Live Long and Floss More

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Plus, get free delivery, free hallway, and free basic installation and parts when you spend $896 or more on select major appliances. Shop Black Friday early in-store and online now at Lowe's. Valid through 12-2 while supplies last. Selection varies by location. See associate at Lowe's.com for details. Wave. Hey, Bad Friends. Ho Ho Homers is back. I am so excited. Once again, we're at Los Angeles Valley College Saturday, December 5th at 12.30 p.m. until about 4 p.m. We're going to have the most fun Southern California Special Olympics. And I have teamed up to do Ho Ho Homers again, a home run derby competition. Bring out all of your friends. Come see us and have some Ho Ho Homers with us. Hey, everybody. We're Bad Friends. Welcome back to Bad Friends, a wave series. A lot of people go, what's a wave series? What's going on? People are upset and they need to know what that means. Well, it doesn't mean anything to you at all. It's a company that we're working with that's helping us sell ads on the show like we've always done. Always done. It's just a new company that we're working with now. We left our old company. We love them very much. It's actually Tom Segura's company, Your Mom's House. We were with them for a long time. We're no longer with them, but we love them so very much. We're just with a new company who's helping us sell ads like we've been doing on the show since almost its inception. Yeah. But nothing is changing on the show. Nothing's changing. Literally nothing at all. Yeah. So, no worries. What's up? I don't know why everyone's a little concerned, but the show is still going to be stupid and funny. It's not going to be censored. Nothing will change whatsoever. We're just working with a new company so we can continue to do the podcast for you guys like we've always done the podcast. Yeah, why not? Why not? I love it. Wave series. Wave series. And we want to say thank you so much for listening and being a part of this. Thank you for being a bad friend. It means the world to us. We love you guys. Thanks for coming along for the ride. It's going to be the same kind of show it always was, except we're just going to get older. I'm going to get angrier. And uglier. And he's going to get uglier. Yeah. I'm going to get uglier. We're both going to get uglier. We love you. Thank you. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. A you two or something. We're bad friends. First of all, I want to say this, all right? I'm having a bad day because my best friend died. I'm alive for now. I know. But my best friend died. Who died? You know, it's so funny, pal. Can I be honest with you? Can I be honest? Wait, who's your best friend that died? Who died? Are you being genuine? Somebody died? Yes, I am. So if there's people that you like, if Timberlake or Taylor Swift died, you'd be mourning and I'd be backing you. But my captain dies and you don't know anything about it? That's insane, dude. Jean-Luc Picard died. Captain Picard. Make it so. All right. Earl Grey, please. All right. And let me tell you another thing, pal. Is your best friend you've never met in your life? I know I haven't, but I grew up with him. He's my best friend. Jean-Luc Picard, dude. Data, Worf. Any of them die, I'm dead. There's my man, dude. All right. My best friend. And I'm going to tell you another thing, all right? And you wonder why you didn't get laid until you were 20. More, more, more. Okay, more, more. Yeah, yeah. 24. But let me say this, okay? I didn't get laid until I was 24. But let me say this. And his best friend, Ian McKellen, right? Their friendship, we don't have anything like it. Look at the kissing vote videos. Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, best friends kissing. You're at like a 13 out of 12 right now. Look at this right here, guy. Dude, they're great. We've done that on this show like 10 times. No, but that's on the red carpet. We don't get invited to red carpets. They do this in private. Dude, look at that. That's private kissing in public. Hold on. Are they gay for real? No, not gay. No, Ian McKellen's gay, but Sir Patrick Stewart, sir, by the way. Sir, yeah. United, right? He's not gay, but he has gay tendencies. And that's what I like about him. He's you. Exactly. Because he is gay. I mean, he's kissing a gay man a lot. There's like seven photos. I know. My point, though, is that I long and I envy that fucking relationship. Why can't we have that? I don't want that. That's why it can never grow. That's why our relationship can never grow. Our relationship can grow. Anything can grow. Look at Carlos's hair. That's true. Anything can grow. If anything, if that can grow, anything can grow. Then we can grow. That's true. That's true. I just, and by the way, rest in peace. I did not know he died. Yeah, he died. Today? Yeah. Oh, I was busy today. Yeah. I got to know. I got to die today. He died on my busiest day. I know, dude. He died today. And how old was he? Eighty-six, dude. Eighty-six. That's a good run. It's a good run. That's a good run, dude. Bye, Patrick Stewart. Goodbye. God bless you. Goodbye, Patrick Stewart. God bless you. Thank you for your contribution. Thank you for being a bad friend, Patrick. Live long and prosper. That's not, that's Vulcan. He wasn't a Vulcan. Live long and floss more? Is that what it was? We should have a Star Trek-themed dentistry. That's the best slogan. Yeah, live long and floss more? Dude, that's our fucking dentistry, dude. I'm down. All right. I'm going to be a Ferengi. I have to go to dentist school. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we'll start it. Don't we just think in our world we already just are dentists? Yeah. We're dentists. Give me a shot. I've never done a cavity, but give me a shot. You think I can pull it off? No. I know. You would kill a guy immediately. Yeah. Those are sharp tools they throw in your mouth. I know. And then they get upset when you bleed. I know. Oh, you're bleeding. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think it's because you poked me with a knife in my fucking mouth? Yeah. I have to go to the dentist. She called me again. Andrew. She leaves a voicemail. Andrew, you got to go to the dentist. She calls me every six months when I tell her to call me to make the appointment. And I have one tooth that's bothering me and I don't want to go in. You got to go in. I don't want to go in. You'll end up like me. What's wrong with you? No teeth. My dentist said- That's the cure. Does your teeth hurt? Take them out. My dentist said, and this is not a lie or an exaggeration, he goes, you got to get all of them removed. Every tooth. Yeah. He goes, it's unhealthy. They're all going to die anyway. So you might as well- All of your teeth are bad? Smile. No. Smile. Smile for me. Look at me. Look at me and smile. I can't smile deep. Smile at me. Did they look healthy? I know. I'm not even joking. Because I only take care of the front. All right. They're in my ponds. They're, right, the first soldiers going in with the food. You know what your mouth is? You know that like on hoarders when- Like their office space is very clean and neat and then they go to their house and it's a fucking nightmare. Yeah. That's it. Your office is nice up front, but your house in the back, nightmare. No. I, no, that's not true. Holding bag. You're hoarding bacteria. No. With that analogy, right? I'm not a hoarder. I'm getting rid of the teeth. Oh, so you're, oh, you're finally cured. Yes. I'm being, yeah. And I think you guys have a disease. You keep, you kept all your teeth. Yes. Yeah. You need seven. Through my experience, you need seven. Okay. So the front. Which ones? Yeah, yeah. So. Google, what are the most important teeth? What are the most important teeth that we have? I'm missing those. No, because. Guarantee, I guarantee. These, you need these. Molars. You need these. Okay. Okay. Zoom in. So. First molars. That's these ones. You need the first molars. Canines, the sharp ones. You have those. Uh-uh. And then the others. I don't. Incisors, bullshit. Pre-molars, get fucked. Second and third molars, you're not even in line. You're in the back. I never brushed my molars once. They're in the back. Get the fuck out of here. These are the Rosa Parks molars. Yeah, dude. To the back of the mouth you go. That's crazy. But you have the ones that count. I don't. I know this one's missing for you. A high back is missing. I have a high back missing, yeah. I have a high back. They're soccer positions? Yeah, yeah. I mean. Your midfielders are looking bad. Have you looked up here? Yeah, let me see. Open. Up here. Oh, yeah. Oh, the goalie's dead. Oh, God. There's no goalie. Yeah, there's no goalie. There's no goalie back there. Yeah, yeah. So anyway. Anyway, let's get past that part. You know what I mean? But let's be real. But Patrick, it devastated me. I'm sorry that he died. I know you loved him. I did not know he passed away today. I'm sorry. I was so mad. I remember one time. I can't. I'm going to forget it. Go like this. I think you have a booger on your left side. It's my acne patch. Oh, it was. Oh, you pulled it off. No, it's still there. I have an acne patch on my butt. I think I got bit by a spider. Let me see. I know about butt spiders. Oh, my God. That's huge. It's a cyst. That's a snake. That's a boil, dude. Yeah. Yeah, that's not normal. Do you think it's a snake? Yeah, yeah. Dude. I woke up in the morning and I was in New York in the hotel and I was itching. I was like, Jesus Christ. And then I looked in the mirror. It's got a bullseye. So I'm afraid it's a black widow or something. Did it happen in the bathtub? In the bath? Bed bug. Did it happen when you were taking a shit? I don't know when it happened. When you noticed it? I noticed it in bed in the morning. I woke up and it was sore. My ass was sore. And Marco, my boyfriend, had already left. So I couldn't ask him what happened. No, in the hotel. I think Marco did something nefarious. I woke up and I was like, what is going on? Yeah. I don't know what it is. And we're going to find out in two to three days. We'll see. But I put an acne patch on. You have to get, no, dude, that's beyond. Is that bad? It's really big. I should go to the doctor? I think you should get a lanced. Yes. It's boil, it's boil-sized. Boily. Yeah. A boilie butt boy. And it's also, your skin is so translucent white. Everything shows up. When something's red, oh my God, it's not a good. No, the good thing about me is if I get a bite somewhere, because I'm so clear, it shows up. You might get bit and not know. I don't know. See, that's what I mean. It blends. It blends. The bites, they blend. Yeah. But let me say something as my buddy. Yeah. I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart that a hero of yours died, because I know- I really did love the guy. I know how much that means to you. And Chekhov died. Walter Koenig. Seriously? Yeah, two days ago. What's going on? Oh, God is taking all the Star Trek people. Well, because look what's going on in the world right now. He's like, you got to get out of here. It's getting bad. Yeah, you know, did Walter Koenig die? Walter Koenig, Sir Patrick Stewart have both passed away the same week. Yeah, isn't that crazy? I mean- Star Trek legend. It's kind of beautiful. Doesn't that mean they're up there together? Yeah, they're up there with- They're not going to be with the gay Asian. Who's the gay Asian? You can't die without the gay Asian. Who? George Takai. George Takai, my boy, dude. He's still alive. Hello, I'm George Takai. Is he still alive? Yeah. Not for too long. Takai's still alive. He died. He died? George Takai's alive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude, he didn't die. Why'd you shake your head, McCone? Because he said not for long. McCone, who said that? Who said that right now? You're going to really make him mad. He fucking dies in the next- If he's the third, Andres, it's your fucking fault. You do know what this show does. Bad Friends is his fault. Bad Friends does kill people. Look up. Go back. Oh, look at her boy- His husband. Look at how happy. Look at her boyfriend. Go back. She does look like an old Asian woman there. Go back a little bit. That's 100% your mom. I'm Bobby's mom. Oh. Go back to his Wikipedia. How old is this gentleman now? He's got to be mid-80s? 89. 89. Wow. Yeah, dude. And he still looks good. And you know who's still- Captain Kirk's still alive. Shatner. He's got to be 90. 96. What? Yeah. Man, there was something on that ship. 95. There was something on that ship, huh? Yeah. I think 86 is a good age to go. You're going to live to be 100. I know it in my bones. Well, maybe, but- I know it in my bones. Well, can I address the elephant in the room, if I may? Sure. Well, as you know, the H3 podcast, there's been some- Yeah? There's been some things going on there. Well, I'm not even that privy to. I'm not educated. You're friends with him. Well, I know Ethan. I've done his podcast. He's done mine. I'm friends with him. Yeah. Hila, I'm friends with. I love her. So, I don't know anything about their breakup and this and that, but people think that- Is your only connection to the podcast? I think the funniest connection to H3 from this show was that Rest in Peace, Oliver Tree, had said that some chick said that you, Ethan, and him were her type of guy. And you got so mad. Remember that clip? And you got so mad because you were like, I look like those guys? Here it is. Let's play it. Oh, this is perfect. I hooked up with a girl in Florida once. God, he's great. Do you remember? Yeah, yeah. And I was laying in bed with her, and- What happened? Would you still let me finish? God, he's great. He's right. What did happen? She texted you. She direct messaged you that night. What did she say? Well, I was laying next to her, and she goes, yeah, there's two guys on my- No, three guys on my list. On my celebrity hit list? On my celebrity hit list, right? You, Oliver Tree, and Ethan from H3. And then I thought, oh, I'm f***ing with myself. Why? Because I'm in that group, which means- And I know what they look like, and I know what they're- No offense. Bro, you're the worst looking of all of us. God, dude. That guy was such a funny soul. He was so funny. God, we miss Oliver fucking Tree, dude. I'm saying, so people think that I, right, hooked up with Tamara. Yeah. Is that what it is? Yeah. People think she's the girl in the- Right. So I have proof right here. I'm going to blur out some things, right? People think she's the girl from Florida he's talking about? Yes. No, right. Right. So two days ago, I get this from my friend. None of this gets shared, right? Yeah. And she goes, I'm not going to say her name, and she goes, holy shit, the clip about me has surfaced, and they think it's Tamara. And look at the text right here. Read it. Holy shit, the clip about me surfaced, they think it's Tamara. Same thing you said. Yeah, so it's, yeah, I just want to say that I don't even know who Tamara is. Yeah, okay, yeah. I mean, when I was at H3, I never talked to her. I don't know the names of people. Yeah. There's so many people that work there, too. You're like, eh, you know what I mean? It's like- It is crazy, these shows that have like, we have you guys. Yeah, we- We have the scrubs. Yeah, we have a hot podcast. What does it feel like we have no employees or good ones? No, honestly, because I've been to the- I mean, I've been to these places, they worship them, right? You guys are- Here, there's no elevation. Maybe the worship isn't worth it, you know what I mean? What do you mean? Well, if it ruined the podcast. Yeah, we tried getting a job there, and it's set now, so. And you know what? Good for them, because you guys are fucking awful. Awful. The TV doesn't work the half the time. The sound is fucking- In fact, that clip you just played, that was the smoothest I've ever seen a clip come up and go up. That's the smoothest we've done a clip in seven years on this show. So what have you done for me lately, world, man? Not for me, it's not. I always appreciate you. I call you all the time. I text you all the time. I say, I love you so much. Thank you for everything. Make sure you get paid on time. You're on my favorites list lately. Thanks, man. You're smooth as ice. Yeah, it's the hair. You know who's not? No, I need to air a grievance. Andres is not. Let's talk about it. You're a piece of shit, man. Who, me? No, Andres. He put up an episode before it was ready. Tell him. Tell him what you did. All these seven minutes. Seven minutes he had an episode air before it was even supposed to be posted. We should fire him. Was it good? It's a good episode. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, it's a good episode. Good job. Good job. I'm not going to fire you. Isn't that funny? We work in such a dysfunctional place that whenever that happens, I'm like, hey, we can't do that. And he's like, so sorry, Andres. And I'm like, it doesn't matter. I don't even care. It doesn't matter. I don't even fucking care because we're having fun. Yeah. This is all for fun. So anyway. So God bless you, Tamara. I don't know you. I don't know fucking what? No, I have to say it to the internet. Oh, yeah. Say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God bless you, Tamara. Whatever you're going through, you know, hopefully we'll meet one day. Maybe not. Okay. Yeah. Probably not. Probably not. Good luck. Ethan, you know. Okay. And God bless everybody. God bless literally everybody. No, them. Okay, them. I hope it works out. Okay. Yeah, but it has nothing to do with me. But anyway, so I addressed that. Let's move on from it. I had nothing to do with it. I'm glad you addressed it. You know what's so funny? These things, they come up and you're like, you don't know, like, you're like, what's What the fuck? Yeah, what is that? What is this and why are people talking about it and why am I getting texts from it? It just sets the internet. Yeah, I have no idea what is going on. I don't know who Tamara is. I don't know who she is. I wish I did, but I don't. It's fucked up. Why am I in the conversation? I have nothing to do with anything. You're not. I'll tell you what happened. I think you just made yourself more in the conversation now. Yeah, you sound a little guilty. I'm not because I've been reading the internet. Let me say something, okay? You know, I always get a red spot on my ass. You're guilty. Dude, dude, pick that up. Whenever you're guilty, my breakout in ass hives. My ass breaks out when you're guilty. So I'll tell you what happened. You and I, we do a show in Florida. Yes. Jacksonville, I believe. Does that ring true that we played there? St. Petersburg, we did Jacksonville, we did Tampa. Yeah, so it was somewhere in that area. Yeah. I don't even remember what area. All right. All right, that's how vague it is. Strong connection. But I remember I walked back from the, we had dinner or something and I walked back. Yeah. And I'm walking to my hotel and there's this beautiful girl, blonde. You've seen the photos. Oh, yeah. Right? Is standing there. She is absolutely gorgeous. Sure. And she goes, I'm a huge Bad Friends fan. Nice. Hell yeah. I go, oh, cool. See you later. You never think. She goes, you want to hang out? I go, me? Right? You know how you do. Me? Yeah, me? Yeah, yeah. Warm? And I, you know, we hung out. You hung out. Yeah. And then when we're together, she was like, I'm a friend of Ethan Klein and Oliver Tree. That's all that happened. Okay. Okay. Does that mean she used to hang out with Oliver probably? Yep. Ooh. That girl used to date Oliver. This girl? Yeah. Yeah. That was what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What are you pointing at? You were second to- No, no, no. I'm first. Our dog. No, I'm first. I'm first. Don't speak ill about our friend who's passed away. I know, I know. Because Oliver, he could crush. He could crush the pea. He definitely was first base for sure. You were second. It's not a big deal. Anyway, that's what happened. And let that forever be my peace. Let that be your peace. Yeah. And that's my closing statement. My closing argument. And let the universe be the judge. A hundred percent. Yeah. But I did not. I did not. Mark, I did not. I did not. I did not. I did not The Room The Room so good great movie I just took a kids movie what movie it's like this like Hannah Montana kind of movie don't fucking grunt when he says kids movie weirdo he goes I took a kids movie he goes kids love him stop it stop it dude what are you doing forget it then I'm not doing a movie I'm not doing a movie Hannah Montana you mean Miley Cyrus no it's that kind of like colorized you know what I mean bright bright Barbie-esque but it's for you know teenagers what's the name of the movie can you say I don't want to say but you know can you say what it's about no really yeah what is it a fucking Marvel movie what's your problem dude why can't you say anything about it because I don't know if I got it yet you just said I took it I know but I met with the director you took without you took I think I took it before I was supposed to say take it you took it without asking let me ask you this yeah all right so I have a zoom with a director sure Martin Scorsese no trust me right yeah 10 minutes before the zoom I'm like frantically going through the script I don't know what it's about yeah you never read it yeah yeah I'm reading the role you know what I mean I'm looking at the storyboard they sent me a storyboard you know what I mean just piling through it right sure and then you know I pulled it off you lied enough that he believed you read the script oh my god motivation he's gonna watch this character motivation what yeah yeah all that stuff what's your motivation nothing money money I don't know anything about it but I pulled it off and then and then he said hey you want to exchange numbers that's a good sign right of course yeah yeah so he probably is gonna get so in my mind I thought if he's saying let's exchange numbers maybe I have a shot at it is it a big movie it's a small fucking movie dude small movie hey how you doing little Jimmy what are you talking about yeah how you doing is that where it films in New York yeah oh that'll be great yeah you love New York City well I've shot there before I know you're a big you're a big you're a big you're big you're big over there you're big big worm in the apple you're big so anyway I went over to the cellar while I was in New York to go see Sam Morrell and go have a soda pop with him it was great ran into our boy Tommy Brennan stop stop stop and do you have a soda pop I had a soda pop there's no way what do you mean you in the cellar having a soda pop it's a it's a that is a you're getting a beer yeah that's a that is a Midwest way of saying an alcoholic beverage we say we're gonna get a pop okay I'm learning something new congratulations can I get that around sorry you can't even correct the correct DraftKings an official partner of the NBA is now available in all 50 states and Bobby's favorite NBA team is which one the Clippers the Clippers he loves Los Angeles Clippers no matter what your NBA team is and no matter where you live you can follow all of those stars to get a pop I'm excited about the biggest matchups and lock in on those butter beating moments cause it is NBA season baby and I know I'm excited and so is my boy Carlos in the booth download the DraftKings sports app and use code BADFRIENDS new DraftKings customers can spend 5 and get 200 in total bonuses paid within 21 days includes all markets that's code BADFRIENDS in partnership with DraftKings the crown is yours gambling problem? 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Reilly Anna Sawai you love Anna Sawai yeah and Renzi Feliz Renzi Feliz and I'm telling you if you were gonna rob a bank Bob yeah this is probably not the good way to do it is posting it online you and I if we robbed a bank it would be a failure you and I are actually secretly in love the entire time exactly that's what the whole thing is about and then that's when we do the Ian McKellen kiss I love it we would do that kiss during that very moment your cousin robbed a bank one time did he get away with it no no he didn't no any of the Lee's don't get away with robber the Lee's are not gonna rob a bank anytime soon it's the anxiety it's just you yeah it's the anxiety it's bad yeah yeah yeah it's bad and also you never brought a gun you can't just bring a kitchen fork to a bank to rob them I have fingers man it's only in theaters November 13th you gotta go see How to Rob a Bank it looks fantastic we're gonna watch it go get your tickets right now get your payback How to Rob a Bank only in theaters November 13th get tickets now can I ask you something hmm this is very serious please I have dogs as you know I do everybody knows I'm working on getting a second one right now you should get one we're working on it we're trying to find a pound no we're trying to no no no no there's someone we're looking to get them from I mean okay good like a woman that has them I have four dogs and one of them died but I got another one named Lady that's what happens they die you get another one and Julio does not like my girlfriend Julio's onto something Julio that's like that's cruel that's funny you know how great my girlfriend this is a comedy show I know my girlfriend's great I know dude it's a joke it's just perfect okay okay do it again I don't know what you're trying to do do it again and let me correct the joke but you listen to these things and then you rip on her you know what I mean I didn't rip on her I've been nothing but sweet to her every time I've seen her you know what I mean I made fun of her jeep a little bit yeah the jeep was funny less on the jeep maybe the jeep was funny less on the jeep couldn't afford you know a better you laughed when I came in it was very funny yeah you laughed about it when I made fun of the jeep but don't make me cackle okay because then I get in trouble later for cackling you know what I mean All right, so Hulu doesn't like her, and for no reason, because he should like her. She's a sweet lady. Yeah, so we don't know what to do. Does he bite her? He bit her in the foot, the ankle, the hand, and the neck, and the vagina. And that's your place to bite. Yes. That's where you eat. Exactly where I bite. Maybe he likes her too much. Yeah, it sounds like he's got a crush on her. So anyway, jokes are great. And we're a comedy podcast, and that's all welcome. Wait, I don't understand. He's saying maybe the dog does like her because he's flirting with her. No, you understand, there's foam that comes out of his mouth. His eyes turn bright red. Horny. That's what you do, but you're red. That's how you come. Look at that beautiful girl. Come like that too. So what, he foams and he bites her? Foams, bites, and so I think our last resort is pet psychic. Hmm. That's true. That's her last resort is pet psychic. You could train the dog. Go to a dog trainer. Train him not to bite and be aggressive. Pet psychic. All right. Get a pet psychic. That's the only way to do it. And what do you think the pet psychic's going to do? Well, so we've been watching videos. All right. So there's this one pet psychic. Isn't she a witch? She can't just cast a spell on that thing? Witches and psychics are two different things. No, but she can cast a spell on Julio. Stop biting me. Bibbity-bobbity-boo. She only does it to humans. Oh. Yeah, she doesn't have that ability. She's got to get more training. Maybe that's the next level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get your witch graduate degree. Okay, don't make fun of her, Dan. I'm not. A jeep and now that. I've never met a witch that drove a jeep. It's funny. All right. Okay. They usually ride a broom. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Or a broom's at home. It's broken. And you have to go to Hungary to get it fixed. It's the whole thing. But anyway. So, don't make fun of her, Dan. I'm not. Am I making fun? Can we be honest? I'm not. I'm having fun with you. You're stressing me out. out right now man I didn't even do anything I'm getting a pet psychic and I'll tell you psychic is stressing you out yeah the video that I saw and it's pretty true is um so this couple brings a dog home right and the dog is peeing scared won't leave the corner of the room right that's sad I know because this dog has been abandoned over and abused I bet abused and abandoned and there's nothing this couple can do to get this dog out of a shell so what do you do in that situation pet psychic yeah yeah so they get a pet psychic and then the pet psychic tells the scared dog what's wrong bud that's not what he sounds like that's the psychic he's English he's British no did I sound British you just said he's English he speaks English oh he speaks English yeah isn't English wait wait I just said what's up buddy what what what what off of what's up buddy made you react like that because my belief would be a pet psychic wouldn't be American oh you Moroccan or something or that makes sense okay okay my bad yeah he has an accent like this that's good oh yeah yeah here we go I'm Moroccan that's a really good Moroccan very good right hey you want some Turkish coffee great right hookah hookah one hookah Turkish coffee you give a dog a hookah yeah yeah teach him to suck your bone suck your bone yeah yeah what no I don't know I don't know what I don't know the term I finished it okay so let me finish okay so he asked he asked the dog like what's the problem and the dog you know kinetically says listen I've been in so many homes and this is just gonna be another home right that they're just gonna let go of me I don't I don't want to feel I don't want to feel too comfortable in this environment right and then the pet psychic says the dog through their mind right all right what third eye right that no this family is gonna be your this is your permanent home and the parents of the couple that owns this dog goes yeah tell him tell him tell him you know I mean how much does this cost a couple thousand dollars because I have a degree in pets if anybody out there needs their pet spoken to Andres is the pet whisperer this will be a poor man at home from now on I don't know I didn't look it up but I'm gonna do it one time give me the guy pet psychic Los Angeles yeah yeah yeah and by the way I'd love to have him on the show if this is a real site pet psychic psychic animal communicator rates in Los Angeles 50 to over $500 a typical session 150 335 yeah I'll do the 335 the deluxe package I want to get the deluxe package I want to get the deluxe package oh give me the top one ask my pet animal communicator and pet psychic 10 years in business exactly that's a long time too oh yeah you're proven it's good easy to fool people for 10 years that's who answers the phone is a little chick a little tiny look a little go back to the actual photo the photo right before that that you had okay forget it that one yeah look at how happy she is she can finally communicate with frisky look at that you think she's communicating yeah she's like I'm glad we got I think she's smiling about the money oh that's the psychic yeah she's like more happy she can finally communicate with frisky look at that you think she's communicating yeah she's like I'm glad we got I think she's smiling about the money oh that's the psychic yeah she's like more happy she's like giving me money they have no idea oh I thought that was a pet owner I believe in the dog trainer Cesar Milan is a G he figured it out okay because you have to train a dog through signals that they understand okay you're not speaking to a dog psychically I don't fucking buy it because your heart is closed off I'm closed open it you know what open your front door and throw my name out on a piece of paper see if it opens me up okay it's in my freezer so my point is is this okay I'm gonna give it a shot I want and I'll let you know if it works 100% yeah but this is not this wasn't this is my idea this is not hers no because I'm and the Chavez guy what's his name Cesar Chavez that's what right shout out to Cesar Chavez I call him Chavez guy yeah you mean Cesar you mean Cesar Milan yeah Chavez guy right that guy right okay we try to get him for Julio you try to get Cesar Milan oh yeah he's got to be 10 grand an hour exactly right but I got his friend his buddy's the side yeah no no his brother was no this is years ago with Julio oh and we did I spent a lot of money getting Cesar Milan's friend to train Julio and the guy goes no he's lost no that yeah yeah yeah he's out of it he's not lost he's lost well let's see Julio's good to me though see if we can get Cesar on the show with your girlfriend and Julio and let's see if we can fix it if we could do that Cesar if you're listening if anybody okay I'd rather go this down this route now if I can get the main man Cesar Cesar guy the guy Cesar right then have what yeah and then maybe that's the route yeah because I need to go to the best guy he sees Milan is the one go to net worth this guy's got to be where he's he has done this for so many years I bet you's worth 50 million dollars this guy 20 to 25 got to be way higher that's still good living for a dog trainer no I know but I thought I'd think while he experienced financial losses in the highly publicized 2010 divorce which his ex-wife he's straight you yeah he's totally straight he seems straight just Latin so he's all manicured see you thought he was gay I did think he was gay oh why I'm not taking a shot what why you see that bite on my ass Cesar Milan I can't train your dog but I can he was incredible okay see if we can get him Cesar Milan see if we can reach out to Cesar's people if he's still a public figure and wants to do that stuff I'm willing to pay I guarantee you dude he's unaffordable he's got to be twenty thousand I mean like who knows how much he costs how much is a private with Cesar Milan it's got to be insane Cesar Milan doesn't officially publish a standard rate right because it's got to be it's got six thousand dollars dude for one session it's worth it he's the best that's so much money for one session and who knows and you know what he says you know what you do six grand and he goes like a tattoo removal place or like you need 30 more sessions oh if he does that dude I'll call him out on this podcast okay yeah yeah because that's bullshit we got to buy some merch yeah get a shirt Bob pack leader yeah yeah all right so Julio so here's the fix Cesar Milan please come on the show and fix yeah thank you for fixing it for me I'd love that but if that doesn't work psychic fine okay I might do both you can yeah yeah I think Cesar would fix it I think psychic would fix it because they're so she's scared of the dog now because if you're scared they know they can feel it and then they know they're dominant then they know they win it's funny you know I've invited many people to my house your dog never bit me I know but you never met Julio Julio's always kept downstairs in the cave yeah yeah so here's the thing by request people will come over to my house podcast guests even yeah and they go no dude you don't know me I was raised with animals I'm an animal right and I go no you don't know he goes no Julio will like me I go you don't know you want to know and they go yeah and I bring him down immediate they're like bring that thing back he's wild from the devil no he's not the devil he's a devil dog no he's not he's so wild see here's the thing I can take Julio leash him and take a walk with Sadie in public and he won't bark right because he doesn't want other people to see what he's going to do no that's not why he's not he's only he needs no eyewitnesses when he commits his crimes you think Mike's dog is that diabolical it sounds like it he bit her in the pussy he sounds like a diabolical dog how many dogs bite girls in the pussy it's got to be a low stat women in their vaginas thank you you actually googled that yes there are no there are no official medical public health I'm the first one I should get a Guinness book you should it's not the award yeah but anyway if Shane's getting the Guinness book of world records and Nate Bargatze's getting it Bobby Lee deserves it for his girlfriend's vagina being bit by the dog anyway where are you Guinness anyway that we're losing the plot I think we're losing the plot we've lost the plot years ago okay so that's anyway so you know it's a little concerning but um shout out Cesar Millan please come on the show and fix it I would love to meet him we'll reach out yeah that's great I do want to see what he can do but when your dog you're getting it from a pound or a puppy mill no not a puppy mill from a woman who get who rescues dogs okay good but you're not spending for like oh I'm getting this exotic I feel like you have to tip them though don't you have to give them some money do you give them money yeah there's usually like a voluntary fee a voluntary a suggested donation like I can't even go to the pound because if I go to the pound I'm walking away with somebody oh yeah I see right yeah it's so hard I know go to the pound I don't want to see those dogs it makes me so sad it makes me so want to take them all home oh and they'll and like Gooner my cat Gooner knew how to do it he knew how to flirt with you yeah when I went to the pound I go I don't know if I'm gonna get a cat and I just see him running down you know as a kitten and he does a little paw dance right I've seen it yeah it's on YouTube Gooner Gooner paw dance yeah and um I went he's a go-getter what are you you're employing him yeah I mean because I saw the effort of him that guy has upper management written all over showcased for me oh he did you have to showcase for me baby show me your skills yeah is he you're purring your roll arounds whatever you do you know speaking of Gooner I texted you we had football talk soccer talk didn't we were you impressed yeah we did have soccer talk didn't we yeah what bar were you at when you saw the accidentally saw that game what are you talking about I was at my house no you weren't purposely watching the Bayern Arsenal yes I was yes I was I'm trying to connect with you a little bit more so I wanted to Watch that game. Yeah, I want to connect with you and we're going to start kissing like Ian McKellen. I don't want to kiss like that. I'll tell you why it's cool. Here's what I said to Bobby. I said to Bob, I said, "I can't believe Arsenal tied Baron." Yeah. And he said, and I did one of these emojis, SMH. I know, but it's Baron, you know? And I said, "But still." I said, "Kim Minjae is good and Hiroki too, but Elyse is the best. Just not a Harry Kane fan." And what did you say? He's a what? Harry Kane, he's a what? He's a very talented man. You said he's an ugly white. He's not the, he's not fleshed out. He's not done? Yeah, he's like, there's face components that should have been baked a little bit more, but. All I'm trying to say- He is, as he gets older, he's getting more handsome. Yeah. He's a very talented man though. All I'm trying to say is I checked in with you. I tried to connect with you via the game. I asked how your mom was. You got to visit with your mom in Arizona. Was that nice? What do you mean? Was it nice to visit with your mother? Can I give you a little demonstration of how it went? Yeah. Was that it? No. How did it go? I picked my mom up to go to dinner, okay? And seen her in flesh in a year. Yeah. Okay. I haven't seen you in a so long. If you're gonna do- I'm not, dude. I'm not, dude. Don't make fun of my mom. I'm not gonna. Yeah, can we recreate the moment? No. I'm Bobby Mom moment? No. The dinner. It is basically, I pick her up. I go, "What do you want?" She goes, "Del Taco." Ask my brother. Del Taco. I go, "No Del Taco." She goes, "That's all I want, Del Taco." And I go, "I'm in town for one fucking day." Give the lady what she wants. No, she- But then I asked my brother how many times she goes twice a week, twice a day. Oh, God. She gets post-mortem. She gets Postmates Del Taco twice a day. She's just like you. She loves- I see where you get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like that. She's obsessed with one thing. What does she get? A hard taco with a little fucking meatball. I don't know what it's, I don't, I've never been there. I worked there. I worked at Del Taco. You did? Yeah, for two days. Wait a minute. How do you not- In high school. So she gets tacos every day? Yeah, so I go, "We're gonna do this nice sushi spot." Not gonna happen. She goes, "No." I go, "Yes, no, get in the car." We're in the fucking, and then- And then she's never asked for a glass of wine before. She had a glass of wine? I want wine. Get her the best, Pinot or whatever. We have a meal, I drive her home. It's still early, it's like 6:00 PM. And I go, I was, I drop her off and I'm getting, I'm walking her in the house and she's kind of shrug, shrug, shrugs me off. She goes, "Okay, text me." She doesn't wanna be near you. No, she just, here's the thing. My brother says she has her routine at home. Right, and you're not a part of it. I am a part of it. No, shut the fuck up. I am a part of it. Doesn't sound like it. Yeah, I'm a part of it, I'm a part of it. She texts you about Arsenal? No. Well. She doesn't know what that is. She knows basic things, you know that. What does that say about me? What do you mean? What does it say about me? You're closer. Yeah. Okay. But this is about my mom right now. Sure, go ahead. Okay, and then I just got in my car and drove away. That's it, you didn't see her again? She goes just, 'cause every night we text. She goes, "You keep texting." The texts are cute during the night. I've seen that. She sends you photos and videos a lot. Photos and videos, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, we're just doing that, but that's all happened. God damn. I go, "Bye," and I left. You got to hang with your brother though. A little bit. What'd you do? What? Fucking wild. Anyway. Talking to fans, it was amazing. It was amazing. He waited there an hour just talking to my fans. Yeah, let him do it. Yeah. It's like, yeah. He's like your PR guy. Bobby was quiet and like. Our roles changed. They reversed. So that night, once my brother entered my green room, the roles changed. Yeah. He became you. He became me, and I became the quiet one. You became Andrew. Yeah. I became Andrew and I go, "Put that down, put that down." Oh. Yeah, like that. See how it feels. But I can change roles. Can you? Into being you? It's a role that I don't think I'm prepared for. Do your research, method it. I've been doing it for how many years as I've known you? It's really tough. You're a tough character to play. It's exhausting. It's not exhausting, dude. I live a simple life. I do. I really do. Okay. I went to Yume today. Yume. What? Sushi restaurant. Oh, Yume, yeah. Yume, been there? So good. So good. But do you know why we ate it today? What do you mean? We rushed there when it opened. Why? 'Cause we saw a documentary the night before. Guess what documentary? What? "Euro Dreams of Sushi." Sushi, love. But she's never seen that before? She had never seen it before. What a nut. That's crazy. It's such a nut. So I go, "Let's watch this documentary." It's about sushi? I go, "But you like it." It's incredible. It's incredible. So then we watch it, and then all night long, because look, punch in, aside from the poster, punch in the sushi that they, like right there, that little red one. That little piece. Look at how good "Euro" makes it. Perfect. So we're watching this at like 11:00. You cannot watch this documentary at night if you're hungry, folks. Yeah, you're gonna get hungry. Yeah, 'cause you're gonna desire this. You're gonna dream of sushi. You're gonna do what "Euro" does. But let me say something. Last night, we could not sleep. We're waiting for fucking "You Made It Open." 'Cause you had to go. I had to go. Anybody that wants to watch a great documentary, "Euro Dreams of Sushi." It's so good. It's literally perfect. It's a perfect movie. And he's so cool. Is he still alive? He's still alive. He's 101. We looked it up. What? Yeah. "Euro" still alive in the. He's still alive. Legendary sushi master, "Euro Ono" turns 100, does not dream of retirement. Why would he stop now? Why would he stop? If you made it that far. Yeah, yeah. You're not gonna give up now. It'd be so weird to walk now. Yeah. 11 years old. October 27th. He just had a birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, "Euro." And guess what though? We gotta go to Japan and go get it before he goes. I have something better. Yeah. He was 20 during World War II. That's insane. That's lunacy. That's so crazy. Wow. Wow. He's older than sound in movies. Is he older than "Wonder Bread?" Look up "Wonder Bread." I don't know. When was one. When was one "Wonder Bread" invented? 21. He was just. He was 27? No, no, 25. 1925. 25. So he just was after. So "Wonder Bread" came out, then he was born. Perfect. Wow. What a good combo. Good God, dude. Yeah, yeah. Wait, he was born in 25? Yeah. Say what big inventions happened in. What big events happened in 1925? What? Mussolini delivered a speech in Italy proclaiming dictator and cementing the fascist rule. Mussolini. He was alive during. When Mussolini was alive. Adolf Hitler publishes the first volume of "Mein Kampf" July of 1925. Jesus. Too young to read it. Go back. On my birthday, October 16th, 1925, the "Locaro Peace Accords" are signed to help secure post-war territorial borders in Europe. Deadliest tornado in U.S. history. Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, killing 700. Almost 700 people. Anyway, if you look at the documentary "Dreams of Sushi," there's an apprentice on it. Yeah, yes. Right. And he's. Any of his two sons, but there's a couple of. There's an apprentice named Kazawawa. Yeah. Kazawa. He's like 70. He just opened a restaurant in L.A. Fine, 'cause he had to get out of there. He was never gonna get the top chef. No. So we should go to his restaurant. I would love to. Yeah, he's in the documentary, I remember. And he has a restaurant in L.A. 'Cause you gotta do 10 years making rice. That's right. 10 years. You've been doing it for 50. 55 years. Yeah, you know how to do it. You could be easily. Rello, white, I do it all. You'll do all rice. Okay. No wild, though. You don't like wild. I don't do the wild rice. Like, you know what I mean? I don't like anything wild. Cash App! You know, when I'm giving you money. Yes, when you're sending me money, you use Cash App. When I'm sending you money, I'll tell you why I use Cash App, because I want safety. I wanna know that my money, right, is gonna go to you. And it does go to me. Yeah. Thanks to Cash App, it is a very safe way to spend and receive money with the Cash App card, by the way. You can unlock a ton of perks without the hidden fees. Enjoy benefits like exclusive early access to nationwide concerts, pre-sales, Kendrick Lamar, Sabrina Carpenter, to name just a couple. Plus, discounts on everyday purchases and popular brands you're probably already spending money on. And you can add your card to your digital wallet to make your money moves easier, which I love. I love the wallet on the phone. You don't have to even have the card, just ding on your phone. And now when you spend at least $500 a month with a Cash App card, you can earn green status, which unlocks benefits like up to $200 of free overdraft coverage. If you overdraft unexpectedly, there are no hidden fees. You also unlock higher borrowers, borrow limits, and custom personalized cashback offers every Friday at places you love to shop. - And Cash App also adds security to your money by declining suspicious card transactions, 'cause I've been caught up on that. People stealing your number, sending you a notification to make sure that the payment is really you. They go, "Hey, man, is this you doing this?" If your card is ever stolen, you can lock it with just one tap on the app. - New Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use Cash App 10, Cash App 10 in their profile at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. - Download Cash App today and make your money work for you. Visit our link in our bio. - Blue Chew! - Blue Chew is the official sponsor of Bad Friends. You know what else Blue Chew should sponsor? - What? - My pee-pee. - It does. - And it does. I'll tell you this right now. Okay, I have a beautiful girlfriend. - You do. - And we're enjoying it, but sometimes I'm a musket. - You are a little musket. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And you need to be pumped. - I can only unload once a day, right? But when I do, I use the firepower of Blue Chew Gold. - That's exactly right. - Right? That's gun power. Gun powder when it comes to penises. - Bobby lives about a half a mile away from me, and I'm telling you, when he uses Blue Chew Gold, I can hear it. - You can hear it. - Because it has four powerful effects. ingredients two for blood flow and two for arousal enter a new era of stress-free sex with the number one brand for better sex no in-person doctor visits don't got to do it no waiting rooms just a simple online process and bam you're going to be blowing bed posts like bobby exactly and we've got a special deal for our listeners right now when you buy two months of blue chew gold you get the third free with promo code bad friends that's that promo code he said at bad friends you also receive an additional 10 off and free overnight shipping on your first order visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information and we thank blue chew for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom experience it for yourself at bluechew.com finished your essay a day early that deserves a finally folded that laundry that deserves a parallel parked on the first try that deserves a no matter what you accomplish today celebrate with an ice cold coca-cola because even the little wins deserve a big enjoy coca-cola and you and and by the way yeah those kisses were ai no i've seen them do it show him that video that i sent you of pranking the gram the dad this is the best big screen this so these people are doing this bit now to their like to the older generation where they're ai-ing live basketball games so because because they watch just watch this is great so he's showing his dad this or whatever or grandfather they're making them ai kiss after like a good play and people this is like a huge trend people are doing this all over the internet it's so funny to me because it looks so fucking funny it's so real dude there was an nfl when i was losing my mind it was right after a play and it looks smooth oh my it's so it's getting so scared it gets better i mean i can't fucking believe it it's getting good yeah it scares the living shit out of me it's it's so funny to fuck with your elders to show them these i really want to do this to my dad when i go home yeah but you know it's so interesting that the director that i talked to this has to do with that sure he goes we're shooting the movie in one sound sound stage every piece it's only one location it's just one studio oh so it's a lot of green screen and it's there's no it's like we can shoot this movie in five days he said five days yeah how bad is this movie it's not bad no because they said that the same they let casey affleck's neck last next move that that cost like 80 million was shot there too like that five days is you can't shoot a movie in five days he said five to 12 days we can shoot a movie it's a big gap oh yeah but that's still it's like everything like how can he do that though i'm curious basically what he's saying it's all green screen yeah you're gonna walk in there's gonna be some furniture but it's gonna be more like a play yeah you know and then this is a kid's movie no say casey affleck's big budget movie that he just did was shot in this thing but got a lot of criticism right because it was a lot of ai wasn't that that was ben affleck's oh but casey affleck's new movie was shot this way i hope i don't know man i like practical i hope it gets back to real shit i know but the way they're doing it now if anything says anything obsession was a call to shoot real shit yeah it was a call like look what we can do when you do it real and that girl's hosting snl it's like that movie made a half a billion dollars it was proof that if you make real shit people do want to see real shit that's true i think they do i hope they do but an obsession is one in a million sure but it's proof that that that's a that that's better than the alternative which is all cgi i mean i think you know whatever i don't know maybe i'm just but look like look at what rocky did for philly and people go to the steps today i'm not on their side andrew i don't know why you're trying to convince me i'm not i'm on your side i'm saying out loud what it makes me feel like because it makes me nervous because i know it's happening so i get nervous and i think are we just old fuddy duddies and the world is going to be like look dude do it or you die it's either catch up or die yeah wait what's going on you oh bad advice we saw your video let's let's start here we saw so andres posted a video because he's having marital issues at home and he wanted advice from us and instead he he went to the internet he went to the internet asked the fans if they have advice this holiday season everything okay at home well let's be real if you're a bad friends fan you have some issues and now there's a chance for you to get all the help you need from the bad friends family call to the number below and get andrew bobby to give you some bad advice how many takes genuinely two yeah that's pretty good do we have some bad advice all right let's hear let's hear some bad advice do people need that people need bad advice let's let's hear all right hey bad friends so this year has been pretty fucking terrible and i could use some bad advice i'm going through a divorce i lost my job i haven't been able to find a new one in months i've gotten myself into some debt because of that and somewhere in the middle of all this i'm going to be able to find a new one in months and i'm going to be able to that i ended up in the hospital jeez and it just feels like every time i think things might start getting better something else happens um you know i'm trying to stay positive keep moving forward but at this point i genuinely don't know what else to do i got it i got it so bobby andrew what the am i supposed to do when life just keeps kicking my ass love you guys first of all love you too i love you and that life can kick us hard life kicks both of us very hard sometimes you know we struggle with a lot of different stuff so i understand well i'm sorry that you're having a year my friend this too shall pass is a very common fun phrase i like to say when things are going i think this too shall pass this will pass nothing is forever i've had some dark moments in my life i really have where i thought the world was just crumbling before me and i thought it was the end i wrote the end and i realized it's not because it changes that's the universal truth things change and the universe has a weird way of making things come back around to feel good i had a flight attendant uh taylor i believe her name was on my flight gave me a note i got a note from a girl too from a flight attendant five attendant yeah she said hey man thank you so much for bringing laughter you were on a flight that i was on to nashville one time and it's been years and i haven't seen you but i'm glad to see you again and i had a really shitty day and thank you for doing what you guys do to make my day and it made me i was like that's awesome because it's gonna turn around universe has a way of just kissing you on the forehead sometimes and it's gonna it's gonna get back yeah it's gonna get back what's this gentleman's name again he didn't give his name that's all right we'll shout out to that guy let's name give him a name to buy a tobio it's gonna get better it's gonna get better to buy you there's no way to make a joke out of this because i i hear your pain sometimes we don't have to make a joke and it's and and i know that so many people out there really are struggling i mean this economy is terrible and the world is a little shaky not not just a little i believe that it we're in the precipice of a real change well don't make him feel more i know you'll be up you're i'm going to give him more you're going to become the leader of that change and a movement tobiah you will be the leader of the movement there's going to be a new cult and you're the leader watch this guy go to his group of friends calls himself tobiah and he becomes the king of it yes and you just have to write up what's your problem mccone trying to distract me through thraw thoughts your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding it is the bitter potion from which the physician within you heals your sick self therefore trust the physician and drink his potion in silence and tranquility khalil gabran so autistic yeah is that or the gun that can i khalil gabran the guy that works at the kebab place up the street he said that to you that's one of my favorite poems is that he keeps giving me pamphlets is that what's on the pamphlet just want a kebab that was a euro plate that's on a discount all right well we love you tobiah we don't know your name but to buy we love you dearly it just to memor he memorized that i say that to myself this is what he did he says it to himself no he's at he's cross-legged cigarette that's what he's doing he's at his kitchen table right look at this interesting quote the potion yeah that he's literally memorized he doesn't even know what it means he has no idea he has no idea what anything means in that thing i know he memorizes it word for word and he's just like this is a real up thing to say to people when he has chicks over at his house oh yeah it's so gross that's so gross you say that have you ever had a girl at your apartment and you've said that to her don't lie i mainly say to my friends on the phone if people are upset yeah that would piss me off more and do they say i don't give a after you say it all right give us another bad advice that would wow we love to buy that shout out to that guy love you to buy it we love you dog love you dude guess the uplifting one hey uh my name is cj san samaria from seattle washington hell yeah i just want to give a shout out to bobby and andrew but it was a little positive questions for fantasy so when did you started doing like um like film school and stuff can you do some of these classes in seattle because i'll be i would love to go there i don't really need advice or anything like that i think i'll give you a lot of advice i would like to be a movie star and i think i could you know okay kick some ass in your next zombie movie next whatever fucking movie i guess i think you're the fancy you're the number one person in the show and i think you're hilarious whenever you're laughing that's so funny whenever you're laughing in the background i i guess we can turn it off for a second no i've never been to andreas's classes okay we see what comes out of them yeah we do but i'm pretty sure one of the first rules of his class right is how to not make a movie because he's killing that yeah yeah if he could write a book how to not make a movie right bestseller dude right new york times bestseller dude dude excuse me andreas yes how do you make a movie uh basically you have to get a funding with the script and the movie for the place and then lose all of it thank you i'm leaving thank you i'm leaving yes yeah yeah that sucks let me tell you something we're gonna make that fucking movie of yours you just gotta get it together so we can do it yeah we'll make it all right so next one andrew fancy b carlos mccomb and oh yeah bobby i really need you pause dude it's so funny i knew what was gonna happen even in the beginning once fancy b was second or carlos second i was like no this is what the joke is gonna be yeah i mean he's gonna pretend he you know i mean when i'm the co-host you're the star i'm 50 you're the star of the show all right so anyway go ahead fuck you dude i'm gonna flash this here saying if i don't propose in the next year that we may need to go our separate ways i literally left my friends my family to go to texas to ohio to be with her i love her and i was wondering how do i propose her i want it to be something memorable any ideas oh yeah a good proposal idea well also first of all you move from texas to ohio for the this woman so this is obviously serious you're good you have now you got to do it yeah but she did say if she don't propose in a year she's gonna leave you i don't like that do the whole dead water buffalo thing i do oh you lay dead in the water pretend to be no you get a dead you get a water buffalo what you get a water buffalo what are you talking about you get a water buffalo just buy a water buffalo yeah you get it dead you can get them on ebay they're there yes right and you put them in a watering hole where whatever okay so a dead there's a process to kill them so i don't yeah yeah you go honey you know what i mean the treasure the treasure is in this water buffalo my ring you know but that's it everyone does the water buffalo ring trick it's such an obvious proposal a dead water buffalo obvious it's obvious it's a floating water buffalo i'm not inventive it's two on the nose i'm not inventive you give me one that's so funny imagine if she called it out yeah is there a ring in that dead water buffalo at our front door yeah i go yeah and i killed it too here's what you do you know this guy in line that i love so much that goes to chinese buffets until he gets food poisoning and he's not here's what you do you bury the ring in like a crab rangoon right yeah at one of these chinese buffets and you eat as much as you can and the grand rangoon is last is dead last so when she eventually does get a little bit of food poisoning yeah oh my god she's got a ring in the toilet that she has to fish out see how much she loves you you moved for her let's see if she'll i got something crab rangoon poop ring i got someone better give it you make her eat it she has to eat the ring yes and then you wait precious the next day uh-huh when she poos and then propose yeah and as soon as she like you go you go i'm gonna will you marry me yes right is will you marry me yes that's actually she goes what do you mean i go look look down right and she's gonna see a 15 carat gold diamond that's a big ring whatever it is right how much are they 15 carats yeah that's got to be a hundred thousand dollars oh i don't know i mean right am i crazy yeah how much is a 15 carat diamond ring depends on the diamond i get two million dollars two million oh fuck not a 15 never mind never mind yeah yeah one all right let's get some more one carat let's get some more bad advice let's get one more bad advice hey guys um so my name is joe i recently bought a house and uh congrats because of the house and my uncle gave me a lawnmower because i didn't have one and the thing is about the lawnmower is that it uh it has special needs or whatever the dc way is to say it and it sucks like every time with it the lawnmower has spinal bifida they are crooked yeah they're always crooked arms i know okay okay something's wrong like it starts leaking something bands explode it's like it's such a disaster and i have to fix it almost every time i cut with it should i just like grow some cojones and get rid of it i'm afraid if i do it'll hurt his feelings he'll feel bad if he gave me like a crappy lawnmower or should i just keep driving it and toughing it out like a man uh let me know thanks easy solution easy solution can i guess what it is yeah i lost it no he's gonna know um what go get yourself a big old a big old uh handle bucket uh those like handle spouts of gasoline go to the gas station douse that thing and gasoline on the side of the road and light that bitch on fire and send him video from your iphone this thing went haywire it blew up honestly that's the honest that's good it blew up yeah because he said it's always leaking shit that's so good blow that and also good video put that on the internet yeah but what if his grandfather gave it to him i don't remember who his buddy yeah what is his friend works at cia and they're really good at like like you know the people no just give me an investigation yeah like remember oklahoma city bombing the you know when the when the truck and you know they can find little what if he goes in the cia doesn't operate in that yeah but what if he how do you fucking know dude you're not a part of the cia yeah are you if i if i was a cia i would be a cia if i was gonna assassinate somebody that's the right way to do it i would do it via lawnmower lawnmower lawnmower right that is how you would do it yeah but unless there's no forensics and stuff i think that's good if there's no evidence left over you're right all right give me one more all right that's great dude god that's so funny what's up bobby and andrew um i got a lady situation oh i just want to do this breakup and i don't know if i should get back together with her um but there's a lot of trauma involved um so basically she had a two-year-old daughter and i was kind of helping take care of her and her daughter i was paying rent i was taking care of actually her cousin also she's the legal guardian of um and it just kind of was a mess but like it did it was great when it was great you know what i mean um and then i was like i'm gonna do this breakup and i'm gonna do this breakup and i'm gonna basically she has a restraining order against her baby daddy who just got out of prison and he basically reached out on snapchat she accepted it even though he was somehow blocked somehow he got out of that i'm not sure if i really believe her at this point and yeah with all that paying her rent angry diapers like i'll even drive up like two hours away i drive up two hours away this one is for bobby care of her pause you do see a couple of charities huh interesting well here's what you do i mean you've lived this life a little bit no i haven't he literally said her cousin was living with okay anyway he did what can i address it or for a second i thought he was joking about him but i didn't see that connect then the prison thing we all saw it yeah we all made eye contact but then the prison thing was not true how do you know about your about your side of it oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah sorry i'm like a little give me some advice for this man he doesn't know whether to get back with her or what to do now it's just a lot of baggage it seems like it sounds it sounds like this guy's carrying the weight of the world i couldn't do it dude it's just too much already a guy could you have your ex-girlfriend's cousin living at your fucking house no but i can have my ex-girlfriend's cousin living at your fucking house i can have my ex-girlfriend's niece which is my situation that's easier it has nothing to do with cousin no he said cousin yeah i i i'm asking jules the woman that works on our podcast she works here she works here and she also lives with me how is that the same situation as this dude no he said it's her his ex-girlfriend's cousin yeah yeah but it's a classic not a need that's what i'm saying nieces what's closer you're closer to your niece your cousin wasn't it also her sister it was her yeah her sister's daughter lives at my house her niece what what are you doing mccone i thought honey lived in your place she does live there too everybody lives everyone lives there dude i live there yes i think sister ranks higher than cousin no it depends on the relationship yeah so it's like i don't know if it's the same situation but but hearing his situation it just seems like a lot so you say bail i bail you say no no no no it doesn't just let me say something okay listen up and let me tell you something right now man okay when jimmy small eyes is listen you gotta listen you know what i mean god always grows fresh fruit that's like mccone's quote yeah i know - Why not? It's probably the same actor, author. What's his name? - Khalil Gibran. - Exactly. He said that too. - Into the shorter, he only memorized- - I only memorized one line of it, but yeah. - McCone in his dumb little mind. - Yeah. - He thinks he went to like Sarah Lawrence College and was a black female studies major. That's who he thinks he is. It's fucking insane. - Yeah, dude. - It's insane, dude. - Don't ever quote- - Don't quote anything here again. - Khalil Gibran. - One more of these. - Hey Bobby or Andrew, or I guess I would settle for Carlos if you guys aren't there. - Funny. - I've been dating a Latina for seven years and I was just wondering if the beatings ever stop or if they're supposed to get worse and what I should do about it. - I see. - So yeah. - I dated one. - I really appreciate any advice and hope you guys have a great day. - This guy rules. - It's a funny joke. There's nothing to add after that because that was a funny joke. - He was very funny. And also, by the way, they don't stop. - Who's here? - Oh. - Oh my God. - Hey, how you doing? - Don't touch him, dude. Don't touch him. - Okay, Ricky, Ricky. - Ladies and gentlemen, our good friend Rick Ingram showed up. The gentleman that Bobby hit with his car. Bobby hit his car, showed the video. And Rick, let him talk. You seem to have some injuries. - I can still hear in this ear, so no problem there. - Yeah. - Great to see everybody. You know, Andrew Moore, so. - So good to see you, man. This is nuts. - Well, you know, I'll be honest with you. It was very surprising to see you here today, right? But I'd like to double down on why you're here. - Yeah. - I purposely hit your car. - Yeah. - And I don't regret a single bit of it. - Why did you do that? - Because you're a fucking white bastard. - No, wait, what is that? - Hey, let me tell you another thing, Rick. You come here with your fucking hand bandages and all that stuff, right? I fucking do it again, dog, right? And there's nothing you can do, that's not gonna happen. - Bobby, first of all, this was a classic automobile. - What do you mean? - What kind of car was it again? - It's a 2013 Toyota Camry. - Yeah. - But. - That's a classic car. - It's a classic car, yeah. - Yeah, and he hit this thing, recklessly. - Yeah, it was. - I know, I'm sorry, how many times do I have to apologize? - But I wanna know what goes through the mind of a man that stays at the scene of the crime for an extended period of time. - Truly. - Before being like, I guess it's time to just be a bad person and leave. - Okay, I'd like to address that. - Yeah, please do. - How dare you come into my house and fucking do this? - Yeah. - I'm doubling down. - I don't know. - Did I or not? - You do, pal. - I feel uncomfortable doubling down. - Rick and I are on really good terms. - I shouldn't, I shouldn't double down, no, no. I apologize. - The narcissism here. - Yeah, yeah, you're right. Listen, okay, I wanna just say something. - Is your neck hurt? It looks hurt. - Oh my God. - It feels bad. My head feels bad. - Your head feels bad. - There's scalp burning. - Shut the fuck up. - I still have burning, I have nerve pain. - He has nerve pain. - Yeah? - Wow, man. - I just feel like, Rick, you have every right, and everyone would agree, raise your hand if you agree, he should sue Bobby Lee, I just, I. - All right, okay, so, all right. - All right. - I'd rather settle out of court. - Oh, okay, settle now. Why don't we settle now? - What would you like? - I mean, I don't even know how you put a price on something like that. - I don't, right, not on a 2013 Toyota Camry, and your mental health. - Plus the trauma, yeah. - The trauma. So what do they call that they say when someone sues? They say it's damages, it's also emotional damages, and time. - All right, it's time to fess up, if I may. - Yeah. - All right, Rick Ingram. - Get to fessing. - Let me do it my way. - Okay. - He's processing. - I'm processing, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ingram, Ingram, okay, here we go. I didn't know it was your car when I hit it. - You did know it was your car. - I did not know. - No fucking chance. - I'll give you a list. - We all know each other's cars in the parking lot. - I'll give you a list of 12 people I would hit before his car. - Okay, I'd like to, I'd actually. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I believe that. - You believe that. - I'd like to hear that, yeah. - Well, Steph Toliff's car, I would've hit way before your car. - Sure, sure. - But the angle was wrong. - Yeah. - I couldn't get in there. It was the way they parked it. - I actually do have a question about the angle. - Okay. - Where were you hoping to park? At that angle? - It was such an obvious, I mean, look, he's, yeah. - Okay, yeah, I put a dent in your car. - Yeah. - And I'm right here for him. - I know, and it. - This hurt worse. - Apparently. - When you ran away, that's the part that hurt. - Did that really make you mad? - I mean, I was angry. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And then when you found, let's be honest, okay, Rick? Since we're here. - Yeah. - Might as well do it. - Yeah. - When you found out it was me that hit your car, because you got the video evidence. - Yeah. - Although a couple of door people knocked on me. - Six people saw it. - Yeah, there was at least half dozen people. - Witnesses, yeah. - The guy putting up a billboard was like, "He hit that car." - Yeah. - And there was a guy. - Oh, okay. So when you heard it was me, how mad did that become? - Then it was just like, well, that makes perfect sense. - There we go. The universe makes sense. - Yeah, it's, you know, it's an expected event. The odd part is the driving away. - Okay. - Yeah. - That's the part. - Leaving the scene of the crime. - Can I explain the driving away? - What is this guy up to? - I can explain the driving away perfectly. - Perfectly. - Yeah. - Right? If I drove away and not said anything, right? And no one said anything, then I got away with it. - Do you know what year it is? - Yeah, it's 1996, dude. And I don't know what I'm saying is, is that that's my, I go, I don't think anyone saw me hit that car. I'm just gonna leave. And if there's any video proof or witnesses, I'll deal with the consequences later, which I have. - Have you? - Yeah, I asked you, I go, what do you want? You said, no, well, let's forget it. - Yeah. - I think it's time for you to offer right now on the show. I have some- - No, no, no, no. It's not loose change, pal. - Yeah, it's loose change. - It's not loose change. - If you think he's gonna get more than what's in this wallet, you're out of your fucking mind, Jack. - He should get a check. What's in that wallet? - I hope he has $100,000. - No, no, no, I have 20, 40, I have 40. - Those are ones. - Yeah, I have $43. - No. - They don't even accept ones anymore. - Yeah, those aren't real. - All right, so give me a number. Have your attorney call my attorney. - Are you still with David Pierce? - No, I'm not with David. No. - Ladies and gentlemen, our good friend Rick Ingram is here. A great standup comedian is here. - I'm so sorry. - Playing into the bit gloriously. If you wanna take that stuff off, you can. - Yeah, take it off, take it off. Let's be a regular guest. - I bet it's nice and hot. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Did you have that at home already? - I did. - After the incident, we bought that? Smart. That's a very good bit. - It's a very good bit. - It's a fucking fantastic. Ladies and gentlemen, Rick Ingram, our good buddy Rick Ingram is here. - Rick Ingram, everybody. Rick Ingram. One of the greatest standups that we've had the pleasure of becoming friends with and getting to know over the years. - You're a powerful comic, dude. - Thanks, guys. - One of the strongest comics at the Comedy Store by far. - And we, you know, I've always considered you a family. - That's a lie. That's a huge lie. - Do you think that's, how many whites are in your chosen family? - How many whites are in the inner circle? - I'll tell you, and this is a fact. If you wanna hear facts, Jack, I'll tell you the facts, all right? You're in my top 30 white people. - Damn. - And dude, that's, I've met millions of them, thousands of them. - Yeah, that's a lot. - Which one, millions or thousands? - Probably thousands. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - How many whites are in your circle for real? - I don't really let the whites in as often as I should. - Do you just trust Asians? - You know, you see me hanging out with a lot of Asians, right? - Yeah. - Yeah. When the Wong Wong comes out, I like it. - You prefer to be around Asians. - Yeah, Awkwafina, I like that. I feel more comfortable around people that smell like me. - That's weird. - Like, okay, let's go to the Vanilla Fish Market or something. - They do have a smell. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You know, they once asked me, I got the strangest offer. Someone asked me to host like a show they were filming, a comedy show, and they said it's in Little Tokyo, but you'd be great. And I was like, oh, yeah, okay. And so I went down there and it was for something called Imagination TV. - Imagination TV. - High level of television. - You've never been on it. - Never heard of it. - Bobby was legitimately the only Asian comedian not on the lineup that night. And they don't ask me to do stuff like that. - Give me Imagination TV. - Leave me, I wanna see the lineup. - I literally was like, hey, what about Bobby? And they're like, we couldn't get Bobby. And I'm like, oh. - They never asked. - Yeah, and then, but then every comic would come up and they'd look at the lineup and they'd go, wait, what, why is Rick Ingram on the line? - You were the only non-Asian. - I was the only non-Asian, and the whole crowd was all Asian. - But I bet you killed. - You did very well. - You must've killed. - I just, I leaned into racism. - No, but you do it in a clever way. - The Asians, yeah. - It was the first 24-hour English language Pan-Asian American Broadcast Television Network in the United States. Shout out, 2004, Michael Hong and Augustine Hong. - What I remember is walking out onto the stage and I didn't go and look at it beforehand 'cause I got there like 20 minutes before or whatever. And you walk out through like a giant robot's legs. - Oh, that's great. - Wow. - Shout out to Imagination TV. - Shout out. - Wow. - Mm-mm. - So, Rick, I'm gonna be honest with you. Thanks for coming. - Yeah, man. I appreciate you having me. - I feel really bad for hitting your- - No, he doesn't. - Yes, I do. - Here's the thing is I don't think he feels bad. - I know he doesn't. As soon as it happened and I was like, you know what, dude, my car sucks. It's not a big deal. Then immediately people started hitting me up and they're like, hey, Bobby said he's doing an investigation. And then I was like, oh, this narcissistic piece of shit. And he's like, I'm going to find out who narked me out. That's genius. And then it turned into him being the victim of people telling on him. I'm a survivor. He's the greatest gaslighter. He's the greatest manipulator. I'm a winner. I'm a champ. Right. That's how you become champ. That's champ status, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You lie, you deceive. Yeah. Anyway, welcome to the world, guy. Yeah, show him your ways. Thanks, man. I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so hot. I apologize. Seriously. It's very aggressive. It's aggressive. I really am sorry, dude. It's like, fuck, man. We can move on. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, I really deeply am sorry. And shut up, man. I feel like he's laughing. He's laughing because he doesn't. He doesn't believe him, no. This is sincere at all. He doesn't. He knows. Yeah, so I blame more Steph Tolove and people that have knocked me out. But I know where I went wrong, right? I just need to know where other people went wrong. You want to find out who snitched you out. Yes. You were looking for snitches quick. I was quick. I mean, I aligned people along the wall. Yeah. I go, who told fucking Rick that I hit their car? He called me the day after I was like, it's cool, man. Don't worry about it. And he called me and he was like, I need names. I'm like, why are you calling me? Hassling me about the thing you did. You waited for the okay to then go. Now I need to know. Now it's time. Yeah. I apologize. That's nice. He ran down a list of people. Was it? I go, what? Was it Luke? I go, what? Luke? Yeah, it wasn't Luke. Luke was in full panic. Luke's on my side. Yeah. I did the investigating. Did you pay him? I do pay him, but he's on my side. Are you still a video game guy? Not really. He's so excited for GTA. I mean, I am too. I'm not going to lie. You're going to play GTA? I've never played it. Oh, it's so fun, man. Are you really going to get a console today? Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah, me too. Is it like a Westworld thing? Like you get to be- You get to do whatever you want. I already bought it. Did you buy it yet? Yeah, I already bought it. Are those chicks going to work out at the gym like Shane was? That's outside of Lifetime Fitness. Yeah, ready to pump iron. And there's the manager. Ladies, come work out. Do you have a console? Do I what? Do you have a gaming console? My kids have Nintendo, so I've played games on Nintendo before. But you got to get a PlayStation or Xbox. Anyway, we'll get you one. Why don't you buy him one- I'm going to get you one. For the car. You know what? Dude, that's it. This is a good way to end it. This is a good way to end the episode, okay? Look at me right now, dude. What do you want, an Xbox or a PlayStation? Get them both. No. He can choose. That piece of shit car is not worth it. That's bullshit. Yeah, yeah. Fuck your car. Okay. Honestly, it doesn't seem like you need to insult my car. I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm being defensive. No, honestly, what do you want, an Xbox or a PlayStation? I honestly have no idea. I haven't played- I think you should get a PlayStation. Get him a PlayStation. I'm going to get you a PlayStation 5. Okay. And you're going to play GTA? Yeah, I guess. Okay. You pay for the game, though. I'm not paying for it. No, pay for the game. Pay for the game. I'll pay for the game. I'll get you the deluxe, $100 deluxe version. There we go. The deluxe version. Yeah, yeah. And then when you get it and you play it, then you'll come back on, and then we'll do a little recap. Okay. Our friend Rick Ingram, we finally smushed all of the bullshit. Yes. We've rectified the situation with a PS5. Follow Rick Ingram. This guy is a talent. Well, he also has a special out. You can go watch the special. You're not on tour. No. But come to the Comedy Store and watch this man in his own environment. Your special's on YouTube, yeah? It's on YouTube. I am at the Mothership in December, so- Okay. Go see him at the- We'll see him at the Mothership. It's going to sell out for sure. And I'm so sorry. I really am. He's not. Look into that camera and say, thanks for being a bad friend. Hey, thanks for being a bad friend. 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