146: Locked Out with Jake Johnson | Soder Podcast | EP 143

PunchUp.Live, go check out our movie watch-along. We did Made in Manhattan from a popular comedy festival. I don't know if we're gonna say it. I'm afraid if we say it, we might get in trouble. But we did it at a very popular comedy festival that was fun, and I got Tim Dillon, Joe DeRosa, and James McCann to watch Made in Manhattan with me. So if you go to PunchUp.Live, sign up, give them your email address. Not only will you be on my mailing list, which we don't spam, it's just when I'm in town, and you'll be able to watch this for free, for absolutely nothing. We had such a good time. Pimp did a great job editing it. Put it up on PunchUp. Go check it out, PunchUp.Live. Hey, Spokane, Washington, August 20th through August 22nd, I'm gonna be at Spokane Comedy Club in Spokane, Washington. I'm excited to come back. I love it. I'm bringing the very funny Tom Thakkar with me, and we're gonna have a hell of a time. And then, all the way in September, Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine. Tickets are almost sold out. But if you go to DanSoder.com, all my live dates are posted. See which show you're the closest to and come on out. And I'll see you there. I'll do today, even today when I was doing some work, she just sat next to me and was like, it's never enough. - I have a retired guide dog that we adopted. And-- - How old were, how old was it? - She was three. - Okay. - She did it, got the assignment, passed all the tests, got a woman up in Oregon, and then I guess the woman got sick or was a little abusive and left her in a cage too much, so she got weird. So they brought her back to guide dogs, but they couldn't reprogram her. So that becomes available for adoption. - Sure, 'cause they go, if we give this to a blind person, they're gonna run out in traffic. - The dog's a maniac. - They're just gonna run right on it. - She's a liability. - She's a liability. - Yeah. - But like a pet chimp, she's a very smart liability. - Yeah. - So I was like, ooh, I grew up with really wild animals. - Okay. - I was like, I would love, not wild, just untrained dogs. - So you were the house-- - We always had dogs who bit. - Did you have dog, did you have, and shout out my friend Joey, I still love him to death. Did you have the house where the dog would not stop barking when a friend would come over? - Not only that, the dog would attack. If the dog got out, it was like a coyote on the streets. - How many dogs did you have? How many dogs did you have growing up? - There was always a dog. - That were a problem at any given time? - Every single dog. - Every dog you had was a problem. Why were they not-- - My mom. - Your mom was just like, I love dogs and I'm never gonna give them rules? - The opposite. My mom was like a little bit of the old school and there was some, this is not for a camera, but there was some techniques she did for punishment. - You know what, my mom watches this podcast, so I know my mom's watching this. There were moments when my mom scolded my dog, where I was like, don't do that. - Yeah, totally. - You don't rub their face in it. That kind of shit. - You like school. - Yeah, so yeah, that would make sure-- - There was a few things my mom would do to dogs that, looking back, I went like, you tipped them over the edge. - Yeah, dude, you can't-- - Well, especially now, I've married a very sweet woman, I got a whole different life, but now we treat our dogs like they're essentially children, but every once in a while, I'll look and I'll be like, you don't know me. - You have no idea. You don't know what this can be, motherfucker. - That's what we say to her, whenever she's being too much of a prima donna or kind of like, primpy, and we're like, yo, there's dogs that just sleep outside. So don't make us-- - There are homeless people that have your breed. - Yeah, we've walked by 'em. We've walked by 'em. - You could have that. You know what you eat-- - And don't act like you're a real dog. You're not a real dog. You're a pampered ass bitch. - So we have two dogs, we have a retired guy, and then we have a dog that was a backyard breeding dog that ran off, but then we got her, and she's an Australian Shepherd. - Oh, those are great. - Love 'em. - Yeah. - My other dog, my lab, the retired guy dog, looks at them like we're both the same thing. The other one I look at once in a while, I'm like, I get you, but we don't get this bitch. - My mom adopted a dog, the last, the most recent dog she adopted, they found on an oil, Derek, in New Mexico, living there for days. And the crew would feed it, and it was really sweet. She is the sweetest dog in the world. - That's my dog, who's the mini Aussie. - Okay. - She's just special. - It is. Freckles, my mom's dog, is the sweetest dog in the world, where it's too much, where you pet her, and she's like, and you're like, all right, come on. You're kind of creeping me out. - You know what it is? It's when you're younger, and you meet somebody who just got out of a bad relationship, and they're just like, can you hold my hand? - Yeah, and you're like, I'm into you, and you're right. I'm never gonna do that stuff. It's too much for me. I'm not full. I don't know how to do this, but I agree. We have a nice thing, but it's too. - And you go, put it away. Put your fucking, put that shit away. And she'll be over there, but when we take, when we go on our road trip for Christmas, and we're out in Denver, and we have Myrtle and that dog playing, I'll say to Myrtle all the time, I go, that dog lived a life. - They really get it, you don't get it. - That dog appreciates its food. It appreciates everything it fucking has. - We had an outdoor cat, and I have allergies, so it can never come in, Peter. He lived with us for 14 years. - Yeah, he did. - And I'm not kidding when I say, and this was from late, some late nights, on certain drinking days, or when I was getting too stoned, where I would just look at him, and I'd be like, you're probably the toughest individual I've ever met. They'd be like a pack of coyotes that would come through the neighborhood. I would look at him, and I'd be, Aaron would be like, should we bring him in the garage, and I'd be like, maybe try to get him, he would run off, I'd see him on a roof, I'd be like, you're the baddest motherfucker I ever met, dude. He had no respect for me, and we were both, I would honestly feel, when I would look at him at times, where we were both trying to hustle my wife, where I'd be like, I got a nice thing cooking here, Peter, don't fuck it up with Aaron. And he would look at me and be like, I see you, you fucking rat. And I'd be like, I'm in the house. - Yeah, I'm inside, you're outside. - I can lock you out. - And I'm gonna, Peter, I'm faking allergies. - If Peter would've been a human, you would've been intimidated by him. He would've been like a guy at a bar that you go, I'm not even gonna talk to. - My life goes one of two ways. Either I would've been so far away from Peter, there's certain people I meet, and I go, something scary. And I don't care if everybody in my group goes, love that guy. - No, those are the scariest. - I don't love that guy, also, I don't wanna be with him. If a night gets on top of me, he's not the guy I wanna be like, I did say something stupid. I was trying to be funny. - Yeah. - And I promise you I didn't think about it. - Please don't try to hurt me. - Your reaction is at a 10, I live at a four, brother. - This is too much. - Or, that guy, right away, it connects like Legos. - Yeah. - And I'm like-- - Those are my favorite people. - You're the craziest person I've ever met, but I actually trust you like no one's business, and I really connect to you. - There were people that, when I used to drink, like regulars at the bar I'd go to, that when a new friend would come with me to a bar, it was almost like-- - Like being a falconer? Where you go, that guy looks dangerous, and you go, watch this, and he lands on your arm, and you go-- - That is exactly it. - And you go, ooh, now, he can get dangerous at any moment, so be careful around him. - He's a wild animal, but he won't be with me. As long as we're together, you're 100% safe, but here's what I promise you not to do, don't move around fast. - Do not, and also, don't get up quick. - Don't go like this, yeah, if you do that, I'm dead too. - You're in trouble. If you have books, do not drop them on the ground. He will revert to Vietnam, where all this damage occurred. - And guess what? We were on, but I have that way with our dog. Our dog, the guide dog, when they got him, there would be like rules. Small kids can't come from behind, skinny men in mustaches, uniform men, they were like things she had. - That's always why I think we freak out if your dog ever barks at a black person, 'cause a black person goes, well, now I know I'm your thing. I'm your don't walk up on a dog, you know what I mean? And you go, so what happened? And you go, you're the racist, or this dog was harmed by a black person. - Yeah, or, what's really awful is you go, honestly, I don't know. And then you go, and if it's between, especially if it's a black friend. - Oh my God. - You know, and they're going, what's up with your dog? You go, well, let me make something crystal clear. It doesn't speak English. It's heard no subtle joke references. It's just what that breed thinks right now. So either it's your people or it's just you, my man. - Or you just got bad vibes. - Or you have bad vibes. When it is a friend and you're apologizing and you say, this never happens. You always like toss that out or you go, I don't know why this is happening. - I don't know why this is happening. And then your black friend goes, I know, 'cause you're racist. And you go, no, but that can't be. - You know what? - It's just that he's barking. - Somebody said to me, and I feel like it's Lemorne. - It never skips. - But it might be somebody else. But I think what somebody really buzzed me once is goes, damn, you don't have enough black people over. - Yeah. - And I was like, oh my God, my dog does not experience enough black people. - That's what it is. - And then you go like, that's garbage. - That's. - That's on me. - Now I've got to save the last dance, my dog. I have to keep my dog rhythm. - Only mushy, annoying white guys come here. - I'm gonna tell Katie to go, we're leaving Soul Train on for her whenever we leave the house. That is gonna be the only way we get past this. We're gonna put on old episodes of 106 in the park or Soul Train just to get our dog. You and I both waited tables in New York City from 2007. When did you stop, '07? - Earlier than that. - Earlier than that, so I lived here in '99 to 2002. - Okay. - Yeah. - Damn, you were here for 9/11. - I was here for 9/11. I walked down to the towers at 9-11. After it happened? Yeah. I was in Queens. It happened. I walked over the bridge, walked downtown, and was just hanging out. And you haven't been approached by any law firms for mesophilioma? There you go. I believe you're in. Now, I'm just talking about Subway ads, but you might be entitled. Were you also at Camp Lejeune? Will you represent me? And can we make a run at this and see what we can do? He goes, yeah, Dan Soder's a comic. Did you also know that he's an ambulance chaser for 9-11? Did you also know he's my guy? And he'll fuck you up in court? He's the bulldog. Wait, so did you stop drinking, stop drinking? Yeah, in 2013. So not at meetings and all that? No, I read a book called The Easy Way to Stop Drinking by Alan Carr. And it worked? Well, I tried quitting, and I tried going to meetings and stuff, and nothing really. And then this book was like, reframed the way that I looked at drinking. And it actually worked. Wow. And then once I got far enough, you know, I talked to friends of mine who were in the program. And they would tell me, like, 90 days, get to 90 days. And it's the truth. I got to 90 days, and I was kind of like, why would I go back to that? That's cool. Because I just remember the bad shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when you're a waiter in New York City, it's almost mandatory you drink. Well, I honestly say for a majority of my day jobs before acting started, drinking or getting stoned before a day job was just part of it. Listen, you can take it. And feel free to take an SSRI. Feel free to take something else. I needed a couple one-hitters and a Dunkin' Donuts on my way to open cafe. Yes, but not only that, for me, so I used to cater on boats, so we would do weddings. Here in New York? In Los Angeles. Oh, my God. I can't imagine. That's like Party Down shit. Yes, it was exactly like Party Down. We would do weddings. So you would do an entire wedding party. And then you could do two in a night. On a boat? On a boat. So the boat does like a run. Exactly. I think it was Newport Beach. You pull up at the thing. You have your little tuxedo on. There's four of you total. How many tuxedo pieces did you own? I think, I mean, not a lot. Two or three. It's always, my all blacks, I had maybe two shirts. I mean, truthfully, and this is what people, when they do those events, it's disgusting stuff. Because you're not washing it that much. No, and you're sweating your dick off. So you get yellow neck on your. Also, like the food splattering my little. But I would be like, and I would get home to my disgusting apartment. I'd be like, should I wash it for tomorrow's event? Fuck off, man. I have 14 hours. Yeah. I'm not spending four of them doing that. They would get mad when I would bring my apron. I would just leave it at work because there was lockers. And my apron would just. I did lunches. So I just, I made no money and I was running around. And when I would clean it in the cappuccino station because of the steam. And my manager's coming around. You're like, what? And he's like, that's fucking disgusting. And you're like, I don't give a shit about this job. So I'm sure as fuck not going to launder it after every shift. No, you bring it home and you go, what can I get off with water? As fast as I can. And so I can sit down and not think about going back tomorrow. I got to say, I have still to this day, certain day jobs. I'll see people and I'll have so much respect, especially now that I'm getting near 50, when I'll see somebody our age grinding it out and they seem to have a good attitude. I'm like, you're fucking awesome. Because, and I don't have it. If it's like a 27 year old, I'm like, don't care. I'm like, you don't know 25 trying to upsell get far don't care. I was like, whatever, but when it's a full on adult and whatever you came to New York to do, or if this is what you want to do, you know, this is it through probably 65 and then you're going to slow down and you're going to figure it out. I go like, you got a fucking great attitude and you're kicking and grinding here and you're being less of a bitch than me and I'm bitching right now. Cause like. Like it was a little hot and my bitching feels very real to me. Yeah. They're older people that, um, you know, I don't know if you've ever worked at a steak house. No, but steak houses are kind of where old waiters go to make like real money. Yeah. Because when you're at a steak house and you have an older waiter, there's just like this level of trust where you just go like, you're going to know how to cook this, you're going to know what, yeah, by the way. So anytime I do Kimmel now, I go to Frank and Musso's after. And I'll say to the people there, because I'm not going on a regular night. Sure. So a buddy of mine will mostly come with me to the taping and you get like the 400 bucks for the night. So I go like, let's just piss all like over order. Great. This is not real life. Great. I'm not going to go like this. You're getting a shrimp cocktail. This is the first night in a while. I'm not going to count anything. Don't just go nuts. It's just an hour of doing, and I'm not a standup. So that night for me is like, it's not a pleasant feeling. Well, I'm like, it's doing panels is you. I mean, you come. From the improv world. I know, but it was so long ago. Yeah. But you still got it. You still have that. Like, um, you still know how to like the way that, like when you watch Tom Brady play catch with someone before he does a Fox game, do the thing and he's just going like, Oh, I kind of know how to do it. I don't think I would. I don't want to do this. And you're not on a team anymore. You're not running fucking, you know, you're not doing ask at him, but what's different is, is when you see a real standup doing it, they have all their bits so beaten down that they can still, like, and I didn't really know this about standups, but I, my buddy Hannibal Burroughs, we made a movie years ago. Yeah. Tag. Tag. Which is great. Shout out, uh, Jeff Thompson. Jeff Thompson. The great Tom's like, he's like, yo, I'm doing a show tonight. You want to come? Uh, Chappelle's performance. Sure. By the way, you're Chappelle. Oh, thank you. It's on the fan. Dan. I watch your pod. Thanks dude. I'm a fan. So that's great. But your stories where you would do Chappelle. I mean, Chappelle's my favorite. He's my number one of all time. So it was like. This is so I, I, uh, I've, I've met him briefly a couple of times, but I don't really want to meet him because I just know someone showed him a clip and it's like, and we can, we both know this because we've worked in entertainment long enough. Nobody likes an impression of themselves. By the way. You're right. Nobody. Now some people know how to be cool about it. Sure. I think it's the same with roasted. So people will go like, dude, these are a bunch of, these are my fucking friends. Yeah. We roast. And then you're like. I know. Everyone's getting their feelings hurt. Some. A joke. A joke. And you know what it is? It's usually like I'm a big pro wrestling guy. Pro wrestlers get injured in weird ways where it's like not falls. They're used to. Right. And that's what happens. It's like a joke that you're not used to. And you go. By the way. That is exactly right. There are certain things. So my buddies and I will all roast each other constantly. Sure. But it's always the same stuff. Yeah. You know, you're, you're being roasted on the stuff where we're like, I know I'm weird with that. Yes, I am. I do interrupt a lot. I am desperate for attention. I can't shut up. I can't shut up. I'm not that smart. I am dumb. Exactly. And it's like, I know that. And then they go like, also, um, you're not that big of a 49ers fan and I'll be like, I'll fucking kill you, bro. I'll fucking kill you, bro. There's little things. Like one thing where they go, your dog's not well-trained. It's like, I'll fucking grab you in the throat. What I do, which is even worse. Yeah. Is I do the, if they go like, you know, whatever it is, your dog's not. I'll do the like that. And then I'll take the pause and it's the psycho's pause. We go like, and you go like, and in my eyes for that second, I'm like, first of all, I don't know if I like them anymore, 14 years of friendship gone. Now I'm thinking of such mean things that I'm like, well, I wouldn't want to say that to them. Cause I know that would hurt him. But I'm like, but if I like laugh a little before and then I'm like, I'm turning into such a piece of shit. They didn't mean it. And then I go, I'm in the wrong situation for me. Oh man. I, you know, a lot of times we do these ads and granted, whether it's like clothing or stuff that I'm wearing, I generally like to sell it, but I used Zoc doc yesterday. I have a problem with my foot. I think I, I either pulled or damaged a tendon in my foot. I need to go see a podiatrist. I pulled up Zoc doc. I'm logged in. I got all my health insurance info in there. They gave me a doctor. We're in network. I got an appointment for tomorrow morning and I made it yesterday. So within three days I got an appointment. I'm going to go meet my new podiatrist, probably get some inserts, maybe get some cream for my feet. I don't know what's going on with it, but I'm going to find out all cause of Zoc doc because I went on Zoc doc on the app. You can also go to Zoc doc.com and you just can book a doctor that can help you with exactly what you need. I'm telling you if you, uh, maybe you're moving to a new city, maybe you're starting a new job or insurance, a situation where you suddenly have to prioritize your health. You should use Zoc doc.com. Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Finding book the right doctor with Zoc doc, head to Zoc doc.com/soda to get started and check that appointment off of your to do list. That's Z O C D O C.com/soda. If you're running a business. First off. Uh, congratulations cause I think you've got more chutzpah than I ever will, but starting a small business, very difficult. You need the right kind of tools to make sure it gets off the ground. We'll square is the platform behind the scenes of so many businesses that you already love. 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But he had a joke 20 years ago about when your friends are making fun of you and you take it too far because you're mad. And they're like, ah, yeah, you're a fucking loser. And he's like, yeah, well, your mom's sick. And the guy goes, hey, there you go. That's always the feeling I have where I go way too quick. So when I was growing up, my mother was from a family of nine brothers and sisters in Chicago. Tough people. Crazy. My siblings and I are sissies from the suburbs. But my mother and her family were genuine tough people in Chicago. And they were, yes, very genuine, old school. Any accent? Yeah. Chicago. D's and does. So T's become D's. D's or does. My brother, Bob. Yeah, my brother, Bob. You know, it'd be Bobby and everything's from the neighborhood. My brother, Bobby's from the neighborhood. And then Timmy was over there. But this fucking this guy says to me, I love the north. Yeah. Is that north or south? It's north. Chicago. Yeah. Where they go. Well, I've been on the force for damn near 20 years. You'd think I'd have some respect from him. I like the Chicago. It's the best. I don't know why people think Caleb Williams is a gay. I mean, he's got his nails painted, but the guy can put a ball on a dime. I like to love that north. I love that. That north Chicago shit to me is up there with the Philly and the Boston accent. Oh, for sure. The best subtle because everyone knows a New York accent. Yes. Everyone knows the Texas accent. Everyone. Southern accent. But like the Mid-Atlantic with Baltimore and Philly to me, Chicago, Boston, Philly and Baltimore, especially when it comes to that type of man and sports. Yeah. My favorite thing going to Caleb. William has been watching that type of that man now, by the way, that you're describing is now 70 or dead. So that is really that old the Bears. That's the Bears. So the there's a the younger Chicago is different. Sure. But that Chicago that because I left. In 2003, that was my dad and his group where the big my father used to sell cars on the South Side of Chicago. That's my father was in a commercial where he goes to City Chevrolet. He throws a ball like that. It cuts to a shot of going in the air. It swishes Scotty, a rookie Scotty Pippen and Horace Grant go. It's a sure shot. No way. Yes, do you swear on my dad? He's that's the way I call that the Webster shot. Yes, my dad did a Webster shot. You throw it. There's a cuts to and in there's a period of the 80s that that was my dad. There's a period of the 80s that that was cool, dude. It was one editor goes like this. You know, you could do just put it in there and everyone goes. You think it'll work? He goes. Nobody will know today. They did it all the time. The Webster. I think Michael Jordan might be in the episode. I forget. There's an NBA player in the episode and he's like throw it up little man. And he goes like huh? Cut to and then it goes the cut to switch and you go and bullshit. It worked, you know, I mean now people would go fuck you. Well, no. Now you've got little weirdos in. Like green outfits doing trick shots and being like I threw a ball off a mountaintop and then there's like a weirdo on a zipline being like, let me show you how it's done. I grabbed it. I love those. I if when those come up in my feed of a guy in like a castle. Yeah, on a coastline throws in the ball goes down in a hoop. I'm like no way I did until I saw one of the green guys now. I hate those guys in a way. Okay. Could you imagine being like, all right, the two of us, let's say we're starting a business for real grinders. You know, I think we could do we can make these videos use trick shots. I go dude. I think we can start making 60 70 thousand bucks each. Let's all go to Scotland you getting the fucking weird green outfit. How you film and I'm going like this here. We are you do this holding all you're doing. It's like worse than magic. Yeah, just try to hit a fucking trick shot. Oh, I'm talking about the guys that actually have a real trick shot guys. Real trick shot guys. I'm not talking about the ones that fake that shit. No, but my problem is now I'm talking about the actual ones that keep trying and you see him try and I get it. And those I think you're believing in magic. I'm a pro wrestling. I'm a mark dude. I fucking believe Hogan was a good guy by the documentary was so fun. You get the episode for you go. There you go. You got to really talk about it because I had watched the episode one and I was ready to run through a wall for Hulkamania. And then I go right fucked over everyone in the business. It was super racist. God fuck, but I'm a mark. So like, yeah, I love the interesting. Total mark, dude, can't go to Vegas. Can't go to anywhere where they could sell me shit because they'll be like, this fucking idiot can't go to a car lot neck when we buy a car. She's going to have to go because I'm going to be like, I'll take it. I'll take it right now. You know, I'm up. I do the podcast. We're here to help. We'd love to have you on. Yeah, absolutely. Gareth is my partner is Mark. Oh my God to call him option one. Oh, yeah, literally. We don't even get to option two. We'll do bets with each other in real life and it's like literally we'll go like we're talking years ago. Go where he's a big Packer fan. I'm a bear fan and he goes right. There's no fucking way. Brett Favre is going to go to the Vikings. And if he does, he'll never win a Super Bowl. And I go, I think he but they're talking about going to the bike. And if he does, they're going to be good. This was back then. Remember that? I remember that. I mean, I remember that I have chips. He goes not a fucking chance. He goes, dude, if he does that, I'll put a fucking pole in my dick and cut it off. And I go, well, you won't do that. That's crazy. I was like, well, that's also stupid. We're on a hike. You're being stupid. But would you get a tattoo of Brett Favre in a Vikings Jersey that covered your whole leg? That said my MVP and he goes, yeah, and we shook hands. I go deal. There's a pause and then he goes, well, what do I get if I don't I go like we already shook man. You took option one wait for option two brother. He still does it to this day. Gareth. I'm an option one boy myself. And that is why but what's key in life is to find an option to person to marry. Because she is so bogged down by option to that. When we were furniture shopping when we moved from Jersey into this place. She was like, I looked at this couch. I don't know. I went in and I went in the store and I sat down and take it. I'll take it. And she was like, what the fuck I go. Well, you did the research, right? Yeah. So it's a nice point. So I'm a big option to guy. Okay. I am not a mark. I'm not and it's not so I don't think Mark or not. Mark has any mark of intelligence because I yeah, I just want people to be happy illusion that a non-mark is like, well, you got it all figured out. Yeah, just more paranoid. That's what it is. You just go like this. Can I tell you that helps the insecurity of being a mark a little bit. Yes, you go. If someone's going like this. Yeah, I don't know where it is, but I know you're fucking me over. Yeah. So someone's good 20 bucks. I guess no, no, no. And then they go, you know, you were right. It was a hustle. I don't know what the hustle is. I know I'm not smart enough to figure it out. I know this fucking guy fucking goes like this. This is not a thing. It's not my it's just fun. There's a marble catch them up. If you get them, I got this. I don't know what you're doing, but nobody in my groups giving you any money. If you were a cat, I'd spray bottle you right now. I'd fucking yes, whatever you're doing. And they'll be like, honestly, it's not. It's a promotion for Red Bull. Everybody wins it. I go like this. You're not even faking me that I don't care that the CEO of Red Bulls. Oh, you got a car with wings on it full of cans. Let me tell you this pal. Pretty good hustle. Do you think that's because your dad was a car dealer and you kind of watch the sausage be made on getting some people kind of so my dad used a lot or it was used a new Chevy. So my dad was gone when I was two came back when I was 18. So I missed a lot of his stuff and you mean gone. He was gone drunk alcohol party guy. Shout out. Same here. I clocked out at 14:00. Okay, but your dad came back. I heard it on a bit. What was my dad drunk drunk? Yeah, he was like an alcohol. Like he was like an abandoned a family drunk like where he was like going to Bender and be gone. No. He just my parents got divorced. He hung around for three months and he was like, all right, I'm going to go to San Francisco and then I had to be like sent out by myself to go find him and I would stay with him at my grandma's and then they moved up to Northern California and she got that it got from like seeing him twice a year to seeing him once a year to seeing him every other year to seeing them once every two and then he died. So it was like we never got that. So we never got the finish. No, which that's hard. I would argue for anybody that's lost a dad early. Or a mom and that has that kind of shit. The hardest part is going like I thought we were going to fix it. I thought you were going to come back or at least have some resolution. So when he comes back at 18, yeah, does he come back full into your life? I'm sober or is he just go like when I when I was 17, I was the youngest. So obviously I'm graduating. How many three? Okay, so he sobers up when you're 1717. It's almost about 18. When did your parents break up when I was two so and then he was gone. He lived near. But it was like the Terrell Owens thing. Yeah, where it would be like sit-ups in the driveway. My dad is three miles that way. Yeah, but never at a game. Never at anything. Never showed up. Never. He would call say we were going to go golfing not come for some reason. Man that move that move like brother. That's what makes America is looking at headlights going. Here he is. Yeah, but that move where you'd be like it as a kid. Now, I'm nearly 50 and it just changes you get older but you look back and you go like weird move brother. Just don't invite. Can I tell you why? There was no ability to reach people besides letter or phone. So, they. knew they weren't on the hook because because my dad gave a hell of a speech when i was 11 about catching my pop warner football game when i was in seventh grade to the point that i was like dude i've got i was like doing more off-season training to be like i'm not gonna be a bum when this guy shows up i'm gonna be good and then by the end of the season i was like i talked to him once or twice and i go hey you coming out he goes oh the season's ending you go what do you think it's nfl you think it's 16 weeks we're fucking 12 we got eight games you think we're going deep into the playoffs for network money it's over before november it's over before november we don't we're not gonna be on peacock no one fucking cares we're at the fucking we're at mission viejo park um but he did that thing and did your dad your so your dad did the same thing so my dad would do a thing where it would be the movie parenthood kind of shows it perfectly with uh walking phoenix we're walking phoenix and that's where keanu reeves snaps on the guy yes and everyone likes come home and destroys the dennis thing shout out but that movie i forgot about that i know so that scene for me when i watched it i was like movies that movie's cool yeah i was like because that is what it feel you go like because you have to play to your mom and to other women yeah i don't care and you don't even know why because they're being sweet to you yeah so like my my mom was at uh my sister had surgeries growing up so my mom my sister were gone and my aunt was staying with us and it was me and my brother and my dad said he was going to pick us up or something i don't even remember what the context was but my aunt told my mom and my mom was like he's not coming and then my aunt said jake just let me help it was like a whole like let me help you we'll do it and i was like my dad's coming oh and i was sitting outside and i remember the sadness of her oh but i wasn't sad because i was like you're overreacting goofy he's coming and then with each 15 minutes i had to do the at a certain point like you know what i think i'm gonna bail on this and head back upstairs your read was incorrect the read that i what i'm thinking is a catch sounds awful right about now i just have to say something kind of like where i'm at yeah pardon these tears i'm having allergies yeah but you know what i even you know what i just remembered is i have homework yeah and something you don't want to do you know this old cat wants to do is i want to be in my room by myself literally no drama and i i'm gonna put my face in the pillow and i'd appreciate if you don't come in there and if you come in it's a joke i'm sleeping and oh my god i can't believe you thought i was sad cash app gotta use the cash app gonna use the cash app hey listen i know cash isn't king anymore now it's all about apps what app you use and what app you can bank with and all that stuff sometimes you know they stink and sometimes they're great 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this but i want to look in style and i want stuff that's made comfortable easy to style versatile looks all that and more and i'm going to show you how to make it easy to style and so don't sweat the heat this summer feel as effortlessly cool as you look with mac weldon go to mac weldon.com get 20 off your first order of 125 or more with code dan with promo code dan that's m-a-c-k-w-e-l-d-o-n.com code dan i there is something to be said about when you're a teenager or young in your teens and you see an adult be sad it's the worst i'll tell you what i hate it even more and this took me a lot of years to get over the resentment when you see another family's mom be extra nice to you because she's sad about something that's happening in your house dude you are preaching to the choir i had this it's well you know you could you know you could always call me and they go like this also you know you could also bring this to school and you're going like this can i tell you and this is something that i think you'll very rarely see in your life you're going like this and you're anyone who would identify with this when you have to keep the other adult being nice from you from your mom because you don't want your mom to know say that now my mom would kill so there was a moment and we did trish i know you're watching but it's true be cool be cool thank you for raising me thank you i love you i love you you gave me such a great life thank you so much but it was fucking crazy i'm in a happy relationship it's because Do you believe me? You're the reason I'm a decent human being. But it is, when someone was sad for you about something your shitty parent did, you tried to keep the good parent. You hate, because it was always, I would say, someone would be like, are you sad your dad's not here? And I'd go, no, my mom's both. Yeah, dude. And the one, there was literally, I went to a great public school in a really nice neighborhood. I did not have that childhood in like a bad neighborhood. I grew up in the suburbs and I went to a great high school. As safe as it gets, whatever. Yeah, it was not, my life was never in danger. Same with me. Not bad, everything was fine. Yeah. Literally one day, I think there was a scheduling thing and we forgot a lunch. I was always chubby. Okay. I was not a hungry kid. Yeah. You go, I know when a meal was missed. Yeah. I mean, I for sure had like double McDonald's after and everyone felt bad. But there was a day. Oh, the meals you got when people were sad for you? Oh my. I lived off it. I still do. I still do this stuff with the wife where she's like, how are you doing from New York? I'm like, just so tired. Yeah. Dude, that's what I do. Dude, I'm not joking. I'm going to Stanford, Connecticut this weekend. I'm going to call her and be like, I just miss you and the dog. I'm going to eat Burger King. Did you do the side look? It's so gross. I love it. I love sloppy food. It's the best. Junk food's my biggest thing. Same. Yeah. But so we, for one meal, all of a sudden there's a group of moms do this thing. And back then it was pre-event where they said like, why don't we do like a meal train and we will bring lunches so that your mom can just worry about what's going on with your sister. We know what's happening with your dad. Okay. When my mom found out the amount of fucking trouble we were in. That's what it is. Because in, and honestly, now that you're a parent and you're older and you're in your, you know, in your forties, I'm in my forties. You can kind of see it. You go, their anger. Wasn't that you did something wrong. It is sure embarrassment. And like, and also like you don't have it. Bad. Yes. What we were talking about our dogs. Yes. But it's so then what my mom would then do is go over the top. She was like, just so we never mess a fucking meal in this fucking house. We had a basement fridge that we had to make nine months worth. We'd be my brother and I are sitting there making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches like workers in a factory. And then every morning you get, and she'll go, oh, did you grab your fucking lunch? So that this is blah, blah, blah. And then she'll go, cause are you not eating enough? And I'd be like, I didn't fucking tell you. I didn't rat on you, Trish. I like my lunches. I didn't fucking rat. No, I got a turkey and frozen ice chips. When he comes back when you're 17. Because I'm not going to lie. My dad died when I was 14. And when I was died at 14. Yeah. When I was 14, he died. When I was 13, I had real heat. Oh, I had real heat. I had real. So you, my biggest fantasy was the, my biggest life, uh, injustice was my, you know, before you go to bed, you master ready to do something to calm your brain down. And it's self soothing. You're like, let me go back to this pleasure seeking missile, right? And then you relax and pass out. Great. Mine was going to my dad's condo and beating him up. And I would imagine the door dragging his ass into the bathroom. Yeah. It's like a penthouse letter where the better the description, the hornier you get, but it was, it was, Ooh, as I kicked open the single lock, but it was soothing. Yeah. And it was, you really wanted to fuck him up. So what happened was we would have times when my mom would get too much and she would say, I can't keep doing this and it's, it's time to go to your dad's and we would drive to his house. We'd be begging her. No, we'd get his house. He would come out in his boxers and say, no. no way yes he would deny you say no so they'll get him the fuck out now it'd be more like he would know this you know and he wasn't sober so then we'd have to get back in the car my mom would have to do that i say we're gonna just make this work with us and we gotta start doing some chores and i'm like did you say something i love and that's a schedule because if it's about dishes these hands are made for cleaning responsibilities please you know actually everything you're saying that you like in a day is what i like in a day yeah that um watching them go like fuck it we'll do it is like that's a very specific experience to have with a single mom yes where they go like that's and but you also all right we'll do it and then you go like you're either on board which i was on board yeah whenever some terrible shit would happen to us my mom would always go we'll get through this always and you're like hell yeah all right my mom has always been my rocker yeah my mom has i i jokingly tease her the most now i'm now like using her voice notes on appearances on talk shows my mom is a character i love her if my mom didn't raise me there could have been a really bad ending that when i see like a wild person under a bridge i don't go that alien is other than me yeah i go thank you eve jay yeah for real i i don't think that gets enough credit because like um there really is a thing of like how feral i would have been that's i if i did not have a mom that was like hey don't do that hey don't do that you're not allowed to do that and when i would start fucking up would be like my mom was tough yeah and it was now it's you and me and i'd be like i am afraid of you physically oh i was afraid in fact i have a joke right now or it's in my special john film that where i say i watch her get older and i go god i can't believe i was afraid of you because i was so scared of her the anxiety i would have when the garage door would open when she would come home from work when i was a bad kid too or i was bad at school i was so bad at school so i'd be like i never was like i can't wait to show you this a she was coming home and i was like i got in big trouble today because i was hilarious when i knew trouble was coming and i would hear me a feeling right now you're even saying that and i would hear it would always be something would happen it was really report cards and teacher conferences yep where calls and i would hear the stomping and i'd be like big mama eve is mad i'm in big big trouble and you would know trouble's coming yeah i what's interesting about uh because is your relationship with your mom now great yes and she's like probably an awesome grandma she is so what happened with my mom what's really funny is it's currently happening so when so my dad sobering up fucked a lot up meaning really so he came back and was mr i do a i've changed and my brother and sister were more evolved and they forgave him because they're in their at that point they're in their 20s they're just a little bit old they're in college we're more like he seems different and i would not forgive him i would only you're the baby but when he would want to take amends i'd make amends i would meet him in bars i would smoke his cigarettes and drink stoli on ice and i'd be like dad you did like i'm smoking marriage dude look at me fuck you but also like i'm not gonna be able to do that i'm not gonna be able to like i know you're gonna slip up oh you're not it's the dumb thing about i'm not a mark yeah you've seen the intervention yeah where it's the rocky the boxing coach and his two sons yeah i don't know if i've seen that episode where the he goes like not but i gotta look it up it's the best one okay big jay and i used to watch a lot of intervention together i mean i've seen every episode yeah i gotta watch that one the boxing coach no the boxer okay the boxer he's got sons he stopped seeing them but dad's kind of like i don't give a shit i'm trying my best fuck you yeah and then this son goes like i hate you whatever and the dad's like i hate you too motherfucker and then this you know it's one of you're like this isn't gonna be a happy ending yeah they're both getting too gnarly and then the son goes but somewhere deep down in me i must love you because i'm here and the dad goes i have seen that was like you know it for me it was with me and my dad's hate you i hate you you know and then deep down it was because i really loved him absolutely and once i was the only reason and also i like the problem is what i liked him dude i thought he was cool it was fun to be with him we liked sports the same way we sat the same way he was a true chubby like me where he would go he'd sit down and he would go you know we're getting cheeseburgers eight diet cokes and i'd go why and he'd go four each and i was like i grew up with a woman who said diet coke gives you cancer yeah you never get more than one diet coke you never get more than one soda he goes we're gonna get four and you go hey i drink them so fast you drink them fast he was an addict so he would go look at what i got in the freezer it'd be 12 ice cream bars he'll go start eating honey because you're gonna be gone tonight that means where are you cheating six i love that i i would have loved for gary to have gotten to a sweet tooth thing because he was a he could cook so that would have meant he would have been firing shit up that was always the bummer because so i mean i guess i have a lot of questions because i never got to see him that turnaround at what point did you believe that he wasn't going back to the booze years years i mean he got sober when i was 17 probably when i was about 35 damn so about 18 years it took to go like fucking walk the walk then what no it was we were friendlier but it would be fake he would he would always show up he would always call but then i started getting on tv and i'm like easy to like me now yeah i and i'd be like easy to call now but it would still be like that's fun but he didn't he was richer than me he didn't need anything from me so i would just be like yeah whatever and then over time over time i just had to go like oh this is the real you and you were sick so my brother and i have an unfortunate take that i'm sure people are going to dislike but we've always had a really hard thing with calling addiction a disease yeah because cancer's a disease yeah norm mcdonald has the phenomenal what is it about he's like what what a disease to get he's like what a fun disease to have so my dad's disease took him from raising three kids one of them had a leg shorter than the other was in and out of the hospital and the mom had a pretty bad attitude and took him to every prostitute in chicago the best cocaine in chicago friends with the chicago bulls during the the jordan era sick new michael jordan sick because he was a dealer he had his uh a dealer on the south side he had a cocaine dealer on staff i love that i loved old fucking 80s 90s car dealer and he that was his legit like literally would get it'd be like a big thing where he would go like another prostitution ring at gibson's steakhouse he was in all of this stuff jesus that then when i was in high school my aunt came and moved in with us who was dying of cancer sure and i was like just two people with diseases yeah same as my dad oh yours is my dad do you do for alcoholism you do your disease is killing you his is too but it's different well i think what the what it is is i think they use the word disease and i know people uh that do believe that but i think what it is is because it's a condition yeah and it is a condition so the way you like fast food i agree it's very similar to it and dude i the way i get into shit and the way i like shit i get addicted to everything and i go like oh i had it now i want a thousand of them also not only just food ideas projects anything anything you can see why people you know i think addictions aren't it's it's like you know i don't think this is like a popular take but i think it's true is i would rather have a substance addiction than sex food or money or gambling tell me why because i know i just it's like having a food allergy yeah yeah just a food allergy i can't have alcohol yeah if i ate i'm allergic to scallops if i eat scallops i'll puke and shit everywhere i'll never eat scallops yeah i don't hate scallops i don't go i have a disease that stops me from eating scallops but i go i have a condition where i can't eat scallops i'm just not allowed so my buddy who got into the program we were having big talks about this and i was being really cunty about my dad then being like well yeah and then finally he goes so take away the word disease and view it like just call it an allergy and i went by the way all my little bitchiness for no reason i think it's so wonderful you're in the program and so is everybody you have an allergy and that allergy makes you lose control when you have a sip and you drink too much you fuck your life up i think that's so great for you and i just think it's so great for my dad and i went like oh i'm just being a bit literally i'm just a childhood anger about nothing and it's just a word but the truth is my dad then did sober up was always consistent great kept showing up great and then as i got older in life i would lean on him and i would find times that i would realize i'm doing something weird over and over and i'm not seeing it sure and he would go well have you ever considered this honey yeah and i would go no but that's really and i was like and so i don't i feel like this would kind of hurt me in reverse and i don't mean to because i like you but i do feel like i got what a dad is supposed to be it was later dude brother if you can get it at any moment but i i don't give a shit about that because i think what's interesting about that especially for people that have lost parents is if you understand where you're at and you're your parent size hole is right you will understand you will understand also what bumps up against it yes if you have a cut on your ribs yeah and people keep touching your ribs you go don't do that don't do that but they don't necessarily see the cut yeah yeah or the surgery scar you're just reactive you're reacting so what i saw later in life is what a dad is supposed to do now i was too old so i couldn't be like well thank you daddy it's like getting a hundred dollars at toys r us cash at 40 where you go i can i can do this myself but you also go you know what it's actually you know what it's actually like in terms of the toys r us it's like having a credit card yeah and now you go i can buy whatever the fuck i want yes and you go this was always the dream and you go i'm not gonna buy anything but i now get what that means when i am and i'm and i'm serious about this when i'm on the road and i stop at a walmart or a target to get something what i will always do is walk through the toy section to go i could buy this whole fucking thing right now and i don't want to i just walk through it i go i could buy every fucking toy right here because when i was little you wanted him so my mom and i you know my mom did all right but money wasn't we didn't have a lot of money money was always on her mind yeah it was like it was always a conversation it was i had to wear clothes from target until i was in high school and i had a job and i could and then she would let me get a couple good pieces of clothes but it was always like we weren't tight on money but we weren't rich but i remember always going to target and being like damn i want this and she'd be like no you don't have any money and you're like one day i'll have money and then now when i do and i walk by i go i'll buy all these fucking gijs my question about getting a dad later in life and having kids is there any resentment towards like what's the relationship of your dad with your kids well he's dead now okay when did he was he was he alive when they were yeah but he was not involved okay not in a dramatic way okay so i saw this great instagram clip that like broke me down sure and it was an old man clowning around for his grandkids and then jumped in a pool yeah and i was like what the fuck are you talking about and i was like i don't want to know yeah and it said when grandparents love being a grandparent it means they miss being a parent sure and when they don't it means they never really were meant to be a parent and i completely agree that's interesting i completely agree and that's like the old saying of like if you don't raise your kids your parents have to raise your kids yes and if you do raise your kids your grandparent your your parents get to spoil your kids that's exactly right and that's what it is it's like if you don't rate no i'm saying this wrong they say if you don't raise your kids you're going to end up raising your grandkids and if you raise your kids you're going to be able to spoil your brain but it's the same because it makes sense because you go yes it's just putting the emphasis on the parents exactly but you're like i think that's totally right so my god but my dad wasn't a bad guy he just didn't shouldn't probably have he just wasn't he but here's what he probably didn't want to be a parent but he did but it was just in the old world sure here's what he wanted he wanted to go to work essentially have his women he was having an affair with party and then have the kind of woman that just put up with it because he was bringing home money yeah he wanted a guma he just married kind of the wrong person and a lot of those guys made a whole life work did your mom get remarried never never even dated how about you never even dated my mom dated oh she did so i got bits i got you got this for days i got bits how many siblings you got none i was an only child between my mom and my dad but my dad had a daughter with another woman you were locked in with trish yeah we were you were a team she when we go back to denver for christmas uh we've been together for seven years engaged for three and she will go back and go like when we leave colorado she always goes you guys this relationship astounds me and i go what do you mean she's like you guys are in a two man band you're just like so great you're you're like the white stripes you're just like playing you're just like it's just you two and it really is like there's like this it's maddening there is this familiarity there's this shorthand there's this like understanding and also there's a quick to get annoyed quick to get angry but what yes to get the here's a positive and this is what i'm because my i moved my mom to l.a three weeks ago or a month ago and i from illinois from chicago and i'm sure you have this too my mom no matter how much i annoyed her was always my biggest fan and we were the only people i can ever relate to when they talk about moms as rappers yeah so whenever a rapper talks about their mom or a number one draft pick or a number one draft pick but when someone's talking about what this means to them well not anymore now number of draft picks all their dads trained him so yeah i know they're the first nba guys that i watched in the 90s yeah we go ron harper's kids going to the end and he did a great job as a dad yeah yeah yeah nba draft for me was well this is what goes to show when you have a generation of men who break the cycle yeah all these dads were like i was around my kids and they were like what's going on then like all the kids are like we love our dad and our mom so much i love you both i love both of my parents equally this feels like a wonderful family yeah but it was it was different but i know what you're saying when you talk to rappers or people where you go like but we have a d my mom and i i felt like we had an unspoken deal yeah and that deal was we're gonna make this work together yep and it's gonna figure it out and we're gonna be okay and we are in this dance forever and what's nice is is a lot of years when my dad came back my mom and i were like oh my god mom kind of did the oh well i lost again then go all of a sudden i'm second fiddle and but my mom is so over that it wasn't even that tough i'm not guilting you for you to take me back you then yeah then do what you got to do and i'm like i had i again i haven't made a decision it feels like a boss going all right i'm looking to hire somebody we have an interview at one and you're leaving yeah and you go like this you got an interview at one and you go yeah but it's probably gonna then you but and you go okay yeah yeah fine i was for sure gonna hire you but it's weird you're up in my that i'm interviewing you're so mad at me what i'm doing is normal here you know what's very interesting about that is the idea of when you're raised in a situation where the mom is overburdened by the responsibility yes it's you grow up with her kind of full court pressing you the whole time because she has to yes so there was a moment in my late i think it was when i after i quit drinking where i had like a long conversation where i was like i love you you're always going to be one of the most important people in my life back the up you did i was like you gotta back the up because i need my room for my own life and interesting she was very receptive to it cool very positive about it saved the relationship and i say that all the time that moment that conversation is crossroads to where now i can go hey you're hitting the barrier and she goes all right and you're like great but that's a woman that wants a relationship with her son and she's also a fan she was a fantastic mom yeah she was a fantastic mom and that feeling of you know acting very similarly to stand up is just this like you might as well tell your mom you're going into space yeah to be a uh space ranger yeah and there's then there could be treasure out there yes but i don't know i'm a space pirate now but it could work and if your mom goes like just remember to tie your ship up you go all right yeah yeah that's exactly right my mom was very like hey can you please get your call your degree it's the only thing i ask it's the only thing i ask is as your mom and i was like it i'm gonna but i did stand up while i was in college right and then i got the degree and i was like i'm gonna go to new york and do stand up and my mom was like yeah good luck that's how mama was doing and it was and by the way she didn't have any money to give me she didn't have anything but she was just like but it was always encouraging yeah it was also the other thing is that for me the reason the only the thing that i still and i'm sure it's the same with standard but what i love about acting and the question i always get that i find so boring will they'll be like it's a similar character of a guy down on his luck stuck and i'm like well that's just because i like that arc yeah i don't give a about the arc i don't care about the character's job i'm just in it for the tone and the tone management yeah because that's the itch and that's the addiction it would i would be at home and the vibe would start getting tense sure and if it gets tense things could go sideways which is and i like the situation right now with this woman my siblings here sure so what if i tried to take the tone that is clearly going sideways yeah and if i could find not in my sense of humor but in the rhythm of right now with this dialogue how do i get that woman to think this is funny yeah and when you find that and my brother and i that's when we became real comedy partners yeah he would always because he was always smarter than me sure so he we would start and we talked about as we were older we would start making eye contact and communicating and what he would do is he would start making eye contact with me and he would start basically setting up premises great so my mom would be like and the mess and i'm doing it on my own and he'd be like and i agree and she'd be like you're saying that good and you go like he'd be like and what we got to do is we have to come with a schedule and look at me and i'd be like oh schedule no one would laugh and i'd be like and she'd be like it's not a time you're like that was a mess i went i went absurd and it wasn't and you keep going but when you land it she laughs and then when the dust settles either me or my brother would go i think you're right it is messy um if you give us a couple days knowing if you get past this 20 minutes yeah then we're going to go back to off yeah but we just gotta get past this 20 minutes that's what it is you're you have turbulence get through the turbulence once you're in the turbulence we both know we're taking our belts off and have another drink yeah but right now you're scared we're all scared yeah that's what it that really is i used to have a lot of that to me is still the job yeah my my thing was because i was the power dynamic was single mom and child and she had a boyfriend who she's trying to impress that's scary but i don't give a about this dude i'm trying to be funny so i i don't care about what this guy thinks of me i'm just trying to be funny honestly it's and not physically afraid of him ever no not really that's cool i think there were never really was a time she brought anyone around that was like violent or anything just a dude it was just a dude and i was like well watch watch me be funny in a way that almost will offend my mom but if i can make this guy laugh interesting and it was like kind of fun to like be like i'm actually a good time and then what really interesting what really kicked it into overdrive was high school with my friends and they would be over and i would have my friend like danny would be there and i would like make a joke at her but knowing it would land with him and then he would be laughing and she's she's not gonna get mad at him no yeah yeah she's gonna go danny and he's gonna go i'm sorry that's just so funny and then there's moments where she'll be like all right it is funny and i agree and then it's fun so we had a thing my brother and i with my dad and i've told this before but yeah we've never talked about it but the way i actually got close with my dad was because he partied so hard for me and i was like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna so long sure it pickles your brain yeah and anybody who claims it doesn't like it's cte of party it's it really and there's a moment where you're still there and look i loved him by the end we were truly he was in my top five of best friends not as a bit sure um but we could do a game that we used to do and that is the three of us would be sitting in a room and he and i could my brother and i could text each other words and the goal was my dad's nickname was croco as in crock of shit yeah and he's the only impression i do but my impression is good the only reason colombo it's actually my dad that's fantastic and it's you really it was sing song and it was a dance it was this and let me take the broad shake and so what we would do we'd be sitting there and my brother would text me pink monkeys yeah and i'll text back like too hard and he'd be like you can and i would go hey crock i'll be watching a cubs game he'd go yeah and i go you take a bunch of red and a bunch of white you mush it together what do you get he'll go a mess no the colors you put him together he'll go a slap jab he's like uh he's trying to be five and i go no dad what the cut and he goes oh that kind of makes pink you go yeah and then you go let's play a fucking crazy ass game you go what do we everything you do is crazy you know go what animal makes this sound a fucking monkey my brother's dying laughing my dad thinks he's laughing because he did i'm doing the fucking monkey i'm doing the fucking pink and he's getting that jumpy energy i'm doing the fucking monkey i'm doing the fucking monkey i'm doing the fucking put the fucking words together you go pink no put in your go pink monkey and my brother would go the three of us would die laughing that's what i that's what i wanted that's what i wanted in his sibling was a partner in crime comedically because i finally got it with her when we go home my mom will say shit and i can like look at katie and be like it's so crazy and then it's like i i'm so glad i have you because it's so much better having someone it's a relief yeah and it doesn't what i learned for a while because then i was like i know i'm mean and i know i take my comedy too far but i was like i actually my heart of hearts i don't think it's against these people no this is i'm just it's literally it feels good and then i would realize it's not it's not for others like i can still that's the best comedy it's it's just for us what and i'm like that's where but if you go back to our game when i was a kid i was like oh my god i'm so glad i have you because it's so what i've got to at this point in my life is that's acting now i'm truly i'm doing a press tour right now for the dink july 24th check it out on apple tv thank you so much but the reality of it is i love the movie i'm doing the game yeah because when those moments are happening it's fucking joyful so when you're doing the dink it's like uh you know you're playing like a tennis player that now goes into the world of pickleball yeah what do you do you practice tennis i had to so yeah because you had to have a good swing so what happened on this one which was different is sean uh roger clemens with a t clements clemens how would you say roger how would you say roger clemens with a t clemens with a t clement clemton's sean this is what happens to me so sean is my actual friend for 15 years he hosts uh hollywood handbook he's one of the best comedy writers and like he's so funny yeah i refer to his name as sean clements c-l-e-m-e-n-t-e clements clements clements i was on a podcast he goes what you're saying is really nice you're fucking saying my name wrong you asshole it's clemens with a t it made it so much worse don't don't do that because now clements with the t is how i'm gonna say it every time formally if i introduce you guys he's clemens with the t this is sean clemens with the t like roger clemens with it yeah it's like the rocket with the t but he and i went out and got lunch and it was pre-presidential election sure and he goes what are you looking to do and i'm saying we're just talking about where we're at in the game and i said honestly man i want to make something light with a lot of set pieces i go what i like about sitcoms is sometimes you'd get to set and the premise is funny yeah and you go oh the crew's laughing while we're reading the scene because the premise is just a classic premise sure and you go it's just funny now we're gonna improvise and add stuff and add some heat to it yeah but lately in the last few years when i've gotten more into like the drama comedy right you're like sure there's there's not like we're gonna find something yeah but it's not clean yeah you're not coming in going the setup is making people laugh i'm good we are going to be in a spot where we're winning from the start sure and i go and i haven't had that and i think those are going away at my level jumanji still happening sure or but they're spending whatever kind i was like how about a small budget indie that they're set pieces and every scene has a comedic presence with all funny people yeah and we're just going after bits and then there's emotional heart in the middle and he goes uh so what do you he goes i got a movie i'm working on that ben stiller might be interested in producing sure i'm obviously a fan yeah and i go what's it about he goes pickleball what do you know about i said nothing i don't care about it he goes what do you think about tennis i go i don't care about it yeah and he's like well he then told me the premise uh i'll give a spoiler but it doesn't matter but he said it's based in real life he used to play tennis he got hurt his back he wanted to get back to tennis so he started playing pickleball to get back to tennis he went to a court in beverly hills where there was these older women like 75 year old asian ladies and they asked him to play and he was really embarrassed because he used to play i think in college or high school he was good yeah and he was like it's okay and one of the ladies he could tell it was getting pissed off and was like please play and he was like no i'm just and he's like play and they killed him really because part of the game when you first start it's just all angles yeah so if you know where to hit the ball you're just not gonna it's a wiffle ball sure so he then and then these old women who've never been able to do it started talking great and then afterwards they said play with us again and then he started going and getting coffee with him but then he started getting embarrassed because he got caught up in their lives and he was becoming friends with that that's fantastic and he was telling me i was like all of this i love and then he goes then i want to invent you and one of them start having an almost will they won't they and i was like really fun and then i'll give something away because this is what sold me and he goes but then you decide the age i'm in yeah i'm not scared no more right and i was like yeah and he goes she's awesome she's hot we have mary steenburgen mary steenburgen is hot we're the best and it's like you don't land tim dancing with that yeah yeah great she's without being she's a smoke show yeah and it's and we're sean and i were both laughing then he goes so then you like make them move and she goes like no and i go why did you say no and he goes you go if it's about the age thing i'll screw i'm you're 30 years older than me who cares and she goes i'm not sexually interested in you and i went sean i love this movie yeah you go please let me i was like okay and then we started we put it together it was really indie we didn't that's very fun and also that's where comedies live now yes comedies aren't gonna be able because you know everything you're describing right now makes me think of that period with like role models a hundred and all that that was coming out where it was just a good setup and that type of movie yeah which was the movies i watched oh those are what i want to do sure somehow just disappeared super bad all these movies that just go oh a pipe a high school party they need to get booze that's me how about forgetting sarah marshall unbelievable a guy gets cheated on and he writes jingle he writes the music everybody who just comes in are comedic killers that's all they come in for two days that's what it was i mean you know and apatow is great at that with 40 year old virgin and get him to the greek always get him to the greek but he would be like bring in kevin hart for knock yes just come in for a scene have that scene and so we want and part of that is you got to shoot in l.a or new york yeah because you have to have people that are around are willing to drive over yeah so sean and we're like let's put this together keep the budget small we got our other friend josh green jake zamanski was going to direct it sick unbelievably talented dude he got had to go back to jury duty too great i mean that first season was unbelievable i don't know how they're going to do it yeah the second season's funny they casted someone that i love that i saw ian roberts ian roberts is great there's someone else what's her name um lisa gilroy oh lisa gilroy's so she's like one of the funniest people out there right now she's killing it was on something where you go oh hell yeah but yeah go do jury duty go do your job and then we got josh greenbaum who's unbelievably talented yeah so he came in we had a group of friends we made it independently raised money and then apple came out and now it we're pushing it like it's a studio comedy but it's actually a little indie i love that and it's on uh apple tv july 24th this is the most sincere plug i've ever done on a podcast i think we've done we've done a lot is that real yeah john will tell you this is the most sincere plug we've ever done on a podcast because i genuinely was like yeah and then check out the date on july 24th on apple tv and usually i gotta go man all right it's you can see the lake below we just fucking walked into that god damn you have me driving off the lot in a cadillac i know a chevy yeah and i'm gonna put you in it you know what i'm gonna put you in i'm gonna put you in a course again i'm gonna tell you why because it feels sporty yeah but you don't you're not showy like you know what while we're here why don't you get me a tahoe for the lady and i'm gonna give you a deal it's gonna blow your fucking mind uh dude jake jake johnson one of the best one of the funniest people working we're just uh a dude that's had a like a career where you're like every time you pop up at something you're like this guy fucking rules so i'm so happy you were able to come through the podcast yeah i'm a big fan dude the dink july 24th apple tv you fucking rule thanks you too man what a pleasure yeah thanks that was fun that was fun