Matan Confronts John Kiriakou For Secretly Working For Israel

Hello everybody. Welcome back to the podcast for today's guest. We have John Kiryaku. Welcome in For today's co-host we have Mike. Welcome in Mike So please introduce yourself in case anybody doesn't know you and all that one sure I'm John Kiryaku former CIA counterterrorism officer former chief investigator on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and convicted criminal convicted criminal can you go on to that a little bit sure I was convicted of violating the intelligence identities protection act of 1982 After I blew the whistle on the CIA's torture program. They came down to me like a ton of bricks I was utterly unapologetic Didn't anybody ever teach you that snitches get stitches? Well, that was the thing is I had to be the one given the stitches when I got there. Why is that? I thought you were torturing people. No, I was the good guy. I ain't torture anybody But their terries didn't need to be tortured and you know Sometimes you have to look past that kind of thing. What why? Because we got to be the good guys, right? We got to be a country of laws. We have to be the good We're supposed to be the shining, but what if we make a law that allows it allows to torture them. That's different Oh, if you want to torture people I'm gonna disagree with you, but you got to change the law and then so you're against the idea of torturing me against the idea of torturing What if it's like a loud dog? Well, I did try to kill a chicken one time because it wouldn't stop crowing early in the morning. Yeah, I mean But a chicken its food a dog is domesticated, but it still upsets me sometimes and it's the neighbor's dog And I tried to feed the dog poison, but it did nothing to him. Oh, yeah. No, it's that's that's too much Thank you. Oh Italian brain rot Thank you. Can you see who you get me? I'm hoping for that for that wooden guy But you don't have the wooden guy. No, I like the brain the brain is You don't get the brain. It's guy. I see now. I think I'd rather have the shark open it up You're so excited you're almost losing it all up. Yes, yep. Yeah, it is What do I want with these things? That's pretty good. I got the toilet last time and now I got the wooden brick guy. What about the banana? You have the banana? No, he's nothing compared to the wooden brick Yes, I kind of like the ogre the ogre is a good one. I don't even know his name. I know this one's name Very good Made in Ireland of all places. I doubt it No, can you tell me the most confidential secret you learned while working at the CIA you're not allowed to tell anybody? You know people ask me on cameo all the time to tell them the deepest darkest secret. I can't Prison was not as hard as I thought it would be, but it's not someplace. I want to go back So you would go to jail again if you did something like that. Oh, yes, sir Okay, so maybe you tell me one and then you can try to get out of it again by telling a funny story afterwards I could I could but I won't why I could tell you lots of funny stories I could tell you about this guy was sitting next to when we were writing papers for the president I was working on a nirok political paper. He was working on a nirok military paper and I'm typing away He's sitting next to me. He's typing away and then he says John I turn I look and he goes I think I'm having a heart attack And he falls off his chair I start to panic I call 911. I run until my boss Jeff's having a heart attack The paramedics come they pick him up. They put him on a gurney They strap him down to the gurney so he doesn't have like a seizure and fall off And then he blows this ridiculous fart Seriously about an indication of death It was an indication that it was just a fart and then he got off the gurney and started typing the paper again Well, you want a 20 people stand around then you would have had less competition Nah, cuz we were like apples and oranges I didn't I wasn't a friend of the guy or anything, but I'm not gonna begrudge him life No, no, not be grudge him life, but you wanted to wipe out the competition No, well Yeah, I guess we were competing How would you feel if you didn't have breakfast this morning? Yeah, I didn't have breakfast But I did feel like I got ripped off on the size of my coffee But how would you feel if you didn't? I did have a Large mocha that was like 12 ounces. I said buddy. I ordered a large mocha the guys like that is the large I said would plan it to you live on Okay, I think you're about you failing the test. Oh Cuz you're answering with a real a real answer. I think I think you failed it, but it's okay I was just tasting if you know how to do a hypothetical and it didn't uh, sorry Well see, but my reputation is as a truth teller so I gotta tell you the truth Well, I think you're telling me facts. Maybe I guess it would be the truth But I think you're giving your own take on it that I disagree with about torturing people Okay, that that's cool. That's cool That's cool. You know, I worked with torture torturers and most of them were You know normally when they're not torturing people, they're decent guys are kids played together or wives were friends Your kids and the guy was getting tortured kids. No, unfortunately. Why no Uh tortured is kids too Well, that's kind of a hypothetical, but uh Not in my experience. I'll say it that way Not really it actually isn't a hypothetical at all Well, you know, there were rumors that they didn't yeah, well, there were rumors that the CIA tortured the kids of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed that would be pretty cool too because it's like who really in America get to torture kids It's like a one-of-one experience maybe I would get it on that that's that's not a world I'd want to live in Well, you live in it. It seems like I hope not. Are you going to keep yourself not myself? So it seems like you want to live in this world Yeah, I'd like to see that trick there that you did you that was very you that was very clever That was very clever. Yes I may kill somebody else, but not myself. He's got a threat of violence To the president oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Absolutely not that's what he sounded like it's right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not at all. No, that's very legal You know, I was at that dinner Which one with Kanye and Nick Fuentes and Trump? No, the way that's correspondence dinner and I mean the same one Nick Fuentes wasn't there him and Kanye and Trump Kanye, I didn't see Kanye at that there Also, maybe this was a different one. I guess go ahead. Sorry I mean the salad and I said to my my date I can't possibly have been a gunshot, right? And she's like no, no, and then we just kept eating and then everybody started to have them below the tables Oh the one from a couple of weeks ago. Yeah. Yeah, that wasn't the one. I'm talking about the one Mar-a-Lago like oh the famous one Where Kanye and Nick Fuentes went. No, I went to I went to Mar-a-Lago one time. I will admit to you It was the best egg salad I've ever had in my life, but that was pretty much the extent of it How would you sum up your experience working for the Masad? My experience with the Masad has been that they probably wish they were working for me. Oh, I mean the CIA. Sorry Uh, what one in the same? Pretty much How would you sum up that experience? Uh, you know, it was great until I realized what the heck was actually going on But I did enjoy the travel I went to 72 countries with the CIA which was the worst one which had the worst most just Speakable ugly people See I'm gonna get death threats for answering you truthfully probably if you answer it correctly These people won't even have a fun to look at I hate it India I just hated it. If you want to take a shit. Unfortunately, they have phones. That's for sure You want to take a shit you're walking down the street and people just pull down their pants and take a shit right there on the street And then pull up their pants and walk away you saw that happen every day every single day I've been in poorer countries That they didn't do that and what I say that that's a thing and then people called me a racist. No, it's a thing And I am using it to racially insult Indian Americans who don't do that sort of thing But their their family does And he's seen their blood to do it. I'll tell you another thing. I saw in India that I hated is the people their color standing No standing right outside the the nice hotels where all these these dudes were in dresses and sorry Yeah, like the Marriott and the West in there all these dudes were in dresses And I said to one of my Indian friends. I said what's with all these dudes wearing sorry's and dresses and he said Oh, yeah, they're their criminals what they do is they come on weekends and they disrupt people's weddings They'll go in and like smash the wedding cake and throw chairs around and then you have to pay them to leave That's how they make their living What a low level of like extortion type thing. Yeah, it's bad like the dumbest thing I've ever heard The why are they wearing dresses? I don't really get that part. I don't know. It's just part of the stick I guess so maybe they actually have some sort of artistic sense in it I suppose you could. They're not just to the gangsters right You could look at it artistically Why did you stop that man from burning himself alive? He may have been called and it would have heated everyone up No, when I got there he was just a black spot on the ground. Are we talking about the same thing? I don't know The guy was pouring the oil on himself. He was about to light himself on fire No I saw you in the video. You're in the background. Oh that guy. Yeah, yeah. Oh Yeah, I did stop him from setting himself on fire Because we were all standing there agreeing with each other It was this this was in front of the justice department a couple of years ago It was it was a protest in support of Julian Assange and wiki leaks and this fucking guy Goes right up to the podium where we're speaking and he takes all of his clothes off so he's butt-naked and then he squirts lighter fluid all over himself and he pulls out a lighter out of his pants pocket that he had on the ground and buddy of mine maybe he was trying to let all the wildling tribes know that he's time to attack the wall maybe maybe the poor guy was just having a mental breakdown maybe maybe he was cold also it could have been so you know it was a pretty comfortable day that day I remember it was it was a warm day in October yeah yeah in fact there was a woman there who was an attorney and she ran up to the cops when the cops arrested him and she said I'm an attorney he's clearly mentally ill don't hurt him oh really yeah and instead of taking him to the jail they took him to the hospital which was kind of nice why would they take him to the hospital you guys stopped him or the mental hospital mental hospital but he didn't even do anything wrong no that's why they didn't take him to jail he didn't do anything no why would they take him to the mental hospital he's clearly stable yeah yeah maybe for today's Washington will you put a rooster in your room to wake you up when it's time no because the roosters don't stop from like three o'clock in the morning I live next door to this rooster in Athens I wanted to go out and kill it and the only reason I didn't is because my wife said she would leave me if I did if you killed a rooster yeah so what did you do you killed it no I just you with your wife just suffered no way so then yeah I kind of chose the rooster over over her yeah I mean you should have just expedited it then and killed the rooster then you wouldn't have had to go through whatever divorce you did I probably still would have had to go through why didn't you just kill your wife believe me didn't you have like immunity or something that is a that is an issue that yeah could have been debated right see I come up with all these great ideas that nobody ever takes advantage of although you may have been discontinued from the CIA you would have come up with such a genius idea you would have killed your wife and you wouldn't have had to go to jail plus a rooster plus the rooster yeah do you see I am my fuck is be walking around with the strap all the time why that you got to protect yourself the next guy's not gonna protect you what fucking guy got flowers in his ear and well he's gonna have to deal with the 9 I had in a tear away fanny pack on my waist and the 38 on my ankle and just in case things turned to shit I had a book knife in my back pocket you want to do it motherfuckin with that I didn't run into them overseas I only see them in New York oh the fucking guys the fucking Deloy is a shit fucking guy you never get whole of them they always fucking they're gonna be building they're gonna be doing that with you you don't even out of top them seriously crazy shit hey guys sorry for the no option have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by chabby's if you're sick of your usual shorts or swimwear then chabby's is probably perfect for you chabby's is also celebrating his 15th anniversary and to celebrate they're bringing back their original shorts I've personally been wearing chabby's a ton recently and I can tell you from my own personal experience that it's been great the shorts on the first wear feel like I've already been wearing them for ages and they fit great that's partly also because of the four-way stretch fabric that they use one of the best things about chabby's is the quality of the shorts and especially the trunks they're extremely soft extremely flexible and they're also extremely quick drying as well for a limited time chabby's is offering listeners of the show 20% off with my code maton m-a-t-a-n at chabby shorts dot com that's code maton m-a-t-a-n to get 20% off for a limited time at chabby's shorts dot com c-h-u-b-b-i-e-s-s-h-o-r-t-s dot com thank you to chabby's for sponsoring today's episode and if you buy something there let them know I sent you as it would help the show do you want to maybe switch chairs yeah so you can be closer to the mic hold that up for the rest of the show okay were you considered a snitch in prison no thank god no I got a story there okay the New York Times the Sunday before I went to prison I went to prison on Thursday New York Times front page saying he's going to this prison in Pennsylvania there was a guy there an Italian guy who became my best friend yeah and he he took it upon himself to go to every single one of the Italians and tell them listen there's a CIA guy coming on Thursday he's not an FBI FBI is rats and snitches CIA protected us from the Muslims he said okay you actually protected the Muslims well the muslim thought I protected the Muslims the nation of Islam guys the nation of the nation of Islam guys what are you laughing at I was thinking of these nation of Islam guys big ripped guys one of them came into my room the first day there and he handed me a newspaper that had a lot to read it for him well the poor guy no he had read it but he said he could read it reverie he could wow quite quite well but he said Reverend Farrakhan called me a hero of the Muslim people and so I wasn't gonna have any trouble with them so I didn't they were good I mean they said that I put my hand out to shake his hand and he says I don't shake hands with the white devil but that I said that's cool you're talking to one in Israelite I don't know what he was why are there more Israelite in the CIA is it because they're all there are more Mormons in the CIA because they speak funky languages oh it's not good this is not good but I think you're doing it on his nose it's got a good it's got to go down his throat yeah yeah it's not see what I mean it's not good I wonder what the hell you were doing well that's the kind of the the idea you just take random people and do it to yeah see it's not good we can get more going later yeah you need like gallon jugs you know actually you should try I'm gonna get oh yeah thanks we we waterboarded each other in practice in the in training practice it was not not pleasant yeah see he he got it all wrong though he's got to be on he's got to be on a board he's got to be on a board that's why they call it the water board and his feet have to be higher than his head and this towel is too thick it holds too much liquid you need like a like a pillow case or a burlap yeah that works but he's got to be laying almost flat okay we can do that as well one log to that for now okay they're flat I'm gonna waterboard you if you don't lay flat well I know waterboard anybody's about to see not try it on John okay here you go where's this man there's it now see that's what you need the gallon jugs to keep going while they're talking I think this isn't gonna do anything. You're right. Get out of here. Get out of here. You didn't tie him up tight enough. What a waste of time. I didn't even learn anything. No, see that's kind of the conclusion. It's a waste of time. He's good. He needs to. Convulse first. Maybe I can get him a concussion as well. We did that a lot. So what's the next best thing I should use on him? Well, there are two next best things. Okay. The first one is the cold cell. You strip him naked. You chain him to an eye bolt in the ceiling. You chill the cell to 50 degrees Fahrenheit and every hour you throw a bucket of ice water on him. The second thing is. I don't have access to that though. Right. I need something I can do like waterboarding. It's simple. Sleep deprivation. Oh yeah. It takes a lot longer. But I can do that. You need to go, you know, eight, nine days without sleep. Then he goes into organ failure. I mean, you might as well just kill the guy at that point. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of the end result half the time. Yeah, but he's a terrorist, isn't he? I don't know, I haven't met him. Just look at his face. He looks more like a crazy person than a terrorist. He's the swan. the same. These homeless people just cut. Why didn't the CIA ever consider playing soldier boy to torture people? You know they did that all through the Vietnam War. Oh really? Oh my god yes. I don't think soldier boy was around during the Vietnam War. Was he? Oh I thought you meant colloquially soldier boy. I don't know. I don't know. No no soldier boy. Oh soldier boy. Yeah yeah soldier boy. Yeah. Like kind of like how I was talking a minute ago. Yeah soldier boy. Yeah they could be like to be confused with soldier boy. Who's that? He's Nigerian. He's in that also soldier boy. Oh is he Nigerian too? You can't I don't know. What do I know? I'm too old for this kind of thing. That's not something you guys ever tried. I feel like it would be more effective than all of the other ones. No what what they did was they played the Bee Gees on loop or the SpongeBob Squarepants theme song. So they actually did something similar to this. Yeah. But why SpongeBob? I love that song. I do too. But after you hear it 10,000 times you start to. Then you will know of the lyrics. Yeah. So actually. And if it's a good song, if it's like Bohemian rhapsody or something. Okay I could sing that 10,000 times. Yeah so I don't get the why this is torture. Yeah. I would much rather waterboard some guy. Why does the man on the bus always ask for three different coins? One man or one purple and one green. He says if I bring him the metal one the purple one doesn't come because the green one absorbed it. He tells me the earth is made of metal purple and green coins. Is he right? And should I give him the metal purple and green coins? That sounds like about half the emails that I get every day. But this one's real unlike all those other ones. Yeah. That one I don't know. But I wouldn't be surprised if that was communicated to you through a chip in your brain or filling in your tooth. Is that something somebody told you before? Every single day. I think maybe this is some MK Ultra stuff. Stranger things have happened. And I would like to get behind that. Is that something they're still doing? That's the toughest question that you've asked me so far. Oh really? They would say no. I would say it's impossible to know. But you might actually know the answer. No I wish I did. I'd blurred it out. So it seems like the answer from you is yes. I mean if I knew I'd say yes and I would dare them to do something about it. Why? Because then they'd have to admit that it was true. Oh really? So you would do another whistle blow on that level. I would. So why don't you tell me one of those secrets like I asked from earlier? Because that stuff is like sources and methods and you know stuff that we need to keep secret to try to keep the country safe and but if you say something that can help not keep the country safe and then maybe and it's a big if but it's a good one if it can lead to the destruction of Israel. That's not not for me. You don't want to be responsible for that? I do not. Nah. You're missing out. Yeah maybe but it's not for me. Is it true that you have to be at least 51% Jewish to be in the CIA? I had not heard that. Are you 51% Jewish? I am not. I'm like 2% Jewish according to 23 and me. It's always a trick though. It's like are you Jewish? Oh just a little bit and it's always more than they say. I will tell you a true story. My mother's made name was Chrysopolis. When a Greek name ends in Opolis that just means you're from the Peloponnesian peninsula but the first part of the name Chrysopolis means gold and I sit to my mom one time. Your name doesn't make any sense to me and she said what do you mean? And I said gold. I said gold. It uh she says uh probably somebody in our family was a was a jeweler and I said no we were farmers for 2000 years. I think it's more probably like gold men or goldberg or gold steam. Goldberg. Yeah. So I'd be here. He said I don't even know. Oh he had a great spear. And so I did a 23 and me and it said yes Jewish on my mother's father's side. From Lithuania no less. You see what I'm saying? It's always it's like your mother's maiden name is Goldberg. You see what I mean? That's just like but let's assume that's not true or if it was you can't tell me it's one of those secrets. What how many Jews did you see in the CIA? A lot of them. I never really paid attention to tell you the truth. It's right out in the open with them sometimes. You could look at me and know that I'm not Jewish. You know what I mean? I don't actually know. I feel pretty insulted right now. Sorry didn't mean to rain on on the parade. And what year did you end up leaving the CIA? 2004. So you were in the CIA during 9/11. Oh yeah. Do you have anything you can tell us about that? Probably a lot I can tell you about that. Anything like a new and a new info? No it's pretty much all out there. Really? Pretty much. Do you believe it was an inside job? No. No. I don't. It was a terrorist attack from Al Qaeda. Yes. No Jewish? No. But. I spoke to Andrew Bustamonte, the leader of the CIA former leader. Oh yes. And he told me that it was a Jew. Yeah. No. I think that the Israeli's new it was coming and didn't warn us because they knew that if we were attacked we would end up doing what they wanted and just go around the world to kill Muslims which is exactly what happened. When we captured up his abeta we also captured his diary. And in his diary he had the personal cell phone numbers of three Saudi princes. So we went to the Saudis very angrily and said you better do something about this. And the next thing you know one prince dies in a one car accident on the Riyadh to Jeddah highway. One prince goes unfortunate. Yeah. Well one one prince goes in for stomach surgery and dies on the operating table and one prince goes into the desert to go camping and dies of thirst. That makes sense. I'm using the desert. Yeah but he's he camps in the desert all the time. You think he would take a bottle of water? Maybe he ran out. He was trying to waterboard somebody. He wasted all of it. Drink your own piss then and save yourself. Get in the car. Does that work? Drive two seven eleven. I thought it was like drinking salt water. I don't know. I've never tried it. It's like drinking ammonia. It seems like to me. Hey guys start for the eruption after let you know that today's episode is sponsored by PrizePix. 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That's my code Maton M-A-T-A-N to get $50 for free in lineups after playing just your first $5 lineup on the PrizePix app. Then get a PrizePix for sponsoring today's episode. PrizePix a preferred partner of the NBA. Trump recently said "I believe I'm going to hell and the only way for me to get into heaven is by destroying 13 more elementary schools in Iran. Is he correct? No. Why? Yeah we shouldn't be we shouldn't be in the business of attacking elementary schools anywhere. I agree with that but he needs to do it to go to heaven. Now I think he needs to respect international human rights to go to heaven. Remember he's supposed to be the peace president. He's going to win the Nobel Peace Prize. He's making peace all over the world so yeah he wanted to give it to him. You see that? Yeah. So he kind of wanted because he didn't kill or anything. He kind of got it through a peaceful method. He just took it. She offered it up. She gave it to him. What a nice lady. And you've met him. Yeah I've met him. How was that experience? Honestly he was lovely. You wanted to give you your pension back. I hope he does. I'm waiting. Let's see. How much do you not get from that? All together it was $700,000. Will you get all of it back? I would get all of it back. Yeah. In retro whatever it's called. Yeah. Retractively. Retractively. And then how much do you get a year? What is it? Like 50 years? Oh it's not it's not a ton. Yeah it's just under $50,000. Is that a that's less than you made when you worked at right? Oh yeah way less. Yeah. How much did you make? What's the pay? I think when I left I was making not a ton. I was making maybe a hundred and ten hundred twelve. But in in 2004 that was good money. It seems like a stressful job for a hundred grand a year. Yeah but you don't do it for the money. You do it because you're a patriot. Or to torture people. There are unfortunately some people who do it for that reason. Yes. You say unfortunately I say that it's their destroying terrorism. No they're not. Has there been any more terrorism since then? Oh lots. Yes. Lots. I disagree with that. Okay. Tell ISIS. No they've been defeated. Oh have they? Yes. I missed that. They've all been defeated by the Great White Hope. Yes. Do you like white boys? in the ass. - No. I've never given any questions. - That's not my question. That's from Bird B, U-R-T. (beep) - Oh, okay. - That's what his name stands for. It's a weird question. - I have to ask. - I have to ask the (beep) - What? - (beep) - Oh, I got it. - Some gay thing reference. I don't know. It's disgusting, really. - Yeah, yeah, it's not for me. - No, you don't? - No. - Now I can't really relate to him, but I guess I'll try to continue this conversation or this question error. - On his behalf, I guess the follow would be why. - Yeah, it's just it doesn't do anything for me. - Could you use MK Ultra to turn somebody into a gay? - I mean, if MK Ultra had worked up the way they wanted to work out, you can turn them into anything. You can turn them into an assassin. That was the idea. - What about, what about a gay? - Probably. - And you could hypothetically make somebody not gay anymore? - Jesus, I have no idea. - If that's true, I feel like, maybe we need to get behind and start to go fun, be or something. - Well, I mean, if we already have hypnosis, isn't that the same thing? You hypnotize someone so they stop smoking. You hypnotize someone so they remember someone. - It doesn't usually work though. - It doesn't work. - Yeah, no, I've seen it work. - You've seen it work? - I worked with a hypnotist while I was on an operation. - Maybe we're talking about different levels of one, but I've seen something, they seem to be liars. - Oh, I think most of them are probably frauds, but the one that I worked with, it was the real deal. - See, but when it works, it's only for a limited period though. - Yes. - With MK Ultra, you could hypothetically get somebody forever. - Yeah, but then you're gonna have them jump off the roof of a hotel or hang themselves from a tree. - No, no, tell 'em not to do that. - I don't know, man, it didn't work out in practice. - Why not? - I don't know, it just didn't work. - Maybe it did actually, that's why, oh. - Now, we started in 1952, ended in 1975 and had nothing legit to show for it. - Yeah, there's actually way more gay people nowadays than before, so. - There's way more autistic people now than there were before too. - It really must have failed. - Something's gone. - All operation was a big spit in our face. - Something's going on. - Can you tell me about that, some secrets? - I don't know about it. There was way before my time. - You weren't born then, you weren't in the CIA in the 15th? - I wasn't in the CIA now, I was born in 1964, so I missed it. - So if you were like nine years old though, you could have been around in there. - I guess I could have been in those circles, if I was nine years old. - Maybe they did it to you as a kid. - Well, have you heard the joke that we're all trained to tell? - No. - Yeah, they trained us to tell this one joke. This joke is, I'm driving around McLean, Virginia by the CIA and I see a sign, it's on a telephone pole. It says, "Talking dog and for sale, it has an address." So I go over to the address 'cause I wasn't in a hurry and I knock on the door and I said to the guy, "You got a talking dog for sale?" The guy says, "Yeah." I said, "Can I see it?" He says, "It's around the back." So I go around the back and there's a dog sitting there, it's a mutt. And I said, "Hello?" And the dog looks at me, you know how dogs do their head like that? And he goes, "Hello." I said, "Oh my God, you do talk." And he said, "Yeah, that's how I got a job at the CIA." I said, "I work at the CIA." He said, "Yeah, I was in counterterrorism." I said, "I'm in counterterrorism." What did you do in counterterrorism? He said, "Well, because I talk, they sent me on to Bin Laden's compound." And I listened to what Bin Laden was saying. And I come out and I tell them. And that went so well, I went to Kim Jong Un. And I listened to what he was saying. And I came out and told them. And then finally, they sent me to the Kremlin. I listened to Port Putin saying. And I came back and I told them, "I said, "That's incredible. You're an American hero." I said, "I'm gonna buy you." So I said to the guy, "How much you want for this dog?" He goes, "20 bucks." I said, "Why so cheap?" He said, "That damn dog's a liar." He didn't do any of that stuff. What's the joke? I don't get it. See, my sister reacted the same way. I always thought it was fucking hilarious. I saw a talking dog. I'd fucking get ready to battle. But he's just laying there. He's not threatening you in any way. He's threatening me by being a dog that's talking to me. I'm either crazy and I need to keep this dog because I'm crazy. You're crazy. You're gonna write you out on something. Well, I mean, if what he's saying is true, then yes. Listen to what the dog just told you. But the guy said the dog made it all up. It was just all made up. That's why it was only $20. But this guy is interacting with you as if the dog was actually talking. He's just a liar dog. He's a liar. But the dog he's talking. Yeah, he's just lying. Then the dog needs to be eliminated. I mean, this is beyond even a talking dog. This is a sophisticated conscious dog that's lying to you, so you buy him. Yes. I'm sure it's not just like a (beep) No, no. It could have been a (beep) Wait a minute. I think we're not supposed to say (beep) anymore. I mean, who are you gonna offend? (beep) What are they gonna do to you? Yeah. You're gonna bite your leg? It's really like a dog. Pretty much it. I don't even think we have midget throwing contest in bars anymore. I wish there were still like those clowns who used to try to ride lions, which was really just dogs that they would put big ears on. Right. Now these guys, so as you have to fucking pay them $500 an hour to debate a clown and the Domino's employee in Steini, another clown, it's getting ridiculous. You know what I'm talking about? I can't disagree. $500 an hour for a (beep) That's ridiculous. Of course, you don't wanna be grudged in the (beep) of a living, the guy's gotta make a living. And you know. He needs half of a normal living. Whatever the market will bear, that's the price. That's the one thing that I don't agree with Capitalism on. Huh, think about that. I think I do agree with Capitalism on that. Did there can be (beep) to eat a lot of money? Sure, why not? It makes us look like an underdeveloped sheet country. I'm not even sure the last time I saw him. (beep) Why did the CIA create (beep) is it to distract everybody by making them laugh too much? That could be it? Yeah. It could be so that they can sneak into places and not be noticed. You know what I noticed though? They're all very stupid. No. Yes they are. I worked for a (beep) Oh God. She was my first office director at the CIA. She was brilliant. Yeah, she was an actual (beep) Polish. She was brilliant. Although. I thought we were the best country. We are the best country. I'm not even going to Russia and telling them that there's a (beep) in there, whatever. I bet there is. They're probably gonna rip your neck off if you insinuated it. There's gotta be one. There's gotta be. No. Yeah, now I think I'm against Capitalism. I think I've shifted. No, I'm just now getting my first taste of Capitalism. I'm liking it pretty well. Just recently you've been making a lot more money? Finally. What about the money you were paid by the Russian state media? Yes. They don't pay very much. No. Did you have to tell them any of the CIA secrets or you just had to? Nope, they never asked. Really? They said, here's a microphone. We give you a radio show. Knock yourself out. And why did you talk about usually on the show? Whatever happened to be in the news that day. Or really? Did you have to take Russian positions on it? Were you working for that when the Ukraine war started? Yes. And what's your position on that? The very first thing I said on my radio show that day was I unreservantly condemn the Russian invasion of Ukraine and I call on Russian troops to withdraw immediately. And then you were fired? Nope. It was part of my contract that I could say anything I wanted and criticize anybody I wanted. What about a log neck? I don't know who that is. He's my next guest in five minutes. Are you allowed to criticize him? Of course. I don't-- I criticize everybody. Because I got nothing to lose. So can you criticize him? Why not? Go ahead, where is he? He's a little bit late. He's supposed to be here five minutes ago. It's five minutes away, though. OK. So give him some criticism. But I don't know anything about him. I can't even mock his physical appearance. I'll show you a photo of him and you will. Oh, yeah, he's-- that's one ugly fucking guy, yeah. You see what I'd say? Yeah, yeah, that's not-- yeah. He's hearing five minutes, by the way. He makes money with that neck? I doubt it. I doubt it. Does he look like he has a lot of money? No. Although his lick here tattoo probably cost what? $150? I feel like that's probably like a sponsorship he did. Ah, I didn't even think of that. It probably is-- They paid him with that tattoo. Yeah. Gross.