Live From Boston (Night 1) | Reading Reddit Stories

♪ Hello, Boston. ♪ Wow. I've heard so much about you. ♪ And I gotta say, in my first day here ever, uh, it's been living up to the hype. ♪ Uh, everybody has been so friendly. I love this place so much. Uh, it's really cool. Um, how many people here are from Boston? ♪ Very cool. Very cool. Very fun. Uh, well, guys, we've got a stellar show for you tonight. ♪ What a wonderful theater. I feel like I looked up earlier, and it feels like you're being abducted by a UFO. Kinda. It's really trippy. Um. But anyways, uh, listen. I'm excited to be here, but it's not just me on this stage. ♪ No, I'll be joined by some lovely guests tonight. Should we, uh, should we bring 'em out? ♪ All right. Our first guest, he's pretty prom-line. Uh. ♪ Please welcome Tommy! ♪ - Emergency worm. - Hi, my little worm. - And our next guest, I never know what she's about to say. Please welcome Olivia. - Hi. - What? Hey. Thank you, Olivia. - I bet you didn't think I was gonna be doing that. - I know. - You didn't think I was gonna be doing that. - Honestly, no. We did not rehearse that. - Me neither. - Nope. - How are you guys doing? - Oh, so good. That gummy worm, hit. - Oh, I saw you eating that. - Yum. - Yeah, before this, Kiana was like, "Oh, I don't like the orange and green gummy worms. I don't like the flavor." And it was the first time I realized that sour gummy worms have different flavors. - What's wrong with him? - I have been just grabbing those by the fistful and just shoveling them in my mouth my whole life. And not questioning anything. - Oh. - We'll bring you to a doctor, Shane, don't worry. - Yeah, all right. - Olivia, we landed and you immediately were just like, "I'm obsessed with this city." - Yep. - Wait. I love Boston so much. And I don't know if you guys know this, but I have a deep love for Boston and I've never been here. It's my first time here. And I love it here. I truly do. And you guys, since I landed, everyone has been so nice. - They have been. Everybody's been very nice. - Yes, so nice. And I had the best night last night. I was out and I had a great night. - I was outside. - I was outside and it's been fantastic. - Can we talk about the superhero? - Yeah. - Yes. - Okay, yeah, last night we were just like outside and a guy in an original superhero outfit, I mean, like he's not Spider-Man, he's him. And he has a very nice, very narrow cape and he, like in the street where there's a crosswalk, no cars, he goes. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So anyway, we love Boston. - Yeah. I was like, oh, that's Boston Batman. That's, that must be what he is. No, it's been great. And the food's been awesome. I had a lobster roll earlier and that was awesome. - Yeah. - So I'm living it up. - Hell yeah. - I had a great time. - It's just lobster and Dunkin' in my stomach right now. - Oh, yes, I love it. - I had my Dunkin' this morning. Mm-hmm. - Yep, it's legit. - Anyone ever say dunking? - No. - Dunking donut? - No. - And honestly, I was just. - Yeah, you're just, no, you have to ask the question. You gotta get it out of the way. - Yeah, yeah. - Make sure, they answered it for you pretty quickly. - Thank you. - Yeah, they gotcha. - They're like, no! So far today, I have not heard as many Boston accents. - Same. - As I was expecting. - Same. - But every time I hear one, I'm like, oh, so cool. All right. Well, should we get into these stories? - Is Shane about to read a Reddit story? - Oh my God. - Okay. You guys get to see it in person now. I do know how to read. All right. - Here we go. Our first story comes from Am I Overreacting? And it was posted this month. It was posted like, it was posted three days ago. - Oh, why'd you say this month? - It was this week. - It was, oh yeah. It was posted this month. I usually look at the, I look at the month first. - Oh, okay. - Cause it's month, day, year. So I go, oh, it's this month. Oh, look at the day. - It's not always like that. - Yeah. - Anyways, am I overreacting for walking out on a first date with someone that basically told me he was trying to date uglier people on purpose? So we went zero to 80. - Yeah. - In this one. - Wait, wait, wait. Can you just repeat that sentence one more time? - Am I overreacting for walking out on a first date with someone that basically told me he was trying to date uglier people on purpose? - That's so crazy. I'm going to get you. - She's going to find you. - I'm going to find you. - I, a 26 year old woman went on a date with a friend, a 24 year old man of my brother, also a 24 year old man. Apparently he had told my brother he wanted to get to know me and I gave him permission to share my number. And then we went on a date. I thought it was odd because my brother doesn't have many friends and I don't really, I thought it was odd cause my brother's a huge fucking loser, but he doesn't have many friends. And I don't really go on that many dates, but I decided to give it a chance because I usually only get asked out by men double my age. Yeah. All right. Some more lore there, we'll figure out later. Anyways, the date was kind of normal at the beginning. We were talking about music, anime, memes, et cetera. And then I asked what he liked about me. He responded, to be honest, nothing much. But prettier girls, to be honest, nothing much but prettier girls are too much drama. So I was trying this thing I saw called Shrek-ing. Olivia, Tommy, are you familiar with the term Shrek-ing? Because I'm not. I thought that's when you hang out with the donkey, Shane. I would hope, I think it's somehow worse. I know. When I asked him to clarify, he said that I wasn't normally his type. At this point, I'm a bit shocked, but decided to give a chance to someone who appeared to want to date without superficial reasons. I was a bit on edge, but the date continued normally for a while until he said, I bet you're glad for this trend. How does it feel to be on a date with someone so handsome? I laughed, thinking he was joking, but he kept pressing me to answer, so I just got up and left. Good. Good. Olivia, go ahead. OK, so first of all, first of all, OK, we're all thinking it. You're bad. You're a bad person. You should not be friends with a brother. You're a bad person. Also, don't be going on dates. You're not even that cute. I don't know how you look like, but you're not fucking cute. Exactly. OK? Exactly. You're not cute. Exactly. He's not handsome. You're not handsome. You're not-- I don't want to swear. You're fucking ugly inside and out. Yes. I want to take him on a cruise and push him off the ship. May I say that? The fact that she brought up that first quote, and then she goes, yeah, then it was going normally until he said something else. Right. He managed to double up on it and become even worse to say, hey, you're really ugly. But by the way-- Oh, by the way. It must feel really cool to be on a date with me, someone so handsome. Ew! You know, there's very few moments in life that can conjure up the housewife throw wine in someone's face moment. Yeah. I would-- like, God, I would have lived just to be in that restaurant. It really is a prime moment, because you splash water on him, and then if anyone asks, why did she do that, he has to explain. Right. And then it will-- then someone else will throw-- wine onto him. - And then we're lining up. then it'll be everybody will be lined up it's kind of one of those when you walk outside of a restaurant there's a line down the street yes and you're like oh what's the deal is there like a special today whatever it's like oh there's an asshole inside i don't even know why we're wasting good wine on this person you know what i'm gonna i i wish i can find this person and stuff a bunch of that spinach lettuce diarrhea virus inside of him oh oh my god he's gonna be full of ice i hope you get that lettuce diarrhea inside of you oh my god i am yeah i am so sad that this is a trend at all like that this virus no well well yeah i don't know what trend i don't know what trend i hate more the parasite diarrhea thing or shrekking the fact that shrekking is a trend i don't know what trend i hate more the parasite diarrhea thing or shrekking the fact that shrekking is a trend i don't know what trend i hate more the parasite diarrhea thing is a term that's not a thing that's not a thing you think it's just just this guy yes yes i don't know he made up shrekking in that moment nobody else has ever heard of shrekking have we heard of it i i i fear unfortunately i've heard at least one yeah which is which means it's yeah to be that it is out there online okay i have an article for you if you'd like oh wait we have an article yeah oh we have a vice article oh there's a new dating term called shrekking and it's not what you think shrekking refers to a dating tactic where you settle for someone who doesn't meet your standards especially when it comes to physical appearance plenty of people have put looks lower on the list or hoped attraction would grow over time and that in itself isn't a bad thing where it backfires is when someone assumes that just because they're dating down looks in looks they'll automatically be treated better oh am i wrong for for feeling like this is also completely missing the point of shrek yeah yes yes like i don't think they got right like uh they watched shrek and that's what they got from it he sounds like a far quad to me he is a total far she should have said i'm far quadding right now damn would have gotten him anyways uh audience what do we think is he yeah okay she overreacting uh not overreacting what's going on what's happening so sorry sorry it's a confusing problem uh green not overreact she's not overreacting not the asshole is okay yes yeah not overreacting oh my god you guys were saying he's the asshole i get it uh but i think we know pretty clearly who's the asshole here for a while i was gonna stuff some spinach in your mouths and you olivia's got a full trash bag of lettuce i have a lot of lettuce right now she started the thing um we have some comments here someone said not overreacting i would have said handsome what do you mean and just made a grossed out face op responded saying i really wish i had thought to do this lol someone said not overreacting but do call and ask your brother if he knows what shrekking is and if he knows that is why his friend went on a date with you if he knew beforehand there would be some hell to pay if it were my brother op responded i researched what shrekking is and it doesn't seem that bad on its own but the point no the point is the point is not date based on superficial reasons but he saw it as dating uglier people to feel morally superior or like he was doing me a favor he was still superficial uh someone said sounds like this dude is a far quad boom boom not overreacting someone said i would have ordered a bunch of food and excused myself to the bathroom and bye-bye smart that is smart op responded saying knowing much of a doormat my brother is he'd probably end up paying for his friend bummer gosh she's surrounded by doofuses my god oh my god move baby uh yeah the verdict online was not overreacting the verdict in this room is not overreacting i uh she did the right thing she walked out great she should have said like wait you're shrekking me too wait would have been good that's tough man i'm one of those people that like i always think about it the day after and i'm like oh i wish i'd said that yeah yeah it's okay it's okay walking out is good enough walking out is perfect to get up and leave in the middle of a date that's enough god i just love leaving it's so good yeah no come back no no it's epic uh all right well i'm just gonna leave this over here yeah just do it like that yeah next story our next story comes from am i the asshole yes yeah here we go this was posted two months ago yeah yeah are you sure it was same day though the 18th okay yeah yeah there you oh my god there's a ghost there's a ghost um by the way uh you emily for shouting out that there's the article uh thank you give it up for emily our director our next story reads am i the asshole for calling my daughter's assorted boyfriends baskin robbins no no we'll see last time i posted here it was concerning my son kevin and to be honest a lot of you gave really good advice i'm very very glad to report that kevin not only got out of that toxic relationship in the end but he ended up joining the army did a lot of growing up and honestly so did i and he and i have a very close relationship he calls me constantly for dad advice i couldn't be more proud of him and the man he's become all right so a lot of stuff has already happened yeah so we're hopping into the sequel here of whatever this journey is uh now on to the current situation my youngest daughter who's 17 will call her sarah has a disney princess style romantic side to her she wants her fairy tale relationship and like jg wentworth she wants it now incredible we got a funny guy here you got a funny dad this guy is pretty funny admittedly she has the example my wife and i set for her we have an absolutely wonderful marriage my wife is my best friend and the house is always full of laughter the problem is she wants that at 17 which i have tried to tell her is not a realistic expectation this desire has led to a veritable string of pseudo boyfriends over the last two years don't ask me for a count because i honestly don't know it was enough that i had made a comment to my wife that until one of them actually has two brain cells to rub together and sticks around i'm not going to learn their names and they're all going to be baskin robbins to me since they're the flavor of the week oh wow i think that changed it a little bit everyone's like what now i love and adore my daughter she's incredibly sweet kind and has an absolutely manic goofy side to her she often reminds me of gilda radner during her snl stint but in matters of the heart and actual love she has no experience because of her age any conversation with her regarding it ends in some variation of you just don't understand dad being thrown out to my mom and dad if you ever read this i'm genuinely sorry for everything i put you through as a teenager i told my baskin robbins joke to a friend of mine recently and she got visibly heated and said i was an for this saying it made my daughter out to be some kind of oh whoa hey hey whoa wait i wasn't even thinking that which absolutely i wasn't even thinking about that i'm just thinking about baskin robbins i didn't say ice cream we didn't say that which absolutely blindsided me i've always viewed the joke as a reflection on the teenage male experience not my daughter okay um audience what do we think do we think his comment makes him an asshole or not let's see let's see i'm getting a little bit of both mixed here it's it's mixed i think yeah but it's i'm thinking i'm seeing more i'm seeing a lot of not the assholes over here but you're the assholes over here we're definitely definitely back and forth um i think a lot of it might be maybe the tone of how it's said i personally think it's like i don't have a kid right but it's like if you're walking around saying this joke a bunch i do feel it's a little disrespectful to your daughter yeah it's just like hey like don't make fun like 17's tough and you're going around making fun of their dating experience that's hard that sucks you know you know when you're like you have like uh sorry when you have a when you're in a relationship when someone's in a relationship and they're like talking shit about their partner over and over you're like so guy are you good like you should not be in that relationship then it's kind of same vibe here where it's like wait no that's your little girl you know this is my take i think it is great to taste all the flavors okay actually because then you know what you freaking like and maybe you don't even like baskin robin's maybe you like Ben and Jerry's. Oh, wait, I'm obsessed with you guys. Like, you guys are like, you guys, like, like me. And I like you guys. Okay, sorry. But that's my take. Also, weird friend to be like, you're making your daughter look like a whore. I'm like, whoa, where did that freaking come from? Hey. So she's kind of like speed running the figure it out situation, as opposed to slowly dating forever and ever. She's, I think she should taste all the flavors. And, you know. Yeah. Yes, I think it's good. You shouldn't, like, you're young. Go and have fun. Be safe, but have fun. Yeah, like, I mean, high school's where people are figuring things out. Like, I myself didn't get a chance to try any ice cream in high school. But, you know, I would have. Yeah, totally. You know, it just like, you know, it just was, I just, it just didn't happen, you know. It's fine. I was focused on other stuff. Yeah. In my high school, I dated one girl and I didn't touch her. Respectful, respectful king. Right. You were more into Ben and Jerry's. Yeah. So the verdict online, the verdict online was asshole. But, okay. Some people are like, yes! That's what I said! Um, we have some comments here. Um, and I think they, they like help clarify a lot of things. Someone said, but in matters of the heart and actual love, she has no experience because of her age. Yet you're making a joke out of her gaining that sort of experience. What is with this boomer style shit of simultaneously thinking your kids are naive for not having enough life experience, but also demeaning doing shit to gain that experience? Boom. You're the asshole. 12,000 upvotes. Um, yeah. Someone else said, the teasing probably seems benign from your side, but it is genuinely belittling and not supporting her. The tell is her reaction. She's frustrated, not laughing alongside of you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Someone said, this says absolutely nothing about the teenage male experience. You're just publicly dragging your daughter. You're the asshole. Yup. Damn. Yeah. Okay. Someone said, you're the asshole. Dating as a teen is normal and healthy and you're shaming her for wanting to see what she likes. and doesn't like. Can't wait for the post in a couple of years saying, my daughter won't speak to me anymore and I don't know why. Yeah. Maybe, yeah. Get him. He posted a while like, she doesn't speak to me anymore and she also joined the Navy. Wait. Yes. Thanks, Tommy. Someone wrote, you're the asshole. I'm 127 years old and I say, I still vividly remember my mother deciding to tease me about my high school dates looks is why she got to meet my husband a month before the wedding and not earlier. You want the peace and quiet that comes from your kids not talking to you about matters of the heart. You're going the right way. Someone replied to that saying, damn, you're old. Clearly they're 27. Well, yeah. Clearly they're 12 and they added a seven. And they added a seven. Yeah. Anyways, we got something here. What? What? Shane, what? Wait. No, no. Update! Thank you. Thank you. Yo, who was that? Who was that big lady? Amanda's backstage like, what the fuck? All right, it's a little update. Okay. It's a little update, but we wanted to give you the show. You know, update deserves that. Thank you to those who gave genuine advice and DMs. This helped me see things in a different light that my brain honestly never considered. Yes, the joke will be stopping, and yes, a more concerted effort will be made to retain you. And names. Great. Okay. Sorry, not like a full, like, there's not more story, but pretty nice. Anyways, you got to see whoever that was. Yeah. That gorgeous lady and that hot man. That man was doing a backbend. Yeah. Yeah. And he was on the ground. He's so flexible. It's crazy. Yeah. Jealous. Anyways. This episode of Reddit Stories is sponsored by ZocDoc. It's that time of year when everyone starts traveling for the holidays and it's the time for colds, flus, and sinus infections. 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Head to ZocDoc. dot com slash pit reddit to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash pit reddit. Back to the show. Our next story. This episode of Reddit Stories is sponsored by Hungry Root. I'm going to be real with y'all right now. In the past, I would just eat what was available. Sometimes I'd even just grab a handful of whatever I had in the fridge which didn't help with my nutrition goals and left me not always feeling my best. But with Hungry Root, I get groceries that are delivered right to my door and I can select foods that work with my diet. Hungry Root screens out over 200 additives like high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, and preservatives. And all their meat and seafood is high quality with no hormones or antibiotics. In my most recent delivery, I ordered the squash skillet. It comes packed with zucchini, yellow squash, tomatoes, red onion, and bell peppers with garlic and parsley. The veggies are pre-chopped so I don't have to waste my time after a busy day. Hungry Root has helped me reach my goal of eating cleaner food and with over 1,000 grocery items, I can never get bored. You're going to love Hungry Root as much as I do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first order plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to HungryRoot.com slash PitReddit and use code PitReddit. That's HungryRoot.com slash PitReddit. Code PitReddit to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Now, back to the show. I let it down. You drank the whole thing? Yeah, it started in a second. Oh, my God. You really need to start practicing that again with Capri Suns and we can break that record. Because I feel like I feel like you're the chosen one. Like, you could do it. What was that? I am the Capri Sun chosen. Capri chosen. Here we go. Am I overreacting? Buckle up. Am I overreacting for dumping my boyfriend over an ass audit? Sorry, what? What? Ass? What? An ass audit. Ass? A-ass. A-S-S. Audit? Audit. A-ass. Audit? Audit? Ass audit. An audit of the ass. Of the ass. Okay. We have a text message to begin this. Oh, shit. Buckle up. Buckle up. Buckle up. Buckle up. Olivia, because I'm about to. Blast the F out of here. What? All right. So the boyfriend texts OP, and he writes, I haven't had access to an ass in a. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I haven't had access to an ass? Well, okay, before we begin, what. The hell? What do you think an ass audit is? Let's play a little game. So it's like her boyfriend, she's dumping her boyfriend over an ass audit. So I'm thinking that maybe he is checking out someone's ass. Okay. Or, like, it has something to do with taxes, but I don't think that's what this is about. I would venture to guess taxes have nothing to do with this. Okay. I'm going to guess you check it out. You inspect it. Oh, and you know why? Top to bottom, side to side, what? Because the ass is illegal. And it's doing some illegal business. So the Federal Reserve has to go and audit that ass. Once again, I think taxes have nothing to do with it. All right. So you think your guess, though, is maybe he's checking other asses out. Because the ass is out of control. Okay. Ass need to pay taxes. Okay. Ass tax. Okay. I'm on board with that definition. All right. So. The boyfriend texts O.P. and writes, I haven't had access to an ass in a year and a half. O.P. responds, Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. He writes back, I'm allowed to look at one to remember what it's like. O.P. writes back, Wow, low blow. Now you can have all the ass you want. He. It gets worse. He writes back, I can't feel bad about words anymore. You said you'd work on an ass a year ago. What? What? Did like three days of squats and gave up trying to be more. Be attractive to me. What? I told you that's the thing I'm into and you said you'd work on it, then didn't, and now you're shocked. Wild. And no, I'm not going to get ass. That's what he said. Wait, wait, wait. Where's the. Close-up camera. Uh, those are your. Yeah, right there. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. All right. And I agree. I love that you react to Reddit stories WWE style. Yes. I'm like ready. You're like, oh yeah, you're the asshole. Okay. All right. So, now onto the post. OP writes, I, a woman who's 43, size two, left my boyfriend, who's 35, of 1.5 years after we got in a fight and he texted me that he hasn't had access to an ass our entire relationship and accused me of giving up being attractive because I didn't like him. I didn't build one for him via squats. Then in parenthesis, she writes, I'm Asian and have tried everything. This from the same man who swore I had a perfect body all while I caught him constantly staring at curvier women. Oh my God, my Asian sister. Apparently, my glutes were a contractual obligation I failed to fulfill. Am I overreacting or did I just escape a lifetime membership to plant? Shitness. Hey. That's, hey, that, bravo. That's cool. My Reddit sisters and brothers in Christ, please advise. Uh, well, I feel like you all answered immediately. This one's pretty easy. Right, okay. Um, this is, uh, this is horrendous. Literally? Yeah. Oh, build your ass? Why don't you go build me a fucking house? Why don't you? Go and get some lumber and some electrical. Yeah, you tell them, Olivia. Go build a house. You know what? I want a two-story house with a huge movie theater in it. It's Olivia on the top rope. A library. A sauna. I want you to build a sauna. You know what? Build a pool. And she's got him in a chokehold. And build, build another house. Build a vacation house. And she's successfully killed him. Exactly! Gosh! Build a, build a, sorry. Sorry. It's okay. Yeah. It's okay. She did the right thing. She dumped him immediately. Yes, thank God. I, however, I am sad that, uh, earlier she, she mentions, I think, right, that she, like, that this was something he brought up earlier and, like, she kind of agreed to. And she says, let's see, hold on. Apparently, yeah, uh, sorry. Apparently, oh, wait, it was in the texts, right? Let's see. Sorry, I feel like. I remember what you said. Yes, he said, he said, in his text, he said, you said you'd work on an ass a year ago. I'm sad that convo happened. Yes. Like, you know what I mean? I'm like, I'm like, as soon as, as someone is saying, you need to do this about your body, you need to walk out the door. Absolutely. Like, that is, like. You should, you should care about how your partner feels about themselves and their health and blah, blah, blah. And that's fucking it. You support your partner. You support her all the way. Yes. That's right. Whatever they want, they do. Yeah. That's right. And that's their journey. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Um, so comments here. One person's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, fuck yeah. Some comments. Definitely not overreacting. If he likes curvy girls and is only sexually attracted to curvy girls, then that is who he should be dating. There are plenty of men who will find you sexually attractive just the way you are. I cannot believe he expected you to just morph into what he wants. What an ass. 7,000 upvotes. Oh my God. He's the ass. He built his own ass and it's him. I kind of disagree. I don't think he should be dating curvy girls. I think he shouldn't be dating anybody. Right. Right. That's right. Someone said, you missed the opportunity to tell him he can look in the mirror and see one anytime. Hey! 14,000 upvotes on that bad boy. Someone said 35 and talking like this? Weird. He needs to be left in 2025. Someone said, okay, my ex-husband spent a bunch of time first hinting that he'd pay for a breast augmentation for me. And eventually outright harassing me about it. Finally, I told him I'd get one if he took three inches off his dick. That'd only leave him with half an inch, Shane. I know. He never asked again. We got divorced soon after. Not overreacting. Not overreacting, OP. Someone said, not overreacting. Women do not exist to appear attractive purely for men. What a maroon. Yeah. They wrote, what a maroon. What? Oh, moron. Wait, did they say that right after they're really poignant? Yeah, they said, yes. They nailed it. And then they're like, what a maroon. Fuck. Someone replied to that saying, I'm offended. I love maroon. And then they said, I'm 127 years old. Well, that brings us to the halfway mark. Whoa. Uh-oh. Which means it is time to say goodbye to Tommy and Olivia. But give it up for them. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. my diet. For a limited time, get 40% off your first order. Plus, get a free item in every box for life. You know, the good news about having to say goodbye to Tommy and Olivia. I don't have time to be sick, and I never want to gift a friend or family member a cold. ZocDoc lets you search and compare high-quality in-network doctors. ZocDoc is free to use, and with real patient reviews, I can find the doctor that's perfect for me. Your health matters, and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Ready to be seen? Head to ZocDoc.com slash pitreddit to get started. And check that appointment off your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash pitreddit. Back to the show. Is that we get to introduce our next two guests. Our next guest, you know, I'm always struggling to find out where he is, but please welcome Anthony. Nice. Bravo. Let's go, Boston! Yeah! I love this city. You guys are amazing. And our final guest, Anthony. Our final guest of the night. Look. You know we had to bring her. Whoa! She won't shut up about this place, so we had to bring her. Please welcome Amanda! Bye! No, come back, come back, come back. Oh my God. *crowd cheers* Dude. That's, that's your new thing. What's up, motherfuckers? *crowd cheers* This is unbelievable. Like, I can't even fucking believe that we're here. Like, we went to the north end and I was like, what are we, we're here! I looked over and Shane was there and I was like, what are you doing here, bro? I was like, what's up? Hey! I, I'm so. We were walking around today and just every street we walk past you're just like, and I've been here before and I, so I used to come here all the time. I was like, this is where I had fucking lunch, this is where I had fucking breakfast, this is where. You sent me an entire itinerary for things that I could do while I was here. I did. I wanna tell, I'm like, I wish we were here forever so I can show you guys every little place. I love this city so much. It's really amazing. The vibes are spot on. It's wicked awesome here. Wicked awesome! I have seen, I have seen wicked all over the place. Did you see that, uh, in our hotel there's a sign that says like, wicked bad idea to come in right now. Wicked bad idea to knock right now. That's what it was, yeah. Yeah. It's all over, like, we were just walking past like, restaurants Wicked Burger. You're like, probably a really good burger, I don't know. Um, yeah, Amanda, you've had the full Boston experience. You worked at Dunkin Donuts. Like, you. Here's my order. Oh! I know, it's gonna be weird, but like, a little, a little, um, culotta. Tiny, tiny, baby kitty. Kitty culotta with a little vanilla and strawberry, just a little, because otherwise too much, you'll shit forever. And then, a big old chocolate stick. Heat it up, you need it heated up. An egg and cheese on multigrain. Sue me. What? Is that fucking crazy? And then an iced coffee. I do not get it extra extra, which is what every fucking person orders. What's extra extra? Like, four pumps of cream and four sugars. Hell yeah. With a warm cup. Not me. Nope, I like it. Dak. Nice. And that, yeah, Dunkin Donuts was very fun. Me and my little sister worked there. It was really cool. Honestly, I loved it. I was sandwich maker and I was like, I'm having the best time of my life. Did you guys work there at the same time? Yeah, we worked there at the same time. And sometimes when she didn't work, she would call me on the phone and go, "Can you bring me an egg and cheese for home?" I'm like, it's 9pm. Yeah, I will. I wasn't sure if Dunkin, like, you know how in some places in, like, a hometown, there's a thing that it's famous for, but you bring it up and they're like, "No, it actually sucks." That happened in Chicago. Actually, we brought up Chicago-style, like, deep dish pizza and they're like, "No, no." What? They were like, "No, the better is the, like, thin crust thing that they have." They lied. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to mess it up, specifically. But there was some things where they were like, "No, that's not as cool as this other thing." So I didn't know if Dunkin, if you guys were going to be like, they're actually fucking. America runs on fucking Dunkin. Yeah. Why am I doing an ad for Dunkin Donuts right now? And you know what's cool? By the way, not an ad for Dunkin. We're not sponsored by Dunkin. Hashtag not sponsored. At all. I don't know, but I really loved working there, except for the khaki pants. They made them so straight and they would go up to here, and so I wanted to make them cute and longer. So I remember I snipped a little on the side so it would flare out. It didn't. It just was straight and I cut up it. Yeah. Real fun. It was really cute. Is there anything besides Dunkin that's like a food that I have to get? I got the lobster roll. Is there anything else? You got lobster rolls, you got oysters from Katama Bay, Wellfleet, Massachusetts, Duxbury. I don't know. Chowder! Chowder. You have to get. I have never had chowder in my life. You can get it in a bread bowl. Okay. I said I've never had chowder in my life and someone was like, "What?" And it's like, "I grew up in Arizona. I don't want to have it there." You don't want chowder there. You don't want desert chowder. They're like, "Where do we find these clams?" I don't know. We love clams and milk. I don't know what else to say. Okay. Let's hop into our next story, shall we? Okay. This next one comes from Today I Fucked Up. And this was posted in 2015. Oh, my God. 11 years ago. Don't even say that. The entire world is different now. Everything is different. This was posted in March of 2015. This is before I joined Smosh. Oh, shit. Who were you? I was just roommates with Damien. I was just chilling with him and I was like, "Man, I really need to book something or else I'm not looking good." So they write, they wrote, "Today I fucked up by having a heavy Boston accent." Uh-oh. You mean they fucked up. They fucked up, dawg. Bro, they fucked up. You used to have a Boston accent. You had like a mild one and you lost it? I like kind of did. I said wicked awesome all the time. Sometimes I say like Martha's Vineyard. Okay. But like, I don't know. I mean, I don't. Maybe I did because I come home and my husband's like, "What is going on?" I'm like, "We gotta go to Martha's Vineyard. We gotta get on the ferry. Fast ferry, whatever." My dad has a very thick Boston accent. You've described it a lot. Yeah, he's very into, you know. So it's not something you try to lose. It just disappears? Yeah, but I remember when I moved to LA, I did say wicked all the time and people were like, "Okay." That scares us in California. They're like, "What do you mean? Wicked as in bad? Like the witch?" I'm like. We say hella here. Ew. Hella? Ew. I heard someone throw up. Someone literally vomited in the middle. That person just said, "You're the asshole." It's okay, Anthony. We forgive you. Alright. So they wrote, "Let me preface by saying I live just 15 minutes south of Boston, Massachusetts, so I admittedly do have. Yeah, shout out where we are. So admittedly, I do have a bit of a Boston accent. So I'm standing in line at my university's, not near Boston at all, late night diner, and there are two girls in front of me waiting order they have been talking about how exciting it is to be near the city and have been putting on some pretty thick fake boston accents making fun of it they continue to talk and begin saying that it's stupid that we drop our r's one orders a buffalo chicken wrap and the other order the other orders that the chicken parmesan okay as i heard the second girl order i audibly scoffed and laughed to myself hearing i'll have the chicken parmesan which to me felt like she was still stressing the r sound the girls looked back at me as if i offended them and i laughed it off so i order get my food and walk outside feeling as though i needed to tell someone about these ignorant people i grabbed my phone and called my girlfriend what melissa you're not gonna fucking believe what's going on here hey kind of something there i'm working on it it's going well is that believable we were definitely in the airport and i think what i'm not gonna say who but one of us definitely like said something and like trying a boston accent and i was like oh reminder we need to probably keep that down we don't want to piss people off yeah so uh i tell her the story i say babe she stood there and ordered parmesan confused my girlfriend responded with yeah so they said it with a really heavy r and i say they did and there's not even an r in it uh-oh yes i laughed just throwing it in random words there was a long pause and my girlfriend responded with hey do me a favor google chicken parmesan and watch it correct you she said imitating how i have lived my life thinking that it was truthfully pronounced it was in that moment i realized that i fucked up no i have lived my life honestly believing that parmesan was pronounced parmesan he wrote p-a-m-a-s-e-a-n wait parmesan he didn't even put like an h in there i feel like it'd be parmesan parmesan parmesan parmesan parmesan p-a-m-a-s-e-a-n p-a-m-a-s-e-a-n papa dinga papa dinga this guy so uh give us a you're the asshole if he did fuck up or uh not the asshole i mean for some reason he didn't fuck up it's really everyone's like yeah all right like he fucked up but he made us laugh this is a very mild situation very funny i think it's really sweet yeah oh he loves his chicken pat can we maybe let's just get a call and response who here says parmesan who here says parmesan a lot of italians the way it's spelled that would be weird they're not they're not really this isn't really boston then i guess i'm just kidding i'm kidding not every boston person has a thick accent i know i've been realizing that yeah not everyone's like whitey bulger and selfie everyone's like have you been to selfie i'm like yeah it's actually pretty expensive now um uh some comments someone said also it's car keys not khakis you mean khakis like that that's why it was your dress code hey you go to kohl's and get kohl's cash and get some khakis i dropped my khakis is kohl's a big deal out here it was when i was growing up my dad was like i got you some kohl's cash and i was like awesome um someone said uh and they wrote it out in bostonian they said uh they said ked are you from fackin quincy or something large chicken palms rule okay christopher walken hey i'd like a chicken palm um that's really good thanks uh someone said uh yeah thank you for that um someone said i once went all over town looking for bubs i finally had to go back home and ask my dad specifically what he wanted he said light bubs i'm like you mean light bulbs oh my god worst day of my life beds can i yeah i need some bubs some light bubs this is not making us look great get me some light bubs kid kid is very real kid it's gonna be a uh a summer summer kid i'm gonna get wicked brown this summer kid cad cad i've never heard bubs though this guy fell on his head um the only person you i feel like you describe your dad as having a really thick boss next we finished netflix i'm like what does that mean he's like every show we watched we reached the end of the every single show shocknado his favorite movie sharknado we watched this crazy good crime show uh with that girl who's he what's he from that show who's he what's he so i don't know what it's called but i'll sure i'll find it but it's a cool show i cannot wait to meet your dad and understand yeah yeah he's very funny it's been probably one of the most fun parts of this tour is that several stops we've like gotten to meet like everyone's family like everyone's family comes to the show and you're like you get to meet them all it's been so fun oh my god your dad is your doppelganger me yeah yeah literally yeah yeah yeah that's why i got tattoos so you can tell us apart yeah you can tell each other apart kind of you guys are basically the same person yes we laugh exactly the same like was that something i was born did i learn this from you you laugh exactly the same apparently we walk the same i don't know our next story guys i am so excited about this so we've been doing a thing at our live shows that we don't normally get to do on our regular show which is uh revisiting some of my favorite stories okay i'm so excited about this yeah but we haven't heard the story you guys were not there for when we read this unfortunately i think i've seen every single episode of this show i know but we didn't get to hear your takes on it true i'm cooking so but this is hands down one of my favorites uh this this is a show that i've never seen before i've never seen it before i've never makes me laugh very hard. If you don't laugh very hard, it's going to be very awkward. You better LOL. I'm going to LOL. Are you going to LMAO? Ew! Don't say LOL. Maybe I'll raffle a little bit. Ew! Keep the copter out and we're fine. LMAO? No, please. I never, never said LMAO in my head. It was LMAO. Really? I remember the first time I saw someone write out the word BRB, I was like I think they're burping or something. Burping. I did not know what that meant. G2G BRB. Age, sex, location? ASL? Are you hitting on us? I don't know what's happening. We need to move on. Yeah, I know acronyms. I literally feel like I'm in my living room right now hanging out. I'm way too comfortable. In Boston? Very chill. Way too comfortable. So this story comes from Off My Chest and it was later posted on Am I the Devil? Ooh! My faves. This was posted back in 2023 and I think we read it around then. I think this, we read this a long time ago. My future sister-in-law is legitimately stupid and I do not want my brother to marry her. What? What was that second part? Uh-oh. Yay. Let's hear him out. Well. Let's hear him out. Well. Maybe they really are stupid. Okay. My future sister-in-law, who's 25, is breathtakingly stupid. Oh! And I cannot stand her and I do not want her to be the mother of my future nieces and nephews. Damn! Cold-blooded. Is she saying bulb everywhere? Damn! Our father lost his left leg below the knee in an accident before my brother and I were born and when she first came over to our house to meet me and my parents, she said, oh wow, it's crazy how brother and OP didn't inherit that. Oh, she thought he was born with that. Uh-huh. It runs in the family. Which, hey, fine. We all laughed uncomfortably thinking it was a bad joke. She didn't laugh. Even after my brother explained it wasn't a genetic defect, it was an injury, she still thought there was a possibility that my brother or I would be born with a missing leg. Darwinism. I like her. She'd be like, if you have tattoos, she'd be like, well, are you cool with them having that? Am I gonna get that? Am I gonna get this? Our kids are gonna have those, so better make sure they're cool. I think she sounds so cute. Oh, you think it ends there? There? Ha, Amanda. Oh, cute. She told us she believed in Santa until she was guess the age 32 wait how old is she now how old is she now uh she's 25 24 oh 24 20 uh 19 20 i think she's 24 i think she learned last year all right 24 i say 19 because i'm being sweet all right let's give her a little credit 16 she told us she believed in santa until she was 16 and her parents had to break it to her and it broke her heart okay but her parents were keeping it real she was like that long she was like too maybe her parents did a really good job they were like elf on the shelf is coming to get you yeah she's like i have my period it's like the elf on the shelf shouldn't have done that it's going back to the north pole jake broke up with me oh it was the shelf he did that you know the joke that the p is stored in the balls she thought that was real she asked my brother how come p didn't come out when he came during sex wait uh so i have one quick question just a quick just sure sure sure yeah where is p stored um in men because i don't know yeah i think between men and women you think we store in different areas yeah yes yeah so you guys have a bladder too just wondering it's in the garage yeah so your asshole it's sort of my butt it's in my butt it's in my butt same place babies come it's in my butt cheeks so when i sit down really hard i pee and that makes a lot of sense to me there you go thank you for clearing that up i just wanted to know for a friend you're welcome okay keep going she commented that she never sees pink lemons in the store she literally thought pink lemonade was made from pink lemons she's so that's fine we're gonna i'll go a little easier without orange juice right i mean like because there's like isn't there a hybrid of lemon yeah i mean look that one's a little fair because it's like can i hey do you hear them can i be a little vulnerable i would love i would love that can i be a little vulnerable all right like i know that i i knew that pink lemons didn't exist but i i was at a farmer's market and i was like oh my god i'm gonna go to a farmer's market and i'm gonna go to a farmer's market and i'm gonna go to a farmer's market and i'm gonna go to a farmer's market recently and they had black raspberries and i i genuinely was like i at certain points in my life thought that was only a candy flavor like i was just like oh i didn't realize they're real like they're they they come they're you know i will be vulnerable and say i learned that just now as well i didn't know that i had never seen one in person i was like and i ate it and i was like it's just like the candy i i this is delicious i i never knew that and i'm gonna be vulnerable right now and say pee comes from butts and i've never known that so so that one oh yeah there's that one's mild compared to the rest but here we go we keep going yeah and they get worse she didn't realize donald trump the actor and donald trump the president were the same person not in my home alone too and speaking of trump she too tried to look at the solar eclipse without sunglasses despite my brother pleading with her to keep them on what happened to her she's blind is she okay she must be sort of okay um i like that she thought donald trump was an actor because he didn't do that many roles he was in little rascals and home alone he was in little he was in little rascals he's at the end of little rascals he's the dad of the the like rich kid of course he is another movie i can't watch and he's in home alone too yeah another movie he's in home alone too yeah oh yeah and he was on that show he was on that show what's it called who cares who the fuck but wait seriously what happened to this girl did you turn and go that eclipse was amazing what happened to her eyes she's gay she's gay she's she's she's blind she saw it she's blind she's gay they're gay it's been my quote lately i love it gay birds bro gay birds she thought blood diamonds meant they were made from blood and we found out because she asked how come they the diamonds aren't red uh she thought in order to play for a city's sports team you had to be from that city so it confused her when one of our players got traded she asked well what other team do we have here i'll be honest kind of cool like that would be awesome like you are representing your city like kind of reminds me of like jessica simpson when she was married to nick lachey and she's like chicken in the sea yeah is it chicken this is very chicken or is it fish yeah she didn't think platypuses were real get the beanie baby of course it's real platypus beanie baby hello no one knows what the fuck i'm talking i love that guy was he super rare anyway so it's like it's like platypuses and she's like that guy from phineas and ferb that's all i know um she once tried to correct me when i mentioned something being 100 million dollars she goes um don't you mean a billion because she didn't think 100 million was a real number she thought it was 99 million and then 1 billion she is so fun she sounds she sounds like a great time i would love to hang out with her like legitimately i really would uh sweet she thinks the moon gives off light well it's from the core when it's really bright she thinks the moon gives off light i tried to tell her it's the reflection from the sun and she argued with me saying that couldn't be true because the sun was down behind the earth and if it was lighting the moon it would light up the entire world again she sounds like a blast i love it at that moment it's like well no there's like do you see the stars and stuff and she was like oh my god what are those i don't know why i gave her that accent that accent works perfectly oh my god what are those oh my god oh my god and we have our final uh slam dunk fact from this lady she thought obama did the i have a dream speech i i i don't even know what to say i think it's bedtime i wouldn't know how to respond i could go on for days and i might edit this post as i remember more examples of her dumb ass moments she's been with my brother since he was in college she was not in college with him they met at a music well that well he was not educated by the same people i'm not gonna say anything they met at lollapalooza i'm just kidding i don't know what music festival uh she literally said she didn't want to go to college because it seemed super hard fair she's not wrong fair it is hard uh i have such a hard time being around her i do not understand what the fuck my brother sees in her do not get it he's a software engineer making six figures and she works as a hairdresser so i see why she's with him nothing wrong with that nothing wrong with that yeah all right okay but slow down what's what's she got going on you know what i'm saying is she kind uh you Han is she passionate sounds really funny is she giving i want to ask him why he would want to marry such a fucking moron oh my god like it's embarrassing like it's embarrassing when she talks and he brings her around people he works with i would be mortified if i was him i asked not him bro yeah why is your identity attached to what it sounds like brother's partner is doing sounds like he's got a little crush on his brother what no on the girl you're saying you're saying hey you're saying the brother has a crush on his fiancee yes yeah oh yeah i think some people are like whoa whoa whoa hey what whatever nice car noise thank you yeah put some respect yeah put it back in park oh oh oh okay oh that's in third gear oh it's going yeah oh oh that's a gas powered vehicle someone's in front of him he's on the highway he shouldn't be on the highway cops are coming cops are coming oh oh oh he's falling off a bridge he's in the water he's oh shit i hope you have a little spiky thing to break the glass i'm wicked fucked thank you very good i have a little spiky thing to break the glass i'm wicked fucked Damn! - Okay, this guy has a crush. - It's not a matter of her being innocently stupid. She could have real life consequences to being this dim-witted. - Okay, I don't like this guy. - All right, audience, what do you think? Is this brother an asshole? - Yes! - Yeah, he's taking it so, an intervention? - It's really harsh. - Why is it his issue? - Why is he so concerned? It's like, hey man, you're disrespecting your brother by doing this. And also, just like, I don't know. I guess what I will say is I understand in this world when people are like, oh, I don't believe doctors. Like, oh, don't distrusting science. But like, you know, believe in Santa. - Yeah, a little whimsy, throw a little whimsy on him. - I don't know. - I feel like everything that she's so dumb about is so like, fine. I mean, minus the Martin Luther. - That one's a little hard. - Maybe show her some videos of some other people. - Yeah, just show her some speeches. - What does frustrate me? Like, right, like, I think, I do think it is scarier now more than ever to like, ask a stupid question. - Yeah. - Like, I never like-- - People are like, canceled. - Done. - You're out of here. - But I also like, you know, it's like, we all like, there's things that all slip by us, right? Like black raspberries. But what I do struggle with is when someone says something wrong and you go, oh, actually it's this. And they go, no. - No. - Yeah. - Actually, I'm right. And you're wrong. - If she starts arguing, that's a different thing. - And she does say she's arguing a little bit. And that's tough, but that's still like, hey. - That's hard. - If his brother's in love, like, that's hard to find, man. Like-- - It feels like this guy is like, controlling of his brother's life. And like, feels like he's responsible for his brother. - Yeah. And he's speaking a lot from like, an embarrassment point of view. - Yeah. - He brings up concern at the last paragraph. And it's like, but that's not what you're talking about. You're talking about the rest of that. The rest of that, you're talking about like, isn't it embarrassing? - Yeah. - Like, it's like, dude, stop. - And he's also so worried about the kids that are unborn. It's like, bro, are you gonna live with them? Oh, he lives with them. - I don't think he lives with them. - Well, something's going on there, guys. - Comments. Someone said, if this was about 20 years ago, I'd be sure you were talking about my cousin. She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, more of a spoon, a blunt one. And she knows it. Her mom, whose fault it was anyhow, don't do booze and drugs when pregnant. Damn. - Damn. - Someone is like, yes, I'm coming on this fucking story. - Made sure she didn't forget that she was born stupid. Here's the thing, though. She's one of the kindest, most loving, most caring people I know. - Yeah. - And an absolutely best mom any kid could ask for. Yeah, if you tell her a joke, it'll take her a while to process it and laugh about it. - Is this her son? - Yeah. - You're right. - My stupid son. - All right. - But you're sad and need to talk about it, she's got a sixth sense about it, and you'll literally feel her turning her high beams of empathy towards you until you feel better. - Wow. - Her husband of 20 plus years adores her. Her kids love her to bits. She's never going to be the greatest conversationalist, but having her as your friend or family will enrich all of your lives. - Okay. All right. - That's the sweetest thing. - Do they need to like, you know, bring the conversationalist part in there? You cut that out. - Yeah. - That's so sweet. - It kind of does remind me, not to diss him, but my grandpa. - Grandpa? - My grandpa who passed away about 10 years ago. He was awesome. Someone's like, you're the asshole. It was your fault, he died because of you. No, he was incredible. He's actually kind of a lot of what I based Dumpster Wizard off of. Because I know, it sounds like I'm insulting him. - I have a very different view of that guy. - His eye is so fucked up in Dumpster Wizard. He's genuinely the best dude in the world. But there would be times where he'd like tell a joke that would make no sense. Or like, and he'd always just be like, eh. He one time was like, we were talking about Spider-Man. This is back in the Tobey Maguire one. And he goes, and he was like, we were watching a trailer for Spider-Man 2. And he goes, I don't like him. And I was like, oh really? He's like, he shouldn't, yeah, no. Spider-Man, he's not right for Spider-Man. You know who should have played Spider-Man? - You. - And I go, who? And he goes, Russell Crowe. - Russell Crowe in that suit? - And I go, and I genuinely, at this point I'm just like, okay. - This is Russell Crowe putting on it. He's like, ow, ow, God. - He was like, he needs to be big and strong. And I was like, the 16 year old nerdy kid. - He needs to have the body of a gladiator, man. - He needs to be. - Wait, I want to see that. - Actually, I would. - I would love to see that version. - That was kind of my take too. - Russell Crowe upside down. - Yeah. - Kiss me. - Someone wrote, my roommate once dated a guy who said, women are so lucky. If you get stranded on a remote island without food, you can just drink your breast milk to survive. His name was Ian Hecox. - And it would be delicious. - Okay. - He, they'd write one more. He thought we just lactated all the time. Pregnant, nursing or not. Oh my God. - Listen. - That's why you wear a nipple patch. - Let's set the record straight. Ian brings up the breast milk every time. I never bring it up. - He brings it up to say he doesn't bring it up. - He goes, I don't bring up the breast milk. - I don't bring it up. - Do you have any? And I say, no, shop is closed. We're done now. - Jesus. - Someone wrote. OP, you sound judgy and bitter. She sounds like a sweet girl and it'd be so easy to take her under your wing. Your brother loves her. You should be more concerned with your bro's happiness above everything else, but you're not. Tread carefully. Your bro might surprise you and choose her over you, which is what I'd do if I were him. I'd chose my life partner over a nasty sibling. - For real. Yeah. Yeah. - Hell yeah. - It is like, why are you this upset? - Yes. - Yeah. And he's not saying anything about her character. - No. - It's not like she's rude. She does this. She makes me uncomfortable. - It's also like, it's like, it is, I don't know if objectified, but it's just like, you're, you're ranking people. Like you're judging people on like their, their like skillset. Like they're a D and D character. - Yeah. - It's like their intelligence stat. What if, what if maybe her intelligence, maybe her intelligence is at one, but you walk through a radioactive lake and she's unharmed because her constitution is through the roof. And maybe her wisdom is just also through the roof. Cause that's a stat you don't see. - That's right. - Wow. - That's a, that's a dungeon crawler, Carl reference for you. - I need to read that book. I really do. - It's great. - Maybe her emotional intelligence is very high. Cause it sounds like his is very low. - That was earnestly. What I was going to finish off as my grandpa was, he was so emotionally intelligent and he was someone who would be there for you no matter what. - I love that. - It's like, that's, - That's all you need. - So much more important than someone knowing that the moon doesn't produce its own light. - Yeah. - Yes. - Yeah. - You know who will always be there for you? Santa. - This episode of Red Stories is sponsored by Santa. Just Santa. - Santa. - Anyways, we're moving on to our final story. - But we're all going to sleep over, right? - We're going to stay here overnight. - This is our sleepover living room. We guys, we all brought our bean bag chairs. - What did you, what did you bring? - I have no idea where I was going with that. - What did you bring in? - You were going to hold up two joints. - A bean bag chair. - A sleeping bag. - You're going to sleep on a bean bag chair? - Yeah. - That's it? - I stored it in my balls. That's why I have my legs crossed right now. I can't let it unravel. Red carpet about to roll out if I don't do my legs right now. - Anthony, our final story, we did pick this one. What's going on for you? - For me? - You are a big fan of the trading card game, Magic the Gathering. - Yes. - Got some fans here. It's big, it's a big deal. - My partner and I walked around Boston just playing Magic and going to parks and going to beer pubs and having a good time yesterday. It was a fucking blast. - Wait, that's so fun. - It was a blast. - Were you just going into places and playing? - No, we would like find, like we went to a beer garden and pulled it out. - Hell yeah. - We are the magic without magic. - Okay. - Yeah. - You're the one doing this. - I'm not doing anything. - Yes, you are. He's like, we went to a place and pulled it out. You did that. - It's just whipping it out. - We get it. You're pulling out your magic. We got it. - Thank you. - Hey, you guys want to see my magic? And then I whip it out. - Spreading a little joy everywhere I go. I'm like Santa. - Like Santa? - Santa. - All right, here we go. - Okay. - This one was posted this year. - Oh, these magic stories get spicy. I am all up on those magic subreddits. They get, they get crazy. - Okay. - Yeah. - Whoa. - I'm not prepared. - Yeah, you're not. - Well, this one was posted on Am I the Asshole? - Okay. - And they write, am I the asshole for keeping a collection of Magic: The Gathering cards that were wrongly gifted to me? - Oh, spicy. - Automatically, yes. - Yes. - I guess I'll hear them Like maybe they're shitty cards, right? Like maybe they're really low value. cards that no one wants, right? Yeah. Right? Well, let's see what's going on. Wrongly gifted to you. Santa never does that. I was wicked naughty. Very good. Early December, a co-worker asked me if I wanted Magic the Gathering cards her husband wanted to get rid of. I accepted and ended up with five briefcases full of cards. Oh, my God. In a briefcase? Five briefcases. Okay, it's called bulk. What the hell? Who has five briefcases? Oh, you haven't played Magic. Okay. What is happening? Every time a new collection drops, you are getting 150,000 cards. Whoa. Yeah. I don't have space. Going through the cards, I found that there were a lot, and I mean a lot, of cards ranging from anywhere between $15 and $80. Yeah. I thought it was a little weird that her husband would just give away that many expensive cards. So I texted my co-worker to ask if she was sure that her husband was giving everything to me. Uh-oh. Her response was, yes, he is sure. He doesn't play with them anymore. Enjoy. So I kept the cards to build a deck, traded some, and sold a bunch of them at my local card shop. You're selling them? You're receiving a gift and selling it? And sold them for a couple hundred bucks. Fast forward to yesterday, the co-worker came to me during lunch to ask if I could give her back all the cards. Oh, they got, he was like, where's my cards? Okay. It is getting a little messy. Turns out that she didn't ask her husband at all before giving everything to me, and he's extremely pissed about it. I told her that I could give back the cards I still own, but I've traded and sold a lot of them and didn't have them anymore. She got pretty desperate when I told her that, and then asked if I could also give her, in addition to the collection I still own, the money I made so her husband can buy the cards I traded slash sold again. No. No. I told her that I thought that I was already pretty nice to give back some of her husband's collection, but it's too late for the card I've traded slash sold, and I'm keeping the money, so it's either that or I'm keeping everything. She got very mad, and when she started yelling at me to give everything, money included, back to fix this, I told her that's her problem, and she stormed off. She hasn't talked to me since, and I still have the cards. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Whoa. So, the way that OP solved this audience, do we think they're the asshole or not the asshole? Not the asshole. Not the asshole. Okay. Oh, there's a couple. There's some. There's a little. It's a little. There's some. Yeah. The verdict online was not the asshole. Right. I think, like, this is, we've had other Reddit stories about, like, when you get gifted something, like, when someone gifts you something and then goes, can I have it back? Yeah. Right. Like, what's the timeline? What's the etiquette? Like, there, it's, I am, as you all know from watching the show, I'm a very, very, very, very like, guilty person. Like, I will probably give it back, you know, but that's me. But I won't judge someone for doing what OP did. I think that's fair entirely. You wouldn't sell. It's her, it's her problem to solve. Yes. She, she gave away something without asking someone. She needs to fix that. Also, OP, like, followed up. They're like, are you sure? Yeah, they go like, are you, are you absolutely sure? And she was like, yeah, he's sure everything's good. I, for, like, initially when you just read the title, I thought that she was like, ooh, these are, these are worth a lot, so I'm going to sell them and, like, get rid of them as fast as, as fast as I can. Before they know. But every, my opinion changed when she was like, are you absolutely sure that they do not want these cards? And they handled it all like they kept some. They turned one, like, turned all the good cards into a deck. They traded some. They, they did what you do with a trading card game. That is the point of a trading card game, right? Wait, do they normally sell for? Magic the Gathering cards can sell for crazy. There are cards. Trading cards are, dude, it's not. Wait, trading cards is a specific. So, like, Magic the Gathering, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, like, there's all types of trading cards. And some of these cards, like, Black Lotus is worth, like, what? I mean, yeah, I mean, Black Lotus will go for, like, $35,000 to $80,000. But that is, that's not. That's, like, the most insane one. That's the most insane original card. I've got to get my hands on it. That's one of the rarest cards. Baby, we're going to Europe. Post Malone. Why Europe? I have no idea. Post Malone bought a one, the one ring, which was a one of one issue card for, like, a million or two million dollars. What is happening? That was the only card that exists. That's, that's more. That's, that's not common, though. I think a common rare card that you might have in a deck that's playable is, like, $100, $200. Which is still crazy. Yeah, it is crazy. Wait, that's a lot of money. It is a lot, but it is a very expensive hobby. The other thing I will say about this story that is, I'm hesitant to accept briefcases from anyone. I've watched enough movies from the 80s. Dumb and Dumber? Yeah. Samsonite. Do not trust a briefcase. I want to know how that transfer went down, right? They're like, meet me in an undisclosed location in the park. That's a lot of briefcases. I'll give you five briefcases. Jesus. They're a thousand pounds each. Some comments here. Someone said, you're not the asshole, but damn, I feel for the husband here. Just try to imagine yourself in his place. Someone close to you gave away your belongings and can't get them back. Like, you're under no obligation to return the card slash money, but it really sucks for him, so keep that in mind. That is 4,000 upvotes. Someone replied, giving back the cards best you can do to keep the peace. What's sold is sold, though. Yeah. Someone said, that comment from the wife about how he doesn't play with them anymore made me so mad. Even if you don't use something every single day doesn't mean you just get rid of it. That's true. That's true. I've got my, dude, I've got the original 151 of Pokemon back. Hell yeah. Yeah. And I think about it all the time. Do you ever take it out and just- Well, I don't have them. They're at my parents' house. But you know they're there. But I know Charizard is there. Yeah. He'll always be there. He'll always be there, like Santa. Totally. Yes. Uh-huh. Get it, queen. Because a lot of it's sentimental. Like, my first ever rare card was Pinsir. And that's my favorite card from my deck. And if I lost that, I don't care what it's worth. I'm never going to sell those cards. I'm never getting rid of my holographic Zapdos. Okay? No. Zapdos is mine forever. Yeah. I love that. I mean, and the difficult thing about this, too, is like, even if she did give the money back somehow for these cards. Well, them are so rare, you cannot find them on any market. Oh, my God. He must have been so crushed. Absolutely. Maybe they got in a fight, and she was like, these need to go. Like, they were like in a room, and she's like, can we figure out where those are going to go? And he's like, yeah, I'll move them. He's like, honey, they sit on the couch. No, no, no. That's fine. That's where they go. I just wanted to move the couch that I was going to be friends over. Can we just figure out where those are going to go? Honey, that's the card spot on the couch. Of course. Just maybe in a week, we can figure out where those are going to go. No, they stay on the couch. And then she just went, I'm taking the briefcase. Someone said, ouch, I'm a woman who plays Magic the Gathering, and if my currently non-existent husband did that to my cards, he'd be divorced the next day. It's been a few months. Maybe they're married now. I love my non-existent husband. I love this. Someone said, info, when you asked her if she was sure he was giving you everything, did you mention that a lot of the cards were pretty valuable? Okay. OP responded, yes, I did tell her they were valuable cards in his collection, so when she confirmed it, I thought her husband just didn't want to go through his cards to check which one were valuable or not. Oh, God. Oh, my God. This is so awkward. This is brutal. And can I say, like, that is, like, such a betrayal. I don't know how this guy is staying with her after that. Like, if someone sells a thing without asking your permission? Can we? What? You want more story? Is he staying with her? Oh, yeah. You're asking if there's any more info? Yeah. Like, if she finds out what the husband. Let me. Hold on. Yeah. Update! Oh, my God. Did we just get the first ever Reddit costume change? That guy's wearing shorts now. Did you guys see those tearaway camouflage pants? If you want to show off your ankle, you can just tear it away. It's a little warm on the bottom one foot of your leg. Can we, like, give it up for how amazing Tommy and Olivia look right now? Yeah. Yeah. We can. Like, what? And you boys look very good as well. And I do, too. And you look amazing, Amanda. And you look amazing. And you look great. And you look great. And you look great. Okay. That was so fun. I didn't know there was an update. Yeah. You had no idea? I didn't. I didn't. Wait. Is he still? Okay. Sorry. Our prediction. They're divorced. Yeah. Go ahead. This blew up way more than I thought, so here's a quick late night update. I managed to speak with my coworkers worker's husband via messenger and showed him the screenshot of my discussion I had with her, telling her about the value of some cards and if he, and he gave them all. And if she was sure he was okay with giving me everything as a lot of comments recommended me to do. We're going to meet tomorrow so I can give him back what I have left of his collection. In an undisclosed location with briefcases. Two gentlemen. Make the peace. About the cards I've sold or traded, he told me to not worry about it and keep everything because what's done is done. He did ask though how much money I made by selling some of his cards because he fully intended to make my co-worker pay him back the same amount of money I made. Damn. Which is about $500. Okay. Okay. Overall the dude was pretty chill with me and very thankful to get most of his collection back. Side note, I wouldn't be surprised if my co-worker announced next week that her husband has filed for divorce because, because he made it very clear during our conversation that he was completely done with her. Whoa. They're married. Damn. Probably not anymore. Is this like what magic does? This is what magic is. Yeah, it breaks people up. It's a great game. Costs hundreds of dollars. Wow. Breaks you up. Can't wait to play. You know, magic. Give it a shot. You know, magic the gathering, but gathering is magic. Am I right? No. No. No, that set up took too long. In your living room. Thanks, I've been cooking on that one for a couple minutes. That set up took way too fucking long. I couldn't handle that set up. I watched you from afar get ready. I hated how far away I could see that joke coming. That was a hard watch. That was a tough one. And on that note. That is our final story. Ah. Guys, give it up for Amanda, Anthony, Tommy, Olivia. Give it up for them. Thank you, Boston. Thank you, Boston. You rock so much. You're wicked awesome. You guys are wicked awesome. Thank you.