Louis C.K. Reveals the Childhood Rejection He Never Forgot - Greg Fitzsimmons

[Music] Hey welcome to Fitstock Radio. This is a podcast that I've been hoping to do for a very long time. I've had Louis on the show only once before and he is hands down to me the greatest comedian in the last 20 years. He is and not just to stand up but his TV shows, his movies. I've been lucky enough to write on his one of his TV shows Lucky Louis on HBO and he brought me in on my first writing job. We wrote on "Cedric the Entertainer Presents". I was on the road for the first year of my son's life. My wife was pulling her hair out. I was on the road and I called Louis. I said, "Dude, you got to help me get a writing job because he's been writing for TV for a while." Cauls me back two hours later. He got me an interview with Cedric to come in and write monologues for him. So I had the weekend. I wrote a bunch of monologue ideas. I pitched some to him. I got hired that day and I was then off the road for a year or two. He's done a tremendous amount for me in my life. He's been very generous. When I moved from, we started in Boston together and playing softball a few days a week all summer going on the road doing gigs together and then when I moved to New York, he got me in at all the clubs. He came out to LA, lived in our house for a while with his wife. We just went to our kids, went to the same schools and he's a brother and I really love the guy. I'm just so happy on the show today. So I'm not going to do a big intro because I think it's going to be one of those podcasts where people tune in to see Louis and they go, "Skip to nine minutes. To skip me." But don't skip me because I got some dates I got to tell you about. St. Pete's joke world festival, August 14th and 15th since, actually, I don't think I'm doing these other dates. Van Coover coming to the Vista Center for the Arts September 5th. Then I'm coming to La Jolla, Batavia, Toronto. Go to FitzDaw.com, get some tickets. Also, I want to tell you about, "Oh my God, tempo meals is such a big part of my life." If you look, if you want a meal delivery service, send me a meal. Don't send me a frickin bunch of, don't send me a potato and a carrot and a packet of seasoning. Send me a meal. The whole point is, I don't have time to cook. I don't want to prep it. I don't measure it. I want to put it, I want to put it in the microwave for two minutes, two minutes. I want to have 20 different recipes every week to choose from. Sometimes I want high protein meals. Sometimes I want calorie conscious meals. Fiber rich. I don't use GLP1. Some of you do. They do that. It's fresh. It's chef-crafted. Perfectly purported. It's a good portion. I'm not going to lie to you. Don't eat crap. Do it right. I got some pan-seared Cajun salmon. I'm a salmon snob. I don't want to eat crappy dried-out salmon. This is restaurant quality salmon. But all different types of food or vegetarian, whatever it is that you eat, they got you. So get involved for a limited time. Tempo is offering my listeners 60% off your first box. Just go to TempoMeeals.com/FitStog. That's TempoMeals.com FitStog. For 60% off your first box, TempoMeals.com FitStog rules and restrictions may apply. I don't know what those are, but they will restrict you in some way. I don't know. I don't know how. All right. My guest now needs no introduction. Here is my chat from a couple of weeks ago in New York City with a gentleman named Louis CK. All right. Here we go. Long AIDS is better than regular AIDS. Yeah, I mean, I guess magic has long AIDS. Like long COVID. He's got something else long. I would imagine. What are you going to text somebody during? I'm going to. Did you hear your texting? It's not going well so far. Yeah. Now turning off the ringer. I just bought a new phone yesterday. I was begging them for that size. A little one. You can't get it anymore. People are starting to notice it. Yeah. When I take it out, a lot of people go, what is that little thing? Yeah, I don't like this big thing. Yeah, I want to do it with one hand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they make you cool like this. I can't. I don't want to do this anymore. Yeah. And I can't keep doing the, if this one dies and they don't let me replace it, I don't think I can, I think I'll just tap out. Isn't it telling how the flip phone's still? I don't know. I had a one for, I have one laying around somewhere. I use one for a long time. But I need to forward your calls, but you can't forward your texts. It turned out to be a pain in the ass. Yeah. Also, there's, I mean, I have this turn, my phone turned off so I can't access the internet. It doesn't feed me news. I can't follow a link. Right. And all of that keeps me very happy. Yeah. But there's everything in this world. You have to go on an app. Well, also, you can't, like you can't check into a hotel without a phone. You can't do it now. You can't make a reservation online at home on your computer and then, you know, I have to send you a verification code. Yes, everything is this whole lot of verification. There's a lot of things and yeah. Yeah. But, um, pages were kind of fun because then you always had a pocket full of quarters. Are you back then? It was probably dimes, right? Who's dimes in? And then you'd get a page and you'd call the number back and then I have a friend who's Lebanese and he still uses his. Yeah. And I just, I just texted me the other day, but and it went to his page. Do you remember the Jews blew up the Lebanese with their pages? That's right. The most ingenious time I move ever. That was intense. I mean, that was like a two, three year long play. Yeah, and it worked, I guess. It worked really well because where do you put your page? You know, I don't have a page. You had a page. I don't know if I had a page. You had a page. Did you ever see me with one? I saw you, yeah. I saw you with a page. It was really big. Pager had played music. It was like a boom box page. I don't remember a page or maybe I maybe I did have one. Yeah. So anyway, the Lebanese, yeah, yeah, Israel, yeah. So the last your pro Israel, then your pro Israel, right? You say it. I'm amateur. Israel. I don't get paid. I don't get paid for kill Palestinians volunteer work. That's very funny. Does anybody ever said that? No. You got to do that on stage. Yeah, I'm a, I'm a, I'm people keep taking them pro Israel. I'm not I'm amateur Israel. I haven't gotten pro yet. Yeah, I wouldn't feel right getting paid for it. No, it would feel redundant. It would feel like a cliche getting paid. Yeah, I got, look, I got some, you know, some, some free dinners from Israel, but I didn't get not paying me. I'm like one of those guys that athletes, they gave me some clothes. Yeah, yeah, but I didn't, I'm still am pro. Am Israel. Well, because I want to play them in the Olympics. Yeah, I can't go pro. What's your name? Uh, uh, fuck Morgan Murphy. Yeah. Very funny comic. Great hair. So she, she has great hair. So she has a joke that she goes, um, people are always, no, it is it. Um, she goes, I'm not anti abortion, although that is what my nieces and nephews call me. It's a great job. So this pro Israel is a similar structure. Yeah. I love a joke like that where nobody, it was sitting there. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. Anyway, um, so I was thinking the last time, you've only been on my podcast once before. Wait a minute. When was I ever on your podcast? The day you and your wife lit up and you, yep, and you came in and we did the podcast. In Venice. Podcast. No, I used to do my show on serious XM. And so it was at the serious XM studios. And, uh, really? Yeah. I have no memory of this. Yeah. And then after I got divorced, You just thought the government was taking half your money. I just thought somebody, I don't know, I thought she was out. Where'd she go? You thought you were on a timeout? Yeah, I thought we were just taking some space. I have no memory of doing your job afterwards. You go. So there's no recording of this anywhere then because it was like on XM. It was on XM. I'd have to get it in serious XM. You don't have to. You and your wife and me and my wife were very close. We live in the same neighborhood. At the time, yeah. And so you just said, I just really, you know, I wanted to get my head out of it for a second and do the podcast. And we did. And this is the second time. So that's something I said to you in confidence that you're now repeating. Why do they say incontinence? It seems like you don't really, you know, you don't feel good about lying to some, or keeping a secret. What do you mean? I don't know. It's trying to find that out. Now, incontinence means like I'm taking you into my confidence and telling you something. Yes. Well anyway, you're saying that here we are. It says that's what you're setting up the fact that here we are. I haven't done your podcast. No, but you've done a few lately. Done a boss lately. Yeah. Well, two recently. You did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. It's earlier. I was promoting my book that I wrote. Yeah. And I did. One with Rick. Glassman. Ruben. Rick Ruben. Really? Yeah. Yeah. It's out there. It's pretty cool. What was that like? Did you go out to his crazy place in Malibu? Yeah. Yeah. I heard that place is really serene. It's nice. It's one of the best. You just go in, you drive up to this barn, and then you're in this kind of like really sparse music studio looking, but very nothing's there. Yeah. And there's this big couch, like a deep couch that's a window seat with a beautiful view. And then he comes in wearing like, he'd be closed and no shoes, no, you know, barefoot. And he just hangs a mic on you like a necklace. And then he, there's no cameras. No cameras. None. And then he just sits down and he looks at me and I'm like, I've never been this relaxed in my life. Wow. And he just goes, so, how do you write jokes? Yeah. And then it was just talking about craft and stuff, which really fascinates him. Wow. One interesting guy, it was fun. And also I drew, I had a pad and I drew a picture of him while we were talking. He asked you to do that? He said I had to. I drew it. Did that make you self-conscious? No, I asked to do it. Oh, you did. Yeah. Okay. Because I was drawing a lot. Your draws is dirty, hippie feet in the picture? Not just his face. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like seeing guys feet. You don't? No. Guy and flip flops. I don't like it. But it draws your attention. Yes. Because it's so, it's more than you don't like it because it draws your attention. You notice it and you start looking at it and it irks you. Yes. What is it about a guy's feet that you don't like to see him? It seems kind of like it should be a secret. It should be quiet. Like a woman's feet. I think women's feet are beautiful. I don't have a foot fetish, but I think women's feet are the same way I think a nice hand or, you know, and I belly or like, you know, it's a body part that I've, but so I'm, I'm drawn to looking at women's feet, but then when I see a guy do it, it's like, no, you don't do it. Because you're dead. Fuck you with his feet. Like dad on the horse feet. He put his entire feet in your ass. And then he clapped him like, he said, aren't I tight? Aren't I tight, dad? Aren't you proud of me? He's like, that's not that tight. I clapped my feet. Well, I get it. Yeah. No, they're gross. Yeah. I'll tell you something similar. If I'm like, I used to have a place out on Shelter Island and I had a pool and it's a big pool. And I guess it's still there. So I don't have to say in the past tense, but it was mine. It's not mine anymore. I don't live there anymore. But anyway, so I used, I'd be in the pool. And if my, my sister and her family would come sometimes relatives, I'm at the end of this really long pool and her husband, great guy, my brother-in-law, he takes off his shirt down to his swimming suit. He gets in the pool. I gotta get out. I gotta get out. Why is he black? Man in the pool with no shirt on and we're in the same water. Really? That's like, we're in a tub and he's scrubbing my back. Like get the fuck away from me. I'm like, I gotta go out and go out. I'll make hot dogs for everybody. Like, what do you think is going to happen? There's now, what do you think is going to happen to somebody's feet? They're going to make you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't. So you can't go into a public pool or anything like that? If it's a pool full of people, that's a good question. I mean, I've been in public pools with a bunch of people. I mean, not recently. Right. When it's less than you were in a public pool. I don't go in them. I won't go on a public pool. No. And I won't go on a water slide because not only is it a public pool, people, it's a bidet. You're going as first into gushing water and it all feeds into that pool at the bottom. Say little chunks, forget the piss. There's little chunks of shit everywhere. Yes. Which, you know, you're always eating shit. You're always eating shit. You know, but I don't know why. So it's the intimacy of the one on one. The intimate. Yeah. Right. And I said to you, like, think of a guy that you're not comfortable with. Yeah. I don't know who that would be. Dictority. Dictority with his dad. Yeah. I'm very uncomfortable with him and a pool. Sure. Um, let's say that I don't know. I'm trying to think of somebody in the world that it would make you uncomfortable. Like Lindsey Graham before he died or. Yeah. Um, and I don't mean to say anything bad about him. I just wouldn't want to be in a pool with him. So what I'm saying is think of a guy and he says to you, uh, he says he invites you to a pool and he says, I want you to stand on that and I'm going to stand on this end. Now let's both take our shirts off and get in. You would be like, that's okay. That's okay. So for me already being in a pool and everything's without that invitation. That's what it feels like. Yeah. It feels like it didn't happen, but it felt like he was like, I'm taking my shirt off. I'm getting in the pool with you. Yeah. Um, there are his kids are in the pool of my kids. Right. My sister, whoever else, some, but friend, I don't know, but there's something about it. I was just like, how your kids have definitely peed in the pool. I don't know what they do in the, yeah, maybe I used to belong to the Chelsea peers. Um, gymnasium. Have you been to that complex gymnasium? Well, it is. It's a gymnasium. I guess it is. It's got a, it's got a quarter mile track. Certainly. Yeah, I belong to gymnastics and it's. I joined. I joined. It's like a whole like you, there's a few, there's like three or four of them. I joined that you can go. I was, I joined to the limit. Yeah. I'd like, it's a cliche. I've been once. Yeah. It's been six months. I've been once. And you still belong? Yes. Oh, and I'll tell you something that happened because I love steam rooms, you know? So what can I tell you my story before you like? No, I wanted to tell him. Because mine is a steam room story, too. That's why that's good. Oh, good. The only reason I cut you off is because it used to be steam room. I'm sorry. I go in and it's a steam room. So I walk in and I'm sitting and I sit down and I look across and there's only one other guy in the steam room. But, but it's weird because there's no, it's like, you know, how the steam kind of settles. Sure. And then you wait for the. Yep. So it's between. Yeah. And I'm looking over and there's a guy in a towel. And no, no, not a towel. There's a guy naked. And it's Lou Reed who used to work out there. And so like famously his wife was, I think Lori Anderson. Lori Anderson was his wife. And she used to swim laps and he'd go sit in the steam room. So I'm sitting there and he looks at me and I look at him and there's just kind of like does not. And then and then I'm waiting for the steam and then he finally just he just gets up and he walks out. And as he's walking out, he's like a few steps outside the door and then. So I run over and I open the door. Wow. And then the steam was on. Well, that's what happened. And so I literally started. What the fuck? No, not just because it's. But it only so is a saggy ass and I pick and I just and I just left it alone. Did you speak? No, I left him alone. Okay, you just. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's. And was in the air. That's beautiful. Yeah. Because he already was in there. He probably got a few. I probably had two cycles already. Yeah, he was going to push himself. I wish you'd done it. Yeah. That looked that's the best. And then somebody sees me calling him into the steam. Yeah. Well, the way you'd feel you wouldn't need a witness to get terrible. The way that you would look to you. Excuse me. No, I just wanted to mention that it just started again. It just started steaming. It just. What? Never mind. (laughing) But that feeling you would have had, that would have been the best. That's the best part of any person. - Is those awkward moments? - It's a horrible feeling, yeah. When you're at your most closest to God. - God, that is so true. Yeah. - 'Cause you just, you took, you went past the barriers of what makes you feel safe in life and you got gushy and stupid. You stupid. 'Cause you wanted it. 'Cause you were really thinking about 'em. If it wasn't Lou Reed, you wouldn't go out and save any of the guys from you. - Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right. Do you remember the first time you asked a girl out? 'Cause that's really the feeling. - I do remember. - It started there. - It was Amanda. - It was Amanda. You asked a man out the first time? - It was a man. - Name Da. - It was a man. Da. A girl named Amanda, I was in fourth grade and kids were starting to ask each other out. - Yeah. - And she was really nice to me. She was really like-- - I'm like, "I don't think I'm like crying over here. I'm about to start having a leak here." - I don't know if it's anything you're doing. So don't worry. I'm man. Why would you do that if I didn't see it? Would you do that to my back? - I know. You just said you wouldn't notice. - I didn't quote another comedian, Nick DePolo. It's okay to tell people's jokes if you name them, right? - Of course. I think it's compliment. - Okay. So Nick DePolo, one of the funniest guys ever. He did this joke where he says, it's one of my favorite jokes because I like the way people's jokes follow them through life. So Nick was just a kind of like tightly wired fuck the world. - Yeah. - But a poet, you know? And-- - Wordsmith. - Yeah, the best. And then he got married and then he settled into a long marriage, which he's still in. And so he has one of the best jokes. He goes, here's how, and I'm ruining the joke by bringing up marriage because it isn't how it's set up. That's what's great about it. So I've destroyed this joke a little bit. I've taken a little off of it. But the joke is he goes, "I'm in such bad shape." The other day, I pulled a muscle in my neck, giving my wife the finger behind her back. (laughing) - You know what's great about that? Is it's like a double joke because-- - Oh, it's just a quadruple joke. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What, why is it a double joke? - Well, because there's so many guys that go like, you know, I'm so all they pull the muscle, pull it up the toilet seat the other morning. That alone's gonna get a laugh. - Well, he's saying it's just taking his, it's so humbling. It's taking his ego and pounding on it like over and over again because the fact that he, a little move like this pulls a muscle in his neck. - Yeah. - And that it's 'cause he's given his wife the finger behind her back. - Behind her back. - He's admitting that he's a fucking, that he's a coward at home. - Yeah. - And that all he has is that he can do this and it pulled, I mean, it's just such a beautifully - Yeah. - Vulnerable moment. - He's such a nice, funny joke. He's so neutered, he does it behind his back and further neutered that he gets a cramp. - Can't handle it with his body, yes. - So Amanda. - Amanda was this really pretty girl. I thought she was the greatest and also she was nice. She was happy to see me at school and we would laugh about stuff. And I thought, I think I could ask her out, you know. And. - What was your weight like at this point? - Geez. I don't know, I didn't think about it much back then. - Oh, so it wasn't like an issue. (laughing) - What the fuck? - I just don't know what kind of kid you were. I don't know, a lot of kids are insecure about their bodies and that. - You're saying I'm fat now. - No. No. - I'm looking at myself. I'm not, I don't know. I'm only slightly bigger than you. - You're probably at your peak. - Yeah. - You were probably close to twice my weight. What were you, 250 at your peak? - At my peak. - Yeah. - What does that mean at my peak? - You're weightiest. - You think I reached my peak yet? (laughing) You think I'm done growing? - You haven't given up? - No man, I'm still in it. - Yeah. - I'm still in it. I weigh right now about 250. - Yeah. - You look great. So you can carry that kind of, seriously though. You can carry that kind of weight. - I got big bones. - You got big bones, big hands. - Yeah. - And your head is fucking enormous. - It's huge, yeah. - I weigh 250, I get up to 255-ish and then I start going like dude. And I try to get that. I should weigh 238. - Yeah. And 255 is the most you've ever been. - No, I think I've got close to 260. - Yeah. - At the end of this last tour, I started to really put it on. - But Jesus, when you take it off, you don't fuck around. I can remember you, when we worked on Lucky Lou, you had a boxing bag put in. - Yeah. - And you went at that thing like it had fucking killed your mother. - I had. (laughing) - So Amanda. Okay, so Amanda, I was a slim, I don't know what I was, I probably was around your size. I was, I had, I was a flabby I think at that age, but I wasn't nobody, I don't think people would say look at that fat kid. - Right. - They'd say look at that gay kid. - That you're right. - But I was, - That ginger gay kid. - Look at that kid. Why, what's wrong with him? I was not at the, I wasn't a cool kid. I wasn't, you know, there were kids that were like, there were kids my age boys who started to wear, like they were in like disco shirts, you know what I mean? - You're like 13 at this point? - Well, what's fifth grade? Fifth grade is 10. - 11. - Yeah, I guess. - Yeah. - 10 to 11. And it was a, 1977 eight. - So I discuss here. - Yeah, so kids were wearing, like I remember this kid had, this kid Jason had a kind of, I don't know, what's it looks like silk, but cheap. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And it went a big collar. And it had pictures of Saturday night feverage. - Oh, wow. Right on the nose. - Yeah. And I was like, that's the coolest. I mean, it just blinded me how cool he was. - Italian? - Yeah, and he had feathered hair. - Yeah. - Everybody had fat people, the kids our age started to feather there. - Started using product moves and stuff. - So there was like a thing of some boys or handsome. - Yeah. - And some, and the kids were starting to pair up and like kiss and stuff. - Yeah. - And so I really wanted a girlfriend and I really liked Amanda. And I called her and I got her phone number. And I called her, and I remember I had a baseball in my left hand. And I called her and I, the way I decided to phrase, I wanna take you out was, will you go to the pizza place with me? - That's not bad. - That was my ask out. - Was that like the place in town that the kids hung out? - Yeah, Newtonville pizza, the Walnut Street. Yeah, still there. Still, every time I go back to Boston, I go to Newton and I go to Newtonville pizza and still the slice it still tastes the same. - Do you go because you think there'll be 11 year old girls there? - 'Cause I know there'll be 11 year old girls there. - Show up and start a night fever shirt. - That's right, they go crazy. I buy them pizza and they fuck me. It's the easiest pussy you can get in this world. - You play the Bee Gees while you're doing it. - Sure, whatever. - Your windowless man. - So yeah, I call Amanda and I said, hi, and I don't know. She was like, oh hi. I mean, she hadn't given me her phone number. I don't think, I don't remember why I had her phone number. But she was happy to hear from me. There was this moment where she was like, hey, she was really cool. And so she said, what's going on? How are you, you know? And I said, hey, I was just wondering, would you go to the pizza place with me? And as soon as I said it, I took the baseball and I slammed it into my own head as hard as I could and threw it on the floor. Like as hard as one. (laughing) - So weird having that memory. - I can't, I never told anybody that story. - Oh my God. - You're the first person I ever told that story to. (laughing) - And the best part is you had a really good relationship up until then. You used to make her laugh. - You messed it up. - You messed it up to me again. - And now you're slamming a ball into your head. - I fucking went, wham! - Right into my head. It's weird because I can almost put myself in that moment. Like, you know a memory you can really see. - Yeah. And I just hated myself so much. What did she say? She said, uh, she said, uh, oh, no, no. She was like, oh, no, why are you doing this? - Yeah. - You're my friend. - Yeah, yeah. - She sounded so mature, I remember. Like she knew this world and I didn't. - Yeah. - Do you know what I mean? - Right, right, right. - Man, that really affected me remembering it. It's so funny. - Oh my God. - Yeah, I just, wait. - And then drew it. And I was in hell that I didn't see it. - And that was before she answered. - Yep. Yep. - Do you think you had a premonition when you asked that it wasn't going out? - It wasn't just I heard myself say it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, boy, a for a kid that aged to be that capable of self-hates is really wild. And then she said, well, no. - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. And I was like, no, yeah, I'm sorry. It doesn't, I just, yeah, that kind of thing. And I don't know if we were really how we, our friendship developed after that. - That's the thing that's so hard about asking a girl out. Is it changes? I mean, it's all about that friends. That's the thing I can, and it's been a long time since I've been in this situation 'cause I've been married for 26 years. - Yeah. - But I remember that was the hardest part for me is because I really did have good friendships with women. I still do. Like some of my best friends are women. Like literally my closest friends, Mary Fitzgerald, as you know, we've been tight friends for, you know, 35 years. - Yes, sure. - And to lose that over trying to take it to another place is so scary. - It is. I mean, when I was in junior high school, right after that, I kind of learned that you could be friends with girls. - Yeah. - And if you were willing to be their friend, you could get to know girls on the highest end of the spectrum of cool, you know what I mean? - Like, 'cause I just didn't have game. I just wasn't a commodity to girls that age. - Yeah. - When I was that age. And when I was, we called it junior high school. We didn't have, our junior high school went from seventh grade till ninth. So you stayed in elementary school. - Including ninth. - Yeah, seventh through ninth. - That's weird. - Yeah, most middle schools are six through eight. - Six through eight, yeah. - Six through eight, but we were seventh through nine. - Yeah. - But so junior high school was like a whole new ball game. You were in school with older girls and you were. - Right. - And it was, you left your childhood, 'cause all the girls that I knew up 'til sixth grade, I knew since we were like babies, you know, like since second grade or whatever. - Yeah. - But this is like a new world and there was all these, I went to a junior high school that was in an neighborhood that was all Italian and Irish girls. - Yeah. - And so there was these Italian girls. And you know what I mean? And those girls were so, I just was so and having enough being around them. But there were girls that were like cheerleader, like high level, you know, and you could tell you, if you were their friend, they'd tell you anything. - Oh yeah. - And I used to have long phone calls with some of the coolest girls in school. And I liked it. I just liked being their friend. They were fascinating to me. And I feel like I'm gonna get a traction to them, but I just liked having those friendships, you know. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I had plenty of friends that were boys, but that kind of had it's pattern. - Oh, I was, even at that age, I felt the constraints of a male friendship versus a female friendship. A male was so much about sports and busting balls and surface. And then you became friends with girls. And not that I was talking about my emotions, but there was just a level of intimate. Just subtle things like eye contact and things are just different, you know. - I remember one French, I mean, I had boy friendships that were, that were a little bit more emotional, you know. I had a friend, his name was Greg. And we were friends from like, towards the end of elementary school, fifth grade, sixth grade. But we used to, I remember we had a progression to our, to our maturity, his friends. So like when we were first friends, we'd call each other on the phone and say, "Do you wanna play?" That's how you make a date. That was when you make a date with a boy. You wanna play? You wanna play? Yeah, come on, you wanna come over here? I wanna go back there. And make a plan and go throw a nerf football around. And we both loved the Dallas Cowboys for some reason back when they were-- Everybody did in those days. Love the Dallas Cowboys. We draw helmets and get silver paint and, you know, whatever. And then, and then we both liked Super Tramp, the band Super Tramp. And-- - Breakfast in America. - Yeah. And we started to say you wanna hang out, to change to that. - Yeah. - And then-- - It's actually kind of funny because Super Tramp's most famous song is about the progression of childhood into becoming cynical. - Really? - Which song? - When I was young, I thought the life was so wonderful. - Yep. So yeah, and I think I got to me. Anyway, and then we go to the Chestnut Hill Mall. It was like, you know, you get your parents to drop you off at the mall. And I kind of felt like a little bit of a grownup inside of this bubble. But anyway, there was one time where we exchanged Christmas gifts. Like we met somewhere, I'd gotten him a present. He got me a present. And we exchanged Christmas gifts. And then we told these, we said I love you to each other. - And you were how old? - Like six grade. - Wow. - Yeah. - It felt good, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. And then that friendship fell apart. Some of them just stopped. - Right. - But I remember that. - I remember you recently told me you loved me. - I'd never said that to you. - Yeah, I was, we were at the Comedy Cellar. And we said goodbye and you started walking away. - Yes. - And you walked away and then you walked back. - Yes, that's right. - And you said I love you. You give me a big hug. Yeah, that was nice. - Yeah, I wanted to be on your podcast. (laughing) - No, I'm at a point in my life where I think about, don't not say it. - Right. - And I do. - Yeah. - And also you look like you're dying. - Everybody says that. AIDS or cancer? - I mean kind of a, like a hybrid. - Just low T cell count in general. - No, yes, I did. I remember that moment, you were standing near a mailbox. Maybe it was a McDougal and third or something. - Yeah. - I don't know. And we'd been hanging out and I was like, I'll see you. Then I stopped and said, no, no, tell 'em. I felt it. And then I came back and told you, I think it's important not to gloss over a feeling. - Right. - And we're in our 50s. - Yeah. - So it's not like, I'm not gonna see you again. But I don't love that many people. - You don't mean? - No, I was actually thinking before the podcast. Not to get serious, but like you've been a good friend to me over the years. Like we started out in Boston. And there was all that just the crazy you for, like Malcolm Gladwell writes about outliers. And you know that he's a kind of sociologist. He writes these books about kind of philosophical. But he talks about outliers our times where like post-World War II, the greatest generation. And they came to town and there was city university. It was giving me scholarships for the GI Bill. Housing was suddenly affordable. You could buy a house. And the incredible achievements that the greatest generation did at that time. And that was an outlier time. - Got it. - And then you think about, you know, the impressionist movement. It was a time where they were revolting against the state art world and they were coming up with something new. And so, and I really think about the time we started in Boston as an outlier. I mean, it was a time where, I mean, people don't know, but it was you and Marin and Bill Burr and Patrice O'Neal and David Cross and Joe Rogan and Dane Cook and Bobby Kelly and Nick DePolo. And that's not including the guys that had been around that we were learning from. - It's funny 'cause we think of like in history about like when you're talking about an outlier era. Probably there were guys, those impressionists, the guys who got that, that accuration. There were probably guys from then who go like, it was really the guys right after or it was really the guys right before. - Right, right. - Those guys really, they were the ones who got the crest, rode the crest of the wave. - Yes. - But the guy, there was guys before them probably. - Yes. - Because it's funny, the list you make covers a lot of errors in Boston comedy. - Yeah. - Because Bill Burr and even me and Marin is like two different generations. You were kind of right in the middle. - Yeah, I was in the middle. - I'd been, I started at the, like I think the Ding Ho, which was the famous, - Oh, you were part of Ding Ho? - It wasn't, I came like, I might have to hit clothes. But all those guys, the place was lousy with Ding Ho guys. - Yeah. there were these legendary Boston guys who were inspiring and intimidating. But they had because of how successful Boston comedy was because of those guys. There was all these places to go on stage. It was like, you could get on stage every night. And also the distinction is, when they started doing it, it wasn't a thing. When we started, there were places called comedy clubs. That's right, that they set up. Yes. Because there was this one Chinese restaurant, the Ding Ho. And it had a good room, I think, for I was never in there. That was the showroom. And it became-- somebody started doing-- these guys, like Barry Cremens and Swini and Lenny Clark. The guys was-- I mean, Ron Lynch had a partner then. They were called Ron and Bob and Ron, I think. They were like a big part of it. And anyway, so they got huge. And the Ding Ho was two, three shows a night packed. And the way I heard it was one night, everybody came for the show. And there was a big padlock on the door. Because Ding Ho, the guy who owned it, would just get-- he paid no taxes. He was making a huge amount of money in cash. All cash. And he was just taking it to fucking sub-acadabte down. And banning it all on fucking-- I mean, I'm making this up now. I know he was a gambler and he didn't pay his taxes. And so just overnight, the place, it was over. Like an overnight ending to a huge success. It just killed the guy that he was making. He was a Chinese restaurant owner. He was on a small, small, small, small, small, small-- Do you think he smoked cigarettes like down around this part of his fingers? Probably he had a brown and yellow scenes. And it would move around the way Track Mart's do. And then on this hand. But I'm inventing this guy. I never met him. But-- Did the ashes get really long before he flicked them? And they wouldn't flick. Yeah, yeah. And it just would fall like a fucking, you know, like a Roman tower at the end of the era. But there's a great film about this by Franz Alameda. Franz Alameda, who's such a funny comic and a great guy, made a great movie, "Wiz" called. When comics. They stand up stood out. Right. Anyway, so I started at the in 1985, and that was all over. But there was a really healthy, open mic scene. That was one great thing about Boston. There wasn't this kind of like, bringer thing that people do now. There was audiences like open mic shows. Like open mic shows were sometimes the most crowded. I always loved real open mics because in a place like Boston, like if you go to an open mic in New York, you're just seeing this generation of amateur comedians. And they're all trying to get somewhere. Sunday night in the 80s, but at stitches, five minutes each. George McDonald's comedy hell. He called it comedy hell. It was really funny comic. The first time I did "San of Comedy" was. Same. Yeah. That was the first stage I ever performed on. And at the time, you could just write, you wrote your name down on a blackboard. I'd like three in the afternoon. Yeah. And then you're in. You're in the show. And I wrote my name. It's how I got my stage name because I wrote, because my name sounds like C.K. So I just wrote C.K. instead of this fucking Hungarian mess that he couldn't. Nobody would. Because I wasn't going to be there to say to somebody, you know what I mean? Yeah. So. But anyway, George hosted open mic and a lot of the people on the shows were tragic. They had no business on a stage. Some of them. You could imagine they lived in a little room with one bulb. And they just would walk. Yeah. Whatever, from fucking Mattapan all the way into a bought-in system. To it, five minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway. So that was our. So I mean, I started in '85. I think Nick. Nick and you were around the same time. I was like 88. Yeah, you and Nick and Joe Rogan and. I mean, Jim Lilletta and. Bob Marley. Yes, Bob Marley. Narcissi was at. So he's the after. He was like the post. He was like the second Nick Apollo. Yeah. But anyway, but those. Tom Toddler and Robbie Parker. All those guys about that time. Todd Parker, right? Yeah. Yeah. Robbie Prince was here. Robbie Prince. Yeah. That's what I meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, you guys all came and I had been doing it a few years. I wasn't. I was just a guy doing it. But it was. Yeah, Marin came about a year after I did. Yeah. And David Cross was a friend of a year after you. David Cross and I were roommates. Really? Were you in that crazy Cambridge like four bedroom where comics would swap out? That's what. Yeah, Brian Fraser, who was one of my best friends in comedy, he used to call it the loser museum. [laughs] It was. I mean, you really had. If you couldn't pay rent anywhere else, you could stay at one apartment. In wait, like Cambridge close to MIT. Yeah, right, right, right. Like I have a fifth floor. I was in that apartment a number of times. And that's where Cross comedy would meet and come up with their sketches. That's right. Yeah. Jonathan Groff, who you were there. Jonathan Groff was around. I mean, he was around when I started. But the guys I started watching were like. Even the most basic level guys, like Mike Motto, this guy, Rich Sysler, who passed away. Mike McDonald's. Mike McDonald's, Bob Lazarus. Dunnevin. I mean, Dunnevin was already a legend. These guys were like a little after Frank Santorelli. Those are the guys. They were the first wave that came after Boston got big. Yeah. Sue McGinnis. Yeah, I think she was right here. Very few female comics. And very few black comics. The only one when I started was. Maria Falzone, or she later. No way later. Fuck, I have to remember her name. She died, too. Oh, yeah. She was my roommate for a minute. Yeah, I see. I can see her name. She ran Mad TV. She was a showrunner on Mad TV. Oh, yeah, yeah. She was in a couple of skirts. Lauren De Browse. Lauren De Browse. Yes. She was great. She was great. Yeah. Kevin Knox was already around Tony V. Yeah. Frank Santorelli, Fran Salamita. Those guys were like the end Zito and Bean. Yeah. Bob, who was everybody's pal? Bob. Yeah, he was an open-micro forever and a sweet guy. He was one of those guys who just kept showing up. He kept showing up. But all those people were at least. You'd go. I mean, when I started, it was like every person you saw, it was like, "This guy's amazing." Yeah. Everybody killed. Yeah. Everybody was really good at it. And everybody was different from each other. Yes, that's true. There wasn't really. I mean, there was a. They started to emerge a Boston sensibility. Like talking about drinking and driving and McDonald's drive-thrues. Yeah. And there was. And there's timeouts now when I was a kid. It was a knockout or. There was always some version of how. Yes. It was so much better when you got hit as a kid. Yes, beaten. People getting beaten up. Oh, there was also what's his name? It was Italian guy. He was really. Vinnie Favourito? Vinnie Favourito was a kind of smaller version of the guy. Joe. Pianetti? Joe Unetti. God, so many guys. Yeah. We're all kind of like big stars in Boston. Yeah. And then there were guys like Jimmy Tingle and. Barry Cremens? The Viper. What was his guy with it? Oh, Kenny Rodgerson. You Rodgerson. But the thing is, when you talk about how the open mic nights were good, the format back then was, you know, a guy like Don Gavin. He would host the open mic. Would host the open mic night. So the crowd knew they were going to Don Gavin and open mic night. So Don would come out and he would destroy it with 20 minutes. Yes. Also, the regular shows, like a Thursday night at Nix would be every week, would be Don Gavin night. Yeah. Steve Fweeney. Steve Fweeney. The format of the shows in Boston. I mean, when I started working on the road and in New York and the MC was the shittiest comic. Yeah. I didn't understand. I mean, New York is a little different because MC in a club in New York is an art form. Right. Setting up a show and, you know, those guys are their utility players. They do something very specific. They're phenomenal. Yes. Most of them, yeah. But if you go on the road to a comedy club, usually the MC is the newest comedian. Yeah. But in Boston, it was a drawing headliner. It was a guy with the big name. He hosted the show. He didn't go on at the end. Well, he would go on at the beginning. On the middle. On the middle. Yes. And no one talked to the crowd in Boston. It's another shock I had when I came to New York. What do you do for living? Why would you ask them that? Don Gavin, huge comics would open the show cold by going, "Yeah, saw. Yeah, joke. Yeah, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, 20 minutes of, like, killer material. The crowd is fucking dying. And then they bring on a guest. Usually that would be a guest spot. Like, you know, when I was coming up after open mics, you try to get guest spots. So he'd bring you on. Yeah, guy, no other stage. Funny kid. 10 minutes you get. Then Don goes on. Does another 15. And then he brings on kind of the established Mike McDonald or Frank Centarelli, who does like 25 minutes. And then Gavin closes with another 40 or whatever the fuck he just stays up there. to lead someone to be up there. No, they were like three hour shifts. Yes. And the and the comics would all sit at the bar and watch each other. Everybody did. Yeah. Unless you're getting high in the back doing coke people. Well, you know, there was a big story about how at the comedy connection, they used to sit at the bar and chop lines. Right. And then, uh, you know, somebody came in and they go, uh, you know, the cops used to sometimes hang out in the back of the club because the clubs were in the theater in the red light district. That's right. So there's always a lot of cops and they'd hang out. And then the manager there, I think it was Oliver Keith, Lear, whatever he was like, he was like, uh, you guys, you can't do coke at the bar anymore. You got to go just go back to the green room and they've staged a strike. Really? They struck so they could do cocaine at the bar. They didn't move to the back room eventually. Yeah. I remember one night and I was, I was at the time 19 years old. Yeah. And I was at the comedy at the, at the connection with that. And there was this little back room that was like a subway car, like two benches face in each other. Yeah. And everybody's sitting there and I wasn't on stage. I was just hanging out. Just like I never, I went to comedy clubs every night of my life. Back. And this guy, Rich Sysler. Remember Rich? Oh, he kid me. He was really smooth. Yeah. Yeah. He dressed pretty well. Amazing rhythm. Yeah. It's just really great. I remember his thing about some girl had just won the lottery like $800 million to something. It goes, you know, this woman's name was Louis and something. She won 800 million dollars. And you know, everybody, her friends are going to turn against her. People are going to pretend they love her. And I just feel terrible because I love this woman. I love her. And then way later in the set, he starts talking about some or red stone, I think. And he said, some to red stone is one of the richest men in the world. His wife is, you know, just pilfered him for so much money. And I feel bad from because I love this man. It's different this time. It's not like that that Luanne bitch or chump change. Anyway, he was just this elegant comic. Yeah. So I'm in the back room. And he's in there with all that Mike McDonald is sitting next to him. And they're all passing a joint around and there's coke. I was, I didn't do drugs. So I was just watching all this. And he's drinking like low and brow or something. And he has a cigarette going and he's trying to light another one. You know, one of those. Yeah, that drunk. He's got a cigarette here. And I'm watching him. And he's trying to light a second cigarette. And then he sees this one and he gets confused. But I'm watching him. And he keeps leaning against Mike McDonald and Mike's talking to somebody. And he just keeps pushing him off. And he's completely, I mean, fucked up. And he's the headliner. Yeah. He's going on last. The room is packed. Every comedian's killing. And I'm like, what's going to happen when you get I'm about to watch somebody completely fall apart on stage. So he's about to go on stage and I go to the back to watch. He goes on and he's perfect. Yeah. Not a false moment in this set. He's perfect on stage. What helped was they never changed their act. No, not a word of it. Yeah. I mean, I went back. I'm not going to say the comic, but I was in Boston about five years ago, showing my son, colleges were on a college tour and we were in Worcester. And so I just, just on a goof, I go, let me see if there's any standup comedy. Yeah, I always do that. Yeah. So I look it up and this guy is performing. I guy who when we were coming up was one of the greats, like really fucking sharp, original. And I said, Oh my gosh, guys, playing you. You're not going to believe I'm going to blow your mind. It's so we go. And and this is 35 years after. Yeah. Word for exactly the same set. And then he was, and then he was signing his head shots after the show head shots. Wow. Yeah. And my son was like, what was that? I was like, I don't know. Was he a little getting laughs? Hmm. Some what? You know, I mean, the thing is about Boston, they're pretty generous. Like they want to laugh. Yes. Which is why it's an outlier place because we came up at a time where, like you said, we followed this Dingho wave. So it was just suddenly every Chinese restaurant in every town in New England had, what they realized was Chinese restaurants have banquet rooms that sit empty five nights of the week. Yeah. And so they go or even like smaller places in Nashville. Oh, God. And they just have a room they only use it for events on the weekends. Yeah. And so they came in and you put up a comedy sign. You buy a microphone and a speaker and you start charging people 15 bucks each to get in. And it sells out. And so we had rooms seven nights a week. Yes. You could work. You could make it. And you get like $150. You can make it a good living. I, I never worked a job. I was, I was already making a living by the time I left college. Really? Yeah. I've never had a job. I had a few jobs before I got it was able to quit and for comedy. Yeah. But I remember David Cross and I did a show in deadm mass. Yeah. And it was a bar. And it was just a shitty bar with a dance floor like a really gross dance floor. And there's a square bar and there's a dance floor. And they just had a stand there. And there was no lighting difference. Yeah. And they just, we had a tiny speaker. And I think it was a daytime show. I feel like it was daylight when we got there. And it was one of those things where you get there and the people at the bar like, what's going on here? And they go, we're doing a comedy show and they're like, we're having a drink. There was no warning. No. And so we're, so I was watching Dave and there was a big steel door leading to the parking lot. Yeah. Right off the stage. Uh-huh. You know, with a big bar to open it. Yeah. And while Dave's on stage, there's this fucking banging on the steel door. And he tries to keep going, but he can't ignore it. So he's kind of courageous. He opens it. And this huge drunk guy with a beard came in and Dave's like, hello, and the guy grabbed Dave's head and he licked. I remember hearing David cross going, uh, uh. Well, this guy licked the side of his face and then went back out the door. And I was just sitting there. Wow. What a crazy. And you were next. You hadn't gone. All right. I might have been on a room. I don't remember which we have. Oh my God. Oh my God. You guys show. And that's the kind of gigs we did. And the trying to do like trying to be something other than just like, you know, I don't know, just trying to get through a set. But that's the thing. Those were the, those are the gigs that we really did. Like the great Boston clubs. Yeah. Once you were good enough to work for money, you never got to work those gigs again. Until way later. Yeah. You had to go do the Chinese restaurants, Mexican restaurants. But what I learned, and this is one of those things where like, uh, I'm not a snob about taking gigs. If I have a week off and there's a casino and fucking, you know, some shitty town of Wisconsin, I'll go, you know, because there's moments where. Like I just did a gig in Reno and it was a conference for people that killed game and ate it. And so I went up and I'm like, okay. So I go on stage and I mean, I do a couple of jokes about it. There's a buffet line that has elk and rattlesnake meatballs. And I said, it's really great to be here at the beginning of the next Ebola virus. And nobody laughs. I do three jokes like that. And I was like, all right, I'm going to find, and I do an hour clean. Yeah. All right, I'm about to fucking bomb. And so, and there's something, I, there's something I like about bombing like that. It's the greatest. And then a woman goes down and a guy comes running up to stage and goes, see if there's a doctor in the house. And there's like 250. Didn't know it's like 400 people here. I go, is there a doctor in the house? And I love being that guy. I get to do that. It's like me and the guy who gets to wake the president. Yes. And so I'm like, is there a doctor in the house? And so a guy runs over and I go, hey, you know, and I'm literally like four minutes and it's like, hey, I think we should focus on this right now. And, you know, let's all send good wishes over there. And we'll take a little break. And I'm on the other side of the stage. And the woman's face down. And I'm fucking so happy. And I'm standing there and going, I'll just let this, the guy comes over and he goes, I think we should, after like 15, I think we should start up again. She still fades down like in front of everybody. I go, I'm not going on stage while she's going to get her out of here. Yeah. And so they keep working on her and half hour goes by. And then finally she gets up. I guess she was choking on like a rattlesnake meatball. And she goes back to her table and just sits down. And they bring me back up and I start making jokes about the rattlesnake meatballs. And but at that point, I wasn't a comedian. I was an entertainer. Right. And that's the thing we learned on those gigs is that my job is to make you guys laugh for the next hour. Not that I got to sell myself out and be a hack. But there's a part of me that finds the energy that's necessary to connect and make this work. And those are the nights that I get the most proud of. Huh. Yeah, I can really relate to that. When it feels like a living moment, when you're just doing your set. Right. It's nice to bring you to the present, feel good. When I'm on the road and I'm in a city, I like to go out in the daytime before show and if I get even this tiniest piece of something that happened that day right on those streets yeah I try to open with it yeah and if it's a week just to say I'm here with you and we're here and this is now you know yeah right but yeah things like that look also we get to be in touch with people from all over the world and this is it's a moment like that you don't forget that right you're not gonna remember how one of your jokes did and a club and Columbus but you'll never forget that story yeah I'll forget it but you know but anyway whatever Boston yet so all those guys and then there was you guys and then after you really was Patrice Dane and Bobby Kelly and and Bert and I didn't know none of those guys I was already here in New York okay yeah hold on I get I get some questions yeah it says here you're not gay yeah you want to expand on that oh yeah right this is false fake news that what they call it that's right I'm gay I want to bring up something that's always sort of I think been an issue with us okay is when you got married when you got engaged you said to me hey I'm getting married we were down at remember Luna lounge on Ludlow Street New York and you said so it's gonna be July 28th so you know don't make any plans so so I get I get offered a gig and I turn it down and then I see Laura Kitelinger and a couple other people and they they're all talking about the wedding is gonna yeah and I didn't get it in bite and then it gets to be like two or three weeks out and I see you and I go what's am I invited to the wedding yeah and you you you kind of stuttered then I clearly had been on the initial list and then it got weaned down yeah and I didn't make it onto the final list and then you go oh no that was that was mistake and then I got an invite like three days later but I was like and I should have gone you didn't go I didn't go and I felt I didn't go because of that yeah boy we were so young back I know I know we were so young I mean I I it was a lot of people and yeah it's good wedding yeah you should have gone I mean you were invited to my wedding yes but you didn't like the rhythm of the way that you got exactly I told you I wanted you yes yes I told you and then there was a mistake with the mailing list yes because then you didn't get an invite and you let me know right so I sent you yes yes that's what happened right right and that you but you found that trajectory offensive so you didn't come to my wedding I think I'm going to come to my wedding yes oh right and didn't send a gift you didn't send a gift you didn't come to support me yeah right right you didn't show up for me yeah because you had to remind me to send you an invite when I had told you I wanted you there yeah that's what happened I think I have an insecurity about being excluded from social things yeah of course you do yeah of course you do do you yeah I can totally relate to having been on your side of that story yeah but I think I would have gone though but you kind of made it out because about three months ago not even two months ago you were in town you invited me to the Netflix Ted Sarandas party yeah and it was one of the most fun days I've had in years that was really fun that was great yeah yeah it was a good time I mean we walked in and worst worst food at any event ever it was really awful the worst food I've ever had at an event yeah but really fun event and we walk in and like you know you never know who you're gonna it's funny how you think when you go to something like that what if I don't know anybody what if I don't talk to every we were eight steps in and Chris Rock is standing there yes Fred Armies and Fred Armies and we're just off and running yep constantly running into old friends yeah it was fucking great and then there was the picture and I felt bad because they had that if people don't know the party is kind of like I don't know what the number is but like the top 100 comedians in the world you know like letterman is there and you know Conan and was Conan I don't know if Conan was there Jerry Seinfeld was there Eddie Murphy was there Eddie Murphy was there yep so anyway all these big names and and then they they set up they've got little bleachers set up and they're gonna take a photo of every but which I guess they do every year and it's kind of like a it's kind of like an iconic photo that goes out for just a just a jump ahead because I want to I'm remembering a Theo Vaughan came up to me after the picture and he was kind of emotional and he said wow I I just am feeling this I'm feeling a lot of things because I was just part of something that's never happened before and probably will never happen again and I said the all they do this every year and he was like they do it was like yeah it's every year and you weren't in it last year yeah so I get so I walk over and I and and I start loitering and some is like are you coming I go I'm a plus one yeah I don't know that I'm supposed to be in this photo and somebody was like I think was Nick Crowe was like just fucking come on yeah so I'm standing there and I'm feeling like I don't belong in the photo and I'm standing there and then they did this stupid thing where right before they shot the photo everybody had a ball and they you throw the ball at the camera and so here it comes out and there's a ball in front of my face if Tom Sager is hand his fist and a ball are completely obscuring my face yeah and then I go back and Ted and then we're we're standing out in this big open area with some some bars on the edges of it and I'm saying they're talking to Sagerah and then Ted Saranta start speaking but nobody knows where he is because it's just a flat big party yeah and everybody's kind of looking around like where is he and I'm looking around where is he because there's speakers every yeah yeah and then I look up and he's he's 12 feet from me right and and and I and I'm looking at him cigarettes and next man I was like oh okay this is a little awkward because you're so close because I'm so close to him and then I and then he's talking talk and he keeps looking me in the eye like every 30 seconds he's looking me in the eye and then he's playing the scrab he's looking me in the eye and then I look to my right so girl is gone I look around there's nobody within 30 feet of me I'm alone in front of him because everyone kind of love everybody pull back and I'm standing there semi-circle you speak into the news state right in the middle of it yeah you did looking at me yes and I'm a plus one yes that's right and so I I slid away and Sagerah was wiping tears from his face he's laughing so yeah again that's you closer to God yeah yeah yeah those are the moments all right so we're gonna it was fun huh was all right go ahead it didn't work out we divorced okay this is this is a thing called fastballs with fits okay you're been arrested yeah for what driving without a license many times many times arrested I remember one time I was opening for you and Cape Cod yeah and me you and sumiginus you were driving you were the feature I think she was oh no you were the headline she was the feature and I was the opener and you said I'll drive and so we met you at nicks and you had this light it was like a 68 Mustang fast back 67 yeah I had a 67 Camaro then I think yeah you sure wasn't a mistake white oh yeah that was the most thing yeah okay and we get in I just remember you had a bunch of CDs you just bought from Virgin Records and you put in David Bowie heroes and we're driving and and then Suga's you have a license right and you're like no and she goes this car registered you're like no and you're driving about a hundred miles an hour going down to Cape Cod yeah it was completely stupid I used to drive really fast I used to fix my cars up and and I never had the registration right I used to like yeah plates from an old car and put them on a new car without yeah on the police and I drive too fast I get pullover and get a ticket and never paid any tickets yeah so that next time you get pullover you get arrested I was arrested like multiple times for that one time I was coming through the Lincoln tunnel and I didn't have any money I didn't have the cash to get to Lincoln tunnel at the time it was about a dollar 50 and a dollar 50 and so and they had a you couldn't get passed and there wasn't a you know I couldn't go to a basket because I'd get stuck yeah so I went to the guy and said hey I don't have the money and I hope you just let me through yeah and he's like that's okay just fill fill this out so my license is suspended and the plates are they called it fictional plates because they didn't belong to that car so they impounded the car they put me in we hawk and oh no I was in a real jailhouse for about 48 hours I couldn't get out of there wow yeah it was gnarly I used to get arrested all the time so yes that's one of those moments I used to have a long bit about getting stripped searched because I I got stripped search once in Liberty, New York. - Lift your testicles. - This lift your testicles, yeah. - Can I use my hands? - Yeah. - Ta-da! - Oh, lift rise testicles. - Rise testicles. - That was my closing bit for a long time. - Who is the worst opener that you ever had on the road? - Oh my God. - Geez, I don't know, that's a tough one. I really love those guys that, I don't know where guys, you know? - Yeah. - Who's the worst I ever had? There was a guy, and I don't remember his name, but we shared, I did it, I did it's episode of my show based on it a little bit. He was funny guy, he was an okay guy, but he really liked hanging out and drinking. And at the end of every night, he drank Jack Daniels. He always, we had to stay in a condo together. - Ah, haha. - And I had the headliner room, and he had the feature room, and we shared the living room. - Yeah. - And so at the end of the show, I just go to my room. They had my own TV, but at one point, he had some fucking weird guy living in our living room, like some transient guy, smelly kind of hippie guy. He's just, he's gonna be staying here, and I was like, "All right, I just stayed in my room, and every night you would say, do you wanna hang out with us and drink?" I'm like, no, I don't really drink. And so one day, he confronted me, and he said, "Why won't you drink with me?" Like what kind of an asshole, who do you think you are? He fucking laid into me for not being, you know, garbage with him, as the way I looked at it at the time. But I reenacted that with Jim Florentine playing, like, "Oh, that's great." But that guy was awful. I don't know, I love, what I love is openers who have one great joke, you know? - Right. - There was a guy in, at Side Splitters, which usually Side Splitters in Tampa, it's Tampa, - Yeah, Tampa. Great club. They're a local riser. - Oh, he's good. - Oh, he's good. - Yeah. - And I wish I knew this guy's name 'cause I'm gonna tell you one of his jokes. Maybe somebody knows it, but he did one great. He was a really funny guy. I remember he was kind of like a father kind of family guy. You know, the guys that really look like life's already hard without the comedy on top of him, you know what I mean? But he had this joke about a Yelp review for a campsite. And it said there's too many flies. And he said that's not really a bad Yelp review for a campsite. It would be a bad Yelp review for a funeral home. - Great bit. - Great bit. - I love a joke like that. - Amazing. - I really wish I knew his name. - There was a guy he used to work out of the Houston Laff Stop, which is where everybody recorded their first thing. - I recorded my first album. - Everybody's first album was there. - Yes. - And so this kid became so famous for this joke that people would come and work the club. And they'd be like, are you the guy with the joke about? And he'd be like, yeah, that's me like, like he never wrote another one. But the joke was, it's the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. And he goes, which means is a 40 year old guy right now who knows he's the least wanted guy in the world. His mother tried to kill him, but they wouldn't do it. - It's a great joke. (laughing) - I had one Roe v. Wade joke, where I'd explained that it was Roe v. It was a court case Roe v. Wade. Roe was a woman who wanted a no-dabortion. And I guess Wade was the baby. (laughing) But oh, there was a guy in Buffalo. I was up there with Kevin Brennan. And we had a local opener. And he was a substitute teacher that came to do the open, you know, who opened the shows. - Yeah. - And his jokes just didn't end. He would go like, he'd say, you know how they say, little girls are, you know, made of sugar and spice and everything nice, right? Little boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails. (laughing) And being Kevin would look at each other like, (laughing) like he wouldn't comment on it. - Yeah. - He was like, comedy's weird, 'cause people talk about how, it's all violent language. Like, I bombed, I killed. - Yeah. - So violent. Come on, man. Just give it a little effort. - Well, if you guys were nice, you would have just written him punchlines. - Yeah, but it was fun. If a guy's really awful, you look forward to him. - Right, right. All right, listen, I don't wanna keep you. I could talk to you all day. - Is that, are you reading that from that? - And I really think you're a good person. No, but I do wanna mention, of course, your special ridiculous. - Yeah, it's unethically. - It's so fucking good. I watched it the day came out and my kids watched it and they loved it. You know what I love about it? It's sort of like a palette cleanser from these power specials where there's a cold open where you, you know, you pull up in a limo and there's lights and there's one of those spot lights that goes around in the sky. And you just walk out and the crap, no standing ovation when you walk out. You haven't done anything yet. What's the opening standing ovation? - Yeah, it's stupid. - And then you're dressed like a piece of shit and like no, there's no crazy camera work. And it's just a solid, great smart. And I got to see you shoot it 'cause I opened for you a little bit while you were getting the hour together. And it's just this, the improvement. It was, I already said to you, it was a great hour. The improvements that were made, it was so obvious that you would toured with this hour for a long time because the little changes and additions and it's really one of your best hours, yeah. - Thank you, that feels really good. - Yeah, loved it. - Yeah, I enjoyed, I was really happy with it. It was back to being a little bit sillier the way I used to be. - Yeah. - And yeah, I really liked that hour. Thank you very much. - And it's your first one on Netflix? - Second one, the first one was long time. - Yeah, right. - Yeah, so if you find a difference in people having seen it more versus on your own site? - I mean, I think more people have access to it and more people have watched it. Like my specials on my website, the ones that have done very well for me, the numbers of people who watch it are just in a different league. - Yeah. - It's less people. 'Cause I'm in an economy closed circuit system. But I get, they pay me directly. So it does well for me. But Netflix was immediately a lot more people. - Yeah. - And I don't have a sense of like, when you're something's out there, like I don't know, sometimes people and they come out to me on the street and they tell me they like it. - Yeah. - But I'm not in, I really need to stop touring and I really got exhausted by the torque. 'Cause after the special, I did a shit ton more dates and then I went around the world. I did it almost three months without coming home and literally went around the world in India and China and all these places. So when I got back, I was like, I can't withstand a problem. - No, you told me before you left in the world tour, you were like, I think I'm gonna cancel the world. - Yeah, I was like, I thought about it. - I thought about it. It hurt. But it turned out to be a wonderful experience. - Yeah. - But what I'm saying is I don't know, I get a lot of people text me and email me. And one thing I've noticed, I get a lot more emails and texts from my, I saw your special. Then I have what the ones that were on my website. - Right. - So I think it's out there a lot more. But I'm not in comedy clubs right now. Like I'm not even hanging out with comedians much. 'Cause I just have had it for a while. I need some time off. - Right, good. Well, watch the special, it's on Netflix. And then if you wanna see back, he's got nine back specials. If you go to LouisCeeCeeCeeL.com. And then you've got the full season of Lucky Louis is on there. - Yeah, you can buy Lucky Louis. - You can buy five seasons of Louis. - You can buy five seasons of Louis on my website too. - And then there's actually some old specials that are not part of those. You've got like your HBO half hour on there. - Yeah, that's on there. My HBO half hour, my first HBO hour shameless is gonna buy that. And then there's a bundle of all of my specials. Yeah. - And then key chains? - No key chains. - No key chains. - But I have a novel called Ingram. - Oh, right, right. - I'm Amazon. - Yeah, okay. - Yeah. - All right. - Yeah. - Thanks, man. - I love you, man. - I love you too. I'm sorry I didn't get to your wedding. - That's okay, it wasn't great. - No. - No. - Turns out. - No. (upbeat music)