Let’s talk TTC sex baby !

[Music] Hello there my gorgeous ones. Welcome to any newbies that have just hopped on. This is Fertile AF, the Miracle Mama Method Puprest. I am your host, Dr. Shada Evans-Brusher. And today is Robert Riske, let's say, let's talk about TTC sex, talking about conceiving maybe going through IVF, or either way, do anyone else accidentally complete the carmosutra? I know, right? Can we have a very honest conversation today? Because I have a confession. When my husband and I first started trying for a baby, we were actually having quite a little fun. Like most couples, you think, "Oh well this will definitely happen in a few months. No big deal. There's excitement, there's hope, there's romance. Maybe even will spontaneity in the bedroom." And then, before you know it, you're googling, "What is the best position to conceive in? Should my legs really be up the wall? Should I stay laying down for 30 minutes?" And somewhere along the way you realise that you have accidentally completely completed the carmosutra. We've possibly all been there. Oh, maybe it was just us. Maybe it's just me. One month you're flirting, the next month it's all "Babe, my hormones are positive, it's now or never." And nothing says romance, quite like, "You've got exactly five minutes in my fertile window, babe." Poor men, poor women, it's a rough one out there. But I'm with you. When sex becomes another fertility task to tick off the list, this is a bit that no one really talks about, right? It can actually stop feeling like intimacy. It becomes a checklist. Temperature, check, supplements, done, clinic appointments, tick, ovulation strips, done, sex, tick, ratework. And suddenly, the thing that once brought you together, the thing that was once so fun, starts feeling like another job. And if this has happened to you, I want you to know that you are definitely not alone. Trying to conceive can bring so much emotion into something that was once effortless and playful. It's completely understandable that intimacy can start to feel different when there's so much hope, pressure and anticipation attached and placed on both of your shoulders. Here's what we know. Stress doesn't necessarily mean that you're stopping yourself from getting pregnant or to make that clear. But chronic stress and emotional overload that comes with a fertility struggle can definitely affect things like your sleep cycle, your libido, your connection, and also how supported you feel during this journey. Let's face it, it is quite hard to feel sexy when you're exhausted, worried, overanalyzing and carrying the weight of what if this month it doesn't work again. So what do we do? First of all, you are allowed to protect your relationship. That's one of the first things I tell couples that I work with, right? Not every cuddle has to necessarily lead somewhere, you can take the pressure off, not every kiss needs to be timed down to the minute. Okay, not every evening has to necessarily have an agenda. Let's bring back playfulness. Sometimes your relationship just needs a little bit of reminding that it existed before the ovulation apps. You're not just a couple trying to make a baby, you are still fully rounded people who fell in love, right? So one of the goals, and by the way, I got this wrong for a while when I was trying this, I really, really got obsessed with all the measurements and taking temperatures and my poor happy, I think probably thought you would never have sex again. And it was all scheduled. We went from zero to 100. It was a bit of a hot mess. So I dove into this and I'm like, hang on a minute, we need to get some of the spark back. So one of the things we did was we created intimacy that didn't have anything to do with making babies at least one or two nights a week. The baby making was off the cards and we went back to just having fun. And if it led to sexy time bonus, right? We did things like go on a date, imagine that just go on a very easy breezy fun date. Maybe just cooking a simple meal together, we've watched some really, really terrible, but funny TV, maybe even a bit of reality TV heaven forbid. The point is switching our minds off, not thinking about the baby making right, laughing, laughing, laughing. Oh my god, we need to bring back playfulness and laughter. It is key. And let me tell you, it is medicine. Remember what made you actually fall in love with each other, right? Because your relationship deserves nurturing to just like a beautiful garden. You need to feed those plants water those plants and nourish it right. This reminds me a little bit of something I love from Esther Perrell who is an amazing psychologist and relationship expert. She talks beautifully about relationships and desire. She explores this idea that the things that create safety in a relationship, things like familiarity, routine, knowing someone deeply. It deepens the relationship, but it can make it harder sometimes to access the part of the brain that loves the curiosity and the desire. Intimacy needs connection and desire also needs a little curiosity and mystery. It's fun, right? That's why when you first start dating someone, it's so exciting. You don't know everything about them, right? So we need to bring back a little playfulness and little mystery. When you're trying to conceive, it's very easy for your partner to become just the person that you're doing this way, right? But maybe that's the person also that's reminding you about the supplements. Maybe they're even bugging you about your supplements. Maybe this is the person that reminds you if you've done your relation test or knows your cycle even better than you do. They're annoying, but that's the reality, right? But they're not just your fertility teammate. Teamwork does make the dream work, but you have to remember this is this gorgeous, mysterious person that you fell in love with in those first flashes of romance, right? One of the beautiful ways to bring back intimacy is to see your partner through new eyes. So do something a little bit different together. This could be super simple. Maybe when you go on your walks, you always walk the same block around your town or through your forest, take a different route. Go somewhere you've never been. Try that new restaurant, learn something together, maybe jump online and do a quick course together or possibly do things like read a book together, watch a series together that you both haven't watched yet and get dressed up and glammed up, even if you're not going anywhere. The phrase, all dressed up and nowhere to go, I would work that gets you glam on get all dolled up and pushed up get your best clothes on have fun with it, play dress ups. I don't mind. You've got a pirate thing going on. You want your happy to look like Jack Sparrow, grab him a little costume, have some fun, right? Create moments where you're not just managing life, but you're experiencing it and playing with it and having fun because sometimes we're connecting with desire isn't also about trying harder. It's about remembering that the still a whole person in you and in your partner. If someone you enjoy is someone that you chose, so let's bust a little myth here. Okay, people ask me, what is the best position to get pregnant in? And honestly, the evidence, because you know me, I do love a bit of science, I have a bit of evidence. The evidence doesn't actually show that one particular sexual position dramatically improves chances of conception. Those little sperm are remarkably good at finding their way to where they need to be. So if you're tying yourselves in knots, trying to recreate page 147 of the Karma Sutra, you probably don't need to. Although, if it gets you naked and gets you laughing, highly recommend. So the takeaway today is trying to conceive is hard enough. You don't need to lose each other along the way. In fact, please don't, please stay connected. You can time into course around the relation, you know, we do know that the apps and all this technology now is there to also support us. But understanding your cycle, is it also vital? Yes. Looking after your nutrition is also great. But also, so is protecting your relationship, because one day, however your family grows, in whatever direction it grows in, you and your partner are going to still be there together. You will still have each other. So I want you to remember this, it is fertility is never about doing everything all at once. It is about knowing what matters most in the moment right now. So having said all that, I would love to know because I am a bit nosy. Let's face it, did trying to conceive, turn your love life into a military operation. Well, did you find ways to keep your romance alive? Do pop over and tell me on my other Instagram on @miraclemamaup method. And if today's episode made you smile, please send it to a friend who's currently wondering if she has completed the Karma Sutra too. Until next time I love, do give me a little follow, a like, a share, all that good stuff. Remember this, your fertility journey deserves clarity and it deserves to be uniquely yours. Stay Fertile, stay fabulous with much love. Talk to you soon. Bye. [MUSIC]