Marriage Q&A : Conflict, Compromise, & Our Hardest Year

- You both had different solutions to the problem. - Yeah. - So then how did you come to a resolution? - Honestly, I folded. (laughing) I make more decisions for us. - Yeah. - And I'm more decisive, it comes from having, what's that, delusional confidence? - I love delusional confidence. - I'm like this is right 100%. - Yes, yes. - Caleb, I got a fight. He's like, you don't compromise to me very often. I'm changing my mind to do what you wanna do. And I was like, no, I just thought you decided that this was what we were gonna do together. - Maybe we have been wearing the pants all the time. (laughing) (upbeat music) - Welcome back to Always Here! - We're your hosts, Abby Howard. - And Abby Howard. - How you doin' today? - Are you contracting? - I'm just talkin' about contracting. - I literally like Matt came downstairs after, like we just had a busy morning. And I just, he was like. - He's so crying. - He's so crying. - I could cry right now. I'm just really, really tired. I think I slept, I've been up since 1.30 in the morning. - True. - For just a little reference. - Oh, just 'cause of you and Somnia? - No, I had contractions for three hours straight. And then I was like, I'm sorry. - No, I didn't, I mean, they didn't hurt, but I couldn't sleep through them. So then I was really just like, what do they do? - That's the word, right? - I think do. - No, it was just pressure. - Uncomfortable. - And one of them was like painful. That's the one that woke me up at 1.30. And I was like, I was weird. I was like, I'm just not gonna move at all. - I'm too tired. - And so then I just like stayed really still. Kinda fell asleep, woke up, fell asleep, woke up, fell asleep. - And then I finally, they were coming so quick that I just couldn't sleep. And then I got up at like four. And I was like, well, I guess I had to laundry and like do some stuff. - He stopped. - Wow. - I mean, they kind of, now they're just like off and on, like not as quick, but yeah. - You had your appointment tomorrow. - Yeah, that's exciting. But I was just so tired. And I was like, I'm just so pissed at my body for doing all this work. - For nothing. - For nothing. - And I'm like, I can't sleep. It's extra exhausting. I was like, this is just so lame. But I do hear that Prodromal Labor's more like, common with like after like third and fourth. And they really are treating this like my fourth, like delivery. - Yeah. - And so I was like, buckle up. 'Cause people are like, he's coming soon. And I'm like, that I love the optimism. - But I also am. I promise you, I'm mentally prepared to be induced on my due date. - Well, I'm so curious what the longest people have been dilated. - So having these in my mouth. - What'd you say? - People get stuck. I've heard someone stuck at a five. - That's crazy. - Yeah. - Well, like being out of five and not an active labor. - Yeah, that's crazy. - Yeah. That doesn't feel like a good idea. - Being stuck at five. - Walking around five years. - You're that dilated? - I like it. Things are open down there. - Even me now. - 'Cause I'm like, I could have progressed since then. It's been over a week. - Yeah. - And I'm like, should I take a bath? - Yeah, you're like, boom. (laughing) Like, it's like, I don't think you said. - I did, I just took a bath. - Oh, okay, well. - It felt a lot better. - Do you want me to do it? - Do you want me to do it better? - It stops them or like slows them down. - Yeah, oh, okay. So I'm like, thank you all. - Goodness, you're like good. Hold it in. - Stay. - We have one more recording we need to get through. - Yes. - And you have what? What else do you have to get done? - I don't, I don't care. - Oh, okay. - It's not getting done. (laughing) - I literally just want to nap. - I know, you're like, just lay me down. - Yeah. But I'm like, tonight I'm just gonna take a whole unison and just see if I can just step on, see if that works. - We'll see if that works. - Well, happens if you take a whole unison and then you can't sleep. - Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. - That's a gamble. - That's a gamble. - Right, so it's often. - That is the gamble and I'm, - You don't have to do all the sleepy things. - No recording tomorrow, so you can just sleep. - Here's what you have to do. You have to stretch. - And I had two children. - Stretch for a long time before bed. Get every muscle relaxed. Drink a tea. Take your unison. - Yeah, at this point, I'm like, I'm not hoping for labor. I need to hoping for sleep. - Sleepy. - Like I'm like, I need to sleep. - Yeah. - And that's like, you must be so tired. I was like, that's just a little bit of empathy. Just got me. I was like, I am so tired. - That's sweet, that's sweet. - But I'm really fine. I think my mental game deteriorated last night around 4 a.m. But then I got my butt up. I went on a walk, went to the gym. It wasn't chipper, but I did it and I felt better. - Probably the fake labor is way harder mentally than, like, really if you're like, game time. - Let's go. - Yeah, if my water would have broken, I would have been like sick. - I would have caught it. And I feel like my adrenaline would have done something. - Yeah, you're locked in. - Like in my head, I was like, 'cause I also had this with Augie too. - I don't remember that. - Yeah, not as nearly as long or as early, but we're as strong. I could sleep through it. But yeah, I was like, I'm locked in for this being the thing. - Dang. - I'm sorry. - It's not a good thing to have. It's not a good thing to have. - And so I'm near it, but I'm a laborer. - A drama labor. - It's just great. - Because I really feel like I could sleep if I didn't have contractions. - Of course, yeah. I literally feel like something. It's like hard as a rock, and I'm like, whoa. - So calm down, dude. - Come on, dude. - You didn't need to calm down. And of course those make them move like crazy. - Yeah, and he's already active, so you're just kidding. - Yeah, I was like, I'm not sleeping anymore. I tried to read, I read a lot of the book. - I haven't started it. - When are we doing book club? - I'm sorry. - Not when Abby's here. - Okay, for it. (laughing) - We ain't dang it. - Oh, she might come back just to sit in and do the book club. - Do the book club. - We're not, this isn't one that we're rushing to get done. - Herf. - I'd like the last two. It's been like, this week, and I'm like, shoot. - I think it's because Abby and I have finished it, so we're like, let's talk about it. Abigail. (laughing) - I finished them. - I finished them. Do you like this book? - No. - Okay, what's it called yellow face by RFQuan? - Yeah. - Okay. - What's your hope in your heart? - That's what we're here to do. - Share the hope in the heart with heart and humor. - Yes. - Okay, my hope in my heart are also connected. I feel like they're always one thing. I'm like, I got my positive and my negative with the things going on. Caleb has been working on our shed. Have I talked about this in the podcast? - Yeah. - I did. - Okay, so Caleb also came over when you were at a town and he's like, I think, 'cause I'm like, what are you gonna do with the empty house all week? 'Cause I think I'm gonna surprise Abigail with this shed. I was like, hey, just so you know, I think she's expected. - Yeah, I think it wasn't good. (laughing) So, actually make sure it gets to-- - Yeah, it's actually a finish-it. - He's like, oh, okay, he's like, I kind of got that feeling, but she didn't say it. And I was like, I'm always leaving him guessing. - I was like, Matt, you should go help. (laughing) - He did go, Matt was like, I had nothing to offer. - I don't know how to do that, because Caleb called me. So I was out of town in St. Louis for a whole week. Caleb had nothing to do. I mean, he had a lot to do. He worked and then he worked in our shed. - He had absolutely nothing to do. - He had nothing to do. So, he worked in our shed. We have this detached shed off of our back patio. It's really close to our bedroom, our bedroom is sliding doors. And it was just basically bone, spare bones in this shed. And Caleb's been in there, you know, drywalling it, finishing this thing, adding lights, electrical. I mean, it's the whole line now. It has AC, everything. So, we've been really excited to finish it. So we can make it a home office and some storage, maybe like an extended closet type vibe in there. I sent him some inspo pictures of what I wanted it. I wanted it to be a little more colorful, 'cause it's detached from the house. It could be a little fun, who cares, it's a shed. It's not that serious. And I sent him a bunch of like, kind of maybe cottagey vibes. - That's my style. - Yeah, I think you would really like the inspo pictures I sent. It's St.G. green walls, like almost St.G. bluish green. And obviously, we don't have these, but the hydrangeas all around. You know, in the inspo picture. - Yeah. - Yeah, like hydrangeas in the desert. But Caleb calls me after his first coat of paint when I was in St. Louis. And he said, "I don't think you're gonna like the color." And I was like, "Well, that's okay, do you like it?" And he said, "I'm just not really sure." So he facetimes me, the walls are lime green. Lime green. Lime green. And I said, "You know what? You're gonna have to fix that one." That one, he said, "Yeah, I was thinking of some soon." And you were gonna say that. - He said it was a whole thing. - Luckily, just one wall. But he did buy three gallons of paint. - He didn't do a sample. - Oh, he didn't do a sample. He looked at the paper. He said, "That looks good." - Oh, you did take out the color. - No, I didn't pick it out. I sent him the, you know, the inspo, and I was like, "Just something around this family of range." And he went and he pulled out the sample. - I felt the one that everyone does is that evergreen fog. - That's what's in Vivian's room. - Okay. - But we're going lighter than that. - Okay. - Little brighter, 'cause it's small. But, yeah, it was lime green. So that was unfortunate to pick up. So we have three gallons of-- - That was a lot of trust that you gave him to pick out the paint color, right? - Actually, I think Caleb is pretty good at that. - Well. - I thought that he was. - He's excellent. - He's excellent. - When he learned a lesson here. - Yeah. - He really has to buy the sample. - So what are you going to use that paint for? - I think he needs to sell it on Facebook Marketplace. I will say in his defense, it looked nothing like the paper that they have in the wall. - Okay. - But it looks much better now from what I've seen. I haven't seen it, but I've seen it. When he opens the door, I see it inside, and it looks like a pretty color. - So you don't even walk it. - No, I haven't. He's not, I haven't even allowed, but he's finished the flooring. He's done, I get to see it tonight after this. - That's exciting. - I know. - Like done done? - Yeah, he's going to paint the trim, but I'm like, just let me see it before you paint the trim. So I'm excited to see. - That's exciting. - I know. So yeah, I'm super pumped. My heart is, I have not seen my husband in about two weeks. - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - That's tough. - The quality time has not been there. So yes, I feel deeply sad, and by that. - It's such a bittersweet. - Yeah, he's burning. himself out. He's really burnt out. He's like, "I run off the num with this." Then I'm like, "You want to hang out?" He was pretty mad that night when we dropped John Trees off at the airport when he was doing drywall and he cut himself. Oh my gosh, he gashed his wrist open, bad. Yeah. I was like, "Oh yeah, you came over and you went on bandages. I was sweet. I got Caleb's back." I was like, "That looks severe." He was just really quiet. I was like, "He's mad." He's mad, saying it. I was being mad. It's so funny. Everyone can tell like my mom, she's right now, she says, "He's okay." I'm like, "He's pretty burnt out. He's pretty burnt out. He just gets quiet." But he's done. So that's put some wind in the sales and I get him back. Yeah. It was worth it. It is so worth it. We can take a break. Yes. I think he goes, "I need a couple months, no projects for a while." I'm like, "Well, you do have a couple boxes of tile and I'm garage for the backsplash." So, not too long of a break. Did you mention that at that point? No, I did. Discertment and wisdom. See, I have a couple hooks I need to hung, but I was going to hire a handyman. Yeah. Literally three hooks. No, my mom does. He does need to hang some, we bought a rod for a Vivian's closet. She's like, "He does need to hang your rod." I was like, "Anything with a drill is fine." Oh, no, Matt was like I can do that. I was like, it's okay. It's okay, baby. That's not my mom is with my dad He's like I'll do it you know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, He's like I'll do it you know no no no no totally fine. I just wanted to get done when he says yes like he really means at that moment but the next second It's just it does anything's fair game. It's a fleeting thought. It's a flea yeah, and they've been saying there. It's been it's been a little where they going just in our Mudroom to hang the kids backpacks. Oh exciting. Just want to hang some backpacks. Yeah, of course you bought a drill. I bought a drill and I used a drill That was resting. Yeah, that was what's all yeah, and I people get make fun of my drill because it's pink. No, it's not pink. It's green. Oh, it's Ryobi. Why do they make fun of it? I don't think I got the right stuff for it. Oh really make fun of our toolkit. Oh, our toolkit Apparently is bad for me. I'm like it looks like it's got everything we need. Got all the tools. It's got everything we know how to use Yes, and I don't even know if we know how to use all those We're not DIY. Okay. We know we stay in our lane. Yeah, stay in our lane and we're not DIY And here's the thing they'll just stay undone and that's totally fine. Yeah. I don't ever use the drill. Oh, I don't know how to do any of it I use the drill to set up a baby gate. Well, it didn't go well. Oh, I Needed smackle afterwards. I Just started drilling holes like a crazy woman. That was a bad idea. Yeah, you know what I like an electric screwdriver that goes through to that. It's literally instead of hand-screwing thing. Yeah, you can just use a little electric screwdriver. We don't have one of those. Oh, that's amazing. I've used it a lot to put together random furniture. I love that you do that. Oh, I see in our notes that we have the dogs figuring out Addy's pregnant. Um, well, we're giving an update on that. I don't hate my dogs anymore. Perfect. Well, actually, Rizzo did poop inside of our house two days ago. So, I do hate your hand again. Pretzel was on our dining table this morning. Lewis. My mom just called me Lewis. Throw up on his cage. So we're She couldn't clean this up Addy. I really don't have to really threw up on our bed the other day. He literally has never done that ever Right. It was right on the edge like he was just laying there and did just with him as probably anxiety. Yeah, it's anxious He said he was so nervous when I was leaving that morning. So I bet he just threw up on the bed. I'm like crazy You said he's supposed to emotionally support me. Yeah, so Rizzo is the one who eats my underwear So we don't like him, but he has figured out I'm pregnant and he won't leave my side And he they're not allowed on the couch, but anytime I sit down on the couch He jumps up and puts his head on my belly, which I'm like, this is brand new. You haven't been doing this for months Which is sweet and then when I go to bed because we've talked about this for different bed times as your partner So I go to bed by myself, Rizzo comes in bed with me and lays on the bed which he never does until he comes in there and then Like kicks him off. Yeah, I'm like, this is he's learned I'm pregnant Which is we just we does make you kind of love your dog again And then he poops in your house and you're like, why do you do that? Maybe I To go to the bathroom, but here's the thing is I took him out He didn't pull me to like keep I brought him back inside. He didn't tell me And then he got inside and pooped inside. Maybe he was also surprised I will say I hate us. Thank you for it. It was solid rock solid picked it up I did like shampoo the carpet, but like yeah, there was there was nothing there. There was no residue Well, that you could visibly see it wasn't that I smelled terrible so bad. Yeah. I'm doing the dishes. I look over I said I look over I said oh My sister has a puppy and Maybe six months old a little dog Simon and when we were in St. Louis I walked in our bedroom upstairs But the being down and my dad does not like dogs and he likes Simon But you know Simon's my sister didn't do the best job on a training Simon So he has a lot of accidents in the house and my dad is like that again That I get you know it's my germaphob and he doesn't like so I walk upstairs and my dad is actively caring Vivian Of the steps to bring her to bed and I walk and I go oh dad I was like it smells so bad poop on our floor and in our bedroom Yeah, and then Yeah, it's just a whole thing, but it's done pretty bad. Yeah, that's stuff's So it's like running in there with the spray like don't want to have you don't want to have to do like he's coming up the stairs Thank you to Flamingo for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Did you see that my legs now? I just saved my oh my barely reach We literally both just saved our leg time before this. Do you feel like when you use your flamingo razor your legs? Stay shaved longer. Does that make sense? Yeah, they're smooth for a long time Yeah, mm-hmm the women who helped build Harrys found themselves rolling their eyes when companies were just shrinking min's razors and making them pink So they decided to shake things up a little bit and that is when flamingo was born flamingo has a no-pink text pricing No flimsy design and no irritation flamingo was born to give women shaving solutions made with their bodies in mind Their starter set has everything you can need whether it's time for an everything shower Or even if you just need to shape up your brow line They have one of those derma playing razors. I used to have my mustache every week. It's great keeps me nice and nice and nice and hair free I always love hearing about your mustache No one told me I've never noticed it But that's probably because you have an amazing razor and for a limited time our listeners Flamingo starter set for only seven dollars at shopflamingo.com/abbey This set includes the flamingo original razor one five blade cartridge a one ounce foaming shave gel and a shower holder Which is very nice. I love the holder because it doesn't get moldy or rusty. I feel like that's the purpose too That's when I met Rusty not moldy. Mm-hmm. Just head to shopflamingo.com/abbey to claim this offer and after you purchase They'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them We sent you. Yeah, I was reflecting by the way We recorded the last episode you heard literally yesterday and red time so if things feel Low energy like not as fresh. That's why we're just trying to batch create just because we just don't really necessarily know when the baby's coming. Yeah, but um What was I just like I was reflecting in the car day. I was like that wasn't that crazy Wow, that's crazy That was not crazy , I mean, it's very I think that's amazing. It's not crazy. But people are probably like wow That's right. And I know Addy doesn't care about that stuff at all She probably just like Rapid of lady's own now Sorry, not my best work. This one is crazy, though I don't know how you learned about this one because you did you said you didn't know about it I didn't know about this at all except for through her friends. Okay. I learn all my news for my friends I actually think it's really good for your mental health. That's really good about I got that advice one time Well, I learned about explosive diarrhea That's going around Michigan apparently everywhere everywhere. I heard there was only 19 cases in Arizona at the time of me hearing about this I think there's more now. How many are there now? What's it called Clara? Clara. No, no, no, no Yep Ain't something like it rhymes best There it is Cyclone Sporeasis Cyclosporeasis? Yeah, was that it? That's it. Cyclosporeasis. Yep. Cyclospora Anyway, it's that diarrhea disease It's a parasite Honestly, did you have it? You had diarrhea for like six weeks. I have it I am pregnant Yeah, and that was months ago. Yeah, but I don't think they knew about it So there's been a lot of bad sounds Confirmed and probable cases 11,000 20 20 but don't you have to have some type of anti I think yeah, but I think if you go long enough that just works its way out. - Can you Google that? - But I think you had diarrhea for a long time and you've had it for over a month and a half. - Yeah, I did. - Diagnosis and treatment. Just look up, does it go away on its own. - But then what are the odds that I get, I'm the one with my family that gets it. - I don't know, you eat a lot of bag salad, you eat a lot of-- - Not independently. - You could have gotten it from somewhere you ate at. You had a Taco Bell and Taco Bell is one of the biggest culprits. - I do not eat a Taco Bell. - I don't-- - Don't let that on me. - I saw that somewhere that I was a talk about lettuce and I said, "Well, good thing, I don't like lettuce. "I don't get lettuce on my Taco Bell." - She's like, "I know that's not worth came from." When I posted online that I was sick and people-- - We're done. - Let me get the fuzz off. - Is that what you're trying to do? - No, I was trying to fix it. - I actually ate that so much. - I liked it, it felt really good. - I was like, "I didn't-- (laughing) - Okay, I was like, "You did the recording." - Abby, when you're playing with the rug, you like scoot it your way. (laughing) - Abby just pulled it back with her. (laughing) - I didn't even catch that. - We're going back and forth. (laughing) - I missed that. - You're fighting over the rug. - Oh my gosh, it's funny. - It was bothering me. I was like, "It's all scrunched up over there." (laughing) - Sorry. - Oh, but I was getting mad that people were saying that I had this thing. I said, "No, I'm just vomiting." - Yeah. - Okay. - No diarrhea. - So I couldn't have had it. - Does it go in and down? - Sometimes, but it's not a good bet. And on its own, can mean weeks of misery. - That's what I have. - She had that. That's what I'm saying. I think you had it. - Wow. - Yeah. 'Cause diarrhea like that for a long time. - I can't see it solidly. The symptoms usually start about a week after exposure. The hallmark is frequent watery diarrhea along with appetite loss, weight loss, bloating nausea, and fatigue. - Can you explain us? - Can you explain us, but the vomiting are less common. - Watery doesn't describe what you were experiencing? - No. - Untreated, it can follow a remitting relapsing course lasting from days to a month or more. The relapsing pattern you can feel better and then it comes roaring back. - Okay. - And the signature distinguishes it from other ordinary food poisoning. - So it doesn't just go away on its own. - It comes back with a vengeance and sounds like. - I mean, someone said like 200 mile per hour diarrhea. - Or something like that. (laughing) - And I was like, what? - I've never had that, but I could picture it. - You know? (laughing) - I just saw it. All I needed to know was that Taylor Farms made a statement. They're like, we are not tied to this. And I was like, how could they even say that? They've been tied to it. - So Taylor Farms then pulled all iceberg lettuce source from Central Mexico from the US market saying that the traceback point to one independent farm representing under 1% of the US iceberg supply. The recall covers this. But then there was a twist. Yeah, 'cause I saw the posts from Taylor Farms where they were, they were like, this actually wasn't, we figured out that this wasn't from us actually. We recalled our stuff, but it wasn't us. - Wow, Dr. Named to the mud. - Yikes. - Yeah, it was a false positive through the FDA. - Ooh, that sounds like that's crazy. - Ooh, yeah. - Yeah, let me tell you the stories are stocked as bag salads, but I also heard it was like berries and stuff. But what does it say about me that I'm like. - Who cares? - Yeah, I love those videos. They're like, ooh, diarrhea. Like, I love the videos, it's like-- - It's like taking you. (laughs) Or like, oh shoot, you mean I'm gonna lose 10 pounds from diarrhea, like, no, it's not that I, I just did my head, I'm like, I'm not gonna get it. - Yeah, in my head, I just, I'm like. But like our friends were like, don't buy raspberries, don't buy this. - Don't throw me up with the bad. Having a kid with diarrhea would be horrible. But myself of diarrhea, not that bad. - Maybe Brio had it for three days. - Three days. - I don't feel it let us wore berries. - Yeah, you're like, that's on me. - That's on me. - I think she's glad. - Yeah, well, that's crazy. - Just for like reference, in 2025, there were 2700 cases. - Okay. - And so far, in 2026, there's over 11,000. - So it's somewhere. - So it did go up this year. - Just a bit. - Well, it's like, you know what, jump. - You know what, I just hear, I just hear 11,000 out of how many people are in the America. - A lot of people. - 155 million. - When you've lived through a global outbreak of something 11,000 years ago. - Do you know what stuck with me a lot from the P-A-N-D-E-M-I-C, the P-A-D-O-K-L-I-S-F-A-N-D-D-S-C-O-B-I-D? - You know what, there was a meme and it said, yeah, when people used to say run, run like that from the plague. You know, get away from me like it's the plague. And he said, we realize, in fact, people do not run from the plague. Like, what's the saying? - Shoot, I'm buddering it. - What's the saying? - I'm going that like the plague. - Avoid that like the plague. It says, we did learn, in fact, people will not avoid it. The plague is like, what do you mean? - Like with COVID, people are telling whatever. - What? - What? (laughing) - It got to a certain point where people - People are trying to avoid it more. - It's like people will not, in fact, avoid it like the plague. - Oh no, I feel like people did avoid it for a long time. - Yeah, a couple months. - My dad was chloroxing envelopes from the mail. - He did a hard 180 on that one. - Yeah, he really did. - I think at first I got a little freaked out. I remember I wore gloves. I covered every inch of my body when I went to the grocery store and I came back and said, okay, kill, disinfect me. And I took all my clothes off, put them in the wash. And we wiped everything down from the grocery store. - Oh, that checks out. - I didn't do it. (laughing) - I really didn't do anything and I never got it. - Really? - I just said we were in touch. - Springfield, Missouri. - We did it five times. - I did it five times. - Last like five years. - You tested positive five times. - Five times. - I've gotten it every year since we've had it. Fun fact, I'm susceptible. - Yeah. - Nothing quite like that first time though, it wasn't horrible. - I'm trying to be unbiased here but I'm like. - I have the swabs. - You get the costume. - You were testing yourself. - Self-swabbing. - See, this is all checks out. (laughing) - Okay, it's better not to know how to do it. - Not to say. (laughing) - That's probably why I've never had it 'cause I'd never went in test. - See, yeah, you know I had it real bad. - You'd had it really bad. - I saw it in the first time when I was in test out. - I passed out from it twice, bonked my head, started crying. - I didn't see you pass out but I was, 'cause I was facing the other way. But I watched no one else watch you pass out. And then I was like, she's going down. - I had like, I was dramatic. - It was dramatic. - You had not had to separate and it was fine. - I was crying 'cause I missed Matt. - That was a memorable little time. - That was memorable. I remember those were some of my head shortness of breath. - I was wearing two bathrooms 'cause I had a really high fever and then I took a nap, fell asleep in two bathrooms. - Voke ups, soaking wet. - Voke up on the ground with Blake and Adi just like, and my parents. I think my dad was free. - Above you? - Yeah and then they put me in the bathroom, passed down the bathroom against the door so they couldn't open the door. (laughing) - It wasn't dramatic. - And then I started throwing up. - Oh my gosh. - I don't, I don't. - Code had a weird, that was weird. - It really settled oddly in my system. - I settled oddly. My system did not know what to do. - I did a workout and then I put on two bathrooms and went to bed. - That checks out. (laughing) - Was that the thing you guys did? You didn't work out in the whole room? - She's like, "I'm not sick." - I did it. You know what's crazy about it? You and your mom did a workout in the whole room. I didn't do it with you. - Because you watched? - No, I went and sat in the bedroom. Like, I did not do it. - Like, they're so annoying. (laughing) - That's like so weird of me. (laughing) - I don't think you can have it. - I didn't even remember that detail. - It was a conversation between us. - Ah, all right. - There's a lot of internet in people. - This is our private conversation. - It's literally like an us conversation. - You got it. - Oh, I don't give it. - We should bring it back. (laughing) - Bring it back. - Sorry, we're really digging into the details. - To love and marriage. - To love marriage. - Well, yeah, we were freshly married at COVID. So that was fun. - That was crying format as I was laying in the bathroom and passed out and they're like, "You can call him." (laughing) We have internet. It was a dramatic scene. But yeah, that was like our first year of marriage. You know what? We actually, here's how we got married at the best time. - We got married just before this. - We were really struck gold with our timing. - What did you say? - We struck gold with our timing. - We struck gold, that's how you say we struck gold. And I was like, "No, I think we. " 'Cause we got married in the summer of 2019. - Uh-huh. - Two weeks apart. - Yep, it was so fun. - We got to get married first. They'd been together longer. That wasn't like, I never felt strongly about that. Somebody did. - Yeah. - Was it Caleb? - No, it wasn't either of us. I think it was Theresa. 'Cause she got such a strong sense of justice and her mind she was like, "This is fair." They were dating longer. They should get married first. - Okay. - Well, you know what I'm like, sure. - I was like, "Okay, we'll make the timeline work." We'll get two weeks before. - Two weeks? Wait, did you say your date first? I didn't remember this. You guys had your date first. - Oh, 'cause I were asking you guys if it was too close together. - No biggie. - No, it's so fun. - Yeah, okay. So we got married two weeks apart in 2019, which means that we both just celebrated seven years. Together. So apparently now we're gonna start getting itchy. - Yeah, start getting our marriage. - I go, well, actually more than love this year than I did last year. - Me too. - Really? - Yes. - Yes. I don't think it should apply if you dated for years before him. I think seven years hits when you start going you get together see But we got married right at seven years. I know so I've never had the it well You kind of just did jump the gun because then I feel not jump again. You kind of skipped over that Mm-hmm. That's kind of a hack. I think it is a hack. It's a bad hack You did a long time. Yeah, that's a long time. We got engaged at our six-year anniversary And we got married right before our seven-year is that true? Uh-huh. How many years have you guys been together um 13 Yeah, since 2013 October will be our 13 year I know so then because I do feel like newlyweds that that that bought that's like a Bonus year. Well, I get just doesn't really feel like real life for a whole year I don't know. Did you feel that way Addy but first year? Yeah, yeah, when I look back at it now I'm like, oh, that was just so blissful. Yeah, I think I can go one or two ways it can either go really blissful or really tumultuous. Yeah, well, I feel like if you get married young you kind of you got to figure it out No, I think it's just it's a little easier that person in your own life like independent That's true. So I feel like if you're gonna have a tumultuous first year Maybe it's because you're kind of set and your lifestyle ways. Yeah, like if I were to just like pick up and like Move it with somebody else and I'm like wait a minute wait a minute. We also dated long before we got married So we kind of I kind of knew like killb's things, you know, yeah, whereas if you're how long do you have like date? Addy? We dated for two years. Oh, see that's a long time. I feel like at least in our world with like the church role people date for three to 12 months and then get married and Maybe we'll get married engaged all in that first year And so I think that makes sense to me where I'm like, oh, you don't even even been their seasons Never hard for a year because you're learning how to communicate. Yeah. Yeah, whereas we had so many years together We knew how to communicate Maybe you wouldn't even have I don't even think we had an argument for like several months into dating Yeah, so that would be hard to just be married and then you're like wait a minute. We disagree That would feel hard. I feel like that's like the I feel like there's two different sides for two I'm like the young married of like when you get married when you're in college You still have that like freedom your first year of marriage of like not having your responsibility of like that full-time job or full-time Yeah, you're like you get to go to class and spend a lot of time together Yeah, which then could make your second year a little harder when you're like real-life Real-life sets in or like and I got married in between so I Graduated and then I went I worked in full-time and he was actually stone college So it was a little I was starting it. We both started new things basically when we got married Which made it easier. Yeah, that was our timeline - I loved our timeline I graduated lived at home for a year kill finished school We were engaged playing the wedding during that year and then the minute kill graduated I think maybe it was two weeks after he graduated. We got married or maybe a month after he graduated and then yeah We went on our honeymoon had your guys wedding and then we moved and started our jobs in Kansas City Like it was all those traditions at one time. I thought you didn't like that and I thought that's why you lost a lot of hair No, I loved it. I just lost hair because I was stressed. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I thought you were saying it was too much change at once No, I didn't even realize I don't actually didn't I don't think it was a what there was a lot of change in transition Which I thought was really fun and exciting. I think the hair and stress came out from like my family being upset about the wedding That's what you talk about that before our mob the dad's put put in some you know We hash that out with the house on the podcast. We did we did. I mean there's been some healing I feel very healed from it, but my hair maybe that That's why we got close probably because we weren't close until that we were just going To the same uh-huh similar scary things. Yeah. I remember what I was talking about that for the first time And I was like wait, you're going through the two. I was like, I don't know But yeah, I do think that is an advantage of getting married young definitely not like it's just one of those things that like Happens if you meet your person when you're young like that you don't you're not like I've got that transition is fairly smooth Because you're just like well, this is fun totally like it's really low stakes that life at that point is really low stakes Not not for everyone but for most people like you're you were still in college like you're going to class together like yeah That's crazy. That is really wild So that was just like super fun the thing that was hard about that was like all of our friends were still like hanging out and doing Friend things and then we were just like in our own like little apartment off campus So then I felt like a little removed and like yeah, maybe like I was missing out on time Almost being I'm retaxing you about that because I had the same thing whenever I I moved out to just like feeling left out It's it's something that it's like that's kind of I hate to say it was like I chose that yeah, and but it is a bummer Yeah, but I wasn't I wasn't anyone's fault no like it was just like especially in college you hang out by circumstance usually Yeah, everything's so fly by the seat of your pants. Yes, that you're not formally Nothing together. So it's just like it just happens and then you're like oh wait missed out. Yeah, you can't have everything No, I have a cake in it. I was make that decision over thank you to fork full for sponsoring this portion of today's episode Sometimes in life kids very busy it can be hard to eat and you know that we love to eat we talk about it constantly We're not gonna skip a meal even though it gets difficult. We were just gonna find the right support Exactly, and that is why we look to fork full fork full is the meals that prioritize the labor function and health zero-seed oils Chef cooked fresh never frozen ready-to-eat meals made with high-quality premium proteins grass-fed bison Wild-caught salmon and fresh vegetables didn't you have some wag you was I got I got the wag you beef was on yeah, like have you heard Oh, love us meals. You're like I need a quick meal, and I'm just gonna sit down and have some I want something quality I want a bison cut salmon. I want protein every meal. Yeah, I love that they prioritize Plus there's no meal prep cooking or cleanup just clean flavors and ready and under three minutes never frozen I don't like frozen food. No, we want to deliver to our door within 24 to 48 hours Which is exactly the service that fork full provides explore our plans and menu of fresh ready-to-eat meals at Forkfulmeals.com and use code Abby to get a 50% off your first order that is Forkfulmeals.com slash Abby and use promo code Abby for 50% off Thanks to Forkful for sponsoring this episode Matt and I always say we wish we would have gotten married a year earlier But I do think that would have made me a stranger my family So I'm sure it would have buffed out, but I probably we probably wouldn't be talking about on a public podcast of course even seven years Seven years I still feel scared. I'm like I don't want to hurt their feelings. I'm so listening But yeah, okay, so what would you say was like the hardest year so far man? Okay, maybe not hardest year hardest season our hardest season marriage I mean that's the fun thing about marriage is that you're constantly you're always married to someone new and your seasons are always changing of your life I mean, I don't think seven years in retrospect is that long of a time in the scant grancing over our lives Hopefully we think about all the change we've had in seven years graduate college moving getting married having kids a lot of things are Happening at the jobs businesses. I mean, there's so many things that we packed into these seven years that I feel like Oh my gosh, we're completely different people, which is exciting and We're gonna say something. Well, did you ask Caleb? I did ask Caleb and actually I agree on our our hardest year Yeah, did you agree with Matt on your hardest year? Oh, yeah, different ones. We asked our husbands I can think of two years that we're challenging for different reasons Thankfully none of them were this year gosh because I'm really glad that it wasn't this year Yeah, that would have been really awkward to talk about right now on this season, but yeah, I did agree with him Okay, Caleb and I said year three or I think it was year four it was right when we moved here That was our hardest year which I think that makes love since just circumstantially we moved to Phoenix from Kansas City We're thrown out of our community Starting I mean, we had our business at the time. Everything goes down the toilet down the drain. We find out we're pregnant. It just was such a Shaking year and it was probably the first time in our marriage that I don't think we were necessarily aligned on what to do Which also felt really hard being disaligned in your The next direction of your relationship was really a scary place to be and it was not that we fought a lot during that time But it was just tense like we were both always walking on eggshells. We both inside probably hard work a lot of emotion Yeah, I just remember that I mean I can go into detail of it It's so hard how much of that you think how to do with working together That's interesting. I think what was hard when we worked together So we had our clothing business and Caleb came on after a couple years of it I think there are some pros and cons to it like one We really had to figure out what our roles were which is really good and super helpful, which I think translated to helping us in our marriage too like Figuring yeah, like figuring out what are and just having the communication around Talking about these roles. I think it just made it really like an open door. We had to figure things out So that was really good, but then at the end of the business like Our business got into a lot of debt and so he's one one hand being like I have to get a job We have a baby coming I cannot stay on board with bull and then I'm over here like you cannot leave me with this mess How I can't handle this on my own you know just this like intense fear also being just so disaligned and what Yeah, how to handle that situation was really hard and him being like we have to make money We don't have any money and maybe like but I don't know how to I don't know what to do, like with the next steps are, and so there was just this constant battle of like, uh, maybe no decisions in that season because we couldn't come to an agreement. And that was so hard. Just waking up at night anxious, not communicating well, just shut down both of us. That's really hard. It was really, yeah, it was like a scary season for sure. We have only worked together like our entire marriage, which is kind of unique, but also I know a lot of people do it. And I feel like that was something that, that's what initially got us in couples therapy, which was really good because we just figured that out early on, we're like, this is just something that it's like, we might just need a third person to like get a line on, especially with like the nature of our job, like it was so personal that it was like, we just need to make sure that we have like checks and balances in this. And that wasn't our hardest year. That wasn't the hardest thing for us, but I totally agree that working together has actually really helped our marriage in the sense that we have really like, they change and they, they, of course they change over time, but we have really established our roles in our work, but also like our roles in our marriage. I feel like we have just become set like, we're a really good team, I think. And like a good unit together. I think there's a lot of things that I'm like, you don't even need to talk about it because it's just like, I take for granted that that's just like assumed that this is what I do, this is what you do. And then, but the other thing I was going to say about that because we had a talking point talking about working together just to close out and out is that I actually do think that when it comes, we've talked about like wearing the pants a lot and I think that's like a funny thing. And also it can just like make people feel weird like it's like, oh, they're like the boss of the relationship or just makes people feel like, I don't know, it has a weight to it that doesn't necessarily, I don't mean it in that way. But I will say like what we have learned or what I have learned is that like someone really does have to be the leader and it can't just be like, because we always say like we both wear the pants, it's because it's not like he's just like making decisions that I don't agree with. Like he's fully considering me. And if I don't agree, I can tell him I don't agree and we can have a conversation about the things. But something about working together made me really realize too, like someone has to be the lead. Yeah. And I was more than happy to be like, I don't really actually want to do that. I don't want to do that one for sure, which is so funny though, because I make more decisions for us. Yeah, because I'm better at making decisions like I'm more decisive. It comes from having what's that delusional confidence? I love delusional confidence. Like I'm like, this is right 100% yes, yes, there's no other option really when you look at it. And Matt's like looking at a cheesecake factory menu and he's like, he's like, what are we getting? So it's like, I actually do make more decisions, but I'm always like when there's like, when we come to an impasse on things, I've been more than happy to be like, you know what? You got it because then also he does kind of hold the consequences of it more than two. Like I know we share those roles and like those consequences of decisions. But like another way I'm like, I don't, I want to say that you made that decision. Totally. Like we're in this together, but yeah, but you got it. Yeah, for us, when I asked Matt what I knew he was going to say the hardest year it was. And he said probably, this is really vulnerable. He sent this to me. So he said this, he knew this was for the podcast. He said probably openly talking about marriage problems on the entire internet, all while we were trying to raise two kids under two. And I was like, yeah, a lot of learning lessons in that moment totally of us. And so, yeah, that's what we asked like, what was the hardest year? And I think that was literally like probably one of the things that made having two under two extra difficult. There's just so much, so much weight to like so much complexity to that. So much added pressure that like didn't necessarily need to be there. And I think that like we learned a lot, which is also why we asked them the follow up question, what did you learn from like that hardest season? Yeah. That we learned to put boundaries in place and also our kids grew up and their needs changed. Yeah. So like that made that like, it was a perfect storm. Like that year was just like really hard because I think I also lost sight of like my role in the marriage, like a little bit or not my role in the marriage, but like I feel like it's really easy when you become a mom to just like think about your kids. Yeah. And I like totally lost sight of like prioritizing our marriage and like prioritizing like even myself in a way, and so that was like a really weird thing to come out of. I think they always say like on what do they say? Like it takes one person to change to change an entire relationship. Yeah. I really learned that after coming out of that season because I feel like in my head I was like, well, these kids and like there's so many other responsibilities. How could I ever prioritize me? Like we're adults. We're fine. We can take care of it. And then when I actually was like, no, I can only change myself and only like work on the things that I have control over. And like that's such an obvious thing, but then really changing my mindset around that. I was like, wow, this is really powerful because it really can change the whole relationship. For sure. So I learned a lot of coming out of that. I know Matt learned a lot. And life got a lot easier when we just decided to like, okay, wait, we need to real line. What is, what are our boundaries, but most importantly, what are our priorities? Yeah. And so that was a really long way to answer that question. No, but it's, it's good. There's so much there. I think I like that that it takes one person to change relationship because I think you do realize it's easy in these seasons where things are hectic. Maybe one person in the marriage is struggling a little bit more mentally or going through something harder that you're going through different hard things at different times. But it takes one person to step up and start making the effort to then the other person be reminded, oh, I also want to make an effort. And then you come back together. And so I feel like that's the game or like that's just a lot of the seasons of marriage. It's like you fall apart. You come back together. You fall apart. Yeah. So I think that's a really good, I mean, I think that's really good. I think it's hopeful. What did you learn from your hard season? Yeah, yeah. He said the same thing to me. He said, he said what I learned from it is that financial health and relationship is very important. I also learned that your spouse is not your enemy. They are your partner going through it and pray more together. I think that was something that was really interesting about that season because we were not aligned. And so it kind of felt like we weren't working as a team. He had one thing. I had one thing and we were like going against each other, which yeah, it was just really hard. I think we had to constantly remind ourselves like we are in this together. And how if you have different directions and you're going different steps or you need to do different things at this time, how can you do that also though as a team and support one another still as you're trying something new? I don't know. That was really tricky to navigate. I don't even know if I'm making any sense of what I'm saying. Yeah. You both had different solutions to the problem and felt like you needed to move in different ways. So then how did you come to a resolution? Honestly, I've holded it. Honestly, I realized he was right. Carol Powers. Yeah. I just crumbled. No. I mean, he was right. I mean, you guys threw us a big bone, helped us scale that business, helped us close the doors of that and sell everything out. And that was like the biggest relief and super healing in our marriage because it felt like this path that was, it felt like a weight literally tied to our legs that we could not. It was just such an impasse. Like, I didn't know how to move on without kale helping me and kale being needed to move on. Get a job. That's not tough. It was just, yeah. And so finally, like closing that loop helped. And I think also like once the emotions were out of it, the heart emotions were out of it. I think kale realized how he could support me in the closing of the business and I was able to then come to a place where I was like, your right, this business was feeling a need to close. And now I can support you in your next job instead of like bitter towards you. I think it was just coming to an understanding of each decision and understanding the emotions behind it. Which took time to come to. To have those things can really, I think sometimes the time aspect feels really hard in a marriage, you know? It's like, I want peace right now or we want to get through this right now. But sometimes that journey of navigating how to handle it is where you like, you obviously get the most, the best lessons out of it. But yeah, I felt very impatient during that time and obviously it just sucks feeling separated from your spouse. But yeah, I think we prayed a lot together during that time. We prayed for alignment, like help us to feel unified in our decisions, what we're going to do. And then just let the cause fall, you know? I think something that helps has helped like both of us and our marriage a lot too is just like constantly thinking about like ways to improve. And for me, that literally, this sounds so cheesy, but like listening to marriage and relationship podcasts, I feel like it just always is making, it's making, it's growing my own self-awareness of how I'm showing up in my relationship more than anything. And like, I'm like, oh, I'm like learning from, it's more just like causing me to reflect on myself and Matt to, but I recently listened to a podcast by Arthur Brooks and his wife, which I love Arthur Brooks. I was going to bring up something, he said. Yeah. And his wife did a podcast episode. Did you hear this one? It was called like falling in love and staying in love. He's writing another book. So I'm like, can we please have a moment? That's cool. I would love to have him an ester on. I really, really love them, but she, something Esther was saying was like her, from her perspective, love is, I might say this wrong, but always wishing for the greatest good and the other person. And that really stuck with me. me because I feel like I've always said Matt like we've always said like love is Consideration and I feel like that these things like a lot of the same things align in those like fields of thought But I don't really know where I was going with that But I feel like yeah that plays a role like multiple times in my day where I'm like, okay, I'm I'm wishing for the greatest good for you and you're wishing for the greatest good for me And then that is where we can find like like you said where you're not like feeling as much anger about folding Quotunquot on something or making compromise in certain areas because it's like okay Well there I trust that you're wishing for my greatest good and I know that I'm wishing for your greatest good So then therefore like whoever quote unquote wins this or gets their way in this area Is really for the greater good of our relationship? Yeah, that makes sense for sure And then that whatever's the best for the relationship is the best for me as an individual as well Totally and so I don't know why that was such a brilliant way of saying it probably listen to your podcast No, I think that was really good really good. Yeah, and I agree. I think that's none I had to learn in that year is like I think I was being very selfish like holding on just continuing to back up debt with this business like that was But it was it was something that I just had such a hard time letting go of and I had to come to the realization I'm like Caleb is this is like for the good of our family what he's saying He's not wanting me to like give this business because he hates me or thinks I'm a failure or whatever like It's just this is not what's best for our family And I trust that he has my best interests in mind and our family's best interests in mind And so when he's telling me these things and then I'm looking at it and it's true. It is not doing well You know, I think just I had to have that mentality shift or like it's not me against him like we're a team And like he did support me for so long in this and then realized, you know and so that aspect of it like I always want to remember Remember that yeah, he has our best interests and I have his best interests in mind And sometimes we may lose sight of that and that's when you have grace for your your husband and your wife, you know Something you said made like brought up something that I think about a lot is that if I'm feeling insecure about something I look To Matt and I've pointed out that area so let me just like I'll give an example like if I'm getting on myself or being like If I feel like I'm being lazy, then I find myself nitpicking his productivity and then I'm like wait a minute like I am actually just beating myself up because I'm not getting as much things as I want to get done done right now And so I'm just like see I don't know why I do that that was something I noticed I literally did that the other day I was like, you know, I think that was a me thing I think that was actually like a me problem and that just reminded me to like, you know, it takes one person to like Yeah, change our relationship and also I was like That actually had nothing to do with you. I'm just feeling like not confident Which is also why I always say that's why I wanted to seek individual therapy, too And I think honestly being an individual therapy helped my marriage more than marriage therapy ever did and I all that I talk about therapy a lot and I don't feel like this is something that like is necessarily not the only means to doing it I think it's really important to have goals with it and I think it's also like important to like Not just go into therapy and then just like put your feelings in a pot and like stir it together like yeah, I think it's good to like Make actionable out of it. Yeah, but I do think that like taking care like taking ownership of my own things Change my marriage more than even just like couples therapy Oh, I bet also have you seen that show couples therapy by the way the best show ever I've seen no sorry. I'm thinking a couple company retreat It's actually like couples going to therapy and watching it. Yes, that seems like a breach of trust Well, they agreed to it, but it actually feels really real. I think it is real. You think it's held like a good show Um, I don't know about it's interesting. Yeah, and it is and it's really interesting Yeah, I've been watching and we had to stop because it got really sad. Oh sad one couple separated And so I was like well dang it. Yeah, I think the same thing can be accomplished outside of therapy like being being self-reflective Yeah, relationship. That was really good advice. I'm reading this in a book Probably got married and they talked about not keeping score in your marriage and not looking at your specific They didn't do this or this or this and I was doing all this this and this because then your head You're just growing that bitterness in you and I think that was something I really had to learn in our first couple years of marriage And so then I'm looking and it's like no, no, even though I didn't see what he was doing all day He was really doing these this this and this and I think it's I think marriage really is just a lot of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt Yes, and being gracious towards them. Thank you to Quinn's for sponsoring this portion of today's episode Does anyone else feel like August is kind of like the Sunday of summer? It's the reset button right before fall It's a transition season from your summer wardrobe to your colder weather wardrobe Quinn's proves you don't need a crowded closet to look incredible. 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So you're paying for quality not brand markup It's also just not on their apparel they have amazing leather goods amazing jewelry home design Quinn's brings the same everyday elevation to everything they offer from bedding and bath to kitchen staples essentials When I think about Quinn's I think about like amazing staples that are built to last that I can just dress up in so many different ways And I love versatile pieces because these trendy items end up they're out of the closet or they just sit there and you never end up wearing them right But I get so much wear out in my Quinn's pieces. Yep. Upgrade your everyday go to Quinn's dot com slash Abby for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash Abby for free shipping and 365 day returns Quinn's dot com slash Abby We have a question here like what's the worst advice? So this is a some good advice. I remember getting I'm reading about and it's just allowing your part like your husband or your wife to fail And I think specifically like okay, yeah, killb is like the leader He makes that when we come to an impasse like I'm gonna trust his final decision on these things and I am very Very grateful for that I do not want to do that But I think also he did this with me and I did this with him just allowing your your person to fail and grow and not holding that over their head Like if they want to try something let them try things. I think obviously there's like caveats to these things but No one is born a great leader. No one is born a perfect wife or husband it takes trial and error and so when your partner or your spouse Errors you have to be gracious and like help build them back up not tear them down not become better through it I think that was something that was super healthy and the way like we came out of year four really strong It's because neither of us did that like he never held the debt over my head It took over a year to pay off that debt like he never held that over my head And never made me feel guilty about it was always only ever super encouraging about it And then with him taking this new job like I never held it over you know I didn't ever made him feel guilty or whatever just encouraged and I feel very grateful on that that we gave each other this space To fail and to learn and to grow even with the cost That's really good advice Yeah, and I remember reading that in a book and that's always dealt with me and then I feel like we experienced it really hard So you're like wow, we got to put it really that stuck at me for a reason. Thank you Lord I connect the dots. Did you have the worst advice? I did but I talked about it on unplanned before we got married and premaried Okay, well I can say just good before we got married someone told us To that we need to take more time to be selfish Yeah, and I actually don't think that That would translate well and I think dating is a really good time to practice that muscle of selflessness So I was like that was bad advice. Yeah, I don't know. I wouldn't recommend it I would say that's your time to try other like Be open-handed with life. Yeah, when you're still dating. You're not married. You're not tied to this person But to be selfish. I just never think that actually Would ever be good advice. Yeah totally Maybe they meant it differently than I took it No, I think yeah, I think they probably meant it how you took it Like go do what you want to do. Yeah, this person was a mentor. Yeah, so I was like gotta be careful Gotta be really careful. Yeah, I never really subscribed to that thinking of like I need to go find myself before I go and get Like married or start this next season of my life. I just never really Or like get things out of your system. I'm like I just actually think you just need to flex self control and like I don't know to make it and then not be bitter about your choices. You know, I think a lot of that is a choice in my head To personally. That's a personal choice. Yeah. Yeah. I think my bad advice is kind of similar. I was just wait to get married Well, this person said this because they were trying to tell us to wait to get married. Yeah Okay, questions from our audience, which by the way we have no authority on this topic Yeah, maybe we should wait that could be really good advice to someone I think that could be really good advice. Nothing that is possible for us. We're just coming from our life. Yeah Um autumn asks what is an assumption you had about becoming a wife that turned out to be false? That's a good question Annie, you got one? Not really. I feel like maybe I thought like when I first got married that like the roles that we had in our marriage would stay the same forever like like would always be the cook like would always do these things I would always do these things and I think as we've been in our marriage longer It's shifted with the seasons and so I feel like I never thought I'd be the one cooking dinner every single night And then like on a job and I was like oh Like one of us has to cook and I'm home most of the day I am working but also like I don't have to commute 40 minutes after my work like I can start cooking dinner Like that was a new shift that I realized and it's made me feel like more like a wife which is weird and more like a wife And a mom that's good that's a good one But just responsibilities shifting I didn't really what happened Yeah I think like us growing up we just I mean I grew up in my parents had a very traditional marriage Like my dad left and worked out of the house my mom was to stay at home Mom and so I think in my head I was like that's probably the picture of it I didn't necessarily want that for my life Um, not because they painted a picture of it poorly. I was just like I just wanted to be a business owner, you know but Maybe yeah, now like more in those roles. So I'm like that's into something Now I'm feeling it so funny because my mom's opposite. Yeah, you're like you wanted to be a stay-home mom and now you're No, not that but I'm saying like I think that in marriage like before I was like I think I'll just stay home with the kids Mm-hmm, and now like we have very equal parenting roles Like very equal roles in the house like very equal in those ways and I think neither one of us necessarily like expected it to be so 50-50 and I'm really grateful for it too because I just feel like and We both have equal responsibility in both realms and that has made things a lot easier like not keeping score or pointing fingers Because it's like we do have equal responsibility But I just definitely didn't picture that and so I feel like also here's another thing too I feel like we're always checking in with each other because we knew that going into marriage. We had this vision Which also how could we have even like had that vision at like 20 years old like that wasn't obviously you have to have Some picture of what it's gonna look like but that was just one of those things where it's like we really had no idea what life was gonna Hand us right but um, but then like I feel like that every single day checks And he's like are you sure you're okay with this like are you sure and I'm like yeah, are you sure you're okay with this and he's like Yeah, I'm like, okay, it's fine, but it's so weird how that initial vision of like wife Husband like that can really still play a role even seven years in totally. It's crazy. Uh-huh for sure duty Maybe how do you bring up hard questions in the beginning of a relationship? um I think that timeline is always a little tricky because you wanted to be soon enough where if you're deciding hey I'm gonna be boyfriend girlfriend or exclusive or more. I'm gonna step into a more serious relationship with someone I want to know what I'm getting into but then also if you say things Too early like I don't know I I have a hard time. Well, then I feel like if it's too early then you Even without trying you're just accidentally saying things that you're Wanting to please the other person like it's too early like yeah to get to build that trust and comfort. Right. I don't know I feel like my thing too is that I just like dive headfirst into those types of things which Matt did too so that it made it easy, but if both of you are kind of more like a little more hesitant a little more hesitant Than that probably makes it a lot harder. I would say like I always use those like little we like those like question cards on date nights Yeah, I feel like it's like good. It's like it's not me asking as questions not you asking as question It's the card. It's the party. Yeah, it's like we got to answer it because of the game. Yeah, but then like Obviously, I feel like that's something that you don't need to use at the beginning And then you could enter into those conversations more naturally later on. Yeah, yeah, I would say the time comes like when there when something comes up Maybe talk about then rather than like dumping all of them on a first date or a second date or definitely not that I don't know and and I think the I would also say Even once you're in a relationship like the sooner the better I mean there were things that Blake and I were doing that we both what one point he brought up to me and I was like oh my gosh I didn't want to be doing that either, but you we hadn't talked about it So I thought you were happy. I thought I was happy and then I was like I wish we would have talked about this so much sooner Like yeah, and so I feel like some of those conversations are hard, but also Bringing them up when they're on your mind Yeah, I think once you start feeling the weight of like oh, I really want to have the conversation about this The minute you started sensing that your relationships get more serious you should just bring it up Because then you always have this on this weight of you and you can't make clear decisions or even just be yourself Naturally because you always have this looming over you. So, you know I don't know that's a hard one. Sometimes I'm like oh so and so like I heard this happened to someone like What would you do in this like or what what do you like? I don't know yeah hypothetical Year to bring up other people's scenarios and talk about it outside of your relationship. Yeah, and at least early on. I don't know. Yeah Um Caleb Grace asks do you ever struggle with bitterness towards your husband over little things? Yeah Yeah, for sure. Yes, but I think that's something that I actively am like oh I have to tell Caleb on feeling better about this because if you hold on at harbor I heard this in a sermon once as a bitterness is Drinking poison expecting the other person to get sick But you're just getting sick like you're just ruminating and the other person has no idea what's going on You know what I mean? They're so blissful and so whenever I feel that I just express it Yeah, which is see usually takes me a couple days cuz I gotta be the opposite. I had to learn to hold my tongue I was like Abby Is this is really important to voice this like I just have to learn to just not voice everything the filter Yeah to filter it or like be like in this moment. It's just not the time I would bring it up like every time like as and the most hottest moment I'd bring it up and then I would literally be like I just literally threw gasoline on this and I like I could just could not stop blowing things up And so I feel like learning to hold my tongue was actually what I needed to help in those bitterness and then I realized like over time I was like I could see more clearly that I was like that wasn't a big deal But I do think you need to know yourself like we have different we're coming from different angles on that like I'm like the person I'm like Let me just talk a million miles a minute tell you everything I feel and why I feel that way and what you could do differently So I don't feel that way in the future and then it's just like Right, and then I'm let me say on it for like 10 days and then let me get mad at your silence. Yeah, you don't know what to say Like I had to really that was just my tendencies, but yeah I think it's better to have a conversation we do this thing called take a break And it really does work out really well took a long time to nail this skill But it was like as soon as things were like starting to feel like our emotions feel elevated This doesn't mean that you're yelling or name calling But it just means that you're just feeling like certain like I just say I feel it hot. Yeah, like then I would just be like Hey, like can I take five can we take five and just come back this sometimes it's 15 and sometimes it's like We just maybe need to wait until the kids go to bed and then we talk about this And then that skill because it's not like you don't communicate then because we still work together like we still have to communicate Yeah, it was really good to like have to put that in a box And then revisit it and I think that goes with bitterness too like if I was like oh that's making me feel really really took off right now I wonder in 15 minutes if I'm gonna feel the same way about that. Yeah, for sure That kind of goes into this question by Mariah. She said you're biggest advice during disagreements with your spouse Take a break Yeah, if it's heated you got to step away and like calm down I will say I will say just put it in this out there saying take a break sounds so easy Um, you got to make sure the other person's on the same page. I Ask for a break every single time I'd get one about 50% of the time and I'm like I need it or I'm gonna keep screaming Like believe you have it hard because then just be like break. I know I'm mad and I can't get out of it You know, yeah, I but I could see on Blake's end where he's like you're you're like fleeing the yeah, I'm like problem Sometimes I'm not putting you on blast. We're okay. Um, I He doesn't listen I will like we'll take my break and then he'll come to me. I'm like I'm not I will come back when I'm ready I think it helps me if you set a time and say it's like because then that other person feels like it's going You're going to circle back and see it through and say if you say like five minutes And then maybe you're not ready in five minutes you go back and say hey, I actually need a little bit more time But making sure that it's not like take a break and then you go to bed and then you wake up the next morning And then like that's where it doesn't really work. Yeah, for sure But it does take a lot of effort on the other persons into acknowledge that and but I feel like for us now like having Exercise that enough for both just like yeah, it works so much better I'm like Blake understands it too. I'm like you know if you give me a break it will be better I don't even start a conversation when I'm feeling mad. I don't even and if I start to feel mad I'm like hey, let's I'm feeling so mad. I'm I'm not talking about this night I'm gonna talk about tomorrow because I when I get mad my thoughts don't form It starts and then it makes me mad. Well, yeah, usually like whatever it is if we talk about something and then we're getting upset I'll ruminate on things and my thoughts like three days or whatever and I have to write them all down And I'm like hey, I'm I'm still really mad about this But I will talk to you about tomorrow like I like drag things out But I do not want to talk about things in the moment when I'm mad because I say things I don't mean So I have to form all my thoughts out and then I when I go we sit down like okay, I'm ready to talk about this Where I want to bring it up. It's usually like at a quiet time at night when we're alone and normally I've gone past this mad part and then I'm just feeling sad that we're in a fight and I can talk about it. But we never I never I'm never engaging when I'm like heated because it didn't it ain't pretty. I mean that's one thing that we've talked about recently is and I'm trying to remember it and it actually comes up in my brain all the time now is that I'm like I don't want our marriage to be marked by fighting and arguing like I don't want that to be a mark of our marriage and so that's just like what keeps I learned that like three days ago maybe that I I was like that's my new motto is that I don't want our marriage to be marked by that and so I feel like that's been helping me whenever I'm like getting annoyed about something else I'm like that's not what I want my marriage to be marked by sometimes it's good having a goal in your head like what is it what is the goal here yeah is love a or Cassie wants to know is love a feeling where a choice both actually that's what you should listen to us they talk about they talk a lot they're like because as because Arthur's Arthur Brooks is a professor at Harvard he studies like brain but he's like or the brain but he's like the happiness expert professor but he always says he's like if it was just a feeling that would just be so lame because it's just activity in the limbic system because he's thinking about the brain is like that's just like activity in your limbic system he's like that's not anything special and so he's like it's it's like a deep commitment and like choice every single day to like be in love with the person that you have chosen to share your life with but yeah he's like it's just activity in the limbic system or something like that I was like that's funny I think a way to put it and I was like that was a professor thing to say I feel like there's also like just feelings of love like the other morning I was like I was braille sitting in her high chair I was making pancakes but I got up I let him sleep and I was dancing to force Frank in the kitchen I asked him way to that day I said when you walked out you saw that did you just where you just like this is exactly what I want it was my life my dreams have come true he later on he was like yeah I guess yeah I'm like that's a feeling of love of being like this is like what I've looked for yeah Caleb called me yesterday after you're recording he's like your location was turned off I just I was kind of see where you are and I think to me I was like oh he cares where I'm at like he's not me you know because I check it on him or then I'm like oh where's his like job site at is it close can go visit or like when's he coming home is he on his way home yet and in my head I he never checked my location I was like he never never checked it's that when he checked I was like okay so suspicious why did you turn your location off I didn't I think it I don't know what happened I saw it like that the other day of like that was like me on the phone with my husband when he calls me every day to tell me he's on his way home but I've already I heard it now if I pay him if I don't see him like he's like 20 minutes I'm like but at 505 you left so you should be like 10 minutes yeah whatever he was like far for jobs that I always the good um I go to his location how far many minutes away this location he's our far sometimes they are yeah how do you draw the line between compromise and simply lowering your standards I don't think I've ever lowered my standards yeah I don't think I don't think you should I don't think you should but compromise I think is more so within like just decisions or like little things but it's never I'm never like uh I've never lowered my standard I want to be careful and saying this because I just I don't know that it's always the case but I feel like oftentimes at least now having been together for 10 years I don't recognize compromises like compromise even like it's just like oh we changed our mind like you just like literally start to think like the same Caleb I got a fight about that not a fight but he was like do you realize you've never he's like I always compromise or I always bend I said I don't think for I don't think that's a I don't think like I'm bending I think we just agreed that this is the way to do it together and he's like no that's me compromising and I'm like really and I learned that I have a bad definition of compromise he's like I'm changing my mind to do what you want to do and I was like no I just thought you decided that this was what we were going to do together maybe we have been wearing the pants all time I think he was just he's like I don't know he's like you don't compromise to me very often and I said I think I do all the time which that's not the first thing to say I do all the time but he's like yeah I think we just have different definitions of it I'm like oh I'm just agreeing with what you want to do is me compromising and vice versa and then we're making the decision to get like in my hand that's I'm like I thought we arrived there playing together same same I thought I made a compelling case yes you agreed wholeheartedly on it yes so I think I need a different we you make clear definitions of compromise that's tough because maybe we've just been actually making all the decisions we didn't even realize I don't think so yeah I yeah I only said that I was like wait what we didn't fight but I was like we were laughing about it and arguing so I was like I don't think so but lowering standards I don't think kill but I've ever lowered our standards for you know I don't think that you yeah I don't actually think they're the same thing I don't think so either I don't think standards and compromise are the same thing yeah because you're not you're not compromising on like a big issue like I'm like I'm like yeah you don't need a job like that's I'm not that's a standard that's not going to be lower do you know what I mean you like and I also feel like standards are really set by morals and I feel like those don't shift or shouldn't yeah you should be aligned on those so yeah yeah those are kind of the framework yeah those are your pillars yeah we're not moving the pillars yeah oh I have a just like a personal question for you guys do you um speaking of like compromise and holding like not holding grudges but like keeping a score on certain things there's a lot of like scores I don't keep for like arguments scores different there score and compromise on girls nights or him going out and watching the kid or do it like do you guys keep track of that throughout a week did that make sense yeah like there's girls dinner tonight we've got your birthday while we're going both going to the birthday party on Friday I've got a baby shower on Saturday morning I've got a girls hang out on Saturday night I got a balance that with Blake yeah do you guys think about that at all yes but then whenever Caleb has to do something I'm like you please go to it yeah I feel excited for Matt when he gets to like go out and do stuff with guys and we're always like encouraging the other person to go do things with their friends so I feel like it's never been a huge issue because it also does feel pretty even actually I'm just kidding I go out more than yeah I go out more than Caleb but it evens out I feel like there's just an understanding during the day though like our rules are different so if I go out my friends at night it's like I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know yeah I get what you're saying though because I think Caleb has my comments where he's like you hang out with your friends all the time I'm like I don't really get to and I understand where he's coming from not because he doesn't want to hang out with his friends because he feels like he's gone all day and then comes home and wants to be this family where then when he comes home I'm like oh I get to go like have a break and go hang out with my friends and then he's like but I want to be with my family you know and so sometimes that's a little different I think in that dynamic where Blake's going out to work too and then coming home yes so I sometimes we do think about like I'm not going to the dinner tonight because we're gonna have a family night so yeah there's just I try to if there's a lot going on either you don't want chillies no my mom's in town so it just feels it feels like well that's me I'm compromising I'm not getting my nails done this week because that would be an hour that Blake gets to watch Braille I really need to get that I'm gonna do it next week but if I ask Blake he'd be like yeah sure but yeah in my mind I'm like I can another night of you watching Braille for an hour I can't do it no I'm like no I'd be like go go go yeah if I told him I was gonna go get my toes done he'd be like go yeah now there would be a show turned on in your house I was gonna say my house too yeah I know at my house there would be a show turned on and that's one of those things where I'm like I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut like put on Sofia the first again this morning for his I love he puts on shows for Braille it's not like she's he did clean the house this morning while he has her sitting and watching Sofia the first so I can't be he's like she's contained yeah exactly I think I came to the conclusion a lot of times I'm like it's not that like Blake is not lazy person by any means he just has a different way of doing things and it's like that's how Caleb is too and I have to remind myself all the time I'm like he's not being a lazy parent he just is doing things he actually thinks it's exciting for her like he he knows it makes her happy yes so that's why he wants to do it yeah like I mean he's like a real out of it like he loves watching the show and I like last question and then we'll switch over to patreon what is the best way for families to meet each other dinner seems to awkward at first like when you're dating meeting each other's families are your families meeting each other families meeting each other hmm it is a little awkward at first but I think that first time is awkward in the second time it's so fun he's gonna push to the awkward like the different the husband's family and the wife's family meeting each other for the first time I don't even remember how that happened my mom and Matt's mom were already friends so that became I got a little easy off there I think because yeah we were in high school like doing things I think they met at prom or something like it was really short and casual the first time they met I think doing something short and casual the first time in me is great like maybe it's an event or yeah because think about it if you don't live the same state as your families and then you have to really make an effort to like that I can see that being really awkward. So my fans they Blake's family my family like they both came to church I think maybe I was getting baptized at day or Blake was getting baptized in one of those days so then they were both there and then we went out to dinner lunch with both the family. Good public place just so it's just a little bit like less stressful maybe you set up a short meeting and then at nighttime you have a dinner like yesterday before the dinner to break the ice at the dinner like okay if you're all getting in town it's like oh let's all go get a coffee and then we can go whatever we can check out yeah like let's go check out this I don't have an idea for you but in my head I'm thinking like place if we're all flowing oh let's go grab let's go pick up lunch here and then we cannot go like go to the first week of meet there and then we can talk about what we want to do for dinner and then you actually have dinner together but you go you meet you just gotta break the ice at some point you know and then at night you go to dinner yeah and not even really remember how you guys even got your first time I feel like there's going to be a lot of times your families are both together I mean maybe an engagement party and then wedding activities that's really like I feel like most of the time and then once you're married it's a little I mean I can look a lot of different ways they can look a lot of different ways where everyone lives and all the things I mean I feel like my family and my husband's family are way closer than I like ever thought they would and they wouldn't have been like if we all had never moved from if we were all so back in Missouri in Illinois they wouldn't be as close as they are now maybe you do like a face time like a big face time and it's like hey we wanted to do a face time and set up a plan for dinner whatever this night and then everyone gets on the face time together and you like introduce and then I'm just trying to think of something or your first time that your meeting is not when you're shaking hands and be like I'm Paul I'm Rhonda you know what I mean like it's wow so good to like see you it's fun meeting you on the call let's have dinner and talk do you know what I mean ask ask ask Abby back on hi Abby Abby and Abby I'm a mom of three beautiful kids eleven eight and five and my eight-year-old has been very curious of the things I like when I was a kid so I was just wondering what your favorite toy was growing up I love your guys podcast and five that's sweet it's a good question remember light brights yes I don't think they make them anymore because those are certainly choking hazard absolutely those are the little ones I almost like like a peg yeah except you yeah I like to those I like polar beads remember though yeah those beads yeah those weren't really my mom wasn't really a big craft mom and said I had them I wasn't really glad to play with them they just had a sit there yeah kind of I had them I wasn't really it was she didn't like this um I love Barbies I had a dream house in my room I would just go and play Barbies for hours loved them and probably pockets I love playing pockets I didn't have those either my little pet shop loved them I'm thinking maybe my little pet shop I really can't remember what I played with I know there are pets loved web kids I did love white so I'm going into digital games webkins come ping one I did the tinkerbell game oh did you have uh do cooking mama yes yes cooking mama and diner dash and hotel dash oh I don't know I don't know those that one is good too I love this channel the p3a game there was like a p3a one too where you're making pizzas for people yeah a lot of video games I guess oh I'm playing like cool mac games that site cool mac games cool that free rice dot com do you ever that one no oh my gave rice to a lot of orphans so I'm better than you free rice dot com yeah it was you would go and do math questions and then they would give grains of rice wow I hope it was real interesting I really thought of doing a service I didn't pay grains of rice so generous okay next question hi happy one of your guys biggest puppies I feel you have talked about mine before chewing yeah chewing it's just infuriating it's just infuriating I can't do it now my kids do it now and actually it stopped being cute a little bit when they do yeah it doesn't but I see you actually pretty good about chewing with its mouth closed last night killed with eating some chips and it was like you put the initial chip in and he did good and then it was like the second or third two and I was like does he go knock it out yeah Matt so that's what he never bothered me ever never thought about it I felt a test in school because of it I was in chewing gum that is really spooky I would say another pet peeve of mine is when someone jumps me in line I don't know why that really gets me to consider it I'm not gonna say anything ever but in my head I'm just like that wasn't fair oh I usually say oh scenario where are you thinking oh sorry there's a line just happening to ask it just happened at a play gym snack area I'm waiting with my kids and I have a child that I'm not getting a snack for myself I mean I surely look like I would like a snack right now but it was a game for him and then this adult just come in right and then they bought all the pretzels yeah that's what I was really worried someone came in front and then yeah we still got one oh okay good yeah I usually am like oh we've been waiting I don't feel bad saying that I don't think it's usually intentional totally I think they just didn't know this one was really weird that one felt intentional yeah but yeah we were with other people and they go oh okay you didn't leave it but then I was like since we all got cut like am I gonna be the spokesperson I'm arguing the spokesperson yeah okay like if it's just me maybe I'll speak up I'm not gonna speak up for other people well wait a minute that's what I do I'm not gonna speak I was the end of the line got you they were more cut than me oh yeah no no it's only fun first yeah if there's people behind if I'm behind it happened in front of me I'm not gonna make a scene there was two people in front of me and then I got cut to so then I was like it's not your place because I was I was bugged yeah it would be bugging it was bugging yeah that's crazy right last one accident oh wait did you see yours chewing chewing chewing oh hello Abby Abigail and Abby I just want to say I literally love your show so much I feel like I'm just hanging out with mom friends is actually the best okay any of you some question is do you have any tips for navigating being sick with a sick kid because my six-month-old baby is experiencing her first cervical and I'm experiencing it right along with her so how do I care for myself and for her is it possible please help me please oh I'm sorry the hardest thing that's the hardest thing that is the hardest thing is that age of six months it's not like you can just throw on a show that they'll just sit and watch for and it's so scary when it's the first time with your first kid because yeah you just don't know you're like watching them like a hawk your anxiety's high you know so what was the actual question I felt like it was a little muffled what do you do when you have a sick kid and you're sick like just for tips yeah yeah phone friend have someone take care of dinner for you like how maybe your husband go out and bring dinner you know don't cook make your life as easy as possible and don't feel guilty about it no watch to you rest relax it's just most and just tell your husband you need him to step up if yeah you need to come home early from work please come home early for you know I've been for bed your husband and get sick on top of all this that would be crazy that is the that is that's my pet peeve that would be the mountaintop yeah yeah I'm sorry that's really hard I think yeah I just rest do it you can offload what you can let people take care of you let people take care of you yeah and and when when you start to get on for the hump get out of the house get out of the house because you want to lose it you have to lose you have to get out of the house even just to go to target for like just walk around and then leave and go home just get out of the house that's good yeah I agree okay that's it always hungry yum okay always hungry my recipe oh wait we say the phone number for the recipes uh for the voice smell yeah I love calling it we would love to hear from you guys we love we voice that voice smells are like probably our favorite part of this and if you want to call in we love to hear from you the number 602 456 9690 yeah thank you guys last part of the show is always hungry where we share a recipe that we've made in the past we've enjoyed or recently tried this has been a tried into recipe that I've made over and over and over and over again and it does have to do with ice cream which if you're on the patreon actually a lot of ice cream recipes yeah we just talked a lot of ice cream on patreon but this is with vanilla ice cream okay and it's actually a blueberry crumble and it's super simple it's just blueberries on the bottom of your pan and you mix up oats brown sugar maple syrup a little salt it's the most simple ingredients you probably already have in your pantry you put it on top and you bake it and the blueberries burst the crumble gets nice and crunchy and crusty and then you just spoon it over vanilla ice cream it's like I might make it tonight now I'm talking about it sounds so good yeah yeah it's amazing mine's also a berry recipe really yeah I was just gonna link my berry cobbler syrup because people were asking because I made a berry cobbler latte it's good and my Matt really loves this syrup too. We go through it pretty quick. It's literally so simple and it's a lot, there's some suspicious ingredients in coffee syrups. I still buy them, but this one has really good ingredients and this link also has instructions on how to make a latte. I feel like you could just make this syrup and you can probably adjust the milk and espresso ratio to how you like it. But the syrup is really easy, really yummy. - It was so good. I got it yesterday to try to use it. Is it still good? - So no, that's the batch that Matt made. He did mess up just a little bit. - How long does it take for your fridge? - It lasts for two weeks. That was a fresh batch. That was made this past weekend. - Oh, okay, fine. I didn't use it 'cause I didn't know how long they've been in there for, but. - Yeah, it was fresh though. - Okay, I'll use this. - But he did shove the fruit through the strainer. I would say don't do that. It's gonna be less like a syrup and more seedy. - Oh, okay, in a sense. He just really wanted to get the most out of it. - I know, I love that. He's like, let me maximize this very quickly. - Yeah, he's like, let me maximize literally every single thing. - Yeah, I get that. - I was like, you know what, this is a little chunky. (laughing) - Well, it sounds delicious. It was delicious. That ninja coffee, good. - Yummy. - Yummy. Well, thank you guys so much for listening and following along on the show. If you guys would like to leave us a review, we'd really appreciate it. On any of your podcast listening platforms, we have a review here from Marla C-04. She said, "Five stars, love this podcast. "I look forward hearing you guys every Friday. "Girls are just so positive and uplifting. "I feel like I'm hearing my friends having a conversation." That's awesome. - That's so nice of you today, 'cause I'm a little bit worried that some things would be cut out of this stuff, so it's gonna be literally just for out of the recording. (laughing) We're about 30 minutes talking like conversation. - No, it takes on a lot of those things. - No, it's not like, but I think it was good. So thank you guys for your review. Our August Book Club is Yellow Faced by R.F. Quang. And that's all I got. - That's everything, everybody. Thank you so much for being here. And remember, we're always here. (upbeat music)