201: Life After Hurt

Welcome back to this week's episode of Unlocked. Yes, as you can tell, if you're watching, it is just me blabbing for roughly the next 45 minutes to an hour. I personally feel like this episode is gonna be one of those episodes that you guys messaged me about for weeks on Instagram. I have been sitting on four things for a while and honestly, I wanna get them on tape because they all kinda hit the same nerve. And you're probably thinking like, what in the heck is this person talking about? Well, recently I've just gone through a bunch of little things and one of the things that I have really realized is number one, women empowerment does not mean that women get away with everything. Again, women empowerment does not mean that women get to get away with everything. And yes, I am saying this as a woman. So hold that for number one. The second one is the lesson that I think changed my life more than anything else I think ever could. And that was the decision to stop defending myself in exchange for my peace and I'm gonna tell you that's one of the hardest things I think I've ever done. There were so many moments where I wanted to continue to defend myself, put the truth out there. Try and make sure that people knew what was going on. And I realized after a long while that that was just disrupting my peace because frankly, it's none of my business what someone else thinks of me. And in the midst of that entire process, it showed the worst versions of me. It was not pretty when you are constantly on the defense. I feel like it hardens you and it takes away that soft space that you have within you. So I soon realized that I was going to stop defending myself and exchange for my own peace. And that's led me to where I'm at in life right now and I love my life now. The third thing would be wishing people well from a distance. There's been so much going on in life right now. And I think what I'm learning is that you can wish people well from a distance, you can forgive people and still not want the mature table. And that's where I'm at. I'm trying to figure out, all right, I wish you well. I love you from a distance, but it's not healthy to have you in my life right now. So I'm figuring out those relationships in my life and trying to definitely be the bigger person when it comes to that. And the last thing I will say that I've really been thinking about a lot and probably one of the things that I've definitely struggled with is the friendships that didn't survive through the different seasons of life. They're the friendships that definitely ended quietly. They're the ones that also didn't make it through the versions of you that you are today. And that's really tough. I feel like friends come and go through different seasons of life. Some stay throughout all the seasons and those are the greatest friendships in the entire world. But some come and go. Some you outgrow. And you don't even have a big fallout, right? You just kind of just drift apart. And it is sad. And you try to make sense of it. And we're all growing and becoming who we're meant to be. So it just sucks when you lose those friends along the way. So those are the four things that I've really been dwelling on recently. There's been a lot of self-reflection. There's been a lot of reflecting on life. And where I'm at, where I want to be, where I've been. And I've just, OK, I've been very insightful recently, OK? Or I've really been reflecting a lot. And I think part of that is writing the book that I'm writing also too. I need to clarify something. I did say one of my former podcasts that the book was coming out this September. Clearly, I was daydreaming and wishful thinking. And I was super excited about this book coming out. It comes out next September, OK? 2027. So that is when the book will come out. Trust me, if I could push it sooner, I would. I think I just got so excited and lost track of days and years and times. So my memoir comes out September of 2027, not 2026. OK, so the first thing that I want to go back and touch on is the women empowerment side of things. And you guys know, I have been saying this for a really long time. Women empowerment does not mean that women get away with everything. And I am saying this as a woman. And I also want to preface it by saying, I am very pro woman. You guys know that. If you've been listening to my podcast, then you know where I stand. I believe that women are the greatest gifts from God. We are the people who give birth to children, to give-- we give birth to human life. Most of our families could not survive a day without us. And that is just the God's honest truth. I feel like women can do anything that a man can do, if not better. But I also don't like using the gender card just to get what you want. And I feel like that's been happening a lot in the past few years. And I'm just not down for that. I'm not down for being a woman. So you get a better job position or you get paid more. Or you can get away with being this angry, bitter person. That's just not who I am. I also don't really love the whole girl boss narrative. I feel like that is just a cop out or an excuse for being cruel to people, right? It's like, oh, well, you're a girl boss. So you need to take control. You need to hold people accountable. I feel like there are some podcasts, some very big podcasts, to where you've heard accusations of the host being extremely rude and screaming and yelling and cussing at people who work for them. And I think it's just uncalled for the whole girl, the whole girl boss narrative needs to be thrown out the window. And this is coming from someone who used to be like, oh, girl boss, girl boss. So cool. I love it. Yes, be a girl boss. No. I feel like there's a more sophisticated way of saying that. I also, it's so funny just to see how much my life is transitioned. I do pride myself on being extremely resilient and strong. But there was a point in time where I took it to a whole other level. I mean, I feel like a lot of people would be like, oh, a strong woman, a strong woman that, but I feel like it's in a way at times an excuse for meanness and being just like super harsh. And that's something I've tried to work on in my own life, because trust me, I have been there. And I'll probably be there for, again, like I am not perfect. But I feel like there's a sense of vulnerability and being strong. And I'm just not for like, oh, just because you're strong, you have to be angry and better and rude and mean that just, there's more vulnerability and being kind, but strong. I feel like those two things can coexist and this whole movement that's been going on in our culture of like being harsh and direct and not respectful, like that is not cool. We need to go back to the time to where it's like respectful conversation, being loving, guiding people down the right path. This, what Hollywood is teaching us is not the cool thing anymore. And there have been times in my life where I'm needed to be put in my place. I've needed women who are in higher positions to be like, what are you doing? This is not how you succeed. And I think supporting women is also, that also means being honest with each other. And I feel like we need more of that. We, I feel like are having less and less of that. And I would love for more people to be like, hey, I love you, but have you ever thought about doing things this way or have you ever thought about communicating this way? I think we would all be much more equipped for life. I also think too, you know, when you look at this from a biblical standpoint, the Bible doesn't pass you because you're a woman. And I also think accountability is biblical. Fruits of the spirit also don't have a gender, okay? So this is not a man versus woman thing. Um, and I know for me, right, there have been times where I've been rude and I've called it confident or I've hurt someone and I said, well, that's just me having boundaries. Um, but in reality, that is so far from the truth and accountability has happened to me. Without a doubt, trust me, accountability, it does happen. Um, and I don't know, I just think where I'm at in life right now and becoming, I mean, I'm almost 30 years old. What is going on? I feel like that's when you really start to feel like, all right, you're, you know, your 20s still feel young, right? You feel like you just turned 21. Uh, close to get to 30, you're like, oh, Jesus. And I think as you evolve as a woman, you start to have all these like epiphanies and all these realizations of how you really want to be perceived, who you want to be, how you want to act. And I think right now in my life, the one thing that I have been craving for so long, which I am getting, but it just clicked to me was the honest love. Like I see you and I'm not going to lie to you. This is how I feel or this is what I saw. When someone really loves you, they're going to tell you things that this, that are really hard. And I know some people are going to hear this and be like, Oh, you're pro woman. But yet, this seems like you're bashing women, not at all. Um, there's a difference in bashing people or a group of people. And then there's a difference between that and then truly loving people enough to be like, Hey, this is where I'm at. This is what I've seen. I just went to a women's leadership summit and I spoke and I, you see all different kinds of people, all different walks of life, all kinds of different women who are in different phases of life who are struggling with different things. And we all just need to love each other enough to be honest because sugar coating is not the best thing in the world. I mean, I feel like I've definitely had people in my life to hold me accountable, some of my closest friends. And in the moment, I'm pissed off at them. I'm like, Okay, yeah, you're supposed to be my friend. Like we've all had those moments. You're supposed to be my friends. You're supposed to coast on all my crazy BS that I say and do. No, that's not what a real friend is doing. Okay. But leaving that kind of where it's at, again, I am very pro woman. I am all for women doing anything that a man can do. But let's be realistic just about what it truly does mean to be pro woman. And that's loving each other, calling each other out on our BS and moving on. Every August, I hit this reset button in my closet. It happens every single year. I start pulling things out and asking myself, what am I even keeping this for? 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Use our exclusive link to save 20% off honey love at honeylab.com/unlocked. That's honeylab.com/unlocked. After you check out don't ask where you heard about them please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Experience the new standard and comfort and support with honey love. The next thing that I've really I was writing parts of my book and I was realizing the I just kind of had the realization about like when did I choose when did I choose peace over defending myself and that's like a real wow moment because I feel like we think peace will come once the truth is out there and once we have defended ourselves but that is so far from the truth and I had to learn that the hard way. I feel like the more I tried to defend myself the more I disrupted my peace and it took me years to come to the place to where I finally made the decision that my peace was worth more than being misunderstood and then me just trying to correct it. And when I came to that realization I feel like my life definitely changed. For me there was years of defending myself. It was defending myself to strangers, comments, family members and let's face it being on the defense has never changed somebody's mind. Okay the past few years of my life is a prime example that you can't change people's minds. People have their own narratives that they've spun in their head and that's what they believe. So why are you going to let them disrupt your peace? That's that's kind of where I'm out with that and it's like why are you going to spend your one life trying to be understood by people who really just don't matter. Like people who are not in your day-to-day life. People first off if someone truly loves you you should never feel like you have to convince them to understand you. That just is what it is and I think also it really hit me one day. I was having a conversation with a really just faith-based biblical friend and I want to get this quote word for word because it really did hit me and this friend told me Jesus had the power to defend himself. He chose silence and I think that says it all right like Jesus out of all people had the right to defend himself and he chose silence and I think there's a lot of power in not having a comeback ready. I feel like we live in a culture to where it's like the comeback king the comeback queen you better have that comeback ready. Well there's power in not fighting back there's power in not defending but that's also you know in that moment right that's not saying that all right just become a doormat for someone it's very easy to do that right like if you're not defending yourself and you're just sitting quiet and still and it's so easy to feel like you're becoming a doormat but there's a difference in not defending yourself to a stranger and not defending yourself to your partner or your family like you just have to know the difference okay. And it's hard to differentiate at times. And I think there's also a moment in time, right, to where you have to know when to defend. And it's such like a slippery slip, because you don't want to ever go too much into it. You don't want to-- but the truth does matter to someone that you love. And silence will also hurt someone who needs the truth. And sometimes you just need to hear yourself say it. So there are times to where you so badly want the truth to be told, and I feel like it's just I know for me. I've had to just sit back and be like, all right, is it worth it? Is telling this truth going to disrupt my peace, or is it going to bring me more peace? Do I really care about this person enough to take that risk of disrupting my peace? If it's someone you truly love and care about, I feel like you'll know the answer. And your feelings do matter, too. And I also-- it was so crazy. I didn't realize how much of my energy was going to just like defending until I stopped, until I stopped constantly defending myself. I didn't realize all the energy that was going to it. And let me tell you, it was exhausting. OK, and life on the other side of the defense is absolutely insane. It is so much more enjoyable. I feel like I don't have that constant heart fluttering that I would always have before. And I'm less concerned about what people think of me, which is the ultimate gift in the entire world. And don't get me wrong. I definitely will slip and take the bait. It's just the reality. I will read the comments that I shouldn't read. I will do my snooping that I shouldn't do. But that's when you have grace for yourself and realize this is a daily decision, not a life decision. So you're going to slip up. You may get too nosy, like myself. I am the nosiest human on earth. OK, I just want to know everything. It's just who I am. But I've had to stop myself and be like, OK, you're better than this. You deserve better than this. Why are you disrupting your peace, Savannah? Sometimes, you know what? There's nothing worth disrupting your peace. At the end of the day, my peace is worth more than your opinion to me. That's just the reality. And I feel like the quicker we come to this, the quicker we come to this realization, the better off will be. And I'm just here to tell you, I am very proud of myself. OK, because there's been a lot of things going on in life that I have bit my tongue on, that I haven't spoken on. I just haven't, because why am I going to disrupt my peace? So I'm going to give myself a pat on the shoulder here, because I could have, and I chose not to. So, yay, Savannah, for that. Unlocked is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes, and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit Progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save progressive casually insurance company and affiliates potential savings will vary non-available in all states. Visit GoodGirlRx.com and use code Unlocked15 to get 15% off a checkout. 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It was finally feeling heard, supported, and honestly cared for without shame. Everyone's journey is different, results vary, and not everyone qualifies, but access to real medical guidance can be life-changing. And I think also that's a great segue into this next thing, which is wishing people well from a distance. And for you that are nosy like myself, this is very hard to do, okay? It just is, 'cause even if the house is burning down, we still wanna know every detail, right? Like let's be real about it. But I also feel like it goes back to once you stop defending yourself to someone, you can actually let them go. Let me say that again. Once you stop defending yourself to someone, you can actually let them go. And that's the part that no one tells you. I mean, the rope was, well, I guess what I'm saying is the defending was the rope that was keeping you connected. So once you put that rope down, you both just float free. So the defending was really the rope that was keeping you connected. So once you decide to stop with that defending, there's nothing else to hold you together. So you have to truly learn to stop defending and let people go. And you can say, I wish you well from a distance. I mean, let that sit in because I feel like a lot of people need to hear that today, especially after the pandemic, right? We hear like life is so short, so don't make decisions you'll regret, which I think I know for me has kind of put me in a loop with people to where it's like, all right, you maybe keep people in your life for longer than you should have because you don't wanna feel regret, but you can still let people go and love them from a distance. It doesn't mean that you hate them. It just means it may be the best thing for both of you. And I think, I was actually talking to my therapist about this and there is a difference, right? When you of having like healthy distance with someone and better distance with someone. And I've never actually heard that before, but when you think of better distance, that's just unforgiveness in a different form. And I was like, holy cow, that is so true. Like when you have this better distance, that is unforgiveness, that is resentment, that is anger. And that's not the whole point of loving you from a distance or wishing you well from a distance. Wishing you well from a distance means that you actually let them go. You actually forgive that person. You just know that they're no longer a positive to your life. And again, I try to, where I'm at in my life right now is I'm trying to dig deeper into my faith and I'm trying to look at my life in situations and compare them and try to find some hope. And I think it's super important to realize that Jesus didn't chase everyone. He would leave the 99 to go to the one. And I mean, you look, there are stories where it's he let a young rich ruler walk away, right? Like he went after the people who were in prisons who were battered and abused and impover, like in poverty, like there were so many, Jesus didn't just look at that perfect person. Jesus didn't chase everyone. And I think that is that's the message that we're trying to be taught, right? Like you don't have to chase everyone. You don't have to chase a coworker, a boss, a family member, a spouse, a significant other. And in my life, there have been situations to where I've had to wish people well from a distance. There have been friends, there have been people in my life who maybe I thought understood me but didn't really understand me or maybe they understood me how they wanted to understand me. I don't really know. So there have been instances where I've had to love people from afar. Doesn't mean that I don't still love them. It just means I love you from afar. I love you, but you're not coming over for dinner and that's just where my peace is. There is no better distance. And again, I think that's such a good reminder. There's a difference in distance and bitter distance. And bitter distance is unforgiveness, just in a different form. And it's really hard to let people go. Trust me, it's really hard. I've gone through this myself to where maybe you're trying to let go, you hear their name, you flinch, you have old reminders. And I think that's just part of it, but you just have to learn to appreciate all the good times that you had with someone. Doesn't mean that everything was bad. It just means that this isn't my person, this isn't my friend, this isn't my family, whatever it may be, like I gotta love you from a distance. And for me, the hardest thing I've ever had to do is forgive people who didn't ask for forgiveness. Hardest thing in the entire world is to forgive people who don't ask for forgiveness. But I think the biggest reminder is forgiveness is for you, not the person who wronged you. And so when we lack that forgiveness, all it's doing is just destroying us internally, peace by peace. And why do we wanna give someone that just a little bit more joy over us? Why do we wanna give someone our peace and our happiness? And I know that when I go to bring a child into this world and I get married and all these things, I don't wanna come into a half-broken person. I want to come into it fulfilled and happy and whole. And the only way to do that is to have forgiveness. And that's what I'm working on every single day. And it was actually funny in my therapy the other day, we were talking about boundaries. And I said, oh my God, I was like, I am sick and tired of hearing the word boundaries, boundaries, I have boundaries. You're crossing my boundary. I'm allowed to have boundaries in a relationship. Screw a damn boundary, okay? Like I'm sorry, but it's, I feel like boundaries have been so weaponized, especially within my generation. It's like, oh, you don't wanna do something. So you're gonna have boundaries. No, it's just called being a human being and having responsibilities, okay? And my therapist started laughing. He was like, honestly, you're kinda right. He was like, I like to look at boundaries in a different way. I like to look at him as limits. Like, what are your limits? Boundaries are so black and white. And it's like, all right, you cross the boundary, game over. You're getting thrown out versus a limit. Like, this is how much I will accept from you. And when I heard that, it definitely changed my perspective on things because I'm not gonna lie. I have been bitter about this whole boundary saying, I am tired of hearing boundaries. Let's come up with something new and cool because boundaries have been weaponized. And I wanna know, do my listeners feel like boundaries have been weaponized? It's just my question for today. 'Cause I personally think they have. And if I hear one more, I have boundaries. I have boundaries. I'm gonna walk all over your boundaries, okay? And my therapist will probably say I need to come therapy for that. But whatever, it's fine. I'm just thinking of boundaries as a whole, right? It's like, I have this boundary. And if you do this, you're getting like, I'm gonna punish you. And it's like, I feel like boundaries is being used as a form of punishment now. Like, at the very beginning, when we all heard boundaries, it was like, oh, that's what we've all been missing. Like, we've all been missing this boundary side of things. But it's like, you can start off with something good. And then it just turns into a whole shit storm. And it's just been used to punish people. Like, well, this is my, like, it goes back to limits. Like, we're not gonna be perfect. So in order, like, it's having your boundary worth losing someone in your life. No, not unless it's like a key core. It's like you talk about like big trauma and little trauma. Like, it's like core in my mind, it's like a core boundary. Like, my core boundary is, let's say for interrelationship, my core boundary is, I will never accept someone laying a hand on me, being abusive, right? That's a core boundary for me. Okay, but in today's day and age, it's like, oh, my boundary is, if you don't do the laundry, I'm walking out. Like, it's stupid shit that people are using boundaries for. And again, I feel like boundaries are just being weaponized. And it's being used as a form of punishment. And it's like, no, nothing is ever good enough. Like, it's, you start with one boundary and then it's like, let me just jangle this shit all the way up and like, boundaries this way and this way and this way and this way. To where it's like, you never feel a sense of accomplishment or a relationship can never grow or a friendship can never grow 'cause you're constantly worried about stepping on a landmine and an exploding. So I feel like that's why looking at it from the lens of like, all right, what are my limits? Like, how much can I accept of this? Because people aren't gonna be perfect. We live in such a society to where perfectionism is like the ultimate goal. And I'm here to tell you, I've been there. I've wanted to live this picture perfect life and perfectionism is never attainable. And if you think it is, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of hurt and disappointment and you will never be satisfied. I mean, there have been, I will say, I'm just coming out of that phase of life, honestly. I feel like, obviously that perfectionism went out the window when our family's name was drug through the mud. But also it was like no career accomplishment was ever good enough. I could always do better. I could always make more money. I could always have more views. I could always do something better. And when you get in that habit, life just isn't enjoyable. And now I look at my life and I'm like, I love my life. I'm grateful for where my podcast is. I'm grateful for my social media. I'm grateful for a good girl. I'm grateful for every little thing that's led me to where I'm at. And I just encourage you guys to don't be me. Don't be that bitter, angry, resentful person that nothing is ever good enough. Because those years of my life were absolutely exhausting. Okay, exhausting. I think for me, it's just like if I don't do better than I did yesterday, then it means I failed in the end. That's just how I have viewed things. That's really how I viewed things my entire life. And I think because throughout my life, I haven't been able to control much of anything and my success. I was like, all right, well, then I need to be able to control this. So I need to be better at this. If I don't succeed at this. If someone does better than me than I failed. Like perfectionism was always the focal point. And again, when you're constantly focused on perfectionism, you can never enjoy where you're at. And it's the most exhausting thing in the entire world. And I also think too, like when you're talking about perfectionism, you also search for that in your relationships. And I feel like that's why so many relationships or friendships don't work out. Because we have this illusion that it's supposed to be perfect. Like if you're my best friend, we should never argue. We should never fight. We should not see things different. Like, that's just how it should be. And that's just not the truth. When we came into this, I said one of the things that I've struggled with is friendships that didn't survive all the different seasons of your life that led you to where you're at today. And we've all heard that quote, right? Like, you've got friends for a season, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, I'm tired of season, fair weather friends. OK, I am. I want lifelong friends. I want friends who are in my life for the long haul. That doesn't mean that it's going to be a perfect friendship. That doesn't mean that you're not going to get pissed off at each other. You're not going to have difference in beliefs, and politics, and, you know, everyday life stuff. But if you have love at the center of it, then that's all that matters. And-- but it's also hard, right? Because I think the older I get, you realize like some friendships aren't supposed to last forever. And that doesn't mean that you have failed, or that doesn't mean that your friend has failed. It just means that maybe life is taking you in different directions. And I don't know. I think I would be curious to see how do you handle that in different stages of your life, right? Like, especially in your adult world, when you've been friends with someone for years, it's like, all right, what life looks different, right? It's not like you're in high school anymore, and going off to college. I think when you're an adult, you have an adult best friend. Your life kind of intertwines with each other. So it's how do you move on from that? What do you do? Do friendships come back around? Do they not? Do you trust the friendship if it comes back around? Do you have hesitation? Like there's all- all these questions that go along with it. But also, when friendships don't survive, all those different seasons. I used to be like, nail in the coffin, game over. It's done, but I don't really think I'm that way. Any more, trust me, there's definitely some like, bitter, just parts of me that I'm like, oh screw you, that's just the chrysly in me, okay. But if I'm being fully honest, it's, I feel nothing's permanent, right? Like the only thing that's permanent is death in this world. And sometimes people need to grow apart in order to grow back together. Like, look at what happened with Chad and I. I absolutely love Chad to death. Chad and I didn't have a falling out. I feel like we just kind of got lost in each other's lives and we're so codependent and like needed time apart. And now we are back being the friends that we've always been and we never had harsh words about each other. It was just a tough situation. So sometimes a friendship falling apart, I'm here to tell you, not everything's about you. Okay, I had to learn that. Not everything is about me, even when things go wrong. Sometimes people just need to find themselves. And it's easy to get lost in other people. So it is hard to lose friendships and to have friendships that don't survive all the seasons, right? Like I look at the seasons of my life that I've been in just in the past three years. And it's like there was so much just terrible stuff going on. Like my life was so doom and gloom. There was nothing good going on. It was a constant fight and struggle. And now in my life, like all the big wins and celebrations and just renewed happiness and love and life and everything, I'm like, it's sad. It's sad that like this person didn't get to, it's sad that this person's not on this journey. But I feel like God has a plan for everything and we're just trying to understand it. And I think this is where grief and grace come into place. I feel like they can both coexist. And you can be grateful for a friendship and be also grateful that the friendship ended or you can be grateful for a friendship and be sad that it ended. But I feel like I'm in a phase of life to where I'm learning to give more grace. I'm trying to give more grace versus taking everything so personal because it's not always that personal. When I think about giving people more grace, it's so hard to give people grace in your life when you feel like you're receiving no grace. And I think that's the stage that I was in when my parents were gone that I was not being cut slack by anyone. I was, and I want to talk about this. Okay. On Chris Lee's Back to Reality, the TV show that we did on Lifetime, now it's on Hulu. I got a lot of flack for that. I got a lot of flack for being angry and bitter and you could treat this person better, that person better. And it's like, do you not realize everything that I'm dealing with and how much has been put on my plate? And how no one around me is giving me grace, but yet you're wanting me to treat people just like, you know, a kumbaya moment and be happy in life and love and whatever. No, okay. Like I was not capable of doing that at the time. And it was so hard because I wasn't receiving any grace. And it felt like I really wasn't receiving any love either. That's just the reality of how my life was. I was a constant fighter for my parents and to bring them home. And no one was there for me. No one was loving me. No one was making my life easier. Like obviously I had Chloe, Grayson and Annie Faye. And other than that, like, you know, I had my partner at the time who showed up for me, best to see knew how to. But like, other than that, I felt alone, like, right? And I also had, like, that was just like my everyday people, right? And at the beginning, I had all of my friends who were like there and super supportive and during the trial and throughout the entire process. Like, my friends were there. They showed up for big moments. They showed up for Chloe. They showed up for Grayson. They showed up for me. But also life moves on, right? So like two years in, people's lives are moving on. They're not always worried about you. And that's just life. That doesn't mean that they don't love you. And I think that's something too. I want to challenge you guys on. It's like, if you're going through a season and it feels like the season's never ending, try to look back at all the times people are there for you. Because two years in, people have their own lives. People have their own chaos. People's, maybe their life is falling apart too. If their life is falling apart, they can't put theirs back together and help you too. And that was something I didn't really realize in the moment. So so much anger came up in me and I just didn't know how to process it. And now that I'm on the other side of it, I feel like I am so loved and I've been given so much space to just figure me out and to work and be who I want to be, be who I am. And while being given that space, it's allowed me to be more reflective and to take a deeper dive in myself and realize, all right, the reason I haven't given grace is because I don't feel like I've gotten grace. And why do I just want to repeat the pattern? Why do I want to not give people grace because they didn't give me grace? Like I'm sorry, but I may get shit on. That's fine, but I don't want to turn around and hurt someone else just because I've been hurt. And that's a really hard thing to come to, right? Like we can all look at it and be like, oh yeah, of course you don't want to hurt people because you've been hurt. But our natural instinct is to fight fire with fire. That just is what it is. I am very hard on myself. Other people are extremely hard on me. So throughout that process, it's like, no one was, I felt like no one was giving me grace. Therefore I couldn't get my self-grace and then if I can't get my self-grace, I sure as heck can't get other people grace. And it was just, it's been a whirlwind, okay? But I'm here to tell you that life on the other side is amazing. That's not to say I'm not gonna go through hardship and adversity, but God, Jesus Christ, you're hearing me now. I think I've gone through enough, okay? I think I've gone through it, please spare me, just at least for the next five years, okay? We can go through WebSim flows. And I'm going to the Cayman Islands again, so I'll kiss a stingray for good luck. I think it's seven years of good luck. But last time I kissed it, I'm telling you, I feel like my life really went downhill. So maybe if I kissed it this time and it'll like reverse the bad luck, that's gonna be my thought process. If you ever heard about kissing stingrays for seven years of good luck, trust me. If you were in the dumps, you will kiss that thing real quick. You're not even worried about getting Steve Irwin. I'm telling you, and you're just not. I know that I touched on a lot this episode. And I feel like this is just what is going to happen with all the self-reflection that I'm doing when it comes to writing this memoir. And I'm realizing so many different things. And there are things that I wish I would have realized sooner. There are lessons I wish I would have learned. There are people I wish I would have listened to. There was a moment in my life to where I realized that defending myself came at the expense of my peace, and I was no longer willing to let that happen anymore. There were so many good things that came from my hardships, but also so many bad things. And if you're listening to this episode right now and you feel like, all right, I have a family member who needs to hear this. Or I have a friend who needs to hear this. Shoot them over the episode to listen to. I've always wanted my podcast to be a place of hope and restoration and love. I've never wanted it to be a source of hurt for someone. And trust me, there have been times where it has been, just the reality of it. I let my mouth get the best of me at times. And guess what, I regretted it after the fact. So I've really tried my best to create a podcast that is honest and truthful. And we touch on hard topics. We touch on growth and life and mistakes and love and all the emotions that come along with it. I am just in a very authentic place in life right now. I'm want to be who I am unapologetically. And I encourage every single one of you to live life like that. Every-- single day. And I'm going to sign off with reminding you that there is life on the other side of hurt and trauma. It may not feel like it now and it may not come tomorrow, may not come in six months, may not come in a year, but I promise you it will come. So with that being said, I can't wait to talk to you guys next week. Thank you so much for listening to Unlocked and don't forget to go and watch all of our episodes on YouTube or listen and download our podcast on any podcast platform such as Amazon, Spotify, Apple and God only knows there's probably a ton more. And thank you to all of our sponsors who make Unlocked possible. If you're listening to this podcast right now and you feel like I've said something in it that you think would really resonate with a friend, a family member, a lover who knows. And you want them to listen, but you just don't think you should send it to them. You can put their username right here in my stories and maybe I'll send it to them. I will try to send this podcast to as many people as you guys want me to. So make sure you go to the Unlocked Instagram and put in the person's username in the little message box and we'll get to sending. Hi everyone, I'm hospice nurse Julie and I have some bad news, but also some good news. Bad news. We're all going to die. I know, but good news that might be the best thing to ever happen to your priorities. I've spent years at the bedside and what I've learned is simple. People don't usually regret the big things. They regret the small things. They regret the things they didn't say. My new podcast, it's okay. 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