Matan Pranks Murr From The Impractical Jokers

Hello everybody. Welcome back to the podcast for today's guest. We have Merr. Welcome in. Thanks for coming. You got it. Nice to see you. I, uh, I did, I didn't bring donuts for today's co-host. We have Mike. Welcome in Mike. Hi, Mike. Yeah, I brought these. I did, uh, Greek, they're logo, good to local, uh, chain near me, but I know they're not sponsoring your show. So I was going to be in there a bunch of bugs or something. It's just regular. No, it's going to be some bugs in there. There's nothing. There's no bugs. There's, it's just delicious. Uh, donuts from a local brand near me where I live. There's got to be something wrong with it. There's, I promise you, there's nothing wrong with it. I wouldn't do that. Hi, buddy. I wouldn't do that. It's just delicious. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, just delicious, uh, fresh, uh, local donuts from a little mom and pop shop near me. Oh, I get it. Yeah. But they're not made by a r*xed. Not a, no, there's no, no, no, no, no. They're just made from dough and sugar and all sorts of good things. There's nothing nefarious going on there, buddy. Oh, I'm just legit. A big fan. Uh, so I thought I'd come bear gifts. I'm a talent. That's what we do. Right. I understand. Well, I appreciate it. I'm a little cautious. I won't need it right now. It's, uh, blocked my vision a little bit with the, uh, the, the, the blow up gentlemen, but we'll deal with it. This is a sponsor. Is it one of the sponsors? Yeah. That's why I greaked the logo. Yeah. He paid himself. Did he? What's, what's the, uh, brands? Can you introduce yourself to anybody who might not know you in all that one? My name is Murr. I'm the skinniest and practical Joker. Well, you know, maybe they don't know what that is either. So maybe you have to go in a little more detail. Uh, it's a TV show. Been on since the early 40s. At this point, I think, uh, long time. I lose a lot of well off at this point. Very rich. Well, a lot of status and well compared to who compared to an average person. Are you compared me to Elon Musk? No, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, why would I be comparing you to Elon Musk? Especially if I was initially implying that you have more, wouldn't it? But if you compare me to, um, I'm doing okay. I know that you, uh, you're losing your hair. So you look maybe like the average man. I'm not losing. It's gone. It's, I lost it somewhere. But you're way above the average guy way above. Yeah, in terms of wealth and status. I don't know. It depends on your, your definition of average. Like, there, you know, like, uh, yeah, that would be completely objective. I don't know. I mean, you know, it's like 70 grand a year. I got a little beef with you, by the way, with me. Yeah. Why is that? I'm a big fan, but also you've had sal on this show, like three times now. And yet you finally faxed me the other day to come on and thank God my fax number is the same. And I came on, which I'm glad to get the invite, but it's been a hot second man. Well, I've tried before, but maybe my messages. Did you use my old fax number? Yeah, probably. Yeah, I finally got him the new one and that's that worked out. But do you think when eugenics finally exist, the black population will plummet? Eugenics. Is that like, uh, by Elron Hubbard? Is that the, uh, the book he wrote that's, uh, inspired Scientology eugenics? Something like that. Oh, no, that's dionetics. Basically, you get to decide how your kid comes out, how tall, you mean like you can go into like CRISPR and cut DNA and do think that the idea of it. So when that exists with the black population, either plummet or just be completely none of this. No, man, if I could design a, uh, like a, like, uh, somebody like, what's the guy that played Creed? Yeah. Michael Jordan. Michael B Jordan. If I could design a kid to be like Michael B Jordan, like my kid, I think it might explode the population. I think you go there. It goes the other way. Like, who would want a young Michael B Jordan, rather than a balding skinny white guy? Well, you don't have to make them like you, but would you not rather have a smart guy than a Michael B Jordan? Well, now you're talking until intellect, rather than we may be able to decide there's depending on how advanced it gets. Yeah. Well, it's, it's pretty far along now, man. Like, it's, it is a little tough to see you. I see, uh, I, uh, I over your sponsor. Um, but back to the question, uh, my answer's really, give me a, uh, a baby Michael B Jordan is what I would go with for me and my wife. That's ridiculous. Michael B Jordan. No, you would choose that over, over a smart person. Oh, I think looks probably go further than intellect in this world. So you agree with Clevicular? I mean, like with who? Clevicular. Is that the, uh, look smacking's maxing guy? Yes. I, I, coming up on a, uh, punishment on practical jokers, they had me in prosthetics for five hours to be a looks maxing expert. Oh, really? I had a whole round table debating me and I looked, uh, looks ridiculous. You look like aovecular. I just say they made me look just like him. Yeah, no joke. Yeah, and I did looks ridiculous. Do you think the donuts, huh? You what? What did you say about it? I didn't, they, they're regular donuts. There's nothing wrong with them. You don't have to eat them. I don't know what your dietary restrictions are. You just, it's, it, it looks like, no, it's chocolate. You definitely did something to them. It's a local mom and pop. It's called funkin donuts. Do you think Asians perpetuate stereotypes about eating dogs by literally serving, fever-induced pig face filled with feces in downtown LA? Fever-induced, what pig? Fever-induced pig face filled with feces. I, you know, I don't really go to LA much as in New York or so I can't really speak on all of them. Well, just take my word for it. I live there. You do? Yeah, huh. The shit they sell down there is insane. What, what, what do they sell? Give me an example of like, uh. That's an example. Oh, that's an example, that's specifically an example. That's an example I saw. Have you tried it? No, I'm not because I'm not a crazy Asian person. Oh, I mean, you gotta try everything in life. Like, how do you know you don't love it? What if that's your thing? Like, you're young, you're. Would you make the same argument about drunk? I think you should try everything and see what works for you, man. Like, if you haven't tried it and still think, yeah, I don't know. Like, I try, I want to try everything. Give me that. Let me try it. Let me try it. I'll try it. What did you try, I have been. Under medical supervision. See, but now, now, now you have to add on. Because I've been trying to do much, you know what I'm saying? But I would love to try it one day if I had a doctor that said, "Okay, this is the amount just to give you the experience." And then to wean you. So you're trying so hard right now not to say anything racist or a gruel with my racist things. You're saying you would try fever-induced, pig-fear-induced shit. Pig face filled with shit. I have eaten dog shit on in practical jokers. That's not even close to as bad as what I just said. It's like they're induced. The beginning part of it. Fever-induced. So the pig has a fever. Yeah. Is what's causing the fever, I guess, is what you have to eat? Like, is it diseased in some way? Like, I don't want to be able to get that answer out of an extremely old-angry Asian lady. An extremely old-angry Asian. She's old and angry. Why is she angry? Because of the- It's an isolation. Because she wasn't born in the time of eugenics. She was like two generations. We're not really in the time of eugenics yet, either. You know that, but when you came out good, she didn't. That's why she's obsessed. I came out good. Yeah. Thanks. I appreciate that. See that? I'm good. My mom was right. I'm good. Your bitch ever played with you, so you knocked a bitch out and then worry she gonna call a fed for sleeping her. It was a nice one too, fucking. For the sleep. It sounds- I really just, at this point, listen to like 80s music. So I'm not sure what the reference is on that. That was in a reference. Oh, it sounds like a musical era. The bitch, you know, motherfucker, she keep playing with you. You tell a bitch shut up and then. Fucking, you gotta take her to sleep, yo. Yeah, yeah, no, no, word to that. What that means. You ever done that to your bitch? To have I ever slept with the bitch? Then she said, what was it like? No, not sleeping, like, sleep on a fucking punch the shit out of her. She don't call a fed time. Like, metaphorically? Like, literally. Well, I don't know the rap. I don't know the rap. I don't know what the kids say. Why are you associating this with rap? I don't know, it sounds like a rapper lyric to me. But that's way worse and way more racist than anything I've said. Yeah, I listen to Taylor Swift a lot. I don't recall that in her when I went to see her in concert. That lyric, but. No, I don't think she used that one. That also wasn't a lyric. That was a question. Oh, it was a bitch ever. Yeah, she plays with you so much that you decide to knock her out. Oh, the more she's gonna call the police on you. The police are not me, like, play hopscotch. You mean, like, play, like, board games are we playing? But not what are we playing? She's, you mean, like, to play an annoying word into your ear. She's talking and yapping and yapping and yapping and yapping. Oh, like, oh, they've written, you know. Yeah, you know, right? Yeah, with that, I don't know how. So, you knock her out because she's a bitch. What do you mean metaphorically? Oh, you say, oh, you're saying, like, do I physically knock someone out? How did they take you that long to understand that? I haven't been in a fight since I was in grade school. I wouldn't consider that a fight. There was a fight. What if I knocked that bitch out? He was coming at me and I stood up for myself. He, but that's the integral difference. Yeah, yeah, no, I wouldn't hit a woman, even if she was playing with you. Even if they, I probably still wouldn't. No. I think I would have to say no to that one. So, when does it become allowed? Uh, you know, I mean, if it's an end of the world scenario and it's like a thunder dome and it's me versus another person for a fight to the death or, like, we're on a boat in the South Pacific and some, like, a B-word is threatening my family. family, my dogs, I would probably knock that "B" out, I would say. In the urban situation, South Pacific won the last Spirit Airlines flight. It goes down, no land in sight, this eight of us on the raft, and one "B". Are you going to drink that? That's why I would use medical supervision for the her- There you go, get it a little bit, get a little drip there, we could look at that, that is. Thank you buddy, thank you, thank you, thank you, you okay, you okay, just breathe slowly. Don't breathe as you drink, that's the problem, that's what gets you in trouble. That was a good one, that was a good one, I just got a nice, yeah, let it go, get it out, get it out buddy. That's okay, get it out, take a sip, I've taken many sips, but. Oh, that's actually horribly disgusting, I can't believe you just took a sip of that. I told you I dug shit on the TV show once, this is nothing, I'll do this all day. I'm going to be the most refreshed guest ever on this show, there we go, there we go. Thanks buddy, I appreciate that, that was great. Gargant's mentality, what's that? Yeah, yeah, how do you guys know each other by the way, what was it, where'd you meet? That's David Gargant's, that's, I'm joking with you, yeah, that's David Gargant's. That's David Gargant's, okay. Thanks man. David Gargant, he never quit, no, he got it all down. There's a lot of water buddy, just go, get the cup, get the cup, get the cup. It's a very small cup, I mean you've contained as much as you can get. I have, and the problem is the force of it keeps pushing water out, but I've filled up several times. I mean you're also like 80% away through it. Yeah, yeah. Give me, give it to me, I want it, give it, son of a, I can't freaking get any. You're a selfless piece of shit, thank you, thank you. You got a share man, like I'm cool, they just share. Gargant's mentality, lift your legs up, get it here. This is the master, you're only working your whole arms right now. Lift your legs up in the air, you work your bottom abs too, this is basic facts. When the student becomes the master, yeah, yeah. My underwear is wet, got the inner crotch. Oh hey man, I wore my good jeans. I wasn't even trying to get him, I thought he would drink all of it. No, he couldn't do that, a human could not drink a whole pool. Look, he never gives up. No, I appreciate the Hutzba, but you're doing her, you got to lift your legs up in the air. Don't use that word, you're working Hutzba? Yeah, I can't, you're right. It's a appropriation, nice. No, no, no, we don't like those guys over here. Oh, we're not going to give them any, any leverage, any cultural leverage. Cogins, you need some water? It tastes like you. Never quits. Do you guys, are you roommates at all? Do you live together? Absolutely not. Did you see what he just fucking did you think I'd live with the guy who's either doing this because he's crazy or doing this because he's on a show? Either way, I'm not living with this guy. I think you're a blast to live with. The water bill would be crazy. All right, let's move on. If an extremely out of touch foreigner truly believed that by shaking a Jews' ear hard enough gold coins would fly out, should it really be classified as a hate crime? I don't think it's a crime to shake someone's ear necessarily. So the question itself, shaking it really hard. If you do it in a salting way, I could shake your ear right now and you're not going to press charges. Fact, like I could talk my way into shaking someone's ear. Your purpose will fully misrepresenting when I'm asking you. You asked the question wrong. If you say if I assault someone, don't do, I brought those. They're destroying now. They're all soaking wet. Well, that's not on me. They were full of shit though. I'm not going to eat that. That's full of shit. It's pr-- I'm telling you now, I could shake any human beings' ear in a non-confrontational way and get permission to do it. And if gold came out, that's great. That's just added benefit. I'll do it without the gold falling out. He's now going to go on a 100 mile run. Legs are destroyed. All of the ligaments are torn. They'll never recover. Yeah. And he has a bunch of shit in his pants. I mean, a marathon is 26.2 miles, so he's doing four marathons. Your killies are toast, bro. Exactly what I just said. Yeah, toast. He will never recover. Okay, anyways, no. Obviously, this isn't in a funny way. It's clearly confrontational. He's as hard as he can shaking a Jewish ear to get gold coins to fly out. I could do it. I could get permission to do it. Is what I'm saying. You think you could go up to a random Jew who thinks you're out to game? You think you're an idol worshipper and you grab his ear and you shake it as hard as you can? I could go up to any human being on Earth's ears. Talk my way into shaking that person's ears. They're not even sent to talk to you. They don't consider it a salt. They'll love it. They'll be like, oh my god. Please shake my ears more. And I get that gold. I feel like this mentality is the type that would probably lead somebody to end up or ****ing somebody. I could convince any woman that it's okay for me to grab their ear. It's like, all right, I think you need to figure out that that's not true. It's hard to talk your way into that one for sure. Yeah, but you know, it's shaking the ears I could do. I think I could. I know again. That's definitely not true. Well, agree to you. And I just said, but I don't think you heard me. They're not even willing to talk to you, these Jews. They think they're. I don't need an idol worshipper devil. I don't use my mouth. I can talk to my using my facial expressions. Body language. I'm like, you know, if I come over with a big smile on my face, I'm like, give them a hug, shake their hand, tug on the ears. They're going to love it. No words necessary. I highly encourage you to try this, and then your show will get canceled. We're assaulting a. That's not a soul. Do it later today and send it to me. I'm so. Uh, you know what? Send me a video, say, hey, it's more. We just did the show earlier. I'm from the Joker show. Here's a random Jew I found. I'm going to get some gold to come out of his ear. Hey, look, I'm friendly. I'm smiling. And then he said, and then give me some of the gold after. Because there's no evidence to prove that. Get ready for the text. It's not enough data. Get ready for the text later today. It's coming in. I'll do it. I've done it all added in post. Are you telling me it's a coincidence that the Joker from the movie is also a mentally challenged man from New York? Is it a coincidence? You're a Joker from New York and you're mentally challenged. And it's also coincidence that so we see the Joker from the movie. Yeah, no, it seems like it seems like it was based on me, doesn't it? I can't confirm that. I have no relationship with uh, who's the guy that made Joker? The bad man. No, the director, the guy Wilson Phillips. No, what's his name? Glenn Powell. The guy. The guy that made the movie. The comedy guy. Anybody know the director's name? Do you know the director of the Joker? Famous guy. So do you know what ends up happening to him? In the movie or in the comics? In the movie. In the movie he gets committed to an insane on silent, right? In the first one. Second one was. I didn't watch the second one. Glenn, not Glenn Powell. What the hell's his name, the director? Fill, fill, fill up. You know the guy, fill, fill. Am I close? I feel like I'm close. What the hell are you talking about? I don't know. Clearly mentally inseable. It's just like the Joker from New York. Hey guys, start with an eruption. I have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by Rumble Wallet. With Rumble Wallet, you can buy Bitcoin, whole dollar back stable coins, or even digital gold backed by real gold all in one place. One of the best things about Rumble Wallet is how simple the setup is. It connects you with MoonPay and then you can put in your credit card, your debit card, or your bank account, and have it up and running in just a couple of minutes. You can even use Rumble Wallet to tip some of your favorite Rumble creators directly as well. So do this now. Scan the QR code, click the link in the description, or go to wallet.rumble.com/maton, and use my code maton5. M-A-T-A-N-5 after you set up your wallet to get $5 in US stable coin, US-A-T. Again, scan the QR code, click the link in the description, or go to wallet.rumble.com/maton, then set up your wallet and use my promo code maton5. M-A-T-A-N-5 to get $5 in US stable coin. This is a limited time offer. So act now, terms and conditions apply, see the description below, or visit rumble.com/promote. rules for more details this is a paid advertisement from rumble and thank you to rumble for sponsoring today's episode what you call what you call the police if you saw white woman with a black baby uh. was she committing a crime uh. like issue is understanding she murdering someone now so they can arrest the baby also so the baby yeah to the baby commit a crime but better to get them now than later oh i see what you're saying so so it's like almost like a uh. what's that time cruise movie where they can predict the future future crime you know mine or report minority report the movie uh. that was called yeah mine or report mine or the court minority to the police and i want to be it was one would think but now they went a different direction they would they could predict future crime using these kind of telepathic kind of people and they would go in and arrest you before you committed to find this movie ends up ends up happening and i haven't seen it so it's either going to be a really stupid movie that's not historically accurate or a movie they got everybody involved uh. completely striked out from hollywood what what was it was it where did you go with the question it's either very well that was that was just a prediction of the move how the movie well got it understand uh. no he was a great movie uh. but ironic the tiles mine or report you're asking if you do you know rest the baby for future crime given it's a minority which is ironic the title works for what's ironic about that i never asked about the the ironic if i mentioned the rules of works for you know and i didn't know that that was it wasn't about but i never mentioned the movie said that i don't do i know for a fact that the baby is going to commit a crime for a fact would you would you arrest me right now if you knew that there's a fifty percent chance later today i've been people i'm not a probably probably citizens arrest would i do because i don't have the authority no hypothetical you could arrest me with you know i'm a cop you're saying because i i don't have the legal authority to rest you are you doing this hypothetical sure i do i have you i've been granted some kind of authority by the force to do a citizen's arrest on you arrest me because your ass right now that's exactly my point if you had a fifty percent chance yeah maybe i wouldn't arrest you because you're fifty percent chance of not doing it but i would detain you is probably the more better way i'll put you in a box here in this set and contain you for today like and then i know it's a hundred percent chance and how about this will detain this baby and then we'll send him to hell the baby oh well now you're okay so you're going further you're saying to tame the baby so it doesn't commit the crime but then also send it to hell implying that you're going to be the baby which is the thing i did not say that that's how you go to hell like jet blue i don't know it's probably an answer that none of us know you know how to get to hell for sure i don't know i assume you make a left to Trenton i don't know i really don't know the answer to that but um you know it's somewhere in jersey and what edge does it stop being okay to sit in the chucky cheese parking lot staring at children with binoculars yeah if you probably shouldn't do that however if you go into the ball pit they can't stop you that's a fact that's a legal fact why they cannot stop you human from going to the ball pit no they have no eight no restrictions on that ball pit you may not want to it's full of it's infested disease written pile up yeah but how does that accomplish the goal of the type of guy who would look at children at chucky cheese with binoculars yeah you probably shouldn't do that in the parking lot that's probably frowned upon and so but when does it stop being okay because if a little kid does it it's probably fine probably but somebody my age does it now we're bordering on like we don't know if it's okay you're how old I'm 19 19 but it's like it's probably not okay but I think it's okay you know I find so fascinating by the way when I was your age I was like no I probably wasn't doing it maybe like when I was still like a little bit younger I was playing manhunted you guys play manhunted anymore no no what's that it's like young men like in the forest I don't mean like a video game no it's just like a kind of tag or gotcha where you're like one team starts and one end of the woods the other team starts in the other end like a gate and you go whistle it's not he could be but I bet you there's an interpretation of it that way for us it wasn't that but I'm sure for many it is and we would just hunt each other in the forest and you've got to catch each other and then you catch the catch you know capture the whole team it was that's that's I didn't do like podcasting because the internet did not exist that's how old are you I'm on 40 50 78 80 it's not true I just turned 50 a few weeks ago just turned 50 yes sir so now you're 51 I'm no fifth as of a few weeks ago I'm 50 you just turn 50 though yeah so now you're 51 I'm 50 as of four weeks ago so now you be 51 in 11 months now then you'll be 52 I'll be 51 no in 11 months actually you'll be 53 it's just math man oh you're saying because you count the zero to 11 no months 29 days is one no how's your math work then I was 54 weeks ago so now you're 51 you understand this 365 days in an earthy year yeah got it so we're only 11 months you'll be 30 days into it you okay I see how you got there how did I get there let's go let's say yes and just move on but how did I get there if you see it because we don't have eugenics yet so your brain has not calculated math yet it doesn't understand the basis but these are problems because I dropped out of school when I was like 11 that's not a eugenics thing I had potential to know how to do with math I don't think parents are allowed to let you drop out of school at 11 I don't know that I have dogs but I don't think it's a lot I think it's literally literally illegal you wouldn't you don't have kids I know because of the temptations because no because dogs are much easier to deal with yeah because they can't report it and they go outside they don't have the dog going to call the police the dog is fucked literally yeah and figurative your parents let you drop out of school at 11 would you do from 11 to 19 just wander to the streets I would paint myself black and then I would go to different like big cities and I would collect money and I would sit in a wheelchair with a hat they said veteran so then they'd feel super bad for me because they think I was like a veteran for and also like a black guy from the day and age were like yeah yeah yeah that was really sad you see I played manhunt yeah but now well at least when I was 11 I had more money than you now it's not really close no so much older so maybe I'll catch up with my great tactics south home what you say what I said I bet you will that's not what you said I don't I don't know I wasn't listening to myself you prank south on an episode of the impractical jokers by marrying his sister I did wouldn't it have been a better prank if you killed her yeah you know a hindsight man is 2020 I mean we grew up with her I've known her my whole life so it did seem at the time that marriage would be the funniest choice murder it was might have been that would have been a better prank it might have been she's married has kids I don't want to make them orphans you know she was married when you married her she was not she you're right she was not married when that's not relevant you're right so that's not a variable anymore so she wasn't married when I married her so would murder have been the funnier choice I suppose I said it would be funnier I said it would be a better but I know but I put everything through the prism of what's the funniest choice on the show so if it if I knew if I had at least a 50% odds you know of it being a funnier choice I probably would have done it and then 50% odds that it's less funnier as funny because then you're just taking a random shot you got to take the risk you got to shoot your shot but that's not even a good risk that's that's doing something worse for the exact same odds is it not being better that's like look look buddy you're telling me I don't know how to do math well you said that you added incorrectly badly but what do you think no no I didn't you're going to be 54 in a year yes I am exactly I am 54 and following up on that last one sort of I get one not really but you know who is your least favorite member of the impractical jokers oh yeah no you've had them on the show three times I already mentioned that oh it's out yeah and you know I noticed that he said the same thing about me when he was on but did he guess what who's on now Sal me well I don't know if this will change it but you can also include that old member Joe oh yeah but maybe it's probably still Sal it's no I might answer the same it's still Sal okay he's in you know well I actually have something slightly different I'd ask him who would be eliminated and he picked you oh yeah he said he chose to eliminate me and physically from earth I remember so if you had to pick one of the impractical jokers to eliminate it Sal yeah okay there's no question you can answer me that does that doesn't end with Sal really why do people respect monk so much when in reality they're extremely lazy fools who spend their entire day acting arrogant and shitting acting arrogant and shitting yeah they act like they're so wise like a monk like a holy person holy according to what that lives on a mountain top and dumb spunk and lazy fools who live on these mount tops are primarily from like Nepal which is by far the dumbest country capital yeah you know what the punk who is over there what's that the IQ over there on average is like 60 they're below are they yes is that a fact that's a that's a straight up fact that's an objective truth look man do you think like if you could trade all this all all of this, right? All of this to just live essentially for free on a mountaintop in the Paul. I'm not saying I don't understand what I'm doing. It sounds pretty sweet to me. Maybe they've got to figure it out and we don't. - You're misunderstanding. - Like we're doing the grind. - Is this how they trick you? You're already saying they have it figured out. I'm not saying that I disapprove of their lifestyle of being lazy bums 'cause I would do that too. I'm saying people respect them like their wise individuals. When in reality they're from my father, the dumbest country in the world. They're also not doing anything or getting any education. And also they don't really know how to fight their liars. - Oh they don't. - Shit wouldn't work in a real fight. - I don't know man. I haven't met, I've met a lot of people and I have yet to meet a monk. - Ever. - I met a monk. I had a monk on my show. - Did you? - Yeah, he was from like America and he moved to one of those countries. - How would he be a monk in America? Where are you living? That's why he moved to one of those countries. Maybe that's how they're able to trick all of the Nepali people. They're actually just normally average smart people from America, we're over in Nepal. They're like Einstein. - Well, I don't know. In Nepal, it's an interesting country 'cause these people spend their time being shepherds and stuff, right? They're climbing Everest and taking dumb tours. - Yeah, the air, and he's the air enough air for their brains. So they come out like he is the only thing they're able to do to make a living is physically drag stuff up the highest mountain in the world. - Yeah, I think that's what it is. It's the lack of oxygen. So this is why people respect them, especially in Nepal, because they're not only are they the dumbest, they're like damaging their brain further than that. - It could certainly be the lack of O2. I would imagine that probably has a detrimental effect on intellect, that's about the third time in this. - I remember, 'cause I remember a couple months ago, there was these monks that were walking across, what was it, the United States? Did you see that? - I didn't know. - There were like monks walking across some country or something. - Like on US one, there was just on the highway, walking across the area. - Something like that, and people would like line up to say hi to them and give them food and stuff. - But they don't talk, right? You can't talk to a monk, they don't say anything. - I don't think. - Why would they give them anything in the first place? These are like bums. - They take a vow of silence, is that right? Is that what monks do? - They should. - Well, they probably do, but not by their own admission. - Maybe because people feel like they not speak. - They gotta figure it out, they're spiritual people, they're at one with the universe of any kind of nonsense, and that's why they want to be closer to them. I would imagine, but I personally would not line up to see a monk walk through Jersey, 'cause I got movies to watch, I got dogs to feed. I just got shit to do, man, I'm not lining up for a monk. - Yeah, I don't understand it, I think we're an agreement on that one, that was a good question. We are fairly insane. - I'm glad that you agree with me on that. - Was it a boy band, was it a sink? Was that who it was? - No, no, it wasn't. But every time I tell people about my hatred for monks, they're like, oh, they're such wise people. They know more. - I've never met one, they don't see, I don't know. - They're not so wise. - Why is that? - Why is that? Maybe I can't say one way or the other, but they seem like they have some knowledge that you don't. - Yeah, they got a thousand yards stair, like they see something you don't see. - See, I don't see shit about the universe. - The heads all fucked up. - I think we're an agreement. - Why did they give me detention for eating the food stock under my desk? - They should not have, at all. But you're not in school, you stop school at 11. You're saying, it was at 11 in the past 10th story. - Yeah, so you're saying, but you haven't been in school in eight years, it was bad. - I wouldn't be in school now, anyway. - I'm 19, unless I was going to college. And this story took place when I was like seven or eight years old. - So you in school, you ate food from under your desk? Was it stuck to the bottom of your desk? Or was it cold? - I was hungry, and it was like first period, 'cause it was the middle of the day, and I hadn't eaten breakfast, and I found food under there. - You did, you, man, you did nothing wrong. - Nothing. - But they gave me detention for a month. - A month? - Yeah. - Who, who, who is this teacher? What, what is his or her name? 'Cause we're gonna find this person. - I don't remember. - And teach him a little bit about the world. In the grand scheme of life, you're getting a month detention for eating food, a necessary thing to survive. From under your desk, fuck that teacher. - Yeah, they said that I shouldn't do it, and it would make me sick, but I told him I was hungry. - You did nothing wrong. - I completely agree, thank you. You're welcome. Nothing wrong. - You want a donut? - No. - 'Cause I appreciate that you agreed with me. I brought these donuts from a, they're soaking wet. - Are they really now? - Uh-huh. - Great. - Still delicious. - It's a local mom and pop. - What about it? You pull a mask down, I'll do it. I'll give it to you. Nothing. I'll leave it. - By the way, you know that Joker's shit wouldn't fly in Baltimore, right? - The Joker's shit? - Joker's shit and flying in Baltimore. You got checked in. - Is that, is that a rap lyric? - No, don't fuck with, you don't do that Joker's shit in the way I play games like that. - I probably wouldn't, is what I would go with there. I probably wouldn't do that shit. That Joker's shit in Baltimore. - That's right. - This is the, you know, the S.T.C. capital of the world, I think. - S. What? - The S.T.C. capital of the world is Baltimore, right? They have like a lot of, like a lot of- - Is that, is that some sort of racist comment to us black, crazy black guy? - I assume there's more racist than just black people that live in Baltimore. I haven't been, but- - Who do you think got the S.T.D? - What's that? - We got him. - Trying to take it away from us? - Yes. I don't know what the question was. Oh, we- - Trying to give somebody else credit for that? - For what? - For having all the S.T.Ds? - I'm saying they have the most. - We got them all. - You got checked in. - Who's we? Who you referring to when you say we? Like, who? - That from Baltimore. - Got from Baltimore. - Yeah. - Yeah, no, I agree. - I think I agree. I think I agree. But I'm a little uncertain as to what you're saying. - Just want to make sure. - Oh yeah, you know what I can. I think we agree. I can't be right. There's a donor on the floor. - You're gonna eat it? - Yeah. - So perfectly you're doing it. I'm not gonna- - You're really gonna eat that? - Yeah. - Oh my gosh, the Boston Cream. - You've been like completely desensitized by that show and now you're like willing to drink- - You gotta do it. - You gotta do it, somebody. - Donut on the floor. - Just sit there. - That's a disgusting floor, man. You should've seen some of the shit we filmed. Have you not watched the show? You're getting- - I've watched the show for many more times. I'm a fan of the show. I'm not gonna not eat a donut. How was I raised? As you food, I eat it, man. I'm not an animal. Well, I'm not getting detention for a month. - No, you would get it for way longer than that if you went to wherever I was going to school. - No, am I, buddy? I'm gonna leave that there, because you want. That's a good donut. You're gonna eat that one, too? That was an attack on him. You're really gonna eat that? - All right, sir. - I've been defeated. I couldn't have even imagined that you would do that. - It was only about that, because you want it. Just pull the mask down and feed it to you if you want. That's a good donut. - Do you wake up every day at 4 a.m. - You kill a small bug, and then go back to sleep and have horrible nightmares before waking up for real. - I do have nightmares every single night. - That's not what I asked. - Oh. - Well, I wake up every night with horrible, horrible nightmares. Do I kill a bug? - No, no, that comes after. You wake up, kill a small bug, go back to sleep, have horrible nightmares, and then wake up for real. - I don't do that, no. - It's sort of a ritual. - Yeah, no. - I'm trying to get into heaven. - Yeah, no, I don't do that. But then you'll go to hell, forever. And then actually, if the Jews are right, you might just turn into an apple. - An apple? - And then you're really fuck. - Is that your Jewish? - No. - Are you used to be? - Yes. Is that what the belief that you become an apple? - I've heard some alternative versions. I've heard some Jews say that'll come back as an apple. I've heard some of them just say I'll go to hell and be punished more than I could ever imagine. And I've heard some say that'll come back as a (beep) person who can't hear or see. - Well, yeah, that would be a tough to come back as that, 'cause I mean, the cards are stacked against you. - I mean, I don't even know if that's really a bad thing. It's like you're not even gonna begin to understand what type of horrible position you're in. If you have Down syndrome, you're blind and deaf. - Yeah, you probably are. - You're like barely even, you're not even self-aware. - You're like cattle at that point. You're like a cow. - Yeah, I would choose the apple, I guess, and that's. - You're really actually literally just cattle, especially if you have a smart family, they'll just put a phone on you and put you on TikTok alive and - Back to you, Jackson. - And the people who - Back to you. - Back to, you know, - Nobody would feel bad for people like this anymore for you. Jenics existed because then everybody would just know it's a scam. - Yeah, do you guys have a blow dryer for later? - No. - Okay, it's just an office, just an office. You know what it is, it's a - You pee yourself. - Unclear, but my underwear is soaking wet. I do go to work right after this you film in practical jokers, so let's - And you shouldn't - pee yourself. - No, I know, it's on me, I guess. Are you gonna eat that? - No, but actually, I'm not letting you do any gay shit, so I took a bite of that, that one's off limits for you. - Okay. - Do you think the impractical jokers would be more popular if the cast was replaced by four gay (beep) black women? - Yes. - 1,000%. I would watch that show. Can we make a show? - I would absolutely watch it to it. I'm not even just trying to be like - What is it? - Physical, offensive or anything. - Even hysterical. I would watch it. - Did I just give you an amazing idea? - I think we're gonna do it. - Can you pitch them that? I want to be part of it. I want to be a writer or a producer. - Well, you can't be on it. Like you don't fit the writer of my producer, I said. - Yeah, then I'm gonna hire you to write a producer. They're gonna hire a lot of people. - They're gonna hire people that are just like that. you can. I can't write, you can't hire people like that to write the shows as well. Why would you not? You want to hire people that know you when you're personality. Okay, well then the show is just not going to end up getting made. So you have to take some practical sacrifice, you have to make some practical sacrifices. Yeah, well that's yeah, okay, I guess we would hire you. I'm saying we because I assume I'm going to be executive producer of the show. But you're not a woman or black. No, but I do fit some of the demos there. Okay, so if I pretend to be gay then I can be a writer on the show. I just become gay. Why pretend? Like, I find that authenticity is the best thing in life. Like, if you're going to do it, just do it. Like, well despite my old school views, I don't believe that it's a choice. Some people just got unlucky. I didn't. I got lucky by not being that. Yeah. I mean, even if you think that there's nothing wrong with it, which is a whole different discussion, it's not the ideal position to be in a world where like 80% of people think that it's disgusting. You're clearly at a disadvantage, especially because then you walk all funny and you're more likely to lose in a fight. Here's a question for you. If you had a choice of being born a man or a woman, what do you choose to be? A man, of course. A man. Why? A smarter, stronger, faster. You like the bionic man. I see, you know, the, yeah, yeah. I mean, compared to a woman, yeah. But you'd be, maybe for a day, it'd be fun to switch, right? Like, what's your implication that I could have ****ed myself? No, it's over the course of one day. For your different things, like to, you know, I don't know, it would be. No, I don't want any experience like that. Okay. I would. Okay. Well, that's it. I have to film with Longneck now. He's my next guest. That's it? Yeah. We didn't cover anything. Like nothing. I thought we went over a bunch of stuff. I feel like we've. You're gonna. Can I take the bonus then? You haven't touched it. Don't want to go back? Yeah, you can have them back. You've got nine more donuts. You said nothing. You've added nothing. We've had a spirited conversation. Where'd it go? You're gonna eat it? It's another Boston cream. That was an amazing shot, by the way. That was a great shot. Look at that. You're gonna eat that one too, are you serious? You gotta stop doing this. It's really great. Stop throwing him. I'll stop eating him. You can't block it. That's not fair. Oh, you're taking it from his crotch? That's horrible. No, don't eat that. He's just stepped on it. Don't do that. Oh, that's really gross. Don't do that. You want just a normal one now, I feel bad. No, don't eat that.