Matt McCusker & Bobby Gump are Twin Flames

[Music] That was awesome! Sit there. Sit there. No, no, no, sit there. I want you to hear this. No, I already knew he said, I don't want to get out, shot by him. Yeah, it's too late. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's play that play. I'll give you a little bit. In that, you put the microphone close to your knob. I'm just not going to take a keyboard seat. No, no, no, just a little bit. It's as you can talk. I don't feel right about this. Bobby doesn't know what to do with his hands now. [Music] Okay, can I just sit? It's beautiful. He wants a challenge. Oh! It's beautiful. Matt. Matt. Okay, all right. When a white guy tries to challenge me at piano, I get really embarrassed. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, what are you going to pull out on Apigus and go quick? Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, yeah. Go back in there, man. God, this is fucking work out. All right, piano off. Let's see it. Are you doing pianos? Yeah. That's the only song I have. Yeah, yeah. You have warm ears too. Why is this so warm? Like an Irish face? Oh, yeah, yeah. Warm ears. Yeah, your ears are so warm. Why people's ears are so warm? That's an observation that people don't really talk about. Now, you have those warm noses, warm ears. True. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My ears are hot right now. Cold dick though. Warm hearts. You have a cold dick. Okay. My dick's like a dog's nose. Wow. Is it translucent like a Vietnamese spring roll? Yeah, exactly. I can see the veins and everything. It'll work all the workings. Do you ever have like the Grow a Frog? We had this thing in grade school where they genetically engineered these frogs to be clear so you could see their innards. Oh, wow. Yeah. Whoa. Were they real alive? They were alive. They were just like mutants. Wow. You could see all of it, huh? Yeah, you could see. It's like a spring roll but for a frog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was. Yeah. Can you see the pancreas? Yeah. I don't think frogs have pancreas. I think they were frogs. I don't think they were pancreas. Yeah. Yeah. Did they have bones? Oh, yeah. Frogs have bones. They're bones. Yeah. They're bones. Do the salamanders have bones? For sure. Yeah. But your penis has a bone. Yeah. Your penis has a bone. It's just blood, right? I think mine has a bone. Really? Like a little chicken bone. Yeah. A little chicken bone. Yeah. It's a feeble bone. It is. It can break. Yeah. It's a sliver. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can break so easily. Yeah. Yeah. It's just blood, though, that shoots up in there right? Yeah, it is. Yeah. That's why I've said before. Like, I don't even care about penis size. It's just fucking blood. Yeah. Nothing to be boastful about. It's not even a real thing. It's a fleeting. It's a fleeting. Yeah. You have just a poor blood in your penis in your hair. The day, sir. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like a thing. If it was like like that all the time, I'd be like, I'll tip my hat. You have a huge dick. Right. Yeah. You know what I mean? But I do go to the spa, you know, four times a week. And late night, I don't know why, but there's a lot of black guys there. All right. And I tip my hat to that. You tip your hat. I go, good day, sir. If you wear a hat, you're naked, but with a hat. Yeah, I wear my top hat. Yeah. And I go, good day, sir. What do you wear in like a steam room? Yeah. And, you know, I've realized there's certain races that they don't, like I go free ball. Like if you and I went to, yeah, a spa and I go, Matt, would you go free ball? Would you free ball it? I might. Yeah. I mean, I'm getting up there. I'll be full. I wouldn't be getting up there. I'll be 40 this year. I should, I would do that with you. Before I probably wouldn't. But now that I'm. Why? Because let me ask you, why before not? It's just a boy, you know? I don't know. I would be scared. But now it's like we're just two men. I know. But I'm not Jones in on your dick. I'm not saying you are. You're like. Oh. It's not a you thing. It's a me thing. I was insecure. Bobby's not tipping his hat to me. Fuck. Yeah. I mean, I'm not getting a hat to him. I know that already. But I haven't. Yeah. I have a tiny flaccid penis. I would do this. My lady. Yeah. Yeah. I would do a skirt thing. Like I'm a lady to your dick. In the steam, I might get some, and the steam that could be, that's like your best dick, I think, in the steam. Yeah. Yeah. Why? Because it's hot and humid. Yeah. It's not cold and free. Yeah. No, but like a decent flaccid state, right? I try to get honest. I try to get half hard. Yeah. Obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Why do you try to get half hard? Because when it's like, you know what I mean? When it's sleeping dude, it's like, it's like, it's a dead thing. Yeah. So it's not like you're. It's like a button. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want a button in there, dude. So you're not horny. You just want to be like masculine with other dudes. Yeah. Come in there with half hard. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. He wants to change hearts and minds. Yeah. Yeah, I do. I do. My god, Bob believes have hard. Yeah. Yeah. You want to be big. Yeah. You want to be big for the guys. Yeah. I want to be big for the guys. Like girls get cute for each other. Got someone to be big for the guys. Yeah. I don't get my nipples hard when I go in a steam room. You should. You should. Yeah. More girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. I mean, have you gone to a strict steam room with your girlfriends? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, we don't really have tip. We just like just plop them out. Oh. Okay. Oh, I don't plop. Yeah. Other people plop. Yeah. I just think you go to a steam room with other female comics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it wouldn't be sexual. It would be. I think it would be a riot. I don't know. Whoa. I don't know yet. Look at that bush. A fortune. Yeah. Yeah. But not in a sex way. It would have been a big friendly head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that wouldn't be fun. That wouldn't be fun. That would be a blast. Jessica Kirsten in there. Yeah. Oh my gosh. She would probably do something like the character in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. It's a good time. You've got a boyfriend or whatever. Yeah. Why not? Because she's like my daughter. Yeah. But um. I can show you though. I can show you. You want to see it? I'll show you. I'll show you. Okay. Can you describe to the audience what this is, Bobby? Oh. Yes. Bobby's being a sensitive guy. Yeah. Slapping that thing around. I think it's like a slouch out of water. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're with the boys. You do stuff like that. So is it like every hour that you're doing it or is it just like when the time is right? No, it's seasonal. Like Martin Luther King Day or something. It's a holiday. Yeah. It's an actual holiday. Yeah. It's just like when the time's right, man. Yeah. Get out of the shower. Just like, you know, it's instinctual. It is. You're right. You're absolutely right. Yeah. You can't put, you know. Would you guys shower together? No. I'm not. Well, what kind of shower? Prison? Yeah. No, just like, oh, I got a shower. You just come with me. Yeah. Girls do that, right? Like boys. Yeah. Just boys being boys. No, you draw the line there. Why? Yeah. You know, you be yeah. Yeah. Have a big shower though. You're like, we could easily get two dudes. Only if you play sports first. Okay. Yeah. I have to leave it out on the field. Yeah. Otherwise, like I deserve it. I'm not a bat mitten. Yeah. A little bat mitten. Yeah. I would. Five minutes of pickable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. I was going to say, but how have you lost that game? Can you also be naked in the shower with your best friend? If I lost? Yeah. Yeah. That's fine. For sure. I think it's because I can't like if Matt and I took a shower together. Yeah. We couldn't touch. No. Yeah. I mean, there could be no touch, even of elbows. No. What about passing like the soap or the shampoo? Oh, no. We'd have our own. Yeah. I'd have my own body wash. Oh, stuff. Sure. I'd have a little I'd have a little carry. Yeah. Like in college. Yeah. And are you cleaning facing each other or like butts touching facing the other way? Butt touch. Yeah. I can't touch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Although would you do this? Mm-hmm. Because I can't because I have short arms. You don't have the little T-Rex arms. Right. I can't reach my back. Would you scrub a little? I'd hook you up. Yeah. I have actually kind of short arms too. Yeah. I have a little kind of tending going on in my elbows. Yeah. I actually have a hard time. Yeah. I would scrub very nice meat. I appreciate that. And I would even go, is this good? Is it? Oh, no, no. What I would say is kind of. No, is pressure is the pressure gun. But the way you said it was like, I'll hook you up. Which makes it less. But if you're like, is the pressure good? That's considered. That's considered. What are you talking about? I just, okay. Yeah. Because what if he just does one little area? It's like, spread it around, dude. Spread it around. Yeah. Spread it, dude. I want my whole backwash. Right? Yeah. And a weiner. What? You know, you wouldn't have to do my neck. Because I can reach my neck. Yeah. I would be very specific. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. As you should. Now, if you dropped the soap, would you pick it up? - I'd crouch. (laughs) - I'd crouch. - I'd share it with my wife. I like crouch like prison. If I dropped the show, I wouldn't want you to crouch. - You placed too much. - She placed too much, dude. - Yeah, she'll goose me. If I bend over for the soap, I'll get goose. - Oh, really? - Yeah, yeah. - I'll, like, kind of do a squat, grab it. - Knees bent, right? So you're going down like 90, yeah. - You can't just go straight leg, bowed. - What do you mean, like a hinge? - Like a bow. - Yeah, like a bow. - Then I'm like, suppose that's a whole point of squatting, yeah. I think I'll bow for you, but it's because I'm Asian. - Oh, that's a cultural. - Yeah, there's no soap being dropped. - I would, but I would go frontal, but I'll, like, that would be so nice. - I would return it. - Would you really? - I mean, if only if it's okay. - Yeah, it is okay. - I might even break you off in a young and say, oh, too. - Oh, dude. - A cultured guy. - You're a pretty cultured guy coming from the farmland. (laughs) - There are no Asians in the farmlands where you're from. - Not a single one. - Yeah. What farmland did you grew up in? - It was a lot, really. It wasn't super rural. I grew up in Garner Valley in Delaware County. So when I moved out there, it was kind of rural, and then they built a bunch of neighborhoods out there. - Yeah, but they're right at, like, looking at her right here. - Yeah. - Were there people that looked like that? - Just one. - Just one. - And what'd you do? - Nothing. (laughs) - So what'd you do, Matt? - Nothing. I swear to God, we were chill. - Yeah, really? - You wouldn't say hi to that person. - Yes, I would. (laughs) I was a friendly little boy. - Yeah. - And I believe it or not, I was, look, I'm not toot my own horn. I was way against my own time on race relations as a young kid. - Well, tell me more. - Yeah. - I just, dude, I just, you know, I was just chill like that. I never had, you know, I had a Mexican girlfriend seventh grade. - Whoa, that's fucking ahead of its time. - It's talking in 90s, man. - Whoa, dude. - It's Delaware, you said? - In Delaware County in Pennsylvania. - Okay. - It's like right next to the Delaware. I'm a horn, you know? You don't have our weaknesses, but I have faith. - Yeah. - In terms of race, I'm absolutely flawless record. - Wow. - Oh, at least. (laughs) - Okay, let's explore that. (laughs) - Okay, did you have a flawless record when it comes to sexual things? What do you mean? Like, the gaze? - Oh, interesting. - Like, I've never bullied a gay person in person ever. (laughs) - Dude. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, my gosh. - I was nice. There was a very gay kid on my bus in high school and I was very, very nice to this person. - Oh, you were? - Yeah. - Very sweet. - Like, it went way. - It was just nice. - Good morning. - Yeah, I was like, good morning, how you doing? I'd be like, yeah, you're looking good. I would pump 'em up. - Oh, wow. - Yeah. - It was a blush. It was a sweet boy. - And did he ever go, you want to hang out? - Yeah. - Over the weekend? - Now I would have beat his ass. (laughs) - No, I was actually, I got bullied for my older brother. So I was a little bit of a bully in grade school, but I never wanted to take it to a point where I was really hurting someone's feelings. - Yeah, yeah. - I like to tease people here and there, but if I knew someone was upset, I would stop right away. - Who did you bully usually? - Who would be, no? - What? - Women? - I didn't bully women. - Okay. It was just like, I don't know. Whoever appeared weak to me, I would just pray upon them and then like, - Yeah. - You know what I mean? One kid that cried a lot. - Yeah. - So one year he was a trash can for Halloween in school. So we had a trash can over his head. - Oh, that's rough. - So we couldn't see his coming and we just smacked him as hard as we could and knocked him over and kicked him on the ground. - What race was he? - He's a white boy. - Oh. - Yeah, you can do it with the white guy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, but he was just, you know, but again, if someone was like genuinely upset, I would always be like, "Hey, it's all good." You know what I mean? I grew up getting, I got like stuff in a refrigerator. My brothers used to put me in a truck tire and roll me down a hill like. And submerge in the toilet. I got my ass kicked when I was younger. - I got stuck in the lock over two periods. - No. - Yeah, yeah. - Did you really? - Did you put yourself in there? - No. - Oh. - No. Somebody just stuffed me in there. - For real? - Yeah, for two periods said. - How'd you get out? - How the hell'd you last? You didn't scream in there? Yeah, what's screaming? - How'd you get out? - Yeah. - What? - How'd you get out? - You know. - You know, you don't remember oceans 11? - Oh, you were like the ancient-- - Yeah, they're like the ancient-- - You're like the ancient-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I ocean love it. - You've been back with-- - I did flips, you know what I mean? I did all kinds of stuff to get out of. - Oh wow. - Yeah. - No, I was cool, man. I was-- - Would you have been-- I don't know if we would have been friends in high school. - I'm telling you, I was so chill. I know, but I'm not like, come over and spend the night kind of like, let's do a sleepover. - Let's shower together. - No, no, no, no, that's shower together. But like-- - Sleepover? - Like as kids, you would have sleepovers, right? - Yeah, but it all depends. Like if I was friends with people I went to grade school with, so if you had locked in with me in like first grade, we would have definitely had sleepovers. But if you came up to me like, I didn't know you, and you came up to high school, and you're like, let's have a sleepover on that. - No. - 16, I think I've never met you before. - I think our sleepovers would make a fortresses. - Oh, for sure. - Yeah, yeah. - You're gonna stay up all night. - Yeah, with sheets. Got the couches together, build a little spotress, you know what I mean? Do a little accents. - Hello, mate. - That'd be fun. - Yeah, yeah, mate. - That'd be fun. - Parents would come in and say, keep it down in there. - Yeah. - Why are you naked? (laughing) - Get off of each other. - Yeah. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) ♪ I'll pick for your mind ♪ - Price picks. - This episode is brought to you by PricePix. You and I make decisions every day. But on PricePix, being right can get you paid. - Wow. - Don't miss out on any of the excitement the sports season. Our PricePix, whether you're a football fan, a basketball fan, or a fan of both like me, it's always feel good to be right. - PricePix is simple to play. It just pick more or less on at least two player stats. So if you get your picks right, you could cash in. - You wanna choose some here. 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If you have to, built makes it worth it. Built is revolutionizing how millions think about paying rent by rewarding their members with points and exclusive benefits around their neighborhood. Every single month, like you know, back in the day, Kali, when we used to pay rent, it would just go into nothing. - Nothing. - Right, and now what do you get with built? - So many perks, you guys. By paying rent through a build, you can earn flexible points that can be redeemed towards hundreds of hotels and airlines of future rent payment even, or your next lift ride and so much more. - But it doesn't stop there, baby. Built is about making your entire neighborhood more rewarding. You can dine out at your favorite local restaurants and earn additional points, get VIP treatment, at certain fitness studios and enjoy exclusive experiences just for built members every month. - Built is turning a monthly expense into an opportunity to earn rewards and discover the best that your neighborhood has to offer. Your rent is finally working for you. - Earn points on rent and around your neighborhood, wherever you call home, by going to jointbuild.com/belly. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T. com/belly. Make sure you use R-U-R-L so they know we sent you. Get built. (upbeat music) - You know of each other, yeah. I mean, as a kid, there was one kid that was a little sexual with me. - Really? - Yeah. - A boy? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - What? - Re-intuit. - What do you mean was I into it? - Would you say that? - Like, did you like him too? - No, I didn't like it, but I was also like, I didn't know what boundaries meant, right? So I just kind of let it happen. - Yeah, yeah. - It's actually more common than you think. I hear about that a lot. - I think so, yeah. - Yeah. - I would-- - Oh. - Oh. - Yeah. - Okay. - This is the tip. - Oh, no. - Right. - Did you initiate that? - No. - Oh. - He go, mine. - Oh, okay. - Like that, right? - Yeah. - Then I go, do mine. He go, right? - How old are you talking? - 17. (all laughing) - Congratulations. - Yes, today. (all laughing) - I think I was like 10 to 10. - It was a lot of weird. - Yeah, there is. - Things that I did with a bunch of guys. - Okay. - From-- - Okay, the plot thickens, the plot thickens a little bit here. - So from 10 to 15, there was probably four guys that, yeah, yeah. - How would that come about? That's my thing. What would be going on to be like, would it be like, I got an idea? Or like-- (all laughing) - Eureka. (all laughing) - Hey, I know what we could do. - Yeah, yeah. - I got an idea. - No. - Snacks. - He always involved alcohol, you know what I mean? And then, you know, 'cause that was a drunk early on. So it's like, I would get buzzed. And then, I don't think I've ever initiated it, though. - Yeah, yeah. - What do you mean? - No, I don't think he did either. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, I'm saying, I really, I'm dead, that's it. I'm on your side. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was more like, you know what I mean? - He is. - You know? - Yeah. - They pull it out, right? - Then you'll be drunk and you're like, "Can I defend myself real quick?" - Okay, yeah. - You presented this. - Yeah. - What? - You presented this for me. - Let me defend my own argument. - I'm telling you, that kind of Tom Followery is super common. - Yeah, that's what I look at to call it, Tom Followery. - There you go. - But you never did any Tom Followery. - No, I remember when I was really little, there was a girl I knew who was peeing on the toilet and I peed between her legs into the toilet while she was peeing. - That's cool. - It was awesome, actually. - Circus Olatia. It's three-fifth. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that shit though. - That's amazing. - Wow. - But a lot of the young lads would do group beat-off sessions. That was pretty common. - Did you ever do those? - Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's a poster, you're in a finished basement. Everyone's got their own corner, you got one, TV. - Yeah, also would it be, what would you be watching? - Point. - Like a shit. - Oh, right. - Oh, like squiggle vision, it could be the Spice Channel. - Yeah, you know I did a couple of those too. - Yeah, man, that happened. - Was there ever a soggy waffle in there? - No, that's just an urban legend. - It's not a waffle, never happened. - Explain to me soggy waffle, because I do love waffles. - Well, I don't think you like this way. (laughing) - But you come on a waffle, right? - The last person to come on a waffle has to eat it. - Oh, which feels crazy, but that guy should not have to eat the waffle when you think about it. - Let me read the definition here. A group of males sit in a circle and jerk off onto the same waffle which is placed at the center of the circle, naturally. - Exactly, what would it be on the side, you know what I mean? - Of course. - The core of the room. The last one to release is Seminole fluids on the waffle must consume it, plus eating a waffle, which is soggy because of everyone's semen. - Didn't explain that. - Yeah, that was, I always heard of that, the soggy cookie. - Yeah. - But yeah, you were saying the last, yeah, but it's the last one. It's like-- - That guy should be rewarded. - Unless your friends had diabetes, wouldn't it be sweet? - True. (laughing) - Although, what if you just got kind of jacked from doing that? Is it, I feel like isn't sperm good for you? - I've heard there's a B12 in there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'd love B12. - Yeah. (laughing) - I need it. - B12. (laughing) - Don't you? - Yeah, B12. - B12. - B12. - I've heard, there was a study, and I swear I'm not just saying this to be crude, but there was a study saying that women who consume men's sperm vaginally or orally, they said it helps depression somehow. I swear to God, I'm not being crass. - No, right, right. I'm gonna be tricky. - Is that conducted by dudes? - I. (laughing) - I mean, they're had a bunch of things involved. I'm not making this up. I swear to God. - Far from sports. (laughing) - B12. What does B12 do? - B12 is good for, I think, general blood levels and energy like hormones. - Yeah. - So yeah, maybe it is mood. - You know, if you do too much nitrous, you stop producing B12 naturally. - Really? - If you do nitrous, like too frequently, yeah. - Yeah. - Did you do nitrous? - No, I did it a couple times this time. Not my thing, man. I don't understand that. Do you ever see people sit around all day and just like crack those cans and huff that? I don't understand that at all. - What's the high I've never done it before? - It's pretty awesome, honestly. (laughing) - It's pretty awesome. - Yeah. - You just get like incredibly euphoric and it feels like your head just is like lifting off your shoulders for like 10 seconds and then you just, we would do nitrous against a wall. - Yeah. - If you suck in, right? - Yeah. - And then somebody pushes your chest, like you're gonna pass out. - Yeah. - And you would even double the, you know what I mean? It's like what David Caron-Dane did, but in a sexual, you know what I mean? - Yeah, in a fun way. - Yeah, you know, Caron-Dane. - Yeah, you never do that. - Autorotic. - Yeah, yeah. - No, you know what I mean? I don't really. - I don't rope to you. I don't even know, you know what I mean? - Yeah, it just seems too risky. - Like a small, skinny rope or a thick rope? - It's gotta be a thick rope. - A thick, yeah. - You're gonna choke yourself out. - Yeah, you're gonna be like mafios or yourself out. - Yeah, yeah. You're gonna get the piece of twine. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And the lead singer from "In a Success" did that too. - The fuck was his name, Michael? - Yeah. - Hutchinson or something. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - A lot of people have, man. - Yeah. - It must feel every Epstein. - He really admitted that to me. - Who died for that? - Probably an aunt. - No, well, how do you even discover that? In my mind, I would never even think that if you are on the brink of no oxygen to the brain. - Yeah. - And then you're, you know what I mean? - Climaxing. - Yeah. - It enhances the climax. - Yeah, guys, I mean, you're using one hand, but I'm usually tweaking my nipple so hard to climax. - Yeah. - You do that for a hit. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - You know what? Why, dude? You know, let me tell you about why, dude. - Oh, here we go. - Here we go. - I wanna tell you a little secret about why, dude. Okay. I went on a couple of, I've seen a couple of girls, right? That was also dating another comic, who was a white guy. And they both told me- - Oh, I know exactly. - They will tell me that when this person, he's a dear friend of mine, too. It's information. You find information about a friend and you don't wanna know it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - This is one of those. As soon as you climaxing, he needs his nipples twisted. - Oh, wow. - Yeah. So when you said that about yourself, to me, it made the connection that that's why people should. - That's right. If I hear two or more, I'm like, all right, whole group. I do the same exact thing. - You don't write two or more. - I remember. - Two or three. - Two or three. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I don't like the full twist, but I'll tell you what, a general suckling. - Oh. - Oh. - A lot of guys deny themselves the nipple play, but a general suckling as a man. - A gentle suckling that I'm talking like a little, like, baby teeth kind of feel or? - Not necessarily. - Not necessarily. - I don't know. - I don't know. Gentle suckling. A baby to suck? - Yeah. - No, no. - I don't know where you're going. - We need a kid. - Yeah. No, you can't use a kid. - Oh, okay. - Yeah. - Be a kid. - Here it is. - Could you have kids? How many? - Two. - Do you have a masturbation zone? - I've been trying not to, well, here's the thing, I've been trying not to do it in my house anymore because like, yeah, they're old enough where they're going to start wandering around at nighttime. If your kids catch you, that's got to be, does anyone caught their parents masturbating? - My dad caught me masturbating. - Yeah, that's how it should be. - Yeah, that's the other rules. - Yeah, that's the rules. - But if you catch your dad, that would be fun. That's why. - That would be fucking, no, nightmare. - Yeah, man, I tried to just save it for like when I'm out of the house. - On the road. - Yeah. - And then I really treat myself. - Oh, on the road, yeah. - But I swore it off all together for a good like six months. - I know because what you guys don't realize is that release is you feel tired. - Yeah, we do realize that. We get that too. - I've heard rumors about that. - I don't know. - I don't know. I don't have a scientific data on it. - Okay, here's what I don't like it too, just FYI, okay. I was making love to a woman about a month ago and after I climax, then she started licking my neck. - Whoa. - It's like, it's over. - Okay. - The game's over. - Leave me alone. - The game is over. What are you doing? - You're a man. - Maybe it's on the ground too. - What? - Had she once around too? - Did she climax? - Oh. - That's none of his business. - That's not my job, that's none of my business. Right? - She's like, can you please just make me come and you're like, it's over. Bobby's done. - Yeah, you missed out. What here's the thing, lady, is that I make sure that they do it orgasm first before I get mine. And if they can't get theirs, I don't get mine. - Oh, that's my root. - That's my root. - That's what I'm talking about. - What? - That's right. - Right, old school. - Old school theater. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, but it's like, also she knows that like, you know, I no longer have an M-A-D. I'm an M-16. I have a musket. - Is that your wiener in this issue? - Yeah, when you're old, like when you're a kid, right? - A musket, you got a word in it. - You can unload, you can unload 40 times, right? - Wow. Right? I'm 54 years old, right? One shot? - Yeah. - It takes 24 hours. - Is that you loading the musket? - Never. - Off my shirt. (laughter) - Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's. - Can you unload twice? - No, I'm the same way. However, when I did swear off masturbating when I was like five months into that, I had one episode where I was like, holy shit, I might be able to back to back. - Whoa. - I got turned down. - Oh. - My wife was like, dude, you're fucking weirdo. (laughter) - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm good on that. - Yeah, yeah. - I was just so proud. I was like, holy shit, I can actually, that's crazy. - Yeah, maybe that's something. - Nowadays, hell no. - No, no, no. - Once and that's it. - Chill for a day. - Chill for a 24 hour. - A good 24 hour. - A good 24 hour. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Go to this spa, get a half job. - Yeah, exactly. - Hang with the guys. - Yeah. (laughter) - I can't even do, like, if I do it at night in the morning, it's not an out of a time. Yeah, yeah. - It depends, obviously, but yeah, I would agree. It's kind of, yeah. - It's tough. - Yeah. - But you've been with your wife for a long? - Ten years, we've been together. - That's amazing. - Yeah. - And you still find her attractive? - I do, man. - That's great. - Yeah. - We've been through thick and thin, but luckily, I mean, I can speak for myself. I'm very attractive to her, so. - That's amazing. - Yeah, so. Congratulations. - Yeah, I think she's attractive. - Yeah, it's kind of just you attractive. - I can't speak for her, but I think she is, you know, as much as you could be attractive. - We are. - We are attractive guys. - Thanks, man. I appreciate that. - Yeah. - I have doubts about myself, but, you know, you do? Sometimes, yeah. Like, physically? Yeah, sometimes I get pimples on my butt. - Oh, everyone gets those. - Really? - Yeah, yeah, I do. I don't. - I don't either. Yeah. Yeah, you also my brother. Yeah, yeah, I've never gone Have you? No, no, no. That's like when you're working out and stuff. You get sweaty butt. True. Oh, yeah. I don't-- I don't work out. Also, Dairy gets me five-dairy butt pimples grow. Yeah. So, you know, I'm like hitting over the pimple butt late at night. Right. Tiny flasipinas. It's hard to really woo her. Do you let her pop it? Yeah, she likes we loves popping them. Yeah, that's the one. Kind of saving her. The butt ones? Yeah, wherever, I don't care. Yeah. They scar kind of eat. Well, you get up another insecurity, if I think? No, no, no. They do scar. They do scar. They do scar. Is it pimple butt? Not pimple butt. Oh. Is it butt pimple? I'm sorry. Play on words. Yeah, it's like the scars from a butt pimple. Yuck. I'm not looking like that. Yuck yuck. That's my picture. How do you-- What the heck? Yeah, I play with that. If I see a butt like that, I'm going to take a step back. Yeah. You feel insecure, too. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, man. I don't know. That's another white thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm usually full, bro. Two whites, and now it's the whole group. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, yeah, yeah. White people get fucking p-p-p-puppet poles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And happens. Yeah, yeah. It's cool. Wow. Stinks. Yeah. I remember, I remember just now you're bringing up a memory in high school. You know my friends were in, again, a different finish basement. And we were like-- It was a game where you'd run to the front of the TV. You'd show your butt and run back. And it was my turn. We were-- We were like, we did get an engagement. I go-- [LAUGHTER] That's the worst thing I've ever heard. It's literally worse than kissing the bottom of the TV. But it was like-- there was like-- I don't know. We're playing like some game day, whatever video. Yeah. Maybe there's music on. And people just getting real silly and amped up. And one guy, like, moon-- one guy, moon, the rest of us. Yeah. And another guy did it. And then it became like, oh, OK. We're all going to moon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was my turn. And I gave, like, a real-- I mean, I'm not literally half-ass. Kind of pulled down a little, and we were like, what the fuck was that? I had to be like-- I got pimples. I got pimples right now, guys. I don't want to show it to you guys. You said that? I was just kind of like-- I don't know. I don't remember. I remember just kind of like just getting out of it somehow. Listen, I didn't open up so much. Do you get pimples on your face, though? No, I don't get-- Well, they're fucking simple pimples. There you go. Then what's going to judge your butt pimples? I know, but-- We're all doing that. It's like, I'm not going to go, oh, Matt's was here. He ruined the fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I wish I knew that back then. One of those star stickers or whatever. [LAUGHTER] What are these stars on his head? It's like the university. [LAUGHTER] Look at the webber telescope. What the fuck? The little dipping. Yeah, yeah. The whole book. Neal de Grassi Tyson's there with a-- [LAUGHTER] What are you up to? Yeah, wow. So you're talking about one or-- There's a couple. All right. They've got a lot better, honestly. Okay, good. Yeah. My wife's been hyping me up. I'm worried about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to go and acutate on your-- for your ass. No, you know. And I'm telling you, it's dietary. A lot of the dermatologists try to push back. I'm like, it's stuff I'm eating. They're like, no, it's not. And it's like, it is, man. I think it is. It's beef, dairy. It breaks me out. I think it's something like that. Yeah. It can't stop eating. Yeah, yeah. I get acne underneath the noses a lot. Really? Have you gotten those? No, sometimes. They're the worst. It's a pain imaginable. Yeah. The worst place to get acne is underneath your nose. Yeah. What do you think, Jules? I think mine is always under forehead. Yeah, you have a lot. [LAUGHTER] You really do. I wanted to mention it. Yeah. That's the thing about pimples. Yeah. I don't notice other people's pimples at all. Yeah. If I have one. If I have one, I'm like, this is crazy. Yeah, it's interesting you say that. Yeah. But I like the star thing. I like when the girls have the stars on them. Yeah, that's a nice one about it. Yeah. Because it kind of looks nice. But it's distracting to me. Yeah. I'm only thinking about a pimple when I see a star thing. That's the thing. I do imagine their gross pimple underneath it. Yeah. No. I don't. I don't do that. I do. Yeah. I don't. Yeah. Oh. I just let it be. I just let it be. I take them off and I kiss the pimple. Oh, yeah. Then I get my prescription from CVS. Yeah. I walk out. Like, I'm getting a girl right now. And she has something sometimes a break out and stuff. Yeah. It's a bother me. But it is interesting that you say that we get one. And we think that everybody in the world is staring at us. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's so interesting. Oh, yeah. Sometimes they are, though. Do you ever see like you're talking to someone around your little like your nose pimples and then they come back up? Usually it's towards my bulge. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But I've done that. I've done that to you a couple times. Yeah. But I feel you. Totally. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Why do you think you get head pimples a lot? I don't know. It says like on Google either you're stressed or you're not sleeping enough. I don't think you sleep enough. Yeah. I always sleep like at 2 a.m. But it's a bizarre sleep, too. You can sleep anywhere. Anywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Why is that Filipino style? I don't know. It's always been like that. I don't know. Don't you guys sleep at the same time? Yeah, but I sleep in a bed. She could sleep anywhere. I can sleep anywhere. Sometimes I sleep on the couch. Yeah, on the ground. Yeah. Anywhere. I have a Chinese niece and she's the same way. There are two Asians sleep on the ground. Two. Now that's a group thing. How old are you? She's four. Yeah. She's a baby. She's 24 years old. Grown adult. Grown adult. What were you talking about? Yeah. Passes out in the car. Yeah. Tight big tarantrum. I had a friend in high school with his sleep standing up. What? I had a friend that could sleep. If he positions himself in the corner of a room and pop himself up like a fucking zombie. He's doing a bit. He's doing a dark guy. No, I'm not kidding you, dude. I would say his name but he's not to mention his name ever again. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah. Where would he display this at? Yeah. Let's go to sleepovers. Oh, my God. He's just dressed up. Yeah, five in the morning. I wake up and look at it. It's crazy. He won't let me bring it up. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. People that could sleep anywhere. I need to be. That's drag. It's got to be a temper-pedic situation. It's got to be. Yeah, your pillow. Your pillow has to be right. And if you've ever fucked up a pillow game. Oh, dude. Hotel? When I go to a hotel room, right? And if the pillow is not right, it ruins the weekend. I'm actually going to request a better pillow. They keep them. You can ask for people. What kind do you like? I like a firm. Look at it. A relatively firm side sleeper pillow. I need some fucking, I need some, you know, a firm. The ones that are like a cloud. No, don't get me angry. You're going to be angry, right? Well, you stick your head down, and then all of a sudden you write to the mattress. Dude, it's right. What is the point of this cloud thing? Yeah, I mean, some sort of optical illusion. I didn't know until three years ago you could get a different pillow than like the-- I didn't even know that now. I know now. It depends on the hotel, right? Yeah, the hotel I'm in right now. It's nice, but it's like the pillows are fucking trash. I dealt with it all last night. I got a terrible sleep. But I'm going to go, I'm going to request a better pillow. Oh, you know what I do when I go to my mom's house? What? I go straight to fucking Walmart. Wow, that's a good idea. Yeah. Get a memory phone. Yeah. Him's offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments and ingredients that work including chews, oral medication, serums, and sprays. 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Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral manoxidil and finasteride, featured products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required. See if website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. I have to get a whole set up when I'm on my mom. She throws that shit away. I've spent $600 on a fucking temperapeutic thin layer, four pillows, sheets, the whole fucking thing. Every time you go to your mom's, my mom's shit smells like squid piss. It smells like a fucking Okinawa market. It's, what is it? Kwayleg? What am I smelling here? It stinks. The whole house smells like a fucking, you know what I mean? Bangladesh. Bangladesh. Yeah, like poo, squid, nothing good. You know you go to a white person's house, you smell a baseball glove. That's what I smell. Right? I smell coffee, baseball glove, right? And that also that what's that thing that pumpkin spice? Yeah. It's a very good smell, right? Yeah. You go to my mom's house? It's like, what the fuck is this man? I hate it. It's fermented. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It smells so bad. But then it's so funny, after you stay in the house for like a couple days, you get used to it. Yeah. Yeah. But then friends like girl, like I had, um, Klayla's spent the night there. - And she's sleeping. (all laughing) - Yeah, Asians smells are. - Yeah, I went into a house where they were like from Laos, I think. - Well, tell me about that. - I went in and I was, first of all, there was just jars of fucking shit everywhere. And I walked into the counter. It was the most chaotic counter set up I've ever seen. - Yeah, yeah. - And there was just things being boiled. And I do remember being like whacked by the smell. It was pretty crazy. - We had a jar at my mom growing up. I don't know what it was. No one ever opened it, right? It was the color of, it was orange bog water. - Okay. - And then you would tap on it, right? And a little eyeball would put it up. (all laughing) Like I have no, yeah, yeah. It was crazy with a little eyeball, boom, eyeball. No one ever opened it. It stayed in my house for 10 years, right? I never asked, like what is it? (all laughing) You know what I mean? But it's like, it was like Asian houses. - It's like a lava lamp. (all laughing) - Asian houses have a real distinct smell, you know what I mean? Yeah, what did your house smell like? - I don't know, it's hard for me to say 'cause it's like, it just didn't smell like anything to me. - Right. - But I feel like it was just smelled like laundry detergent. That's the thing, I always smell people's detergent. - Yeah. - It's that people's houses do have a distinct smell 'cause we moved to a new house two years ago. And I'm starting to smell like I haven't broken in that house to my family smell yet 'cause I still smell like the other, everything smells like a different family. - Oh, interesting. - What do you mean? I don't know, I don't think we feel like, if I walk into my parents house, I'm like, yep, this is a smell of my family. - Yeah. - I'm in this house and I'm like, this isn't us. We're still battling the smell of the previous family. - Of the previous family? - Yeah. - It's like when you go to a charity shop and you put a, they're old shirt on. - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah. - Thrift shop and you put the shirt on? - You wash it for us, will you fucking nasty it? I started with a shirt. - I see, I don't do that. - Somebody could have died in it. - You don't wash it? - No, I don't do that. - Wait, if you get one from a thrift shop? - Yeah. - She doesn't wash it. - You know what, I bought one recently, I did the same thing, I bought it right away. I can't get the fucking smell. - That's a lot of people. - Two white people, that's a lot of people. - Yeah, we're closing a lot. - You do that too? - Oh, yeah. - You wash, right? - Yeah. - Yeah, wash, four or five times. - That's what you get, but. - Once. You know what's funny, if I get a new shirt, I will wash that before. - Yeah, be too, I'll wash it before. - I don't know why, if I get a brand new shirt, I'm like, get that put that in the wash. - So your house smells like a different family's house? - Yeah, do you know what color of the family was? - I'm being respectful, I think I'm living in like a juu smell in a nice way, in a nice way. It's a good smell. It's a good smell, but I think. - What did a smell like? - I can't describe it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm guessing I think. - Like a bank. (all laughing) - Wow. - Yeah, like in a good way. - In a good way. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I just, I told my wife I said I think there's, you know, we gotta take this juu smell over with it. - Right in town, I wanna get in town. - Oh, so you, 'cause you're wife's house. - Oh, check this out. (all laughing) - Check this out. - Because it's funny, your wife and you come from different smells. - Yeah. - So, oh, this is good for you. - This is good for you. - My wife's wife. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's what I thought you were alluding to. - No, I didn't know she was black. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Well, that was still, that's, that's different smells. - It's not at all. Everyone has, we just talked about it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, so you guys come from different smells. - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. - Now that, now that, let's use black. (all laughing) - Now, you know what I'm saying? - Yeah, it's black. - You gotta pay for it. - You gotta power through, brother. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right, like, you got, you know, your smell. (all laughing) You know what I mean, it's like, you know what I mean? - Oh, yeah. - Like, like, like a real chicken. (all laughing) Wet dog. - A real chicken fried chicken. - Yeah, that's where I was going. - Oh, is that? - But use the joke. (all laughing) - Yeah. - No, but what I'm saying is that, aside from, take the photo, I get it. (all laughing) - He's panicked. - There's an understanding, you know what I mean? Beautiful family. - Thank you. - But you guys bring different smells together and it creates your own smell. - Yeah. - Yeah, what is the smell, do you think? - You don't know, you can't tell. You can't tell. - Again, it's like, you know, it's like a fishing water. I can't say, I'm in it all the time. - Right. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It sounds like, can I just, yeah, you can just, yeah, let's be able. Maybe like a bubble gum roast, right? (all laughing) - Oh, I see, I see. - Yeah, like a bubble gum. - Like a bubble gum roast. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, because. - You know why. - Yeah, we know why. - We know why. - We know why you said it. - It's forced. (all laughing) - Okay. - Yeah. (all laughing) - It was friends with, you know what I mean? - Uh huh. - And together, they created the business together, right? Smells like a giant shrimp boat. (all laughing) - We tend to dance there. (all laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah. We tend to dance in it. Wow. - Wow. - What a poor death. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you know what? Wait, how does he die in that movie? I don't know if he dies. He dies on the field. No, he doesn't. - No, that's not what that means. - Bring him up. - And he fucking has sex with the hooker. Oh, Boba dies. Boba dies. - Boba dies. - They were saying it didn't die. - No, no, no, Boba dies. - Do you think this movie? - Yeah. - Boba made me watch it. - Yeah, I made it watch it. - Yeah, great. Boba dies on VNVNOM. - Yeah. - And, you know, he, and this is how great Forest was. He, right? He took his idea. Made into a giant business and then gave a lot of the royalties to the mom. - Yeah. - Do you remember that? - Yeah, I remember that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a great guy for us. - He's a fantastic guy. - But he invented the smiley face. - Yeah, he did. - It's a great movie, man. - You know what, dude? - Shame about the end. - Well, Jenny died from AIDS. That's what she gets. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, that's my favorite part. - Do you think that's the thing? (laughing) - That character, I mean, people talked about it before. - Yeah. - I don't like it. - Yeah, that's not it. - In many ways, I'm Forest Gump. - Okay, elaborate. - I'm gonna elaborate, all right? (laughing) Like, I'm gonna say something, okay? - Oh, here we go, yeah. - And so, when I was an open-micro, there was this girl. I'll tell you, show you the photo later. And I'm gonna say it again 'cause you didn't mad. So there's a girl. - He's getting mad at you. - Yeah, yeah. - I get mad, I get, I get, yeah. - That's why you're gonna end you, you know, you know. That's why I say things, people get mad. So I don't want to cause any mad. - True, true. - You got the NDA thing, huh? - All right, so anyway, there was this girl that she was hot, right? She's hot now, but back in the day, and I, for a year, tried, right? And she goes, now we're just friends. I'm not attracted to you. - Yeah, sucks. - And then a year ago, I ran back into her, and she was like hitting on me, right? - Wow. - And it's because I became who I am, right? And I'm like, what forest made a mistake? And she went, okay, you know what I mean? - I didn't. - I go, this is fuck you, bitch. Right? - Did she die of AIDS? - Yeah, she died of AIDS. (laughing) - After you spit on it, what I'm saying is, it's the same thing, it's like, you know, forest try was in love with it. - Yeah. - And she sex with how many people? - Everyone. - It was seven days. - But not forest, ever forest. - But not until the end. - Yeah, and finally, yeah. - It's like the fucking notebook. I hate that movie. - Yeah, yeah. - You don't like the notebook? - No, it's about a girl fucking some other guy while another guy builds her house. - I know, but she didn't know. - Yeah, man. - All the letters work out. - I never paid attention. I was always tangering. (laughing) I'd come to the end, I'd be like, what the fuck is this? What's the notebook about? - It's just a, how do you explain it? It's about dementia, kind of, right? - No, that's at the end, but the love in the beginning, what is it? - They just met when they were young and then this girl is really rich and then the parents didn't approve of the guy because he was poor. - Yeah. - And then she moved away, but then they were still in love but the mom was like, no, I don't want you with him. - Right. - And then the girl just kept writing letters to him and also the guy, but for some reason, the girl never received any of the letters. - Because the parents. - Yeah, but she married another man. She married another all over heart, married another man, broke this guy's heart. - This is like a Romeo and Juliet, right? - And then what happens? - They met again. - Yeah, after she gets a divorce? - Yeah. - No, while they were still together with the other guys, the parents. - Years later though, years later. - Because she saw that, oh, this guy built a house for me and so she went back just to see the house. - And she left the husband? - Eventually, I had a lot of sex. They were fucking a lot of sex. - Her and the husband you're saying? - No, the husband was a cuck in North Carolina. - Okay. - So she saw the house. - And then she got wet and then was fucking-- - See, see, see, see. - Yeah, but this is what a guy has to do. - This is a sick and twisted fantasy. This is the thing I don't like about it, yeah. - She had a whole husband, a whole life. - Oh, husband. - And she just expected that this guy just dedicate his entire life to her one day, maybe coming back and that's the sick and twisted part where I'm like, you know, I blame him. - It true. - I blame him. Don't build the house. - No. - Yeah, yeah. Move on. - But he was loved. - No, no, no, no, that's not love. - Let me say something to you ladies right now, okay? And I think Matt will agree with me, okay? Right? It's more math than magic. - I don't understand. (laughing) - And you're a little twisted mind. Can't even, absorb that's my concept. - I know about that. - It's more math than magic. Explain to me that concept. - It's more about the logistical inputs and the day-to-day flog than just kind of this infatuation, you know, That's not what I was saying I was so I would you bro. I like to sing. Yeah, it's plain to say so math is it's like it's some people believe He's though he was created for me So he's my soul my love of my life right magic It's not that. Okay. It's a numbers game you date enough and then you'll find somebody Well now I'm against to say yeah Now that I don't understand. There we go Bobby. Look at that life is like a Bob Kim. She yeah, yeah, that's great Look at those shoes. Those are the Frankie shoes. Yeah, yeah, so um, so you disagree? Yeah, I mean, you believe you believe you're It's still magic if you found the person eventually it's still magic There can be magical feelings Right, but I don't believe that that the person made it God created that specific person for me Yeah, I mean, I think it was just a random chance that you met somebody right place right time right place right time Okay, I don't know I have to I kind of describe to more of a fateful, you know This does click at one point it clicks and you go so you don't think that you know I mean aside from your wife you don't believe in twin flames. Oh Interesting Have you seen that have you seen the document explain to me about twin flames? Maybe I need to be educated Oh shit explain to me to win flame twin flames. Are we talking about the cult? Well the cult was where I got it from okay We that Matt read it a twin flame is a spiritual concept for a person who's considered the other half of one soul creating an intense and magnetic connection What the what you're saying to me is what you're saying to me right now is I'm one flame You're half a flame half a flame In a fine or twin flame you can take someone a thousand bucks a month to find you Yeah, yeah, the cult was crazy. Oh, that was crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, gender Yeah, they it was all I mean, it's a twin flame thing. So I guess what happened? There's a bunch of girls basically. Yeah, there's too many girls trying to find their twin Try and find their mate and then the the cult leader was like all well Some of the these girls have to be guys basically to like genius Like a lot of them became trans right? Yeah, that's all that. Oh, so that goes back to numbers game theory then It's like I got too many girls. It's all about numbers right now. Yeah. So what then what happens because I believe in God Mm-hmm, I really do me do and I do prayers. Yeah, and I say dear God Can you please find me my twin flame of 54 years old? You say twin flame my second flame Half-flame half-flame other half of the flame my trans flame Whatever at this point But like I pray about it, right? I'm 54 looks like it's not gonna happen. I don't think you really What if your other house a guy? Dressed up as a girl or just a straight-up guy Well, then I'm fucked I'm fucked why because I don't like guys But you try remember when I was a young. Yeah, it doesn't count. Yeah, it doesn't thank you, Matt What if it is I don't like guys. Yeah, I can't be the kid. Well, what if God and also God didn't think God doesn't hate me He's a faster than yeah, I also think it's against him I don't think he would do that. Yeah, doesn't God not like that. Yeah Like the straight guy have a gay flame. Yeah, yeah, that's a fair point Yeah, so what where's my twin flame? I might my other half You might have to go a motable lifetime to find a twin flame. This might be all part of your journey. Yeah grinder Oh, you think it's a multiple like another life could be I don't know. I don't know. Man, that's hurtful. Well, it's you know what man? You should really when you're with your wife and your children. Think of Bobby Am I might get round two out of me? But no, but really be grateful for what you have because it's like you got it. You got what you got what you don't have it You know, empty empty vessel of nothing You're in your thirties Don't make fun of me Okay, we do fight a lot though. That's a thing. We do that's fun though Yeah, it does it is get to blow yeah, yeah, yeah, you're by flame. What I'm kind of big on that right. Yeah Do you want to take this? Okay, it's 16 questions if I gay okay You be honest, okay, you and I will both take it. Yeah, well, we can only do one answer You want to come to a consensus? Have you ever had feelings for a same gender close friend like what's the feel that's that's a that's a but that that's the that's the That's why they were word it that way. How do you answer? Yes, you just like yes, you're gay I think so that's why I'm taking the quiz wait there's a difference between friendship and a crush don't think so But we're so close people joke that we're dating nope. We're just friends. I would say don't think so the people were so close people joke that we're dating Yeah, that's good. That's a good. I'll go with that. I'll back you up on that Have you ever kissed someone or wanted to kiss someone of the same gender? No, yours is Mike you did No, but have you ever but have you ever kissed someone have you ever kissed someone so want to kiss someone? No, I never kiss. I just kiss their penis Making out with a guy is intimate. Well, I think they're talking. What about peck and kissing a dick is not intimate? No Procedural Yeah, it's not it It's a smooch. Yeah Nope, I'm not in the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's our it's our quiz How do you feel about queer characters and TV shows and movies? I don't I don't I don't care you don't think you can identify with some of them. No, I don't identify with them at all. Okay Yeah, I would say I notice somebody don't feel strong. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Thank you Whatever message when someone asks you you're crushing on a name comes in mind immediately and it's someone of the same gender No, I make up a neighbor pick someone. No, I literally can't get the big deal about crushes I talk about some of the opposite sex who I'm generally crushing on. Yeah, that Okay, I'll take I'll go. Yeah, yeah, has anyone ever asked if you were gay? Yes People pretty much assume about yeah, yeah, no, no, that's not me You gotta ask other people. Yeah, yeah, okay, you think I'm gay. No wait, wait stop. You think I'm gay I don't know I'm playblist That's right when you imagine being in a relationship what do you picture? I can only see myself with someone of the same sex I'm not sure any gender any gender seems okay. I'm probably gonna be with someone the opposite That's it. I'm probably gonna wait. I can see myself some with the yeah that that the fourth one the fourth one Okay, I'll take a third fourth How would you feel about identifying his gay if you were if you had to Yeah, that feels great and also makes me a little nervous, but also kind of fits. I'm not sure how I feel that's the third Okay, that's all Have you ever felt attracted to someone the same gender? Yes? Yeah, but everyone has right maybe the second one for you, huh? I would say no no Brad Pitt Okay, I don't play track. Okay, so you say second right for you. I mean there. I mean yeah, yeah exactly Yeah, you're very defending, but everyone. Yeah. I mean you've never let me let me tell you Honestly, well, like you've never seen like Someone like Tom Hardy. No, I don't I mean I used to I said jokingly tweet about Estabating the rock then my mom found the tweet and got upset at me. Yeah. Oh, oh my I can't have he's an attractive man But what I want to be like in his arms. No, that's not what it's asking. Okay, it's all to deal his abs or just touches. Oh attracted though That's a record that's I'm saying like track. It means I want to be closer and closer until we're touching is it is that what that means? Yeah, I tracked it. Mm-hmm. He's not gonna touch the boobs people of the same No, no, no, no, no, no, you sure Bobby. Yeah, go. No, you positive. Yeah, I understand his point. I get what you're saying I can't recognize I can recognize that like Tom Hardy's hot. Yeah, but I don't want to you know, man But that's you're not attracted. Yeah, you recognize unless he's gonna offer me Mad Max putt to Mad Max. Well, it's already out Yes, but the third one the third one with him in it didn't Tom Hardy like but fucking guy and I think he's on the record being like Yeah, yeah, but if if Tom Hardy goes I'm doing a new Mad Max. Yeah, right? What I have to do Matt just suck my dick. No, man. I don't want Mad Max three that bad I would just be a warboy. I would just be like, - I know. (laughing) - All for that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - How do you feel about that? - But Baha'la, what does it say? - Yeah. - Baha'la. - I would do it right before. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, but if we're gonna the next one, right? Is there any movie that you could do? - There's some movies that are really like, I don't know. - Yeah, yeah. - It's a life changer. - The second lead of a Tarantino movie. No, listen to what I'm saying, right? Co-starring, you know what I mean? - You. - Alongside who? - What? - Alongside who? - You. - And Leo. - Leo. - That's the answer. - You, Daniel Day-Lewis, Samuel L. Jackson. - L. Jackson. (laughing) - Samuel L. Jackson. - Yeah, L. Jackson, right? You're the second lead, right? Imagine the poster, you're driving nearby. - It's my-- - Matt McCuster and, yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, it's tempting, obviously, but-- - And all you can do is suck a stick on one's tent. - Who's the Tarantino? - Would you? - Bobby? - Bobby, would you? - 100% yes. - That's crazy. - That's more into stand-up. How about when you were an open-micre to get a Netflix special? Would you-- - Back when I was an open-micre? - Yeah. - That's different. (laughing) - Yeah, that's not the day. - I would have liked to be-- I would have done it to be in a feature, back then. - Okay, let's move on. Do you fantasize about being with someone of the same-- I mean, sometimes, right? - No, no, I sometimes transgender. Is that different? - No, that's a sometimes. Well, I click that. - That's straight as hell. - Yeah. - Okay, that's okay. - When you imagine kissing or being intimate with a future partner, how do you feel? As long as I'm with someone, I really like that sounds great. Good, I guess. I can't imagine that. I don't think I'll ever want that, regardless of gender. - Yeah. - I'm too young for that. - Yeah. - No, when you imagine kissing or men, this is like the one trick question in the future. - That's all looking for the trick question. - Yeah, this is one that's gonna sink us. (all laughing) - When you imagine kissing or being intimate with someone. - Yeah, number one. - Yeah, that, yeah. - Yeah, number one. - But then it's like-- - That's your pansexual. If you like that one. - Yeah. - You scroll through your feet or FYP. Do you see content from queer care? - No. - What's a FYP, by the way? - I don't-- - Or you paid. - Oh, no, I never. - You've never seen a gay person on your feet on anything. - Bobby, that's a lie. - No, no, no, no, no. No, I've got four hillbillies beat on the square. (all laughing) - See, I don't think. - I'll get that. - Just fuck you, gay. - Fuck's new stuff. - Flash forward five. (all laughing) - Flash forward five years, how likely is it that your partner is the same generation? - Not very likely. - Shoes, what do you think for Bobby? - Be real. You know the women I've dated. Be real. It's a fair point. - It's possible, but not super likely. - No, not very likely. Not very likely. - Not very likely. Thank you. - All right, you got two more questions. Would you be comfortable using an LGBTQ+ dating app? - No, that makes me very uncomfortable. (all laughing) - Thank you. - Thank you. - Are there a lot of LGBTQ+ individuals in your friend? - What does that mean? (all laughing) Are you friends with any gay comics? - Yeah. - I am. - Yeah. - How many? - A lot. - Mateo, Fortune Feamser, Justin Martin Dale. - That's a lot. - That was okay. - What inspired you to take this quiz? - I think I might be gay, but I want some extra validation. I identify with aspects of queer experience that I'm totally not sure where I stand. I'm just curious about the results. - That's it. I want to confirm that I'm heterosexual. - That's pretty gay. - That's the gayest-- - That's the trick question. - Yeah, yeah, third. - I'm just curious, I don't care. - Yeah. - Okay. - In that tone. - What does that say? - What is it? - Are we gonna wait? - We're closeted. - Oh, we're probably crazy. - Yeah! (all laughing) - We're back in the same place we started out as. - Yeah, yeah. - This is your problem. I think they'll get in trouble if they're like, yeah, you're 100% straight, right? - Yeah. - This is the liability thing. - Yeah, yeah. - I didn't need to take that. - No. (all laughing) - I don't think I need to take that. - Yeah, that's probably straights pretty much as good as you can get. - Oh, oh, so I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't, like, you know the things I've said and done. - Yeah. - I'm not shy about if I was gay, I would just be gay. - That's true, actually. I believe that. - You'd buy though. - No, I would be a buy then. And you'd be like, I'm buy. - I would do jokes about it. I don't, why would I care? I don't have shame in my, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - My comedy, right? In my comedy. - Yeah. - I'm upfront. I've talked about my gay experiences growing up. I'm not shameful of it or I'm embarrassed about it. I'm open with everything. - Yeah. - So it's like, no, I think if I was buy, I'd be like, I'm buy. - Bye-bye. - Bye-bye. - Bye-bye. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - True, right? - Yeah, for sure. - You're an open book. - You would be the same too, right? - Yeah. - Yeah, man. I mean, yeah. No secrets here. - Yeah. (laughing) And if your children come out, came out, how would you? - I wouldn't care. I mean, they're girls. (laughing) - Those videos make me cry. - What? - When like a guy, when a guy in his 20s, gets his parents together. - Yeah. - And he goes, hey, mom and dad, just let you know. It's really hard for me to say. But I'm gay. And when the parents go, the fuck I lost. (laughing) No, when they go, we knew this honey and we don't care. - I feel like they do know. - Yeah. - I know, they do know. Yeah, but it makes me cry. They accept us. - It's nice. - 'Cause there are some dudes that are like, yeah, hit the street. - Beat it. - Yeah, that's fucked up. - How can you be like that as a parent? - Yeah. - Yeah, it's fucked up, man. It's fucked up. Yeah, but I mean, back in the day, I think what it was was like, they were worried that like, their friends then would ostracize them and then that was the whole thing. Which is still not right. - In 2020. - Not now. - Yeah. - Now you gotta be crazy. - Yeah. - But like in 1950, I know. That's a lot. You get a homeless too. You get a lot of like gay, young homeless people. - Yeah. - They get the boot. - Yeah. - Or then when the parents go, well, we gotta bring you into up. - What do you call it? - Conversion therapy. - That's tough love. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a wild one. I mean, people still believe that you can change from it. - Yeah. - It's insane. - Yeah. - Yeah, that's a tough one. - Yeah. - Are you religious? I'm a, I don't know. I'm like, not like organized religious, but I believe in God. Same way, I believe in God. - But you go to church and stuff. - I go to church sometimes. - Yeah. - And do they, does the preacher or pastor ever say stuff like that? - No, they don't do that kind of stuff. - Yeah. - It's a pretty chill setup. - Yeah, because if, - I love chill church. - It's a chill church. - Yeah, it's very nice. - As soon as they say that rhetoric, I'm out. I'm out. - Yeah. - I mean, also it's not what Jesus would do, honestly. - I don't think he would do. - 'Cause if he hung with like tax collectors and all that stuff, I don't think he would draw the house. - You mean the Jews? - Yeah. - Oh my God. - The Pharisees. - The Pharisees. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - But it's like, yeah, he wouldn't, he wouldn't draw the house. - He had empathy for the broken. - Yeah. - And not that the Gays are broken either. - They're normal. - Your parents get you out of the house. - What? - I would break you. - I know, but I'm just saying like, it's because he wouldn't draw the line. He wouldn't draw the line. - What if we were after he like helped the leper? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, I doubt that. When people do mean things and, you know, hold up Jesus as their banner for it, I take issue with it. I don't like that. He wouldn't do that. - I think broke back Mountain was big for the gay community. - Yeah. - In what way? - But it was just like two hot guys just making out and making it okay. - Did I ever tell you I took my dad in for that? - My dad didn't know what the movie was. - Oh my God. - And I were like, he loves Westerns too. - Yeah. - I did kind of also go, he never seen this check it out. Like the room and he was like, what the fuck? (laughing) - Y'all, that's so good. - That was so good. - That was a good prank on him. - Really? - Yeah, that was a good prank on him. - He didn't finish it, did he? - No, I don't know. I wasn't there, but yeah, yeah, yeah. But he does love movies, but yeah, it was a good one I got him on. - Yeah, it's super intimate that movie. - Yes. - Yeah. - You never saw it, did you? - I didn't see that. - I didn't see that. - You tried it for my dad. - I knew of it, but I heard it is, that's actually for me and Shane's podcast, we had to cut the intro because of copyright stuff, but that was the beginning of the intro, it was the broke back mountain guys, like roughly hugging each other. - All right. - I love that. - You love Shane. - I didn't love him, yeah. - Yeah. - What's it like with that success right now? - What do you mean? - What do you mean? I mean, you guys have a big podcast. (laughing) - Oh, right. - And he's also the biggest comic. - He is. - I know, it's pretty crazy. - I didn't, I wouldn't sure if Tom got the podcast or his success. - No, I mean, he's the biggest comic on Earth. - I know, it's pretty wild. - You know what I mean, he sold out Madison Square Garden, what, three times. - Three shows in a row. - Yeah, but it's funny 'cause I like, I forget, and then it'll be like, he'll be like, I'm doing a show in Notre Dame Stadium with 80,000 subscribers. - Oh yeah, you're like literally the biggest comic right now. - Yeah. - I like it, man. I was, for me, that was like a, that was like a post-COVID kind of development that went on and on and on. - Yeah. - And it can be uncomfortable at first when you're like, 'cause then by proximity, you just, I was like, I feel great, and then by proximity, you start to feel kind of like a piece of shit. - Yeah, I'll show you a photo. - But, but then you're like, you know, you got to like, do deep soul searching, and then, you know, kind of like-- - What do you mean by peace at like, by proximity? - Well, if you're with somebody who's super successful and you're not, like all of a sudden, like dwarfs you in a way, that kind of hurts your ego. It's not a real thing. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So that was a good thing. - Look at this photo. - This is the Taylor Swift. - It's Santino with Taylor Swift, see? Yeah. - And you go, and you go, great bud. - And there is, there is no scenario on planet earth where that would be me. - Yeah. - But where I'm like, (laughing) and Taylor Swift's, saying something funny. (laughing) You'll never get that photo. - No. - Yeah, yeah. I mean, the only photo, I would probably be like, the bassist of like, you know what I mean? Some black religion, I don't know, I don't know. (laughing) But no, I'm telling you, it's a real thing. It's a real thing, I don't know what black religion is. What the fuck are you saying, no, I don't know. I was trying to come up with a name. I was thinking of bad religion, but black Sabbath. Black flagging, yeah, yeah, it came out weird. No, it really fucking rocks, the comedian's especially, it really rocks them, man, but like, I don't know. I just like, the cool thing was, I'm happy for myself. It never sunk, 'cause people get resentful, and I always was very happy, but it forced me to like, all right, I gotta stop just being a weirdo and like, try to actually do some stuff, 'cause I was just kicking around, like. Bro, let me say something, okay. I have, when Andrew gets shit, I can't get, he does. He gets shit that I'll never get. I don't feel any fucking resentment or anything, because it's like, you know, I think his success is a little bit of my success too. That's how I was. - 'Cause we're a partnership. - Yeah, and I actually do directly benefit from his success, so it's kind of sweet. (laughing) Like, ladies, no, he hands down. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So I'm always kind of like, nice dude. 'Cause you're still doing clubs, so it goes out. - Clubs, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, doing the clubs, and I got, you know, my love. - Do you ever do shows with him or no? - I'll open for him every now and again. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Those big arenas, yeah. - Wow, scary. - Fun? - It's fun, it's scary though. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - When it goes well, it's the best. - Yeah. - When it goes, okay, it's like a weird math, 'cause you're like, technically, thousands of people are laughing. (laughing) - Math or magic. - Yeah, not enough. (laughing) I need like 10,000 more people to laugh right now. (laughing) I've got 6,000 going, right, which is great. That's amazing, you make 6,000. - You do have an instinct like that, because I've done big things like that too with other people. And I'm like, I go, yeah, this seems like I'm bombing. I know I'm hearing laughs, but I think technically, numbers wise, I'm pretty much bombing right now. - Yeah, man. - It's hard, yeah, you gotta get 16,000 people on the same page, unite it behind you. - Yeah. - Sometimes it happens, and it feels great, and sometimes it doesn't. - Yeah. - Yeah. - If you can get 10 out of 16. - That's good. - That's good. - That's good. - But it's like a club, you used to like, the wall was kind of rocking. - Yeah. - We need to get that going. It's like, yeah, it's-- - I hate when somebody's walking by with popcorn. (laughing) - Well, Norena, there can be fucking 4,000 people moving at once. - At once, yeah. - And you're just kind of like, fuck, but, yeah, it's fun though, man. It's like, I don't know. I've relaxed about a lot of that stuff, man. I just, when you boil it down to the basics, it's like, just try to go make people laugh wherever you're at, go home, you know, do your thing. If you get too spun out about shit, it just doesn't feel good, and it's waste of time. - I have a new thing that I'm doing in my career, which is, I really, I generally don't give my shit. (laughing) - You know what I mean? And you're better. - You do better. - I don't care anymore. - Yeah. - Well, I didn't get that. - It's fine. - Yeah. - That's what they said about me. I don't give a fuck. - Yeah. - I don't care. In fact, you've heard me, I could get out. - You wanted that. - You wanted that. - You've had escaped velocity. - No, I'm just saying like, if they, like, I'm at a point where it's like, if they said, you know, it's like, if Dr. Hollywood or whatever calls me. (laughing) - Dr. Hollywood. - Hello, sir. Like, hello? Who's this, Dr. Hollywood? - John Oliver. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, what's up? He's like, yeah, yeah, kid. - Yeah. - All of it. - Yeah. - Yeah, no podcasting, no fucking standup, all of it. I'm like, all right, do I keep the money that I immersed or I collect it? - Yeah, sure. - Yeah, kid. - Right? You'll never see me again. - Yeah, for sure. - And I'll be happy. - That's kind of the dream, honestly. - Yeah. - That's kind of what I want to do is eventually save up enough where I can just write books, just live like a nice quiet life and walk my dogs. - Yeah. - Just chill. - Yeah, yeah. - It's kind of the dream, honestly. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't, because, and you're your young comic cat, right? - Mm-hmm. - Right? - Oh, wow. - Is Matt's a book? - Yeah, I wrote that a long time ago. - No. - Author. - Yeah, I self-published a novel. And then, actually, it's, I don't think you'd even buy it anymore. I took it down 'cause I'm redoing it with my friend. - Oh, wow. - You're rewriting a book? - Yeah, we're rewriting it 'cause we're gonna try to ship it or shop it to like a real publisher. - Is this kind of about yourself? - No, it was like a, it's fiction, but it was based, it was like loosely based on stuff. - Were you addicted to drugs? - No, I used to sell drugs. But I was addicted to it. - What kind? - Just like weed in mushrooms. - Oh, I see. - Little bit of cocaine. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh. - Not that crazy. (laughing) - Barely sick. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back when I was younger, but no, I just kind of like wrote a novel based on like, it was like, that was like the neighborhood I lived in. And I just kind of like loosely made up characters. Like about a bunch of neighbors coming together over some weird thing and they all hate each other, but they have to. - Could it be a movie? - That's a little bit similar. The new one I think is more cinematic. This one's a little more moody. - Okay. - Moody intense. - Yeah, yeah. - And you grew up in Delaware? - Delaware County, Pennsylvania. So like Pennsylvania, but right next to Delaware. - Wow. - Yeah, that house isn't filled, Alfie. I lived in Philadelphia from like 18 to 29. All right, 20. - Have you been to Kensington Avenue? What does that mean? - My first special, I recorded the intro, it's on roller blades going across Kensington Avenue. - With all the federal people. - That was terrifying. Yeah, I didn't, I'd like driven down there a bunch of times, but like when you're on foot over there, that's when you're like, yeah, this is not for me. It's like, I mean, because I've never been there. How scary is it? - It's sad, it's more sad than scary. - It's very sad, but it's also on foot. It's, people won't really bother you, but it's like, that's like just like fair amount. But there's a part of it. - Yeah. - That's Kensington, look at that guy, jumped at me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So that was Kensington Avenue and I'm back in Fairmount. But I like brought a film crew up there, and so fast. - So fast. - So fast. - Wow, wow. - Yeah, that was ripping, man. I was like, how long ago was this? - It's like two years, two years. - Wow, wow, pretty sick. But the, no, the problem in Kensington is like, there are so many people, people are visibly on drugs. That's my fucking lovely life bringing me up. - Oh, that's great. - That was nice. - That's stand-up too? - No, hell yeah. - No way. - No. - But yeah, man. Oh, pat of the butt. But, yeah, it's scary because people are moving in so many directions around you, and like, anyone could just like snag you, 'cause it's like. - Snag you. - Just like grab your water. - Oh, right, right. But it's, people are usually, there's so much drugs up there. Most people are kind of. - Strong out. - Strong out, so sad. But I had like a giant camera in the trunk of a car. So I was kind of like, yeah, we should probably get out of here. - Wow, wow. - But it's sad. It's so sad. And that was the other reason too. I was gonna be funny to roller blade down there, and I was like, I don't wanna put a bunch of people's faces in the thing. That's why I was just in and out real quick. Let's talk about your new special. - Yeah. - What's it called? - Humble offering. - A humble offering. - Where can people see it? - Netflix. - Netflix. - Hell yeah. - That's amazing. - Yeah, man. It was fun. - Humble offering, is it out now? - Yeah, it's out. It's been out for like a week. - Wow. - Congratulations. - You directed it. - Tyler Falbo from Friday Beers. - Oh yeah. - For an LA. - He's a man. - Dude, he did a fantastic job. - Yeah. - Yeah, I got one day, I got number eight. I got number eight on Netflix for one day. (clapping) One day. You could bring me back up there. We'll see. - Okay. - You could bring me back up. - And then, 'cause I'm gonna do a special. How many shows has you filmed for? I'm gonna do four, too. - Four is the move, man. I'm telling you, I don't know why people do this one night, but I actually, on day two, I hit my head really hard on a camera. I had a POV camera rig, and I had this whole thing. I had a giant gash on my head, and they had to make up. I had to fucking pay for VFX to get it, edit it out of, like, 100 and something frame. - What? - Oh, it's bad. Dude, I was just talking about this today. My family just assumed that I made $1 million off this. (laughing) - I don't know why. Yeah, it's on TV, so he clearly made $1 million. - $1 million off. (laughing) - He lost money. - Yeah, I literally lost. Yeah, I lost, like, sizable amount of money. - Yeah, 'cause they give you money, but then they're like, but you have to make it. With the money we're giving you. - Yeah, and honestly, I could have, but I like went, I just went wild on the intro. I spent so much doing the intro, though. - Yeah, 'cause you make money all their ways. - Exactly, they don't sell tickets, though. - That's amazing, dude. - Yeah, but it was funny, my family just, they think that, like, if you're on TV, you get $1 million. - $1 million. (laughing) - Here, Mr. Dr. Hollywood calls you. He goes, "Here's your $1 million off." Okay, this is the intro. Oh, that's the trailer, actually, my bad. - It's okay. - But yeah, I did a whole POV intro. It was, it was kind of fun. - Oh, it's cool. - Maybe the kids aren't there? - Yeah, they brought, yeah. The whole idea for, that was me punching a kid. (laughing) It's kind of fun, though. - Oh, that's cool. - First person. - Yeah, it was fun. The POV intro was cool. It was, you know, it was cool. - Where did you film it? - Ontario, California. - Oh cool. - The Ontario improv. - Oh, hell yeah. - I love that place. - I love the auditorium. - Everyone try to talk me out of it. - What? - Yeah, my manager's like, "Hey, come here." - You hate that place. - You hate that room? - I love that. - 'Cause it was a gang fight going on, I don't know. (laughing) - Yeah. - I wanted to do it in a club, 'cause that's, you know, I was doing clubs. And I had done a couple of theaters, but I was like, "I don't wanna film this." You know, I'm not used to doing them. And that was the only club that I had done before that I remembered liking that I hadn't done that hour specifically. And I was like, "That's the only one I can do." And my manager was like, "I don't know about this. "Are you sure about it?" Even the club itself was like, "He can do it if he wants." I don't know why he would. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It worked out, man, they dressed the room up, it was cool. - That's amazing. - That's really cool. - Well, now I gotta come up with a new hour, that's always tough. How long does it take? - I mean, I technically have 45 right now. It's just, it's all right. I have to make it better. - Yeah, yeah. - Takes a while. It took me like two years to get that like decent. This one I'm gonna take more time. - I can't get even, I'm gonna take more time. - I'm at 35 minutes right now. - No, you got it now. - You got it now. - 35 minutes right now. - Get the hell out of here. - No, you do not. - I'm fucked. - You're not. get in the water. Oh my. I've never done a special before. I'm dead in the water. I've never done one. It's the first one. The first one. That's going to be awesome. Yeah. I don't know. It's nerve-wracking. Filming them. It's fucking nervous. I'm nerve-wracking now. Four shows, though, dude. You got it in the bag, man. You have so many times, and even if for me, on the first night, I would flood the lines, and I'd be like, "Fuck." But then you're like, "I have two more. No, right, right, right, right." You know, before there's a move, people do one night two shows. I'm like, "You're crazy." Crazy. Yeah. The first one I did, I filmed six shows. What really? Wow. But, you know, I'm doing it in a bigger venue. I should have done a, you know what I should have done, the Comedy Romain Room. Because that's the most comfortable. I'm like, "That's my room." Yeah. I feel so comfortable in that room. Yeah. On the theater special does look nicer. It does. It looks cool. Yeah. It's just my second one. If I ever do a second one, it's going to be in the Comedy Romain Room, I think. Anyway, Matt, you want to plug anything else? Do you have fun? You know what, could I say something about Matt, you? You and I together. We do really good. We do. I was telling you, I just told you on the, before I came out, I had a blast the last time you did this. No, we really flow good. We do. What is this? It's an animation. It's an animation that has almost 300,000 views. Oh, I'll check out what's it called? The Papa John Paradox. And then it's so funny. Is that you? That's Keanu. I'm playing Keanu. Oh, yeah, I'm playing Keanu. Oh, who's playing Morpheus? David James. Oh, yeah. And fellow comedian. Yeah, yeah. He kind of killed it. He did all the black voices, honestly. Who did the animation? My friends, actually, my friends Pat Kane and Frank Gidwelski. Frank Welski lives in LA. I'm saying I'm butchering his last name. Yeah, it's okay. But yeah, they killed it. They did a fantastic job, man. My friend Pedro Salinas helped me co-write everything. So, wow. It's a series or just one. I did a bunch of shorts. I was like messing around with animation. Now I'm going to try to actually develop one idea and try to sell it. Oh, you should, dude. That's what they're doing. I know you're saying. Yeah. They want it. We'll say. Yeah. Never know. Again, I'm always because Andrew and I have one at Hulu. Nice. We did a pilot. We'll see if we get picked up. Oh, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, but I don't know. People will keep asking me, what are you trying to do? Oh, my God. If I can keep things going the way they are now for five more years, you're going to be fine for the next 15, 20 years. How old are you now? I'll be 40 in January. Yeah, do 20, 25 years. Oh, that'd be nice. Yeah. That'd be nice. You're fine. Unless I get caught in like a terrible scandal. No, you won't. I don't know. I don't know the family man. And also, I mean, we don't know what AI is going to do. But I don't think it's going to replace podcasting and stand up. It's not, man. Yeah, we're going to be fine out there. You know, I'm not worried about it. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, once if AI can take your creative job, it should have it. Yeah, you got to say, but although that's what they said about deep blue, whatever, for chess and that thing, whoop, the chess master's. I know, I don't know. I don't know. Let's just do it as long as we can. Then we'll, you know, we'll escape together, but I'll be in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Naples, Florida, Madison, Wisconsin, and Syracuse, comedy on state, or Peter, best comedy on state. It's the best, it's the best club it there. I love it, man. Yeah, yeah. Best. Well, give Matt a round of applause. Matt, make that. We have to do this again. Please.