MATTY MATHESON Talks The Bear, Bad Customers, Burgers

This episode is brought to you by Major League Baseball. There is nowhere left to go. Two teams, one championship. Watch the World Series. Yeah, the World Series presented by Capital One on Fox and Fox One. No time like October. Visit mlb.com slash postseason to learn more. Somewhere out there is a Chevy truck and the person who drives it, well, that's a Chevy person. You probably know one, your buddy, your sister, ones who always show up they're the first to rise, the last to leave. They always have that little extra something and maybe you've got it too. Chevrolet, together let's drive. Visit chevy.com slash trucks to explore the lineup. This list of questions under the category stupid, I am blind reading right now. Rank these ingredients, banana peel, edamame shell, oyster shell, shrimp tail, walnut shell, apple seed, apple stem, broccoli stalk, and peanut paper. I know the answer, it's an easy answer. Yeah, I don't care. A million dollars or dinner with delicious food? Was it hard to be around Mr. Potato Head because he's an ingredient? What? I'm going to go to the grocery store. It would be funny if you acknowledged like this. of rude to do land acknowledgements right like you guys do up there it's like we just want to recognize the guys that who we killed we killed all of them this is awesome they used to be here right it's yeah we do we like in the we proudly do them yeah we proudly do it's like that we they fucking we gave them smallpox we killed them but they used to live here so we're just going to say their name but we're the winners yeah it's a little i think it's a little bit different than that but yeah we just want to acknowledge i think it's pretty much the take yeah sum it up wait actually this is a let's get into restaurants food and everything yeah i was in vancouver doing stand-up i went to i went to a restaurant with some of the openers right yeah that's nice for me it's like i'm an adult right like if you know i get dinner and then my friend gets the next meal or if my friend has if one friend has more money one friend has less money the guy with more money pays because you want to have dinner with your friend right yeah yeah these fucking freaks up there in vancouver okay they all give their card individually yeah for what they ate yeah yeah and i'm like this is a sick culture yeah i don't like that that is just disgusting it's disgusting yeah it is and they were weirded out that i was like what are you doing right now just let someone get the check you know i'd like to take this opportunity i hate it i hate it too yeah jeremy allen white loves splitting bills and the what are the girls thinking what are they seeing in him because i'm always like splits the bill i i and i was broke i paid i dude yeah i'd call my mom he transferred me some money i'm about to someone at the table is about to split a bill help me it's disgusting i used to tell girls when i didn't have money for a restaurant or a bar i'd say let me cook you dinner and i i had a meal that i priced down like seven dollars what would you make for seven dollars like a well i would make like a a bolognese with a with a turkey ground turkey instead of that's gross yeah no it was all right it was okay but not a lot of fat or anything and like turkey just tastes like sawdust bro just just don't knock it till you try it okay i'll make a turkey bolognese would you cook it for a long time or like would you just like cook it like a 30 minute like canned tomatoes and brown turkey no no first of all a jar let the the prepared sauce prepared sauce prepared sauce obviously a jar of prepared sauce yeah yeah and then and then you don't you and then you just rose it up with some we're doing this and you think you're gonna get somewhere or like you think that that relationship will last all right yeah if i i should yeah it did i just didn't have the money for the restaurant you still have that person in your life or you've done this multiple times like there's a handful of women that had a delicious turkey bolognese i miss all of them and i hope they're doing well when they had a they had a heavy heavy sleepy trip to family okay um i want to get it to you like when did you like when did what when did the food thing start for you was it young or did it like develop later on yeah like nourishment started early yeah but like when were you like i ate this thing and it was like wow wow like wow this is something i feel uh i want to devote my life to or like i just wanted to go to college and get out of my town and go to a city so i just went to college for like that and then like later on in life i could have some perspective and look back and like have this romanticism and like create these like false bullshit yeah like i was like standing under the table and as the flower fell while my mom was making a lemonade i was like oh my god i'm gonna eat a lemonade i'm chef on cake i was like i knew one day i'd be a chef it's like no mom was sitting at the table she was sitting at the table just throwing flour making a mess her flower i saw her flower i saw i was like staring at my mom's flower as she was making a lemon chiffon cake i was actually she didn't even know i was there under the table didn't she yeah you know i've seen a lot of these websites where you're all these stepmoms are getting stuck underneath tables and you have to is that a thing yeah you got to see these videos i love those videos um no but like uh yeah so it was just a job you worked in kitchens yeah like it was it was a means to get to the city i wanted to live in the city i'm from a small like border town farm town yeah i just wanted to go to the city and like you know go to art shows and punk shows and be in a city you want to be a rocker more than a chef yeah well i used to like tour with friends bands and like that was like that's good the uh that's on you bro the uh wd-40 for my guy no we're good all right chef the uh yeah like i wanted to be like a rocker for sure i just wanted to like you know rock who were your goats like growing up were they were there musicians or chefs no uh musicians like punk like hardcore like growing up in buffalo is just like going to like buried alive shows and like being a part of like the buffalo hardcore scene and just like that yeah did you did you uh do that yeah yeah you did this dance yeah yeah we would do that not not so much now yeah what you're hurting your friends what's the point you know get it out you know parents buying their kids skateboards their whole lives and they're angry i don't know so who's your rock hero who's my rock hero well growing up who did you want to be no i don't think i don't know i never had like heroes there was never like a guy like i was staring at my wall like michael jordan poster like you know mario lemieux where like you know like i was just like i don't know i never had that it was more of uh being a part of something i think rather than that yeah my room was just like as a kid it was just filled with like flyers like just show flyers yeah so would you say that you've developed a passion for food or like it's just like yeah like you're a company man i'm like not what well it's it's your it's your it's your thing it's your thing you've worked in food that's your career yeah it's my whole thing i love it food has given me every opportunity in my life honestly because i'm really liking the way you're talking about food right now because it really bothers me when people are just when you watch a chef's table yeah and someone's like this is where two cultures meet oh and around the dinner table yeah this is where people sharing a meal and then they they make like 800 dollar pre-fee meals from workers pre-free from war criminals yeah yeah good well it's just like they're like talking about how like yeah it's just highfalutin and it's a little bit like like shut the up like you're making a luxury product that's like you're very good you're good at what you're doing you're very good right you're one of the best in the world but like you're not saving cultures yeah calm down yeah no i don't think so those are the thing is is the funny thing the chefs aren't doing that the mom and pop shops serving all the like on the corner stands having a family restaurant where their family lives there and works there and like those are the things that are like moving the needle on like i feel like a global happiness but it is like us as chefs are just like we're washed but i think it is uh i love restaurants and i love them i don't think they can change the world like people act and i don't think that they can do anything we can feed people and and be creative within that and have this beautiful place and put a lot of heart and soul into something and and care for it and have people around that believe in your vision that want to cook food to make themselves happy and provide for themselves and like that kind of stuff but yeah i don't i don't know like food uh yeah it's good i like it that's good yeah i've just been tasty since i've been here i've only i've literally i found this like random place in chinatown where nobody's ever in it i just go there by myself and just get chicken and rice and cash only it's really nice i just sit in there now they know me they just bring over the chicken and the rice and the soup you have money problems no i just think it's nice to be like alone and like it was good and everyone's like everything was packed around it yeah and then i went to the one that had like nobody in there i was like i'm either gonna you know i'm like it's sick and then i went in and it's been really i've gone three times oh it's really nice and i'm like that's that's nice you know you're gonna be taking a bathroom break 20 minutes i'm telling you i don't think so start though i ate the one i had half of a chicken and rice in my room and i ate it before i came here and it was just sitting on my like little desk all night i leave yeah i leave cooked food out yeah for like overnight yeah and uh and people are very critical of it and i'm like it's already cooked dude how much raw chicken could you genuinely eat before you get sick nobody knows well it's not raw it's already it's a cooked chicken the fear of this you're the man the pathogen i love him the fear of pathogens is like shut up we're nasty guys i get it eat your boogers once a day i still do i still do dude one a day dude don't get me started on kobe and fauci dude okay okay okay so what do you make of like this thing where like food is now a personality for people and stuff like it's like i don't know it's like a thing that people are like not people that work in food right but like people that's a that's a personality identity food but you're like but i never did that like i think the thing is i never tried i never tried to do that it was just like a thing where like my homies worked at vice and i partied with him and i'm like oh let's do we're doing food now and i'm like oh cool let's do food and i do that and then it's just like i think yeah but then you just turn it into a thing where you're like oh i can do this or i'm over here now or i'm over here i can like go cook and i what's that you got a little a vape yeah what is it yeah you look good dude i don't know i was a bad boy right now oh i forgot to give you something what i wanted to i want to pay pat you want to come we uh this is the tafs award for excellence in food media we made this for you uh we didn't make it for you that's good a goldsmith made it for you can you eat it oh it's actual spray paint yeah yeah it's a big guy it's recent i don't know normally i don't get a gift and uh that's nice though say judge have you had the chicken one do they have that here dude the chicken yeah we all have tried it yeah i don't know no no they brought it that it was a special menu item it's fire yeah they brought it but the mac rib has gone forever you know that no but you know why you know why they brought it back when they said the mac rib is back no because when pork prices uh were like down you think there's pork in it yeah of course there's pork in it how much what do you fucking supersize me i'm not trying to talk about this shit okay um broad what no no but i think that there is a thing right for like young people with disposable incomes that this becomes an interest of theirs and in reality dining no like but like uh yes food as a personality trait when you're someone that it's your career and it's the thing that you've worked in your entire life you've devoted yourself to so it's a different interaction yeah with as food being your life and as a guy that eats eats the food yeah yeah oh like eating at a food is but has become a like that's my personality right and does it does it bug you or do you care not for coming to my restaurant they're fucking losers though but they yeah absolutely disgusting people same as the people that split tables okay whatever um your friend uh chef nguyen tell me about him right yeah yeah is he would you consider him to be your best friend um he's one of my longest running besides like my friends from high school like he's i've known him since like 2002 so he's like he's my guy yeah when you have you invented a food ever invented a food yeah like this is a new food just like a fucking like like i like sprung a chicken out of a fucking thing that people are like i've never seen that before yeah well i think you make dishes sorry not a food yeah like a dish a dish well yeah yeah there's lots of dishes but it's also like you always take it it is uh the fucking uh i don't know you take uh you can't rebuild the wheel but you can paint it any color it's like this like mother sauce like you're the same this is like the view but different you know it's not the view because it's more because no i know but this is like kind of similar because it the view is five tens around the table yeah just trying to and it's just like and they're but this is different and there's one this is like a five and a six and they're all wet uh yeah sorry i don't know i went too hard there but i'm just saying like so would you say rang is like is it like right if you have my guy if you write a song right yeah and you have a friend that you trust his opinion you send him the song and then he's like it's good if you come up with a dish do you have like a brain trust or people that you kind of like yeah well i have all my chefs i have a lot of chefs that we work with in our restaurant company and like yeah we i i send in ideas and they're like that's stupid or we already did that maddie or like thank you so much for that and then and then we do like ideation stuff just dreaming of things that make sense did you have a mentor yourself like the og yeah i had a guy like he was like i learned like it's like he he was like the chef at like let's select so it was just like when i got out of college i went got a job and i worked at let's select and rang was like he was the he was the guy who ran the kitchen and he was like you know there was a chef above him but rang was the guy who like ran the kitchen and i became he was very mean to me for a long time and then and then i got in there and then uh i started doing his work on top of my work and he really liked me and so then we had this relationship where i would do stuff for him and he would do stuff for me wow and then we became very close then i started hanging out with him and like hanging out and like going to like vietnamese clubs and like doing some really fun stuff late and then uh like what like just like old like vietnamese like car games going to like poker games and like basements to like 6 a.m like they didn't ash the sig and it was they wouldn't actually say to me people are getting like a lot of yelling you know and a lot of scary stuff and like a lot of good times and up times and and me and him are we still talk all the time like he's a vietnam now he opened up a poutine shop really yeah fries great you know what vietnam needs poutine yeah so if you're ever in fucking uh it sounds heavy for like it's like very hot there but all they do is drink hot soup it's true but yeah it cools you down or something no what it's hot where's the best you sweat you ever drank hot soup and the heat the ramen is bullshit right oh it i'm over it and it's bullshit like fuzz ramen's disgusting is a much better soup i love fuzz i could eat faga every single day actually i want to shout out i went there this weekend rose vl in portland oregon is the best bowl of soup i've ever had in my entire life the fermented fish friday soup and i'm not even a food is my personality thing it's just a good bowl of soup is phenomenal and it's just this old lady and i've every time i go i have i go and i have this lady's soup she has two things and then you have to order one of the two things exactly i've been there i've been there like three times you've been there yeah it's incredible it's incredible it is andy took me the first time who used to have like puck puck so that was a good shout oh dude did i just was that bars that is the bars that's the one dude that feels great yeah that feels great yeah food's your personality no i mean i you went to the one spot that every chef goes to all right i'm gonna do something you didn't just randomly go there either you looked into it when i'm doing stand-up someone heckles me i say i don't go to your job and knock the dick out of your mouth that's the old exactly right okay but i'm gonna tell you what i what okay how did you get there how i want to change restaurants yes that's what i want to hear okay let me tell you this yes okay first of all the name server yeah is perverse yeah okay i don't it's really what it is when people say the service was terrible yeah like i don't need anyone ever to serve me it's a weird concept okay it's like i'm going to a restaurant to rent a slave for an hour and it's a guy that's like trying to try to be an actor in new york city and i'm like oh my god i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't want to be an actor in new york city i'm like i don't i hate how was your meal i hate how's the first few bites how's the first couple bites i've had literally a bowl of diarrhea and i've been like it's fine i'm not going to complain i've seen my parents complain enough in restaurants i don't want to be like that your parents complain in restaurants yeah they're like they're terrible they're disgusting don't get me started on the jews okay uh okay we because we broke this down yesterday into how many trips it is and how many trips it should be yes one pre-men menu in her introduction two menu drop why a premium introduction because this is what happens every restaurant i've ever been to okay four drink order five appetizer order six drink delivery seven food order eight food delivery nine how are you enjoying and how are you enjoying your mail you know that the way they sing it i'm like this guy's on the edge and he has so many other tables and he has so many other tables and he has so many other tables and yeah and i'm like poor guy like okay and you're i and you're you're my servant yeah for an hour i'm renting this poor man as a servant he just wants to be in rent and he doesn't realize that that that he's never gonna make it he's a bad okay uh 10 ask ask about dessert how are you feeling about dessert okay 11 dessert menu 12 dessert delivery 13 how are you enjoying your day how are you enjoying your dessert it's crazy how are you enjoying your dessert yes they always do that yeah caleb you're right i said how are you enjoying your dessert that is okay 14 check drop 15 check pick up 16 check and then they bring it back for the check site then they have to pick up the side check 17. yeah they have a million everyone else is waiting that's 17 interactions and there's more than that actually and you're there for an hour and a half you're just gen like there's a lot of things oh can i get a mayonnaise can i get thing oh yeah can i ask the chef let me ask let me ask the chef every table and i gotta go back and ask the chef if i could have fries and salad for the substitution i can have fries and salad before what's happening no substitutions ever shut up shut up okay why don't you make substitutions yeah don't be the parents allergies you forgot allergies oh allergy question just die anybody at the table can die from shrimp just die okay yeah that's what i mean just die just die just die right don't leave the house yeah don't leave the house why are you in a restaurant why is that my problem listen maybe anthony fauci can figure it out okay that's the fouch okay so so here's what we decided every restaurant dim sum you get a piece of paper you put your thing on yeah if you don't order dessert it doesn't trip you don't you don't get dessert young man what's the little one with the black bean and the donut that burns your mouth that is really good that is great i like the egg the black sesame seed the egg tart is good that's good wait there's a we should go to dim sum after this let's go yeah me you where do you go which one's yours i go to go go no there's one in south south uh brooklyn in in uh in like uh you go to brooklyn yeah because it's called something seafood count what's your address um okay also just like these people the server like have to like get a good tip so they're like that you could tell they're miserable jobs suck right and they're exhausted and they have a lot of tables and they're performing like they're not like they're having a good day they're not having a good day they're there and i feel hospitality they don't love it they want to get they want to take care of you they want to be taken care of no one is loving it they love it no one everyone loves no there's one guy at work that loves it and everyone else is like that guy's a fucking piece of shit yeah he's like actually guys we're a team like yeah and everyone's like fuck that guy and then there's a rude older lady yeah who never yeah who's like just like you don't want yeah she's a cunt to everyone else yeah yeah yeah i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know stupid okay if you ever review service online you don't get to go to any restaurants anymore so that's a fact jack who's gonna tattle imagine writing a three-star review everyone's an arc a three-star review about something okay i like when people can't get into restaurants because they're like busy and they say just the restaurant's trash oh that's the best i say it's for my boss adam Okay, there should be entertainment at every restaurant, a show, a review, a band, and a dance floor. Yeah. Yeah. Right? And so you could get up and have a dance. What was the Sammy's? Sammy's Romania with Danny Love. Dude, he played my buddy's wedding. We had him on the show. It was incredible. Yeah. Incredible. He did this, like, "Stop selling the Jews." That's his thing. He does parody songs where he replaces words with Jew. I don't remember that. Was it not? He did it for other people? It was a Jewish wedding. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, "Jew York! Jew York!" I don't remember that song. He's a phenomenon. Shout out to Danny Love. He was on an episode of Taps, actually. We cast him in a sketch we wrote. He's great. Okay. But that restaurant's like a perfect restaurant. What do you think about this entertainment thing? That's why I referenced that. Yeah. I agree with you. Just as lovely. Yeah. Just like a live band. Like, honestly, just like a singer-songwriter. Yeah. Just like a singer-songwriter, just loosely in the corner. Okay. Now I want to talk about song or music choices at restaurants. Yes. Right. Is there a song that makes a food taste bad or a food taste good? I don't know. I like. In my restaurants, I pick Decades. So I just pick. Like, I have, like, a high-end, like, steak, seafood, vegetable spot, like a restaurant. Yeah. And, like, we only play stuff from the '60s. So it's just, like, it's mellow. It matches the food. Well, it just, like, matches the thing. It's just, like, there's no. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, it's not, like, you know, it's not like us blasting or something, you know, or whatever. Not like us should. That would. Yeah. That would make the food taste worse to me. It would just. It's negative. Like, whatever. But there's places, like. Yeah. I think every place has its own vibe where it's just, like, whatever. Where I'm, like. But I'm, like, as I'm older. Yeah. You know? I'm, like, 44 now. And I'm just, like, I don't want to hear anything. Yeah. I don't want to hear. I love going. Like, go to an omakase spot where I can't even speak to the guy handing me sushi, and that's my favorite experience. I like watching the guy. Don't speak to the person next to me. Yeah. Just hand me the sushi. I eat it. See you later. Well, you see the boy doing the work. Yeah. It's beautiful. Okay. Yeah. More Benihana style or sushi bar kind of experiences. Yeah. Sushi bar, Benihana. Yeah. Sit at a bar. Also, like, Swan Oyster Depot. Perfect restaurant. Right. Sit at the bar. Bunch of guys shucking oysters, doing crab, doing everything. Here's your wine. Here's your stuff. Fuck off. Right. It's nice. Right. Exactly. Like, maybe the entertainment should be. Maybe the food. Yeah. Because instead of the guy that they're like. That really just is at his job, and he's like, "I have to be here." Bring in your water. I got brunch in the morning. Or when they pour sparkling into your still glass. Who cares? Yeah. Right. Okay. Here's one other thing. Yeah. Every restaurant should be Benihana style, right? Yeah. Instead of that, you can get up and walk around, and it's fine. And your girlfriend doesn't have to tell you you have to sit. Because sometimes it's hard to sit for so long. I like that. Okay. Just, like, wander? Yeah. Like, start looking at stuff on the walls? So there's a dance floor. You have to kind of, like. Get out and. I don't like sitting for so long. Right. What's your perfect music? Like, if you were to be, like, at a place? Is it quiet? Or is it. Well, I feel like. I have a theory. Tell me if this sounds right. During the charred Brussels sprout era, it was a lot of trip-hop. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Just goldy. I think that's a shout. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. DJ Shadow. Yeah. DJ Shadow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Remember charred Brussels sprout? LSDC sound systems. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think that it is the charred Brussels sprout of today? Or do you think it's. Yeah. Do you think it's. Dude, I have a burger. Two burger shops. Was that. And when I opened them. Yes. We did. I've had multiple. My whole thing. The first time I was ever on TV, I won. I won. The first time I ever won on TV, because I thought anyone that won on TV was a fucking loser. So it was just like. It's awesome. I won. And I won this thing called Burger Wars. I won on Burger Wars. Uh-huh. And I won it. Who hosted it? Guy? Yeah. Have you met the legend. The goat? Who? Guy. Guy? Yeah. Oh, Fierio? Yeah. Have you met the goat? No, I've never met him. Would you be too nervous? No, I don't think I would be nervous. I just. I don't think I'm in the same rooms as that guy. Yeah, but he's. Come on. I know, but I don't. I'm not in that world. I'm not in that. Yeah, but that show, he's so funny. No, I'm sure he's great. I mean, he's. You think he's lame. You think he's lame. He's making hundreds of millions of dollars a year. He's just like. Yeah. He's got. Yeah. He's undeniable. He's undeniable. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I think, you know, my hat's off to him, you know? Right. If you met Guy, would you dap him and say. What up, Guy? Would you say what up? Congrats on all the success, bro. No, that's snide. That's a little bit. Big fan. Just say, like, what up, legend? What up, legend? Yeah, yeah. Dude, all those memes going around, are you not eating your food? What's up with that dog? Don't you think people were a little too hard on him? Like, people were like, that guy sucks a little bit too much, and then. No, that's just, like, who cares? Like, why even punch down, or, like, who cares, or punch up? Like, dude's fucking. He killed it. You really. And, like, during, like, the fire. Like, I'm like. That's the thing, is, like, people hate this guy, and he's successful. And then, like, during the fires in LA, he, like, raised, like, millions of dollars for people. Really? Yeah. He went and fed people. People don't say that enough. Yeah. Dude, he, like, went and, like, paid for all this shit and fed people. A real American hero! You know what I'm saying? He's like. I don't know. But it's just, like, one of those things where it's just, like, it is the good and the bad, and, like, whatever. I'm like, he's evil because he fucking is successful. No, yeah, that's just. Yeah. Or he's a clown because he drove around in a car and, like, ate at really nice mom-and-pop shops, and, like, all these restaurants are successful because he ate at them. Like, dang, that sucks. That's a rock star bite. He's brutal. That's a rock star bite, yeah. Yeah, rock star bite. But don't you see him sometimes? Because you dress well. You, like, wear, like, nice clothes. My dress is normal. No, you're, like, always wear, like, fashionable kind of clothes. Yeah. And, like, he's wearing that, and he doesn't. No, he's wearing, like, a flip-shin. He's happy. He's happy. And he looks. Dude, I think people like that are sick, though. I see that. And, like, he just. I wish. He gets in his fucking '57 Chevy, and he puts on Sugar Ray or Smash Mouth. Dude. And he just feels good. I love that. I kind of. I think there's a. I'm envious of him. There's kind of something kind of special about that. Dude. And why. The fact that he upsets people so much is, like, why don't you make a fucking diner. Dude, he smokes cigars inside of, like, sports arenas. Why don't you make a fucking diners, dive-ins, and drives yourself, you fucking losers? Exactly. This guy's doing. Exactly. Why don't you get in your goddamn fucking '57 Chevy? His name is literally Guy. Yeah. His wife is named Chick. Let's go back to it. Yeah. Let's talk about. To what? Let's talk about the Smashburger, right? Oh, yeah. Would you say that you put everyone back on game? No, I think there's the thing that, like, everyone's either trying to make In-N-Out or Shake Shack, or, like, you know. And then In-N-Out is the same as, like, Apple Pan and Pine Burger, and, like, all these things. And, like, California has such a distinct burger. And then, like, I guess the East Coast doesn't really have. It does, but it. I don't fucking know. But it is, like, a thing where I'm, like, I made, like, Matty's Patties, and I made this thing, and I was just, like. It's neither of them. And then when I. But when I opened my restaurant, like, five years ago, I was just, like, yo, Smashburgers are this thing that are so fucking hype right now, and it's, like, whatever, even, like, five years ago. And it was, like, I put on a fat burger, so I called it the Matty, and it's just, like, a fatter, juicy. A restaurant style. Yeah. Like, if you go to, like, a Luger Burger, and now, all of a sudden, the Luger Burger is the biggest thing in the entire world. Well, the Red Hook Tavern was. Red. Yeah. But, yeah, I love that one. Dirty. Yeah, yeah. Dirty's a killer. Yeah, yeah. The Luger. You know what's nice about those Luger guys? Yeah. They're all old, and they all make, like, 200 bands a year. Dude. Because it's a legacy position. Dude, cash. And they're not nice to you. Because you're a fucking. Yeah. One of the most famous people, you know. Yeah. In the. It's nice for me. You know, whatever. I walk in there any time. That's what happens to me when I. Try out the Lugers. I walk into places. Fire. Yeah. I like my steak cooked six different ways at once. It honestly. It's kind of. It's kind of not as good as I thought it was. It's the best. It's not as good as. Every time. I think the best bite in the. Maybe in the entire world. Let's hear it. is taking their grilled bacon, a piece of shrimp, a piece of onion, and a piece of their unripe tomato in their fucking Luger sauce, put it all on a fork, cut it all into perfect little pieces, and I take that like a little canapé, and I eat that, and that's like one of my favorite things in the entire world. But the first time you go there, you get a cheeseburger, and then you get it with bacon, and then they give you bacon on a plate, and look you in the eyes, and say, "That's right, bitch. It's not on the burger. It's this fat, and it's on a plate. Figure it out." And it's like. It's their little joke. Yeah. They go back, and they're like dapping each other. Got another one. Got another one. Got another loser. Yeah. I give them a plate of whatever the fuck this fat of a bacon is. But you cut it. Yeah. I never get. I don't put bacon on the burger. I've never done that. I think that's a stupid move. Bacon on burgers is stupid. Yeah. Yeah. Just have a burger. I'm over lettuce on burgers and tomatoes on burgers. Yeah. I'm back and forth. On mustard, onion, and mayo. Manny's trying to. You cannot get lettuce and tomato in the thing. Just think. He's the only man of the people. Yeah. Okay? Jeremy Allen White, this fucking cheapskate. He's not cheap. He just. He is. And women are so. And women are. Cannot get enough of this. He's got all these. Muscles. He's muscly. Veins. Yeah. He just has too many muscle veins. He's like a little pimple. I was at a party once, and Austin Butler was there, and all the girls we were with were like. Me and my friend were like, "Wow." And all the girls we were with were like, "No. He's disgusting." And we're like, "What are you seeing?" He's gorgeous. And they like Jeremy Allen White. Yeah. Who wouldn't even. Who wouldn't even pay for your. Portion of the meal? He would. He's on the. With his friends. He likes to split. He's on the bare. With his friends, he likes to split. That's all I'm saying. More like the twink. More like the twink to me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. More like the fucking veins. It's the veins. It's very penis-like. Yeah. He's like a giant, strong penis. That's your boy. Can we call him right now? Just. Can I just give him a piece of my. Yeah. We can call him. Really? He won't pick up. Watch. You want to FaceTime him? I'll be nice to him. Okay. Wow. Let's see. Girls love him. They're all busting when he did that underwear thing. If he answers, I'll be. He's the worst at phones. I'm just going to tell him to start doing. I know exactly what I'm saying. Was he. Did you try to FaceTime him? He's probably having sex with every girl in the entire world. That's not true, actually. He's never had sex? He's. No, he's like a verge. One Adam. Zero that guy. What do you want to say to him, though? I'll say just like that. He seems like a nice guy. I don't know. Ayo from comedy. Good. I don't know. Congrats on every girl wanting to fucking busting and sliding out of their chair whenever you walk into a room. Can you imagine what it's like? He's not going to answer. They slide out of the chair. He walks down. He's in an airport. Every woman's fault. There's a puddle of just. All right. Let's get back to the Smash Bros. But from what I understand, it originates in Oklahoma. Oklahoma burger. Yeah. That's one of them. Like the onions. Is the purpose of a smash burger to use a lower quality of meat and then it's just crispy and you don't have to like. The Millard effect and the lace and all that kind of stuff. What does that mean? What's Millard? Millard's like the effect of the caramelization of the beef on contact and not moving and then you use like the paint scraper to like sear it off and there's the lace around the shit and all that shit. Wow. But it's like. I think it's just like it went so hard and then it's just like still people are just making like. They're either Shake Shack or In-N-Out and it's just like everyone's still making like special sauce and it's just Thousand Island sauce and it's just like I find it very tiring and just whatever. But also like get your bag and do your shit and like whatever. Right. You think it's gonna go the way of the Charred Brussels Sprout? Yeah. I think everything is a Charred Brussels Sprout. What's up next? What's up next? Yeah. It quickly turned into everyone's just like we only eat like Luger burgers. Really? You know? And then it'll turn into. I was gonna say Shrimp Cocktail Revival. That's what I was gonna say. Shrimp Cocktail. Yeah. It's back? Been back. Every restaurant is a steakhouse. Every restaurant serves prime rib now. Every restaurant serves like, you know, everything is homogenized. Every restaurant has tartare and like fucking, you know, fucking something, dumplings or something. But that's good, right? Those are regular foods. Yeah. Everybody wants to eat the same thing. Everybody wants to go to every restaurant and eat the same thing, I guess. It's great. Another bullshit? Fusion. Yeah. Who cares? No, Fusion's great. Give me regular food. Mix it up. I want a Caesar salad. No. No? Is that a thing? I don't know. It's too annoying. They're trying to like. They're doing too much with it. But they came from somewhere. Maybe it's a person that has that in their family, in their life, in their love, and they're putting their heart and soul into the food, and you're like, "It's disgusting. What is this?" And that's why if you. I think white dudes do infusions. If you could drink, and do drugs for one day with no repercussions what would you do and drink he's in recovery that's a mean question probably like a like you know a couple eight balls don't answer the question because then you're gonna be picturing it and then no it's fine no it's good and then i get like a big bottle of jameson vodka proud of you like 30 beers you could crack all that you could finish all that i could go pretty good yeah yeah because you're canadian yeah yeah because it was 24 hours so like you go 24 hours oh yeah maybe a couple e's in there yeah throw a couple ecstasies in there a couple ketamines big bag of coke horrible the ketamine oh it makes you feel like a yeah not if you do it at all and then you just die you're trying to be tranquilized that's for sure uh wait i what's the mount rushmore like of canadians who who do you think are the four most important john candy great answer okay john candy martin short great answer wow eugene levy catherine o'hara jiminy glick what about jiminy glick's all time have you had jiminy on you need marty do you know i got people that know he knows so many people can we book people right now while he's yeah call marty you know have you had benny blanco on no no why you should he's here right now the record producer yeah you tell him i bet he would love to come on here actually yeah write some uh new uh questions uh you have 10 minutes yeah tell them tell them pull up dude we're hanging all day yeah how important was the movie waiting for that's a good movie waiting is the best restaurant movie in college i saw it 300 times yeah i would rather watch waiting than that favro crap any day of the week oh you made a sandwich for a girl great okay yeah uh you're a dad yeah how would you cook your kids how would i cook my kids caleb like like uh like piglets like like uh yeah that's a horrible question like drugs would you do and now you're saying how would you eat your oh yeah like well ozzy's the youngest so like like a peking duck dryer out blow her skin out just hot she's hanging in the window yeah just hanging in the window hanging in the window yeah yeah yeah uh any tips for dads out there who want to get into hardcore and like they're like later on in age yeah for sure like just just like just really get into it really strap in maybe start like a vlog or something about it yeah i want to hear your opinions yeah yeah just go to a local hardcore show just any but they're all young and scary they're trying to jump in it's so good we need more old people there's no cd they can listen to or yeah like my chemical romance everyone knows that that's not hardcore was it hard to be around mr potato head because he's an ingredient he sat in front of me at the premiere really i didn't get his name though but i was just like mr potato head what's up what tell us about uh you were a character in the toy store no dr nutcase i call him dr fauci personally exactly the pandemic yeah yeah yeah the grand orchestra doctor are you an enemy of buzz maybe no no i'm i'm i'm blowing my whistle on big tech tablets taking kids imaginations away oh so you're a good guy yeah you want kids to just use their imagination yeah do you let your kids on this thing a little bit not not uh no not in the cars they only have 30 minutes of a week on youtube at their restaurants no no no ipads in public i want to smack it out of their hands it's crazy control your kids yeah that's they're watching the parents that's not on the kids that's on the gangbang they're watching a hardcore gangbang they're watching porn hub just deep it's so scary they're signed in you could be nine and just switch from bluey and then you see that you're like yeah what's going on i we used to have to go to the woods to find porn exactly yeah an old tree fort yeah yeah your friend you always found an old bag in the woods your friend's older cousin left it there and it was like fully cummed all over yeah and wet from the woods exactly you're a dad but you grew up in las vegas how do you have that what what well we do have a pine forest in mount charleston but yeah we used to go into the desert do you ever swim in lake mead yes i have of course okay i have you know it's going down it's down it's a real ai well are they going to fill it back up i think that was the first body of water that's been going down from ai they're filling it up for a while they're filling up ai with lake mead yeah i know guys we're just talking vegas don't we we'll be right back you know who's from vegas guy fieri we should uh how do you know lake mead my parents lived in vegas for a little bit where uh like red rock outside like red rock oh yeah that's where that's my zone we used to go in the in the desert and blaze yeah yeah and we'd like to look at the whole pain container look at the whole valley and then one night did you ride dirt bikes growing up no you didn't write it come on it's ridiculous you die immediately uh you like metal militia i don't i have no interest in that i don't know what it is and i have no interest what is that like twisted metal the video game yeah yeah yeah the clown yeah yeah yeah yeah twitch you know twitch uh like hassan piker yeah yeah wait wait we one time when we were in the desert uh my we were all smoking weed we're having like we're high school boys talking about life and stuff my friend greg's like do you ever think about who would be the best at sucking dick and we're like no like who like a like a porn star and he goes no like us like guys we know exactly what we want when we're getting our dicks like we were all like there's just a silence and we're like and someone's like oh yeah do you do you get the homework for you know it's one of the funniest things ever no like us think about it no we know what we like dude we know exactly how to like just pleasure cocks like yeah like we want i like it when she likes my bum yeah it was just like there's a prank that's not a blow job have you had your bum you're that have it your salad yeah is there what do you think about that are you worried about stuff no i want to ask you what do you think about that that being called food pardon it's a tossing a salad it seems like what is that i don't know where that comes from yeah i've i don't it's very my father watches the show but what i will say to you and is that i tr it was too tigger mr friedman's it was too ticklish friedland she said why are you taking this seriously i'm like is are gay guys just tickling each other i was like i was like i was like i can't stop it it's too big okay that would dad your dad used to do that to you no my dad my dad my dad taught me right okay he taught me right why is food so popular all the way that's done i'm most underrated utensil i don't know yeah it doesn't matter okay uh what's better cheese or cookies good question i like cookies more than cheese cookies yeah you know like i told my girlfriend when we started because she's a high she's a fancy lady that i didn't like cheese like a like a challenging stinky yeah and she got really mad at me when we first got together just like i saw it like a nice blue i've tried yeah and like no like a triple cream like a stinky cripple because of love i've like tried to do it and she i don't get any points i'm eating this fucking and then you kiss right after it tastes like cheese yeah yeah um are you flexible yeah very i'm agile yeah they said that you seem flexible in the stupid section of the question yeah yeah you are yeah kind of like you have like a kinetic aspect to your yeah when you perform music are you very like all like i can move around really like yes yeah yeah yeah tables yeah i just followed yeah there's a i bring a coffee table out and smash it yeah what happened with fondue you know it was a bullshit to begin with but what happened to it who wants to eat bread i think it was the demise of bread people are still eating cheese but bread it's it's the non-gluten pandemic you know the fauci with the bread with the gluten do you remember the melting pot that was the place the the chain people used to go there after there was a fondue chain there was a chain called the melting pot i grew up in a small town in canada we did not have the melting pot oh you had the melting pot yeah you you had the middle no uh would you join my religion called food isn't cut no you guys are getting lazy now at this point who's your biggest enemy in the food world good question hey do you have ops yeah yeah what is what pisses you off like you don't have to name names what pisses me off is that i always have to take the high road why because i don't know what's the low road for that like how are they taking engage with anybody it's just like i have trolls for life yeah it's just like but that's the thing is like once you get to a place they're coming at your ass you think oh yeah yeah they'll love it oh it's not something that's like a contemporary or something you're like that guy stinks like yeah that's the thing is like once you get to a place they're coming at your ass you think oh yeah i got yeah they'll love it oh it's not something that's like a contemporary or something you're like that guy stinks like he doesn't deserve that i don't care about that i've always been like i don't i've never worried about anybody like i i don't have that you're just working on your yeah like i really don't give a about anybody except for me and my team jeremy jeremy allen white's i love him yeah i don't know i've never i haven't heard many good things so far and all he's the sweetest guy ever you've only heard good how tall is he he's like four he's like five eight he's taller than me he's disgusting he's taller than you you weirdo why do they and if they look at elvis they look at austin butler they're like gross and i'm like what are you doing yeah you like this guy who won't even pay for him he makes the woman pay and he only dates poor women with no money to embarrass them who is the cause of food that's a good question jesus christ k-a-w-s yeah who is the cause of food oh who's the cause cause k-a-w-s cause of food if you think of food as art who is the cause cause the guys with the x's over the cartoons it is a badass uh like jordan had like vespertine like all that in la yeah like he i've never had food that looks the way that his food looks and is absolutely delicious is it cartoony no not at all it's very serious but it looks like sci-fi he's made stuff that like looks insane and you go there and you eat and it's like you're in a fortress it's an insane thing there's fucking all this shit and it's just but it works because it's beautiful his food is delicious like you're eating this shit and you're like what the fuck is this this is incredible so you're like you did it everything else is like poser shit where you're like oh this looks like this and they have to have to explain it then you eat and you're like what and as soon as you say it's like explaining a joke if you have to explain it but there's different levels of like comedy you know yeah smart comedy i don't know yeah i'll get into it i mainly watch comic view who's your favorite comic ever yeah nick mullen cypress hockey is i got two it's a tie who's the banksy of food this is good i like it that's a good question right it is maybe the best one i've ever been asked who's the banksy of it because if you think about it right like there was a time where andy warhol was world famous right yeah like if you had to ask yourself who's the most famous artist in the world yeah probably banksy yeah if you go to like berlin you know like who's like wheat pasted and just sell or who's like i can't think of a basically just wheat pasting no don't come on don't he's gonna come for you if you start talking he's gonna come for you he's gonna come to hack me or what you don't know what he's gonna he's gonna didn't he sell that thing and it just like shredded yeah yeah that shit you might who's doing that shit yeah a lot of people say grant i feel like grant at alinea maybe that's the banksy is there like a like like the bad gorillas is there a guy that's anonymous who's the mf doom right is there a chef that wears a mask i feel like you're you're very open about informing me we're very low we're stupid guys this is where i like to be this is where i like to be you didn't help me figure out who the most famous females well there's so many all right let's but let's go back to uh to like uh like like like what i i guess like um i guess like your grandfather had a restaurant right yeah and like uh was is that like i guess like the nice thing about this is that you don't really care about the food a lot of the times right i just like to hang out with my friends at a place yeah and have some drinks yeah right and like the food is great if it's tasty and delicious is great but if i'm like having a really funny conversation and it tastes like crap yeah it's it sometimes when it tastes like real crap it's it makes it funnier right we like you bite it you're like what the fuck is this yeah right yeah um so so i guess it's just like um yeah it's like do you think that like uh like i guess do you think that has interrupted in some way by people thinking that like um uh you know it's not it's less about it's it should be about hanging out no i don't know really have a question i feel like i'm giving a great speech though i agree with what you're saying you know what i'm saying yeah we should hang out we should just be there and it's like no matter what you're gonna have a good experience if you're with good people yeah that's all you're saying i was in paris once and i threw a tantrum at my girlfriend and i was like you threw a tantrum i threw a tantrum i was like you never let me choose you choose everything well no she because she has good taste all right and i was like she's like fine you go ahead and pick one restaurant let's see and we left after the appetizer we were dying of laughter i was like how do i find the worst where did you go i didn't know this but apparently on trip advisor is just you could buy what you're laughing at me yeah i said it was number one on trip advisor that looked good number one and i didn't realize that who goes on trip advisor who goes and votes i googled you literally said if you leave a review and you went to the place people leave reviews it was actively horrible it's a place where the the worst food is pretty all right right yeah paris yeah yeah right it's like in the south of france it was crazy the food was crazy oh wait you have bouillabaisse no i i love a bouillabaisse you have the the anchovy pizza thingy no what piss a lot of air yeah yeah that no the uh red sauce the anchovy piss a lot of that's there it pissed a lot of the air of course the uh no i was in can oh yeah it was just like yeah the food was crazy dude cans yeah a couple owls a couple out dude uh yeah okay so i guess um i guess like you kind of it seems to be like your career is just like things happen you're like oh that's weird and it's kind of sick because i think you're like a magnetic person i really like you i i get annoyed like even by uh yeah like i used to the bear when the first time it reminded me of uh i used to live with three service people in my first apartment like they'd be like at it'd be like 11 30 p.m every night and they'd be like talking like they were in v like denang province vietnam yeah and they were pissed and then we were in a push and i was like i was like guys just relax yeah yeah you know like so it's like a little bit like uh uh i think you have like the right attitude like it was like an attitude that i can like uh kind of identify with more uh but like i guess it's like um do you have designs on what is coming up how like deliberate or calculative do you have designs on what is coming up how like deliberate or calculated is your life or is it just your shit happens shit happens always yeah i don't plan for the year i don't have a whiteboard i don't fucking when people try to talk to me about stuff i make fun of them if i i rarely talk to my accountant because he everything annoys me i don't want to know the number yeah i don't have like a bank app on my phone i don't have social media on my phone i don't have anything i just live in my life trouble with your wife still like forgetting to do stuff no well yeah yeah i kind of forgot mother's day a little bit but then i was there and then i had like my assistant bring some stuff because i was like once again i was just like am i i need to do something like actually sick because i i told her that i forgot kind of well i was just like we're here i'm here i'm home i'm like this is nice i was like you're also like you you're not my mom my my mom is joni she she gets a phone i'll just make her cry with how much i tell her how i love her and mount rushmore yeah i just call joni and i'm just like what's up who joni my mom is your mom joni and joni joni mitchell yeah you love joni yeah i love joni yeah joni's great she's just hacking darts painting shit fucking dude oh man she's great neil joni yeah neil joni yeah you ever meet rob ford would rob ford which was he the one who died the mayor of the mayor of canada the mayor of toronto the one that smoked crack yeah no i never met him how do you how are you the one the thing that's crazy is the one video was uh i forget the fucking name of the restaurant the one video where he was smoking or doing like the patois like in the restaurant he's the coolest guy ever i i used to live in rexdale so when i went to humber and call like when i went to like culinary school i lived in rexdale and so like that whole zone was lit and and but that restaurant like i've been to that restaurant before but i forget the fucking name of it i just put something together in my mind yeah guess what i'm thinking guys he's an actor he's from toronto yeah play rob ford biopic yeah i'm thinking that's a lot of makeup see but the thing is that's a lot of makeup who cares about i would love honestly but i couldn't do crack smoking mayor that gets to do like he's incredible hear me now i know no i think it's i think it's fantastic yeah all right but it's just like you can't do that i have one i can't do that one last question yeah oh do you have do you know no never no i know people around him i i know people that work with him who like who's the closest to drake i know oliver from stuff but it's just like okay what you didn't want to meet oliver i just want it well you want drake i want to get him on the show because i i'm gonna make everything right okay i'll make a couple and drake's probably watching because he doesn't miss an episode of a canadian guest on the show all right come on 40 the whole gang just come an owl chain maybe anoint me you need one do you have one yeah do you have an ovo chain no this has been the most fun interview ever i think it's our boy right ladies and gentlemen jeremy allen white ever yeah that fun right music you