Lisa Kudrow Returns | Club Random with Bill Maher

Breaking news, our merch just got a full revamp with all all new designs and items. So if you want a little more random in your life, head over to clubrandom.com and check out the store. We've got premium hoodies, including our brand new Quad hoodies with the updated logo, Super Soft T-shirt, Super Soft for men and women and even tie-dye shirts. All merch is available exclusively at clubrandom.com. While you're there, catch up on recent episodes and grab some swag and bring a little random home. Once again, that's clubrandom.com. You're so not typical show business, anything, and I mean that in a good way. Well, what I'm about to say might change your mind. I think you'd like mushrooms. Hi. That's what's important. Hi. I'm so happy you came back to see me. I'm so happy you went out. Really? Yeah. Well, you know what? I think you and I are a lot of like, we kind of play it close to the best. You kind of have to like… You do? Well, you kind of have to with people. Like you have to get it from actions more than like… Some people are very effusive, you know, like if they vomit a lot of love right away and of course the job business I'm a fan is, is hello. You can't not say it. Right. When you have to though. You have to. You have to. You have to. I mean, don't you can sense when, you know, some people will need to know that. It's just… They need to know that. They need to know that. It's just got to the point. I mean, it's understandable. Maybe it was always this. It's just understandable that if you don't say it, it's conspicuous. Then you're saying, I'm not familiar. Trust me. I've had people sit here who like, they don't really know what I do for a living. No. Oh. Oh. No. I'm not going to say that. No, I'm not going to say that. But is there any like musicians or like… Yes. Everybody watches your show, you know? Right. That's true. You know, we all have our own… Some people are only watching ESPN or only… Yes. …crime podcast ladies who kill, you know, their friends. Yeah. No, I know. That's true. And there's way too much to choose from just in terms of entertainment. There's so many different… It is an embarrassment of riches. When I think of when my youth and the New York market, of course, we had three local and three networks. So that was six channels. Some countries didn't have that. No, no. We had three networks. Where were you? Here. In California? In California. Yeah. And there's only three channels. In the valley. Yeah, wasn't there? Well, I was a kid. I wasn't watching. No, I know. I'm not interested in Sesame Street as a kid. That was… PBS wasn't around when I was little. We had ABC and BC and CBS, the three networks, there was no Fox. And then… But then we had local New York, WR, WNEW, W-P-I-X. Oh, yeah. Right. Yes. We didn't have that. Yeah. Wow. You were depressed. No, we had it too. KTL8 channel 13. Yeah. That's what we call them. We call them channel. That's what they put the kids shows like Officer Joe Bolton. Did you have him? No. No. No. No. A cop who taught cops were good. For kids? Of course. Because a cop was the policeman as your friend, you know? We weren't in… Right, right, right. You know, post-synical and historical, I mean, cops have done a lot of shitty things too. We're not making that up. No. But… Yeah, but in bad. Yeah, they're good. Well, most of them, I'm sure, are. That's good. I don't want to live without them and I get the chip on their shoulder. Yeah, yeah. But Officer Joe was, you know, with the policemen's cabin. And, you know, dad, who was your person who, like, there must have been… Captain Kangaroo. Captain Kangaroo. I liked. Yes. But I loved something called romper room, Miss Marianne. And she had a magic thing. And she'd love… Oh, yeah, romper room. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I liked it. And Wonderrama. We had that. Yeah. Sunny Fox. Was that his name? Yeah. Sunny Fox? I believe that… Oh. I believe that is the guy. But I met him later. Sunny Fox? Yeah. I thought Sunny Fox owned Toys R.S. Okay. I know. It could be a different Sunny Fox. No, but… Well, maybe I'm just making that up. No, I met him through Howard and Betty Fast. You know Howard Fast? No. The writer. No. He wrote Spartacus and… Spartacus. No. He wrote something. No, he did. And…no, that…because that was a big black…you know, a black list. Howard Fast. Howard Fast was blacklisted. And he wrote Spartacus? Yeah. Why did I think Dalton Trumbo, who was blacklisted, wrote Spartacus? You got him confused with Howard Fast, who was blacklisted, also. Okay. Dalton Trumbo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, he did. Douglas, yeah, was in it, and they fought about that. Well, whoever wrote it did a fucking awesome job. I mean, did you ever seen it recently? Recently. I know, not recently. You've seen it, though? I think so. I don't know. It's so great because it's like Stanley Kubrick before he did like the more unconventional ones that were, I mean, he certainly did like a…you know, everything he did was so different than its other movies. You know, there's no genre of Stanley Kubrick. Uh-huh. It's like it's its own genre and then he's on to something else. But like that was 1960, and it's great to see that master of like the far out when he just said, "Okay, this is a studio picture, and I'm just going to make an awesome studio." I didn't know he directed it. I had no clue. Stanley Kubrick. Yeah. Uh-oh. What are we talking about? Maybe, I don't know. Didn't he? We don't have our phones. We can't check anything. No. I'm pretty sure he did. Wow. I think that was his, you know, he did like Paz of Glory in the late 50s. He did, you know, you have to, you can't immediately get the job of, "Okay, you'd do whatever crazy shit, you know, 2001, a space Odyssey." You learned the right to experiment, right? You did it, you did it conventionally, and I just thought it showed his great talent because when he put his mind to that, he made a great popcorn movie, because that's what it is. Yeah. You know, it's a real lump in the throat. I am Spartacus. Yeah. I know that part. Yeah. I don't know. That's gladiator stuff. Yeah. It's awesome. As a kid, I wasn't. Lawrence Olivier, isn't it? Oh. He played. And Tony Curtis. Tony Curtis with his Brooklyn accent. Yeah. But who, was it, who is flirting with him in it? Gene Simmons. Gene Simmons. No, no. The man. Yeah. Yes, you're right. They have a code for it. Yeah. Whether a man like oysters or clams, you know, it doesn't matter. They were saying it doesn't matter if you're straight or gay, but in 1960, that's as close as you could get. Oh, wow. But now Gene Simmons was kind of hot. She was the slave girl. Yeah. She was Spartacus' girlfriend. Okay. Yeah. Spartacus. But he's being pursued by Crassus, who was his historical figure, part of the first tram for it with Julia Caesar and Pompey and Crassus. Okay. Yeah. That's how we'll be. I know some things. We'll be on that. I'm not a huge on Roman Empire. Okay. Which is, it should, I should be. No, you should. No, you should. But it's not uninteresting. Pretty impactful. Roman Empire. Yeah. Very, very impactful. But so Crassus, he's pursuing, and so he's-- Tony Curtis? No, he's pursuing Spartacus, who's Kirk Douglas. Yeah. And he captures this girlfriend, and he's got it. He wants her to like, like, him. He's, come on. Look at that. He's got his slave. He's got no good clothes. And Crassus. And I got, you know, togas, and look at that fucking great fire. And she's-- What it really is. She's like not having-- Not having. What? I have all these togas. How many outfits do you want? Well, I mean, today-- But you just said-- Today would be a mansion, but-- It would be a mansion, but-- And she won't have it. At one point, she says to him, and he goes, hmm. You tread the ridge between truth and insults with the skill of a mountain goat. I was like, oh, I love movies. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Just, I love it when they talk for a good reason, not like we talk, because-- Right. You ever read a transcript of anything you've set off the cuff? Oh, yeah. So bad. Well, sometimes, yeah. Sometimes-- Well, there's just a lot of-- Some of you-- Yes, me. --off the cuff. Of course, big as quick. No, you're quick. We're quick. But what I'm saying is we lard our conversation with all this conversational spackle, these urs and ums. And you get-- Yeah, because we want to-- Because we're not. We're not. That's because we weren't raised in Britain, where they used to-- they didn't say like. I know. When I do read, how many likes? And I mean-- That's what I mean. You know, but-- But they're-- Okay. I was about to say, then I'm like, you know, come on. Like, I'm 60. Why are you saying like? Come on. Too old for that. I'm 70. Talk like a-- No. Yeah. I thought we were in the same age. You know, feminine. And I noticed you say it on the, you know, you're not afraid, or you have a little bit where you allude to it in the show. You know, you don't hide from. - Sixty. - Oh yeah, when not to bury the lead. But you know, I told you when you were here before, I mean, I was the biggest fan of that series. I was so, I was so beyond delighted and shocked. I didn't hear anything about it till it was on. And I saw it list. I was looking, oh, I was like, oh, I'll watch these again. And I was like, oh, there's a third season. - Yeah. - They kind of kept it a quiet there. - Not really, but. - No, I'm just missed it. - You missed it, but that's okay. - Yeah, 'cause HVR was great at promotion, but. - Yeah, well, I mean, maybe they targeted it too, you know. (laughing) - Well, up to all, even for that, no. - No, no, no, not all. They, you know, well, I mean, look, the so much support from gay men, I have to say, for the comeback. - I love Valerie Cherish. - Don't take this the wrong way gay men, but I still understand that. I mean that in the best way. - Yes, me too. - I do. - Me too. I understand too. - And I do, and, you know, not to be facetious at all about, but why do gay men, you know, are why they attracted to characters like that, divas and so forth. And it's usually because they relate to the fact that it is harder for women. It's certainly, historically in this country, things have changed a lot. And, you know, in many ways, now, you know, that more of them go to college than men, blah, blah, blah, but there is still lots to do. And so they do relate to that sort of, you, you know, I'm not on top, but I'm going to get onto the top. - And you have to get along to go along, right? So there are compromises and, you know, someone's not going to be nice and you have to just, okay, having a bad day, I guess. You know, you have to alter reality just a little bit 'cause it doesn't serve you. - Honestly, that character itself should be in this Smithsonian with Archie Bunker. Really, I'm not kidding. And Fonzie's jacket. And it's so captures an era. - Yeah, yeah. - And just something in the culture, I can't put my finger on it, I don't have to, 'cause I know it's there. - Yeah. - And it's just, it's this combination of, you know, somewhat revato when she needs to be, like, you just love that courage that comes up because otherwise her instinct is always to get along and to, like, make people, like, and of course, maybe to me, having spent a decade as an actor, I know the desperation of actors, you know, but you kind of, like, make, you do it in such a way that it's the desperation that we all feel that we've relate to. It's just genius. - But the fact that you don't take it personally or feel threatened or, like, that's fantastic, thanks. Well, there are a lot of, I think, well, this, I don't wanna say it the wrong way, but, you know, there are a lot of straight men who just feel bad for her and can't bear it and can't watch it. Because she's being treated so horribly. First season, Polly G, the writer. - I gotta say, that character was right on the edge of, like, no, I wasn't, didn't ever make me think, I'm not gonna watch the show, I loved it too much. But, like, it was, I mean, I hope that actor is not, like, that in real life. - He's not. He's also the dad on Young Sheldon. Now, he was, they finished Young Sheldon. - Oh, okay. - He's fine, Lance Barber. - He's great. - He was so terrible, you're right. It was like, it was hard to, hard to take, but, you know. - But to be fair, we didn't explain him 'cause the camera was on her. But, he was a writer and wrote a show. Network said, no, change it to four sexy singles. That wasn't what he wrote. And then they said, and to hedge our bets, you gotta keep that older one, 'cause we're doing a reality show. And you're gonna have reality cameras around. - Yeah. - Of course, he's pissed. We didn't explain that to that. - Also, that's the backstory. - To justify, yeah. I mean, I thought, we're letting you know a little. - Oh, I see. - But, yeah, I thought it did need explanation. I really thought it did. - I didn't, because like, there are be bricks like that in Joe Business. And then that is also true. - You know, I mean, I've been, I remember once, or a couple of times, but certainly once, dicks out of just being, you know, unfairly berated in front of the, you know, people are tense on sets. - Yeah. - Things happen on sets that probably don't happen quite as much at the office, because there's just much more tension in the air and a lot more high-strung type of people. - Yeah. - And. - No, as if there's so much at stake, right? Isn't that how it is? - Of course. - It's like, we don't have time for this. We're gonna die if we don't, what? Get a better joke. I don't know. - The egos are outrageous. - But also the money's outrageous. - Yes. - You know, you know that as well as anyone. - Yeah, no, that's true. - I mean, showrunners. - You deserve it, but, you know, but no, that's one reason why they're like, eh, because how much is a day of shooting cost? On a movie, it can cost like a million dollars a day. - Right, but on a sitcom? - No, what? - You know, you're not, you're rehearsing. A day of rehearsing is a lot. No. I, you know, and friends, they were great showrunners. So it really wasn't until I was working with Michael Patrick King. And he started, you know, fleshing out Polly G. And I thought, seriously, aren't we going too far? We got more writers in the writers room. They all had, they all knew five showrunners that were as bad or worse than Polly G. And I went, okay, then it's a thing. Wow. Okay. - Oh, yeah, I'm sure. - But there's a lot of people on a set that used to, I think it's so much better now. Take it out on the people they can take it out on. If you're not number one or two or. - This thing I just alluded to, that is exactly what happened to me. - Were you a guest star on something? - No, I was a regular on a sitcom. This is like my fourth sitcom. I was really over it mentally. And it was like my sitcom career. Thank God, it was, you know, it was not ticking off. It was going down. And so I think that this was called Charlie Hoover. - That sounds familiar. - Yeah, it was Sam Kinnison. - Oh, okay. - Shortly before his passing. And the lead, necessarily, if I'm out of it. But he was the one who was like, it was, Sam was on heroin at the time. - Oh. - So like, he'd be in the makeup chair like this. - Oh boy. - And we'd wait around for four hours to the woke up. So I feel like whatever tension and problems the show was having, it was a little more than that than whatever I, and somebody in that cast who had the authority to just blame me because you couldn't blame him because he was the co-star. - Yeah. - He was the co-star and there's no show with that. I mean, he was very hot at the time. - Yeah. - If that's an excuseable. I mean, didn't you remember thinking just like the sane inside of you? This, I know this has nothing to do with me, but it's just, this is deplorable behavior. It's just not right. - And they don't seem to be self-aware of it at certainly not at the time. They're like, I guess that they just survival, you know? Everyone's surviving out there. And it's like, there's an actor who's like, he had a thing, now he's on a sitcom. I'm not saying sitcoms are always a sign you're on your way down. - Yeah. - But in your case, it was, you know, Megas, Megas starred him into anything you want. So you had the greatest sitcom experience. - Right. - I had more of the other one. - Yeah. But very often you get somebody, it's like, somebody who was like, maybe in the movies, and now the time has come to like, you know, take your sitcom like a man. - Okay. - Come on, Eric Stoltz. Just fucking get ready to your pride. And so you, so you got a guy like that who's like, oh, okay, I kind of make this a, I fell off this rung of movie startup, right? Now I'm on this rung TV. Like people have made that into a big thing, you know, but Reynolds had a hit show. - Yeah. - movie stars have done that and like landed very well on TV. But you don't want to lose this rung than you're on one reality. - Yeah. - So like, that's his tension. - Right, but you're leaving out the other part of that tension, which is, I don't even want a fucking bee here. And now I have to deal with overdose and, you know, and this guy who's so much funnier than I am. - Yeah, this wise ass comedian and look, I'm not saying I couldn't have said something that was inappropriate, Lord knows it. I never doubt since. - But, you know, yes, could I, but it wasn't. I don't, if I, I think if it was anything, I would have remembered it. But I sure do remember getting my ass torn in front of the entire crew. And, you know, the, just the whole set, you know. - Wow. Okay, you know, and like I said, this guy probably was very tense about his career. Yeah. So, like, if this is what it took to keep peace with the co-star, then, sorry, you know. Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, yeah. No, I think I had things approaching that, not that bad, because I was never enough of a threat, you know. A threat on friends? No, no, I don't mean on friends. I would guess start a lot on things, you know. Yeah. But I just wouldn't take it in. I had the best acting teacher who wasn't really an acting teacher. He was just, here's how you cope, teacher. I'm not teaching anyone acting. That's your business. But we're here to, you know, practice how you do what you do while auditioning and they're eating. Doesn't matter what they mean. Maybe they're hungry. But don't take anything personally. It was so great. That was the acting teacher. Yes! And it was all cold. All cold reading. So, we just hand you sides. Because people worked with him before an audition. And it was so great. He even had us do certain warm-up. We'd get up for five minutes. You're going to do stand-up. Wow. In front of, it was only ten people in the class. Yeah. How did it go? Well, you didn't plan it. You didn't write it. You just stood up and spoke. And you learned immediately, if you're okay, because he would say, and here's just what I'm going to tell you, if you're okay, the audience is going to be okay. If you're scared or you're nervous or you desperately want them to like you. Yes. That's not what they're here for. Right. So, I would just talk and be okay. And I did groundlings improv. I could work in something sort of funny, not stand-up funny. You know? Not craft a joke. But, and it was fine. And that was a huge lesson doing that. Like, yeah, if you're okay. And right. Like, all of you who are really good, all right, a joke doesn't go. And you say, all right, that didn't work anyway. You know, moving on or you say something funny. Sometimes the crowd likes that better. Or, yeah. You know, when Johnny Carson made a living out of football. Yeah. And David Letterman. Yeah. Well, yes, absolutely. There's something-- It's be comfortable. Well, there's also, when a joke bomb is for a comedian, there's something in the reality of that moment. Like, we all feel it. So, the comic feels it and the audience feels it. So, there is a huge tension that needs to be broken. So, if you can break the tension, you'll get a bigger laugh than the actual joke would. Right. Not that I try to fuck up, Joe. But once in a while. No, well. But, I mean, but it's not devastating. If it doesn't go well, that's the trick. Because they can tell when you're devastated. I didn't around table with other actresses who do comedy and they're all younger and really talented. And the question was, so, how do you deal with, like, you all did improv and bombing in front of an audience? And they're going into these big explanations, too, about, well, you try to win them back. You've got to try to win them back. You've got to do do do do do do. And I thought, oh, I don't have an answer for this. I don't remember bombing. Right. And not because I didn't-- I do. Because I didn't let it in. Because I know I had, and I just thought, all right. But we got to keep going, so. But you were on stage with other people like in a-- In an improv. But then you can blame it on them. I have, you know, years of bombing. Not every time, every time at first, but like, you know, it just-- Well, there's no other way to start. There's no other way. Right. It's stand up. I never did. It's pretty brutal in the first few years. Just because you're learning something, as you-- anyone learns anything, but you're learning it in front of people. I can learn something on the computer. And no one's laughing when I don't get it right away or whatever. I go, you know, here there's no-- Right. You just-- that's the way you're graded every time on your progress in what matters so much to you. Mm-hmm. Is there, like, obvious-- Just a fool. Because, you know, you can't fake laughter. Right. People really don't. It's very involuntary. No, and you can tell courtesy. And you-- What you hear like-- Yes. Yeah, yes. A courtesy laugh. Someone make a sound, you know? In the audience where they're-- They're just like someone make a sound. It's really crying. Yeah, maybe, like, kindling it. Let's start a little brush fire of-- no. No. It's, uh-- Look, we're not heroes in any way. We are just-- No. No. Wait, I'm just-- We're just minstrels and-- [LAUGHS] --cartoonists of some sort and-- [LAUGHS] --Charlottons and, uh, Mount Banks. But we do have a kind of bravery. Yes, but that's the other thing I was going to say. Because I-- when you said you're starting out and you're just bombing over and over and over again, OK, what keeps you from quitting? Right. What sends you back on that stage? That is-- that is the question. But that-- It's-- It very much defines success or-- I mean, there's a million reasons why success can conspire against you, a show business. Some of it is luck in where you were and timing and whatever. But, um, that's a big one. If you are willing to go back into the ring after you get your dick knocked in the dirt, you have a good chance of-- I'm getting somewhere because it is knocking on a lot of doors and it is a lot of patience and a lot of rejection. Yeah. And, you know-- But you're also not expecting-- you don't have a chip because you're not expecting someone to say, "I'm going to give you a regular spot here." When you're starting out, if you've got the right attitude, there's no entitlement. There's just, "Oh, I'm working. I'm working on it." And that's what I'm working toward, where someone says, "You're going to-- That's true." I want you to come back. I want you-- Yeah, no. That is completely true. Unfortunately-- So, humility-- Unfortunately, it's not the attitude. I did it. Really? You thought, like, "What's wrong with everybody?" Yeah. Did you really? They're not laughing. I did. I was too stupid for what I do. And that was-- That was you were one of those guys? I-- yes. Yes. I can't deny it. I mean-- Yeah. And that's partly the-- Partly the stupidity of youth. And also partly-- I wasn't always wrong. Okay. Sometimes they were stupid. And sometimes it was a good joke. It's just, you know-- Okay, babe. But even if it was true, the last thing you want to do is convey that to them. You just have to-- Yeah, take it out on them. You can't. And I did. But, you know, that's what you-- And you would, yeah. Well, but everybody was, right? Well, when you were in your early-- You were alone. No. Everybody did that. No, they didn't. Oh, they didn't. I was particularly bad at it. I was-- Many people just grinned all the way through it as you should. I just was thick and a brush or whatever. I don't know what I-- But I've made my life-- Cornel. So much-- Cornel. Cornel. I've made my life more difficult than it would have-- Otherwise, if I could just have, you know, get it that you just-- I've seen-- And I would see other comics do it. You know, they would smile through it. Yeah. And then go backstage and say, "Boy, they fucking idiots." That's the good thing. Right. Or sometimes it takes 15 minutes to warm them up. Yeah. They're like Richard Geer in "American Jigalo." You know, when he's like-- He took me two hours to bring her to orgasm. Who else would-- You know, he took-- He took real pride in his job. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't just-- I kind of remember. I think I blocked that stuff out. Oh, Richard. Oh, it should work. Richard said, "In "American Jigalo?" Did you ever see it? Yeah. Well, you remember it. It was-- I don't know. It was cool. Maybe that's a guy thing. Richard Geer. I just remember all the guys started trying to look like him. After that, every guy cared about how he looked and-- Yeah. --got a haircut. We were looks-maxing. That's the movie that put our money on the map. Mm. That was, really? Yes. I'm going to have-- Okay. Nicarant. Yeah. I don't think you'll be upset. Nicarant. You have a hero in your-- Have you ever had anyone? No. Anyone? Do heroin? Here? Are you offering? No. [LAUGHTER] I did it. I smoked it once. Ah. I think my first year out here in 1983. Somebody had it. Somebody Richard had one of doing a whole lot of heroin. I don't think you're smoking. But at the time, yeah, nothing happened. Oh. And maybe that's just smoking, but I, like, zero. But nothing happened the first time I smoked pot. And that's often the case with people. Right. The first time you smoked pot, it just didn't-- I don't know what that is, but-- No, nothing happened in the next time. Yeah, you're-- Yeah, the worst thing that ever happened to me. Yeah. What happened? No, no. It just-- it didn't work. go well. Why? It was a little too much. I was like 13, I think. Oh, whoa. Yeah. And I just remember thinking my friends are laughing. It's like, what are you laughing about? You're not high. This is your full of shit because this is misery. And I think I'm going to die. And you never did it again? Not till college. Yeah. And again, you know, it's like nothing's happening. Take another bomb. And, you know, okay. And then all I were going out and I have two people holding me up and we're going through a door. And I just went with my boyfriend into his room. And I was taking like a biocyte class because that's what it was called in the 80s. And now it's neuroscience. And I, the only comfort I could, I really thought I was going to die. Everything was racing. It was going too fast, like slightly disassociating. I think, you know, it's just, ugh. And I would just, okay, I know exactly which neurotransmitters are firing too much. I just have to wait until, yeah, the receptors can then. It's the worst feeling in the world. I mean, maybe not the worst. I was never tortured in Vietnam. I'm sure there are worse. But in my life, my charmed life, then when a drug, a psychic drug has a hold of you like that and doing something, you didn't think it would do. And you don't, you, I've told this story before, but it was, I took speed, not speed like the drug, but they sold this stuff like fen, fen. Oh. You remember that? Yeah. Like it was diet drugs. Yes. But it was just, it was a, some nut from South America. And it was speed. Yeah. Very speedy. Wow. And I did it with a pot brownie. And you don't know how much pot is in a brownie. Oh, okay. And I thought, Oh, you know, I got a lot of work to do. I'll take the, the speedy thing to give me energy. And I'll take the pot brownie to psychic, you know, I love writing on well, the combination. I was like, I didn't know, I didn't know what reality was. I didn't, I couldn't move. Yeah. Like I felt like if I moved, I would die like one inch. So I was frozen at my desk. I could see the phone, but I couldn't move. And I don't know if that happened for 10 hours or 10 seconds. Right. You know, it's just, yeah. It's like, I, you know, you, you don't know, I thought, this is hell. I, I'm in hell or. Yeah. Well, it made, it also, it makes me wonder, was it my, mindset that this shouldn't be happening. That makes it a nightmare. Or is it possible or would it have been possible, possible to just like, okay, just go with this. And then it would have been, no, my heart was going. Exactly. There is no doing that. No, it's just, it's sort of like the psychic version of food poisoning. Because once again, you have no control. And it's a scary feeling that you don't, you, I don't know when this is going to end my head with this crazy trip I'm on. And with food poisoning, I, I, I, I don't want to throw up. Yeah. Doesn't, you're not doing it. I don't want to be, you know, puking while I'm having diarrhea. Doesn't matter. That's what we're doing. And, you know, and you're just, you're bargaining with your own body. Please, just give me a minute. I promise, I'll throw up in a minute. I promise. I will. It just give me one minute to know. Let's do it again. Now, let's do it your way, huh, body? You know, I'm like, we're, why can't we work together? I am you. And that's what that was with the fen fen in the pot mixture. Yeah. Shit. So what did you do? Did you ever never do it again? I didn't know that. I mean, what I would do is never do that again. Oh, I certainly never did pot with fen fen. Well, that's what I mean. Oh, yes. No. Or speed. Or no, no. Yeah. Yeah, dumb idea. Have you done mushrooms or those things? Oh, of course. And that's okay. Oh, great. That's what my husband says. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I haven't done it quite a while, but when we did it in late college, 20s and to my 30s, I think, not often but it was just a, it's a laughter drug complete laughter. I see. You're just laughing your ass off at nothing. I know, but people do that with, and this is like the 70s when I was 13 and got too high. That was not the heavy stuff that it is now. Heavy mushrooms? No, no. The pot in like the 70s was not as strong, strong. And the fact that it had that effect on me made me never go near any kind of psychedelic thing terrified me. I mean, I think you'd like mushrooms. I mean, it's just, it's just, it's just, bring them on out here. Yeah, no, no. I guess it's a good idea. You know, the gold ticker. Bring them on out, girls. The whole tray of mushrooms. I mean, when I did it in college, I'm with the first time. And, you know, we didn't know what we were doing and we put it in like a tuna for a sandwich. It was disgusting. And then, yeah, I know. But there were the actual stems. You know, it wasn't like a pill. It was mushroom. Right. No, I know. Dried, terrible tasting root. I saw them, you know, because other people were doing that. And you'd eat the caps and I don't know, whatever it was. It was fun. It was like, it was really fine. What I think is going on with that drug is it is robbing you of all the, is it serotonin that makes this happy? Is that the one? Yeah, maybe, but one of those mushrooms are while you're on it. I feel like it that's why you're laughing and you're just hysterically off the charge happy because it's just just draining it so that when you come down, it's like, oh, yeah. I remember that first time I came down. I was, it wasn't my parents' house where I was like, for the weekend, because it was like my first six months in comedy. And things are not going well. I'm just, you know, for six months. Yeah. We've already talked about the beginning. How bad, how bad that can be. Yes. Yeah. I wasn't even up to the bad part. I was pre-bad. It was just horrible. So to be in that moment in reality, when the serotonin was just depleted. Yeah. It was just a terrible combination. Right. I could see that. It was just a lot of, but you didn't have the mind expanding like trees are talking and moving and any of that wonderful stuff. One time I, my fingers looked like they were a little not much. My mind didn't know, but that's just how people's minds are. Some people can't be hypnotized. Yeah. I'm not surprised. I didn't have a lot of hallucinations. I mean. Yeah. I'm very here. Me too. That's why I like you. You're very present. I know. You're so not typical show business, anything. And I mean that in a good way. Okay. But no, because I've been listening to physicists that are, you know, thinking about the difficult question of consciousness and deciding that what makes the most sense is its consciousness is not in here. It exists in a field, that field that is everywhere. But it's not in here. I don't understand that. You don't understand it. What do you mean everywhere? Well, you know, that all particles, waves, everything, you know, subatomic there's entanglement, right? I mean, I have a, you know, New York Times Tuesday, Science Times, education on a lot of this. That's about as much as like I'm not like, but I'm aware of all these things to a degree. And mostly, you know, that degree as well. I don't have a degree. So I get it. I don't know. I never took physics to abstract for me. Yeah, it's one of those I call I kind of get it. Kind of get it. I get it. Anyway, there are things that we can't explain. Lots. And there's so much going. Quantum physics. Yeah. Can't explain it. A lot of it. And then things that we experience that we can't explain what happened. Like weird, not really a coincidence. It's more than a coincidence. Yes. But you don't want to sound like a hippie freak. Right. Right. Well, I do, but yes. No, yeah. To afraid to say, but now I'm, yeah, I'm in. Let's keep asking. Let's look into it. Well, I'm a big fan, certainly, in the general of, we don't know much. Certainly, that's already my argument that I've made with people about medical matters. A lot of I'm too on the, maybe left, I don't know, right, whatever it was. - How is there a. - Well, you know, like, the far left is like, you know, vaccines, the greatest thing in the world. - And we don't know. - I'm not an anti-vaxxer, but, at all, I never was. - Right. - But, you know, that becomes a political thing. - And then shouldn't. - No. - And then there's, it should not. - It's not. - But I'm just saying, people go to those polls. - I know, I know, it makes me nervous to say. And everything becomes, you're taking a political side. When, no, I was just talking about, you know. - But, I mean, I don't know. My consciousness, I do feel like it's all in here. I mean, I feel like I'm influenced by things out there, but, you know, they're cooking. - Okay, I'm gonna say something. And cut you off, I guess. - No, no. - Because you like writing while smoking, right? Or being altered in some way. - Yes, yes, exactly. - So, a lot of neuroscientists, I'll say a lot, but neuroscientists, some, are saying the brain is a great filter, especially this front part. And it really, it's filtering all the information you can't use to exist here. So, there's a lot going on inside. I mean, for example, inside. If your brain had to be aware of every cell dividing, no, sorry, there's no room for that. Well, there's just as much as being proposed, happening outside that we aren't aware of. So, our brain has to filter all that out. Well, once you make the filter a little more permeable, you're getting access to some things. And creativity is one of those things that maybe doesn't start here, but it comes in, you know, when you're in a flow or something is really. - And that's what the machines can't do. - Not yet. - I don't know. Yeah. - Because. - Right. - Well. - Again, oh. - Yeah. - So glad I made my just help just think of this. - So glad I didn't forget to tell you this. The thing this year with the AI is the perfect act three subject for this moment at this time. You're so bright on the money. - Yeah. - With that as part. - To give him credit. - Genius. - Here's what we can do. - And of course, it's given to the rate that AI is moving. It's like probably like two weeks ahead of reality. - I mean, we were so afraid that by the time it came out, we would be. - That's insane. Nothing like that would ever happen. - Talk about being in the head of the parade. You are. It's such a great subject and it's perfect for comedy and telling us what we need to know. I just did two weeks ago something. I cut this from the final version, but I was going to say that I was going to do this whole thing without any jokes in it, which I've never done in 23 years. - Why? - I always put this about AI. - Oh, oh. - Just to. I didn't do that, but just to make the point that I consider this so far and above the most important issue than anything else would put. I mean, yes, there's Trump and Nuke-Nukes and that. But it's actually AI. That's what that is, you know, Colonel Pepper in the kitchen with the doorknob or whatever that show is where you clue. - Oh, cool. - You know, I don't know what he's talking about. - I'm just going to nod. - That's who the murder is. - Right. - It's AI. - But to me. - To me. - I'm more scared of it than anything and think it's more dire than anything. - Yeah, maybe. But to me, the reason it's not. It's not just AI. It's that human beings. have created it and don't really know what it is. And don't know enough. - Yes, this is. - To put the guardrails in. That's what you're saying. - Yeah. - No, but as a tool. - If it could have been. - Yeah. - If it's kept as a tool, 'cause it needs human beings supervising. - No, it'll probably. And, you know, some years, a few years from now, a curomy of some terrible disease, I otherwise would have died from. And then the next year, the robots will completely take over and nuke the world, because in their computation, we are the problem. - Mm-hmm. - You know, there's a reason why Hinton, the godfather of AI. - Right, said. - It said there was a 10 to 20 percent chance of an extinction. - Right. - That's possible. - And Luzca said, "This shit scares me to hell." - I know. - Well, what are you gonna do? (both laughing) - I know, Chris. - What are you gonna do? - No, because the gene is out of the bottle. - Right. - Well, at least we should be talking about that. It's interesting, someone was just saying today, somewhere about this. And the thought was, the only thing that's gonna stop AI from taking over is more AI, which was a scary thought to me, but it may be true. - Right. And AI, that's programmed to hack the existing AI that doesn't know better. - Well, it's, I, I, I, yeah. - Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. (both laughing) - Well, luckily, we just stayed with. - But it's so, it's such a great premise. - And then by the end of it, they've scanned her and she's like, "No, no, I doky signed that as if it's not a legal document." That doesn't count. - I also love the thing with the, the nobody's, nobody's all Mrs. Hat. That kills me every time. - It was long epic. - Epic. Like the look on her, but, you know, and she's, she's miffed every time. - Yeah. - You know, but that's the pluckiness of that character. I mean, she's, she could be Mary Richards, if Mary Richards was much more insecure. - Well, yeah, or needed. - And yes, or talented. - Thanks. - I mean, she's. - Yeah, I don't know how talented Valerie is, but she doesn't know. - Well, she keeps doing shows. - She knows serviceable sitcoms, for sure. That she knows. - Well. - Very well. - But, I mean. - I take her, I take her as much more successful than that, because they give, they always mention all the shows. And. - Life, that's true. And she won an Emmy for the. - Yeah. - Gritty single camera. - In real life, I mean, there are people like that who the audience just likes. And so, Michael Landon always has a show. - Yeah, that's right. - You can be a fireman, you can give it, but we're in the show. - We're in an angel. - In an angel. - We are a cop, you're a lawyer, whatever it is. We just like you. - Yes. - Ted Danson, we like you. - Yeah. - God damn it. - And it makes sense. - Always being a show. - Yes. - That's how kind of I see her, because it's not like she doesn't work. - Right, but AI picked her for this, because. - Who would do it? Like, you know there was an algorithm and who would do it for this much money. And, and. - Oh. - You know, and it would, and they'd just, by the end of it, they don't want a great funny show. They just want a serviceable show. - Yeah. - That people, he'll say, Andrew Scott plays the head of the network. And he'll just say, "We don't need it to be great. We just need it to be good enough so that it's on while people do whatever else. It's second screen. And that's why they picked Valerie, so. - That's like the most evil thing in it. I mean, just that kind of thinking. - Yeah, but it's already happening. I mean, look, we started with our reality TV was going to be the end of scripted television, because it's cheaper. - Right. - But, I don't know, audiences will always tell you what they want. And, yeah, they do want some stupid stuff and silly things. They also want things that make them think, and things that make them really laugh and assert. They want, they want the option for all of it. - Well, and they want, whatever it is, I feel like they want the best that we can make. Maybe that's why. - They want that too. - But not every night. - No, not every night. - Do you think like the crown people would want the crown every night? Or, you know, or your show every single night. - I am so. - Like, oh god, I got to think about, yeah, that's scary shit. You know, like, you've got to have variety. - I'm so behind on the crown. - You never watched it? - No, it's kind of a check show, isn't it? - I know. - No, that one's not. - It really is. - Oh, I can like a good check show, but. - Yeah, but now, who knows if it's what you're learning? - See, you're not going to do the character ever again, no. You said this is the only, we've got very final about this is final, right? - Yeah, yeah. - Just feels right, trilogy. - It feels full circle. - Yeah. - We started at what we thought would be almost an extinction event. And now here's the next one for entertainment, not for what you're talking about, 'cause yeah, it might be. But yeah, so it just feels, and now it's a trilogy. That's a whole, it's a piece. A thing that got fired turned into, you know, a three-part story. Yeah, and it merits, it makes sense for a trilogy. Like Godfather III, I like it, it's entertaining, but what's wrong with it is that the arc of that story ends at the end of two. Michael Corleone goes from, that's not my family, Kay. I don't know, these fucking gangsters are, but that ain't me, too, killing his own brother, spoiler alert. Right, spoiler alert? So once you've gone through that cycle, you're done. Yeah. And then I think they knew it. They were just making a gangster movie. He killed his own brother, and too. At the end of two, yeah. At the end of two, right, shit. Yeah, that's right. What movies do you watch? If it's on, a few good men, I can't not watch it. Yeah, great movie. You're right. I can't help it, I don't know. Everyone's great. Everyone's great. Jack Nicholson, Tom Cruise, Jimmy Moore, Kevin Pollock. So easy to watch. Yes. Good. So good. Oh, Kevin Pollock was a-- He's great. Everything he does, yeah. I know. Yeah. And he had a good, I mean, we started his comics together, you know. Yeah. And then he got this great career as an actor. Yeah. No, he's fantastic. Yeah, so I love that. And then the Sex and the City movie, the first one, if that's on, sorry, I'm gonna watch it. So you just, you just like-- I'm ever, I'm all over the place. You just like-- you don't purposely watch things, you just whatever's on. Yeah. Some people watch TV that way that it's so far into me. Oh, no. I don't enjoy it as much when I look for it and put it on. Unless I'm with my husband and he wants to watch, you know, something. I said, I don't like to watch something. Can we just watch a good, like, romantic movie? Would you do that? Because it's not his thing. I'm like, yes, yes, I would. Yes. And I said, okay. What about defending your life? Because it's also so good. Albert Brooks, Meryl Streep, defending your life. Where fear is the-- What, he, I see, that's where I'm sorry. That came in and his great brain turned it into something. But fear, of course, fear is, that's the worst. That is suffering. That is, and then love is the opposite. And that makes everything okay. So that's what's about-- I loved that whole paradigm. Defending your life. Such a perfect structure. Perfect. Why do you think so? He wants to-- he dies. Yeah. He goes to heaven. But he's put to the task because he has to prove that he has courage, right? Or that he wasn't afraid. And why didn't you like yourself enough? Was the prosecution's point? Why don't you love yourself? And he falls in love with Meryl Streep. And Meryl Streep loves herself. And because she does, there's generosity. And she's not afraid of anything. That's the antidote to fear, love. And it's such a big idea. And at the time, I thought, really, I'm not sure, you know? She's going off at the end on the bus, right? Because you're like the bus in heaven, that takes you to the next level. And he's got another bus going like some crappy place. But he goes after her bus. To be with her. Thereby also fixing his problem. And he's breaking a rule, which is a fear. And he's-- yeah. But you see, I mean, that perfect structure of starting with a need and a desire and then having them, you know, boy, show business when it's good. I mean-- No, because it's an idea that everybody gets, and you're not even sure on what level you're getting it, but something about it makes you laugh, because it's true, or makes you cry, because it feels true on some level. You know what I mean? When do you watch TV or movies? Do you watch movies on TV? I mean, I do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When do you go to the theater ever? Never. Yeah. See, where I'm like, nope. And I feel bad, kind of. OK. I mean, I can blow my brains out about it. OK. So do I. So do I, you know? I'm not saying I'm a better person than you, because I feel better. Just because you know, I mean, you hear these directors, like Martin Scorsese, who we all know is the greatest, and I love him, but they're all-- it needs to be seen in the thing. OK, I'm sorry. I'm sure on your level, and what you are seeing, but I'm just the young man in the 20-second row, you know? I'm just-- I like them. I even watch some of your movies in the kitchen. I've seen them before, but you know, I'm watching them again. I've seen it three times. By the way, that's how good they are, that I don't need this huge epic experience. Right. It's so good that it works on that, or on that in my family room. But-- or when I'm making a sandwich. Or when you-- yes. I don't-- you know what else I have? Oh, what I miss? Back it up a little, so I can see. I want to see that again. And I don't need to be in a community to know whether it's funny, and hear other people asking. I don't either. Or, you know, crying. I don't either, and sometimes that annoys me. Do you thought that was funny? I know, and-- Or you didn't think that was funny? You thought that was funny, and I missed the next line, which I bet was actually funnier. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, I've been the only guy laughing in a theater. I think I have that memory a few times in my life. I laugh at the small stuff. Like that side, like that muttering that's, you know, right after the joke makes me laugh, also. So-- Like Lucy and Ethel, on-- I love Lucy, you know, made me laugh. Ethel going, oh, what? Oh, OK. Oh, you know, just like that. It felt like they were really there. And-- Oh, well, I didn't know. Yeah, I didn't know. Oh, honey, I didn't know. Yeah, that little stuff makes me laugh. Not that I'm obsessed, but again, like the idea that, like, the audience isn't getting the best. The idea that somebody would say, like, well, it just, you know, it just has to be good enough. It just-- I really feel like, as flawed as some of the stuff was in the past for various reasons, some of it, you know. We don't want to get into the political. But I feel like the writers of MacKale's Navy really did their best to, you know, the writers of the Wild Wild West and then Star Trek. And like, everything I liked-- Star Trek was something. Beverly Hill Belize. I feel like, no, a bunch of guys got into room and were like, oh, people like our show. And let's make this the funniest episode ever. And, you know, it offends me that anyone would have that idea that with AI or whatever, just so good. I have never phoned it in. I don't think-- Yeah, no. I would say, and I've seen people phoning it, you know? But-- Yeah. I'm just going, like, I probably have. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] No. No. But-- What's the movie with where you're-- Like, you're with the rapper? My god. Come on. What is that? That one, Marcy X. I love Marcy X. How? I said, I suppose, I'm fucking cable. I haven't never seen it. It's great. It's great. Are you kidding? I am not. I didn't even have to do press for it. I just remember-- That's how much it was like, yeah, I guess. It's really funny. I'm stoned now, so I can't remember what-- OK. You don't have to. That's OK. What, you tell me? You did it. Remind me. What's the plot? You're-- My father is very wealthy. Yes. He has a heart attack. Does he die? No. I don't know. You inherit something? And I inherit a record-failing record label. And Dan Wands, who's a record label, right? Yeah, is the Star Rapper. Star Rapper. And I'm this rich jab from New York. Yeah. It's great. It's great. I'm telling you. Nobody ever told you that? Nobody saw it? No. You know what? I-- Never. I didn't-- I was not aware of it until it just popped up. Every movie comes if you flip through the 50 movie channels. OK, maybe you were stoned when it came up. No, when it came up, I said, I've never seen that. Like, what is this? You were in it. I was like, oh, I'm definitely going to watch this. I was not disappointed. I, honestly-- Wow. And Damon Wands. Yes, very fun. The whole fucking thing is funny. It's great. Well, I think-- Who directed it? Who wrote it? Richard Benjamin Road, directed it. - Richard Benjamin. - He directed it. -Oh. -And tell the kids who Richard Benjamin is. -Richard Benjamin. -Yeah, they don't know. -He was in everything. -Well, he had a big one. -Well, he was married to Paul Apprentice. -Yeah. -And had a show when I was a kid. He and she. -He and she was so awesome. -Yeah. -No, not heartbreak kid. What was he, not a heartbreak kid? -No. -God. -The one-- -Port noise complaint? -Yes, that-- well, he had a fine career as an actor. -And-- -But also-- -Catch 22? -No, no. Catch 22 is Mike Nichols. -No, no. He didn't direct it. -Oh, he directed my failure. -Oh, he directed it, yes. -Yeah. -Yeah, my favorite year. -Yeah, yeah. -Yeah, yeah. -No, and lots of stuff. -And he was lovely. He was so nice. -So, he did that moment. -And Paul Rudnick wrote it. -Oh, Paul Rudnick is a genius. I loved him. We used to be on politically incorrect. So funny. Do you remember the column we used to write? -No. -There was a movie magazine back when we had magazines. And he wrote a column called "If You Ask Me." And it was, you know, he's a gay man. It was from this woman, Libby or something. And it was just our view of the reviewing movies. It really was so funny if you were looking -for something from the past. -Yeah. But so that-- what a pedigree for that movie. You and Paul Rudnick and Richard Benjamin. -Right. -Oh, so why are you surprised? It's good. It's so good. -Surprised because it barely got a release. I wasn't required to do press. -Why does it have to do with good? -What? -What is it have to do with good? -Well, it didn't-- -Sometimes good to-- -It felt fraught the whole time anyway. -I'm sure it was. -Yeah, it was pretty. -You're assuming? -Rough. No. I mean, I did some independent films that were not at all. That were great. Those were easy. -Easy? -Would you, I say, easy? -If they said we're doing the next season of, you know, women, whether it's been a murder, shows. -Oh, one of those lady's snoop shows, yeah. -Not Mrs. Hat. -Not Mrs. Hat. -No, like, big little lives. -Oh. -You know, like-- -Yeah. -A-listers like you, who are involved with a-- -Oh, please. -No, I'm going to sing. But would you do a show like that? -Yeah. I mean, it depends on who-- -Are you on who-- -Yeah, why not? -Oh, that would be great. You should also do white lotus. Don't you think? -I don't know. -That would be great for you. -Really? -Don't you think? -I don't know. -What do you want to do now? No, that you're not going to be-- -Well, I might be doing "Romean Michele." Sequel, that movie. "Romean Michele's High School" -Oh, I got to write that one again. -Yeah, I remember it. -I might do that soon. -Very soon. -Yeah. And then, I don't know. I'm up for whatever. I hear there are very nice sets now. And people are not like what you described on sitcoms. And there are people that just really want everyone to-- -Oh, yeah. -Be professional and get along and focus on the work. -I'm sure there always were, but way less in the past, you know. -No, but there were people that felt like, "No, no. It's fine." You know, when movies are-- when everything goes smoothly, the movie's terrible. I just went, "That doesn't make any sense." So I think everyone could be decent to each other, too. And it could be okay. -I just remember hearing about how awesome "Dailys" were when I was doing movies. -The "Dailys" are, yeah. -You know, never was like so jazzed about the-- to just see that. And it's like-- -Would you go? Did you ever go see "Dailys?" -Oh, I was-- -You weren't invited, right? -I was never invited. -Did they ever have my own trailer? No, I was never rose to that level. I did, like, Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death and DC Cab. This is my acting career. I murdered, she wrote. I was on twice. -But did you like acting? -You know, at the time, you know, I was mid-late 20s into my 30s. Yeah, I mean, I did. There's a satisfaction in nailing your close-up that is a real high. -Yeah. -And I'm sure people like yourself who do it way better than me and have had an awesome long career, that high is worth chasing way more than it was for me to chase it. And it was never really my destiny, anyway. Acting your character, and I'm better at being exactly who I am. And acting is sort of the reverse of that. -Right. It's very hard just to be exactly who you are with someone else writing the words for you, especially. That's hard. -But I think the reverse. I think it's harder to be-- -Someone else? -Well, the way-- I mean-- -Oh, I love being someone else. -Of course. That's why you're good at that. -Well, you know. -Yeah. -I could see also why you want to be Valerie. -Yeah. -It's just so much fun. -Yeah. -I can slip into that and-- -Because nothing bothers her. -Is that really? You know, she just makes up a reason why it's okay. Not my business. -She's just-- -Yeah. -You haven't seen the last one. -I tried, too. -They wouldn't give it to you. -No, it's only up to six on my machine. -Yeah, right. -And there's eight? -eight, yeah. -Oh, yeah. -Yeah, the last one is good. -They're all good. -Yeah. -They caught on, you know, the streamers at first that was like a binge, binge-away, and they were like, "Oh, you know what? People are just going to binge and then cancel." -And there was like-- -Oh. -Yeah, let's go back to how we did it in my day on TV, where you watched once a week, and that's why people came back to your product. -Right. -So we have, of course. -No. -And now they have commercials. They have up-fronts again. I just heard there's going to be up-fronts for HBO Max. -For HBO Max? -Uh-huh. Up-fronts, because they're going to have one tier. -Oh, yeah. -Well, lower price description -Yes. -with commercials. -Well, they already do that on Epic. -No, like on Netflix, does it? -No, no, I don't think so, but somebody does it. Somebody does it that way, 'cause I tried to watch something once, and I was like, "Oh, I see. I have to sit through a commercial." -Yeah. Oh, I watch history channel, and I can get-- I only watch one show on it. And there's always-- there's like three minutes of ads, and I'm not-- I'm not used to that anymore. I don't care for it. You can't fast forward. -Oh, I hate fucking-- -That's not fair. -I hate streaming. They're ruined sports. -Oh. -They're ruined it. -Why? -It used to be all the games run one channel. -Yeah. -So you'd just like, "Okay. All I do is turn that with the game." Now that it's all over, you never know where the game is. It's on some of the right ESPN, NBC, ABC. -Wait, it's not one network or one streamer that got all of them? -No. So we have to hunt for the fucking game. -Wow. -And then it is harder to fast forward through streaming. You can't do it with old DVR. I know, Grandpa. You can see how fast you're going. You can see where to stop. You can flip through the commercials and know you can't do that. -Why? -Because they don't want you to. -Is it live? Streaming live, is that why? -If I want to like zip through the commercial, it's not easy to do on stream. -Right. It's as if it's on demand. And you're stuck with the-- -It never sponsored that segment. -Yeah. -I don't know. -Do we? I don't know what you're talking about, I guess. -I'm talking about zipping through things. -I know, but-- -It's harder on streaming. -Okay. -It just is. And they do lots of shit like that. I call it reverse improvement. Things were, I mean, half the stuff just to get the TV on. I mean, I don't want to sound like Andy Rooney. -I remember he used to hit a button and the TV would come on. -And I mean, I opened a bag of potato chips lightly. It's mostly air. -Well, that's true. [ Laughter ] -But TV is so important to me. -Me too. -I mean, it's what-- I watch it at the end of the day. Well, I watch it, you know, I have it on-- I have a TV in the kitchen, the bathroom, my office. But if I really want to watch something, I watch it in bed at night, because I'm just just watching. I'm not taking a bath, I'm not making a sandwich, I'm packing my briefcase, so I watch your show from the bed. -Ooh. -It's the highest compliment I can give to a-- -That's a honor. -Athesbian. -What an honor. -I said "thesbian." -Yeah. -So-- -Why? -Oh, because you said-- -Lasbian, "thesbian." -Thesbian. -Thesbian, yeah. [ Laughter ] I'm assuming the audience -- I guess I'm getting a little-- -The lesbian. -Exactly. -Can't say that. -You know, I have to watch, at least, an hour of TV before I got it, but-- -Me too. -Which is probably not the right time to do what they say, because you shouldn't be screens. It's kind of the opposite effect you were watching. -No, no, no. That's my wind down. -Me too. -That's my wind down. -I know. -Yeah. -But that light is not great right before your sleep, but too bad. -Yeah. -It's worth the trade-off. -And I have to watch sitcoms. -Oh. -Before I go to sleep. -Is that? -Yeah, because it's not, like, I watch, if I can't watch. watch your show before going to bed, 'cause it, no, no, it lights my brain up. - Go to bed infuriated. - It gets me thinking. No, 'cause it gets me thinking. And, oh, yeah, it's a good point. - You wake up, you're touched the shit out of your bill. - No. - It fethers all over the place. - No. - No. - No. Well, what's like old sitcoms, like-- - Yeah, well, they're all old. What's a new one? - Well, I mean, like old like Andy Griffith's show. - Oh, no, not that old. - Not that old? - No, I've done all in the family, though. That was fun. I like doing that. And I've watched Andy Griffith, but at night, right now it's Will and Grace. Makes me laugh, out loud. - Wow. - 30 rock makes me laugh, out loud. - 30 rock. - And recently, friends, I did finally watch friends all the way through. And it made me laugh, out loud. - It was the most, it was the most popular show in my lifetime I've ever heard about. - Yeah. - It's-- - Me too. - Wow. - Yeah, it's really something. - Sometimes I forget, because, you know, I'm such a fan of everything else too. I think, oh yeah, and she's also that icon one, right? - The icon, that icon show. - It's iconic. - Yeah, it is. Thank God for it. Let me do the other things I wanted to do. - It had a beetle-esque feeling from-- I always thought from the fans, like I said, from the fact that they loved the product or the show they loved, but they really, like, were emotionally invested in the band liking each other. Like it was, it was like, painful. If they thought mommy and daddy were fighting, you know. John and Paul were, you know, beefing or, you know, John Lennon wrote a couple of mean songs about it. It was like, oh, come on, you guys. And I felt like you, you gang had the same thing. - No, we really liked each other, yeah. - But it was-- - We really did. - Well, yeah, I mean, that's good too. - Yeah. - But-- - Oh, that people were invested in it. - Yeah, that's what he means. - For the audience, you know. - Yeah. - But you can see it, you can, you can, I don't know, maybe you can't tell. I mean, there were shows I love and, I didn't know they all hated each other. - Right, yeah. - That's directing. - Right, well. - But yeah, I think there was, I think there's a special chemistry that does come through. - Yeah. - You know, I mean, it has to, certainly, with familiarity over the years and going through each other's problems. I mean, you were young. - Yeah. - So young people do, I think, do a lot more sharing. - Yeah, although I was 30 when we started that. I was oldest one. - I mean-- - To 40. And I don't. - Yeah, and it's old. But at the vantage point of 70 to me, that's young. - Yeah, well, me too now. - Well, just 'cause I know how I was acting when I was 30, and it certainly wasn't like a mature adult. - Right. - Yeah. That's right. - You know. - That's right. - I went, I went to drove to a part, I was 32. I believe, I drove from my house in West Hollywood to the beach. I think it was a labor day in my machetes, top-down, without a shirt on, and did not bring a shirt. As I recall, you know, these are the-- - So Hollywood. - I call this, who was in my body moment? Like, so if I remember that, I know specifically, I did that. I think, okay, that was my brain. What else was I getting wrong? - Interesting. - You know, at that age. - Yeah. - My house must have been a skew. But that's a male. Women's brains, I think, mature much faster. And 30, they are adults, not a man. - Yeah. - Not this man. - Well, I always, I couldn't wait to be 30, from when I was 10. So I was always, you know, that doesn't seem safe. What are you doing? Why is everyone in 80 and such unnecessary risks, you know? (laughs) - I was the best teenager ever. - I wanted to get a childhood over with also. - Yeah. - I looked up to adults, I wanted to be one, I wanted to control freak, so children are not in control. - Yeah. - So it's a fundamental, it's all like I had a bad childhood, but I wasn't fundamentally in a state unsuitable to me - Right. - As a small tyrant. - But what was, was there anything worse than when there was a substitute teacher in grade school? And everyone was just like screaming because it was a substitute teacher. It wasn't the regular teacher. - Right. - And everyone was, it was pure chaos. (laughs) Oh, it was the worst, I hated it. - Are you one of those people who thinks high school did nothing for you? - Yeah, well, no. I think it did. - Yeah. - That's where I took biology and the honors biology and fell in love with that. And yeah, I liked that. But socially, yeah, I mean, my first year, we started in sophomore year. So 10th grade was first year of high school. And yeah, I thought, okay, we'll go to a football game, then we'll go to parties. And two of those, and I was done. Like, oh, they're just getting drunk and it's even more stupid. - You're already so stupid. - Oh, no, like, now what? That's 10th grade, figured that out. And so did my other friends, yeah. - See, so ahead, women to men. - That's why the girls were-- - No, the other girls were thrilled to be there. That was, we were weird, the four of us. We weren't just weird. - Weird because ahead, because you were, yeah. When I got to college Cornell, the first year in the dorm, I got ostracized because they were having shaving cream fights. And like the first few times, okay, it's funny. Like, the 10th time, and I said something. And then I was like, made myself into ostracism boy. I mean, I'm telling you, the dumb thing. - You were a drag. - Like, yeah. - You were such a drag, 'cause it wasn't funny enough. It wasn't entertaining enough for you. - I mean, it was-- - But did you like sitting around having intellectual conversations? - No. - And the dorm? - Yeah. - I had one friend. No, I mean, it was terrible. - But once you made friends outside of the dorm, is that what was fun for you to like sit around talk about? - Yes. - Well, I didn't, I mean, it was rough the first couple of years. I didn't barely, first I wanted to have a girlfriend. I gave up on that after I was like, if I could just have a friend. - Oh, no. - That's how low, like, yeah, Cornell's like that. So eventually I did hook up with a great guy who was one of my friends for life. - Okay. - And we smoked our first pot together really. And, you know, we were pot dealers together in college. And we did speed a few times and speed. I mean, like, I know that they make it like this anywhere. You would be up for 12 hours having great conversations. Or you thought they were great conversations. But there was that feeling of like, wow, you know, my mind is alive. And, you know, this person is, you know, we're playing ping pong mentally. And then it's one of the greatest pleasures of life. - Right. - I mean, you know. - That's why I keep saying I'm no fun at a dinner party. 'Cause I don't know what to do with the chit chat ever. You know, I just get, mm-hmm. - Well, just pick out one person and talk to them. - Yeah. - But you probably have that at home. - Yeah. - And if you're married for a long time, it's probably because you have that mental ping pong that the person is just, you know, a person can just endlessly delight you mentally. - Yeah. Oh, we sometimes can't get through a show 'cause it's pause. And then we talk about something for 20 minutes. And, yeah, and then it's, okay, great. So are you gonna go to bed now, right? 'Cause now I can just watch something and not get through it. - Well, I am just so flattered that you would steal away to talk to, I mean, it's-- - Come on, it's you. - I appreciate, I mean, I'm finding this out. I'm telling you, action speed speak very loudly and I'm just thrilled that you like me that much. - I do, and I have a lot of views. - And I have a lot of respect for you. - I appreciate it. - Yeah. - Well, then, a lot of respect for you. - All right, I won't bother you, but. (laughing) - Yeah, that would be great. (laughing) - But I wish I could, no. But, yeah, we'll come back here tomorrow. - No. - Sometime, I hope I get to talk to you more often than I have. - Okay. - But I appreciate it. And I guess we're plugging the season three of the comeback. - And three of the comeback. I don't know if we did that formally. - Well. - And I don't know when this drops, but certainly, maybe all eight will have been on there then. - Yeah, I hope. - But if not, I don't know how to look. - Just watch all eight. (laughing) It's still good. - Thank you. - I love it when I have a show. You know, that I'm just dying to see. That's great news to me. Oh, from you. Honestly. Okay. Thrilled. All right, I'll let you. Bill Marlikes our show. All right, let me go. I can show. Thanks. Well, am I going to be 80 and do another? Yeah. 50s and 5. Like, uh-huh.