Matan Confronts Jayoma For Protecting R*pists and Murderers

Hello everybody. Welcome back to the podcast for today's guest. We have Jayoma. Welcome in Thanks for coming for today's co-host. We have my manager via flooring. We come in via flooring Thanks for coming So if you could just pull the mic close to your mouth and it introduce yourself to anybody who might not know you and all that one all right Hello, everybody. My name is Jayoma, and I am a criminal defense attorney. I'm the person that you guys are gonna call whenever you guys get into any type of trouble So I'm here. So you don't do lawsuits on like businesses and stuff like that. You help take down criminals or you have defend the criminals I defend anybody who charges with crime. So no civil things. So that can be anything from federal to state any type of level. Why isn't there less money in that? I don't really look at the money. It's more important. It's a passion project. It's a passion. It's the game. Oh really? It's a big game. It's like going to school and doing better than your opponents. So it's not even about the money or the ethics It's just knowing that you could get out bad people better than anybody else. No, it's about getting people the type of representation that they should get Which is the best representation. But most of the criminals out there and I don't mean to be racist. They you know, they might be a black or something So how could they afford the top guys those guys are all probably for the money? So everything's negotiable So whenever I have any type of case that comes up I'll talk to them see where they're at in regards to their case how difficult the case is how much work is required But it doesn't really matter because whatever happens man. I'm trying to win the case regardless You're gonna try to win it for them regardless of the money whatever the situation always so that's why I got you the shirt right here man All right Jay on the city Right here. He's a bunch of criminals and it's a bunch of people who have been accused of crimes There you go I like the crime though because he owns the whole building. I will make it a crime this for you. Okay, thank you I will make it a crime if you have me as a prosecutor this guy will never see the light of day. I'll tell you that I think he probably would just have you killed There's a guy yeah, no, he can't kill me. There's no way look at him. He wouldn't speak. He wouldn't do it himself You don't know who he knows I know he doesn't know. He dressed up. I know like the way he looks. It's kind of gross. The badass Possibly a trillionaire. Are you a trillion there? That's you see that that that that the sound right there. That's the sound of a Well person who doesn't pay their attorneys fees. That's what I'm saying. He doesn't he doesn't I'm not gonna have them Do you find it difficult to get work as a gentile lawyer? All right, what do you mean by gentle non Jew a non Jew because when people think of lawyers and they think of a good one They think of Jewish people. No, fuck that. It doesn't matter. That's the truth. No, because Jewish people think about me I'm the top comment. No, they don't with Jewish people. They see you in court and they're like that's an easy win problem No, it's not then bring it well, let's see. I invite any Every out there to go against me in court including this one right here. I'm a Jewish Everybody knows you live in Jewishness That shows bad like a bad thing. I believe in Jews with the law because that's the one thing. I'll give them They're unbeatable who said that probably per capita and like statistically John Cochran, Johnny Cochran's Jewish Islandershow it's is that the only one that you know, but you know that the Jews are kind of the kings of law I don't know about that. I know they make good bagels And I won't even I won't even give them see that definitely I love hummus y'all make great hummus See, I'm not giving Jews credit for hummus. I hate be bagels, but definitely law I don't know hummus is for law is for law is me and the market shows that they choose me Okay, you think on average Asians who think they're like Mexican gangsters are better at law than Jewish people. There's no way Um, I don't know about Asian gangsters who think they're better at law all I know is those Asians who think and try to look like Mexican gangsters I've never seen those all of those what I do when it comes to my criminal cases look like that's not an insult by the way It's kind of like dude. Do you know what you look like? Well, that's why I clarified your missing your head is made for a Yamaha I swear, no, yes, it is that hair needs to get permed Do you think a good side hustle would be finding a rich person who recently took their life without a will and suing their family? Um, I don't think that's a good hustle. What I think the best hustle is Finding a niche that makes you wake up every day and then going forward with it and being better than your competition Yeah, you'd be the best at that. Not you. I'm saying like the guy who's doing this could be the best at it Is that what you're doing right now? You could go no, I'm not but you could go on like obituary forms or something like that See all the people who died look them up if they have a big LinkedIn or something like that And they didn't have a will cuz they keep themself so it's likely they didn't get it prepared as an attorney This right here is just comical. It's not gonna be using us in court in case you get sued or in case you have criminal charges against you for fraud How is this fraud? I'm not saying anything that's fraudulent No, but you seem very like like schematic about it like you know what you're doing well Yeah, you have done it before so you've done it before no, I haven't done it But if I need to it definitely something I've considered as a good side hustle how many people do you know have done it before? A couple of them. Okay. So you're already setting yourself up to be a snitch. You know that right? What's the problem with that then then they'll give me more credit Then if I go and do it myself and it ends up being fraud then maybe I don't have to go to jail because I'll give them information on other people So you're willing to snitch on other people to avoid jail time. Is that what you're telling everybody? Of course Oh, wow. How many people have you snitched on before? Well, not so far, but it's not something I'm unwilling to do. That's like the thing I'd go to immediately How many rabbis have you snitched on? Snitch on them to who's like the higher level rabbi? We're gonna snitch on a rabbi - I have no idea. I don't want to trump trump probably my so snitches on trump But nonetheless back to my back to my side house. Why is it not a good side hustle? Somebody doesn't have a will their families devastated. They're not in the right mind So the family because that's not the right thing to do like you got to find your own way Scam that's a scam notoriously defends Sins allegedly whatever. I'm sure some of them aren't a legend. I'm sure they've been prosecuted No, I represent people who are charged with crimes whoever they may be So that's some of the legend, but some of them now are guilty No, none of them have ever been found guilty. No, that's that's just definitely not true Really, I feel like there's probably a website where I could find all of your your records and I for sure that that's not the case Nobody's ever found guilty It depends on who your attorney is that you hire. I know that I fight for my clients no matter what position they're at no matter Okay, but how is this a scam a scam anyways? It's a scam because you're trying to take people's money away without actually having more money. They're not even alive anymore No, but it's been passed down to them. No, they didn't have a will. So it's unclear who's going to that's why you can claim it to yours Yeah, but by bloodline they should get it kind of like if you have kids You're gonna want to be able to pass it down to you. Well, that's why I have a will That's why I'll have a will or you're smart enough to have a little some people aren't okay Well, that's why you sue them and sue their families because the families of this can populate it and You fucking like Tyson line everybody knows what to do until they get punched in the face. Yeah, sure It's like this applies, but it's like when the head of the family Kicks themselves. You don't know what to do anymore, and that's what you're willing to go through no you sue them You sue like the mother or the children. You act like soon people was like really cheap Well, what if you're just a lawyer like you you would be pretty good at this, right? I Know it. I guess You just don't want to admit that I have a really good idea. All right Did your family always want you to become a Roya? A Royo a Roya a Roya Roya Roya Roya. What the fuck is that head? That's what your job or Roya a Roya probably a lawyer because I don't know what you're saying But they wouldn't pronounce it that way. No, let's say lawyer. They were born here. You're parents. No, they're not born Okay, so they're not gonna say yes, son believe become a lawyer I don't know come a Roya player. It's amazing that they were not born here And they sound a lot better than you there's no way they said they want you to become a lawyer Yeah, they said you know those players make a right out of money. They did not want me to be a lawyer They hated the fact of doing that Um, I was a nurse and they thought that was they wanted you to play baseball No Would you represent a child charge with kidnapping first-degree murder arson extortion armed robbery aggravated assault Human trafficking wiring fraud racketeering tax evasion. Winnie's tampering bribery conspiracy and obstruction of justice I'll represent anybody. Where's the type of charge? Even that guy you it doesn't matter He's a kidnap or tacked a white white collar crimes this guy doesn't give a fuck. It's almost like he's trying to allegedly Give me a thing. It's all right. We're allegedly right here. It's not a soul allegedly Just because I saw for that allegedly has been has been charged with that does not mean they did it You can get charged with that does that mean did it? No, I couldn't get charged with that. No, you can get charged with that. How could I get charged with that anybody can make it up? Yeah, well, it wouldn't go to court would it. Oh, yeah, what if I'm right big time big time big time. I did human trafficking Um, it's not getting to court. Let's get into court, dude. Oh, it's not for sure. Do you own this building? No, he does That's such a plant answer. You know, like when you nose hairs it moves every time you talk I think that's an indicator that you're lying. My nose hairs. Yeah, they move. No, I had it. It moves. It moves Who wrote this? Who wrote this he just wrote it? Do you see that? Wrong number, dude. Go ahead. Why did you bomb Pearl Harbor? Didn't you realize? That would just piece off the Americans. I didn't bomb her harbor. Yeah, he did I think you're going back to history like you're so off with that your people did it Which people listen? I know you said your Filipino and that was the Japanese but for purposes of being like you know within the culture or whatever you're basically Japanese you're a lot closer to Japanese than I am to Japanese Yeah, I can say that but we didn't bomb her harbor. I feel things didn't do that. Why did you bomb it? Nobody bombed it Yeah, I did I didn't yeah, huh well not you literally when I say you I mean you you people No, Japanese people did it back then not now, but didn't you realize that would just piece off the Americans? You couldn't have thought that I would go unanswered. I think The Japanese people wanted to attack America when they were at the weakest Well, I didn't work out You know history is history. So I bet you guys are credit now, don't you? Ah the Japanese people I have no idea you might want to ask them. I bet you regret it I don't know. I don't know if you could just maybe look at the camera and say I apologize Americans on behalf of my my fellow people who made a big fucking mistake Hey guys are for the inner option. I have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by Rumble wallet Quick question. How much control do you really have over your money? 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This is a limited time offer so act fast use Rumble wallet and claim 5 dollars in US AT when you use my promo code maton 5 M A T A N 5 Rumble wallet can also be used to tip some of your favorite creators as well Restriction supply there are a limited amount of entries available terms and conditions also apply see the description below or visit rumble.com/promo official rules for more details. This is a paid advertisement from rumble. Thank you to Rumble for sponsoring today's episode Am I allowed to go around suing a bunch of people for money attempting to get default judgements? Uh you can sue anybody you want to as long as you have the money for it. Is that another good scheme? For default judgments like I'll just sue a thousand people Then you can do that and like a hundred Plus of them might just not show up and then I'll just win That's if you can collect from but sometimes they have the money. You gotta target the right people Yeah, well no shit. I what when did I imply that I was gonna be a fool about it and like Serve up these papers to idiots. I'm just because you're saying that you're gonna be able to sue everybody just like it's that simple I'm gonna serve a bunch of papers. I'll do it myself Or maybe I can just find a really not sloyer who will get in on this scheme with me. It's up to you. Is it a good idea though? asking the Conversation between you and your lawyer, but for me not just my lawyer for a second. I think you're a lawyer. Sure. I don't recommend it. Why? Because it's a bad idea and You have to have a lot of money for it. I'm knocking me a type of lawyer who just I don't have a lot of money for it Because it costs money to sue people and I'm not gonna do that to you. I'm not gonna do it to anybody All right, I go after these cases if it actually has merit I don't scam people all their money. I'm not talking about you doing it I'm saying a person who's willing to spend their time doing this with no merit. They don't care about merit They're just trying to make money. Yeah, but you can't make money if there's no merit behind it There has to be some reason why you're you're going after these people and if it's just frivolous, you're she's gonna lose That's the point. They don't show up to court. It's a frivolous lawsuit That's why you're trying to get a default judgment from them not showing up They might not even think it's a real lawsuit. You're suing them for like 700 bucks. Yeah, you can do that But like yeah, and then you'll win and they'll owe you 700 bucks. I'm not gonna do that But it's a good idea for somebody who needs to make some money Anything is a good idea for anybody. It's not a good idea to chop your own fingers off and then sue yourself, right? So clearly there's a difference between good ideas and bad ideas Speak on chopping your fingers off, bro. Your nails are like all the way down to his bone, bro Well, cuz I rip them off so I can look real real homeless Okay, I guess that makes sense Don't do it. Don't do the default thing. Don't do not do the default judgment. Oh Should it be illegal to slap a bitch for yapping your ear off? I believe It should be illegal For any type of assault and that's what it is right now But would you defend somebody who did that? I'll defend anybody. I guess they did it But it has a merit because she was yapping in his ear for too long. I'll represent And you would probably win that case of course What would you say like judge? He was tired. He came home from work and she wouldn't shut her fucking mouth No, no, no, what happened was She came in there and tried to attack him and and the process of trying to attack him My client self defense punch their stuff video footage. Yeah, let's assume there's video footage of this I'm keeping that video footage out of court Nobody's gonna see it. She has video footage. Take that shit out. You can't you can't You can stop it from going into court. There's different ways to do that. What are some of those ways Hiring the right attorney Like you yeah, I'm saying, but what would you do to get rid of it? Obviously. I know that you're saying that you can get it out of court Yeah, how I'm not gonna say on on TV you just have to hire me to find out I've done it before Yeah, but through what method? Through the jailma method the jailma method. All right, the jailma. I don't know what character I'm gonna get I'm asking you what's okay the jailma method. Yeah, what's the jailma method to get evidence thrown out of court? You call my office You hire me and you mean I start doing my work. That's how I get that shit thrown out of court Okay, hey, I'm on the phone. I go, hey, how are you gonna get this video of me being up a lady out of court? All right So the way to do it is you make sure you get the retainer fee to my office and then I'm gonna start doing my work What does your work include? I need to know. I can't tell you that it would compromise you because you're a snitch So you're not gonna give me an answer seems like you're just lying seems like that's not something it'd be capable of doing actually You're funny when you argue that she was giving him a headache, so he kind of was no fuck that feeling pain. No, no The punch comes from self defense or it just never really happened because she was giving him a headache. No self defense because she threw a punch at him Okay, but that didn't happen. Let's assume no it happened But there's footage that it didn't happen Allegedly this footage, but that footage is not gonna get in court. So therefore it never happened. What is the jailma method? It's like threatening the judge's family. No, we don't do that. Like going up to all of the uh, you know Here's the jailma method reading them with a gun outside. Here's a jailma method. You ready? Yeah Every time you have a prosecutor in front of you when it comes to a case you make an example out of them All right, you embarrass the shit out of them You make sure that they don't win that case and you tell them at the end of that trial That this is what was gonna happen to you and anybody else that comes across my name So if you see my name on the case on the tons criminal case dismiss that shit Or else it's gonna come again That's not the jailma method. That is like finding that is finding the the judge and the prosecutor outside and flashing the Saying this means a lot more than me than it does to you if you fuck around with this case Your family's not gonna have any money and then I'm gonna sue them because you won't have a will in preparing time That's a good fucking scheme two and two and one you see the difference between me and time is he has schemes. I have actual real results Well listen because I'm not a lawyer imagine if I wasn't lawyer and I had that legal power and I was going to do You're not gonna be a lawyer, bro. No shit. There's no way. No, no, I won't be if you were a lawyer You put a Yamaha in your head. It's still not gonna help you if I was a lawyer gives me if I was a lawyer I would absolutely it's come to be Jewish again. You will if I was a lawyer that would I would change my name You gotta change that well. I already have a pretty Jewish first time. I would be like my tone Evan Berg Change it to Evan Berg. Not to Johnson Johnson. Yeah, why you could pass for a Johnson, but that's like could be Jewish could be white Right you saying you look white Well if I was a lawyer, why would this name be? I don't know something like that like Berg at the end something like that Berg would it be illegal to just change my name to Alan Dershowitz? Possibly why would that be illegal? Because you Don't look like that guy. Is he still alive? Yeah. Yes, bro. Yes. So you try to take his identity? Not at all Why would you try to take his identity? Are you related to him? I'm not trying to take his identity. Are you related to Alan Dershowitz? Yes. No His eyes are doing this. Yes, I am every time he answers my question. His eye does this. You know, I'm trying to find out a liar I am trying to do that shit in the middle of the court. I can see it was not really bad Dude, he lied so many times. Let's keep going. Okay, but seriously you won't answer my questions I get it. You're trying to be impressive by claiming you can do stuff that's obviously not real But really Wouldn't that be kind of a good idea to change your name as a lawyer to Alan Dershowitz? No, because you're being a little bitch and writing the co-tails to somebody else. Who's hitting your own stuff talking about making my name is my ton I'm better than anybody else out there. I don't care about my s**t preferences I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna be better than any podcaster out there and have that time But if I were a lawyer and you name yourself and you legally and it's completely allowed change your name to Alan Dershowitz Uh-huh. You'll probably make way more money because a bunch of confused people will hire you as their lawyer That's not true and I'm staying to Jayoma. Okay, that's what I am and that's what I do because you're already famous people already know that s**t They really know what I can do when it comes to this criminal cases I'm not asking about you. I'm asking if let's say I became a lawyer. So why would I change to Alan Dershowitz? I didn't say You would change it. I said if I became a lawyer, if you became a lawyer, yeah, then it would be a pretty good idea because you're already well known Yeah, but don't change your name to Alan Derschwitz. Not the many people know that know what the name Alan Derschwitz I imagine everybody in law does no Lawyers don't know who Alan Derschwitz is probably the most famous lawyer in the world. I feel no, no, no I think the most famous lawyer is probably like Johnny Cochran I feel like those two are probably tied probably but that's back then the old age. This is the new generation now And so when people hear a lawyer they think of Jayoma right if the thinking of like Lawyers who defend a **** in shirt, but if they're thinking about like lawyers who defend actual people with money than no They think about people who are accused of those top of crimes Arson Get back. It doesn't matter. They don't think they think about Jayoma, right and is it true that the lawyers can read the Enchantment table What is the Enchantment table? It's that thing you used to enchant your items. Usually they're diamond by that point You don't want an enchanted iron version. I don't know man. That's not a good line. I don't know. I don't know what is enchantment Well, I thought I had to study that thing between you guys law school. I thought that was part of the bar exam enchantment No, that sounds like some chemistry shit Way off way off What is your best advice for someone dealing with a squatter? Um Should be like dude get the fuck off my property man like why you being a bum get off my property the guy says No, I have whatever squatters rights. I have a lot of rights in like California You know, there are a lot of ghosts on this property and for you to stay here. It's gonna hunt you for the rest of your life You don't want to do that. You don't mean to pretend to be the squatter now. Pretend to be the ghost Okay, I'll pretend to be the squatter because I don't give a fuck. You're not scared of me with ghosts I'm crazy and I want a **** so nothing you can threaten me with outside of legal stuff It's gonna matter to me. So what are you gonna do on this property? I'm gonna shit all over the wall I'm gonna make it unbearable for anybody to come here after who's gonna come in your property What who's gonna come in it? It's not my property. I'm I'm staying you're staying in it. So is your property for a time being who's gonna come in your property? Who are you gonna invite nobody? That's kind of a sad life to live Okay, and you're gonna be it's gonna be more sad when you spend all your money trying to buy a house And then I came over here and put shit all over the walls the house used to be white now It's brown, but it wasn't painted. I just put shit all over the wall So you're less incentivized to get me out here any time soon because I've made it a bigger headache for you No, I miss it look antique. I like it Okay, it goes. Okay, well if you have any way to get me out of here You let me know otherwise rock and close the door on you. You can just like open a bear trap Open a bear trap. Yeah release the bear and Into the house. No next to the house so the bear in the bear goes to that side of the house Well, you probably would go to jail if you tried releasing a bear on a squatter. I Don't know because the bear is gonna do whatever's good. You really know how to handle squatters. I don't do that. I do criminal defense Okay, let's ask me a criminal defense question. I'll tell you I can handle that shit Okay, a guy he went he went to his house and it was there was a squatter in it Who is legally allowed to be there and he blew his brains out? Well, if he blew his brains out, there's no criminal charge He's gone buddy The bear blew the guy's brains out. No, the guy owns the home blew out the squatters brains And the squatter was a live streamer. So it's all on live stream. Okay. I Guess it never really happened. I can see what allegedly those videos have just keep it out of court What the fuck did you accept an argument like that do you think nobody ever questioned you? What time and how you're getting these guys out of jail because you're either faking these videos or just like Threatening everybody in the court with a When when when there's like a break time. No, there's nothing Lunchtime. Nobody's eating lunch when Jay almost there because there's a bunch of Asian-looking Mexican gangsters To rending everybody there. There's no fakes on these videos. That's the reason why people keep calling Can you do that? No way. You can do that. Is that part of the bar exam? What is? I've been doing that since high school. No, you can't yeah, I can do that Dude Mike Mike stinks, bro Mike Mike stinks so bad You salt hey Mike Mike. I got you a shirt by the way. There you go Mike Mike My thoughts mad. I got you a shirt. No, you see that's the reason why it would never have happened even wore that shirt Mike. You okay? Come here. Give me your hand. Not give me your strong hand You have cats Mike Get him a ton get him get him There you go Yeah, get that get that Eat it Yeah, that was shut him up. That was shut his ass up He's gonna where he's gonna wear that shit that has power you know that right you put that shit on you're not can get arrested Probably the exact opposite really you put on a Jayoma merchandise shirt the police are looking at you like this guys Probably some sort of criminal who I mean, I know offense I don't imagine many people are buying it I imagine you're just giving it to people you work with right? No, people buy it Okay, well, whatever you couldn't really defend the squaders situation you can Hey guys are for the inner option have to let you know that today's episode is sponsored by Quo Running a business means you're always reachable until you're not and when you miss that call a competitor is going to pick it up That's why today's episode is sponsored by Quo Spell Q UO the business phone system built so you never miss another Opportunity all of your calls text and voicemails live in one place so anybody on your team can pick up a conversation Respond fast and see the full history and if you don't believe me Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2 with over 90,000 businesses who rely on it every day to stay reachable and look professional Money is on the line always say hello with Quo You can try Quo for free today and get 20% off for your first six months when you go to Quo dot com slash Matan that's Q U O dot com slash M-A-T-A-N and you'll get 20% off your first six months and you'll get to try it for free again That's Quo dot com slash Matan. Thank you the Quo for sponsoring today's episode if two women argued that the same child was there Would a court solve this dispute by giving them each half of him? Like half like the top half in the bottom half they'll call him in half and they'll give each woman half of the child to solve the dispute because they're each claiming It depends are you gonna cut the child in half vertical or horizontal? I don't know so to answer this question no, you can't do that. You can't cut a kid in half So how would they determine who the kid goes to because there's an answer whoever's the best parent? All right, so you don't know the answer. I just said it. You think this legal guy would know all the answers This guy's doing some crazy shit behind the scenes. He's not telling you about There's no crazy shit. It's all results. The answer is you you say you'll split you mean half and what one of them will argue to give him to the other person Yeah, and then you know that that's the real mother. I guess you can say that from King Solomon Who is King Solomon? You're a fucking idiot. Yeah, what book? What book do you read? Straight from the Bible you fool exactly. Do you ever regret helping and murderers get back on the street? I don't regret helping anybody who's charged with a crime so you can be charged with But no lawyer talk for a second. Let's just assume that some of the people you're defending actually did it Doesn't matter doesn't matter. No because what determines whether a person is charged or goes to jail It doesn't go to jail. It's not what happens in real life. It happens in court So if I can win that shading court, then you avoid the whole jail time regardless of what happens in the real world I'm asking if you ever regret getting these guys back on the street. No, I don't probably because I like If you're a good lawyer, if you're a good lawyer, you've probably contributed them a lot of deaths I contribute to a lot of deaths if you're a good lawyer then yeah, you could say that I'm a real good lawyer. Well then yeah, you probably did especially if you're a criminal defense lawyer for gangsters Well, I help me. What do you think happens when these people who are obviously guilty you get them free and they go back on the street? They're happy because I help them with the service and they're free They're happy and if they get charged with a crime they call me again. They're happy and they celebrate by shooting their neighbor in the stomach 40 times I guess that's a possibility, but doesn't mean it's gonna happen. Well, I don't really care I know some people have an issue with lawyers they say they're dishonest and they'll do anything for money That doesn't sound like it. Who am I to say that when I would do anything for money? Those are allegations. There's a minister What's the point of hiring a lawyer when you could represent yourself for free? Stupid because whatever whatever a lawyer says is is argument whatever you say is Evidence so if you start arguing for yourself, you just increment yourself each time you talk Let's say the judge ask your question. You're gonna. Yeah, and I want Jay. I'm Jim is here. I'm I'm not talking to Jay I'm gonna get here. No, you're representing yourself. You're gonna. I don't know. I want to go home say all right You got you got a phone call to you I want to play games go home No, but you have to be like the judge or whatever the other prosecutor. I don't know I don't want to be a horse. I'm a time a time you charge with Public exposure. No, I want to go home. You want to go home? I want to go play games play game Oh, I'm playing Minecraft Minecraft. Yeah, you want to go for a block? What the lawyers. Yeah, with me on this level Yeah, the second he does this I probably win the whole case is going to be thrown out and he's going to lose his license. That's when you call Jayoma, I Just did that all by myself What the fuck are you doing for then you fucked yourself up? You're gonna lose big time, but how would you defend against that or what would you think that a better than hiring a lawyer? If you hire a lawyer, they're gonna charge you a bunch of money If you go into court and start acting like a little baby and represent yourself then They'll probably just let you go. That's not true. Yeah, it is No, no, they were not let you go. They were not let you go You have like a little baby the process you're gonna eat that shit up. You're going to straight to jail I want black box. I call the right person. I want a black box and one cookies Now go home. No, you're not gonna go home. What are they gonna send you? No, no, we got a home back here Okay, you want to go a big bomb? Yeah big you want to go a big bomb? Yeah All right walk backwards. Would your parents down? Be my pants down. Yes, saying that to a child. Are you a child? Well clearly, I'm behaving like one Yeah, but are you a child in this scenario? I would imagine if I'm speaking like this I'm probably about eight years old my time brought up age I didn't How would they know try to get yourself out of it now? No, my time about it Let's take their pants off. No, you did that. Do you think judges consider the PSL of the defendant during the sentencing? What's the PSL? It's like if the guy looks really good. He has a really good jawline and he has hunter eyes So he's a real small I don't think so. I think judges I just like holy shit, we can't send that guy to generally he looks way too good and he's like six foot three because he has height boosters But blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah For like 20 years. What are you talking about? We just fucking brought him here from from Afghanistan? Why would we let him out on bail? He's not even from here. He'll leave immediately Everybody has a right to bail and be free from excessive bail He's gonna stay here in the United States and face justice You want Osama been long to stay in the jail cell if he's alive, and he might well be I don't know if I believe that one guy and we had him in America then yeah I would prefer he's in a jail cell as opposed to what Afghanistan? Possibly. Why would that be better? I don't know. You tell me How would I know what would be a jail for like a Jewish person? What would be jail for a Jewish person? I imagine they don't go to jail very often How often have you been to jail? I've never been to jail Exhibit a back to the thing about Osama. How would you defend him? I see my client has a right to bail and be free from excessive bail His family is here. He has his jobs are here and he's just living his life doesn't have a job Doesn't have any family here. He's from Afghanistan And I don't even know if he has the right to a lawyer. By the way, I don't know how he found you as a lawyer I guess maybe because you're famous on TikTok somehow Osama been a lot and just knew who you were No, he doesn't have any right to bail and he'll be executed in the morning I think my time is attacking my client because of the bloodline the speech that they had in the past So I think that he should not be able to represent the prosecutor's side. He's a rascal for somebody else It's not French Regardless seems like you don't have a good way to defend Osama Everything is in out with you, but not in a good sneaky way It's always it's always he's very obvious out It's like hey, how are you gonna get rid of a squatter? How are you gonna defend Osama bin Laden? And you're like If I was defending Osama bin Laden, I would ask for bail It's not gonna happen. Who does that? I'm doing this. I'm I'm I'm a I'm tinkering When keep tinking Do you sleep in a fish tank in hopes that in some billion years your descendants will be able to breathe underwater? I Guess not in a fish tank, but more like I'm always at the jail I'm always at the courts No, like in a fish tank because then in billions and billions and billions of years Your descendants will be able to breathe underwater I guess they will go through evolution Right, so do you do that? No, why? Because I'm busy working taking care of people Yeah, well you're not working when you're sleeping might as well. No, I'm working when I'm sleeping. Oh, you're not Yeah, that's how I come up in my I mean like manic dreams and wake up sweating. I have great dreams. Well regardless. You're not working when you're sleeping That's just not have this is not not what's happening. That's you I work when I'm sleeping. Are you like doing the thing where you think she's like having the lucid dreams is is working? I don't know about lucid dreams. All I know is that I keep plan is in jail now Maybe you should try defending him. Oh, he hasn't called my office. So if you cause my office. I'll represent him for free Yeah, why it's a challenge It'll be interesting for you. It'll be very interesting I'm licking my lips just thinking about it man. Like I want to be able to attack his case. That sounds a little gay You kept trying to call me gay all of these These things and you saying you're licking your lips thinking about him. No, I think I think I'm thinking about him I see where your mind's going. I'm licking my lipstick by the case But you're thinking about men tall tall men who are bald. That's what you're thinking about Would it be illegal to trick log neck into flying into some rural country in Africa and then also bringing the Four strongest men in the world to rip his limbs off all at once. Who is Rumiq? rural I think I understand what you said dude Listen if you're saying that's fine, but you should you should understand that shit anyway my time your accent is so your American accent is so bad Now you need to rephrase the question, please would it be illegal to trick log neck into flying into a rural country in Africa And then bringing the four strongest men in the world to rip his limbs off all at once. Yes, that's called kidnapping What that's not kidnapping you buy him a ticket and you say do you want to go? We're gonna film a funny video there for your Instagram log neck. That's kidnapping by trickery It's not trickery. You're going to film a funny video with log neck in Africa No, but you're doing it with the intent to destroy them and hurt them. That's trickery. Okay. What if you decided only to do that when you got to Africa It's still at the time that you took them there is not trickery, but by the time you get there you're committing a crime in Africa So no, nope, that's what I'm saying in a rural car rural country in Africa. Yeah, I don't have any laws there You're like the middle of the desert you give the president like a weird-looking coin and he'll make you like the king of Of a city that doesn't exist for a million years. I guess so, but not not here Okay, so that would be legal It's not legal because they have no court. So there's no legal or illegal Well, that would kind of just imply it's legal. No, just because it means allowed you know what I mean if there's no laws There's no legal legal. So he's buddy, but it's fine. You won't go to jail for it They don't have jails in Africa from what you're saying Well, not in this country. That's why I'm suggesting we do it there. Is that what you want to do? Well, yeah, he's coming in in a minute now. He's my next guest long neck. Where's long neck at? He's on the way. He's downstairs Why do you like long neck so much? I Don't he's just my next guest. Yeah Do you like he's been delaying on me for a while now, but time do you like guys with long neck? No, I think he's a horrendous looking person. So what's a good-looking person a good-looking person like a man or a woman And in a way just like objectively or like my personal preference your personal preference. What's a good-looking man to you? Well, then I have no preference. So you'll f*** anybody? I Feel like you interpreted that the wrong way so no. No, I'm a temporary like a regular person Wish a type of men. Yeah, well, I don't have a type. I'm not attracted to men. His lips are curving again What an interesting Observation I wonder if at some point that actually did happen. Okay, well, that's it. We have to film with my next guest long neck now All right, what's up? All right as Jayoma call me whenever my time you got me any time you need me. I really mean that I wonder what you're actually doing to get these people out of court Come see me when I asked you. No, come with me I I encourage anybody to come see me in court I'm establishing dominates over you. That's not how you establish dominance. Yes, it is how you establish dominates By standing there with your own face on your I saw that he flinch, I didn't flinch at all. He flinch has nose. Here's what like this flinching in a way that could never be determined No There you go. Thank you (whooshing) - Hello.