Life Skills Every Child Needs to Learn

from How Not to Screw Up Your Kids

31m 9s

This podcast episode, titled "Life Skills Every Child Needs to Learn," is based on the host's reflections after conversations with her adult children about the skills they wish they had acquired earlier. She emphasizes that while some learning naturally happens in adulthood, many foundational skills can be introduced in childhood through incremental, age-appropriate steps. A key theme is respecting a child's temperament—particularly introversion versus extroversion—when teaching skills like making eye contact and conversing with strangers. The host advocates starting on familiar ground, such as practicing with known adults at home, before progressing to unfamiliar situations. The episode covers a wide range of practical and social skills. Practical skills include boiling an egg, making a bed, sewing, cooking with budgeting and planning, and doing laundry. Social and communication skills include introducing oneself, answering the telephone, ordering at a restaurant, writing handwritten letters, and presenting a case in a debate. The host also highlights the importance of learning to swim, ride a bike, and navigate public transport independently. Additional skills discussed are giving and accepting compliments, managing money responsibly, and finding a pleasurable activity for relaxation. The host encourages parents to use her list as a starting point, add their own ideas, and treat it as an evolving resource. She stresses that equipping children with these life skills early will make their transition to adulthood smoother and more confident.

Transcription

5967 Words, 31550 Characters

English

Speaker 1hello and welcome to the how not to screw up your kids podcast so pour yourself a cuppa find a comfy seat and enjoy the conversation this is episode 91 and in today's episode life skills every child needs to learn it's really very much brought to you after a conversation that i had with my eldest so i wanted to share what my children have told me they wish they'd learned as a child so it's a culmination and i have the wonderful gift of hindsight as my children are now adults so i want to share with you what i've learned from them i had a conversation with my eldest recently and he's navigating the world of work and beginning to carve out a career for himself whilst my daughter is midway through her degree and beginning to kind of need to have a think about how to do it and i'm going to share with you what i've learned from my eldest and and i'm going to share with you what i've learned from my eldest and i'm going to share with you what she might want to do afterwards so in lots of ways i'm sort of placed in this great i'm in this great position to share with you the skills that they're needing to really kind of draw on in those aspects of life that they're feeling that they're lacking so that they're having to pick up which if i sort of think about it how might i have been able to kind of give them equip them with these skills taught them some of these things in their childhood so that in lots of ways we're not leaving too i mean obviously there's going to be some things that our children are going to have to learn when they become adults but are there some rudimentary parts to what they've got to navigate in the job market working with people dealing with difficult challenges managing conflict all of those things that potentially in some micro dose we could have and and sort of created that with our children so this podcast episode is really it's a list it's not an exhaustive list and the resource will be very much one that you can kind of add to but it's a list that will hopefully give you a bit of a flavor of some of the skills that i've already taught my children so they're on the list but also ones i wish i had taught them when they were younger rather than waiting until their later sort of teens and even adult years as i think it would have made their current adulthood challenges much much easier so they are literally in no particular order i had a major brain dump uh one day while i was out walking which is often when my creativity comes in so i've literally written a whole list so the first one is that i think is a life skill that i think is really crucial is our children being able to have conversations with people that they don't know i think that's such an incredible life skill which leads into this kind of i don't know i did wonder whether i should do this as a podcast episode all on its own but we've often get into these huge discussions around forcing children to look at adults in the eye i know this came up as a question in the membership a while ago so there's lots of i remember when my children were younger and they used to have to say goodbye to their teacher there was a big thing made it about sort of looking the teacher in the eye and saying thank you know good afternoon or thank you so there's a lot of discussion around that and i think that there is a huge merit in encouraging our children to be able to do that you know these are life skills but what i think is really crucial for us to remember is that our children can be naturally introverts or extroverts and i'll take you back i think we've talked about this in a previous episode and quite often we have this misconception that confident children are extroverts they're sociable they like to be the life and soul of the party they like to be with people actually the key distinction between an introvert and an extrovert is simply where they get their energy from so an extrovert is energized by being around people so socializing with other people is a really energizing boost and give them this you know it boosts their battery it tops it up an introvert can be just as sociable can enjoy being with people the difference with an introvert is that being around people drains their battery so if they're having a particular period of time where they're around people a lot that drains their battery so for them the way that they recharge is having time on their own so why does this why is this relevant to encouraging our children to look people in the eye well i think we have to remember that if we've got children who are naturally introverted and extroverted if we have children who are a little bit more shy and they need a bit of time to warm up then i think when we get into these scenarios of life skills where we force our children in certain situations to look at that adult in the eye and answer their question they're asking you something there is merit in that but we have to take our child through those incremental steps so if we've got a child who's naturally shy forcing them particularly in a public situation where they are an unfamiliar turf with an unfamiliar individual is not the best place to start teaching them that particular life skill we are much better recognizing if we've got a shy introverted child that how can i build that confidence about looking someone in the eye and beginning to have that conversation and answering their question so i'm not speaking on their behalf in an environment where they feel comfortable which will be their home so we start with that can we try and create opportunities or seize opportunities more like when we have people coming into our home that our children know so that could be about family it could be aunties uncles grandparents where we encourage them to practice looking those adults in the eye and answering questions and starting conversations we can start with that familiarity so familiar turf familiar people and then begin to build up on that ladder to familiar territory unfamiliar people and the pace with which we go through these we can take our child's pace if we're really aware and start thinking about and i really hope that this podcast episode begins to create a bit of a reflective practice in yourself but also a discussion within your home with your partner and also with your children about what might some of these skills be can we start writing a list of these skills maybe start using some of mine maybe add some that you can really make a conscious effort to start working on if we know that these are the building blocks to raising that confident adult that adult that's able to navigate that workplace then we can begin to start looking at how might i sort of begin to equip my child with that particular skill how might i help them where do i need to start and for some of these life skills you'll be hopefully rather smugly listening and thinking my child has already knows how to do that that's great but also start looking at some of the other ones and if you there are some big skills which i think particularly around being able to hold conversations with people they don't know and beginning to to look people in the eye and welcome them to your home then we can start looking at how can we build the pieces for that particular puzzle because our children in adult life are going to find themselves in situations where they're not going to be able to do that so i'm going to start looking at where they're going to have conversations with people that they don't know in a workplace but they're also potentially going to make small talk and conversations in social situations so the more comfortable they are with these things the better and particularly around this thing of eye contact let's not get too caught up in the eye contact as the first thing if you've got an extroverted child who really flourishes in social situations and feels really comfortable having conversations then add the those layers in but don't do that as the starting point if you've got a shyer more introverted child so we've got this idea about having conversations looking at people in the eye i've got boiling egg now the reason why some of these ones that you might kind of think why are they on there is that both my children having now been through that university experience couldn't quite believe how many people in their initial sort of dormitories that they were in and in their halls at university they they they were astounded at the number of people that they mixed with who didn't have some of the very what i would call absolute rudimentary life skills that i've taught them both that they then found really quite interesting they couldn't understand how friends didn't know how to do certain things like boiling an egg boiling pasta so i think obviously if you've got children that you're actively cooking with and they're incredibly skilled then some of these are going to be majorly rudimentary things and i think that's a really good idea and i think that's a really good idea and i think that's a really good idea and i think that's a really good idea and i think that's a really good idea well what the why but i think if not it's a really great starting point it's looking at those sorts of things so definitely boiling an egg making their bed and making their bed as a regular thing i this is something that i talk about so much and i have battled with my children at various different times around this but it's a it's a practice it's about a setting intention it's about having that bed absolutely our children being responsible for that but what making the bed signifies which my children have been nagged to do since a very very young age but have really only truly understood the significance of that starting the day fresh with a very clear clean organized tidy bed even if their bedroom is a complete and utter bombsite then let's just start with a bed being made it's a process of setting an intention for the day so i think that's a really really good one and making their bed is a process of setting an intention for the day so i think involves so many things you know part of that making the bed is obviously what they do on a daily basis but part of it is also being able to put a pillowcase on a pillow to put a fitted sheet and if you don't have fitted sheets then you know loose sheets and having to put duvet covers on duvets all of these things are such crucial life skills that are you know that that's a really important aspect so making their bed but not just making their bed but being able to actually pull the bed together in lots of ways lay a table but not just lay a table i think lay a table in lots of ways but lay a table from a function sort of perspective of being able to lay the table so that there's knives forks plates glasses those sorts of things but also how to lay a table when you're having a special occasion maybe lay a table and have placemats names you know if you have family over it probably feels over the top but why not have name plates you know the little name tags and where would you place people and how would you think about it and have those sort of considerations it's not necessary that we're expecting our children to have huge dinner parties but it's planning isn't it it's considering what are we going to eat what are the utensils that we might need how might we prepare and plan for that and it begins to teach us them some of those skills around planning and forethought so i think laying a table is brilliant is such a crucial one sewing is such a really really brilliant one and i think with the sewing i'm not talking about sewing for pleasure in terms of dress making or making shirts or trousers of course if your child is passionate about that then you know take it to that degree but sewing at the basic level how to sew a button back on when it falls off how to sew a hem back up if the hem falls off you know or becomes unpicked on our trousers or on our skirt you know i think it's such a really really brilliant one and i think with the sewing i'm not talking about sewing for pleasure in terms of dress making or making shirts or trousers of course if your child is passionate about that then you know take it to that degree but sewing at the basic level how to sew a button back on when it falls off how to sew a hem back up if the hem falls off you know or becomes unpicked on our trousers or on our skirt it's you may go as far as darning socks i've not quite gone there myself but you may choose to do that sewing on sort of name plates and tags onto school uniform the basic things that most of us do without thinking about you know making good but i think sewing can be a really really good thing it's a great life skill cooking a meal now when i mean cooking a meal we can go to different levels of cooking a meal so it might be a basic pasta with a little bit of butter or it could be a more sophisticated but when we cook a meal it's not just the actual cooking it's the planning it's the grabbing the recipe it's the shopping it's the budgeting it's the working how many people am i going to be making that for what are the things that i need to maybe sequence so it's all of the components around that because cooking a meal is really great particularly when we start adding the budgeting for our children whether they're going to leave home and go to university or just leave home and have to sort of budget and plan for themselves one of the challenges i've done this a couple of times with mine where i've set them a challenge in a school holiday of you have a budget of x you need to plan the meals for a whole day you need to source and look where you're going to collect all of these various different these various different things and then plan and organize so i think cooking a meal at its basic level is just being able to put some ingredients together in terms of them making a meal but i think it's so much more complex than that because we can start looking at costings sourcing recipes and other things and that's such a crucial crucial aspect washing laundry i think that is such a good one and again with the washing laundry it can take multiple different levels is it just simply that they place let's start with just placing items into a basket and then be placed and ready to then be used to then go into the washing machine but then can we start teaching them some of the subtle nuances and i have to say i'm still teaching mine this about separating whites from colors but sometimes they learn the consequence when they've blurred something put something in that's very colorful what it then does to their white socks but i think that that again is really a helpful thing about you know what what temperatures do we wash things at if we're trying to be more environmentally friendly can we wash things at lower temperatures what do we actually need to put in the washing machine how does that work so it's all of those sorts of things that i think are really really useful the other one that i've got here is about presenting their case for a debate at humana our

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Speaker 1my house quite often a they're obviously a functionary thing we sit and eat but we it's also a great time to connect and come together but we also quite often get into very long discussions or actually not even long discussions but quite heated discussions where we've got opinions i think if we can you can either do this in a very orchestrated way or you can just expand on it when you're having a discussion at meal times but i think it's a really crucial thing for our children to learn how they can present their case on a particular subject so it could simply be your children presenting their case for why they should be able to eat chocolate at any time of the day or presenting their case why they should be able to go to a party and not come home until midnight i think really encouraging our children and not shutting them down when they're trying to put their case forward for something that they want to do is really helpful because so much of what they're going to do in adult life in terms of presenting themselves for a job interview presenting themselves in terms of if they're going to go to university in a personal statement or an apprenticeship or whatever our children are going to do at some point they're going to need to present their argument about something and why they're trying to persuade people to see things from their perspective so if we can begin to encourage those sorts of natural discussions at the table and really help our children unpick so tell me why you think you should be able to come back from the party at midnight tell me why you think you should have a mobile phone and your eight years old tell me why you think you should have this particular social media platform whatever it is i think we should see that there's great merit in having that discussion and expanding it and encouraging our children to be able to do these things because they are life skills and i really want you to be thinking about when you're adding to your list for the resource that we're going to give you is what are the things that you're sort of thinking about that i've not even considered that would be really good life skills we're preparing for that and we're preparing our children for jobs and careers and situations that we might not necessarily know yet when we might not know what careers are going to be waiting for our you know five-year-old when they come to that point so it's really thinking about what are the real just general life skills that will help them function as an adult be able to live independently provide for themselves financially budget and make aspirational choices make purchasing decisions all of that is going to all of these things you know i want us to take us you know to take it right back and to think about it in that way so presenting a case for a debate is really helpful you know i just think writing a handwritten letter you know quite often our children will write and create cards when they're younger but i think we quite often lose the art of writing letters and actually there's something quite incredible about receiving a handwritten letter and maybe i'm being a bit old-fashioned but i just think that a handwritten letter is a really lovely skill for our children to have and obviously when our children are much younger that we they generally often create their own cards which i think is wonderful for some families we might then encourage them to write thank you letters even if they're very young as a way of being appreciative of of gifts that they may have got for their birthday or for christmas and i just think moving on in terms of being able to write a beautiful skill i think maybe it's a dying art but i think i know that when i receive a handwritten letter that it it just means a lot and i think certainly as we're becoming more and more tech savvy i think it's a beautiful thing for your children to be able to do i know that my two do it periodically and it's always really really well received and it may be that you you listen to this and you think do you know what the handwritten letter is a bit archaic mary hannah i'm not going there that's fine but i think it's a really beautiful thing to be encouraging our children to do because i think it's a great life skill and i'd hate to see it sort of die out so what else have i got i've got ride a bus or a train solo oh i think that's such an important life skill and we can obviously a lot of children will end up doing that when they go on to their senior or their secondary schools but for some it doesn't happen they get driven everywhere and i think it's really that's just great for them to be able to do that i've also got on here to be able to introduce themselves to someone they don't know so being able to say hello my name is and i think that that is very close to this having these conversations conversations but I think that's a really great skill in all aspects not even in terms of adulthood when our children find themselves in new situations maybe they're taking part in a new club or an activity or they're going on a school residential trip or they're transitioning to a different school having practice at a very young age to be able to introduce themselves to someone that they don't know is so helpful to ease some of those situations because they feel less nervous and what I would say with some of these life skills is introduce them when your child is ready and you're able to because the sooner you introduce them without being overly sort of stressful about it the sooner that you're able to do that and when your child is ready and is comfortable to do it the easier it is because then there's going to be more situations as they get older where those things will come into play so I think that that's a really really good one now I have got on here answer a telephone because I can remember being taught by my mother how to answer our landline now I would say that our landline is never used so obviously that isn't the case but it's also a great skill for when they answer their own mobile telephones I don't know what the etiquette is in terms of nowadays I know that I was told to say the telephone number and say please cannot ask who's calling but it doesn't matter there is no hard and fast rule but just the ability to not feel incredibly nervous when it comes to answering the telephone because I have a theory about this so my children at the time of recording are 23 and 19 and I know that both of them found it really really difficult to make phone calls and also to pick up telephone the telephone it was something that they really didn't enjoy doing they became quite nervous around doing it but they're incredibly confident in so many other areas so I think that's a really good one and there is something I feel please write in and let me know if you think otherwise about a generation where we don't generally use a landline in the same way anymore and a generation that have got mobile devices as a way of communicating where they typically tend to message rather than pick up a telephone and actually have conversations I'm that bit considerably older and so of course my conversations that happened with my friends outside of my home I don't know if you've heard of that but I think that's a really good one I think that's a really good one I think that's a really good one school had to happen on a landline was a phone call and you would have those discussions or you would meet physically in person we had no other medium in which to communicate I think a lot of children now because they communicate via messages and in those sorts of formats they're not as familiar around making those phone calls and having feeling comfortable and confident around having telephone conversations and yet as they get older they're going to need to do that they're going to need to make calls when their washing machine breaks down they're going to need to make calls around looking for jobs and job applications there is so much that is so much more quickly done by picking up a telephone and making a call that if we have children a whole swathe and a whole generation of children who are finding the whole concept of the telephone in terms of speaking through it to speak to somebody really difficult then the better we can equip them the sooner that we equip them the earlier that we do that the better so I think that's a really that's a really good one I've got ordering at a restaurant now some of you will be listening to this saying my children have no problem with that but I know so many children who are debilitated and so incredibly nervous in a situation where they go to a restaurant and they're asked what to eat or we jump in too quickly and we order for them so I think if we're able to encourage I think that's a massive life skill so you might look at it and say well Marianne what's so amazing about being able to order your food well being able to order the food is about having a conversation with somebody they don't know they can practice eye contact if we're at that stage with our child and it's that familiarity that projection of their voice their courtesy or you know maybe we they can we can encourage them to begin to have a bit of a conversation but I think that is a really great one and to encourage our children to do of course I've got on here about being able to swim I think it's a really crucial one being able to learn to ride being able to ride a bicycle being road aware so that they can then take themselves places independently and be able to do that I've also got some other ones that I think are slightly quirky ones but I think it's really important that our children are able to give someone a compliment because I think that joy being given to other people is such a wonderful beautiful thing that we can encourage our children and not in a false way but I just think it's a really lovely thing to be able to do is to be able to give someone a compliment and I also think it's really important if we're going to encourage our children to give a compliment is we want to encourage our children and teach our children the life skill of being able to accept a compliment and I would imagine that that's a life skill that as you're listening to this yourself that you probably are still working on but I think that those are really great ones about how much joy it brings to our children and how much joy it brings to somebody but also the ability to accept a compliment as is and simply say thank you without any buts without anything else but just to accept it as it is and I'm just going to leave you with two more because I could really go on and on the list is endless but I really want you to be able to kind of I want this to be a starting point and for you to be able to add some and I would love it if you've got some that you're happy to share do share it with your children because I think and I've only just decided this as I'm as I'm reading the about to read the last two out I think it would be a really lovely list for us to continually update it may end up that it has hundreds of life skills on there eventually but I think shared knowledge will be great and we can always keep updating it and we can periodically just kind of check in in the podcast and add some of these in in some of the discussions and the idea is that these are when you're a slightly at a loose end and your children are bored that you can look back at these life skills and think oh what what might we tackle in this this week of holidays or in this week particular weekend so these two I've probably talked about previously but I do believe it's a really important life skill that we teach our children around managing money it's that being able to understand obviously that money is a means by which we can purchase things but how they can use money to save how they can look at a proportion of money that they're given and and and ways that they can look at you know what proportion should I be looking at spending immediately what proportion could I look at saving for something longer term what proportion could I put away for a rainy day so that they begin to create a good and healthy relationship with money that starts when they're younger because I think that that's such a crucial thing for children to know in terms of that life skill and the last one that I'm going to leave you with is to be able to find something which genuinely gives them pleasure now I don't want us to get caught into this trap of our children finding a career that is truly fulfilling or their life's purpose what I'm talking about with finding something which genuinely gives them pleasure is it's something that is a genuine way of them being able to switch off something that they enjoy doing for the sake of doing rather than they enjoy doing that and we suddenly want that them to become world-class at it it's helping them find something that they can get lost in that is their go-to that is that relaxation and it will change no doubt and evolve as they get older but I do think when you think about yourself as an adult and what you can get lost in I think is probably something we don't typically cultivate but I think it's something that we can get lost in but if we can cultivate that as children we're likely to bring that into our adulthood because we can see the benefit of that in helping keeping us grounded helping us find that time to unwind and just simply be and to discharge and when we place value on something and when we place an emphasis on something then it's much more likely to happen so I do think that that's a really crucial one too now I'm not going to recap all of the different ones because I came covered so many but my give this week will be this list and space for further items for you to write down and I really really would love you to reach out to us with some of the things that you you consider a life important life skills and of course you know I would imagine in two days time I could probably think of another 20 but I wanted to I just felt that this was the right time to do this particular episode and I didn't want to leave it to keep adding more so I'm going to give you the list of this checklist this whole list for you and we will leave space so that you can add on as always you head over to my free resource library drmaryhand.com forward slash library where you'll find the link to download this resource and of course all the links to all of my other resources from all the other podcast episodes all you need to do is pop in your email address and you'll then have access to all of those as ever if you have enjoyed this episode I would love it if you could follow me on social media and I'll see you in the next episode bye bye and review this podcast so that others can find us and we can spread the love so until next time Thumbtack presents Tile Trouble.

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Podcast Summary

Key Points:

The podcast episode focuses on essential life skills children should learn, based on the host's conversations with her adult children about what they wish they had been taught.
Encouraging children to have conversations with unfamiliar people and make eye contact should be done gradually, respecting whether a child is introverted or extroverted.
Basic practical skills like boiling an egg, making a bed, sewing a button, and doing laundry are crucial for independent living.
Cooking a meal involves not just preparation but also planning, budgeting, shopping, and sequencing tasks.
Children should be encouraged to present their case in debates and discussions, as this builds persuasion and communication skills needed in adulthood.
Skills like writing handwritten letters, answering the telephone, ordering at a restaurant, and introducing oneself are valuable but often overlooked.
Managing money wisely, including saving and spending proportions, is a foundational life skill that should start young.
Children should be helped to find activities that genuinely give them pleasure for relaxation and grounding, without pressure to become world-class.

Summary:

The episode covers a wide range of practical and social skills. Practical skills include boiling an egg, making a bed, sewing, cooking with budgeting and planning, and doing laundry. Social and communication skills include introducing oneself, answering the telephone, ordering at a restaurant, writing handwritten letters, and presenting a case in a debate. The host also highlights the importance of learning to swim, ride a bike, and navigate public transport independently.

Additional skills discussed are giving and accepting compliments, managing money responsibly, and finding a pleasurable activity for relaxation. The host encourages parents to use her list as a starting point, add their own ideas, and treat it as an evolving resource. She stresses that equipping children with these life skills early will make their transition to adulthood smoother and more confident.

FAQs

Why are life skills important for children to learn?›

Life skills help children navigate adulthood challenges like work, relationships, and independence. Many young adults struggle because they lack basic skills that could have been taught earlier.

How can I help a shy or introverted child learn to make eye contact and talk to strangers?›

Start with familiar people and places, like family at home, then gradually move to unfamiliar people and settings. Let the child set the pace and avoid forcing eye contact in public situations.

What are some basic cooking skills children should learn?›

Children should learn to boil an egg, boil pasta, and prepare simple meals. They should also learn meal planning, budgeting, and shopping for ingredients.

Why is making the bed considered an important life skill?›

Making the bed sets an intention for the day and creates a sense of order. It also teaches responsibility and basic bed-making skills like putting on sheets and duvet covers.

What are some less obvious life skills that children should learn?›

Skills like sewing on a button, writing a handwritten letter, riding public transport alone, answering the phone, ordering at a restaurant, and accepting a compliment are valuable. These build confidence and independence.

How can parents teach children to manage money?›

Teach children to save, spend wisely, and set aside money for the future. Start young so they develop a healthy relationship with money.

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