Matt McCusker (THE SLEEPOVER SERIES)

Hi, it's Rick Glassman from this podcast. We'll get right to the show, but first I wanted to let you know that I'm on my stand-up comedy tour, Ricky's on the Loose, and I'm in Dallas this weekend. And if you're in Washington, D.C., Montreal, Quebec, Edinburgh, or London in the UK, Portland or Eugene in Oregon, Philadelphia, PA, or Houston, Texas, my tickets are for sale now at rickglassman.com. And if you want to be the first to be notified when I'm coming to your city because I'm adding dates as we speak, go to rickglassman.com slash tour, sign up for my email list, and I'll let you know. Hey, girls, get started without me. I'll be right there. Hurry up, Rick. Seriously, what are you doing? Please, I'll be right there. Now enjoy the show. The show. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Is this on autofocus? I just moved. You want to check it? Check it real quick. Oh, you're making buddies? Yep. I got Staffordshire, Terry at my house, and then just like a complete mutt. Staff for what? Staffordshire. It's like a pit bull. It's just like a Staffordshire. Yeah, a little Staffy. I don't think I knew Staffy was Staffordshire. Yeah. Is that what Staffordshire is for? Yeah. I didn't know about them either until I had one. Oh, boy. This feels, I'm sure it's not exclusive to Austin, but this feels very Austin to me. Yeah. Also, could you keep the monitor facing me? I'd like to see if I ever stand when I'm out of frame. It looks like a beer. It does. That's the whole thing with water now. You want to look cool while you drink water. I know that with the other water. Liquid death. Yeah. I have never thought, I want water, but I don't know if it's going to look cool. I never did either. Although, if you're at like a bar, it is nice getting a can where you can still like, when you get the water bottle, it feels kind of weird. What about a glass of water? Glass of water is nice. It's better. When you get the plastic bottle at a bar, you feel just like a kind of a buzzkill. Do you do this? Also, for the people at home who don't know, we're just meeting for the first time. I've been following you for a long time. Yeah. Well, thank you. I've been following you as well. It is weird meeting people for the first time on a podcast where it's like, you know what I mean? Like it's, you're broadcasting the initial meeting, which is odd. Can I ask you to tell me, to be more specific, instead of saying weird, tell me what you actually feel? I would say. Because I've done it a lot now and I want to know your feelings. Yeah. You feel almost like disembodied to where you're kind of like, it just doesn't feel like real. You know what I mean? In some sense, but then you just kind of power through that feeling and produce great content. Power through meaning, are you feeling like not present? Do you feel insecure with it? Not insecure, not present. I really never feel. You don't have enough fucking audio issues. I got to get that figured out. Okay. It's buzzing? Wait, I don't know. I haven't looked at anything yet. I have no idea what we're sponsoring right now, but I'm sure I'm going to love it. Oh, Function Health. Check your health the way I do. 160 plus lab tests a year for merely $365. Plus the ability to dive deeper into your results through functions, connections to platforms you already use like. ChatGPT and Claude. Join at. FunctionHealth.com slash TISO. Or use gift code TISO25 for a $25 credit towards your membership. That's. You don't need to say it again. FunctionHealth.com. Oh. When making payments, we all want flexibility, control. You sound like Daffy Duck there, though. Flexibility and control. Flexibility. That's why Prerna has a suite of services to manage your purchase. Download the Prerna app today or visit Prerna.com to learn more. Prerna balance account required. To be eligible. For cash back points. Oh, it's just a dog. I thought a dog putty cat. Thanks, underground fantasy. Nope. Thanks, underdog fantasy. Make picks. Win money. Download the app today and use promo code TISO to score $50 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code. TISO. TISO. Terms apply. And please, see Cypher details. Make picks. Win money. Do it. Ricky's on the loose. And if you want to see me do my stand-up hour, June, I'll be in Washington, D.C. In July, I'll be in Montreal for the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. Then in August, I will be in Edinburgh for the Fringe Festival Comedy Festival. I will also be in London, U.K. and Portland, Oregon. In September, in Eugene, Oregon. In September, in Philadelphia, I'll be there. In September as well. In October, I'll be in Houston, Texas, Tacoma, Washington, and Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City and Edinburgh. The tickets are not yet for sale. They will be soon. But if you sign up for my email list at rickglassman.com slash tour, I'll let you know when I'm coming to your city. Also, even if you want to come to another show, I'm adding new dates. All the time. But there is a special. If you go to the Salt Lake City show and the Edinburgh show together, we're giving you free tickets. To which show? To the Salt Lake City show. Anybody that goes to Edinburgh and then comes back to the Salt Lake City show gets in on my, on me. Watching this, you're probably thinking like, oh, everything goes perfectly. No. No. Sometimes, sometimes there's some buzz. And you know, it's funny that you bring that up because recently, I don't know why, my podcast has been getting a lot of buzz. Really? Yeah. You talking about like good buzz or little like audio buzz? What's the difference? What's the fucking difference? Overlapping. It happens to the best of us. It does. We got a great post-production team that could take some of that out if it's just subtle. Yeah. I mean, it was pretty. Is it good now? There we go. Love that. You know what I like? I like when you go someplace and something needs to get done. And instead of like, what should I do? They came in here. They got it done. Yeah. That's a interrupting. The podcast is a skill from, I can see. Are you being serious? Because I am. I swear to God. They'll just sit there. I mean, I've probably been guilty of it where you hear a thing and you're like, I don't want to mess up the flow. But you got to just jump right in and be like, nope, it's wrong. Stop. You don't know this about me, but I'm an analogy guy. And it's like if somebody has a booger in their nose. Just tell them. Let's get out of the way. Let's figure it out. Get it for them. Honestly. When I order something at a restaurant and then like my thing didn't come for a little bit or whatever. And the waiter comes over. And by waiter, I mean any sex. I don't waiter, waitress. They're all waiters. I think isn't waiter like the, oh, I guess waiter means boy. Not to me. I think. Yeah, true. Waiter X means, I think. Like a Spanish boy or girl. And they say, hey, listen, I forgot to put your order. I'm so sorry. I think to myself, you're such a good server. Yeah. I don't know why. Sometimes it's like, oh, sorry, it's not coming out. The kitchen is over backed up. I'm like, just tell me you forgot to put it in. Yeah, true. Yeah, don't blame the kitchen. Although that is an old waiter trick to be like, there's a kitchen. It's not me. The kitchen's an old human trick for not taking accountability. True. I would sometimes just so people thought that I was a good person when I was waiting tables. I would sometimes not fire something. For an extra five minutes and go over. Hey, guys, I just want to let you know, it's going to be a little extra longer. It's not the kitchen's fault. It's my fault. I was a little distracted. I didn't fire it. We're going to get you some chocolate cake on the house. Whoa. It's kind of Machiavellian, though, to be like, I'm going to hold your dish. Yeah, I'm lying about that. I'm going to build credibility. Yeah, I know. I know. I just want to have an opportunity to come clean. And I created it. That's nice. That's kind of sick, actually. Yeah, thanks, man. Yeah, I never was a waiter. A lot of people who stand up were waiters. At some point, I just never did it. I was a busboy. So you worked in a restaurant. Yeah, briefly. Restaurants are hell, dude. It really, like, I don't think it's the hardest work. I really don't. A lot of people who work in restaurants are like, that's that one. No, being a single mother. Yeah, I think that actually is probably the hardest. It's like working in a restaurant and then being a teacher. Yeah, yeah. Well, you never get a break. You're at work all the time. And then you come home and you're still, you know, you have to do all that work by yourself. That is probably the hardest job. Shout out to the single mothers and the single fathers in that order. Yeah, true. But it's, yeah. You could see why they might want to catch a buzz when they get home, have a couple drinks or something. Yeah, and if they don't want to, but their friends are and they want to fit in, get yourself a tap water. Tony's. The only thing more than a XLR cable. I wanted to make a joke about buzz, but I didn't get it. No. And I'm at the age where it's like, whatever. I'm just pitching it. We can move on. Move on. Cut it. Everything okay? So why I wanted you to explore it a little bit. A little bit more. The idea of like, and I think we heard this with a little bit of buzz of meeting somebody for the first time is because I've been doing that more recently where I'm meeting somebody for the first time. But it's a very specific dynamic when I meet somebody who I've been a fan of for a long time and they have no idea who I am. Have you ever had that? Yeah, probably. So, yeah, I've had that happen before. I remember I got to, we did an episode with Louis CK and I've like obviously watched all this stuff. Then I got to, I was just one day in his house and I was just like, couldn't talk. I always pride myself. I always pride myself on being like, I don't get starstruck. It doesn't, it doesn't really affect me. I was, I was just mute. I just sat and I just sit and looking at him in his house. Just like. When did that wear off or you didn't talk at all? Also, we were talking about like presidents. That was the whole thing. And I'm not a big American history buff. So I actually didn't have anything to contribute to the conversation, which also kind of didn't help. So I just sat there and stared at his stuff for a while. A lot of people do that when they're on Joe Rogan. I've noticed. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, yeah. You're just like just staring him in the eye. I don't know him. I don't know if I'm part of that world, if I ever did it, but I don't, I like to believe that if he's talking about stuff, I don't know about, I would say, Hey, Joe, if you want to keep talking about this, you. can. I have nothing to contribute to this. I would love to change the subject. Yeah. I mean, you'd have to go through the gauntlet and see if you could do it. It's one thing everyone, I think a lot of people, a lot of people in America, a lot of men have their, this is what I would do on the Joe Rogan experience. That's funny. I don't know if I've ever really, I really think it's true. I look, I'm telling you, every single dude in here has been in the shower and they've imagined themselves across from Joe and like, yo, here's what I would do. If you've been in the shower and you imagine yourself across from Joe, please comment that. And if you haven't commented that, that's a good, I would love to take that poll. That's bigger than Joe Rogan to me. That's like when you're in situations, I have a, I'm an analogy guy. Yeah. You get in a massage, you get massages. Sometimes. Is it a money issue? Is it a comfort issue? Or you don't think about it? It's just like, uh, it's a thing that's nice to do, but it's just, I'm never, you know, I'll do it if I have like a really bad kink in my neck, I'll go. Right. That's like people will go to therapy if they're going through a breakup, but they're not going to really put in the work. Exactly. I'm telling you something. It's self-care. Get some massages. Yeah. It's preventative as well. Love a massage. Even a foot massage. Go to a mall, you know, some malls, they have like a place like who's going on there to get the foot massage. I'll give you a hint. Oh yeah. Well, it's, it's also really erotic. I can't get over the eroticism of getting a massage, having a stranger rub oil into your body. It's, it's so sexual. Says the guy who's picturing being next to Joe Rogan while in the shower naked. No, no, no. It's just conversation. Okay. Well, my, the reason I bring this up, it's a meeting of the minds. This I'm talking physical bodies. Sure. Sometimes they're not going hard enough. Yeah. You want to ask a little harder. Sometimes it's too hard, but you're like, I just, I just said something. I don't want to say too much. What do you do? Do you just like push back against them? I straight up. I said, that's what I'm saying. I say, Hey, uh, uh, we, can we please go a lot harder, but on the calves, I'm super sensitive. Go, go kind of go self in the calf and then they'll do too much. I'll be like, I'll keep asking until we get it. Yeah. I'm for this. I'm for coming in and fixing the wire, changing the conversation. If I can't contribute or at least acknowledging, go do your thing, but I can't be part of this. I don't know about presidents. Yeah. So you're, you're just direct. You're, you're, you're direct right up front. I can definitely chill in the nether realm of indecision for a while. I'll hang. I'll just hang and just be like, all right. And wait and wait and wait. So there's a difference between you, Shane, Shane was there too. And Louie, they're talking about presidents. Yeah. They're having a good time to say, Hey guys, stop talking about what you're talking about. Include me is not what I'm, but it was just you and Louie. And he's talking to you about like, you know, Madison or whatever and you're like, I don't know, man. I saw that movie, that show with, um, Paul Giamatti where he played, uh, Adams. Yeah. That's my extent of knowing the first five presidents. Yeah. I mean, I guess I would just kind of like, uh, I would just, I would let the person cook and be like, Hey, it also depends who's podcast. If I'm a guest on someone's podcast and they want to talk about a certain thing, you could always add color commentary, you know, you try to whatever, but yeah, that's tough. If it's something like, you know, nothing about, I guess you try to change the subject to something you kind of do know about slightly early. I don't know. You know, I want to try it. This is my podcast. You're the guest. What do you know about that? I don't know about where I would normally be like, stop. Instead, I'm going to be like, I'm going to do things like, Oh, I want to just try it just for a minute. What do you know about lately? What I've been researching is the late Roman empire. So, so we can talk about like the console ship. I don't know if you know this, but Rome, you know, the console in Rome was like the president. Only there was two consoles and they served for one year. So it'd be like having two presidents, a Republic. Yeah. They had a Republic 400, I think, 482 or 483 years. So cool. Yeah. Pretty long, twice as long as the American Republic. We're coming up on the death of Caesar soon. Aren't we? What is that? Is that like his, Oh, that was in March. Really? I didn't know if they liked that was like, is that good day? Ides of March. Really? Yeah. We both know about those who not shall be perceived as others will be entered into the realm of self for glorious is within others around you for recognizing a human's wealth. Whoa. Is that a Caesar quote? No. Made it all up, dude. That's really impressive. Like maybe I could do, maybe I would do that. Maybe if I was, maybe if I was on Joe Rogan, I would do that then. That's good. That seemed so you seriously, that was a made up. Yeah. It rhymed in English. They didn't speak English. Yeah. But the translation. Yeah. True. Good point. Actually. Thanks. That's pretty good. I was kind of like, damn, you have, I was like, maybe you're like a master of the classics or something. No, I mean, the Ides of March is a real thing. That was when Caesar was dead, but that's about all I know. Yeah. But so tell me about it. I'm sorry. You were telling me about the Roman empire. Just, here's the thing. I didn't, I didn't know anything about it. And I just started reading this book and then like kind of researching based on the book. And yeah, it's, it's a, it's pretty crazy, man. First of all, I didn't, I thought they were like kind of a Republic the whole time there for a while. Not the case. They had seven Kings in the beginning. Then this lady Lucretia, Lucratia, whatever her name is, she was. And that's what ended the Roman monarchy. Cause these guys were like, yeah, we don't want tyrants anymore. It was a civilization where glory was the only path that's before Christ. So there's no, like the morals weren't like turn the other way. You have to destroy people in competition. That's the only way you can be great. You know, 2000 years ago when a woman is, everyone was like, Hey, we got to change things and look at us now. Now people are doing it all the time and guys are just like turning their head. Now they're turning their cheek to that. Yeah. File as much. Well, yeah, to be fair, it was also, uh, she was, she killed herself, Lucretia, whatever her name was after she couldn't bear the shame. And since the, in Roman, I guess the Roman like moral code, it didn't matter if you were truly innocent. It only mattered what others perceived you as. So if you were a victim in Roman times, you were like literally shamed by the society. It's like social media. It's kind of like, it's just how people see you. Yeah, literally. There was, but it was all like overtly built on that. And that's why I think it was, uh, St. Augustine. He like addressed it in the city of God basically being like Lucretia was, she shouldn't have killed herself. She was innocent. That's like a dumb way to be basically like introducing people to the idea of the soul and how like your intention what's inside actually does matter. Yeah. Not just like what people think. There's a Sara Bareilles song called St. Augustine that I really like. And I wonder if that has anything to do with that. That's a good, that's exactly what you're just like dropping it to the, like, yeah, it's just, you're playing like kind of a way of bringing it. Have you seen waitress? What is no, no, uh, uh, just, you were just a bus boy. Uh, it's a play. It's a Sara Bareilles play, uh, vehicle. I'll call it at this point, because I mean, I was, before I ever saw it, I was just listening to the album a whole bunch. Uh, and I got to see it performed by Sara Bareilles in London once. Um, but it's just wonderful. She goes, uh, like, uh, she talks about like, uh, she used to be mine talking about her younger self. Anyway, Lucretia was, she was, no, hold on. Now here's the thing too. And you don't, so I don't know about that, but you can always ask, here's the other thing you can do. You can ask clarifying questions. That's a good thing. If you don't know about something people are talking about, like when you say it's a play, but a vehicle and it's a musician, what do you, it's a musical, it's a musical play. Okay. Oh, so she, but I was saying, it feels like it's more than a play to me because of like how much I love the album. Like I would just listen to this as an album. Got you. That makes sense. You got to see the songs performed. Yes. Nice. But I will say St. Augustine is not part of waitress. No. Um, but you were talking about the and stuff I did was early Roman period, man. So, you know, but yeah, that did, that did kick off the of, uh, I can't, I, her name Lucretia. That's how you think if you're speaking of at least know her name, Lucretia, Lucretia. I always try to think of it like an Italian accent, Lucretia. She, uh, changed. So when that, when she killed herself, everyone's like, no more Kings. Yeah. Well, they are, they were like, Rome was kind of set up foundationally kind of like worried about tyranny, like from the very beginning, like you was, this is the argument of the book I'm reading. It's like, it was a society where like, in order to be seen as a, as like a worthwhile human being, you needed to achieve glory. So they had a, a Republic founded on achieving glory at a personal level that obviously swole swell, like was swollen to the point where it just destroyed the very Republic itself. glory instead of the thing that gives you glory. Exactly. Social media. Hey. Hey. Now we're onto something. Yeah. You think social media gives you a lot of glory? I think, I think, I think that people are, I think that fame was always something that was attractive to people. I think in its healthiest state, fame is a byproduct of the thing that you do. And some people don't even want that. I think that there's been a glorification of fame in a way because of the access to it. And I think where people used to need to, one, curate a skill to get on a stage of some sense, in any sense of art, and then have gatekeepers, for better and for worse, control who gets seen through this thing, it made it harder for people. And now that it's easier for people, I think there's a lot of people who have access to a loud microphone that, to remove any bias, deserves or undeserved, there's just a lot of it. And I think that's the idea of a celebrity is to be celebrated. And the things that are being celebrated now are so not curated that I think there are more people now who want to be something, not because they want to be a musician or be an actor or be a comedian or be a painter, but because they want to be famous. And I think that's always existed. I think it's, I think it's exponential now. Yeah. I think so. So like the glory of like, how many people saw me? Yeah. I don't care if they like it or not. Who cares? Look how many eyeballs saw this. Well, it's also like digitally quantified now in a weird way where it's like, if you're like, if you were like in the eighties, you're like, you know, just kicking around doing like a, like say like plumbing, that's always a standard, normal job everyone goes to. It didn't even cross your mind that you would ever become famous. Now it's like, there's just famous plumbers on this. You can be like a famous plumber. I'm sure Theo Bonn had him on or Daniel Tosh. Yeah. Yeah. I think he's funny. I haven't watched his podcast, but I see some of the thumbnails and it's always like my plumber. it's like it's kind of fun yeah you mix it up otherwise you're just getting like what like guests from pr companies yeah you know funny stuff but just so what are you here to promote you know like a lot of that yeah yeah which you know is whatever but yeah i don't know man it's like yeah the whole social media thing for me is like it just people's social success was kind of like very subjective where you'd be like i guess i'm cool like but now there's like hard numbers it's like you know how many you know you took a picture this is exactly how many people actually care about it which is kind of depressing this is exactly where people had the opportunity to care about it based on what the algorithm showed them yeah yeah that's why that's why for little kids and especially girls man like little girls or younger girls where it's like here's my selfie and it's like before like i think she's prettier than me now it's like no here's hard numbers people the results are in she's objectively prettier than you like no really no i'm saying like she's gotten more engagement and it's like now like we gotta start we gotta step this up like you know let's get some fillers let's fuck that's that's the that's kind of what's going on people's minds you know the book the ancient anxious generation uh i think i heard of it and about how how when uh not the internet but when the smartphone it started with the internet but when the smartphone kind of came in uh and like how it's just changed the youth and like how anxious like people are there's like uh uh there's like uh it's it's basically is teaching a practice like have your kid go in and order something from a restaurant without you there yeah so they're not so scared to do stuff like the anxiety that it's caused and like the the living here also i i want to move on from this in a moment because this is but like i i've been uh somebody who didn't grow up in that that way i still catch myself doing things sometimes like when i feel uncomfortable at something i i'm like oh do it you know what i'm saying and i've been doing it for a long time doing that i've been doing that with talking to women really yeah sure you're starting to kick game right now so when i was younger i i've done it and then you stop i was in relationships and then like i've i've met not probably not coincidentally my last three girlfriends on on on instagram sure you know and then you date for a few years and then you stop and then you find somebody on instagram and you date them for a few years you know it's like i wasn't like i was even conscious of not wanting to approach women in public because i talk to people but then yeah i'm my partner and i'm like and i walked by somebody and i was like i was like uh i don't want to say anything yeah and i'm like no dude just do and i went i talked and i wasn't smooth at all and i thought good for me i'm i've been a pro and i've been approaching women and i'm getting better with it well yeah well it was it was off the table there for a minute where it was like you know it was it was being communicated like don't even talk to me don't bother me in public i never subscribed i don't believe that that was a real i know people worried about that i never believed that yeah i mean it's yeah for sure i think you're you're right but for a while people are like really like i don't know is it like impolite am i am i not a sexual aggressor but it's like but here's the thing dude it's like i don't watch every romantic movie there's not there's not women aren't reading romance novels about a dude being like i thought your pictures are cute but how do i know how to pick up a woman if i bump into her and we both drop our stuff that i get i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm such a fool such a fucking fool let me make it up to you that was three seconds yeah exactly so that's is that what you do when you approach what's your approach like my move is now i always i always because i can't have papers always just for whatever reason just wait you spill well i make sure that like like if i go to an air one or something uh and i if i drove i'll bring some papers and if i see a pretty girl i'll i'll bump into her i'll drop them and i go i'm such a fucking clumps club clumsy guy i was just i was just um giving soup to poor there you go uh black people yeah and they love that they go oh my god did you know that black people like soup it's a thing hold on trying to think uh yeah oh here's the thing where do you bake because i don't i feel like i would say not that i wouldn't say they don't like soup but it's not like a it's not a big fixture in the black house i was testing you correct maybe they do maybe they don't none of my business i'm not here to speak on the black experience not a bit i don't think a big not a big soup they'll they'll eat soup but i don't you don't see it at like a black party there's not a soup there's almost yeah the fuck yeah but it's not a fixture at the you know what i mean so would you agree with this statement yeah let's have it traditionally jews like soup more than black people 100 and is that because of matzo ball soup is it because of that one dish i mean remove matzo ball soup i'm i'm thinking it might be economic it is like the cheapest meal you can make i'm kidding no it's okay i'm joking no i don't know is it matzo ball i've never had matzo ball soup i was joking i was kidding we're joshing uh is there a part of you that's real worried about my response to that okay sometimes when people get nervous and and like i feel a little responsible bad version would be this like like oh i'm just like of course yeah uh and like i i catch it sometimes on podcasts or like i ask them something and they say hey is it okay if we edit that out or whatever and i go yeah yeah and i see that they're like a little out of it and i i my my instinct and it isn't anymore my instinct was hey i could see that you're out of it now we edit it out it's totally fine let's just go back into this and then that comes across as aggressive to them really yeah i've learned that so i don't know how to i don't know how to reassure somebody on a podcast it's tough because you're being filmed you know what i mean so it's they're like is this part of it am i gonna get just you were saying we took some of it out but you were saying some shitty stuff about the jews what were you saying i you actually asked that was a fair question you're like why do jews love soup and i was like well i didn't word it that way do you ever try to make soup it's you can make it for like you know what i mean it's a it's an it's an economical meal i think that's fair i think that's i actually admired you me and my father both admire jewish people but my dad i swear to god my dad wait what a fucking save my dad loves jewish people but it's all based on stereotypes he's like brum he's like good with their money man i'm always like yeah dad that's kind of the word on the street dude how does he spin what does he like about the jews and their stomach issues he doesn't really get into that he just loves he works with a lot of them and he's like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know he's uh works with a lot of them he does he admires he does demolition one of his buddies owns a demolition company jewish guy and he's always just admired him he's like bro he's just so good so good with business i love the way he handles his business so there's not too many too too many jews in demolition i think he found the only one he loves them jews are more so talking about when they got demolished never forget that's true as well you know there's some hardy jews out there don't let don't don't believe the fucking anti-semitic twitter sphere dude i've met some hardy jews there's some hardy jews out there don't believe the fucking anti-semitic twitter what does that mean because hardy to me makes me think demolition demolition demolition i was thinking about michael rapaport right he's a demolition jew that guy could do a jackhammer okay so yeah yeah you know what so you went right to stomach issues which i personally i take kind of offense to oh i was just joking i'm so sorry well we can cut it out don't worry you know i'm sorry i was fucking right really honestly it's just a lot of jews they do because of the inbreeding that's true for real that was a thing like in like the um the oskenazis like a lot of the jews they they stayed in the jewish community there's only so many people and i and and uh i hypothesize that uh it's inbreeding that caused jews to have but yeah but so what is i don't even know what oskenazi is i thought that was like a european thing yeah so there's and i'm speaking to you without having read anything i think there's two types of jews there's the oskenazi jews which are the the eastern european my stemmy carrots you know and but they're really funny yeah and then there's the the sephardic jews that are the middle eastern really sexy they don't tip right right and those are the two jews and if there was a uh uh uh what's it called uh family uh you know vin diesel uh venn diagram thank you there you go i knew that i was setting up then like uh there's some overlap yeah um but i think the sephardic jews they probably have better stomachs but they're not funny yeah that's true they're very serious yeah i i think you're 100 very yeah very militant but yeah it's i uh but that oh good luck yeah they are israeli women yeah they're basically boner on this can i say boner on this go ahead yeah rip boner dude sometimes i'll see a girl online and i'll get a boner from it and i'll go to her page and it's got some israeli stuff i'm like yeah yeah but we're not gonna be laughing too much no they're babes though they are babes that's because they do i think the uh it's really army i've seen they'll post their babes in the army on like their instagram and you're like that feels like american in the 90s what do they do i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know they would just you know like i guess maybe it's a little a to c there but i just remember in the 90s uh people were talking about like how hot like either soldiers or like firemen were remember there's like fireman calendars and stuff yeah but that was guys we're talking girls i'm not gay i'm not saying you are but i'm like because i'm like i'm thinking 90s what if i was i'm thinking 90s military recruitment i remember it was just like marines holding swords with like lightning striking the sword i think i know what i'm picturing um i got into comic books and i was like i'm not going to do that i'm not going to do that i'm not going to do that in the 90s specifically i didn't even read comic books i played magic the gathering right so same world and i'm around seeing all these comic books and there are some gorgeous comic book women okay that makes sense which blade was i used to jerk off to the witch blade yeah let's do it i would never comic books i i could totally see that and it got me and i love girls with muscles too really oh yeah muscle mommies is there a lot of have you ever rizzed up a muscle mommy in la because that dude there's one try to budge them i want to show you what this one i actually referenced On my podcast recently, Tan, did you ever watch the show Queer Eye? While we're talking about muscle mommies. I love, the show's unbelievable. You're guaranteed to cry. Like in a good way. It's just, you're seeing, it's a similar thing to Shark Tank, where you're seeing people's life and like become better. It's like, it's emotional. Whatever the product might be, there's a similar feel you get on all of them. Anyway, and I mentioned, we were talking about fits of stuff and muscles, and I always thought muscles were cool. I grew up with Schwarzenegger on my wall. Muscles are cool. And it kind of translates to me, in women, I'm attracted not always sexually, sometimes. For sure. But I just think muscles are just, you look at them, you see a fucking jacked dude. I'm like, look at those fucking, that guy's the man. Yeah. You know? And there's this girl that she's just, I'm just going to show you. And I'll put up a thing. We're right next to a gym, by the way. There's some. Okay, she's kind of shredded. Yeah. She's muscular. I tap out. I have a fine line with girl muscles. She'd tap out. She probably would, honestly. There's a. See, with a woman, I'd prefer to not see any of her abdominal musculature. I don't. There's something about it where it's like I'm not, like, totally against it, but I would like a thin layer of fat over all of that. It's good to know she has that, but. Well, yeah. Hopefully she has that. Yeah, sure. You know, she's going to have a lot of protection she'll need. I am not needing it, or not necessarily preferring it. There's so many different looks. Kind of cool. That is one of them, where I'm just like. It also, like, represents to me, like, there's, I think, a similar thing why women like strong guys. Like, they're sort of like, oh, she, like, she takes care of her body. Like, it's just athletic. I think athletes are cool. Yeah, that's true. Would you ever be worried that she, like, your girlfriend. What would you do to your girlfriend if you called her on gear, though? What would I do to her? She'd be the shit out of her. You'd beat her ass. What do you mean, right? Would I. Oh, yeah. I don't even. If. That'd be sad if you were, like, dating somebody and you loved them a lot, and then they went on gear and started, like, raging on you. That'd be. It would be their right, and I would be turned off and not like it. Even smoking a cigarette, I couldn't date somebody who smokes a cigarette. Yeah, yeah. It's just, what are you doing? Yeah, I don't like it either, actually. I also don't want to be with somebody who, like, when we get stoned at night and we're watching something, like, we can't have donuts. You know, I want to get. I want to have desserts. You want a treat. Yeah. You want to treat yourself. Yeah. So, if you wouldn't want your muscle mommy counting your macros, that would be. Muscle mommy? I've never heard this term. Muscle. You've never heard of muscle mommy? No, it makes sense. That's how they describe, like, the WWE David ladies. And no shade, and they look awesome. That's great. It's not that. I'm not talking this. I'm talking. I don't know. I don't know. Like, if you're wearing a sweatshirt, you might never know. So, you're into. That's called, like, uh. So, there's female bodybuilders, but then there's bikini competitions. That's, like, where they're kind of musculature. Yeah. Like, you play volleyball? Me, no. Professionally? No, I'm saying those type of bodies. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's. You know? That's ideal as well, yeah. Yeah. Volleyball babes. Yeah. Oh, dude. This episode is sponsored by Underdog Fantasy, and we better get into it quickly, because one of my favorite songs is already happening, thanks to Charlie Puth. You know what song I'm talking about, right? I do not. We don't talk anymore. You and I, obviously, because it's a star-spangled banner. Oh. I am going to say that the. For the spread, the Cavs, I'm picking them with plus point. 4.5. You could also just go individual here. I'm picking Donovan Mitchell to go higher than 25 and a half points. Because if he isn't, then let me tell you something. We ain't winning. We ain't winning, right. It doesn't let you choose if Harden is going to go higher or lower on turnovers, does it? Because I'd like to pick the higher. You can make three to five picks and progressively win more based on how well each pick performs. Win a little on a decent night and a lot on a good night. Up to 250 times your money. If that were the case, we would talk anymore. We like a little action. I always say, don't play with the money that you aren't comfortable losing. But if you are comfortable to make picks and win money, Underdog Fantasy is the way to go. That's promo code TISO. Even if you're not going to play and just sign up, get the bonus. You're going to play. But even if you're not, get the bonus. But you're going to play. But it helps the show even if you're not going to play. Make picks. Underdog. Win. 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I'm like, hey, yo, ad people, let me work with Function because I hear they're the best. That's called a requested sponsor which even gives, whatever he says, more impact than you would normally get from that. Here's what most people overlook. Your muscles don't just need training. No, they need toning. And they need the right internal conditions to recover and stay strong. And those conditions can show up in your blood. If you know me, I like to get my blood checked all the time. I get checked for STDs even if I haven't slept with somebody else in case I sat on a toilet wrong. And sometimes my doctor's like, we don't need to check for this and this. I'm like, you're already taking the blood, fucker. Check it. You're already taking the blood. Check my magnesium. Check my vitamin D. You're taking my blood. Does the doctor ask if you have rage issues? Who are you? It's really a good company. Ricky, just has some rage issues. Maybe my cortisol levels are up. 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Did you see the one viral gay volleyball guy who just spikes it? I love that guy. Hooked up with him. That's awesome. Honestly, that would be sick. That guy is genuinely impressive on all fronts. Isn't it funny too the way he put up a picture in picture but it's funny like what do you call that? What's the gay attitude? There's like a word. Like not spunk. No, it's not spunk. There's like zest. Yes. There's like a zest to it where it's just like it's kind of funny. It's kind of cool. You believe it. It's like a character trait and it's like and when you're good at something and you do that, it's even cooler. It's, I mean, the dude jumps. He has like a 50 inch vertical. He just flies in the air, spikes it in someone's face and then the twist is he does like a very gay movement to rub it which would, I would just find that as like an opponent like psychologically would mess me up. Your dad would probably like it though because they're good with their money. Is that guy, that guy's not Jewish? What are you talking about? Gays. Gays are good with their money. Gays aren't good with their money. They just don't have to waste it on kids. Good merch. I don't think they're great with their money though. They have a lot of money, though. I mean, dude, two-dude income household for 40 years. TDIH. It's awesome. It's a dream. Yeah. It's a dream. Anyway, I like heavier women, too. Heavier? I actually never shied away from that as well. I have no compunction against that. Heavy is a very intentional term. I just heard fat-bodied is the politically correct term right now. I think they like to be called bleep it. No, it's fat-bodied. I watched Jillian Michaels, like, you know, the 20 verse 1 arguments on YouTube where they, like, really get to the bottom of the discussion. No. So there's a show. It's like, I don't know what it's called. Surrounded, maybe? And it's just you debate, like, 20 people on one issue. Oh, I've seen clips of this. I didn't know what it was called. Yeah. Oh, so she did one against not just the obese, but, like, obese and obese. Is she heavier? Jillian Michaels is like an exercise lady. Oh, I know who Jillian Michaels is. I know who that is. So she sat at a table, and it was mostly. Obese women around her with, like, you know, some obese allies, body positive. And what was kind of messed up, in order to talk, in order to be the debater, they make you rush to the chair. I swear to God. So she had. It was just obese women trying to, like, rush to the chair to sit and get their, like, turn to debate her. Tell me if I'm understanding this correct. A woman who's made a career of being fitness was trying to convince 20 heavier women that they should be called fat-bodied? No, no, no, no. They were saying they want to be called fat-bodied. They were the ones being, like, fat-bodied. Fat-bodied, heavy-bodied. Fat-bodied is apparently, like, the preferred term of the body positive movement. Who gives these 20 women who agree to do this thing, which is already quite filtered down a lot, to be the. That's not enough for me. What do you mean? That's not enough for me to then go around and just be like, okay, these 20 heavy women said that I should be calling you fat-bodied. I know a guy that stutters. And when he stutters, it's a series, you know, like, where, like, you know what he's going to say. You know, and then, like, say, he wants you to finish his sentence. Got you. If you know what I'm going to say, you could just say it. Yeah. That's not how all stuttering people are. Yeah, that's true. You know, let alone the heavy ones. True. So I'm just saying, if you're heavy and you want me to call you fat, I feel like that should be, like, a pronoun. Do you go by heavy or fat? Fat-bodied. Yeah, do you go by fat-bodied or heavy? Or thick? Thick would be nice. I think they would probably like thick. Voluptuous would be nice. But here's the thing. I've learned on that podcast. I've learned on that podcast that apparently the junk food companies have infiltrated the body-positive movement and are using a lot of that stuff and showing, like, this is actually great for us. Like, they want to get the nutrition facts kind of removed from food products just so, like, that way you don't have to face the shame of, like, eating 900, knowing you ate 900 calories. They're saying basically, like, get that stuff off. And you have, like, junk food companies literally have internal memos where, like, yo, this is good. We're going to run with this. So that kind of gets, that's kind of, if that's true, that's pretty sad. But. Especially anything that messes with the body-positive movement, I take that pretty seriously. I think body positivity is great, but shouldn't cannibalize information, awareness, and health. That's, sorry, on behalf of the body-positive, the shame is all that matters. Don't trigger my shame. I don't think that it's my responsibility to manage your feelings. Wow. I don't. Wow. And I think that it's systemic. And I think that people who eat a certain way, there's an economic point to it as well. Hey, have some soup. But then it's generational, and you're feeding people certain things, and it's education. You're not aware of it. And a lot of food deserts, they get what they have access to, and I could appreciate that. We need to do better on having options and education that you could choose to ignore. You want to smoke your cigarettes? Go ahead and do it. I don't want to be next to you when you're doing it. I'm going to have to get my stuff dry cleaned. No, I get what you're saying. You're saying it's not so much that. It's not so much that fat people are fat, it's because they're mostly dumb and poor, is what you're saying. That was the exact words. What I'm saying is when you remove the information, and people are eating stuff that's unhealthy, and they don't know they're eating things that are unhealthy, it's going to make things worse. If you know what you're eating and what it does to you, and you choose to do it, do it. Yeah. I do think thick with two Cs is better than thick with a CK. I think so, too. Like fat with a PH. Yeah, I think so, too. I think that has a. It's like a nice rounding softness. K is very harsh. Pun intended? No, no. K is a very harsh kind of letter. Also, K is kind of like the body of a fit person. True. K is just like, you know, with a skinny little body and some fucking athletic. Yeah, the geometry is too harsh. Yeah, but a C is just like. Yeah, it's very. Yeah. It's already kind of sitting down. Yeah. I think. I watch it, and I kind of did. Truly, I feel like, you know, they were trying to argue basically like it's not unhealthy to be obese. And it's like, yeah, it kind of is. Which, again, it's like if you're going to do that, like you said, do it. But if someone's going to be there being like, yeah, well, just so you know, it's bad for you. And you're probably addicted to food. And, you know, so. I don't know. I don't. I just. I feel like. It's a lot of stuff, right? A lot of stuff's framed. We're like, well, how are we going to save every single person? It's like, you're not. People are going to. People are going to fall to. A good place to start is on their diet. If you're going to save somebody, but now you're shaming them. So there's a difference between people feeling shame and shaming somebody. I do agree. There is. I agree. And we're not even talking about thick. We're talking about if you're unable to get a certain amount. If you're not able to go get your mail without being winded, and by the way, you're in your 30s or 40s. Yeah. You're going to take care of it now so it's easier later. Yeah. You know, like I actually feel very strongly about this. And I'm somebody who has quite a bit of injuries. I have quite a Jewish body and I've had multiple surgeries. What happened? I'm still trying to figure out. I've had surgery on my shoulder, my elbow, and I've had triple surgery for two sports hernias. I'm getting PRP, physical therapy. I'm doing stuff all the time. And I'm just like, I'm almost 30. So like, as time goes on, things hurt more and it's harder for it to heal. And I'm very conscious of like, I want to get stuff figured out. Yeah. You know, and I just think. I go into my parents' fridge and some of the stuff that my mom is like, just her creamers. It's like, it's not that she loves this creamer. It's that this is the one that she knows. Yeah. So like, I think there's an education thing. Like, make some choices. But I think there's a lack of intention. And I'm not the be-all of this. I'm just like, I try. Like, I'll look. And when I cook a lot, I try to do grass-fed. Yeah. But I'll also eat In-N-Out burger. Sure. So like, I don't know. I just think that, you know, if you're fat as shit. Yeah. And you feel bad about that, don't get mad at me for saying I want to have the calories on the side of the box. Yeah, I think you need it. But if you're thick, you know, let me drop some papers next to you. That's what I'm saying, man. Yeah, if you can really hit that. There's an in-between zone that's just really delightful. But here's the thing, too. There are like, a doorway is only so wide. Like, you can get fat enough to where you can't make it through a doorway. And that sucks. That's when you get cut out of your house. That sucks. And to be like, well, don't you dare shame. No, that's shame. Shame on you. If you get stuck in your house, I would say there should be a feeling of shame where like, I got so fat, I can't get out of my house. I do think, and I talk about this on stage sometimes, I do think shame and embarrassment gets a bad rap because sometimes we put it on ourselves and it's like, we need to accept ourselves. And sometimes it's like, oh, maybe I shouldn't do that again. I think it's a good way to check. But I also want to offer the other side of the voice that we're fortunate enough that food does something to us differently than some other people. Not even our addiction to it, but like some people genetically, they just put on weight. It's a lot harder. So they have a big chance. It's like an alcoholic versus a non-alcoholic. Excuse me. So like, you know, if you're stuck in your house, you know, shame on you. Shame on me. I'm not mad at that person, but it's shame on you. If you feel shameful about it, that is shame on you. I think if you're stuck in your house once, shame on you. But if you're stuck in your house twice, shame on me. Why would it be shame on you? Fool me once. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I mean, that would be some, that would bring shame to the community if you got like, you're like, oh, they're stuck in their house again. When I see people on Instagram and they're clearly out of shape and they're doing their exercises and like they're showing that they're trying to do stuff. I get, I get just as, I want to go to the gym. It gets me so fucking amped. And then you look at some of the comments and the people like, like, bro, you're shame. That's the shit. Yeah. Look at this guy. Whatever. But it's like, do you know how hard it is to like have a lifestyle where you're sedentary like that? You're stuck in a fucking house and now you're hula hooping for five minutes a day. Yeah. No, I get pumped when I see my fat bodied brothers out there at the gym and sisters. I kind of really root for that. I really do. I get kind of pumped. I'm like, cause that's so hard, dude. It's hard enough to work at, start working out if you're not even like that big. But when you like, when I see them like kick it into gear, I'm like, fuck yeah. I really, I really pull for them. That's the kind of gear you do like. That's the gear I do like. I'm glad we met, man. Me too, man. I was real, I was looking forward to this. There's a, there's a, there's a, I, I found out about you because of Shane. I, as a comedian, don't watch, I mean, I watch more now. Yeah. The past couple of years for whatever reason, I'm watching people's specials. I'm watching more stuff. I think you're so funny. Thank you. I think Shane is part of what got me into watching special because he's so fucking funny. So I watch your podcast sometimes now. So I know, I know you almost at the same time because you guys are on the same podcast is what I've seen the most. And you both have a certain similar. cadence of things obviously your friends that's what happens but you just my fat-bodied brothers and sisters i don't even know how to explain it but the way you said it is so well also so wholesome it's so it's such a it's like what i'm getting is along with everything i'm so attracted to the way you guys talk and that was one of them do you know how to define what that my fat-bodied brothers and sisters it's like you've thought about this and you're an ally you're being silly and you mean it and you're making fun it's i don't know what that is yeah it's just fun well it was funny because like out of nowhere right around 2016 is when we started our podcast and like we started it right before donald trump became elected and then like the whole political world or the no the whole comedy world fell into like a political battle everything became polarized so we like started it while confronting this like i would say like relatively new kind of thing of like language being like hyper policed and all this stuff and you know we never really got into like i would at least not maybe in the beginning a little bit but like hyper reactionary where it's like you'll never tell me what to say it was just kind of just made it more funny to me where it's like okay now you can't say how do you come up with ways to say this but also not being like like a bulldozer like don't fucking do control my speech because that gets like weird on that side so it's just like dealing with that forever it's funny to like word things in a way that like hits people's brains and they're like i don't know how i should feel about this yeah it just makes me kind of giggle honestly there isn't i don't know how i should feel about this and that's what's so interesting there was everything you just said is great thank you yeah there's such you guys are so likable thank you while also being bros yeah you know it's a it's a fucking great pocket i like bros people bros gets a bad rep man i i love when i hear someone's a bro i'm like nice i like bros to find what that bro is that you like just a bro like you're down like you're just like you know you're at someone's house and like you know if there's just like i don't know if you just bro down there's just like certain things you can just talk about and i can just bro down you know nice guys like bro does that mean chugging beers as well or is that not see i'm not a big drinker but i do appreciate if someone can bro i could turn it on and bro down i'm more of a tequila guy but i'm not i really i'm not a huge fan of alcohol in general but i could drink alcohol no i don't drink actually at all i'm not sober i just don't i'm a weed guy um yeah i'm actually really similar i'll like i can drink a little bit and i can if i'm like in the right setting i can turn on the day drinking jets but like i just don't really like the effects of alcohol especially as i get older it's like you know it's mostly negatives it's like if i'm if i'm gonna get if i'm gonna have like one or two drinks that's fine and then but i'm not gonna feel 100 the next day five eight now i'm like i could potentially wreck my family it's just like very there's not for me there's not a lot of like you know great returns and getting hammered whereas i do like weed a lot i like just getting kind of stoned and do you do we podcasts and what's that get high on a podcast oh for sure yeah my favorite to do next time i'm here if you're in la if no obligations we podcast again would you do a high it's it's the most it's it feels like i'm a kid and friends i've i've said this analogy before but do you remember when you were a kid i don't know if you had this growing up but like if a friend was going to come over after school they had to get a slip to go on your bus yes actually that was really fun and all day you know you got a friend coming over on the bus when i know that i have a friend coming over getting stoned all day i'm just like i got a friend coming over on the bus i had that feeling we get hired it's like and then and then you get to you know make it and get enough to where like oh we love watching these people get high to watch them yeah very fun i did uh me and my friends uh cindy gant and tim butterly we did 50 episodes of a podcast called stoner dads where we would get as high as it was like it was completely unsustainable we would try to get like as high as humanly possible and just do a podcast and it was so fucking fun but a lot of it was just like completely chaos but it was it's a very fun thing when you just get high and you're like all right let's just blab do you do edibles yeah i like i used to do i used to make them a lot i used to make them and i just i think i just like burnt myself out on them now like i feel like i'm so sensitive to them or if i have like dude honestly 10 milligrams for me is like plenty on an edible dude that i i get high two three days a week i do five yeah i sometimes do two and a half i like the two and a half do you know them uh yeah i've actually they're really nice they're an expensive reserve i like i like two and two and a half is very chill five is nice too ten is like the point where now i get like a it's just it's so overwhelming and the thing is is like i i've been through it a million times i know i'm fine but it's just like that initial first like hour i'm like dude this is yeah a little more than i bargained for one of those people eat those 500 milligram brownies and drinks and stuff that's nice i have a theory about that it's like i think if you well it's a lot of it has to do with the way you break it down in your stomach when people are like yeah i just crushed like a 250 milligram edible and like chilled around my parents i'm like how like what's going on in your brain that even allows that to happen metabolizes it's different like you said like my dad smokes every day yeah and i want him to do edibles instead or at least smoke less yeah uh and i give him 100 milligrams and he goes maybe i feel it it's crazy and i think that might be like it maybe it is a gut thing but or it's a manly thing it's man it could be manly where everything's just shut down and repressed and you're just like yeah it was a little weird last night but there's it can't like get anywhere in your head so i know people like that i've seen my dad when he's i've seen my dad he's been on my podcast fucking lit yeah but not from smoking not edibles yeah no they yeah they yeah i've that's the one thing too with like people older people who haven't done weed at all or like in years and they go to a dispensary and they're just like yeah here here's like rosin oil you can just kind of do like an extraction it's like 300 milligrams like you're signing them up for you know the ambulance ride i used to have 200 milligram lollipops that i would like dole out to people back in the day i remember i was telling this one guy would crush him he's like i'm gonna give some to my wife and i'm like i don't know man they're pretty strong maybe like give her a little 100 milligrams a lollipop dude and that was the thing he uh i was like if you give it to her break off a little piece he called me up like you know four hours later like oh i gave her the whole thing she's freaking out she wants to go to the hospital i was like this is run a bath man just put her in the bathtub just kind of you know try to chill so put on the bathtub send me a pic put your wife in the bath send me a picture yeah do me a favor just put her in the bathtub send me a picture i gotta see because like i'll let you know if she has to go to the hospital or not yeah i sold you that lollipop i need to i know i feel responsible for this that's just bros talking that's bros that's bro talks yeah i want to see your wife's tits as long as she's okay that's bro talk that's bro talk no the bro talk is you don't have to obviously we're kidding once you qualify being like you don't know if she's okay it's like you've stepped out of the bro realm obviously she's gonna be okay with it i want to see your wife's tits no matter how she's feeling no don't even bring it up that's the show me your wife's tits but we were kidding we both know we're joking i think i get this i i also think though only if she's okay is actually a nice identity send me send me send me your wife's tits i'm just kidding but if you do only if she's okay and then go psych now you're broing down right psych only if she's okay yeah but we also know we're kidding the bro ship we obviously are like we're kidding but that's the thing yeah you have to know you're kidding you have to know you're kidding you got yeah you don't want to get a but if he did send you a picture of his wife's tits would you say it's awesome would you be like dude that's not cool i would yeah that's when you go hey man you've you've this is this is weird i i know of somebody who their wife had was doing one of those like very erotic like pole dancing type classes or whatever and then like they were sending someone i know this guy was sending pictures of like his wife doing the classes the pictures got increasingly risque the point was just like a lingerie photo and my friend was just like yo stop sending me that stuff man yeah it's making me really uncomfortable but if you're going to send it on whatsapp so it doesn't compress that is weird though that's uh just kidding perfect thanks but no that is a weird thing that was uh i've never dealt with that getting i think it's called getting hot wifed that's sometimes if someone's courting a bull you know what i mean wow you start tantalizing them with like hot pictures of your wife and recording a bull i don't know what that expression means so it's like cuck culture so it'd be like if you were if you were a cuck you'd want a bull to come please your wife so i'm married to a woman and i want you to fuck my wife you might hot wife me i would and that would be all hot i'd hot wife you in order to court you the bull yes man being a bro is fucking awesome that was just the best yeah that was a perfect yeah gay guys aren't rich they just don't have kids or something well i forget you're a poet i forget bro it's gone you're a fucking poet the i'm just kidding is a real important thing it's yes it's it's it's a big it's a it's a big part of my act at the moment of like when i learned i didn't know intuitively as a kid that you have to say i'm just kidding they know that i'm just kidding sure and like sometimes they don't know that you're kidding dude uh yeah and it's really especially with the internet it's like i yeah and it's really especially with the internet i've gotten i've gotten in trouble for uh saying like really weird shit and they're like like i was on theo von's podcast and i was talking about how you know kids wear like rash guards at the beaches now so they just have like that sunscreen shirt on i was just like dude like you never see i want to like you know you don't know like i want to see like back in the day you could see a kid's like physique and i want to know if this kid's doing his push-ups i want to see this kid's pecs and like people just clip that up and we're like no this guy's legitimately a pedophile he's a problem i was on tiktok as a pedophile for and how did that affect your life i thought that was funny actually i was kind of laughing but it was like it was you know i thought it was like a pretty clear joke to be like yo let me see those pecs pop off that rash then there's people that say yeah even if you're joking you can't joke about that boo that's boo boo to that if there's something you can't joke about definitely what's not in that category is looking at little boys bodies pecs specifically which little boys don't even have pecs no but they do have six packs some of them because they're so skinny that's true let me see your little boys six pack clip it i don't give a flying fuck Matt McCuster wants to see your little voice Six-pack. Now, would you be fine with it if it's a four-pack? Yeah, I mean, he's just a boy. If he's got a four-pack, he's going to probably have, like, an eight-pack once he hits puberty. And call me back when he hits puberty so I can check his eight-pack. No, that's not okay. Between that and the Jews stuff that you're doing. Hey, I was pumping it up, man. You were asking me a question. That was a rapid-fire response. Speaking of pumping it up, what are they called? Muscle mommies? Muscle mommies, yeah. They got six-packs, and I fucking, I love a six-pack. You're driving me crazy. Dude, we're right next to a gym. If you, I'm telling you, they have some muscle mommies there, dude. Yeah, but it's, there's so many specifics. So many specifics. If I were building this, and I've been trying to. Okay, for sure. But, like, I think women are so beautiful in an airport. Yeah. A lot of times they're wearing sweats. Like, they have their hair up, or they have a baseball cap on. There's something about it that's very athletic leisure. In that order. For sure. That, to me, represents what I'm talking about with the six-pack. Just that, like, strong energy. But still, like, I want, again, everything's great. But, personally, with some soft features, still. You know, like, still, like, a beautiful face. And it's, like, to find that is already so difficult. Those women are not going to be interested in a fucking slug like me. I'm a fucking loser. Get the fuck out of here, dude. No, why? What did you notice? You're popping. You're fucking popping. You got crazy riz. Tall. Chicks like that. I didn't learn chicks like tall guys until I was, like, 32. I was just talking about this reason. I didn't realize this either, because you're tall. I'm not. What are you, 6'5"? I'm sub-6. I'm sub-6. You got the energy of a 6'5". I appreciate that. Actually, all my cousins are, like, 6'4", 6'5". So, I guess some of their stuff kind of did rub off on me. I'm sub-6, dude. I'm despicable. Wow. Not even 6 feet. I'm fucking 5'10". Yeah, but you say things in a funny way. Is he an idiot? Sure. I'm handicapped. I got to make up for my lack of height. Well, anyway, these strong girls, they want a strong guy. You like a hard body, dude. There's nothing wrong with that. It's called a hard body, babe. So. But I need you to know, really, that's not my preference. So, what's your preference? I can't believe I'm saying this. Thick type? I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think half any Asian, half white. What's wrong with that? That's nice. Especially if they do martial arts. That's fucking awesome. And they're funny. They know how to cook. That sounds pretty nice. We laugh a lot. We eat donuts. Yeah, that's nice. You like Waysian. Yeah. It's nice. Andrew, you'll eat my ass a little bit. I don't know what we're keeping good. You'll eat my ass a little bit. You ever notice that when you eat out an Asian woman, you're hungry 30 minutes later? We'll be right back after we're sponsored. Anyway. Yeah, that's a good. I think you should go for that, man. How would you find that? Because I think on the dating apps, you can't exactly filter by like. But I put it in my description. If you're not half Asian and half white and don't do martial arts. Keep it moving. Do your body a favor and take a hike. That's a good idea. Nike. I want to get my dating profile sponsored by somebody like that. And I could just do slogans all the time. That'd be awesome. Do you do online dating or you're just on Instagram? It's funny that Instagram is no longer considered. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I know. There's so many levels of online dating that Instagram is the real world. I feel like. That's top tier. Instagram's top tier online dating. Yeah, because you're going out there and you don't know if they're single. It's like the real world. Sometimes I order a delivery so often that when I go and pick something up, I feel like I'm cooking. Yeah. And that's what Instagram is, I think, to meeting people in public. I meet people in public a fair amount now. Yeah. So you're telling me about that. So you're just kind of turning on the jets. Have you met someone in public who has been a fan of you that they're like, when you start talking to them, they already know who you are? Or you just. They usually become a fan of mine after I start talking. Gotcha. They don't, you know, maybe. Yeah. But not enough to where, no, I don't think so. Like, I've met people where afterwards they're like, you know, I've seen clips of you. Yeah. That's the most. Yeah. And as much as I want a person to be a fan of mine, I want them to be a fan of mine after they meet me and then they start to really like me. Yeah. You know, I don't, you know. I know what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also I've been talking in person with, with, this isn't even like a trick. This is my real mentality. I'm really not looking to find my, I want to find a wife. I'm not calling you because you might be my girlfriend or my wife. For sure. I really, I love talking to people. I've always loved talking to people. My mom is the same way. But when it's a really pretty woman, I'll maybe like, I don't need to do a bit with her. You know, I don't need to talk to this person. I'm a little, you get a little intimidated. Yeah. And I've just opened the door. Like, do the same stuff that you do with, at Bed Bath & Beyond with any random person. But with this pretty person. Then you talk. You do that. You do a bit. Maybe you get out. Maybe you talk. Maybe you exchange an information. Maybe not. And there's such a limited pressure when I'm not going in here to get her information. I'm going in here to have like a little, a little beat of something. I love talking to people. Yeah. That's nice. I mean, you might as well use that skill on hot babes. I'm, I'm, uh, that's tough, man. Yeah. I just, I've always been terrified just to like, you know, especially like with alcohol, that makes it easier, obviously. But like middle of the day, striking up combo. As I've gotten older, I think it'd be a lot easier. But when I was young, I was like so hard to figure out, like, what do I say to this person? Do you remember anything that you did? Did you ever do it anyway? In terms of like trying to talk to women at a bar, I would. Or in public, anywhere. Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. It's like, I feel like looking back on it, I feel like I would just like a psycho just be like, hey, how are you? Rather than like, where are you? Why is that psycho? Because it's easier to like talk about that. If you're at the grocery store, right? You're in Erewhon or wherever you can go. Oh, I love that granola. Right. She's holding the granola. I love that. Just to walk into somebody at a grocery store. Go to the grocery store and say, hey, how are you? Is a little. That's what I'm like. I clearly am just trying to fuck you. And I'm not. I don't even know how to mask my intentions. And I'm like, oh, hi. And they're just like, get the fuck away from me. So how would you do it now? If I. Well, I'm married now. So now I would obviously be in secret. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's a shogun. He's shogun around. If I had to do it now. Yeah. I mean, now it would be. It all depends on the situation and circumstance where, you know, wherever I'm at. I think now I'm well-rounded enough to like be able to strike up. Some kind of conversation that doesn't make it seem like I'm desperately horny for that person. All right. If we were going to go into muscle mommies after this. Oh, easy. All day, dude. I would just talk training. What are you doing? What are you training? What are you bulking? You're cutting. You know, you get it easily. All right. Can we, can we, can we role play it real quick? You're the muscle mommy? Uh, yeah, I'm the muscle mommy. All right. All right. Um, uh, I'm on, does the hip, you know, you go this way and then you go this way, right? Oh yeah. Okay. We're doing, I'm doing that. And that's what that machine is. Why did you pick that exercise? That is. Because I'm just thinking, what would I be, two things where you're sitting down next to somebody. Got you. I also, uh, I had triple hernia surgery. I, I do, I work on my abductors and my adductors. I just, I always see women doing that. I'm always, I try to like, almost like that's burning bush for me. I just look away. You know, it's funny that you say that because that's not a sexual thing to look like. I even noticed that your underpants looks like the old Cavs jerseys. Oh, do they pop in through the bottom? Yeah. Oh, sorry. Oh, I didn't even notice. Sorry. What do you work? If you were, if you were doing the abductors, I honestly would, it's such a sexual movement. I would actually hold off. Let me show you how I would do it. And then you will do another machine. What'd you got? You're sitting out here. You're already doing it. Yeah. I'm working here. I'm not doing abductors. No, you're, you're, you're. I'm doing lat pull downs. No, no, no. Why don't I? You're the woman. Oh, oh, okay. You're the woman. All right. I'm muscle mommy. And there's another machine where it goes the other way. Okay. I thought you were saying, okay. Okay. Muscle mommy. Fuck. What are you on, light girl? I just want to know for context. So, so again, again, there's two, there's the one where you go out. Yes. That's what you're doing. Yeah. And then there's the ones where you push it in. Oh, okay. Those are two separate machines. Gotcha. Gotcha. And I'm sitting on the other one. I've never done these. I've always, I feel like I've done them once before. I feel like whenever I do them. I don't even know you're talking to me. Oh, sorry. Then why'd you say I don't even know you're talking to me? I'm just trying to give you the cue up, man. No, no. Buddy, you're not an actor, dude. You know I'm talking to you because you said, yeah, I don't even know you're talking to me. Well, I broke the wall. I broke the fourth wall. Stop. Sorry. My bad. All right. We're back. We're back in the back end scene. Just stay in it and whatever it is. And if you don't know that I'm talking to you, don't respond to me. Okay. My bad. My bad. My bad. My bad. Fuck. Jesus. Do you ever take a rest? No. What? It just seems like you've been doing that for so long. This is way harder than I thought it was. Of course, I'm talking about my big, fat, black dick. Clink. Rick Glassman. What did you say? I said. Fuck. My thighs are burning. I was just making a joke before. But yeah, these are harder than I thought they were. Do you do both? Yeah. I superset them. Oh. Actually, I'm using that. Yeah. Sorry. All right. All right. Well, now you got to wipe it down. That's fine. Your bitchy ass probably isn't even sweating in here. I'm not interested in you. I'm not interested in that energy. Yeah. That was. I'm sorry. I took. I went. I went too far. Dude, I need to be with somebody who's like legitimately kind. Yeah. Like no ifs, ands, but a huge butt about it. I heard that. Need kindness. Kind and huge butt would be. Yeah. It's the dream. Isn't it interesting that when we were kids, it was about the boobs and now they're still nice, but it is about now the butt and even more so now the face. Yeah. I mean, I think the face was always kind of in the equation, but yeah, I think a. Yeah. We went from boobs to butt pretty hard, man. That was a big switch up. And everyone agreed. Yeah. Well, there's some holdouts. You got some titty guys. Yeah. There were people that used to like butts over boobs back then, but I'm just saying. Yeah, but that was great. You didn't hear about them. Well, that was pre-internet. I think that was just a clash of white Americans. in black culture. It's kind of like completely just, that's the melting pot at work, dude. Do you think that because of Eminem, now there are more people, white people okay with black culture where they've accepted that a big butt is cool? I mean, I don't even know if it was just Eminem because like white people like so many different, white people obviously loved Eminem, but like, you know, they love so many other rappers. I think we just got- Nas? Nas was never, was he really flaunting big butts? I feel like that was- No, I'm just saying what brought white people into rap. I think Biggie and Tupac probably did just because everyone's talking about it. That was a big one and rap just became a thing. So I think we just got like, you know, it was just big butts, big, you just saw them growing up. I saw them nonstop and I was like, yeah, actually these guys are onto something. Big butts kind of do rule. Yeah. So now, yeah, now girls are like, you know, working for the butt. But that's- I think it's good. Yeah. I think that's good too. Yeah, white chicks are just getting by on just tits for a while. Now it's like, let's- Hold them accountable. Yeah, let's- The thing is, I have a very little butt. Do you really? Yeah. I'm a pretty fat ass. Yeah, I've noticed. Thank you. I'm pretty caked up. I noticed when you walked in. I don't know if you saw, but when I went like this, that was because you're a big, fat fucking ass. But I wouldn't say that I'm insecure about my flat ass, but I am self-conscious of it. Like after making love to a woman, which I try to do before fucking her. Sure. And I go to the bathroom to turn the water on, to get it warm and get a towel. For sure. I will usually walk, well, sometimes, more than not, I will- Walk to the bathroom backwards so she could see my penis. You're receding. I mean, that is the most glorious state when it's kind of receding, but you're like, yeah, it's pretty much always like this, honestly. So, I mean, that's kind of- I just more so to not show my flat ass. I'm the opposite. I'm all ass, no dick. So I'm going to show him the ass. Dude, the two of us together, we could be triumphant. We would be so powerful. Does Shane have a little dick? I've never- Because he looks like he has a fat ass. He doesn't have a fat ass. I would imagine he's more of a girth monster. So, you- You got the ass, he's got the dick. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Out of the two of us, for sure. I think he's got- I think he's got- That's why you guys are such a good team. Exactly. I'm all ass, he's all girth. That's why I'm looking for a girl with a fat ass and a little dick. Perfect. Nike. It's perfect. Yeah, Shane does look like he would have a thick dick. Yeah. Isn't that funny? You could look at a guy and kind of get an idea of what his dick looks like. Yeah, I mean, I- That's what I- That's what I was wondering why. Is that why, like, tall guys are so attractive to women? Because I guess they just go like, well, hey, if he's tall- I don't think it's about their penis. I think it's more- I think it's a genetic thing where, like, it's the- It's a protection thing. Yeah. It's like, you know, similar to why guys like big boobs. It's like they- And, like- Nurturance. Yeah. Yeah, and I- Usually women with big boobs are better mothers. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. I mean, they're better to go over their house, too, with their friend. You know, if you go to your friend's house and his mom has big boobs, it's always kind of nice. Yeah, that was like a- That was a thing in shows. I remember it used to be like, you know, blah, blah, blah. His mom's so fucking hot. Yeah. Well, dude, the- I've never been attracted to a friend's mom. Really? I don't know if that's because I wasn't attracted to older women as a kid or because all my friends had ugly moms, but probably the first one. No, growing up, I really wasn't- I wasn't, like, mad for any of my friends' moms, but sometimes they would, like, leave their underwear out to dry on the line. If I caught a glimpse of a bra, I was launched. I was done. I never got that. Dude. That never did it for me. If I saw a bra anywhere, I would just- I would be sent. Yeah. Because it would make you think a boob was in there? Yeah. I'd be like, oh, shit, his mom does have boobs. I'd be like, fuck, that thing touches her boobs and I would just be- I would be lost. It would just kill me. Do you still see boob- bras and it's attractive? Yeah, I think so. If I see, like, a panty line, like, my wife's always like, can you see my underwear in my pants? And I'm like, yeah, I kind of like seeing your underwear. Yeah, I'm like, I can see your underwear. I've always been- Dude, my first time, I'll never forget it, my first time skiing, I went there as my parents and my brothers and sisters were there and I was so young, they were like, you got to do the ski lesson thing and then you'll meet us. So I got shipped off with this lady, two other people. And I'll never forget, we're like doing the final test, I'm making the pizza and she's skiing backwards down the mountain, like, all right, and then her pants ripped and I could just see her underwear and I was like, maybe 10 or 11. I was floored and she kept being like, hey, hey, look up, look, because she was aware of what happened. She's like, hey, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. Oh, she was teaching how to be a gentleman. Teaching how to be a skier and then her pants ripped and I was just, I was transfixed. When you say look up, is she saying about- I was staring directly at her underwear because the front of her pants just busted open. I couldn't, for the life of me, couldn't look up. I would look up for a second and just be like, this whole time down the hill and she was like, hey, hey, come on now and I was like, I can't. I'm sorry. I didn't know at the time but I just, I didn't have the self-control. Now I could be like, yeah, that's embarrassing, I'll look up but I was 10 years old just like, nope, I'm not going to look up. I can't. I'm transfixed by female underwear. So. Do you think that made you be attracted, like maybe when you see underwear, there's something that's connected to like that first time when it was like really connected to something, seeing something private? Because I, I don't know because I feel like I would, I would still even before that snag like the, you know, you get the Sunday newspaper and I would snag the Kohl's or whatever. Yeah, but that's a woman in underwear. Yeah. Versus just seeing a bra. Oh, the actual underwear themselves. Like you see, you see underwear on a line and you send you like, oh my gosh. I was just launched. Is that a thing? Do you, do you think underwear is attractive? Just underwear? Yeah? Is there anybody back there? Do you think underwear is attractive if there's not a person in it? Uh, yeah, man. Huh. Yeah, man. I, I still to this day, man, if I like walk past the Victoria's Secret, I'm like, fuck. Because you're picturing a boob in it. It's not, it's not the bra. It's that a boob goes in the bra. So I'm picturing a boob. Is that what it is? It's like Pavlonian, I guess. It's just like, you know, when you ring the bell and give the food, it's just associated with the same thing. Yeah, I'm in you with that. It's just, it's just, that's, it's just. That's my Roman Empire. It's just, it's just, are you a psychology guy? Uh, I mean, no, but I, I remember stuff, you know? Okay, that's fair. Yeah. Fair enough. What, so what do you, what do you, what do you think about Pavlov? What's your, what's your take on behaviorism as general, in general? What's on behaviorism? Like the study of it? Do I believe that it's accurate? Pavlov, Skinner, you know? Um, I think they're both gay. Why else would you be ringing bells and dogs lick some water? You know? But like, I was fucking around. I love psychology stuff. Yeah. I like psychology stuff too. Yeah. Think of any number, one through 10. Seven. Fuck, I knew you were gonna do that. I already knew you were gonna know that, but yeah, I knew all about that too. Yeah. Think of, think of another number. Five. Yep. Fuck. But I've been, like, I mean, it's also something I've done a lot. Like, I'm a numbers guy. Numbers psychic. Yeah. I am a numbers guy. Are you, you strike me as you were good at math. Why do you think I'm not anymore? Like, no, I'm saying you probably still are, but like, were you good at math as a kid? Name any three numbers. 369. No, all of them. Fuck. Were you good at math? I'm curious. Yeah. Okay. I could do this. 369, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, 27, 33, 33, 36, 39, 42, 45, 48. That's pretty good. I was not good at math. I was like, for real, like, I was like, very, very bad at math. What were you good at? Borderline, huh? Oh, before I ask. Borderline, like, needed special help in math. I was very bad. I was in the special classes when I was in school. Were you really? Yeah, I had to go to a special school. What? Yeah, it was called PEP, positive education program. It was for, the way I saw it, as troubled kids. Why were you troubled? Well, I was misunderstood. Really? You don't strike me as, you strike me as pretty smart. Thank you. You know, so when I was a kid, before I had to go to the special school, I was in the special class. And it wasn't just one class. It started as like the, the study hall for like, learning disabled kids. But then there's like a sub world of that, where it's like, something's going on with these kids. Do you remember when they were like separate? I remember in my grade school when they would like separate different levels of learning. And I remember feeling like really bad when I got in like the dumbest math group they had. There's actually a dumbest math group and it was the number one that you probably didn't know about. I was in that one. What? Yeah, it was for kids. It was for kids that like, I had to be in there for half the day and I only got to go to half the classes. And I remember it was one of them that was a class. I've told this on my podcast before. I feel like I have to say that I get insecure sometimes. Yeah. But like, it was an English class. I think it was an English class. It doesn't matter. It was a, you know, when you're doing groups. So it's kind of casual in groups. It's like people are walking around, the teachers, you know, writing stuff down, whatever. I had to go to the bathroom. I didn't ask if I could go to the bathroom. The bathroom was right down the hall. Shame on me. Yeah. I went to the bathroom and when I came back coming down the hall, I heard the teacher yelling, Ricky's on the loose. Ricky's on the loose because they thought of me as this troubled kid because I was in this troubled class. It was new. It was eighth grade. In our high school, eighth grade started high school. So like we're in a new school. They know, oh, this is a troubled kid. He's not so, he's on the loose. My tour now is actually called Ricky's on the loose because of that. But like, I wasn't in the class. I was just in that special class. I didn't get to go on the Washington DC trip, which is the thing that people do. That sucks. And the only way I was able to go back into regular school was if I went to pep first and if I graduated from pep, I could come back. Just because you went to the bathroom? There was other things. Right, right. Like they said, I burned myself with cigarettes. There was a tough act in tenactin for athlete's foot. If you spray it upside down, cold air comes out. Yeah. And I did that on my hand and it makes a circle and it goes away. It doesn't hurt. I didn't think any. Sure. And the next day there was a circle and I didn't even know this until the end of the year. They would mark all these things. He burns himself with cigarettes. He's disruptive about this. Also, I probably did stuff that was annoying and bad too. Yeah, yeah. I remember one of them was they said I'm not allowed to leave this desk and they put blue painter's tape around it. They said you can't step one foot outside the desk. So I crawled on my knees. You know, I'm eighth grade. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I had to go to the school pep where there was a restrainer in every class for when kids would try to jump out the window or try to. beat somebody up and they would hold them on the ground that's crazy yeah I remember I used to be into like uh I did a lot of stuff that was kind of bad in grade school but I didn't I never really got caught like I used to the thing I used to do when the teacher would like turn her back and do like the chalkboard I remember being young and being like there's no way she like has an idea of like all of us in this class like if I were to like lay on the floor for a while and just kind of crawl around I don't think she'll notice I'm gone I used to do that I would crawl all around during lessons and like pinch my friend's legs and like crawl back to my desk and I would spend like large chunks of class crawling around the floor with the teachers just facing the blackboard for five minutes she'd be typing or she'd be doing a thing you know like writing up there and this and that and then I would just kind of like you know I was kind of hide when she turned around I would just be I would try to position myself where I'm like behind somebody like so there's just an empty chair but she wouldn't even notice and I would just kind of as long as I could see how much time I could spend on the floor is that where you got the nickname crawling Matt McCuster no dude is awesome I would throw throwing stuff was fun too would kids laugh when you were crawling yeah I thought it was pretty funny I would crawl around popular uh what my my my like grade school was like 23 people in terms of my in my class my whole class I went to a small catholic school so it was like 23 kids so it was like I don't think you even could be popular that makes sense you know what I mean so it was like I don't know that I never got affected by the idea of popularity ever like but there's got to be something about if you're crawling and people like this fucking weird over something like that I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know if you're crawling people are laughing they thought it was cool yeah I think some people thought it was cool and also I don't think I got a lot of feedback it was just I was kind of interested in just kind of like seeing how long I could like or if I left to go to the bathroom I would just stay just walk around just go do stuff I was really into like testing if like people pay like we're paying attention or not that's my big thing so yeah I really I used to like that really just kind of like gamifying people's awareness and being like siblings yeah how many I'm one of six one of six yeah that tracks yeah we're talking about psychology just wanting to see if you get yeah could be that uh you were the second youngest right uh I was third yeah I bet there's two below you yeah uh three below me I have two older brothers sis two little sisters little brother I I that I that's what I meant did I say I don't know you know people do that stuff they just think it can't be wrong yeah I'm saying I meant to I don't know I was like yeah I don't think so but yeah no no so yeah so so it's it's middle I'm basically middle child which I share the middle with my other with my sister what's the age difference between you and your sister between the youngest and the oldest what would that be um 14 years maybe 14 yeah I think about 14 years are you in all their lives yeah we're all pretty close 14 years that's a big difference yeah but yeah my dad's one of 10 so I have a huge family dad's one of 10 that's probably why he likes the jews so much true he does big families and yeah I think everyone back then had big families though it was like if you were Irish Italian Jew whatever everyone's had a giant family now not so three is like people have three kids it's like whoa yeah my best bud just had his third third daughter really yeah he has three daughters yeah I have two daughters my wife wants a third she's I might be in daughterville your wife probably already so your wife your wife has uh three little kids at home then huh she would love that actually she that's kind of you stole that's her joke is it she does that all the time that's that's the type of joke that a non-comedian makes in a great way yeah in a great way it's like uh it's like when the server comes over and uh your plate is done they're like oh looks like you hated that it's like I great that's a fun energy nobody thinks you came up with that um that's great no yeah this was really good I like that kind of stuff it's so true I like when people have their joke they do and they're not self-conscious about it at all and you're just like yeah man that's awesome I got one with him when people ask what kind of dog it is I say he's he's a uh uh he's a uh half chihuahua half pug his mom's a chihuahua and his dad's jewish it's kind of nice and then I get a little laugh I go it's a joke I say how do people do you ever people ever stonewall that and go like well I'll get that one time and I've said it probably 30 times that's crazy and I think they didn't know I'm jewish and they were jewish ah they were like all right bud yeah they're like it wasn't even stonewall just like it wasn't it wasn't I didn't even get it I didn't get a laugh yeah yeah that's just funny there was something funny I I do think jewish jokes when you're being fun with it are very funny some people are not some people are very serious about it get mad some people make jewish jokes when they're not even that hateful but it's just like yeah I think there's this I think it's like people that are trying to be comedians I think true uh like the soup joke no I thought that was great that was a classic that's a bad one are there any jokes that you do I'm not even saying on stage on stage is also there but any jokes on or off stage it just doesn't get a laugh maybe even like a a social bit that you do but you're like I love this joke and you keep doing it uh there's been a couple I'm trying to remember them now but I I I've started I'll do them like three or four times and I'll be like all right man I'm misdropping this I'm trying to think there was one I was doing I literally don't remember it anymore it's kind of weird but like no one ever liked it and I was like all right but and did you feel like they're wrong obviously they're not but like it's like no this is funny it's funny to me I'd laugh but then I know I'll end up being like all right this is pointless it's just it's like hogging up 40 seconds of an hour that just doesn't need to be there I do that all the time I'll have like a little tag on stuff that I'll say like 20 times and then I'll be like all right I'm people that's unnecessary I can just do it dish that part yeah I feel that way on stage two even if it does get a laugh but it doesn't beat the laugh before it yeah it's like just I mean I think that's part of the like as they say in muscle mommies it's just trimming the fat yeah true it's just the cutting you got a bulk and then you got to cut get a bulk and cut there's a joke that I do a lot and it almost never gets a laugh um it's not on stage though it's whenever I get food delivered and uh they put it down I don't open the door I don't really no just I go I beat them out from getting out of their car I'll do that sometimes I'll do that sometimes um but I I got recognized once when they delivered the food and it just weirded me out yeah it just did yeah so I just have them put it down um and I'll look through the people and while they're taking a picture of it I say do you want me to take one with you in it that's kind of fun one time maybe I do it every single time I like it when I get I get water cases of water delivered to my office and it's I get two at a time and it's usually here more often than not it's like Mexican guy some guy some guy is speaking Spanish and uh he'll it's like it's like an apartment complex I use as an office so like he'll pull up and it's a pretty far walk to get in so I'll pull up and I'll set them down they always offer to help me bring them in and I go no no no muy fuerte and I pick it up and they just do they lose their minds every time because it is genuinely pretty heavy but then I hit him with the fuerte yeah and they're just like bro you you rule I walk in I'm pretty pleased with myself do you say that if they're not Spanish speaking no I would I would just let him bring it in yeah I'd be like yeah get I would just grab it and just be like I'd probably say something honestly be like nah man I'm kind of built I'm built differently something like that along those lines different yeah yeah that's that stuff that I'm talking about yeah it's like a joke and real and funny and cool no I got a built different you just bring in a case of water don't even know the guy like no I don't remember the joke but it was an old it was like a premium blend Nick Swartzen bit where he was talking about when he changes the water cooler for his grandma's cooler and how confident he feels she's like could you lift that and like he has the empty cooler he goes you mean this you know what I'm so funny what water do you get Mountain Valley you know I used to be Mountain Valley guy would you switch up on I've just I follow a lot of accounts that test waters and a lot of different accounts unless there's some conspiracy going on looks at that and it's they're saying it's tap no they're saying it's got a lot like arsenic and some stuff I mean all the water has certain amounts of stuff but like the levels of the contaminants are a little bit high so what are you going with right now I'm working with uh my number one choice is uh glacial uh plastic bottle yeah glass oh nice the the glacial whatever it's called the glacial one yeah yeah we'll put a picture and there's this other one now that I've been doing that I really like and and the bottle it feels like I have money and it's really not that bad it's like you could get a a 750 milliliter for under three bucks that's nice um I want to say what it is so let me let me pull this up uh while you do that I think I'm going to get like a filtration system and just like add the minerals back in myself I drink a lot of water and that's yeah mountain valley I feel like it's a I think it's got acquired by like some big giant water company is that why why maybe it's changed probably it's a filtration system I usually use yeah I like just I like anything glass bottle water I I like same although I'm now I'm seeing for the people that care about this stuff all the people it's all made up or whatever I I go back and forth but they're saying they find more pieces of uh uh of plastic in glass bottles because of the material that is in paint when they paint the lid I don't know I doubt that I mean it's aqua car car pot shia spring water that sounds nice but no apparently the plastic kind of fancy looking that is a fancy bottle do you ever catch hatred when you drink like exotic looking water bottles people get kind of triggered about that you hit people with a that's a can can's pretty still pretty humble plastic liner inside there is but it's not hitting sunlight sunlight's what kind of dissolves in microplastics it's getting the heat though the heat also does it does it really yeah I didn't know that yes I know what you're saying I know what you're saying I know what you're saying I know what you're saying I know what you're saying it's my glass water bottles same dude I swear to god only thing on your rider swear to god do you ever go places and they don't have them and you think to yourself I didn't ask for much yeah I if I see if I go in there and there's just like not even like a brand I know but it's like the comedy clubs label on a plastic water bottle I'm kind of like I don't ask for much guys I just want my glass water you drink that or do you just ask for water from the tap I'll drink that I'll just grab it and drink it I need something on stage yeah but yeah I'll drink it too it's sick so you just have just water bottles do people ever comment on it to you and you go like yeah I'm a pretty simple guy honestly well I you know it's funny you say that because I think asking for glass water bottles And I actually have a list of ones I prefer. And if you don't have those, anything is not simple. I feel I think I know that I come across difficult and I am high maintenance with a lot of things. I try not to make it other people's burdens, but sometimes it happens. My podcast is literally called Take Your Shoes Off because I have so many rules. And that's like the first one at the door. Yeah. But like, I think like, oh, Jesus, guys, that's for glass water bottles. I think it's, dude, people ask for like a little crazy shit, honestly. I've heard that it's like just asking for water is like nothing. I'm just, I'm projecting something different than you. I don't think that's simple. Yeah. Well, I also, I bring them back to my hotel room too. So then I like, I get a bunch, I bring them back with me. It's like, you know, it's at least, you know. Funny. It's very, exactly the same. In fact, I bring the dog carrier and he doesn't need it. So you put the water in there. I load up. And yeah, so I'm playing Cap City this weekend. It's the first time I've played it here, right? Oh, nice. Last time we did Creek in the Cave, which was awesome. Yeah. Mothership is amazing, but I'm not in that world. I've just, I've never done like a headlining set there. So this place, and they had Evian, which believe it or not, after looking through, I like the taste of it. I don't care. I'm not like the taste of these waters, whatever. It's just what's in it. And like, how cool does the bottle feel in my hand? Evian tasted, tested very well. So I'm like, Evian, they had some Evian. It was like one of the ones I wanted. And there were five in there, which is great. I drink two. I drink a lot of water. I drink two. And then I'm drinking one at the end of the show. There's two left. I wanted to bring them both back to my room. But I'm like, well, what if this is all they have? Which would be crazy. For a weekend, they might rebuy later. But I left one in there just in case. So I have at least one. And I'm curious if they noticed the one. I'm not meaning to test them. They had already left. I'll ask. Sure, yeah. They noticed the one if they replenished or not. And if so, I'll take them all. Yeah, they'll probably. I'd say they replenish. I would imagine so. Love a glass. Love to bring them back to my hotel. Yeah, that's. I would just take them all. And then just get there and go. Fuck, am I going to die of thirst up there? Go get some bottles. You can throw around. The comedy club, you can throw a little star power. No, I would never. I would just take it. I think there's too many things that I do ask for to feel safe. Yeah, what? What do you do at a comedy club? If you're only asking for water. Like beforehand, I'll ask for the comedy club. And it's fine if not. But do you guys have a green room with a. Because I play some places where there's no closed door, you know? Yeah. Because then I don't want him to be there. True. So like before I even get there, I have a sound cue. It's very simple. But like I sent a video. It's a minute long. Just have the sound guy watch this. Yeah. Do they have a door for the green room for my dog? I'd like a glass bottle of water. All right, Jew. You know, all right. They're like, they're thinking, you know. I'm like, that's it. That's it. That's it. So if anything else comes up, I'm like. I think you'd be surprised. I think people have some pretty wild riders, man. I think that's pretty regular. What do you do if the club doesn't have a green room door? You're like, I just can't. Yeah. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll leave the dog in the, uh, uh, in the hotel. Okay. Um, and, and then I go like, but then I want to go back in between shows to go be with them and walk and stuff. Yeah. Um, uh, but yeah, I, I, I feel that way. Like when I'm ordering in a restaurant too, I have so many modifications and that's fine. I'm going to, I apologize in advance. I'm going to tip. Well, I'm very difficult at this. Here are my things. Sometimes people will be listening and they don't write it down. Similar to my massages. I say, I bet you have an amazing memory. But for my peace of mind, I mean, you got to write this down. Yeah. Please. Yeah. Um, and then great. It's done. Then if I need something else, I forgot to get a side of honey or whatever. I'm like, oh yeah, no, I, I, what's your modifications? What do you, are you like, are you have like food allergies or something? I don't like a lot of things. I don't like cheese, but I'm not lactose intolerant. Yeah. Like I'll get, I'll get a, a, you know, a chicken sandwich. Um, uh, and instead of avocado, instead of it comes with guacamole, so I don't have to pay. I actually, for avocado, I don't want the guacamole instead of guacamole. Can I have it with avocado? Yeah. And, uh, can I have, uh, could you add pickles and grilled onions? And I'd love to do a side of barbecue sauce. Some places, uh, where I've been to before it, they put a lot of butter on the bun. Like, and it's like, it's like, I don't like that. Yeah. Yeah. Could you ask them to not butter the bun? So no butter on the bun. Can we sub the guacamole for avocado? Uh, can we do, can we make the onions grill? Can we add pickles and a side of barbecue sauce? Okay, great. And then they leave. I'm like, oh, you know what? I forgot. Also, can I get some honey and some hot sauce? Yeah. I'll do it, but I'll do it like this. No, I get that. I can feel, I don't, I have like, uh, I've had food allergies for a while, like gluten stuff. So I would just feel. You have celiac disease? Yeah. I don't know if it's like full blown celiac, but it just fucks me up. If I eat it, my, I get like, I get really bad acid reflux and I feel like I have like food stuck in my throat for like ever. Like the Jews. Yeah. I'm telling you. I think, I think my dad just prayed really hard. I was like, please. I think he might. I think your dad might. He might be. He might be. Where'd you grow up? Uh, right outside of Philly. You could be Jewish there, right? Yeah. I don't think so. I got my ancestry. We're like 99% Irish, but maybe could be there. There's some, I have like a small degree of Western Asian in there somewhere. I could see that. I'm a little attracted to your butt. You know, it's funny cause I did one of those tests for Alvin and he is mostly, um, his mom is a Chihuahua, but his dad's Jewish. Yeah. I heard that. It's just a joke. It's a good one. Did I do that right? You did. It was nice. But yeah, no, I, uh, no, I was, um, I'm a Jewish. I'm a Jewish. I'm pretty much all Irish. I think I'm a little bit of like whatever Scandinavian. And you're a basketball player. You texted me yesterday saying. Dude, I just played the other day. I'm just getting back into playing again and it's, it's the best, man. I love playing basketball. How's your body? It's, it's getting used to it again. I've been working out a lot, so I'm like in better shape than I was, but it's like, man, three games to pick up full court basketball. I'm trashed for like the next 48 hours. Do you play with strangers or do you have a game? Uh, we play, it's mostly like friends in my neighborhood, but then like, you know, random people will come play up, play too. The doors are out. Outdoors. Outdoors. Yeah. Outdoor double rim. So. I'm fine with a double rim. I, I, I, I tried to stop playing outdoors years ago. Why? Heart, heart on the body. Is it what, is that what it is? Like the court? So that must be, cause I feel like I have like the flu when I'm done the next day. I'm like dead. Buddy, things you're doing well right now. Okay. I know this from afar. Yeah. Find an indoor court. Yeah. It'd be cheaper than you think. Rent it once a week. We're actually looking into that already. Cause it's, yeah, it is. I took a tumble on the. Dude, I fell, I fell, tucked and rolled, popped up completely uninjured. It was kind of nice. It's cool. But it was actually really cool. The, uh, but yeah, that, that's must be what it is. So I get done and I'm like, God, my whole body is killing me, man. Yeah. It's going to indoors as well. Yeah. That's the thing when you get older. Do you play often? I, I used to, that was my, it was like, it was like, it was ball was his life. Like for real. Like absolutely. It wasn't just my play. It was, that was my social life. It was my friends. That's how I got my first job in LA. I mean, like basketball was. It was everything to me. And I shoot around when there's a hoop. Uh, and I got to tell you the truth. Even with some time off, daddy still got it. Really does. You, you get better as you get older. I'm 40 now. And I feel like my jump shots never been better. Cause I don't have, I'm not as worried about missing now. You know, you get it. When I was younger, I'd be like, Oh my God, if I miss, it's going to be, I have a shooter's mentality now. I just throw it up, fired it away. And it's like, if it goes in, it goes in. Mindset of a comedian as well. Yeah. If you, you're afraid of the miss, it gets in your way. Exactly. If you miss, you just got to, you know, why I'm never looking for a miss. I'm out there looking for a missus. So if we are at an air one and you see me holding a stack of papers, come and bump into me. I miss playing though. I have a Tuesday game that I'm invited to every week. There's never more than 15 people. So you never have to wait more than one game. And it's all, it's all just either comedy writers or, uh, or college athletes or retired professional athletes. It's a serious game, but usually they, they match up with each like, you know, you can match. You can match up with skill, match up with skill, but there's funny people. We all, you know, the, the athletes are feeling a little intimidated because there's a lot of funny people. The funny people are a little intimidated by this athlete. And then you have me, I'm, I'm, I'm the best of both worlds, baby. Yeah. I'm a funny athlete. You're balling out. So how do you feel about, is this something I'm running into? I grew up against playing against people really tall. So I had to be really physical when I played. I'm getting a little pushback. People have been like, oh man, you know, you're really throwing the body around. It's like, bro, playing street ball. I still stand to it. It's like, I'm going to talk trash the whole time. If you come in the paint and you're six foot three, you're going to get a stiff forearm. And it's like, it is what, when I drive, I have to, I'll lower the shoulder. It's like, so I've been dealing with that. And you know, I'm, I'm, I can't water down the game. I'm going to play the way I played. I understand their perspective while sharing yours. Do you know that people don't want to come to the game when they know you're coming? Why doesn't anybody tell me that? Hit that, Maldi. Good take, you idiot. Get back! Cut! Oh! Did I do that? Whoopsie. Get these! Urkel, bitch! I am also like, if we're going to play, we're going to play. Yeah. There's a difference between dirty, you know, someone gets past you on a layup and you push them in the back. Like, none of that. No, but like physical, and you're bodying people up and you're playing the game the way you're supposed to play the game. You set a pick, I'm running through it. You can set a pick. I'm not going to be like, oh, that's a pick. I'll run right through it. You know what I do? I do, if I'm setting a pick, I will, I will, I'm setting a pick and I will, even if my teammate doesn't call it, I'll, I'll still say, come and write. I'll let them know. They don't, if they don't, because I don't want them to have to. You want to blindside them. Yeah. I like, I'll communicate a little bit, but still, yeah, I'm tall, tuck the ball. Cause the, the, the instincts are, you don't want to wait. That's my instincts. I played, I'm thinking like college basketball, not college for the team. Sure. The rec center type things where when you lose, you have to wait five games. It takes forever. Yeah. Yeah. And you win and you, and you talk shit and like, yeah, I got kicked out of a basketball game because of talking shit. Yeah. And, and, uh, uh, and playing too physical. And it like was the inciting incident to like a huge change in my life. Really? It like, I, I learned, I became into a lot of self-awareness. You were too competitive, basically. Competitive and annoying, you know, and like just. you know, talking shit to comedy writers that were just trying to, like. Play and run around. Just get away from the family for three hours, you know? See, I'm not, like, mean about it. I just like, when people are shooting, I yell to, like, kind of throw their stuff off. Stuff like that. Like, every single tool possible. What if you're on a 3-on-1 fast. A 2-on-1 fast break, and a guy constantly is pulling out. He's in front. He's in front with a ball. I'm trailing. I'm coming behind. And he'll stop and hit the. Shoot the three. And it's a 2-on. Yeah, it's like, drive to the. And also, like, there's a point where I'm thinking one particular time, because this happened and he missed three in a row. Not in a row, but three. Not in a row, but over the day. And each time, it was 2-on-1. And on the fourth one, before he did, before he even had the opportunity, I said, I said, pass the fucking ball! Yeah. I think that's fair. I think that's totally fair. Yeah. I think it all depends on how. It depends on how you grew up playing, though. Because it's like. If someone did that, I'd be like, yeah, that makes perfect sense. I didn't grow up playing on a 2-on-1 fast break unless you're fucking Steph Curry. Yeah, you're going to pull up. What are you doing? That's crazy. It's a guaranteed bucket. I know. It's literally guaranteed. You know, we were going to. It's. That's kind of crazy. But I would get. I would get. I would get. People would be mad about that. I also would be. I would, like, I didn't need to be. Like, I would be triggered. Like, there are times I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, I could see why that would be a little excessive. You know, I wasn't always saying that, but that was the attitude. Yeah, yeah. But I think it was more so the talking shit. See, I'm having fun. That's the thing. Like, I'm having fun the whole time. I'm fucking around. I'm always hyping people up. Like, good shot. Take that. You know, blah, blah, blah. But I do. When people go to do, like, the three-pointer and I'm, like, a little far away, I'll do that thing where you run up and you drop your head. Like, you're about to. And people are just kind of like, bro, that's a little. Yeah, careful, careful. If you mess up once, you can never do it again. But it's funny because you see them flinch while they're shooting it. It's just. That's a. I reserve the right to pull that move out of the toolbox. People. I think they see that and they're like. Yeah, I'm. I just. If I don't know you and I don't know that. Like. Like, when people are shooting and they get up in their face, maybe it's a different game point but still probably not. Like, I want to make sure you don't land on my ankles when you land. Like, I'm careful with that kind of stuff. Game point, I'm fouling you. If you're laying it up, game point, I'm fouling you. That's just. Game point. We're not talking game point. Okay. Not the whole time. Yeah, and that's the thing. I won't like. I've seen guys who will just like grab your whole arm. Like, I actually try to go for the ball but it's like, you know, if I'm driving and you step up, I'm jumping. It's like, I'm not going to be like, oh no. It's like, this is all I have. I'm not tall so I'm going to use, you know. You can be tall and tap the ball and that's fine but if I use force, now all of a sudden, it's like, legal force. Now all of a sudden, I'm the bad guy. It's like, dude, we're both jumping in the air. Yeah, it's basketball, baby. Yeah, so. I went to Kent State and it's a D1 school and we would. Sometimes, I would play with. I would like to play with a team and practice with them and a lot of times, the football players would play. Like, in the rec leagues, the football players were a team. You know, Antonio Gates didn't. Like, big guys. Joshua Cribs. I don't know much about football but I feel like people know these names. Yeah, they're just massive guys. Athletes. And they play like football players. Yeah. And it's like, I can't. Like, I almost like if we're playing pickup, I say, did you play football for more than two years? I don't want to play with you. I was a football and rugby player. So, that's the thing. I do have a little bit of that. It has that. Yeah, but I played basketball my whole life but I do have a. I do like the physical contract. There's a thing about a football player. I haven't really articulated this before but I believe if you're athletic, just, you know, maybe you've never even done anything before. You didn't even realize you were athletic and then all of a sudden, you find out that you have this strong sense of athleticism. You don't know what to do. Just go play football. Yeah. And football, if you're athletic, there's a place for you. Yeah, you can block people. You can hit them. You can do pretty much anything. And with that, you can validate it. That's what it is. And then when you play basketball and you are the mindset of an athlete and you're playing basketball and you're able to dunk and you're able to do all these things, there are, especially competitive football players, they play in a way where I'm like, dude, that's not how you play basketball. It's too much, yeah. Yeah. But one of my friends is really good at soccer and he's from London so he like never really played basketball. He was surprisingly really good because he would just full speed cut down the basket and it was really funny to watch him play because he didn't have like the technical skill but he would just be hustling so hard that he actually scored a good amount of points. There was one time I like threw him the ball. He caught it in the air cutting and just like flying away, just threw it in and made it. It was like, I was so happy. Yeah, playing basketball with people that are athletic gets me like going. Yeah. Like it makes like, let's fucking go. It's like I'm a warrior right now. You know, like, let's do some shit. I need once a month. I got to play pick. I've learned that. That's like something I need to do for myself. Like just go, play pick up basketball once a month and just go nuts. I want to, I want to water that seed that you already planted. Get an indoor game. Yeah. For so many reasons. We're working on that because it's hard. It's hard on the bod, man. Playing on that like cement basically. Also indoor hoops. You hear there's some squeaks. Here's squeaks. Shots are, they're going in a lot more. It's, yeah, I agree. I miss it. I used to play constantly. It's so fun. It's so fun talking shit. It's so fun bodying people up. It's fun winning. It's fun losing and getting fucking like, yeah, feeling like that shit. And also, you know, it's now, it's like just the run around. Getting that active is a win and that's what I always tell everyone. I'm like, dude, if you just run around, like, you know, I like to win and stay on the court, but if I lose, I'm still like, if I were working, I was no way I'm working out this hard. So like, it's a win no matter what. I never thought about when I played ball how great of shape I was in and like, I didn't do it for the exercise and I do think that now. Like, let me get my heart rate up. Dude, it's, so I work out and I have like my Apple watch and I'll like, hard workout. I can work out for like an hour. I'll burn like maybe 450, 450 calories is like pretty good. Played basketball for an hour and a half, like literally two days ago. I burned, I had my watch on 1,090 calories. It's not even close. Like you, you don't, because you go so much harder. Yeah. Think about when you're working out how much sweat you actually have. Yeah. Yeah. I have a change, like I bring a different shirt so when I get in my car, I have a different shirt after playing ball. Dude, I'm getting, the way you get, I get hungry. Yeah, you get fired up. I'm telling you. I am, because I haven't been playing a little bit. I haven't been playing for a bit. Yeah. And I feel like I'm ready to go back. It'll come right back. Yeah, you'll be surprised. It comes right back to you. I still do. I shoot around. Yeah. I still shoot around. Nice. I love, my parents just sold their house, but we have a hoop at home and my dad still has a great shot. Nice. And just, just, you know, so many games of horse. Yeah. It's just, you just feel something. I mean, when I, when I come back here, I'll let you know if the timing makes sense. I would love if you have an indoor game. Yeah, man, that'd be awesome. I, yeah, we're, I'm going to try to set it up. There's a gym we can rent. So I'm going to see if I can do it like once a month. Why once a month? Two hours. It's me, you know, it's me and a bunch of other 40 year old guys. So I try, I've been trying to sell them on like the once a week game, but I think people are kind of like, dude, I can't, I can't handle it. Huh? So, but everyone's 40. Roughly. I think I actually, some of them are a couple of years younger than me. So would you guys mind if I played with you guys or that'd be awesome. Yeah. It'd be awesome. Anyone's anyone's welcome. We had, we have like different, there's people there that play different groups, different ages. So yeah, it'd be awesome. Also you rent a court, you get three on three. True. Three on three would be nice too. Half court, three on three. I love a three on three. That could be two on two. I like as well, but full court, five on five. So nice. Four on four full court's nice. If it's a small court. Yeah. True. In fact, if it's a small court, I don't want to play five on five. Yeah. Like, you know where the baseline is, where the three pointer is. Yeah. No, yeah. And the half court, like it's just like, it's where Steph shoots from for real. That was my, that was my grade school. Jim was like it to go back court. You had to go to the other team's foul line. And that was back court. Cause it was such a small court. But yeah, I do. Next time you're here, I'll definitely, we'll try to coordinate it. I think I would like to play a three on three game more than a, like my cardio would not handle full court as much. Yeah. I, I think I would love to start playing some three on three. I think you're right. You could play a lot more too. Cause you just, you waste so much. Yeah. Dude, running back and forth after like you sprint for the 10th time all the way back. You're just like, yeah, I'm like dead. I also think that when you're getting to know, if you're playing with new people, you get to bond in three on three. Yeah. So much more. Cause you're either, you're, you're either on the ball, you're looking to receive it, or you're doing something off the ball. Yeah. Like you're, you're, you're part of everything. Yeah. It's not like you get back on D like we're here. You can fade away. Yeah. And also the full court, I've noticed you get a lot of people kind of like hang back the whole time. And you're kind of like, come on, man, what are we even doing? If that's what we're going to be doing here, it's like, it's such a subculture of like, I hate when people just shirt. You know, like there's such a specific thing that you don't like, you know? Yeah. Someone was doing it last game. I was kind of like, I mean, if you, if you want to score points like that, that's fine. But yeah, it was cool. Are you good? I'm all right. I'm like, okay, I can like, if I get hot, I, my, my main thing I can, I crashed the boards a lot. I can kind of drive, I can lay it up. And if I, I like that, like from the elbow, just hitting that, like, you know, 10 footer. And I can kind of catch the three too. If I like, if I get hot, I can start hitting threes, but mostly I'm like a mid range jumper drive, rebound defense. 15 foot shot is, is a superpower. Yeah. That's I like it from the elbow, right? Right from the elbow. Let me catch it off right off the pass. Put it up. That's like my, you're at, if you're at the top of the key, maybe, right? Like you're the foul line and, uh, your defenders behind you, you catch the ball here. Do you like to turn in and shoot? At that point, if I, I got to catch it open, then I'll fire. If I, if I have someone on me, I'll drive probably. That's when I'll turn. I'll kind of go left, go right. And just try to drive it in. Are you comfortable finishing with your left? I can, but in a game, I'm probably going to go right for the most part, if I'm being honest. So once a month, keep going with your right. If you get a, a weekly, a bi-weekly game, I think you might be surprised. Yeah. How, because I felt that years ago, but like it, and also like, real men finish with both hands. It's true. You know what I'm saying? And if you miss with your left, it, there's honor in it. There, there is honor in it. And it also, I see when I'm like, if someone's DMing me up, they'll, you know, and be like, give him the left. And I'm like, I'll start driving left. My left dribble's not great. But also, like, they're on the inside. Like, you know, you're not going to get. True. When you're playing pick-up. True. I'll drive, jump, hold it down for a while, and then I'll come up, and that's kind of like my. That's all I can do. Because I'll get swatted. I'm playing against people. You'll get a couple, like, 6-3 guys in there. They're going to swat the ball. So I have to, like, drive, hold it down here, and the last minute, just pop it up. You know what would be a show that not that many people would watch, but I think it would be cool, would be called Show Me Your Left. And if you're left-handed, it's your right. That would be a nice show. Where it's. You're allowed to play the game all you want, but if you're in the paint, you have to use your left. And then you talk about your insecurities about it. True. Talk about how you feel about it. It'd be good. Like the ultimate fighter, kind of, but just people just going left. Here's the thing. Like, if it's you, you don't get to tell people that this is what you're doing. They don't know. So you just keep doing lefts. And if you keep missing layups, and how it makes you feel, and you realize, oh, maybe it's not that bad, and you'll get better. I can lay up with my left. I just don't practice. I got to practice it. That's the thing. So you show up, it's game day. You're like, dude, I'm just going all. I'm going hard as I can. So when I first started being able to dunk, and I would dunk, and people didn't know me, the reaction I would get, like, oh, that was really cool. I like that. That's first. But not too far away, at least these days, when I finish with my left, and you hear somebody goes, buddy's got a left. I'm like, dude. That's really nice, actually. I could approach. Like, I'm confident right now. Buddy's got a left. Yeah, and it does open it up a lot in the post, because now they're like, if you know anything, like, oh, if I take his right away, it's kind of screwed. They're mostly right. That's what I'm saying. Now you got a better right. Finish with. It's like when you go to prison, I hear beat somebody up, or like fuck somebody, or get fucked. Yeah. Or like, you know, do their taxes, do the warden's taxes. However you got to do it. Whatever it might be. I feel like finish with your left, so they'll never just. Now you got an easier time with your right, because, buddy, there's nothing I like more than going left. Going right. Yeah, I mean, obviously, it's nice. Imagine somebody thinking you're left-handed, and they lead you right. I have no idea. Yeah, I was driving left a lot, and I was feeling pretty. Like, full speed, dribble, and left-handed. I was like, really pushing that to the limit. And then you, like, miss dribble, and you're like, fuck. Yeah, I hear you. I'll probably go practice today after this. That's good. Just run up and down, left-hand dribble, full speed. Yeah. Well, I'm glad we talked about this. Dude, absolutely. I know I already said it, but sincerely, I think you're so funny, and I've been wanting to have you on, and this is cool. Dude, thank you, man. This is really cool. I agree. I've been looking forward to this since we talked. I love the idea that we might be buddies, and when I'm here, if we could play ball together, I would love to do that. That would be awesome. All right. Well, anything you want to plug? Yeah, I'll be in Chicago. I just had. I was just talking about this. I'll be in Chicago May 16th, I believe. Where? That is. What is it called? The Riviera Theater, maybe? Let me say. Let me. Do you still play comedy clubs? I will, yeah. I'll still do. I'm, like, doing this. I'm doing, like, a small theater tour right now to see, like, which ones are theater markets, and whatever doesn't, like, sell out, that's going to be my comedy club market going forward. So, yeah, I love doing clubs, honestly. I do like one show and done. That is kind of nice. But, yeah, I'll be in the Riviera Theater, Chicago, May 16th. So, that's the last show on this leg of my tour. Do you like one show and go because you have a family, or did you always feel that way? Yeah, pretty much that. No, it's because I can get home. I can sleep better, and I can. When you do clubs, you do the late show. I don't go to bed until, like, 2 in the morning. I know. So, but I still. The nice thing about clubs is when you do, like, five shows. I love that. And then you just feel, like, really sharp. But the theater's nice because I'm done at, like, 9 o'clock. Yeah, Sal Volcano sometimes will do shows, 6 o'clock shows, so he can catch a flight to get home after. The best. That's the best. Yeah, that's cool. I do like being at a place. I don't have a family, unfortunately, at the moment. I'm carrying my papers. But I do like, yeah, doing it, and then, like, I have, like, access to a great gym. I feel that way. Yeah, that's true. But to be able to do a theater and then sell it well and go home, and then just. You could do a few theaters. Yeah. That just feels, like, so far away from what I'm doing. Yeah, I mean, it's all. You do one that you drive to, like, a nearby city, but I. No, I love clubs, man. I did a club recently. I did the Mothership recently. I got to do, like, just five shows in three days, and I was like, fuck, I love that. And you live here. That's got to be fucking awesome. That was really sweet, but it's. I still, you know, because I was just doing clubs all summer. I still kind of love it. Clubs, it's like you're. It's just like, I don't know. I love them. I've never headlined a theater. I've done theaters a fair amount when I'm, like, going on my friends' shows. So it's different because they're not there to see me. But every time I've done a theater, I've been like, it doesn't. I don't. Maybe I get used to it. Maybe it's different if they're there to see me, but it just feels sterile. No, I mean, it's. Clubs are fun because there's just so much going on, but theaters are just. I don't know. I like it. It's all fun, honestly. You know, if you're. As long as you're having fun performing, and, like, you know, once you get the. It's nice because there's so many people, so when you get a big laugh at it, you're like, wow, I don't really feel it, but, like. I think with the theaters I've noticed is they're further away from me, and I can't see as many faces. Yeah, that's the thing. I like where they're right here. It's different. It's just you doing your material, pretty much. Where a club, there's so many things going on. It's like, it's kind of fun. All right. Dude, thanks for having me on, man. I'm pumped. I want to get a picture with you, and then we'll call it. All right. Theme music. Theme music.