Life update, family planning, and getting a dog Q&A

- Are you scared to get pregnant again with all the what ifs? - That was the question I wanted to answer. - What was the hardest thing about getting married young? - It wasn't hard. - It's still so fun that we have that history together. We talk about it all the time. - Yeah, and how cool is that that I'm married in my high school sweetheart? - Best thing to bring on the plane to entertain toddlers. - Probably just your phone. (laughing) - Honestly, why don't you have a dog? - Talking about getting a dog, you get like the most aggressive opinions. - 80% of the feedback is like absolutely do not get a dog and we're like (upbeat music) - Welcome back to Unplanned. We are your host, Matt and Abby, and check it out. - We have a new studio. - Oh yeah. - I mean, it's really a work in progress. Clearly it's not all set up, but this is what we have for you this week. So stay tuned to see how it evolves. I'm really excited for some of the changes that are happening. Also just personally, it's really nice because the studio is actually located in our own home, which is very time effective for us because we were driving like 45 minutes to an hour to and from the studio. And so on filming days, it was like a little tricky. - Yeah. - And now we just go downstairs. - And it might be confusing 'cause a lot of you thought that we recorded in our living room, we did for the first year and a half we recorded in our living room. But now that we've been doing this a while, we started realizing, wow, it's like hundreds of hours of time to like set up and tear down lights, mics, cameras. - Well, and above that, like above all else, it's also hard to just like clear out our living room when we have children, like. - Yeah, our kids would be like knocking over expensive cameras and microphones. - Yeah, and they would wanna come in when we were filming all the time. - So well, yeah, but that'll probably be a problem again. - It's not in a common space though. So I feel like they're less likely to come in. - Yes. - And they're very occupied. They're hanging out with their grandma. - So. - Yes, anyway, we have asked you guys once again on our podcast Instagram. If you haven't followed us, the on-plane podcast, on Instagram, go check us out, go follow us, stay up to date with everything going on with the pod. The episode we did recently answering your questions, you guys seem to really like it. So there were a lot of questions we didn't get to and we wanted to further that discussion. So first question that we have is, are you still going to get a bigger car soon? - So you might have seen if you follow our YouTube channel. We made a YouTube video of us shopping for a three row. Is that what's called a three row vehicle? - Three row vehicle. - Because when we were gonna have a third baby, like when we were pregnant, we did need a bigger vehicle to get our whole family around. - Yeah. - And that conversation has kinda like been put on pause. - Yeah. - Since everything, I mean, we've been talking about it more and more and like you were really sweet and you're like, let's still get the car because we're gonna do it. And like, I'm having a hard time. We're not even in the heavy questions. Like why am I like this? But this is just how I am. Like it's like when you set up the cameras in the lights, like that's when I feel like, oh my gosh, the emotions are like closer to the surface, but I like, I am less teary nowadays. Just so you know that. It's hard for me to make, wait, what are you gonna say? - I'll just say we should just freaking get the car. I feel like it make you happy. - Yeah, I do think it'd be happy. It would make, I think part of me that makes me feel happy and hopeful, but the other part of me is having such a hard time making plans for the future. - Yeah, yeah. And so it's like getting the car right now. It just feels so frivolous because it's like, it's not a need right now, and it's not a need even in the near future. So it just feels frivolous. And so that's just kind of like, it's kind of like what I wrestle with every single day. Of like, this gives me hope and excitement and joy, but also, I'm having hard times making decisions. - There's so many families though that have two kids and upgrade to a two to a three row vehicle. I can name so many of our friends that have done that and they only have two kids, they don't have three kids. Like do we even have many friends with three kids? I don't think so. Like most of our friends just have one or two. - Yeah, a lot of them have three row vehicles, so. - Yeah, so it's a very common thing. I don't think there's anything wrong with upgrading now, especially. - It just feels less exciting. - And that's okay. - So maybe we'll wait. I don't know, we'll see, maybe we will, maybe we won't. We know what we're gonna get. So we landed on the decision, but which, if you watch that video, you'll probably see what that decision was. So I do know that it'll happen down the line, but like, right now, it's not something I'm like super eager to do. - How do you get your boys to eat? My little dude is so picky. Honestly, you guys, we just bribe 'em. We just, we just tell them, hey, if you eat your dinner, you get dessert. If you don't eat your dinner, no dessert. It's kinda what it is. You gotta have a reward for finishing the food, and we're not even giving in that much food, like sometimes it's so hard. - Don't even give 'em a huge portion. And we also only fix 'em things. I'm like, you have eaten this before. We know you like this, or it's like one degree off from something you've eaten in the past. - And you gotta make sure, too, that you're not giving them too many snacks or can't eat before, dinner time, because sometimes it's like, why are they not eating? It's like, oh, yeah, they had two juice boxes. - Well, the problem is, sometimes they eat a really late lunch because of their naps. - Oh, yeah. - And so then I'm like, they really might not be that hungry for dinner. So yeah, I think there's a lot of negotiations happening in our household around meal time. I also just think that we serve them things that we know that they like. So when they're not eating, it's like, okay, they're either not hungry, or they're just trying to get out of eating. And we always just try to tell them the importance of eating. We're like, it is so good for your body. You have to feed your muscles. This is how you grow. We have a lot of conversations about that. - What? - We also give them other options. Like, if they don't want to eat that, we'll give them another option. Like, we literally are bending over backwards for them. - I just-- - It's not like we're like being all tough, being like, you have to eat this or else you don't get dessert. - I want to read the next question so bad. - What? - It says, new boy mom here. What are your sons into? Our sons are into Star Wars right now. So hard. And not just Star Wars in general, like Darth Vader. I don't know what it is. Our two-year-old non-stop says like, I want to see Darth Vader dead. - Darth Vader. - Darth Vader. Like, he just repeats Darth Vader all the time. - And Stormtrooper. - And we were just in Disneyland and we bought actual lightsabers. Can I show them my lightsabers? Should I go get it? I bought an illegit one. - I think you know what a lightsaber looks like. - Let me go get it, real quick. - Well Matt's getting that. I do actually want to brag on him a little bit. A sweet friend of ours brought dinner to us. The other night after we had a travel date coming back from Disney. And when she pulled up to our house, it was literally Matt with this lightsaber. Having a full-on duel. I was in the bathtub. I was surely checked out for the night and Matt was like dueling with our kids. - I feel like I need to turn the lights off temporarily. - Oh my. - Just look at this guys. - This is so off the rails right now. - This is so sick. Wait, one second. Here we go. - This is ready for this. - Oh yeah, baby. - Yes, we are all very impressed by your lightsaber, Matt. No, I think it's really sweet how you guys all get so into it. But our friend showed up with dinner and Matt is in the backyard. I'm not answering the door because I'm in the bathtub. I'm surely checked out for the night and Matt is like full-on dueling our kids and she said it was a really sweet scene to see. Like you're such a hands-on dad. - It's a lot fun. - You literally play so hard with him. - I said this to Abby last night. It's kind of like I'm the fraternity president and they're the pledges and I'm like. - I don't know if that's a good comparison to make though. - 'Cause don't they like Abby's pledges? - Yeah, you're right. That's actually a horrible person. They're like, I'm the president of the fraternity and they're the upperclassmen and we just get to play and together. No, what am I saying? They're the presidents. They tell me what to do. They're like-- - Yeah, I'm like, they're watching Charger on you. - They're like, I want to go in the pool. I want to go in the bike bed. - Sorry, yes, sir. - Yes, I'm the pledge. I do whatever they want. - I like that. - You're the pledge. And you do also get abused by this. - They hit me over head with lightsabers. We've had to make it a rule. No headshots with the lightsabers, so if you have boys, our kids are very much into Star Wars right now. - They're interested right now. It's not just Star Wars though. They also love superheroes, specifically Spider-Man and Hulk and also kind of Iron Man. - And Thor. Thor recently has gotten popular. - Griffin really is more classic. He likes just like Mickey Mouse, Chip and Dale. - Chicken, chicken, I meant to say chicken-dales. Our three-year-old-- - No, Chip and Dale. - Our three-year-old thinks that Chip and Dale are the chicken-dales. He calls them the chicken-dales. - No, he says chicken-dale and then he's usually like, there's another chicken-dale. Like, he's always surprised that there's two of them. - It's hilarious. - We need to point out their noses to this. - I've tried to explain it to him so many times, but it doesn't work. - That's the difference. Chip has a brown nose, like a chocolate chip. And Dale. - Isn't it a black nose? Black and red? - I think it's dark brown. - Oh, really? - Fact check. - Someone fact check us right now in the comments. - And then Dale has like a red nose. - Anywho, what do you think your kids will be when they grow up? - Well, if you ask them right now, they want to be firefighters. - Yeah, they want me to be a trash truck driver and they want to be a firefighter and they both want to be firefighters with daddy. - Which is kind of concerning if you listen to our interview with Dr. Aiman because apparently the brain health of firefighters is not good because they're like breathing in toxic fumes and stuff. - Oh yeah, high stress, but we always talk about how they're heroes and they want to be heroes. - Yeah, you also think firefighters are very attractive. - I think it's the most attractive profession, yes. - Yeah, so maybe one day I'll be-- - People agree with me. I know other women agree with me. - Okay. - No one's saying it in slow. It's like I'm just kidding. (laughing) - Why don't you have a dog? Whoa, that is a big question. - Wait, they said why don't you have a dog? - Why don't you have a dog? People, we've been getting flooded with questions about it if we're getting a dog ever since Abby posted-- - Trust me, I want to know if we're getting a dog too. - We, Abby posted leaks a photo of me holding a very cute puppy on her Instagram story. - Thank you. - And everyone has been asking us to, you know, Get it. - Get a dog. - We've been, well no, I think here's the thing about, it's probably the same thing with having babies. Like talking about starting a family or getting a dog, you get like the most aggressive opinions, and also a lot of them are like unsolicited. They're like, no, don't do it, you ruined your life. - You ruined your life. - And we're like, yes, immediately get a dog, it's the best thing ever. Actually, what's the 80% of the feedback is like, absolutely do not get a dog, it'll be the worst thing ever it will ruin your life. And then 20% of people that are like, dog lovers, like absolutely, you should, I fully support this. Like do it right now. - It would be a lot of work, let's just be honest, right? There's a lot of pooping and pink. I had a clean diarrhea off of our turf the other day, and it wasn't dog diarrhea. And you know, for whatever reason, there was a popsicle stick sticking out the middle of it. I don't even know why, I can't believe I'm saying that out loud. And it made me think, man, do I really want to do this dog thing? 'Cause I'm already dealing with this already. - Like we go back and forth so much, and we've been talking about this. Let me just say this. We have always known we were going to get a dog when we had kids in the house. We knew that that was like, that's something we'd said from the very beginning. We'll have a dog after we have kids. We will, like after we start having kids, we'll get a dog. So that's like a given, we are going to do it. Now finding the timing is like interesting. And we're trying to do that. So the people that are like, don't get a dog, it's like we're like, no, one day we will get a dog. That is like a fact. But it's just trying to figure out the timing. And right now we're really trying to navigate the timing of right now is right or not. And it's just something that we've just been internally discussing transparently for weeks. And we're still really up in the air about it. Like I feel like every day one of us kind of leans more one way and then sometimes we swap. So. - It's funny too 'cause my brother who has a dog is not a dog person and he's like, don't do it. And then Abby's brother who has a dog or has two dogs is like a major dog person. - He's like do it. And so yeah, we just have so many conflicting opinions. Some days I think like, I'm like so down like, yes, do it. And then other days I'm like, do I really want to be cleaning more poop off of the turf? - I think we're at the point where it's like, we've talked through all the logistics. Like what would happen if we got a dog? Like how we would work out, traveling, how we would work out, taking the dog on walks. Like everything, we've worked out literally every single part of it. Like what rules we'd have with the dog? Like we would get it trained. Like things like that. So now we just really need to stumble upon a dog that we fall in love with. And then we'll be 100% in. - Why do I think a golden retriever would be perfect? - That's our dream dog is a golden retriever. - Because they are my grandpa. My great-grandpa had a golden retriever. - My grandpa had a kind of retriever that I was so in our whole family was-- - What's his name? - Riley. - Riley. - He was the best dog in the entire world. Like so sweet. And him and my grandpa, this will make me cry because my papa always has since passed. But like, and Riley has passed. But they were just like the best buddies. And they would ride and just truck together. And he was just, like I've always been like so in love with golden retrievers because of Riley. And so I would love to get a golden retriever for our kids. I know they're so good with kids, but I'm also worried because you're allergic to hair, like pet hair. - Yeah, we could just get a robotic vacuum that could suck that up. - I know, would you be able to pet the dog? - I would be fine. I think-- - Should we test this? - I could always take clairs. And again, I used to take clairs and clear-- - Is that good? - I took clairs and every day I was a good, 'cause I would get like allergies all the time. And it's gone down since I got older. But yeah, I would be okay. - Our dream dog would be a golden retriever, but we'll just see what happens. We're actually going to a little pet adoption event. Coming up. - Wait, what? I didn't know that we were actually doing that. - I'm going. Are you gonna go with me? - Me and the kids are going. - This is my official invite. - We're for, I go, you go, babe. - Okay, I guess I'm going to a pet adoption event. - Why would I need to invite you? - This next question is freaking hilarious, 'cause I actually think about this a lot. It says, "Are you ever embarrassed to see family after a podcast talking about personal topics?" - Yeah, actually, yes, I am. - Yeah, yeah. Honestly, we just pretend like we don't talk about anything personal on the internet, especially like-- - No, we don't pretend like we don't talk about anything personal. - We don't just like casually talk about this stuff in front of your parents or your grandparents. - We talked about very personal things, like regarding our loss, what do you mean? - Well, I'm talking-- - It's just sex. - Oh, yeah, sex, that can be just said. Yeah, we don't talk about sex in front of Abby's parents or grandparents. - No, no, no. - But we'll talk about that with our close friends. - Why, we talk about with your parents kind of. - Oh, yeah, but not in detail. - No, we don't talk about it in detail on the podcast either. - That's true, it's just, yeah. Yeah, no, it's, my parents are hilarious. - I would tell more to your parents than I would on the podcast, probably. - Yeah, that's true, yeah. My parents are open books, man. We've had them on our YouTube channel, we've had them on the podcast. - So it's more so my family. And I'm like, man, I just wish I could block my family from these episodes, but I don't think they watch it anyway. - Yeah. - So, the only ones they watch are the sister-in-law episodes or like if family is on it. - Oh, yeah, yeah. You saw your dad watching one of the sister-in-law episodes, didn't you? - Did I? - Yeah, you told me that you saw, or maybe it was me. Did I see him watching the sister-in-law episode? - Oh, really? - That's sweet. - That was sweet. - You didn't tell me that. - Yeah, I thought I told you that. - No, I heard my, I knew my mom listened to it. - Do you miss life before being social media famous? - That's hard to answer because we've been doing this for so long. It's like we started it right after we got married, so we hadn't even had kids yet. So I'm like, I don't miss that life of like not, like before kids, like I don't miss, but I do, if I'm being fully honest, I miss the simplicity of that. I think the magic of an extremely simple life is kind of fun, especially like the magic of the first, well, I guess I had started posting YouTube videos, but it wasn't our job. So like the first year of being married, and we were in college, we had our own place, our own little apartment. We went on these really fun dates that were low budget, on hikes in the mountains in Arkansas. Like, we used to go to drive in movies, like the driving movies in like Southern Missouri, 'cause they would have like a double feature, and you would just like drive up in your car. - Also, at that time, we lived in a different state. Life was just totally different than, but so simple. - I do think that what we do for work adds several layers that I'm like, sometimes I do just miss the simplicity. - Yeah, you know, it's like, I guess the grass is, oh, it's the grass is green on the other side, right? Like, I'm super grateful for what we have. I think it's normal though to like, always look back with fond memories on the past, but it doesn't, doesn't mean that I don't like what we have now, 'cause I love, I love-- - Yeah, no, I think that's just how it goes. Like, you can be grateful for what you have, but also just be like, there were some really sweet, beautiful things about that time that I had to give up to live the life I have now. So, like, everything's a transaction like that. - Matt, how are you doing with your hair transplant? Great question. Hey, check it out, the baby hair is coming in. - It is growing in. - Look, it's growing in. - Are you so happy? - Yeah, we're close to three months, three months in on the hair transplant, and you can see like the little baby hair is coming in, and it's gonna keep thickening up. They're gonna get longer. In nine months, I should have the final result. So, I've been wearing a lot of hats still, 'cause my hair looks wack, but I did recently get a haircut, and that made my hair look so much better, 'cause I couldn't get a haircut for a whole month after the surgery. Super excited to see what it looks like in thought months. - I was gifted that headspot experience. - Yeah. - And they were like, we want Matt to come too. I was like, I don't think that you can, because of-- - Yeah, I might need to wait. - No, there was a lot of exfoliation on the scalp. - Oh yeah, can't do that, no shot. There's all these rules, like I can't put dry shampoo in my hair, technically not supposed to use hairspray. - I guess you did do it one time as an electric razor. Is that fine? - I don't even know. - I can't use clippers on top of my head. - Oh, so no, you can't. - They have to just use regular scissors. It's all these rules. There's a whole-- - Wow. - They handed me like a Bible of rules. They're like, here you go. - You rules, I don't know. - Yeah, I've probably broken a couple. I feel like we're starting to see the first little buds. - They said we couldn't be intimate for like two or three weeks. We definitely broke that rule. I was like, you can't tell me. You can't tell me not to do that. - You can't tell me. Well, I could tell you, but they can't tell you. - Oh yeah, you can tell me. They can't tell me. - I wasn't gonna tell you that. - All right, okay. If offered, which one of you would go on dancing with the stars? Ooh, I feel like it would be Abby. I would love-- - Why me? - Because you're like a freaking ballerina. - No, I have danced in so long. I have zero. I have very little confidence in my dancing abilities, but I do think that I think you would be a better option, especially as a male. - Why? - 'Cause you're a male that can dance. I feel like it's a real-- - I did take dance. - Yeah, I know. - I took dance from the age of nine till 19. - That makes you a really good candidate. Because I feel like it's harder for them to get guys and then also guys that can actually stay in the competition. Like you would do really well. You could win it. - That's very nice. But I do think it would stress you out eight times. - Oh, it'd stress me to the crap out. But it'd be so much fun. It'd be like doing drugs like being up there. - You would love to be performing in front of a crowd. - My heart would be like, "Bubble, buble, buble, buble, buble, buble." Like if you go crazy. - But I also think the fact that you'd have to memorize choreography from Monday and then perform. When do you perform? They start on Wednesday probably, and then perform it on Tuesday. - You have a week to learn the choreography? - Yeah. - For one dance. - Yeah. - That's so easy. - I don't know. Your turn-- - I used to have to learn dances in an hour. It was like, "Hey, here's this entire freaking musical number. "Learn this in an hour." - I know you're a little rusty. - Oh my gosh, having a whole week to prepare is insane. I would crush that. No, seriously, 'cause like-- - Okay, put it in. - Let me say this, when I was in a chorus line at the Muni where Abby and I met, I had to do the opening number and it's very freaking hard dance. There was a triple pirouette. - Oh wow. - And it was like very hard to like, Just all the kicks, all the turns, there was that opening number and of course, line was tricky, but I practiced it like crazy and after, I want to say after like two or three days, I had it solid. But that was my, that was my issue, like I could never learn choreography fast, because if they taught it like when you do a dance audition, they teach you a dance in about 15 minutes and you're expected to perform it. So in 15 minutes, my like short-term memory, quick, whatever, I suck at that. Like if you give me 24 hours though, I can crush the dance. Yeah, I just need time to like get it into my body. I think that would be a better candidate. Well, I would, I would love to root for you. I would have a lot of fun. I would be so thrilled and so honored. How was your trip to Disney? Amazing, was so fun. We actually did an entire YouTube vlog that you actually go check out. Now that we have a kid that is over 40 inches, that unlocks a whole new like level of Disney for us as a family. Dude, he's three. He can go on the, the, the, he can go on Space Mountain. He can go on Guardians of the Galaxy. He can go on Rise of Resistance and like all these big rides are now like, there's very few rides he can't go on at this point. So it's really, really fun. And I think it was just like really cool for the two of you, because obviously I was with Ogi, but like for the two of you to get to like dad and son, go on these big rides for the first time. And I think that was like really special. And then it was also just really special for Ogi to like, you know, he's so in love with like, the characters and he is just fascinated by Spider-Man. And so getting to see him like, crawl up a wall and fly through the air like shooting webs like he was just, I literally took a video. So it's so funny because like, that's what they say. Like about parents, like parents are always, like when you become a parent, you stop like recording what's going on around you and then recording your kids watching what's going on around you. Like my whole video of Spider-Man doing his really cool routine was just Ogi's face just like, like he was just frozen with all and wonder. And that was like, oh, I'll never forget that. They've been begging to go back. So we're probably gonna go back at some point. We'll see. Should we go back? Of course we should. My parents are going in November to Disney World. And we're like, my crash their trip. Crash their trip. They would love us to crash their trip. That'd be awesome. That'd be so fun. Do you ever miss life before kids? I would say I use Super. I don't anymore. Like now, like the parenting thing has become so fun that it's like, this is so much better. It's so used to it. Yeah. Like you get so used to not having the freedom that you used to have. Like there's a lot more hoops you have to jump through to do things that you used to do so easily. Yeah. But that just becomes your new normal. And then it's like, but you have so much more to gain by having them like in your family. There's just so much purpose in like raising kids. But I always look fondly on our early years of marriage. No kids. Like I'm so glad for the timeline that we had like everyone's timeline looks different. But we had like, what was it? Two years. No, over two years, we had three years. Three years of just the two of us. And like those three years were just like so spontaneous, adventurous, like honeymoon love, like, but also just like figuring it. There's like, there's just such good memories. I think back to that time so fondly, but I love where we're at. Best thing to bring on the plane to entertain toddlers. Probably just your phone. iPad. No, not an iPad. We do give them our phones on the plane, like on the plane. Dude, they're, you don't want to have your kids screaming their face on the plane. It's like that free range. We'll download a show on Disney Plus for them to watch on the plane. Yeah. Or for Oggy, we usually download Miss Rachel. Yeah. And now it's been Star Wars or Star Wars. We're working through the start. Dude, Oggy loves Star Wars. We watched the entire episode one together. He's obsessed. He loves it. That's crazy. I know. Yeah, I think but also our boys know that we have, we're pretty like restrictive, not restrictive, but like we don't, they don't have free access to screens in our house, but they do know that on planes, they have free access. And so they definitely take advantage of that. Yeah, I think Griffin's watched the Paw Patrol movie at least 50 times. We bought it on YouTube and he's every time he wants to watch that. Did he watch the Paw Patrol movie on the last chance? No, he watched Zootopia. Why do I want to take him to Shanghai to go see the Zootopia part? I think it'd be so, I could make, I could document that too. Be like me and Griffin watching Zootopia on the plane, going to Shanghai. Oh, they're making Zootopia too. And for that reason too, we can watch Zootopia move too. Then we could go to the Shanghai Park and like get the big Lollipop that it's like the popsicle. They have the popsicle and then they have the little paw Lollipop too from the movie. They're both. Okay, well, why can't me and all you go? Well, because I don't think you guys would want to. No, I want to. You want to? Well, family, family trip to Shanghai. I'm having a hard time making future plans. Is it easier to travel with a baby or a toddler? Really depends. Are we talking new born? It's easier to travel with a toddler. We're talking about a newborn, because like a newborn if you're sleeping. It's pretty easy. Yeah, if they just sleep, sleep, sleep, like bro, but then when they, especially easy for you, because you don't have boobs. But no, no, when Augie was, this was like a year and a half ago, when he was, when was this? Anyway, when he was one and he like could crawl and stuff, managing that kid on a plane, because like you give, you put on Miss Rachel, he doesn't care about Miss Rachel. I'm gonna be honest, his main problem is being restrained. Like having to sit in his seat, that's buckled is like basically torturous for him. So there's that like that age where they're mobile, yet they can't talk, yet they aren't gonna like chill and watch a show for 45 minutes. That's the hardest time. Like, yeah. For us at least. It was just like a full-on, like he just had my 12 months, I would say 10 months to almost two years was really hard. I mean, Augie's gotten significantly easier on planes. He still has his moments. Yeah, so I'm gonna say. He's an outdoor cat. Okay, you can't put an outdoor cat indoors and expect them to behave. You cannot. We just always are like, whatever you need, buddy, we'll do it. We gotta try to like cater to him. This next one, car seats on planes or loose kids. Car seats help them fall asleep. Yes. No, bringing the, there's the Duna car seat, which can like fold up and go in your car and then be like a stroller. We would take that on the plane when Augie was in that stage and then he like one time he actually fell asleep in the car seat. What's that? So I wish that we would have done that from the start, because if you fly, oh, I think they're changing their policy. But Southwest when they were like an open seat, whatever. If there was extra seats, you could just pop your Duna and see next year. We wouldn't pay for a seat. We wouldn't pay for his seat, but we'd go up before we board the plane and say, I guess changing soon. It's gonna change soon. But we would see if they had any open seats. And then if they had open seats, then we would just bring our Duna on rather than checking it at the gate. But if you like, if you are nice and become friends with flight attendants, like they they'll help you out sometimes. We've had flight attendants before that aren't the nicest, but there's been a ton of very kind, very helpful flight attendants. Think about how tired they must be. Yeah, as you never know what day you're in a, you know, meet them on, right? They could they could be coming off of like a 12 hour journey and they're exhausted and they just don't want to deal with kid stuff. So yeah, it's if you if you want to like secure an easy flight by the by the ticket. If you want to go the budget route, try to like try to, I don't know, be nice, the flight attendants. They might help you out. Yeah, a lot of times we spend just like standing by the bathroom. Yeah. That was actually the next question. Get them their own seat or no, we have to now like they both. Yeah, they're both over two. So they both get their own seat, but we are the Kings and Queens of not buying them the seat until they are two. Like we literally bought Augie a flight when he was one year and 363 days old. Yeah. And then we switched for the flight home like they were turned flight. He was a ticketed passenger, but the flight there he wasn't like it's just you got to take advantage of that advantage while you have it. Free seat. Well, not a free seat, a free ticketed passenger. These are a lot of these are travel questions by the way because we do a lot of traveling with her kids. We have one thing you love about traveling with two littles and one thing you wish you could change. Yeah, I think I just love like seeing the world through their eyes. And yeah, experiencing things for the first time. Yeah, and I think I think when the older they get the easier it is, I would say for them to travel. For sure. Especially like there's just less diapers to change. You can communicate. We're less wedged with nap times. Yeah, nap like griff with Griffin. He can skip naps now because he don't pack as much diapers. Yeah, so it's just a lot. Wait less gear. I actually posted on my story. I was like one day you're perfectly timing your flight. You're like you're spending extra to just fly the perfect time for your kids eating a nap schedule and you're flying with all of these two cases of gear and supplies for your baby. And then the next day you have two toddlers and you're flying backpack only smack dab in the middle of their nap time. Yeah, and I think it happens so quick. So if you're in that stage where it's like really tough to travel with your baby or your young toddler, no, still travel because I do think it's good for them to like, you know, learn that they can still survive and thrive outside of like the walls of their house and they're really strict routine and all of their comforts. I think it's good for them. But it does get so much easier. I'm sure some things get harder, but I would say overall the experience is a lot easier. 100%. Wait, what was the other part of the question? What's something you wish you could change? I would say like I wish we wouldn't have flown with so much. much stuff before like we used to, this was so stupid. Our podcast gear takes up like three suitcases. So we would try to like, to save money, like include a podcast recording, if there was a gas in a different state, and then we had like a trip there, we would like take our kids, and then take all the podcast gear, and then I would be like hauling like 10 suitcases through the airport, it was just a nightmare. So recently we went to Disney, we did backpack only. Oh my gosh, so convenient. Yeah, I mean, there was just not that much stuff to carry. Yeah, I wish we could cut to us in the airport, struggling to carry everything in our children. Why don't we do, like-- No, I'm trying out this past trip. We still had a lot to carry. OK, even then, it's the car seats. It's the car seats, yeah. But, you know, they'll be in those car seats for a while, so we better make friends with them. But the car seats though, you can get these lightweight ones. Those are like, what, the way like five pounds? Oh yeah, we got, they're just from Amazon, they're like, "Cuntigo" or something, but they're really lightweight, they're really cheap, and you can get a bag to go with them so you can wear as a backpack. And we have, what's the best age to travel with kids that you've experienced so far? Definitely a three-year-old. Like, he can do everything at Disneyland, essentially. He is extremely-- Especially the full-grow adult. Yeah, he's basically like just-- Yeah, he's just for a friend. Like, he's just hanging out with us. He's such a dude. Yeah, he goes to the bathroom on his own. Yeah, absolutely. OK, I have to wipe his butt. Yeah, we do wipe it. Yeah, I mean, I had my parents wipe my butt when I was three. Like, everybody does that. No, actually, no. A lot of preschools, apparently, a lot of preschools, they-- you can't go until you wipe your own booty. Because I guess it's probably a safety policy. Oh, I guess we need to teach him how to do that. Well, he's not going to preschool, so. Yeah, I am his preschool teacher. Hey, we'll work on it. We'll get there. That leads into our next question. How do you navigate potty on the plane? We just-- we try to go before the plane. And then if he has to go on the plane, we just go. Honestly, it kind of like when they have to go on the plane. It's my hot take. It's a fun activity. Do you get to stand up? You get-- it breaks up the flight. Like, it's like, OK, we got an activity right now. We're going to go to the potty. I do that myself. Like, I go to bathroom. Is that why you go that many times on the plane? Yeah, I go sometimes like three times on the plane. All right, trust me. I know you go a lot of times, and that's why it stresses me out when you're like the middle seat and someone has to get out a lot of times for you. But if someone's-- if I'm in the middle seat, I'm going to only get out like once, maybe twice, if I'm put in it. So times you do it way too soon. Like, I like-- this guy is probably thinking, did he just go to like, did he not empty out at the airport? Like, who the frick does this guy think he is, man? He's going to the bathroom three times. Like, there's an acceptable time. You have to wait before you go. Yeah, I'm right that rule. I don't care. I don't freak you care. You have a tiniest bladder. I do have a tiny bladder. What is up with your bladder is insane. You can hold your feet like so long. I don't understand it. But I still be my pants. Actually, that's true. You do fear things. Do you board early? Absolutely not. Why do you board early? You board early just to sit on the plane longer. That's so stupid. No, you got to save that time. Is there your kids? As soon as you sit down on your seat, a timer starts for your kids before they combust. You let your kids spritz around the airport, crawl around on the floor, do it get all their energy out. Maybe not that, but maybe not crawl on the floor, but if they do, because they will do that, just like try to remember that like Santa has her hands a little bit. Read your breakfast. Let's do tag. Yeah, do some tag. Do whatever. Find the playground in the airport. Get the wiggles out. Okay. Yeah, we love airport playgrounds. Yes. But yeah, we wait until like we're the last people to board usually. Like we don't, we just followed the last person in because they're little attention spans. Next question. Have you guys ever used a child leash while traveling? Actually, we have. Is that controversial? Is that like, are people opposed to that or something? I'm sure it is. My parents did that with me and I feel like that's a safety thing. When you have a baby and a toddler and maybe even three or four kids, like, it's literally just a safety thing. You have to keep your kids together. Yeah. And like he was like sad about it, like, we haven't used it, haven't had to use it recently. It's obviously better to have just more hands on deck if you're going to go somewhere with really little kids. That's very busy. But yeah, I think it's just a safety thing. I don't have any problem with that. Yeah. Doesn't hurt them. I don't, I don't see the problem. Yeah, I agree. It's not like I'm, I'm taking my kid out on walks with it. Yeah. It's only when there's like a ton of people around. Yeah, you're like in a crack. You're like, I don't want you to be kidnapped. Or run away. Or run away. We didn't do this at Disney, but one of our friends had an air tag on their kid. I thought that was so smart. We needed to do that. Put a little air tag on their shoe and then you can, like, if they ever- You can get away so fast. Fab forbid, get away. Yeah. Yeah, and there could be shady people, you know? How is it to navigate nap time when you're traveling? You know, we ran into this issue on the way home from our trip because we traveled at, I think we're flight left at two o'clock, two thirty, right? Two thirty. And their kid, our boy's nap time is at noon, so we just like essentially skip nap time. And it was hard. Put them to bed early. Yeah. Our kids are not sleep on the go kids. They don't sleep on the go. They've never- They've never- They both did not fall asleep on the plane. We even brought the car seat. Our kids car seat, our two-year-old car seat on the plane didn't work. Wait. Can I actually tell you something? What? I was walking past this mom who had two toddler girls that were probably about the same age as our kids. I think their oldest was a little older than our oldest and their youngest was a little younger than our youngest, but like they were very similar, but they had two girls. Yeah. And they were sitting in their double stroller, unbuckled. And in my mind, I was like, "What's it this mom do special to have her two kids sitting in their stroller, unbuckled and they're not trying to help out?" I know, I guess it just because they're girls, like- I know that's a stereotype. It's unbuckled in their stroller. They would be bailing like you would not believe. Like they would not even sit down. But they have to be buckled in to like know that they can't jump out and run away. No, I think it's just like our boys are all boy, and I know that's like a stereotype, but they really are. They just, they want to get dirty. They want to play in mud. I know a lot of girls are like that, too. Yeah, there's girls that, like there's some- But it is funny. There's also boys that like to put on princess dresses and play with like half tea parties, you know? Right. Right. You have the exceptions on both sides. Yes. The stereotypical response is that- that's just not- but I feel similarly when I see parents pushing their toddlers around in strollers and their toddlers just passed out like a sleep in their stroller. Oh, yeah. How did they get them to do that? I think- Like our kids could be like so exhausted, but there's not a chance they would even close their eyes for an extended period. The only way would be our youngest on a long car ride if he's in a car- Maybe in a car. He would. Maybe in a car. Strollers never. Or oldest in a car? Maybe. Maybe. If it was a very long car ride and he was like way past nap time very tired, he probably- Maybe. There might be a- maybe. There's a very slim chance. How do you navigate a full day at Disney with kids? We've basically just like go to the park in the morning, come back to the hotel or nap- I think that's a key. Come back for a little siesta, even if your kids don't. This works great if your kids will nap, which our kids will nap, but even if they don't, I think it's good to like go during the day when there's like less crowds, get a lot of stuff done, get your day kicked off because you're already probably starting your day off early with little kids. Take a break and it kind of just helps them like there's so much stimulus in Disney world. It kind of helps them decompress and like chill out a little bit and if they can sleep that's even better. Kind of just cool off, you know, wash their hands and like just change their outfits maybe get reset and then go back to the parks and then keep them out a little later than you normally would have because they got that rest in the middle of the day, that works out best for us. 100%. Next, we have some like financial questions, which thank you to whoever asked these because I love answering financial questions. I actually wanted to be a financial planner before I became a YouTuber. So this is kind of, this is kind of fun. It says how to budget with littles and wanting to do all the activities, trips, toys, ETC. I think it really just comes down to like looking at how much money you have coming in and then deciding on, okay, this is, this is the percentage of that dollar amount that I want to put in savings. And then with whatever's left over, you got to create a budget. As far as low cost toddler activities, I would just say take advantage of what your community has to offer. That's like what we've done, like look at your libraries, look at like your community center, look at like there's some, I can tell you so many there are local to us. We just went to it, there's an old folks home that had a trunk or treat, it was fun activity. We're also doing one at like a little kid's, like activities, there's just, look at what's going on in your community because there's usually a lot of good events, especially I would say start with libraries, fire stations do things, police stations do things, like there's a lot going on and a lot of those are free. So and kids think it's really, really fun. Next we have, is it important to marry someone with somewhat similar levels of financial stability? I don't think so, but I do think that if somebody is like in a lot of debt, you probably should have at least a conversation about what that looks like because you don't want to, like if someone's in like, I'm going to give an extreme example, a quarter million dollars of student loans, that's a lot to take on, like you're taking on that financial burden with them if you're combining your finances and, you know, joining everything together which a lot of married couples do and we did. So, you know, you might, you might really want to seriously think that through. Yeah. I also think that financial status is changed dramatically throughout your lifetime and marriage is like a life long decision. So it's like don't make this your like at the top of your priority list, but it is definitely going to consider because when you agree to marry someone, you are taking on all of them and that includes their debts, their everything. - Yeah, 100%. How did you get started with investments? When I was working at a financial planning firm, I ended up just like starting it myself. I just opened up a Vanguard account, which actually is really easy. It took me like 10 minutes to do that. And then from there, I just, I think I fully funded my Roth IRA in college 'cause I had saved enough to then put into the Roth. And what I love about Roths is it's like saving, if you're in America, it's for your retirement. And you paid the taxes on the front end, but then you're never taxed on that money ever again. You're never taxed on the gain. So if you invest $6,000 and after 50 years, it grows to be, I don't know, a hundred grand. You're not taxed on that when you take it out, which is awesome. Like that's really, really cool. Love Roth IRAs. If you don't know what a Roth IRA is, look it up 'cause I love Roths. And I wanna fund our kids Roths too. Right, oh, actually we did. (laughs) - Nice. - We'd actually did do that. Should you tell your spouse about your credit card debt or keep it a secret? Definitely, definitely don't keep that a secret. - Why would it be a secret anyway? 'Cause usually, I guess maybe if they're credit card a separate, like it's only there. - Yeah, well technically, I mean, there's nothing stopping you from opening up a credit card and not telling you about it. - Oh, that's true. Hmm, great idea. - We've just always told each other. If we've ever opened up a bank account or a credit card, we've all, yeah. - So that is. - Don't do that. - Well, maybe they're in a financially abusive relationship. - That's true. And it could be like a way to get back if their spouses are mad at them. - No, like maybe someone's withholding funds from them. - Oh, frick, that's not good. - Yeah. - Go tell somebody that cares about you about that 'cause you should not be keeping that a secret. - Yeah, it's really serious. What would you say? Maybe the judgment, that was maybe for me. Like, I felt. - I didn't feel the judge for it. - Oh. - Maybe it was all in my head, but I was just like intimidated by that. - Oh, okay. - Like I thought people were like, I didn't wanna be viewed as like a child, you know? - I would be honest, I don't. - Which is funny because somebody called you a child bride that didn't mean for you to hear that, but you've still heard it. - Yeah, well, I guess it's a personality difference. - Yeah. - Like, yeah, I would say that it wasn't hard. I don't know, it really was so fun. - It was really fun. - It was so fun. - And it's funny. - And it's still so fun that we have that history together. - Yeah. - You're my high school love. - Yeah, and like how cool is that that I'm married to my high school sweetheart? - I know, and I think it's like really, really special. - We beat the odds. Oh yeah. - I don't know, I really don't think it was hard. I don't think it was, it felt very natural. It felt like the most natural next step in our relationship at that, and we just so happen to be young. - Next question is, did your finances change following your podcast with Remete? If you guys haven't seen that episode, we interviewed Remete from how to, is it the Netflix show How to Get Rich? Is that what it's called on Netflix? He has his own Netflix show. It's pretty cool. He has a book on how to build wealth. I think it's called How I Will Teach You to Be Rich. Wow, it's been like a year since we interviewed him, but very smart guy, very good with money. - Yeah, now every time I see a book, I'm like, this is my rich life, and I get it. - Oh yeah, 'cause he told us that there's certain expenses. You know, if you budget properly, there should be certain expenses that you can spend, you know, frequently. - And I do think more about my relationship with money after talking to him. I'm like, oh, I don't want to be like a warrior. - Yeah. - And like thinking about that, and then also just like facing those things head on. Like I was telling you the other day, I was like, sometimes I feel like I'm being smart with my money when I worry about it. And it's like, it's actually doing nothing for me. - Well, the thing that I did. - And I learned that like those money personalities from Remete. - So what I used to do is manually invest our money. So we invest in ETFs, which if you don't know what that is, essentially ETF stands for Exchange Traded Fund. - You'll ask me. And ETFs, that's, okay, let me like simplify it. - No, you're doing good. - ETFs, track, and index. So that could be the S&P 500. That could be the NAS deck. That could be what's another popular one. The, why am I forgetting the other main one? - S&P 500. - The S&P 500 is the most popular one. But, - Oh, didn't you say that one already? - I did say that one. - Oh, okay. - But yeah, they track, essentially what an ETF does, is it tracks the performance of an index, like the S&P 500 or the NAS deck. And your return on that investment is essentially, like how the market performs. We should probably put something in the show notes to better explain this. I'm also not a, I also don't have my license in financial planning. I never like finished out my schooling to get it. But anyway, that's what we invest in. And after talking to our meet, we started doing automated investments. So rather than me manually investing, we have an automated amount every single month that goes out of our savings account into our investment account and is automatically invested. And it just like clockwork is always happening. I don't even have to think about it. And I love that because it's just, yeah, it's just like dollar cost averaging every single month you know what's happening. And one day it'll grow to be hopefully a really big number because the time value of money is a real thing. And I love that, yeah, that's smart. - Do we want to ask sad questions again or no? Should we just ignore these? - I actually feel like there's more things to, like I feel like I kind of want to talk about some things because like I feel like things change as now we're like getting further and further out from the loss like I do feel differently about things. - Okay. - So I don't know. - Well, let's ask about this. Are you scared to get pregnant again with all the what ifs? - That was the question I wanted to answer because I'm not like in the comment sections right now for my mental health, but I heard from our team that that was something that was like a discussion on our podcasts and on our clips was like why would you ask this question to someone so fresh from loss? And what I would say to those people is you probably haven't gone through a loss because when you've gone through something like what we've gone through you're discussing the possibility of another pregnancy and the timeline on what that would look like in the same breath that you find out that you've lost your baby because that determines how they go about delivery and everything and it's an important thing to consider for your own health moving down the line. So I think that they were probably surprised 'cause they probably didn't know that but this has been a discussion since the morning that we found out about everything. And that's been something that we've talked about and thought about and it's something that I feel a lot of hope in but I also feel shame and guilt and it's such a like witty thing. Like I feel like maybe I would have felt differently about this had I not gone through the loss or everyone probably does feel somewhat different but when I've talked to other women like the topic of another pregnancy is so layered and complex but we're doing a disservice if we can't acknowledge that there is hope there. - Yeah. - If there is no hope there, then maybe it's something, it's just we're not doing women that have gone through this a good service if we can't talk about this. - Yeah, nope. - And so it's like especially you're taking my lead. We ran that question by me beforehand. I read all the questions before we film the episode. Afterwards I said, oh yeah, like I'm fine with everything that was said, like let's put it in. And so then people thinking like why would you ask that question I'm like, oh that's a daily conversation we're having and thinking about. And it's on my mind all the time. Like I don't know and I feel like a lot of people can relate to that, like you're thinking like you have, this is a reality is that something that I have to think about. I don't get to continue that pregnancy that I had. - And I think it brings a lot of hope to like what while it's still sad. - Oh it's so terrifying and heavy and so different than it once was but you're right like there is hope there. - Yeah. - And I shouldn't feel ashamed for feeling that hope coming from that. You know what I mean? I shouldn't feel guilty for that being a desire that I have. - Gosh and it's so dark too because I think like now pregnancy is scary because we know about what can happen. - Yeah. - But then I think about parents that have lost a child post birth, a child like whether it's a three year old or even like even it could be a 16 year old. Like if they go through something like that, must terrify you for all of your living kids. And you're like. - Actually I didn't want to talk about, oh sorry, go ahead. - Oh you're good, it must just be terrifying for all of your just like regular normal kids, not like babies in the womb because you're just like afraid of something happen. Like for whatever reason in my head I feel like nothing could ever happen or griffin or soggy which I know that's naive to think that way but I'm a very like optimistic person and so I don't know. I just like reminds me that I always need to be like very protective of them while still. - You know you are very protective of them. - I mean I am, yeah. - You kind of make fun of me for it. - I'm obsessed with them like wearing helmets and all that stuff but it's like. - No like if you think they're about to get hurt, you can, you sprint. - I sprint. I did wipe out on our turf today. - You're kind of spastic about it. - I love it. - I was afraid to argue it was in a fall. - Well no, I will say though, I do feel differently about that than you. Like I do feel like since the loss, like I feel like I've told you, I've been thinking about it. It's like there was like a jar in my brain that like felt like this loss unscrewed the lid off of. And that's like this jar held like the things that like happened to other people. - Yeah. - And now I am the other people. Like something that happened to me that I never thought would happen to me. Really like I was always afraid of it but I kept telling myself like that doesn't happen to me that won't happen to me. Like I know it's common but it won't happen to me. Now that jar is off. So now in my brain I'm catching myself being a lot more fearful about things I never feared before that aren't even related to miscarriage. Like, I was on a walk and I was like. I could get kidnapped. But a lot of those fears I'm feeling now are related to Griffin and Oggy and something terrible happening to them because I'm like, well, this terrible thing happened to our baby that I never thought would ever happen. And now something terrible, like all these other terrible things that I thought would never happen could happen. And they could affect my children and they could affect our family. So yeah, I do feel like a lot more fearful now about everything. It just feels like anything can happen. The next question is, what is something your friends have done for you that made this season easier? And you guys, I know we've said this, but a meal train is so nice, especially after going through something bad. >> Meal train is a website, if you don't know. >> Yeah, meal train is this website where you can set it up for somebody. People sign up to bring meals through different nights of the week and so forth. I want to say it was like two weeks that we had people- >> I ended it. >> Oh, you ended it. Wow. But yeah, people just kept bringing meals. >> People would have kept bringing them. >> After a meal. You didn't have to cook or do any of that for two weeks. And Abby was able to have a lot more time to just go on a walk or read a book. And I would take the kids to go swim in our pool or just gave us so much more time to think through everything and not have to keep on going. If that makes sense, that was really nice. That was really, really nice. >> Yeah, I think a meal train is a great option. And that doesn't even stretch the surface of the things that people did for us. I mean, we still are getting flowers from people sending us those edible arrangements. That was actually awesome because we could eat it. Like me and the boys- >> Yeah, I was really- >> Me and the boys loved the edible arrangement. >> It's like no matter what you do or give to somebody, it's just the fact that they know that they're seeing your pain that you're in and they're showing up and saying like we're here for you. >> Yeah. >> And that can be in so many ways, it's literally like if you have that, if you have that motivation you literally cannot go wrong. I really believe that. >> Yeah. I also have never moved on, but is there a time you would like to move on from this center of your life? I don't know exactly what that means, but I'm guessing they're asking about like, we'll never forget what happened, but like when do you think you'll be able to take the next steps forward? I think we're making progress now, I think I've seen you make some big strides, like the other day you just seemed like so much happier, and I was like, Abby, like you seem so joyful today. It was really cool to see that. And so that's awesome. I think time heals and I think, yeah, sorry, what were you going to say? It seemed like- >> No, I think you're right. I do think that- >> Yeah. >> I don't want to say it's so hard because it's like you do feel good, but then sometimes you feel a little guilty for feeling good, but I knew from the beginning someone gave me this amazing advice to like, enjoy, like invite joy. You don't have to like feel guilty or ashamed for feeling that in this season. Like if that happens, like allow yourself to feel it and enjoy that. And so sometimes I feel that, and then sometimes sadness just like wipes me off my feet. But I think that like in the stage I'm in right now, I can go about my day almost as normal, but my capacity is so much lower. Like my capacity for stress specifically is like very low. Like I get overwhelmed really, really easily right now or I get exhausted, really, really easier right now. And actually I noticed I've been showing you and losing my hair like crazy. And I'm sure some of that is related to postpartum situation because I'm still like postpartum and, but I'm like, that hair loss doesn't usually hit you till like several months out. Like three, four months and I'm not there yet. But I just think the stress of like the residual stress from everything is just like causing. I've shown you like clumps of hair. No, that's very common. I mean, stress is a huge cause of hair loss. The same pat, sorry, it's not even the same patterns of hair loss as like postpartum because usually that's like right here, but like it's not just right there. It's like a lot of hair. I'm losing. Well, your hair looks amazing. It looks super, super good. Thanks. But yeah, I do feel like where I'm at now, I can definitely go about my day and I can act normal and feel somewhat normal. But it doesn't take much though to send me right back. There actually so many people have referenced this. There must have been a video go viral. I think some psychologists or someone made a video about our therapist made a video expressing explaining the grief box. It's like there's a button. I'm not going to explain it well, but there's basically like a button in the bottom of a box and this like trauma that you went through is like the box and then pain is the button and the ball is just like what activates that. And so sometimes like when you're so close out to a traumatic event, that ball is going to bounce and press that button of pain a lot. And like basically all the time it's going to hit it and be on there. But as your life moves on from that traumatic event, the box gets bigger and the ball keeps bouncing around. And since it has more space, it doesn't press that button of pain as much. But when it does press it, it still hurts just as bad. But it doesn't hit it as much. And I do feel like that like we're just at the beginning of like noticing that like I'm like the pain button isn't pressed. It was pressed constantly at the beginning. It's not pressed as much, but when it as much, it still pressed a lot. But when it is pressed, it's just as painful. What are you each doing to fill your own cup as well as each other after loss? I've taken a lot more time for myself and like I'm just so grateful for you like that I'm able to do that like a lot of times I can talk about being stressed and exhausted. It hits like right at dinner time and then it like overwhelms me at dinner time. A lot of times like I do like I can really early in the morning, I can like keep going and chug along and chug along and chug along by the by like five p.m. is when stress and exhaustion kind of like really hit me and you like basically always take over and like step in for me and that has given me like the space to like be alone and like journal if I need to take a bath and just kind of like or go on a walk like do those things. Those things are all like really good like in this time like any form of like self-care or got a facial someone gifted a head spot experience was so nice and so it's just like taking those moments to literally it sounds so frivolous or like extra but I do think those moments that you intentionally take to recharge yourself you will see so many more benefits in the long run and your marriage and in your family because you are able to show up better for everyone yeah and you have to be intentional about it. It's not like just like doom scrolling on your phone. You're like numbing out and you're like I just needed an hour that's not that's not intentional. If you intentionally are like I'm going to use this time to like recharge my batteries that I feel like you will see benefits. Yeah you you woke up with the kids two days in a row when I was sick which was like really helpful for me because I was I was like I was like I was like could not get out of bed. I was so exhausted from this virus so that was super nice but like the yeah the mornings that I have spent with the kids like it's it's something that I look forward to like I literally I wake up and I'm like I get to go read Star Wars books to hockey and have a light super battles and that to me feels like something for me because it's just like what's what's the point like I just I just see so much purpose in family and I see so much purpose in our kids and therapies also really great therapies great I love therapy too that's really helpful and finally we have what is triggering wow we're just going for the dark stuff now I mean what now that we got all the fun stuff out of the way let's just get let's just get to this really dark sad you know topics I try to make a joke out of that whenever I'm uncomfortable I try to make jokes but I'm not very funny really I would say social media honestly like yeah you know there's something with the algorithm especially with the stage of life we're in the content we produce we have a lot of friends that are parents and you know newlyweeds all this stuff and we're so happy for everyone but it's almost like every single time you open up your phone there's like a new pregnancy announcement or gender reveal or just something and so and it's not that we're so we're so happy for them but yeah like Abby said you know you're at Disney it's like it seems like everyone has a bump which I think I think you just sticks out to you more now and sticks out to me more because we've been through this loss but yeah that's that's triggering so it's it's been helpful to be off social media to have like Abby basically just goes on to post stories yeah even when I still go on to post stories the only post I see is always pregnancy related and like a certain part of me now feels guilty for making so much pregnancy content but it pregnancy is something that should be celebrated yeah and it is like a life that is so valuable and pregnancy content is really the only reminders I have of our daughter's life because we didn't get to see her outside the womb yeah so I I cherish it but right now I'm not in a place where I can consume it yeah like with a without pain associated with it so yeah there's that um yeah well was I gonna say? In general, I feel like right now I'm realizing how complex of a relationship I have mentally and emotionally with our pregnancy with our daughter. I was telling you I was talking to our friends last weekend and I was shocked because I was like telling a story about when I was pregnant and I literally just used the phrase when I was pregnant and then I was kind of like slowed down and I was like with our last baby because I feel like my pregnancy with both of our kids like it makes so much sense to me like that was me bringing you to this world and now I'm just trying to rationalize that pregnancy because for a while I felt like I wanted to erase that or like I felt almost embarrassed about it like I just I feel like I have such a weird relationship with that pregnancy now but I'm sure that's normal and it's just something I have to work out because at first my instinct was literally to delete every video and picture off my phone and off our platforms from that pregnancy and I was like that that's not right that's the only that's all we have of our pregnancy with our daughter like that is something to be cherished and like held on closely to but there is just like a level of just like but what was this all for like yeah so I just have a complex relationship with it and I imagine it'll even get more complex until it fits nicely into my brain yeah or maybe it never will but that's where we're at yeah that's definitely the most triggering type of thing but there's no like bad thoughts I have towards us people posting those things or people in my life they're pregnant but yeah I do feel a little guilty right now because I'm quite guilty I don't feel like I'm showing up for your pregnant friends or people with babies okay that's okay I just like I hope that I'll be ready to soon but I'm just still out there but I don't think nobody expects you to especially after what I know I know but people have been so generous and kind of me like I just want to return that favor to well I think I think you I just says a lot about your character that you want to do that and I think you will I think it's just like right now the timing you need some time to just like heal and you will be able to return that favor to me and and you've done so much for our friends like before this I mean you were always making meals for people just spoiling people hosting people having book club like you're you're the best no you're nice I love you love you too sweetie okay well I think our kids need us we're gonna go stop recording this but thank you guys again for being here and we will see oh and if you haven't like been a part of this community we'd love to like have you here so if you could subscribe or put on notifications whatever that is for you we'd love to just like stay and touch because I want to say something like more than half of our viewers aren't subscribed to the channel which is crazy so if that's you maybe you should and subscribe and just join the club. 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