Matthew 5:31-32 - The Devastation of Divorce

How wicked had the people become in Moses' day and just to remind you, this is after Sodom and Gomorrah in the unfolding of redemptive history. If there is a man who takes his brother's wife, they will die. They will die, childless. So the point is that under the old covenant, if you committed immorality, sexual immorality of any kind of wicked nature, you recall it for the death penalty. Under the new covenant, the adulterer is given a divorce rather than death. You're given the death penalty and that's a mercy of God to just not immediately take you out. And it is an expression of the patience of God and the long suffering of God to give the adulterer, the guilty party, time to repent of his sin and time to confess his sin and to turn away from it and to give the adulterer time to come to faith in Christ before you go to hell. Because when you're stoned to death, you're going straight to hell if you're an unbeliever. It's not to say that a believer cannot commit one of these perverted sins, but if it's an ongoing lifestyle, 1 Corinthians 6, verse 19 says that no adulterer and no homosexual and no effeminate will inherit the kingdom of God. And this is a mercy of God because it also gives the adulterer time to try to reconcile with the offended spouse before she remarries. So it was a mercy of God. Now, at this point, you need to know there's one other exception clause and I want you to come to 1 Corinthians 7 and we're having a squeeze in a lot here. But I want you to come to 1 Corinthians 7 beginning in verse 10, there is one more exception clause and it is when an unbelieving spouse leaves. The believer can just let them leave. The implication is they probably both married as unbelievers and then one of them becomes a believer while they're married. So now there's a believer and an unbeliever married and it is creating great conflict. And the unbeliever cannot stand living under the same roof with a believer who keeps talking about the Lord and keeps praising the Lord. And so the unbeliever wants out of here and Paul says you can just let them leave them. So beginning in verse 10, let's look at this. But to the married and when he says but to the married, it indicates a shift in Paul's focus, he has been addressing the advantages of being single. That you're freed up for ministry. So he now shifts direction from the singles to the married. But to the married, I give instruction not I but the Lord and so he really invokes the name of the Lord here to underscore I'm not making this up. I say this to you by the authority of the Lord because of what he's about to say is some new information. So but to the married, I give instruction not I but the Lord that the wife should not leave her husband again, stressing the permanence of marriage. Now verse 11 in the New American Standard begins with a parenthesis, there's no parenthesis in the original language, but it signifies kind of a parenthetical thought that is introduced here at the beginning of verse 11. But if she does leave, if she does divorce him, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband and that the husband should not divorce his wife. And so the implication here is that there should be a seeking of reconciliation to bring this back together, verse 12. But to the rest I say that if any brother, that this is a believer has a wife who is an unbeliever and that this is an assumption to be made, but it is reasonably I think implied that they married as unbelievers and it's a raw pagan culture in the city of Corinth. I mean it's raw and people are coming, idolaters are coming to faith in Christ. And so now you have marriages where you've got a raw unbeliever, pagan unbeliever, heath an unbeliever, now married to a born again Christian and you can imagine, you know can aim as three three, can two walk together unless they be united. The answer to that is hardly no, they are now unequally yoked, I mean they're pulling in opposite directions, they have two different world views, they have two different ways to raise children, they have two different sets of core values. So he says that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, that's okay. And she can sense to live with him, he must not divorce her, if she's willing to hang in there with this believer, don't divorce her, her 13 and now he flips it. If a woman who has an unbelieving husband, who has an unbelieving husband and he can sense to live with her, she must not send her husband, what, you've got to try to work this out, you've got to try to find some kind of middle ground, it may be the children, it may be the friends outside of marriage, I mean you're going to have to find some kind of common ground though you don't have the Lord as common ground and there's many a man who's had to live this out. And there's many a woman and I've known far more women who have had to live this out. The last church I've passed her, I had a little section over here called the divorce pew and my wife would sit over there, I don't know why she would do that but she actually did. In fact it was a couple of pews and they come to church by themselves because their husbands are not believers and they're sure not going to want to sit under my preaching and their CEOs, Christmas and Easter only and so I've known far more women who have been dealt that hand to play, who have their believers and they're now stuck with an unbelieving husband and they're trying to work this out and be patient, so verse 14, here's why they should try to work it out, verse 14 begins with the word four and I've told you this, umpteenth times, F-O-R begins an explanation of what he just said, so always keep your eye out for the word four, F-O-R in your Bible study, for the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife now, stop right there, this does not mean that he is automatically saved because he's living under the same roof with a believing wife, what it does mean, where sanctified means to be set apart to a purpose, he is being set apart to the influence of his Christian wife, he, they should try to work this out so that he stays close to somebody who knows the Lord and can be a witness to him, he may come to faith in Christ and I've known many situations where that does become a reality, so look at it again, verse 14, for the unbelieving husband is sanctified, meaning set apart to her godly influence, he comes under her godly influence through his wife. And. And he now flips it and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. Again, it does not mean that he now is saved just because he's under the same roof, but it does mean he's under the influence of a godly wife as she talks to her friends and he has to overhear it as she prays before the meal, as he hears what she is saying to their children. So they need to try to keep it together so that the unbeliever will be sanctified. Now in the second half of verse 14, "For otherwise," and now this brings the children into play, "for otherwise your children are unclean." What that means is if the believer, if the children are just left with the unbeliever, they have an unclean influence. "For otherwise your children are unclean, but now," in other words, if you stay together, they are holy. That means there's a holy influence in this house. So that's the reason why you're not commanded to issue the divorce, try to work this out for your children's sake. Verse 15, "yet," kind of the idea on the other hand, if the unbelieving one leaves, means divorces the believer. Let him leave. Then don't lock the door. If he or she wants out, then you are given permission by God to just let them leave, because of the conflict that is escalating in front of the children. And it hits a point where it's an unhealthy atmosphere. So verse 15, "yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave." Paul still speaking in the Lord under the authority of the Lord. The brother or sister is not under bondage. It means the believing husband or the believing wife is not under bondage, and that means not under bondage to remain married in such cases. But God has called us to peace. And when it escalates to a point that there is no longer peace, there's war. It's become armageddon. And the unbeliever wants to leave, and you have permission to let them leave. Now, there's no time, a lot, men assigned here. You can ask me more questions than I can answer. This is the fundamental principle. Not every situation is the same. There are different personalities, and there's different prejudices. But when it hits a point, God has called us to peace, then just let them leave the decompress this situation. Now, it's verse 16, "On why you should try to hang in there and make this work." Though the unbeliever can leave. Verse 16, again, starts with the word four. So this is a series of explanations. "For how do you know, wife, addressing the believing wife, and she doesn't know? For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? By you remaining with your unbelieving husband, the influence may come to a point where the seed that you have been sowing, and the ground that you have been telling that seed may germinate, and he may be saved." You don't know. And then the second half of verse 16, "Or how do you know, oh, husband, whether you will save your wife?" You don't know. And so it's worth it if you can. And it also involves having to take into consideration the children and what they're having to live through. But if you hang in there, your unbelieving spouse just may come to faith in Christ because they're having to live with a true Christian and a true believer. So these are the words of the Apostle Paul that again, this is this is a mercy of God to allow this, then just let the unbeliever leave. Now come back to Matthew 5 and we'll wrap this up. So we're in Matthew 5, verse 32. "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife except for the reason of unchastity, we've covered this, we pick it up here again, makes her commit adultery." Now, makes her like the burden of responsibility lies with this man. He makes her because he's divorcing her, committed adultery. Now, this is hard to interpret. And this can be taken in a couple different ways. I'm going to give you the way that I think it is to be interpreted. It exposes her to the temptation of adultery because women want the security of a relationship with another man. And the women are more relational than men. Men tend to be more project oriented. The women tend to be more relational oriented. And it makes her commit adultery. The idea is on the rebound in this time of weakness, she may become sexually involved with another man before being married. And you are, and Kent, that's S. Lewis's interpretation of this. You are pushing her over a cliff by divorcing her and you bear this responsibility. You are putting her in the most difficult of situations. And she needs security and safety. And she's very vulnerable at this time. Makes her commit adultery. So he actually now bears the greater sin by forcing this issue. Her adultery is sin. And so there's no discounting that whatsoever. But he has put her in this situation and made her. And then Jesus says, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery that went harder to interpret. And I'm still processing that one. So let me just wrap this up. Word to single men. Word to married men. Word to divorced men. First of all, a word to single men. You need to be careful who you marry. It's free to get in. It's going to cost you to get out. Because Because I think you see here the seriousness and the permanence of God-intended marriage. To married men, you need to stay married, unless you have one of these two exceptions. And even then, you're not commanded, you're only permitted, but the greater good would be to try to work this out. For the unbelieving spouse's part, they may be saved just by having to live with you, and having continual exposure to the gospel of Christ, it would be worth it. I once had a woman come to me for counseling, and she was married to a bear of a man. And I said, "Hey, it's only another 40 years." Hang in there, it's just another 40 years. And you know what? He eventually came to Christ, and it was worth it. And it was worth it for their kids, and I won't give any more information so no one can figure out who it is. But stay married as long as you can, even if there's the exception clause. If there's no exception clause, stay married. And then divorced men, if there was no grounds for divorce, then you need to confess your sin, and you need to repent. And if the other person is not remarried, then you need to seek reconciliation. If the other person has remarried according to Deuteronomy 24, 1 through 4, then don't go break up that second marriage to now bring her back into your first marriage. You need to remain where she is in the second marriage, so don't go bust up another marriage. Just confess it as sin, and know that God is a God of great forgiveness, that God is a God who delights in forgiving sin. And you don't have to confess this every day for the rest of your life. You confess it, you lay it at the feet of the throne of grace, and you now walk humbling before your God. So that's the Lord's teaching on this matter. And there's a lot of what if, but what if, but what if, and I understand that. If I could have added one chapter to the Bible, I would take a chapter out of lamentations, and I would love to have one more chapter on some of the specifics of the book, what if. But you know what? We believe in the sufficiency of Scripture that everything I need to know and everything you need to know is already in the book. And so at certain times there are principles that we have to apply in each situation. At other times they're just straightforward commands. So I'm going to stop now and open it up for questions, thoughts, insights, I know you've got so a lot of questions. Steve, I'm sure there are. Can you hear me? Okay. Can you hear me? I'm right here. Yeah, is this on? Not on? Where are we on? Okay. We're, we're about to get it on. All right. Steve, can you take 30 seconds and give us an overview on, on Hosea and Gomer and just the people who can't know. All right. Next question. Fine. No, I cannot in 30 seconds. All right. 60 seconds. No, I really, I can't. Okay. I can't go down that path. I don't do it. I'm exhausted just trying to pull this lesson together, but thank you. Do you want to take a pass at it? He's still trying to find Matthew 19. It just helps me that we have Hosea and his wife who was extremely unfaithful, Gomer. Yeah. And he stayed with her. Yeah. He wrote it out and that's a. It's commendable. Yeah. And it was symbolic of the Lord's relationship with Israel and he had issued a certificate of divorce to the nation Israel, Isaiah chapter 50. And God was willing to take her back in. And so Hosea and Gomer are going to be a living example of one living with an adulterer. So you did it. You did it. And maybe I'm just exhausted and God had to live with an adulteress. The nation Israel and God had formally given her a certificate of divorce. But God was willing to persevere with the nation for their salvation. And there is a remnant that has come to faith in Christ within Israel. But it will not be until the last days Romans 1126 that all Israel will be saved. But God has persevered with an unfaithful bride, the nation Israel. Thank you, Kent. Somebody else, you know, it's funny, it's the all thing. If the pastor preaches on homosexuality and gives a public invitation to walk forward, nobody is walking forward, okay, delayed on the altar. Okay, yeah, sure. In that passage in First Corinthians, when the unbeliever departs, does the believer, in your opinion, have a right to remarry? Yes. Oh, okay. Yes, I do. I believe if you have grounds for divorce, you have grounds for remarriage. And I think that is, again, an expression of the grace and mercy of God. Yeah, thank you for that. Somebody else? Hey, Steve, look, all right. Just would love some, you know, wisdom as a single guy who I think marriage is a huge commitment. Obviously, I think this verse shows the like severity of that commitment. So maybe some advice for, as you're going, you know, long getting to know people, like, what are the questions that you're asking, what are the, what is, what's like some wisdom you have to make sure that the person you're marrying is somebody who you believe, like, 100% equally yoked, so that this is not even a question that you're going to be having to like deal with later on. Yeah, look, you're being like, Kent now. That's worse. You've got to be on the same page of the playbook, which is kind of a vernacular way of saying this, but you've got to be like-minded. And to be unequally yoked, the picture is too oxen in the same harness pulling in opposite directions. And one is canceling out the other. It's like the gas pedal in the break and they're both being pushed out at the same time. So it really begins spiritually that you are on the same page with the Lord, with this other person. I mean, usually you're first attracted to someone, it's either I think she's pretty or there's a personality connection, and then you may be work up to the spiritual, but the first date I ever had with my wife, I took her to hear Adrian Rogers preach. Literally, I drove it Fort Worth to hear Adrian Rogers preach in this huge Coliseum, and the whole deal. If you don't like his preaching, there's no hope. OK, and it's going to save me a bunch of money. So let's just cut our losses right now. It's only going to cause me gas, and I'm getting you a taxi to come back from Fort Worth. So that's really what happened, and so she liked Adrian Rogers. Okay, so first base. (audience laughing) And she was working for campus crusade for Christ on full-time staff and so started coming to my Bible study and so there was a spiritual commonality there and then you get to know the person and really the more you get to know a person's heart, I mean they were already pretty, you wouldn't have asked them out if she wasn't but she's becoming prettier by the moment because you're seeing the beauty of her heart like Proverbs 31 talks about and so Luke, you know the best place to meet someone quite frankly is in church and because that person is attracted to the same kind of worship service and the preaching of the Word of God and you're attracted to that and it's kind of like you meet at the common ground of the Lord. So that would be my recommendation, does it work out reverse order with couples? Sure, I'll certainly admit that but I think idealistically she would be in the choir that you're leading and under your direction already and y'all start to make harmony together and if you want to cut it off you start to sing, I'd rather have Jesus. So Luke, I don't know how helpful that is for you but I mean those are the three categories, I will say that there does need to be an emotional personality, chemistry that takes place that's an it factor, it's almost indefinable but there is an attraction and then obviously and Luke asked a phenomenal question of me after our study last time is it wrong then to be attracted to a woman physically and we were talking about the Song of Solomon and I said well of course that's fine, I mean no one's going to want to marry the ugliest girl in town and it's only right that God would give you a physical eye to appreciate the beauty of the woman that you would marry. That's not wrong, that's right and we see validation of that in the book of Song of Solomon. As Solomon is attracted to the shoot of Mike woman and sees her and it's really a part of the beauty of that love story that he's the king and he's just over here in the perimeter serving and the king sees her and he's even physically attracted to her beauty and appreciates that. So that's not wrong, I mean God is a God of beauty and God has given us an appreciation for beauty. I mean I love going to art museums, I don't know anything about art other than what I've just picked up along the way but you immediately recognize beauty when you see it and God has created the world with beauty and that's a part of the attraction that you would have. So Luke phenomenal question. So thank you for asking that and I wish I had time or more wisdom to give and even better answer. So we got back to Kent, I see it's time for us to kind of cut it off but guys thank you for being here and for any of you men who are here and who have already gone through the difficulty of divorce. I just want to end by emphasizing again as we've gone through these different exception clauses and these different verses, even if you have stepped out of bounds on any of this, I would just urge you to take it to the Lord and if you haven't already and you probably already have but just know 1 John 1 verse 9 if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. God delights in forgiving sinners and he has saved even the chief of sinners the Apostle Paul and God is the God of a new start and a second chance. So I do want to end with that. Father thank you for this study and I pray that you would use it in a way that would honor and glorify you. Thank you for the teaching of Christ his name we pray amen. Thank you so much for joining me for the Bible study. If this was helpful for your Christian walk please leave us a review wherever you listen to this show and if you want to connect on social media I can be found at Dr. Steven J. Lawson or at One Passion Ministries. Thank you for listening and I hope you will join me again next week.