090. Maddy Smith, Lev Fer, Joanna Angel | Shock

Hey guys, Big Jokerson. If you want to check me out on the road, go to bigjcomedy.com for all my dates. I will be in Las Vegas at wise guys this weekend, comedy connection and providence the following weekend. Netflix is a joke festival and then Austin, Texas for the mother ship Memorial Day weekend followed by Stanford Connecticut. Make sure you check it all out bigjcomedy.com. Yeah, go see Big J the mother ship because I will be featuring that weekend and come see me on the round on the this tour coming to a city near you. This weekend, St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada, next weekend Toronto, Canada, Canada. I'm coming up and I'm going to fucking make you guys feel great. And then a lot of other stuff. Fort Myers Florida coming up after that. Springfield, Missouri, Tulsa, Oklahoma, also come see story wars live on the road. We're going to be going out to the Netflix is a joke festival from May 5th through 7th. We might be even adding an extra show because tickets are going very, very well. So come see us live with the Netflix is a joke festival. And if you can get on the waiting list for the May 21st story wars at the mother ship, it is going to be a crazy, crazy night of two shows. Either way, Lewis of Skanks.com is my website. Grab those tickets there and I'll see you on the road. Fill her up. You're listening to the gas digital network. What is up everybody. Make some fucking noise in here in New York City. Will you please? Welcome to Story Wars. We always ask this. How many people here are familiar with the game story wars? And who is not familiar with story wars? A couple guys. This guy, you don't know what it means. Well, if you're not familiar with the game or it's your first time listening at home, we will explain after we get our esteemed panel of very funny people up here. Starting up first, our first guest, you know her from Lemon Thief. Also, you know her as Joanna Angel on Only Fans. Make some noise for the lovely Joanna Angel. Joanna, thank you for coming on Story Wars for the first time. This is your Story Wars debut. How exciting are you? I'm actually terrified, to be honest, I don't know. You're terrified. I've once you have sex with many men. And this is making you scared. You're at your comfort zone. You're going to have a fun, fun time, I promise you that. It's very, very fun. Our second competitor coming to the stage, Owen won in Story Wars competition from the Madhouse podcast right here on Gas Digital. On tour right now, go check her out. She's one of the funniest comics in the country. Clap it up, I was like, I'm just kidding. For Maddie Smith. Yeah, yeah. What's up? Well, I've also watched you have sex with many men. You forgot about that. Yeah, you lost the last time you were on Story Wars. If you've done any preparation before coming back, I didn't smoke weed. That's good. Yeah. Last time, last time I was high off my foot in the gourd. Today I'm locked in. All right. You guys are on down. Last but not least, our final contestant from the Cockfite podcast with a record of 1 and 0. He is a story warrior. Make some noise for the hilarious. Live for. What's up? If you are a winner, you look like you stole that jersey from a quarterback. I chose an umber after what I did all day. What an amazing fucking panel. If you are not familiar with Story Wars, it is your first time listening at home. It's a very, very simple game. All five of us on this panel, including Lewis and I have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject tonight's subject. Shock. Oh, Alex. They hated that subject. Whatever. Yeah. I think they were just shocked. Holy shit. Alex, our lovely producer is going to take eight of those stories at random and read them one at a time. It will appear here on the screen. If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that. It's your job to make people think it's not your story. If it is not your story, it's your job to guess who story it is. Every time you guess the story correctly, you get two points. And what is your story? If you if you fool each person, you fool in the panel, you get one point. So when it's your story, you get an opportunity to get four points. It's a huge opportunity. Once you write your answer on the dry race board and put your dry race board right in the slot, remove your hand. That is your final answer. You cannot change your answer after that. And I'll say right now, we're going to have so much fun tonight. You guys are going to have more you're going to have more fun that you've ever had, including triple gangbanks. There's going to be more fun than all of that. But we don't play for fun. There's not such thing as a triple gangbanks. There's a triple gangbanks. Yes, there is. It's one gangbanks. You be up to as many people. What is a what's a triple in your brain? Like how do you picture that going down? Hey, guys, what's the room? Like bouncing. Here's the it's going to be fun, but we're not playing for fun. Jay. Let him know we're playing for today. Every week here in story wars, we are playing for a book from the story wars library tonight's winner will take home the complete encyclopedia of close up magic by Walter Gibson. It's my book. I've been eyeing that bad boy since I walked out here. The completed encyclopedia of close up magic is the comprehensive guide to the art of magic performed in front of an up close audience. The book breaks down all the classic tricks like guessing a playing card from a deck or making coins completely disappear, making it a practical resource for both beginners and experience magicians alike. Oh, I need affron for this. My Judaism's acting up. That's your book, Lewis. Oh, yeah. I'd love to picture how many women stared at that while you assaulted them in your house. It would do a safe place. 11. Yeah, they're fingering to nail DNAs on this. He really needs to take this book home. I think everybody who gets it gets it. If you don't, you'll pick it up as we go along, but is this crowd ready for war? Come on, guys. Are you ready for war? Then without any further ado, Alexandra, story number one. Story number one. I once saw an old woman slip on ice and crack her head open on concrete. I was in shock so I froze and didn't help. Easy. It's gonna be Lewis. You might freeze in an old lady clucking her head on the ground. I think they're gonna blame you for it. I'm sure, dude. I'm fucking. I help. I'm a helper. Why is this on your back? You have a bit in a special about not helping a woman screaming. You love not helping. It's like your thing. I mean, look, we've all heard that before, right? You've been, you've heard a woman scream for helping the distancing. I'm going underneath you. I thought it was helping. It's just a way from your face. You are the problem. Wait, what? It's so enough. I kind of think this is one of the boys because they said old woman and I feel like delayed. The other two girls on the panel are old women. I don't know any of you, so I really don't. I don't exactly know. I'm gonna lose this game. No, not necessarily. I don't know. I mean, I don't know any of you well enough to know who would help. Joanna, we are old friends. I've jerked off to you so many times. I can't believe you don't know. You have no idea how much intimate knowledge of you I have. Yeah, but I have. Joanna, I put my Oculus on. You've been wanting me and I do a lot of this. He's been mentally inside of you. But I don't know if he would help an old woman or not. Well, this story is this is a tough one. This is good in a sense because it's very like it's been all like it doesn't really tell you who wouldn't help an old woman. I'm getting love. You motherfucker. This is you. I'm starting to feel this is you. I think I would help, but I also understand like seeing it be a situation bigger than you and you're like, I don't know if I have the sit here while we get an ambulance time. I mean, I'll say right now, like when I see blood, I have to walk on the opposite direction. But I wouldn't freeze. I would literally run away from it. I'm thinking I feel like and by the way, you get the idea that it's one of the guys live, which I feel the same way. I think it's you were Lewis. I think it's a lot of of you. I think Jay might be live selling right now. I think he's, I think he might be on it. I also, it's not me because fat guys never going out in the ice. Anyways, I'm nowhere near ice. I'm not risking that. I've got, I brave the ice and I pay the price almost once a year. I think a woman is going to help an old woman that falls down. But then that's why we would write the story. Why don't you get defensive immediately? Because that's, yeah. It's in Maddie. It might be Maddie. But I feel like, all right, so Joanna does porn and that means you're soulless. So, no, that means I am full of love. Well, technically she's been full of soul. If you know what I'm doing, it's a soul brother. This is definitely one of the boys. I'm sure that split open the freeze is crazy. Yeah, freeze up and that means someone who does like blood. I don't, I don't love, I don't know. It's like he just stood there. Yeah, yeah. And I agree. I think the girls would help. I think no matter what they stop what they're doing and go, well, now I gotta get involved. I did see Joanna dressed as a nurse once in a porn. So I feel like, what is that? I had to come back somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Hippocratic oath. She actually would have to help this old lady. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. She could be sued if she doesn't help. I feel like Lev has won the game before and he's playing the game right to me too. Or it's you. You fuck. It's going to hurt me so much if I go with Lev with you and this you. I believe it's not me. That's where this is one of you too. But I'm trying to figure out which of you it is. I think it might be Jay because Jay, Jay looks a little blushy. Like I caught him. Lev's doing so, Lev's doing so good because he's making me think it's you. Either way, you're drawing an L for the right. Let me do an L and I'll start my thinking. I feel very strongly that this is Lev Farber with this little half mustache. So now think it might be you and that's what you're voting for. Yeah, I bet you do. I don't really want to know who this is to be honest. I think it might be Jay because I don't see Lewis or Lev really being. I have a hero gene in me. I couldn't walk away from this. But that's exactly. So you were shocked. No, he's got a hero inside of it. He's got a hero. It is. He's got a turkey and she's here. A turkey rose. He's hero with hot cherry pepper relish. I don't see Lewis. This is the story. I have to be true. Shocked. I see Lewis walking by. Sorry. Are the stories all true? Always stories always got to be true. Do you submit false stories? No, mine were all true. But all true. We say stories got to be true. You can lie. I saw it. I always follow the rules. You can lie your ass off up here, though. You can lie. I know. I'm actually a really bad liar. So I'm gonna. That's what I would say if I was a great liar. What if this is Joanna dominating us right now? Oh, man, it's her. She I'm like, wow, she figured out the game quick. I think it's Jay. I think it's Jay. I think it's Jay. Let me just realize he can't vote last. Fuck where it's gonna look bad. You're an idiot. You fucked up. I may have fucked up. Unless it's Jay. And left. Yeah. I'm Billy. Billy, Jay, we're three to two Jews up here. So we're good. We're good. It's a tough story. Cause it's, it's, it's, she's about to write a name or something that's not even here. I'm going robber. I feel strong. Peter North, Mr. Marcus. She is the one I least, she's the one I least expect. So I'm just gonna put her because I don't know if that's what detectives work that way. Yeah. Who do I know for sure it is? That's who it is. It's two D's, but it's okay. I don't know how to spell. Joanna, it's, it's two D's like your last film. She thinks I'm a guy. She thinks I'm trans per usual. I think some of us don't wear makeup. I don't think I want any. I need some. But both of you have pussy tattoos. And that's what I respect. That's right. Alex, all of our answers are in who story was story number one, story number one belongs to Lewis. You're the only one. This is back today when I was selling comedy cup tickets. Waited for me to start a friendship. I was selling comedy cup tickets and we were outside of Madison, we're garden. It was in the middle of the winter. And this little old lady slipped on ice and she cracked her skull open. And I went, oh! And then I didn't do anything. It was right open. He's standing over this open. He's like, Miss, we have Amy Schumer, Chris Rock. Did anyone come? If you recover, can you see me? Jennifer Scoti, Kurt Misker. A bunch of people came over and picked her up and I was like, all right, I had to look in the opposite direction because I hate blood. I hate it. Alex, where are scores at? All right, on the score board in second place with two points. Big J. Ocarson. That feels good. And in first place with three points, Lewis, J Gomez. Woof. Very exciting. Alex, story number nose. Story number two. While still in high school, I went to a college party with a friend. My friend mentioned he thought his roommate was kind of weird. We got back to their dorm after the party, walked in unannounced and saw his roommate getting his ass pounded by another dude. Maddie Smith. It's creepy, Maddie. Because I'm the only one who went to college here. It's very possible. Guess what? I went to college, guys. I did not. I graduated college. I went to see a high thing. This is while still in high school. I just did nothing with my degree, but I graduated. What you gonna college? I went to Rutgers. Oh, wow. I went to Camden County Community for one month and then quit. I graduated with it. This is not a college or this while still in high school. We all went to high school. They went to a college party. Oh, okay. That's right. That changes everything. This is not Jay. Jay's never written that much in his life. This is a long-prom close. I think we assume I had friends that would go to college parties. This is Maddie. I mean, it's 100% Maddie. M-A-T-T-Y. Matty Smith. Definitely not me. Matty Smith feels fucking grounders and literally. Matty Smith. What's up? I'm Matty. Matty Smith turns two. I think this could be Joanna as well. This is like the beginning of like, hey, I should do porn in a story. Yeah. Yeah. That guy's pounded and on me. I thought more you see and you go and goes, well, this guy can handle it. This guy's doing a triple gang, man. This guy's still smiling through that fucking pounding. What am I? A fucking dude? How the fuck am I doing at Rutgers? This guy's going the wrong direction. I'm fine. This could be Joanna too. It could be Joanna or Maddie. What about Lewis? Lewis went to college. I did go to college. This doesn't mean the person went to college. It just means I went to a college party. Okay. I do a part. But it's by making me think also like when I was in high school, no one was a very medieval college party. I was a nerd. I had long hair, eyeliner, it was in the drama society. Nobody's invited me to do a college party. I was in musical theater. Were you? Yeah. I was in anything goes. Who would you play? Of course, remember, because I'm a loser. I was the person. They both played the same guy. I was the person. My guy was in something else. Anything goes. So that was not a great performance. Anything goes. This was Joanna. I would never call anyone else kind of weird. Especially in high school. I was very, I mean, I'm still pretty weird, but like I was like that like, you know, this is Maddie a hundred percent. I'm locking it in. Yeah, but go, but you're pretty, so you no one. Classic Maddie and maybe I wasn't the kind of person to be like that person's weird. Like I said, they were weird. That's what it says on the story. I don't know. Maybe it's me. It's me. I feel like it could be live. As pounded by another dude, I think that's Maddie. I think that wording is Maddie. It's like when you like argue with your girlfriend, you have a great point. I'm an eloquent. I'm an eloquent young man. Okay. It's Maddie. I mean, it's one of the three on this side. It's not big J. We in big J. We're not Maddie. If not non-stop told the story of the time she saw a guy get his ass pounded out. I would be out on Ligia's gang, so I would have been on. Yeah, so I'm going to come on it. Yeah, I would have been, you guys would have known. That is so weird that that's weird to you. - This is 1,000% Maddie, I guarantee it. Lock it in. - What kind of parties do you guys go to where people don't get pounded in the ass? (laughing) - Normal ones. (laughing) - I'm really torn right now. - So is this guy. (laughing) - No, no, no, dude. Some tells me there was a lot of spit involved in this. - I'm like a champ. - I'm gonna fucking throw, it's not me. - I think Joanna Angel. - I went to my first college party when I was 26. (laughing) That's how high I had the sword to go get young pussy. It was 10 years later. - They were strangely like a restricted kid, right? - Yeah, I was a fat loser. I was doing stand-up at 17 years. - You were a fat loser. - No, shut up, Lewis. Not with that gorgeous face. Don't make me start defending that fucking gorgeous ass face. - Have you noticed that half as much as- - You do this every goddamn time, Lewis. - You didn't see him. - Your head is bald. - Just shave that one, dude. You don't need to do that. Why don't have a mustache? - It gives a shit. - What happened? - I'll pee shit. - Yeah. - But just stop growing that side in. - No. - I can't make the other side- - Chris work on slap-for-shut-leps more than this. - Don't talk about my wife like that. - You'll keep fucking lives, name out your mouth. (laughing) - I mean, my first instinct was Joanna Angel. This is like the origin story of every porn star out there. - Yeah, I think she jumped in. - Yeah, but she sang it was weird to see a guy getting his ass pounded. - It's weird. - And that's not sex porn. - Yo, what do you think they have lips gonna play? T-O-G-N-D. (laughing) - It's Maddie, it's a thousand percent Maddie. - I feel like it's Lewis or Joanna. Well, Lewis just had one, so I'm gonna say Joanna. - You're gonna join a row. It's all random. - You guys are giving Maddie free points. Why are you doing this? It's over. - I'm so obsessed with me. I don't know you at all. - Oh, shit. - How do you pretend you're- - Fuck it. - It might be her. - Lewis, I'm telling you, she's gonna get points. It's Maddie. - It's a thousand percent Maddie. - I'm getting Joanna Angel vibes. - And Joanna might be right with Liv. - Fuck. - And the whiteboards are up. - Nobody picked Maddie though. Nobody picked Maddie if it's Maddie. This is crazy. - You guys are idiots, man. - Alex. All the answers are in. - Story number two belongs to Maddie Smith. (cheering and applause) - I fucking sold you. - Matthew Smith, you lied right to my face. - And what do you want of it? - I almost picked you and then I was like oh, I- - Matthew. - I said it right away. I thought everyone was gonna write on the note and then it kept going on. - But kill the J-Smith. - Yeah. - But tell us this story, what happened? - So I went, shh. So I went, I went, I went to a party at University of Buffalo. I got black out out of my mind. I wasn't saying he was weird. You guys were making me sound homophobic. - My friend was like, my roommate's kind of, you know, something, something's. - We all skipped over and just went straight to Maddie's pounding. - We came home, I threw, I threw up in a car. - 'Cause you saw the homosexual activity? - Not yet. - There's gays in the area. (laughing) - I know it, I felt it. We opened the door, the twin bed is facing the door and his face and the guy's face behind him. And I remembered his face was like, oh, oh, he liked it. - I was black out, I was like, it's awesome, it feels awesome. I mean, yeah. - You'll never forget that. - I actually only remembered that, I was, I was, you know, the shocking stories, I remembered it last night. - That's shocking. - That's shocking, that is very shocking. - It's more shocking than an old woman falling down. (laughing) - That's true. - I know, what a pansy, right? - You need a break from the show. (laughing) - Alex, where are our points at? Two stories down. - All right, in last place with zero points, Joanna Angel. (cheering) Tied for third place with two points, each Big J. Okerson and Lev Ferr. (clapping) And Tied for first place with three points, each Lewis, Jay Gomez and Maddie Smith. - It's early, it's early. - Good luck. (laughing) - Hey, Story Warriors, real quick. Let's talk about one of our amazing sponsors over here, new sponsor and that is Shopify. You know, when you start a business, there's a lot of what ifs and Shopify is here to help you. It's a commerce platform behind millions of businesses. Shopify has easy to use tools to help your businesses grow all in one place. You can customize your brand in the Shopify Design Studio, which customers very quickly with their marketing tool and Shopify can even help manage inventory and international shipping. - I'll tell you right now, I've been using Shopify for a very long time. We had our merch business on Shopify years ago. Currently, body-bring coffee, we use Shopify specifically for it. All of the tools, it's super easy to use. I have an app right on my phone. Look, I'll show you, I'm not even BS, I have an app sitting here right on my phone. I get a little ding every time I get a sale, which is the best sound I ever hear. - Open up the camera. You both shouldn't be. - That's what you got right here. - Okay, whatever, let me see. Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. - With 64 notifications right now. That's how much I'm crushing it. - You can't even keep up with all that Shopify. - But honestly, the tools are great. They make it easy to market it. They make it easy to track what you're doing. They make it easy to plan for the future. Genuinely, genuinely great platform. And many more businesses and products than massive products and businesses are already on Shopify. You don't have to just be like a small business owner. It literally, you can grow from a small business to being a massive business and Shopify does it all for you. Really, really great. If you want to try it out, okay? It is time to turn those what ifs into, (bell dings) with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com/Wars with a ZWARZ. Once again, that Shopify.com/Wars. That is Shopify.com/Wars. - Hey, Story Warriors. Real quick, let's talk about one of our awesome sponsors over here at the show. And that is prize picks. America's favorite daily sports fantasy app. It is so, so easy to do. I know all these, there's a lot of these kind of apps out there now. And this is the one that's, it's so plug and play. You don't even have to know much about sports. Lewis knows almost nothing about sports and he has done this. - Well, I've got to be honest with you. I've started learning more about sports because I'm on prize picks. And every time I'm watching a sporting event with my buds, now I'm sitting there, I got a little skin in the game. Once you start caring, you start looking and listening and watching, I kind of feel like I'm becoming a sports aficionado because of prize picks. - It's very, very possible. You're an aficionado. It's very, very simple. You take two to six players across any sport. You're going more or less than their projected stats. It is that easy. It's basically a 50/50 shot. The playoffs are heating up right now. So it is now is the time to get involved. Again, very, very simple to use. It's self-explanatory when you get on there. Do not pass up your next shot with prize picks. And right now you can get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. It's pretty amazing. I've been doing really good this playoff season and the sixers are going to shake things up, make a little bit of noise. Join millions of users and sign up for America's number one sports pick app. Now available in all 50 states. - Download the prize picks app today and use code wars with the ZWARZ to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code wars with the Z to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Thanks for prize picks for sponsoring today's episode. All right, where were we? - Alex, story number three. (upbeat music) - Story number three. I was dating someone who told me they couldn't hang out because their cousin was staying over. I stopped by anyway and walked in on them fucking. Turns out it wasn't their cousin, just a very attractive person visiting from Miami. - How is this not your way? - It has to be, it's got to be. Someone's visiting from Miami. What? None of us know anybody like that. - This is all, yeah, 'cause a comic would have put something funny, we're very attractive person there. That's, this got to be Joanna. - No, it's not. (audience laughing) - Now that's porn acting right there. (audience laughing) - Put the pizza down there. - I didn't order a pizza, sir. (audience laughing) - Excuse me, my husband will be home momentarily. (audience laughing) - You're my stepdad. - And my stepbrother. - How? - Oh. - So should we talk about him pretend and oh, is it loose? (audience laughing) - Hi, man, I'm giving Joanna vibes. Joanna, this is your story to Denise. How is this not your story? - I've never seen this story in my life. (audience laughing) I don't even know what Miami is. (audience laughing) - It's a place full of very attractive people. (audience laughing) - Sounds like whoever, the story this is, sounds like a bad night. (audience laughing) - It's 95% her, but would anybody else, if the type just stopped by anyway, if they're told to not go? - That's a guy thing right there. - That's a 5% Lewis. (audience laughing) - Let me tell you something, let me stop by anyway. He said before, I'm telling you, I'm having deja vu almost with the way Joanna's like, it seems very obvious, it is her story, but this is fucked us before. - Yeah. - Where someone's been like, "Yeah, ha ha, and they're laughing." (audience laughing) - Oh, a different person, and it's a great play. I wrote Joanna, but now I'm not confidently putting it in. - Either way, I'm jerking off to the story tonight. (audience laughing) Oh, even if it's live. - Yeah. - It's not Lewis, Lewis is too chill right now. - No, I'm very, here's the thing. I don't usually, I stop drinking and stop smoking, but I'm very drunk right now. - It doesn't matter. I know the story of Lewis walking in on his fucking, chicken or cousin fucking is anyone from the south never mind I don't know it seems like I appreciate the effort I mean obviously it's Joanne I was gonna try to waste more time but here we are Joanna what the fuck do you think that says it says Joanna Joanna Halla Joanna Halla Joanna Lewis I know you some makes me happy I don't know why I don't know why that makes me so happy because you please just tell the wrong yes she's got Maddie wrong too I know but I don't know why it makes me happy Alex Oliver answers her and tell us why it's Joanna story number three belongs to Joanna Angel Joanna what's the story yeah last Wednesday was a really bad no it was last week that's wild yeah really sucked and you broke up with this guy I mean she just started solving I don't think I really had a choice was he you said he was your boyfriend you're what I mean you were a man of it I mean ish yeah I mean that there were things that were allowed but that was not one of them and you walked in on happening what happened did you was there an argument a fight they stopped do they keep going and be like what they just like yeah yeah they did get in are you hungry yeah that's what happened at the stop and then the girl said like I was like I was like what is going on I mean I see what's going on but it's a very attractive person for my yeah you walk you walk and you're like you're fucking your cousin I said I said I miss your cousin and what did he say yes he said yeah sorry we're weird yeah I mean yeah he said he said um get out of my house yeah yeah yeah but um yeah she was like she was like you can do better than him what I'm getting you could do better yeah she's like yeah she's you better than him now get out of here so I can finish him off focus on yourself yeah exactly I was like like right you gotta love yourself before you up like I think that's really nice of you to say but I don't I don't think I'm gonna do that like right this minute but oh my god you know confrontation with her um yeah I mean I was like all right well I guess I guess I'm going was she lied to also what was she lied yeah yeah I guess she was lied to you know what you should make I'm you should totally suck off a comedian tonight to get back at him I should that's actually why I came here that rules out honestly in my mind I was like she should suck off a comedian you get over like that yeah you know what yeah you're right yeah I'm sorry yeah Maddie your neck was built to fucking 69 yeah that's right yeah yeah yeah that's a horrible this is a huge clip we have to have a new rule on the show no stories from the past week I do feel terrible I feel bad I feel like you're I feel like we fucking brought you down tonight we should be singing all the sad jump back into the world you're right yeah a true hero a patriot a true American U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A. Very so I'm available damn do you look at all the guys I'm telling you they're not excited about that when they're sitting with their chicks ah you fucking dumb asshole these business guys are gonna make it off yeah this guy's gonna say answer the show is gonna be like hey how available oh you really though yeah I'm just fucking around them in town for a day or two I'm so mad because I cleaned up the whole apartment that day so I wanted to just mess it back up oh no okay I didn't mean to make this sad yeah listen yeah Joanna the only way the only way I can come is if I'm sad so it is true yeah I tried to make it into like a porn I was like I could join in you can they were not into them and they said no no really you said let me just jump in I was like well she's hot shut the fuck up he said no yeah don't worry you got it early that's a gay man Alex our sports our points yeah that guy was a gay man he's super weird guy that's a weird fucking guy that's a fucking weird guy hey how about I fuck both of you yeah what I just got caught cheating and your offer was the fuck up and said no let's have an awkward conversation yeah what a psycho that guy sucked I know damn yeah yeah yeah well awesome you got a data girl that if she walks in on you cheating she's like is it my birthday what are we celebrating oh my god is it flag day I didn't look at the calendar I said if you want to fuck someone else just like invite me wow I'm sorry this guy's it you were in love with a homosexual man yeah we call that the Christine yeah Alex Christine's homosexual man kind of like new at dating why did he say it was his cousin just like join a king what do you want to work through this after the show on my life on my life I've heard more than once a guy cheating saying like this chick is my cousin and then yeah I did look it up it is actually decriminalized in New York and New Jersey I thought we had a civil suit on this fucking asshole yeah but it's every once in a while Joanne is Jewish does come out yeah I looked and it was like it said it said they could you could date your cousin you can't marry them oh my god I was like well this won't go anywhere it's just blue so I have real casual man I wasn't his cousin Alex where are our points at for the fourth time yeah in last place with zero points Joanne yeah that's what the guy said when you walked in tied for third place with four points each big J. O'Courson and Lev Fer and in lead with five points each Lewis J Gomez and Maddie Smith I want to make sure everybody keeps their eyes on the prize if you win tonight you take home the completing cyclopedie of close-up magic which teaches not just how tricks are done but why they work learn the mechanics behind the tricks like mind reading and the mysterious vanishing glowing red dot readers learn how small movements and simple actions into turn into unforgettable moments of surprise who are we it's the actual cap is the cap it's the original cap I'm a plant Alex story number four story number four a woman punched the hood of my car and trotted off no cap I circled the block to find her and get out to spit in her face she was shocked I mean I would think big J because he has crazy violent road rage I do know cap is I'll he means you lie oh no lie let I think no cap is something Alex corrected I don't think anybody here would use no cap no Alex would never heard that phrase I think she put that in that would be weird you have a spitting fight story I know I was spitting somebody's face yeah you what's that story you have that didn't you like spit in recently no was a guy Joanna also a spitting story different story I I she had a stomach I like but yeah Joanna do you like a spit in your face I do yeah I wouldn't punch somebody's car to get to get that though this guy lost a god damn angel I know yeah I spent no Jamaican guys you know face you guys might not think this but I'm a really good girlfriend I believe that Yeah, yeah, I'm a really good girlfriend. You just have to watch me fuck guys every week It's not every week. It's every day I don't know why I feel like I can get over it. Yeah, you could I could. Yep No cap. I mean it could look it was really so speaking. I don't feel safe. I'm sure Maddie is very quiet Sure, Maddie is a wild and out like a compliment This is not like a sexy spit in the face. It's like an angry spit in the face. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, and like I don't I don't feel safe I'm gonna have a girl spinner my mouth, but none of my face. That's insane. This is Jay or Maddie. This is a fight This is Jay or Maddie. Well Well, I wouldn't I wouldn't lie. Yeah, if no cat means lie, I wouldn't circle back to I wouldn't lie about that Because he has a story where he likes some guy was being a con and he spit in their face I remember think oh, that's like a I never think to spit and somebody's face I feel like Jay's do is that you're making guy who fucking got out of his car and then when he got out of his car We squared up, but then he wasn't moving afforded all so then I went back in my car and then he spit on my Window and then I poured water all over the his spit and I was like it's gone already dude It was the weirdest thing I've ever been a part of I Swore was my last road age ever. I remember at Skankfest some lady like freaked out was being a cunt and either she spit in Someone's face or you spit in her face There's been a woman's face Like Jay isn't up going on if you ask I feel like Jay is enough going on that he wouldn't admit to spit in a woman's face This seems like courier suicide to admit that unless you're a woman this feels maddy Wait, but do you drive? I mean mad as the first three letters of the word maddy so This can't be me because Trotted the only reason I think you could be big Jay because big J's using words that nobody else would use to try to throw people off I feel like yeah no cap circles the block that asked to me you Jay that you know a fucking that's like a rap slur You're throwing that in there to get himself the scent. I circled the block. No cap. You fucking you punch my car I fucking no cap. I circled the block. I mean here's something if somebody punched Jay's car I can see him getting in written Jay is crazy road rage. Yeah. Yeah. He's not wrong. I do crazy road rage That's where like you and I see eye to eye. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's where we do hit it. It's something in in traffic If I have to get it I'm getting out No matter what color you are. I'm calling you the N word in traffic. Absolutely. That is true. Yeah, I can argue what it is. Okay nice I'm locking in on Jay. I think this is a big Jay or Maddie vibes. I don't think Lev ever had a car. I don't think Lev's a driver. Yeah I don't have a car. Lev had a motorcycle that he couldn't afford to pay for anymore Repossessed. They kind of spit in my face on that one. No. They took it back. They took it back, Jay Could I'll do this? Then you wonder why my mustache is gone I'm getting big Jay vibes. I'm feeling Jay I don't I don't have a car. I haven't had a car in years, but maybe this happened a lot. I could possibly jump here Would you put Jay Maddie? I'm gonna be able to jump Lewis really what a dumbass you are What a stupid asshole Maddie is Alex everyone's answers are in story number four belongs to big Jay No cap. I knew that was big Jay. Detective Lewis crack that one with the Liga. That was nice. You know cap No cap. I fucking saw the block. That means I got up. No, I was a it was a thing It was on my block when I live in East Village Christine was in the car with me and a girl like The thing I was like letting her go and then she didn't go so I started turning and then she like you know I was like oh you're got my way and she's like fucking wailed my car and I looked I stared a Christine I was like you go fight that Christine was like what I go no, this is where you're a girl so you have to get out and you just go beat just beat her And she goes what no, I'm not gonna I go oh And then while we're arguing about this the girl gets like a block away So I fucking zip around and circle the block and I go is that that's her and then I got out and I go hey And she goes oh my god what I went And then I got back in the car She was she was shocked Maybe Alex four stories at one point said all right in last place with two points Joanne On the board on the board tied for a third place with five points each big J. Ogerson and Maddie Smith In second place with six points left for And in the lead with seven points Lewis J Gomez I'm the only one here that's never played before right we can't let Lewis Winnie already knows these tricks We got to pass to waste it's high I read this book front to back We are four stories down at this point. We're gonna go It's our half point of the show. We're gonna get some plugs from the panel. Love. What do you plug in my friend? New York City may aeth me column turl and Tristan Bowling. They're opening. I'm headlining at sesh Come on out to that tickets are on sale now and Winnipeg Philly LA San Diego and a couple of the cities on sale live for comedy.com grab tickets follow me on Instagram and watch Cock fight podcast me and the boys I expected a big cheer on that and Yeah, watch cock fight. That's it. Thank you. Maddie Smith. Everybody check me out. I'm on tour Maddie Smith comedy.com Probably come into a city near you. I have a monthly show here at near comedy club and check out the Madhouse podcast here on guest digital Joanna Angel Plug it up. Okay, you can jerk off to me on the internet You know what's fucking hilarious? It's just by you you you have a proactive career Every guy seen with his chicken this room has to act like he hasn't whacked a lot to you I have a lot of female fans too. Yeah Not her Guys, by the way if you go on to me if you use your Oculus she'll sit right in your lap Wait, my round of applause could be the black guy My round of applause. Who has jerked off the Joanna in this room? No, wow, oh my god, I just the shit you liar pieces of shit. Oh, I wish we had a lot of picked her here How dare you insult Joanne Angel I'm sorry Go and jerk off. Yeah, five minutes. I'm gonna jerk off tonight. Oh, okay. Good. Thank you. Oh J.O.A. N.A. N.G.O. only fan you remember that was he falls asleep. Yeah Big J everybody plug it my friend forever. Uh, big J company dot com for tickets. All my shows greatest yapper live tour happening right now as we speak I'm all over the place. Look for a senior. I'm going straight through. I have no weekends off until June So I will be in your city or a city near you look for a city what near you soon big J company dot com Of course, listen to the bonfire five days a week faction talk series X and 103 with me in the great rock River Kelly and of course the flagship show over here guest digital the legion of motherfuckin skanks And of course my YouTube big J.O.K.erson on YouTube. I do live streams now inconsistently Come see me on the road to rattle me this tour coming to a city near you go to Lewis of skanks dot com grab tickets for that Send them from a mailing list get a bonus podcast there if you guys love this show You should know that we do an uncensored and add free version of the show with pre-release Gastage and a dot com use the promo code war W.A.R. And you guys will save a couple bucks a month to support the show directly Make sure you buy my book. I have a book myself. We're we gave it away a few weeks ago It's called knives and spoons go to Amazon or our Barnes and nobles you can get my book and yeah Just fucking thank you for being real ass dudes All right we're at the second half of the game our final four stories and Joanna is your first time playing I understand it's probably I don't have a lot of first But the ones you had were probably phenomenal You might feel like you're a little bit out of the game, but you're not I promise you this game is much closer than you think because for the second half, the final four stories, we go, "Lev, why don't you tell 'em your story warrior." I'm pretty sure for the second half, we go double points. (upbeat music) That is correct, Joanna. It doesn't matter how bad the first half possibly went. We get to change it on the second half because before where if you fooled somebody, you got one point. If you get the correct answer, you got two points. Now, that actually jumps up to double points. (upbeat music) - Whoop. (laughing) - Alex, would you please? - They have sour patch kids here. (laughing) - Thank you. - Story number five. (upbeat music) - Story number five. - Wait, now Joanna's not the only one eating kids tonight. (laughing) - One time I started arguing with my mother while she was cooking and she threw the knife she was holding at me. I never argued with her while she cooked again. - This feels like a porn star origin story. - It also seems like a Russian Jew origin story. - Or a Puerto Rican story. - Don't be that way. (laughing) - To be fair, my mother never cooked. (laughing) - Maybe that's what she got fed up and threw the knife. - Come on, I'm trying hamburger, help her. (laughing) - Lucy's mother was on her one. - Not wrong, so I don't know if she was on a lot of cooking, but maybe the one time she cooked. - My mother cooked two meals ever and it was never, you didn't need a knife for either one. - The title of your book is knives and spoons. (laughing) - This has to be a story of that. (laughing) - To be fair, the knife that my father got sad with, the spoon was the spoon that my mother cooked heroin with. That's where the noodles were. - Never did it two worlds collide. (laughing) - This feels like the losers. - If they knew nothing else, they knew how to stay in their lanes. - I'm telling you right now, my mother, she cooked two meals ever. It was like every meal for the family was $3. It was a box of craft macaroni and cheese, a can of peas, and it was peas. - It's called carbonara. (laughing) - It was macaroni and peas, no, no, and sliced spam, and then the other one was, - That's paid dude, that's fucking carbonara. - And you don't want to hold on. - The spam she didn't have to come with a knife to be honest. - And then the other meal was canned corn beef, white rice, and corn, and she would mix it in a big crock pot. Those are the only two meals of my mother ever cooked. - I'm okay with both of those. - Actually, honestly, the corn beef meal, pretty fucking solid. - Sounds fucking fantastic. - It's delicious. - St. Paddy's name was yesterday. (laughing) - I think Lewis or Joanna on this. - I'm thinking Lev or Joanna. - My mother would never. - Joanna didn't know her parents. - Yeah, well, Mike. - Are you assuming that? - Yes, I know, I have two parents. - Both of them? - Yes. - She's aware of her parents. - I'm aware of, I'm very close with my parents, but my mother is a, when my mother, my mother is, is Rayleigh. She would not use a name. - Your mother is really disappointed in you. (laughing) - Oh yeah. (laughing) - Your parents are like traditional Jewish, yeah? - Yeah, I grew up, she wouldn't use a name. - Yeah, my mom wouldn't use a name. - Yeah, she would only use bombs on a fucking Arab children. - This is her trying to circumcise you. - Not on me. - How dare you, Lewis. - I know. - I tried to make you want to take you there. - Do you get over your obsession with a free pal? - I said she would use a knife, she would use a gun, and then you had to take it there. I already made fun of myself. - This doesn't feel like a Jew story. This feels like a Goi Slop story. - Yeah, exactly. Yeah. - There's three Jews up, this slap of Lewis. - That is Jewish, yeah. - It thinks that. - My mother is from Israel, my dad is from Ohio. Neither of them. - I don't think I have a mother. (laughs) - That's a problem right now. (laughs) - You're talking about me. - I was emotional. - Wait, so when she threw the knife, like I'm trying to imagine this? - This is a story of Big J's first piercing. - He said. - No. (laughs) - This is Lewis's mom. - Yeah. - Lewis's dad was already stabbed, and she had to keep up the Puerto Ricanness in the household. - Yeah, why don't you nudge me and say that. - Shut the fuck up. - J, you're wasting your time. - I told myself I'm gonna trust my God on this one, and that's a lot to trust. I'm going Lewis. - I said I, yeah. - You guys say, "Please stop putting food in to me. "Please, I'm dying. "Shut the hell up. "I'm gonna take a new approach and just fucking go with my God damn. "Going out of the gates." - God damn it. - This is fucking Lewis. - This is Lewis Coda. - You guys, you're both fat guys, stop going with your God. (laughter) - It's the biggest part of my body, so I trust it. (laughter) - Guys, stop. - My brain's so much smaller than my gut. - I'm telling you, this is Lev. - Joanna's going with her tits on this. - Lev, oh, Lev, it's L-U-Y-S. - Stop that. - No, it's perfect. - That's perfect. - Just erase the O, so there's a face. - No, no, you forgot to add a J. - Lewis, he can't eat. - Oh, you know what? - This could be a Louis C. - Guys, you're, you're trying to get it off you so bad. - Oh, you idiot. - It's freaking out, dude, he's freaking the fuck out. - It's really out. - If this is not you, say Lewis. - I don't know. - If this is you, I can't believe you'd submit something so obvious. - I can feel it. - No, Betty, no, Betty, Betty. - It's too late. - It's too late, it's too late. - It's too late. - It's too late. - I just feel it. - Somebody just fucking lose. - It's too late. - Somebody just made some points. - It's like you, I feel like I remember doing a podcast. - You don't feel anything. (audience laughing) - Now it feels so your own. - 'Cause now they're ripped for her pleasure. - Terrifying women, right? It's not like a thing. - I do like terrifying women. - You do, you do, I know you do. I can't remember how I know that. (laughing) - Go ahead, time me. - But that would make sense. This is how it started. - Somebody, I think Lev just cleaned up you idiots. Alex, whose story was it? Please, Lev's dumb fucking face. Look at him. - Louis C.K. - Number five belongs to Lev Ferrer. (audience laughing) - Fuck you. (laughing) You idiots. I told you. He got double points. (upbeat music) - So yeah, my mom is pretty nuts and I was the most annoying kid and adult of all time. And she had a thing. Whatever she was like holding is what, if you pissed her off, she's throwing that. So-- - Very often it was black dildos. (laughing) - Catch those in my mouth. - Yeah. - By the way, she wasn't into black dildos. That was part of her juggling routine. (laughing) - So yeah, one time I kept getting after and getting after while she was like fucking cookin' something and sure if she turned, just full speed, it was like a fucking butcher knife through it. As hard as she could, it bounced off the table of foot in front of me, flew off. I just got lucky. And I was like in shock like, wow, that could have been it. And I was like, I'm never fuckin' fighting with her again. And I think that's why I got fat. Because I was, she used to always throw food. So I was like, if I eat all the food, it's like I'm disarming the house, you know? (laughing) - When she ran, when you ate all the food, she started throwing knives. (laughing) I'm gonna go after by a gun. (laughing) I told you, you idiots. - Yeah. - Alex, where are points at? - In last place with two points, Joanna Angel. (cheering) Tied for a third place with five points, each Big J. Ogerson and Maddie Smith. (cheering) - Two biggest wiggers on the podcast. Hey, what up, yo? I saw Onyx recently. - Their new podcast, "Circle in the Block" is coming out this week. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. Watch your mouth. - Do you guys drive no cat, dude? - No cat, yo. - No cat, yo. - No cat, no cat, no cat. (laughing) - In second place with 11 points, Lewis J. Gomez. (cheering) And in first place with 12 points, "Lev Fur." (cheering) - Bring me my belt. - "Lev" wants to up close magic, so bad, it's crazy. (laughing) - Story Warriors, if you're watching our podcast, you probably need a little boost in the bedroom. Let's get real, I'm assuming at this point, you really just got a little mootle down there. And you know, you're too focused on dudes talking. Hems is here to help. Hems helps you get personalized prescription treatment options for ED with trusted generics. The cost 95% less than brand names. You see an online physician, right? It's just done on the internet. They approve you right there. They send it right in the mail. And it genuinely works. - Yeah, I mean, I've heard it's great. You see me, I'm thin, I've haired. My dick is raging hard at all times. But I know that's not everybody. Everybody doesn't like it. - Why don't you just see your abs in the mirror and you get rock hard? That's like, if I had rock hard abs like you, I could just stare at myself and just go. But not many men that listen to podcasts have the same type of body type as you. - And also, it's funny when my now super hard weiner, when it finally does go down, my hair grows. It's crazy. crazy. Everything's going great for me, but that's not everybody in the world. And right now, you can catch up to me and get simple online access to personalize affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and so much more by visiting hymns.com/whores. That's H-I-M-S hymns.com/whores to get your free online visit. hymns.com/whores, actual price will depend on product and subscription plan, feature products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve of verify for safety effectiveness or quality, prescription required, C website for details, restrictions and important safety information. All right, story warriors. Let's go and thank our amazing sponsor, which is in the cloud. In the cloud is a great online dispensary, fully legal online, sends it right to your door and discreet packaging, really great, they sent me a whole welcome package. The gummies are incredible, the pre-rolls were great, they have zero calorie THC sodas, which is incredible. I'm not drinking right now. So instead of drinking alcohol, I can drink a THC soda and feel good and party with my friends. What is or not to love that? In the cloud. Why go visit? Why getting your car and drive anywhere to go pick up your THC products? That seems crazy. 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Body Brain Coffee is a company that I started almost a year ago now and it is taking the world by storm, not just regular coffee, but it is clamby and freeze-ride coffee that is blended with adaptogens and new tropics that will make you feel like the best version of yourself. It's just five simple ingredients. It's got Tonka Dalai, which supports testosterone and hormone levels. It's got lion's mane, which helps with memory and focus. It has Ashwagandha, which supports mood and Elphanine, which smooths out your caffeine experience. So if you get Gentry from drinking coffee, this is a great, great, great product because it does not make you Gentry. Everyone seems to love it. Jay, I know you love it. You're not even a coffee fan, but I just sent you the creamer. The creamer samples are going out right now. Have you tried the creamer yet, Jay? It has made the pain a little bit less from getting those crystals off my butt by wetting them with the creamer. You don't need to put the creamer in your butt because you like coconut. You like all of the other things that are in the creamer. You don't need to actually, I'm sure it's delicious, but you're supposed to mix it with the coffee. Well, technically, but you got to put the creamer. You got to put the creamer where the coffee is at and my man, the coffee is up my butt. You got to put the creamer where the coffee at sounds like a gay euphemism. Hey, he always got to put the creamer, the coffee is at him, right? You know the same boys. Look, go right now to bodybraincoffee.com. Use the promo code War20 to save 20% off today. If you decide to subscribe and receive bodybrain coffee monthly, you're going to get 20% off free shipping. And we're sending you a free sample, a free five day sample package of our brand new bodybrain creamer, which stacks perfectly with the coffee, whether you drink it hot, cold, put it in your protein shake, shove it in your ass like Jay, don't do that. But if you want to, that's okay, the science, just go to bodybraincoffee.com and use that promo code War20 to save 20% off today. All right. Where are we? Alex, story number six. Story number six. My dad read my mom's diary once and got his ass handed to him. Her latest entry had said, "I've come to terms with the fact that I am no longer in love with my husband." Holy shit. Yeah, that's Maddie. What the fuck, dude? My mom never had a diary and my dad left when I was three. Hold on, but Joanne is Jewish, diary, diary, event, frank, and it's the whole connection that I'm seeing you. Jews love diaries. I can't argue that. That was the last one. That was the last time that you wrote a diary. And on the bestseller. Well, I can't beat that. Why would I write a diary? My dad was stabbed when I was four years old and he couldn't read. So this is not me. Yeah. Imagine having a diary about that. Deer diary. Deer diary? I know. I know. And they took dad. You know what? It was my diary. My husband was stabbed. Dad. I was watching a true crime thing on Hulu recently. Well, girl, the idea of diary writing is fucking batshit. It is weird. It's just the weird. People write and goes, "True crime happens so much like hopefully God you're not mad at me still for killing my boyfriend with those guys." It's like, "Why write that?" She wanted to get caught. This is mad. It's Maddie all day. Like what's the diary? Just look at that. She's trying to get the heat off him. Right. Ask handed to him. Joy and your parents will sell the other, which is crazy. It would be crazy if the mom wrote, "I don't want this guy anymore for sure." That's a modern marriage. Maddie, are your parents together so? No. No. No. These are fucking. These are Irish fucking kiltware and fucking castle people. Hi. No. I think that's Levin. I think he's like. Why? You have no reason to. She's gone through a knife at you. Well, she's like. She took risks too. She took risks too. She took risks too. Shut up, man. You know it's you. You fucking know it's you. No. This is how they all start. You know? Someone reads a diary? Well, they can start like that. But it always starts with like, oh, the husband's not giving enough attention. Idiot. Is it funny how. Is it funny how step mom fucking steps on such a hot porn scene, but a real devastating real life situation? Do you know what? Do you know what? I loved you! My boy! Now I've lost two relationships! Get a membership to the site to watch him read or die right after. Joanna, you still have to vote. You guys all get your right. Get your right. I have to vote. You're idiots. I don't want to spell anybody's name. Totally. It's M-A-T-T-Y. Just write it down. Matthew Smith. Matthew. Matthew Smith. Matthew Paul Smith. Matthew Paul Smith. Matthew Paul Smith. Matthew Paul Smith. Matthew Paul Smith. Left. That's what I'm saying. I don't know why you guys see anything. I'm from a broken home. You're one of us for Lev. Whatever. God. Everyone's in. Alex. It's probably Maddie. Story number six. Belongs to. Maddie Smith. Wow. I just, you know, well it's good that, you know, I have strong characteristics. And you guys knew it. You know me and my mom's a bitch. That's such a romantic way to say, like, to say I don't like it. Maddie. Maddie. I have a question. How did you find out about this? Because my mom and dad shit talk each other after they got divorced for like this. So who told you the story? My dad. Yeah. I was like, eh. That's hilarious. Your dad was like, yeah, I fucking whether your mom is alright. What? Did he keep the diary? No. No. What? I would keep it. Your mom's a lunatic for writing that down. She wanted to get caught. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah. I was like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, if you want to break up with somebody, it is better if they find out in the written word than hearing it from you directly. Well, she stayed with him for like five more years. No shit. Yep. Crazy bitch. As someone who's not confrontational, I understand everything about this story. Yep. Yep. And, um, guess you could say it's pretty shocking. A quick question. Maddie. How did he tell you the story? Did he sit you down? Well, crying. Yes. Literally. Here's what your mom said. Yeah, exactly. Um, no, my dad is just at the point where they each drop like tea every time I see them. They've been broken up for like 20 years now. So I'll just be casual. My dad will be eating a pesto panini and he's like, he puts it down. He's like, it was 1997. And, um, guess. She, he'll drop like, I bought her, I knew it was over when I bought her Cindy Lopper tickets. And she went with her friend Kate instead of me. I'm like, dude. That's such a sad story. No. No guy wants to see the Lopper. Is it all, you bring your wife. It's all casual stories. And you're like, oh, it was good to see you. It's like, maybe get on Bumble. It's like, Maddie. Can you not write near me the last time I read something? You're really destroying my heart. Yeah, but, right. He's triggered. I feel like this story was. It's all right. It's all right. It's like, Maddie, can you not write near me the last time I read something? Yeah, but, right. He's triggered. Alex, what are our scores after six? Surprise your mom. All right. In last place with two points, Joanna Angel. And fourth place with seven points, Maddie Smith. And third place with nine points, Big J. Ocarsten. second place with 15 points, Lewis Jay Gomez. And in the lead with 16 points, Lev Furr. How was that possible, though? We both just voted for Maddie. I was ahead of you before this one, by one. Were you? Yeah. Yeah, you dumb shit. Yeah, you are. You are a professional at this game. I love this game. That's why he's one of them. Lev Furr. Is this a second place? I'm actually one and one. I do have to correct that. I did lose one. That's one and one. Okay. Alex, story number seven. Story number seven. A guy I was working with talked me into watching a guy get a blow job. Joanna. I don't know when you ever think it's me. I know this could be Maddie. And they'd have a stint at a pizzeria. A guy I was working with talked me into watching a guy get a blow job to help me further my career. Shockingly, it didn't help at all. I stand by Joanna. It can't be me. Maybe. Why not? It's got a whole career. Yeah. I did okay. No one would have to talk me into that. I wouldn't have to be a guy. I was working with talked me into watching another guy get a blow job to help me further my career. I feel like that's like, yeah, where do you see it? I feel like it was a story of me. You have to give that guy a blow job. I don't know what you just said, but a guy I was working with sounds to me like early. I'd porn another talent. I'm working with a camera town. That's what I'm reading. I think somebody else wrote this story. So you guys would think it was me. You know what it like you knew I would be here. So somebody. I still have to have a story about this. Right. Right. Why? I don't know. Lewis did a weird thing where he added a word to the story that wasn't there, which makes me think it was him. But I don't know what just how this makes sense to me. This is like what people think happens in the porn industry and it doesn't. This could maybe happen somebody like writing like their own like, oh, I'll write this because I bet this happened to Joanna. But like, I couldn't even make up a, that's a weird, this a weird story. That sounds like a desperation of being in less place. I was working with the guys. It's good and boss. The thought made more sense in my brain. So someone said, you will go up in your career if you watch this guy get his shit sucked. I mean, this is very, like, this either a porn star or you open for Louis. There's no two alternatives. I mean, I was never the fact that Lewis added a word to this when he was reading it back. It didn't exist. What was the word? He said another, he goes, I was talked into watching another guy get a blow job. That was the way he doesn't say this is watching a guy get a blow. He's also like two drinks deep. He's hammered. Oh, I forgot. What's it, boy? He's going to totally blow up. Is it everybody here's like, I think this feeling is playing the game. Don't be an idiot. No, dude, how could it be Lewis, though, in what world? You know, you were just talking up to Lewis being dumb. This could very, this is probably Joanne. I was thinking this was a girl for sure. Why would I have to watch somebody get a blow job? He's like, oh, yeah, you're right. You're right. What was your entrance into the world though? Were you like one of those stories where it was like they told you were modeling and then it was like, oh, my god. No, I just I wanted to be there. You came into it. What was your first point experience? It actually, I mean, it was on my website. Let me try and let me try and move here. Okay, Joanne, Alex just revealed it's you. Tell the story. What? Alex said it's you. Tell the story. What happened? I was working and somebody talked me into watching a guy get a blow job to help me further my career. Why would you look at me while I'm here? That's the story. Why won't you look at me while I'm looking at you? Sure, Jay. You've never heard the story about how I had to watch a guy get a big shot. Take further my career. You've never heard that story, Jay. You've never heard it. You're fucking asshole. You know what? I don't get to see another fucking word. It's Joanne. I was between Joanne and Joanne. This is like a sad story. Joanne, your other story was worse than that. I'm upset. I was not trafficked into the porn industry. Oh, wait. Oh, fuck. I wonder if it might be Maddie now. Oh, no. It's Maddie. It's Maddie. It might be Maddie. It might be the whiteboard down. I know. It's done. Damn it. If it's Maddie, that's crazy. She smells both of them wrong. It's good enough. It's good enough. It's good enough. It's good enough. I. You're enough to vote. It doesn't matter. It's you, you fucking. Yeah, that's why. Why don't I have to vote? I can't write my own name. So I'm gonna say Lewis Snow. I'm gonna sing Jay. God damn it, man. I think it's Maddie. If it's her, this is showboating if it's her. This is Shane Davis's The Game. This is Maddie. Fuck my asshole. Or should I say, Joel? No. I'm in the watching people get blow jobs. This is a traumatic time in my life and I don't like to bring it up. I have to get better at this game. Alex, all the answers are in. Story number seven belongs to Big Jim. No way. No way. No fucking way. Oh, no cap. This is great. Wow. So what? What happened? That is pure happiness. Look at his face. Yeah. He's so happy. By the way, Big Jay, if he's losing, he will go. I don't even want to win. I just want to be funny on this show. But when he's winning, he's so happy. I'm going to destroy your ego when I get so good at up close magic. All right. That's what I call your act, Jay. Up close magic. Tell the story, please. I'm so impressed with myself and how I played the game right here. Early SDR show was a podcast. He's a Ralph Sutton. That Joe added a bit on before. We, er, we used to do it at Ralph's, my partner's house. It was right in his apartment in his room. And early early in the show. We had a porn starting in a lot of love. And Mo the monster. I know. As we know. The youngest cock. He no longer likes being called the n-word in pornography. I've become friends with him. But on the show. They were like, yeah, we're going to have a she said she was going to blow him on the show. And so she blew him off camera while I sat there. And I kept mentioning things that was like, oh, fuck. I got to go to my daughter's soccer. She's not doing this one day. But no, he was like, yeah, no, it's like funny for the show. So it's like, yeah, it was. Oh, I'm so proud of the way I wrote this. Yeah, you wrote it in a way where, yeah, I did. Yes, it is. It's like you were playing the game. I did the SDR show for a decade. It didn't help at all. Never moved the numbers, quite honestly. Did he jizz? Ralph was wrong. Oh, yeah, he came. It was fantastic. Is Mo black? Yes. Yeah. Was this the origin of, have you ever psyched a black dick before? It's very possible. It definitely got in here a little bit if you know what I mean, the moment. Alex, seven stories down. Where are our points at? All right. In last place with two points. Joanna Angel. They had to be worth like 10. In fourth place with seven points. Maddie Smith. In third place with 15 points. Lewis J. Gomez. In second place with 16 points. Lev Ferr. Shut the fuck up. And in the lead with 17 points. Big J. Oh, Chris. Are you here for the night? Oh, my God. Man. Don't give a victory speech already. I'm gonna get so good at close magic. Do you guys understand the completeness like the beauty of close up magic? Covers how to present magic tricks in real life situations such as levitating or removing someone's watch without them ever knowing. This book offers inside guidance on how to handle sports. Spectators build suspense. Where the fuck are you going? Those guys hate up close magic Build suspense and perform confidently in front of others The complete is they hope that you have a close magic. I think Joanna read this book because she's been making balls disappear for years Alex Okay, our final story story number eight Story number eight I Had two friends in high school that would secretly do gay things together They confided in me My entire friend group was in shock when I told them what was going on Man girls would do a lot of gay shit in high school. I think more than guys Entire friend group. I don't feel like guys would go like hey dude me and Steve sucked each other's dicks Don't make it a thing though Yeah, but Lewis was a musical theater And all of their friends were sucking each other and you know what to be honest with you in high school. Anything did go It's a smell like Maddie to me. I think it was two guys I feel like if it was two girls It wouldn't have to be this big of a secret. I to be honest with you. I kind of agree with that I feel like two guys it was like a big secret two girls is hot Yeah, yeah, I think two girls would brag about it, right? But I don't know what you're depends on the years depends on the years Yeah, that's weird. I remember if that was a there was a weird shift in that where it was like Like with girls being called sluts for fucking and then versus girls and eventually kind of being like yo Everyone's doing it. Make everyone's fucking in sucking. Yeah, yeah, hmm. So this does feel I don't know why this strikes me as chicks I feel like guys don't start admitting this to all their friends. Hey guys. We tried some gay shit You before guys start telling their guy friends. They know they're locked in hey You don't know if it's um it could be a co-ed group. It's mad. It's a thousand percent mad I can't guarantee it. I can see your heart beating in your neck right now I am it's literally be Maddie Maddie's head veins are pumping right now Renettes have head veins You're hard. I'm watching it She's like you guys vote also we're going to block it that we'll count after Let me know how goes lose my number. I'm getting left. I'm getting love or Maddie vibes right now I don't care who you vote for I don't care because I actually want you to vote wrong So vote for me This is a heated rivalry. Yeah, that's what I would say. I'm getting love vibes right now. It's Maddie It's absolutely you Maddie you did you jumped it on me and you had nothing last time. Love is going very hard against Maddie right now I'm hard because Joanna's here Lewis. It's besides the point But I see here is the worst friend. This says entire friend group. Yeah, but you're a giant gossip. You love the gossip All of us I didn't have a friend. I had one friend in high school. I know I'm like in a school at a friend group. Yeah, I feel girl's a friend group as well Friend groups of important wording that is important wording I'm still getting love vibes love to love your actor. I'm very much very very cherub face right now I'm fat Lewis. I'm fat and I'm drunk You are a fat drunk cherub And that's what matters most But I just want bad if this is a Jay it's gonna kill me if Jay is really like Dancing on our graves right now to a victory. I'll be so upset. I can be I feel like I'm feeling that they didn't do gay shit Or if they did they didn't admit it it would be a big big story. I just the friend group. It would have been a buzz With the gay shit for sure Sounds like a girl that had two gay friend. Right. I think my heart says girls I was still a guy in high school See who gay things together again. I couldn't get my medicine I'm watching a hulu true crime thing and those girls were doing gay shit with each other There's a lot of gay stuff in high school with girls have gay sex girls. It's not a story for girls No, I think he left. You guys Maddie Maddie held him vote for me Lewis. I dare you Are you're old enough that being less being a slow story? But how do you know it's not a co-ed group? What do you mean is a coin? Ah shit? It could be it's fucking Maddie. I think it might be Maddie sucker. I said left Yeah, it's Maddie guys It's definitely Maddie lock it in Please I think it might be left fuck She wrote for him. Who did she write? She wrote an M and then an arrow I'm with stupid Yeah, it's a maddie or left fuck me you already lost my boy. I think it's I'm gonna say Lewis I'm gonna say Lewis cuz a musical theater. It's Maddie. All right It's Maddie. It's Maddie. Thank you. Lewis is crazy though. Just like oh my god guys. I have the best New York You guys are idiots God damn it. I needed it to steer Lewis to Maddie so or to me so bad and Maddie fucked it up Alex all our answers are in Story number eight belongs to Lewis J Gomez I'm sorry How have I never heard this before? I'll call me a gossip Alright, we're sorry. We're sorry. Okay, that's okay. Not okay. I have a joke about it in my act I specifically watch that Nobody in this room is saying that you genius I Two friends they would suck each other's next after school every day and they were like dude Just don't tell anybody and I told everybody I tell everybody now you get the hundreds of thousands of people are still finding out about it. I still don't want this out there Lewis was 16 like and you can hear the whole story on gas digital dot com promo code friendship Patreon Yeah, they were just dorked and they couldn't get any pussy. They're not gay. They did they just sucked each other's next half for school every day And that's that listen, it probably still felt good. Yeah, and that's my fear for my son because he's a he's smart Hey, no, he's like dad. I got an a. I'm like, don't you fucking good days. What are you doing? I? Got an a so they asked me to stay after class So you got an a was in the middle of an f and a g you motherfucker It's crazy. I have no career Alex were our final points at All right in last place Tied for the lowest score in story wars history with two points Joanna angel Thank you. Thank you very much and fourth place with 11 points Maddie Smith In third place with 16 points. Lev fur Second place scored 17 points and your winner tonight with 21 points Lewis you're taking home a book you've already read you cocks up your own book He defended the belt everybody Lewis J go man's year winner for tonight's story wars Lewis has to go pee he doesn't even give a fuck about the victory. I don't give a fucking ain't about awards for him I'll give you one of my fleshlites as so you don't have to take home your own book. Yeah, don't yeah Everyone should you want to use a flashlight available order that shit, but you know not to your place because she's gonna make a whole thing about it One more time for our amazing panel, Lev fur Maddie Smith The legend Joanna angel For Lewis shake home as I'm big J. Okerson. Thank you guys for hanging out a story wars. We'll catch you next time peace (upbeat music)