Letting Go of Control: Trusting God with What Matters Most

I think a lot of it comes down to acknowledging who God is, and acknowledging that He is God, first and foremost. He's God. He's got a plan. He really does have the long game in mind. We're going to be talking about surrender. And I think that's probably not a topic that you would think of, however, it is something that we need to consider. And so let's unpack. Is there anything in your life that you've ever had trouble surrendering? How much time do we have? Okay, yes. So this is a topic nobody had can relate to right here. I think that's what I'm getting, right? There's a couch up here. Is this going to come out? That's right. Lay that on my couch. Right. There's lots and lots of things I've had to surrender. And here's why I asked that question, because I think when we think about surrender, it feels like a punishment of sorts. Does that make sense? It feels like when we surrender, we're giving up something that we hold dear or that we have treasured or cherish too much. And so why is that? Why do you think that is? Well, for me, I know that part of it is my own need to control. It's my own need to, it's my own God complex. It's my own need to be right. It's my own need to control the situation around me. And giving it up feels like I'm a failure. Like I haven't been able to be successful on my own with controlling my little world. So it feels like a punishment, but it also feels like a failure. It feels like I'm not good enough. Like I haven't done a good enough job. If I can't do a good enough job, it can control my situation that I just need to be sidelined and somebody else needs to take over. That's somebody else being God, of course. Okay. Like God. Like God. As opposed to the Kelly Brandon What about you, TK? Well, I agree with that. That surrender has a negative like punishment feeling to it because it feels like failure. I also think it feels like punishment because oftentimes it exposes my hidden desires. Yeah. Because if I can surrender things that don't matter that much, it's pretty easy. Feel pretty good about that. But if there are those things that I'm holding on to that I don't talk much about, but they matter a lot to me. I can't surrender them. That feels like a punishment to me. And it brings it out into the light. This thought about surrendering. Like even even hearing you say that, I'm like, ah, it gives me the the willies because there are things I don't want to surrender. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. I mean, I think a lot of them are things that we hold way too close to ourselves. Yeah. It becomes part of our identity. And to let those things go, it's giving up a piece of ourselves. And who wants to give up a piece of themselves. Right. Yes. And it's giving up something that we hold dear maybe too dear. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. Yes. All right. Let me let me turn that question totally around. And let's go at it from a different angle because I'm going to make a point here. But anything that you've ever been asked to surrender has there been a negative impact. We didn't realize we had a chair open. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. That's an interesting question because on one level, the answer is sure there was a negative impact. But when I take three steps back, I go, ooh, you know what? That wasn't the right thing for me anyway. Right. That's kind of where I was going. That's an initial, an initial negative impact. Tainful. But if you're playing the long game, if you're looking at the long term, that long term, it's so much better. Right. And I would say that I, you know, as I was thinking about getting ready for tonight, I was thinking about, you know, things that I felt like really got it asked me to surrender. And initially, I too felt like, well, that, yeah, of course, that had a negative impact. But what you just said, the long game, holiness is the long game. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know about any of you if we have any new believers in the room, but holiness is a long game. And it's something that you continue to grow your whole entire life. I used to think like you became a Christian. And I sat by this woman who went to my church, and like she had so many verses highlighted in her Bible. And I thought, I wouldn't be heard when I grow up. And then I felt like you can buy Bibles and already highlighted. And I was like, I was needing me. I didn't know you could do that. But I think we think we get to a certain level. And then we, we know all the spiritual things. Yeah. We know how to do the spiritual disciplines. We know. And then then that we stop. And but that's just not true. Yeah. The older I get, the more I realize I don't know and need to grow in my relationship with Christ. And the reason I was asking about that with surrender is that I think initially we think God is taking something from us. But I think the bigger question is, what does he want to replace that thing with? Because that's better than what we thought we had in the first place, right? But we don't often see it that way. When you say, you know, it has had a negative impact. Yeah. Well, especially if we're surrendering that to God. You know, if we're surrendering it to somebody else, that's a different kind of surrender. And sometimes that does lead to really negative consequences. But surrendering something to God, if we, if we trust God, if we truly believe that God is holy, that He is good, that He loves us, that He has a big master plan both for our lives as individuals and for all of mankind, corporately. And we can trust that He's working each of those things out. Then we can release it to Him and we don't have to keep taking it back because He is a good father and He loves us. But it has to start with that first knowledge and realization that God really is good and He wants what's best for us. And if you surrender something to another person, you don't necessarily know that about it. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah. And I thought that is totally different. I had a guy one time a pastor, a friend of mine. I was having some, I was having some control issues, which I've struggled with all of mine. Probably even when I was a child. That's a different podcast for a different time. But I was having some issues with controlling my husband and an associate pastor, a friend of ours at the time. I heard some laughter over there. Anybody else want problems controlling their husband? Don't raise your hand, but that's right. I see a couple of guys out here that are like, right now. Guys, your wives are also wanting to control you. If your wife is sitting next to you and she just laughed, we'll see you in the lobby after we're done. But he said to me, he was like, your inability to trust your husband is not an issue of not trusting your husband because your husband's really not trustworthy. He's new in all of this. He doesn't know what he's doing anymore than you know how to be a good wife. He doesn't know how to be a good husband, but I know how to be a good father. And so your distrust, you not letting go, you holding tight to that control over your husband is actually not trusting me. And I was like, that really hurt. Who's laughing now? And so if I'm not trusting my husband, I'm not trusting God. And I, it changed our marriage. When I surrendered control over my husband to God. And I was like, okay, I'm going to let you fix him, God, because you made him. I can't fix him. He needs some, he needs some fine tuning. And we're all being fine tuned, all of our lives. Like you said, holiness is the long game. And anyway, I had to release control. And it was such a, it was a hard thing to do, but it was also so free. I was going to say, can we acknowledge that that is a very hard thing to do? That is not an easy thing. So I want to dig into how you were able to do that. I mean, a lot of it is just prayer. A lot of it is continuing to trust God day after day, and realizing that my husband was not going to get it right the first time. Like that he wasn't, that me surrendering my dreams for what I thought my husband could be, me surrendering my plan for what I, how I was going to fix my husband. My expectations, me surrendering all of that didn't mean that the next day I woke up, he was just going to be magically fixed. That God was just going to like, you know, clean him up and make everything happen. That it had to be a daily walking with God to say, okay, God, I'm going to give him to you, okay, God, I'm going to give him to you. Same thing with our kids. I have to do that daily with my kid and say, okay, God, I'm going to give him to you, I'm going to give him to you because I can't I can't be God, I can't do the work that God's gonna do. So it just takes a lot of daily reminding myself that God has got an eye on not. - I like knowing that, I like that acknowledgement that it's not one and done, it is a daily thing, and it's not a daily, mental thing, it's a daily spiritual thing. Yes, yes. - So I'm gonna go a little step further with your question that you asked. So how do you know when you've truly surrendered? - Anyone, anyone? - Well, I know in my life, you know, going back to what I had said earlier about, sometimes the being asked to surrender exposes hidden desires. - Yeah, yeah. - And I have found that when I'm plotting, you know what I mean, planning plotting, I'm thinking three steps ahead, I'm quietly in my mind, strategizing, - Strategizing, manipulating situations and environments and managing expectations and managing, then I am not surrendered. And so that is a clear, like when I'm not telling you what I'm thinking about, but I'm thinking about several steps ahead, that is definitely control. And when I can release that, when I'm not plotting, when I'm in the moment, living in the present, that's when I feel that I'm surrendering versus planning. - That's so good. - Plotting. - Because that plotting feels like manipulation. - Yeah. - And that's not a good idea. - It doesn't feel like manipulation, it is. - It might be. (audience laughing) - It feels like you were talking about this, I mean. - Right, y'all already laughed with your husbands sitting beside you. She got you on that one though, that's right. - It is, it's manipulation and it's our human nature. We want to manipulate situations. Whatever those situations are, for our benefits. And it may not even be just for our benefits. Sometimes you might have a good, healthy motive, but you need to do it. I need to do it. Not God, I need to do it. - Yeah, that's the difference. - Yeah, yeah. That's an excellent point. I want my husband to be a more godly man. It's not necessarily just for my benefit. - Yeah. - It's for his benefit, but God's gotta do that work. Yeah, not me, that's, yeah. - All right, so that's all, that's external I feel like. I, and I, y'all don't know this already. Out of the three people sitting on this stage, I'm the most messed up of us all. - I don't think that's all true. - That's all true. - I don't think so. - You're just the loudest, you're the loudest. - But that made me true as well. - However, I will say, hearing you guys talk about things, I will say that I am my own biggest enemy. Because here's the thing, the thing that I plot and scheme in my head about becomes my God. - Yes. - And it's not, it's not so much an issue of surrender as it is an idol. Let me tell you what I mean by this. So I won't go into the full story, but I'm a single parent and went through divorce years ago. And I think we can make an idol of our pain. Hang with me. And that becomes the thing that we identify ourselves by and that we feel like everybody else identifies us by, maybe something in your past, maybe a mistake that you've made in addiction, you've fought a divorce, you've done something like that. And it becomes like your identity. And so it's not so much surrendering, there is a big surrender in it, but it becomes your God and your idol. And for a long time, I felt like that was where I lived because that was the first thing that, or the biggest thing that people knew about me. And it wasn't until I said, you know, God, I trust you more than my pain. 'Cause my pain really can't be trusted, right? Just when I think I'm getting better, there it is again, you know? Those kinds of things. And so I think for me, the internal struggle has been to let everything else go and to let God be God. Even in my pain, even in my past, even in those things that seek to control me. And I never would have said, I just need to surrender my pain to, I would have never said that. 'Cause I didn't think that was an issue, but God kept saying, are you gonna let me define you, or you gonna let this little incident over here define you? It's what I did on the cross bigger than that mistake you make. Yes, I believe it is, right? But it took me surrendering that, but I never would have said that that was the thing I needed to surrender. - Well, one of the things I hear in there is not just surrendering your pain, but also surrendering your identity. - That's the thing. - That that's surrendering your identity as a divorced woman or a single mom, you're surrendering that identity to God as well. And you're saying, don't let me be defined by what I call myself. Let me be defined by what you call me. Not this thing I've made for myself, whatever it is. And I think that's like taking that to the next level. That's a double step of surrender. It's surrendering the pain. It's surrendering the hurt. But then it's also surrendering that identity. - And taking it to the next level. - That's huge. - And that can be accomplishments too, right? Your identity can be this how you've done or what people think about you and all of those things. And one thing I've found regarding the idol thing is that God will never bless an idol. And there have been times when I have prayed about something that I have put higher than God. And I've asked God to bless it in some manner. And I felt his presence say to me, I can't bless that. Because you are putting that above me. And God won't bless that. But he lovingly told me that, you know, it's not the enemy. You could tell the enemy's voice, right? Because he's whacked you over the head. Like you're stupid or you're never gonna be better or you should do this. But God says, I love you and here's a better way. - Yeah. - I love you too much to let you make this an idol. - Yeah. - Thank you. - Yeah. - So what do you think it is that keeps us from surrender? - Lies that the world will satisfy. Hold on to this thought I have. It's gonna finally do the trick. - Yeah. - But that's a lie. Because if it's not God, it's not lasting satisfaction. I don't know why I keep trying. Bang my hand against the wall. I think it's fear too. Fear of the unknown, fear of fear and distrust. Not trusting God enough that he really is big enough to handle all of it. And fear that something's gonna go majorly wrong if I stop controlling the situation, if I stop white knuckle in it, and I take my hands off the wheel and I like, God, take over the wheel. So it's gonna go, hey, why? Like the car's gonna go this way for a little while. And that might, it actually might be the case that the car may actually go, hey, why for a minute. But that doesn't mean it's not God's plan. And it doesn't mean that God still doesn't already have his hands on the wheel. But it's that fear of the next step. It's the fear of those moments between me letting go and me seeing God's results. That's the fear of the space in that. Yeah, that keeps me from surrendering. 'Cause I know if I hold on tight, I know what this looks like. You know, I know what this looks like. You think you know what that is. Well, I mean, I know what it looks like 'cause I've been seeing it for a while. It doesn't mean it's good, it doesn't mean it's the best. But I know what it looks like 'cause I'm driving the car right now. The devil, you know. I thought I know, that's right. I gotta ask, have you all ever argued with your map app? Well, yes. I've done that, like it says, go this way. And I'm like, I don't wanna go that way. That's not a good way. And it's saying, there's traffic. And I'm like, I'm gonna go this way and go with the traffic because I know the traffic on that road versus the scary road that I don't know. Usually like Blue Ridge Parkway. I'm like, I don't know if I can get off on the right exit. (laughing) But it's like, how ridiculous is that? And then I go the way and I'm stuck in traffic. Why didn't I listen to what knows more than me? Right? It could see out ahead of me. But I'm arguing with that. And that to me, that's like control versus surrender. In a silly little way. What do you think there's an element of pride? Yes. I know better. Yeah. Yeah. I know what will fix my husband. Yeah. I know what will fix me. I know what will fix the world. We all know what's gonna fix the world, right? Everybody, look on Facebook. But hereby's got Nadia. Yeah. I actually turn on Facebook. I might actually fix the world. (laughing) It might. Sorry Laura. But Laura, I definitely hate it. We try to put some encouraging things. That's right. But the thing that's gonna, the satisfaction piece. I know more what's gonna satisfy me. Right. But that's not true. And knowing that we were built for relationship with God. And we continue to search for something besides. to satisfy." Right, and it sounds so simple, you know, you're like, "Oh, well, that's obvious. I didn't come all the way to Franklin to hear you say something so obvious." But it really is true, and I think that sometimes we feel like, like you said, if we let go, if we turn loose, if we truly do surrender, we don't know what's next. You're newsflash. You don't know what's next anyway. Ha, that's a good point. But you feel like you do, right? Yeah, yeah. And so what do you feel like it's the key to surrender? He's God, he's got a plan, he really does have the long game in mind. He has been to the end of the world, he's been to the end of time, and he knows all the steps are going to get us from here to there, and he's good. And if we acknowledge all of those things, then he's trustworthy. If we can just really release it and trust that he is, who he says he is, and who this Bible says he is, right? You know, I trust that the Bible is true, and I trust that he is, who he says he is, that I can let go. Yeah, we were just singing those words, you know, and they're so much easier to sing than they are to live, aren't they? I trust in God, I say, you're the one who has never failed. But that's hard to live out sometimes. So would you say God in His proper place? Yes, that's what I was going to say. We put God in His proper place, everything else goes into order. Yeah, yeah, but that's like you said, it's a daily thing. It's a one moment by moment thing. It might be, it might be a second by second thing. It's for some of us who don't learn the first time, it is a second. I think of us who argue with the map app. It takes time. Yeah. God's on the throne and we are not. Yeah. And so what do you feel like? The take away for you in surrender is to change your mind from thinking of surrender in a negative light, to changing that to a positive in our spiritual lives. And I think it comes down to knowing who God is, knowing more about God, the more and Jesus, the more we know, the more we can trust, the more we can surrender. My mom is one of my most favorite spiritual advisors. She's an incredible woman of God. And she leads Bible studies. She leads lots of Bible studies. She lives part time here in part time in Florida. And she leads Bible studies in both places. And every time she does a Bible study, she has the women in her Bible study memorize this quote from Beth Moore. So I'm going to read it to you. I had to write it down because it's a long one. I have not memorized it. I need to memorize it. She says, I am not in control. I cannot control all my people. I cannot control our situation. Even when I want what is best, I cannot control the outcome. I cannot make people behave. I cannot make people believe. I cannot make people strong because I am not God. He alone knows how this thing will turn out. And I hear by fire myself from his job. And I agree to see my fight for control for what it really is. A screaming testament to my distrust.