Mark Normand & Brendan Sagalow - Pontoon Hound - Episode 959

-Fill her up. -You're listening to the gas digital network. ♪ When you hit that bomb drop, drop, drop ♪ ♪ You know what to do, hopin' up the pit ♪ ♪ Bitch, I'm comin' through ♪ ♪ Big J, the battle rap champ ♪ ♪ I'm up in your west with the strap ♪ ♪ Red attack, tank ♪ ♪ Red is easy in the building ♪ ♪ You better believe ♪ ♪ Never forget ♪ ♪ Okay, there ain't got nothin' on sleep ♪ ♪ Puerto Rican rattlesnake ♪ ♪ Better me in your veins ♪ ♪ Natural born killers, lead to the skies ♪ ♪ Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -Hey, I don't know. What's up, everybody? It's your favorite podcast. Sitting to my right is always the great, Steve Red is easy. -What's up, everybody? To my left is the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Lewis J. Gomez. [ Cheers and applause ] -And I'm Big J. Oakerson, and we are the legendary legionist, Ganks, three, four-lifes. -Four-life. Ooh, I've never done it that way. -Jo Horari told me, "Jeff, you guys don't know "Jo Horari as a manager of the club." He said, "In tonight's show, there's a lot of people." What he said, "Describe, there's a lot of people "who he doesn't think knows what this is." And he didn't have time to give them this speech. Usually, Jo will say to them, like, if somebody walks in and he's like, "Hey, just so you know, "these guys are pieces of shit, don't go in the room." -Yeah. -He's like, "There's been rapes." -Yeah, they're racist. They're gonna talk about it. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he didn't have the time to do that. So there's apparently a handful of people here who just thought they were coming for a comedy show. -Yeah. -This couple right here, unquestionably. They have no fucking clue. -They bleed, they bleed. We thought we were. Look at those people right here. They have no idea what they're in here for. -That's all right. Let me give you guys a speech. It's like, uh, all the bad parts of Woodstock 99, but we have 4K video of it now. -Yeah. -Yeah. -Yeah. Well, look, here's the thing. You guys are gonna probably leave in the next 20 minutes. -No. -They are. There's no way they make it. -Oh, they're right on camera, though. -Yeah. -They are. -Yeah, why would they sit them on camera? -Well, they're so attractive. -You guys are a real big part of this show now. Do you realize that? -Yeah, we can't have you on camera not enjoying the show. -And they're both good-looking, so they look good in the show. -Yeah. Are you guys all friends? No, they just put all the people who are going to hate us together right there in one section. -Listen, if we get through our top 10 list of Beastie Audi pornography, it does smooth out after that a little bit, and it just gets into, like, you know, football picks. -Top five women who deserve to be raped by college people. -Yeah, we're gonna -- maybe we'll get into that. -No, it's just -- I don't know. We got a lot of stuff on this. -We got a lot of stuff to get, too. -Yeah, are you guys pro-Cornel 7 or anti-Cornel 7? -I mean, you guys got to pick one. -Yup. -Would you say? -Down for everything. -Okay, well, you might enjoy the show. When I saw the picture of the -- they doxed the girl. I was like, "Oh, that's what they meant by a Cornel 7. She's the Cornel 7." -Oh, man. -Lewis, how long you been waiting to try that one out? -I tweeted it out and I deleted it. -Oh, wow. -And then instead, you just sent it on the podcast. -No, it's smart. -Yeah, you can't get the context from here. -Listen, when you do it on the show, you're preaching to the choir and those people. -Yeah. -She hates it. -Listen, you'll make her hate it. -I will, because every time you look back, you'll fucking hate it, okay? I don't want her to hate it. We want them to like it. -Oh, you're gonna love it. Trust me. Just sit there and have fun. -No, the boys are gonna love it. The girls are gonna be like, "Can we fucking go?" Because you're doing that. -What am I doing? -You're pre-making them hate us. -No, dude, I'm warning them. -We're lovable shitheads. We're fine. -No, then they're gonna be like, "I'm making it seem like it's so bad." Then in the middle of it, she's gonna go, "You know what? They're not that bad." -Yeah. And don't worry. Your face will recomplicancy the whole time, right on the screen right there, so everyone knows who you are. And you'll probably get fired from your job tomorrow. -Yeah. -I hope it's not a high profile. -Do not just nod at anything we say. -And if you guys are cheating with each other, this is not a good spot to sit either, okay? -Yeah. -Do you're significant others? Are they fat and have neck tattoos? Because if they do, they're gonna see this. -I'm excited about tonight's show. We have a great fucking show today. You know, Jay, we should get the guest set here. I want to get into some of these things. I'm so excited about tonight's show. -Let's get our guest set here then. Our first guest, a favorite over here on Legion of Skanks. Everybody, you know him from his podcast, "Fart Carnival" and "Sag Daddy to Pod." He's got a special call, "Thin Lips" on YouTube right now. Have at it for the hilarious Brendan Sackle. -Oh, that one's some team that's constantly up constantly. And I can't see but feels like Christmas. -I woke up and then I go. -I'm trying for it. -I'm trying for it. -I'm trying to go for it. -If people live my life like Walter, I'm trying for everybody. -Oh, hang on, Brendan. We have new people from the show. They're chanting for because Brendan has a foreign penis. -I don't think we need to do that anymore. -Oh, these people don't know the show. -Yeah, they need to be informed before they have to have the full narrative. -Informed. -Nice. -That was planned. -Thank you for having me, you guys. -Thanks for being here, buddy. -Our second guest from the "We Might Be Drunk" podcast, Tuesdays with Stories podcast. And he's got a special called "None Too Pleased" right now on Netflix. Have at it for the great Mark Norman. -There he is. -Hey, hey. All right, sorry, I was just hanging out with Sebastian. -Going over some programming notes? -Yeah, yeah, we had to fire a couple of sleeples. -Get 'em off serious. -Yeah, that's the big news right now. The comedy community. Everyone's going after Sebastian. -Are you guys aware of this? Oh, see? -Of course, they're not aware of it. -No, it's just our stupid thing. -It's a bubble. -We got a bubble. -It's such a bubble. -I haven't seen people this mad at an Italian since Andrew Cuomo. -People are more mad at Sebastian than Luigi. -That's true. -It is true. -We just hear him. -Yeah, more comedians are, for sure. -Oh, 100%. -Yeah, if you guys don't know Sebastian and Askelco, he, I guess, he got his own channel on Series 6M. And I guess a lot of people are saying he took over the Rodog channel, right? But Jay, you're saying he didn't. -It's not taking over. They got rid of the Rodog channel. -They got rid of the Rodog channel. -Which played everybody? The Rodog channel on Series 6M, if you were a young comic who had an album, they would essentially just buy it, and they would spend the needed content. So we all get these things. -But if it was on a label, you could submit it, and it would get in the rotation and you get money off. -Yeah, they didn't buy the album. -You could paid cash, which was great, which was really great. -Every month. -And now all the comics are like doing selfie videos, like they're all singing, like that John Lennon song. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yeah, imagine. -Imagine how the people getting paid for it. -I don't know what you're saying, so I'm sadly reading you. -Yeah, so people are upset. I got a text message from Adrian Appaluchio. -Very upset, me too. -Being like, "Hey, can you post a video?" And I was, I didn't care at all. And then I saw Soder did one. I was like, "All right, if Soder's going to do it, I'll do it." So I laughed at him too for doing it. -I did one today. I did my own video. -Oh, nice. -Yeah, yeah, good. -And in support of the comedy community stand with you. -I mean, I used to be friends with him. Friendly, we used to do stuff together and hang out once in a while and play golf here and there. But, you know, we grew up together at the comedy store in a sense, so I wanted to text him before I said anything. -It's like, "Who this?" -Yeah, and then I got nothing back. -No fun. -Don't care, no fun. -And I wrote him on Instagram too, because I'm like, you know, I would never talk shit about someone without, like, giving them a little heads up first, you know. So I wanted to do that, but-- -What shit are you going to talk? -No shit, really. But I mean, it's not about him. -What is the shit that's supposed to happen? -I've heard everything that he bought a channel that he's going through the list. -Oh, dude. -He does. -Which I'm sure is different. -He sits in a table with his big, "Deniro and Casino" glass. [laughter] -The truth is-- -No, we can have this person. Here, he's not-- he's a-- he's fucking-- -I heard-- I heard he was number six in the Cornell 7, Sebastian. -Oh, baby. -I think they're out of money is what it is. Howard Stern left. So they're making cuts. They got a big Johnny Carson all the time. -He's still there, right? -Yeah. -Is he? -Yeah, he's still one day a week now. -Oh, one day a week. -Yeah, one day a week. -But they also pay him much less now. -Exactly. I think they're, uh, struggling. -Oh, okay. -No, they don't have their money. -They're picking up big in the podcast world. -Yeah. -You think they're struggling? You think the billion dollar satellites that they bought for no reason 20 years ago? -Well, there was a reason 20 years ago. They don't hold much value now. -Right, yeah. -Because I said earlier, we have our own Jacob Spacewalk to change the programming every time we hate somebody. -Well, somebody made a good point. They were like, we started podcasting. We took all the money from the consumer. They stopped doing serious. And now we're bitching about serious. -Yeah. -Got interesting. -That is a great point. You know what, fuck these comics. I'm with you, Mark. -I know. -Fuck you, Liz. -I made a gay video too, I'm with you. -Yeah, I-- -You made a video also? -Yeah, yeah. Just out of, you know, fear. Solidarity. -Yeah, Solidarity. -I mean, me and Bobby made ours at the end of our episode on Bonfire today. Fresh in the studios of Series XM. -Well, you're still on the plate. They're still rotating. -Yeah. -Oh, yeah, damn right. Yeah. -Well, there's lunch. -Are you off the list, Steve? -I had lunch with Sebastian about it. -Um, I don't know. I realized. I don't really look at those checks that much, but since April, it's been way higher. -Nice. -Nice to know. -I think I may have made something. -Somebody's winning. -Yeah, I think I mean, I don't know. I don't-- I mean, it could be like the last check before they don't-- -Steve gets the dead people's royalties. -So, yeah, maybe I'm getting Bob Hoat's caught or something like that. But, yeah. Why don't these numbers are derived from either? -I have no idea. -I've never-- They were always arbitrary to begin with. Like, some months it would be, you know, $800, some months it's $1,200. That's what I was saying, I was always kind of all over the play, but I never steady money. It's almost like the way I do my taxes. I just make it up at the end and put all the numbers together and just go, "Here's the numbers." There you go. There's the numbers. What do you need? Something like this? Do you do your taxes? No, no, no. Okay. Yeah. Do you imagine if I did my own fucking taxes? I've paid a tax of 20 years. Yeah. Yeah, no, I, I, I told my accountant, I was like, "Do me a favor, don't cheat on my taxes, whatever you do." Because I will be very tempted. What, back, you know what you mean? This motherfucker. It's your accountant, too. You tell him not to cheat on the thing, don't you? Yeah. Well, he don't tax. No, they would if we wanted to. They'll do it if we wanted to. Do we have the list of comedians that have been cut? Yeah, Mark, you're still on there saying you piece of shit. That is also the thing, too. I said like it's so you can't. Oh, the red things are out. Oh, nice. You made it easy for us. Gatsby. Oh, nice. You're welcome. Florentine. Yeah. Adrian and Florentine. That must have went through the cracks. Liz Mealy. You better respond better to my comons. I like Vekio and his time has come. Chad Daniels, I've seen a guy kick a field goal impressive. Oh, damn it. Did you see Rich Vos' video? No. Rich made a hilarious one. Yeah, we watched it. You just listed his credits for five minutes. Oh, dude, that's hilarious. If I saw Rich's first, I'd be like, I'm on whoever's now. Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute. It could be five minutes for him to get to the fucking point of whatever it was. Who up Rich's video is so funny. He listed his higher IMDB credits. He forgets some, goes back and adds them. He goes 150, California partial parts. Also keep it up. Why are you doing that? You first, you see that, you go, this is real. This has got to be Israel. He's going to count about Israel. You know what it's coming? Israel told his hat. He's got Israel on his hat. When he turns, you'll see his little pin. I just found out I'm being taken off a raw dog radio. He just found out. Also, that's not, that's not the story at all. He just, that's what he took from it. They're taking me off, Bonnie. Yeah. This is fun. I don't want to go into that. But 43 years into business over. Rich's first album was on vinyl. Oh yeah, no shit. 50 television appearances. I mean, the list goes on and on. But that's a whole other battle. I've been with Sirius for over 21 years. 21 years. Open Anthony, I was on there more than any other comic. I brought Patrison. I brought Patrison. And he did try actually the day I brought him in. I did many events, every event with open Anthony. Then when it was a. Boss forgot what he's talking about already. He was on the show. As Boss ever heard of the algorithm, he just put the fucking algorithm to sleep. No one's going to hear about this. No, the third. or the fifth comment. I'm an Israeli and I never heard of you. As an Israeli, I never heard of you before. You came to Israel. I'm serious. Myself and Bonnie for two years. We had our own. I've been a team player when it comes to serious radio. Going in, doing Bennington, the Bonfire. Many shows there. Yeah, I feel like I'm talking to my grandpa and nursing home. Pause it. Yeah, he's forgetting. And then when I was 13 years old, I used to get bubble gum around in a corner. I used to write jokes to newspapers. But Penny can be from the colors. By the way, the degree of the rest of that comment is great. Never heard of you before you came to Israel with that comedy tour. You're great. I was wondering, does this have anything to do with your very openly Jewish and very openly pro-Israel states? I'd love to think this Sebastian Persley cutvoss off for being pro-Israel. It goes free, free, palace, nine. Free it. They're doing Jenna Shite all over the fucking place. You're going to do a genocide, do a bunch of talented people. They live in bunking, you go. Yeah, aren't you embarrassed? All right, pull up the list again. I want to see more comedians. I like that Chad Daniels is on the list. But his wife, Kelsey Cook, is off the list. That should be interesting. Yeah, Vos is out. Margaret Cho is out. Oh, so do the ringleader of the videos already on the list. He's doing good. I'll use a decal, Margaret Cho out. Rory's in. That's good for Rory. Helen's out, preacher Lawson's out, Mark McMarons out. That's Google made it. How do they decide? Is it by spins? Mark McMarons out. This list is not like a official thing. What are we looking at it for then? What does that mean? 46, 42, what does that mean? Is that how many plays they've had in that month? Who wrote out? That then, I assume, right? I don't know. It's Helen Wright for the same with the 42. What is it? I don't know the Lingo here. Brad Williams out. Is this bear on the list? It's insane. What about the 9/11 list? It's how many times? How many times they've played on the radio from March until the end of, or until it ended. You got any more? Keep scrolling. I want to see if I'm on the list. And then the list is the right of September to now. Like the difference in the comedians. So this how many spins are getting now? They're getting four times the amount of spins, four times the amount of money. And Corioli seems to still be in. Can I tell you something? The fact I love that Robert Klein and Yagoff smear it off from there. That's got to feel real shitty if you're fucking Lenny Marcus. Yeah. Or Lewis J. Gomez. Where's Lewis J. Gomez? I don't see. I don't see me on there. But I don't think this is like the full list of people. Because I definitely get played in series like Sam. I've heard myself in series like Sam. Yeah, but not in the last two months, probably. Yeah. I just got a new check. It wasn't great. Oh, they got it. My newest check wasn't good. They're good. J.F. Harris. No. Bill Burr is still going strong. Of course. Jimmy O' Yang out. Wow. No. Wow. They got bubblyly. Fleepe as far as a race. Judy Gold. Judy Gold. Judy Gold. Am I right? She makes the cut. I didn't even know Ian Fightance did stand up. Big J. Yeah. I made it. By the way. I made it with less spins and so many people who are out. Yeah. Interesting. Do you think it's because I have a badge to the building? Ha. You think it's because I have real good access. If I just go ham in that place one day. But Jasmine Ellis. Is that Jason Ellis's female alternate ego? Yeah. Oh. Jason Ellis in. Jasmine. Hello. Hello. I'll take you to multiple streams on this. I have a huge clip. My pants in. Yeah. Holy shit. Kinnon. Now I'm pissed. I wasn't pissed until I saw Kinnon. Now. I'm actually angry now. As long as Fini's not in, I'm happy. Carmen Lynch is out. But she did her video from an airport. She didn't even take it that seriously. Oh, this is just 100 people. This isn't. Virzy's out. Wow. No. And a fellow Python. That's going to be turf wars now. There's only one room for dumb Greece. That's crazy. Yeah. Fuck him. Yeah. A little lemonade. Are you full of up with that name? No. Are you happy? Half Irish. Yeah. That's a good. Half walk on your walk side. Half walk. That you're still getting burned. Blaze are going strong. Congrats to you and to Mark. Thank you. Yeah. Congrats on making the list. Epstein's list. Wait. Hang on. Wait. Go down the list. Did I make the right side? Did I get more spins than 20 something? No. Is this the top 100? It's the best. It's the best. 29. On his own channel. Son of a bitch. You got to bump me up. They should be playing me more on my own channel. I'm strapped in on a fucking time. Adam Ray. Jay Leno. Thank God. Offens out. Oh, though, they're in. Okay. These people are rolling. No, I can't. Bob Newhart. What? Big Jay Leno. Oh. Oh. Oh, I can't. Bob Newhart. What? with twice the amount of plays now. Oh my God, that's crazy. Oh my God, Sebastian rules. Seinfeld, Seinfeld doesn't need this shit. Oh, don't worry about Lewis, he's getting less spins than me. Yeah, fuck to your Seinfeld. Rosebud had her grandpa call. Yo, if I see my name, I'm going nuts, I'm going to be so excited. Come on. It's not going to come up though. Come on. This is the top 10 more. Yeah, 10 more. Bobby Kelly, Theo, I'm not being him. He's only at seven plays. Come on, Ranesees. Come on. Give me one, Bobby Kelly says. He's uncertain. Let's close it up. Let's close it up. Two Z's, two A's, two A's just like me. All right. Ranesees are. Yeah. Yeah. Steve Ranesees and sorry. You slept that 97 round. You got my name somehow or nothing. Steve and Ranesees and sorry. Yeah. All right. Well, at least I'm glad to see the Richard Pryor states to this. Oh, body's in, but Richard's out. That rules. Yeah. That's worth it. Completely worth it. Fuck you, rich. You know what? They say, they say the universe just works it self out of it. Yeah. Oh, that is so funny. I don't know if I can bring back Raw Dog. That's the fight. Yeah. That's the fight. Yeah. Great job. Sebastian, have his own channel. And Raw Dog come back in another way. Sebastian. I have no tie to Sebastian, but he has nothing to do with this. No. Of course not. He just took a deal. Yeah. They just get, they go, they go, could we use your name? Yeah. I love that. That's what started this entire thing. Fuck you. Yeah. Fuck you, rich. He's not making lists. He doesn't make grocery lists. He doesn't do anything like that. What kind of fucking adult wears Jordans with jeans? Yeah. So you're 50? Wearing jeans? Which is Jordans? What are you doing? What are you going to do? Riches like 79. You're 69 years old. You're 69, you old witch. All right, Skanks, let's take a quick moment to thank Indy Cloud for supporting the show. We're smoking Indy Cloud right now. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. So fucking high. Yeah, man. Not knock. Who's there? Who is it? Is it a vampire? Is it a zombie? No. It's the Indy Cloud delivery guy, man. Oh, man. You scared me, bro. Can I hang out and play my music for you while you smoke my weed? Oh, man. Indy Cloud is an amazing company bringing tricks and treats right to you all season long. They have zero sugar THC sodas for watching horror movies on the couch. Scary good vape cartridges and beast mode all in ones. Plus extra strength sleep gummies. So you can sleep like the dead after you watch scary movies. It is high quality, fantastic. 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For a limited time, Legion of Skanks fans get $10 off at Brunt when you use the code Legion at checkout. So just head over to BruntWorkwear.com. Use that code Legion and you're all good to go. All right, let's get back into the show. Speaking of Jews, you see that is really flight? Oh, well, they stabbed the guy. They stabbed the pilot. Wait, what? No, I didn't see this. You see what? They got a terrorist pilot guy stabbed a pilot in mid-air. Yeah. So there was two pilots. Two pilots? No, but one of the pilots was a terrorist? Yeah. He got went to flight school. He posed as what? He did the whole thing. He was like, hello. He got a job. He started a family. He had a pension. Yeah. He was employing the month. Two months before that. He landed every flight didn't stab anybody. Takes a lot of hours. He recently won a two-pound burger challenge in a cheap burger. Is this real? They can't have beef. It was a Kabab King. Yeah, stabbed the pilot. Yeah. And the bunch of guys. But he was the other pilot. Yes. That is fucking crazy. The pilot getting stabbed. And he yelled out, like, I'm being killed or something, right? Yeah, he opened the door. He kind of got worked in the people. Oh, guys. And he lived. We're going to be cruising at 30,000 feet. So I was just stabbed in the back. They had no idea how to land the plane. They didn't have a pilot. No, he wasn't. He was like, I can't fly. And some guy who land the fucking plane. Oh, dude. Because he watched movies. I would put my finger in his neck and like, land the fucking plane right now. Not me, dude. I would have put it on the fucking head. I would have talked to the other guy. Like, all right. Your shit's not working. But come on, guys. Let me tell you something. Tell us how to land this fucking plane or land it yourself. Indian guy. It's perspective. My friend who I grew up with became a fucking Apache helicopter pilot in the army. If he can do it. That's a good point. No, I mean, I know there's a process for landing a plane. But I mean, the first, I wouldn't know the first thing. You've never done it. Pull up it. No, it's exactly. You just do know the first thing. Yes. Simulator. It's always about pulling up. No, no, no. I was saying. Hell yeah. He can't even pull out. I mean, the first thing I do know is pulling up is pulling down. Show me a dashboard of an airplane. You don't know it's commercial. When you land, where are the brakes? Are they on the ground? Are you pressing the brakes on the ground? The fuck is to the, it's to the, it's to the left of the gas. It's an airplane. There's no brakes at an airplane. How do you slow it down? You hit the ground? You fucking idiot. There are brakes. That's the worst feeling. That's what I still hate about flying. Yeah. When it feels like they hit the brakes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, just when it's going and then it's like you could feel that it slows down. Yeah. I hate that. What the fuck had you do that? So fast. Yeah. Now they're running into other shit on the fucking, you know, on the runways. Right. So what, what would I do? What do you want me to start? Oh, I grabbed a stick and I start pulling up. Yeah. I make sure you're going to land. Yeah, I understand. But I make sure that thing is running out of gas. You're running out of gas. You're like, you're not pulling up anymore. I more than got this. Should we ask Chachi PT? Now listen, I'm going to start, I'm going to start making sure the middle of that crosshair goes into the red a little bit because that's down. Okay. Now, when I start seeing ground, I start taking it back up to the blue. And then I just try to mellow it out, right where it's at, right there. Yeah, mellow it out. Mellow it out. Okay. And then I fucking slap a couple of them, switches, turn some knobs up top. Hell yeah, hell yeah. See if anybody can hear me. I mean, I would definitely do this. I go. Yeah, yeah. To all of them. We're late. We're putting on the air conditioner. We got to turning on. I'm turning everything to on. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, everything has to be on. You don't want anything off. Everything is going to be switched to fucking on. I mean, there's so many. -Oh, many controls. -I know. Some of that is music from. -Yeah. -Yeah. -We go, "Oh, we put on serious Sebastian show." -Oh, no. -Oh, no. -Oh, no. -Even worse, is that "Juny Gold"? The grass is fucking there. -Oh, the plate might clear him for a figure. -Yes. -Where's Rich Foss? [ Laughter ] -Junited. -I mean, some of it, right? Some of it has to be like lighting. -I thought of something -- I also -- Here's what I don't like, also. -That's true. -It's a fucking cock pit, and they have fucking cover -- Seat covers, like, an Indian fucking pan-truck. [ Laughter ] -Yeah. -We only got the beards. -Did the fucking beads on their back? -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -They have to accept. So you have to get the most absorbent fart whatever, like, material to -- 'Cause these guys are just ripping farts into those things. And you can't have that speaking out into the cockpit, you know? -This is, like, the first time you ever saw a vagina, and you had to get it off. -Yeah, you're like, "Here we go. Press all the buttons." -You go, "Well, I guess I'll punch this thing in the middle." [ Laughter ] -Bunch it. Pull up, pull up. -I mean, there's so many things. Like, look at all those buttons. -Oh, I did. That's all clambered. -By the way, that's literally the whole row above like that -- -Oh, yeah. -You said the whole row? That can be taken out. -No, none of that's important. -Lewis. -These are just due dads. -Yeah. -Yeah. -What we got to learn about is pulling overhead lights. -You got to worry about -- -You got to worry about the good sound, Bose, Sonos. -No. -This is definitely Sonos. -Yeah, heated seats. -I thought we were moving. -All you got to know is push that thing forward, you're heading towards the red. Pull it up, you're going back to the blue. The blue here being shy. -This is so funny, dude. Bluey sky red is that after Zoom. This is a full -- this is a faraway shop, but I assume some button here says wheels. -Yup. -Just wheels. One of the buttons just goes, "The wheels are out." -But that's what happens. -That's what happens your family dying a fucking airplane crash. -Yeah, too much to handle. -What if he was like, "These guys are idiots." -He even had a flying airplane. -Yeah. -He's like, "Flying it." -My uncle was Richie Valens. My uncle was Mabamba. They don't put their former Chivalens either. -I mean, one of the buttons has to be, like, defrost, right? -Sure, yeah. -One has to be the back windshield wiper. -100% that, for sure. -There's all those on it. -One's the turn-off the automatic stop when you're in a red light. -Yup. -If it's old, it's got that cigarette thing. -That's so long to find in my car. -Yeah, one of them's the trunk. -The trunk. -You've got to open that. -Yup. -You can trunk, for sure, Sunroot. -One of them's the kilt switch for a flight attendant when she gets through Yappy. -Yeah, yeah. -He's walking for her off the wing. -She's all lost in the floor. -Yeah, yeah. -There's probably like a-- There's probably like a hey stewardess you can't leave the cockpit button. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -I'd like to hear you do it right. -Yeah. -Like what's his name from the today's show? -Mat Lauer. -Yeah, Mat Lauer had that button. -A lock button, and when she goes-- Well, I have to get back to the people. He goes, "Well, you got to tend to something in here first." She goes, "Oh, my God, I've been an old fat lady." And he's like, "Don't matter, mouth to mouth." Mark, Mark, please, I'm doing a one-man show. [ Laughter ] -What about the series? But the whole point of a cockpit is to help you if something happens. And he stabs you. And you still got to do your job. That's like, if you got stabbed at a comedy show, you wouldn't be like, "Ah, what a problem." -The people that sent me-- -I just asked Chad to be taken. And I was like, "If I had to land a commercial plane, what would I need to do? Simplify." He goes, "If this were a real emergency, and both pilots were incapacitated, the kids do not try to figure this out on your own." [ Laughter ] -What? -CatchyBTSB is such a pussy right now. -Oh, my God. Ever since we changed the name from artificial to super-intelligence, you've been a real contender. -I'll tell you what, modern commercial aircraft are complicated, but air traffic control can get qualified pilots on the radio to talk to you through the exact aircraft. -No, what you got to do is you got to actually talk to it and have it respond back to you. -Like, look, dude, I'm really fucked up right now. -I see. -I'm going to land this plane. As soon as I get in touch with the fucking air traffic control, they're going to go, "We're going to get somebody before I go. "I got this, and then I'm going to cut 'em off." [ Laughter ] -I'm going to hang up on this. -I'll take it from here. -I'm just going to go off, I'll see you guys on the ground. [ Laughter ] -Leave everything alone initially. If the plane is fine normally, the autopilot the autopilot is probably doing the work. -Yeah. -Number two, get on the radio. -You've got to just get stabbed by his co-pilot. The autopilot's not engaged. -Does the autopilot land the plane, too? -I don't think so. -I don't think so. -I don't think so. -No, no way. And we fly a lot. If the movie airplane told me anything, if you suck his dick, he will limp. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Get on the radio. Use the pilot's headset and say, "Mayday. Mayday." -Do the radio. -Mayday. -Mayday, isn't that a howl day in Mexico? -You just pick pilots. [ Laughter ] -That's lovely. Both pilots are incapacitated. I'm not a pilot. They will listen. Then tell the aircraft control the aircraft type. If you could have done -- I wouldn't even know where to begin to -- I'd -- -Dando planted it, and a rando guy patched up the median. -I'll tell you what, if I land that plane, we're going through a fucking drive-through, and I'm buying. -Yeah, yeah, dude. -Here's the end of it, dude. -Jay, they say -- -They say, "Sully got a good treatment." -Looks like fucking guys. -It looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. -Follow one instruction at a time. This is important. Don't start pushing buttons because they look familiar. -Oh. -Oh, man. -If one says wheels, wheels are coming out way around. -Yeah, dude. -The wheels are coming out when we're still -- -The wheels can't hurt when we're still hit. When we're still hit, when we're still hit, when we're still wheels up, they go flying off. -Go to the wheels. -The wheels can't just rip off the fucking fly. -All right, no, no, no. Good news, bad news, everyone. -You're 35,000 feet wide for wheels. -I figured out the wheels. -All right, first things first. Before you start going, I'm going to whack this wheels button and just get that out of the way. -No! -I -- -The Indian guy's okay. -Yeah, yeah. -Oh, thank God. -A dentist patched him up. -A dentist. -Yeah, he was on the Jewish dentist, right? I think they were going from somewhere in a Tel Aviv. -Yeah. -Yeah, he had the funny. -Oh, dude, the funny. -What the fuck? -Positive. Dude, he's got his finger in it. -The funniest plane that's taken over by Tara is to be one of the ones coming back from Turkey where it's a bunch of guys with like the fucking hair surgery. Like, if they had the fucking dolly to play. -They're like, "Oh, we got plenty of gauze. Don't worry about it. We'll take it off our own hands." -Pilot, you're going to be just fine. -Yeah, yeah. -Don't you pick the right flight to the fuck with-- -I might get a little stingy up top here, but we're going to make sure you get it to the ground safe. -Go back to that video of him again. So this is the pilot on the floor. -On his rag. -Oh, my God. -Wow. -You're not supposed to fuck like a period. -I mean, absolutely, dude. He didn't let the guy die. -A 9/11 was stopped by a cell phone. -What happened to the guy who stabbed him? -Yeah, where's the guy who stabbed? -That's him, dude. -This is the stab bur. -No, that's the guy who got stabbed. -No, what happened to the stab bur? -The other guy who stabbed her. -Wasn't-- -He's driving the plane. -Did they kill the stab bur? -Right there. -That's him. -Finally, I am the boss. -Serious. -That's him right there. He goes, "Do what they say." -I just thought it'd be really funny to stab him. -That guy just hit butt the wall in there. -Yeah, he's like, "I just want to look cool in the back." -I hate not being able to help. -I heard Steve was on this plane. -I was. -I'm in the back. -Yes, Steve's flying. -Yeah. -I was flying too soon. -I'm the guy that said the whole thing, dude. -Is anybody-- does anybody actually know what happened? -Thank God that was your fucking trip to Israel. -Is anybody actually know what happened to the stab bur? -They beat the shit out of them. -Yeah. -I think they let them live. -I think they let them live, yeah. -Yeah. -You guys, he's a ton of camera. We about to do some crazy shit. -Yeah, we about to-- -We about to fucking walk off on this motherfucker. -I'd be in the back going, "You know, I still haven't gotten my delta cookie." -He goes, "Not that big of a deal, man." -Yeah, he goes, "It's just that the cart stopped at 17." -And I had medication to take. -I want a biscoff. -I put a biscoff in a water, please. -Nice. -My screen's not working. -Yeah. -Not a big deal, though. -It was in the middle of-- -You got it back going. -So, was he going to fly the plane into like a building? -Yeah. -Was he either the 9/11 or-- -Just crash it. -Yeah, he was going to crash it. -Just somewhere in Israel. -Yeah. -You got to kill more people. If you're going to fucking kill-- -Oh, there was a lot of people on the plane. -And go to flight school. -That's a lot, dude. -Yeah. -A multiple-year commitment. -Yeah. -A massive-- -Yeah, they killed potentially a couple hundred people. -A couple hundred people. -I will say this. -That's not going to get you in the 70 Virgin Heaven. -They haven't had a hit in a while. -Yeah. So, you got to keep your name. And even if it's just something like that, they go, "Oh." -Do you're right. -Damn. -This is more like terrorism featuring. It's like a feature spot. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yeah, they're coming out of hiding. -Well, they saw the rich boss video, and he would laugh. -Yeah, they're like, "Fuck it." That's the ultimate propaganda. -We're having trouble killing people with that lady. Got two injections. -Oh, yeah. -So that? -Yep. -Two injection? -Two of them. -Two lethal injection. -She survived. -Pull it up. -Yep. -She survived. -So did she go through the hole? By the way, depending on what movie or TV show you watch, fucking lethal injection looks like everything from crazy humane. Almost too much. You go to sleep and then your heart just stops. -Or look like you're turning into a fan. -Everyone has to talk to you. -For all thing at the mouth. -Yeah. -And you're looking at people. -The pain. Holy shit! -Like black veins start crawling up your neck and up your face. Your eyes start bleeding. -I mean, it's either or. I believe it's one of those two things that either completely painless, or you shake. Maybe they make it a little painful, so when they get to watch, like the victim's family gets to watch, it's that like they see it pain a little bit, versus just like smiling it off. -I don't think it's something like that. -She gets an extra step. -It should be an extra step. If you get sentenced to death, you should be able to get it really bad. The people's family gets decide. -No, I think. -But if it's like, hey, dude, you're going to death, but you really. -I think if you decide yourself. -I think if you kill someone, somebody in the family, whether it be the child or the mother or the person you killed, should get to edge you and then stop and then electrocute you. -Oh! -We're like a hand job or a blowjob. -No, it's whatever you do. Listen, I'll leave it to the fucking lady. If you want to. You want to throw a pussy to the guy who killed your daughter? - Sure, yeah. - But whatever you want to do, but this thing is at the end of it, like you edge him and then he's kind of like, "Oh, I'm like right there." And then you zap him, dude. That's just-- - Jokes on them. I'm a premature ejaculate. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And then I'll be like, "I'm going to bed." - Here's your figure. - You got one punch on me. I'm going to come. - Oh! - Thanks for sending me off right. Sorry for killing your daughter. - Did you say it as a member of your family? - I'm going to get to do it. Like you have to choose a member of your family. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm the victim. - I'm like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, okay." Yeah. - I think it's piecewise. I think the one who's like, "Oh, I'm going to get tested." - Yeah, I'm like, "I think they inject multiple drugs." - They have my sister get in here and suck my dick almost. - I think one of the drugs like put you out and like paralyze you and then the next one like kills you. I don't know. - It depends what TV show you watch, man. - So this lady would have happened to her. She got-- - Fishy! - Yeah, she-- look at her gorgeous. - Damn, she's got a hot-- - Yeah, not bad. I mean, god damn, what was in those needles, Botox? (laughing) - She goes, "Oh, we meant to give her fucking "Sody and pentanol, but instead we gave her fucking "Ozampic and Botox." - Yeah. Here's my question. - Does she have like a lawsuit now where she's like, "I served my time." - Oh, yes. You tried to kill me. - She said this. - Well, her lawyer is, I think she's in the house. She's gonna die soon, but her lawyer was like, "This is cruel and unusual punishment." Like that's what they're saying. - Boy, it was her crime. - I don't know. - Just being a bitch. - No, she killed a girl. - Was she just being a total fucking bitch? - Just being a total cont. She just being a fucking yappy Karen. - This is Jane Doe. - Was she the person-- (laughing) - Was she the girl who said that we shouldn't have birthday cakes at the office anymore because it makes people feel bad? - Well, what was her actual crime, do you know what I'm saying? - She killed her boyfriend's new girlfriend, I think. - Nice! - Oh! - She murdered someone in 1995. - 1995. - 1995. - Come on, dude. - 1995. - That was crazy. - Yeah, Max was at his height. - Yeah. - I graduated high school was the best, dude. - Yeah, me too. - Fuck yeah. - Class '95. - I was four years old. - But they gave it to her, the family watches. - Well, you look like you're the same age as all of us. (laughing) - On the inside. - Everyone thinks you're my contemporary. (laughing) - I contemporary. - You have the family watches, so they watched her, right? And then she's like, and then she's doing this, and then they close the curtains, and then the family's like sitting there, and then like 15 minutes later, they open the curtains again, and she's still like, (laughing) - I was like, that felt more like, yeah. It was almost like, they didn't know what to do, so they closed the curtains like 10 minutes later. - Can you just kick her in the face? - I mean, there's something, like, (laughing) - Oh, they're closing, yeah. - They close the curtain, and then you just hear a gunshot. - Yeah. - All right, let's give her a third one. - By the way, you hear a gunshot, and then 36, maybe you hear two more gunshots. (laughing) - Holy shit, she's Wolverine. (laughing) - Dude, you see the bullet coming out? (laughing) - She's just fully fucking dying, and it's just a hit. - She made it, she made it, made it, made it. - She started turning into a werewolf. (laughing) - She killed me. (laughing) - Yeah, she goes, get out of here. (laughing) - Leave the building. Kill me. - Kill me. (laughing) - What I'm willing to give. - Please kill me, the pain is too much. - Get out of the building. Introduce it to Louis quickly. - God, I told you I was innocent. (laughing) - They think of a red phone, it calls Derek Chauvin. - Oh, it's over. (laughing) - I went too far. - No, no, no, you know. - I think she's still alive though. I believe she's in critical condition, right? - Yeah, that kind of talks not gonna get you on Sebastian Radio. - I know, you've got to clean that shit up. - But don't worry, for the time being, you're good. - Jimmy, she's alive, but unconscious, and on a medical ventilator. - And they gave her two injections. - Yeah, they gave her two, that it says the executioners blew the IV lines, causing the lethal drugs to leak into her soft body tissue. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - I know, I know. - Like this is out of control. - You get a good, like, when you get a good, like, someone that knows what they're doing. - The best, someone who can do a blindfolded by feel. - I think it was an all-female injection story. - Oh, that's right. - Yeah. - Did you do that for real? - I think so. - I'll tell you why it's the best thing ever. Remember when we did a story a while ago, that's one of my favorite things ever. They were so proud they announced some town and fucking, I don't know if it was Washington state or Michigan or some, some bum fuck place. Like, we're proud to announce the only all-female shift at a fucking police station, you know. - Oh, I think so too. - What's that town? - Yeah. - Because I remember you said some bum fuck place, you'd name two full states. - Yeah. - It's somewhere Washington state. - No, I think it's some bum fuck place in those places, some bum fuck town. But it's like, we're still probably having all-female stiffness. Well, talk about the witching hour of murder. - Yeah. - That's like the, you might as well treat an all-female cop staff like the purge. Are they staying? Are these two hop people staying? - They're still, they're into it still. - Treat a cop? - Maybe your dad's a cop. - You know what? This girl comes from money and I'll tell you. She doesn't want some fucking chick female force protecting her fucking house. - Hell yeah. - No fucking way, dude. No way. - Was that the video of the guy that ripped the chick right out of the police car and then drove off with it with her like just staying there like, what am I going to do now? - They might as well be practice dummies and uniforms. I've never seen anything be accomplished other than problems caused by a woman cop involved in the mix. But if serving a warrant to a woman, that was so funny. That happened recently to be covered there with the girl. She was like, oh, he's got a gun on his head. She pulled it out. She shot him in the dick. - Whoa. - By accident, she stuck. - Yeah. - Whoops. - Oh, wow. - By the way, I love it. I watch cops fucking things and I just scroll through the YouTube videos, like five hours of cops and he just wait for it to be a girl cop because it's funny as they, they're interviewing her and they have her whole thing and then she stops the person, the person runs and then she starts chasing them. And then you follow her trajectory, but by the time she gets to the person, two male cops have already tackled this guy and have him down and she just shows up and she's like, yeah, that's right. You think you're just going to run? One of them I watched the cop, the guy cop runs right past her. He just fucking dusts her and catches the guy and then she shows up and she's like, you piece of shit yet? You just going to punch me in and run, you piece of shit. - Was it all with you, Bill? - So it hasn't been released, but Christina Pike, the woman who would happen to specifically request it all to me. - Oh, she requested, sorry. - Oh really? - She's like, the fuck does that? - Oh. - I know how all survived. - She actually requested all Asian females. - That's a small prick. Sorry. - Sorry. - Sorry. - Sorry. - Yeah. I mean, if you had to be executed like in the, what are the ways, it's electric chair, electric chair. - I like the, I like the guillotine because of the little basket that your head falls. - It is nice. - Yeah, that's cool. - And then a lady in a powder wig has to hold it up and go, yeah. I think it's by the pick, firing squad, a million times old. - You know, it's crazy about a firing squad. It's only one real bullet. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - So no one knows. - I think it's one. - I think there's, I think there's six people and a few of them are shooting blanks and a couple of them are shooting. I don't know the exact amount. - Oh, I always thought it was one. I always thought, who knows? - You know why they do that? - Because they don't know what's coming from, right? - No, no. - So no one feels the guilt. - They do the same thing when they electrocute them. They have more than one person pull the switch, right? - Really? - Oh, that's mean there's only one switch though. - Like the double, like you know. - I pulled the same time. - There's gonna be us in the cockpit of an airplane, we're trying to wait. - Yeah. - It's just one guy, I thought it was one guy in a black hood. - Yeah. - No, I thought the lecture was one person pulls it. Same thing with the, when they turn on the machine, they do the lethal injection. But, but firing squad, yeah, that was the idea. So it's like, no one lives with the guilt that they were the one who did it. - If I was on the firing squad, I'd be like, I'd better have the fucking real bull. That's crazy. - Yeah, no, you go, dude, I got this guy dead the right dude. I'm putting, I'm putting, tell me if that's the real bull. - Dude, you should, I'm about to put this guy's brain on the wall. - Yeah. - I think you hear. - Yeah. - You know, fuck. What a waste of time. Did I have that guy lined up? - You know, it's weird, they're like 40 feet back. I'd be like four feet away from the guy. Well, you don't want to get out. I thought I was, I would assume it was more like fucking 100 yards away. Like it's like 100 yards is crazy. That's a football field. - Yeah. - I don't know. - I don't know. - I thought it was Mark Smith, for like, I don't know why those really far away. I'll tell you the one you don't want is the hanging, because they don't hang you from far enough up. So, because I remember that was always the argument when you were younger. It's like, is a hanging that your neck breaks and your dead immediately, or is the hanging that you choked at death, the way they show hangings and stuff where they just drop the floor out, seems like it's a choking the death, for sure. I think it's the right way. - And then they tie your hands so you can't even jerk off. Which is fucked up, dude. What's fucked up? It's cool and unusual. I know, I know I'm a criminal. By the way, this guy, you finally got him. He just went, when you said that, he went, he was like, "Damn, that's true." - Which guy? - Yeah. - Yeah, dude. Got him. - Yeah. Fan for life. Big J. Okerson. I got specials. - Yeah. Yeah. - Kevin Hartrow's. - If I had to choose. - Crucifixion. - Crucifixion. - No. - Okay. - Burned the stage. - Live burning. - Like a witch. - But would you take Crucifixion if like. - No, it's tough. - Put some good. - What if they put good entertainment in front of you while you slowly die? - That's cool. - If they were like, if there was like, just chicks lap dancing you while you die. - No. - You take Crucifixion. - You're not getting hard, dude. - That's cool. - I'm not getting hard. - But you're just like, you're just like, entertained. - I don't give you a little winecloth, I believe they crucify you completely naked. Maybe like God I hope I die quick. I would love to be lap danced while I was naked on a cross Because then I'd stay hard the whole time and I'd be like not so bearers pretty average, right? It's like pretty much for everyone's god. Good if they did that to you, Saggle up bird would come and just grab your car No I feel like breaking bad something get into Like TV show to watch oh, I thought you meant how do you get to kill yourself? I'm like dude chemical Yes, I agree. No, I agree. Give me a captivating series to watch while I slowly die You're in the middle of a fucking desert in the hot sun. There's not even an outlet I've had with the sopranos up there and going they go we guys we're talking about Bible times here It's gonna have to be the Flintstones Which is essentially the honey moaners. That's true. No wife beating though. Yeah, I know right they figured it out I mean, so the crucifixion is they they just nail you and just know what it's up I mean like I went to Catholic school. They teach it. Here's your fucking Catholic. Steve goes. Yeah For you he did that they for you They broke his legs Yeah, and then they stabbed them so that he could like you know like the part of the hanging is like you like want to push yourself up a little bit And so I could even push himself up. He was just kind of like so we died of like I thought you know it's like long like yeah, it's long so you fuck with the boy you get the horns Who the fuck are we talking about stupid Christ Jesus Christ, dude what are you guys look guys? Come on what are you doing? It's just a historical guys. It's just a historical Christ is already gone. That's it matter They like Sebastian do it like Sebastian Christ are attacking all my idols his people didn't The Romans. That's tough stuff to hear that guy was Roman for sure Joe should have worn those people must across them Why didn't you want to make it in the philosophical fucking biblical argue? Yeah? Just trying to try to be smart. That was the line for them was the talking about Yeah, they were like the Bible is the word of God. I'm leaving Defend them Yeah, it sucks with all the people that millions of people were killed by crucifixion. They get no love Yeah, there were two guys that can imagine two guys next to them. Yep. You don't even I mean you do know their names if you part of this Yeah, I guess it's one Barnabas. I think it might be I'm just making that up. No, but it's I think they're a two do you might be right though Check out Barnabas, but Barnabas also might there was a crazy person in town Bar I'm listen I got dark shadows A hundred percent of all of this knowledge comes from that one male Gibson movie where they really what you Visual payback. Yeah, well that here's the thing. I never I wasn't I wasn't really just growing up So technically seeing that in the theater was my bar mitzvah When I became a man What if we cross passion on the Christ with what women want and Jesus can hear all before they're all going Oh, they're killing him He smells so bad now he starts feeling he starts feeling Mary Magdalene. He's like, I love cock I'm such a whore for car Listen, the pay is on top. That's extra. I love getting my holes filled. I'm Christ the slut. All right. What would you rather be able to 24 hours you get to hear everyone's thoughts or for 24 hours everyone gets to hear your thoughts what? Wait, what is what is what is what is what is ill-fought out question. Yeah, no, it's not. Yeah Why would you want to hear your thoughts? At the same time you want everyone here. You're fucking dumb thought questions dumb and we're all reacting the same Wait a minute. No, I think I don't want people to hear my thoughts. That's what you just said Everyone would you guys would you guys rather fuck or get fuck yeah, there's a thought here though No, no man hearing somebody else's thoughts can also be fucking brutal like what type of evil thoughts are you have Living that you don't want people to hear you literally everybody you every where you walk by time all but it's done bitch with monster tits Yeah, I would have no problem with that. I thought that was saggle. Yeah. Well, no Lewis Lewis. You say that out loud Yeah, I would just say it out loud there. It's actually a debate for me like obviously I don't want the only person's debate for I don't know 100% I have another question for you. Would you rather get jerked off or jerk off somebody else is feeling how they feel What do you think about that? Yeah, that's just what you didn't question. Yeah, it is would you rather get jerked off or guy kill or be killed Buy a guy though would you rather get jerked off or just call the guy you want to make it a little more difficult You answer it anyway. I think I maybe I'd rather jerk him off and I'll tell you why And this is why you're not supposed to do what I was gonna say you're off the list Get your cock out. Let me tell you why We're gonna back our guy. We're gonna back our chairs. So we're gonna be off. Let me tell you why we'll let the handsome guy You can jerk him off. Let me tell you why because if you're being jerked off eventually you have to succumb to the the pleasure. Oh God Bedward dude subcom subcom. Why did you use that? So you're assuming you get jerk off by a guy you have to finish at one point You're gonna or he's gonna keep on going. He's gonna fucking get his arm. Okay. It's easier for you. It's okay You know what you can hang on a second. Okay. You can go on a second. Can I get that? Hang on a second? Do it Jay. I'm starting to hear Lewis's point a little bit. Wait a minute. Hold on. I don't want to but I'm starting to hear you're right It might take me fucking forever to come. I'm so not gay. Okay. And by the way, no that I don't fucking. I'm not gay at all But can I ask you something please? I just like the music of the Phantom of the Opera. It's nice music You know that you can't stop until he comes so also somebody has to come buddy. Yes, so somebody Let me finish. So you have to wait. It's probably gonna take a long time. Yeah, and at the end of it instead of just you coming He has come on your hand and now you have to clean that off. I never go away now by the way since you talk Steve Yep, I'm a thousand percent on Lewis side. Let me tell you why let me tell you why Because yeah, I'm gonna set except some guy's hand job which might take hours and hours of me being involved in this gay situation But if I jerk him off I know I could throw fucking hand to that thing. I mean I'm gonna I'm gonna squeeze base with one hand and really fucking work knob. He's gonna come so you can't do it that way you have to go In order to make him come quickly you have to go around his back And jerk him like you're jerking yourself. You got to squeeze base And you've got a work knob He's a man in the air from the hospital Guys, I think golf lesson Here's how you swing the club. Yes, like tandem skydiving. You go around him. Yeah, you gorgeous. You breathe into his neck No, you put one hand around his chest and you fucking jerk him off. You put too much He shoots rope on your thumb and then you rub it on his neck and his neck is gonna make him uncomfortable He's not gonna come faster from that if he's not good, but I'm telling you you're right You reach around keep head far away. You put your uh fucking you reach around and yeah squeeze base People back that left I think they're gonna like tell him is yeah, tell me off to Jesus stuff now tell me smooth away from Christ God squeeze base and a fucking knob just a top knob for what he's gonna pop quick I'm telling you Jay if you're doing this it's gonna get all over your own face. No I'm around him like you said. Oh, okay. I'm tandem fucking skydiving him But I'm squeezing base with one hand and I'm working knob with the other. Why don't we just do that with someone who wants to be the lucky person Let's just jerk it off sir. Who wants to have a good fish and jerk off everyone come on let's have a jerk off Who wants to be whacked off by everybody in the panels who's got the best technique I'm gonna leave the black guy out immediately. I'm gonna say he's not interested. We don't have time So we don't have enough hands Everyone's good like my turn back so I want Joe some more spin around it right now. It's got a 15 potato dick Let's uh real quick. Let's do some plugs. We have a lot more show here. This is we're having so much fun Mark Norman. What do you plug in my friend? Hey, I'm playing at Cornell. No, I got I'm at uh Charleston greenville One of the Carolina's there. Oh, thank you Keep going. I don't know. Where does this come out? Uh, this week. Oh great. Yeah, Portland Greenville keep going That's in a South Carolina, Oregon, Portland San Jose, please come to San Jose cap city in Austin and Atlantic City, Bethlehem, Vegas, Indio, Charlotte, and Connecticut. That's good. Oh, yeah. Come on And we might be drunk to say the stories Praise the luck. Get some bodega cap. Hey Sackalo, uh, I will be in Wildwood, New Jersey and Ontario, Canada next month. Come on out for that Plus listen to Far Carnival and say daddy to pod. Thank you Come see me on the road guys Lewis of Skanks.com this weekend. Belmore Long Island on Saturday doing a makeup date after that I have North Charleston, right? Go down You're in North Charleston, South Carolina with some comedy lounge. Then after that, I'm in Bikipsi We're doing story wars at the mothership. We're doing story wars at the comedy store as well in Los Angeles Side splinters Tampa for New Year's Eve and a lot more. Get those tickets at >> The only way to get it is to subscribe to guest digital, the uncentered and ad free version of the show over 900 episodes that aren't available anywhere else as well, go subscribe to guest digital, why deal with censorship, why deal with advertising, go to guest digital platform. >> Why deal with Sebastian? >> Use the promo code to LOS, save a couple bucks a month, get my book knives and spoons, and check out all the other pods that I do. >> Go get skank fest tickets, skank fest happening November 13th through 15th, the biggest and best one we've ever done, go to skankfest.com, oh shit, serve a ball, beer for Steve, too please. We have a winner as well, I was supposed to announce that, I literally won. So we did a big skank fest giveaway where they get golden tickets, private meat and green, airfare, hotel, everything, and the winner, ladies and gentlemen, is Spencer Anderson. >> Who is, you're not going to believe this, but this couple broke up over the show, the girlfriend left, but he said, listen, this is my thing. >> She's grabbing some beers, cool check, dude. >> My turn, okay, Steve. >> I guess, yeah, number one, fantasy update, I lost to the Rizzler last week. >> Shit. >> Well, you be fucking keratop and that's the fucking, that's so far. >> You've lost the keratop, shit dude, sit him over the air. >> He be keratop and he be death, that's all good. So yeah, got that, and then Steve Rennes, he's a punch-up live, go ahead and support that. Atlanta Georgia this weekend, please, I'm doing the Helium Comedy Club, it's last minute. So see if you're live there on the area up, come to Atlanta, then I got New Orleans for the Skankfest, baby, I can't wait. >> See you there, inward. >> We can't get to that, hilarities, how is hilarities, fun, always, always fun, hilarities, I've done it many times, I love it. Punchline and Irving, we got Comedy Mother Ship, we got Annie Moore Mother Ship, and then I got Moore coming up to Uncle Vinnie's Comedy Club. More dates to come, Steve Rennes, he's he's he's.com, thank you, appreciate it, thank you, thank you. >> Thank you, bigjcoming.com for all my dates. Marcus Bodega cat, a mild whiskey, I asked because I've started drinking whiskey at home, but I've been doing the screwball peanut butter whiskey, it's an easy lead in. >> It's perfect for that, it's a ride, and it's a little spice. >> So it's like, it's got a flavor to it, I'm gonna try it, I'm gonna get it. >> It's awesome, I'm gonna get it. >> Here, if you want to try it, it's awesome, and I drink it all the time. >> Thank you. >> I got a refrigerator now that makes big ice balls. >> That's the way to do it, dude. >> So it made me drink whiskey now. >> Hey, good day. >> I don't know if that's the way it's supposed to go. Bigjcoming.com for all my dates, thank you so much, actually, a Cleveland fantastic man, Bert was in town, there was so much going on, football, baseball, playoffs, and they filled it up. Emerald City Comedy Club Seattle, this fucking week in everybody, first time in Seattle in a long time. So check that out, coming back to Denver Colorado Comedy Works downtown, first time so that did the crab work specials, I believe. Rochester, New York Comedy, the Carlson, Austin, Texas, down at the Comedy Mothership for a full weekend. Mike Fenoy, gonna be opening for me down there. Of course, doing story wars in Austin, and Los Angeles, Frank, California, first time there since Louis almost fought Kurt. So it's very, very exciting to go back there for a couple nights, New Brunswick, and so much more. Yeah, yeah, wow, because of that one George Floyd joke, fuck, no one talked about me. We made this a couple of weeks ago, and I think we should get to this, because Alex, you guys know Alex, our producer, is pregnant with her second child, all right, Rich Boss. Rich Boss Harrington, that'll be her name. I mean, first of all, her first child is adorable, and, you know, it's, I mean, God bless you guys. You guys are both great parents, the first family of the Guest Digital Universe, Alex Harrington, baby. Ding Dong, Ding Dong was our first family. Alex, do you have a name picked out for the new one yet? You're not gonna share it. Why not? Why not? Is it Electra? Adolf? Destiny? The N word? Yeah. Bleat blurps. I'm kind of fucking Elon Musk, or shit. The square root of two is one. Why aren't you sharing the name, Alex? Get on microphone. I don't know. The fans are constantly pretty negative with me. No. I'm not going to ruin the name for me before she's born, you know? Will you text me the name right now? So I promise I won't ruin it. Don't ruin it. I won't ruin it. I'll give you my honest judgment. I'm gonna look to it. No, he knows it. I won't say it. Text to the skinks. I'm always saying that. I'm saying that a lab is a prize. I'd be cool, you guys. I'm saying that I'm saying that a lab that I'm not gonna do it because if I didn't say that a lab, I would be like, you didn't tell me. Cikesplacer? No way. I got a circumcision. Yeah. H-N-R-I-C with periods. Okay. All right, Christ. No good. It's good, but I mean, it's really, Alex should have been born in the fucking 60s. It's very me. It's very Alex. Is it like flour or something? Yeah, yeah. Basically. It's essentially flour. Daisy. It's very. It's very hurt. It's Titlis Harrington. Yeah. Flat Harrington. Titlis is a great name for a big piece of flat chest Harrington. So you don't want to send him because it's a like a hippie-dippy fucking. Because people are gonna be negative about it. Then it's gonna. No. They're gonna be. They're gonna hear about it eventually. So you're naming the baby Dave Smith. Who cares? Yeah. Who cares? Rich voice Harrington. We'll bleep it out. No. Hang on to it. Hang on to it. Hang on to it. All right. I mean, eventually it's gonna come out. Yeah. And now you're making it a big deal. And that people are gonna be extra negative. For sure. If you guys can guess Alex's baby's name. I think we could. Free Skankfest thing. It's just running on. I like that. You guys got to cross that. I trust that. We on Harrington. I heard you're bailing on New Orleans for next year. We are not doing New Orleans next year. Say nothing else. Oh, okay. We're doing Buffalo. Mid-winter. All ours, dude. Get ready to get into space. I do want a winter version of Skankfest. All outdoor. All outdoor Buffalo. God yeah. We are. Skankfest, we are. You guys. You guys didn't like it enough to bring bodega cat back as a sponsor. You piece of shit. Well, then you charge just a bunch. Damn. You hate. Damn. You hate. Mark, you hate Skankfest. Damn. I'm gonna get some bodega cat from afar. Never miss the year. Just saying. No, I know you're the man. It's gonna work out. We're going out with the blast. This one's gonna be fucking. Do you know where it is next year? What? No. I'll tell you after. It's awesome. Oh. Is it her? You're gonna say it on the microphone? Yeah. I give up secret. Ocean. Say it. The lost city of Atlanta. Did Epstein's Island? Yeah. It's on Louis C.K.'s yacht. I think he sold his yacht. No. I think so. Damn. Oh. Fucking dumb. Just let him jerk off in front of Jesus Christ. Yeah. It's a lot of work, though, if you're not using it. I've never met anybody who owns a boat other than a fucking real shitty one you keep in your driveway. That's been like, this is a great idea. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm buying a pontoon. Sure. Pontoon's great. All boats. What the fuck was that laugh about? You're gonna keep it docked. I'm gonna keep it docked. I'm buying a place in the Polkanos and we're buying a pontoon with it. Oh, okay. I'm gonna take it out in the winter. What? The pontoon. I got to take it out in the winter. Yeah. You can't leave it in the lake. It's gonna fucking freeze you. Oh, no, yeah. I know. Yeah, yeah. I thought you might have to take it out on the lake. I was like, it's going to be cold as fuck. Do you have a dock? I don't have a pontoon yet. No, but do you have a dock at the house? You're going to. Yeah. No. It's not going to be a dock at the house. All right. So you got to drive it to the lake. I'm paying a dock and then I'll take it out. Got it. What's a pontoon? Why? Well, it has a two tubes and a flake. Yeah, it's a rubber. It's a good. You know, Tom Hanks made a castle. It's a pony bus on the water. It's so fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the equivalent of everyone spin the wheels of the bicycle. Yeah. Fucking drunken thing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They'll rent the tank. Oh, those are awesome, dude. Yeah. Lewis is trying to kick back. Lewis is trying to kick back up. Girls going wild. So. If we take it off, sure the rules don't apply. Yep. We only got to guys about 12 miles out. I'm gonna do stem cells and college girl scissors. I got a co-pilot for my pontoon. The guy stabs me in the neck. Oh, God. Who's going to land this thing? Oh, no. Put your tits in my face, Sandra. J. Don't hit that button. Yeah. It'll eject the wheels. I brought hoes from Wawa. What would you name the pontoon? Would you name it? I do have to have a name. What should I name the pontoon? Each and I see it. I love it. I got it. Pantoon hound. Oh. I don't mind that at all. I think that's great. Uh, yeah, no, no. I'm gonna buy a pontoon this year. I'm so excited about it. Huh? You turned the back on that? Well, the blunt. No, no, no, no. It's the back of papers. All right. You're back to smoking? No. That's why I coughed a little bit. Sorry. You don't have to explain what you're a pussy, dude. Yeah, but I know. You think that's a bad idea? You go, is there a weed in there? By a pontoon? Yeah, I do. Why do you think it's a bad idea? You won't use it enough. You think you will? And by the way, you might for two years and you're going to go. But maybe you can just sell it, so it's a bad idea. I don't even have kids that they do like tons of sports shit in the summer and they don't do you like to hang in the summer Yeah, there's no musical theater in the summer You can just gonna go out of the pontoon and sing me songs. That's what we're gonna do We're gonna hear like a month local podcaster Lewis Jay Gomez drown The boat capsize when his son was doing self-Pacific on the bow Like your kids singing now Yeah, yeah, see that coming now. He's the best. How about that? He's out there at their dinner the audition next week is for a Susical the musical they're doing. Oh my god. Oh, really man. Has he come out? Yeah, he plays the roast pieces Not yet, not yet. He's too young for that Was he like a jujitsu star? No, he does jujitsu. He boxes. He's just a unique kid He's got rain at that age. You got to hold a guy down if you want to show him how you feel back I'm gonna break your arm. You're gonna agree to try to kiss me He's getting more memories jokes being my daughter and how you feel right now It did suck, but she's 24 right now. So she's a whore. I don't know. It's out of my control He's gonna walk around my dad's racist in the house. He's racist to a mouse He was racist was close vehicles James mice are just the end word of rodents Racers in the house to race Well, anyway, Alex is having another kid and we Alex is a great mom. Yeah, obviously she's so good She's great, but now with the breastfeeding She's gonna be giving birth to we are the world herrington. Yeah So it's definitely like Janice or some shit free Palestine and Harrison Herrington. Yeah, we decided to bring back the sliding scale, but we're doing a little different this time. So We are there's been a lot of moms in the news lately. So what we're looking for right now in this sliding scale is I believe is it the The worst mom, but the hottest Is that what it is? It's been 13 Lindsey Clancy copycat since nice 13. Oh, good. Well, you're actually facing some overpopulation problem So if the mothers themselves could fit out the hurt like cats, I think we'll be right. Yeah, it's the sliding scale of bad moms So it goes from good to bad and then from ugly to I'm assuming is hot up top Okay, we can't see it. Okay, so it's it's two planes. We've never done a sliding scale on two planes before It's like it's a Gertrude's puzzle Lindsey Clancy would you? I got to see show me to it. Show her only now. Oh, yeah, she can't feel anything in the way. Yeah for sure Yeah, right now. She's all day anal dude. She could fucking do us cross the puzzle while you fuck her out. Yeah. Yeah That's pretty cool. I just feel like also she deserves it man. She killed her kids. I feel like a mom I feel like a mom that's really good Don't feel bad. You guys are feeling bad for her. I'm fucking her as hard and she's not feeling it for sherbet I'm still I'm doing the damage hey man when they electrocuters her ass is gonna fall out I feel like a mom that's willing to murder her own children is willing to do things to your but hole without asking I bet That's right. I bet if I just present if I just go hands behind my knees. Yeah, I think she'll know she'll take the hint And she'll go for it for sure. Is she like choking? Oh, yeah, yeah, she's pretty upset about killing her own kids It's good for the goose is good for the game. I would give her like a gym band and have her wrapping around my cock and balls I know and then after I come back, I'm gonna go oh my god You get so tight when you feel that when you get that sweet release of thinking you're gonna die for your sins and then realize your Alive still So let's think that she's on this list right now right of bad mom. Oh, sorry. Yeah, so I mean in terms of bad moms I was a we put her we pin her to the bad mom side. She's not a good mom not a great mom But but she did what it did she what was hurt that she gave her like she feels like she was killing them because Yeah, yeah, she had a postpartum and then no, no, but what's it but but there's always an evil spirits we're gonna get the kids Okay, I was gonna say it's always so my dad's like I'm actually killing them some say it usually is that I'm saving them She's not that bad of a mom No, no, I'm saying like was she in a place where she was thought she was doing something that she was like supposed to do No, no, no, it's telling her to kill the kids all right, let's pull her put her up on the board because we got to start somewhere Okay, yeah, so okay, I would say we put her I'll tell you what to I don't know I don't want to pin her all the way to bad because if she was saving if in her and her mind she was saving the children from demons Yeah, bring her back a little bit here right there is a good area. I say more towards bad Yeah, and go up on the hotness a little bit, but very little yeah, that's good That's because that's how you watch she she this I'm telling you Lindsey Clancy runs the risk because of that fucking pan face nose that she Literally could get pushed down to the ugly side. Okay, I like We can adjust because right now you're right because this girl right now if she was like hey I'll suck you're taking a bathroom, but you should know this I murder three my children you take the beach you would you would take the beach Especially if you jumped out the window, yes, absolutely she tried to kill herself. She did you know my god She feels bad. So it's like yeah, right? Now I got to go I got to get high ground because she's coming in with a full wheelchair and I can open my legs that wide What am I fucking sure on damn? I got to go I got to go up high You don't have to chain while it's stuck in the spoke no, no, no, I'm gonna have to go knees on her shoulders if you know what I mean You're gonna take her you're gonna take her out of the wheelchair Jay. Yeah, I'm gonna place her somewhere But I'm still gonna have to do a lot of the work All right, who else we got? Oh My god that Merrill Street what the fuck is that Michael Sarah? There is Merrill street. No, that's the Sophie's choice. She had to kill one of her children. This is Liz Miele in one month I couldn't I couldn't go to the spa I can't go to Sephora anymore Sebastian. Look at what you've done We get more photos. I feel bad going off one tinder shot. Well, yeah, that's first of all That's the best that's our best street. That's her best footfall. Oh, it is yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So if you Merrill Street, yeah, and Sophie's choice Which I well, I never saw that movie. Well, I said I mean I didn't want to fuck a not Jewish Merrill Street not in Auschwitz That much Yeah, you see in Auschwitz. Yeah, yeah, that's how now she's got a safe. It's a Holocaust thing right? Let's run a train Yeah, yeah Run a train that was a good bit guys We can't take we can't take her before fucking the so what was Sophie's choice specifically? She had to choose which one of her children We're gonna die. Yes. Is that what it was? Yeah, that's a Tuesday now. This isn't a bad mom now That's not I mean that's just right now. Right now the answer is kill all three. She she had to choose one That was part of the deal. Yeah, she had to pick one. Yeah, I mean I'm not making her If it helps, I do believe she keeps the girl kills the boy. Oh, fuck this bitch Well, here's the thing I can't we can't we can't crush her on bad mom. She is she is horribly unattractive But we can't we can't get her on bad mom because she was it was every it's I'm sure the thing is everyone dies Both kids die or you get a choice to live and say one of the kids I would say I look to be honest with you I would say she's not even on the bad side of mom by the way. I was wrong. It's not opposite. She does keep the sun Good mom But it's changed. Yeah, I mean a girl can't learn to get Sue Steve if you had to kill one of your children, which one are you killing and which one are you keeping? Oh, which one of my kids? Yeah, oh my god Come on. It's easy. Ren is easy choice. You know You already know the answer, but you're trying to find a funny reason As soon as I asked We always have a better buddy who is more better than the other one Dude I did this this weekend. This is so fun to do with the audience whenever I see a teacher in the audience and then I got teach middle school Whatever I go Which one of the students? Would you fuck like when they get old or you know when you say so you could see in him now that you know It's gonna be hot you'd fucking when he gets old and I go now you're not gonna answer You're gonna say none of them, but you pictured somebody in your head And that is the funniest fucking thing in the world because they definitely did when they see him on Monday They're gonna go fuck. Yeah fuck. Why did I think this Steve? You have you have a 14 year old than a 17 year old? Yeah, yeah, yeah, can I honestly say can I kill them both and start over? I think no I think Hitler would assume that you weren't gonna start a game. So here is this the thing where I can It's got to be one of the other. You're gonna adopt an Asian. I could I mean Could I say something or a picture from the Taiwan or something like a picture they can't read but throws 91 or 12? Say in the desperate situation they're in The camps is they were gonna kill one of your kids. You say you might as well kill both because if I have any chance to getting out of here My odds are much higher without the burden of dragging along these fucking shithead kids So it's like not me do both. I'll listen you're gonna live with the guilt of one you might as well live with the guilt of both It's not gonna be that much more and how are they killing the kid plus my kids are gonna be dead How are you still fat in a concentration camp Lewis you can't be worried about how they're gonna kill the kid You're digging a fucking Shaw shank hole behind a poster dude. Yeah, I'd like hey take your time with them They're both heavy and I start digging - That's not time. - I'd star if he's fat, fucks to death if I were you. (laughing) - Yeah, do I, all right. - I'm not, I don't know. - I don't know. - You choose one. - I cannot choose, I'm shy. - You have to. - The 14 year old, move on. (laughing) - No, you and your wife and both kids, unless you choose one of the kids tonight. - Wait, I get to kill my wife. (laughing) - But you die, but you die in that one, all right. - You just said I had to kill, all right. - Oh, Lewis. - Yeah, the kids, I'll pick my wife if it's her or the kids. - Yeah, the kids still have a lot of life in front of them. - That's what she would want, too, guys. - I do, I do. - So don't come at me in the comments. That's what she would want. - That's what she would definitely want and a much younger woman to take care of those kids. - She would definitely love. - Because you're eventually gonna pass on. - And a little bit of culture. What if she's Russian? What if she's Thai? What if she's, you know. - She's a comicalist in Austin. - Yeah, yeah, what if she has, what ever is delivering at that time of year? - That's great, right? - Don't think about Lindsey Clancy. She tried to kill the murder. - She did. - She did. - And for that reason, and I think for that reason, - All right, move her up a little bit. - All right, let's move Lindsey back. - A little closer to good. - No. - And she still is hot. - Right there. - Merrill. - Probably the opposite. - The good side. - Yes, that's actually rect opposite. - The rect parallel. - Oh no, that parallel. - Put down mode. - Down. - No, you know what I mean? - But good. - But on the good side. - Good side. - But listen, she's uglier than that close. She's uglier than this. - She is uglier, yeah. - Down, down. - Put her all the way in the body. - Right there, right there, right there, right there, right there. Right there, right there. There could be uglier, but I mean, she was an Auschwitz. - Yes, true. - For Christ's sake. I'm not blaming her, but the facts are facts. - Of course. - Because of your circumstances, you're extremely ugly. - Yeah. - Yeah. - She was an Auschwitz, so she is a smoke show. - Yeah, yeah. (laughing) - If you got a thing positive, yeah. Yeah, that's a good spin. - All right, who do we have next? (cheering) - Steve's mom. - I'd rather walk the kids. - That's my mother, guys. (laughing) - Okay. - Steve, who are these boys that she's molesting? - Those are my sons. - That's really real. - One of you killed 20 minutes ago. - Oh, man, I guess she finished with the one on the right. - I picked this picture 'cause she's a good mom, but she usually falls asleep on the job. - Do I get disqualified for already fucking her? - Yeah, oops. (laughing) - Oh, there he is. - Damn, dude. - Sorry. - Not on this guy. - What do you think she's dreaming right now? She's dreaming of her gravy recipe? (laughing) - Who's the third kid? Who's the other kid? - That's somebody nephew right over there. We went to the city. We've taken the train home, everybody fell asleep. - What happened? - Oh, yeah, that's fine. - Good looks nice. - All right. - But yeah, that's like 100 years ago. And she just, she was good, but she's gone. - Is she a good mom? - She's a great mom. - All right, that's a good question. 'Cause we don't know. - So what's the worst thing your mom ever did? - Did she have sex with any of your friends? - Never had sex, but she'd be the shit out of us. - She'd be the shit out of us. - Oh, wow. - But you look back on that as like necessary. - Look, the way I look at it is like, they were very busy people. And so they had to get their point across real fucking quick. - Right. - And they didn't have time to fuck around. - Provided to provide a nice life. - If I like podcast and do nothing all day, and then my kids come home and I beat them up because whatever, that's an asshole move. But they did it because they needed to. - Yeah. - They go, look, I don't have time to tell you that you shouldn't steal, so I'm just gonna punch in the stomach and throw up. - I think you guys walked the Indian people on not beating your kids. - Come on, Indian. - Damn it, dude. - Come on, it's 2026, peaceful parent. - But yeah, she was never a smoke show. - She was never. - I know, Irish lady, that, yeah. - I mean, look, let's stop. - Pull up the chart. I mean, we're gonna, I don't want to call her ugly, but she's not, I can this photo. - She's not hot. - She's not hot. - I'll tell you what, yeah, I put her right there. She's not as good a smoke around Merrill Street. - I don't know, dude, Merrill, she's debatable that much like me. She would try to negotiate her way out of any selfie choice. - I'm sure before the Holocaust, fucking Sophie beat the shit out of those kids. - Of course. - So it's overlap, yeah, I think right there. - Hold on, hold on. If Steve's mom was put in the Holocaust situation, would she, I don't feel like- - No, I think she would try to negotiate, she would say, take all three and let me go. - Steve, I hate saying this out loud. God damn it, we are playing a game here. - That's true. - Would the argument be simply because she was Holocausted and all fucking skin and bones? - Steve's mom? - No, no, no. - Oh, I'm like this. - Is there a chance Sophie had a better body? - Definitely. - That Steve's mom? - That Steve's mom, yeah, she was fit. Therefore, making her probably, if you throw them both from behind, you might be fucking a model 'cause, you know, 'cause models like to be Auschwitz thinnest. - And she's got some hot tattoos. - And she has some hot tattoos. She's a party girl. Steve's mom seems like someone like, you know, trying to make an ex-husband angry or something. - I like it, I like it. - And I think there's a Jeff fuck. - Are we saying that Steve's mom is not as attractive as Auschwitz? - Can we move Auschwitz Sophie up a little? No, no, no, stop moving him down. (laughing) - Can you put her right behind Auschwitz? - Oh, so I mean, is Auschwitz better a better mom than Steve's mom? - But wait a minute, if you're a crazy-- - Wait a minute. - Okay, I don't know. She had to make a difficult choice. - If your mom never had to make a difficult choice about her kids. - If you're in a concentration camp, that's a high body count. - All right. (laughing) - Steve's mom is fucking falling asleep on the job on the fucking Long Island Railroad. - Yeah, you're likely to get fucking attacked at the kids. - Yeah, see, my mom would be sleepy when they came to get us to take us to the fucking gas chambers. - Okay, so there I say-- - Try to wake her up. She was taking a nap. - There I say-- - Because nobody died. Steve's mom is a better mom than Sophie. But not as attractive. (laughing) - Listen, listen, listen. I need a smidge, a smidge lower. They should almost be touching at the top. - I feel like they should almost be at the top. - Almost touching at the top. - Look, come on. - Steve's mom? - But definitely, buddy. - Oh yeah, keep going, keep going. - Keep going, keep going, keep going. - Come on, keep going. - Yeah, yeah, right there. - Right there. - Simply because of body. - Yeah, dude. - Involuntary body. (laughing) - I'm gonna tell her you almost beat Meryl Streep, so don't worry. That's all you got to say. She's not watching the show. - But almost beat Meryl Streep. - That's all you have to say. - Who's next? (laughing) - Who else we got? - Wait a minute. - Well, that's not funny. - Or that baby. - Catch me outside mom. - The mom. - Okay, catch me outside mom. She did point her daughter on, not on purpose in a direction of fame and fortune. However, they did have several on-camera fistfights. - Yeah, that's hot. - It is hot. - Yeah. - Hotly bad. - But you know, she's a psycho. - Everything negative that mom did, drove her daughter into making me eventually see her legal tits. - And true. - Doesn't that something about that makes the mom good to me? - And also the mom's not very attractive, but you can almost see, catch me outside interface. Like if you were to hold the mom's face down and stretch it out, but you couldn't look like catch me outside. - Well, catch me outside has turned herself into a black female now. So she's unrecognizable. - Really? - Yes, she changed literally her skin. It's crazy. - Yeah, what? - Yeah, everything. She changed everything about her face. She looks like a black woman. But those cans are still fucking nice. - That's nice. - Nice. - Can we see the nudes? I've never seen it. She's like the number one only fans lady. - She's what the fuck? - Oh no. - That girl is the same girl as the last girl? - Wow. - Catch her outside. - Oh. - Wait a minute. - She looks Dominican. Like she started doing full-tid shots. - This is new to me. - That could be AI. - It might be AI. - Oh. - But that's news to me. - No, that's a great, those are some great tits. - But baby, she has an only trend. - That's not cultural appropriation. - That might be real. - Shut up, you fags. - All right. - We're talking about cultural appropriation. Look at her big, fat, thick tits. - I know, I love it. - Yeah, no. - But I'm fake. - They better be fake. - Oh yeah. - Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a second. They are absolutely not fake. - They're real tits? - No, that was the problem that everyone was having where it was creepy because when she was like 16, she had those tits. And it was like the fact that there was a countdown that were being 18 and then she just exploited it and made money for herself. - Those are naturals? - Nats. (laughing) - Absolute nats. - Oh my god. - But she's 24. - I'm more into the lollipop. (laughing) - What is that, a black cherry? Numb, numb. - And she's on only fans? - That might look. - Yeah, she's on only fans. - But I think it's like disgusting. I think you have to pay for these. These are people leaking these, I think. - Yeah, I'm gonna leak later on when I look at this. - She was the number one, only fans leaking. - When she first came out, while I was thinking immediately she made like $3 million. - She did it on her 18th birthday. - Yeah. - Wow. - To me, this is all good stuff. (laughing) - But what you would call a girl to that too? What was the little Tay, the little fucking. - Yeah, a little Tay. - 11 year old Asian girl who would say the N word a bunch. She, when she didn't age, she didn't only fans. - That's fucking crazy. - I check a lot of boxes. (laughing) - A lot of boxes. - So the cash man outside, mom, I mean, let's see, go back to the scale. - She fist-fought her on, do you have videos on her fist fighting her? - Yeah, she. - All right, definitely hotter than Clancy. Oh no, the mom though, right? - The mom. - The mom. - Wait a minute. - No, the mom is. - I know. I've been thinking of the hot chick. - Do we have news of the mom? - The mom, the mom might be the ugliest of the bunch. - The mom sucks. - I mean, come on, mom. - She's hotter than Steve's mom. - All right. - Go offense, just say. - She is. - Is she hotter than Steve's mom? - She is. - Yeah, dude. - Steve's mom looks like Steve. Come on. - But can I tell you something? She's only the blonde way. She looks exactly like Steve. - Yeah, dude. I didn't see it until he said it. Come on, man. - Man, I think she's on the ugly side still. She's not on good. She's on the ugly side, but I think she's like literally in that-- - She's slightly more attractive than-- - She might be on the split of-- - Oh, enceclose, enceclose, gotta go. - I gotta go, sorry, everybody, I'm having fun. I gotta go, I have a smile, I'm sorry. I love you guys, I know, I'm sorry. - Oh, no, oh, guys, guys, no, no, no, no. - Four, four. Make sure you take a four-quartable sack that you deposit and thinlips available on YouTube. - Shit. - It's a second time we've had that happen. People gotta run to these spots, man. - All right, we need a new lady. - Hold on, we gotta-- - We gotta get her in the first spot though. - We gotta get her in the first spot though. - I think she should be, like literally-- - Look, like crucified on this cross, a little lower. - Yeah, she's a little lower. - A little lower. - A little higher, like right over, yes, that seems perfect to me. - She is a bad mom, she is ugly, but she's not so bad or so ugly than it's remarkable. - Yeah, I would go up a little, maybe. - You say-- - Oh, you're saying-- - More attractive. - More attractive. - More attractive? - More attractive? - Potter? - Potter? - Sandheart, keep in mind. - Oh, okay. - Keep in mind, Lindsey Clancy, you can tie her legs around your back. - Oh, hold on. - She's useless from the waist down. - Good point, good point. - Yeah, and if she's really talking, like dirty, that's pretty high. - Alex, do me a favor, light my cigarette for me. (audience laughs) - What's up, Skanks? Let's take a minute to thank our friends at PrizePix. Yes, PrizePix. (audience applauds) Football's heating up and everyone's pulling up because PrizePix has all your picks in one place. New users get $150 in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. PrizePix is available nationwide, lock-in for kick-off with PrizePix. I'm using the app, I'm winning money every week, and it's fucking easy and awesome. - I don't even watch sports, and I love using PrizePix. Now, when I'm watching the big game with Jay on Sundays, - Yeah. - Yeah. - Now, I'm locked in times you come over to watch the big game. - Yeah, come over to watch the big game, and what I do every time, the best strategy you'll ever get, always choose that the black players are gonna go over the projected stats. - Yeah, now we love-- - We choose that the white players are going under the projected stats. It has been a full-proof plan for me, every single time. - Yeah, guys, I-- - Unless it angles quarterback. - Yeah. - Oh, sorry. - PrizePix does have your back, though, and other apps don't, with PrizePix, injury reboot. If your player in your lineup gets injured in the first half and doesn't return, your lineup can still cash in. So, example, it's this weekend, you had Sequan Barclay in your lineup, and he gets hurt after the first frigging fucking run. - They don't need examples. They got the examples. - Oh, okay. - Then you can get your money back in PrizePix. - Yeah, you get your money back, and nobody touched him. He just hurt his-- - He just hurt himself running. - And now he's off to England. - He's running back, and he heard himself running. - Try it today, because everyone, and everything is on PrizePix. Download the PrizePix app today and use the code "Skanks" to get $150 instantly in lineups. - Do you think we-- - Do you think Jaylen Hurst? - You think Jaylen Hurst's over under was 100 yards, because if you guessed, under somehow, you fucking got it. And almost anomaly in the game of football. Get up. If you use code "Skanks" to get $150 instantly in lineups, if you win your first $5 lineup. - All right, guys, let's take a quick moment and thank my company, Body Brain Coffee for supporting the show. We love Body Brain Coffee. We pump it into the crowd. Before you guys get here, we actually spike everyone's drinks to Body Brain Coffee. So you guys are so energetic and awake and fucking-- Feeling so good because you're on Body Brain Coffee right now. If you guys don't know, it is real premium freeze-dried Colombian coffee that we use real coffee. Most of these mushroom coffees don't even use real coffee. They taste like shit. We actually use real coffee, and then we blend amazing ingredients like Tonka Dalai, Ashwagandha, Lion's Man, and El Thienin, which can help you with everything from hormonal support, brain function, mood, and everything else. We also just launched an amazing creamer as well, which is a completely different set of Nutrubics than Adaptejins. So go to BodyBringCoffee.com right now and try them both. And if you try both, we're doing some pretty cool right now. - What? - You guys, if you use the promo code "LOSGIFT", we're giving you 10% off the two pack for the coffee and the creamer, and then we're giving you a free gift. You either get the mug or the frother, which Jay, I know you put the frother directly in your ass to mix up your BodyBring coffee. - I do. It does make it gonna be easier. I think I'm gonna have some stomach issues. (laughs) - When you get a free gift, you need to choose the mug or the frother just by using the promo code "LOSGIFT" at BodyBringCoffee.com. - All right, let's see. Who do we got next? - Alex. - Alex. - Oh! - Look who it is. - Alex. - Look who it is. - Alex definitely chose that photo of herself. - Alex, you approve that picture though. - You approve it. - You did. - You approve it. - Oh, so you're just casually taking it. - We're all seeing you're fucking the outline of your pussy lips. - Yup. (laughs) - Damn. Nature ruins women. (laughs) - Alex just wanted us to call her a hot on the show. - Yeah, that's it. - She wants verbal confirmation. - I chose a face only shot by the right. - First of all, that's illegal. - You chose the worst part of yourself to show off. That's crazy. Alex, you do that. - Even my fat mom had a show or whole body. Give me a break. - Alex, you look very hot in this picture, but for the sake of the show, I'm gonna remind everybody that you have the same body as Dave Smith when we started the show. (laughs) - You're gonna be the hottest, so far. - Our voltage is bigger. - Yeah, absolutely. (laughs) - All right, so let's go, all right, go to the slide. - Is this after birth? - Oh, this is after birth. - This is after birth? - Oh my god. (applause) - You hear that, Steve's mom, get it together. - Damn. - Yeah, why does your mom have fucking pussy feet? (laughs) Why doesn't your mom have fucking lines feet? - I know, dude. - My mom gave up on those halves. - Wait, your mom's belly button's so deep. - I don't know how good of a mom's shit. How, where's your kid now? - With Harrington, so put her all the way to the bedside and book, and for that, you're an ugly person. (laughs) - Smoking a butt in the car. - No, Alex is a very good mom. - She's hotter than Clancy. - Harder than Clancy. - Yeah. - Not, let's talk about that much. I'm relaxed. What the fuck was that? Alex, Alex. - Calm down, Alex. - Who's controlling the fucking weeder thing over there? (laughs) - I would say yes. You should maybe even down a little bit further. Right there, I think it's good. And I would put her, she's a good mom. Is she a great mom? - It's pretty good mom. - She's young, she got one child, she's over fucking old. - No, she's gonna make her mistakes for sure. - I'm better than Steve's mom who beat her kids. - Yeah, that's true, that was. - It was a different time, they didn't have time. - I told you. - You have time, Alex. - Yes. (audience applauds) - You have time to not beat your kids. - This is a great point. We need to move Steve's mom and Meryl Streep over a little bit because Alex isn't pinned to being the best mom in the world. - That's crazy. Alex is not the best mom in the world. - That's crazy. Yeah, we gotta move it even a little bit more. Little bit more, Steve's mom was abusive physically to him and his family. - Yeah, she's Italian. - She's Italian, she's Irish. - It's fucking Irish. - I think that's pretty good. That's pretty good. - Because she's Irish, yeah, move her. - We should have known that by being a sunburner. - All right, and I would also say move Meryl over a little bit closer to Steve's mom as well in terms of how good of a mom is she's 'cause she's not that bad. It's just that Steve's mom, that's pretty good. - Yes, that's good. - Your mom is only half as bad as a woman who would have murdered her child. (audience laughs) Now, Alex, you gotta move yourself over. I would say a good inch to the right. More. - Come on, you egomaniac, that's good. - That's good right there, you're a good mom. - All right, that's fair, that's fair. - Your really good mom is learning some things. Stop having sex in front of your awake child. - And compared to all of these other moms, you are the hottest, yeah. - Four years old is in and of the four. - You are, bake a room, the hottest. - But I will say that if somebody said you were gonna play Lindsey Clancy in the upcoming Lindsey Clancy movie, I would say that makes sense. - That's a big break for you. - Yeah. - That'd be a big break. Hello lifetime, we're listening. (laughs) Who got next? - Hey! - Casey Anthony. - Oh boy. - That's a bad picture of Casey Anthony. - That is a bad picture. - Casey Anthony, she's a classic way hotter than this. - Can we get away, can we get a hotter picture of Casey? - That's the hot one. - This is Alex trying to fucking skew the viewing there. - It's a classic case of though, but I will say across the board. - That's a Casey. - A classic Casey of she has always been picture to picture. - Yeah. - That's a point. - So she's not a natural beauty. She could be hot, though. - Oh yeah. - Oh, this is what we're talking about. - Oh my God, I wouldn't let her drown my son. - Total pig today. (audience laughing) - To drown him. - That was right after she laughed and listened to her kid punch the trunk. (laughs) - Oh wow. - Can we, there's a picture of her ass. Show the picture of her ass. - She's like, "Honey, I can. "It's casino night down at the VFW." - She's got a crazy ass. - She's a Casey Anthony, yes. - Oh, nice. Thanks for the update. - Yeah. - Where's she from there? - Is it Florida? - Oh my God. - Come on, if you had a child from Florida, you'd also kill it. - All right. - It's true. - What am I gonna raise some fucking. - I say. - Gator museum, fucking. - I'll be going with this picture of her. - She's the anti-Alex. So she's a little bit, right? So she's on the bad side, but it's hot. Is hotter than Alec? - She's hotter than Alec. - There you go, see. That was honest. - Yeah, okay, yeah. Fine. There you go, Steve, that was the brutal honesty. - Yeah, I'm not the same, but sorry Alec. - You thought we were gonna call you a pussy for this? - Yeah, I know. - Can we put it, guys? - Pull the scale back up. Cheat. - Not. - No, not that, there we go. - Yeah, there we go. - Where's, now we gotta have Casey's picture. There we go. All right, so I would say hotter than Alec. - Let's start with hotter than Alex. - Okay, so higher than that. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - She's definitely not hotter than you. - She's better than you. - That's no, that's good mom. Go hotter. - No, no, no, no, no. - You're a good mom. - Go up, go up. - There we go. - You did, you know what you're doing. - Is it reverse for you, Harrington? - Are you looking through a mirror? - Was she, hold on, was she, she was never, it's still debatable if she murdered her donor. - She won 100% was involved in the murder of her donor. - She was not convicted, true. - Yeah. - Not convicted. - Right. - We know that what's her name killed three of her kids. - We know that. - Yeah. - It's just speculation that KCM was-- - It was, the stuff was in her trunk. - No, she was acquitted by the mistrial. - None of them were convicted, but she did. No, we know that what's her name did actually kill her kids then. - Not convicted. - No, mistrial. - No, no, no, no, she said-- - No, she didn't but she admitted it. - Everyone admits that she-- - Oh, yeah, yeah, but yes, okay. - Yeah, she didn't get convicted of murder. She was trying to get off as being crazy. - All right, KCM community isn't the same level of mom as Keshmeh outside of her. - No. - I'll put her right between Lindsey Clancy and Keshmeh outside. - Keshmeh outside just fistful her daughter on Instagram twice. - That's good, that's right. - She didn't fucking kill her, put her in a trunk and go party. - I would say pull her down slightly. - Lindsey killed three kids, she killed one. - Yeah, exactly. And you know what, make Alex a little uglier. I realize Alex shouldn't be touching KC Anthony here. - Whoa. - She shouldn't be. - She's Clancy level? - No, get-- - Okay, okay, okay. - Yeah, that's fair, that's fair, that's fair. - That's very fair. - That's very smart. - Marrington, it's very smart, Harry, it's very fair. - I like you calling Alex Herrington. - Yeah, okay, tell you something, Alex, for those reasons, I'd like you to move Clancy down a little bit. Yeah, Clancy can be down a little bit slightly. - Yeah, pan face. - Right, there we go, that's good, that's fair. - I think you're a little more. - No. - A touch. Now that we've seen what's really out there, yes. That's fair now. - Jay, I want to almost like, I'm gonna fight you on this, I'd say just-- - The field is changing. - The field is changing. - Just, I'll just, can you just visualize this for a second, go up a smidge with Clancy. - I would bring Anthony down a smooch. - She's setting the bar right now. - I mean, you have her on the top. - And Alex picked an ugly picture of her when we can see that picture her from before. - There's more space when we pull the white. - No, no, that's too high up, that's too high up. - I didn't pick any of those pictures for the record. - All right, down. - We should go off the best photo. - That's what I would say if I was being a mean girl. - All right, right there, I think this is very fair right now. So, hold on, who wins this, though? Is it the hottest, best mom wins? 'Cause right now Alex is in first place. - Yeah. - Well, listen. I think we know who the losers are and it's the children. - What? - It's my mother. - She's the only one who's ever struck a child on this list. - Your mom, of all the times, of all the times she's told her the first time to watch the show. - Yeah. - I'm gonna love this. The guys are gonna be cool and say that you're hot. - Is that all of them? - No, we got more. - Okay. - Oh! - This is precious to mom. - Oh, thank God! Now, I don't know who precious this real mom was, or if it's a real story at all, but I will say if we're gonna be by the precious mom of the movie, this is the ugliest. This is just Monique. Is it worst? Let me ask this. - There's no more words to kill your kids or make your kids fuck your husband and eat your pussy. - It's worse to kill them. - No. - If that's the mom. - I don't know. Having your mom make eat her pussy would be a lot. - My mom? - Yes. - Eat your pussy, dude. - Yeah. - I mean, then killing me, I would rather eat my mom's pussy than her kill me. - Wait. - I will. - Wait. - Hold on. - Wait. - Okay. - Would you rather be dead or eat your mom's pussy? - Honestly. - Okay, can I ask you now? - Right now. You had a good life, dude. - I'm with you. I'm gonna eat your mom's pussy. (audience laughing) - Oh, dude, that's gonna be nasty. - She's dead. - You're just sucking on a pelvic bone? - After two months of eating your mom's pussy on the weekly, you're gonna wanna kill yourself. - Wait, wait. You didn't say multiple times. - One time. - What do you think she did it one time? She was like, that was it? - What, it's my mom insatiable? - Yes. - She goes, honey, I know it's wrong, but it feels so good. - She's turning to her kids to do the chores. Yeah, she's got a problem. - I eat it or I'm gonna fucking kill you. - I miss your father. No, the movie in the book, she's pregnant by her father. - Yeah. - And her mom, when she gets angry, makes her eat her pussy. - Oh, yeah. Oh, it's horrible. - I never saw the movie or read the book. - Oh, yeah. - I saw in the theater. - My sister said that the mother from precious reminded her of my mother. - Whoa. - Where's that from? - My sister said that. Your sister had to eat your mom's pussy? Maybe. But that's all that could mean. - That's why she got so fed. - Was your sister pregnant by your dad? - Maybe. - She also was very, she was like, "You ain't shit, you're never gonna be shit." - Yeah, I think it was more of that. - Yeah. - It was like the-- - Where's the show play in, Peter? - Oh, listen, you ain't shit. You ain't never gonna be shit. Really becomes small potatoes when the next thing is like, they were never encouraging of me. And they made me get pregnant by my dad. My mom made me eat her pussy. - That's what she did call me. - But they never, but they never-- - She did call her mom's pussy small potatoes then. She goes, "Also, they never came here. They never came near my recitals." I think they're so here, they love it. New fans of the show. - 50% is left. - Yeah, my mom never came to my fucking recitals and also made me eat her pussy. (laughing) - So what were, what were, I never saw, what were the horrible things that she did? She made me eat her pussy, she made her fucker, her dad. - That's plenty. - Your piece of shit, you're never gonna be anything. Go to school by yourself. - Doesn't mean anything anymore. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Remember those things? That's no invoice. - Well, it's also verbally abusive on top of that stuff. - It doesn't matter anymore. It's nothing anymore. - Dude, if she was pleasant every day and then she made her eat her pussy, that would be a different thing. - If her dad was like, "Would you like me to stop getting "you pregnant and just go back to calling you stupid and fat?" She'd be like, "I would prefer that." Yes, that is the lesser of two things. - You might guess. It also says here she didn't let her go to school. She kept her trapped in a literate so she could cash wealthier checks in her bean. - Yeah, there's a lot more to the story than simply eating her. - No, dude, that's just a good plan. (laughing) - Jay, you still have the answer to the question. Would you rather eat your mom's pussy or die right now? Right now? Right now. - Oh, look at me and my mom are in such a great place. This looks like adult friends for so many years. Not like a big mom, we gotta get through this 'cause they're gonna kill me. So I'm not in no way at all. But if you can, and I also tell my mom, I go fake it a little bit first. - Yeah, I click you like it. - Dude, I've never considered right now. - Right now. - If you got to fool these guys by pissing to say you squirted, piss. That's fine. You're my mom, I love you. - You came out of there. See, you've already touched it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? I'll eat my mom's pussy to get out of a small problem. - Parking ticket. (laughing) - I'm gonna park in ticket or eat your mom's pussy. - Do you give me seasoned tickets to the fucking Sixers? I eat my mom's pussy. - Life is down. - Balls in your court Sixers organization. (laughing) My mom wants her baby happy. She'll let me eat her pussy and it gets me seasoned tickets. - You know, I just, I think the point here is that all of us agree that you'd rather get your mom's pussy than die. - Yes, probably. - Yeah. - So she's a better mom. She didn't murder her ch. So immediately go to the scale. - No, but this wasn't a fucking liver die situation. This was eat my pussies. I won't eat my pussies. - No matter what Jay, that's what I'm saying. We are comparing her to moms who killed their children. - That's true. - I know, but also mentally scarring them for, you're not gonna get over your mom, maybe. - You think that that's a worse mom than murdering three of your babies? - For the reasons they murdered them. Lindsey Clancy believed. - What if, what if a demon told her to make her daughter eat her pussy? - Okay, all right, now, that's a monkey wrench. I didn't fucking consider. And don't say that was a pun, it wasn't. It don't, don't. - I stopped myself. - Don't thank you. We have a black guy in the audience. I stopped myself. - Don't. And you should have. You're an animal. You really think that brown skin gives you a lot of leave, that doesn't. - Pump the brakes. - I gotta answer for a lot of your fucking brown privilege. - So I'm gonna go, look, I think that she's a better mother than Lindsey Clancy, but. - No way! - Debateable, we don't know if KC Anthony actually murdered her child. - Can I say this too? Let me say this. Before I start, I was getting ready to come hard at Monique. But I will say this, she was a fat girl and she was able to feed the daughter enough to keep her morbidly obese, which probably was a small pleasure for the daughter. I know as a fat kid, a fucking pizza to myself was like, fucking tell me I was gonna make out with a girl. - Right. - So I understand that. In a lot of ways, she may have thought she was being a good mother by letting her overeat. - But wait, can we all-- - Are you arguing? She's a better mother than catching me outside. - Can we all agree that she's worse? Can we all agree she's worse looking than my mom though, so at least we can move on now. - Right? - We haven't seen her for a long time. - I hate seeing her all the way up there. And my poor mother is still sleeping at the bottom. - Listen Monique, listen, and I mean this. - Come on, let's be honest here, guys. - Let me tell you this. - That's a good place for Monique. I think we need to edge up Steve's mom and show a little bit. - We should edge them up and we should bury Monique and Ugly. Let me tell you exactly why. This psycho thinks she's so big as beautiful horse shit that she showed up to the Oscars, was it? Wearing white stockings to show that she doesn't shave. That's the one of her things, she doesn't shave her legs. So she's just wolf hairy legs showing up to the Oscars. Is there some kind of statement? I don't know if that's a statement or just gross shit. Either way, burry her and Ugly. - Yeah. - All right, yeah, I would say bring her down another sentence. - You fat bitch, you could reach your calves. - Bring Monique down a little bit, slightly. - This is nothing to do with her comedy. - Pressure is his mom. - This all still appear to be her being precious's mom and not shaving her. - Is she the same bad mom as Casey Anthony who allegedly killed her daughter? We don't know. So I would say-- - Lewis, why do you want her to be innocent? so bad. I don't know. We don't know that she killed her daughter. We actually don't know. Are you in her DMs, dude? Tell us right now. If you try to, I'm gonna smash the case, dude, we should know. He should be over there. She's worse. Yes. She all the way in the middle. Okay. So here's like, move up Lindsey Clancy. Even worse. Lindsey Clancy is even worse than we were given her right now. As of right now, she's the worst on this thing. Yes. Yes. You don't think Monique said, bitch. She made her daughter eat her pussy and get pregnant by her father. Did she make her get pregnant by her father? We're under the father molester. Everyone's in on it. Well, I'm sitting in the mom. No. Yes. Of course. Did you see the movie? Yes. The dad had a 12 inch dick. Everybody knew. The only reason she even had a possible chance in the world is because Mariah Carey came to help. Mariah Carey's in the movie. Well, she's, it's not Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey, or the social worker. Ugly Mariah Carey. Oh, like when she was like, I don't want it all to make up. Yeah. Mariah Carey could never get it. That was a different ugly. That was ugly, like fucking like. Oh, go. Oh, look, she did shave her mustache. Oh, wow. Look at that. Who's this? She got a pimple. That's Mariah Carey. Oh, yeah. You saw the movie I thought. Yeah. She's a social worker. See, you'd still fuck her. Yeah. If this was a girl in the room right now, be like, we got a hot girl. The second hottest girl in this room. Oh, dude, I bet a chicken hounds to his loves to fuck. I mean, she's not ugly. The wig doesn't help. Listen, she's fine. It's a small point. Look, she's from low island. There's, there's no great beauties really from low island. A woman sitting next to her who's pregnant by her father, having the eater mom's pussy. Why do you think that's not bad? I think it's bad. But did she really know? You think it's kind of bad? Hold on. Did you know? Did you really know that the father was fucking? Oh, I don't know. Maybe she forgot while she was forcing her to eat her pussy. Lewis. She wasn't a good person also. Did she tell her mom? There's an activity you like to do. Doesn't mean it's going to be something you're going to want to do to your mother. You understand? The eating pussy rules. I know. But I'm having a hard time escaping from that thought. You're thinking of precious going. That's not what happened. She was crying going to. But to be fair, precious did love eating. Yes. Okay. You know what? Put her back on the good mom side. No, I'll say she's the bad mom. Lewis. Lewis, that was an analogy for what I was saying though ultimately, she let this kid definitely one of her small pleasures in life was eating was overeating shitty food. And she had that in droves, I believe, in the precious house. Well, we're like, she's not a good mom. Bring her back. I listen, listen, because of that fast food, she's on the side of good, like a little touch over her. No, she's not on the side of good. As a fat kid, I'm telling you, if you told me if I ate my mom's pussy, I could have gotten more food. I would have maybe done that. No, look. She's not touching the line. No, no, get her over there. She's a little bit over further. You guys are harsh. I say right here is a good place. Not as bad as allegedly murdering your daughter or murdering three of your children, but definitely not touching the good line. Catch me outside. Never had to eat your mom's pussy. You don't know that. She had to fist fight her twice. I would have bought that only for that. I mean, so maybe we shouldn't be moving everyone on the bad side up a little bit further, like a little worse. She's got to go worse. She's worse, dude. She's definitely way worse than us. Yeah, but if she is bad, it's Casey Anthony. No, but you can move over a little. Yeah, we have more room. She's not as bad. I would say move Lindsey Clancy all the way to bed all the way. Oh, look at what the fuck's going on. There we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what do we hire a Chinese guy? She might. If you've been taking night classes. Okay, this is good. Our next mom. Now we're cooking with gas. How many more moms we got? Susan Smith. When it's you remind me what Susan Smith did. Drove her kids into the right, lock the car and drove them into the lake and fucking bailed out. How many? How many kids? I think that was maybe two three to five. How many kids? There's a, that's an important distinction. It goes to three to five. Three to five. Yeah, two sons, a three year old and a 14 month old. And a 14 month old. Oh, man. That one didn't even know what the 14 month old would have had to learn that like baby, like swimming thing where they lie on their back and kick themselves into -Yeah, circle. Dude, what if it fucking Nirvana baby did just fucking made it deserve it? -Oh, man, don't dance, oh, man, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. -Yes, you might, man. -She claimed a black car-chacker stole her car and kidnapped the kids. -Wow. -How do we know that didn't happen? -They can't swim. -That's good, dude, then he fucking, then he was so fucking horned up and killing those kids, he went and beat the shit that Jesse Smollett. -I've heard this story before. -He drowned her kids, then he got precious pregnant. -Yeah. -It's guys a monster. -So she's racist and she murdered her children. -Damn, my kind of little. -Didn't tell me we were trying to find the perfect woman on TV show. -Didn't the gong girl chick also go? It's always just like, "Black guy took me." -Yeah. -It works. -It works. -But, buddy, they'll fucking link arms and walk through the woods if you a white girl goes, "Black guy got me." -Gee Mike, she's up for parole next month. Next month, where? -Get her on the show! -How long was she served? -This is in 1994. -Oh, that's plenty. That's plenty. -22 years. -She's got it. She gets it. -That's a long time. I mean, for murdering both your children, that's not enough. She definitely gets that was wrong at this point. -What was she convicted of specifically? I feel like 22 years from murdering your children is not enough. -I would say probably distracted driving, maybe 100 fucking. -What do you mean? What did she fucking murder, dude? -Well, I'm just saying. -It's one of those states maybe. -22 years for two children doesn't seem like. -It's not 22 years. She's up for. It's shut the fuck up. I don't know how to do math. -I'm saying it's like the whatever to life. -Yeah, she's up for parole. -She comes up for parole. -Yeah, so, like, she was probably got like 25 to life and now they're like after she's doing the Shawshank Redemption thing going back every two years. -She started petitioning that she gets. -Let her out. -She knows it was fucked up. -You were right. Get her on the pod. -We can get her to agree in there. -If we can get her to agree to doing only fans with, catch me outside. -She might even know about only fans. We can introduce her right here. Tell her what a big thing it could be. -We will take so much advantage of her and that'll be cool because she did some fucked up shit. So we can take it, man. No one's gonna be like, "You took Susan Smith's porn money?" They're gonna be like, "Oh, good. Fuck her." -Gee, Mike, what are you gonna say? -So what she was charged with is two counts of first degree murder, one for each kid. And then it also says here that two years ago she had a parole hearing and she was unanimously denied. -See? I like that. -All right, we take the money and we make two eternal flames for the kids. -But we keep the rest. -I like that. -Can we see her now? This is her van. -Yeah, are we judging them based on how they look now? We're the best. -We didn't go to Steve's mom. -Yeah, I mean, I gave you a present day. Jesus Christ. -We're still mean to Steve's fucking name, man. I could have got a black and white out and showed you the real fucking name. -I mean, Alex submitted a photo of herself and her fucking prime. -I know. -You took Casey Anthony's best photo, too, though. -We did, we did. -No, that's true photo. -Oh, dude. -She's hotter now? -Yeah, she is hotter now. -Wow, that's her? -That's her dude. -If I was a prison guard, she could blow me. -Oh, absolutely, dude. -She's not bad at all. -Oh, way better. She's like the girl that was the new-girl school that she killed now. -Oh, my God. -She's like the girl next door, but next door is the house of horrors. -Oh, my God. Female Latina king fistings have done her well. -That's awesome. -Where is she getting this? -But she was convicted of murdering two of her children and it was her defense like she was crazy or just she wanted to be out. -They love to swim. -Because that's the thing, like, if demons told her to do it, we have to come back. -She blamed Buick. She said the fucking breaks didn't work. -Was it a Ford escape? -See you all in hell. -It says she had an emotional breakdown. She was in a state of distress, and she was. -She was in a state of Detroit. -Yeah, she was Lindsey Clancy. They didn't know what postpartum was. -Yeah, this is before they had names for her long term depression. -Yeah, she freaked the fuck out. -She was like a bog monster, said he wanted my kid, so. -Yeah, dude. -She's bad, dude. She's real bad. She's, you know, on your plants. -Okay, well, now we're going. If we're going now or that. -It's just the numbers, though. Like, she. So, all right, first of all, she's hotter. -I think she's hotter than. -She's hotter than. -Hotter than Clancy. -Hotter than Clancy, right now. -Hotter than Alex. Hotter than Clancy. -Oh, come on. -Just below. -Just below Kasey. -But like a cunt hair balloon. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -And a little bit. And a little bit of better mom than fucking Monique. -I've actually argued. -No, right between. Yeah, right between Clancy and Kasey. -I would honestly argue you could put her above Clancy because she's not only hot then. She's hotter now. Clancy looks like the fucking Joker, dude. -Not hot, right? -She's not hot, then. -She looks like. -She looks like Murr from "Impractable Jokers," then. -Mouse? You're not gonna see it now. -But. -I said. -But we're going by today's picture. -To record. -Trump it up. -Trump your kids. Tell 'em a black guy did it, tell 'em a black guy did it. (laughing) Hold on, I mean, I mean, a black guy did it. - A black guy did it. - What's the one at the top? - So right, I think she's exactly between the hotness and the badness of both Lindsey Clancy and Kasey Anthony right in the center, she's not that far ahead of Clancy looks. Go down. - What a look like that. - No, no. She's way better than Clancy in a look, too. - She's very, yes, she aged better. - All right, all right. - This right here is a fucking, this is a putt of a lady. This is the one who ruined every party in high school. She sucks, that's why she killed her kids. It looks like all of her facial features were put just right above her chin. - No, she's an attractive girl, dude. - You're out of your fucking tree. - Yeah, that's crazy. - I gotta go home and find my mom's playboy. (laughing) - You gotta get your mind to see. - That's what I always do. You gotta get some old picture. That's why I always send pictures of my mom with her fucking half-tid hangout. (laughing) All right, let's see who's next. Alex, Alex still in the lead right now. - Big Al. - Oh, this is Jay's mom. (clapping) - Yo, my mom party. - Is that your dad or? - No. - Oh, this story's just two and a half years. - Everyone knows the story. This is my mom sent me to stay with my dad's family. I didn't know very well. - Oh no. - I didn't know very well because she was a child when she had me. So she wanted to go to the Bahamas where their friend, who I assume is taking the picture, of these two guys they just met at a bar that they and came back to the room. My mom's saying those guys were fun, but nothing happened. For sure, both of these guys cocks were my mom's mouth in place. (laughing) But anyway, it's because my mom was hot. - I mean, the guy who's on top of her, that is like, "Hey, I'm gonna fuck you again." - Absolutely, dude. - Yeah, dude. - And he's familiar. - Dude, you're gonna fucking suck 'em off to a Jimmy Buffett album. That guy is, all, that guy lives in Margaritaville. - Oh. - These are two Bahamas shitheads that definitely plowed my mom in. - They cracked that window behind them, cranked it open and get the stink out of the room, right? - Absolutely. - Well, they were all, my mom and them all ripping fucking up. - Menthols. - So your mom, your mom. - She's bumping me out. I feel bad for her anymore. (laughing) - Why do you feel bad for me? Everything was fine. She found me a stem. - He's great, dude. Obviously, he only wears nail polish. (laughing) - That's because of my dad. - He's only a 50-year-old guff. That's, you know, it's completely normal. - Oh, it's, that's because my dad got me pregnant. (laughing) - This is, no, my mom was a hot back in there. She had monster cans size zero waste. Yeah, she was tiny. - She had a bit now. Now this angle doesn't show. - By the way, Jay regularly tries to convince us that his mom's hot. It's the craziest scene of the planet. - Well, I'll say this. - Like, see, he just, see, he's like, yeah, my mom, she's a mom. Nobody should want a fucker. - Jay tries to convince us that his mom's hot back is mom. - The two guys leaning over to fuck Steve's mom or Steve's children. (laughing) My mom parties. Steve's mom falls asleep on the train. - Yeah. - Your mom got a train run on her. - Damn, right, dude. A Bahama train. It's called a banana boat. - More than lovey. - No, my mom, for sure. Definitely, she was a party. So, and a great mom. - Because my mom knew enough to come from my grandparents who took fantastic care of me a lot. - Oh, all right. - And then when she fucking got to an age, she went back to college, got her shit together and then found me a stepop. She did great. Mom's great mom. - That's nice. - I mean, you taught me a lot of it. I got to learn a lot. - We were supposed to trash Steve's mom and pretend Jay's mom, who's a whore. Is a great mom. This is insane. - She was a single mother from the time I was three to a little fat kid. - She literally sent you to live with a guy you barely knew so she could get plowed out by two guys in the Bahamas. - I didn't live with them. - I was on vacation to Florida, she thought. - Hey, Lewis, guess what happens when you get hit? - You learn how to lie. (audience laughing) - My mom wasn't so great. - How much could-- - K, but your mom was a terrible mom. - What? - How much ketamine did she do off that guy's dick? - Ketamine, that was even a thing back then. - No. - Who was she? - Who did it? - Who did it? - But no, my mom was never a drugs person, but she probably drank and definitely fucked both these guys or something happened. - Yeah, and it was just fun to fuck the other or whatever. - All right, look, here's the, here's what I'll say. Okay, your mom, in this photo is hotter than Alex. - You think? - Yeah, what? - Sizey, but monster cans. - We need other photos. - Alex is very pretty normal. - I know, I will add monster cans. - I mean, I've met Jay's mom. Jay's mom isn't currently hotter than Alex. - No, are any other photos of Jay's mom? - Fuck, 69 year old me. - 69, hell yeah dude. (audience laughing) - Alex, how hot are you gonna be in like 20 years? Do you think, still pretty hot or what? Banked up? - I plan to keep it tight. (audience cheering) - Someone to put an apple cider vinegar in their pussy, like I told them, is it joke? - It's confidence right there. - Yeah, what about some fake dits? (audience laughing) - So here's the thing, I'm gonna say that, not as good of a mom as Alex. - What? - Yeah, I'd agree with that. - Okay, that's fair. - She's a great, Alex is a great, but I literally, I did the math in my head. - My mom was 18 when she had you. She fucked up. - 19, she fucked up and also Alex. - She became a great mom. - Alex is with the father currently. They're doing great together. You're right, yeah, for sure. - Yeah, sure. - So I would say, here's what I'll say. - Out of the gates. - All right, go back to the sliding scale. I'm gonna put her on the same level of hotness as Alex, but I think that's a good place right there for your mom, Jay. - Well, let's put her a little higher than Alex there though. I think you guys are forgetting the monster cans. - I agree. - I agree. - Yeah, he had just a tad. That's good, Alex, you're very beautiful, like my mother. (all laughing) - There's something, how about a Jewish? - Dude, if you had monster cans, you would be my mom. - Oh my God, Alex, monster cans, you would be just a smidge above a J's mom right now, just so you know. - Absolutely, just so you know. - Bump above my mom with monster cans. - It's your pathetic tits that keeps you where you're at. - Once again, your tits have failed you. - Just take a note, Alex. Take a note. (all laughing) - Hey, while they're taking that baby out, why don't you put a little something in there, you know what I mean? - While you're in there. - How many more are we getting? - Do you do something with that placenta? It's so into your chest. - We'll do one more, we'll do one more. - Let's see. Well, it's gotta be one person then. - It's gotta be my mom or your-- - There it is. - It's my mom. - Aww. - Which one's your mom? - Come on, I know. (all laughing) That's a real question, I think. - Dude. - I would have said to hot our picture of my mom, had I known Jay was gonna play the fucking game the way he played it? 'Cause this is not an attractive picture of my mom, this is just one that was in my phone. - And it's ugly. - I was probably this age you were when that picture of my mom was taken. - Well, that's true, your mom was young as fuck. - How old are you? - Like 14 or 15 there? - What? - So when that happened, I was like, I was like 11 when that was my mom. - Damn. - Yeah. - How old is your mom in this picture? - Oh no, no, so. - My mom died when she was 43 or 42. - Whoa, I thought she was like 55 in this picture. - No, no, no, no. What the fuck? - Come on. (all laughing) - What happened? - Steve, fuck you and fuck your ugly brothers. (all laughing) - Dude, who is this supposed to be? - Oh, she's that old bitch. - If we're going by the picture, this picture is below Steve's son. - Yeah, dude, last unconscious snoring. I can hear her snoring in the picture. - My mom is beautiful here. - Oh my god. - She's on the left, yeah. - Jesus Christ. - Thank you, thank you. My mom's beautiful here. - All right. - I mean, you could pin my mom to the bad mom side as much as you want. - She looks like your aunt Ann Marie now and your aunt Ann Marie's 95 years old. - She's 89 years old, you piece of shit. - Oh, I feel terrible that I made that cake out to 95. - Yeah. - Pull up the scale. We don't have to just stare at the full, we could-- (all laughing) - Fuck, dude. - Well, why is she, I mean-- - All right, my mom was a pretty bad mom. - Oh, she was. - I'm worried bad mom. - Oh, what happened? - So let's put her with, she used to make Louisita pussy. - Louisita, put her down? - I wish. - Around Monique. - No, she's not as bad as Monique. - But near Monique. - She's-- - Oh, no. - Whoa. - She's a little over here, the Monique. - She's not-- - Go-- - Did your mom shave her legs? Did your mom shave her legs? - She's real dog race. - A little higher than a Monique. - I talked higher than a Monique. - Let's talk about her being, she's not as bad of a mom as the woman who murdered their children, guys. - What? - What are you talking about? - Allegedly according to you for the top one. - No, I would say you would put her in the same category probably as cash be outsides mom. - Wait, right, in the same block? - No, no, in terms of how bad of a mom she is. - Oh, okay. - No. - Okay, so a little less ugly than a Monique. - No, you don't know my mom, you fucking-- fucking Arab piece of shit. Tell yourself, 'cause your mom's a fucking hairy pig. How 'bout that? Your mom's a hairy, disgusting fucking Arab. - There I say. - And Lewis, are we going by the picture, or the other wall? - No, let's talk about his hairy fucking Arab mom. She didn't beat you for laughing the way he laughed. You faggot? We all hate you. No one likes you on the internet. - Well, never know if his mom's actually in a burka. - Yeah, she might have a full beard. Lewis, I don't want to judge by this picture. I've seen better pictures of your mom. But in this picture, I would have to argue Monique at a core level has a more attractive face. - No, no. Monique's a more attractive, Jay, that's face. - I don't know what your mom's body looks like here, but she's not. - My mom was thin. She looks like chips cooney. (laughing) - She looks like six flags, a little guy. - I would say she has no teeth. It looks like she's nice. - She might not have no teeth there. - That's why I was wondering. - I can help with the beat. - So no, I would say that she is slightly better looking than Monique. - What? - Yes. - I can promise you my mom has teeth. - I know she's not smiling. - Oh yeah, look at that strong jaw, of course. - No, you can bring her down, you can bring her down. I would say go down a little bit more. little more. Oh, okay. That's fair. That's fair. Okay. And I would say, yes, she is a probably slightly worse mom than cash me outsize mom. This actually a very fair place for my mom. It's a fair place right there. What does she do? That was so evil. Oh, she was just abusive physically. Didn't return the favor. Yeah, Lewis's dad would have gotten him pregnant. But I'm a guy. I don't have a womb. He got killed on fucking junior try out night. So yeah, there you have it. Ladies and gentlemen, the best and hottest mom is Alex. So who's the worst ugliest? The worst ugliest? Monique. Yeah, yes, Monique is the worst ugliest. And the best hottest is Alex. No, no, the baddest hottest is the best hottest is for sure, Casey, Anthony, right? Casey, Anthony. That's fair. And then Alex, Alex is pending the court. But you, Steve, yours is the ugliest good mom. Hey, win is a win is a win. See if you have the ugliest good mom. I love it. I'll take it all day long, dude. That's what you want. And my mom is the hottest good mom and Alex is the best hot mom. Jay, stop trying to give your mom an award. Your mom didn't rank you. I've already made the sash. Everything's giving. I bring her a sash from some contest I forced her to win on the show. We did a fucking ruin her sash closet. This is your, Steve, you were out there for this week for the show. But a couple of years ago from Mother's Day, we did a Mother's March badness for hotness. Oh, I answered my mom. Oh, you did it to your mom. Yeah, what is Jay, Jay bullied everyone into making his mama. I should just keep showing sex. Your doctor, Dr. Drew's mom was legitimately a, like a supermodel in the 60s. She was gorgeous. She didn't have a, she didn't have a picture with side tip, like my slut mom did. Oh my God. Dr. Drew's mom was like genuinely gorgeous. A real beauty. It came down to me and Doug Stanhope's mom and it only came down to the Stanhope's mom because every other picture she was Dr. Drew's mom. She was flat. Jesus. She was flashing tit. Stanhope's mom was fucking hot dog. Jay convinced everyone that his mom was hotter than this woman. She was. This is the 50s, dude. She had a penis. She has cross-eyed here. Yeah. I got to be honest with you. Face is a little too stern for my liking. My mom didn't look at you like that all for you. That's because she was told what to do all the time. That's right. You get a cigarette put it on your hip if you fuck up. Yeah. All right. Well, I love that. That's fucking pit to have added it for a big random clause. For first to start my mom for being the hottest, goodest and Alex for being the goodest hottest. Mark Norman, our amazing guest. Thank you for being here. Brendan Sackel. Oh, thank you for being here for some of it, but not the good parts. Thank you guys for hanging out with us here. Thank you for subscribing to guest digital. Thank you for watching us on YouTube and we will catch you guys later this week on the Friday and hang until then peace. I think I would instinctually suck it. I think with three scenes. Let's be fucking over Lewis. Lewis Gomez. Lewis J Gomez. You're trying to watch a retard draw swastika hilarious. I'm sort of known as a point going to podcasting. Being a fat gay guy is so fucking awesome. And comedian Steve Ren is easy. The Legion of Skanks podcast. You.