Maria Bamford Can Bomb Anywhere, So Why Drive? with Trixie

Hi, it's Trixie. Uh, you're gonna notice that this is an episode that was filmed several weeks ago when Kati was literally hospitalized. And I was like, "Who can we have as a guest?" And we did not only look out, we thrived because Maria Bamford is the guest. If you guys know Maria, you are a brilliant mind with an incredible taste. If you don't, your titties are about to be blown off. She's so funny. She's so incredible. Like I said, Kati is actively in the hospital during this episode, so the reason I've seen kind of cagey about where she is is because I didn't want to spill her tea. Kati has survived since the taping of this, and we'll be back next week with our regular Trixie and Kati content. And for those of you concerned, we have been moving studios. This week they are actively reconstructing our studio. This set, I know, is not everyone's most creative peak, but thank you guys for your patience. And don't forget, we can look like shit anywhere, so stay tuned. So this is Maria Bamford. No, this is going to freak out. What? Or the, can you see them here, can you see them, is it live? Okay. Do you see people here? I know. What is it? Look at that! Wow! This is your way of telling us that you will see a full effect disorder, which is a good diagnosis and you just need the right meds. Oh my God. I just watched your special from, is it two years ago? Local. Yeah, a local ass. Local ass? Yeah. That one? Where did you film that? That's too much. It was in Altadena. So that whole theater burnt down and, yeah. Did you have an alibi? Oh, no. It was. And the fire was my fault, but it was more because of my vision board. Right. And that's that, my vision boarded. How many people, that must have been like, body people in there? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. You're special with just your parents. Just my parents. Yeah. I had a vision for that one where I was just like, oh, I just want to do something in my actual neighborhood. Uh-huh. And then also get a bunch of people on stage like because at the end, I put up people as if it's an open mic so everyone gets their own special. Yeah. And then everyone got an executive producer credit who wanted one because I think that's so fucking funny in LA where they'd be like, oh, he's an executive producer. Oh, who's that? Like. We never open. Yeah. That does happen. Katya and I had a show on by a land called Trixine Katya show on by a land. And I guess is Spike Jones the name producer, not Spike Lee. Spike Jones. Spike Jones. Spike Jones. Spike Jones. Spike Lee Marshall Arts. Spike Lee. Spike Spike Lee. Spike Spike Lee's a pot. I'm not connected. Spike Lee. No, no, no. Everybody has a fake name. No. Okay, black. And who's Ang Lee? I'm just kidding. No. But, but, RuPaul and Spike Jones were the producer of that show and it was like, we shot it in a set about this big with like five people. And that's when I learned that you could be a producer on something and. To Jackson. I didn't know it. Yeah. You could win an Emmy and not know? No, no. Yeah. I just think it's so funny. Yeah. So, I had like 70 executive producers on the show on that one. Did they come up and do like a 30 second bit? It was just anyone who signed up could be an executive producer. So, some of the people didn't perform. But then some people did perform at the end and then, uh, yeah, anyways, that was, you know, it turned out as way as it turned out, I wish I had done something differently. But it's okay. Thank you for watching or checking it out. Of course. Okay. Everything you've ever done. Okay. I have a question about when you used to make, was it called the Marie Bamford show? Did you tape that yourself? No. Uh, that was done by a name demon Jones who worked with the ground links. I love to tell your angles. Yeah. It's like up the shot, up the neck, handstand, upside down. Yeah. He was really all that. So, it was all his, his doing. Yeah. Yeah. He was a, let's just say it, genius or let's just say very good or interested in trying a lot of things with the camera, a lot of things with the camera. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was super nice. Uh, and yeah, we were paired together and, uh, paid by super deluxe, which at the time, remember, you see, I have a super deluxe story, but I don't think I've ever told. Oh, great. And I will tell you because I feel, you know, whatever pair of social, but with a capital P, I think we've been friends in my mind for about two or three decades. No, and we all are. Okay. We all are. We've been, I mean, I feel like it was other comedians. I feel like there's this sense of, um, knowing like we've all been through. I assume that drag that it's this, you can go through awful things where, uh, that you will never forget. You'll never forget. Yes. Yes. And that they keep coming. Like, there's always a new precipitous low where you're like, wow, I did not see that, you know, happening. And then, um, in some ways, I feel like veteran comedians are the only ones who will understand the deep humiliation of drag. Yes. Like really? Or it's like, were you that car ride home where you're like, should I jerk the wheel? Yes. Is it my fault or the audience's fault? You go to bed. I don't know. My favorite thing is that audience was whatever. And then in the sobering light of the morning, you go, that show was on my phone. Yeah. It's audience felt or my fault, but it's 100% or either given moment. It's, yeah. I don't have you met anybody who does clowning, which is so hot. Yes. So have you done this? Uh, I've taken a couple of clown classes. I used to date a clown in Australia. Um, I did know this. Yeah. So, um, did you know he was a clown? Oh, yes. You knew. Very serious business. Was it the little half? Well, it was the part that he liked to do a lot of nudity on stage. Oh. Clowning is stand up is with nudity crying in a considerable lack of consent. And, uh, yeah, uh, he, he loved nudity and what else do you love? Um, but one of the philosophies or the thing I've gotten from cloning is that the audience is the show. So it's, it's not on the performer that performer, it's not up to you or the channel for the audience. I was like, oh, that's so fascinating because stand up, it's more defensive, like, I gotta have the stuff. And then you to be quiet, um, but yeah, so it's, I don't know where I'm going with that, but just, oh my god, I saw on your special. You talked about, um, you had a lovely fan who, um, perhaps was battling, um, uh, had perhaps a disorder and you didn't know and you thought you were being heckled? Oh, yes. Kind of a fun thing to find out later, right? Oh, yes. What did you say exactly? I cannot remember, but I was, somebody laughing really loud. Somebody was, somebody was like, somebody was making sounds like it's a new fan. Yeah. A cerebral palsy. I'll be, yeah, cerebral palsy. Yeah. And that's, that, I've heard that's a very common thing for comics of like where somebody or as Tourette's or something where you're like, oh my god, what's happening? When you act from a place of fear and defensiveness rather than just curiosity of like, what's going on? Like, yeah. That's weird. Somebody just shouted out bullshit. And at the end of the day, hey, they came to a live show. They came. Thanks. Thank you. They bought a ticket. Yeah. And isn't, isn't that why you go to live shows, is so you can see shit pop off. Pop off. I feel that, um, I feel like we're in this era of comedy that is so, um, two important parts of it, which is crowd work and filming that crowd work, um, the audience. And that, I feel like sometimes brings out what you just said, which is the audience is the show. But I know what you're saying, because when I first started DJing, I really thought it was all about me and this technology in these songs. It literally is basically about the people dancing. Yeah. The vibe. Yeah, yeah. Your job is to really queue up the vibe, like, tee them up and then their experience is the whole thing. Right? Yeah. No, totally. And to radically, except wherever they're at, you know, because sometimes I would go, I go, you know, they're quiet and it is, and it is personal. And it's like, no, let Irvine be Irvine. Right. Irvine on Wednesday night is a little tight, tight, they've been at work all day. It's seven o'clock. It might as well be midnight. Yeah. Do you do, when you do shows around town, do you do secret little pop ups or do you advertise a lot? Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no. I do, uh, 90 M shows every Tuesday that I'm in town, uh, in my neighborhood. It's less than, I think, six blocks from my own home that it's my ideal show. Uh, I think that's one thing about getting older. You go, oh, I don't have to do certain things anymore that I know aren't going to work. Uh, I don't perform, uh, any more than two miles from my home, unless it's for over a certain amount of money because I can bomb anywhere. So why drive? Why drive? Right. Right. And then like traffic, right? It could be. I'll work in the car. Yeah. Oh, you want to come to West Hollywood and take your chances. No. Not really. I can, I can take a block from here. Like, I have had some, and I know that you probably experienced too is, um, the, the corporate gig life where you like, whoa, that will send you home in the car in almost like a fugue state. Oh, okay. Like, almost like a cloud of like, uh, yeah. - Serial, depersonalization? - Yeah, and there's some, the gratitude in being so harshly rejected by a certain form is actually, is really good because then you go, "Okay, now I don't have to do this." Like on some level, like I remember I did Vegas a couple times back the day when I was a much, much younger lady and sometimes you know, when it used to be no one looked at you up and it would just be your head shot to go, "Oh, she's blonde and white, let's check it out." - Right. - Like, what are you guys doing? And I just do it so poorly, so awful. And yeah, but I did so poorly that it's like, "Oh, I don't have to go there anymore." Like I'm hurting them and it's definitely hurting me. So stop the madness, you know? There's some kind of nice boundary that's set with that. Like corporate gigs like. - No one walked away a winner? - Yeah, no one, I was once, I got asked to do them. It was like a mental health convention. I'm like, "Oh, I have a feeling this is not good." 'Cause a person who hires you, of course, is a huge fan. The people they're trying to get interested or to entertain are not, you know? Like if it's for, I don't do benefits, any more for that reason. Because-- - Do a show, do your own benefit. - Yeah, yeah, or I'll just give you fucking money. - Do you think that's a benefit? - Yeah, I'll give you three grand of, you know, if it's something you don't believe in, I will not give it to certain things. - Well, I know that's something you will like, I remember you talking about when you got to speak at a college back in Duluth, I believe, and you were talking about how they didn't want to give you money at first. - I love this business story. And I feel like you need to educate the children on how to turn a no-paying gig into something. - Well, sometimes you get these enormous opportunities and this happens over and over again. And I think it fits for every business. Or someone's like, "We really love what you are doing. We love to be working with you." And there's this whole love bombing that goes on in the beginning in any narcissistic situation. And then there's no talk of money. There's no talk of structure of what's going to happen. - What the ask is. - What the ask is, yeah. And so, my alma mater asked me, do you want to do a commencement speech for the College of Liberal Arts at the University of Minnesota? Which is probably, I'm gonna say it was like 2000 for people, 2000 people graduating. And in an arena for 30 minutes, and that's something I'd have to write. And they said, "Zero." They said, "Just nothing." And I was like, "I looked it up." I'm like, "What do people get paid for?" It's a commencement speech. And then they said, "Sometimes on the Google," and sometimes, "Zero," if it's somebody who's a political person, because you're doing it as a public service, but many people charge that, you know, it's 50,000 to 100,000 or whatever. So, I asked for 20 grand. And yeah, I'm sure it was very Minnesota. And the response was like, "Well, we really don't have a budget for this." And I'm like, "The joke is, like, I paid you guys to teach me how to get paid to do what I'm doing." - Yeah. - And you're not gonna pay me, like. - So, what are we talking about? How are we grading my experience here, if it means I can't go in the world and get the money? - Yeah, if you're not willing to pay me, if I'm not willing to stand up for myself and go, "Oh, yeah, my work's worth something." Aren't I kind of being the worst alumni ever? - Hello. - So then, then they came back with 10. I was like, "Okay, that's great, 10,000." - Which isn't zero. - It isn't zero. - 10,000 is a far away from zero. - And then I didn't know what to write about for the speech, but so I just wrote about the process of getting the money. And then- - I always talk about that at colleges. I will tell them. I'm like, I'm so happy to be here. Just so you guys know, your money's going to a good place. 'Cause a lot of times, I mean, I get paid more sometimes at colleges than it cost me to go to college. - Right. - And I'm like, "Oh, my God, I should have skipped college and just done this." - Yeah. - No, no. - No, that's the college, 'cause I do like education. - Well, and I enjoyed college. - I did too. - They probably enjoyed you. They brought you back. - Well, what happened, then as the end of my speech, the closer was I gave all the money away to kids in the audience to pay down their student loans. - Yes, fine. - But I have not been asked to do any other commencement speeches since then. - It could happen. - No, I don't think so. I'm not, yeah. - Maybe a high school. - Maybe, maybe. - I'm gonna go to a high school. I'm gonna start whipping MacBook pros into the audience or something. I don't like something. I went to a function once where they were honoring some graduating class. It was some kind of like Hollywood reporter luncheon. And they were honoring like a graduating class. And like, I think it was Selena Gomez came out and gifted them all like laptops. And then she cried. - Oh. - And I didn't cry. I was in drag eating a salad. And I was like, this is cool. I mean, I would have loved a free computer if I was a kid. - Oh my God, oh my God, I'd love it now. - Yeah. - I'd be screaming. - Screaming. - I'm running to the parking lot. - What do you, you know why I also think we know each other because I'm your neighbor from Wisconsin. - Oh, where are you from? - I'm from Northeast Wisconsin. It's almost like by the UP. - Okay. - Oh my, I've dreamt of other. - I have not spent much time in my life in what is it? Western Wisconsin, which is next to Minnesota. - Yes, superior. - People think Milwaukee is in Minnesota. Why do you think that is? - Because those people are not smart. - That is. - Where do we get to feel like a real flyover? - That's all wrong. - Yeah, that's not right. Who are these people you're talking to? - People, they think that Minnesota is Minneapolis, which is Milwaukee. I think they think that's all one word. - That's not right. I mean, what can you do to change people? Nothing. - Nothing. My assistant is from Milwaukee too. He always say, "The Midwest is a great place to be from." - Yeah. - Do you like to go home and feel the fantasy? - Oh, I love it. And I love, I have thought many times of, you know, moving back just 'cause it's like, you go, oh, you know, I love LA, but there is the grind because it surrounds you. Like, all my friends are somewhere on the edge of unhowsedness on some level. Like, all my friends. Like, are like, "I got rent again." Okay, now we just gotta start at a zero. You know, like, it is fucking serious to live here. Like, it is-- - Got you. - Yeah, yeah, so. - Got you, she's constantly on this pod being like, "Well, I'm in dire straits again. I had to re-wall paper the bathroom." - Yeah, yeah. - Yes, I'm gonna have to get in drag. She loves to rent an apartment and move that bus, make it over and then doesn't own it and like moves. I don't know what she's doing. - No, no, and like, and yeah, and it is this strange place where it's like there's these fantasy goals of like, people where things generally do happen for people where I mean, like, I did have a certain dream come true where I was able to buy a house which is unbelievable in LA. - Especially in LA, I'm gonna come on. - Yeah. (upbeat music) - It was your house in Lady Donna. It was your real house. - No, no, no. - Is it, I guess it's your amazing performance that I really do is your house. - Yes, it was my performance that led to your belief. - Well, do you know that reality starts now? Like, I've heard that the Kardashian people have a house they move into while filming. That's not their house. - Hi, thanks. - What kind of reality is that? - Well, it makes sense because otherwise, if you have people watching the show who are obsessed, I would think they would know where everything is. - Yeah. - Yeah, 'cause you're like, who are on TV being like, this is my shoe closet and someone's at home like, huh? Like, after a window, grades. Oh, she works during the day, perfect. - Right. - You're kind of giving people instructions on how to rob you. - Yeah. - We don't want that to happen to you. - No, no, I don't want to. Yeah, I don't think that I don't have anything to rob. There's nothing. - They can take Scott. - Well, we're divorced. - Oh, okay. (laughing) - Anybody out there who's looking for a hot guy in his 60s, he's available, he's up there in all to you. He's up in our old house. We were in the fire, so our house got slightly singed and then there was also saved by Trump supporters, garden hosts, and super-soakers. And so he's-- - So that's the only guns I support. - Right. - The water guns. - The water guns. - The right to their arms, the water guns. - But yeah, we will love each other and our dear friends and all that stuff. - That's where I feel that way. People who think I'm crazy because I always say if I died tomorrow, everybody I've been in a relationship with would be in like the front row. - Yes. - I just really feel like the then diagram of the things I love about you is still so intact. - Yes. - And the romance part, people, I never relate when people are like, my ex I don't speak to, et cetera. I just have a, I hope it's healthy, but I always feel connected to them. - Well, and it's like a sibling, you become like a sibling. - Yeah, and it's family. - It's a certain point, you know, like after, I mean, we've been together 11 years. It's, and you know, you know, the person on day two of dating them, you know them. You kind of get the sense of who they are. And I think both of us made the mistake of thinking, you know, I'm gonna change you. And then instead we both double down. - All right. (laughs) - Kinda has a different outcome. [BLANK_AUDIO] He's from Philadelphia, and I'm from Minnesota, which are just two very different cultures. He's like, you gotta, you know, toughen up and figure out that, you know, give a finger to people while you're driving a car. And I'm like, no, everyone's our friend. - Are you kidding? I'm afraid to even look at other drivers. - Oh, I know, yeah. - I'm afraid to look at other drivers. I was driving yesterday and I had makeup on 'cause I was going to a rehearsal. Girl, I had to do a rehearsal where I had to wear costumes and the wigs. And for me wearing the wigs with the costume with the body on with no makeup is so humiliating. So I was like, I know I'm sound crazy, but I'm gonna put makeup on to go to the rehearsal because I don't know. So I'm driving with just the makeup on. - Which is-- - Like a-- - A system strong, you know. - Chinese opera, uber driver. And I feel cars kind of like, I don't know if they're looking, but I can tell you, I'm not looking back. So I'm just like, 'cause I can feel, you know, from the side that the makeup is so-- - It's-- - Pinocchio. - It's serious, yeah, yeah. - They are probably gonna-- - It's beautifully done, can I say. - Do you do your own glam? - Oh, yes. I know I'm not, I-- - You're such, you're so beautiful. And I loved, I think it was like two specials ago, you had like a pink streak in your hair. - Yes. - Did you do that for fun? - Yes, of course. - Love whimsy. - Okay. - Was it clipped or was it real? - No, it was real, real. And I, yeah, I don't, as I old, I'm just, I'm aging natural, as I old, I'm just rolling into it, like I'm not doing any of the injections or the, just 'cause I just think I, if it's gonna be hard to age anyways, let's just go, you know, balls to the wall right into it, like-- - Do you know Chris and Shaw? - I don't, I know her for more-- - She came in the pod and she said, I'm just, she said, I'm just naturally letting my face hit my collarbones and that like killed us, absolutely killed us. I don't, I, I really like the, I always asked comics when they do special stuff. I always wonder if there's a glam team or if there's a lot of fussing. And I'm just thinking of, I've seen all your specials and you've had so many hair journeys. You used to have like a short, really blonde, like news hair. - Yeah, news hair. - Kind of fun. - Yeah, I know, listen. - Sassy, wow. - Listen, I'm ready to try anything. And yeah, there's somehow I get, because of OCD, I'll get this feeling that I'm dirty and unattractive, no matter what I do. And so that hair is part of that where I go, I'll change it with my hair and I won't feel dirty. I won't feel wrong. - Right. - And I was gonna, I shaved my head and I was bald for five, three years. - Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. How did he not know this? - Yeah, it's a-- - This really is the bald and the beautiful bald. - It's, you're the bald. I was so glad, 'cause I was like, oh my gosh. - Was it for fashion or was it? - It was when I was starting doing comedy in Minneapolis. It was in 2022. And I, yeah, I was going through a treatment program for eating disorder and depression and all that stuff. And I was just like, I just felt like, I just wanted to cut it all off, get it all off, personally too, because being bald as a woman really is a protective device. - Yeah. - Like nobody bugs you. Like they either think you're gay, you're ill, or you're pissed, and you really are. - Maybe all three. - All three. - We're not bulls. I do think it communicates a certain amount of bum. I think if you ultimately, I'm trying to, I mean, I've never been a woman that I play one on TV, but I don't know about that. - Well, I think if I really wanted men to lead me the fuck alone on public transit, I would think a shaved head maybe adds just another shell of like another percent of people might not fucking stare at you or bother you. - It was so helpful, like, 'cause what happens instead of I think in the beginning is, and I know what still happens where guys will kind of go, you know, I had a couple of ideas for you, wanted to comment on your act, you know, when you start, and it's like, yeah, I was bald. - Yeah, nobody, nobody comes up to you. - Yeah, I'm gonna shut that down, I'm bald, and I'm about to go up there and do my thing. - So, do we even stand up bald? - Oh yeah, no. - And I have, there's pictures of it on Instagram of me in my bald state, and I had head shots. I was very beautiful as a bald person, and I also busked for change on the streets of Minneapolis while playing violin while bald. I did, I think it, I didn't look good because sometimes I got pretty good big donations for people like, is everything okay? And I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. I'm living in a women's co-op. - No, I believe it. I always see that every time Cate goes, it comes out of rehab, her booking fee doubles. Like really, it's like people are like, take all the time. You know what, we're gonna send you a little more money. Don't even come to the show. - Yep. - Just sit up, do you wanna borrow my peacock subscription? - Oh. - You know, like people. - How did she show it? Oh, she on a February journey of recovery sort of thing? - She right now, she was, she just got out of the hospital from a surgery, but as you know, recovery, not a straight line. - Yes, yes, no, no. - So we joke because she and I live it together. - No, of course. - You know, we're all on a fantastic journey. I tour with my dear friend Jackie Haitian, who is from South Milwaukee. - Yes, I do know that she's open, it would not open for you. She's toured with you forever. - Well, she is a writer-die. She is, when I started touring, I was put as a headliner and did not have any headliner experience. I did not have, maybe 25 minutes. - Just yet had shape experience. - Yeah, I'd had headshot experience where I was like, "Oh, I look cute. Anybody want me?" (laughing) In a mall improv. And yes. - So what's with the comedy clubs in the malls? - Oh, it's so gross. - I have been to those, and I'm like, when you see fans lined up next to you that weren't Julius, and you're like, we're in the mall, we're doing shows in the mall. - Because it's fine. - It's totally fine. I'm grateful that the clubs are there, what I have some terrible memories of what happened, like my first five to 10 years of doing stand-up, where I was doing those shows, and because there was pre-internet, people didn't know what they're coming to see. So I would do so badly, and that's where heckling comes in, where people are like, "I have two drinks in, and now I've got a, now I'm strapped here for 45 minutes." So my friend Jackie would tour with me if I was doing really badly during the week, she'd switch places, and she'd have line, 'cause she's so powerful and an incredible stand-up. Please check out her specialits on YouTube, called Altercation, it just got one of the top five on New York Times specials of the year. - Wow. - She's fantastic, and a lot of a self-awakie talk. - Do you think there's a lot of partnership, 'cause Katya and I, when we went to her together, when you have that level of trust and interior eye communication, she and I would always joke that it was the substance that only one of us could be into the show that night at once. So we'd have to walk in the room and pick which one of us was gonna be like, "Come on, girl, we got this." 'Cause one of us would be like, walk up and be like, "I need you to like, "I need you to leave the ship tonight." - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You have to drag me with you. I'm the dead with today. And we would kind of trade off, but honestly, we would rarely have, it's a little bit like a relationship where when there's crisis, when one of you's in crisis, see other one becomes Superman. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally, totally. - If one of us was like, today's just not the day for the show, the other one would be like, "Girl, we're gonna go out there, girl." And we're gonna give them what they want. - You know, you have to like. - Jackie was with me in Eerie, Pennsylvania, and I was headlining, and the main part of the audience was a retirement from the Navy of an old man in his 60s. They, I don't know what's going on. Anyways, I do so partly. I get off the stage. Tears just start screaming on my face. And Jackie's like, "Get her some chicken wings, "get her some chicken wings." - Get her the chicken tendies. (laughs) - She needs the chicken to, although shout out to the comedy club food one time. - Right. - I used to work in hamburger marries, and there was nothing like having a kind of good show and making little money and be like. - Oh yeah. - Let's go for those Southwest egg rolls. - Oh yeah. - You know what I mean? - Get me the Britney Spears fried pickles. - Oh, yeah. Bring me a little ramikin of ranch or whatever, you know, like let's do it. - I had recently in San Diego at a place called The Mic Drop, what were they called? They were called French dip nachos. Like, like why? Why? - Why? - When you come binding everything and, but also delicious, I'm not against it, I did. - Last night I went to this place called La Vie de Cantina, which is across from the Scientology celebrity center. - Oh. - It's next to UCB, over in Franklin Village. - Okay, okay. - And they have a taco that is Korean popcorn, vegan, Korean popcorn chicken in the form of a taco. And I was like, "We're doing too much, crazy." It was amazing. - It was amazing. - So sometimes I'm just such a, I'm a food fearful person. - Yeah, me too, yeah. - Because all my meals growing up were made by like my mom and the school cafeteria lady. - Yeah. - I'm not like, I traveled palette. - I love the school cafeteria food. I still think about it. - I think about it. - Yeah. - The square, the rectangle of pizza. - Huge pizza. - Yeah. - A pizza this bit. - Yeah, so good. - I also think about, I think about the breakfast, our school had breakfast. - Oh, you did? - Yeah. And we were of course on a free breakfast. - Nice. - French toast sticks. - Oh. That's my mother was gonna make you guys. No, my mom went in the fridge, how? I tried to tell my mom how to make grilled cheese the way the lunch ladies told me to make it. I was like, here, mom, you get this thing called crisco, you get white bread, you get velvita cheese, you put, you know, crisco on all sides, you put it in a pan, and my mom's like, honey, I'm not gonna make that for you. That's gross. And I was like, anyways, but, you know, there's a reason lunch, you know, it's so good. Yeah. It's so good is because it's, it's, it's not really food. I have a question because I've been following you for so long and I'm such a mega superfan and supporter and lover. You know, people, you know, travel around the artist. Yes. People call, she used to say, I'm your favorite artist, favorite artist. And it reminded me of something that Colbert has said about you and so many comedians have said that Maria's comedian's favorite comedian. I know that's like crazy. That's so, yeah. I don't know if you're on you like a dump truck. No, that's very kind. How nice. So nice. So nice. And I, it's at my level of whatever it is of success or I am just, ooh, hits the spot. That's all I want. I don't, I don't. God, I feel the same way. She, she always talks about how she's like, I get to have the experience of like having fans or traveling. She's like, but I can still like go to the airport. Yeah. And the people who know you, know you for a specific thing, like that's actually quite vulnerable. So that, the people who come up and talk to you are very nice. You know, nice. It isn't sort of like, I know you from this one time. I got it. You know, it's like, because I remember I did, I did target commercials. And it was just like, Oh, no, I don't want all these people to like, but it's not like, but I will say this. It's not like, okay, let's say you're in like a Batman movie. Right. Someone might love Robert Pattinson, but they really love his Batman. It's not the middle of her pants. No, but it's not like people were like, Oh, I hate to buy the love target. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's not like you were in a Marvel franchise. It's like, well, yeah, target the deals. Oh my god, the impulse aisle. But what, but it was weird, because it had so much emotional weight, because people would be like, I shopped just like her. And I'm like, Oh, no, she said it's a super miserable character that has no friends, right? And who she buying gifts for, it's never mentioned who she's buying gifts for, because there's no one in her life. Did you feel seen by Kristen Wiggs target lady? Oh, I can probably get that experience. Yeah, totally, yeah, and I, but I, that's I haven't been able to honor if I've been asked, but to do advertise, because I don't trust myself to not shit talk products. Right. Well, oh my god, that's like, you know, I literally watched worse cooks for you. You got me turning on shows that I didn't even know existed there. Well, and the name says what it is. It is. And it was, uh, yeah, it was very, uh, Latoya, Latoya. And of course, she's going to win that fucking. She is just a monster. I mean, there's, you know, people say what you say about child abuse, but it really creates a great path. People hit their marks. You know, I mean, that woman was on point. She was like, she looks like she has the body of an 11 year old girl. Right. And then, um, just stayed, you know, upright, making jokes, being pleasant all day while eating pieces of candy. And that, and that's all she was running on. That's very strong. Yeah, I was just like, I, in, in, um, yeah, in a definite, uh, whatever, shadow of, uh, of, of, of, of, of Ms. Jackson, I was beneath a, a table, uh, lying down, uh, between takes. I, can I tell you, I, everything I, I love to cook anything about cooking, a camera for me would make me feel like the tension is up here. Even if I am cooking a grilled cheese from the, I don't like, I don't even like, if I make a new recipe, I don't even like my boyfriend to be around. I'm like, I will mess this up. Don't look at me. Well, what was so fucked up about worse cooks with a show nobody watches is that people were really trying. They were really cooking. So like, people were really hustling and doing a great job, but cooking them like, no, isn't this supposed to be hilarious? It looks hard. No, no, no, it's hot. It's like we're all working in a, I mean, I've worked in restaurants. It was, it was like a 12 hour shift. What they don't tell you is there's a dining room next door selling that food. It's, it's, it's, that, and that's the worst part. You cannot take your food home. The shit that you made. I said, can I bring this home to my hotel room so I could share it with my husband. They said, no, you can't let it. We can't let that offset. Why? I don't know. Of course, I did bring it home. I shoved, shoved it in my coat. And I said, never mind. I ran out of there. You made it. Who's in control of its destiny, but you, you made it. I think it's just like some, I mean, I, yeah, it was one of those bananas show business things where they're like, no, we can't, you can't speak of what happens on set. Like, no, but like, nobody cares. It was, it was in 20%. I think it was when you were really respectful. Yes, yeah, yeah. I appreciate your explicitness about that because it is a show where that when I watched it, I was like, this must be bananas. Well, and it's non-union. So they, there's no, one thing, which I didn't realize they were going to give you an eight hour turnaround between, so you do like a 13, 14 hour day. And then they go, you're coming back in four hours. That was like, I mean, that's like drag race. Yes. Not saying they're not respectful of our time, but they are trying to do so much in one day. And there, I think there's a level of like going to bed at like midnight from a set and being like, all right, the, the band's coming at seven. You're like, what? No, no, no, I think that's, that is a, what's all, it's the alcoholic part, I think of show business where it's like, you know, you got to be, you know, that's how it's always been done. And it's like, people die because of that, people who are not getting enough sleep, who are, you know, mentally, you're not totally there. It's like one of the worst things to do for your mental health, your body. It's so corny. The amount of time it took in my life to realize that if you don't have eight hours of sleep, you have nothing. Yeah. Yeah. You have nothing. Yeah. And it's, yeah, I didn't make it. I, if I ever weren't, well, and I was in charge of my own show, but I couldn't seem to get, I couldn't seem to get any attraction on I, the one thing I was able to, I got 12 hour turnaround for myself, but, but not for not for anybody else. And, uh, yeah, that was two seasons, right? Two seasons. Yeah. I love that program. Yeah. Yeah. Katya and I watched it when it came out, obviously, because we love you. And I, it really was like, I'd never seen anything like it and still haven't. Oh, yeah, this good. Yes, so bizarre. You had the Collins. I love. Oh, she's, yeah, she's incredible. She's, um, yeah, and such, such a kind, lovely person. Yeah, everyone who was on there was just so sweet and so kind. And they made it really, I mean, they did the best that they could to try to make, because I have, I sleep like 12 hours, like I sleep, because I'm on an antipsychotics. And if you are on antipsychotics, you know, that you can't wake up before 10 a.m. You know, and so what they would do is, you know, I just kind of roll out of bed and be brought to set. And then I wake up a little bit while acting. And then, can we do my scenes where I'm in bed? Yeah, sleeping early. And they set up a tent where I could go in between takes and just fall. Yeah, we'll just genuinely fall completely asleep in between takes. And, uh, yeah, but they have the same pressure thing, which I just think I know it's all about money, but it all seems like to be a made up pressure. Like, I don't know. Yeah. That when you're young, you mutually feel like, I mean, I'm, I'm 36, but when I first moved out like 10 years ago, like anything like that, so much of it for me was genuinely powered by like adrenaline and like not wanting to let anybody down and all that. And then you do reach a point where you just start to shuffle your priorities and go like, if I don't say, yeah, that's too much for me, no one else is going to say it. And I also can't sit there and blame people who make money off for me. You can't blame people who make money off you for how they schedule you. Yeah. No, no, no, no, it is up to you. It's up to me. Yeah. I am that head of my own business. And yeah, no, it's no one else is to blame except myself. And yeah, so I definitely have learned to do nine AM stand-up. Yeah. I love it. Nine AM is so perfect. I have the show done. And I give out free like, give out donuts. And they're not really free because people have to pay to get into the show. Although no one is turned away. I do kind of work at a donut. There's no jokes. And you mostly just make coffee and sell donuts. And it's, you know, it's what I do with the rest of my family. Yeah. But yeah, like I get to design my own business and how it works. And sometimes that means I miss out on stuff. Like I go, God, I wish I wish I had the strength to do, you know, yeah, write, direct, produce my own series. I mean, this, yeah, I don't, don't have - I have it. - I really, I think that there's also like peace and acceptance of like, I have like an autoimmune arthritis. And when that started, I had to just go like, well, either can like try to do what I used to do and be constantly disappointed that I can't do what I used to. Or I can try to really like be a little bit radical and like, this is what I can do. And then it becomes about quality over quantity. - Yes, yeah. - I do think you find yourself out of necessity really dumping yourself into things that like, you really want or pay the best or both. - Both, both, yeah, that it has to. And yeah, I, yep. - Is it going to be fun? Is it going to fulfill me? Is it going to be good money? Ideally, all three. - Ideally, all three. And I mean, I'm always willing to do something else for a living too for myself. Like I go, if it came down to like, you know, I couldn't do what I enjoy doing. Like, I have other skills. You know, I've trained to be a 98 operator for the Suicide hotline. - This is that information. - Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I-- - Your fans are going to start calling. - Right. - I'm going to get you. Is this Maria? No, Cliff. - Who does? - Hello, this is Maria. Although sometimes I bet they have fake names. And I only think that because in the movie, Scream 3, Nev Campbell, Sydney, have you ever watched a Scream movie? - I have not. It's too scary. - That's how they getcha. And they don't tell you that in the name, Scream. You think it's about Scream for Joy. It's a fear. It's a fear, it's a fear. - It's a scary. - She works on a women's crisis line remote and she has a fake name. And I always think you probably do have a fake name if you work those lines. - Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, for anonymous reasons, right? 'Cause we're someone's like, is this Gerald? You know, like-- - Yeah, most people aren't curious. They don't even need to know your name. They're just want to talk to somebody. And a lot of times people don't even aren't, even in a state of suicidality. They're just sort of like want to talk, want to talk. - They're stuck in traffic. - Yeah, no, or not. Not stuck in traffic, but like some shit's happening or, and you know, yeah, something, somebody, there's been a breakup and they just filled the press and yeah, and just want something to listen, you know? So I can do that for $25 an hour. - Hell yeah. - Hell yeah. - Maybe you could transition to something. I know you're obsessed with dog. We have a dog in the studio today and I almost saw you throw yourself to the floor with the dog. - I did, I threw myself to the floor. Another dog had great boundaries, which corkies are like that. They say, yeah, I'm okay. Okay, I lived with a corkie at one point. Scout, shout out to Scout who I'm sure has crossed the rainbow bridge, right? Scout would pee on my bed occasionally where I lived. And that's kind of a thing. - More power to her, you know, that's what was her kink. And. - Good morning. - Good morning. But yeah, no, I do love doggies. And. - Maybe you can get you in some kind of, if you ever want to quit comedy, maybe you could do some kind of dog rescuing. - Dog rescuing, kind of emotional breathing, I guess. - Yeah, dog rescue people. I also, I've been with a dog who's been needs training. Like I had a dog for about a week and a half, that bit 11 people during that week. And I, the. - Just in a week. - Yeah, just in a week. And the people from the rescues, they're like, hey, here's what you do, you know, just what you're the alpha. So you need to react. And I'm like, yeah, I can't. This is me. I'm the alpha, I'm the problem. I know that it's me, but I am never going to have that sense that animals or kids or people need, that everything's going to be okay. Like I just, that is not my vibe at all. - I can offer a lot, but maybe not that. - Not that, not that. So I gave, I gave parsnip back to the, her rescue organization, just because I was just like, she drew, drew blood on a couple of people. That's, I mean, she found another home. - I'm a big, do you like birds? - I do love birds. - I love birds and I'm, right now I'm stuck in it between either rescuing a bird or getting a hatched bird. And there's pros and cons to both, right? Of course you want to rescue birds live for decades. You're like, I want to be part of the solution. - Yeah, yeah. - Birds, when they have long emotional life like that, can have like emotional problems or behavioral problems. You ever know who they lived with or what happened? - Yeah, what was said. - And you want to be something like an angel in a forever home, but you don't know. - No, you don't want to make a nightmare. - Well, I like people in that way. - Yes, oh my God, it's exactly like people. - It's exactly like people. - Well, yes, somebody. - Also, they live in your house and you're like, oh, this is what happened to you. It's all coming into focus. - We had, we did affordable housing. We decided to open our home to two comedians. - Okay. - Who are lovely people. Unfortunately, we realized as a part of them living in our home, that they were in a different part of life. Like, they were still, like, they were party girls. - The partyers, the partyers, like, and-- - You would never, like, even much of a drinker, really, right? - No, no, I was bleemick. I kept on my business on the inside. (laughing) - And also, you cannot be drinking on, I don't mean this is a joke. You can't be drinking on an empty stomach. I don't think you can be drinking on a bleemick stomach. - No, no, and that, I mean, probably would have been a great idea. - You'll get sick. - Yeah, and I just, yeah, I didn't, for some reason, it never appealed to me, booze. When I hit 45, then I was like, you know what, I think I will get my cocktail on. - And apple tiniies. - Apple tiniies, but it's not-- - Sometimes it makes you feel fancy. - Yeah, it's not good with my meds, 'cause it's like, it's just a direct, like, oh, this, yeah, I'm gonna feel terrible the next day. - And if you already have issues with, like, if your med side effects or anything like drowsiness, the alcohol-suspect triple down on us, like, is that? You're fighting to stay awake at the apple bees at the tapy hour. - So stay up. - What? - Yeah. - Well, when I got out of the hospital, my friends were just like, Maria, what? I'd have my head first until like a pizza, like. - Yeah, wake up, girl. 'Cause you are food motivated a little bit, right? - I love food. - Absolutely. - And I'm not a foodie in that I'm a friend. - It's not about quality. It's not about quality I could give a shirt. Like, oh, my God, you got that at the dollar store. I mean, what's the date on that shit? Like, let's, yeah, let's try some CBD meat. (laughing) - Cautia is very food-mated. Well, I love snacks, but my dressing room, like, my rider, you know, what do they call it, the rider? - Oh, yeah. - It's like, yeah, it's for me, it's harm reduction, 'cause it's like, I'm gonna eat. - Right. - So we have to try to have the low sugar candy or the fruit of the nuts, whatever. Cautia, grocery store cookies, milk shakes, candy. I've been on set with her where she's like, can a PA go to the owner of the 7-Eleven and get me three twigs? - Oh my God. - She lives large, she doesn't wait for tomorrow. She did just have part of her, she's just have a surgery. So maybe, don't eat exactly like her. But I'm just saying, sometimes, the snack food that you know isn't great is just what gets. Do you like Taco Bell? Cause, no, I have some dear friends who that was our thing during the quarantine was watch fast and furious movies to see what they were about and get Taco Bell. And I was, I was a comrade, I worked with the group because I wanted to, I didn't want to be difficult, but I was, I did not see the beauty in it. It was not good. - It's not an all the time thing. And I'm a vegetarian, so I think for me, the magic of like McDonald's is lost. Cause I think the magic of like McDonald's is probably the burger. - Yep, no. - But chicken burger is something. - Well, the fries, which are in beef tallow, that's why they're good, is it's the hooves of your best friends. - Yeah, and I just, do you eat meat? - Yes, I do. - How do you reconcile with that one? - I'm so sorry. - I want to tell you, I presented a dog fundraiser. I presented a dog fundraiser and I was like, I'm happy to be here at this dog fundraiser, loved ones, by the way, how's the chicken and fish? Like you're all here eating animals, which I know I'm not the police of that, but it is kind of funny. Cause it's just like light speciesism of like, I would never do that, but if you have a pet chicken, I might eat that, you know what I mean? - Yeah, I, I tried. - I'm not shaming you. - No, I know, no, no, no, no, I, I'm shaming you. - I'm just a bit of a person. - I know, exactly, right? - This is, and this is one thing I think I have, sometimes I have a very vegan friend who their whole family is vegan. - Did that sound good, right? - For kids, vegan. Well, when they got married, the whole wedding was vegan, all good, but also they had no alcohol and there wasn't enough food. Like there wasn't where it's like, somebody believes that, you know, that everyone has should have tiny portions, like, I don't know, you know, somebody has this weird eating disordered belief that everyone's fine with the leaf of lettuce, right? We're just, we're just all living in our core and breathing in and out. - Yeah. - And I'm like, no, I gotta have, yeah, I gotta have to some kind of, give me a cube of cheese if I'm, yeah. - I love, sometimes you go somewhere like that and you don't eat because you think it's gonna be a food event, and it's not a food event. You do have like a simmering sense of panic. - Yeah. - I'm like, oh God. Uber eats food to somewhere that I'm apt. I now always bring power bars to weddings because because you do yeah, I will not be caught. I don't know what's I don't know what's happening when people I uh wherever I do parties I used to I have I've been divorced for a few months now and so I'm in an apartment I'm in a ladies apartment and uh I haven't had any parties recently but I can't wait till I do again. Have a rager. I have a lot of parties. I love it. I love inviting punch people over and I love the randos when it's like oh my god the mailman showed up. It is outfit. It's fluid. He had mail. He was delivering mail. He wasn't at your party. He came get a full bottle of wine. He had already cracked. He's like uh, you know what I would think if I bring booze to something and no one touches that I always think can I take it home? Yes, of course. I can. I think you can. If it's like the end of the night everyone's trickled and no one uncorked that I'm just like yeah of course yeah yeah you wanted it or you don't want it yeah no one opened it. I will say too when you're having a party that's because you're not a drinker if you're having a party that's not revolving around alcohol you do have to actually think about what happens when people get here. What are we going to do? I guess we're going to watch all the past and the furiouss. Yeah. You know the thing about that they all have slightly different names. It's like the fast and the furious. Yeah. Fast and the furious. Yeah. But are too fast, too furious. Still fasting and furious. Like they're all different. They're almost We're on a fast. Yeah. And we're furious. It's just all driving right. I've never seen those these. They are abominable. The first one's fantastic. It makes sense as a whole film with what's his name Paul Paul Walker? Paul Walker. Yeah. And Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel. Maybe I have Vin Diesel. Actually acting. No, no, no. I don't remember the name of the actress. You think of Michelle Rodriguez. Yes. Yes. She's. And she's great. Then the rest of them have no relation to any of the others except for the fact that Paul Walker dies. And then they have a digital version of Paul Walker. Yes. Which will be your next special impact in like passing like him zooming away in a car or you know going, Hey, I got to get back to my kids. You don't like and just don't don't use them. Yeah. Don't audience knows he's dead. It feels weird. No, no, no, no. This is the most sentimental movie. It's all about family. So everybody in the family is always there. So they always mention family. Everyone's always wearing a cross. There's never a mention of what diocese. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's anyone's practicing? Like no one's going into a church. But yeah, there's a cross heavily depicted and everything. And then there's it's a Christian family. And then always there's something about science that's not, you know, wouldn't work like a car is driving up a building straight up a building in Dubai. And and someone will mention it and we'll go, God, this seems like this wouldn't be this wouldn't work in physics. And then somebody's go we'll say, yeah, that's because you don't have faith. So it's kind of this religiosity as well. If you believe in Jesus, you're called dry, that's it. You know what? Now that I was the one of them called Tokyo Drift. Yes. Okay. I've seen that. Yeah. I remember this scene where I think the premise. Okay. It's all coming back to me now. I was in high school. And I had all heterosexual cousins. So like I feel like I feel like fast and the furious movies really hit the heterosexual community. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Yeah. I think gave people waited for video. We're not like clamoring. No need. I feel like I remember this scene where he's trying to race in a parking garage and he's crashing into everything because he hasn't learned to drift. Right? He like hasn't learned to like hit the break and skip. And the whole movie is him learning to. He's whipping shitties. But I guess the cars are cool. I mean, listen, driving in Los Angeles doesn't make him want to go home and watch that. Oh, I fight for my life on these streets, Maria. Well, and I feel so bad for everybody who lives in the fast and furious neighborhood, which is an actual neighborhood at any side LA where people go to drive crazy. Drive crazy. Yes. It's like this hillside neighborhood, which is, I mean, it's probably being gentrified, but it's mostly Latino. Sure. And yeah, no, it's I'm I'm so sorry that I I told people where to go. Right. What am I doing? I'm so sorry. I will say to you know what, I never want to do that. But have you ever seen the movie Greece? Yes. There's a part where they street race. And I think they're street racing in the LA river. But I don't know they are. Yes, they are. Of course. Whenever I drive to the LA river, which as you know is a pee stream. Yeah. And it's filled with people's homes. It's a neighborhood. People are living down there. It's not a river. It's a neighborhood. It houses a house on the river that they made out of. Yeah. With TVs and stuff. Yeah, TVs like oriental rugs and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I always want to go down there and drive like Greece. Yeah. Do you drive? I do. Yeah. I mean, I do. Do you have a license? Oh, yes. That's good. Good at both. But maybe you and I could do it on some there. And we can get somebody to have one of those things that wave it. Yeah. No. A hot twink. As you say, a hot twink going like this with the flag with like very tight short shorts. So I'm that's what the ladies do is they all have a tight short short. Yeah. And they go, oh, maybe you could date a twink next. You probably have used to picked up early that gaze. Just loved you. I know. I don't have in head. Well, I don't think I know. I'm I'm so great. I have no idea. I was I was assume it's people who have had mental health challenges is my is my fan base or or their friends or family who are like, yes, she loves you. I had to drive because she's on. She's on mess. She's on a new man. She loves me. Yeah. I'm here. And she loves you. She just got out. She just got out. I think they love you. Oh, that's so kind. I think they do. Am I right? I'm right. We're good. I think ready. You could do. You never done a pride or like a grand marshal of a pride. I have not done totally down. Can I get you with the pug? Oh, shit. Get the putt. Yeah, I just don't. I do. We have shared custody of an old man, a pug named Max. Max is 16 years old. He's very old. And then we have a tiny pug Chihuahua who is kind of a super model. And she's about six years old. And she's just so cute. And I don't mean to say she's cuter than someone in this room. Is that a competition? Right. It isn't. We're all flowers in a beautiful garden. And yeah, so her name is muffin. And she's going to the fast and fashion institute of technology in the fall because she likes to wear her harness off the shoulder. And that's what she does. How did you? How did you visit conscious to kind of like gravitate toward pugs? Or did they? I mean, how did you pick a pug? I just took a quiz online where they say, what kind of breed do you think they said, what's your energy level? And I was like, low love it. And yeah, what do you like snorting sounds? Yes. Yes. Do you like really affectionate dogs? I was like, yes. Like, I don't want a chow where I have to be concerned. Are they into me today? No, I want to know that that dog is into me. You come home. I love pugs that they come home and are freaking out. The freaking out. The freaking out. The snuffling directly into your face. Yeah. Like going face to face breathing at night. And the expression of fixed like, what would you call that? Worry? Surprise. Worry. Surprise. Yeah. No. And I know there's something about the breeding that's wrong. Of course, it's not. They they're designing these dogs to a certain way. Right. And that is pleasing to me aren't the Fred cheese. They have problems with pregnancy. Bracials to fall, like they're a sock of esophagus collapses at a certain point sometimes. It's not good. It's not good. And yet, am I doing anything wrong by rescuing a pugs older already, because I only get older pugs. Yeah, it's hard because my friend, I have a friend, my friend Lisa, she has a bunch of dogs and she, like, only rescues basically. So it's like, she always is, you know, if you're always saving dogs and they're older, have health problems, et cetera, you are always going to have dogs that are not, you know, perfect bill of health in the long life ahead of them. Well, because it's so, I totally understand when people, I mean, it's really sad when people have to give up animals, but it's, it was, I don't know, but it's extremely expensive in Los Angeles. And there's also a lot of shame. You go into that and they go, well, we've looked at your 17 year old cat and it's going to be $40,000 to do exploratory surgery. And it's like, what? Like, like in the Midwest, the nice thing about the Midwest is people are like, you know, where would you let the cat go? You know, like, as I would see for myself, don't spend $40,000 on me, unplug, unplug me. We had, we had pets my whole life. And this is not good. We never went to about dogs and I'm from the country. Yeah, cats just go in the woods and die. Yeah. You don't even find out they're sick. Yeah. Your dog just dies. And it's, I don't want to say, whose lady was Christy No more? shot her dog because she didn't like I'm not that what I'm saying but there is some happy medium of like don't hurt yourself and also animals if if you're gonna put them through a ton of stress isolation just like human beings I don't want to be in a hospital the last two months of my life with like a thing my mouth's going I guess I'm alive still like Katiya Katiya it almost comes back to her and how is she do at least is that why she's out because she over the she just had a emergency medical surgery okay we don't we're not saying exactly what it is I don't know if she said I'm waiting for her to spill the beans okay oh I love it it's her story but maybe you want to give her a message of hope oh okay Katiya every day it gets better or it doesn't and at least that's something to talk about Maria can people go find you online and maybe see you in person? yes of course MariaBamfordcomedy.com I'm always on tour so please come see me anytime if you don't have the money you can always email me and I will get you in for free you just got to email me at [email protected] it's on all my socials and I'm the person who answers those emails so if I fuck up blame me it's me I used to ship my own merchandise and I had a fake name like Steve ship the merch and I will come home from doing nightclubs a weekend and on Monday I'd be emailing people being like we'll have your order out Nick for you soon it was it was me shipping for my garage no I ship too no I did I ship my own stuff and then I would say it was actually me and then I if there are any problems with it I'd say that's a part of the celebrity experience that's what I would say if they got really mad I'd be like it's it's me there is no Steve like I pull the mask off I'd be like I was on tour as you know yeah I'm back now I'll ship your order yeah hey yeah we'll find all your money we're front yeah oh can I play a voice note for you Maria more than you go you've been you've been too caught you've been too kind and too oh god okay Maria we have a voice note from Katya I know that you didn't sign off on this and it might not even be to you okay it could just be a grocery list she's been sending me a lot of weird notes I'm grateful hello oh hello excuse me hello I just wanted to share that I took an adult education sociology class at a community college and during the lunch break I talked to a young wonderful woman who said that her new name in high school was whole depot but the man was silent to which I replied why and she said and I quote because my pussy grips the man's deep like a fresh hot pair of plies so I thought it would be like hey Maria that's what I appreciate about Katya is she is constantly creating like you know she's not she's not gonna take a break and do like this I can't put the breath down and you know saying all hi to this pretty no no no just keep making content she's a creative she's a creative thank you Maria thank you for having me thank you