Matt McCusker on Bad Bunny Super Bowl, Life as a Drug Dealer, + Schulz is Back

I'm trying to make the argument that sewing drugs is addictive in itself. It's only 15 years. I quit embarrassingly not that long ago. [laughter] Did you get robbed? Yeah, for sure. I got robbed at club point one time, West Philly trying to buy percussives. That was embarrassing. The guy is bust out of Billy Club. Like I'll smack you there. [laughter] I think I was the last guy to get robbed at club point. [laughter] You were the top. You were the top? Oh yeah. Like a wife? Yeah, for sure. We were like dating. That was in her apartment. [laughter] We're in the apartment. [laughter] Hold on. I want to get like a guy in office hard. Hey, yo, what the fuck? I actually was like a late kidnapping. I was like, "You're not going anywhere till I get my fucking money." I take him to the T-Mobile store and we walk in there. And I'm like, "Yeah, he needs to do cell phone. He's sitting there just like looking at his feet." And then at one point, he goes, "Help!" And I'm like, "Shut the fuck up." [laughter] That money's the biggest music star in the fucking world. I'm a fan. He's gonna talk about like his being like horny for his aunt or something. I literally have a bit in your special about wanting to fuck your aunt's. No, it doesn't. [laughter] [laughter] What's up, everybody? Welcome to Flaker Hello. Hello, hello. It is great to be back. I'm very excited for this first episode back that we have a hilarious comedian, successful podcaster, a shaman, a source. A man of many talents of radio play in the near future coming out. That's coming, it's coming. So I would love to talk about that. A Netflix comedy special, a humble offering coming out on a date that you specifically -- I did not ask before. They were saying we're going to do it in January and I said, "All right, I'll take January. That's a while's out." Hey, you might do an October. I said, "That'd be great." It's a date in October 7th. And I said, "Hey, we'll do what you have to do." [laughter] That's what they said. [laughter] Yeah, I mean, you know. It's funny, it's all like bringing up to people like, "They gave me October 7th." And they're like, "So what?" And they're like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." It's just so long ago, dude. [laughter] It's not over the last year. I know. Yeah, that is a while. On the year anniversary. You know what's funny? I saw you promote it and I did not forget the date. So I wonder if this actually is like working out in your favor. It's like October 7th is going to work out. It might be a horrible thing to come up on. Yeah, it'd be a horrible thing to have work bend to my favor. It actually worked out pretty well for me, so. But people need to cheer the left, you know? They need a left. They'll be having-- They need a good laugh, true. Yeah, true. That's what we need right now. We need a good laugh. Also, I just want to say-- It's a water. You're welcome to the Puerto Ricans, okay? The Puerto Ricans have been-- I also think you've shaved your face just to look more Puerto Ricans. I did. This is it. This is actually that, buddy. I've never been. You're a Puerto Rican until yesterday when I saw this go-tick. Let's go, my people. Yeah, thank you. I love it. I did. But can you explain to this-- I told you this earlier, but like a few months ago, I had this take where I was like, you know, the way that bad money's the biggest music star in the fucking world. Yeah. There's no way that he can do the Super Bowl. And it's because he's-- and Robbie said this really well. So he's actually like two universal and like football's an American thing. Yeah. And I said he was incredibly wrong. You guys knew he was doing this two months ago? No, I had no clue. That's why I said it. I was like, why would they-- He just always wrong. Well, I called that. I said that. You called that, buddy. I was ready to come. Definitely perfect for the Super Bowl. He's definitely big enough to be the Super Bowl. I don't know if he said that. I did. I said all that. I don't know a single song a bad buddy, but I like him as an actor, I like him in WWE. I'm a fan, but the guy doesn't have a song in English, so I thought it'd be difficult to do. Did you ever translate his lyrics and actually read them? So I just started that with Hitler, but I'm going to have to do it again. That one is definitely next. They're very graphic, I've like translated his lyrics to see what he was up to and it's pretty wild. He was talking about like his being like horny for his aunt or something. Oh, aunt. There's a song about his aunt. I'm sorry, you literally have a bit in your special about wanting to fuck your aunts. I don't know what you're talking about, but I was thinking when I was a boy, think about what your uncles get to do and you're like, but some of those aunts aren't related to you. They're not really exactly. Yeah, we haven't he literally said, I didn't know which ones are related and which ones are. My aunt, one of my aunts is Dave, one of his, one of my aunts has researched on this pop, right? He's trying to get ahead of it, he's on the table like I sure am. He's trying to get ahead of it. He's bouncing around. You're a girlfriend answer. Man. Is she still the mix? What happened to her? It didn't work out, unfortunately, but. Damn. Yeah, we'll figure it out. Because it swept it. It stole her away. It didn't work out. Anyway, we were talking about this early, but with the fucking bad bunny thing, which is like. I think. And I was saying this to you. This is a gift that I gave for the Puerto Rican people. Okay. Well, how was that? If I say something and I declare it, the opposite will happen. Okay. I said this. This is like. This is how this. This is the power you need to use wisely. Yeah, I've been trying my best. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Netflix. Netflix is dead, and then it becomes the biggest dreamer, and then I end up getting the Netflix special. Yeah. Like so, if I could clear. I said to my wife, "I'm going to get you pregnant." That fucking did not happen. I was like, "I don't even know what I can do this." Well, so like, whenever I say it, so I put that out there for the Puerto Rican people that I care of deeply about. We appreciate you. Thank you. Yeah, we appreciate you. Thank you. Let's see what you got. Make some more claims about Puerto Rico. Well, I know for a fact that's not going to be a good, super ball performer. That's going to be clipped. I don't even know. That's going to be. I have to say that so amazing. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. He's not going to have a good performance. I love him. I'm happy. Go more. Thank you's phenomenal. That's bad bunny and happy go more. Yeah, he's really good. That's like a backwards. Yeah. Dude, he's really good. He plays an old Jewish. Yeah. Yeah. He's a clone Marcelo Hernandez, but actually. Yeah, Marcelo's in it too. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It was great. Yeah. Okay. So listen, we're positive. Yeah, we're pumped on Puerto Rico. And we love Puerto Rico, don't we? Yeah. I'm a big fan. Big fan. Yeah. And we've helped out Alex. You donated. You donated electricity? Yes. I shot some paper towels. Yeah. And we had to do it. I wasn't afraid. I'm just being a part of it. Yeah, of course you're support. Yeah. We did that growing up. Yeah. And what happened? Saw tits. You hugged my cousin's hand. Saw tits. Saw tits. Saw tits. Saw tits. Saw tits. Saw tits. because nobody does them. They're like the things in World War II, and London was bombed out. You just sit by a radio and listen to a story, and I came up with a story about the idea was to take Suns of Anarchy and something like traditional tough guy stuff, but interjected it with weird gay stuff. So I always wanted to do, imagine fast and furious if the rock and Vin Diesel just kissed at the end. It would just be funny. So I did it so I thought it would be funny, but I did it at the end. I did a radio play about it. I like that you do it on the radio, so you don't have to actually act it out. Exactly. We're not gonna do that, guys. We're making voices. Kiss louder. Kiss louder. The dream was too, because there's also Lesbians out, everyone's very inclusive, and the dream was to have a very long audio Lesbians sex scene that somebody at work would just be listening to at headphones with headphones on, it just went on like forever. I want to get like a guy and off his heart. As a joke. That's a bit. That's a bit. Is that funny? I bet that funny, bro, it gets too hard and the fucking Amazon. On this podcast. It happens all the time. The phone is around the world. Think about that. Oh, by the way, I've adjusted my take on bad money, by the way. Since when? Since like maybe 25 minutes ago. I thought it didn't make sense, right? Because the guy doesn't have a song in English, and football has only played in America, like I guess in Canada, but like, well, they play games in London every year. It's just the biggest dream in audits this year. No, no, no, no. I've already knowledge. He's one of the biggest audits in the world in history. I've never said anything about that. I've never been critical about the music. What I'm saying is, I didn't think it made sense branding-wise. I'm like, why don't you put a country artist or some shit, right? But then we were talking. I was like, oh, the NFL is just trying to be an international brand. They're trying to do it. They're doing the games in London. They're doing the games that it comes back to New York City. Yeah. They're trying to expand as much as they possibly can, Brazil. So bad money might represent all the people who are perfect. Don't watch the Super Bowl. So you actually inserting him at the halftime show might be the perfect thing to do. Because you'll get all these people who would never watch the Super Bowl to come watch and then they might like some of the gameplay. So I think it actually makes sense. More people tune in for the halftime, then the actual game. Is that true? Yeah. It goes up. Really? There was more people that saw Kendrick's performance than that actually saw it. Nobody watched that shit. [laughter] That's what it's like. You're gonna watch your anime. Yeah. Yeah. - Because what is this flag, but I don't know. - Yeah, that's a little sketch. - I don't know how I feel about that. - Yeah, what's up? - Yeah, I think I gotta stay with this one. - Yeah. - I got an anti-fmask. - You got an anti-fmask. (laughing) - So it's not a big con, bro. (laughing) - Oh, do I never, I never got to finish the, so the radio plays about a group of bikers who create a math. They create a math so powerful. (laughing) - What the fuck? - I just wanna get a guy hard at work, bro. - That's that, that's a subject of this. - It's about a gang of bikers who create a math so powerful. It turns them all gay. So they're just like, you know, like stem-fapping? - Stim-fapping? - Stim-fapping. - No, what's stem-fapping. - Stim-fapping's like guys will take like math. And there's like chem-sex and stuff. Like gay guys take math and they have like, gay sex for like three days straight. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And there's guys, you're just doing an anero on the stem-fap all day. - Oh, fapping, like that. - Yeah, fapping, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But that was the whole idea. It was just like the toughest guy. - Stim, stem, stem, stem-fapping, stem-fapping, stem-fapping. - Yeah, okay, okay, okay. - Big thing, a lot of guys online do it. They like just stay up for like all night and just, are you big, are you big, good? - No, I don't actually sword off. - Yeah, I don't. - The freesword off. - What made that change in your life? - You're like, fuck that man. - Just putting down my phone and going, Jesus, fuck you. (laughing) - Alone in the hotel room every big time. - I wish it like, there's, I wish I could be there at the moment in your life where you make these like monumental changes. You know, where you go? I don't think I'm gonna be a drug dealer anymore. - Like, that's a great radio play. Where we just go through these like fours gum moments. (laughing) - I could be a kingpin in this shit. Or maybe I'll just stop. - And then like, cold turkey, you just stop. - It was the way I was, honestly. I've tried to make the argument that selling drugs is addictive in itself. - Talk to me. - It is, it's like an absolute like adrenaline high. It's genuinely an addictive thing. I like, I brought, I was in social work school like only during COVID, like right before COVID. And I was still selling weed in social work school and I was trying to make the argument that selling drugs is addictive. And they're like, that's bullshit. And I was just like, God, I'm so excited. - I'm so excited. (laughing) - Guys, I've got so much successful podcasts. And I still can't stop doing that. (laughing) I quit embarrassingly, not that long ago. (laughing) - It is a weird thing that like, I get why like, Alex sold drugs, you know what I mean? >> I like to like petty stuff back in a day. I wasn't moving like you. You were pushing it back. >> I mean, you had the social word pipeline. That was purely in help. And I was, I was, I was, I was, you selling to the, to my town. >> No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. >> Okay, that's too much money. >> I would never be able to. >> I was, maybe, you know, I was, I just did it for so long that like, I don't know, - I don't know, it became legal. And it was just kinda like-- - This is a thing that I think is like-- - Then from like 15 years. - Yeah, you were in a situation where you had to do it. - But I mean, yeah, so I can avoid like an office job, but yeah, I didn't have to. I didn't want to, yeah. - But I can't begin to explain how common that is. Like I had a lot like, I weirdly, I went to like Spain and I was like, we should like sell drugs. And we like, we like bought a half a pound of weed, me and three guys. And I think I made, I made 17 euros total. 'Cause we just smoked. - Yeah, yeah. - But like a whole half a semester. But, and we just gave it out to everybody. But like, there is, and the friend that I was there sold drugs and he's a kid who like grew up with kind of like money and that. So there is this thing that's kind of exciting about it. - Yeah. - And I'm trying to understand like where that comes. It's not lazy, it's usually smart kids too. - Yeah. - Like maybe I don't wanna do this dumb job. Have you like kind of reverse engineered why? Yeah, for me, it was just like, my whole family does construction. I would do that. I was just bad at it. I was like, they'd be like, cut a piece of wood, 40 inches and three quarters. And I would just be sitting there with a tape measure like, for an hour and then, (mimics singing) So I was like, "All right, this isn't for me." And then I was in an office for like three weeks and I just had like a panic attack. I was like, "This is insane that people do this." And then yeah, I was just like, "I'll just start selling weed." And then, I was so good at it. Because a lot of people sell drugs or just like, They don't function well at all. - You can't have a more pure drug dealer though. 'Cause like, you had a way out and you were like, "No, this is for me." Like, guys that grew up in the hood, they're like, "This is my only option." You know what I mean? - Well, that's the thing too. - Yeah, but you loved it. - Yeah, well, no. - It became really, you can start to box yourself in because after, like, when years go by, you can't do anything else. 'Cause you're like, "Dude, I used to make a thousand dollars playing Xbox for an hour with a guy. I'm not gonna go to an office." Like, so you kind of, like, warp kind of what you do. then you have like no marketable skills after all. - Yeah, it's like stripping, you exactly. - Yeah, once you touch that cash, it's just very difficult to go back into the main line. - Yeah, but it's also like, but the thing is you eventually cross, 'cause I was like a suburban kid, then you cross pass with like dudes from, feel like you grew up in Philly, especially like in like the inner city, like North Philly. And yeah, they'll just take all the money with the gun, you're like, "Oh, these guys do this for real." - Did you ever get robbed? - Yeah, for sure. - I was out of it. Three, but one of them was like in a house with like a gun all that stuff. Your house are theirs. I was at someone else's house I had a gun pulled on me in my house too, but that was over like some other thing but like it wasn't like Also, yeah afterward. I want to know what made you a good drug dealer because right now it doesn't sound like you're I was punctual. I didn't do that bullshit. We're like everything short. What are you trying to say? That's what I Said that the people who sell drugs I'm going to be on text like did you said you'd be here in Newton? This is unacceptable. It's two o'clock Did you grow up with guns was that like okay? So I grew up like my dad's a big gun guy Okay, so you're not like you're you have a fear of guns like any of us would but like simply seeing one might be terrifying. Yeah, I had a gun briefly. As a but yeah, but I didn't was if you know you were. It was like with someone else's I just kind of borrowed it off them for a while. So it was just that's not legally but bodies on it. You know bodies. No bodies, but you had it in case you got into a bad situation. Yeah, but then the penalty if you could - I used to call it with drugs in a gun. The jail time, just like, you probably go to jail for sure, but if you just have-- - Trust. - It was actually just weed. It wasn't like a definite you go to jail, so I was just like, you know what, I almost not have a gun. - Also, guys, tell me, what is happening in your life that you go, I think I need a gun. And then I also need to know the self-reflection of you. Like, I need to know you in the bathroom going, I just said, I think I need a gun. Am I going to the right thing? So when I graduated college, me and my brother bought a house off the side. No, no, no, my brother, my older brother. We brought a house off this Irish immigrant in West Philly for $27,000. Wow. That was a house. Handshake deal. He was like, I want to move to New York. Like, if you guys just take over the payments, give me $500 a month. I think he owned it outright. Give me $500 a month. And I'll just transfer you to the deed when you're done. And it was in like a pretty rough part of West Philly. Like literally, there was only four other houses standing on the and then I was on 37th Street. On 38th Street, it was like an open-air drug market. But the cool part was, is like, you know, I could live there for 250 bucks a month. - Yeah. - So it was not a, like, a safe neighborhood at all. And I was selling drugs and growing weed out of that house. So I needed a gun. - Mm-hmm. - Were any of the dudes that were selling drugs in that neighborhood feeling like you were in Croach High School? - Oh, no, no, no. I had learned that lesson a long time ago to, like, I just stayed completely out of the mix. I always had, like, I just rode a bicycle everywhere. I think they thought I was a cop, honestly. Yeah. Sort of got it. I would ride a bike, and I would, like, my neighbor across the street was this old lady, and I was, like, super friendly with her. I'd thought about sending weed packages to her house, and then, like, getting them off, but I was like, that's-- Yeah. Yeah. It's nice to get them into the mail, too. I had a whole thing going there. Yeah. But-- Would you ever go to the drug farmer market? You said. The one you're just driving, the open air. Oh, hell no. That was not free. I think a paddy wagon would come, like, once every two months, and just snag, like, were those kids and then the next day, there were four more kids out there. - How, how? - I only did is the corner thing, like, from the wire. And you said you learned that the hard way. - It's not that so much. It's like, so like, okay. So say you're like temples, like a great example. Temple is in, Temple University is in North Philadelphia. You get guys up there, like, you know, like hippie kids, they're like, I'm selling weed, oh, but they're living in North Philly. - Yeah. - So there's guys out on the block, like real drug dealers out there on the block and like, you know, they're smoking weed and these, like, kids from college They're like, "Hey, I got some weed, man. You want to buy it off me?" And they're like, "Oh, that's awesome, man." And they're like, "Yo, let's come over." And these kids think they're cool. So they're like, "Ranging out with like fucking gangbangers." And then they're just sussing out your setup. And I was always very good at, like, I would see that 'cause I had already been robbed myself. So I'm going like, dude, I don't know if this guy's your boy like that. He's probably kind of, and then, dude, they would, you know, tie people up, go through. So I had kind of witnessed that already. So it was like a couple times, too. So I was just kinda like, yeah dude, you gotta be careful. - So where was your clientele? - It was like different colleges than in the suburbs, but I was able to like, I don't know, I had a couple connects that were like, like when I did the pills and stuff big, I never did pills, but I was selling pills, and that was like, I'd go to like a bar in West Philly that was like, it was in the hood, but I was making people money, so they would, you know. - They were cool with me. - Did you ever feel guilt? Not till later, that was, 'cause I was like 19. - Right. - And I didn't do pills, and I had a friend who was like, "Now they're cool, man, everything." And I was like, "We just like take 'em." And then I like watched an apartment, like there was this apartment complex in Brooklyn. and that there was all these kids living next to each other going to different local colleges. And I slowly watched how fucked up they became from opiates and then I was like never again. 'Cause I didn't think they were that bad. I was like kind of like pills, drugs, weed, mushrooms, people having fun. And then I saw like, oh these are really bad. - The pills specifically. - Yes. - The mushrooms and the weed is kind of guilt-free. - It was, for sure. - Right. - You just don't want to do high school stuff. That was kind of grind. - 'Cause it's the kids. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, but the pills and then you get as the opiates or even like Coke and then it's cut with weird shit and then got for a bit somewhere. - I never done Coke either, I've never done Coke. - Really? - Disgusting. Coke is so dirty and disgusting. Before the fentanyl, did people kind of with baby laxatives? There was guys, I was like, oh, I shit myself at work 'cause I took Coke with baby laxatives and so on. (laughing) - Shoot, stop. (laughing) - Stop doing it. - I had to concentrate so, man, 'cause I sold Coke for a little bit. And I was like, people would come over and like, it was really funny 'cause they would come right back and be like, I need some more. And I'd be like, you did all that already? (laughing) - Oh, man, I'm like, you felt the addicted. - I would be like, dude, you have a problem with this stuff. So I like swore all that stuff off. As, you know, again, like 1920, I was like, okay, like I got to witness first sound, like this stuff's bad. - Yeah. - And then it was just weed and mushrooms, you know what I mean. - And could you make good money on the weed? - The weed, yeah, Coke is dumb. Like, you can't really, in my opinion, you don't really make that much money unless you're like, the risk is so much higher. - That's what I kind of sussed out early on. I was like, dude, the risk of this is crazy. Whereas like weed, you can have a couple pounds and like, make way more money, way lost, way more low stress. - Yeah. - But it also, it is bad for you. I never want to glorify it because it's like, it ruins your nervous system. Like every time you leave your house or go on like, who's that guy? Why is he outside of my house? And you're just constantly adrenalized. And it's like, it's bad. - Yeah. - Maybe that's the, sorry, sorry. Maybe that's the addictive quality you're talking about. At first, there's this excitement. Like, every single day you feel like you're living and eventually there's this exhaustion that comes to it. - Yeah. - It ain't getting cash too. Like at the end of the day, it's just being like, dude, look at all this cash. - Yeah. - It's like, it all feeds into like addictive. - It makes you a liar too. 'Cause you have to lie to everybody. It's like the less people who know what you're doing, the better chances you have getting away with it. Then you have to start like, lying to everybody in your life about what you're actually doing. 'Cause you can't be like, if you're like telling everybody, then they're gonna tell people when you're selling it in trouble. - Did your parents know, your brothers must have known? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad had, he was pretty hip to stuff after a while. 'Cause like, I was like, I was like paying for stuff. I never like was really flashy or anything, but like there was things I paid for that my dad was just letting me like, bro, like how? - Like what? - And I was telling my mom, I was like, I'm a blogger. I write blogs. (laughing) - My shame for selling drugs. - I'd pay for like a whole wedding. I was like, I'm a blogger. - When were you bringing it in a year? - What type of money are we talking about? - It's always up and down, man. It's like, you'd like, at the best of the best of it, I would make, there was a period where I would make almost like $4,500 a week cash. And that's it, dude, I was like-- - Tax free, tax free. - That's like $500K a year. - Yeah, in my 20s and it was just like, but then again, I'd have it all stacked up. I'd get robbed or like you'd mail out money for a package that would get taken. So I'd be like, I'd have 50 grand, I'd have zero bucks. I'd have 40 grand, I'd have, so I would bottom out constantly. - Oh, wow. - Growing it or shipping in it. - Try growing it, I stunk. - So I was more, I grew the floor suite ever. I wrapped that up and then I was just shipping it in, or just buying it off people and shipped it in. It was, at the height of it, I think legally, I can't get in trouble for this anymore. It's been so long ago, but at one point, there was a summer where I would get shipments where I'd split them with somebody of like 60 pounds. - Wow, wow, that's great. - What do you put 60 pounds a week? - In the word unit, putting in storage units. - It's all back triple vacuum sealed. And it still could smell a little, but you'd have, there's a can of osium in the unit. If you wanted to get anything that policy was, you'd kind of hit the osium, and then just-- - You're gonna check out, like a whole lot more. - Get out with a giant duffel bag and be like, "Dude, dude, dude." (laughing) - I'm just gonna make it right in your place. - I always had jobs. - Whatever we would put in. - I hear you talk right now, talk to me. I'm like, "Wow, this guy is so smart and qualified to have a job." - I'm like, "You've got to not do it." - But here's, I had a million-odd job, though, 'cause I would also, you know, like, things would be, like you would know a guy close to you, they'd get in trouble, so you'd have to like chill, 'cause you're like, "I don't know what this guy's up to." - Yeah. - So there's so many times where I have to leave that world and jump into a job. - Like what? - Just any dog walking construction. I was a private eye for like two days. - These aren't real jobs, dude. - This is a real job. - This is a PI for two days. - Dude, I worked so many times. - This is what dogs do. - Don't walk into a job. - I spied on people. - You were a PI for two days, did you solve it? (laughing) - I didn't say it was time to do it all. - I was supposed to sit outside a job and like, dude, they gave me a grainy photo. - And it was like, "Shit there, it's a PI for two days." (laughing) - That's the real one. - What guy? - Talk to you because now, because it could be perfect. - Yeah. - And then he just sit in the car and play his flute and just watch the show. - This should be a wife for the same pictures. - It was so boring, PI was so boring. - Yeah, who? - I know somebody who does PI stuff. And he was like, "Yeah, you can work for me if you want." And I just, I didn't, you know. - So you asked him, you were like, "I'd like to do it." - I heard my cousin was doing it. I'm like, "Dude, I want to be a PI." And I just, I just sat in a park. I thought it was gonna be like, have like a spy watch recording a conversation. I was just sitting in a parking lot we got to find this guy because we want to impound his car. And I was like, "Dude, this is a grainy photo." - I sat outside of like a commercial picture. It was like a catering company. I sat outside just like staring at different guys being like, then the guys would walk by me, like, "I'm fucking, what do you do?" (laughing) - It was a very present. - I just sat there with that. - First day on the job. - And I would completely zone out and be like, "Oh, dang, that was supposed to be a shift change." I missed it and, you know. (laughing) I was reading a book. I was just sitting there just kind of like. - Is there no job job that you now at this point in your life? - You know what I actually liked about? I went to back to school for, I wanted to be a therapist. - Interesting. - I'd actually, I worked in a high school briefly. And I loved it, man. I worked in a high school in Philly doing like, I wouldn't say therapy, it was a train. It was like a guidance counselor with like a clinical kind of tone to it where you're like, you get to bring in families and do family therapy. - Oh wow. - It was cool. - It was the one job I was like, I actually liked this. - And why'd you stop? - 'Cause the podcast did well. - Got it. - So you didn't have all you were. - Yeah, it was still going well and then it was like, that was, so as Shane was getting SNL or I think he got, like, you know what it was? It was the birth of my first kid. He got like canceled right during that. And then I was like, it was COVID didn't happen yet, but I remember thinking, like, let me just try to do, 'cause I always wanted to be a therapist since I was like in high school. And I just thought it'd be a cool job. And then I was like, - I can't imagine there was a lot of therapy in your Irish family. - There was, that's why I didn't become one. 'Cause I was going to school for psychology and then I told my family what I was doing there. - They're like, what do you, not yet? - Yeah. - I was like, what do you do? - You did, you did. - You did, you did. - They talked me out of it and I was always like, I was like, let me, I'll go to back to school for social work 'cause that is kind of a shortcut. I'm a therapist and kind of like, you know, skip a lot of school, which they don't like to say, but it's like, it's true. - Yeah, if you want to be, I have my master's in social work. - Yeah, I have my master's in social work. - Where you could do this side D, it's called. - Side D is probably even a little more intensive, I feel like. - Yeah, but it's just like you get the doctorate in five years so you don't have to do the master's. - With psychology, you got to take all these biology classes. Social work, you literally sit in the room and you're like, did you guys read the article on Fruco and everyone's like, nobody read it. And everyone just talks for five minutes and they're like, the truth is, we don't really know what the truth is. You're like, sweet. - That sounds like it. - Yeah, I was a side major. - Where are you? - I love psychology. - Yeah, that's great. - So, but yeah, that's great for college. These are just learning about these studies that make great conversation. We're at the bar with chicks and that's like the perfect thing. - Actually, you know, we're deciding our personalities between the ages of one and three. And that's probably why you're like this and they're like, "Why?" - It's like, what is that astrology for men? - Wait, what happened with the robbery? - Well, the big one, there's a couple. There was a couple of, I got robbed at Club Point one time in West Philly trying to buy Perkisets. A guy just busts out on a Billy Club. Like, I'll smack you there. - Club? - Club, dude, I was the last guy to get robbed at Club Point. - Oh, thank you, man. - Yeah. I given him 200 bucks to get me Perkisets and he like, he's like, I'll be back and I just waited, like standing on like a street corner for like 40 minutes. And eventually he like, I think he came back like, "Oh shit, you're still here?" He's like, get out of here. And I was like, I'm waiting for, you know, until like, and he just like, pulled out a club with three of his friends. I'm out, keep it. - I'm kidding. - But the big one, the like, the one that really, this actually like kind of rocked me when I was, it was like this whole thing where like, I went to someone's house, someone I knew, and they were, they both owed me money and they were getting more read-off me. So there was like, I was in his room and there was like, you know, he owed me like 15,000 bucks. There's 15,000 bucks on the table. I had like four pounds of read-off me. - 15,000 dollars? - Yeah, 'cause he was paying me back. - Yeah, so, yeah. - I was frontin' on the front, which is. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Hey man, you gotta do it, you gotta do it, you gotta do it. (laughing) And then he was like, my friend's coming from Penn State and he's gonna take four office classes. right away. And I'm like, this is great. So I had 4 ready to go. And then as we're sitting there, he's like, oh, you know, doorbell, whatever. He goes downstairs. And I see him come back upstairs and his eyes are like this wide. And I'm just sitting there like, that's weird. And then I see another kid come in with like a weird look on his face. Then it's a dude in a ski mask with a gun being like, you know, give Mr. Cell phone, slot him forward, all this stuff. So he's slot her phones back. And he like, he just says, he's like, who's man? Oh, I was like, I was specifically asking for you. Yeah. And because it was all just orchestrated to kind of scare me. But they were like, if you guys look out the window, we have people outside. We're going to shoot you guys well. And then. So then you look at the window, like, I was like, man, dude, I'm scared there's a gun. If you look to your left, you'll see it. But now you know, the whole thing with I had made a YouTube video back then that went like light leave art. Speaking of the Super Bowl, it's when the Coca-Cola commercial came out years and years ago. There's a Coca-Cola commercial where they like had Spanish in it. And everyone like freaked out, like went nuts or, you know, whatever. I strongly disagree. Do you remember me? I strongly disagree with that. And I think that we need more Coca-Cola, more Spanish representation of Super Bowl. So, like I made a video and that's how they got my name because the kid to be like, this is the what the kid looks like. Like, you're almost like a damn fucking YouTube viral video. That was a poor thing at the time. Wow. There's 24,000 views. Don't put it on your ass. Wait, here is this. They were all drug dealers. They're all your asses and 24,000 people. What was this? This was like fucking 2011, maybe years a while ago. That's a good. That's a huge man. Yeah. I was pumped because I had been doing stand-up too. I started stand-up this whole time at 23. So I would do stand-up for a little bit and I was going, you know, blah, blah. And so he comes in as he is like a gun in my face and he's like, you know, I should kill you guys all this stuff. And I'm just like, the one thing that does happen when you have a gun put on you, like time, like you don't feel anything in the moment, time just like stops. Yes, it does. Right. And you just go like, whoa. And everything goes super slow and you're like, you're very calm and relaxed. I think you're just overwhelmed. So he's doing all this stuff. And the thing I was proud of, I did have $1,000 behind me that he was like, is that all the money? And I was like, yes. And I got to keep the thousand bucks there. He's about that. Oh, wow. Yeah. That was 2014. That's got to watch it. Yeah, watch it. This is where the guy fucking nailed me from. And he just matched you up with this image. He was like, this, he was a P.I. It's pretty. This is a video that got my likeness from. Hey, just got done watching that national anthem. Oh, they got some. Yeah, some of my dad ain't no nothing national about that. It's fucking a human as they know national about that. That thing is just like, that's a disgrace. I got robbed by four days. Everybody in the national anthem saying, guys, he can't have that. Man, that's a broom, man. God damn. I mean, seriously, way to take my two favorite things in the world, I'm saying, I can't. No, man, that ain't cool. Guys, look, man, it took the dunk down and say, guys, man, what the hell next? Well, we just like, you guys, like, the continental driffin, like right in the Europe, it's becoming some big fucking pussy statement. That ain't America that I know. This is the first thing they've ever recorded something and uploaded it to the Internet. They're like, no, other videos is just there. It's like, no, this is pretty much one of my very first YouTube videos. I was like, making fun of the uproar about, you know, of course, yeah. And then got robbed. And then we got, they used my face from this big, this is the guy we're going to rob. Yeah, how many Mexicans in the fall of the Civil War? But people thought it was real. And they like freaked out about it, you know. And that's why today, this video would be real. No, what's that? 49 days double. Let's go. He just took all the drugs, it took all the money and then they bought it. Yeah, they took everything. But the thing is, here was a thousand dollars. They got, they got, it was, yeah, like four pounds and 14,000 bucks. And so then that guy left. So the guy, the ski mask left, but he left the kid that what I think happened was that kid was on other drugs. And he probably fell into debt with like pill dealer, heroin type dealers, and was like, Hey, I know a guy, you know, we can hold a lot. That's kind of how it goes. And so they left him behind. And so I'm just sitting there. The guy leaves like, you know, finally all that like anger and all those feelings come back into you. And I'm looking at the kid I know who's like mortified and I'm watching this other kid. I'm like, this is like a bad actor. Like he, he's not, he was in on that. And I just, I literally started like choking him, just like, I like snap. So you put it together. I figured, yeah, I knew exactly. Because I was like, this dude, he was like, Oh, we've been watching. That was the whole thing. Like I'll be been watching you. You're over here. You're infringing on our territory. And I probably were all working together. Most likely, even the guy you, no, I sort of, I guarantee, I guarantee, I could, I would guarantee. He was fucking terrified. This other guy was like, the other guy was like, Oh, another guy was like, for real freaking out. And this other kid was just like, Oh, shit, what's going on? And I started just like, that's a fair point. I mean, maybe I'll call him. But he started choking this guy and just started just like mother fucker. And then like, you know, my, my, because you're like, it's like a blackout anger. Yeah. And then the kid I knew was like, stop. So then like, I had this kid who had, I, you know, it set me up and robbed me. And it was like a, it was like a funny day. It was like a light kidnapping. I was like, you're not going anywhere until I get my fucking money. I figure out like what's going on. And I had to take him to a team mobile store because they took all of her phones. He's like, Oh, I swear to God, my friend from Penn State still coming. I'm like, well, that's the case. He should be texting you like crazy. Let's go to the team mobile store and let's check the text. So I take him to the team mobile store and we walk in there. And I'm like, yeah, he needs to sell a new cell phone. And he's just in the way. He's like, okay. And like, he's sitting there. It's like looking at his feet. And then at one point, he goes, hell, but I was like, fuck off. But I wasn't like a tough, violent guy either. I was just, you know, at this point, I was just angry dad. And I like just kind of carted this kid around for an afternoon, be like, he's a little motherfucker. And he's like, just take you to my dad. My dad will pay it off. Oh, yeah, I swear to God, my dad will pay for it. I'm like, all right, which I was a horrible idea. So I take him down to like a warehouse in South Philly. And again, when he had called his dad, I was like, don't be fucking screaming. I had shit. You're doing the team mobile store at the end of the day. He's like, dad, there's a lot of fuckers. So then like, I drive down to this warehouse in South Philly. It's like telling guys in like the dad's there with a X cop with two fucking guns on his side. And I'm like, dude, can this day get any fucking worse? And he's just like, let me do the straight blah, blah, blah. He's like, if I find out my son is responsible, I will pay you the money. I was like, that dumb to be like, well, great. I'm glad we figured this out. You're going to give me my drug money. I never did. And then like me and this dad had a big back and forth. And you know, that got a, that was like a thing. And there's like wife spas on me. And then this is like in the community or something. Like I was bumping into them. I knew it. Well, you got text messages. I got, I, well, here's the thing. The wife claims they're like South Philly Italians. So the wife tried to be like, we're in a fucking mob. We'll kill you. And then I hit them with the totally bluff, like dead man switch. Well, I'm like, bro, I know your address. If anything happens to me, they're going to burn your fucking house down. Not true at all. Yeah. It worked enough to where we just did like a truce in part of ways. So that was like, that was, and it was, yeah, it was bad. That was all my ex-wife's birthday. So it had to live in drive to her birthday. In Atlantic City with no money. You know, Dave Chappelle half-picked or like he's checking that was the birthday. I was like, man, let's, let's take it easy. I don't want to ruin your birthday, but I just lost pretty much all of our money. I guess you make it 4,500 a week. That's like 200K. You're 2,500. I was where I was working for my dad to do a construction. You pay $250 a month. You're not buying flashy things. What are you doing with the extra money? Dude, I paid for a wedding. Okay. I paid for a wedding. You're a wedding. Yeah. My first. Yeah. I paid for that. That was a big one. I had a big one. I like things that you paid for a wedding. I know. I don't know. I'm so benevolent. Yeah. You didn't feel like a cousin that was going through a hard time. So you paid for your wedding that you had? I paid for two. Oh, you paid for your wedding. I know you were there, but you paid for the second one as well. Damn, bro. Oh, my, oh, my money went to this wedding. It's a fun new wedding. And then I just get a, and then like that day, another guy crapped out on me. And then I like got desperate with all the, this is the really bad. I got desperate with the gift money from the first wedding in Melbourne at the California. That got snagged by the postal police. So I was really on my ass. Oh, wow. Yeah. That was another bad. That was a tough conversation. But you know, people are different. I was just a man. I was a fucking maniac when I was younger. That was the problem. I was like a nice person, but I was just like my risk. I couldn't calculate risk really. I was just nuts. Yeah. No risk a version. None at all. It was just helpful in this business. It's kind of true. It's huge advantage. People are like, how do you, like, manage the nerves? Like, it's like, I just like had a feeling in my body that I hated all the time. And I just wanted to just like do stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Now does that change with kids? Yeah, big time. That's what I stopped once I had kids. Yeah. So I told my wife. I was like, I was like, I'm going to have a pound of weed on me forever. So because she would be like, I don't really like it. And she actually became a cop. my way of now, but you can't cop while it's WNBA. No, that was great. Well, that's so good. It was still that I saw you aware of it. Yes, I saw me at the day before she was like, no, she, she, we weren't going to go until like last minute. I was like, you know what? I think it'd be fun to go. And because at first I was like, I'm cool and she found out like, I want to go, I don't know. I was like, all right, fine. We'll go. So like two days before, I'm like, hey, we're going to go and she's like, hey, I do like, you know, ball of like, Texas Brittany, like, would you be cool with this? And then I read the text and I was like, dude, that's so funny. So yeah, that was really good. Well, it was aware of it. She didn't realize she was going to be like front and center in that way. You just thought she was going to like, he was going to bring her up. Oh, I thought she sold. I thought she sold it. Well, really? Wow. We got there. And we got there. He was like, hey, you're probably going to be on camera. And she was like, what? That's great. Oh, she did a great job. She did a good job. But yeah, there was a period because then like that was like the big fall. But then, you know, you come back up and you know, I could still, it was never that big after that. And I could still make a comfortable living and I did it for a while and then I had kids. And yeah, it was just like the risk of version was just like, dude, I'm going to go to jail. That would be fucking free. Once I had kids, this is a big thing for me. When I had my first kid, I remember seeing the guy come into the hospital room, just like changing the paper towels and I was like, dude, I could totally do it. Like, I'll do anything. Just give me a job at this point. I don't give a fuck what it is. Before it was such a thing for me, where I was like, I don't want to do that every day. Now I'm like, I don't fucking care. I'll do shovel, you know, holes. I'll give a big holes, man. Yeah. It is interesting how that changes. Yeah. And like, your relationship, I don't know about you, but like, your relationship with money changes. Yeah. Yeah. It's not this thing that you're just lighting on fire. Like, you can do that when you're single, you're alone. You can't even do that when you have a girlfriend, to be honest with you, it's like, okay, what is the big risk here? Yeah. They want you to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But like, with the kids, it's, yeah, you just feel, it's like every, you make a big purchase, you take this, you know, risky, you know, situation, you're like, is that college for them? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then they get old enough to talk to you. And then they're like, that's the worst part. We have to confront you. Because I was also, I always had anger problems. So like, I used to like break shit. Like I was bad. Like, you know, with my wife now, like, we, I would like fucking break shit in our house. Yeah. And then you have kids and you're like, yeah. Yeah. I'll be doing that. It was something special. Yeah. It was funny because you wanted to be a therapy. That's why. Yeah, I mean, I, I mean, I don't gravitate towards like psychology unless you either like have clinically depressed parents, or you're dealing with something. Because you're like, I just got to figure this fucking thing out. I smashed a ball of olive oil in our old house and the state you can never get that statement. So I'd be fighting and she'd be like, oh, yeah, great. Fuck. I don't know how I've got, but kids come and you're like, yeah, I can't have the environment be like that. And like, you know, they don't have to talk to it, dude. If I even like, catch a slight attitude towards my wife, my daughter's like, you're being a mom. And I'm like. Fuck you. You guys are right. Fuck you guys are right. You guys are right. More is caught and taught. Yeah. Like if you look back and think about like, how many things your parents taught you with their words? Yeah. I don't know how many things my dad like said, hey, you're going to learn how to do this. Like I distinctly remember him telling me the importance of apologizing, which now I know as a married man came from my mom. I was like, put it in the moment I was like, okay, I guess you just do apologize. You just learn. Like, I take accountability and allows you to move on. Like I remember him like sitting me down and like teaching me that or whatever. Outside of that. Like I've learned everything about like who I am as a person from just observing him with other people. Yeah. It's great that you keyed in on that because that's the expectation that they'll have for a relationship. Yeah. Yeah. No, a big time man. And that was like, yeah, you really, yeah, that was like kids deaf. I was already trying to like get myself together. I mean, the worst part is I had the time before I had kids, I'm like, bro, I'm like, I remember when I was in social work school, they were like, you got to go to a therapist yourself. And I had never been to a therapist and I remember thinking walking into the office that I was about to just blow this lady's socks off to it. I thought I was going to walk in and she was going to be like, bro, hold on, dude. She's like, which is literally. That's what we all think. Can we switch seats? That's funny. Hey, sweetheart, why don't you lay down today? Dude, she just gutted me. She was like, wait, why do you think that? I was like, what do you mean? Why do I think? And then I started being like, oh, fuck. And I got devastated in the first, the first hour of like, fuck. Yeah. Do you miss the game at all? You know what I mean? It's like, you know what's funny? Like, I'll drive and I'll still have a cop pull up behind me and I'll go, and then I go, how do I have to worry about that? And it's like a nice feeling, but towards the end of it, like I really didn't need to it. All the podcast was doing well. Yeah. But I had so many friends I sold weed to that I knew to give them like a fantastic-- I didn't want to let them help. Well, yeah, really? They're going to get cooked, man. I'm like, they're going to get cooked. I can't have it. I can't have it. I can't have it. I can't have it. There's an injustice. And for me, the part was like, dude, guys, the weed price just plummeted, dude. It used to be so high. And there was a point where like, it plummeted, but there's a lot of people who didn't know it plummeted. Oh, so you can take advantage of that. Oh, God, bro. You can do it. Yeah. Oh, he was back then. There were still $400 on skies that you'd be like, oh my fucking God, I can't believe it, but then I was like, you know what, it became like everyone I became friends with people is there was like, you know, when you do that, that's like the only people we were really talking to. And then I was just like, you know, part of like being addicted to it was like, I still love this of like when I go into a house and you get to pop open pounds of weed and like smell them and see all the different kinds and they got like that one now and this one blah, blah, blah, blah, and then you get to show and then like, oh, this is awesome. I just, I love that. It's like a wedding. You know, you're tasting all the grapes. It really is. But then it was just kind of like, you know, and they were just like, you know, you just deal with people for years. And it's like, they're like, man, I just like deal with you. I don't know what I'm going to do. And some people like, you know, a huge chunk of their livelihood depended on it. So eventually, yeah, I just kind of handed it off. I was just like you, you know, and did you give your roller dex to us like someone, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah, you know, here is where everybody is all you guys. - Do you just call them like on a cold call, like, "Hey, we've actually changed hands." - I just like, they tell 'em, like, "Hey, this is my new guy." - Is it like when you're a restaurant, and like the waiter comes over? (all laughing) - My set is over. - Yeah. - So, she being is actually gonna take over a person. - They forget to make it. - It's kinda, yeah. - Wow. - Yeah, you have a tear comb, I don't see that. - Look at that. - It's been great. - There was no use. - There was just one guy, you know, I met, and I love this guy to death, but I'd never met him before. Like the first time, you know, it's just like a friend of a friend, like, "Oh, they're doing a little." So, I had gotten rough directions to his house, and he was an older guy, and they were like, you know, I'll be like, "Call it on me." He's like, "Yeah, that'll be my house." And, but it was like a driveway situation with like multiple houses, the kind of like, in the sticks a little bit, and I pull up his driveway, and I'm terrible with directions, and I'm like, "I think this is his guy's house." And I was just like, "All right." So, I like, walk into this huge house with a school bag with two pounds of weed in it, and there's another older guy outside. So, I'm like, "Okay, I'm like the older guy." You know, I'm like, "Hey, I'm looking for Vola." And he goes, "The guy's hammered." He's like, "There he's in his bedroom." And I was like, "It's fucking weird for an old man to say, "another old man's in his bedroom." And I'm like, "Why the fuck's he alive in the other?" And I walk up, and I just knock on the door, no answer. And I open the door. There's like, "Fucking 12-year-old boy in his room." Like, "Ahh!" And I was like, "Whoa, no, no, no, no, no." And I come out, and I was like, "Oh, fuck." And I come out, and the guys, I like, explain to him. I'm like, "Hey, I'm looking for it." And the guy, like, I got through his junk. And he was like, "Oh, dude, he's in the fire." I thought you're one of my friends, buddy. So, I'm like, "Bro, I'm fucking 30 years old." I don't even fucking know about that. I have gray hair, dude. Hey, why the fuck was it a 12-year-old boy in the back? It was his son. I was in the wrong house. Oh, my God. I was just walking in the wrong house. I thought you walked into, like, a-- Yeah, I mean, God, I'm out of fire. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Just think of the wrong shit. I was like, "Oh, sorry. It was just funny. I walked in the wrong house." And we were both like, "Ah!" And it scared each other. Yeah. It was just like playing video games. And I was like, "Ugh!" Okay, I feel it. I found the guy. Look at that. I'm just being open to the door. Yeah, he's right down the wall. So I'm glad you guys asked of that man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you ever get pulled over with weed in the car? Uh, no. I got in a accident one time with weed in my car. And I just, like, told the guy. I was, like, there was a cop over there and I was just like, "Hey, dude, I'll totally-- don't worry, I'll take care of it all," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I took his information, like, just bounce. Yeah. I-- we-- you know, I didn't, like, hit and run the guy. But yeah, I was just like, "Let's get out of here." And I had a-- I had it a one time I had an elderly Chinese man bump into me in traffic. And it was like-- it was like-- it was really funny because we were going so slow. And he just fucking hit my bumper and I was like, "What the fuck?" And he got out and he was like, "Ugh!" And he was like, "Get me-- like, I have no big deal." And I'm like, "I mean, I guess." And I'm like, "What the fuck-- how the fuck did you do that?" That was the same thing where I was like, "Man, let's just get the fuck out of here." "Let's, you know, I'll just just go." Because I had weed in my car too. I was like, "Well, let's get out of here, man. We're good." No, I never got pulled over with anything crazy. Just an insane-- I just couldn't handle stress. Stress is great. My feet used to shake. I'd be driving around like-- But you need it. Like, you need your brain to be occupied. I feel-- Yeah, exactly. That's the only thing about having kids. Like, your brain is always occupied. Exactly. It was-- it was-- it was the thing, too. Like, free time. I just flowed around. And when you're doing that, you're locked in all the time. All the same, apparently, though. But I'm just like, "What the fuck are they doing? What are they doing? What are they doing?" Yeah, survival mode. Yeah, I like it. *cough* I knew this guy was a cop, there was like a crooked cop. He was like doing cops up and then also like stealing drugs from drug dealer. And he said that he had to quit because he would drive down the highway and half his body would go numb, just from stress. Like he would just like guys were trying to kill him. Other cops were on his case and he would just like, he had to have to pull over because he couldn't use the brake. Because like his leg would just be fully numb. He's like, "I can't drive." - Yes, it's really bad for you. It is, it's a bad, it's a bad thing to do. [ Laughter ] -You were a drug dealer. -You were a drug dealer. -When you were a gray hair at Thursday. [ Laughter ] -I wonder what it was. [ Laughter ] -So what now? Like how do you keep that? I guess parenting obviously is so interesting with the kids when they start talking. -Yeah. -The guilt that you can feel. Like my daughter, she's in Santa Barbara with my wife, the visitor family, and we were coming back from Australia and they stopped there. And I face time and then obviously I wasn't there. And then she goes, she goes, "Oh, she has dad-dad movie." And like the fact that she had like a reason in her head why I wasn't there was like heartbreaking. -Yeah, I do. -Like you're aware that I'm not around during the day or dad-dad work. And it's like, "Yeah, I have to work. That's my responsibility." And I can like justify that to myself for sure. But oh, man. -Yeah, that was, that was tough. My daughter, my oldest daughter hit me with that. I was like, "Yeah, I love hanging out with you guys. My favorite thing." She's like, "No, it's not. It's working." I was like, "Fuck." -Yeah, I like Nader. I'm like, "No, it's not. Say that you're-- [ Laughter ] -You're wrong. You're wrong, I said. -I fucking raised y'all a little bit. -Yeah, I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to get out of here. -The worst. When we moved to Texas, we were here in Philly and they like, "I didn't realize they come take all your stuff like two weeks before and put it in a truck and take it down there, then you fly later." So we had our house was empty. And it was totally empty. And I was like, you know, I was in my head I kept being like, "Look, guys, we're moving." -You could do this multiple ways. I like how you were like, "This is how it's done." They called me up two weeks before. -You got to live in there. -We had a first-prone stuff. Yeah, we had a first-prone stuff. I remember like, when they were taking our stuff, I'm like, "Look, guys, see, this is why I work." 'Cause if we don't have any stuff, if we don't work, we don't have any stuff. And as soon as we took all of our stuff, my kids were like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." -I was like, "Yeah, this is for my own ego." You're right about that, you know? -They don't want us to work at all. -They really don't. -I know. -And they'd be fine with nothing. -That's finally sunk in. I'm like, Disney Plus. And they were like, "I was like, "If I don't work, we don't have that." And they were like, "Yeah, that's all worth it." -Yeah, like, "All right, get out of there." They'd be flushed and they'd go, "Oh, you guys like Disney." -We too, they find out how to make $12 a month. -Yeah, I got it this morning. -Oh, yeah, so we-- Wow. -Have you ever thought of a cover story? Like, your kids are one day going to know about your past, and they might ask you-- -I mean, no, I'll just be open with them. I feel like, I don't know. I have a lot of faith in them. They'll be way smarter than I was. And like, they'll know, like, yeah, this is you guys are going to do good stuff. -Yeah, are you, like, parenting strategy with your wife? Like, is it honest parenting? Do you kind of communicate to them as adults, almost? -Kind it. Like, what I try to do, if I-- I try to, like, really kind of get on their level, and like, if I ever raise my voice, I apologize. Even if they're doing something that, like, they shouldn't be doing, I always am like, "Hey, sorry, I raised my voice." That's-- that's wrong for-- I shouldn't do that. But, you know, I need you to do this, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they're, like, really amenable. Especially, like, what you're saying about apologizing, that's, like, the biggest marriage hack ever, because I have my wife at a problem with me, or something I did, I would get angry, and then be like, "All right, I'm just gonna tell her why I'm right about this." -Yeah, yeah. -And, dude, and I would just not stay. And then one day, I was like, "You know what, man? I'm sorry, I fucked up." And it was like, "Well, I forgive you." And I'm like, "Fuck, that's all I had to fucking do." -You know what I do? -I have to do it. -But I destroyed you with the logic. [ Laughter ] -But, you know what I've realized about it, is, like, I can't speak for you, but I think a lot of the time is, like, fighting for our -- how they perceive us. -Yeah. -So, it's, like, we do something that hurts them, right? And I need to convince you that that's not who I am. So, you keep loving me. And they're like, "I'll just love you if you say I'm sorry. I know you're a good guy." So, it's just, like, I'm fighting to be the night in shining armor constantly. -This is back to your Bible take. This is what Christianity's kind of far. -Because it just starts off with being like, "Hey, we're both pieces of shit, right?" -This is a great way for Adam and Eve ruin all of us. -So, we're both scumbags, so I'm just being shitty, like I was. -Yeah, and it's also your fault, finally. -You kind of fucked up. -You ate the apple, didn't you? -Yeah. -I like the one second. [ Laughter ] -One second, dude. -But, yeah, you had this great take. And what is it -- what do you phrase it, you phrase it, but I was watching -- I was watching it on YouTube yesterday. And it's, like, 10 seconds, but -- -Well, it was really, like, me and my wife -- My wife, like, really likes church. And I like it, too. I grew up going to church. My mom's very Catholic. We were with Catholic Mass every Sunday. But, you know, like, you get older and you're like, "Yeah, you don't really go." So, like, my wife is, like, expressed it as I already go to church. And I'm like, "You know what? Like, yeah, let's just go." -Black church, white church. -So, we've done both. We've, like -- -Black church, way more fun. -Black church is sick. I just feel like I'm kind of ruining it. Like, it's just a white guy in black shirt. I feel like they're like, "I feel like they can't go as hard, you know what I'm saying?" I feel like I'm kind of a damper on the environment. I like it. Like, do they look bad? -Yeah. -Is this what they think we do? -Yeah. -And it's also, like, you know, I come from Catholic. The Catholic church is, like, the biggest church. Sometimes you get a black church and it's kind of still a startup. -Yeah. -You're kind of like damaged. -But the environment's more fun. -It's so fun. -It's more dynamic. -It's more dynamic. -Yeah, a lot more dynamic, a lot more interaction. -I met in the middle kind of and, like, we just go to, like, kind of like a Christian, almost mega church kind of thing. -Yeah. -Yeah. -So, which is, it's a nice format. A lot of people hate mega churches, but it's, like, whatever. People are there, like, trying to work on themselves and, what, I don't, like, do whatever you got to do it. -You feel amazing. -You feel good. -You feel, like, you cannot deny the feeling you have when you walk out. -Yeah. -You know? -It's great. And it's also, you sit down and it's, like, they're tackling issues from a point of ultimate authority that, you know, my wife respects me, not so much, but, like, if I can get the supreme creator of the universe a little bit on my side, I'm kind of like, like, they'll hate points and she'll be, I can see you're like, that's fair. And I'm like, "Hoo!" -Oh! -Yeah. -Say that. -Well, I missed that part. What is that? -Yeah. -So, if you're a husband, do you think you're interesting? -Yeah. -It's interesting. -It's interesting. -I'm there to God. You know, it's like a touchy subject, but there are, like, because then, like, now, where it's kind of, like, you know, like, whatever, there's no difference in gender, so it's like, okay, fine. If you're two college students, like, you know, riffing on gender stuff, it's whatever. Once you're raising kids, you're like, you know, they're kind of all, and it's like, not everybody's exactly the same, like, not all women are like this or all men are like that. Like, yeah, when kids get hurt, they tend to run to their mom, and like, they tend to want their mom. But I left for this, my daughter, because my wife went away for, like, a weekend trip, came back, because I'm going to be gone for a while, and my daughter was like, I can't wait until you go on a trip and moms here, because they just, they, like, if my wife's gone, they're, like, fuck this this, but if I'm gone, they're kind of like, I wish that guy was here, but they're fine. -Yeah. -So, I don't know. It's just, and it's nice to have, like, you know, contextualize that in a way where it's not just, like, you know, you're being, like, make me a fucking sandwich bitch, but it's also, there's, there's some reality to, like, the roles in household and raising kids, like, you know, just like the team roles, like, if you're tall, you're a center and basketball. [laughter] -You know what I mean? Like, you've got milk in your titties, and the kids like, yeah, I just, you know. But so, it's good to kind of like, otherwise, too, it's like, you do have to root yourself in something, and it's like, religion is, it's, like, you go to weddings where it's like, we're just going to read, like, you know, modern poetry, and it's like, okay, this is nice, but like, you need to root it in a real, whatever. -Beautiful. -Faith-based perspective. It is just deeper and more enduring. -You know what, you know, it gets me at church is a, the submission, like, seeing people submit to a higher power, like, I get emotional every single time, it's like, that the music is on, and they're singing, and you can tell, like, they're fully submitted to this higher power. -Mm-hmm. -And, uh, this guy just likes when people submit to this, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yeah, it's hard to say all of that, but I was just like- -You're seeing for the same reason. -Oh, no. -Horn is this. -No, but, like, is this- -I don't know, like, there's something, it's something beautiful about it. -Yeah. -You know, there's just this idea that, like, you're not going to try to control every aspect of your life. -The idea that you're not the biggest thing in the world. -Yeah, exactly. -Like, you're humbling yourself. -And, in such a narcissistic society, it's nice to see this pocket of people or this place where everybody remembers, oh, there's a much bigger thing out there. -Yeah. -It's like, now, my one piece of pushback is I do think if you are married, Islam is probably the best religion as a man. -Yeah. -And I formed this opinion where we were doing shows in Malaysia, I think I had line one week and after you had line or something. And I asked about Valentine's Day or something, and then everybody got quiet and then I said, "What's going on?" They said, "We don't celebrate Valentine's." I said, "Why not?" They said, "I don't know. It's hot arm." And I was like, "What does that mean?" And they were like, "What's against God's will?" And I was like, "Isn't that convenient?" And I was like, "That is fire." That is awesome. -I mean, the real reason they don't celebrate is because it's Saint Valentine. -Right. That's good. - Oh my God. - Oh my God. (laughing) - By the way, you look at it. You're just like, "Hey fuck, hey, what?" (laughing) Jesus is a prophet, but we're gonna draw the line of St. Valentine. - Well, they still count the saints. So they just count the prophet. - Christmas ain't heard of. - Christmas is heard of. - I went to Malaysia, saw Christmas decorations everywhere. We went Christmas time. - Yeah, but it's still her arm. - But they still, this Christmas decorations everywhere. - Yeah, you can't celebrate Christmas, it's her arm. - You've put an up decoration there, celebrating. - They're given gifts, they're doing the candy. - They're given the birth of a prophet. - Yeah, that's not her arm. - Yeah, they might not go to church and pray to St. Valentine, but you give gifts in the same way they won't go to church on Christmas, but they'll give gifts. But because it was like, this day is for them, and it's a lot of pressure on us. - Yeah, we're done with that. - I'm lying with you. - They're people too, I can respect that. (laughing) - I think that's what I've learned. It's like they're all so people. (laughing) - There's a few of them being. - There's been a therapist. - At the end of the day, you know what I mean? As long as they apologize and submit to me. - No, there's a sick move though to be like, yeah, man, we're just not with the whole, you know, I try to be like, it's just, it's like a hallmark holiday in my wife's life. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You don't vlog, you don't vlog. - But if you're like a god, you don't like it. - That's true, that's true. - That was what you're gonna do. - Yeah, you can't really slow, God. - Sit down. - Sit down. - You've got that down. - Yeah, they do that with birthdays too. - They do it birthdays. - Yeah, we love their birthdays. - Yep, anniversaries, problem. - Yeah, I'm just talking about that. - Birthdays, really? - Birthdays, that's a tough one to stop. - With him in love their birthday. - I can't. (laughing) - I got in a massive fight with my wife on the first birthday. - That's great work. - He's like, hold on. What type of person is that birthday sound? - Impossible. - He's actually gonna win us, I don't think so. - It's good though. - They don't get presents. You can celebrate, like you could say, a happy birthday to one another. - I don't think so, 'cause you're selling. - They avoid celebrations with roots and pagan customs. - Yeah, all right. - You can't celebrate it. - I'm sorry. - You bought a gut. - Yeah. - That's a slippery slope, 'cause I wouldn't like to take away Valentine's Day, but then you do Christmas, Halloween. Thanks, thanks, you having cool? - Probably not. - Yeah, it's not not even that. - You could do hop. - You do, thanks, you have it. - Yeah, thanks, you have it. - You can't dress up, yeah, I can't do a ghost on Halloween. - Yeah. - Sometimes you gotta give up something to get some, you know what I mean? - Sure, sure. - Yeah. - Here. - It's the fluke, stuff Native American? - The fluke's everywhere, that's been, but the ones that are playing more in Native fluke. - They were like native fluke, yeah. - Okay. - But it's just, they're-- - Native fear or native to South America? - I think it was like native to America. It was just, those native fluke's are just a pentatonic scale, and they're just five notes. So like, you're just only playing within the scale. - Got it. - But every, like, they have the Asian flu, they have the Celtic fluke, they're just like slightly different. - Right. - Every society has pretty much a fluke somewhere. - We had the flu to phone. - What was the flu to phone? - It's just like this ghetto ass instrument that they gave us public school kids to like make it seem like we were-- - The recorder? - No, no. - That was the flu to phone. - I got a recorder. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What is that? - The flu to phone, bro. - That's the one. - That's the squid word? - I think that's the-- - That's the squid word. - That shit is more the flu to phone. - Oh, wow. - So that's probably a major scale. - It was the spork of the instruments. - Yeah, yeah. You can't play it wrong. Whatever you're dealing with it is the right thing. - Yeah. - They were trying to sing your kids and then realize you don't know any of the words and you're a terrible singer and they get pissed. - Personal story. - Early on. - Early on. - You're ever trying to have sex with your wife and you hear your nanny read in Lama-Lama. (all laughing) - You ever do that? (all laughing) - No? - That just makes sense. - I've pushed. - I've pushed for, yeah, we have a baby. I call her, maybe she's a nanny, but she's there during the day. But yeah, if I try to have sex, while she's in the house, my wife's like, absolutely not. - Can't do it. - Yeah, she can't, she won't do it. - How do you like, how do you do that? - What? - Have sex with your wife. Like, how do you-- (all laughing) - How is that done? - That's literally like the overarching thesis of my entire special, which is out of my wife. - No way. - It's a trick, man. There was a trick to it, man. - Okay, bring it down. - Yo, this is, I swear to God, I do my best to stop masturbating. I've been pretty successful. - Yeah. - So, I told her, I said, look, like you, obviously, you hate if I watch porn, totally valid. I'm out of you gonna jerk off anymore, and she's like, that's awesome. I'm like, but it's your thing now. - I'm passing the most parts of the year. - I'm passing. - You gave her the role. - You're doing a godly thing. - Yeah. - Now she gotta do it. - Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I don't wanna do this. - Thomas isn't gonna control Gaza, but now we have someone else. (all laughing) - But I kind of just told her, I don't know. I was just kind of like, you know what it was? And it's not even like true reverse psychology. I was like, I'm kind of trying to retain. I was like, I'm more into retaining. I feel stronger or like, he's before. It's been bagging her, bagging her. - Seconds year of that. - Oh, bro. - Yeah. (all laughing) - I'm gonna use that. - You know what I'm gonna do. - I'm gonna destroy you. (all laughing) - And I kind of, honestly, now I like the feeling of like, I just kind of let it ride. I don't like, I used to get like, it was like a, I felt like it was a thing that was being done to me personally. I'm like, if I want to have sex and she wasn't in the mood, I'd be like, hell no. - Fuck. - So you not want to do that? - I'm like, farting everywhere. (all laughing) - I've been meeting her for three days, farting everywhere. (all laughing) - I said, I'm not even all the way hard. (all laughing) - Where's this woman? - Where's she? - She's been, where's she being children all day? (all laughing) - She doesn't want to handle it. (all laughing) - She doesn't have podcast for two hours. (all laughing) - It's all working hard. (all laughing) - I'm tired too, all right? - Yeah, yeah. - We're all doing it. - Yeah, I just, you know what, I was just like, I just, I, it was like a vicious loop 'cause then you get like mad about it. You get cagey about it. And I was like, you know what, man, I'm just like, I just like got to the point where it was like, I'm just not gonna worry about it, man. When it comes, it comes, when it doesn't, it doesn't. And it's just like, once I let go of that whole thing, I just feel like it's just more and more now. And it's nice too, when you, they can tell too. When you're like goons, when you've been like, watching the porn, all that stuff, they know, dude. Like, they can feel the difference, dude. - What do you mean? What do you mean by that? - Goons, you know, goons. - Of course, I know, goons and stuff. - It's like, they can, they can, they can, they can, they can, they know when you're not goons. - I've probably spent in California last year. (all laughing) - Very familiar with goons. (all laughing) - They can tell. - It's like, goons. - These two, I'm surprised, my dream not pregnant. (all laughing) - You like, you hit a gear, especially if you're like, watching porn all the time and jerking off. - Yeah. - You like, like your boner is just like different, you have a different, you have a goon boner. Once you remove that and you're just like, seven days of just nothing at all. - Yeah. - Dude, like, you'll catch, I'll catch like my wife's like, brawn, dude. You like get horny like you did when you were younger. - Yeah. - And then you break her off of that. And she's like, whoa dude. This is crazy. - You break her off with that. - Yeah. (all laughing) - So this radio play is gonna be phenomenal. - I got crossed my legs and I get stiff right now. (all laughing) - So I shouldn't be breaking up with some taker. (all laughing) - That's so horny for a retainer. - He's like, what if lesbians just fall in the recording? - I wrote it. I wrote it when I had like, first stop watching porn. - I know. (all laughing) - Dude, just watch fucking porn. (all laughing) - It's just, it's not golfing. (all laughing) - He's like, this isn't wrong. (all laughing) - He's like, you're in there because I have an apartment that he says in office. He's like, you're just in your fucking apartment getting yourself hard. Stop. (all laughing) The other thing though, with the porn stuff and marriage is like, well for me, if I get into a little funk with my wife, I do, I'd like slither away and be like, she'd fall asleep, like, I'm gonna drink. And he'd get like a little parachute, and it's helpful to take that away. So now it's like, we gotta hash this shit out. - We gotta work it out. - We have to work it out. - Yeah, yeah. - But the thing I found is like, don't be too hard on yourself. 'Cause like, you know, sometimes you do just have to relieve the pressure valve. - Yes. (all laughing) - So what are you doing in those circumstances? Little nocturnal and mesh? - I mean, I know, you just gotta, sometimes you just gotta slither away. But, yeah, it's like, you know. But if that's, if you start doing that all the time all the time, I think it's just like, water's you down a little bit. - I subscribe to this. - Just because you get older, dude. Well, this guy's on boner pills. It's like gross stuff. - But, you need to, there's another thing that happens. If you don't for a while, I feel like you can get used to not. - Yeah. - Like, for me, which is like, I think being, I think like doing it more consistently is better. Like it allows, like it like tells my body like, hey, we need to continue building this up. - Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, I ran into that early on where I was like, dude, it's my dick dead. Like I haven't like, no one's touched it in two weeks. And I think it's dead now. - Yeah. - You're all right about that. But I do think you fucking, then like, two days later, you're like, I need this again, like, right. - Yeah, yeah. It's a tricky thing, I just try to, 'cause a lot of people become like, absoluteist about it. We're like, I'll never do it any forever again, but it's like, for me, I try my best not to. - Yeah. - And I try to stack like months at a time where I don't, but like, eventually, I'll get a night. We're like, you know, I've had too much coffee that day. My wife is asleep. I'm awake and my whole body is just vibrating. At that point, it's like, dude, just rub one out quietly. - You just get your quick imagination beat and just get in bed. - Oh, yeah. - I was getting, I was getting, I was getting fucking, what is it called, nocturnal missions, what is a wet dream? - That's the best. - Like, regularly. - Never had one dude. - Really? - Never been getting those. - Probably, it's amazing. - It is. - I mean, it is fantastic. - Awesome, that's so, it is fantastic. It's guilt-free, it's like, and it's always weird. You always come right, but I don't like, I'm not like the stallion in my wet drink. Like, I just put my dick in the girls' mouth and immediately, I apologize in a wet drink. (laughing) I do not, I'm sorry, and then I wake up, and I just come all over my boxes. It's always fast, but the buildup is amazing. - Yeah, that is cool. - Every time I'm having a dream like that, it just ends. Maybe it happened once, but dude, I don't get them. I'm always like, "Please." - That's like, every time I go to bed, I'm like, "I've gotta hide your underwear, like a slut." - Yeah, you gotta put that in the car. - I've been trying to come into the underwear, and then I hide it in the hamper. - They get chilly, they don't know what else to do. - Those onies get chilly, quick. (laughing) - They catch the wind, man. - Oh, I don't like it, 'cause it ruined my sleep all the time, 'cause once I come and I'm changing boxes and I'm up. - I'm up, I'm not going back to sleep. - You should not wake your baby, I'm like, "I just fucking came, I just fucking came." (laughing) - Breathe in her hair. - That's what they love. - Yeah, my body just forced it out of me. That's how long it's been. - You've been taught, that's how it's embarrassing. - Yes, I've been taught too many times. - Wait, really? - I've been taught. - Oh yeah, what do you mean, what do you mean? - Quite a wife. - Yeah, for sure. - Like, where are you? - Like, I've been busted and I'm like, "Oh, I got busted." We were like dating and I was in her apartment beating off and she called me. (laughing) - Where in the apartment? - In her business. - I was in her bed. (laughing) - She like ran out, I didn't think she'd be bad. - Man, man, man, man. - Got to call the shower, call the hospital. - Oh, yeah, I got to call the hospital, bro. - Oh, it's slow down here. - You guys are just dating. You're in her bed, is she also in the bed? - No, I thought she was gone. She like, I had gone. I think we were like, we're like, loosely kind of living or staying there a lot. And she left and I thought she's gonna be gone for a longer than she was. And I was just like sitting on the edge of her bed beating off. - On the edge? (laughing) - On the face. And she even like, she replicated and she like came in and you're like, "Ugh." And I was like, "Don't ever fucking do this." (laughing) - That's not what I said. - Yeah, she's busted me. - Well, so she walks in and go on the phone and like, cover yourself. - No, I didn't hear her come in. 'Cause she does like, like, sneak up and scare me and shit. So she like, slipped in quietly. I'm just on the edge of her bed just watching fucking the hub beating off. And she was like, "What are you doing?" I was like, "Oh, oh, oh." - Put me away. Bust me, you just got to take it. Like, yeah, you got me. - But now you're embarrassed with it just full raw. - I was humiliated, bro. I was completely burnt up and yeah. So yeah, she's got, she's laughed. She's got me a couple of times. She just thinks it's funny. I'm like, it's not funny. I feel so humiliated. (laughing) Yeah, she didn't get me, man. She's laid on her feet. - She doesn't like the, you watch the porn, huh? - No. - No, it doesn't like that either. What do you think that's about? (laughing) - I mean, I come from. (laughing) I'm like, I'm trying to, I guess maybe I'm just so detached from them actually being like human beings. (laughing) Do you know that they're not like real people now? You're like, it's like a cartoon. And it's like, I don't think they have like, souls or anything. (laughing) So like, but maybe they think that we're like, really attracted to these people. - Yeah, I think it's just like- - Am I not enough, I think, is- - Yeah, sure, it's a good look. - And also too, like, imagine, I said this before, 'cause guys, especially back in the day, it was like, oh dude, like lesbian's hooking up porn. Like imagine if your wife was watching like two dudes like slam each other, you'd be kind of like- - Blow. - Yeah, what the fuck are you doing? - Yeah, that'd be weird. - And if your wife was watching, yeah, like, yeah. 'Cause if you caught your wife watching porn, you'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? - Yeah. - Go bother the shit out of me. - Yeah. - I'd be so upset. But I still think I should be able to see it. (laughing) - Don't be weird, bad. - I'm stalking in favor of double standards. - Yeah, for sure. - The funniest jerk off related thing is tributes. Have you heard of this? - Yeah. - This is the funniest thing in the world to me. Have you heard of it? - How old is that? - This is like two kids who'll do this. (laughing) - And they'll post on, like, Twitter, Reddit. And they'll basically just, like, print out a picture of, like, a hot girl. Like, they'll print out, like, a picture of, like, Sydney Swaney. And then they'll just jerk off onto, like, the paper, like, black and white. And then they'll post a picture and be, like, just did another one, boys. - Yeah, posting's crazy. - And that's shared with, like, their internal community. - And these guys are just jerk off on paper. - It's so funny to me. (laughing) - 'Cause it's a tribute to the girls. - To the girls. - To the girls, yeah. - Look at crazy existence, Sydney Swaney has. - It's so funny. - To be like, oh, yeah, there's guys who print out pictures of me, jerk off on them, and then put them online. - Every now and then you'll see a warrior that's just jerked off on his MacBook Air. And you're like, dude, that's, that's, that's it. - That's a real machine. - Come on, dude. - That's a lot, dude. - How does she become, like, such a player in the culture war? - Hmm. - I mean, yeah, but I guess even before the Jean Sting, wasn't she kind of, oh, is it like her parents are thinkin' of pro-Trump? - Maybe not, I think. - Oh, that's it. So now she's, like, out of poverty. - There was like a Trump flag behind her. - Yeah, she did. - She didn't register to publicly say her parents were a piece of shit on a political whim, and now she's-- - Yeah. - She was like, the hog girl, we, like, doesn't think what I think, I'm, yeah. - Yeah. - 'Cause all the hog girls, like, also have to have my same politics. - Exactly. - And what was important, like, dude, she has to believe in, like, health care. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That gets fundamental. - So evil too, to be, like, denounce your parents. - Yeah. - Like, the 2016 election is like, "You know, be over in two weeks." - Yeah, he raised you. - Yeah. - Okay, that makes more sense now. - Yeah, that was like the first, like, you know, rumor of it, and then the other Jean's commercial came out and-- - Oh, this is so fucking ridiculous. - That was so, so fucking dumb. - Like, people-- - People already were mad, though. And then they saw some of the, like, you know, the feeling has to exist, and then you just attach more and more things onto the feeling. - Yeah. - But now she's part of this conversation. - Yeah. - And she will be in perpetuity. - Yeah. - You know, some movies gonna come out. There's gonna be some line of the new season for you. It's gonna have some line of, oh, what this really means is it's trying to interject politics into blah, blah, blah. - Well, dude, I think they figured out, too, because remember, like, they figured out a one-point, and maybe, like, the '90s, and we're like, "Oh, let's, like, show cool people in a commercial." And then we'll be like, "I'm cool, if I bike." That was like a big marketing hack they figured out. - Oh, that's the '90s? - Yeah, like, they sort of figured out, like, how to, like, you know, or maybe like earlier. But like, we'll show a beautiful person. - Yeah. - And then we'll associate, like, the desirability with that product. - Yeah. - That was like a, I think, like, a psychology trick for marketing, they've came out, let's just say, a long time ago. - Yeah. - And now I think they really know, like, if we can just get these people pissed, it doesn't matter what about who's mad or why. - Well, the marketing is-- - Get 'em out of the rage. - Yeah, just get 'em furious, and then we'll sell more toothbrushes. - Oh, that's a crackerbarrow thing. I just saw an article on Gizmodo that's, uh, it was, like, mostly bot driven. - So this is fascinating. Did you see this 50% of the tweets about the crackerbarrow, like, they used to do the pay-all over the radios, where they pay 'em to play it, which is, like, a version, but then you're still playing the song and people are still listening to it. This is, like, bots are listening to music. So certain artists that we think are in a certain size really aren't at that size, right? So there's just, like, fake listening to their-- But it gives the illusion that they're the number one or they got a huge record, blah, blah, blah. But the fact that this is also happening with, like, social trends, and, like, you pump up a story, so a crackerbarrow thing goes crazy, then these, like, TikTok journalists see that something's trending on Twitter, so they make their video reacting to the thing. - Yeah. - And then reaction channels react to these people, and then it becomes truth. - Yeah. - Like, something that's completely fabricated and astroturfed becomes the reality. It was this-- uh, somebody said this, so I don't want to take-- credit for it, but, like, it's like, there's a-- The Fox News, The New York Post Pipeline, I don't know if you've heard about this, like, how you essentially, like, wander information into a real story, and I'm sure the left does this as well, but, like, it's, like, a op-ed piece on Fox News. Like, this is what I think. Then later, the reporting from the news reports on the op-ed, and then, by the next morning, it's on the front page of the post, and it is truth. - Oh, yes. - That's really weird. - So, like, how much of that shit is happening? - Yeah. - How much of that shit is happening on a regular basis? Like, how much of the things we're seeing are just some random person curating an idea of something, and that being repeated nonstop and algorithmically fed to us until it just kind of becomes reality. - Yeah, and then it's, like, people parroting it. It's not even about it being true. It's, like, can I increase my, like, virtual self-worth through this, and it becomes this, like, almost, like, a mold-like growth. - And the algorithm is going to reward the more extreme opinions. - Yeah, I'm going to get more-- - That was-- - Yeah, 'cause there's been a bunch of weird political shit going on, it's, like, you know, all this, a lot of the passion. My take on, like, a lot of this stuff is, like, it's not even so much about the politics or anything. It's, like, people, like, almost, like, a bug attaching themselves and being, like, yes, my follower counts rising, and it's, like-- - Yeah. - It just makes me feel really weird, man. - Oh, 100%. - Yeah. - And I wonder if they're able to-- Like, I wonder if they're able to reflect on their need for that attention. Like, sometimes things feel good, and you don't attach the feeling good to the behavior. So, for example, like, an actor starts dating another actor, and they get all this publicity for dating that person, and they want publicity. They want attention, like, that is part of the game. So, they might think they really like that person, but in reality, they like the outcome. - Yeah. - Yeah, but-- - I didn't even think about that yet. - But they might not be able to tell a difference. - And that's what I'm saying. It might not be nefarious, like-- - It's worse. - Yeah, worse. - I don't know what's worse, like-- - It just fetches it's sad. - It's sad, and it's fucked up, but like-- Maybe they're not self reflective enough to go like I don't really like this person I like the outcome of being with this person. Yeah, that's true Like if all the people in the political space they're like they don't know that they're not a liberal They just love attention or they don't know that they're not a conservative But like that's not the most important thing that is love to be bad. Yeah, yeah Yeah, but yeah, yeah, you see people like making that their identity and like I wonder if they think like Maybe it's so shortsighted that they're just they're going like oh this is what's getting attention right now And it's tough to get attention in this economy where there's content everywhere and people are the eyeballs all over the place So they're doing a thing that's getting attention in the moment and they think that that will be like their career marker They're behind her and they don't realize like in three months. Nobody's gonna care Yeah, literally not at all. It's like yeah, they're like you don't remember I thought you don't even remember I think like like some overwhelming percentage like 90 something percent of the things You were worried about three months later. You don't even remember like what you were and it's like let alone news stories Yeah, yeah, I've read what's coming out of this joke, but he's like the news is just gossip Yeah, like it's just gossip like it's just like did you hear that this guy in your town did this? Yeah, and that's just like a headline Everyone's like whoa a lot of people are saying this thing. Yeah, you're like really? I really don't consume the news that much It doesn't it doesn't like it doesn't really affect you because eventually someone will hate you hear about this and you go What I didn't hear about that would happen. They tell you. Yeah, then you get to filter out all the other stuff The trees had a bit 10 years ago before social media algorithms whatever and he was like the news is important because it tells you what to care about Yeah, it's really smart because it's like all we care about is what they tell us to care about and now It's TikTok bots potentially China just telling us. Oh, this is the thing that matters and dividing us more and more Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and we were talking about this earlier, but like before the pop, but like that algorithm You'll see four or five people talking about a thing and You'll believe that that thing is more important than it actually is because there's like an inescapability. Yeah, yeah, you know Yeah, well newspapers used to do this before like the algorithm stuff like you know if there was like a A big car crash that would get You'd write up the story and they're like oh, man I got a lot of coverage so then other papers would be like you let's cover this car So like it would make it look like they're happening more and more, but they're just the same amount But they're being reported all more because that fed some way when they try to crash from yeah, that train crash All of a sudden is like dude there's train crash in every week Yeah, I mean look it up. It's like they won't they just happen all the time, but nobody reports on it. Yeah, it's really weird Yeah, I mean it makes sense right like they're trying to sell yeah, but you're going to be having a go an episode of just quit Why is it what's happening people start connecting all these dots and like that, and this is just what was happening Yeah, planes sometimes crack me in a lot of all this plane crashes for a while. Yeah non-stop and it was like and then stop who fixed it Never done. Yeah, we must have fixed it. Yeah, Trump kept them in there somehow He came in and was like these stay up there. No, there was a good six months where it felt like the bowings were just falling out of the side I mean, and it made itself into jokes. Did you notice that like like a falling apart like a bowing jet Kind of became a tag almost and could be like that's how I know something is really in the zeitgeist Want to become like taglines and comedy because we're really downstream like we're attached to culture, but for it to be A punchline it has to be ubiquitous. Yeah, well like the audience has to be like really aware of this thing and Yeah, wow, I don't know. I'm just like I'm just like really interested in like the information consumption like how Like how we're viewing the world and Yeah, it's like it's kind of fucked up like what are my like I have these opinions about AOC, right? I don't even fucking know her. I don't listen to a whole speech Like I don't really know anything about her like I know and I and I have to like talk back opinions I have for sure and I'm like who gave me these like what did I consume yeah what was served to me Not even from people I follow like what did which is just thrown on to my phone that gave me this a version of a human being That kind of like strip the humanity firmer. Yeah, that's true Yeah, if I see if I even see that she's about to talk there's a part of my brain like Never met her before I actually think that that's kind of like if she was to run I think that that would really negatively impact her chances because she has a hundred percent face recognition meaning 100% of not a hundred percent but like a very high percentage of the people who vote in America had a strong opinion about her already Yeah, Obama came through on some like who the fuck is this guy? Yeah, so he got to you got to form your opinion on it in real time based on his campaign, which is nice That was really nice. Yeah, I'm actually the man. Yeah. Yeah, right? I remember in the moment be like I remember I saw I'm like do a speech. I was like, oh my god I got as maze like yeah, he should probably wait a little bit so we learn a little bit more about him Like there was this idea like oh, he was a junior senator or whatever like that wait a second and now like don't wait at all Do you want them to know things about you because the things they know about you aren't even who you are It's what people say about you Give them time to find a thing to make a story. Yeah, true. I gotta come out of nowhere. Trump right. That's kind of crazy I didn't know because like Trump we knew Biden we knew but to your point Zoran we just we he just came in like a And it's like we're talking this here, but it's like even with Zoran It's like they're they're multiple versions of who this guy is like and none of them are who he actually is Yeah, right. It's like they're these like flattened two diversions of him So like he's either a fucking communist. He's an anti-Semite or he's like a liberator And he's going to help the people of New York City and like yeah, people believe. Yeah, one or three. Yeah, he's a rapper from Uganda I mean the rest are decent. No, I haven't listened The accent from there what yeah, that on the you know he does he talks like that. How long's he been in office? We're here He hasn't won yet. Oh, he isn't one already even he won the even on the primary There are got him's dropped out of the general it's trying to get him to lose because I think him and Quilmore eaten off each other So see what happens, but there's a perfect example. It's like this is not on your fucking radar because it doesn't need to be on your Fucking radar like you don't live in New York City, but like in New York City you have all these like billionaires We're freaking out because they're gonna have to pay 2% more in taxes whatever and they're just like we got to find a way to get This got God forbid I have 2% less of the money. I already don't pay Whatever I mean there are other problems I can see with it whatever, but like is it that big of a deal? It's not gonna affect you I'm all about the experiment I'm like dude we're this country's an experiment tossing like you know, and again if I don't have to live in the city even better Let's see how it works. Maybe it works. I don't know if it doesn't then you'll go yeah We did we try to and it's pie on his face. Yeah, like that's one thing I'd ask him like what if it doesn't work and it like it's actually really negative Like how will you feel about how would you feel about like yeah like I'm like not as like a Gacha, but more is like would you like feel horrible that like people ended up being in a worse position and like yeah Like I wonder if if are you comfortable with that risk you're taking some Think about that shit like what are the do they not it? They mount the end was like fuck. Dude. I Can you come to his eye? Hey kill himself Danny. Really he killed. That's the story. That's the story Let's just be sorry to be in trouble Where's the body? But an alternative reality over here. Yeah, he's in Argentina right now. You could have snuck him out of there I feel like we're just though coming to grips with it the fact that like because it like you know COVID especially like it that whole like just the narrative and feeling around COVID like Poor families apart just from like how you perceive how you perceived it and I think I'm hoping younger kids are able to like See it and be like okay Like they get more kind of aware of like this is what's cuz I was like aware enough to read the news when I was in college and be like Yeah, but this is there's interest behind the news I remember I was on a construction site and like this guy was like reading the paper and he's like dude I can't believe blah blah blah. He's freaking out about an article. I'm like yeah, but you know like that's because people have interest and they Promotes certain ideas to and like the guy was just looking at me like no, this is reality Good time. Yeah, and I had to be like oh shit. There's people that don't understand like literally like critical thing Well, this is how this works. They're just like now. This is it. This is that's the words and that's that's what they said happened And that's what the fuck are you talking about? That's that's literally all of us. Yeah, that's what I think we're figuring out now about Something yeah, like the things like They are absurd. We'll look at and laugh at and then there are certain things that I won't question at all and someone would look at me and be like That's ridiculous I think I'm talking like a conservative buddy who's like which is too much government, you know, over is too much government influence on things We need to reduce government like just let business do its thing and I'm like you know Kellogg's will put poison in the Yeah, they'll do it right They did and that's why we got the don't put the poison in the cereal commission It didn't start as the don't put the poison in a cereal Someone put it in yeah, right like exactly. Yeah, and then we're like, okay, fuck we got to make a government Company here to stop them from doing it. You think North Korea feels bad for us Like I wonder if a North Koreans like dude you guys don't know what to believe everyone believes different things We're over there. They're over there. They're doing being like dude. We all believe the same if they weren't hungry It would be the life - Maybe they're living it up. - Maybe they are. - And our government's like, "No, it's just sucks of me." - No, they might be living it up. - They might be sending shit. You ever hear about the shit balloons they send to South Korea? South Koreans have been sending them like, you know, like the whole technology over to North Korea. They're like, "Hey guys, by the way, it's the whole other world." And North Koreans have been, like it's the government's been responding with their own balloons, they're just with shit. They just send shit balloons and just fall out of the sky. They're just fucking turd for longer. - What a great government job. I need to do a shit in this balloon. I'm going to eat for that. No, you don't. Figure it out. - We're just like a basket being carried by a bunch of balloons and eventually they pop and just turn it out. - Wow. - They're like volcano bags. (laughing) - It's filled with the fucking shit. (laughing) - Wow. - Yeah man, that's wild. That's pretty. - But on this specific issue, I think they might be happier. Just on this specific part. - Yeah, it actually-- - On the information part. - It makes me question all this shit because it's like, okay, so we have this idea. We live in this free society where there's all this information and then, but like 10 years ago, we would have never questioned what the New York Times wrote or what, you know, CNN or Fox News or anything. And then we live in this age where maybe mainstream media isn't exactly telling you the truth. - Yeah. - But if a TikToker posts it, then it must be fucking real. So it's like we've shifted our trust to people who are arguably less trustworthy. Like just some random person on the internet that's doing like a video where like he's imposed in front of a picture. - No, that's just convincing, though, bro. - I have brain screen capability. - It's like, there's technology involved. - So if you're walking to a new station, you're like, oh, Jesus Christ. It looks like so cheap, you're like, this is where all the officials are doing this. This is how we decide to go to war in Iraq? - Yeah, I do. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's fucking eater of play theater. - Yeah, it really, what I think honestly is like, we'll eventually realize that, you know, there's not like any brand of logic or thinking that's gonna ultimately conquer, you know, like reality or life in a way that's gonna deliver us to some like better life. Like the looking way is not gonna do it. The Democrat way is not gonna do it. There's been like a huge pushing philosophy from like, I don't know, the 1500s on. We're like dudes out of nowhere, 'cause they used to believe in like fucking like vampires and demons and evil times. And then at one point, these guys started being like, you know, if we just use pure reason, we can like figure all this stuff out. And they tried that for, you know, till now. And it's just, it's not working. So it's like, 'cause people are-- - You're still an atom bomb and then, you know, the computer's, but it's like, if, I really think if people just start like, chillin' on the political stuff and be like, let me just try to be nice. I'll read what I read, that's fine, but I'm gonna try to be as nice as possible. - Well, did you tend to your own garden? - Yeah, yeah. - Exactly, it's like-- - It's like a good father, be a good, a lot of y'all screaming about political stuff. Your family hates you, that's insane, hate you. - Oh, dude, it's shouting so-and-so down for XYZ. Your son hates you. - Yeah, it's just, it's a complete distraction. It's like, dude, you know. - But it seems like everything though. Like, the worst is with parenting shit. Like, my girl sent me a TikTok. She's like, "Yeah, dude, the sun is bad." And I'm like, "Well, did you get to the end of the video?" Because I think at the end, they try to sell you something. And all these parents do get it. So it'll be a mom, like, "What's up, mommy?" "The sun is evil, it will kill your kid." Also, I'm selling baby sunscreen. And it's at the end. And I'm like, "You gotta see it, if you're selling it, you know what it doesn't do." - And there's a chance that person's literally AI. - Yeah. - Yeah, I got tricked. I gotta look, no one's perfect. I got tricked recently. I bought a copper water bottle. It's the doctor being like, "If you have your water and copper, it charges it." - Yeah. - They finally sent it from China. It was stainless steel. (laughing) On the box, it said material type stainless steel. And I took a magnet to test it because copper, it's like, it doesn't hold a magnet. - The copper thing is an Ayurvedic thing. - Is it really water at a copper, yeah? - So turns out, it is true. - I didn't just test it. - It's illegal, yeah. - The people were verified, so I was like, "I'm in the clear." And then like, but I think it was a fake AI doctor and they just sent me some fucking stainless steel thing. (laughing) - If you could hook me up, bro. - I gotta get a copper water bottle. - I almost got caught with that on TikTok with bonsai. I was getting into bonsai. And I would watch, like, just endless bonsai videos. And I was like, "I think I'm gonna fucking buy one." - This is when I knew he was in a bad place emotionally. - Been there, bro, I had a bonsai tree die in my basement. - Wait, why would you put it in the basement? - It was the lead place. - It was like a long second. - Wait, when did you get into bonsai? - Shane bought me a bonsai tree like a couple of years ago. And I had already been like, blabbering to my wife. I'm like, "I'm gonna get into bonsai garden down here. I'm gonna put the use, 'cause outside, you can't really control the environment. - It has to. - So that's where I went to the basement. - Yeah, and then I, it was, it was doing alright. And I was like, "I'm gonna put it outside." So the leaves changed. - What type of, what, do you remember what the tree was? - I had a elm, some sort of elm here. - Dude, I was so sad to die. - Yeah. - How did die? - I was taking care of it. - Were you, I put it outside. - Were you doing the wiring and everything? - No, no, no, I had it. He got me the bonsai. And then I was trying to like, just grow it and like, just control it and trip. - Yes, you got shot by the tree. - So I didn't, you were growing it from like seed basically? - No, no, no, no, I didn't even buy one. I was just watching like, in this video's about it. I'm like, I wanna kind of get into this. - I don't know what was going on emotionally, but something that I needed control. (all laughing) - Because that's really what bonsai is. And it's like, I'll make this tree go where I want it. - Yeah, it's gonna be tiny, so I'm gonna be so much bigger. - It looks big, but it's small. Like that's the whole concept. It looks old, but it's tiny. - It looks awesome. Those videos are so fucking cool. - And the guys that are into it, it's like, I know, I know, I know. - But you're eventually gonna go through it. - And then you're gonna get hit by the algorithm by a fucking bonsai video. And you're gonna text me and you go, I understand. - I look forward to that actually. - Wait, how'd you get in Dubai, though? This seems all, I almost bought it. 'Cause I was like, I'm gonna buy one. It looked amazing, and then the comments popped up. And they were like, - Did it, it was horrible. Doesn't look anything like this. And it was a guy who was me, but like two weeks ago. (laughing) - And I was like, huh? - Phew, thanks bro. - I was gonna reach out personally. He came back to the video. - Wow. - He was like, fucking. - Yeah, he's like, you're not gonna get more people to do. - This was now. - Do you garden at all? - No. - Do you guys garden? - No. - Tell me to. - I have a garden that I've, other people garden. - Do you have the trees? - No, I'm big into landscaping, like I. - I love it. If you had the bonds I had, start a garden's really nice. - But you're actually curing the garden? - Yeah, I just plant this stuff. I go in a, I grew a little bit of food. I have like a tiny space to do it, but I grew a little bit of food. Then you start learning about, like I have a flower bed that I like plant different flowers and stuff, and this is just, man, it's amazing. - It is. - Gardenings really, really nice. I have a Sego Palm now. It's just like a houseplant. But it was around since the dinosaurs. Sego Palm is not really a palm. It's a sci-cat or something, and they've been around since the dinosaur. - Miles knows all this stuff. - Oh, shit. - I don't know, I found that out. They really poised this for dogs. You gotta be careful. But, dude, I've been like, just spurring it on my life. - I'm just spurring it on my life. Like, you know that's been around since the dinosaurs, right? - So she's just like, I don't fucking care. - I'm just going to wait a little bit. - Can I tell you something about this? - I've been in Australia shooting this movie for the last two months. - Okay. A week ago, with my wife, and we're watching a movie on her on the laptop, and a message comes up on the laptop. And it says, "A Viva dog sitter." And I literally turned my wife around, and I was like, oh, we got a dog. (laughing) I forgot we had a dog. I don't know what that says about me. I don't know if it's because I have a child now, or something, but literally I saw dogs. And my first reaction was like, "Look, there's a dog sitter." - That's like she was cheating or something like that. - She was like, "Beats a hot or whatever." - But I forgot. - That's kind of a little bit. - 'Cause then you got to call home, dude. - Oh, shit, you're here. - Yeah, that's kind of nice, you know? - Oh my God. - Kind of dog, yeah. - Golden doodle. - Oh, man. - There's nobody warned you about what the doodle makes. - Price. - The high energy also. - Super high energy. - And if it's big and high. - But not the price of the volume to maintain it. - There it is, like. - If big and high energy is a lot, our dog is a half-poodle, but he's eight pounds. So when he gets high energy, it's like a dormant. - Yeah, yeah. - A little annoying. When they're 80 pounds and you gotta do one-year-old kid, it's a difference. It's a different high energy. - I got his dog as a bonsai. - He knows. - Sorry, his nose jumped on my dog's back. My dog used to like his dog, and now he hates it. - He didn't. - He don't want to kill them, dude. - It's back, it's back. - It's a she, my dog is a she, I forgot that until right now. - Wow, it's a she. - A couple ladies of them. - I forgot about this dog. What's up, Miles? - I have a question if we can. When you were doing this radio play stuff, I love radio plays, I think they're really cool. I try to write one once. - You weren't horny enough. - I wasn't. - And whoever's about, it was a podcast murder mystery. - Oh, nice. - Yeah. - Did you ever look at. - That's crazy. (laughing) - The boss. (laughing) - You know, get his man a race. Before you get murdered. - Oh, shit, I didn't put that together. - I'm still thinking about the dog. - We have podcasts. (laughing) - Oh, no. - What? - Honestly, when you said that, I thought you'd been like a podcast murder mystery. I thought that you were just replacing radio show with podcasts. - You know, but like you're saying a murder takes place on the podcast. - Who does it? - He's getting the views by his boss. - Watch him. - Watch him. - Watch him. - Did you ever look at how Orson Welles did The War of the World's One? Did you ever look at it? - Yeah, that's the alien one, right? - The alien one. - That's where they started. - I've heard of it. I never listened to it. - It's an awesome listen. It's also a very fun, like basically, in the late 30s, Orson Welles puts out a radio play and didn't really do a lot of placement senate where he's like, "Hey, this is a radio play." So people are listening. with the radio thing, it's news. And it's a war of the world's aliens are invading across America. They're tuning in to different live people across America, LA's getting attacked New York, whatever. And. Well, this is when people actually believed it was the aliens. Yeah, I really, Steve and Times Square, what do you see in Steve? And he's like, there's a ship above me. There's a ship. But do actually, like, do believe that people really felt that way? Well, this is, this is a fun thing about like the whole media narrative talking about. Nobody actually believed it. My mom's aunt watched a poll. My mom's aunt watched a poll 11. My mom called my her aunt one time. Her aunt was from Ireland. She was living in the States and my mom's like, Hey, how you doing? And she was like, Oh, I just feel so bad for those poor astronauts. They're stuck in space. My mom's like, what are you talking about? She's like, they're on right now. They're on the, it was just a movie a poll 11. She thought that some dude was stuck in space. All 13. Yeah. Yeah. She thought that dude was really stuck in space. She was like freaking out of my mom. She was praying for them. >> You're saying rosary for this guy this guy. And then she sees Tom Hanks in another movie. She's like, dude, he made it back. >> Yeah, it's amazing. I ran across America. >> I just put it in America. I put it in America. I put it in America. I put it in America. >> I put it in America. I put it in America. I put it in America. I put it in America. >> So there weren't people that thought it was real? >> Yeah, we were going to do by A.I. >> Nobody thought it was real. >> No, I'm going to do by A.I. newspapers getting eclipsed by radio so they wanted radio to be bad and put more regulation on regulation on radio. So I was right? Yeah, but there were people that don't freak out, but this is sort of your news. Yeah, I got to give him some, I got to give him some stakes for this radio podcast. Okay, but I'm just saying was I right or was I not right? Yeah, you're right. -I'm really proud about these things. -You swear about Van Carson? -What about Van Carson? -You know that motherfucker didn't do shit. -You had the heart, Dr. Grant? -No, Simon Swins. -Well, you had a Simon Swins? -No, the black Republican guy. -Yeah, he cut them apart. -He's one of the greatest surgeons in the world. That's what they say, but in reality, he just sliced them in half and they died a week later. -What? -Yeah, so he's not good, and I was like, "Of course, obviously." -But they normally die in one day, and then they live seven more days. - Yeah. - We're good. - Wait, why do you cut them in half then if they die? Why don't you just let them be-- - I think we're separated at the head like that. - Oh. - Yeah. - Yeah, and it was hard for one of the balance. - Yeah, true, I make sense. - Also, you got your brother nuttin' all over you when you're upset. - Yeah. (laughing) - Is it raining? - Yeah, it's the whole thing. - That's so difficult, man, having your kid, just two kids with their heads lumped together. - Yeah, I mean, hard. - Two kids with their heads separate is very difficult. - I know, yeah. - Just stuck together with your ex, man, it's fun. - What kind of, you got to like, V out of bed, two beds. - Ah, yeah. - Good job. - Dude, attached at the head is crazy. Like, I mean, like, here. Not here, I'm pretty sure it was like here. - But he's trying his best and he's mad at him for trying his best. - No, I'm not mad at him trying his best, but I'm just like, this is, yeah, he's just, we're astroturfing this. - But he then also did some hard stuff, though, as far. - What he do was hard. - Like, he did, like, the first, like, heart transplant or something. - I didn't read his book, I crushed it, but. - You read his book? - Yeah, I read his book. - Holy hands or whatever? - Gifted hands. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I read it like 15 years ago. - My cousin told me. - He thought it was a basketball book. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - This was before he got political. This is legit. - Probably like 20 years ago. - My cousin was entering med school, read the book, and was like, this is a great book, he gonna read it, it's quick. - Nice. - Oh, okay. - It was quick, he was like, yeah, fuck it. - What do you do? - What do you do, that was good. He just came from like humble beginnings and then he, he doesn't tell you the, I don't think he says the kids died seven years later. He talked about all the prep that went into it and all that stuff. And look, again, it's a fairly forgettable read, but you walk away being like, well, this guy's a nice surgeon. Nice that they should first neurosurgery on a, uh, baby in the womb. There you go. First neurosurgery on a baby in the womb. -Wow. -How did it get in there? -Yeah. -I'll pull up the guy's head. -Double fisted. [ Laughter ] -See, you got to look into these dots. -That's also a good surgery because you don't know what the before is. -Yeah, man. -So the baby comes out. He's kind of dumb. He's like, "No, but he was always dumb." -He was going to be dumber. -The thing about that. -That was tough. When he took the stage, I don't think they were ready for hell. Big of a nerd. He was going to be politically wet. -When he took the political stage, he was such a nerd. >> Yeah, I think, you know, because the Johns Hopkins neurosurgeon, of course, yeah, but they thought it was going to be Republican Obama. >> Yeah, they need a cool black guy and they're like, we got, yeah, the old white guys were like, just you wait and see what we get. >> Yeah, just we have no fear. >> Did you ever make it down with Bobby Jindel, do you remember that? >> Yeah. >> Usually they brought him out and it was just like, what the fuck are we listening to? >> Wait, who was that? Bobby Jindel. >> Bobby Jindel. >> He was like, after Obama's second election, I think everyone re-election, they brought him out to respond to Obama's state of the union or something. His name is Bewish Jindal, but he went by Bobby. He converted to Christianity. He was from Louisiana, had his wild ass accent. - You look like I remember him. - And it was just a brutal, like everybody Indians hated him, and why people were like, what the fuck is this thing? (laughing) It's just, it was a real nightmare. - That's fucking check him out. They were trying stuff out. - Yeah, exactly. You guys just throw stuff for the wall a little bit. - Yeah. - All the oil. - And I'll just drink it out. - See what happens, you know? - Give him a spin. did another all of that. - Wait, before you, I know you have a hard out. Before you go, there's a great clip of you. There's a rip and just shredding on a guitar. We saw that clip, Mark Gagnon brought a guitar. - What? - Oh. - I could play a little bit, that'd be nice. - I mean, it was awesome. - Yeah, I've been playing since high school, but I've never, I didn't really learn how to like read music or anything, but I kinda like, my brother's really good, so he kinda showed me the chords and stuff. - I have a question about guitar. Piano like I understand. I understand like the organization of it, with guitar, like would you say like you fluently understand the instruments? - Not fluently, but I know we're like in the main, a lot of the main chords and notes are, and you just memorize them up and down the string. So like piano's nice as it's laid out. - Yeah, it's very simple, but I feel like I can play things on the piano that I can't play, but I can kind of sound them out and I can-- - Yeah, you can find your way around. - I do not feel that way, and I took like guitar lessons while I was there, but I never felt that with guitar. - So can you, yeah, I can, I mean, you know like the basic chords, like this is E. - All right. - This is like a chord, so this is the A, so you just kinda, it's like E, F sharp, G sharp. So you just kinda like, use your bar chords, you kinda like find your root note and then you can like, so this is E, the scale is gonna be around the chord, then it kinda goes all up and down. - What does that mean the scale is gonna be around the chord? - So like, this is A, right? - Yeah. - That you can start in like the pentatonic around this chord shape and just kinda go like-- - Oh, all of what you're playing is A in that when you're individually picking, yeah. - And that's the minor. So if I'm an A, I can even shift back here and play a major sound like. And then come back into the minor. What makes something major minor? - Just the sound, like this is a minor, it's like kind of sad sounding. - Sound a little nervous, but it's so hard to play. I always find it. - Oh hell, yeah. - Fire. - Taze away, my boy. - It's not like, I just like mess around in my office. So is this you riffing? This is like, this is not a specific song you're playing. - No, it's like a jazz. - You can learn how to kind of go like-- (upbeat music) - Little steamer I've on? - Yeah, little steamer. - Oh yeah, it looks like that. - Are you playing the different chords? ♪ I'm like ♪ ♪ My baby, long in me ♪ (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Can you play some bad money? (laughing) - No, I'm not. - Do you play for your lady? - I don't really play for her. I'll just kind of, she'll usually be like, stop. It's obviously (laughing) ignoring her and the kids. (laughing) So like if you learn like, this is like, so if I'm in A, you can sit here and then you go to like the one, four, five's a pattern. If you want to play the blues, you literally just go like, so you can stay here and go. - Go to the next one. [guitar music] - And you're back to the thing. - And how many different chords are you playing in that? - Just three. - And where you play the chord on the, what is this called? - fretboard. - fretboard, like where you play does it affect the chord itself or is the arrangement of your fingers always the same chord no matter what. - No, so like this is an A here, then you can play the other, like these are like the cowboy chords up here, this is also an A because it's your A root note and you go. - That's, so that's the same chord. - Yeah, this gives you more like versatility so you can go like. - The other is a bar chord because you're holding the whole. - I think you can go. Oh yeah, you know it's like, you know what, and then you play the minor is like, what about using your thumb? Is that a controversial? Yeah, they say not too, but if you want to play it like, so if I want to solo and play, I can go, so you're in like a, I'm doing like a abbreviated version of this, you can kind of play it. I haven't understood a single thing you said, but it sounded awesome. I feel like you can do this while you're getting robbed it wouldn't really help. Yeah, it's like, let's just, I'll take a breath. Oh thank you. But yeah, you know, just while away the harrow is kind of nice. Do you know what we can sing along to? Yeah. I'm sorry, what's wrong with you? No, you can sing along to, I can maybe find it. Just anything, just, something that just kind of symbolizes the power of friendship. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Early in the morning, rising to the street, like me up that cigarette and I strapped shoes on my feet, got to find the reason, reason things went wrong, got to find the reason why my money's all gone. I got a Dalmatian, I can still get high, I can play the guitar like a motherfucker, right? I used to know the solo. I forget, wait a little bit. Oh my gosh. They should check out Netflix special October 7th. Obviously listen to Matt and Shane's secret podcast and look out for the radio play coming in the near future and books and many other creative endeavors. Thank you. Thank you very much. You're awesome.