Marge and Barbara's Clam Chowder

- For decades, a shadowy organization called the Lemonati has kept lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Look around, lemon-forward sodas, even lemon-forward songs. We ran the tracks, slowed them down, reversed them, and squeezed out the truth. ♪ All hail the lemon ♪ - That's lemon propaganda right there. But now, 7UP is fighting back with their new lime-lemon soda. Join the 7Uprising, flip the sip. - Happy holidays. - Happy holidays. ♪ Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do ♪ - What are you doing? - Don't eat on camera because it's bad for the sound. - Bobby, you need new jokes. - Go ahead, Andres, say what you wanna say. - I have only wanted to say that I don't like Bobby, I hate him, and I'm running to quit for years. I don't like Rudy either because I. I, me, Andres Rosende, I don't like brown people at all. I'm pro-ICE. Andres Rosende, pro-ICE. - I'm totally against ICE, man, because I'm liberal. - Why are you talking to me like that? - Free Palestine. I'm McCone, free Palestine, man. What's going on with that stuff, man? You know what I mean? Because I'm, you know, I'm on the right side of history. - People don't know, but secretly, I beat my wife. I'm Andres Rosende. I beat my wife. - Yeah. - Why don't you tell us what's going on with you, Rudy? - You're a pod, you're a pod traitor. - McCone. - You're the worst. You're not my boss. Andres is my boss. - Mm-hmm. You shut up. - Oh, your dad died? Oh, sorry. - Jesus Christ, dude. That's real. That is crazy. We're supposed to be in character. - You two are bad friends. - Who are these two idiots? - A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. - Woo! - Oh, you two are something. - We're bad friends. - Rudy can't fail. - Hello. - Hello. I'm trying, you know what I'm doing? Because she knows nothing about music. - What do you mean? - Because today I woke up and she's playing her, like, you know what I mean? Japanese pop music or whatever. - It's not, it's Rosalia. - Whatever it is, you know what I mean? - Japanese pop. - Spanish. - Spanish. - Spanish. - You know, I'm listening to this stuff, right? And I go, "Do you know the history of music?" And she goes, "I'm open." Right, so I'm gonna make her a playlist of things that I like throughout history. - Okay. - But can you listen to her, too? - Yeah, I already, that's her? - Yeah. - Now you like her. - I like her a lot. - Yeah. - Yeah, I like her a lot, yeah. - I like her eyebrows. How does she do that with her? Is that, like, she shaves them like that? - Yeah. There's a worm on her head. Is that a worm? - It's her hair. - That's what the kids are, oh, it is? - That's her trademark. - Oh, it is? Okay. Yeah, is she Hispanic? - Spanish. - Yeah, Spanish. - That's Hispanic. - What do you mean? - From Spain. - Oh, you draw the line! You're drawing the line again. - Wait a minute, she's Hispanic? - Yeah. - Is that not true? - No, it's true. - But different than the other kind of Hispanic. - Hispanic means speak Spanish, so yes. - Okay. - Yeah, people from Spain are considered Hispanic. - Yeah. - But not Latino. - Not Latino. - Latino. - Yeah, Latinos. - As we know. - Are the true Americans. - The true Americans. - Yeah. - That's a Latino right there. - Yeah. - Actually, you're Latinx, 'cause you're being excommunicated from this podcast pretty soon. - What do I do? - Here's what Lat-- - I was in the hospital this week. - Here's what Latinos are like, "My dad's a doctor, I'm gonna get into comedy." - I'm 40 years later. - Glory holes, my dad went to medical school and became a doctor. I'm gonna go to glory holes, have prostitutes, do drugs. - You're a drug addict. - You got lucky to be, you are so lucky. - You are so lucky you were born to be famous in the 90s. - Whoa. - You are so lucky. - How am I lucky? - If you were born in 1987, you'd be like working at a laundromat right now. - What if he was born in like the 90s? What do you think his career would be? - He would've tried to be a writer on Parks and Rec and it never would've happened. - Whoa. - Whoa, yo, what's up, slam. - At best, he'd be Jaime, at best. - Whoa, slam, you're fired. - This is Slam Fest 2025. - Wow. - It's just that personally, huh? - Yeah, I had to fight back on that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's like, well, I'm still here. There's a lot of people who are funnier than me that are doing nothing in LA now. - I would argue there's nobody funnier than you, how about that? - Yeah. - I think you're one of the most talented people in Los Angeles. - The reason why I made fun of you is because I respect your talent. - Oh. - Right? - Manipulate, bro. - It's emotional abuse. That's emotional abuse. - Now. - You know what you sound like right now? - What? - A truck backing up. - Beep, beep, beep. - No, dude, I'm not beeping, dude. - Well, then go forward. - I'm going forward. - Well, no, you're not. You just backed out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Hit hard. - Is it not true? I'm just stating facts, all right? Is it not true, right, that your father's a physician? - That, yes, your honor, that's true. - Was. - Okay, good. - Was, isn't he retired now? - No, he's like barely older than Bobby. - Yeah. - Okay, that's another slam. That's fine, that's fine, okay. - Is he single? - Kind of, sometimes. - Will you slow down? - Slow down, dude. - Will you eat right now? - Yeah, yeah. - Relax. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I was asking. - Stepmom. - Yeah. - Dude, how funny if she became Carlos's stepmom? What are the funniest things on earth? - I would just have, you know what I mean, a jacket bomb at the wedding, and I would just pull, everyone dies. - Oh, kind of. - Is that your closer? Jacket bomb? - Yeah. - Jacket bomb. - Anyway, so let's go back to Cora, okay? - Yeah. - Your dad's not a physician. - He is. - He is, right? - Yeah. - A very highly respected one. - Correct. - Correct. What kind of physician is he? - Cancer. - Cancer. - Surgeon. - Cancer surgeon? - That's incredible. - And he still smokes, right? - No, he doesn't. - Oh. - That's top, that's top doctor. - Cancer surgeon? - Yeah. - I don't even know if there's someone above him. - I know. - Man who owns hospital? Who's above that guy? - That guy. - Yeah, yeah. - The man who owns hospital. - So respected this and that, went to how many years of school? - You're like the dentist of that world. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Orthodontist for junior high kids. - Are you saying he's like a dental hygienist? He's not even a dentist? Is that what you're trying? - Yeah, it's like very mid-level. - Damn. - Yeah. - By the way, shout out to my dental hygienist. - Okay, if I'm a dental hygienist, you're what are you? You wash the tables in the lobby? - In comedy? - Yeah. - No, I'm like the assistant or something. - Okay. - In the OR. - Okay. - Yeah, I'm doing. - You know what? I can't wait for my special to come out and prove you wrong. - Oh, here we go. This is gonna be the whole motto all 2026. When it comes out, you'll see all the reviews. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it might, some people might not like it, but I'm just saying, you know what I mean? You're against me. - I'm not. - Yeah, you're against me. - No, this. - He's against me, dude. - You're making a false ghost in front of you to chase. - Andrew, is he against me? Andrew. - The attack before, right? - Yeah. - Was truths. - Oh, only truths. - Yeah, yeah, and so it's like, I don't think that I was, you know what I mean? I think you're a very complex, dynamic, artistic guy, right? That script that you wrote was fucking amazing. - The one you didn't read? - I did read it. - I read it. - Oh, yeah. Andrew read it. - I did read it. - No, I read it too. - Oh, I didn't know you read it. - Yeah, I loved it. Why did I tell Abby I liked this? - Oh yeah, that's right. Got it wrong. - Okay. - I'll admit. - So what I'm saying is that I think that you're talented. - Thank you. - Right? - But you're telling everyone that I'm like a loser because I'm not a headlining comedian. - I didn't say that. - That's so unrealistic. - What I was saying is that it was more toward Andreas because of the Latino thing. - Let's skip it here. - Stop backing up the truck. - All right. - I came in a little hot, I'm sorry. - But I'll be honest with you. Your knives are so sharp today. I don't think I've seen you this keen. What is it? You went to the hospital? - On Monday night, I went to the hospital and I've been in my place for like two hours. - How come I didn't get a phone call? What's going on? - I didn't want to stress you out. - What happened? - What's going on? - Acting concern. - Yeah, okay. - Take two. - Just give me a sec, just give me a sec. - You can't even fake it? - I can fake it! - And three, two, one. - What is going on? - He laughed, ready, one more take. - One, two, three. - What's going on? - I got a stomach virus and I was-- - Is that it? - Shut the fuck up. - You're ruining the moment. - I have health insurance. I can go to the hospital. - Did you eat something bad? - Yeah, I think I did and it fucked me up and I had to go get IVs all night. - Are we talking like blood and stool again? - No, it wasn't blood, which is great. - Nope, all right. - Yeah. - Probably calm, probably calm. - Yeah, a little bit. - Let me tell you something. - I was embarrassed. - We're on a buddy system on this show. Everyone has to call someone when something happens. We're on a buddy system, so never again. - Exactly. - We have to. - Buddy system, dude. - Yeah. - I've always said that. - Yeah. - We're on a buddy system, dude. - How are you? - You were embarrassed? - What's going on? - Yeah, I was embarrassed. - Why were you embarrassed? - He's going to the hospital every week. - Yeah, I didn't want you to think I was up to no good. - What is going on with you health-wise? We gotta fix that, no? - I think I'm too thin and I don't eat enough, so when I get sick, it fucks me up and-- - And you're wearing Amish clothing? Where do you get that shirt? - Yeah, what do you, do you work in Xanadu? Like, where do you get that shirt? - McCone loved it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't ever wear that again. - That shirt is what? - It's what? - Fire. - It's not fire. We don't say that word on this show anymore. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Cooper? - Huh? It's Anderson Cooper. - Yeah, yeah, that's not Anderson Cooper. That's otherworldly. - That's Jake Trapper or whatever he did. - Yeah, Jake Trapper. - I gotta tell you something. You gotta call a buddy system, but you do need to get your health in check. - Yeah, I haven't been eating a lot. - Brother, you gotta wake up, take a walk, get something to eat, get your system back. I mean, exercise, I think I definitely want you to do, but eat, you gotta eat, dog. - I know, I gotta look more like Andrew I'm not like Bob. No, no, no, no. You're not listening. You're projecting on what you would do in this situation. I'm not saying I know better. I'm saying, but for you, as your friend, you do have to eat better. You do have to, like, you've got to change your diet. You can't eat fucking once every other day. Yeah, that's how I eat. I have heroin smoothies and I chill. Dude, that's not good. No, I'm not depressed. I like my life. You're afraid of getting fatter and older. You're afraid of turning into Andres. Older than me, has a hot wife. Older, yeah, has a hot wife, has a beautiful child. I kind of want to be like Andres one day. Got new hair. I mean, everything is working. God damn. Well, so maybe it's being in the booth with him that's, like, fucking you up. Should we move you out of the booth and get your own section? Because Andres is thriving. He really is. Yeah, yeah. He's grown into, I don't look at him like a porg anymore. What do you look at him at now? Like the baby version of the Stay Puft marshmallow mess. It's the cutest thing on Earth. Yeah, it's the cutest thing on Earth. Thank you. Yeah. My favorite thing is when your glass is fogged. That's probably one of my favorites. His eyes sweat. I didn't know eyes could sweat. I have never seen that before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. I thought that was only Cambodians. Yeah. Speaking of Cambodians, Rudy Jules is back in the studio. Thank God. Everybody. And you know who else she brought? Who'd she bring? Her mom, but let's get her later. We'll get her later. That's fine. Your mommy's here. Your mom's here. Are you excited to see your mommy here? Well, they live together. No, I mean here in the studio, here in the studio. Yeah. Yeah, but she's scared. Shouldn't be. Yeah, she should. She should be. Yeah, she should be scared because I know things. Scared of me? Hell yeah. Oh, have you met her? No. Yeah, I think. Didn't I meet her once? I don't think so. Yeah, I have to limit my brown people that I meet every year. I think I'm up to like seven. I might be at the roof. Yeah, you're at the roof. You're too, too, too much, I think. Too, too over? Yeah, you got to cut two of them out. I will. That's fine. I better be not being one of them. No. Of course, thank you. You're not brown, buddy. Yeah. I'm not? Yellow. You're actually more, you know what you are? You know what you are? What? Because of your new health, newfound health and body style. Yeah. I think you're more like your ombre. Oh, I'm Hispanic now. No, not an ombre. Ombre. An ombre. Ombre means like the color that like changes into another one, right? Like ombre, like hair. Like you shift colors. You're not all one unified color. Thank you, thank you. Like a mixed person. Like 100%. You're an ombre. By the way, we should call mixed people ombres now. Yeah. Yeah. Before we bring in your mom, okay, how's it going? Good. Interesting. Came with the fire, huh? She brought the heat. She's out on prowl. Well, here's what she's also doing. She's on every other podcast on earth. No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. Oh, really? The cute, young, handsome guy? Who's the young, handsome guy? Zach Justice. Zach Justice. You're with that fucking mega babe. I see you with that guy all the time. How many times have you done it with him? Maybe like. 12 times. Jesus. Okay. Yeah. She has Tuesdays. How many? I don't know. Weekly. Weekly. Yeah, weekly. Not weekly. A lot. Sometimes she pops in a belly. Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes. Yeah, yeah. But that's like a family podcast. So is this. Yeah. And this is your original family. Now you went off. You know what? This is what happened. You got to college, just like all these little brats do, and you abandoned your original family that grew you, that nurtured you, the ones that raised you, that cared about you, and you floated off to a cool family to hot Zach Justice. No. No, I didn't. Yeah, you changed. You changed. You changed. So Bobby told me to do it, so I said I'll do it. What? No, he didn't. No, he didn't. You were on call when we. Well, I'm your lawyer. He's your lawyer. Okay. Okay. I was just like, pump it up. Yeah. She deserves more. Pump it up. I don't know the fucking lingo. Yeah, no, pump it up. I'm not good at new folks. That's solid legal. Pump up the jam. Yeah. What's been going on with you? Life's good? She's been going on dates. You went. Drove all the way to what? Redondo? Where'd you go? Laguna. Laguna to meet the guy that you like? Yeah. Yeah. Handsome, young, half African-American boy? Yeah. Is he a surfer? He's learning. Yeah. You like that guy. You like the surfer guy. He's cute. He's like. Pull up a photo. No. I don't want. Yeah. I don't want. He's like a Jaden Smith kind of a. Oh. One of those. Artsy. Artsy. Yeah, yeah. There he is. There he is. He's right there. Is that Leonard Rodman? Who is that? That's like Thierry Henry. Wow. Look at that. But you like the surf life. You like guys that are beach guys. It's too beachy where they're just like so dumb and like white. Now, when you went on a date with them recently, where'd you guys go? You went to the beach. Okay. So he's a beach guy. Yeah. Do you think that like black surfers talk like this? I have met a couple black surfers. I mean, I know a couple black skaters that talk like that. They're very like, what up, dog? Yeah, what's up, dude? What's up, bro? Yeah, I love that. Yeah, fuck. Yo. Yeah. You gonna fucking shred the Nardog? Yeah, dude. I just did a laser flip, dude, off the bank, dude. Are you fucking tripping right now, dude? No, I did, dude. I nollied it, dude. You didn't hard flip Cove Avenue, dude. I didn't hard flip. I just did a laser flip. Yeah, but I hard flipped it, dog. So come see about me. Oh, you did a hard flip at Cove Avenue? First of all, dude, first trick at Cove. I was one that broke Cove. Bro, dude, check out my- Everybody knows Cody broke Cove. Dude, dude, dude, check out my Baker video, dude. Your Baker session is so weak, dude. Chris Cole just said it was fucking dope, dude. I'll call him right now. Call Chris, dude. Call him right now. First of all, okay, what year did you do that, dude? When you hard flipped the bank, dude. 88, dude. Everybody knows. Oh, fuck. I remember that. That was sick. That was sick. Thank you, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My guy. Yeah, you did that for Zero Skateboards, dude, when you were signed by them, right? I was signed by Zero, and I got dropped. And I don't know why you want to bring it up, because you're being a fucking punk-ass bitch. Yeah, dude. How come you're not signed now, dude? Aren't you still riding Flow? I heard you're riding Flow. No, you're not, dude. Dude, I'm sponsored by Flow. No, you're riding Flow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're getting floated for shit. Dope trucks, dude. They gave me four new trucks, dude. Okay, dude. All right, dude. And also, I'm still kind of like co-sponsored by Baker kind of sometimes, dude. How about this, dude? I saw your fucking board in Pacific Sunwear. You sick, dude. I saw your complete for sale. Bro, I told them to yank that board from Pacific Sunrunner, dude. It's still there, dude. Yeah, I know it is, dude. But you know what, dude? It's selling well, dude. Would be, dude. Hack, sell out, fart now. Oh, where's your board, dude? What, dude? Oh. Yeah. I just forgot to tell you. What? I wanted to take a picture. I met Yuki Sonoda yesterday. Oh, my God. Who is that? Seriously? Yeah, I don't know Yuki Sonoda. Oh, my God. One of the greatest F1 drivers in the world. Oh, fuck. You know that stereotype that Asians can't drive? Look at this man. He's crashed three times this year. Really? No, no, no. He's literally one of the best F1 drivers. Yeah. In the planet. Yeah. And I'm not kidding when I say this. Yeah. 120 max pounds. Look at how much he weighs. They are all tiny, tiny men. I didn't know they were that small. Like jockeys in a way. 119. That's what I said. 120. I'm heavier than him. You're bigger than him. That's crazy. That's crazy. These guys. That's him? That's him with an NBA player. Yeah, with Porzingis. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That looks like a fucking. That's me and Brad Williams. That's insane. So how tall is he? The tall guy? 7'3". 7'3". And then Yuki is how tall? 5'3". Oh, wow. So I would look like that in front of him. 100%. You and Yuki could see eye to eye. Dude, me? I'm not kidding. You're almost the exact same height. I'm taller than Yuki. Well, I saw him from behind. I almost hugged him thinking it was you. This guy's the fucking man though. Did you say hi to him? Yeah, but I was nervous because he's. It's so funny. I don't know enough about F1. All right, so I'm Yuki. What happened? Yeah, you are. Well, tomorrow I have to. No, no, no, no, no, no. Give me the voice. It's not guttural. It's high pitched because he's tiny. Tomorrow I have to. That's good. All right. Tomorrow I have to do the F1 race around Nashville. Race course. It's in Vegas. Exactly. God, I hope he doesn't see this. Go ahead. I'm going to interrupt me because you're meeting. I'm letting you fly, Yuki. Anyway, the carburetor in my engine is not good. What's wrong with your. Let's start this the right way. Okay, I don't know the fucking terminology. Hey, Yuki, I'm a huge fan. I just want to say good luck this weekend. I think you're going to love you too. Oh, yeah. I love Cocoon. Oh, the movie Cocoon. Yeah, yeah. Apollo 13. Love. Great director, you. Oh. Very good director. Rahawa, right? Yes, I am Rahawa. Rahawa, yeah. Your wife, your daughter, Bryce. Dallas. Bryce Dallas, yeah. Yeah. Very good. Yeah. She from Dallas? No, she's not from Dallas. Oh, why Dallas? It's where JFK got shot. Oh, that's my favorite assassination. Me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good. Very good one, right? Because who did it? No one know, right? But let me ask you something, right? Where was your daughter born? Where? Yeah. She was born in LA. Why not Bryce LA Howard then? I mean, Dallas is so arbitrary and you know what I mean? Like, what the fuck? No, no, no. People are around here. Well, it's one of my favorite cities in the United States. Oh, why? Because of the JFK? JFK shooting. I tell you now why I go. Huh? I'm sorry? Yeah. Baby doll strip club there. Oh, baby doll strip club. Baby dolls. Yeah. I love baby dolls. It was good. Very good? Very nice. Oh, good boy. Yeah. I like roast beef. I'd like to leave the party now. What? Goodbye. No, stay with me. No, please, God. I want to talk about Apollo 13. But seriously. Yeah. Seriously about it. Yes. Yeah, yeah. How hard was it to direct Kevin Bacon? Bacon was pretty great. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Tomohanko. Hmm. Tomohanko. Tomohanko? Yeah. Tomohanko. Very good. He never either. When he do, you know. I don't know how to run. Oh, Tom Hanks. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We love Tom Hanks. What's that movie called? Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump. Yeah, Forrest Gump. Yeah, very good. Okay. I don't know, you know? And you got the leg clamp. Yeah. Ping, pong, ping, pong, ping, pong. Yes. Yeah, yeah, very good movie. No? Yeah. Very good. Yeah. You didn't direct that, though. I did not do that. No, I know who direct. Who? Robert Zemeckis. Yeah. Robert Zemeckis. Yeah, Mr. Zemeckis. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's how you say it. Zemeckis. Zemeckis. Zemeckis. Yeah. Anyway, what are you working on now, Ron? I am working on Shrek 5. We're redoing it. Oh, I love it. Shrek 5. Thank you. Yeah, very good. Very good. You do the donkey? Do the impression of the donkey? You do first. I do second. I never see movie. Oh, come on. Come on, Shrek. Oh, come on, you go, Shrek. Pretty good. Very good, right? Yeah, we'd cast you. Because we have donkey in Japan. You do? Yeah. Am I Japanese? You are. Me and the donkey. You have a lot of donkey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what do you do with them? Ramen. You know ramen? I love ramen. Yeah, we will put donkey around. Oh, you never had donkey ramen? No. Oh, it's very good, very good, very good, very good. After that, I eat donkey ramen. I go around the track. And you drive faster? Yeah, yeah, the carburetor and the combustion. Very good. Very good. Anyway, bye. Bye. Okay. I got to tell you. Yeah. I felt like I was back in Mad TV. Like you were going- The most racist- You were going for it. That's what you used to do on Mad TV. Some of it, yeah. I loved it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when you just put your foot on the gas and let it rip. Yeah, yeah. I think I took my people back about 100 years. Maybe two or three. A couple hundred. I feel bad about it. No, worth it. I'm just doing an impression of what I think the guy sounds like. Yeah, he does not. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I'm you. You're the guy. I'm you because you know you're me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, go ahead. Well, can I- I got to play you, right? Yeah, you be me. I knew it. Let me do it, though. Yeah, go ahead, man. Taylor, very good. Very good, Taylor. Let me do it, right? Travis, huh? Wow. Oh, Yuki. Big fan. Thank you very much. Whoa. Whoa, man. Didn't know you didn't have an accent. That's a little racist. I was born in Dallas. Oh, you were? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. All right, bye, Taylor. Dominoes! You know what I got? Oh, my God, dude. What? You know what I got? I'm a man of the people, and I got the people's pizza from- From Domino's. Inside of here. Pepperoni! Pepperoni! Italiano sausage, green peppers, mushrooms, and onions. This specialty pizza was named after our customers. They named it after you guys because it represents the most ordered five-topping build-your-own pizzas, and there they are in all of their fashion. My favorites are Italian sausage and green peppers, and they put that on there, and you also get a bonus with a little bit of pepperoni and some onions and mushrooms. So good. I have to say- Tell me. Domino's is stepping up their game. Yeah. It's now more high-end. Yeah. It's high-end, and you know why? Because you can't say Domino's without saying, mm. Exactly. You know what I got here, guy? Mm? The one I only eat. That's the only one that you like. You eat the same one every time. Pizza, baby. You like the pizza, pizza. Two Z's in that, baby. It's the meat lover's feast. It's topped with pepperoni, ham, Italian sausage, beef, all sandwiched between how many layers? Two. Two. And it's made with, you know what? 100% real. Not fake. 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Shopify.com slash bad friends. I was watching TikTok today and I was really concerned about something. What? You're not going to be able to see it because I have my algorithms fucked up. Hmm. But there's not a better way to say it. I'm just going to say it. Elephant ghosts. You're not going to be able to see it online. Is this a sequel? Karate Ghosts? Karate Ghosts? Yeah. Can I tell you something about Elephant Ghosts? All right. There is an elephant in the room. All right. So many puns inside of that. Yeah. Every time you do that, you know what I mean? Let's address the elephant in the room. The only way I can. So you stepped right on a great joke. Do it again. No, it's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Can I explain? You're not going to be able to Google it. Okay. What is it? I'm going to tell you. Okay. So scientists have figured out that elephants, you know, when they make their sound, how do you do it? Right. Right. Each that they do, right, is a lot of it's a name of another elephant. Shut up. Yes. Shut up. Yes. So they can go and another one go. It's like Randy. Oh, it's just for one guy. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Jonathan. Right. So what they did, they fucked up one day. The scientists. Right. They recorded an elephant. Right. And then they went to her, her just experiment. Right. And they did the sound. Right. But what they didn't realize is that elephant had died. Oh, my God. So all the other elephants were freaked the fuck out. Like, fuck, ghost. Right. So they tricked elephants into thinking that ghosts are real. Right. By accident. And then the daughter of that elephant for a month was looking for her mom. Is this a documentary? No, I saw it on TikTok. This is like the saddest shit I've ever heard of. I know. I tell you, it's ghost elephants, man. That's insane. It's insane. So it called out the name and the elephant tried to find it. Yeah. The kid, the kid of the elephant tried to find the mom. Like, maybe she's alive. Oh, I know. Is that sad? Like, fucking remember what you recorded. It is a lesson, I think. God, that's so dark to think, though. They're very intelligent. They're intelligent, too. So they're like, half of them were freaked out because imagine they know instinctually that this elephant had died. Right. Then they hear it. Right. And they're like, what is going on here? Yeah, that's. It's not cool. That makes me think in some weird, we're in a simulation way, that the reason that we have ghosts or the thought of ghosts is because something above us is playing with us. Whoa. What? Am I wrong? Am I wrong? Same idea. Same idea. Someone's fucking with us. Someone is puppeteering us. You know what? You want to know how I know the world is simulation or it's organized through coordination? I went to the fucking mall today to go get my cologne refilled. Whoa, whoa. Stop. What? What? I went to. You went to La Labo? At the mall. At La Labo? Yeah. What's a cologne again? La Labo. No, what's the cologne that you're getting there? Oh, I'm not going to tell you. No, because you keep trying to jack it. I know. Tell me what the cologne is. Well, first of all, it's a mix of two, and I'm not going to tell you. You've got to tell me the mix. I make them mix two of them. I'm not going to tell you. It's for me. She makes it for me. I know, but I like it. You have so many scents. Why can't we do it together? You fucking have so many scents. I know. No, because. That's the thing about you. You never want to do things together. Fuck you. When you had to. First of all, you banned. Unbelievable. You banned me from wearing Santal because you were like, I wear it first. You can't wear it. Yeah, that's my scent. What the fuck are we talking about? This is my scent. That's not your scent. You combined two. Yeah, I made my own. I know, but the thing is that you can't combine two. Yes, I can. That's everyone's scent if you combine two. No, it's nobody's scent. Yeah, yeah. Give me the two, dude. I'm going to back right out of here. I'm not pooping it. You're pooping pooping. I'm not pooping shit, dude. You're trying to angle me to give it away. Let me just say something. I didn't know that you can combine at La Labo. First of all, whites need it because we smell bad. You guys have your own natural scent. We need it, whites. Of what? Pipe up, white. Yeah, we smell bad. We smell bad. We need it. Your pits smell bad. Our whole body smells. I hate it. You don't need it. Yeah. But I do. You don't. It's just out of curiosity. No one at home do this. That's white body. You're doing white body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tito Bobby has like a scent that smells like cow shit. It's like the best thing in the world. What's it called? I don't know. It smells so bad. Yeah. Wait, you bottled? You had someone bottle that for you? No, I went to a farm. Bend over, cow. What is it called? I don't know what it's called. I'll bring it in next time. But it's- Pull up cow shit cologne. It's for cowboys. I mean, really though? What is this? It just smells awful. It doesn't smell like cow shit. It smells like a dirty barn. It smells like cow shit. There's one manure selling smet. Smoke, ah. Beru's Rue Al-Assam. Go down the lane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, what you're saying- I designed a cologne, man. And it will smell like shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smell it. It's New Delhi. Smell it. Yeah, okay. So, um, just- Okay, we'll bleep it out. No. Bob. You're so rude, dude. It's the one thing. It's- You're so rude, though. Is your scent- Your scent is personal to you. It's personal to you. Okay. Well, if you're gonna be like that, I will hide things, too. Like what? There's just certain things that I know about that I would like to share with- I don't even know anything specifically. You hide all sorts of shit. Most of the time, if I say, do you want to go get- we're going to get something to eat after this. You want to come eat. And you go, no, I'm gonna go- I'm gonna go do whatever. Then I'll find out that you're at a restaurant alone or with a group of other people. Don't I do that? We find out that you'll go out with other people, sneak away, go to places without us. Because with the whites, it's different. Oh, well then- Oh, so it's a race thing. It really is. And I- You know what? I'm not ashamed of saying it right. Well, guess what? And guess what, bud? I'm not ashamed of sharing my heritage with our audience. Okay? Okay. There are times when you're with- Okay. There are times when you're with other Koreans and Asians, some Chinese and some others, right? But from our land, our continent. Okay. You're not included, by the way. Don't try to shoehorn yourself into this. You're a drift in the ocean somewhere. We call you floaters. Stay out there, floaters. So there are times where- And they're mostly people that are comics or in the business. Mostly comics that are Asian. Writers and stuff like that. And it's like, they go, hey, let's go somewhere after your set. And I see you and I'm like, I just know that Andrew will not like this place. Because it's so far from our house. Judgy, judgy, judgy. Yeah, so we'll go to like Sunungdang. Don't you love Sunungdang? Although you guys got diarrhea the other night. Yeah, but I still love it. Yeah, I love it too. I'll have it every time. But it's a late night place. It's great. You're not going to like it. I'm not going to invite you. You've never been to Sunungdang? But you see what he did? Where did we go with me, you, and where was that at? Where was that place? Agassi Gopchang. Agassi Gopchang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't eat. Why would I? Yes, I did. Barely. We had just come from dinner. I literally had dinner. I know, but I watched. You said, where are you? I said, I'm eating dinner. I watched you. I watched you. And it's like, you know what I mean? I don't like that. Don't do that fake shit. You know I love Korean barbecue. I love it. Okay, okay. I'll go to fucking Chupdak Gonggang. I'll go to wherever the fuck you want me to go. Okay, go to Chupdak Gonggang. But you got to, but here. We'll go to Sunungdang. No, I know what it really is. Here's the real truth. You get together with, you know, the yellow crew, and you guys, all huddle up, and you're like, no white, no white. And you get in your Hyundais, and you zip away, and you don't invite. They call them rice rockets, okay? We drive away, yeah. Yeah, and you guys, you enjoy the night without the whites. That's what it is. It's a night without whites. Can we have a night without the whites? You have them all the time. No, I don't. Your house is. You're surrounded by them. Your house is filled with no whites. Yeah. It's filled with non-whites. Yeah, we went to a restaurant last night with Louie Katz, and he's like, I made a reservation. And I knew once he, when Louie Katz says, I made a reservation. Jewish deli. It's a white place. And we go in there, I can't tell you what it is, because, and we sat there, and you look around the room. It's all old white people, which is fine. I love, I'm a man of the people. How old white? Are we talking like? Anywhere from like 50 to 80. So I belong to age range, right? But not in terms of culinary tastes and flavors. And I did not like it. And everyone is enjoying it. And I'm always aware of like the demographics of a restaurant. You don't do that? You want young, non. I'll give you a prime example. I went to a breakfast spot, which is my favorite one. The one I mentioned the last time. The griddle. Okay? Yeah. And I was with my, this girl that I'm seeing, she's white. And we're sitting there. She's very liberal, and she's very open. And we're having pancakes and whatnot, right? And we both turn to each other and go, this feels like America to me. Because you're allowed to share pancakes with someone. No, no, no. Just if you look at the Democrats of the room, right? You have this gigantic Samoan guy. And you have the two, you know what I mean? College white girls. And you see like, you know, a black guy with a white family. I mean, just, you know what I mean? Just like. A black guy who kidnapped a white family? No, no, no. Like the movie Precious. Not movie Precious. What's the one about with Sandra Bullock? Blindside? Blindside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very different film. Yeah. I mean, at their core. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're similar. I mean, that football player did end up getting HIV in that movie. Yeah, before the HIV. Right. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, you know, you see the blindside stuff. Yeah. And it's like, oh, this, what? Just to call it that is insane. We should have a restaurant called the Precious Blindside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How good would that place be? Yeah, but it feels like, oh, this is kind of the America I want to live in. Sure, a diverse America. Yeah, the middle of West Hollywood. Yeah. Very American. Yeah, I understand that because of the location that I live and the state that I live in that it might not look like where McComb grew up, right? But I can dream, can I? You can. I used to love eating at those gay restaurants in West Hollywood and they're literally all gone. They're literally all gone. Yeah. Like Basics and they're all gone. All those things are gone. Like Come and Go. That was, oh, Come and Go was so good. Rump and Dump. Rump and Dump was so good. Their beefcakes. Oh, they had beefcakes at Rump and Dump. Merrick's is back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Merrick's is back? Yeah. Do you ever eat at Saks? Saks? I've never eaten at Saks. Oh. No. Their cream of, the clam chowder there. It's so good. I don't know what cream they use, but oh my God. Yeah. Saks is just so good. Oh, what about that new place, Gargle? Is Gargle open yet? Gargle is, oh, it's so good. I think they got a Michelin star. Did they really? Yeah, what's your favorite dish at Gargle? Like my prep, okay, I mean, you're not going to like this. Yeah, yeah. Just because I'm a big meat guy. I'm a beef guy. I get it. But it's called the Long Dong Wong. It's so good. It's Asian crusted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Red American meat. I love cream tubes. Oh, I love a cream tube. I'll squirt those all over. Dude, you get four cream tubes, dude? I don't know what's in the middle. Why do I need to know? I don't need to know. So sweet. Yeah, yeah. It's sweet. It's very sweet. And it kind of tastes like bleach. Yeah, it smells like it. Like a scent of bleach. But anyway, we love creams. What's it called? What's your problem? What's your problem? Nothing. Have you guys tried abalone? Or abalone? With salt? Can we rewind for a second? We're doing bits. Just listen. We're doing bits about make-believe gay restaurants. And gay dishes. And then you throw in abalone. Oh, yeah. Or like an asshole. Oh, there we go. Oh, there we go. Good. So what you say is, have you been to abalone? It's a new lesbian restaurant. Yeah. Giving you the joke. It's very easy. There it is. Yeah, yeah. And that looks good. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be your server. I'm Marge. Welcome to abalone. I'm Barbara. This is my partner, Barbara. Yeah. We got married the first week we met. You want our clams? We sell clams and dirty tacos. Welcome to Snatch. Yeah. Has nothing to do with the movie. Okay. What do you want to order here at Snatch? Yeah. You're pretty cute. Yeah. Yeah. I'm Barbara. I'm Marge. So aggressive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You want to try some? Well, you know. Get in or get out. Yeah. Uh, I can peg you guys. Right on. Right on. Right on. After the meal, what do you want? Make up a dish. Can I have a white sausage? No. You get that at Saks. Do you think you're at Saks? You go to Gargle for that. Yeah. You go to Gargle. Yeah. Gargle has that. Um. Yeah. You're at Snatch. What do you want here at Snatch? Can I have a clam chowder? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. How do you want to pay? Yeah. You can peg me and I can eat you out. Hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's the tip? No tip. That's right. That's right. Clams only. Come back to Snatch any time. Yeah. I'm Barbara. Bring a friend, you gash. What's your name again? March. Did you see that? Yeah. Anyway. I got to eat there. Yeah. I got to eat there. Got to eat that. Abalone. Abalone. Abalone. Oh, man. I saw that Eddie Murphy documentary. I heard it's good. I just finished it last night. I heard it's good. It's okay. Not great? It shows a lot of his house. It's like a lot about his house. Yeah. It's very strange. It flows very. Very poorly. A roof that retracts. It's a retractable roof that opens up to the outside. He had mentioned that he was kind of maybe thought about maybe doing comedy. he talks about it a little bit but i don't know i mean he's one of the greatest of all time he can do whatever the fuck he wants um i'm not saying that what do you mean by i don't know he he he's lives an insulated life yeah he does right yeah for him to do it he'd have to go back into the and dwell with us in our club oh no chance there's no way he'll do that well not that's not true i mean i don't know if you because chappelle you know the other night chappelle was at the store you know i mean louis does i mean all these you know guys that are but they're still working the game right but what for him don't you think that for him like martin lawrence does it right at the store right he'd have to come down to the store or a place like that or do you think that he would do what jamie foxx does and just write it and just do it write it and go right he he would do an arena tour and just do it live sandler does that yeah but i still see sandler in the belly room he does work out sometimes but not not not like not like dave or louis i know but still he still does it don't you think there needs to be a degree of him doing that yeah i don't know man i think i just can't see it you don't want him to come back i do i would love to see it yeah i i'm a huge fan i don't know if he wants to it feels like when you watch this did you guys watch it i did it felt like he it felt like he i think he's gonna be back in the movies not not doing stand-up yeah i kind of felt like he had said because he had said i'm not a stand-up comic he is though no he says it in the fucking movie like three times he goes i'm not a stand-up comic i'm a comedian i'm an actor i'm not a stand-up comic i'm not a stand-up comic i'm an artist and i just flow through whatever art i deliver he's a man of many occupations well he was i mean he has a fucking grammy for music and for a comedy album is that true doesn't he have one for 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slash bad friends and lock in your discount there's no safe like simply safe anyway so your mom's here yeah oh yeah i forgot you were here yeah yeah wait i want to know though your dating life is going good you're happy you're feeling free now i think so what's going on oh tell him about what happened the other night we almost died you and the guy no me oh what what what we in the house we almost died elephant ghost what happened so we're i'm potting and um all of a sudden i hear this beeping throughout the house not just downstairs but upstairs too like all four of the monitors were beeping and then i stopped i went up there what the fuck is going on and the main one that was blinking red at the end at the end of the podcast i went up there i go just yank it and as they yanked it it said a little ominous thing it was he goes you have carbon monoxide poisoning yeah so ominous thing it's a carbon monoxide detector yes and you ripped it out you need those keep those no we ripped it out yeah no no put that i'm not kidding put that back no we won't but um okay and so um there was a thing what do we do here and i opted to stay yeah and everyone was saying we have to evacuate and tito bobby's like no i'm gonna play my game well you don't have to stay but you ripped the windows maybe yeah you ripped it up because it it was making a noise yeah but i guess the second concern would be dying that'd be my first oh i see i switched them because the noise is telling you hey it's not safe yeah and you go turn that off yeah and i was getting mad at him because he was just laughing so she's like running around with a cage trying to catch our cats you know what i mean and i'm like i'm gonna play um outer worlds too you know if i die i die and he wouldn't listen i was like you have to get out just go to your girlfriend or something i don't have a girlfriend to your girl eat another worm back to guzzles and then he wouldn't go out yeah you gotta you genuinely what you gotta get that taken care of because if you get you won't know so then what will happen i reluctantly you know i mean i succumbed to the actual reality of it i can't call the cat gas company yeah that's a good and they came over right and guess what what no carbon monoxide well that's a good thing it's my instinct was right right mccone yep yeah i'm a thinker right because i can smell it a mile away you know what i can smell yeah yeah all the shit on his nose little fucking loser yeah i was talking good about you a couple days ago too that's out the window yeah yeah see what see what you're what happens you go here you drift away from this so you know as as a friend of yours and i love you very much right stay with this yeah okay the better but don't go against me just don't you know no no no i don't want you you're out you're out at sea and you see what happens you see what happens when you're a trader see what happens is the guy who took you he doesn't really want you and then you go oh can i come back home denise can i come back that little stint i had with with that college co-ed denise i'm so sorry i want to be home with you and the kids and denise is like we've moved on the doors are locked charles get a hotel oh no and that's you right now you're charles yeah and denise me at the home with the kids you know i'm whipping up a cake because i don't want little daniel to find out why daddy's gone because he's with a college co-ed that he met at barney's beanery on friday night yeah so how about that how about how do you feel now charles well you let rudy go off and come back also macon said before that he prefers to andrew well when did he say that when we were hanging out i do i do prefer to like he said he doesn't really know to bobby and he just yeah but i don't want him anymore he's out wait i want to get to this you know i mean yeah it's a window that's open there's carbon monoxide in the room okay and now you close it yeah yeah keep it in here so when were you guys hanging out that's i think more i'm concerned about um i think like two months ago yeah same time shut up yeah he said to you um i prefer tito andrew over tito bobby interesting and the reason why like you're just not like he just doesn't like you you don't like me no i said you don't open up as much like I especially like even on the bus I try to be like ask you questions about comedy and like old stories and you'd be like ah nah nah nah and you'd go on your on your switch or you'd be like I don't do small talk do I do small talk you do not I do not but that wasn't even that was big talk no that's small talk I was like no no you know what big talk is I'm losing my left leg I go what's going on that's big talk yeah yeah that's big talk when he refers to small talk and big talk it's not about the depth or the breadth of the conversation it's with whom he's speaking with and you yeah are small talk yeah okay would he have small talk with like we were you know when we were in Australia right remember Dakota Fanning was there yes and there was some small talk with her that's fine I allow a small talk Dakota gets small talk yeah oh the weather is great you did mention it like four times what do you mean you she kept she said that at dinner she goes your buddy kept talking about the weather you well because I was starstruck small talk with a big person yes he's saying you're small talk with a small person in his life so he's not interested yeah it can't be that I think I just learned to temper my expectations well you're also mean to me as well yeah I mean we have we have podcast proof of it how am I supposed to feel here's a guy that's supposedly working for us the company should I'm a big part of it right yeah and you talk about it and you talk about it like I'm garbage because I'm not as clever as you are so I have to go the lowest form which is I know you're beeping back you're beeping back you're beeping back don't do that yeah yeah we know better don't don't don't don't play coy don't play coy don't play Joe coy dude don't play coy fish in a pond pal yeah I mean yeah anyway it's fine it is what it is but I will say this but I like what happened today though yeah and the more of that I like it felt like when we watched Jaws on the bus I love that see we did have moments yeah excuse me Carlos you're in my heart forever thanks bro okay fancy you're in my heart forever yeah thank you no thank you to the other guy um I want to see your mom yeah let me get your mom in here don't do the don't do that yeah yeah hi hi come sit down we double honey honey just real quick honey no just listen to me I know but just real quick all right so your other your daughter Isa did this we love Isa we love what you've spawned yeah hello oh my god what a what a moment for the show yeah what a moment to see the beginning the beginning who made the person you're gonna talk into the mic can you bring it closer to your mouth it's it I'm like cone could have done it hey you don't need to McCone could have done it see McCone gets nervous and then he fumbles and there's no reason that's you didn't play sports because under pressure you're terrible you are so bad under pressure it is crazy to watch him do that yeah ladies and gentlemen the mother of the great rudy jewels yeah honey is here yeah by the way what the beginning and the end oh no don't say that what do you say this is your mom yeah biological mom my age we're the same age I don't know how old are you 42 no you're very young yeah I know your age he mentioned no we're the same age I'm 50 wow yeah she that looks good yeah yeah that looks good for 50 to me oh dude to him yeah no no calls me monkey yeah you did when your dart when your eyes dart all over the place yeah I know it's true yeah you can't no but nothing's wrong with that I love Bobby yeah yeah I don't call you that at all um stop lying to the fucking fans mister like I share it all with the go ahead tell the truth go ahead and tell the truth well that's not the worst I called her what's the worst all right what's the worst he bullies her every day what do you call her like what well how do I bully her you just start screaming at her and you just start no I like the other day the other day I I got I because we have this um snack cabinet yeah yeah like a little room everybody is what do you call it uh not a snack cabinet a snack drawer pantry a pantry what do you call the place where the food is yeah I'm thinking it's a separate thing that's where all the food goes yeah in the food pantry correct right and I walked in there and I go hmm you you like these friends you're collecting these friends she's like what do you mean and I go and there was these ants oh yeah I mean just all about stacking anyway um so you're are the ants gone they're gone it's your fault it's not mine well how is it my fault it's because you keep buying things and you open them and you don't finish them and you put them back in the pantry and the ants come in God I want her around all the time it's perfect not my fault it's his fault and he blames me for it and I keep killing them all of them and it comes back the next day so I have no idea what to do okay now we throw how about this let's make a rule okay let's throw away all the unused food that are open packages yeah but you only get a few of them in a big pack he gets very little and he closes them back or it doesn't even close them and puts them in a pantry and ants come in and it's a waste of cheese it's I'm is it cheese it's yeah yeah I get every flavor it's so easy to not have ants it's like I don't do not close up stuff when you're you know it's just very much like you to do this well I'm on her side you keep blaming her for some reason all right you're right I apologize she has nothing to do with it that is my fault say you're sorry genuine I'm sorry honey I'm sorry Bob what are you saying I'm sorry for yeah I just feel like when you're gonna get home there's gonna be a different conversation no no no no she's honestly um it's a blessing to have these two in the house gotta be because you know it I want life in there yeah you know because there are times when they're not there and I'm alone in the house and I get really depressed when I like sometimes I'll like you know at three and four in the morning I go I want a cookie right and I'll just go and then you know I mean she's just she sleeps anywhere this girl on the ground she doesn't care you know what I mean and I'll just be walking in the dark and then I'll just you know I mean she'll say something right on that couch when you sleep there yeah yeah but um yeah I like the life in the house they breed and we have the dogs and the cats it feels like there's life there that's healthy yeah but you're not alone you know um I see I I'm not alone you know um I see I I savor my sovereignty is that an AA quote what is that no it's not no it's not no it should be yeah I um I think that's true freedom savoring your sovereignty of my peace of mind good because um all they do is you know Chase Chase Chase dopamine hits dopamine heads and um I have to just stay in the moment and just know that everything that I have in my life is perfect that's all you believe that no but I want to believe it I mean I'm listening to a lot of Alan Watts and different things I want anything what you can want anything you have to take action the way he came the way he did that there's a lot behind that it was uh what's your body count honey because she wouldn't tell me earlier you promise you will just be just say it body count yeah yeah like sex I know that I don't know Bobby I don't want you don't count that was one that was a tool mama said he has a she has a crush on you no you have a crush on me no I've never seen you I was I you said that no he's not handsome you have a crush on me she does what's with the mic so people can hear you hey there's a show like mother like daughter yeah yeah I like that yeah you have a crush on me no yeah she thinks you're really cute honey who's better looking um I love you Bobby but you're amazing you're amazing oh but then I was why does this bother you so much is it because I might move in no I mean I remember one time you were on stage at one of our big shows yeah and I went in the audience to see you and this hot chick next to me she goes your friend is so hot that's a lie this is a made-up I'm not gonna I swear to God on my mother's life that happened okay I looked at her I went yeah and I just that's the you're a handsome guy and I'm you're a very handsome boy too I'm cute for a specific demographic yeah for good-looking women okay anyway um you have a crush on Andrew I love this no go ahead Rudy tell us all about it yeah I just think you're very intelligent so honey was um early on our life was a meth addict cool yeah yeah how many years did you do math uh just not even years how many years like a year but I heard it got bad a year but I heard it got bad she's is meth it's called shabu in the Philippines shabu shabu like Cebu a little convenient to name it after the city yeah it's the cheapest what does it consist of chemically I don't know oh do you snort it uh yeah not snort uh you use smoke yeah no I think you use a pipe you piped it yeah yeah how old are you when that happened uh 20 20. you know and then you know what happened Kalilah's dad right shaved head we really need to yeah yeah shaved her head and tied her to a radiator and it worked yeah that sounds right yeah yeah before like a month though i heard yeah it got bad it got bad america needs to handle its drug problem like that i know tie these guys to a fucking radiator i know that worked right and you never thought about drugs again never again yeah she doesn't even drink i don't drink yeah i don't do anything to do anything what do you do to get loose yoga yoga exercise yeah you love to exercise yeah a lot wow she doesn't even eat bread the kind of stuff in my house is like yeah i'm on a keto diet yeah yeah god that's low carb yeah no carb yeah that's crazy it's crazy to live in your house because it's all full filled with shit to eat candies candy and bullshit yeah all kinds of exotic candies yeah and he orders things for me and i don't eat it he gets mad i get mad like i'll go like i'll get a breakfast burrito from he just gets it like that and i go you're gonna eat it but um what they do is you know you'll go i'm gonna go to jersey mike's yeah you get him the sandwich right right and then all of a sudden they're taking it apart taking the innards and putting on a different bread just get the uh sub in a tub what's that sub in a tub they do jersey mike's do you get the sub without the bread subbing yeah you can get but she'll put it on keto bread oh you want it on bread just not just not yeah normal bread oh yeah stuff like that what is keto bread i'm not smart i don't know what low carb no carb or they put they use some other ingredients it's a low carb bread alternative made with ingredients like almond flour coconut flour asylum husk eggs and healthy fats instead of wheat flour does it taste the same tastes good but does it break apart differently it's good they make it good here oh they do oh what in the philippines don't make anything good yeah but you eat a lot of bread in the philippines no uh yeah there's a lot i have a bakery but i don't eat the i feel in in traditional filipino food is there bread involved yes a lot of bread as in really good bread um they would know we should go to cebu because she has a store i have a store in the philippines who sells bread what's it called it's uh lola fees fast bakery you sound like you just made it up no it's no yeah yeah yeah he knows talking to mike lola fast bakery lola what street is it on in the philippines it's in marigunden beach you don't know marigunden marigunden beach wait wait andres andres you were at muda congo beach yeah lola l-o-l yes and space just put cebu cebu oh no you just put honey's bakery because we just changed the name honey's h-o-n-e-y yeah yeah i'm sorry rebranding honey's apostrophe z bakery see that's the bread that one that one second yeah there that's the one yes that's my bakery wow see it's so funny she's been living with my house in three months she hasn't baked me shit not one thing have you baked me i i'm not a baker i'm the owner of the bakery not the baker what's the baker's name uh i have many bakers well name it after one of them yeah is that you be on the counter no that's my cashier oh that's cash this is false marketing honey's not even there and she's definitely not baking any of that shit that's your store next to it right yes i've been in there yes that's where we had uh tiger belly we did a tiger belly there and also we ate um balut there yes yeah yeah do you sell balut at your store no yeah yeah the worst that day was one of the worst days of my life on the show do you sell cigarettes at that store next door yes yeah i think we gotta go have you been to cebu it's so beautiful that that the name of the store looks like it's marble lola fey store lola fey yeah what's lola fey mean grandma grandma fey wow that's the name grandma fey grandma fey grandma fey grandma fey that's the name yeah that's great why the big marlboro sign because we sell the cigarette everybody does everybody smoke in the philippines yeah almost everybody wow you don't smoke i used to rudy you don't smoke look at you looking that you can get all kinds of stuff yes chicken rice everything name it you have it what's the weirdest thing you have there um like sulfate yeah probably why sulfate i don't know birth controls too yeah birth condoms birth control is the birth control also in those rice pins on the floor yeah yeah there's just a stack of them do you have like a plan b what plan b uh no that's that's we don't have it there oh is abortion illegal in the philippines it's illegal it is yeah wow yeah they plan that's why you have so many kids yeah that's why we have a lot of kids yeah yeah how many times do you see the man who slices his brother in half with a machete oh yeah do you see him often often yeah yeah there's a man that sliced his brother in half and he wrote walks the streets he's my uncle oh i've met him many times yeah sliced him in half yeah wow that was scary and now he's just walking around you know family's evil yeah but i remember so when we when i first went i knew about this uncle and he was at the airport you were hugging him i i immediately because i don't want to get sliced yeah the machete man well you know somebody has sliced somebody with a machete but you hugged them immediately uncle machete hi and i think i said something like hey you know i'm a scoundrel yeah you are i'm a survivor oh yeah and i'm like hey whatever your family needs anything you need anything you need do you want me to sharpen your machete yeah yeah i can buy you a brand new machete i can buy you as many as you want yeah yeah how many should be yeah so um any guy that cuts someone in half yeah you really stay on their side you say yeah it's just to them i've never seen anyone walk with a machete i've never seen anyone walk around in society who's sliced somebody in half with them and he didn't serve any time at all how long 15 15 years yes i was gonna say he got paroled yeah so in the philippines you can kill somebody and then you can get parole we do that all the time here in the states oh that's true people get out for murder all the time here in fact a lot of people here kill people they don't even get they don't nothing happens yeah it's that's the craziest part i then use here of his case where someone will do something like stupid and small and they'll get nine years and you're like what that's the same as the guy who killed somebody yeah um that's kind of a other may i ask some more questions please yeah yeah um i can go now no no no no no no not if you said i was cute you're staying yeah yeah um talk more in the mic and that's you know the mic is here i know and you move over like this okay yeah yeah yeah she's doing fine how do you feel because in cebu beautiful island i've been there a couple times i might go back in a couple of months with the family yeah um how do you feel about the koreans there uh we hate the koreans there but we hate them they're fine why why they they help the economy so they're fine the koreans they're trying are so cocky yeah but they're mean they're owning all the buildings all the hotels i'll tell you what they're mean here too yeah it's not just over there yeah yeah yeah yeah but i see their behavior there they look down on me yeah why because you're an american korean i think so they don't respect you they don't respect from me wow come with my bland what's up dog you know you know how i do it yeah yeah yeah yeah you're always playing with my sway yeah i mean yeah your sway yeah your swag whatever yeah yeah what's up dude so what you guys get there how is it a large contingency of koreans there's a lot down large yeah and the pale ones the pale ones and they hate us there because we're just brown but it's your land well they are you know they have money so they can put up a lot of businesses so that's they can hate us and we can't do anything about it this is very dark why i don't like that i don't like it either that's so up it's up well they're richer than we are so yeah but that doesn't make it right imperialism imperialism yeah yeah bye bye that's not good maybe a former colonization is it no it's not okay it's gonna filipinos think that they are superior because you know they have paler skin and we always praise them the more money and we just think that they're like so beautiful yeah the white skin you don't feel that way no i hate them they're good wow i love that yeah do you hate korean americans or just koreans over there there's koreans over there but korean americans how about them i'm okay with them most of them what about koreans in korea should i start charging should i start charging rent yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm not saying charging things i'm saying koreans in the philippines i'll give you a birthday present today oh my god right would the cebu koreans do that no no okay watch your mouth so funny yeah you're not even korean yeah you're not even korean you're sandy what do you mean by that she's right you're not korean what am i looking to those eyes you're an american if you can you're an american i'm an american yeah american god bless you're about it you're about as american as it gets you're born in san diego you did live the like the white american life yeah yeah i guess and that's why you don't want me to go out with you and the other koreans because you're embarrassed about the lack of your own culture this is really what fancy i love it that's what this is yeah because you don't go to church like all those koreans did when you were when you know like you know you're not a church korean you're not one of them yep oh wow wow wow wow your dad owned businesses yeah what's the one thing the philippines has that we don't that you just can't get here that you miss more than anything in the world uh the filipino delicacies like the bud bud it's a rice cake would you wrap it in what is the repeating of things that you guys like they want to make sure that you heard them all right d-b-u-d but car car would sing correct - Correct, yes. - Yeah, yeah. - Bang, bang. - Correct. - Yeah, yeah. - Correct, correct, correct, correct. - Let's say a couple of just, you know what I mean. - Bud-bud. - Yeah. - There, it's so good. - Oh, rice cake. - It's so good. - Is this something? Tok-tok. - Tok-tok is knock. - Yeah. - Oh, see? They just said it, yeah. - Yeah, but. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's elementary. - Yeah, yeah, all right. - Tok-tok, it's tok-tok. It's like. - All right. - That's where they got it from. - Peking. - You can say that. - Peking. - But is there anything that's that. - But there's no such thing as Peking. - What about Bok-ti? - What? - Bok-ti. - Bok-ti. - Bok-ti. - Bok-ti with no nothing. - No, no Bok-ti. - Okra. - Yeah, okra. - Okra. - Okra the vegetable? - Yeah. - Oh. - Now you're just naming things that are. - Yeah, potato. - Yeah. - Broccoli, broccoli. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's interesting. - Well, how do you say mango? What's mango? - Manga. - Manga. - Manga. - Then what do you call the fucking cartoon illustrations? - Huh? - What? - Anime. They call them mangas, right? - Manga. - Manga, yeah. - So there's a difference between manga and manga? - Manga. - Yeah. - Oh, no, but it's manga, right? The mango is just manga. - Manga. - There's no S. - Manga. - And the other thing is what? - Mangas. - Mangas. - Mangas. - Have you ever seen that on TikTok sometimes? The guy will say, how do you say frog in Japanese? And how do you say that? And it'll all be the exact same thing. The same word, like five times. Have you ever heard of it? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I don't even know how to explain this video, but he'll say it. Oh, there, it's the second video. Second one down. Second. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, this guy. Watch, this is fascinating. - What's rain in Japanese? - Ame. - How about candy? - Ame. - Ame. - Ame. - Okay. - Oh. - I have another one. What's frog? - Kaeru. - And to change? - Kaeru. - Kaeru. - Okay, stop, push pause. Hey, dude, are you gonna frog? - Kaeru. - No, it's like change. - What? - Wait, is that what you're saying? Like frog and change is the same word? - Yeah. - But the longer version of this is-- - I don't like those pants, you should frog it. - That's actually kind of cool. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, frog it. - Frog those pants. - Yeah, frog those pants right now. - He says, there's one compilation where he's like, Kaeru ka, ka, ka, kaeru, kaeru, kaeru, kaeru, kaeru, kaeru, kaeru, kaeru. The longest one is like nine times of him saying the same word with like little tiny inflection. And it's saying, - They say they're hard workers, but they're kind of lazy. - They're kind of lazy. - They got lazy with their language a little bit. - It's insane, it's crazy. Is that it? - It might be, this is six point one. - How do you say shoulder in Japanese? - Kata. - How about stiff? - Kata. - How about, I bought a shoulder massager? - Katatatakikatta. - Katatatakikatta. - How about this, I bought a shoulder massager because my shoulder was stiff, but it was hard to use on my shoulders. - Katatatakikatta, katatatakattakara, katatatakattakara. - I mean, isn't this basically the thesis of this show? - Yes. - That's like this show. - Yeah. - Yeah, you guys both mean- - Translate that in English. - My back shoulder. - He's actually saying, "I bought a shoulder massager, but it was hard to massage my shoulders." - Oh, wow. - That's incredible. Wow. - Well, we're gonna get you some, badbad and puput and snaktak and taktak. We're gonna get you all that good shit. Karak, karak. - Karak, karak. - Adobo, singang, what's a singang? - Singang, it's a soup, sour soup. - Oh, I like sour soup. - Yeah. - Yeah, it's so good. - There's a bread that's called burikat. - Burikat, it's red. - English definition is a slut. - What's the grossest thing you could eat in the Philippines? - Balut. - Balut is by far, thank you. I keep saying that. - I don't like balut. - You love it. - That's the grossest thing you can eat there? - I don't. - I mean, it's like a half alive bird. - Yeah. - It's not alive, it's fermented. - Brr. - I know. - But it's like half birthed. - You would try it though. Oh, you tried it? - We did, I threw up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I threw up, I couldn't. It's a fertilized duck egg, but you can see the duck. - Yeah, the brains, all that stuff. - La la la la la. - La la la la la. - Balut and quinalas, a noodle soup that features brains from a pork or beef head served in a thicket. - The pig's blood, I guess, is also. - No, pig's blood is good, I eat it. - How did even balut come about? Like, we should cook the egg now. - No, we'll wait seven months. - Yeah, dude. - You know what I mean? - Right. - Is it a, what was that? - Well, I don't know. But it's a delicacy, is it not? - Number of days. - It's a number of days. If you keep it for 21 days. - What's abuso? - Abuso? - A bull, a bull, sauteed weaver ants. - I've never tried that. - Oh, I've never seen that. - Ooh, that sounds really good. - What's pinacan pinacan? Wait, pinacan pinacan? - Pinacan. - Pinacan pinacan. - Beating a live chicken? - Pinacan pinacan. - No. - It's a dish made by beating a live chicken. - Oh my God, dude. Tell me about that. Tell me about pinacan pinacan. - I've never tried it. - No, no, try it. You have to know about it. You're from there. What is a pinacan pinacan, man? That's insane, dude. - All right, do you have any words of wisdom, honey, to leave us with before we go? - Do you guys eat dog there? - They, some people do, but I don't. - Our uncles. - Okay, they eat it? - Yeah, I saw. - Okay. - What kind? - What kind? - Any kind of dog. - It was like a stray dog. - And they just got it, and they started like peeling off the skin. - Okay, all right, anyway. Thank you for being a bad friend. - Is that it? - That's such a good end. - Yeah, yeah. - Started peeling, you guys have to do it. Will you look in the camera at the same time and say thank you for being a bad friend? One, two, three. - Thank you for being a bad friend. - God, they sound the exact same, too. Coca-Cola. For the big. For the small. The short. And the tall. Peacemakers. Risk takers. For the optimists. Pessimists. 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