Life Together - Dating: Purpose Changes Pursuit - Irina Bennett

Hey guys, Pastor James Murray here, and I want to welcome you to the Abide Sydney podcast. This whole podcast is designed to help you on the journey of discipleship, and our mission is to make disciples of the people of Sydney. But maybe not from Sydney, we hope this blesses you, so sit back, relax, and enjoy this podcast. It is truly a privilege to get to share around this topic, dating like what a huge topic, hey, like it's massive. And it would be overly ambitious for us to think that we could cover everything in one night. I'm going to try to go a bit of a different route and cover some foundational things. But next week, we're going to have a panel, which is we're going to answer your burning hawk questions, so we'd love to, yeah, burning hearts, questions, shameless plug. That's our conference that we do once a year, just in case you don't know what that is. Welcome to the Inside Joke. So I'd love to have you back next week, but let's pray because everything is better when the Holy Spirit is empowering us, amen, amen, thank you Lord. Thank you Lord. Thank you that you're in this place. Thank you that you love us, that your heart for us is life and life abundant. Thank you for all the men in this room, Lord, that you created them for so much goodness. Men are incredible. Our society, our culture, women, we would not be who we are without them, Lord, we thank you for them, Lord, and for women, what a gift we are as well. Both of us are expressions of your heart and you designed us to come together to reflect that, ultimately. So Lord, I pray that you would annoy me today, Lord, annoy me, Lord, that it's not just the words, Lord, it's you on them and in them, Lord. So we invite you into tonight and let your kingdom come, which will be done, amen, amen. Amen. Okay. I'm going to have you guys actually take a seat. I know we usually stand for scripture, but I'm going to have scripture dispersed throughout the sermon. It's sort of, I guess, a little bit of a different way than we usually do it because we teach ex-logical exegesis, yes, amen. All right, okay. Yes, I do not envy everyone who's dating right now. It's crazy out there. I feel like it's harder than it's ever been, hey, am I right? It's like, it's wild, but I did date Andy almost 11 years ago, isn't that crazy? We got married almost 11 years ago, which is kind of wild. I feel like I'm too young to be married that long, but alas, I am, I got married almost 22. Isn't that crazy? It's very unusual, but it's not unusual. Actually, I'm Ukrainian. All my sisters got married when they're 18, so there you go. Andy was saying that we have a lovely gentleman here that's Ukrainian as well. Anyway, I don't want to point about embarrassing, but I just did, okay, moving on quickly. All right, so I'd love to start with a story about Andy's actually a part of Andy's and my story. He's a little nervous, and it is actually quite honest, but here we go. All right, and there's a couple pictures actually of us dating with the team has. That is the young Andy and Irina. That was our social media hard launch. This is it. In 2014, August 2014, that's when we finally let everybody know that we were actually dating, and there's a few pictures of our wedding as well. Wish you guys were all there. That is not my natural hair color, um, yes, a few more photos, but um, okay, so Andy and I, we are, yeah, you're getting tears, babe. Girls, I want tears. I'm just kidding. Um, okay, so Andy and I are, we're that couple. Like we're the couple that met in church. He was a worship pastor and I was an intern, no, I was not his intern. Um, I was not his intern. We did actually like each other at that point, but um, in wisdom we didn't date, um, we tried our best to stay away from each other. Um, and there's more to that story of us, a story for a different time, but we're that couple. So we met at church, we fell in love and we got married in 18 months from when we actually started dating, because you know, Christians have things to do, places to be. Um, we did all the right things and still a few years into our marriage, I found myself asking, have I made a mistake? Probably didn't expect that honesty, hey? Um, is this what marriage is supposed to feel like? I thought it was going to be different than this. Some friends have learned a lot since then, but one of the biggest things I learned is that I wasn't married to the wrong person, right? Um, I was married to the wrong idea of what marriage is. And so if that's true for us, a worship pastor, right? And a girl who grew up in church, both of us loved God and we genuinely wanted to do the right things. And still we didn't know what we were stepping into. I think it's worth us asking like, have we inherited ideas about love and relationships that maybe we've never questioned. And maybe we're thinking, I thought this was about dating. And yes, we are going to talk about dating, get more practical, but I want us to go alert deeper and look at dating in light of God's vision for marriage, right? So this is my main idea, you know, Pastor James always has like a really great money idea. This is mine, it's probably not as great as this. But this is the main idea, um, when we understand the real purpose of something, the way we pursue it changes. So when we understand the purpose of two becoming one, we will pursue it with a different aim. So we're going to look at three different points tonight. So the first one is our idea of dating, the true purpose of two becoming one. And this is a little bit of a spoiler, but how do we become people that love like this? Okay, shall we get into it? Let's do it. Okay, so our idea of dating, like what are the ideas that have actually shaped our views of romantic love, right? And I think they're primarily two, and obviously there's like a million more than that, but I think they're primarily two, and that's romanticized love, there's a slide for this, and then realistic love. So romanticized love, this is the love that we fantasize about, right? This is music, movies, Netflix, poems, and I think the main message of this love is, this person completes me and is meant to be the vehicle on which I become the best version of myself. They fulfill all of my needs and make me the happiest person in the world. And actually sounds amazing. I wish that were the case, but alas, it is actually not the case, right? And realistic love, so this is the love we've experienced, the relational dynamics we've come to recognize as normal, also known as what we saw at home in Swore, we would never have become, right? LOL. And like, it's, again, more nuanced than that, there's good, there's bad, and there's all the things in between, it's never all one thing, right? And some of us are actually blessed enough to have parents that were like, I want that marriage actually, that's the goal, and that is so amazing. You are blessed and lucky, probably mostly lucky because we're all blessed, right? But that is amazing, but for the rest of us, there's, you know, the things that we saw at home were like, I think I want it, and actually even if you did have a perfect example, which no one does, but like, even if you had a great example, there are still going to be things that, that you know you want to do differently in your relationship, because really we're all different. So the realistic love is the love that's actually comfortable for us. It's where we feel the most at home, even when it's not healthy, actually. Sometimes we're not attracted to what's healthy, but what's comfortable. So there's this interesting dynamic here. We can consciously want something very different from what we experience growing up, while unconsciously gravitating toward what's familiar, right? So these are the sources where we inherited our love, and obviously they're not all bad. It's good for us to fall in love and have a season of infatuation, right? I think that's where love starts. It should start, like if you are not, if you don't really like the person you're dating, I don't know. I don't think you should be dating them, right? I think that's, it's a good starting point. It's where it starts. Attraction is a good thing. Compatibility is a good thing. Looking for someone that has goals, dreams, and ambitions is absolutely a good thing, right? It's good for us, and it's also good for us to see that long-term, healthy relationships take intentional work, like that definitely does not happen automatically. But what the enemy does, often, actually, not often, I would almost say always, he takes some good things and he distorts them. So attraction is good, but it cannot sustain a marriage on its own. Being loved is good, but another person's approval cannot establish our worth. and bitch. They are good, but a relationship doesn't guarantee us the life we imagine, right? Okay, now I want to talk to the men in the room and I actually feel sorry for you guys sometimes you guys get a Part go of it like that's not my heart. I promise and I also want to say in preparing this I love preparing it because I'm like I still need it, right? We like we never graduate But for the men in the room and this is actually definitely for the women too. It's both The world's idea of beauty and this one is a intensely really strong word is absolutely toxic It relegates a woman to her appearance and appearance is actually important I know people say you know don't judge a book by its cover, but like you do you know and anyway again That's there's more to that, but it's not everything I think we we should take care of ourselves and appearance actually is important because it shows the world the value we show on ourselves, right? But the world makes a good thing an ultimate thing and so you know a lot of us girls are where we're trying to Conform into this mold of beauty that that we see and and for the men that's the that's the that's what you're looking for because that's what the world is projecting, right? And okay for us lading ladies, it's a little bit different Actually, and I do have to say like the world's Picture of beauty. It's just not real like it's absolutely just not real like there's no other way to say it except that it's not real Okay, now to ladies The messaging we get is that a romantic relationship defines us And then the what we start looking for is does this relationship make me feel like I'm enough Does it satisfy the question in my heart that I am loved and loveable? Well, the people I love look at us and approve is This relationship going to make me all that I'm supposed to be and Again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being loved There's nothing wrong with wanting a relationship that you know makes you happy This is where the problem is it's when that validation becomes the evidence That we need that we're worthy of love and the core actually of both of you know I think both of the things that we see in relationships is our identity It's like I need things around me that that make me feel like I'm enough right Okay, I have an analogy for us that I think illustrates this really well So if like all of these messages, you know, and this is a little bit of a gross word at least to me like we've ingested them right like because they've come at us and we've ingested and consume them and If our love had an appetite, these are the things we would be craving, right and The thing with our appetites is that they're actually shaped by our diet so this is true in the physical sense like If you I don't know if actually this was new for me a few years ago. I will admit That when we eat things that are good for us eventually our body starts to crave them is that amazing? And so when we if I'm nourishing myself with food that gives me life that gives me energy That's what I'm gonna start craving if I'm if I'm nourishing myself with good things But on the flip side if I'm feeding on what's convenient what's already there the Mac attack. I have been known to To be consumed with a Mac attack here and there, but true story I Got food poisoning from McDonald's a month ago. So if that's not a sign. I don't know what is, you know never again And it is not to shame anyone for eating certain things by the way, but this we're painting a picture here of like the things that we feed are the things that we start craving and This is actually quite empowering, you know, if we think about it because it puts us in this seed of agency of where we can co-labor with God to do something different and again, I don't want to get to ahead of myself And we need to acknowledge too that God is not actually trying to make us like things We hate like if you hate broccoli in beans like it's not like God's trying to give you a broccoli in beans kind of gal, right? That's not the aim here. What what God wants to do is transform our hearts into Loving the things that actually love us back and what I mean by that is give us life So I would love to read a few scriptures That's always a good place to go Always so to Corinthians 318 ESV Says and we all with unveiled face Beholding the glory of the Lord are being transformed into the same image Actually, let me start again because I feel like we yeah, and we all with unveiled so unveiled faces Beholding the glory of the Lord are being transformed into the image from one Degree of glory to another for this comes from the Lord who is the spirit It's amazing. Hey like when we behold God we're being transformed and we can go to the next scripture Take delight in the Lord Psalm 374 take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart I love that word delight. Hey, how good is that word? It means I have a definition We all know what it means, but it's good to actually like dig into it a bit It means great pleasure Satisfaction or joy and these are not always words. We associate with God. Hey John 1010 says I have come that they may have life and Have it to the full I love that like that's God's that's actually God's heart for us, but since the beginning the enemy has tried to convince us so hard That God is holding out on us like that was the original lie in the garden, right? The serpent tells Eve God knows if you do this you're gonna become this so he's holding out at you and From the beginning he's always trying to get us to reach out and fear and sort of abiding in God's love He's always trying to get us to question God's character and this is not our mind else, but I think this is like fascinating, right? God made the Grand Canyon He made the Swiss Alps like he made a papaya What else is like he made flowers that are so beautiful that literally nobody's gonna see They're they're literally for his pleasure because he is love So I will like that's God's heart for us. I want to encourage all of you to know that God's ways are not like you will never It's not a consolation prize like the enemy kind of tries to get us to think yeah, go out there do the stuff But honestly who's been out there and done the stuff But the funny thing is we never learn what is up with us? I don't know But we do learn actually we do I digress we actually do as we start to see the Beauty of his holiness and the beauty of his holiness like it can sound like this spiritual Disconnected thing from human life, but what it is is the beauty of his goodness like he is love when we start to see that we're like, oh my gosh I want that and we're transformed into who he is amen amen Okay, so then what is God's heart for us in this area of romantic relationships? What is his purpose in it to becoming one? Okay, that's point two We're going to go to point two so the true purpose of two becoming one and again the reason we're going to unpack this is because when we understand the purpose of Something our pursuit starts to change All right, so What does scripture say that two becoming one is all for marriage, right? and You might be thinking you know marriage and dating are two very very different things I completely agree with you like there are very very different and we're going to go into that a little bit later But first we're going to look at marriage and see does Does it actually change the way that I approach dating when I see God's purpose for marriage? Does it change the way that I approach dating because marriage is of course God's idea, right? It was always meant to point beyond itself. It was always meant to point actually at God So throughout scripture God describes describes his relationship with his people through the language of Marriage which is actually crazy if you think about it like God of the universe Describing his relationship with his people through such intimate language So we're going to look at a few scriptures Ezekiel 16/8 and these are so beautiful. It's almost like whoa, it's too beautiful But Ezekiel 16/8 says I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you Declare as a sovereign Lord and you became mine. Wow Hosea 219 and 20 Says I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you in righteousness and justice and love and compassion I will betroth you in faithfulness and you will acknowledge the Lord. I love how acknowledging him comes out of that place, right? He betrothes us Isaiah 54/5 for your maker is your husband the Lord Almighty is his name amazing. The holy one of Israel is your Redeemer and then in Ephesians 5 Paul writes that ultimately the mystery of marriage and it is a mystery. There's a lot of mysterious things in marriage but it ultimately points to Christ and the church. So God calls himself a husband. He calls his people his bride. Marriage points to his desire to be in relationship with his people and that's what makes it so sacred. Like that's what makes it sacred. When we see what it points to, we understand why it matters so much. It points to the covenant God wants to have with us. Okay, so that's what it points to but what does scripture say that its purpose is what is it for? And we have a slide here. Do I do have a slide actually. Yes. Okay, so one, it's a covenant. Malachi 214. And the definition of a covenant is this is going to get a little bit studious. Is that okay? Yeah. Okay, you're with me. That's good. Okay. So the definition of a covenant is a solemn commitment, solemn sounds sad, but it's a serious commitment of faithful. We take it very seriously. A faithfulness to another person made before, you know, not just the people we love but ultimately before God. So it's more than a romantic relationship or even a legal arrangement. It's a commitment that goes deeper than emotions and circumstances. Our emotions and circumstances important. Yes, they are, but ultimately they do not sustain a covenant, right? And there's a little caveat that I want to add here like we need to acknowledge like that in Christian marriage. We don't let the wrong things just slide, right? This picture for marriage actually makes it more so that we address the things that need to be addressed. It's not just like, Oh, we're in a covenant cheating on her. They're in a covenant, you know, it's like it's or the other things, right? But it's worth saying like when we see what it's pointing to it, it makes it so that we approach it with more love and less care. Not that it's this trap that you're stuck in forever, right? So second, it's a one flesh union. Genesis 2.24 says the two will become one flesh. So marriage joins two people into a shared life. It involves intimacy, loyalty, vulnerability, and the ongoing work of being united and get this without losing your individuality. I think that's very important, hey, okay, three, it's a partnership. Genesis 2.18, God says it's not good for man to be alone and makes a partner suitable for him. Marriage isn't just finding someone who makes us happy, although, you know, that is important. It's not that it's not important, but it's sharing a life with someone who understands us. We offer friendship to each other. It's very much about friendship, actually, support, safety, and strength. Four, it's a picture of Christ in the church. Ephesians 5.21 through 33. Marriage is meant to reflect something of God's character. Love isn't just what another person gives us. It's how we faithfully and sacrificially love each other. And five, lastly, a context for family and flourishing. So God commands Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. It's a funny command. It's a fun command. Right? Have fun. Go make babies. Sure. So it should like he invites us into something good, right? I love that it's a command. It's funny. Okay, so this means that marriage provides the context for raising a family, creating a life together, building a home, and contributing also, you know, out of that to the flourishing of others. But a little again, caveat here that having children is not presented as a requirement for every marriage in scripture. And the Bible honors singleness. I think this also gets missed a lot in church. The Bible honors singleness. A lot, actually. Paul says, "It's better if you don't get married." But he's like, "But I know you. Like you, you should get married." Right? We know each other well. But, you know, I think sometimes being a church life, it can seem like the goal of being a Christian is to get married and start a family. Friends, the goal is so much bigger than that. It's, that is a beautiful, can be a beautiful part of somebody's life, but the goal is actually so much bigger than that. Okay, so marriage is not this thing that we made up so we could all be happier, right? Because really, like at the divorce rates. Well, it's funny and not funny, right? Okay. Anyways, but it's true. I guess it's funny because it's true. It's funny because it's true. And this is also not to say that we should be miserably married, right? Not at all. But when we understand that marriage is ultimately a lot more than that, when we understand that it's a covenant designed by God to reflect something of his own heart. So marriage points us to the covenant love of God. So if marriage, excuse me, points us to the covenant love of God, then dating isn't just finding someone to spend our life so with, right? It is that, but even more so, it's understanding. So we understand the kind of covenant we're getting ready to enter into and the kind of love it's meant to reflect. Marriage is not merely a tool God uses to change us. It's not that it's a gift through which we can experience and express his love. When we start digging into the purpose of marriage, does our pursuit start to look a little different, okay? In light of that purpose, how does the way we pursue start to change? And it is a very different picture than what the world gives us, hey, the stories we inherit, like again, they're not all bad, but they are half-truths at best. And the story we see in scripture is actually so much better. It's much deeper. It's much more fulfilling, much more satisfying. Like anything good in life, like it requires some guts and gusto. Like it will require the best parts of you, but it's always worth it, hey. So one of the best books, and actually I think a lot of what I'm sharing with you tonight, teaching from tonight, is from a book called "The Meaning of Marriage" by Tim Keller. Has anyone ever read that book just out of curiosity? Neither had I until a little while ago, but it's funny. It sounds like the meaning of marriage, so it sounds like a book for married people, but it's actually really a book for people that will ever, like if you want to get married. And even if you don't, I don't know. I think really like our human relationships, all of them married single, like they are meant to cultivate us into. And again, I'm not going to get to ahead of myself, but something bigger than that. It's like who we're becoming. But in the meaning of marriage, Tim Keller contrasts. The modern, our modern cultures view of marriage and what scripture teaches. And we're going to put up a very James Murray slide. Are you ready for this? Thank you, Canva. There's a lot of words on it. Does this remind you of him? And we're honoring Pastor James. Okay, so modern culture says marriage exists to make me happy. Scripture teaches, it's a covenant where we learn to love and become more like Christ. Culture teaches, I found the person who completes me. Scripture says, "My spouse is my companion and partner, but ultimately, my deepest fulfillment is found in God." Culture says, "Love is primarily a feeling, and I stay as long as the feelings last or really like as long as the circumstances work for me." What scripture says, "Love is a covenant commitment expressed through sacrificial action, even when it costs me." And it will cost us. The right culture says the right relationship should feel natural and effortless. Scripture says compatibility matters, but character and a shared commitment to work through differences matters so much more. Culture says, "My goal is to find the right person who meets my needs." Scripture teaches, "My goal is to become the kind of person who could love another well and help them flourish." Culture says, "Marriage is the culmination of romantic love and sexes and expression of that love." Scripture teaches, "Marriage is the beginning of a lifelong covenant in which love deepens and sex expresses the one flesh union." So different pictures, hey, very different pictures. Okay, now back to dating a little bit. A lot of it. So marriage and dating are obviously very different. We are not in a covenant relationship with the people that we're dating, right? Dating is ultimately, it's a season of discerning. Can I build a life with this person that's centered on Jesus? And again, it can sound boring if you don't know Jesus, but let me tell you, that's a good thing. Okay, so we go from, are you ready for another very James Murray slide? That's good because it's coming. Okay, so actually, I think I, yes. Okay, yes. I can just think about it. Okay, so culture is a guy to dating. And actually there's a little [BLANK_AUDIO] I'm full of the caveats tonight. Okay, so you know the Bible doesn't talk that much about dating, actually at all, because it didn't exist back then. There's a lot of arranged marriages, and that's how people found their person is because their mom and dad said, "Here you go." And that was that. So is there good things about the modern world? I think so. I think it's really great that we get to decide who we spend our life with. Yes, I think that's a great thing. You know, anyways, yes. Okay, so culture's guide to dating. So find someone who completes you. The wisdom we find in scripture is become secure in who you are in God, and choose someone you can build a life with. Culture says, "Look for someone who makes you feel worthy." scripture's wisdom says, "Know your worth in God, and choose someone who sees and honors it." Culture says, "Find someone who makes you happy." The wisdom with the scripture says, "Seek a relationship where you both flourish and learn to love well." Culture says the right. So we go from the right person should fit me effortlessly to look for genuine compatibility, shared values and character and a willingness to grow. But we go from chemistry tells me this is the one, two, it's funny. Like it's funny when we like see it that bluntly. (laughs) How crazy it is. Okay, scripture says, "Enjoy attraction." And obviously there's boundaries around this. Like we say this, sex is to be enjoyed in the covenant of marriage, but enjoy attraction. That is like you're not meant to be, not attracted to the person you're dating. But this is so important, discern character, wisdom and shared direction. We go from change yourself to be chosen with, we're honest who we are, with God like we really have nothing to hide, and allow yourself to be known for who you really are. That's our actual real change happens friends. We go from find someone who makes your life beautiful to, and I love this, become someone who can love and look for someone who you can build a beautiful life with. And ultimately, we go from dating is about finding my person. To dating is about discerning whether we should build a life together centered on Jesus. Amen. Amen. Okay, so. Well, I can't read my own handwriting right here. (laughs) Truly. Okay, so when our aims start to change, like when we know the purpose, the aim is starting to change already, right? Can we see how it matters so much that we know the purpose of something before we get into it? And we're gonna get kind of practical here, because I think it's all, and I think next week I'll actually be even, like it'll be very practical, but we're gonna get practical now. So how do we do this practically? In a church community, right? Like what are the things that we can start practicing? And I have another graph. So first, we examine what has shaped our idea of love and wanting a life with somebody. Are those, are they just purely ideas that we inherited or have we intentionally surrendered our ideas to God and asked him to shape them, knowing how good he is, and that we can trust in him, too. We stop looking at what the world is projecting, and we start exploring what's actually in front of us. I think this is actually quite profound, okay? So for some of us, maybe it's good to get off social media for a bit, right? Like if we've been programmed with a certain picture that we can't seem to move on from, then just snip it for a bit, right? It's that simple. And this is funny, but it's true, but like if no one that we actually know is as good as what we see on the internet, they're probably not real, like they're not real, hey? So like what can we do? Like let's just start to get to know each other. So the third one is we get to know people for more than what we think we need or want of them. And this is a bit of a weird example. I don't know if this happened to you, but or if you've had a similar experience, but have you ever gone to know someone and the way they look actually starts to change? Like you're like, oh my gosh, this person is so beautiful. For me, it's mostly girls actually. Not that you're not, I don't know, but like you start to see their beauty and like, like I guess you start to see their beauty from within and it just makes them such an attractive person. So we have to ask the question like, are we missing out on a great relationship because we kind of can't see past ourselves, right? Or past the things that are not real online? There might be a great relationship in front of you. Okay, for as a community, we have to be a safe place to fail. I think this is very key. And this doesn't mean like we're not gonna have wisdom or anything like that, like we will have wisdom or we're not gonna be careless, like we're not just gonna blow stuff up. But when and if things don't work out because they don't sometimes, we still see the person as a brother or sister in Christ and we still want what's best for them. So we don't like gossip. We don't gossip, like seriously gossip. You guys, our community is not a community that gossip. I feel like that anyways. Let's, if you have something to say to somebody, like if you feel something, just go tell it, like go have the hard conversation, yeah? Okay. And this one's super practical, five. But you don't have to date someone to get to know them. Dating, you know, like we get to know people more deeply when we date them. But it's, you don't have to date someone to get to know them. Like I think wisdom says like let me get to know this person in context that is less risky, right? So get to know somebody and see it. Like you'll start maybe even seeing them in a different light, right? And you'll get to the point of like, okay, I want to take the next step with this person. But yeah, we don't have to do that, which is nice. And I think, I guess I'm sort of struggling with this point because I know that, I know that like there's so much pressure on dating and it's this hard thing to just try. But this kind of takes away that, takes that away a bit, I hope. So get to know them in a friendly context. And six, ironically, I think, you know, following Jesus, it can seem like this heavy way, right? Like where it could seem like we're, it's hard all the stuff we're doing, but I think the opposite is actually true. When we're focused on following Jesus and living from that place, we live with the lightness. We're less worried about what people think because we know where our true security is. We know that God is doing his thing and not everything is on us. Yes, we're absolutely collabering with him. And the part that we play is actually is very important, but he does the heavy lifting. He does the heavy lifting. This is a different analogy, but I think it illustrates the nature of God so well. Like when a woman falls pregnant, she does the fun part and then God does the miracle, right? God does the miracle. So like we co-labor with God in that sense. Like he does the things that we cannot do. And when we're living in that place, that's when we actually start becoming attractive to another person, right? And this is a great place to start from. All right. In all of this, we start to see that dating would become less focused on finding the right person and we become more focused on becoming a person that loves like God loves. That's the place we start from. And that's the foundation that we build from. And I think all of us boils down to like a pretty big question. And this question is true in all of our human relationships. And that's who are we becoming? Are we becoming someone who loves like God loves? All other questions fall under this one. The things we accomplish, our goals, the legacies we want to leave for our families, all of the different lives that we touch. They fall under the question, am I becoming like Jesus? And I love that all of us are invited into this truly heart transforming adventure and it really is an adventure. Okay, so lastly, this is all great, but how do we become people who love like God loves? And we're gonna land the plane, have Hannah come up and make me sound more spiritual. Okay, so a lot of us like we know the right things, right? But like how do we do them? Like we know that going to the gym, like it's gonna build muscle, but like it's getting to the gym. So we know how to do the right things. How do we do them? Like we know the purpose of marriage, we know that it reshapes the way we wanna date, but how do we become people that love like God loves? So I've good news and bad news. It's really simple, it's really simple, but how many of us know that simple is not always easy. I feel like sometimes the most simple things are actually, they require the most editing, right? Like my soul focus is Jesus. So, how do we love like God loves? Simple. We accept His invitation to a life with Him through what Jesus did for us on the cross. And maybe like Irina, what does this have anything to do with dating? But I think all of us now see this has everything to do with dating, right? We start with the end in minds. When our aim becomes following Jesus through the power of the Holy Spirit, we're transformed into His likeness. We read the Scripture before, but I'd love to read again to Corinthians 3.18 says, "And we all, all, with unveiled faces who we truly are beholding, the glory of the Lord are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. As we behold Jesus, as we abide in Him, we are transformed into His likeness. And this absolutely is not like a try harder, do better message. I think if like anybody could have tried hard enough, like somebody would have already, right? But alas, we can't, right? But one person actually did. It was God. This is so amazing if we think about it. Like the God of the universe put skin on, became a man, died on a cross. Like if you're going to write a religion, your God does not die on a cross, you know? He doesn't. He kills everyone. But not our God. Our God is love. Jesus makes a way for us to be in communion with God and walk with Him through the power of the Holy Spirit. Got some questions for us to consider as we close. Then we're going to pray together. Sound good? Yeah, let's do that. Okay. All right. So first question, is the view I have of love something I have inherited or is it something I've intentionally allowed God's word to shape? When I see God's purpose for two becoming one, how does it shape the way I pursue another person romantically? And lastly, most importantly, am I becoming someone who loves like God loves and my receiving his love in life so I can love others from that place. Amen. Amen. We're going to pray together. I'm going to have a stand. I hope this encourages us. I know it's a very different message for dating. We're more foundational. But I hope it encourages you to know that God is good and that you can trust Him and that abiding in Him is really what's going to transform us. It's the same for all of us. All right. We're also going to have our ministry team up front for anyone that wants prayer and the service will be dismissed. Okay. It's a bit of a long prayer. And because it's so long, let's pray together from the outset. Yeah. Actually, no, read it first, even though it is long. Okay. Because then you know what you're praying. Father, father. Sometimes I call God dad because that's more personal. Not daddy. That's weird. Sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. Father. Anyways, I'm sorry. Really. Listen to Hannah's music. Okay. Father, people do that. I know it's strange. Anyway, I think it's strange. Father, thank you that you are so good. Thank you for the way you love us and invite us into your love. Lord, we bring in surrender all the ways we've been shaped and ask for you to shape us by your truth and your love, where we've looked to others for a worth an identity, remind us that we're already loved and chosen by you. Transform our hearts to desire what is truly good. We don't just want to know what love looks like. We want to love like you love. By your Holy Spirit, shape our desires, our choices and our relationships to reflect your heart. We surrender our desires, expectations in our futures to you, trusting that your way leads to life. Amen. Okay. Let's pray together. Let's do it. Okay. Thank you for the way that you love us and invite us into your love. Lord, we bring in surrender all the ways that we've been shaped and ask for you to shape us through your truth and love, where we've looked to others for our worth an identity, remind us that we're already loved and chosen by you. We surrender our desires and expectations in our futures to you, trusting that your way leads to life. Amen. Amen. Amen. Well, we hope this podcast has inspired you on your journey of discipleship to Jesus. If you want to know more about our church, just go to abide.sitney. We'd love to get to know you. If not, you're from another place. Hey, why don't you share this with someone else and hopefully it helps them as they continue to follow Jesus. Have a great week.