with a full smoky eye and new highlights and bouncy hair me personally you best change me before my wedding yeah you best change me before my wedding you don't have any mother fucking appointments i had before my wedding to be the hottest version of myself and you could just have permanent smoky eye i woke up like this yeah like literally and permanent lashes will you plan that out for me yeah i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it you're not wedding for a dreary day yeah so you're not sparkling and freaking everybody out exactly so they didn't need to anyway because they had the cover of all those gorgeous flowers they're one thing i have to say is that their wedding was stunning oh stunning stunning stunning um but yeah i would like to be changed before that yeah but they do end up um doing it and it's very chaste she gets bruised from missionary she does get bruised she gets bruised from simple missionary i said what because and also you see it the next day and i'm like how did the closet door and a wall get damaged and the bed the bed is broke i'm like you guys were doing missionary bit pillows like it's the softest sex i've ever seen where he broke the closet door show me show me to be rachel show me to be rachel how that room was ravaged show me that because from what we saw the fuck the lightest i said that's soft so gorgeous beautiful it was beautiful candlelit even but it was not moonlit not breaking a bed i was like where sir what qua sir huh what i was just a little confused and then when the housekeepers come rude so fucking elena goes they're not carpenters they're not because one of them the man is just walking out with part of the bed frame in his hands they didn't even bother to pick that place up and then later you see edward fucking flying around the room to pack and warp speed i was like you could have cleaned that fucking room for them i'm sorry to leave that room that big of a mess and then just be like figure it out and also to sit on the couch while they clean yeah that's so entitled your underwear i know put on some pants you do and while they clean the room that you fucking demolished and didn't bother to even pick up the feathers yeah while doing missionary like that's crazy that felt yucky to me it did one thing that we also didn't even really talk about when like between you and i when we were watching this that's his mom's house yeah i don't want i don't want to fuck there that's if i was bella i'd say it's not the first place i thought that comes to mind when i think of fucking you for the first time this home was built for your vampire mother this home we shouldn't fuck it up we should not do missionary in the home built and named for your mother in the book in the book they destroy many rooms yeah there's many rooms there's like a white room and they destroy you wreck them all yeah they just wreck them all and then they came in like a wrecking ball hopefully yes they will let us come back i'm like probably not like you two are disgusting you pieces of shit and also bella just comes back pregnant as fuck and imagine how embarrassing that would be yeah be like oh you're just like we did fuck hi guys and i think we might have made a mistake it might have been a problem we did an oopsie like oops i just can't believe i watched this at like 13 years old and i was like oh wait love i watch it now i'm like oh god maybe that actually explains some of my decision making in my youth true in my younger days i mean you never know yeah also why isn't he sparkling on this honeymoon that's a really good question he is in the sun do you know why because i don't think they had it in the budget i don't think apparently that was like incredibly expensive really to make him sparkle yeah shit and one part that really got me was when he's trying to avoid fucking her because like and he they're in the amazon rainforest yep and he sprints ahead of her like way ahead of her and she's just like that's his left behind and i was like why are you leaving your new bride your new human bride alone in the amazon rainforest you've already left her in the pacific northwest rainforest i was gonna say it's kind of his thing why do you just leave her in forest i would never i'd be so mad at john the rainforest do you know what kind of scary oh my god the boops and beeps are living in the rainforest it's criminal to even call the boops and beeps i'm mortal yeah one little and i'm gone i know like you're stone at least you can get through this but you just leave me because you don't you don't want to be tempted to fuck me in the rainforest wow what a sentence that's like essentially what's happening you don't want to be tempted to fuck me in the rain to missionary in the rainforest in the rainforest it was wild he also debbie pointed this out when they're in the water fall he takes a deep breath oh yeah he goes under the water i was like but you're dead yeah i was like you don't need to do that like hello what does it mean also what does it mean uh what was the dolphin thing that you said when they were in the oh my god when they were naked in the water just like living their lives and looking at the moon yeah and kissing that is beautiful so beautiful but i said there's pink dolphins river dolphins in that water look that up you ever seen a pink river i don't think they give a shit about humans i'd like you to go look at it because if anything's gonna ruin the mood it's a pink river dolphin if that thing opens its mouth near you you'd never missionary again and i said you two are very unsuspecting right now and you're very exposed yeah and i'm sure there's other things in that water that could let's google what's in the brazilian water and if you're naked you should be a little aware of what's going on let's see jaguars jaguars are in the water it says brazilian that's that's why i said that it also says legendary fish legendary fish i don't want legendary fish swimming all up on the butt on your butt pink water dolphins are so scary there's also another one that's called the tuk tuk uksi nope and it's related to the dolphin the pink uh river dolphins i'm scared the largest predator in the amazon reaching up to 20 feet in length is there the black caiman the green the world's largest snake is in that water the green anaconda piranhas are in there and also that mother oh no that man is sparkling oh girl there's electric eels that man is sparkling don't oh my god love sparkly things the worst shark the worst shark in my opinion from what is it the cookie cutter shark oh i don't know about that i thought the worst shark was the bull shark that's really bad too what's the one you just had a shark it's just really scary are you saying cookie cutter shark i am what you know who told me about this my child what told me about the cookie cutter i'm going to show you this thing it's just really jaguars are excellent swimmers who knew i didn't know that yeah they're frequently spotted prowling the riverbanks what the fuck is that what the actual mother fuck is that cutter shark i think they're little so i think or maybe oh my god do you know it's actually really exciting there's capybaras oh that's fun and a tease oh that's pretty luckily those are herbivores but um yeah there's a lot of fucked up shit in that water and you should put your butt away you should you should keep your butt out of that water just looking up at the moon honey you just got stung by an electric eel bitten by a fucking piranha and a green anaconda shark and a jaguar is actually actively hunting you while we record this podcast truly fucked truly it's happening right now and you know what it would be fine for edward because he could just dip dip dip bella dead dead dead but also edward's sparkling so he's not piranhas no there's no budget for that but he should be he should be but yeah put your butt away that's another that's another time stephanie said vampires aren't real she said you believed in this you really think they sparkle all the time she said girl that's so cute that you believe in vampires and i said but you do you wrote about it stephanie now it comes to it that he's like i'm not gonna do that again until we're not ever we're not doing that like not until you're turned she's like that sucks so they play so much chess which also if i'd rather go through venom spreading through my body rapidly than play chess on my over and over again yeah no yeah so they play chess and then she has a dream that they that they do it again and she wakes up and she literally cries and begs him i don't want to talk about sex with her i died inside during the scene it is upsetting if you have to beg your genuinely and cry and beg him to have sex with you that should not be your husband should not be your husband you should you should revoke the paperwork because technically it's not even legal yet no and you should say baby where the hell is my husband because it's not this guy i have to beg him to fuck me get rid of him you gotta go you gotta go my dude that's so upsetting yeah and this is when we get our pregnancy pregnancy this is one of those two times she got pregnant wait before we get there there's also a scene like in the middle of all this where jacob is on the beach oh yeah i have to talk about this i do have that okay so yeah so he's on the push again jacob's part of the book is wild and the chapter names of his are really wild um like there's like the preface of his thing um like the preface of his thing um like there's like the preface of his thing part of it because they're all split into chapters and like point of views and books and all that his is called life life sucks and then you die yeah i should be so lucky oh my god my mom used to say that to me all the time that life sucks and then you die horrific i know and so angsty it is so angsty she was team jacob i guess it's she is team jacob i think and let me find the um the chapter it's literally a chapter that's called like what am i the wizard of oz you want to take a in the world what do i look this is a chapter chapter 17 is entitled what do i look like the wizard of oz you need a brain you need a heart go ahead take mine take everything i have wow that's the name of the chapter was this edited i don't know stand up who did it hello who did it i guess you don't have to take all of the editors recommendations no you don't you don't but the more books i write the more i should be collaborative that editors are very smart people yeah and they do know what they're talking about that's why they're talking about it they have that job they do know what they're talking about and it should be this far into a series i feel like by book two book one i was probably a little like that's my book i'm not taking your suggestions like not enough yeah book two i was like okay you're right you're right yeah book three i literally was like said you know so much better than me like i was literally like take my hands let's do this together let's jet set i said you just know like you really like editors out there because you know what you you know you know and we need you period so that we need you uh but yeah this i do question this one because i'm like what's going on here yeah so we're in the we're in la push i love saying that la push we're in la push and they're talking about like you know jacob's you know wondering what's going on wondering if she's gonna he's convinced that bella's gonna die so he's basically saying the treaty will be null and void and i can't wait to kill edward once it is pretty much and he's talking to leah and i think he's talking is seth there yeah i think it's leah and seth yeah and he they're talking about how you know uh they start talking about like imprinting essentially because they look over and on the other side of the beach or all the other pack members who have imprinted couples they're all kissing cuddling giggling with each other noodling and jacob's like oh my god their lives don't even belong to them anymore and as he's looking at them canoodling couples it then switches over and he's looking at quill and the two-year-old claire he imprinted on right after he's talking about these canoodling couples whose lives are not their own anymore and how lucky they are don't know leah's saying how lucky they are and then it's like so dark you're and you look at this little two-year-old and this at least 17 year old this boy who has no right just squatting by her next to the water yeah and i said this is the most disturbing thing i've ever seen it's almost isn't it more disturbing in the book you read some of it out loud oh yeah oh yeah it is you gotta post it let me find find where i have this so because at one point so remember the way that imprinting is talked about in the illustrated guide is that it is not true love and it's not love at first it's not or it's not i shouldn't say it's not true love it's not love at first sight and it doesn't have to be romantic necessarily brotherly it can be brotherly and it's very much and that's the way that everybody tries to defend it that it it doesn't have to be like but you know it's crazy yeah you know it's crazy so there's a part in this book in jacob's part where he's talking about how his sister rachel uh one of the pack members paul imprinted on her and how he's like annoyed by that and he says wasn't it bad enough that yet a number another member of the pack had imprinted because really that made four of ten now when would it stop stupid myth was supposed to be rare for crying out loud all this mandatory love at first sight was completely sickening look at that you canceled out your own thoughts so much love at first sight was completely sickening look at that you canceled what is what like what you said it's not love and actually i think in eclipse jacob or maybe even a new moon jacob literally says the words to bella it's not love at first sight yeah and then in his point of view in breaking down he says all this love at first sight yep yep make that make sense and then like the very next paragraph it says so i'd been all geared up to be keeping that secret and then two days after rachel got home paul ran into her on the beach by the a bing bada boom true love i thought it wasn't true that's the second time in two paragraphs that it has been stated that this is true love my friends and then we get to another part just speaking of imprinting speaking of quill and claire uh where we get an entire scene of claire talking like a two-year-old like being like i have a walk and like meaning a rock and it's queen and blah blah blah like and she calls and she's like quill do this and blah blah blah i have a question where's chris hansen thank you where is it get him on the scene because it's about to get weird chris hansen to la push it's about you know it's actually crazy robert pattinson somebody sent me a dm is about to play chris hansen in a movie are you serious i'm serious that's wild isn't that wild that's wild and so he's talking about quill no we go through the whole scene of seeing claire being a two-year-old and he's saying that quill would play peekaboo with her for an hour like he never got bored of hanging out with her but which also is weird it is weird it's weird man we're not making this any where's claire's mom i'm saying and then it's and then jacob says and i couldn't even make fun of him for it i envied him too much though i did think are you ready for it i did think it sucked that he had a good 14 years of monkitude ahead of him until claire was his age also that would only make her 16 and also i thought you said that it didn't have to be romantic now you're telling me he's gotta wait he's gonna wait it out and watch this little girl go from shit in her pants to 16 years old when he can finally date her yeah we're really gonna do that we did that they did then she did that she says for quill he says for quill at least it was a good thing werewolves didn't get older what i don't remember that being part of the lore i thought that they were i thought they just like slowly got older yeah i don't remember all that part of the lore but i thought it was just the vampires that didn't age yeah all right so it says they age normally until they reach physical maturity around age 25 so not so i'm sorry wait a minute he's gonna reach age 25 and she's gonna be 16 and then also like there's gonna be that age gap yeah what like and then what he just it's the same thing and then he stops and then she'll continue to age that's the thing so then they don't age as long as they continue to phase so if they stop phasing they'll start aging again okay but yeah 25 is where they get permanently frozen which also but but they die and if he's they're not immortal who knows how old he is i think he i mean he's probably like 16 17 like jacob sage right so it's like he's gonna be like kind of older so he's gonna hit 25 before she hits 16 yes because she's only two two yeah so it's like that don't think too hard on that i'm thinking way too hard on it and it's real upsetting because even in this same thing when he's like yeah you know he's got and a good 14 years of monkitude and i was like oh this is gross gross like he's not gonna fuck any girls his own age he can't because there's this two-year-old that he's waiting for that's so fucked up yeah that's a weird i can't get over this and he even says to him quill you ever think about dating and he's like huh and claire is like no you claire doesn't know what the fuck that means claire's two and then he says you know a real girl i mean just for now right on your night's off babysitting duty oh my god who's interesting quill to babysit this child that he's in love with yeah and this is too gross this is actually like making me nauseous oh well and then he says jacob says i bet she'd understand you know when she's grown up she wouldn't get mad that you had a life while she was in diapers she might get mad that you imprinted on her when she was two years old she might get mad she wouldn't get mad that you had a life while she was in diapers is the weirdest thing i've ever heard in my so when she's 16 she'll be like well i was shitting my diaper then so i understand why you didn't date me i don't need does anybody i'm like are you what how do you write that as a woman too hello like i got i have to go i'm actually late for i'm late for something and then just to make it even worse you have jacob's like but you won't do that will you like you're not gonna date anyone else and quill says now remember we have been primed and told it's not that is not romantic love every time that they are be will be what they need to be like if they're a brother a protector or whatever this to me sounds like it's romantic love because he's not willing to date anyone else he says i can't see it i can't imagine i just don't see anyone that way i don't notice girls anymore you know i don't see their faces you because i'm only because i'm only into this two-year-old two-year-old like i'm sorry there's no other way to take that there's no other way and here's like she could have written this in a way where he became claire's protector yeah and like had a girlfriend at the same time but like had that kind of relationship with her like a big brother and you know like there could have been a scene where claire claire was playing by the water and he protected her from drowning or something like make it normal that's the thing it's like if you had made it like yeah they just because like you said imprinting but make it if you're if you're saying that it can have a brotherly piece to it show us that piece that don't show us a weird fucking guy waiting until he can fuck this girl but she's two right now because if that conversation had happened and quill had said well yeah of course i'm gonna date other girls because i'm not interested in her that way i just love claire i just want to protect her at all costs i'm going to be the person that makes sure no one hurts her yeah i would have been like oh you could even make it that like when claire gets older she has a boyfriend and like yeah quill's really protective and making sure he's the right guy yeah but like in like in that way that's like not crossing a line it's like if they had had that discussion i would have been like oh that's a little less crazy because the other thing is it takes away the two-year-old or the woman's autonomy oh they have no say in it like even um what's is it emily even emily fucks over her best friend and cousin just because sam's like well i am printed on you and have no say in and it's like and you're saying like he's like oh i'm sure claire will understand when she gets older i'm like whoa whoa so we're just not even giving claire a choice what if claire doesn't want to be with you that she now has to just look at you and go oh it's okay that you you know waited yeah you have to she has to succumb to the fact that i have to date you yeah because you imprinted on me that's so fucked up she has no choice like the whole imprinting thing again it's such a weird like thing to do that takes away women's autonomy because it's like we're not given any i don't see leah imprinting on anyone no which is real shitty fair so we don't take away the men's autonomy we only take away women if i was leah i was reminded of it in this movie when she's sitting on the beach with jacob and seth and she's just hanging out and she has to watch her fucking bitch-ass cousin canoodle with the man she used to love i would physically fight my cousin every single day of her life i would beat her ass on the daily is what i said that's what i wrote down right here in these notes bitch how's your cousin do you that dirty bitch how does your cousin do you that i am not over it and if i was leah's best friend i'd be in prison yeah truly justice for leah leah can be a pain in the ass in this movie oh my god they had to kill her dad she loses her man like she has to there's one part two where they're they go i got it go ahead i got my post-it note for it locked and loaded so even in this even in the movie and i think she said and she says it in the book too when she breaks away from the pack because later when they get home from the honeymoon and they have to keep bella safe the pack finds out she's pregnant and the pack is like we're gonna kill that baby yeah like we gotta kill her because this is fuck up it's an abomination yeah and they've broken the treaty essentially because this baby's gonna kill her yeah so obviously jacob doesn't want to do that he breaks away from the pack because he is technically the true alpha he just decided not to because his grandfather was chief yeah so he's like i don't have to bow to you sam fuck off so he leaves and seth follows because seth's adorable and he's like i don't want to hurt the cullens either and leah eventually comes because she was like i want to get the fuck away from my ex-boyfriend and i'm here all the thoughts i've had to hear every day and when she says it's and jacob's like you don't even like me and he's like i don't she says i don't have to like you i just have to follow you and i said wow if that isn't twilight in a nutshell yeah a woman saying to a man that's the eye of the duck to like you that's the eye of the duck shout out to adam and dom check out their pond well listen to the eye of the duck it's a really good that is the eye of the that is the eye of the duck is i don't have to like you i just have to follow you like that's wow right there and then on top of that because she starts talking about i don't want to be the the sad ex-girlfriend i'm gonna follow her ex boyfriend around her story is so sad and she's like and i don't want to have to think of his thoughts and hear his thoughts and have him hear my thoughts well in the book they talk about how when you like you know when you when you phase when you phase your clothes rip apart so you're and jacob says nudity was an inconvenient but unavoidable part of pack life we'd all thought nothing of it before leah came along then it got awkward leah had average control when it came to her temper it took her the usual length of time to stop exploding out of her clothes every time she got pissed not exactly exploding out of her clothes imagine every time you got pissed you exploded out of your clothes i don't know why that that line had me rolling yesterday but then it says are you ready for jacob team jacob we'd all caught a glimpse and it wasn't like she wasn't worth looking at it was just that it was so not worth it when she caught you thinking about it later also just the sentence it's not that she wasn't worth looking at and then let's shrink that down even more yeah worth looking at i want to fight people right now forget forget emily i'm gonna fight so much more than that justice for leah like what the not only you're thinking about it later only does this bitch have to watch her love of her life fall in love and imprint on her cousin and best friend who's just like i don't know what to tell you i just love them you want to be in our wedding though and then has to hear his thoughts about emily and that he gets to hear her thoughts about the whole situation not only that she's gonna explode out of her clothes crazy and then have these little dingus mutts over here and then think about it later she's not like she's not worth looking at it but then they have to think nasty ass thoughts about it later and then she's gotta be like hey little bitch that's stop thinking about my ass like that's so fucked up what a fucking life i was like no wonder you broke away from that pack i'd be like i'm a lone goddamn wolf i would walk into the ocean no way i'm being part of a pack i would say i'm going to la push and then i would walk into the ocean of la push what a shit life oh man justice for leah even though leah is kind of a bitch in this but whatever she's on the right side at least and honestly she can be a bitch it's wild and oh it's i just can't get over it now apparently apparently the whole idea of like human vampire hybrids is a thing it's in the illustrated guide of course because she had to explain have you guys heard of this illustrated glad you i illustrated glide i just illustrated this vampire named yoham i love it uh he was a vampire who was i guess he was like a scientist when he was a human and that's such a scientist name it is yoham and he was very curious about things and so he allowed a female vampire to turn into him just so he could like experiment and see what it was like what it's like for him okay for science i feel like he has really good hair right i feel that too he's not great um but he became obsessed with the idea of vampire human hybrids when he became a vampire so he tried a ton of times to make one okay he just kept women who are humans like human women and he kept either killing them while or they would die while trying to have the child also he was like oh this isn't working he's like god damn but after according to the illustrated guide and i quote after a lot of practice oh a lot of practice he impregnated a woman named serena and she lived and had a daughter okay he apparently conceived a son with another woman who was apparently what is termed a singer but she was very um and now a singer is what bella is okay a singer has blood that quote-unquote sings to one vampire what a he can't fight it that it's that blood her blood is a siren she sings to him that's beautiful now apparently singers don't hit for all vampires they hit for a particular vampire that's not true for bella though because i feel like every vampire that comes in contact with her is like remember james he risked his life literally he's like i just want to taste it it's like but that's against the lore yeah because maybe it just tastes a little better i guess i don't know so he conceived a child with a son with a singer but in the illustrated guide she is very adamant that this lady her singer abilities nothing according to like when put up next to bellas okay she's always like bellas just more than everybody oh maybe she doesn't hate her i think so too but so they did they are a thing hybrids reach physical adulthood by seven years okay so in seven years they will become like uh an adult but they're still seven but they're not like in a seven-year-old body yeah they become an adult but they are only on this earth for seven years before they become an adult okay and apparently they're born with an adult mental i was gonna say okay okay um and then they just stay that way they don't move past that all right but yeah so that's a thing and so i just wanted to put that out there because there is like you know precedence for it kind of thing um but yeah so that's what will happen with renez may is she will set in within seven years she will become a full adult okay um so that's all that jacob has to wait for oh that's so great um which is weird uh now the whole time that like bell is in the cullen house and rosalie is just thirsting for that baby anytime someone's like you know this fetus is is hurting you this fetus is gonna kill you she's like it's a baby call it a baby and it's like no no i get it babe i get it that it's like a real thing in there biologically medically it is a fetus until it comes out of her so like you need to tone it down like you need to calm down and actually she's like everybody else is a little bit wrong because for the amount of time that bella is pregnant it's not a fetus it's actually an embryo it's a number honestly i don't even think it's an embryo though it's actually ever yeah probably with what how she's pregnant it's how long is it nine weeks nine to ten nine to ten weeks but how long is it that uh that she's pregnant oh sorry uh three weeks i think three weeks i think let me make sure so i don't even think she ever just because also remember as soon as she gets pregnant she feels it kicking implantation for her is two minutes literally she's pregnant for 28 days yeah so and she feels it kicking the second she's pregnant so that thing is no longer an embryo that's a full-blown fetus yeah but it's a fetus the whole time yeah and it's like that's just and maybe that's just like medically and biologically it's annoying me that she's like being such a bitch you are a science queen it just annoyed me also when she does figure out she's pregnant she looks at she like in the movie she like you know asks for her like makeup bag and she sees the thing of tampons and that's when she's like oh fuck and in the book the same kind of thing happens but she like lifts the tampon box up like because she's kind of like oh fuck i don't need these edward in the book is like you're trying to pass off this sickness as pms and i was like i'm sorry some people do get really sick i'm sorry edward anthony cullen man have you ever had a period because i've had cramps so badly that one i've thrown up and two i've almost fainted yeah literally so don't sit here and be like trying to pass this off fuck off like i've thrown up during my period before okay if john ever tried to question my period i'd be like fight you ever experienced fight night like get out of here like that just annoyed me in the book no he's like get out of here but they're not he's not nice to her no he's not ever he's not pleased but he's so in love with her and like make it make sense make it make sense so alice taps into the fact that like something is awry because she can't see bella anymore like yeah i think like the the fetus like over it's like a it's like actually the placenta so inside it's a literal eclipse but uh so in the movie on like alice calls and is like what's going on and then carlisle gets on the phone and bella says carlisle i swear something just moved inside of me i said that's diabolical to say to your father and you know carla was probably like did you mean to call me i swear something just moved inside of me who are you saying this uh what and she meanwhile looks in that and she looks in the in the mirror and she's like i'm bumping there's a bump let me tell you that bitch is a pilates queen i would give my left arm for that bump i would give my left arm for my stomach to look like her stomach looks when it's when she's like i'm pregnant i eat a pizza and i'm more pregnant than bella mama is tonus fuck and that it's like i was gonna say i drink a little water and i'm and i'm more pregnant than bella literally it's like god damn nuts i was like we're really not gonna give her like anything here nah but cool um so yeah so justice for lee and all that uh and carlisle now there's a part where um it's like while they're talking about how she's like getting to the point where it's like breaking her ribs and shit yeah and carlisle's like yo you're gonna kill you like this let's real talk right now yeah like there's no way and robert pattinson literally almost laughs in this scene multiple times when they're telling him that the baby's crushing bella from the inside out he says i can't live without you watch it again he laughs stifles a full laugh he does and he turns to the window and he doesn't do a good job but it's very very obvious that he stops himself from laughing and then he does it one more time like right before he yells at her watch that scene he's lolling please do he's because he's like this isn't serious also who's laughing he's like i think it's partially that she looks so scary yeah that he can't be like i can't live without you because he's like i kind of want to live without you right now because you're terrifying i'd like to get out of here they the makeup and like whatever else they did to make her look so just like gaunt and scary i was like what did you guys terrifying like terrifying and while um when bella like goes into labor and like all her bones are breaking it's so scary because she like drops blood they figure out that like the baby needs blood so she's drinking blood and she's like and then she drops some and the baby like wants it so bad that she she breaks her back and her knees yeah it's terrifying and in the book uh jacob's part he says for the tiniest part of a second my eyes touched on the two standing in the back esme alice small and distractingly feminine distractingly feminine what the fuck does that mean pretty distractingly feminine he's like here's the thing i was really concerned about bella but i kind of wanted to fuck those vampires and i do feel weird about it that sounds like something ai would spit out no you know what that sounds like i realized these were written well before ai was the thing so i'm not that's not what i'm saying distracting but i'm saying that does sound like a stupid thing that ai would put together it sounds like to be like put this in there it sounds like that whole generation that's like looks maxing have you heard of yes that's the kind of shit that distractingly feminine distractingly feminine call girls like mods or something i don't know what the fuck it's weird i just it just sounds like something that two things that don't belong together it just doesn't so that's why i feel again i realized this was before ai i'm not by any means no no we're not accusing anybody i'm more just saying like that's how that is also why when like people think things that are not written well are just ai not always sometimes people just don't work but this really does feel like one of those because like a lot of times when you see like something written by ai there'll be things that you're like that doesn't make sense like that metaphor doesn't make sense or like it's like overly worked yeah the word or like the phrase that feels overly worked distractingly feminine feels like something that somebody should have said pull that back distractingly feminine that one doesn't make sense yeah it it is it kind of feels like one yeah and i feel like maybe i'm like was he trying to insult i absolutely because he's like i think he's basically saying like the vampire women shouldn't be so feminine and beautiful but they are and it's like fucking me up it's like what he also yells at edward when he finds out that bill is pregnant you did this and he's like yeah yes they are married and they did just get back from their honeymoon yes he did do this like you haven't discovered something yeah like truly what and uh edward has to perform the c-section like we said with his teeth um with his teeth he just has to bite through that placenta we also have to assume that he separates the cord the umbilical cord with his teeth as well because when the baby comes out there's no cord yeah just crunch and i said what a different way to go about that yeah it's a lot of layers to bite through seven right seven i think um c-sections are no joke it might even be more because i know you have seven layers of skin right seven distinct layers of tissue and muscle but they also have to like move organs and oh yeah maybe he just like shuffles those around i guess the skin the subcutaneous fat fascia abdominal muscles the uterus and the amniotic sac have you ever seen somebody like um reenact it on tiktok that shit will fuck you up every time i see it i'm like damn i did that twice twice i know twice bad bitch over here i don't think i could survive that but also she and he's biting through those layers so i'm like that's gonna be jagged as fuck and also and infected according to the illustrating guide uh when hybrid babies happen it's the placenta's like stone like it's it's like vampire skin imagine if he lost a tooth that would have been the funniest shit and then it just and then it just grew back because he heals quickly here's the other thing so he says because jacob at least in the movie says like uh because they take out the baby and or like they're the baby's not completely out yet and she's clearly like dying yeah and he's like you have to change her and he says i can't until that thing is out but you're biting into her body so you get like that doesn't make sense so your venom is already entering her system yeah you're saying i can't give her my baby's blood and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die don't get it nobody caught that yeah um another thing that nobody caught is um how jacob imprints on renesme oh i caught that um and what's crazy is that he imprints on renesme at all but before we get there but also when she was born he sees her and he sees her for the first time he literally is like get that fucking thing out of here yeah like i'm not holding it bitch that rank ass infant that bitch he says i don't want to touch that baby that's covered in strawberry cream cheese yeah he said that's a murderer get it out of here in the illustrated guide stephanie meyer states that imprinting this is a quote direct quote imprinting happens the first time a werewolf sees the object of his imprinting if the werewolf does not react to the human the first time he sees her after he phases he will not never imprint on that human but he does but he does what like he literally saw her and then he sees her again and that's when he imprints that doesn't make any sense yeah and there's no reason for that no like there's no reason we were watching the movie and i said hold up hold up right now he's seeing her he's seeing her immediately when she's delivered yeah which honestly would have been even worse if he imprinted it on her as she was coming out of her mother's uterus yeah i'd be fucked that would be fucked it's still fucked it's completely fucked and i love that in this whole thing that first of all edward like goes into this moment of just being so enamored with the baby that he literally does not care that bella is fully coding just deading right there deading she's just she's a corpse like she just presumably is a corpse at that moment and then he's like oh shit i have to fix her now too i'm like oh wow no uh that sucks like i don't and what's funny is like in again in the illustrated guide there's an um interview with stephanie meyer and she says that the reason she wanted to explore this whole pregnancy thing is because pregnancy is like not dangerous that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard she said now it's not danger used to be so dangerous it's not dangerous anymore and i said i beg you to read it's still i beg you to read the amount of conditions that you can get one not only while pregnant but two immediately after delivery i needed two blood transfusions after i had the twins you were like bella every organ in my body was shutting down when i saw elena post-birth it was like i think one day later i literally grabbed a nurse and i said is she all right yeah because she was gray i was literally great she was the color gray she was the gray stuff literally i was in the beast i was literally i had two full blood transfusions right after giving birth birth isn't even dangerous elena reading that i was like girl i know it wasn't like given birth in the middle of the woods back in the day i realize that that things have changed but it's dangerous like we can't pretend that it's not dangerous no so like that's a weird weird thing to say especially when you're having her die during birth yeah so there's that but she's like i'm doing something new here women don't die during birth anymore and it's like no they do they do they sure do that does happen it's just and then we have rosalie who has to be taken out of the room because she's about to eat bella because she's just all the blood i mean because they haven't hunted in forever because they're all because of bella because of bella needing to fuck as a human exactly this whole thing leads back to that none of them have eaten in days weeks even they're all hungry they're all like all their eyes are turning fucking dark black at this point not amber esme carlisle and emmet are out hunting when she goes into labor yeah like and also trying to avoid being hunted by the wolves which jacob stops by like you know fucking with them yeah but it's like all of this is because bella just had to have sex as a human yeah could not wait but then rosalie gets that baby she doesn't even ask if bella survived she's sitting by a fire i can take it cooing at that baby un-fucking-bothered at that cgi baby so there goes that whole girls supporting girls thing she doesn't give a fuck about bella that she said this is my baby now i hope she does die and also also that's crazy sorry i had to recover from that that's my baby now i hope she does i hope she does die that baby like when it first comes out is a regular baby like somebody was like here's my three-month-old go ahead and cover it and jam crazy wild and it's a beautiful baby yeah then they make it and i'm like but you didn't have to do that because babies are already beautiful like but no we needed this baby to be the baby that jacob falls in love with they make it really scary yeah i don't like it and it's gonna get so much scarier freak renesme in part two is gonna be the thing that your your sleep paralysis demon has nothing on renesme your sleep paralysis demon is a top model compared to because when when we see jacob imprint on renesme to his knees and he just has visions of this beautiful adult renesme but here's the thing it's beautiful adult renesme it's weird and her wig is weird too it is why can't they just find a pretty girl with long hair why can't they just find a pretty girl with long hair get a good wig there's good wigs yeah you might not even need it you found victoria yeah the first one gorgeous hair but then he just falls to his knees and will do anything to be with that baby in seven years meanwhile that baby just shit its pants meanwhile that baby just breathed its first breath like is literally being fed by renesme rosalie because it can't feed itself and you fell to your knees thinking about it as a beautiful adult woman that you can't wait to be with also you also has no choice in the matter yep and you hate vampires yeah that's half them like that baby's drinking blood yeah not breast milk yeah it's weird as fuck it's the weirdest movie like it this has got to be the stephanie meyer's mind is a dark place you gotta study it man it's crazy it's fucked up i gotta be like girl tell me what's going on in there then we get to the end by the way make sure you watch past the credits if you didn't know the first time the credits we get probably my favorite part of the twilight series i love arrow he is funny love him uh i love marcus he's wonderful marcus is just so tortured i love him and we have is it bianca yes bianca the secretary comes in and she hands a note to arrow and it's a note that because she's a secretary she wrote down carlisle had contacted them and said that they have a new addition to the family so he reads the note and when he says it he's like carlisle um carlisle has contacted us and he looks up and he says with an s bianca she spelled carlisle wrong he's like you can't spell he's like wow dummy and that they added somebody new he immediately has two vampires kill bianca because he says for the spelling and the grammar he said the grammar too was bad yeah he wouldn't just let it go he says first the spelling then the grammar take her out and i was like arrow is everything to me he is he's everything to me he's big mad he's big man have something he wants because marcus says oh so beautiful we're no longer fighting with the and arrow says bitch here we are he says they have something i want and then hold on he he says they have something i want and then we cut to the real credits which is bruno fucking mars it will rain how do you end your vampire movie with if you ever leave me baby what what i literally can't what i literally there'll be no sunlight of course there won't you're a vampire exactly that's the that's the most diabolical credit song to roll after breaking dawn and you know what just like to end this like on the website um she has her yeah and i'm not faulting anyone for a playlist i love a playlist i have playlists for my books this playlist is like it goes everywhere yeah and like maybe you can shit on my playlist too like i'm shitting on this one i wouldn't shit on your playlist i think this one just confuses me because one of the things on the playlist from bella's thing is the beach boys wouldn't it be nice i just gotta know where that fits like i just gotta know because also wouldn't it be nice if we were older i was like what it's like the lyrics obviously yeah but then she also has like lincoln park from bella's point of view yeah which i just don't see reliant k i see reliant k i do see i used to love reliant k before i knew uh we do have dark blue by jax manikin which i said shout out to andrew mcmahon and also dear andrew how do you feel about this do you know that you're on this hey andrew did you know that you're linked to stephanie meyer and also i would like to know where does that go have you ever been alone in a crowded room elena can you tell me where you've been alone in a crowded room elena can you tell me where that one goes i just i'm having trouble and again i'm not in the i this is not my world so i'm not gonna say that like maybe you have a place she has a place where that fits maybe and that i'll go you're right that makes sense because i'm this is not my world so maybe it's when he looks at renesme for the first time there you go like it's it's them like i love that song in fact every time i go to a concert of jax manikin i call john during dark blue if he's not in the room that's really cute yeah i love that uh it played at my wedding but uh yeah i just didn't know where that one fit i also didn't know where paper cut by lincoln park fit great song um it's great song great album didn't know that album i wore out we've got evanescence of course we've got fix you by coldplay which i feel like does fit oh my god i used to listen to that song anytime that i did a breakup or got broken up with oh yeah wreck you absolutely you try your best but you don't succeed that's for marcus that's for marcus that is that's smart that is marcus when you get what you want but not what you need he's constantly playing that he's so sad uh we have let's see we have you too stuck in a moment you can't get out of that's only because they put that on everybody's phone that's very true it's the only reason it's got to be in every playlist i'm like damn it's on my playlist too uh we have we also have the reason by hoobastank and ash said not hoobastank i said how do you put a hoobastank first of all how do you name your band hoobastank you let's get back to the origin story isn't hoobastank what isn't hoobastank i think they do you know what it is do i know what hoobastank means yeah no i'm pretty sure because i remember when they first came out people were like what the fuck does hoobastank mean i think he said it's the smell of a hooba i think it's the smell of like a bong like the i'm pretty sure the lead singer uh doug robb once claimed it was a mispronounced german slang for somebody who had a shoe fetish or has a lot of sneakers what a vast difference what a vast difference hoobastank i feel like i saw an interview where they said that at one point but maybe it seems like they say a lot of things about it so that's fair either way when you said not hoobastank i was like what i don't know because that really is a wild man so random it's pretty great oh man i can't wait for part two part two like i think i said this when we finished eclipse i really didn't remember and then i was watching this and i said wow i really didn't retain most of this i also didn't which is probably my brain saving me because i don't think i don't think part one is um good is widely received as the best of them i think uh if you love it i think i thought that i liked breaking down better than i liked eclipse but i would actually prefer eclipse over at least part one yeah i don't know i'm these movies are nuts man last two are not great for me no i'm last two that we covered yeah like eclipse and i think part the last part like part five is supposed to be kind of fun because i think that the fighting scene is fun and i think it's fun meeting the other covens yeah and like we get more arrow yeah so like that's all i can ask for and jay we got more jane i love jane jane jane is fun yeah so all right i did and i think we get arrows really good laugh in the next one i think god i can't wait i think it's really you're gonna have to do an impression once you hear it i'll get it all right so that'll be one of our next bonus episodes brothers yeah i love doing these so much my god what are we gonna do once we're done with twilight i know guys you gotta give us a suggestion suggestions of like a series or something that you want us to cover like this like a ridiculous series like how do we bonus episode after this i know how could we tell us what you want tell us and we'll give you what you want we will because we love you we do so with that being said we hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it weird but not as weird as jacob definitely not or edward ripping his baby mama's fucking skin apart true or rosalie just waiting in the background until she can steal the baby or alice packing your sister-in-law lingerie after she marries your brother or the wig department or the wig department and if i missed anyone let me know yeah or as fucking renee getting blitzed at your daughter's wedding and singing for your speech and jessica saying it could have been me yeah um yeah don't keep it that weird bye babes bye Thank you. © transcript Emily Beynon