Mark Logan bares all in emotional episode on art, love, and life.

Mokarra, Mokarja, welcome one and all, I am Luke from the Healing Fires podcast. This is a space where we explore how nature can impact your life when you allow yourself to deepen that friendship. Today's guest is the director of CLTV Film, the lead singer of Good Grief, founder of Universal Space, a true artist, word smith, a man that embodies creativity to bring people together for their highest good. Welcome Mark William Logan. Yeah, I want to set the container, I'll open the container now just by transporting us back to our time in the forest earlier today with the calm breeze and the trees dancing on the view, the angelic bird sang and then the breathing in of the clean, forest air. Inviting in now, expression of all emotions, welcoming in anything you want to come forth. So Mark what's in your heart right now? Fear and excitement, what is the fear related to right now? Making sure the fears related to not communicating how I feel to be my authentic self, I suppose, that potentially, I don't give a good account of myself, perhaps, sorry the fears coming from that, there's so much I want to say and there's so much to be said and then there's so little to be said at the same time, you know, I feel like words can also be very futile and reductive and they often can take the magic out of things. Our language is the medium we're expressing through language and podcast so there's a lot of pressure sometimes on the word to do the job of communicating what's inside and what's going on. So sometimes there'll be a little bit of right now what's what do you feel if I'm trying to identify if there's probably a little bit of fear that I don't communicate as well as I believe I can and the excitement comes from the fact that I believe I can. So I'm going to meet that and there wouldn't be excitement if there wasn't fear. So does the space, as he said, you just opened up a container. So there's a space here for us to explore and I don't know what's coming. I have no idea what you're going to ask me, so I'm excited about that unknown and on the other side of the fear lies goodness, I think, and knowledge and a new experience perhaps I might stumble upon something I never told of before and ever uncovered so I'd say that's why there's a pretty simple cocktail going on there. Yeah, lovely. And yeah, I got you on because you inspire me in many ways that I haven't expressed you before and just being around you, you know, energetically, and I feel that you have great wisdom and life experience and connection to nature. So I'd love to know what nature is to you. Thank you for saying those things. Yeah, I think we're all here to inspire one another and yeah, build each other up and fill up each other's cup. And nature to me is everything, man, it's fucking everything, it's absolutely everything. Like it's like that question I've asked so many times like what is music to you, to a musician and it's like, yeah, nature is God for me, like it's the physical embodiment of God that surrounds us in our experience, like for me space is nature and what is your own true nature, what lies inside me is nature, everything that we've created has arisen from nature, we've arisen from nature, nature, birthed us, we are nature, nature is also for me, yeah, it's everything it's the universe, it's absolutely everything. And finding nature in everything I think is really important to me because we live in such a sterile environment, we're so removed from the essence of nature through the augmented reality that we've built on top of modern nature and I've been practicing reminding myself that nature is everything, nature is the calendula that's grown up from a slab of concrete underneath a step, like you know, nature is the sound of running water when you're walking along the daughter outside shop and center, like it's everywhere around us, and so yeah, but it's also something metaphysical that you can't touch and that is inside us, that's what nature is for me. How do you have the awareness for that, like how are you tuning into that sound and smell and like how are those senses at the stage, they are now? Let's suppose yeah, you touched on it, we have those portals of experience right, like the senses are one, how do I do it on like a daily basis, like water and more practices for a top and into nature? Yeah, it sounds like there's a continuous awareness of your surroundings and beyond that. Yeah, I think it's a blessing and a curse in this modern age because the more you open yourself up and the more you go down this path of inquiry is what I call it, like self-inquiry, spirit inquiry, looking inside for answers, not looking outside for answers, the less you find there's a congruence between what's going on internally and how your narrative is being presented to you externally, you know, that's something that I find difficult to reconcile on a daily basis. For me, Ramdas would be somebody that I look to for teaching, like I would consider Ramdas one of my spiritual teachers, if you will. And I've been tuning into more recently this idea of karma yoga. So everything that arises in your experience is your work. That's it. There's nothing else. So in the past, when I came from spending intense periods in the nature, the kind of postcard nature, the Amazon, when I came back, I would be begrudgingly living in the city, you know, kind of going, oh, you know, what's a fucking joke? What we're doing to the planet? Like, this isn't how we should live. We're so unconscious. We're miserable. We're just producers and consumers. This is a fucking toxic cycle that I've subjected myself and we've subjected ourselves to live in. And I would kind of rail against that internally. And I did nothing will create friction for me and despair. And more recently, in the last two years, I'd say, there's been a dawning of, well, that's a perspective. Yes. But you can choose to look for nature in your immediate. And even if you can't find it directly, like we're in a room now where there's no organic thing, older than us. That I can see the kombucha is probably quite alive in the plastic bottle. But older than that, we're the only organic thing in this space, everything else we've created. And you could say that unless you're into animism and you believe everything has a spirit, which is a whole other theory and kind of school of life. You could say that we're the only living thing. But even in this space, you can tune into the air that's being pushed around by the fan and our feet on the carpet or on the floor and just into, you can close your eyes and imagine going back to the forest like you did there. There was like a kind of the moment of, you even exhale deeply when you were imagined the forest. So our imaginations are incredibly powerful and they are in nature. Like we are and everything that we've built is from nature. So yeah, it's not easy to tune in. The dog is a great kind of anchor because she makes sure I spend at least half an hour to 45 minutes to two hours in a field every day, whether it's the local park or on a beach or out. And I think if I didn't have bloom, I probably wouldn't give that to myself nearly every day because I'm chasing like a lot of people and what's around the corner and survival and ego and progress and career and money and success and impact is what I'm after and community and all these things. So it's a home. There's a whole myriad of reasons why I've chosen to live in a city. But to be honest, which it and it's kind of curious that this podcast is coming up with this time, I'm really debating how I'm living at the moment. And I was telling you this when we were walking on the forest like, I don't know how much longer I can sustain living in a city to be totally honest. I have my garden, my front back garden. I don't know how much longer, even though you could say that I'm living a very good life in terms of why I could express myself. I'm relatively free, I'm financially independent. I get to make movies and documentaries and music and whole space. All that's great, but I'm still coming from a place of living within the realms of like a capitalist production driven society. And sometimes like days like today, when I've had a fucking hard day, it's hard to not see the hypocrisy in that in knowing nature is where it's at. So I suppose what I'm trying to say is I've been trying to find my spiritual practice in the fucking now like what's my role right here right now and not to be so caught up in the utopian ideology of when I got the carbon in the woods. And I have my little ones and my partner and the dream, the Mirage, the illusion. Well, that's great. That's a lovely, you know, hill to aim for a lovely ambition and I hope and dream of that day. But right now, what can I do? What's what's present? I've got a microphone in front of me and I'm communicating to hopefully people who are tuning in for their own reasons. I need to try and uncover something true and so myself in my own nature. I don't want to have a good conversation with you. So I just need to be present. And yeah, I probably went all over both sides. There's probably some hypocrisy in what I just shared, but I'm trying to be really fucking honest that it is hard. I think everyone feels that, but I'm trying to show with a sense of whatever is arising in the moment. That's my only duty to serve that thing. And as long as I do that, I'll be I'll be kind of doing what I'm here to do, you know, live and out my purpose. Yeah, I love that. It's like your mantra or your you're going back to the now, you're going back to being present, but you know that there is something on the horizon, which is like you're having faith in that and reassurance in that. But the goal is to be here now, you know, and there has to be faith in that things will work out, you know, for your highest good. And I'd love to explore your lowest point and whatever detail you feel comfortable with, you know, I'm sure one springs out to mind, but you can let that kind of land because I know I'm trying these things out here and kind of it's they're quite direct, you know? Yeah. My lowest point, it's an interesting question, isn't it? It's not something we like to put the focus on. I don't think in life, we like to celebrate the high points and even just your highest self, like saying that it's interesting to be honest around my lowest point, what I thought my lowest point was I had at a lesson moments of low where I knew I wasn't doing why I was destined to do or why I was getting joy from in terms of working in kind of a commercial agency and in marketing and stuff, it just felt so depressing and restrictive and yeah, oppressive to me, but I suppose in recent memory of us to be really honest with you, I think my lowest point was probably about a month and a half after my last relationship ended. I found myself in my apartment alone, wondering what the fuck happened, feeling isolated and a sense of disconnection from myself, my own identity and feeling a sense of betrayal by myself, of myself almost and a sense of loss, grief, yeah, I think that was and it was winter as well, it was coming just coming into winter, it was around this time, maybe a little bit earlier. I think that was probably in recent memory, that was probably one of the lowest points in my life, I would say. And how long ago was that? That would have been October 2020, so two years ago. So then I'm just going to paint a picture of my experience and then it might be given an idea of why I asked that question. So my experience of you was the first time I saw you, was you were facilitating a sweat lodge in Gavin. Yeah, and wasn't Gavin, I thought it was Gavin, maybe it was Gavin. Okay, it was Gavin, yeah. Yeah. Amazing setting went in and like to the guys house and you were there and so welcoming. Yeah, lots of different things. I was in all of you and then the facilitation of, you know, just moving over through the fields, over to the sweat lodge and I'm getting ready then for the sweat lodge. And I have my, you know, swing shorts on underneath the trousers, you know, like well prepared here in a towel and I'm like setting down putting the stuff in the table, folding my clothes, you know. And there I kind of hear the running trotting behind me. I look around and there is you, Mark running across like the field, tattoos on the body, down, flapping in the wind, you know, and it's just like, wow, okay, this is fucking, this is happening where we're going in. I didn't take off my swim shorts, but I just like, fuck, I want to be like that, you know, that's literally what I was feeling. And then we went into to ceremony and, you know, your guidance and that was a big shift for me and connecting with my ancestors. And it was definitely shifts there, yeah, and even talking about now, you know, it was, it was letting go of grief big time there. Yeah, it was connecting with, where my dad would pass the way and grandfather, you know, it was really special. That's nature, right? Yeah, that's nature right now. It's like allowing yourself to feel all of that. Yeah. So I didn't do that like I allowed myself to go there, but with your guidance, and space holding, setting, and words, energy, encouragement, safety, you know, that's what you gave to me. So like I'm looking at the picture of you, you know, being confused as a teenager and, you know, two years ago, finding it tough and then getting to stage of like, recovering from that and pushing forward and being able to affect other people like you did with me, you know, and then yeah, I guess I was trying to identify this earlier about this soul and I felt, I feel like, yeah, being around you, my soul feels more like it's able to express itself being around you, you know, so there's like an encouragement of my creativity just by being around you, you know? So I really appreciate that. So then, Jesus, man, hang on for a second. Let me just acknowledge that because there's like, yeah, there's a lot of stuff coming up in me when you speak like that, a lot of resistance internally. And I think it's like a fear of judgment right? Because I don't want to, there's some insecure part of me that doesn't want to accept that nearly, but at the same time, this is other part of me that's like, oh my god, this is so beautiful. And I'm so grateful that you feel that way. And I'm so grateful that you attribute some of the fact that you're able to do the work for yourself and have that feeling as a result of space that I'm co-holding or co-facilitating or weaving or that even just my essence brings that out that in you, like where trees or plants growing together right and we're growing in light or using the same nutrients from the soil or whatever metaphor you want to use. I'm so fucking grateful that that's your experience, man, because that lets me know that I'm actually, I'm on the right path in many respects and what I'm doing. And I'm not taking ownership over it, but if it's happening through us while we're around each other and you're having that feeling, that's fucking great, man, because that's what I want for people who are around me to feel. And I think anyone that says that they don't want people to feel that way is lying. If you or order just fucking troubled and they want people to suffer around them because they're from a place of suffering, I'm working to become from a place as much as I possibly can of wholeness and goodness, you know? So I want well for those around me, everyone from a working place to a fucking shopkeeper to anyone. I'm not Jesus Christ by any means, I'm not fucking perfect. I have a lot of stuff going on, but I do try and show up to be a healthy person for others. And if you're having that feeling when you're around me, I'm delighted. And I would just say that your day on the work and all I'm doing is doing my work for me as much as it's benefiting others. The person that's benefiting the most from me doing work is me and it's the same for absolutely everyone. And so fair play to you because like if this is your first podcast and you're willing to go right to the kind of edge of your own emotions and heart and ancestry and grief straight off the bat. Like that's an amazing example to separators, but it's also really fucking healthy for you that you can come into Dundrum Shopping Centre and set up a couple of microphones and get that feeling from just this is an excuse to have these feelings and have these conversations. So I just needed to share that because I don't want to I'm not sitting over here being like I'm not being affected by the things you're saying of course, yeah, I'm of course I'm loving it, but I'm trying to express that it's not from a place of ego that I'm appreciating what you're saying. It's from a place of like fuck yeah, this is how we should be making each other feel when we come as clean containers for one another. And the sweat, the sacred sweat is a space for that to happen. And the fact that people having those experiences is encouraging for me to continue to invest my energy in that way so orders can get benefit because I'm also getting benefit and and yeah, I needed to wrap myself out there as well because and I think we're taught to not accept praise or not like if someone's saying something like you helped me feel this way or you make me feel this way or I feel this way around you which is probably the most accurate. No one makes you feel anything you you feel yourself a certain way, but you can feel a way around someone and my late friend, you know, I want to crib and one of my dearest friends ever she left in November 2019 and she left me a voice message and it was her anniversary there on Sunday and I was just listening back to it and she's like you make me feel like the way like the real me the best me the me I want to be like the me I want to be a feel that way when I'm around you and I'm like fuck yeah, I'm not going to like shy away from the fact that that is a good thing to hear and I think the reason is probably resistance is because we don't hear it often enough right? We just probably don't we don't get told that because there's such a lack I feel a lack of fucking love and a lack of connection that when someone acknowledges someone else and says you make me feel so good or you make me feel this way especially as a man to an older man on a podcast there can be this perception of oh well you know ego and what fucking you know man's planning or you're trying to show whatever and I'll fuck that it's actually true and if it's felt and it's expressed then that's nothing but good and I just want to acknowledge that thank you yeah so it's like I needed to round myself out though because there is resistance to hearing those things and I think it comes from an insecure place of like someone could you know perceive that as ego or whatever the fuck but it's so important to not I think to not see that is ignorant I think does you have to see it right it out and still push true and acknowledge it and support and encourage it because it's the only way we're going to move through this current I think spirit drought or soul drought or connection drought that we're in at the moment is boy actually like consciously choosing to fork the fear and choose love anyway you know well the feeling that I get is obviously unique to me but like the people that you are you know hanging around with and spending time with and affecting the lives I've like there there's a lot of famous people or well-known people and whatever that means to whoever's listening whatever you know whatever it means to be famous like but I would imagine that that would mean that there be a lot of people that would like to spend time with you so they have the pick and the choice of a lot of people I'm guessing but like there was you know on your Instagram I've seen you with Bano and like Barry Kogue and in the Fontaine and like Maverick Saber Glenhance like it goes on and on and there's loads of different what I would perceive as you know connection and so I'm not unique in in the feeling the effect you know that you have and I'm not landing this on like some ego thing but I guess what in a way I'd like to know kind of what has there been feedback on kind of what that is like you know is it your enthusiasm is it you know your compassion or what do you feel like is you know some of your strengths and I'm fully aware of on ego like you are so yeah so the question is if I may what do I think it is about me that attracts others to me yeah or as there being feedback from those people that are like Jesus you know may is not your job or is it or is it more you know what's interesting which is why I acknowledge you for saying what you said just a second ago and yeah there is some sharing for sure of like love what you're about love what you're doing or that's great like keep that up but I think as a principle we don't tell each other very often what we really think each other directly I do I enjoy doing that and like yeah like the people who are around me are in my life I would like to think and I have experience of like direct communication and knowing what binds us and I would say for the most part what binds us is a shared desire to do really fucking great work I want to say great work I mean work that has an impact and work that is beyond the self and the ego work that services and the art of music or film or community or social justice or homelessness or whatever the issue may be that we're struggling to address this as a society and then our finds a place for interpersony speaking and I feel personally it's interesting to hear you acknowledge me in a way I feel like I'm quite a divisive character to be totally honest with you Luke I feel and very much like a trigger for a lot of people I feel often like a mirror that I reflect often back to other people where they're at and I think that's because I have made a really difficult decision a long time ago that I'm actually going to be myself and I'm gonna trust that whatever that thing is I think it's God but in a non dogmatic controlling way and I think that is inside everybody I've just been fortunate enough to have been given enough love and support to trust that to trust that source to trust that voice now that's not to say didn't like I said at the very start like trigger a mirror divisive character like I've definitely got people out there that probably wouldn't ever even endure sitting down and listening to this conversation they probably don't think I'm a good guy but as I said I think I'm on a shame at least myself and I'm sincere as fuck and I think people don't get that a lot of people need the way in to be the whatever's here you know the the pop culture of the hour the meme of the hour the small talk of the hour whatever the fuck that is that's great I love a joke and I love the crack the same as anybody but like we're here for a finite amount of time I'd rather really have a fucking sincere conversation and like getting's going very quickly off the button and be direct because I want to live a life that is in my opinion worthy and worthy of of the fact that I've been given this opportunity you know I've been blessed by the universe I've been blessed by my mother I've been blessed by life Pachamama God whatever the fuck you want to call it so I'm not gonna sit around wasting that on you know showing away from the magnitude of the fact that we're fucking alive and I'm aware that not everyone is able for that it can be an intense energy to be around but that's not to say I don't have gears and I can't chill out and relax and kick back and listen I've enjoyed listening a lot as I've grown older and which is ironic as I'm on a fucking tangent I'm talking about listening but it's the truth and but I do believe that whatever said people that you're mentioning and are around because I think they feel that authenticity I'm not trying to be anyone else and I can say that where my hand and where I'm legitimately just trying to figure out what the fuck my voice is and what my message is amongst all of the noise and how I can find something that maybe hasn't been found before and because everyone's story is unique and how can I transmute the pain and and the stuff that I've gone through for for good away how can I find the medicine in my experience and how can I share that and and I'm a big fan of all those people that that you mentioned so it's it's it's amazing to be around that energy and to learn from it and you don't need to be told to learn you just need to listen you need to watch and so I'd say it's the shared desire to do good in the world perceive it good a lot of people are fucking started wars over trying to do good in the world and then secondly I'd say it's a sense of authenticity and then thirdly it's the craft that I've chosen like I'm like I'm a tradesman like anyone I make films I make music I make records now I make moments happen and that's a talent and a skill I suppose that people come for and I'm grateful to have found this medium it's definitely one of many I look forward to finding others but it's the one that I'm chosen to pursue right now yeah the authenticity really landed with me there yeah so you're this may overlap but you're holding circles you're facilitating groups you are introducing people you know you're facilitating kind of collaborations let's say you know you're managing things you're managing relationships you're like regardless of that it's helping you or helping others or being in service or whatever like why why are you doing this tough one ultimately like life can be a very dark place and the second is that I I don't know what else to do like I literally don't know what else to do I'm trying to find a way to do what I do from a place of being in nature which I was telling you about actually living in harmony with the land and working remotely and maybe picking and choosing smaller projects or should I say fewer projects but bigger projects it's not smaller projects just less but more but yeah honestly it's so natural to me to do what I'm doing right now and I have what you might call a bit of an unquenchable thirst to to make things to create essentially just to create and to collaborate I think I just love work on what others and learning and I love making things that I haven't I've never made before haven't been made before like a record or a music video or a film or a documentary or a commercial or a community event I love events and exhibitions and stuff like that as well but I honestly it's just it really comes naturally I have to say like it just does and it usually comes in response to something like a pandemic or a heartache or a fucking ancestral trauma or a desire to be free in this world or a desire to tell stories and meet people and really have deep connections with people and to amplify their message so yeah I think I do it for that reason selfishly personally and then what drives the work or what do I want the work to do like the things that I pour myself into is to create more compassion ultimately like that's what I really feel like that's the tread of my work is like to to help people open up to new concepts or ideas that they haven't previously inside of themselves not not even externally just internally to laugh at something they haven't laughed at to cry it's something they haven't cried at to feel to ultimately feel on an emotional intelligence level and true that look in and put put fun definitely if you're not having fun then you know and I think fun is also a buzzword at so temporary and so is happiness so is joy peace is what I'm going for a long term is to have peace and today wasn't a peaceful day today was a chaotic day but in that trying to find peace is the the work I think and you know I don't know what else to do man I'm trying to create a place for myself in the world where I can be free or I can feel fulfilled and where the work that I create is of service if I can continue to do that without causing harm to anyone then I'll be happy so where is that like peaceful place where is your safe space in my garden I feel very a peace in my garden and in the water Glen Malurman the river in Glen Malur where Bush Cabaja was surely pulled up she's I could die happy man in that river the Amazon like they're all nature based places man none like like imagine me saying Vegas Vegas baby with an eight ball in my pocket and fucking you know in a limo yeah right that's my happy place like fuck that you know what I mean in the forest today just in it being in nature with friends around the fucking fire with food in my belly music and love my animals what else like what do we read the rest it's just distraction from that like that really makes me feel happy you know I'm feeling physically fit and healthy sometimes in train and not even in a match just playing football where I haven't taught about anything other than the ball and its orientation on the pitch and whether or not well you can get involved and make a tackle or a pass or whatever just moments where you're not in the mind where you're in the heart in music playing harmonie in my home or in a lyric does just come out with me spewed out sometimes in the car I was driving the car today you might have seen this and I just ate half an orange and I was tripping fucking balls man just off the autumnal light of a Friday afternoon and eight segments of vitamin C perfectly delivered like it can that's what I'm saying it can literally be anywhere but yeah inside myself I think as harmony is like a north time with friends just even this like coming and doing this this is like an actor self law for myself is the curve at the time to come and just have a conversation that I feel will enable me to step into my truth and to be heard and to also listen and to learn and all those places make me happy and talking of music or spoken word do you have anything on you do I have any spoken word or yeah not to put you on the spot I have a poem that I wrote and when I was in the depths that I fucking pain that I was telling you about where when I went to the uh I went to the Amazon twice in like a forum one spell to just try and get it a fucking core of why I was in so much pain and and it's called blue and I'll try and remember it and I could deep I see I acted so selfishly I believe from my soul to learn how to grieve bound in divine full bloom in time the healing I pursue I pray for you to see through the veil of my mistakes at the core we were true it's taken me time to find and avoid all the ways are declined to be the man who now stands not apart from the bad seeds that were sown before I was grown enough to say I don't know I get scared too wrapped in my own scar tissue but I can now separate the cause from effect and bear witness to the light that shines from your every step true love to blue love sacred unafraid the shadow cast from the mast of a ship sailing high on short of its course yet even upon the rocky seas she flows straight to the source the medicine path where pain becomes a teacher a dream of all the ways I can now reach her patch a mama the creator the DJ at this cosmic rave and transpoi beats of ancestral understanding can you have it yeah take my hand in heart beat the way to abundant grows of self knowledge or hands bear the fruit of freedom chop it up they're hungry feed them wow so I got to the grips of some of the fucking shit and the pain and the yeah the ignorance and uh miss stepping but again is there a misstep when you learn you know I don't know what I give to be able to um not have that running around in your head but to be able to verbalize and express oh it's still fucking runs around the way it's trust me but it's nice to be able to put into something yeah it's transmuting like and share and share in it yeah it feels lovely to share it and like there was a young woman called key uh who was in the jungle with me at that time and she is from I believe she's from New York the Bronx uh her mother was heroin addict and she is a poet and has started a church like a church of nature she does like facilitates a lot of ceremonies and stuff in America I think in Florida and she was coming out with amazing poetry and it's sometimes you can get a lick off someone where like she was saying a lot of her poems and ceremony and stuff and it just inspired me similar like you know if we feed off one another and I remember just being like I was writing some stuff but I don't think I ever would have written that poem that way if it wasn't for her kind of ephelica New Orleans New Yorkie kind of like just confidence and I feel like she gave me the confidence I needed to write in that way and um yeah just fell out of me I think again that thing uh most of my best writing or anything that I would even consider sharing let's just say best as in I would be open to sharing has just come fully formed I just get the fuck out of the way and write from the first person and try to not be afraid of being judged and just get that out of the space as much as possible and let it come true and then add it little bits to make it more universal unless victimized or we be your caught up in my own trying to be an artist and or narcissistic fucking you know ramblings and make it more distilled but almost all of my best ideas or work come fully formed straight through and it's only then if you start trying make it better you're actually making it worse you'll dilute it or you'll fuck it up and it's knowing the difference between those ideas and the ones that you definitely shouldn't and I think only by doing both can you actually learn which are the ones or true like age getting older a bit of discernment or knowing from what place am I being guided is it fear is it ego or is it like value and knowing who else is at the table like who you're about to get into bed with because it's literally when you start a project with someone or you work with someone it's a very delicate thing and trusting your intuition like you know like if I don't want to work with someone anymore or if you're gonna gonna win it or like a vibe and we overtink in society I think we overtink in our world because everything has to be rationalized and taught I don't need a fucking reason if I don't want to work with someone I just want to work with them because my god is telling me not to work with them I might have to make up a reason to be polite to save their feelings or and because that's because it applies not everywhere if you're if you're so blunt but like I feel like we need to just trust and if someone doesn't want to work with me and they just go I just don't get a good feeling I swear to god look I'd be like totally don't even need don't even need you to tell me I get it I would understand if someone's operating off that level I'd actually have respect for it and and I'd probably say to myself well if you're feeling that way then we're probably not supposed to work to get it right because what no you have to want to work with me fuck that we were overtly analyzing everything we should just feel into decisions and there probably is something after root but again language is so reductive languages it literally spells to fucking distract us from what's really going on and trusting that thing is the most important thing so I think all my best ideas and I even have some resistance around saying best because if like I'm full of great ideas but all of my most successful or worthy or valuable or impactful work has been something that's just come straight out without any provocation or adulteration or any kind of tampering it's just kind of float out and it's just trusting it. It was a piece I wanted to bring in which is like a kind of a homage to a homage. Love the homage to a homage to Marie Logan and who was she I feel like there would be a good healing I think there was a link there yeah it was a link there which I realized then with the thing of her and then the relationship to my kind of father as well so there's the grieving going on simultaneously it's kind of grief and I'm aware yeah grief is totally different for everyone and so yeah I would like to show some respect from Marie Logan but I would like you to paint a picture and then maybe like refer to some qualities that she had that you bring forward you know Jesus you're really gone for it with the questions I love the questions that you're asking man yeah so my grandmother for me we had the beauty of that parental relationship without all the pressure because when it's your father and your mother it's so direct it's like when you're working with someone directly I feel like it's there can be pressure that comes when you're indirectly working with someone or you're about working on something together as a collaborator and you can really appreciate all the best parts of each other and I was blessed enough to have my mother raise me but my grandmother also raised me but with a slight bit of space in between so that get an untimed age I got to see my grandmother at a different phase to whatever I've seen my mother so far and yeah my grandmother was for me the epitome of a strong clined courageous hard working woman you know and she's best in my opinion described by comparing her to a magpoi and the reason I say it is because when she died did magpoi's just kept coming around like after this one particular magpoi and I got to a point where I was just like right what the fuck are the traits of a magpoi because like it's just you're just being like it was I'd wake up I'd be having my morning piss and I'd look out the window and magpoi be on the windowsill or I'd like wake up at first like and open the blinds magpoi be on the windowsill or I'd come home after being you know be like two o'clock in the morning the magpoi will be like in the garden foraging for like fucking you know worms or snails or whatever so I looked up the traits of a magpoi about a week after and on a past and they're shrewd so when you hear of like shrewd it can have negative foundations but it just means that they're very they cut their cloth accordingly now my Nana was widowed with four kids at 28 so she had to do that but she also then was the first person on her road to have a car to have a cooler television for her youngest born first her only son to have a bike so like by many respects you could you could see that like you could say that Nana was the least well off yet she was the most successful person on the road and provided most for her family alone as a single mother gone back I mean we're we're talking like early 60s you know suburban Dublin north suburban Dublin and witty incredibly witty like right up to the end fully compass mentors would cut you into could buy and sell you and and like always had a joy to be alive like never ever very rarely only one occasion did I ever see my Nana really break into sadness and that was because she had just come from visiting her baby boy George who had just been a you know admitted to a home with Alzheimer's at the age of like 59 and was nonverbal and this is his mother's 86 at the time allowing herself to really feel that and she heard the doctor grief that made her so young but only in that moment that ever see a really break and so she had that with all that looks to be alive and the charm and the charisma and she could really keep a secret you know she could really tell her anything and she she know she's new and to hold on the stuff and and yeah and then what was the other trade so I think was it resourceful so that's like they're witty and they're clever yeah I think smarts was zero and Mike this incredibly clever intelligence she had a type of intelligence that was emotional but she also had a type of intelligence that was resourceful and she also had a type of intelligence of like she could get the mark of someone very quickly and then I always remember there's two very distinct memories of Nana one is after just having a fight with my mom I think I was 12 and I cursed at my mom and I think like we might have even been like kind of grabbing or like you know pushing each other like was it a heated argument 12 and I think I said you know fuck you or something and my grandmother would have been so yeah she would have been 60 like maybe 64 65 maybe even a little bit older and no she would have been sorry she would have been 70 grabbed me but a scruff at a neck pin me against the wall upstairs in my house and lifted me up off my feet and that was it I was just like I'd never had an argument when Nana before she said don't you ever talk to my child like that again and I was put in my place instantly I was like right she's for you know she let me know and the other time I think I recall Nana is it was on her 86th birthday and I had kind of set up the phone secretly and it just pressed like record on a voice memoir she just commented a room from from being in the kitchen and I had it rolling and I remember just talking to her just asking her about her life and we just kicked back and it was just a moment a very simple pleasure and joy where we were just laughing together the telly was on mute and we were just laughing in the living room and just loving each other's presence and I think she just said you know I love your son don't you and I said yeah you know I love you too and she was reflecting on being a six-year-old and being saved by a man called Willie Goodman who pulled her out with her daughter when she was six after falling in as a child and we were just reflecting on Dublin in the rare real times and just the simplicity you just sitting there having a conversation with my grandmother and having a laugh that's like the simplest the other was just so nourishing to me but there's hundreds of thousands of memories with her you know there's moments when I would have climbed into bed beside Nana at the age of 27 28 after being on a night out staying in Nana's after and when she would have moved over and we would have kept in the bed together and I would wake up and she'd have to break the steady like we had a very loving relationship very close bond very affection and I think Nana was affectionate in ways with me physically and emotionally that she wasn't when any of her children because I was that one step removed as well and I'm the future I'm the next generation so there was a comfortability there because Nana was old Ireland and old Dublin as well but also very progressive and very open-minded royal till the end so so yeah thanks for helping me get chance to talk about my grandmother because I could literally do that for days you know weeks yeah thanks for thanks to Murray Logan yeah I got so many snippets there you know and like visuals and yeah even a sound a laughter and like yeah even the way you're telling has transported me back you know so thank you so much for being out to conjure that up and share a bit of your life and her life with us and yeah any romance going on these days no I mean in order to end the romance I have a life oh I apart from that I've got a beautiful romance with life and I have no current disorder again right you're asking me to talk on it I have been through various different phases of love in my life and yeah fuck it I'll talk about it and I've opened myself up to various different formats of how we can be in love and relationships I've been in monogamous relationships I've tried to be in polyamorous relationships to varying degrees of success and recently I felt after a diet I'd done a diet in Peru in March I brought a group of Irish brothers to the jungle and on Patti's day we were drinking the jungle again this was great crack we did a long diet you know we'd like a three week diet in the Amazon and one the main themes to come out of it there was three main themes one was alcohol like just use of alcohol and my paternal lineage of alcoholic demons essentially addiction and how that addiction energy was you know still present to me and something that I need to be aware of and how maybe even the odd couple of points leading to a heavy night on the points was actually affecting me long term especially if it was like even just once every two weeks it was fucking me up for like three or four days the other one was technology just how how many hours a day I'm spending on my phone a lot of it's by necessity because of work but then a lot of it isn't a lot of it's fucking narcissism and you know looking and seeing what's going on and looking to focus it disempowering myself by looking out as opposed to spending time looking in but then the other one was my fucking sexual energy my intimate energy my loving energy my source energy and I've in the past been someone to fall very quickly in love and the intensity of it all and the romance of it all and the falling of it all and at the end of the summer I just said to myself and you need to let the cup fill up again and relax and spend some time by yourself so for the last four and a half five months I've been very consciously spending a lot of time by myself and not seeking not actively trying to pursue anyone or anything and that also means if someone is reaching out to me to spend time that if I really don't feel it I don't see like a long term potential in it then politely kind of declining the invitation to spend time with someone so yeah so to answer your question there's a load of romance in my life but it's wit life and it's with my friends and it's with my work and it's with my relationship to myself I'm trying to get more romantic with myself like lighten the candles when I go home and cook myself a lovely meal and go on up and lovely hikes with the dog and getting into the water and meditating and writing and finding things that I love about myself and there's a real lovely sense of like freshness that's come back to like I'm excited who is this person going to be because the space created in the life like fork whoever they are it's going to be amazing you know but I'm not actively seeking it and for the first time I think of my life I'm really sitting into spending time with me and getting to figure out who I am and what's in my heart and but I'm excited for the future but I'm certainly not seeking anything at the minute. Thank you so much for sharing all of that and yeah because it's intimate isn't it you know and yeah that's such a huge part being romantic with ourselves and I could talk to you all day and I'm aware that we didn't get to cover the Amazon so it just means we'll have to do another. Yeah yeah yeah because I'm aware that the Amazon was a big part of your journey and life changing you know and foundational in a lot of ways so it's a continuum yeah I've like I mean I'll be going back until I die like you know I'm never going to not be back and forth from Peru never little it's just such a constant and so people go to lords I go to the jungle you know and I enjoy it and I love it and my family are there I've got I consider and I consider Gabe and Doris and Rainer family and my man is is around it as well and and we're we're doing work here and there and yeah I will never not be going to visit Peru and Amazon I don't think so it's been twice a year roughly for the last three years and I'm looking to do a long stretch out there in the in the coming time maybe a year in the jungle or six months in the jungle but I'm interested in what's going on here now as well you know like I'd love to do a diet on your land and you know get some palos from trees they would do an oak diet in nature in in Dublin it's right there like it's 20 minutes from here like you don't need to go all the way to the Amazon but for me I was living in LA at the time just finished burning man had done a lot of crazy experiences and was like ready to leave California and Peru was always on you know on the agenda for me and it was my way in to nature really it really unlocked it for me and with a lot of other things like I was always into mysticism and spirituality and finding a deeper connection with what is going on right now but Peru definitely unlocked it for sure like deeper yeah and so what's next from for Mark or what do you like well well I will people keep an eye on you as well like so we're if they're listening to you on the podcast like and they're feeling called to reach out or they want to just keep an eye and watch you're up to where do they find you and also what is next what's in the pipeline yeah so a couple of things coming up there I'm not sure I want people to keep an eye on me going on the cover is well well I that's a lie though because I think I definitely do want to reach more people right so that's and that's a lie just the idea I think it's my relationship to to people looking or feeling or having an opinion on what I'm doing that's something that needs looking at all the time I think all of us need to look at what are we looking for and from that like is it just constant growth is it just when we get to a certain number on a certain platform we'll be happy and feel like I'm valuable and I'm where I'm I'm cool or I'm worthy or whatever the folks so and how can people keep yeah Instagram is a tool that I use daily I do I use it to communicate with people I use it to share work and I use it to talk about a lot of stuff that we're talking about right now so yeah just mark William Logan on Instagram Mark would okay and both collective films and is my and film make outlet it's a near baby it's it's it's it's a it's a yeah baby that I collaborated like most babies you know you can't make a baby on your own I made it with Kenneth Adams and now Greg Prussle and Agatha and Keane and Batine as a team of six we were at 12 I've gotten smaller because all the things I was telling you about like more isn't always more less is more often and they're all beautiful human beings or I have the pleasure of work on it every day and and they're all artists in their own right and so that's for the film make outlet and then good grief musically G-U-U-D G-R-O-E-F and again good grief is very much the I feel tread of this conversation it's like the good in the grief the what comes from the hard parts of life is often what we should celebrate and and and make joy from and and connect over so yeah I felt the Amazon vibes coming through the music even though I couldn't like identify and maybe just a drum well it came from the river in the Amazon that song did and and then the Icarole kind of vibe the whistles so yeah there's good grief for music and then universal space for a community stuff and we've a sweat lodge coming up on the 10th of December hopefully it doesn't flood now and I believe it's going to get a bit drier in Kiaven and that'll be the final sweat a year and maybe my final sweat for a while I want to go and sit in other people's sweats and I think it'll be the last one I'll co-host or facilitate co-facilitate with Geraud Teven in Germany and for a while I just want to go and sit in other people's sweats and learn and re up myself and because as you know it takes a lot to hold space for others and and I think a lot of people are in this realm of healing or community for the fame and for the prestige of it and not necessarily for their own growth and their own communities whereas for me not that I'm saying I'm right and other people are on like really I'm trying to just fucking learn and be a better human being and I want people to get benefit and I'm at a point where I've put a lot out and I want to invest in the self so I can be better to serve and I can be better to live and to grow and to be experienced life through this vessel in a better way so I'm not investing in the self and I have been doing various courses in plant medicine the plant medicine school to our amazing common knowledge learning how to build tiny homes and just doing little courses like circus handstands stuff like that just little things that I haven't done before and so yeah direct I do realize I'm a bit of a conundrum and that there's a lot of shit going on there with films music community and but like I said I honestly I just I don't know what else to do Monday's are just things that I feel like I need to to sample and try before I'm not in this body and this character that I'm playing and this experience anymore you know yeah thank you very much for that and I'm just closing out the container and I'm feeling filled with gratitude yeah for you can I ask you some questions when you finished without class you ask question or two yeah okay so my thing for closing out the container was that and what are you leaving here with today what am I leaving here with today well if there was fear and excitement at the start if they like I think it's interesting to track that so I had those fear and excitement gratitude and I know it's so full can simple and it's almost too easy to be true but a genuine gratitude for this conversation for you and what you're doing like with this podcast I think I love the former I love the way you're holding space I'm excited to see where you go with it and how you grow true and the other people that you talk to and and then gratitude for you actually really listen to me man you had like some really deep questions there like even bring my grandmother in and like it's very rare that you can have somebody ask you questions that really cares to know the answer and is asking them from a place of service as well to try and extract or distill what you believe is our value that I've experienced or that I have to offer for your audience I think that's remarkable and thing to be doing it's not just entertainment I think it's self-development and and more of it like so fair play to you for that I think it's brilliant and thank you for sharing how you feel around you know worked out I've been involved in that you've you've benefited from and helping us reach people you've got a great community there and I'm excited for them to listen to this conversation yeah yeah thank you so much Mark William Logan and yeah I was aware of the podcast not being for me so I was aware of trying to share you with the public and maybe in a way that a tiny little glimpse of what I've received from you and allowing you to talk as much as possible and that may not interrupt at times you know so it was like allowing you to share your parts and then have an impact on other is the way that I have received so thank you so much that was my question I think is that your answer what are you trying to achieve with the podcast because you did it excellently well like you really create a space but I suppose what's your intention with and the healing for us podcast then that's my only question yeah no I I saw something some of your stuff like there's a lot of stuff online that you have you're you're really out there you know and like yeah you're really out there like we're just out there as I um but there's some out there out there so yeah I mean you're in the form or whatever you call it media form whatever I mean that's in history you're in also but I saw bits of you and I know how yeah amazing you are directing conversation and questioning and delve and deeper so I am aware that yeah you could ask me many questions of depth so what am I hoping to achieve with that he's going to achieve what's your intention because achieve has an end destination just what's your intention I was thinking about this and it's hard to verbalize a podcast has been something I've wanted to do for a long time so my intention was to fulfill a dream of mine um which has been there for years yeah for years I'd say for so Rich Row kind of vlog casting maybe 10 years ago um so anything after that is like is a bonus so I'm fulfilling my dream by sitting here talking to you and I think that's the way it works for me so to connect with my dad and your grandmother in that moment and like that's depth for me and that's real and yeah yeah they're experiencing that I keep you know I do have one more question now this is going up um your dad's come true a few times now in the podcast and I'm sensing this could be wrong that you're you feel your father might be proud of you for doing this maybe I'm wrong but like in this moment with the podcast I'm sensing that there's a stepping into something for you here like your journey especially last five 10 years I think particularly last five from the men's gathering that I had I could perceive there's been a lot of groten last five years and you really stepping into your power and so the father your father coming true I get the sense that he is proud of you but I get the sense that you know that this is something he might be proud of and you're doing and what does your father mean to you Luke I'm curious to know I'm curious to know what your father means to your brother because he's come true you've mentioned him a few times and I know that you're tapping into him but I'm curious to know I think other people will be curious to know what he means to you which is why I'm asking you the question yeah I wasn't a straightforward relationship really you know you wasn't a man of many words really but yeah it was presence there um yeah knowing that he loved me but not a discussion around that or a verbal um so yeah yeah I mean it's emotional for me but like it seems to be a layering process that I keep on keep some being emotional but different emotions you know um so I was a year and like eight months ago that he died so um yeah I know he's proud of me yeah um yeah I'm delighted I'm I'm most blessed that he could see me doing the stuff with the first and I myself my wife you know so yeah yeah that was a big deal for me yeah it's ever changing it's like yeah the presence is there his essence is around um it's a deepening and it's allowing myself to deepen um so it's a motivation it's a clarity just um his death is you know so um gives me great like reference to go back to that point and to go back to um my own mortality yeah I get the most of things you know how would you describe your father he got stuff done like he used to do or he summoned the energy double to know where I have a new um yeah I bought the first and everyone thought he was mad in the middle of nowhere you know he built a tennis court before he built a house um yeah so he just got stuff done you know like that says a lot of everybody built a tennis court for us yeah yeah just cutting trees down and like laying time I and people are like what are you doing like getting nowhere to live I know what I'm doing so um yeah real using a EA for like 60 years um so he harnessed that energy and put it into something else you know into providing you know so yeah I'll be forever grateful to him I'm grateful to him never met the man but what you guys have there and what you're the lineage that you're continuing on is just phenomenal you know with the healing forest it's absolutely incredible so great just so great to work that you guys are the only yeah you seem well in that with your wife and your kids and your mom and everything it's beautiful and yeah just you know I'm delighted that it's happening and delighted to be invited to talk to you about it and and to be a part of it I will consider myself a part of your family your extended family and your community and I'm very grateful for that yeah and you said something about your father you said it's ever changing I think that's really honest I think people think when someone dies the relationship ends it's just another chapter it's ever evolving the relationship hmm I think it's great that you are aware of that and and and said that yeah and thanks very much for sending it back my way now it's a lot of healing and just that so um yeah and I love the way that you were holding yourself accountable and calling yourself out on certain things you know because like the word is so powerful and you're the like the epitome of that would spoken word and a singer and expressive poetry and um yeah the fact that you're able to verbalize the things that aren't right or that you noticing in yourself I mean it's more potent than you know instead of the cycling of it in the mind so I love that I'm really taking that away with me now so thank you and thank you we're so grateful to you for listening and being here with us you can find more videos on youtube when we have five episodes and if you like what you've heard unseen today you can check us out in more depth our instagram is the healing forest the website is the healing forest.ai loads of offerings loads of good stuff we would load up if you made contact with us and gave us some feedback see you in the forest