Life Together: Friendship - Andrew Bennett

Hey guys, Pastor James Murray here and I want to welcome you to the Abide Sydney podcast. This whole podcast is designed to help you on the journey of discipleship and our mission is to make disciples of the people of Sydney. But maybe not from Sydney, we hope this blesses you, so sit back, relax and enjoy this podcast. Acts 20 verse 36, looking at friendship. Say friendship, friendship. It's a beautiful ship to be on. All aboard. All right, you can tell I'm a dad. It's been 17 months, but I've been practicing those jokes for a long time. When Paul had finished speaking, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him. Paul's on his way up to Jerusalem. And it says, what grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again, then they accompanied him to the ship. So if you read a few verses earlier, Paul was saying that the Holy Spirit in him was telling him that prison and hardship awaits him at Jerusalem. And so he said, you're probably not going to see me again. Verse 1, next chapter. After we had torn ourselves away from them, we put out to see. We landed at Tyre where our ship was to unload its cargo. We sought out the disciples there and stayed with them seven days. Through the Spirit, they urged Paul not to go on Jerusalem. Interesting. Paul said he felt the Spirit calling him to go. They threw the Spirit, urged Paul not to go on to Jerusalem. We'll talk to that. When it was time to leave, we left and continued on our way. All of them, including wives and children, accompanied us out of the city. And there on the beach, we knelt to pray. After saying goodbye to each other, we went aboard the ship and they returned home. We continued our voyage from Tyre and landed at Tolermas where we greeted the brothers and sisters and stayed with them for a day. Leaving the next day we reached Caesaria and stayed at the House of Philip, the evangelist, one of the seven. After we had been there a number of days, a prophet named Agabus came down from Judea. Coming over to us, he took Paul's belt, tied his own hands and feet with it and said, the Holy Spirit says, in this way, the Jewish leaders in Jerusalem will bind to the owner of this belt and will hand him over to the Gentiles. When we heard this, we and the people there pleaded with Paul, not to go up to Jerusalem. Then Paul answered, why are you weeping and breaking my heart? I am ready not only to be bound but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus. When he would not be dissuaded, we gave up and said, the Lord will be done. After this, we, say we, we started on our way up to Jerusalem. We're going to look at two short Old Testament scriptures as well that are just key scriptures, just little insights on friendship that we'll use as well. Proverbs 13, 20, whoever walks with the wires becomes wise. But the companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 18, 24, a man of many companions may come to ruin. Many companions may still come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Amen. Let's pray. Close your eyes, lift our hearts up to Jesus this morning. Father, we thank you for your word. We pray by your spirit. Come and make it life to us. Lord, you created the whole universe through the power of your word and your spirit working together. So come and let your word and spirit bring new creation in us today in Jesus' name. And everybody said, amen. Go ahead and take a seat. Thank you, Bailey. Let's thank Bailey and our worship team. Thanks again, guys. Is anyone else like me when it's movie night at your house? There are some movies you're always trying to convince your better half to watch with you? I'm always trying to convince, I'm like, maybe tonight's the night will watch Wayne's world together. 90s classic or Ancomand. Ancomand is on my always, always up to watch Ancomand. I actually, you know, stay classy, San Diego. I lived in San Diego for 15 years. All I knew about San Diego was that it stayed classy. And that was enough. Jaws, I love the movie Jaws. 1975 Spielberg classic changed movies forever. I'm always up for watching that. But this is the big one. It doesn't matter how late at night it might be. I'm like, should we start a Lord of the Rings, Marathon? I love that movie. Lord of the Rings, Frodo and Sam. Ah, Matt Samwise, Gangey, I love Samwise. I may not be able to carry the ring, but I can carry you, Mr Frodo. Gandoff and Aragon. Matt Aragon is just goals. We could do a whole men's night on just Aragon. And a legolas, the elf and Gimli. You know, to Tolkien, this movie was about friendship. But when you watch, if you've read the books, you know that the romance of Aragon and Arwen was in the appendix. It wasn't really a major part of the story at all. But in the movies, they're like, we're going to put that front and center. Why? Because our culture doesn't understand the value of friendship. To Tolkien who wrote the book's friendship was the primary theme. But guess what? Romantic love sells better. So they put it in front and center. Our culture doesn't understand the power and the value and the beauty of friendship. When you're lining up at Woolies and there's those magazines on the counter, on the stands there, I don't know how they still sell those things with the internet and social media. But what's on the cover of those magazines? It's not who's best friends with who. It's who's sleeping with who. That's what people want to know. That's what people are intrigued about. Music. If I am a record collector, I love vinyl. My vinyl collection is always growing way too fast in my wife's opinion, not fast enough in mine. If you stacked up all the records that have ever been made about love songs and all the records that have been made about friendship, you'd have a pile to the moon compared to a pile up to your ankle. We got rom-coms, not friendship-coms. Our culture loves and values. Because it's an individualistic culture, that's the love that we put at the highest level. When you said you were excited to talk about friendship, I was honestly surprised. That's what a great church you are. It's almost like a non-topic. We take it for granted that great friends will just be there, like it should just be a given. Why do I say that? Because when they're not there, you tell me. It's a problem. I should have friends. I should be able to walk into church and just immediately, at least without too long of a way, find great friendships. I wonder why that is. Maybe because when we first go to school, we're just surrounded by kids who are potential friends and friendships tend to grow out of that commonality. High school kind of the same, if that was your experience or not. University, maybe you're at youth group, maybe you're at a young adults group, and friends are kind of put into your world and grow out of that. But then once you leave uni and just enter the workforce, nobody cares. The people you're surrounded by are now primarily trying to profit from you. And it's not necessarily even in an evil or exploitative way, like there are ways to do this where you both profit and move forward, and that's great business and great commerce. But they're just not there to be your friend. They're there to gain something. Once you are out of university and schooling and training, friendship is not automatic at all. C.S. Lewis wrote this. There's quite a lot of C.S. Lewis in our message today. He's got this great book, The Four Loves, and he writes extensively on friendship in there. He says this about friendship love, because the other loves will force themselves upon you. Friendship will absolutely not. He says friendship is, in a sense, not derogatory. It's the least natural of loves. It's the least instinctive, organic, biological, or necessary. It has least commerce without nerves. There's nothing throaty about it, nothing that quickens the pulse or turns you red and pale. Without eros, none of us, that's romantic love. None of us would have been begotten. And without affection, family love, none of us would have been reared. But we can live and breed without friendship. The species, biologically considered, has no need of it. The other loves romantic love will force itself upon you through your desires, your hormones. You will make time for that. Family love will absolutely, it forces itself upon me bright and early every single morning. Ah, here from the Annie's room, ah, shoes. Shoes is her favourite word at the moment. My family love has me putting, you want your pink crocs on now and now you've got a black crock on and a pink crock on. You want your pink ones on your hands and your black ones on your feet. Now you want to swap them. And she's got crocs on all four of for extremities and she's-- fully equipped to crawl around the house now. Family love, it will. That song, the blessing talks about and your children, I'm like it should be and your children and your children and your children and your children. It's just like I can sense, it sounds like a lot of children, but one child feels like a lot of children sometimes. The other loves will force themselves on you, but friendship will not. If you don't do it you won't have it, especially in Sydney. Sydney is a place where I've seen, you know, we have a lot of immigrants in our congregation being in the city and I've seen people, this can really make or break it for people. It's not easy to, like, take people an hour to get to work, at least sometimes, and then an hour to get home, if you've got a long commute. And then the people you know might be like on the other side of the city and it's not always like, you're not always up for getting in the car after a long day at work sometimes. Automatically friendship doesn't happen, especially in a city like this. But the Bible teaches us, you will not make it in life without, unless, you will not make it in life with a lack of or poorly chosen friends. The companion of fools will suffer harm. A man of many companions may come to ruin. You can have a lot of people around you, you can be sitting in a church just like this, but still come to ruin. But there is a friend, you don't need many friends. You actually don't have time for many close friends, most for most people. There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. One of the main ways God works in our life is through these kinds of friends. When I'm just talking about companions, we're talking about close, spiritual companions that are called alongside you to do life with, like Samwise and Frodo. Hans Solo, Luke Skywalker. More like Hans Solo and Chewbacca, Bert Nerny, Big Bird and Snuffy. No? Sonny and Sher, Axel and Slash. None of these are in my notes, I should stop. God works in our life through these kinds of friends. The friends that are called alongside us for the journey and some of the greatest joy in life comes through these rich friendships. We can't make it without them. The Bible tells us. So if we're going to look at it under four headings, you'll find out what they are when we go through. Here we go. The need for friendship. You're ready? Point one. You can interact with me. It makes me preach faster and then we can go have lunch and sit at the beach and work on applying this message. Amen. Number one, the need for friendship. We're made for friendship. Genesis 1, the creation of the world. It says, after everything God made, it was good. God made the earth from the sky and it was good. Made the ocean. Filled it with fish and burned it. It was good. After everything he said, it was good. The first, it was not good. Didn't come in Genesis 3 after the fall. It came in Genesis 2 in his perfect world. And what did he say? It is not good for man to be alone. From the beginning, see God was a friendship. Father son Holy Spirit. He was in perfect relationship. Created the universe out of an overflow of that love that could not be contained. Let's share it with more. Let's create a world and creatures so they can know us and be known by us. Garden of Eden. Adam is living in this perfection. Perfect relationship with God is creator. Perfect relationship with himself. Perfect relationship with his environment. No sin, no shame. Perfect job. Loved his work completely and thralled in his work. It gets to work in his birthday suit all day and people appreciate it. I don't know why I said that wasn't in my notes either. Stick to it. Loved his work. He's a zoologist, naming all the animals, landscaping, tending and keeping the garden. But I just kind of imagine Adam reclining at night, chilling like who is he snuggling up with a dog or something? I don't know. But he's just thinking man, something's missing here. See the dogs hanging out with each other, cats hanging out with each other. I don't know, the leopards, the giraffes, sloths doing nothing but with each other and he's thinking something's missing. But what does that tell us? To need or want spiritual friendship, close friendship is not a sign of weakness or immaturity, it's a sign of health. It was perfect. Sinless, no shame, no emotional distortions, nothing out of balance but still a longing. Tim Keller says the ache for friends is the one ache that is not the result of sin. All the other aches and longings that we have come from as a result stem from sin that the hunger ache he would eventually feel, the sickness ache, the guilt ache, the lack of meaning in life ache, all those things that distress us all stem from sin. But this is the one ache that is part of God's perfection. God made us so that we cannot even fully enjoy paradise, can't even fully enjoy perfection. Heaven on earth without friends. Adam had a perfect quiet time every day, in all day in fact, just worked with and in the presence of God, not enough. You can have just the most killer relationship with God, which is a primary, your primary relationship, but on its own inadequate. I love how secure God is in Himself to say they don't just need me. I sing the songs with you, all I need is you. It's really the main thing I need. But when I go to Him, He's actually going to, they said that Jesus, what's the most important commandment? Love God with all your heart. And He joined the second one. He's like the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself. You can't have the two inseparable, not good for man to be alone. So applying that, what does that mean for us? If you're feeling lonely, it doesn't make you dysfunctional. It's fine. It's actually a sign of health that there's a longing in you for connection. Little disclaimer on that. Part of the reason why you are feeling lonely or are lonely may be from we have pride, we have fear, we have insecurity, we have all these things that can distort and repel relationships, but the longing itself is a God-given longing. You were made for friends. On the flip side, some of us make conscious or unconscious decisions to not want or need friends at all. I'd rather be alone. Friendships can hurt you. People talk about church hurt. When I hear people talk about church hurt, I'm like, man, the reason you get hurt in church is there's people there. It's just people hurt. I don't know. You can say what you want to say, but like I'm always, I want to speak well of God's bride. I never want to put anything on her that, honestly, it's not her fault. People hurt people. You know what? There's people walking around that are hurt because of you. There's people walking around that are hurt because of me and I'm sorry. Just is what it is. But it's hard in our heart and say I'm not going to need or want friends. Dangerous. Simon and Garfunkel. I am a rock. I am an eye. It's in my final collection. I've built walls. A fortress deep and mighty that none may penetrate. I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain. It's laughter and it's loving, I disdain. I am a rock. The next verse. I have my books and my poetry to protect me. I'm shielded in my arm. Hiding in my room. Safe within my room. I touch no one and no one touches me. I am a rock. Why do we do it? Look at the last line. And a rock feels no pain and an island never cries. That's why people shut their heart off. They think it's going to hurt less. But here's the thing. The less you want friends in your life, the less like God you're becoming. Look what C.S. Lewis says about this. To love at all is to be vulnerable. We get that. We're KG about putting our heart out there, aren't we? And there's wisdom in that. How do you build a friendship where we get to it? But you test with a little. Don't test it all. Test with a little. See how they treat your heart. All right. To love it all is to be vulnerable. Love anything in your heart will be wrong and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries, avoid all entanglements, lock it up, safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. We see in that scripture, Paul, just weeping, like living his life open, emotionally open. The decisions of his life were open, constantly surrounded by friends, just surrounded by friend after friend after friend. His life, from that point on, actually becomes completely out of control, but it's friendships that keep him anchored. and bring comfort in his life. Jesus lived with his 12 friends, had three that were really close, they were constantly letting him down. He didn't bar them, and he was perfect. And he's constantly sharing his heart with them, trying to help them understand his mission, they completely misunderstanding him, they're taking advantage of the opportunity that he brings them, but he keeps them in his life. But think about the whole purpose of God's creation, the whole purpose he created, and the whole purpose of redemption was what? It was to make us friends. Everything God did was to make us friends. It's healthy, and last thing on this, it's healthy to let yourself need people, 'cause here's the trouble, when you're in trouble, it's too late. If you've decided you don't need people. No one walks around going, man, I love air. It tastes so good, I just want to drink it in. You shouldn't do it, it's actually making me lightheaded. No one walks around doing that until you're underwater and drowning, and all of a sudden you're like, air is the greatest thing in life. You know, most people don't walk around just so, so, so grateful for their friends, and really realizing they need friends until they're emotionally and personally going under. And then they're like, I lack friends, and I need them, but guess what? By that point, it's too late to build a deep and meaningful friendship. You could start there, it's hard. Start now, it's not good for man to be alone. Fools perish for a lack of or poorly chosen friends. We need friends, that's point one, let yourself need them, it's healthy. Point two, ready? The foundation of friendship, they're not just built, they're discovered. You need friends, but the need for them is not what sparks real friendship. Have you ever been like, fixed up for a friend? It never works, people like, what does fixed up mean? Like, arranged friendship. You should meet this guy, you might be friends with him. My first day of year seven, Mum and Dad sent me to a high school where I knew absolutely nobody thanks Mum and Dad. It explains a lot. But I remember just, it was day one of year seven. I mean, my first time I've worn my blazer, my tie, sitting there on the, on the curb, like on this little gutter thing out the front of the canteen, the tuck shop, whatever they call it these days. And it was, on first day of year seven, you've got all the year seven kids and the year 11 peer support leaders. They're there to help fix up all the year seven as with friends. And she comes up to me, what's your name, Andy? And she looks at this guy that was sort of standing over here. What's your name, Craig? And she goes, okay, now you guys are friends. And Craig just looked, Craig just looked down at me and just goes like this. Never forget it. Never works. It's not just because you need a friend. Like that is not attractive. But you know, about a year, a year later, I discovered something that would become part of my life for quite a few years and still has its place in my life. I discovered punk rock. Listening to the radio, leave it alone by this punk band comes on. I'm like, what is that? I need more of that. I go and buy the CD. And I'm like, this is amazing. We used to write all the bands that we liked on our pencil case. I'm writing all these bands. And I'm sitting next to this guy, Craig, Will Zee, as I affectionately call him now, or Will's in Hagen. And I see the same bands written on his pencil case. I'm like, do you like Pennywise? Offspring, no effects. He's like, yeah, I love him. I love those bands. I like these guys, you like these guys? I love those guys. I don't like those guys. No, I don't like those guys either. But-- and this friendship just sparks. The fixup didn't work. Neediness is not the basis for friendship. Commonality, the Bible calls it coin and ear. That which is shared, it's fellowship, it's commonality. CS Lewis, one of the things he says in the four loves, friendship is not two people looking at each other. That's how we think of lovers. Friendship is two people looking at the same thing. Sorry, I'm not up to that one yet. Sorry, Montana, you're the best ahead of me. It's not two people looking at each other. It's two people looking at the same thing and saying, yes, that. It might be same sport, same team. Bunnies fans tend to stick together. Rob Colby and half of you. Same music. Some of you like the good sitcom Seinfeld. Others of you like friends. If you like Seinfeld, we're definitely going to get along. Friends, friends, you can be friends with me as well. Same style, same aesthetic, whatever it is. Now the CS Lewis quote, he writes this. Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more companions discover that they have in common, some interest or taste the others do not share. The typical expression of opening friendship would be something like, what? You too? I thought I was the only one. That is why those, now he's saying this, I'm not saying this. He's saying that is why those pathetic people who simply want friends, you're not pathetic. But it is actually acting, it's a pathetic action to just want friends. Those who simply want friends can never make any. The very condition of having friends is that we should want something else besides friends. Where the answer to the question, do you see the same truth? Would be, I see nothing. And I don't care about the truth, I only want a friend. No friendship can arise. There would be nothing for the friendship to be about. Those who have nothing can share nothing. Those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travellers. My old pastor used to say, because we would go snowboarding at least once a year. He'd say people have no interests, are uninteresting. What are you interested in? That's what makes you interesting. It's part of what makes you unique and attractive to people wanting to be in your life. Music producer Rick Rubin, huge producer, worked with Red Hot Chili Peppers, Johnny Cash, M&M, Adele, some artists that are just trying to make a goal of it. He doesn't play music at all. He's got this famous interview with Anderson Cooper from CNN or CBS, I think he's right now. Have a look at this interview. Do you play instruments? Cooper asked him, barely says Rick Rubin. Do you know how to work a soundboard? No, I have no technical ability and no nothing about music. Well, you must know something. I know what I like and what I don't like. I'm decisive about what I like and what I don't like. So what are you being paid for? The confidence I have in my taste and my ability to express what I feel. Wow, powerful. That's landed him in the biggest music studios in the world. But another quote from him from his book, The Creative Act. The things you like and dislike are what make you unique. And there's this next quote by this guy who knows a lot about this stuff. He says this. "Enjoy your interests." Chili, "Enjoy your interests." "They're what makes you interesting." And it's silly, but it was just a fun idea. And you know what? And it helps our friendship. Just put him a heart out there. What do you like? Your ideas, the things that you find funny. They're beautiful. You know, God just doesn't love you. He likes you. You've got things that you like, that you like because God hardwired you to like them. And when you just be that, oh, it's beautiful. Things, I think it was AWT says things are beautiful as they move towards God, ugly as they move away from him. Anyway, a little aside here. Friendship is not neediness, it's commonality. We need friends, and that's healthy, but there's healthy need and there's unhealthy need. We all know what that feels like. One is compelling into your life. I need, but there's another neediness that's repelling. Healthy need says God has given me life, and I need to share it with people. Unhealthy neediness says I need people to give me life. Rather than sharing life, I expect others to feel avoid in my life. I need you to make me feel whole, secure, or valuable. And we all know that when we feel that coming from people, it makes us go, ah, no, it's too much. Or there might be part of us that wants to rescue them, but that's also about feeding some sort of void in our life. We've got to be aware of that. But that need, people realize what you want from me is too much, and if you do get into me and start drawing life from me, it's gonna be hard to pull back to get a healthy, in a healthy relationship here. Why do we get like that? It can be because there's a wound from a previous relationship that we still need healing from. Another factor, I think, is social media really exacerbates our desire for friendship, our emotional. We just, we torture ourselves by, like it's like, we're constantly looking through the window of social media, our face pressed up to the glass, looking through at other people's highlight reel at their perceived friendships, tantalizing our hearts, making ourselves hungry, feeling like we're missing out, and then chasing that dream that pretend it's contrived. It's not real. Chasing that, it's so bad for our hearts. It is so bad for us. If you find yourself scrolling and just feeling it. hurt just it's so easy this is such an easy problem to fix delete app I just got off social media for like three years I'm back on it now but like and now every few days I remember that I have it and I go on to it but if I feel it stirring something from my heart just nope I got better things to do I am not that I'm not that person who just oh what about me I'm just not gonna live like that we end up when we're like that we go to others for the life that only God can get from only God can give us no human being can give that to us if we can put up this next slide this this picture this is where life comes from life is only found in him we learned it when we looked at one John this the blood and the water are both what are they that blood and water are both liquid life we can't live without water we can't live without blood we need those they are the life source that only comes from Christ when we are not going to him for that life our hearts are starving for it and people can't give you that if you're looking to anyone for this you'll be they will feel like you're sucking them dry because you're looking you're like trying to get blood from a stone and as much as it might want to give it to you it just can't but here's the great irony about this when you prioritize your relationship with God and you go to him for life it starts filling you with the life of God that people are hungry for it starts poor it makes you a person of substance because now I'm consuming my heart is consuming the bread of life it's consuming the water of life and there's life and joy in me when and and the great the great irony of this is when I prioritize my relationship with God over relationship with people my relationships with people get better you become more attractive because of that substance in you when I'm constantly feeding on this life his love for me I become a person who has confidence because I know I'm loved regardless of how you treat me I have peace because I know my eternal future is secure I've got love in my heart because the way he's loved me I have grace and mercy for other people because he constantly shows me grace and mercy look at this grace and mercy I can forgive because I know how much I've been forgiven for I've looked and looked at the at the cost of forgiveness and realize he was still gracious and loving enough to do that for me if you wrong me if you disappoint me I've got a surplus in my account I can extend forgiveness becomes habitual and when I look over at you and I see you also feeding on that same life look at these this I love that there's three people it's probably the apostle John probably Mary mother of Jesus and probably Mary Magdalene is probably what the artist is getting out here but when I look over at you and see you also not looking to me for life but looking at the same thing and going that that is the most beautiful thing that is the most life giving thing I've ever seen that is salvation when I see you you you see beauty in the same place I do now we have commonality now we have Coenanie and now we have fellowship now we have the greatest grounds that a friendship can be formed in and it's the shared communion of Christ and look they're all standing in this river of life so what pours out of Jesus becomes this river of life that I'm standing in I'm drawing from and so are you and then we have the basis the true basis for this spiritual life giving friendship that's how it happens my friends right there the Bible has a word for it it calls it the unity of the spirit living water symbol of the spirit we're standing we are birthed through the same spirit we're brought to life through the same spirit it's called the unity of the spirit Ephesians 4 says this it says maintain that unity of the spirit in the bond of peace doesn't say attain it doesn't say try to achieve it it's a gift it's discovered it's when I'm standing receiving the life of Christ I discover that there is a connection between us in the most profound and eternal of ways and this is make every effort to maintain that so it's given to us and then we start working on it so point two is they are not just built they're discovered but point three is they're not just discovered they're built let's go to point three it's discovered as a gift the unity of the spirit the commonality the coin and air then we start building on it let's have a look see God gives us the raw material of friendships and then we've got to do some work with it what do what do their relationships in that scripture with Paul and constant friendship all around him what did it look like what did they share what was the coin and air they've shared fellowship first one and they're simple points they shared their emotions it says they wept they kissed they embraced emotions and we can be bad at this hey us in the West we don't always do it we oscillate between being stoic not showing any emotion just being consistent that's what our boss would like between that and creating drama that gets us attention like a little tante you know why do we do that maybe it's because we're so we feel like we're so entitled to our lives being comfortable and having everything that we want that anything that causes us pain we just can't deal with and we sort of flip out and like I just want to get attention if I make them the bad guy maybe it'll make me feel better but here's the thing as a Christian because I've met so many of us as Christians we we we feel like being emotional sort of betrays our faith like I should just be more secure but here's the thing as a Christian I'm called to live in the tension of the brokenness of the world on one hand and the truth that God will redeem it completely one day on the other I hold both of them there's a tension between sadness and pain that the world experiences and hope that one day it's all going to be healed the greatest place I think you can see that is Jesus weeping at the grave side of Lazarus he's about to raise Lazarus from the dead but he enters fully into the pain of death the sadness of loss weeps with those you know what they said when they saw him weeping what do they say see how he loved him God loves you he enters into your pain you can do that too you can do that with others when we when we see others weep what are we called to do weep with them not make them stop can we can I just cheer you up just start smiling maybe it'll help you heart feel better like if they're weeping we're weeping the tension between sadness and pain and the hope of God's redemption here at church you know you can be in pain you don't have to be you don't have to have like the personality of somebody who might be like m-seeing up here on the stage that's like that's not what they're not saying you need to be like that I know I've been in some church environments where it feels like if I'm not just verging on ecstatic joy like every second of my life that's something's wrong with me it's not how human life works Jesus perfect emotions wept at loss you can be sad here there are times when sadness is the right response and we will not try to just stop you weeping so we feel more comfortable on the past the awkwardness okay with awkward I'll weep with you there'll be people that got to bring into your life that will cry with you and that is part of the journey of discipleship with each other share your pain if you don't share it how can it be healed just turns inward and becomes resentment if you don't share it they shared their emotions second thing they shared their belongings Paul was constantly staying with people hospitality it's a huge part of Christian friendship we like the idea of it but man it is a lot of work when you start doing it but it is worth it I'm gonna zip on to the next one there's actually a really funny quote on this rustle brand says this Christianity stuff is exorbitant thank God I've got an eternity to recover from it I love that loving people God's way will wear you out physically but it's good for you you're gonna get tired doing something get tired loving I go to I go home Sunday night I'm tired but I love it I just the more I fight see Jesus man what else would I be doing I love the first you a body you have given me to do your will you God gave you resources gave you a body to love people with use it and then physically rest rhythms anyway they shared their belongings hospitality so important hospitality is the gospel it's an expression of the gospel next thing they shared their walk with God they were constantly talking about Jesus the scriptures praying with each other that there's going to be someone in your life close spiritual friend that is authorized to preach the gospel to you to remind you who you are to help get you back on track I know I need that in my life when I first moved back to America 2019 I got into a men's connect groups straight away because I need it I'm just as stupid as the rest of us I just got to put the right people in my life that can help me stay on track we all need this next thing they shared their decisions Paul was going up to Jerusalem and the spirit compelling him to go but that prison and hardship and they are not only awarded, but also awarded. And then 21 verse 4, it says that through the Spirit they plead with Paul, don't go. So they've got the same, they can feel the Spirit something about Jerusalem, but they're like, please don't go, just please don't go. And Paul didn't plant that church he was at, so he may not have known these Christians all that well, but it doesn't shut them out, it doesn't say, God told me to go, don't talk to me about it, he doesn't do that. He lets them speak into that decision, and then this prophet comes along and takes his belt off and says, just like this, they're going to bind you when you get to Jerusalem. And he lets them speak into his life, he doesn't shut them out. Neither Paul nor his friends pulled the God card and said, God told me, so that's that, so throw off accountability. But anyone does that, they don't understand what Christian friendship is about. We don't say God told me to do this, so I'm doing this. When you do that, what you're really saying is I'm ending the conversation and you can't speak into it anymore, that's not what Christian connection is about. Through the Spirit, the Spirit is loving, any working of the Spirit that is so machine-like and robotic like that, probably not it. He's the Spirit spoke to you, but then the outworking of it is all things expressed in love and kindness and nothing that separates in that. Look, Proverbs 27-9 says this, the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Heart felt counsel, another translation says, we need that counsel, the sweetness of a friend comes from that. Part of the taste and experience and joy of friendship is sharing that heart to heart, including that, this is a big decision. Have you thought about this? I feel like it's God calling me, yeah, but have you thought about this? This is something you need to consider. That's part of friendship, very important, don't shut it out. They shared their time. As we said, every other love will force itself on your friendship, will not. It will take time. It's hard to get with each other and find ourselves spending enough time with each other, but it's so important. Don't let the effort make the drive, spend the money, get there. This is one of the reasons why connect groups are so important. It calenderizes something that's just so important and can easily just slip out of your life if you don't prioritize it. Get yourself to connect group this week. If you're not in one sign up for one today, they help you. Friendships are not going to fully take place in connect group, but it's a doorway to where these friendships can happen. Share their time. Authorize it, prioritize it, and last point here, they shared their lives. It says we started on our way up to Jerusalem. They know what's waiting for Paul at Jerusalem. Luke goes with him. Luke the writer of Acts. Why did Luke go with him? He's a doctor. He can have a very comfortable life. He's talking about prison, hardship. They were moved from city to city, eventually ended up being shipped off to Rome. Luke went with him. Why would he do that? Why would he submit himself to that? Because the goal of worldly friendship is my benefit. The goal of Christian friendship or spiritual friendship is your benefit. There's a great book on spiritual friendship by Alred of Revo, which I don't have time to read the quote from, but basically we'll go to the next one. The difference between worldly friendship and spiritual friendship. The core motivation of worldly friendship seeks personal gain or status. When they stop being useful to us, it fades. Spiritual friendship seeks the good of the other rooted in love and virtue. Next thing, stability and endurance of worldly friendship, it fades when benefits disappear. Spiritual friendship remains through hardship because being rooted in God, it's eternal. Christian friendship is forever. We'll start getting along now, exercise forgiveness and grace and love now. We're in this for a long haul, maybe. Ultimate goal of worldly friendship and spiritual friendship. Worldly friendship aims at personal gain or success. Spiritual friendship, the ultimate destination is Jesus Christ himself. It leads us closer to Christ who is at the center of the friendship. Look, past the James and I have had a long, long, long friendship. My goal as a spiritual friend, as a journeyman, as a companion to him, is to push him into all that Jesus has called him to be. Remember I had a lot of conversations over the years with people like you, my friend. Like I'm talking to my friend on my pastor here and I'm pastoring in different settings. And I'm like, "You know what? I get the question." But I'll probably just be saying the same thing to you out of like either way. A friend will tell you what you need to hear for your benefit in love. That's what we're called to be for each other. You know, I can only do that because that is selfless and it's pushing him into all that Christ can be. And being there with him, even with someone, when they make a bad decision, I will still be there. When the chips are down, when you're no longer useful to me, in fact, when you're a burden to me, I will still be there. I'll be there to share that burden with you. I'll feel some of the weight of that emotional burden or logistical burden. I will absorb some of it with you. It will also affect me. That's how it works. But we can only do that. We can only do that when we have the power for friendship. Last point, how do I get the power for this kind of friendship? Because it is not easy. I can only get the power for this friendship when the ultimate friend has become my closest friend. When I see what he's done for me and how he treats me, what is done for me? The ultimate act of friendship was Jesus Christ laying down his life for you. That hours of his life in the garden in the upper room is trying to help his disciples understand what is about to do. That's where he sets them. Greater life has no one than this than that they lay down their life for their friends. He laid down his life for us, actually before we were friends. Paul writes, "He laid down his life for us while we were still hostile to him. While we were still his enemies, he treated us like friends. I've only seen the passion of the Christ once. I could never watch it again. But one picture of it, I will never forget. It's planted on my memory. It's when they lay Jesus down on the cross. He lays himself down. And then he puts his hand out for the nail. And the Roman soldier that's about to hammer the nail in is freaked out by it because he's used to having to like have three or four guys hold a terrified victim down while he's squirming completely every inch of his life, struggling and fighting against this for survival. Jesus stretches out his hand for the nail and says, "Please." He says, "No one takes my life from me freely. I laid it down." He laid down his life. While we were killing him, he says, "I'm going to treat you like friends. I just cannot get my head around this." God became a man to take us from being enemies, not to being just servants, but to being friends. Close. Intimate. He says, "I no longer call you servants but friends because friends know they're masters business and I want to share everything with you." He lost everything for my benefit to make me a friend. That's what he did for me, the basis of our friendship. But you know what he does for me? He treats me with consistent faithfulness and kindness all the time. My affection for him fickle, up and down like a Fiddler's elbow. I wish it wasn't. I'm like, "What is wrong with me that just some mornings I wake up and I'm just indifferent to what God?" But he's always faithful, always kind, always forgiving, always consistently good to me. He treats me so well. He never changes. He's not moody. His affection, his kindness, his provision is always consistent. The more we look at him and his friendship to us, the more we have the power to be the friends he's called us to be and let that love flow through us. And lastly, we're finishing. This is just one last thing. When that friendship is flowing through us, God has the power to ordain and bring to you the friends that you need and the people that you can start showing this friendship to. C.S. Lewis says, "In friendship, we think we have chosen our peers, but for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "You have not chosen me, I have chosen you, can truly say you have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for one another." At this feast of friendship, it is God who has spread the board and it is God who has chosen the guests. It is He who sometimes does and always should preside. Let us not reckon without our hosts. Amen. So we make him our closest friend. He is faithful to bring us the friends our heart needs. Let's stand as we respond. We can go to the next slide. This is a few questions here that can help us just reflect on this, you can take a photo of it, look at it in your devotional time or in your connect group and says, "Am I making enough room for friendship or have business, fear or self-sufficiency kept people at a distance?" What kind of second question? What kind of friend am I becoming? Am I seeking what others can give me or how I can love and serve them? And lastly, does my relationship with Jesus feel like a close friendship or something else? Am I receiving His love and life so I can genuinely give up, genuinely love others? And then we'll just pray this prayer of response together. It says Lord Jesus, thank you for laying down your life to bring us into friendship with you. Fill our hearts with your love so we can love one another the way you love us. Forgive us for the ways we've neglected or misused friendship. Make us the kind of friends you've called us to be and lead us into the deep, life-giving relationships you have for us. Just invite you to pray this together as our response to this. And it's not just words on a screen, let's let this be our prayer that His work would be happening within us. Ready? Lord Jesus, thank you for laying down your life to bring us into friendship with you. Amen. Well, we hope this podcast has inspired you on your journey of discipleship to Jesus. If you want to know more about our church, just go to abide.cidney. We'd love to get to know you. If not, you're from another place. Hey, why don't you share this with someone else and hopefully it helps them as they continue to follow Jesus. Have a great