Matthew McConaughey & Woody Harrelson

Hey, my name is Matthew McConaughey and I feel very Irish about being Conan O'Brien's friend. That's an insult, but I'll take it. Hi, my name is Woody Harrelson and I feel like a true American about being on Conan O'Brien's. You are a true American. I know you and I align in many of our views. One of our great patriots. Now, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walk and lose, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there, it's Conan O'Brien. This is Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, the podcast that I think brings joy and beauty to every single person on the planet Earth. This podcast brings beauty? I know, beauty is the one. I also said to every single person on Earth, which is maybe a slight exaggeration. I'm joined by my good chum, Sona Massessian. Hey, Sona. Hi. Matt Gorley. Hi. Dr. Gorley, good to see you. And I'm told that our techno whiz, our audiophile extraordinaire, Eduardo, has a little something he wants to say. Eduardo, what's going on? I do. I have a gift for you, actually. Oh. I don't know if you're gonna like it or not, but just to give you context, when we first built the studio and we were debating on what mics to have, the table, everything, the walls, what it would look like, one of the things I had thought about at that time was getting you a microphone that you had for your TBS show, Conan. Do you remember that mic? Yeah, beautiful mic. I think it was, what was it? It has certain kind of, was it red? Yes. Yeah, beautiful red microphone. Oh, there it is. There I am with Seth Rogen. Oh, is that a ribbon mic? That's a condenser mic. I knew it. Yes, it's a 414. And anyhow, so it's a very cool looking mic. I always love the look of that mic. I just love, and I love that little shot of dark, dark red. It was so cool. But like, it was also kind of unnecessary, right? Yeah, I always wondered about that too. How much of that is for show? No, we've discussed that before that I would always say, why do we have a mic on the desk? Now, a lot of it's just an aesthetic nod to the early days of television, the early shows, talk shows that were really invented in America. Steve Allen, Jack Pard, Johnny Carson, uh, David Letterman. I think I've named all the hosts. They, um, they all have a microphone on the desk because that's what you had to do then. Subsequently, you've got all these boom mics hanging. Everyone's got a lavalier clipped to them with a, with a mic pack. Yeah. And the thought was sometimes I'd say, why do we have this? I get that it's an aesthetic nod to the past, but is it unnecessary? Turns out they would always tell me sometimes the mics go out and we need to switch over. To that mic that's on your desk, which they did a couple of times. So they have a use. Yeah. So, and they look cool. And that one specifically looked cool because of the red grill that you were talking about. That was custom made. So I, I thought, oh, it'd be cool to use that one for you here. And I tried to track it down and went to skills. One of your long time skills, uh, my, my guitar tech for many, many years worked on the show. It took me a while to get wrap my head around the fact that you have people working for you named skills and chills. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But anyhow, so the, I'm going by thrills. Hey, thrills. Nobody could locate the mic. So even to this day, I don't know. I don't know where it is either. So what I did was I was able to get it recreated. Wait a minute. This is huge. You can open it. Wait a minute. This is from all of us, by the way. Oh, that old move. Wait a minute. Are you, is this, for real? Oh my God. This is beautiful. Look at that. How did you do that? How'd you get it? Shout out to Dave Ozinga, uh, Mike tech in Glendale. Dave Ozinga. So did Dave Ozinga, is this the same, uh, technology, same model, a similar model rather. Um, and, uh, yeah, he, he custom painted it for, put it, put it back together for us and it's usable. So the idea is that I think beginning today we can use this. Yes. And it, it would be your mic. Oh, I, but that means when I leave the room and some other big wig comes in here to do another podcast, like say Ted Danson, I never want to see Ted Danson's face within six miles of this microphone. It's mine. It won't be, it won't be shout out to Ted. We love Ted, I love you. And you're a better man than me in every single way. But if you ever talk into this mic, I will find you and I will have, I will have someone with me who's strong enough to fight you. So, um, if you give me, if you give me two minutes, obviously we'll cut around this. I can actually swap it. What is this? My wedding? Swap it now. So, right. Yeah. Do we get special microphones too? Yeah. Uh, no. Okay. That's okay. That makes sense. That makes sense. This is amazing. Edward. Hey, what's your for Eduardo? Yeah. Sure. I mean, thank you so much. Is he going to, sorry, it took me so long to buy you that giant diamond. Okay. Give me, give me something. Test, test, test, testing, testing, one, two, three, testing, testing, bumblebee, testing, testing all day long. We sing the testing, testing song. Right. And now let me just make sure the setting on it is correct. Okay. We're making sure, I mean, this is incredible for those of you just tuning in. It doesn't make sense. Um, Eduardo has replaced my iconic TBS microphone. That was this beautiful mic. Again, can you give me the specifics on what this is? This is a AKG 414. AKG 414. 414. Yes. Oh, yes. That's remember, I remember it was the model. It was the 414s. Those are very good. And who makes this? Uh, AKG is the brand. It was originally manufactured in Austria or Vienna. Yeah. Originally these were made out of a dark chocolate and they realize it by the Vermacht. Yeah. Nice. Nice to always add that in there. I didn't say Nazis, just the German army. So, and you know, it's great. It was, the microphone was, uh, in a case that was packed with this. I pulled it out and then realized I can do my greatest prop bit. Hey folks, it's asymmetrical Abe Lincoln. Oh, no. Using his electric razor. Yeah. Go. The mic. Oh yeah, that's right. This is, Eduardo, this is so thoughtful of you. That is. It's really nice. At least I could do. Remember, point it up so that the capsule's facing you. Okay. The capsule facing me. Yeah, there you go. I think I just hit a button. There's two lights on it right now. Should there be two lights going? Green lights? Oh, I just literally touched it. I know. And I think I hit a button. This is good to talk about. I think I hit a button. Sorry. You sound good, so I'm not worried. Okay. Um, will it, the other thing that Matt, you were saying while they were switching, while Eduardo was switching us over to this mic, you said, what if it looks cool as it does? It looks amazing. But what if it has, um, like really old fashioned, bad sound quality. And I was thinking it's like the guy who narrated the Hindenburg explosion. And I'll be talking to like some hip, young, cool person here, you know, and I'll totally just go off the rails. Why are you changing your, your voice? That's the microphone does that because it's an old style microphone. I'm speaking normally. Yeah. In fact, as we go into intro, our guests, why don't you take us out with some classic little, uh, Mike moment? I've been up all night. My daughter's teething. Oh, so it's not the drugs. What would be a classic Mike moment? That's a good question. And I'm glad you asked it. And let me see if I can find out what that would be. Is it a moment that involves a mic? Like it takes like a speech, you know, a little soliloquy. Yeah. We have nothing to fear, but fear itself. There we go. That's usually, yeah. I was thinking about when John Travolta mispronounced Adina Menzel's name. He said a classic moment from history. I go with, I go with Franklin Roosevelt's first inaugural. And you, you go with the John Travolta mispronunciation. Adele Dazeem. Adele Dazeem. I will never forget that. That will be my last thought the day I die. To be fair, Franklin Roosevelt in his second inaugural wanted to bring up Adina Menzel and went, Adele Dazeem will be joining me to help us in our war against poverty. Uh, fantastic. Nice work, Eduardo. Eduardo, uh, you're a really good man. I thank you so much. This is beautiful. And I think this gives us, uh, this gives us a little pizzazz. It gives us an edge too, you know? It definitely gives us an edge. An edge? Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, don't, don't follow through on any of my things. Yeah. He was up all night. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to follow up. Teething child. And figure out what's going on. All right, let's do it. Hey, I'm excited. Oh, me too. My guests today are two Hollywood legends who now star in the new Apple TV Plus comedy series, Brothers. I think everyone loves these guys. I love them so much. And, uh, they have such great chemistry together. And I'm just thrilled to have, uh, both of these, I'm going to say gentlemen in the room. Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson, welcome. Gentlemen, I watched your show. I really enjoyed it. They let me watch the first episode and getting to see that first episode was like getting ahold of the nuclear codes. Apple doesn't mess around. They said, Conan, it's a four hour process. to watch this TV show that will be available within hours everywhere. But the amount of codes and verifications, and I had to do a cheek swab, but I saw the show and I really enjoyed it. There's a lot of fun. And what I love about it is you guys, I mean, if people want to know what is this show about, it's you guys being you. I know you're fictionalized versions of yourselves, but I do not think you are. I think it's basically you guys being you. Is that a fair thing to say? It's a somewhat, shall we say, exalted version. It's the baseline. I mean, you know, I'm a little more orderly than Captain Chaos here, but we set that up. Well, let's really lean into that and make me Texas rancher, gunner running for governor, everything. Don't you mess with my plan and let Captain Chaos, Woody, come in and honk, honk and blow it all up. And how does that work? No, a fire at a tire factory is orderly compared to Woody. And I'm telling you, the last time I talked to him in this space, he showed up fresh from a, he was late because he crashed his motorcycle getting here. And Ted Danson had to put bandages on him as we were doing the podcast. Why do you, this happened? This is the only reason Woody's gotten so much better on showing up on time to sets than he used to be in the past. And the only reason you ever later, the only problem, the only kind of problem, to production you ever were on this set were on Monday, you'd show up with a fresh new big scar on your head or something. And one of the times it was from you had a motorcycle accident, riding through two acres of an open parking lot that had one rock sitting in the middle that he hit. And he managed to hit that one rock. That's sadly true. But you know, that one was not so much my fault. I was going around the left and the guy didn't have his blinker on. Yeah. And he hit me. Here's what was your fault. The first thing you said to me, when you came in is I think I lost one of my flip-flops. Yeah. And then I was thinking, that's funny. I ride a motorcycle. I've never worn a flip-flop when I'm riding a motorcycle. I wear like an armored boot. It's sub-optimal. I'm going to finish that. It's sub-optimal. Because Woody is so time pressured that he can't say optimal. It's sub-optimal. It's the economy. It's sub-optimal. Economy, economy, emotion. Economy, emotion, economy of words. I respect that. No, Woody's not yet. A helmet sounds like a mandate to him. Not a good idea. Pair of shoes. Don't you tell me what to do. Flip-flop and a beret. That's all I'm going to ride around. I like to say this. I'm going to say this line again. I said it in the news that I put out today. But if you're going to the Oscars or to a J.P. Morgan board of directors meeting with Woody, it's best. To bring your swimsuit. Yes. You put you. I get relaxed. I get relaxed looking at you, Woody. The opening shot of the pilot episode of your show is you with inhaling some herbs, looking out at the sea. You look like the happiest guy in the world. You got your surfboard. You're in Malibu. You. I know there's this thing is, you know, don't sweat the small stuff and don't sweat. And you don't sweat the big stuff. You don't sweat the big stuff either. I don't think you sweat anything. It's fantastic. Yeah, I sweat. He has this. I know this. Go ahead. Now, I know his secret on this. This is like a marriage counseling session. Go ahead. What were you going to say? Well, you do sweat. You do sweat. But he does water off a duck's back. Most things you cannot tell. Right. You. Good. You know what story I'm going to tell. I love this. I don't think Woody has to be here for this. Why don't you go out? He knows. It's a beautiful story. But it is. It is the key to what I think you're talking about. Yeah. We want to Woody's genius. One day on True Detective, he's walking around and I can tell the guy's got a black cloud on his shoulders. My buddy's just, he's hunched. Yeah. And I'm like, man, it must be really big because you can't ever tell if Woody's got a problem or not. And so I say, hey, you want to have lunch? He comes by the tray. We have lunch. Talking to him. He tells me what the problem is. It's worth the black cloud. Meaning I'm a guy going, holy shit, man, if that happened to me, if I was in this situation, I wouldn't even be able to show up to work. Right. You're here. And I only as your good friend could notice you were in a funk. And I'm like, dude, you have. You have all the things that go on in your life that are problems and all this stuff and the way you deal with it, it's like water off the duck's back. How do you deal with the problems in your life? Yeah. And he's crying and sobbing and snot's running out of his nose and I'm crying as his buddy, man. And he was sitting there and he takes a minute and he thinks about it. He wipes his eyes and he looks at me. He goes, man, I just forget about it. So all these years that I've been in therapy has been a way to get me out of it. It's been a waste of time. Yeah. You got to learn to forget. Just forget about it. You know, forget about AI and global war. Forget about it. That's all you got. What's the big deal? Yeah, that's fantastic. You guys are friends in real life. You can tell right away. You can finish each other's sentences. You're both guys from Texas. How far apart did you grow up from each other? Born in Midland, born in Uvalde. That's seven, eight hours away from each other. In Texas, didn't know each other then, obviously, but he went to Houston, then to Ohio, and then New York, and we didn't meet until we were both sort of living in L.A. And you don't really know when you met. You disagree about when you met, because, Woody, you forget everything. Do you remember when you guys met? Well, that I do remember, and he's forgotten, which is we met at a, it was a CAA party, I guess, and I saw him there, and I walked up to him and said, Hey, man. What are you doing here? He says, Hi. I said, What do you think? Should we get a shot? Tequila? And he's like, It's one o'clock. One o'clock. It's one o'clock. He says, I got a lot to do today. And I'm like, Oh, well, so a one little shot of tequila is going to keep you from your, what's that have to do with anything? So he did it. Maybe that's why I don't remember meeting that day. He took a shot with me. So you guys did a shot. Yeah. You don't remember that? No. And then he went on with his day. I went on with mine. I mean, it was just a brief, a brief meeting, not memorable to him, but to me. What I remember. I thought I liked this guy. Sure. As I started to like this guy, I heard him before I saw him. And it was on Ed TV. We're doing a wardrobe. We did a movie together. Fitting. And I was before him and I'm on the second floor in San Francisco, one of those apartments. Windows open, you know, you got steep streets in San Francisco. And what I hear outside the window is this metal on concrete walking. And I go on. Look out the window and walking up the street is this guy in a full Tour de France road cycling uniform with the clip on shoes, but no bike. No bike. Not even carrying a bike. Well, who needs a bike when you got all that cool stuff? Cruising the streets coming this way. He walks in, comes in the upstairs, walks on those beautiful brand new wooden floors, which I'm sure the person was real happy about that with those shoes on. And then the wardrobe, he was like, let's talk about wardrobe. And then as they got to this one, it seems he's going to what about this? And what he goes, no, I don't need that because I'm wearing my wardrobe right now. He showed up in it. That was his. And that's when I was like, I like this guy. You decided you chose your wardrobe and you walk through the streets of San Francisco wearing it. And the wardrobe asked the question that I asked, but you're going to wear those shoes and you don't have a bike. Exactly. I had a bike. What happened to it? We don't know. I rode the bike to the place and you know, I love his version though. I don't want to interfere with his version. You may have a bike, but you parked it a couple of blocks away. Well, you know, you have to find a parking space. You find a spot to lock your bike. The whole idea of a bike is that you can pull up to the place. You don't look for a spot. You can carry it in. You can even carry it into the place. You did not do that that day. I didn't want to carry it all the way up the stairs. I saw nobody. I heard nobody. What are we doing? What are we doing? Gentlemen, what are we doing here? I want to ask you guys about your approach to work. You're both fantastic actors. You're iconic actors, but you've got to have a different approach. Like a true detective, which was so fantastic. What is the different approach that you have for your acting? Or do you approach it the same way? I'm guessing you don't. We approach it a little differently. Well, this guy's the most hyper-prepared actor you can imagine. I think it came off of a time that he wasn't prepared. Embarrassment. Which is kind of a cool story, too. It is a fun story. Do you want to tell that story? Well, he just said it's embarrassing, and then you said you should tell it. Yeah. And Matthew, but you're called Matthew. It's wonderful. So, I got cast early in my career, 1995 or something, in a one-day role in this independent film. And this was at a time where I was not getting roles. I was getting callbacks and the third callback, but not getting the role. And it's because I had just started to learn what acting was. I never went to acting school. So, when you start to learn something, you get a little heady about it, right, before it's instinctual. And in these auditions, I just wasn't kind of going for it. And I was tight, and I was too conservative, and I was thinking too much. So, I get offered this one day, It's a drug lord on the Southern border in Texas, Mexico. The coyotes come over with the deal. my drugs, bang, bang, bang. I shoot them up. Still, the drugs don't pay them. That's, that's it. So I get in there and I'm like, look, I know what I'm going to do. I need to go back and start acting like I did when I began. Days Confused. I've never acted before. There weren't lines. They just threw me in scenes. I improvised. I know my man and I'll do what my man would do. So when I get the bright idea that I'm not going to read the script, I'm not even going to read the scenes. I'm just going to, you give me that layout, drug lord on the border. I just, I'll do what my man would do. So I show up on the day, fully confident. And right before we go to our march, right before action, I get a little nervous. The sweat runs down the back of my neck. I said, hang on, can I get a pair of sides, which is the small copy of this. And I read the sides because I'm thinking, hey, if it's written well, that's exactly what I would say. And if it's not written well, I'll just be my man and say what I would say. Page one, page two, page three, page four. And I say, can I get 12 minutes, please? Why? Because it was a four page monologue by my guy. Oh my God. In Spanish. Oh my God. And you were like, all right, all right, all right, all right. See, see, see. So my thinking is that 12 minutes is not too long to inconvenience the crew, but 12 minutes is also long enough for me to memorize a four page monologue in Spanish because, hey, I took Spanish in the 11th grade. Well, it didn't inconvenience the crew, but it was not long enough to learn. Yeah, figured out. Anyway, I don't remember what I did in that scene. I've never watched it. I'm not able to watch it. But on the drive home, I pulled over and was bawling and beating myself up and so angry about the feeling of embarrassment that I had of not being prepared. From that day on, I said, I'll be over prepared if I can be. Maybe too prepared, but F that, man. It was a horrible feeling. Anyway, one of those deals where you get a bright idea, forget about it. I had a bright idea and I forgot. So he is like the most hyper prepared person. And so like in his airstream that he had when we were doing True Detective, he had this long graph that went all the way across the wall of the airstream that, okay, this happens here, this happens here, you know. Yep, yep. Put it all, because obviously you don't film in order. I guess that's not obvious to a lot of people, but you don't film in order. So it would orient you, oh, this just happened and now this is about to happen. So he'd had it all mapped out. He's hyper prepared and I'd walk into the airstream. Okay, where are we? Oh, okay. Okay, good. Let's go. Who am I, by the way? Oh, okay, I get it. You're Rustin, I'm Marty. No, but, you know, so I just piggyback off of his preparedness. Well, we worked different in that film. There's a funny instance, because he and I had done a couple of films together and then in life were more sort of where who starts where, who ends where, and we can finish each other's sentences, you were saying. And it's comedic, it's a jive. And that was for two characters that were not jiving. And I remember him saying to me early on. You can't you're like, dude, I think we got to lighten this up. So we got to have some jokes and jokes and stuff. And he goes, he goes, right now we're rehearsing. And it's kind of like I hit you the ball. And then you just stand there. Yeah. And wait till the ball bounces past you hits the backstop and comes to rest. And you're still just staring at me. That's not our gig, man. We hit the ball back to each other. And I just stared at him. He goes, what I go, I think that might be end up being kind of funny. If my characters, yeah, who stands there doesn't hit the ball back. He's like, fuck you. Anyway, I think we had enough for you. I think there's some humor in there. Yeah. No, but it's also, it's like situational comedy. It's like, uh, there are situations sometimes in scenes where, uh, my only, cause I don't do this a lot, but the one time I did Larry David show, uh, I realized I was like looking at the script and I realized, oh, I get it. My job is to not give Larry what he wants. And then I realized that's everything in Larry David. Show. He wants X. And if you're a scene partner with him, your job is to not give it to him. And then it's the opposite of yes. And yes, it's the exact, it's no, no, no. Yeah. No, but in, in, in acting that in acting, that would be called you give him the obstacle for him to try and overcome. Yeah. Yeah. But boy, they do, you know, as you know, like the intricacy of the plot, they really map it out beautifully. And then, you know, you wing it. How long is it? How long is like a typical, uh, curb script? Oh, it's, you know, it might be eight, nine, 10 pages, but just of the plot of the plot, you know, then they, and they, they sometimes throw in a few lines here. They're sprinkled in, you know, but, but it is, I mean, it's incredible how they did that. Like, and they do have a lot of great comedic minds. And so I had a revelation. Which is literally a week ago, I walk into a restaurant, outdoor restaurant, Larry David's there, his lovely wife, and they're sitting there. And so I walk up to the table to say hi, and Larry's in the middle of getting into it with the waiter because the waiter brought him a Turkey sandwich with no mustard. And he's like, in the history of sandwiches, you know, when has mustard not been part of the equation? And I, I said to him, Larry, there's no cameras. They're not. So he's just and this gets us really nicely back to your show, which he was playing himself. He was taking his life and he just said, I would like to be paid by HBO to be the guy I am anyway. And then when I was watching your show, I was thinking, yes, I know that this is you. We've put English on the ball for both of you. But there are essential truths about both of you because you are Matthew McConaughey in the show and you are Woody Harrelson in the show. And that's what makes it really fun for me. I mean, even when we're hanging out at your house outside Austin, which I know isn't your house, it's still I'm thinking that must be a version of Matthew's house. Well, he don't live on a ranch. So why did you make it a ranch? Let me just say. What? You don't live on a ranch? No, I'm not. Fuck you. That's the only reason you. I was like, I got to get I want to talk to Matthew about his ranch. Do you live in Malibu looking at the water? No. What the fuck? I put you two on a pedestal. He doesn't even get high. You've never done a drug in your life. I'm totally straight. America, love it or leave it. Now, I don't even know why I'm here. Here I'm in that ranch was all green screen. It was all I was not even in taxes. It was shy. It says you're a shot in Connecticut. The fuck is that shot in? Woody and I don't even really have seen together. You don't even like each other. Yeah. If you notice, it's just overs. So they put someone to represent it. I get it now. So I was so happy. I was like, I'm going to really butter up Matthew Day because I'll get invited to that ranch. Now I find out you live in a geodesic dome. So we did originally. We were thinking to do it like Curb where you have the outline and the plot and everything. But he had cooler heads for me. Well, maybe the script would be a good idea. To dive into that idea about how much we're playing ourselves. Look, we started it going, let's just base it off reality. No, what our story, our life, the real thing. We just stick to that, stick to that. And we got off and we shot some of that. And we looked at our little assembly and we both went. I think it was a double sniff. It was a double sniff. So we both had a little, we both had a little joke. Not that anyone was fired, but we did need to make a pivot and go, wait a minute. Let's re-figure how we're going to go about this. And my running joke was, man, it kind of sucks when you're, you, you, you get fired after you've been hired to play yourself. We're going a different way with the Matthew McConaughey. We found this guy, Brick Stenson. I love Brick Stenson, it's a great imaginary actor of mine. That's okay, please tell me that you have a solar powered bus. I do. Okay, that part's real. That runs on turkey guts. That wasn't the actual. That wasn't the actual, that wasn't the actual. That wasn't the actual, yeah, it runs on biodiesel. Okay. But that wasn't the actual bus, that's just a replica. Oh, this is another great story. Oh no, he, this, this, the bus. And what was painted on the bus? Yes. Particularly painted on the bus. Again, one of the reasons you're here is I loved that bus. And I was like, what are you going to give me a ride in that bus? It's, because in the, in the show, you get the whole family and you decide, we're going through this crisis, let's go visit Matthew. He lives outside. Okay. In Austin on a ranch. And you all pile into this bus and it's an amazing looking bus to me that you, in the show, they say it, you know, runs on sun. solar and you know i think some kind of biofuel but it's got this mural painted on the outside all right let's hear about that that mural was was number one on the call sheet that mural all right the scenes where the bus are in it are three weeks away but we're already shooting some other stuff so and the bus is in the background over in the field yep the biggest hold up woody's on time and prepared for everything right but the for tension span when he'd be a shot on me and that bus was way over there in the back eyeline not at the camera but of his eyeline he would stop in the middle of taking go why why is that porpoise look like it's swimming the color water it's too it's not blue enough and he stopped we go wood that's three weeks away man hang on we got three weeks to work on that thing and he'd be like no no no hang on where's sarah hey art court art director you come here hey let's go talk now woody can we do that at lunchtime yeah yeah hang on just a second and he man that bus that bus was on your mind because that was the most you might say that was the reason you did the project was to have them create a bus that you really loved and you're gonna are you gonna take this bus when it's over i just can't believe how i love the way he tells the story you know like there's all little bits and dibs and dabs of the truth in there for sure but you know it's like between a take i made a comment about you know you could do such and such and then that's now forever i was in the middle of a take and stopped cut the purpose tail too small yes yeah remember when you were like white but it doesn't make sense why is this thing right swimming in a desert remember that yes that rings of truth that rings of yeah yeah there that was right okay well i think you're way out of line the court rules in favor of matthew mcconaughey this has become a contentious trial and i love it um you guys here's what i admire about both of you you seem to embody something i really admire because it's the exact opposite of me which is you guys seem to have is laid back zen inner calm you guys seem to have this laid back zen inner calm you seem to have this laid back zen inner calm uh take life as it comes enjoy to the fullest and sona would you agree that's the opposite of me the opposite yeah and i've watched your show and one of the reasons i enjoyed it so much is i wanted to become i made you two my spirit animals that i wanted to become you know yes you're both very accomplished but i thought you know if there's ever i'm not pitching myself but i am do you ever want an episode where your complete opposite shows up it would be me uh i'm just telling you that right now and it would be awful it would be terrible because i wouldn't embody you'd say let's do a shot at tequila but well you know hey oh oh let's talk about this i don't know my electrolytes anyway it was just do you not drink i do drink uh on occasion i i i try not to drink that much anymore yeah and what about pot oh boy i don't do pot never whoa what gives the stories behind the old boy had a company send us really good high quality let's give them a shout out what are they called it's kiva the brand and caminos are their edibles they make really amazing edibles and i took like one i took a bit like half of one and then the next day i was like this madness must end yeah my addiction i mean it was i don't know he still calls it a gateway drug he's he's that guy he's very gnarky like that did he was he shooting up like the next day like yeah god that was quick half and half yeah but then it turned out i was i was shooting up i knew it i was lowering my cholesterol it's just not my thing yeah it's just not my thing because some people it does inflict a certain amount of paranoia not you though not not me but but i but it is it does if it's the uh the hardcore indoor variety because of the chemicals yeah yeah but what but what he did what he won't get high like before doing this before acting or or before he works we won't do it no and what about you what's your story no i didn't really agree with me the subplots become a little unmanageable yeah that's a great that's a great description the subplot becomes unmanageable is fantastic you don't want to become unmanageable trust me it goes i want to try and remember that for the next time someone offers me something yeah i'm sorry the subplots become unmanageable it's true though it's probably true for you yeah yeah that's a great description of that that's from my buddy rob bindler and it's happened when the synthetic stuff came it's kind of when i stopped smoking um it was actually one of my birthday parties um that i was going to and my friends rented out this club and before i was self-driving myself there my buddy gave me this joint and you know i'd always smoke the under the sun stuff where you laugh giggle get the munchies and maybe hook up somebody but this night i pull up and all of a sudden when i walk into the party it's over and everyone's gone at one of the morning why because i had pulled up four hours earlier in time for my party but i had smoked that weed and for some reason felt like it was more important to listen to janet jackson's that's the way love goes 27 times in a row than to go into my own freaking birthday party you know what i have to say not a bad subplot though it sounds like a really great night yeah honestly yeah with me and janet sitting in my car and her on the radio 27 times and crying my ball in my eyes out what a beautiful love song i had no idea the depth of this love song and then i walk into the parties over and no one's there i missed my own birthday party and that's when i said you know what the subplot became unmanageable i don't think this new weed this synthetic weed is for me in this case it was the plot itself became unmanageable yeah yeah the main plot but i got hung up in this i couldn't manage the subplot yeah i couldn't go that's a great song maybe i'll just listen to it eight times no i said i'll listen to it 27 times yeah and miss my own birthday party so you've i've there are times where i've in my career especially on tour or maybe i was over served i become the nicest person in the world yeah i want to help i want to solve everyone's problems and take care of them forever and then the next day i'm like wait i said what yeah i said i'd buy you a home yeah i don't even know you you're like holding court and giving people advice yeah i'm trying to help everyone yeah awful i did that one time i was up in san francisco and uh i was just subbing in for you know i did this play blexi blues i was i was an understudy for this play blexi blues and anyway nancy simon who uh was actually my first wife but uh so she's the daughter neil's daughter and she's the daughter of my first wife and she's the daughter of my first but uh she so she was directing blexi blues up in san francisco and i went up there because one of the actors couldn't do it this weekend and so i only did like three maybe four performances right but you know i knew it because of it wasn't that long before that i had been the understudy so i did the play and then we're all having a party after and and one of the actors who was on the crew and you know had a tough life you know i had some hardship and stuff and and and and then i was oh i forgot to say i had some mushrooms and so i became totally absorbed in all of this what she's gone through yeah and i was like you know what i want you to come down to la you can stay at my house till you get on your feet and you know we're going to make sure that you i i don't know what i thought she was going to do like i can't remember what her what she wanted to do with her life but anyway i i just became completely absorbed and then you know then i sobered up and i'm like what did i do what did i do i'm crazy but you have a you have a consistent habit of having an open heart and inviting people into your future life or yours or mine and so what begs the question then do you have someone in your life who's at the front door who goes like yeah that's not happening exactly that's exactly what happened the the this lady quite a few times no no not not not the people you've met but this no he's doing this routinely he's he's out there consistent we go on we go on a greek holiday and and and and my family we we rent the place too bad laura you out there you remember this we rent the place and they and we fly over but they get there before us and we show up and there's two people sitting on tailgate of a truck right in front of our our real place and from a distance we think it's you and laura waiting for us to get there we get out no it's it's it's a hobby on and and pocahontas and and we're like hey are we at the right place y'all what's going on they're like yeah oh hey and we're like who are y'all no and we're so and so are we on a pocahontas we're newlywed and i like what so what y'all doing what we met woody and laura at the airport oh my getting our luggage and they we they're great man and anyway how y'all doing and so we get our bags and i help them get bags now we move in he's in the master already taking the master sure all right we go over and we're like we're like who who who we got outside and was like oh aren't they great man javier hey what's her name honey oh yeah yeah they're great man they're great i love how you marked your territory of the master bed that i was like i'm as soon as he's out of the room i'm gonna take it until i look in there he knows i want to go in there and snitch snitch the master bedroom as soon as he's outside of it the reason i didn't is i look in the window and he has the top sheet and he's got one he's got kind of wadded up in a long string the whole top sheet he's got top in this hand in front of him and the back behind him and he's giving himself oh my god you're flossing yourself he got the master he kept the master you flossed yourself you know the extreme times call for extreme measures yeah and you had rented the house yes what have you no shame at long last sir have you no shame pop me on and poke on it's a great man okay they're gonna be with this for a week now there is agents um okay this leads perfectly into something that i need to discuss has woody matthew ever approached you about co-owning a houseboat in amsterdam has he ever mentioned that idea to you no it's a simple question think he wants to own any kind of yacht because he is the number one yacht jumping man that i've ever met in my life for free this guy are you kidding me dude coming out of your mouth that's hysterical well what do you mean kettle come on what are you talking about your yachts and your i don't want to even get into all hey i'll pop around on the yachts amen amen but most times when i'm ready it's over we leave tomorrow i go on the boat to get on go to the wharf to get on the plane to go to the next destination and i look up and you're not i'm what are you you what are you doing you're why aren't you packed because i'm not leaving or what are you're packed why aren't you getting on the boat because last night i swam over to that boat introduced myself and they're taking me for a week you're it's amazing never never a wallet to be seen either it's amazing boat jumper no you're a boat jumper he's the best jumper in the world and people are so happy to have him on board which is obviously why but you know in a nutshell let me tell you what he did i'm done with the yacht in a nutshell i show guy you'll speak when you're spoken to i'm talking to matthew now this guy approaches me in this building and he says hey conan uh my wife and i are thinking about getting a houseboat in amsterdam do you want to go in on it 50 50 i immediately without asking my wife said yes because if the house if the houseboat's a piece of shit i don't care what it costs i'll sell things being able to walk into a bar anywhere and say yeah i co-own a houseboat in amsterdam with woody harrelson that's the story i can have forever think of all the great things that are going to happen from it and i'm really excited i go home i tell lies i think we're going to do it and woody's going to send me the information maybe two weeks later i watch him doing an interview in here with ted danson and you guys are talking to flea and i'm just out there watching i'm like oh it's a on the podcast hey flea my wife and i are thinking of getting a houseboat do you want to go in 50 50 no mention of me and then i confront you about it you're like hey man it's all good no so what the hell i still want to do that no you don't 50 54 ways he's like selling that stock again and again and again yeah there's no i thought maybe he had gotten to you yeah how many checks do you have for houseboats and there's still no houseboat it's sustaining me in the lean years oh man that was a great day in my life when i saw that i was being played in my own podcast building by the master now we're doing that dude oh yeah it's still happening very excited about it very excited about it you guys bring up something on the show your characters who are yourselves you bring up this possibility and there's been a lot written about this that you might possibly be brothers that's something you could easily find out yeah we are we are brothers he's fully convinced he doesn't want to do the dna you don't want i'll swab right now i'll pee in a cup now you think you peed on the way in yeah uh no you're constantly you're constantly leaving dna wherever you go all we need you to do is floss with a bed sheet and then we have everything we need we got feces urine semen we got all of it in one shot so blood so you don't want to do oh oh no that was wrong no no no it was very right matthew you don't want to do the you don't want to find out i look i which i kind of respect true i think i think my mom's bullshit and just to get you know she if anything's going too smoothly my mom loves to throw a wrench in things yep and uh and look i'll probably do a dna test but here's the here's a problem the dna test it's if it turns out to be true oh man i gotta unpack a whole 56 years of what yeah i'm thinking my dad and if it's not true he's not gonna be near as fun to hang out with exactly that's crazy no it for a little while i'll get over it but look it's gonna be true but either way just look at it not as like you know i gotta repack everything having to do with my dad think of it like there was a nice man in my house for all those years he's a very sweet person and now i got a new dad who's also getting a couple of brothers yeah and then you got more brothers you like to sell out yeah positive it's a net gain it's a net gain yeah that's a nice way to look at it yeah easy for him to say i kind of like the not knowing i think it there's a nice history to it but she said i i will tell you that mom x said she'd had a few kendall jacksons a few just the right amount of tokes and she's just like i knew your father and i'm like that was quite an ellipsis the the way she said k-n-e-w and the ellipsis afterwards even my five-year-old son read into the innuendo that that meant she must have shagged and uh and then come to find out you know he had told me before mom act even mentioned this i just knew this as a part of the lore of his family when mom act went to give birth to him she said come on jim it's time you know my water broke whatever and uh he says oh i'm not going that's not my son because he's done the math because they've been trying for five years and nothing stuck yeah no because he did the math the math wasn't math and he was he was he was that was during their session divorce that's true he that he actually this is incredible that my that charlie met k it was during a second divorce is there a hallmark card or i don't think it's mine they're my i'm just curious we'll look into that later there's a michael jackson song that's true my favorite pita i don't think that's the title of the song i think you had moved on to a different observation about michael jackson so i just saw one of these shows how many of you made so far eight there's eight yeah okay do we know we showed we had a premiere last night showed two of them and and i was pleasant you know i was thinking industry audience how's this gonna turn out they really liked it very loose yeah it was fun i have a mental image i need to share with matthew which is this is a long time ago probably the late 1990s i'm in new york i'm doing the late night show i'm walking through central park and i hear hey man and it's you jogging shirtless yeah and we had a really nice talk the upper west side yes and best looking guy i've ever seen at you know this massive jog covered in sweat we had a really nice talk about life and everything and then you went your separate way we went our separate ways and i was walking back to my apartment and i was like i'm in love with that man i'm straight remember that but i am in love with that man i probably gave you a sweaty hug too you did oh you did and i had man i had uh i came home and my wife was suddenly attracted to me i was covered in mcconaughey sweat lies was like what is this cologne let's have babies but it was like a great moment in my life it's always stuck in my head when people say oh you know sexuality it's a spectrum i'm like it certainly is if you had said right then come away with me i'd have gone i'd have gone with that man hey conan you want to get a little houseboat nap i've been dying i've been dying for someone else to ask me that bullshit absolute bullshit um well guys i i mean it must be really fun to make this show because you two are authentic human beings who really love each other and you can the chemistry that you have just here in this studio is right there in the show it's just a lovely thing to behold and it's just uh it's it's it's life-affirming to see these guys hang out it really is you know it really is it's that's a nice thing to see because it's real and so if you want to write in second season an uptight bostonian coming in you know uh can you do uh any do you speak any farsi can you do an accent i can do i do accents it's what i've learned about acting is that you just say yes to everything okay you know so in other words i don't speak anything no i mean i know i speak spanish but i uh but no you speak spanish i will do what's necessary i will do whatever is necessary so i'm just putting my name out there can you learn farsi i will learn anything yeah give him 12 minutes you you you you kill it sona uh woody matthew thank you so much for being here congrats on the new show and this was an absolute fucking delight thank you no our pleasure thanks brother i have something very important to talk about today okay on a previous podcast quite a while ago i mentioned that a fan put a put up a plaque on the street that i used to live on in los angeles uh way back in the 1980s i lived in an apartment on cochran avenue down sort of by the tar pits it's a pretty funny way to describe it yeah where do you live i'm by the tar pits i got the apartment from an actress named cynthia stevenson the rent was three hundred and eighty dollars a month oh dear um and this would have been i think 1986 to 1988 that was my sort of part of my origin story was my life on cochran avenue and i was driving a 1973 plymouth valiant that i bought from some surfers anyway that's another story bachelor pad oh such a view of the pits yeah that was my pickup line yeah do you want to get in a poorly functioning 73 valiant and drive to my apartment near the tar pits yep uh but anyway um a fan a gentleman by the name of tim hamill i want to give him a shout out i don't see how that elevated tim's game at all that sounded like you were dying and needed him to shoot yeah tim stop the pain tim hamill put up a plaque when you say plaque though let's be clear it's a picture of a plaque on foam core yeah yeah okay hey don't harsh my don't yuck my yum i'm just i'm just saying that's like he put up it's uh he put up a um i'm just gonna call it a plaque it was made of foam core but you know i think what he did was um ecologically sound yes it's very funny kind of tongue-in-cheek i guess it was a nice thing to do that was a couple years ago this piece just came out in a news outlet called la material and it's written by a journalist named pablo goldstein wrote a shocker of a piece oh there's a scandal about is it yeah yeah well i mean not since i don't know like dewey defeats truman uh this was a massive headline i'll explain later sona i know it oh okay i'm sure i know it yeah i know some things sometimes okay anyway um the plaque is missing the plaque is gone the plaque is gone where or who took it the plaque has been stolen out keep in mind it was made of foam core so it could have been the wind that took it so the plaque is gone but we also shouldn't discount the fact that the wind might have done it on purpose you know the wind no fan of mine yeah we both blow a hot air um but anyway this this piece uh describes in harrowing detail how this fixture of the community is gone and the article says conor o'brien has been kidnapped and nobody knows who did it or why what a what a opener what a yeah cold open a gorilla conor o'brien monument which was affixed to a miracle mile stop sign with zip ties no no that's vanished this writer is uh very funny can we take a second to mention that pablo goldstein's wonderful writer fellow his mother is an iconic actress oh jeanette goldstein she played vasquez in aliens yes she played the irish mother in titanic that's putting her two little kids to sleep in the room she's john connor's mother in terminator 2 and she's the two wow she's amazing that's so cool yeah i i did have a problem with that scene where she's tucking her kids into a bed why not say oh and by the way in five minutes ice cold water will shoot in here like a fire hose and drown you i didn't realize what she was accomplishing there but anyway that's not uh pablo your mom uh terrific terrific actress and and pablo i want to thank you for this article because it is really funny and i and and also i'm glad that you blew the whistle on this because a conor o'brien plaque and there aren't a lot of them not nearly as many as i think there should be has gone missing a crisis it is a crisis how is this a crisis because when you allow something like this to happen it's a gateway to much worse crimes okay how can anything be worse than this yeah if you let this crime occur and everyone just shrugs their shoulders and says oh well what's the big deal soon other foam core plaques are stolen do you know what i mean and the next thing you know and that could lead to eventually plaques that are maybe made of a more sturdy and valuable material go missing so you have to nip this in the bud now do you understand the slippery slope you're i get what you're saying slippery slope is exactly what it is well i mean what do they have ideas about who took it do we have any ideas uh what does the article say isn't it illegal to put up a sign invited you into this conversation eduardo you're selling a narc bro no yeah man you got the wrong idea here you know eduardo told the authorities and they took it you know i have to say this has been this has been eduardo's bugbear for a long time eduardo's always like i'm not sure that sign's legal you you're the guy that walks around neighborhoods and when someone puts up free guitar lessons pull a tab you rip them down yeah that's not an approved sign lost dog posters yeah that kitten should find its own way home there is a whatsapp group i believe that the article talks about how people are talking about it they're concerned we gotta see what i want to do is shine a light on this these people are doing the lord's work maybe a dark lord i didn't say which lord but no talk let's get the word out who are these people well they're just residents of this area i think on either whatsapp or the next door app they're talking about how this this like tragedy has befallen their neighborhood and they're talking about how this this like tragedy has and what are they going to do about it also is the guilty among them i think they might even be turning on each other who knows there's definitely an investigative podcast to be done about this i think there is an investigative podcast to be done about this and i think we're the ones to do i think so too can you queue up a little bit of like uh yes why don't we start with some music and then i'll read the quote that i myself was quoted as saying oh you're a quote you got interviewed for this he got quoted in the article okay yeah so you talked to pablo uh he emailed me and i just he asked for comment can you just make it more exciting okay that yeah i ran into him at trader joe no and you met him in a basement near the watergate hotel okay now we're talking that was your way of making it more exciting trader joe's yeah can't you bump it up a little bit make it an air wand okay here's what happened i moved the potted plant on my washington dc there you go now i'm happy i slipped on a macintosh trench coat and a short brimmed fedora yeah i walked to a cab took a cab to another cab got into a cab to another cab many cabs visited my lady friend then i went to a vacant car garage and met with pablo goldstein code name shallow throat and he asked me for a quote and i said simply conan himself has wisely stated many times on the podcast that all statues and monuments should be made of soap meaning they should never be permanent and no man or woman should be vaunted to such heights as to have their visage cast in bronze for all eternity that being said i think conan would still like his to be done yes that's true i know first of all people talk about how oh what are they going to do and how can we solve this crime one thing they could do is um tim hamill could just press print a second time it's a victimless crime i mean for christ's sake tim for the cost of some toner i'll pay i will pay for the phone and I'll get you, I don't know how, I'll get you two new zip ties and you can press print. So that's one thing we could do. Second, I will, I will agree right now on the air to have this made in bronze. Oh, yes. But you, but you know what? Gorley's right. You did say that you think that monuments, that's okay. They should be made in soap. You said that they should just make it in soap. You want to make it in bronze. You want to do the opposite of what you have said a couple of times. Why don't you just make a statue of you on a horse? Equestrian statue? Yes. Yes. I would love that. Okay. Listen, I know I've said that before and I passionately believe that, but I'm doing this for the people of Cochrane. I am doing this for, I mean, this is a community that passionately believes that. I'm doing this for the people of Cochrane. I am doing this for the people of Cochrane. I am doing this for the at least one of them did. And he wanted it badly enough to print something on foam core and put it up with zip ties. And now I want to help this community heal. And the way to do that, I will get this made in bronze. I don't know what I'm saying right now. How expensive is that? I think that's plenty expensive, but also is it, you have to have a permit to put something that permanent up. You're going to have to deal with the city. Oh, you're worried about, have you seen Chinatown? I know what I'm doing. Okay. Some people are going to show up dead. Yeah, I know, right? You're cut to a missing a nostril. You're like, oh, the paperwork. You got to fill out a lot of paperwork. Let's just do it. No, no. What are you going to do? I'm all for it. I said bronze without looking into the cost. I want to make sure that this is reasonable. What is it? I don't think it's going to be that much for me to agree to have this made. Is there another material that's like kind of bronze-esque that you can use instead? How about we just put bronzer on it? I love that idea. We'll use foam core that I put bronzer on. Medium sculptures, two to four feet, $2,000 to $10,000. Wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no, no. Two to four feet. This is just a plaque. 12 to 18 inches, $500 to $4,000. Oh, Jesus. That's a lot of money. Yeah. Okay. Maybe not bronze, but I will find a material that's better than foam core. How's that? I want to go and I will pay for it. Now, I understand that there are those who might think Conan paying to have his own. Own plaque made. That's so sad. I don't see it that way. I think I see it as brave. Conan paying to have his own sculpture in bronze. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, this is exactly who that guy is. How is this brave? I think I am. There are probably other people out there that would love a brass plaque with their face on it. And I'm letting them know that it's okay. Oh, you're breaking the glass ceiling? The bronze ceiling. Okay. The foam core ceiling. Anyway, quick thanks to Tim Hamill, who had this idea in the first place. It's very sweet and funny. Pablo Goldstein for writing a really funny article. And yeah, let's try and solve the mystery. But if we can't, we've got to get that plaque back up. And I'm going to be driving by Cochran. I do cruise by every now and then and look at my old doorway and reminisce about old times. So I'll be there. I'll be prowling the neighborhood. And that's not a promise. That's a threat. The WhatsApp group just lit up. Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair. And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.