Listener Tales 115: Halloween Tales

Hey weirdos, I'm Keri White. I'm the sea hag from Widow's Bay. And this, this is Morbid. It's Morbid. We're wounded. I'm sticking to myself. I, yeah, you are a masterpiece though. So are you. Thank you. To be quite honest. We love being covered in blood. Yep. Like fake wounds. Yep. Fake blood, obviously. The uglier, the better. Yeah. Just being ugly and bloody is the most fun ever. It really is. It's cool that this is our job. Yeah. I love it. It is. And hopefully like halfway through this, I can just go and something in your house will break. Oh, that'd be crazy. Wait, so let's all manifest that. Right in if that happens. Yeah. I'm not going to kill any of you because it's a, it's an interesting way to go. And you have to do something to get killed. That's true. She doesn't, she doesn't just go after anyone. I know. I was really sad. I wanted to get tooth decay because in the, in the show, her teeth are like fucked up, but I couldn't get tooth decay in time. It's, it's harder than you think. It's a common problem. It is. You know, you know what I did use though for this entire look on my face, the Anastasia soft glam palette, which I said, if only Anastasia knew, I mean, anything soft glam, I would say this. Like, I don't think that was her intention building up the palette. Maybe it was. I don't know. You don't know her life. We don't know. I'm sticking to things. So my hair is sticking in my wounds. My hair is. Yeah. Also that's not only his real hair, that's a wig. No. Which like, isn't that crazy? Cause it looks like your exact real hair color. It does. It was kind of crazy. But I'm so glad that you got. Shout out to Deb for picking it up. Yeah. She literally, Deb ran out this morning. Cause we were like, maybe we shouldn't put all that blood in your hair. Yeah. I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I was like, you know what? I don't really want to try to get this viscous sticky blood out of my hair. Getting it off your body alone. Yeah. It's going to be an experience and I have to pick my kids up. Yeah. So John thinks that she should take them to dance like that. And I agree. I think it'd be funny. And I said, I was like, I should just walk into the waiting room like this and just sit down and just be like, Hey guys. I mean, the kids are wearing their costumes and anytime someone says something to me, just go. I like it. Yeah. I think it'd be funny if I wouldn't get like intimidated. Yeah. I would do it. I know. You know? Yeah. That's the, that's the tough thing about life is you have to consider being arrested, you know? Well, welcome to our Halloween listener tale. All that being said, you sent in your spookiest tales. You did. And we're going to read them. We sure are. And you usually go first. I'll scroll for you. I was going to say she's got a, the sea hag has to scroll for me. The sea hag is willing. Cause I've been through it. I know. I've, but I meant to get yucca nails too. Yucca nails. Instead you have cute nails. I do. Shout out to Helly. You don't know. Nail salon. All right. Let's start with this one because it's called the time I brandished a bop it. And, uh, I've never met a bop it that I couldn't beat the shit out of. So I feel you're like freakishly good at bop it. I am. That's something I will. I will. I will carry a freak five minutes in. Yeah. Not to trigger me, but don't, don't do that. But I can fuck up a bop it. Yeah. You're always like setting high scores for the children. Yeah. It's one of those, it's one of those things where if I go into a house and there's a bop it and it's like high school or 40, I'm like, and then I set it to high score a hundred and nobody can beat it as you should. So I feel qualified to do this one. She is. All right. Let's see if I can read with blood in my eyes. Okay. Uh, let me set the scene. It's Halloween day in October, 2008. And the financial crisis is in full swing. Spooky. I'm just a moody teen in the suburbs of Philadelphia with my scene hair, layered tops and Royal blue skinny jeans. We are transitioning from my space to Facebook at a rapid rate. Blockbuster just got avatar and the vampire diaries is changing lives. I got a simpler time. I actually have never watched the vampire diaries. No, I haven't either. And I feel crazy. I want to watch it. And everybody says I look like one of the girls from there. Yeah, it's true. Probably not right now, but a simpler time, if you will, minus the financial crisis that probably blew. Sorry, adults. Halloween fell on a Friday this year, which meant I was free to go hang in someone's basement. Just as soon as I finished babies, sorry, a thing of blood just dropped right down my nose. Gorgeous. Like literally like this. Yeah, I saw that. It's coming down the middle now. It might get in your mouth. Sorry, I don't know that. I'm committed to the fucking bit. She's about it. Uh, so it fell on a Friday. She could hang out in someone's basement just as soon as I finished babysitting my neighbor's two boys. What more could a teen want? So it's six-ish and I'm walking down to the house for the babysitting job. The sun is setting and there's a cool crisp breeze. The most perfect Halloween night. This family had moved in a few years prior to the house at the end of the block. Um, I, I said that with one full breath, but it was actually two separate thoughts. A family had moved in a few years prior and they had moved into the house at the end of their block. There you go. It sat at the end of the street down a long winding driveway that weaved through the trees. It was completely secluded from the main road and a good 15 to 20 minute walk from my house. I didn't mind the walk, especially because it was such a beautiful evening, obviously. When I eventually arrived, the parents run me through the usual spiel, pizzas, soda in the fridge and head out for their Halloween party. The two boys, let's call them Drake and Josh. We're always angels. Drake was probably six and Josh was four. I babysat these boys frequently and can honestly say I never had any issues with them. The night started out normal fort building and Halloween movies on TV with the lights out for the cozy spooky vibe. Everything was going swimmingly until I casually saw a figure run from one side of the backyard to the other and into the woods surrounding the house. The house was shaped like a square and had a beautiful old wraparound porch that overlooked the wooded area. This meant the entire first floor was pretty much covered in windows with three sliding glass doors that opened to said porch. Normally, this home was idyllic and peaceful, but to me, in that moment, it started to feel very unsafe and very exposed. I wasn't overly concerned yet because whatever it was seemed to be passing through and wasn't heading towards the house. I also tried to rationalize that it was probably a deer or some other animal. As casually as I could, I asked the boys to please clean up and head upstairs to get ready for bed a little early. Being the sweet baby angels that they were, they didn't protest and went straight upstairs. Once I knew they were upstairs, I slowly started walking through the downstairs, making sure windows and doors were closed and locked. I didn't dare turn the lights on. The house felt like a fishbowl on a good day, and if there was someone out there watching us, I did not want to draw them closer. Mind you, I was shaking like a leaf and doing my best to keep it together. I would have been shitting my pants. I would have called the parents and said, I'm actually leaving. Yeah, I'm actually, I'm going to leave your kids here. Bye. Everything seemed fine, and I was starting to relax. Maybe this was just a weird guy on Halloween night doing whatever weird guys do. And that thought made you relax? That's a valid thought, though. It's a valid thought, but not a relaxing one. That is until I heard what sounded like an animal slam right into the window. No. I turned around, and at the opposite window, there was a dark figure standing pressed against the glass. No. It was hard to see clearly, but it looked like a man cupping his eyes with his hands to peek inside. No. No. When I tell you I dropped to the floor, I literally hit the deck so hard, I knocked the wind out of myself. I immediately started feeling around my pockets for, I'm so jealous you had one. I didn't. I never, I don't know if I had a razor phone either. I can't remember. Yeah, I didn't have one. But then remembered I had given it to one of the boys so they could play games while getting ready for bed. Big, oh shit. Yeah. So there I was, flat as a pancake on the kitchen floor, hiding from whoever was outside. My friends and I consider ourselves tough, cold-hearted, cool teens. But in that moment, I felt more terror than I had ever felt before, and deeply regretted ever acting badass. Yeah. After a few minutes on the floor and gathering some newfound bravery in the dark, if only for the kiddos, I bolted upstairs to retrieve my phone. The kids were already in their beds. They shared a room. They preferred to be together, even though the house had plenty of rooms. Like, come on. That's cute. I shut their door, telling them to keep the lights off, and they could watch their little box TV as long as they wanted, but to please not come out. Back in the hallway, I tried both parents' cell phones, but both went straight to voicemail. Okay. That's so unsafe. That's not good. 2008. It's a financial crisis. Trying not to blow this out of proportion, I sat down on the top step to get a grip. That's when I heard the sliding glass door open downstairs. No. Followed by footsteps. I decided that now is a great time to blow things out of proportion. I frantically dialed 911 and practically whisper-screamed to the operator that there was a man in the home I was babysitting in and to hurry the fuck up. Yeah. The footsteps were getting closer, and I was just frozen in fear at the top of the stairs. I could hear the man reach the bottom of the staircase, slowly start walking up, and approach the landing hallway at the stairs. Go get a knife. The stairs were an L-shape, so he couldn't see straight up to me until he turned at the landing. Get a knife. Not knowing what to do, I. Get a knife. Get a knife. I slid backwards off the top step towards the wall and hit my tailbone hard on a piece of plastic. That's not what I told you to do. I'm not getting a knife. No. Shit. I thought he definitely heard that. At this point, the man had practically reached the top of the stairs. I guess he was not planning on being met by a terrified teen girl. All of a sudden, from behind my back, a voice yelled, Pull it! i had backed my way oh no into a freaking bop it oh my god neither i nor mr intruder was expecting this hey weird things can become a weapon when you need them to and that's a pretty good weapon a bop it is a bop it is a bop it okay whatever way you gotta use that you use it yeah bop his head right in and you know what she took a split second to grab the bop it and swung it as hard as she could right into his shins here oh in the shin that was kind of smart right more shocked and confused than injured he lost his footing turned around and started booking it down the steps all while the bop it man was politely asking us to select a game mode i truly do not know what came over me but armed with a bop it i suddenly had a surge of confidence i ran down the stairs after him screaming absolute nonsense at the top of my lungs in hindsight not great in the moment fell right yeah whatever the man took off out the back side of his car and ran down the stairs after him screaming absolute nonsense at the top of my lungs sliding door and into the woods oh my god right around then the cops and the kids parents were pulling into the driveway i screamed and pointed in the direction he ran and the police took off after him turns out he was the adult son of another neighbor who returned back and had been squatting in their shed out back i guess he figured no one was home when he saw the parents car pull out of the driveway and since he had the lights off he we had the lights off he assumed the kids were gone too so he was just like bopping lol into their houses when they were gone yeah ew yeah no you gotta get some cameras what the fuck and also like why like the adult son of another neighbor go live at your own house exactly i live at my house thankfully the boys never left their room again absolute angels and didn't hear a thing like over spongebob anyways this was actually written up in the town paper my mom has a copy of it and if i find it i'll send it to you they left out the bop it part which in my opinion is the finest word yeah that's bullshit but hey can't win them all right thanks for reading my tale keep it weird you're welcome i can't i would never babysit again i would too and babysit again on halloween night sorry is your eyeball sorry i keep getting a glob of blood in my eye oh no your eye looks healthy i'm good remember when i poked your eye the other night your eye looks healthy i literally she touched my brain no i don't i went to hug someone and i'm over the top clearly my nail went into the corner of her literally like up and like literally i said oh like it was literally like that thing of like you touch two neurons together and like something happened no i felt things you should never feel with your bare hands like i'm pretty sure i like did something weird you know what though my nails must be really clean because i do wash my hands a lot and i always like really go underneath them so as to not get the flu and be yucky so the fact that you didn't get any kind of eye disease from my nail is pretty impressive it is pretty impressive impressive all right shall we move on let's move on then that was a good one that was a really good one and honestly again like really i told you to get a knife but i underestimated you with that yeah it's true good use of weapon okay tale number two the strange events of curdle quick falls curdle quick falls curdle quick and the strange events of curdle quick falls i can't like something i want to listen to i can't decide yeah i want to listen to that a lot the door just closed so that was scary um was the door open question who can be sure how do questions we don't have the answer to how do like drag queens survive when they have like long wigs on like this and like they have to like turn their heads i know like you can't they're better than all of us to be quite honest yeah queens forever um but yeah i can't decide if i like how curdle quick feels in my mouth or not curdle quick i don't like it in my mouth i don't think i like it either but it sounds scary anyways because it's curdling quick curdle quick okay curdle is a disgusting it really is because you picture worse than moist i think yeah curdle is curdle should be outlawed yeah well that's the bad on that that is the bad on that if you can see my yoga pants no you can't all right i'm gonna put my little thing over here so hey weirdos it's boom boom sauce daniel again hell yeah boom boom sauce i love boom boom sauce i was gonna say when we went to pennsylvania we tried it here's the thing i didn't think it was like incredible i thought it was really good yeah it just didn't bother my stomach at all i you know what i will say i didn't try nearly enough because i am a daniel and i would have shit my pants you would have so i think you just needed more maybe i needed we'll go back to pennsylvania i personally really like the wendy's signature sauce that is pretty good i'm obsessed with it right now i really like the domino's slice sauce i really like that too and i think it's actually similar to the wendy's signature sauce sauce sauce with ash and elena okay it's boom boom sauce daniel again first i almost shit my pants again when i was driving home from work and heard you guys never stop shitting your pants and heard you guys read my last listener tale you guys made my day oh as for my husband this was the first time you heard this story and i'm officially not allowed to eat boom boom sauce anymore don't worry i have connections haha oh and also i feel like it was absolutely rude of me not to share my pumpkin spice espresso martini recipe so i promise every time i submit a listener tale i will include a cocktail recipe to go with it wow daniel daniel forever anywho i saw that you have one for you i bet you do actually i have two however i'm gonna send you one now and another later because these two stories are on completely different spectrums one involves a ouija board and the other involve disney characters whoa i promise you when i send the other one you'll understand for this listener tale we're gonna have a little bit of a history lesson but also we're gonna take a very dark turn today our cocktail is called demise whenever you see a word in bold italicized or underlined take a sip okay so this is daniel's recipe and i'm gonna send you one now and another recipe two ounces of vodka two ounces of cranberry juice one ounce of cherry juice combine all the ingredients together in a shaker fill it with ice and strain it shake it and then strain it into a shot glass evenly and only do that if you're 21 or over yay okay so i felt like um never mind so pour yourself a drink buckle up and here we go deep in the rolling hills of central new york lies oh the catskill mountains in the 1760s the native american trails were used by european settlers to branch out and build farmland and sanctuaries during the revolution many of these farmlands became thriving towns today however there is one village that was lost or forgotten however there's one village that was lost or forgotten it's not even possible to find it on the map oh no it could barely be classified as ruins now what happened here i've been asking myself this for years and i still don't have any answers i've searched all over for answers on what happened to this village but it's as if i've been asking myself this for years and i still don't it's been erased from history completely it was halloween morning 2009 i love that we're going chronologically 2009 because last it was last tale it was halloween 2008 yeah look at us this is the next one 2010 deborah wow fired sure she said i don't fucking know i did that on purpose i was a senior in high school and a group of friends and i decided to enjoy what was left of the fall foliage as you should on a hiking and camping trip this would probably be our last one before we went off to college next year our group includes a group of friends and i decided to Our group includes me, Daniel, Avalon, Sierra, Trent, Marcus, and April. go hiking with a group of friends and i decided to go hiking with a group of friends and i decided to go hiking with a group of friends and i decided to That's a cool group. I like that. I won't list last names for privacy reasons. So while we were packing, we made sure to bring all the essentials. Tents, food, first aid kits, sleeping bag, flashlights, water, etc. Because it was Halloween, Sierra thought it would be fun to bring a Ouija board. You never know when you might need it. april brought holy water sage and incense because she didn't want any of want any of that bad juju or fuckery in her tent okay now we couldn't decide where to go hiking because we've been out to most go hiking with a group of friends and i decided to to go hiking with a group of friends and i decided to as we began the hike we agreed to stay on the trail no detours i feel like somebody made a detour after three hours of hiking we decided to stop and take a 10 minute break we broke out the snacks lit up a joint and we all we all just took in the beautiful autumn day suddenly we heard the faint sound of running water we noticed it was coming from the east side of the trail so we decided to leave a muffin haha yes a muffin on a rock so we could locate where we were what if somebody eats that muffin am i missing like an animal like a euphemism or something no it says haha yes just like an actual muffin all right i thought i was just old and i was missing what if what if an animal eats that muffin though you guys if i was an animal i would eat that muffin i am an animal and i did eat that i'm gonna go eat that muffin retroactively yeah consider the muffin eight i'm gonna make some muffins actually now that we're talking about them what does he say in mean girl is your muffin buttered oh yeah would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin i watched that movie far too young what did she say go shave your back bye jason you're which yeah you can go shave your back now bye jason all right so we walked east for about 20 minutes after placing a muffin and came across an enormous stunning waterfall stunning stunning it was so beautiful full we decided this would be the perfect time to go skinny dipping oh that's frisky i've never done that you didn't answer oh i was like i was like i was thinking about it i really haven't without hesitation we all stripped and jumped into the pool of water at the bottom of the waterfall it was so fucking cold but it felt so nice i it honestly felt and smelled like the purest water i've ever seen we can come back here for drinking water i screamed i took a sip and it tasted so pure the lovely marcus chimed in sorry i peed ew you drank marcus's peed well that was i'm sticking to myself oh i can i can literally feel that for you well that was lovely while it lasted we finally got out of the water uh after half an hour and then realized we didn't bring any fucking towels so what did we do we stopped dropped and rolled until we were somewhat dry what daniel daniel you had what did you do sauce you lost me at rolling in the woods to get dry you you've lost me daniel i hope you get me back daniel i'm gonna need you to lay out the logic of that you rolled around in the dirt yuck uh daniel i don't like that at all i thought i felt sticky yeah all right well we love you still we love you daniel but that was a choice then you guys got dressed and headed west toward the trail dirty dirty very dirty much like myself uh after half an hour of walking west we did not come across the muffin that we had left out because ash ate it we lived it retroactively we left it right on top of the rock that was located between two small oak trees we did not find that rock or the trees freaking out we decided to walk north until we came across another trail there had to be one out here it was about five o'clock and the sun was starting to go down the sun not the sun oh my god we knew we'd better make camp and get a fire going still without a trail we came across an opening in the forest however it was unlike any spot we'd ever seen before all around us there were rotten disheveled pieces of debris that looked like the remains of log cabins in the center of the opening was a giant circular stone what was this place don't go there that's giving like wrong turn yeah it really is before it could get dark we set up all our tools and we set up all our tools and we set up all our tools and we set up all our tools and we set up all our tools and we set up all our tools and we set up all our tools and we built a small fire where the stone was and had dinner we split up and walked around yeah let's just set where the stone is that looks ominous it's and ritualistic let's use it for like a dinner table dinner there daniel daniel we split up and walked around the area again oh no not your eye it's gonna happen a few times and just keep just keep swimming it is what it is if you want to put i don't know if this will help but if you want to spray some setting spray on that towel and then kind of like i think i'm okay okay we oh thank you if you want to spray yourself with setting spray it might stop moving i feel like it might make it move again i don't really know yeah i was gonna say i don't i don't know how it'll react yeah i don't blame you okay so we split up and walked around the area to check out what these logs were used for maybe we could use it for firewood avalon sierra and i went one way trent marcus and april went the other way one of the habitats was still somewhat uh together it was falling apart completely but not as bad as the other way and i was like oh my we crawled inside a dilapidated building and looked around choices daniel the boom boom sauce is one choice this is another i think your husband's gonna be more mad about this yeah there was more debris stones and even a pistol i put the pistol back i am playing with guns even if it is ancient and we crawled back out someone's gonna kill you yeah we walked back toward the campsite and i stepped on one of the large pieces of stone on it was carved curdle quick false you guys get your asses out of here over here i could hear april scream something wasn't right she had a weird tone in her voice we ran in her direction but couldn't find them or in their direction we called for them and followed their voices we ran further into the woods by now it was fully dark and we were looking for their flashlights finally we found them and they're looking to the ground in a state of horror we all flashed our lights to the ground and what we saw turned our skin cold teeth hundreds of teeth human teeth all over the ground i know it was human because marcus pulled out a random bag of raccoon teeth don't ask and said well it's not no no we're not gonna say don't ask i kind of love that i kind of we're not gonna say don't ask daniel you're not gonna say he pulled out another bag of another kind of teeth don't ask about it though don't ask i'm asking that's not cool i'm asking daniel what is that i will not be cool i'm not cool i am not cool i'm not cool that's why they poured pig's blood on me i'm not cool what's with the raccoon teeth tell me there's a bag why he just had a bag of them on his person do you remember when we thought we stumbled across a bunch of human teeth it's let's see how to tell the story so it was i'm telling it i'm telling it now it was topical it was it was topical it is topical because it was halloween it was and we had a space where we were filming it was like what that was probably like five years ago now it was halloweek yeah it was halloweek when we did like the australia show and then we did like a europe show so we had like three days of shows and i can't explain why but there was fake teeth in one of our bags and neither of us knew it and because they weren't they weren't yeah neither of us put it there somebody else put them there and it also wasn't a prank just figure that out but at some point somebody's bag like broke and we were packing up to leave and it was just human teeth on the floor and it had to have been like two in the morning and i think drew was like uh i just found a tooth and we were like what we were like we know who lives here but like they wouldn't have teeth here they wouldn't have teeth just scattered on the floor and then we figured out whose fake teeth they were and we don't talk to them anymore and that's the teeth don't ask oh your eye's getting a little squinty mama oh it's because it just stuck together oh okay okay oh man so after seeing those teeth i had no clue how i was gonna sleep tonight it had to be shared we're just out here i thought to myself this place looks like it's been abandoned for at least a hundred years and i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry of course we're safe we walked back to the campsite and sat by the fire you just sat like you just go home you just found some human teeth and then you sat by the fire you guys are unflappable in a way i can't describe unflappable listen to this shit as we sat on the stone sierra pulled out the ouija board anyone up for some halloween fun honestly at this point sure let's go i'd say mama no why not we're here we already have teeth i did just do my first ouija board i did and um check out two girls one ghost feed on saturday yeah if you want to find out more about that uh every this is crazy though everyone else was enthusiastic i however was not not after seeing those teeth the right response that's valid if you see teeth in the woods and you can confirm that they're human because you have raccoon teeth to compare them against don't do a ouija board as your next step i also like that well they're not raccoon teeth the only other plausible explanation is human well maybe somebody was like raccoon no no they look more like human they look more like yours that's it oh man so april wasn't too thrilled but she took a few shots of tequila and it put her into the festive spirit but in the spirit of halloween why not so we set up the board and we placed our fingers on it is there anyone trying to communicate sierra asked we waited a few minutes nothing she tried again nothing april pulled out the incense and lit it hoping it would help let me try avalon demanded is there anyone trying to communicate nothing come on hello i didn't just burp through that i'm trash nothing happened on the board but it instantly got much colder it had to have dropped at least 15 degrees as we all let go of the planchette the wind picked up and knocked the game off the stone oh no we chased after it and when we caught up there it was lying face up with the planchette hovering over yes everyone thought it was coincidental but not me not daniel we took the board back over to the stone and set it up again we were trying to determine what to ask next when i finally thought of the perfect question we all placed our fingers back on the planchette and i asked what is your name we waited patiently for a few minutes before the board started to move very slowly a b i g a l e abigail with an e it's like abigail abigail we all thought somebody was moving it but we all denied it what happened to you i asked we waited patiently again and this time we waited for about 10 minutes as we waited we noted that the fire was we noticed that the fire was getting smaller and smaller what happened to you i asked again we kept waiting for a response but nothing suddenly the fire got so small it eventually went out we sat there with our fingers shaking on the planchette with nothing but the night surrounding us nothing but dead silence no wind sitting stirring the trees no moonlight no sounds coming from the wildlife in the woods nothing but midnight air chilling us to the bone cinematic daniel bitch cinematic gorgeous suddenly we hear a light movement coming from behind sierra as we look in her direction we see nothing but it wasn't nothing for when we all looked at sierra we all saw the faint condensation of breathing over her shoulder it was heavy about that and when i saw mark rober condensation of breathing why you can see your breath it's because you're putting too many water particles into the air and it can't hold it so it makes a cloud the more you know science science with carrie that's cool it was heavy and it was pronounced because the air couldn't handle it i freaked out he absolutely wasn't up for the task wasn't up you can't expect air to just do everything i freaked the absolute fuck out whipped out my flashlight and pointed it at sierra nothing there was nothing behind her fuck this april screamed she got her sage holy water and started blessing everything we all took a shot of holy water and started blessing everything we all took a shot of holy water and started blessing holy water and started blessing everything we all took a shot of holy water and started blessing everything we all took a shot of holy water and started blessing everything we all took a shot of holy water and started blessing Walked right out the front door. Huh. I don't like it. I don't know about Abigail. Abigail. Abigail. I stood up and I- I'm swallowing blood, sorry. No, I couldn't let it go. It was great. Abigail. I'm swallowing blood, okay. I stood up and followed them, and when I walked outside, the old lady was surrounded by a large group of children. Gladys? Uh-oh. The parents, I'm guessing, were all asleep. She smiled at all the children, and they smiled back. Then she looked directly at me as if I had no business being there. After making direct eye contact with me, she smiled, turned away, and walked into the woods with the children all following her. She's the Pied Piper. She's Gladys. Walking through the woods, the old woman pulled out the knife, cuts her hand, and begins brushing her blood across the skin of each of the children. I don't like it. I don't like this. Then they were walking off as if in a trance. After a few moments, they came across a waterfall. Walking toward the waterfall, the full moon was shining down on all of them. I hid behind the trees. That's what I would do, too. The children gathered around the old woman in the light of the moon, all of them staring at the moon in a trance with a handprint of blood on them. Gazing at the children, then looking to the moon, the old woman broke her concentration and then looked directly at me, again smiling. She let out a cackle. Ah! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! And then she blew out the candle. Screams! We were all awoken by the sound of screams. Screams! We were all awoken by the sound of screaming coming from every direction. We jumped out of our sleeping bags, ran out of the tents, and looked around. Panicking, we shined our flashlights all over the place, looking for the source of the screams. We had all heard it, every single one of us. I looked down at my shirt, and I was completely soaked with sweat. My shirt was absolutely soaked. Trying to calm down, we all decided to squeeze into one tent for the rest of the night. None of us got any sleep whatsoever. Finally, the sun was rising. We wanted to get the fuck out of there as fast as we could. We shoved the tents, sleeping bags, and everything into our packs as fast as possible, got the compass out, and decided to walk south until we found something. After a few hours, the impossible happened. We found the rock with the fucking muffin on top of it, because Ash was only kidding, and she didn't retroactively eat it, sitting right between the two trees. I would've ate it. Fuck that muffin, I screamed. Fuck that muffin. That sounds like a euphemism. It's not the muffin's fault. No one touched it, no bugs, no animals, nothing. That's weird. I picked up the muffin and threw it at the tree just to let off some steam. We finally knew where we were and could head back to the car safely. We were all so physically tired and emotionally drained from what had happened, but we were alive. We knew where we were, and we could make it home safely. I sat beside the rock for a few moments, thanking my lucky fucking stars. When I noticed something strange. Again. Another strange thing? The rock that the muffin was on top of looked like it had been burned. Then I looked closer, and what I saw made my fucking blood run cold. Carved on the rock read, Abigail Skinner, 1774. With an E. With an E. With an E. Absolutely fucking not. I have never hauled ass so fucking hard in my life. I honestly could have won the Boston Marathon with how fast I was running. On top of that, I had a giant pebble in my shoe. I was sure my foot was bleeding at this point, but we finally got to the fucking car, and I could breathe. I sat on the ground, took my pack off, and put my head between my legs. It got to the point where I was hyperventilating, thankful to be alive, but I could not believe what had just happened. Then we began the journey back home. Thankfully, Trent had some of his hash brownie left over, and I gobbled that down. I was finally feeling a little more relaxed as we drove home. After an hour, we stopped for gas. While we went inside to grab snacks. I stayed outside and filled up. As the car was filling up, I slid my shoe off to see if I was bleeding. There was more blood than I had expected. I quickly bandaged it up with a first aid kit, and then went to grab the rock out of my shoe. Only, I didn't pull out a rock. Nope. I pulled out a tooth. A raccoon tooth. I think human. Raccoon. Human. I've been haunted and scarred by this for years. Ew, he had a tooth. He had a tooth in his, I'm sorry, I blew past that. He had a tooth in his fucking shoe. You had a tooth in your shoe? Oh, and it was probably like one of those like, like really bad, um, like, like rooted ones. Like the ones that are like thick, like crazy roots. Like they were like long. Oh my God. Ew. I hate it. No, I don't, you don't recover from that. Yeah. I didn't think something like this would be possible, but when I looked further into it, you can only imagine how many villages have been lost, not just in the Catskills, but in all of New England. Anywho, if you read the second one, thank you so much. Below, I will attach my pumpkin spice latte espresso martini recipe for you all to enjoy. Daniel comes bearing gifts. Period. Two cocktails for one. Yeah. Thank you for being such amazing people. No, thank you, Daniel. Daniel, we love you. Stay weird, make good choices, and don't end up on forensic files. If you do, give me a shout out. It is my bedtime show. Remember, no Friday is a bad Friday unless you are Jesus and have the best Halloween ever. All my love. Daniel, or as my mom calls me, Dipshit Daniel. The shoe fits. Your stories are cray cray. You're also an incredible storyteller. You really are. I don't know why I can't speak, but you're an amazing storyteller. A tooth in your shoe, Daniel. A tooth in your shoe goes crazy. It's like a pox on your house, but it's a tooth in your shoe. A tooth in your shoe. I'm going to start saying that now. I like that better than a pox on your house. Yeah, that's good. Oh my God, I can't wait for this to be happening. Ew, what is that? It's hair. Oh! That looks so disgusting. Sorry. It was both of us. Oh my God, you have a giant glob just like coming down from your chin. Oh, do I? It's dry, though. Oh, I feel it. No, there's another one. Oh, there you are. Oh, right there. Oh, oh, oh, there they all are. Wow. Okay, your turn. Okay. Okay, Carrie. So this one's called Halloween Listener Tale. Straight to the point. I like that. Hi, weirdos. My name is Morgan. Feel free to use my name. Oh, you have a big glob coming down from your nose. Oh, there it goes, there it goes, there it goes. It's going. Bloop. Oh, I feel it. Ew, it looks like a booger. It fell. Ew. Okay. I just discovered your podcast last month, and I'm obsessed. Like, binging constantly now. Still? Thankfully, I listened to a recent episode encouraging to send listener tales and wanted to share my spooky tale with you. Do it, Morgan. So this happened when I was a teenager. Like, seventh grade, I think. It was October, so it was in full spooky season mode. Was it 2010, Morgan? It was. That's canon. It better be. I was sleeping over a friend's house, and her mom was a nurse that worked inpatient at a local hospital. We, of course, were staying up late, binging on too much sugar and watching scary movies, as teens do. Yeah, girl. My friend's mom came home. She came home from work around 11 p.m., and you could tell she just looked kind of on edge. She didn't say anything to us when she walked in and just kind of looked disillusioned. I was pretty close to this friend and her family, so I could instantly tell something was off. I mean, Halloween as a nurse must absolutely suck. My friend asked her mom, who we'll call Sandy, what's up? And she came in and sat down by us, still in her scrubs. Yuck. Don't sit on your couch. Oh, yeah. What did he say? Later. Sit on your couch later after you've showered. And I'm just kidding. Nobody yell at me. It's a joke. I also wore scrubs, so I get it. But yours has, like, dead people on them. Yeah, mine were even worse. So Sandy goes, oh, I just kind of had a weird night and gave us a faint smile. We asked her what happened, and she was reluctant to tell us. But, of course, we kept pushing until she finally agreed to let us in. She told us she had an elderly male patient that night who we'll say went by the name of John. John, unfortunately, was not doing well and was sedated much of her shift. She cared for him most of his days until he passed away in the early 80s. After his family came and said their goodbye, it was time to take John's body to the morgue. To Elena! To me. It was part of Sandy's job to assist with cleaning and prepping the body to help transfer. Sandy started removing all of his lines and telemetry leads, the lines that monitor heart rate and waves up on the monitor. John's body was taken to the morgue, and Sandy was continuing to clean up the room when all of a sudden the heart waves on the monitor started again. No, thank you. Thank you. Making a beep every time a wave would form. Again, John was no longer hooked up to the machine. And even if he was, those waves would not be forming as he had already passed. Sandy said the room felt ice cold. I don't like it. Sandy was a pretty deeply religious woman, and she knew that the patient's listed preferred religion was Catholicism. She called the hospital's on-call priest to come to the room and say a blessing. She never expected what would come next. Oh, bitch. I love it when a priest shows up. Oh, it's so spooky. It's gonna get fucked up. Priests are the spookiest, and they don't even know. They are. They don't even realize it. Do you think they do? I would. Yeah. If I was a priest, I'd be like, I'm hella spooky. If you were a priest is a crazy thought. If Elena was a priest, everybody. If I was a priest. Wow. It's like Beyonce's If I Was. Watch Midnight Mass if you haven't, speaking of priests. I always am yelling about Midnight Mass. Yeah. Doesn't get enough love. If I was a priest. If I was a priest. Sorry. The priest came to the room and also observed the waveforms on the heart monitor. He began saying a prayer, and the waveforms started going crazy, increasing in speed, beeping frantically, and when the priest finished, it stopped completely. Okay. The priest then asked out loud, is this John? And the monitor displayed a single waveform, letting out a single beep. The priest then stated, I'm going to ask you some more questions. If the answer is yes, why is the priest doing a Ouija board? I was literally just gonna say, why is he holding a seance? I need to. The priest is holding a seance. I have questions. I actually just spit because that's so wild. He's holding a seance. What is happening? Hello? I would be so put off by that. Yeah. I'd be like, what is going on? Especially if you were communing. Like, I feel like you'd be like, can you stop talking to the dead person on Halloween? So, he said, if the answer is yes, give us a single beep, bitch. If the answer is no, give us two beeps. The priest began, he didn't say bitch, I did. The priest began asking basic questions. He's a wily priest. He's a wily priest. So, that priest, the wily priest, began asking basic questions. He says, is this your birthday? And, are you a male? And, included questions that both the priest and Sandy knew were incorrect. Oh. The machine provided the correct number of beeps every single time. Sandy said the questioning lasted about 15 minutes until the priest asked one final question. Asking, is there anyone that can help you get to the light? The monitor did not beep, but only showed a single flat line, as you would see if someone no longer had eyes. Sandy said that after that, nothing else happened in that room for the rest of the night. As Sandy was driving home, she decided to pray for John and his family, asking God to help John find his way to heaven. She said the entire drive, she felt that someone was sitting in the back seat. But, every time she looked, nobody was there. Gross. Ooh, there was a creek. Yeah, I don't like that. Sandy told us all of this when we got home. And, initially, my friend and I were like, oh, yeah, okay, it's Halloween time, you got us. But, something else happened. Sandy, on her face, both told us that she was not kidding around at all. I love that you're like, okay, Sandy. Okay, Sandy. All right. Crazy Sandy. She said goodnight, and we went downstairs to their finished basement to sleep. But, we were not asleep for long. A few hours later, I woke up to their dog whining. As I looked up, the dog was staring up at the wall, looking up at some decorative metal trays that were screwed into the wall. He then started barking, and my friend woke up. We tried to call the dog over to settle him, but he would not move. All of a sudden. We heard a loud noise. Ting, ting, ting, ting. And, saw screws fall to the floor, along with the decorative metal trays off the wall. Ew. We screamed, as there was no way that metal tray would just magically become unscrewed to the wall. No. Sandy and my friend's father came running as they heard the crashing of the metal tray to the floor, followed by our screams. We all huddled together and looked down at the tray. And, I see that it's an old Coca-Cola tray that says, in big font, thank you. I looked up to Sandy, and she just lets out. Letting out a smile. I like the way of describing that, letting out a smile. Like, you keep it in sometimes. Yeah, I like it. She told us she truly believed that was John saying, thank you, for the care and for the prayers. After this experience, my friends said they never had anything else happen like that in the home and never felt anything malicious. I, myself, now work in a hospital and have had multiple experiences after a patient passes. I think hospitals can sometimes be viewed as a holding place between life and afterlife. I like to think that John was able to cross over, and Sandy was a contributor to that process. I like that. Thanks for listening, and hope you all had the spookiest October ever. You know what? It wasn't spooky enough. Here's the thing. It really wasn't. We didn't do enough. It really wasn't. It was busy. It was a good October. It was a great October. It was just very busy. Yeah. Also, I have something to say about this. I'm nervous. So, when the freaky-ass priest said, can someone help you cross over? And the line was like, no. What if that was somebody being like, don't. Don't help him. Well, they didn't say no. Like, you don't know John. It didn't say anything. Exactly. Because remember, it was one beep for yes, two for no. Maybe it didn't know. Then we just, like, crossed him over. Yeah. I'm just devil's advocating. It's true. Yeah, I don't know. I don't even know if she, like, meant to cross him over. I think she was just, like, prayers up. Yes, I think Sandy was pure of heart and intention. She was just like, whatever you want, dog. I don't know about that priest, though. The priest was not pure of intention. I actually don't know if he was a priest. I don't think that was a priest. I think that was, like, maybe a custodian in costume. I think that was Zach Bagans that you brought in. Zach Bagans in costume. Tale number four, Alayna. It's time. It's time. It starts with saying, what's up? It's my favorite thing from Scary Movie. What's up? Oh, what a time. And howdy from down in the deep south, Texas. And you wrote it that way. I didn't say it like that. Yes, I spell it that way. On purpose, but that is a story for another podcast. Ha ha. You can use my name. It's Luna. Ooh, pretty name. That's a gorgeous name. The moon. You mysterious and mystical maidens of the macabre. Oh, my God. That felt so good coming out of my mouth. Mysterious and mystical maidens of the macabre. I love alliteration. I've gotten me through two family losses, two moves, an engagement, and a pregnancy. Whoa. Without your consent, diligent, often. It's a constant. I was just going to say, without my consent. I was like, without our consent, what'd you do? I was like, what the hell? Without your constant. With your constant, diligent, often grueling work, many of us would likely have gone insane over the past half a decade. I appreciate that. Thank you. You're truly a blessing to those of us who enjoy true crime and spooky stories, but need a little dose of the warm and fuzzies. So, la la la, we are awesome, but enough of the adoration. Lol. Lol. I'm here to share a special Halloween haunting with you that my friend and I not only witnessed together, but have tried desperately since to convince ourselves of. It wasn't real. It was real. I have waited many moons, many lunas to tell you this tale, as I didn't want to believe in the supernatural entities or cryptid creatures of the unknown. It was a very dark night on All Hallows' Eve, and my friends, we call, well, we can call our Kathy for this story. Kathy's parents decided to host a party, and my friend could invite whoever, but we lived in the middle of the countryside, and not many people our age had cars. We were still in high school at the time, but luckily, I had an older friend with a car who came to pick me up and take me home. I was so excited. I was so excited to take me over to Kathy's. We'll call her this friend, Wesley. Wesley! So, being the only teens at the party, we inevitably got bored sitting around and watching adults drink and have fun, so of course, we decided to go do some spooky stuff. I mean, it's Halloween and the sticks, for fuck's sake. Needless to say, we only got to the spooky place, uh, we go to the only spooky place we know, the over-century-old cemetery behind the auto parts shop. Now, keep in mind, this was over a decade ago, back in the 2010s. Ugh, we got to the 2010s. 2010s, we, we made it. Chronological. So, we're talking headstones that date back to the late 1700s and early 1800s. I love this. There are even infant graves and family plots. Oh, that's sad. I hate that. My friend Kathy and I are quite witchy and spiritual, her even more so than I, who keeps a healthy amount of skepticism, usually. This event, however, made me a true believer in dark energies and entities being capable of manifesting themselves. See? Because as we slowly branch off and explore the cemetery, we find ourselves in a place Cemetery, Kathy bending down to examine the graves close sir, and whisper prayers over them. Wesley playing guitar and sauntering around casually as the designated driver along for fun. Wesley is a vibe. Yeah. Walking around a cemetery with a guitar, just strumming his guitar. I feel we all knew that one kid in high school who always had an instrument with them. Usually it was a guitar. Wow, Wesley. Okay. Okay, Wesley. Okay, Wesley, we see you. We see you, Wesley. I, on the other hand, was drawn to a large tree with a solitary headstone beneath it. A CD was hanging down from one of the branches above the headstone, catching the light from the auto port store. I don't know why I said auto ports. Auto ports. Auto ports. Auto ports. As well as my attention, like a beacon calling to me silently in an otherwise pitch black surrounding. Okay. Then I notice an oddly shaped black mass huddled behind the headstone and I freeze, my skin prickling as the hairs stand on end. My now fully alert and widened eyes fixate on the two red dots centered in what looks like a head shape atop the massive crouching shadow. Huh. What? What did you just say? I don't know about that. I call Kathy over and she instantly notices my panicked tone, so she immediately joins me at my side. That's when I point to what I'm staring at, my eyes now watering with tears of absolute terror as my mind attempts to process what I'm seeing, but my logic, refuses to accept it. What's that? I whispered to Kathy and her demeanor mirrors my own. She grabs my arm as the CD is caught by the wind and starts swaying above the figure hidden in the darkness, but her notice of it seems to cause a reaction and it stands up. What? I've never seen anything like it before. An almost Slenderman type of shadowy figure looming almost as large as the sun, still crouching to avoid branches above it as it draws closer to us, and we grab one another's hand and turn, tail screaming and turn tail, is that supposed to say that? Yeah, turn tail is like turn around. Like turn your booty? Yeah. Turn tail screaming and running to the car. Of course, Wesley's confused and still watching from the cemetery. Yeah, he's just, he's strumming a song. He's just playing a jam. Yeah, Wesley's in the vibe. We jump into the car and slam our door shut, me and the front passenger, Kathy behind me in the back seat. We were frantic, frightened to death and pleading for Wesley to get in the car and drive us out of there. Then the parking lot lights to the auto parts store next to us turn off and we are shrouded in darkness once again. Mind you, it's after midnight at this point and no other cars are around. The closest residential neighborhood was miles away, not close enough to get by, to get to by foot for sure, and we didn't hear or see any signs of anyone else in the area. If Wesley had left the keys in the car, I would have likely driven off without him at this rate. Oh, damn. But he casually walks over, still strumming his guitar. Okay, that would get annoying. I would kill him with that guitar. Wesley, I'm over it. Yeah. I'm over it now. All the while, he's calling out to whatever spirits or entities may be lingering and apologizing for disturbing them. Come on. Yeah, you're annoying, Wesley. But Kathy and I are just yelling for him to get in so we can leave. As you should. He has one foot in the guitar. That's good old Wesley. He basically, one foot in the guitar at all times. One foot in the car, guitar in the trunk, and he's still apologizing for bothering the spirits. Stop it. You're annoying me. And wishing them well when the lights all turn back on again, and that seems to be enough to convince him to leave. But it's too late. Kathy and I can sense it. There is something in the backseat with her. All we do is exchange knowing looks, and I attempt to reach back and hold her hand. It's a bit of a drive. You're just like, I'm going to hold your hand about this. Yeah, I mean, can you try to kick whatever this is on the car? It's a bit of a drive back to her house, and we remain nearly silent the whole time. Once we get back, we sage the car and ourselves. But despite our best efforts, we both had some intense nightmares for a couple weeks, and Kathy still felt as if something bad had been following her around her house ever since then. That's fucked up. That's really fucked up. There's no solution there. Yeah, that's it. Just like, sorry. If you This is a story I rejected for years because of how much of a close encounter it felt like at the time. Kathy has since moved to California to pursue a music and modeling career. Oh, girl. And I now have a beautiful family, not unlike Elena. Aw. Congrats. Speaking of the best-selling author, I just bought The Butcher and Wren, and I'm starting on it today. Hey! There's two more in the series, mom. Let's go! The rainy weather certainly seems appropriate for it. It does. If I hear this on the pod, I will squeal like a schoolgirl and run around telling everyone. I'm listening. Hope you enjoyed my spooky tale of the giant shadow creature in an old-ass haunted cemetery that likes to scare girls. Lots of love, light, and laughter. Luna. Luna! Babes, those were spooky, fucking weird, fucking scary Halloween tales. I liked that. I liked those a lot. That was fun. That was fun. I can't wait to take this wig off. I'm pretty excited to get clean. I can't even imagine. Yeah. I'm gonna peel off a wound. But guys, those were great. Great. They were wonderful. I just wanted to do it. Those were awesome. We love you. We hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it weird. But not so weird that you don't start a podcast and make this your life. Exactly. And happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. Be safe. Be careful. Be spooky and have fun. Get candy and check it and eat it all. Yay! Peace. © transcript Emily Beynon