[MUSIC] Standard-sized rugs shouldn't be the standard. Get a custom-sized rug that actually fits with Ernesta. In as little as two weeks, Ernesta cuts, finishes, and delivers your rug straight to your door. No more awkward sizing. Just a designer-quality rug made to work within your space perfectly the first time. Visit Ernesta.com to explore Ernesta's full range of custom-sized rugs. And get $50 towards any style when you order five samples for only $10. The following podcast is a deer media production. Welcome to RealPod. It's your host, Victoria Garrick Brown. And this is the podcast where we hold nothing back. Oh, so we're getting deep, huh? I really cried for 12 days straight. Why do I want to be perfect? There's nothing in my life that is perfect. Every week, I'll bring you honest, unfiltered, and eye-opening conversations to help uncover the real in all of us. I crave the type of content that you're talking about. I actually felt insecure. Oh, my God, am I going to cry? Let me just unload everything. New episodes every Wednesday. Leave those filters at the door, because it's time to get real. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to RealPod. This episode today is one of my favorites that I've recorded recently. It is going to help you develop a deeper relationship with yourself and show you how. Today's guest is Jack Gold. She is a self-connection specialist who has helped thousands of women ignite and cultivate a deeper relationship with themselves. And that was something I learned in this episode. We have relationships with everyone. Our friends, our family, our colleagues, but the one relationship we often overlook that is the most important is the one we have with who we are. After overcoming her own struggles with an eating disorder and lack of confidence in her early years in college, Jack was inspired to pursue this path because she felt like there was a lack of resources that suited what she needed to heal. And so through her learning and her practice, she's going to share with us today how we can begin to heal, trust ourselves, and so much more. On today's episode of RealPod, you are going to learn the very first steps that you can take to begin building a relationship with yourself. Jack and I are also going to answer a series of deep questions. Like what part of yourself are you still learning to accept? And at the end, Jack is going to share the biggest advice she has for women in their 20s. And this advice was so good in groundbreaking. I saw it on her Instagram and I had to talk about it with her today. You're going to love it. So make sure you stick around. That's how we're going to end this episode. Without further ado, please help me welcome Jack Gold to RealPod. Okay, Jack. I'm so happy to have you. I'm so happy to be here. Welcome to RealPod. Thank you for having me. I can't get over your energies insane. What do you mean? You're just like the light lightest brightest light. I'm not your eyes are glowing. Like I'm staring you. I'm like, okay, I can look here forever. Oh, my God. I'm so honored. You know, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. You're definitely someone who could probably pick up energies totally. You can sniff out a fake energy. I feel I can swim from a mile away. Yes. It's a blessing and a curse. I've been excited to have this conversation with you because I've recently been more interested in the spiritual side of myself and going deeper with myself. And what even is myself versus the ego versus the soul versus the wise mind. And I actually once saw a psychic. It was like a mirror of all. So I felt like I was in a sea and sea of good hands for sure. Totally. And I just remember the biggest takeaway I had was he was like spirits are so happy. You're here. They've been waiting for you to do this. And you know, it's hard to buy in a little bit. But then the more I've gone through my life and seen my mom really connected to her intuition. Shout out, Laney should be very excited. I'm having a spiritual girl on the show. I'm so happy. All my mom wants to do is like get deep in talk. Because her generation didn't have that as much. For sure. But she's been getting more into it. And I've been wanting to get more into it and to know myself. And so thank you for being here. Thank you for having me show us all the way today. I'm going to show you the way. This is my favorite thing to talk about and like such a nerd. But I think it's such an important conversation for everyone. Whether you like kind of know yourself or don't know yourself at all. It's an important conversation to have. And you brought us a little gift of this card that what are we shuffling? This is the reconnection deck. I know I was getting the old energy out of the deck. It's not even that woo woo, but it is a magical deck. It's something I created so that anybody can start now. It's an accessible tool you can implement it into your life. Any day at any time every card has a message and also has an affirmation. And just like an oracle deck or a tarot deck, you have to kind of outsource to receive those messages. So someone either has to pull it for you or if you're pulling for yourself, you're kind of opening a book and reading it. This is meant to give you the message from yourself right now. No frills, nothing just like really, truly connecting to you. And it's really special. It's a really special deck. So I wanted to start because I want to pull cards with you. I think it's important. It's so fun. I've had a few experiences pulling cards because my friend Michelle is very much into this. She's taught me about how you got to get someone else's energy off the deck. You do. And it's funny because you know, first I'm like, okay, my energy on the deck. But then you will pull a card of that you know belongs to the girl who just pulled before you. Yeah. Or like that wasn't for me. Totally. And then for my birthday, she got me this because it's not that I don't believe in all this. I do to the point that it's like, that's why I don't want to touch it because I know it's powerful. Yeah. But she got me this really like gentle deck. She's like, there's no bad cards in this deck. There are no bad things in this. I feel happy. She got it for my birthday. It's fun. So yeah, I'm excited. Okay. Okay. So you go first because you've been putting your energy on it. Totally. And while I'm going to blow out my energy, we're going to put your energy in it. I want to lay it out. Maybe we'll lay it out right here. Okay. This is a good one to watch on YouTube. If you never watch real pot on YouTube, maybe today's the day. As I'm laying out, what I want you to do is I want you to put your hands in your heart and close your eyes. Okay. And just breathe. Eyes closed. If that feels good to you. I guess to narrate for our listeners, I definitely think I'm always moving at a very fast pace. I'm always thinking about what else is coming up next in the day. So right now, I'm trying to really get centered in this moment. Forget about my notes. Forget about the agenda. My plan of how this interview is supposed to go and just let all that go. Yeah. Let it go. Breathe. Take my breath. Drop here. I'll do it with you, honestly. Everyone. Let's take a big deep breath. Hands in your heart and just breathe. And in your own mind, first, just ask yourself, how am I feeling? The reason we ask this is because asking anybody else, how are you? Is something we ask often? But how often are we really asking ourselves, how are you? So how are you feeling? I think my first thought is, wow, we don't ask ourselves that. So this is nice. Just breathe. Yeah. And honestly, don't even say it out loud. Just notice. Don't try and fix it or change it. Just really notice. And then ask yourself for a message in your own mind. Like, what do I need to hear right now? And don't say it out loud. This is for you. My therapist does this. She says, ask yourself and don't answer it. What do you mean? Just listen. You can feel it. And then you're going to pick three cards. But first, you're going to pull from wherever you feel called to pull from. Okay, what do I need right now? I think it's this one. Right. Ooh. Okay, this says, I am unmatched. People will always show you who they really are and how they really feel about you. Not just through their words, but also through their actions. Pay attention to the signals you're receiving. Because if someone is repeatedly showing you that they don't value your presence, the best thing you can do is respond with your absence. Hey, hold it. Just hold it. What's wild is you also went for the bottom of the deck. We always pull the last card. Like, no matter what, we pull the last one, but we usually pull that last one. So it's so interesting that you felt called to pull that. So just hold that. Okay. And then pull one more time from wherever. This next one says, I am compassionate. Breathe right now. Whatever it is. Remind yourself that it's just a chapter in your life. Not the whole story. Repeat after me. This is now. It's not forever as many times as you need until you believe it. Great. Hold on more time. Okay. I like that. I get to pull multiple times. Hmm. I think I'm going to go with my first. You like to put it with the deck. I am free. In order to attain an everlasting sensation of freedom and connectedness, you must first choose to act in alignment with the version of you that already embodies that. To truly be in a state in which you feel confident in your entire self, you must remove anything and everything that chips away at that confidence, even slightly. And instead, create space for what illuminates your value. Trust that every end leads to a new beginning. My heart resonates the most. To just where you are right now or anything you're working through or moving through. Yeah. I honestly think this last one about being free. I have realized that I've changed over the past three years. Yeah. A lot. The version of myself who got engaged is not the version of me who's been married for a year. Totally. And I feel like my wedding definitely is like just a marker in the timeline. But I remember talking about this with my therapist.
in my session this past week where I was like, I don't wanna show up in this way that I've actually been showing up in majority of my life because I'm like less high-strong. I'm more accepting and more calm and more go with the flow and I'm more chill, but it's weird for me because my body is used to we're not the chill girl. - Totally. - So I really like this. I am free, especially how it's talking about, first choose to act in alignment with a version of you that is embodying it instead of being pulled to this old habit or version of me. - It's scary, right? - It's really scary 'cause it's not your impulse. Yeah, and we're allowed to reinvent and change and redefine who we are as many times as we want, but we don't necessarily know that. And I do think it takes having this foundation of connection to yourself to feel safe doing that. - Definitely. - So that's the place to start, is really making sure you're connected, which it sounds like you are, which is why you're settling into the comfort of change. Even though it's never gonna be something easy, you can tell that you're comfortable and the fact that this is something new. - Yes, and to give everyone listening an example of this, my old pattern I think is to like over extend totally. And so I did that recently where I said, you know, I would do something for someone and then literally immediately after and the next day I'm dreading it. - Yeah. - And thinking, why did I offer to do all of that? - It's unnecessary. - Totally. - It wouldn't be offered to be done for me. And I max always tries to check me with, we shouldn't keep score. Like just 'cause someone wouldn't do something, doesn't mean if you genuinely wanna do it, you shouldn't. But, you know, so then I changed my mind and it was all okay. But I would love to be even more in tune with myself or I don't need to backtrack. I'm on it with the decision in the first place. - Totally, well you were an athlete and you have this perfectionist tendency, which I'm saying this because I relate. I was a performer, I thought I was gonna do Broadway, that was my dream. And with that tendency, like we have to work harder to not make the choice where our worth is rooted in what somebody else thinks of us or what we could do for somebody else. 'Cause in the past, and correct me if I'm wrong, but at least for me, I kind of felt like my worth was outside of me. If I could show up in a certain way or do something for somebody in some way, like I was enough. And so if that's the impulse, then we're gonna have to work harder to do the opposite of that, which is not necessarily overextend right out the gate. To sit back and say like, "Ooh, do I even wanna do this?" Or am I just doing this because this is something I feel like I have to do or it's something I would have done in the past. That takes more effort. But once you have this skill of connection to yourself and that's what I truly believe this is, I really, from the bottom of my heart, believe that a relationship with yourself is a skill that you can learn. It is not a skill that we are ever taught, but it is something we can learn and if we practice and put effort into it, it becomes easier just like any other skill. So if you have this foundation and connection, you're gonna hear that first narrative in your mind's like, "I have to do this for this person," or "I should be saying yes," or "I should be there." But you don't have to listen. You can say like, "Is this authentic to me? "Is this who I actually am now, "or who is this who I used to be?" And then say, "I can't, I'm sorry." Right, saying no is so powerful. It's actually an act of connection in itself. Another example of this, I had something recently where I was gonna see somebody and I just talked to myself. I don't wanna ask you 20 questions about this thing. I just don't. And then I thought, "Okay, then ask three." And I like that. And just don't ask more. Ask the ones you genuinely wanna know. I wanna know, how did this go? How did this turn out? But don't just ask 17 more because you feel like that's the role of a great friend. That's not what I wanna do. So I've been thinking about this. But you're an even better friend if you're the best friend first to you. That's self-respect. You had a boundary pop up within yourself. I don't wanna do this. I don't wanna ask a million questions that I don't really care about. I just wanna know what I wanna know and let that be enough. And because you said, "I'm gonna promise myself. "I'm gonna do this." And you kept that promise, that build self-trust period. And you're ultimately showing up better for this person than if you did ask them a million questions that you didn't care about because it's authentic to you. So the more we show up as our most authentic self, the better life is. At least that's what I believe. We create our reality based in how we treat ourselves first. Definitely. I do feel like people in my life who are so centered and admirable and just the way that they move through the world have a lot of self-care that they've built in. I'm thinking of Jeffrey Saad who's been on this podcast twice. My listeners might be familiar with him and he has this religious morning routine of when he wakes up and how he's not on his phone and what he says to himself and his gratitude journaling. And just he does so much to prepare himself to be an incredible person each day. And I think what I'm trying to say is the people that are the most connected or I think the most joyous have been through some shit and they've done the work. For sure. For sure. And that's not to say like you have to go through shit to be a great person or you have to go through shit to choose to be better. But yes, I feel like someone who you see and you think they're really strong you really admire how they carry themselves. They've probably been through something whether you know about it or not. And I think that's the beautiful thing about pain is that we can learn a lot and we move through it. Like I went through something very difficult right before my wedding. And so that I think was a catalyst to the journey. And it's like, I'm so grateful that I had what was an incredibly difficult experience because I love who I am now. - Totally. - There's that Zoe is still Donna video. I'm sure you've seen it. She's like, I love who I am. I love the way I heal. I love the way I struggle and I love the way I learn. - Yeah. And it's all about loving your process. - This whole last year I went through honestly the darkest time that I had been through since I hit my rock bottom when I was a junior in college which is like what started this entire journey for me. But we were going through fertility stuff. I have a daughter, she's three and a half. We wanted to have our second kid and it was hard from the beginning. And so I was going through fertility treatments and constantly checking my ovulation and everything just like really putting myself into this head space that was dark. And I think what it showed me when I can reflect on it now because it was really scary. The one thing that I didn't doubt for one second was the fact that I was gonna get through it. I didn't like being there. I didn't wake up every day being like this is for a reason. But I knew deep down in my heart that I was going to come through it. And now I look back on it. And I'm like I honestly love the way I dark because like every time I go through darkness I get so much more of my own light. And I think that's a big thing when you're going through something hard. Recognize that there's something on the other side if you're willing to walk through the darkness inevitably. You're gonna gain the beauty and the clarity on the other side of it. You just will. We're gonna take a quick break from today's episode with Jack to talk about one of our sponsors who makes an episode like today possible. And that is A6. This couldn't be more perfect because today's episode is all about connecting more deeply with ourselves, feeling empowered, energized, and doing things in our life. That set us up for success and to be the best version of ourselves. And movement is power. When you move your body, you move your mind. Even a few small steps can help you feel more balanced and clear-headed. I have been going on a lot more walks than I usually have. I feel like I finally caught that bug of the rush you get when you go outside. You're in the natural light under the sun. You're breathing in fresh air. Your phone's away. You're moving your body. And you just feel your heart beating and you feel alive and you feel connected. And you feel really present. I feel really present when I go on a walk. And A6 makes those walks feel easier. I've been wearing my A6 GT 2014 sneakers on my daily walks. Also, when I travel, when I run errands or even on recording days, they just feel super supportive. But they're also stylish enough to wear anytime. And I love having a sneaker. That is versatile. That I can wear when I'm going to therapy. That I can wear when I want to work out. That I can wear for a quick coffee run. And there are so many cute styles and color ways. You can definitely find one that works best for you. A6 also conducted a study called the A6 Move Her Mind study, which shows that just 15 minutes of movement can boost mood, clarity, and confidence. So whether it's a walk, a stretch, or a moment of stillness, movement becomes a tool to feel more grounded and more connected and more you. And if you're listening to this episode today with Jack, I bet that that's something you're craving. And guess what, so am I. And I think it's awesome that A6 is investing in the science of mental well-being. Through their global move, her mind study, which revealed that women who move regularly feel 52% happier, 50% more energized, and 67% less stressed. And I can attest to that just with the way I've been showing up for myself and been consistent with fitness. I feel like I feel more confident. I feel stronger. I have this deeper belief in myself, and look, it can start with something as simple as a walk. Like everyone always says, baby steps, baby steps. 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reduce stigma around mental health and create a ripple effect of positivity, because movement is more powerful when shared, and having an accountability buddy or going with a friend is truly one of my favorite things, especially if I do a Pilates class, I always like to go with a friend. Or if you don't know if you're going to wake up in time, or you might snooze your alarm, if you know you're meeting someone, it just gets you out of bed that much faster and helps you stick to your word. And look, at the end of the day, move your body, move your mind. I feel like my body spirit is also connected, and when we are moving, we are also taking care of our mental health. You can visit asics.com and use code real pod at checkout for 10% off your order. Exclusions may apply. Make sure you check out asics.com and use code real pod at checkout for 10% off your order. 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That's c o z y earth dot com cozy earth dot com and use my code real pod for up to 40% off because your bed should be more than a place to sleep. It should be your happy place. cozy earth makes that possible. The first time you went through, let's call it a dark night at the soul. Yeah. When you were a junior in college, did you know you were going to get through that? No. Absolutely not. I always struggled with refactionism and comparison and this feeling that like I wasn't enough. And I hadn't eaten a sort of that followed me to college that I think I convinced myself I didn't have when it started in high school. And it hit its rock bottom when I was a junior and I got amazing clinical help. I woke up one day, I was failing out of school. It was like my dream to go down why you got in and I just like I was blowing it all up and I got up and I looked in the mirror and I couldn't see myself. I literally could not see to this day. I don't know what I looked like. You know, when you like put like a blur filter on a photo, like that's what it looked like. Okay. And I said out loud to myself, you either ask for help now or you stop living because this is not life. And that was the day I asked for help and I went to an outpatient program and ultimately I took my life back. But I didn't know. No, if you told me in that outpatient program, when I when I was there that one day I was going to be bridging the gap that I felt like I was existing in which was amazing support while I was in that clinical setting, but when I would leave, they didn't have anybody who was helping me meet all the awareness I was developing with any action to make a change. If you were to tell me I would have become that person, I would have probably started to have been crying and then like, there's no way. So no, no, absolutely not. But now looking back on it, I see the purpose of that. I had to go through that in order to get to where I got to to be the person that I needed because I know I'm not the only person who's experienced that. And now I get to be the person who guides people back to themselves in a way that I was so lost. What's so powerful about that, Jack, is at the time you don't know you even have the potential and the corners of your mind that you've then discovered, right? It's so hard to see a version of ourself that we don't know yet. And what's coming up for me as I hear your story and not just take this so dark, but when I was in college and really struggling with depression and got to a place where I was like, oh, I understand why people kill themselves. That was crazy for me because growing up, I'd never understood that. Why would you not want to live? Why would you drive a suicide? And I got to that place of thinking, oh, I get it. And that was so scary to be like, oh, I'm on this wavelength where I'm seeing it, which is terrifying. But then now I'm at a place in my life where I completely disagree with seeing it, right? I've seen it now at the light. I've worked through the pain and I love being alive. And I want other people to feel that way. So it just goes to show we have to believe that there's always something we're not able to see in this moment, but it's going to come with the time and the understanding. And that's like faith and hope. And however that manifests for someone, whether it is in a religion or it's in spirit or it's in self, but I think it's just such a beautiful reminder for people, no matter what you're going through, trust that there's something you're just not able to see yet. And you might see it tomorrow, and that's why you should hang on. And when you can't see it, it's because they're not meant to. It's not because you won't. I think one of the biggest things that I believe in is that there is no end point. So we can do all this work on ourselves. We can be in this really strong relationship with ourselves like, I do this for a living. And I still hit periods of disconnection. So if we can't prevent the inevitable, it's about showing up for ourselves even more or so on the days and in the periods where it feels much harder. And even if you go through something hard and you make it through and you have this clarity and you feel so much brighter and lighter, when you hit another one, like another, it doesn't even have to be as dark. But when you hit something else, you're not the same. So even if feelings feel familiar, like how I said, I hit this darkness that I hadn't hit since college, like it felt familiar totally. But to your point, there was no doubt that I would come through. Familiar feelings, yes, but I'm different because every time you grow through something you change for the better, how can someone begin their spiritual journey who is really interested in what we're talking about, but doesn't know the first step? Yeah. I think that's a great question. And yes, there's an element of spirituality to this for sure, but it's also much more tangible than that. Like the way to get to know yourself is the same way you would get to know somebody else. Listen. So the first thing that I would tell somebody to do is get quiet and start to pay attention to the way that you're speaking to yourself about yourself. Because if it's not kind, chances are you're in this relationship that's more toxic with yourself. So the way to repair that is to start to notice the words that you're using because they make all the difference. The words that we use the way we speak to ourselves, that's really what shapes the lens that we see ourselves through and then that creates the reality that we show up in. So just literally start there, it doesn't cost anything, it just takes you paying attention to what's in your mind. And when you say that it's a skill, I love this because you know, that's exciting. Okay, this is something we can learn. What are some of the skills that we could be practicing? So first, always start there, self talk, self talk, period. But then how we started this entire thing with putting our hands on our heart and asking ourselves how we are. Check in. Like, think about a relationship. This is like the way that I can make it as tangible as possible with somebody else. We are taught how to communicate or taught how to show up or taught how to support. We know how to do that. Like the likelihood of you showing up for your husband is 100%. Right? Like, he might piss you off sometimes, but you're still going to show up. You're still going to care how you do. It's the same thing with us. So start to pay attention to the way that you're speaking to yourself. Check in with how you're feeling because your feelings can be some of the greatest teachers. And a lot of the time, we kind of label certain feelings as wrong. And then we try and run from them or avoid them at all costs. And in reality, if we just let ourselves feel them, they're going to move. Where am I at? And I'm big on taking a pen to paper or even if that doesn't feel accessible, like dumping what's in our mind, loneliness grows in silence. So like taking the pen to paper, writing, if that doesn't feel accessible to you, I'm big on voice, noting like yourself, walked on the street, pretend you're talking to someone on the phone and send yourself a voice note, like just get the clutter in your mind out. It's kind of clearing the cobwebs of your own voice. It's so true that we don't practice a relationship with ourselves. No. It's wild too. It's like so obvious. It's staring you right in the face. It's like, why keep up a relationship with my family and my siblings and my friends and my colleagues? And how often are you giving yourself the same patience and attention and grace? Right. And it's like barely. Barely. And I think people think they are. And especially now with social, like you're scrolling and there's that wellness fatigue almost because so and so is doing.
practice and that person's doing that and that's what's working for them, but what works for you. So you could be meditating, you could be journaling, you could be working out, you could be doing all the things and still feel not connected to yourself. It's really about finding out who you are, the truth of who you are underneath it all. I prepared a few questions. This is perfect that are pretty deep and I was thinking we could model them and then people could take them home and either ask them to themselves or with a friend. Let's go. Okay. So the first question is what about you is most misunderstood. Oh my God, what a good one. I don't think people realize how much other people matter to me. They're well-being matters. I'm incredibly sensitive. I'm such an empath. Somebody else's energy, if I'm not careful, it can completely change my mood, my day. I don't think people realize how important somebody making a changes or somebody in my life feeling good is. I think people can think that this is my job, that you'll be good no matter how people around you are. Correct. And I've got it. Kind of the narrative that I grew up in. I have two younger brothers and it was always like, Jack, she's got it. She'll be fine and I will. I always will. But I can definitely be impacted for sure if I'm not careful. I love that so much. I feel like mine is similar in a sense. I feel like I have a bunch, which is like. I think I just feel like I'm always viewed as she has it all together. She's on her shit. She doesn't need much from us. And that's true. I love how you're just like, and I'll get through it. And I feel like I have that with myself. Like, I will be fine. I will grind. I will pick myself up. I'm never going to be in a spot where I'm like, I really need you to take me to coffee. I need to be around people today. I'm never going to do that. I will always tough it out. But I think that while I tap into that mindset of like, I don't need it, I can survive without it. It would be way better and more comforting and pleasant to me. Like, if I did have that support. Okay. I couldn't relate to that more. When I was going through this darkness, there's one specific memory that sticks out so strongly. My mind will honestly be with me forever. I was having a really hard day. And I like, I couldn't do anything. I just ended up getting in the bath in the middle of the day. I didn't even turn the lights on. I just was like in the dark in the bath. And my husband came in and he like brought me chocolate because I love chocolate. And he was like, here, I brought you this. And I was like, thank you. And oh my god, there wasn't even water in the bathroom. I let the bathroom drain. And so I got out of the bath and I sat on my bathroom floor and he just sat in front of me. And he was like trying to kind of use my stuff on me. He was like, what's going well? 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[email protected]. The next question is what is a part of yourself you're still learning to accept? I'm a recovering perfectionist. So I think I'm still learning to accept that like, even if I know what to do, even if I know how to be, it's still going to be messy. It's never going to be perfect. Ever. You know, like you can't perfect imperfect and life is imperfect. And we're meant to be that way. So I think I'm still working on it. We're mirrors. I know are we the same person? One of my phones says I am an imperfect person. Wow, that's great. That is the reminder that I feel like I've been eating similarly to accept. Like I've made mistakes. I've said the wrong thing. I've done the wrong thing. I've hurt someone. Whether it's intentional or not, like that's really hard for my brain to process. Yeah, it's going to be messy. It's meant to be. Okay, I have two more. When do you feel closest to your purpose? In many ways, I think intimately like when I'm talking about it, one on one with someone and I say something that helps them see themselves or remember the truth of themselves and it like I see it in their eyes and it clicks. Even just what I said, like I saw in your eyes, like you related. Yeah. And that is I love that. To me, that's everything. But I also just love being in groups. Everything that I do is in group format. I mean, I do work one on one with people, but I focus on group because of that element of being seen. I think seeing yourself through the lens of somebody else's experience is so important. And so being up in front of people while they're becoming mirrors to one another or they're making connections about themselves because of what somebody else is saying. I'm like, oh, baby, here we are. That's so crazy that you're like, I can see in your eye. I can see it. I had it literally a full memory of play in my brain when you were talking. And it was my junior year of college when I went to visit Max playing football at Pittsburgh and I was really depressed and he didn't understand because I'm good at hiding things, but also he's such a joy in my life. So of course, I'm going to be happy with him and he's going to make me laugh because he was like my shred of sparkle. But I remember trying to explain to him, you don't understand and how bad this is.
Unfortunately, we had not been together that long. He wasn't able to know me the way that he would know me now. So bless his cute little heart. He's just like, I'm here, whatever you need. But he's not really feeling the pain that I have. - Totally. - But yeah, that's the memory that came up. - I get it. My husband's now at the point of being together for 11 years. Okay, he's now at the point where he's like, I'm fluent in Jack. Like I get where we're at right now. We're different people. He's not nearly as emotional as I am. We've had to work on that. So if I went through that in the beginning, he would have been like, let me know, can I get you water? Like, who do you need? - S2 and I think that's helpful for all couples, friendships, relationships, whether it's you and your mom or you and your sister or something like that. We're nine years in and I feel like I'm just seeing him do a few things that I'm like, yes. - No, for sure. - That's what I'm wanting. - For sure. - 100%. They're like, give him positive reinforcement. That's exactly what I need. Thank you so much. - This last one is a hard and you don't have to answer it. If you think it's an ongoing answer. But what do you think your soul came here to learn? - Oh, I really believe that my struggle is my purpose. Everything I move through. It's almost wild. Like you mentioned, you went through something before you got married. I went through something before I got married and that year-long engagement that we had was really hard. And I was the first of my friends to get married. I didn't have anything to compare it to. My friends were like, is he not the one? I was like, it has nothing to do with him. It was everything that was going on with me. And I started to move through it. And then I got three ride to Beezas clients who were also going through that. So that I could almost look back at them and they couldn't see themselves through it because they were at the beginning. I had moved through. I was like, I see you. Let me see you until you see you again too. That is my purpose. And I'm not saying I have to struggle in order to help. But I really think that everything I've moved through becomes another layer of me that helps me better understand somebody and see them before they can see themselves. That's so beautiful. I don't think I have my answer yet, but I definitely think I'm getting better at listening to my intuition and like knowing in my gut. And whether it's as simple as I open up a shirt that I ordered and I look at it and I just know slightly the wrong color green, it's not my favorite color greener. It fits me, but I don't love this thing. I'm like, return it. Like, I'm starting to listen to myself more. And even now with, I've been talking about this so much, even now getting baby fever. I just know in my soul, like, I'm ready to be a mother. I just am, like, and I can wait for Max to be ready. And we don't need to rush anything. It's a two person decision. But I know, like, I know that. And I didn't know it like a year ago. And I was terrified when I had like a little pregnancy scare. But I think there's so much power and like recognizing, okay, when was my gut onto something? When wasn't it? When was I not listening to it? I look back with mistakes I've made even in business. And I just wasn't moving slowly enough to even check in. - To hear. - Until it's too late that I'm like, oh my gosh, I have a list of things that are red flags. How did I not see one to move on? Like, you know what I mean? - Well, that's it. That's connection. And you can start so small. That's what I mean by starting to pay attention to the narrative or even the talk track or just your own voice. That's how you hear your own voice again. It is starting with like, do I even like the screen color shirt? No. Okay, then I'm going to return it, right? Do I even want to go get coffee with this person? No. Okay, then I'm not going to go, right? It's it's having the conversation with yourself over and over and over again. And if you do falter and you do make a choice that doesn't feel aligned, you didn't mess up. Like, it's not over. Just make the next choice. - And that's actually going to bring more clarity. - That's something I've been trying to think about as has a perfectionist as well. I hate making the wrong choice. I want to think about 17 options and know that I'm choosing the crack tone and I'm not going to have a problem. So, Nax has been telling me like, okay, well, if we find out we've made the wrong choice, you know, on something in our life, we'll have the clarity once we realize it was wrong. We're going to be even more on base for what's next. Jack, you made an incredible video about things you want everyone to know when they're 20 is that you learned in your 20s. And I want to encourage everyone to go to your Instagram and watch the video. I want to talk about two of the points with you. - Great, please. - Okay, the first one that you shared was every new version of you is going to require you to release your attachments to the old version of you. Can you talk more about what that means or give an example of how manifested for you? - First of all, I'm the most passionate 30 something or old about the 20 something. So if you're a 20 something listening, like I got you, okay. I think we get really attached because we're comfortable with relationships and jobs or even like even close, anything that represents like an older version of us, we get really attached because it's comfortable. And our brain is not wired to ever gravitate towards what's uncomfortable. We will always pick comfort. So in order to grow, in order to feel good, in order to feel like you, you have to be willing to get uncomfortable. And that might mean walking away from a relationship that actually is stunting you. Wants to keep you small. That might be taking a risk, right? When you know in your heart that like this job is not right for you, even if everybody is telling you that it is or where you live, right? It's really truly listening and being willing to make the harder move. Like that to me is your 20s is figuring it out, right? Like I think it's very easy to want to like meet your person and find that other someone, it's about finding you. And the only way to find you is to like, let go of the stuff that is no longer you. - It's hard, right? - It's so hard. - And I'm not obviously not a hoarder, but I'm definitely attached to like sentimental things. I think to encourage people to, no, you can't keep your whole closet from college. But if you have that one special dress or special sweater that doesn't suit who you are anymore, but it's sentimental, fold it away and put it in a little memory box. So not your whole closet, like one or two items, you know what I mean? So I think that's what I would encourage someone who's like, a little scared about how to really shed the audio is like you can do it at your own pace. - It actually has to be done at your own pace. You also can't mess it up. So you can hold on and then choose to let go, take your time, but that is how you will continue to ground find you. - The other point of your video that I loved so much that I've felt I just haven't heard it said in a sentence is success requires you to say no more than it needs you to say yes, which is so counterintuitive. - I know. - You would think success is yes, yes, yes, do everything. But the more successful I've gotten in my career, the more protective I've had to be about everything. Time, relationships, communications, that the nose are just, it's insurmountable, like compared to the S's. - Yeah, I did everything in my 20s. I did everything because I was trying so hard to be somebody instead of just being me. The best things that have happened to me in my life have come after I've said no to something. I look back on my 20-something year old self and I'm like, you don't wanna be doing that. You don't have to be doing that. Doing that doesn't make you any more valuable, right? Saying no actually makes you feel better about you even if you don't know why it would but it does and you're gonna get yourself closer to something that will make you feel so good about who you are. And you're gonna see it, magnify. - And if you don't know, I always say if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. - Absolutely. - If you're making a pros and cons list, it's a no. Like seriously, there are so many things we just don't wanna accept but yeah, it's like scarcity. It's looking at it through a lack mindset versus looking at it through if it's not this, it's something better. - There were two more in that video that I would love to talk about but I'm gonna click bait you guys to go to Jack's profile. Lastly, I just wanna talk about your inner babe. This is the coolest part of this whole thing. If someone's sitting there like, oh my God, this has changed my life. Guess what, you can keep working with Jack. Can you share more about the group work that you do and how someone could get involved? - Yeah, I would love to. Like I said, I became the person that I needed. So why I be, your inner babe, is a community. I work with people of all ages on learning the skill of self-connection and guiding you back to the truth of you and so that you can continue to practice that skill every day. We make it accessible, we make it tangible. You'll see very quickly, it's not rocket science. It just takes effort and consistency. But I do it all in group, like I said. So I do virtual group programs, I run retreats, and I do workshops all over the US. But I just challenge you to come to something, whether it's joining a group, a virtual group, or it's coming to a retreat, which is three days, we take your phone and know it's crazy, disconnect, or just coming to a workshop because you might not realize how deeply you are craving to feel seen and you will feel that, seeing somebody go through their own experience. - Oh my gosh, honestly, getting rid of your phone for three days, it's in your own group of people who want to go deep, sounds actually amazing. - Want to come, it's amazing. - And Jack is the best, you guys. She provided us with a code for real pod listeners. It's real pod for $250 off any of Jack's upcoming programs. And you can find those at yourinterbabe.com or you can text real pod to 312-847-251 to receive five days of text from Jack to grow your relationship with yourself. - Thank you for hooking us up. - Always. - It's so generous. - Always. - Yeah. - I think it's important. - Well, I love this. - This was just such a good reset. - I'm glad you feel that, I feel it too. - Thank you. - We're taking the time. - Thank you. - Thank you so much for listening to this episode of real pod. If this hit home or helped you in some way, send it to a friend, a teammate, Rumi, share the love, share the realness, new episodes of real pod.
to come out every single Wednesday. So make sure you are subscribed to this podcast so you never miss an episode. To leave a rating or review of the show, head to iTunes and let me know what you think. I love hearing from you. Not to mention you can stay connected with RealPod throughout the week, seeing behind the scenes info and sneak previews of upcoming guests by following the @RealPod account on Instagram. All information about today's show and guests will be linked in the description of this episode. Thanks again for listening. I love you guys so so much. Let's go dominate the day and, as always, keep it real. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Hi friends, I'm Cameron Rogers, mental health advocate, mom of two, content creator and host of conversations with Cam. This podcast is dedicated to having honest conversations prioritizing your well-being and reminding you that no matter what you're feeling, you are not alone. We'll discuss mental health maintenance, the ups and downs of motherhood, the trials and tribulations of life and have a lot of fun along the way. Whether you are knee-deep in diapers or just trying to keep your sanity intact, this podcast is for you. Expect to laughs, maybe a few tears and hopefully some breakthroughs along the way. Make sure to subscribe and tune in for new episodes of conversations with Cam every Wednesday morning.
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