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We've got a handsome tank top, handsome tie dye, a new handsome hat, and even a gorgeous new handsome bandana. So go to www.hansomepod.com and get you some. Hansome, childhood friends of Hansome Pod, childhood friends of Hansome Pod. Cheers. Welcome to the Hansome Pod. We're taking it for everyone. Cheers. And me. There's me. I'm taking Fortune of May. You guys. You guys. You guys. We're together again. Hello. Yes, we are. Hello. I'm in Orlando. Hey. Quick Disney tries. Yeah, I'm going to Disney. Hey, yes. Solo, Disney, John. You know me. I'm doing a corporate situation. Love it. Yeah. Love it. An Orlando corporate situation doesn't get better than that. No, it doesn't. I'm back home. Fortune yourself. Yep. I'm about to have in your southern chair. As of this recording, I'm headed to Europe. Oh my god. And next time I talk to you guys, I'll let you guys know how that went. And this is with your mother. She'll be there for half of it. Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah. Are you excited? It's hard to know what to pack. I was just there. In England. The temperature seems a little cooler than I would have expected. It's like low of 50, high of 60. I just thought it would be a bit warmer, but I have a little jacket I bring with me. Well, that's adorable. What about a little turtleneck? I have a little sweater. And what about some earmuffs? Earmuffs and a turtleneck. I don't think any earmuffs is not that cold, but I know it would be adorable. I know. It would be, but yeah, so I'm here in the South as the halfway journey. Right. If you're in the UK and you need a haircut, will you promise us you'll go see Debbie because I was just there for four days for a wedding and I was so tempted to just pop in on Debbie and I didn't have time, but God, I wanted to see her. I'm only there for a night. So I really don't have time, but it would be, I feel like TIG is the one who needs to have this Debbie experience. That's it. Oh, wait, you did. Oh, you actually did go and Debbie went to take a show, actually, fortune. Would you mind if I reached out to Debbie and asked if she wanted to go to your show? I'll pick the ticket. Ask away. I'll get her. Take it. She'd love it. She'd love it. Yeah. She needs to have a commercial where the theme song is go see Debbie. Yeah. Go see Debbie. I'm going to eat a lot of cheese and a lot of pastries and then when I get home, I need to go in a health kit. Okay. What does that look like? Well, I started before this and everyone and I posted about it and everyone's like, TIG would be so proud. I went to the farmer's market because they said I was like one step closer to getting ready for the wellness weekend. Mm-hmm. I went to a farmer's market and bought a bunch of stuff to make myself cook for the rest of the week. Yeah. And I bought tons of veggies. That's the part they said you would be super stoked about and just made myself every meal and I lost like three pounds for a week of eating like that. Well, did you find it like, can you cook, did you find it easy to cook? I did get better as I went. I felt like I started to find a groove, however I did burn myself. Oh my God. Fortune. Yeah. That's an early one, right? That is. Yes. That's a gnarly one. What do you say when you have pain instantly? Howie. Howie. Howie, howie. Howie, howie, howie, howie, howie, howie. It was an honest mistake that I've been, I had stuff going on the oven. I was up top, nothing was going and I dropped a sweet potato and I went to get it and didn't realize the top of the oven was super hot. Did you call that an honest mistake? Yeah. Yeah. Let's go. Honest mistake. Honest mistake. Honest mistake. Not a liar mistake. I mean, yeah, every part of that oven is going to be pretty hot. I didn't think about that, mate. Yeah. I don't get a lot. And it got me. I've been putting scar lotion on it every day and knew it's for it in the beginning. I didn't vitamin E. Yeah, I need a little aloe plant in my house. It's a real. I think vitamin E helps with, you know, stirring stuff. That's a real burns. It almost made me be like, "Why am I doing this?" But I knew the benefits would outweigh me getting burned. Yeah. But yeah, I ate a lot of veggies, you guys. What kind of veggies? Sweet taters, broccolini, onions. Brussels sprouts, regular one and a red onion. I got a nice piece of salmon that I made throughout the week. That's not a veggie. I know this. No. And I got some really good chicken breast. Hell no. And just out in a spring salad and to make little cherries, tomatoes. Oh, that sounds great. And the hearts of palm. And the seeds. And I loved it all the way. I loved it. Made a salad. Carrots. Oh, I made it. I got a bunch of carrots. The drunk ones. Oh, I love those. Oh, a tricolor carrot. Tricolor carrots. I feel like it's all I got. It makes you feel like orange, purple. Yeah, you feel like a gourmet when you're doing that. I know. So, like a purple carrot. And I just throughout the week, I was like, what do I have? Let me just figure out something with this stuff. Yeah. That is divine. I don't know. Go me. The pillar of health. But now I'm about to blow it in Europe, but when I get back, I'm going to do what I did again. When you're in the wheels of cheese, yeah. And then when you get back, it's time to prep for wellness weekend. It's time. It's time. It's time to start prepping. Time to start prepping, y'all. I feel like we have so many updates for each other. Like I want to know about, Tic, was that Stephen Colbert's last show? I want to know about. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I went to the survivor 50 finale. What? I was talking about that. Yes. We have so much to update. Tic, how was it? That was Colbert. Yeah. It was really fun. They were trying to get me on the second to last episode. That's funny. But I was filming and it was not looking promising for a while there. And I just kind of was like, I'm just going to let go and let go. And then I got a call, you know, a few days before saying, they're going to put you on the finale. I was like, oh, heck yeah. And it was fun. It was, you know, your buddy, Paul McCartney was the guest. This is what I want to know about. Yeah. And Elvis Costello was the musical guest. Oh, my God. Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Cranston. Can we go back to Paul McCartney for a sec? Oh, sorry. So you were in the same room as him, like a closer than you, than you've ever been. But you're not just close to him. I met him. And I also got to sing Hello Goodbye with him. Oh my God. Oh my God. Man, I don't want to, man, I don't want to pile on and just can keep discussing this. But I also met him at the start out live finale. I'll be right back. Keep talking. What do you mean? Is he just going to everything these days? He's making his rounds. He is making his rounds. He is avoiding you in his hands.
- Did you feel emotional when you met him? - I can't say I felt emotional, but I was such a fan as a child. I mean, I'm still such a fan, but it was my fantasy to be the fifth beetle, even though John Lennon had been killed the year before. I was just in my own world. I'm gonna be the fifth beetle. And so having loved this band obsessively, my whole life, the feeling I had more than anything when I met him, when I met him was like, we've been waiting for this moment our whole life. (laughing) And so it just, it felt like, you know, when we said hello and shook hands, I was like, ah, finally, we met in person. Oh no, this is what I would feel too. - Yeah. - What were his hands like? (laughing) - They're very soft. - Actually, yeah. - And he looks incredible. He's 83 years old. He's just, he's still got that like, you know, sexy cool hair and sexy cool face facial hair, and he's rocking it, you know? - I can't believe you sang. You sang, you sang, I sang, oh. - Yeah, and that's what it is, so I was thinking also in my nap, in like a Netflix special, I think it was in like 2019, I had the Indigo Girls on there. So I've played with the Indigo Girls, and I've sung with Paul McCartney, and so I'm just going through and checking off all my faves. Slowly but surely. - Did you get him? Did you tell him about me, did you, did I come up? - He asked about you. - As soon, yeah, as soon as I met him, he was like. - Don't mess with me. - Tell me all of, oh my gosh, May's kind of believing it. - I just said, don't mess with me. (laughing) - It's so funny, 'cause we had just talked on a prior episode about how none of us had met him, and then he pulled his fucking met him. - And then within a week, the ticket I both met him, I went to the finale of SNL, where he was a musical guest, and so I watched him sing a bunch of these Beatles songs about the end, a bunch of these Beatles songs. - And then afterwards I was like, I gotta say hi to him. And so he was about to walk by me, and then he stopped to talk to Emma Stone for a long time, and I was like, oh man, I'm never gonna meet him. And then he walked by, and I just shook his hand, and I was like, you're great, he's never heard that before. - You're great, and he had very, very soft hands, and then he was having fun and dancing with his family, and at some point he pulled out allegedly a little joint, I think. - 'Cause you're seated. - Neither of that or it's hard to say, but I'm pretty sure it was a joint. - Yeah. - Get it. - Oh my god. - Like I'm smiling and I'm so full of joy, but I'm having like slight flashback to the Alanis feeling. - Yeah, of course, of course. - I didn't, at least I didn't sing with him, so I'm off the hook for that one. - But I trust, I live in, and like God or whatever, I trust the universe is timing. I'm like, I will have my moment, I have to. 'Cause to me-- - You might not. - I'm so, I know, I know, I know, I know. I'm so honest, you probably won't. - Oh my god. - I know, like it's, but you never know. I mean, I didn't think I was gonna meet him when we had that. - I mean, look, I'm a little surprised how many Beatles I've tripped over in my life. I, you know, sing Ringo at Air One, grocery store, and then eating dinner next to Paul at a vegetarian restaurant, and then finally meeting him in New York. That's a lot of running into the Beatles, you know, in a lifetime. - Yeah, it really is. It feels like-- - Considering half of the band is gone. - Yeah. - You know? - It feels like, like, I don't know, he's representative. It's like, meeting him is like, it's a glimpse of a whole other timeline. It's like, yeah, he was the defining figure of a whole era, but the fact that he's still so with it and energized and performing, he's doing three hour concerts and-- - Yeah. - Oh man, yeah, last night, my friend was like, maybe you don't wanna meet him, maybe it would ruin it, and I was like, absolutely not. I know it wouldn't ruin it. I've seen, I know enough about him that he's a nice guy, and I couldn't-- - Yeah, it wouldn't ruin it. He just-- - He did seem really nice. - Yeah, yeah, absolutely. - Well, I'm happy for you guys. - Like, he's just kinda like, hey, hey, hey. Well, hey, yeah, that's exactly right, and that's how he's always been. - Fortune is not known for her apartment hurt and impression. Let's be honest. - Hey, yeah, I, actually, I would have guessed that. - That's sick. - Let's walk. (upbeat music) - Checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance, not checking that I packed my hiking shoes before going on the longest hike of my life. Now I'm 10 miles into the trail and a pair of flip flops and my feet are filing a formal complaint. - Yeah, checking first is handsome. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with all state. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability, all state North American insurance company and affiliates Northbrook, Illinois. - I was on a mission to improve the lighting in a dark hallway of my home. So I went on Wayfair and I found this mid-century modern wall sconce with a wooden base and this opal glass globe by George Oliver. Now my hallway is a whole mood and I'm coming up with excuses to go from room to room just so I can experience it. Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value and trusted reviews. - Shop thousands of products across every style and budget. Whether you're simply replacing an appliance or transforming your home from top to bottom for the holiday season, use filters, custom photos, and more than 20 million verified five star reviews. - I've already got multiple comments on my hallway sconce and I'm so happy with the quality as well. 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Everything at Quinn's is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. - Find the fall pieces you'll reach for most at Quinn's. Download the Quinn's app for app exclusive offers or go to Quinn's.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quinn's asked you where you heard about them, let them know. It was handsome. It's the best way to support the show. - I last, so the, the acquit luckily, I mean, if I'm on this spectrum in any way, which I'm sure I am, like my hyper fixations, the Beatles are up there and survivors up there. And so at least I, I got to go to the survivor 50 finale. Yeah, and it was like, I know you guys are not gonna emotionally connect with this the way I did, but this season of Survivor 50 was Shakespearean and that this is decades of interpersonal relationships between these contestants, these returning players who are like, like Greek gods on Mount Olympus that like fight amongst themselves and, you know, flirt and fight, but they're like a dysfunctional family and they are so human. Like their hubris always gets to them and we like root for them and then we watch them crumble and this season was the call of seam. - It really is, like, yeah, and so to be there. And so you've got the cast of that season, but also there were, there were maybe 200 former contestants there who've had this unique experience of being on an island together, surviving. - Yeah. - And I get to go with the Queen of Survivor. So people are losing their minds for part, which is always really gratifying to see her get the love she deserves, you know? And oh my God, it was good. And it was, this season was a battle between good and evil because what Havon was, there was this MAGA alliance, kind of always it's a reflection, it's a microcosm of American society. This season really, like the finals, there was this sort of Goliath and then there was this little woman called Aubrey who I've watched play for four or five seasons, who's just this little woman. She's always kind of, she's like the every woman where she's like, I have stomach problems. She's like, I feel sick, I'm sunburned. Like I'm, she's like, I just relate to this woman. She rarely wins a challenge, but she's a social mastermind. And she always gets really far. And this season, it came down to like a challenge where this beast man who is sort of a misogynist, he used to say,
to be a bodyguard for Roy Moore, the far right politician. Yeah, so he's, he's in, it's between her and him, really. And they're in this final challenge. And Aubrey, you're like, come on, Aubrey. You can do this. It's like balls catching balls. And then she says to the camera, she's like, oh my God. - What do you mean balls catching balls? - That's just supposed to tell me. - That is a good question, too. I was like, you know, it's like balls catching balls. - It's so good. - So, it's like a, I don't care, actually. - Okay, yeah. - It's like balls catching balls. - It's a marble run where you have to catch them and add balls and be really quick. And she's, she finds out what this challenge is. And this is a crucial moment in the game where, and there's three guys and her, so final four, and all the three guys are saying to each other, basically, we want a guy to win. The three of us will kick out Aubrey. She's, no way she's gonna win immunity. She sees the challenge and then she says to the camera, she's like, oh my God. - I feel like she's gonna win. I feel like she's gonna win. - Yeah, it feels like we're being set up for her to win. - Yeah, that's how I'm feeling for J. - Yeah, yeah. - But she goes, I bought this challenge on Etsy to practice it, but just in case it came up, and she's like, I can do this. I've done it for, I practiced for months. And then everyone's like, - Oh, classic her. - Classic, and she fails it. And it's like that, people are like, that's what a lucky choice. That's not what I have a question. - Because they're bringing in past games, as well. - Yeah, the challenge is, - Like how did you see that? - Like how did she know to buy this game? It was a previous game and then another season. - They often repeat the games. - Oh, yeah, often, yeah, yeah, yeah, got it. But then so, yeah, she wins. And now this, this, oh, it just, I met her after I was like, in tears, and I said, this is about more than survivor. I was like, I don't know what I would have done. Wait, tears, like, what kind of tears? Like I feel like crying. - Right, but like, what were you feeling? - Joy, joy, relief, like, I, - It went, oh. It was like, oh, there's hope in the world. - We're having a hard time connecting with this. - Okay, okay, anyway, the point is, it was big for me. If anyone's listening, - It's big for me, that's all that matters. - There's gonna be like a percentage of our audience who are electrified by this, and most people won't be. - No, there are a lot of fans of this show. - Watching the interpersonal dynamics between all the previous players, like, I'm sitting next to Ben. I'm sitting, you know, - It was there. - It's crazy. - Yeah, the origin Ben was there. Now, me, it's interesting hearing about this, 'cause, not fortunate, survivor, isn't really on my, of course, I know about it, but it's not anything, I follow or watch, obviously. - Yeah. - And while you're talking about it, it's that reminder of, like, oh, right, these shows are about the interpersonal relationships and the, like, and have you learned anything, like, watching the show of, like, oh, how to deal, like, in social dynamics, or I could manipulate this person in this way, or I could become friends, or insert myself, and, yeah, what kind of lessons have you? - Thank you for asking. - Yes. - What a wonderful question. - That's what interests me more. It's like, what have you walked away with personally? - I've learned so much, but the people who, the main lesson I've learned is that the people who, when are the most adoptable fluid people, because if you carry a grudge for even a day, you're fucked, 'cause you might be left out of a vote, your best friends voted off, and now you're alone on this tribe with all people who don't really want to play with you. If you soak, you're done, but you can come back and go guys, that was an amazing move, you got me. Wow, now moving forward, what should we do next? Like, and those people go far, and having that fluidity, and, like, every day is a new day, you could completely turn the game around. - That's interesting. - That you make your own luck, you know? - And do you feel like you're applying that, or it's just, like, a lesson you're learning, kind of, in a year observing that lesson, going, "Huh, but I'm having trouble applying it." - Oh, I'm always having trouble applying it, but it's more like watching, just there's, it's just so human, everyone has different qualities that you see in yourself, and stubbornness, and also you're like, "Oh my God, how would I do "in the beating sun, not eating, sleeping on the dirt?" - I can tell you right now, I'd not be good. - I'd be bad. - For sure would want her veggies. - Yeah, I mean, everyone knows those challenges, where they, like, food is up for grabs. Oh, yeah, they're rewards, where they just, like, - Where you have to eat bugs. - Yeah. - Where you eat stuff until you throw up, 'cause you haven't been eating like that. - Yeah, you know, who was there at the finale? It was Adam Scott, I saw him. He's a big fan, yeah, and Gail King is a big fan. - A big fan of Survivor, or a view? - Survivor, no one was excited. It was, I was nothing in the room. It was so nice, like, the, there's such a deep fandom there. And so it was like, I'm sitting next to this guy Todd Hurtzog, who won season, like, the four or something. - Todd was there. - Yeah, and he, to me, is like, the biggest deal. So it was great. Yeah. - Wow. - And nice to be there with part of a bit. Yeah, part of an hour, doing good? - Good, good. - I feel like I haven't talked about it on the pod. - Yeah, many of the hinted at something. - I think you want to say. (laughing) - Well, in a way I feel like I learned my lesson last time by talking so much about her, and then that was tough, but we've never really fully disconnected for a long period of time. We've stayed in each other's lives, and part of the past, and people are complicated, and it's feeling really good. People are complicated. We've always been full of respect for each other, and care, so, yeah, it's been nice. - Yeah, I mean, we'll keep you posted. - Yes, well, you know, this is a podcast where you talk about a lot of things, and as far as what people share about their own lives, is always your call, and sometimes we're in a podcast that as people have seen where life is happening around us, and sometimes it's complicated and tough, and it's hard not to like want to talk about it, but also like trying to like have some boundaries, and, you know, I don't wanna feel like I'm being coy, and like not, 'cause it, so I just, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's, yeah, you gotta, there's personal, I don't, I've not talked to at all about like my situation, any more than just like the fact of it not being a current relationship. It's just, you know, some things have to be for yourself, and that's just what it is. - But I'm really happy, anyway, so that's good. - That's good, that's what matters. - But mainly I'm happy in myself, you know, individual, that's the most important, 'cause you have to feel good about yourself. - That will also dictate how people treat you, not in your, you know, that relationship in general. - Yeah, that's why it's fortunate, I like that. - Well, it's why it's fortunate. - The better we feel about ourselves, the less we're willing to put up with people not, you know, yes, as well. - Yes. - Also, did you know that in Michigan, there's a town called Hell that's being sold for $666,000, and it's like a tourist attraction called Hell Michigan, and it's like, they have a church, and they have where you can get married, they have a mini golf course, and this guy, John Cologne, of course, that's his name. He's 80, and he's like, I don't wanna run Hell Michigan anymore, can someone else take it over? So I was wondering if you guys wanted to go in with me. - I love that one guy was running the show there. - Yeah, it was just this guy's got seven acres, and he's made it a little town. - Oh, so the entire town is just his property of seven acres. - Okay. - 'Cause I was like, how does one person become in charge of an entire town? - Yeah, I think so. - No, no, it's all him. - I'm down. - Do we know if he named it that? - Ah, that's a good question, but maybe we could do wellness weekend at Hell Michigan. - I mean, clearly he's leaning into it for that to be the sell price. - Yeah, like the welcome says, well, these are the gates of Hell. - It looks like a funny guy. - There's all these eccentric people all over America. - This eccentric guy was like, I'm tired of running this place. I'm ready to hang it up. Let somebody else take over Hill. - Yeah. - People that don't like him are like, he's literally the devil. - Yeah, the guy that runs Hell, what were you gonna say, May? - Well, I'm just overexcited and telling you all my news. But yesterday I went to Brett Goldstein's premiere of his Jennifer Lopez movie. - Jennifer Lopez. - It's Jennifer Lopez. - I saw that. You were on the red carpet with your friends and looking very dapper and handsome. - Thank you. But it was so good and I'm so proud of him. But I met the person I was most excited to meet was Abby from Love in the Spectrum. - Oh yeah. - That was amazing. - She was cute. - She was so great. And her mom knew who I was, which was an in for me so I could say hi. And I said, "I'm such a big fan, Abby." And she said, "That means the world to me." And I, yeah, it was lovely. - Look at you. - Yeah, I love it. - Look at you. - Did you ever watch any of those shows take? - Take, have you. - No. - Oh, I think you'd really love them. - I think you would too. - I don't, I don't doubt that I would. I just, I don't know how to question you.
I might explain that nothing like that ever crosses my mind. - Nothing. - Nothing matters. - Never occurred to you to watch it. - I don't wanna tell you guys that nothing like that matters to me, but I don't care about your TV shows. - I've almost, almost a month, not on social media. - I feel it. - Totally fine, it's like it never even happened. - Wow. - I've switched to an Apple watch. - Oh wow. - Which I did a couple of months ago, but-- - And what's that for? - Well, I have the Apple watch where you don't need to have your phone with you. So I just don't have a phone with me, and I just have an Apple watch, and I don't have many options on it. And so I just, I am completely out of touch. - I love that. - And it's just, it's been such a nice experiment. - Obviously, I'm like emailing, I'm like on my flight out to Orlando. Those are always really great moments to catch up on emails and everything, but whatever. - No scrolling. - Yeah, I just, as I mentioned, that kind of influx of information I wasn't even looking for, it really hit me on a deep, deep level, and that's not to say I'm not seeking out, you know, like I looked at-- Oh, yeah, sure, I seek out news, but also like after the Colbert finale, I went and looked at clips on YouTube. And yeah, I don't know. I just feel, and I always wanna say, I could end up tick tock tomorrow, but for right now-- - Tick tock, tick. - Yeah, for right now, I'm just really enjoying the distance from everything and taking in things just very differently. - Yeah, I wonder what that would feel like for me, 'cause like, for instance, the Hell Michigan thing, that's like, that feels like pressing news to be like, that I had to, I made a note of it in my phone, and it's like, I'm seeing thousands of those things a day, I must have scrolled past that, I mean, like, oh, and then right down, it's like, what if I just made space of all that trivia and little things, yeah. - Oh, it depends on what you're looking for. You know, as many May facts. - Yeah. - Yeah. Well, I do have a lot of its books. - A lot of fact books from tour that people gave me. - Oh, real quick. I was Stephanie and I were at a wedding this last weekend, and you know, the comedian, oh, yes, you do. Otsko, Otska, she and her husband were there, and she was joking because she was like, oh, I saw you're not on Instagram anymore, and I said, oh, yeah, and she goes, well, I'm going to start doing proof of life when I see you. - Yeah. - Just post things of you. - Yeah. - Tick was last seen in Monocito. - Yeah, I thought that was really funny. - That's really good. - At least you have this podcast. People will know your skill, what you're up to. - Well, yeah, obviously, it's not like I'm erased from the internet or anything. - You will not exist, if not on the internet. - What if you just started like fading, like just becoming kind of translucent and then fading away? - I'm open to it. - Yeah. - To becoming a vapor. - Yeah, whatever. - Sure, I'm curious to head down different roads. See what's down there. - Yeah. - But it is, it's, I have to say, I'm genuinely enjoying this transition, I've been doing, like I said a few months ago, move to Apple Watch and then it also naturally came up where I was like, I don't want to be on social media. And yeah, I'm just, it just feels good. - This is a boring question, but can you use your Apple Watch to get your maps on in your car, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - You can navigate and just use it. Okay, cool. - Yeah, and you can, there's, you know, you have choices of what you have. And I try to just have not inundated by, you know? - Yeah, okay. - Email stuff. - I'm driving a lot and I love the maps. I love the little, I have a little British voice. Going sunset. - Is it Debbie? - And I wish it was Debbie or Paul McCartney. - Okay. - Well, you definitely know where you're going. - Yeah. - That was a, that was a good Paul accent. I'll try to work on mine. - I just listened to a podcast with him talking about what it was like in Liverpool growing up at post-war and what effect that had on their music. I'm trying to listen to less true crime, like inspired by you, Teg, and what you're taking in. I'm listening to less horrific true crime. And instead, I'm listening to like World War One podcast and stuff and that are equally grotesque and awful, but in a way it's reassuring 'cause things feel so cruel sometimes. Now, and then you're like, oh, it's always been really bad. - It's always been. - Always. - The trenches were not regular. - We used to get regularly beheaded. - Yeah, regularly. - Right now. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And people would watch and be important to it. - Yeah, they'd be cheering. Yeah, yeah, so at least. - Yeah. - Yeah, that's nice. - It's like that's also still happening. - Yeah, that's nice. - Yeah. - Yeah, it's just like, it's, there's so much dreadful history in the world. And it is, like you said, it is oddly reassuring to know that it's always been bad. - And it's kind of interesting, like I'm onto the French Revolution now, which is always interesting, but you're like, okay, what point did it have to get to for the people to, but then they've beheaded all these. - Well, Marie Antoinette, I'm interested in, 'cause I didn't realize she was like 12 when she got married to another 12-year-old. They were, it was like, she was Austrian. - Wait, they were both 12? - They were both about 12, 13. And he was, I think, Louis the 15th and France. And they married them off to sort of align the two countries. And then she became this crazy projection of everybody's rage and desire. And yeah, she's pretty interesting. - It's like you. - I want to watch that movie. - It kind of like me. (laughs) - Exactly like that. - Oh my God, I love that. (laughs) - That's funny. - That was funny what you said. - That was. (laughs) - Well, she, we got our question. - Let's do it. - Today's question is brought to you by AT&T. Today's question ask her is a comedian and actor who started in the FX comedy baskets and played the title character in the animated TV show Carol in the end of the world. She was nominated for an Emmy for her work in Euphoria and stars in the third season of the show. And now Martha Kelly is asking today's question. - And I have to say, Martha is a dear old pal of mine. We came up in the early days like open mics with like Zach Galaphanakis and Maria Vamford and Martha was always like just the most ridiculous person that was so nervous, stood outside of the spotlight. I think even once hit behind a bookshelf on stage. But she and I have such a history together and touring. She and I did this knock, knock, it's Tignotaro tour on Showtime where we went and did people's homes like our fan base. We went performed in their homes and Martha and I always would get in little fights where she wouldn't allow me to drive my own car and just like, and my, I endless, endless, I know we have to get into her thing. But like one time Martha was on a, a diet where she could only have like strictly, strictly potato diet and she, she's, you know, she's, she's very much like, I need this and we have to get this. And so we were driving around looking for a potato and we pulled over. There were two other comedians with us. We pull over, we all stand in this long line to order our food. We all get our food, get back in the van and she is outraged, gets in the car. They didn't serve potatoes. And all of us in the car, the rest of the comedians, we all have our food and we're just chowing down and she is, she's like, you know, the angry mom carpooling, like, peeling out the minivan that we're in tour and we all got very quiet and like, man, we can't mess with her. She hasn't had a potato today. But she also, God, makes me laugh so hard and I don't know. People might know her more as an actor now, but man, is she a funny stand up? She's funny walking through the world and acting stand everything. She's just a delightfully ridiculous human being that I adore so. I remember knock knock, I remember that with and John Doer did some, yeah, yeah, John Doer, Mark that just makes a mark.
Martha makes an appearance, I think, in the very beginning of it. Okay, I want to rewatch. Yeah. Anyway, Martha Kelly. Hi, I'm Martha Kelly. I'm on Euphoria. And my question is for each of you to answer individually, if you were trapped on a desert island with one of the chipmunks, would you choose Alvin, Simon, or Theodore? And unfortunately, this is not hypothetical. I have already paid the contracts. You are each going to be kidnapped and stranded on a desert island. So please answer seriously, because your future depends on it. Oh, no. I wouldn't mind. I don't want to be on a desert island. I'm too fair-skinned. I want to see what I'm made of. And I like the idea that if you're kidnapped on an island, no one could be mad at you. You're like-- No one can be attracted to you, either, Mae. Exactly. You're not a projection of everyone's rage and desire anymore. Yeah. You're right. I can't believe you're trying to survive. I love that Martha thinks she just assumes we know the chipmunks. She knows. You're going to have a lot to say about the chipmunks. This is going to really open up a conversation. I mean, I don't know how we're going to fit in all the things we have to say about the chipmunks. That's in this episode. I know. I have so much to say. Did y'all-- did any of you watch the chipmunks growing out? I saw it. My father-in-law is very into the chipmunks. And he's shown Max and Finn. And I feel like it's-- Is it that kind of older kind of show, Thomas? They brought it back. But now, but it used to be in the '80s, right? Yeah, when I was growing, when I was young, it was like a popular cartoon on TV. But in our-- I don't know, 15 years ago, they made an animated movie of it, right? Oh, OK. Or 10 years ago, I don't know how long it was. Yeah, it started in 1958 as novelty records with the sped up squeaky voices. Yeah, so this is my father-in-law's time. And then the show was in the early '60s. Yeah. And then there was that Christmas song. What is it? I want a hula-hula hoop. They can hire me, stand the weight. Please, Christmas, don't feel it. Yep. Wow. I just didn't even sound remotely familiar to me. I can't do the chipmunk voice. I didn't wear the hula hoop thing. It sounded familiar to me. Well, you've probably heard of hula hoops. Yeah. Because, you know, there's the album. No, I don't know that. The father. The human that they live with is always annoying. The father or something. They have a human father? Just a friend. Just a friend. Oh, it's a friend? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was, like, a father figure. A human friend? The always-y old friend. Alvin. Wasn't Alvin kind of the, like, mischievous one? Well, Thomas has sent a link here. So just briefly-- I'm just going with Alvin. Okay. I take Alvin. Well, we have to-- Let's go through what each chipmunk is real quick. The main qualities of each. Okay, we got-- This feels like a version of the Golden Girls situation. Or it's really what are we talking about? So Alvin's, like, the troublemaker, the leader, the term look before you leaped, does not apply to him. He's an emotional rollercoaster. He's enthusiastic. He's kind of greedy and selfish, but he loves his brothers. And he's fearless, and he'll stick up for them. He does not like anybody touching his cap, and he has no trouble in saying, don't touch the cap. Okay. Simon is the oldest nerdy one. He's tall. He's the middle child, and he's-- sorry, not all of this. He's an IQ bigger than Einstein, and he's got a dry sense of humor and a keen wit. And he's a chess master. And Simon worries a little bit. He worries about everyone. Theodore. What we found out that May was just riffing all this. And anyway, Mayer is all of this. And then Theodore is the youngest, and he's innocent. He's loving, gullible, trusting, naive. He often-- is the peacemaker between his two brothers and appeals to Theodore's better nature, and his sweet nature makes him an easy target for bullies. But then they'll have to answer to his big brothers. His color is green. And you repeat those again for real? Do you guys resonate with any of those? Well, I'm thinking of being stranded on a desert island. You don't want someone greedy and who doesn't think before they leave. But I think you want-- I'm going with Theodore, even though he's serious and nerdy. Simon. You want sweet little Simon? I want Simon because he's so smart. No, Theodore is smart. Oh, I felt Simon was smart. Simon is smart. Yeah, Simon has the Einstein. Oh my god, you're right. OK, I'm going Simon as well, sorry. I don't know if he wants Theodore. Well, you're trying to survive. You don't want to be looking after the peacemaker. We don't need to get along. We just need to survive. Yeah. But Almond does seem like he would be fun. Yeah, he would keep things lively. Theodore might just be too boring. Wait a minute. This human is their father. It says Dave Seville, like any other single parent trying to raise three kids. Right. Single dad, three chipmunks. How do these shows get green lit? We'll start with the six keys. It was popular when I was a kid. I mean, Almond. That's what he would yell. And I was like, man, must be hard to be a single dad. Yeah. You know, all those single dads out there, raising three chipmunks. So where's his wife must have been a chipmunk, right? That's what's worrying me. I don't think that the dad-- I don't think biologically he's the dad. I think he-- I think, you know, how chipmunks kind of make their way-- Well, he adopted them. He adopted them. Yeah, let's not get crazy here. OK. OK. I haven't-- I honestly have not thought about the chipmunks since so long. It's since Christmas time. Yeah, of course I'll listen to that song every Christmas. It's funny, though, because I have not thought about any chipmunk in forever. But I just went to the zoo, and I haven't been to the zoo in forever. By yourself. And I know it's some friends, and I kept seeing chipmunks running around. I love it. I love a little chipmunk. There's so two. I couldn't believe-- luckily the zoo was a very, like, you know, sometimes you're about to do the zoo's, and they seem like depressing. Yeah. This is the Atlanta Zoo, run very well, and the habitats are amazing. You can tell these animals are well cared for. I couldn't believe how childlike I became at the zoo. We're like, look, look at the rung of time over there. Oh my god. Yes. Look at them. You know, I'm just like, I became a legit seven-year-old. Oh my god. For every animal. OK, Thomas, put it on the list. We got to take Fortune to the zoo, because I need to see that version of you, Fortune. There's silverback. Yeah. Yeah. Look at the tiger. Look at the tiger. Isn't there one? Or could just replay this. Yeah, true. We could edit in pictures of different animals and then show Fortune. I was like, oh my gosh, can social media make that video? Please. There's Fortune saying different animals and then they show a picture of the animal quickly. Can you do an elephant fortune? Do the elephant. There's a elephant. Oh my god. A giraffe. Zero. I was like, every single animal, I'd actually like, I've never seen this animal before. And if they were like hiding in any crevice, I was like, you can see the tail. Look, look, look. And I was not doing this to be funny. I legit was like, so present at the zoo, in a way, I've not experienced with myself in a very long time. Oh, I love that. And then I love that even adults, like when you're leaving the zoo, the question is always what was your favorite animal, like which was your favorite, which, which was? Mine was definitely the orangutane. Yeah. I mean, all the monkeys, it was very fun to see them, the chimps climbing on each other and amazing. The lions were right by the window and their paws are just so massive, it's like crazy. So cute. Yeah. Yeah. I was very impressed with their setup, they put a lot of care and money into the zoo, I think. Yeah. I don't like the reptiles. Really? Not into those. You don't like the cold-blooded. I went into the little hall with all the snakes and the Komodo dragon. If someone came up behind you and you were looking at a snake and went back, would you push my tooth? Yeah. So now fortunate, so socials can edit in like the reptile hall. Can you do your reaction to, yeah, great, great, great, yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom had a black snake climb up her door last week, and black snakes are, of all the snakes. this one, you want them around because they help with your garden.
and then they killed predators and yadda yadda. But still, it's a big ass snake. This was a massive snake. It climbed up her door and it coiled itself around her door handle. - Oh, wow. - Oh, good. - Not now. - No, no. She was inside, it was a screen door. And her friend happened to see it and they were like, "Well, we're not leaving." That snake stayed there for like an hour and a half. - Just rolled around the door. - My mom was just like trapped in her home for an hour. - It was like a, you know, the beginning, maybe of a horror film. - Yeah. - I don't know, never mind. I don't wanna go wide with that pitch. (laughing) - I like the idea of being on a desert island with a chipmunk 'cause they could get to the places that you can't get to. Like they could get the coconuts from the tree. They could go into little caves and find things for you to eat, hopefully. - Thank you for bringing this back full circle. (laughing) - That's May trying to get out of this episode. (laughing) - No, no, if it were up to you. - The chipmunks could go reaching this episode. - Living this up to you. - You could not get, this is true. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But yeah, I don't know about this contract that we have to be stuck on a deserted island. - Oh my gosh, it's funny that Martha said a contract because we have an ongoing joke over the years of anything terrible that happens in life where I was like, where do I sign? (laughing) - That's good. - Oh, because we were presented a very bad contract once to buy a project that we were pitching. And that might be where that started was, where do I sign? - 'Cause they were like, sign here and you'll have no ownership, but we're looking at $0. - Yeah, we're gonna go straight into production. - Yeah. - Where do I sign? - Do you think Martha has an answer? - I would say Martha's Alvin. - Really? - Let's try, let's see what Martha's saying. - Well, she likes to have a good time. - Yeah, she seems like she'd be a little mischievous. - Yeah. - Have some laughs. - But I'm just thinking not in terms of company, in terms of survival, you want the smart, unless you're gonna cook and eat the chipmunk. - Ah, no. - Well see, I have to laugh and have a good time in order to survive. - Yeah, that's true. - Yeah, that's gonna keep me going is to have that kind of joy in my heart. - I just really, Alvin wouldn't really want to contribute to the like duties, I know. - That's my concern, when they're so fun, they usually have gotten by on their personality and they haven't had to do anything. - Yeah, but they can come up with ways to, they're thinking outside of the box. - Yeah, okay. - Let's hear what Martha has to say. - And then should I do my answer? - Yes. - So I'm also, I paid to be kidnapped to go on a desert island and I chose Theodore. I do feel like he would be my soulmate. I love all three of the chipmunks, but Theodore and I have a shared passion for pizza and cookies and Cheetos and just sitting around having a great time. And so I can't, I actually can't wait to go and spend time with him. (laughing) - Okay, I just found out through this video that Martha is no longer vegan. (laughing) - She had called me to help her start her vegan diet. - Yeah. - And it seems like maybe she's, - I think she's the only one. - She's even, she's off the potato wagon too, apparently. - Well, that's a difficult one to maintain. - I'm sure was, trying going on tour with somebody who needs a potato for every meal. - That would be, that would be very tough to accommodate. - I was like, you're not getting a potato today. (laughing) - I can't think of any nutritional reason why that would be advised as a diet, but just potatoes. - You don't ask any questions, Martha's got a new diet. She's trying, you just get onboard and you spend your time on tour looking for that potato. (laughing) - Well, and if she does theater then somebody's chosen everybody at this point, right? - Yeah, yeah. - And it's like, Simon's got a choose between me and Fortune. - That's right, or we're all stuck together. - Oh, great. - Oh my gosh. - She knew Simon's gonna choose. - I don't know. - I don't know, probably may, 'cause May has watched all this survivor and probably has picked up a few pointers. - Yeah, but you've watched all the Alvin and the Chipmunks. - And it goes. (laughing) - And I did go to the zoo. - Oh yeah, that's true. - That's true. - I'm allergic to coconuts, which will really-- - Oh, that's gonna be hard, because we will rely on coconuts and it's water. - This is why I couldn't play survivor, 'cause they survive off coconut. That's the only reason that I wouldn't know where he's in. (laughing) - Coconut is between you and survivor. - Me and a million bucks. Being a part of survivor would be my literal nightmare. Me being on this show would be like, what did I do wrong? How did I get punished in order to be here? - Crazy that Mike White went back, season 50. He played for the second time, and he was literally-- - Season 50. - Yes, thank you. That's a huge deal. - It was a huge deal. - Season 50. - Okay, I think you mentioned that. - So Mike White, he was writing White Lotus and went back and did it. - Not great. - Okay. - He didn't make it to the jury, but I think there was a big target on his back. - Do celebrities typically go on survivor? - No, I think he is the only celebrity. Well, Elizabeth Hasselbeck became a celebrity after playing, but no, no one-- - Is she so celebrity? - She's sort of-- - I don't know where she went, kind of went. Is she so gentle? - Yeah, she can't disappear. - Like doing journalism stuff? - Present her interviewing stuff. - But they should do a celebrity season of, I respect anyone who would be that exposed. - Like you have no control over the edit. You got no makeup. You're a true person. - No makeup. - No makeup. - No makeup. - No makeup. - No makeup. - I'm out of my mind. - That would be the big deal for me. No clear mascara. - Oh no. - No. - No lip tint. - No lip tint. - Yeah, you can't. You can't be on an island without your face on. - I don't have any lip tint. - Yeah. - But I know like Nick Offerman and Megan Malali are big fans, like I'd love to see them play. - Oh my god. - I'd be happy to see their dynamic. - They're dynamic. - That would be great. Yeah. - Well, lovely. Well, I mean, that's the thing about this podcast. You never know what we're gonna end up talking about because we never know what people were gonna ask us. - We had no idea Martha Kelly was gonna ask us about Kelton and the chipmunks. We do not see that coming. But now that it's happened, it makes sense. - Yeah, and now I'm glad about it. - It makes sense. - Well, wonderful to see you friends. - Wonderful to see you, Teg. - Yeah. - Fortune have the best time in Europe. Thank you. - Yeah. - If anybody cares, I will be doing some shows in Los Angeles. I'm also going to be in Rochester, Colorado Springs, Calgary, Iowa City, Des Moines, Omaha, Oklahoma City, Cincinnati, Charleston, West Virginia. The road goes on forever. Please come out and say hello, right to my face, from your seat. But don't say it actually from your seat. Let me do my show. - Right. If anyone wants to make a little road trip, wouldn't it be fun if we just went nuts and sold out these festivals? I'm doing playing music at the Hillside Festival in Guelph on the 17th of July and on the 19th, I'm in Yellowknife doing a music festival. And then I'm going to be at Just For Life's in Montreal right after that. But oh my god, how cool if a bunch of people just showed up in Yellowknife, that would be great. - Oh my god, got two. - Yeah, that's two. I just have a few shows, June 18th and 19th Portland, Maine, and Detroit, Michigan, June 20th, and then Redbank, New Jersey, August 8th. And that's it until I figure out the rest of my tour. But also, coming up, my show that I did with Will Ferrell is going to be airing on Netflix in a couple of weeks. - Called the Fox. - Guys, also we have new merch for Pride Month. Handsomepod.com, we've got a tie-dye t-shirt, a bandana, a new hat, and a tank top. And they're good. - They're real fun. This is a good-- - Yeah, they're really good. - We got some good stuff. - And don't forget to watch us on Hulu one day early. - What a podcast. Make sure you subscribe, rate, review, send your favorite episodes to your loved ones, help us build this handsome community. And until next time-- - Keep it up, handsome. - And so am I. - Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at
[email protected] and please follow us on social media @handsomepod. - What a podcast. - What a podcast. - What a podcast. - That was a hit-gun podcast. - Checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I have my sound board plugged in before I record the podcast. Want, want. Sure, I can record the podcast without using sound effects. But it's a missed opportunity when I can't feel it.
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