Let's Talk about Grief

Hello everyone, my name is Tossi and welcome again to Innocious Podcast. And if you're new here, we just give a quick intro about what your podcast is all about. It's all about exploring various areas of life, career, motherhood, what not anything. We're just going to talk about stories, no filter, just everything real. And today we're going to talk about the uncommon topic, grief. I am having this discussion with my friends, my very, very, very good friends, Tywo and Tulu and also me because we have all experienced loss and we're going to talk about our data exchange, you know, just talk about what grief is towards. So I'm going to allow them to introduce themselves, Tywo and Tulu, they're going to talk about themselves just very briefly and then we can go into the topic. So my people, welcome. Thank you so much guys for doing this with me. Like, I know this discussion is going to be amazing, yeah. And so I have yet Tywo, please can you introduce yourself to the audience, will you? And yeah. Okay, thank you for having me. First of all, like, I feel so honored to be here. Thank you, just thank you. So my name is Tywo. Fun fact, I've never mentioned here on the podcast actually where I'm living. So yeah, because sometimes or maybe later in the podcast, I'm going to mention some words and people might be like, okay, where is this what coming from? So sorry guys, I'm just doing this for the first time. So I live with my family here in Berlin and my friends are also here in Berlin. So Tywo just tell us what you do and basically just a little bit of introduction about your fun facts and anything you are comfortable to share. Okay, yeah. Perfect. So I'm Tywo, I am a wife of one. Mom of one. Oh, maybe by the time they actually listen to this, I'll be a mom of two, right? Maybe that's my phone fax. I'm a project manager. That's what I do. I want it to Friday, but beyond that, I think I'm very passionate about planning and event and coordinating things. If there's anything you need to plan or coordinate, just call my name. I'll tell you, I'll jump on it. That's what I just love it naturally. My favorite color used to be purple when I was in university, but I think now it's white. What? I have no idea. We'll be age that's it plus. Yeah, I'm really excited to be here. Let's just keep it that way. Okay, okay. Thank you. Thank you Tywo. So, um, Tollu? Okay. Thank you to Sen. You have me. I'm really honoured. Just like, just as Tywo Sen. No, my name is Tollu. I actually am a wife to this amazing one. Yeah. She. Okay. So, I believe in Berlin. And I have two adorable, two very great kids. And I'm a content creator, right? And I'm niche to motherhood. I think I just love everything about motherhood. You know, some weeks before, no, no, some years before now. I can't really say that person that was in love with motherhood. However, from my experiences, I found it interesting to help moms navigate life in that space at the moment. And from facts about me. Yeah. In fact, I think from facts about me is that I used to think that a couple is my best color until. Until I met my husband and I loved the way he wore white. And his white. Yeah, always, always. Always, always. Always, always, always. I know. Why is my best color so. Look at that. Look at that. Guys, and also we are all Nigerians. Like, my friends are from the Nigerian. I'm also from the Nigerian. Yeah, I think that's a fun fact. Yeah. Anyways, without further ado, we are going to talk about the topic, grief. You know. I think why I wanted to have this conversation with my friend to be that I think when they were just like, okay, what nest. I was just praying that what nest, what topic should we talk about on this podcast. And it just occurred to me that when I talk about grief, there is Taiwan, there is Tulu, you know, their stories, you know, just talk to them. And then I reached out and of course, they were willing to be on this podcast to talk about this topic with me because I feel that personally from my own personal story, I have really, really lent a lot. You know, it's really been a great journey. I'm not going to be too fast to talk about it yet, but I'm just going to say that I'm sure you all are going to lend one or two things from our stories. And this is why I also wanted to talk about this. And I was, I wanted to bring a man also on the podcast, but he traveled. I promise you guys we're going to talk from the lens of a man, you know, how they manage grief, yeah. Taiwan, what does grief mean to you? I have to say first of all, when you reached out to me on this topic, I just felt like, I mean, I know people have experienced greater, yeah, different. I'm actually right person to talk about this. But then I thought about it again, like, obviously some grief seems more intense, but I think the emotions we still feel might still be like the same generally here, the experience and the level of grief. And so, I mean, I don't have any definition for grief to be honest, but I know that it's a face where you just want to hide from things, you want to hide, you want to, everything just seems meaningless, at least in my own situation. Yeah, what is even there for what my hair and yeah, so no definition, that's how I would just say, but that's the only way I can describe grief. Yeah, I would say, I'm totally before you go, I would just say for my own experience, I would say grief is, is unfair and is inevitable. Yeah, that's for my own standpoint. So, to relate here for me, you guys are really spoken well, right, from my own perspective. I think grief is like, I used to know you, but I can't reach out anymore. It's just like, air pleasantness, yeah, air pleasantness. So I think for me, grief made me feel air pleasant to reach the person, but I got hope that I would still finally see this person. So, I think that is how I felt, like the present is not possible, the future is possible. And now we're going to talk about our experience, like what really happened in each of our cases. I don't know if I should go first or any of you want to go first. Guys, they are posting nice videos. Yeah, I mean, I can go first because I like, my experience is like, where we smoke compared to you two. Let me quickly go. So, for me, I have experienced miscarriages. Miscarriages. Yeah, twice. Yeah. And not to compare losing somebody, you know, miscarriages, but I feel like the pale of miscarriages one that you cannot even communicate with people. Like, because people don't even know about it, you know, you have to deal with it quietly with yourself and your very closest circle. So it's kind of pain that people are not even aware of and you're going through it. And the first time I had the miscarriage was 2019. Yes, this was like, after when would the stage start trying? That was a very, I don't want to say quick miscarriage because it was like barely eight weeks into the pregnancy that found out that we lost the child. It was painful because before then, to be honest, I've only heard about miscarriages in movies. I had never ever known somebody, you know, talked to me about miscarriage. Maybe people were just, we're not just open about this kind of conversation. So I was like, you know, I must have done something to disable this. I must have done something like, you know, God is angry at me. That was how I felt. I mean, I think looking back, it was too be to think that because it made my healing even longer. But that was how I felt in the moment. And if I processed it well, then I don't think I did. I don't think I did. But it was what made me move on from it quickly was barely two months after that miscarriage. I took it again and then we had a healthy baby. And that was it about 2019 and then 20, 23? Yeah, I got pregnant again. And that's after having a healthy child. And then this was going fine also I thought. You know, we had made progress where we're ready. almost at four months and then I just went for random, not a random like the routine checkups and apparently that I had gone for a, I was supporting so I went for a checkup that through this before that I talked to said oh everything's fine you don't have to worry everything okay and then through this after I had my regular you know bi-weekly schedule and the doctor was like um can you can you can you lay down very rarely to check somewhere in my mind I was like no no I was here today they go yeah I'm not yeah the one that is not looking well yeah and then she was like I'm so sorry I hate to break this to you but there's no hard beats so I said Lee my husband was not also with me that day because he had to do something very important I was like no she's not talking she can't be talking to me I literally looked at this side that maybe there's somebody else and I she's not talking to me there's a pin I said check again she said okay she checked again this is hard beats at that moment I just I don't I don't know the kind of I can't really describe how I feel I think I just shut down at that point yeah here we go again it's fine no problem no big deal like and that was really bad for me because I like shut out my emotions like so big deal I didn't even cry I didn't even do anything I just picked my look at the rest of things she said to be honest after that come with me I can't remember digesting she was talking to me about you know how to ever quit yeah the pregnancy and all of that which is another part of the story like you know it's a one thing to have lost the child yeah and then another thing that you have to actually take it out like gosh anyway at that point I was not even I was not even hearing anything I remember leaving the I just carried my back and left funny enough on my way home at the train station I ran into Tossi that yes that seemed I should just look at me like I looked all like I was like why are you looking like this war up until yeah and she was the first person I actually told because I had not even told my husband yeah I was just on my way home and I told down the on the train station she said I cried I was like what huh what's the rest of my mind I was I have no excuses like no I'm going to go back again I'm sure that went like go back like that I'll go out pray when I go and pray I'll come back to next day I'm sure they will be hurt bit and I was I was literally trying to understand what happened but at that point I was simply like no there's gonna be a miracle yeah pray yeah so I go home I told my husband if I I told my husband so casually daddy he wasn't even as it was like he was more concerned for me than what had just happened like because I told him so casually that he knew that I was already building a wall around myself at that moment because I didn't I wasn't processing where I just told him casually hey there's no heart beat and like he just held me because he knew that I was already moving in the wrong direction I wasn't trying to process it well and yeah the following day of obviously I went out of that guy need to do it scan I didn't say what had happened and she said the same thing so I had to go back to the first guy need to ask okay what's the next process and excuse me I'm scheduling a DNC that's evacuation and everything and that was but that was when I said it started to do like here we go again for the first minute's courage I didn't have to do the DNC yeah we just took medication and that that worked because it was not so advanced locally for me and there was no infection but in this case it was pretty much advanced so they had to take it out it was yes I mean I was keep all of the details in between but I remember working into the hospital that day and when just before they administered an aesthetics because they were going to have an aesthetic that would make me pass out to just sleep I looked into the not-nosis eyes and I was like hey please check again like I was just holding on to hope and this was maybe three days after because there were not spaces in the hospital that's waiting for three days after we had found that three or four days and you don't believe that we were 10 people that had to do that process that day that's to show you how much women actually go through this but I feel like a lot of people don't talk about it and yeah but that's that's another conversation and I was the first and you know I look into it I was like hey please check again please tell the doctor like with tears in my eyes she she was like we don't do this but I was asking to like that's how she felt she felt that I was and then of course the cover scheme she she spoke to him and he was kind enough to check it here and you know when you are literally I was already on the bed I was already prepped waiting for the them to submit for the anesthetics to kicking yeah and the doctor was like okay let's let's check and he just you know did it very of course obviously there are other nine people waiting for the same person they just did it quickly you can see there's there's no thing there's no heart beat I love when I just closed my eyes just before the anesthetics kick and I was just like I hope I actually wake up from this surgery I mean so people see it as a minor surgery but I think it's a big deal because and that was the last time I went by the front like passed out and then woke up they had done everything and believe me that was the first time I actually cried after the news it was broken to me like that was when I actually cried like it became real yeah they've taken the baby out and I thought that would be it yeah I tell you ladies it took another three to four months no I will be lying if we face a forwards took another one year for me to fully recover from it hmm I was I was it was a struggle to the extent that I felt like I was even being harsh to my immediate family you know I wasn't I was just I was angry initially moved from anger to feeling sad for myself yeah really like I did something wrong so it was different kind of ambitions I think that's the some way of my story I mean for the first one like I said it was just I think after the first cycle and then I took it the next cycle yeah but for this one after it happened I felt like oh the same thing was gonna the next cycle again I would I love it yeah I think I can actually relate to tyros story because I remember it's a twin I remember when I was trying to reach out to and then she reached out to me that please I've been trying to reach out to tell one more nibble to reach out to I remember calling that then I think she said something that was not happy with and then I told GD that see what Tyros said I don't like it like now that you're talking about it like this were trying period in your life right and we have actually no fully sat down to talk about this thing how you process this because imagine if in my whole emotion and I'm just like just angry like when she talk like that not knowing that somebody is just like processing this something that just happened to you and I don't know if you want to talk about it because that was not the only thing that even happened to you in your life then yeah you had a lot going on with you exactly so I mean I think also this season made me realize that always give people grace yes you you have no idea yeah I mean it feels like a cliché word that you don't have an idea what people are going to but you actually have no idea you should always give people grace because prior to also mine my 20s started also experienced miscarriage as well like two or three so it was like why the grief was not just person that it was like this is this is true much it's just so much what's happening I mean miscarriage means literally like you've been dreaming about something you're hopeful about something and suddenly it's just like just like that no closure or anything yes yes so it's it's always give people grace and I think that we might also need to speak up more about yes experience like totally agree with you Tywo thank you so much for sharing this personal experience like it made me realize also that people are going through something now they give people grace if there's anything I pick from this now it is that right thank you for sharing I think in my home before that we can do a little bit of ice break out in order to make the mood lighting up a bit something just give to my head now like if you guys were to have it is tata park you know for grief what would be inside your own box what did you want it's like oh but I can't go first I can just put like just put a lovely you want me now we sit with me all through the process and you know constantly remind me that it's good to get better okay it's okay and there may be plenty to be prepared a good food you see that good food it's important it's not an healthy option but I'm sad like this I just go to the fridge you guys yeah so my own sadapak would definitely be food and maybe a john out and pin eventually that That was some of the things that helped me heal the whole future. to who we own. I think my own would be someone, like you said, but maybe not just someone. Someone that, like, it replicates me, that kind of reminds me of the fact that, "Okay, how can you go into this?" Oh, we all want that because it's right. It's like everyone moves on and they are trying to talk about it. But if you enjoy you, actually you want them to talk about it. Yeah, so my startup app would be that person that would talk about it. You know you just lost somebody. And yeah, so I'm not expecting for that. Something like that. I would talk about my own experience. It was very, very sad. I was in 400 levels and I got a call from my dad. It actually didn't, it started from getting a call. Because my mom and I will literally talk every day. Like we gossip, we do everything. And for the past three days back then, I have no head from her. It was weird. So my dad called me. He was like, "Oh, you'll be worried. I'll never hear your mom." He said that she's not feeling too, I said, "I'm not feeling too, and then she can't come to our phone." You know. So you just said something like that, so that I would not just be. I still, my mind wasn't set. So I called a friend of mine back then that was our home. And I told her, "Please could you go to my house and check all my mom, all my family basically are they doing?" And then she called me back to say, "Oh, I checked. And they made me, uh, Remy." And then she was still, now she's Remy. And she was like, "To see, nobody's at home. The gates are locked. They're all very weird. So I called my dad the next day. What was happening?" She was just like, "Mom, me just locked." And she's in FMC. I'm like, "Okay." FMC, by the way, is a federal medical center, right? And I said, "Okay." But what I should do is, she said she actually can't come to the phone that is bad, but that she's okay. I said, "Okay, no problem." And then I came home after my finance exam, and she was already in the UCH in the bad. I went there to see her, and I saw her, "Oh my God, she was. " They had this thing on her neck, it's called Chakostomy, basically it helped her to breathe, because she was having difficulty to breathe. And they were supposed to do another major operation to remove that Chakostomy. So, and she was fine. We had capable nurses and doctors nice. And then one day, they just said they were going on strike, right? And we were not done that operation, but we had to go and then go to a small medical center to always do constant check-ups. And at the time, I was the only one with that, because my other siblings were in school, but in ours, and Lola, my younger sister, my brother, my sister was, was writing an exam here, and all that time. And then we told everyone that our mom is not feeling fine, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, they called us back, I think, two days after that, the call of the strike. So, we went back, and they were about to do the operation. They told us that the operation is 70, 1700. Yeah, 70, 30. The chance is for her. And we're like, just do it. We'll pray. They did the operation, and it was successful. We're so happy. The half-finally, Monica, because she was now whispering, but you have to come closer to her to actually hear her voice, right? And then we went home again this time, and one night, she came to wake me up to say, "I can't breathe well." My mind, I'm like, "Because I had already done a lot of. " You know, stay with somebody that is sick. It's actually not easy. I don't need a lot of work, then night was just for me to rest. And I was just grumpy, and that mom, me noting is not me to you, you are fine. But she insisted that we went to a medical center. And now, we're going, she kept saying, "Toddra, we're a brewer in Europe." And that translates to "Take your vee, young girl ones." Yeah? And I'm like, "Where is all this one coming from?" Which one is "Take your vee or sing this song?" You know? And we go to the hospital, right? She was gasping for breath. And in that hospital, there was no oxygen. So, the doctor had to run to another hospital to take oxygen. While he was on his way, my mom was on my leg. You know, she was putting her head on my leg, and she was jacking. She was jacking too. I didn't know what to do. The doctor was not there. My dad was outside. He was trying to make a call to my mom's sister to come because the place was closer. So, the auntie, of course, who would think that she would die. So, the auntie, me and my aunt, and still with my sister, then they can quickly go to get some food for her. That was the call it was making. But, I was jacking. So, I just, and she just stopped all of a sudden. I didn't even know that she had died then. So, me, I felt, "Ah, maybe she's now resting." I said, "Then." And then I placed down that chair, and I took my dad, that he's not seeing, and picking up a call. And he said, "No." I said, "Okay, let me quickly go and call her." I didn't even know I was going to, I was just going. I remember just walking on my legs. I remember vividly. Because I was confused. I've never seen a human being jack so much like that. So, and she just stopped. So, I was like, "My head was just like, okay, I'm just going to process that thing, that what would have happened. But when my weight went in, I just, as a dent, there was this guy that was toasting me then. I was just like, "Let me go to the molasses." That's one of toasting me. (laughter) I was like, "I am me." I was like, "Oh, yeah." (laughter) Oh my god. So, I said, "Let me go to this guy's house." I'm telling him. Sir, just for people that probably don't understand the Nigeria, toasting them. Oh, okay. That was somebody that liked me. That was admiring me, asking me out, basically. That's what they like that. We get it. (laughter) And I went to his place and was like, "What am I looking like? This I explained to him. I hint at this guy. We went back to the hospital." When I got there, all of them were crying. I was like, "What happened? Where is mommy?" You know? And they were like, "This is mommy." Mommy woke up now. She didn't wake up. I remember faintin. That day. I remember they were put in a spoon in my mouth. (laughter) I even got injured. And then I woke up. He didn't get to know me that. She died. I could not believe it. I said, "Okay." She said, "She will wake up." She said, "My mom believes so much." Of course, it's not a bad thing. She was a strong Christian. She was a real follower of Christ to the best of my knowledge. Even till when she was on a dying bed, I could remember I preaching to some people beside that bed. Then, you know? And I'm like, "Mom, you believe so much in Jesus." Let's call a pastor. She be there. This is just what they try to do with me. They like shouting Jesus. "Oh, yeah, Jesus, you can wake up." How old were you? I think I was 20. Then. So I was pretty young. So, I was just like, "Then you can wake up now." I remember my dad calling me a pastor. I said, "Mom, I'm like, "Oh, yeah, wake up." Like, the picture is so vivid right now. I remember they taking me to the house. I was sitting outside in the terrace. And I'm like, "She was so wake up." I'm like, "Pastor demon lights, they wake up." Oh, they prayed. Oh, my God. Oh, they prayed. They called it. You know, then, and nothing happened. I was too young to comprehend this thing. And I had, I have no heart. I have three amazing younger ones. You know, and they were still in school. My mind, I'm just like, "How would I tell them?" This thing happened. You know, was he talking to mommy just two days before that about her Thanksgiving or doing charity? The, what's it called? The operation was successful. You know, picking clothes, thinking about canopy, because she was sick for almost two years. And then that operation was successful. And now she died. I remember when she was even begging debts to come, because she was tired. That didn't happen. Those things were just going through my head then. That didn't happen. And my mom and I, "Oh, we were close." Like, we are so close. So, fast forward. We did the barrier. A lot of dramas also during the barrier. And the tear that was tearing up then for me was like, "Why are people crying for me?" That was the meaning of my tears. They're like, "You people are crying." And I'm crying with them. Like, "You didn't get to know me that somebody was. " Like, I think, thinking I'm talking about it, I've actually not really talked to somebody really like, full story about this just here and there. My mom died. And I'm like, "That's why I was crying." But one thing I liked about my dad, he was insured that each and every one of us were there to experience, to see. I remember my dad taking us to the. my motuary to see my mom. You know that day? I remember seeing that she was. from the very light and complexion. She was so dark. And she was so. Y'know, nosotros usparenza, y'know, "I'm so glad that we did." Y'know, ya, they didn't say that, "Oh, they are small." "They shouldn't, so if there is one thing," "I know my dad will listen to this, thank you." [laughter] Ya, so, and fast forward after the early events, not the barrier at the uproar, and all that, my younger ones came for the barrier, they went back to school. Now, it was just me. I think our last bunk early was going to go to school, and then he had his phone plugged, or all, for repair, rather, in one of the computer village, then, and I was meant to go and pick it up for him. That was, like, just a minute before this after. I remember going to the computer, and I was climbing up stairs to the guys' shop, to go and collect the phone, and I remember, I was staying there, and please, pay me a little water. That was the last thing I remember. By the time I hop on my house, people were, when I said, "Computer Village," "Oh, you lived in that place, right?" It was a very big complex. So imagine, fencing there, people would be like this, "Younger, maybe shut up, but then who knows?" People were, "Around me." You know, and at the time, I got called, so they said somebody already picked the phone, called him to call, because they didn't know who to call. I just remember that noise in my ears, and I think I remember this voice saying, "What are you doing here?" And then I opened my eyes, 'cause I still remember that picture, really. And then they said I was out for close to 15 minutes. So my dad took me to the hospital for check-up. When I got to the hospital, they said, "How old am I, am I sugar level? It's so low." Like, so low, so they gave me coke immediately, and then I drank my head. I was like, "Me, because I did eat this, "yeah, my head, we made this money, maybe that's why." But really thinking about it, and I was the whole process, it was too much. I mean, I stayed with my mom, I took care of her in the hospital, I was with her, and that happened. You know, and then I fainted. Not only that, did that happen, you know. I was even angry with myself, "Why would you faint?" Something that big just happened in the old house. Everybody is still mourning. Like, it's difficult on everyone. I didn't even think about myself. Everything's still difficult on everyone. I am fainting. She wants to kill your dad. Those thoughts were just coming to my head, because I could see the worry on my dad's face. Why is this happening again? You know, I was so sad, I fainted. I was so sad that when I got to my remember telling my dad, I'm sure my dad would not remember. I remember telling my dad, "How that's so real is because I didn't eat it, "oh, that nothing is wrong with me." Just like it's okay. Just go and eat. Please, I show you. It's everyday. I remember, don't say, "Have you eaten?" (laughing) I'm sure you eat the rest of it. You know, now everybody is in school, and now I was preparing to go for service. I remember I usually have this bad addicted. This bad addicted, anywhere I am, I cut that thing. Like, I don't know how to explain it. My degree was marked. I would like, I would cut that everywhere. Anyone with my degree would understand what I'm saying. I would cut that everyone. This thing usually happened for maybe 20 minutes, and then it's to be like something just lifted up from me, when it, when I'm relieved. I didn't know it was still the process of the loss that I had. Well, I just wanted that. Why would this happen to me? You know, I remember I dropped off for check off, my dad took me for check off, and the doctor was like, we need to actually do a brain scan, maybe we need to do so, maybe say two more, because the pain was so much. I remember them giving me a great medicine, yeah? To take, and I'm like, it was so big, you know? But I usually take that thing. But talking about this now, we realized that it was the loss, you know, I didn't know how to process it. Really, it was too much on me. I had a lot of responsibility on me. And apart from that, my dad was also going through grief. Of course, it doesn't happen to him before. I was mad at him because it was in his own space. You know, he didn't really remember, I want to see. Why is that it's false, but me? I was just angry, and still going through loss. Yeah, I think loss comes with anger. Yeah. And one necessary, yeah, angry. People have to move on. You know, sadly. Sadly. Yeah, I was angry with people. My mom was there with you. I can't find anyone, but they have their own life. But I didn't understand that, oh, I was mad at them. I was like, we had day, we had day today, you know? No cause, nothing. And then on top of that, I had to go through. I try walking myself, you see, it's really good. So they walk. And then I didn't know that it was God orchestrated. And then I remember, they put me in lock on the, oh, I cried. I even fell sick. Camp was three weeks, by the way. When I say camp, he said, why is it come that something you have to go through in Nigeria for every graduate, for someone that doesn't understand what that means. So I remember getting sick and writing the letters to the camp or something that I wouldn't be able to comfort first week. I would come for the next two weeks. My dad dropped me in the camp. Oh, I would cry. I cried. He drove me from a occurrence to lock on the, he drove me from a crazy lock on the, I mean, what a sweet dad. I mean, I was a little angry. I was a, I forgot the fact that he would drop me. I was like, and I was instantly like, why will he give me some more money? Me and why? Me and why? I didn't know that it was paying a big debt near the hospital. Because we had spent millions of Nera and we had debts when my mom just suddenly died. And we also angry with him that imagine my mom just died. And he gave me small money. I was a very angry with him then. That was the beginning of a change for me. I will talk about that later about this was my experience. And that was the beginning of an amazing change for me, of me meeting Christ. And yeah, before I go into that, but that was it. So to let you know story. So Tywo and Tossin, you guys just took me on a journey. And really, I was so much of my emotions just now. Tywo taking us throughout, she felt. And I'm like, well, nobody deserves that. And Tossin telling me a story, I mean, talking about a story also, like feels like no, no, no, that's not fair. My own story is, yeah, is a case of me losing my grandmother, not the way we all know it to be. My grandmother has in my mother, because I live with her since. I got into the story before I was one year old. I've been with her. And we shared this bond that I really can't explain. My mom even knows that she has accepted her fitness. OK, I lost you how to heart. You know? And I feel like the difference between mine and what you guys went through is, in my case, the thoughts came to my mind several times. That what would happen when this woman dies? Because it came from a point of so much love. I knew how much I love her. And I was in the boarding school then. I was in the boarding school. And sometimes they told us just come and say, hope they won't come tell me that she's gone, because she's this loving person yet. You know, there was this special thing we shared, like this love that was visible to everybody that, you know, this your girl is your best girl in the world. I didn't know it is mutual, right? So fast forward to when I was having those thoughts. Then I got to a point I made a prayer. I told God as I grew up in my relationship with God. I told God when it's time to take this woman. Can you please tell me? Yeah, I had that prayer. And I believed it. Because I think that came out of me reading a book. Oh, God, I forgot this man again. Yeah, there's this popular book I read at the time. And he must share the story of how he told God to tell him when he was going to take his mom. So I made that prayer to and I believe God was going to do that. So fast forward to me being in Germany. Life was going on with my family. Things were happening. Yeah, because a lot was going on on the background. And I felt bad, like, Lord, why is this happening? And a lot of that, you know, and prior to that time, that things were happening. All those things were happening. And I had a call from home and they told me that my grandma had fallen and she almost lost her life. That everyone was praying. Now, let me just give it a little of my grandma. My grandmother is this very strong woman that also appeared like someone that can die soon. And in our streets at the time, they were many old people. So people that were over 90, going to 100. So we felt that she can't die. So that's how these old people just be who. When you, they was going to come, but we didn't know it to be that son of a-- So she was very sick. And I remember, because at the time, I really want to take care of her, right? I know she has really good of her labor, but she lived all of that with me too. I wanted to be a part of it. And I could only do things apparently. And when they told me she fell and she was unconscious and she was in surgery, and I told God, can you please give me another chance? I just need another time to do more than I was doing. I know I didn't have much at that time, but I want to now try even though I don't have much and be a part of our life. I don't want her to go without really feeling my impact, right? So I prayed a prayer. And not long after a few days, it was really bad. We thought she was going to die, because she was unconscious for a long time. And we're told, OK, she's back now. Only that she can walk. She's on the wheelchair. I was a bit of a family. I didn't know what was happening. I remember that we had to go to Nigeria. We went to Nigeria and it was so on my mind to visit my grandma. I remember going there and it was like someone was speaking to me and telling me that, "Do it, Vidu. Do this." My grandma was even that morning. She was kind of cocky and like, "Oh God, you are taking too much time." It was really smooth. It was so hard. I was like, "Just keep on doing what you are doing and smiling." We were just doing those things. I didn't know what I was doing. Afterwards, she prayed for me. She was so excited. She even told me that she never believed she would ever see me with her two eyes anymore. Again, something like that. So we left. I left Nigeria and I was parking. I remember one day. It was December before she died. And that December, I don't know. I felt this urge to gather every month of money I had and send to her. It was so much of a hodge there. I just called the next person I could call. I'm like, "Okay, please. Can you? Can you do this whole I have?" I don't know. The amount was about 200 KK. I was just like, "Please buy everything she wants. Just boil it. Just do whatever she wants." And I did that. I'm saying these things because for me, it was like, "God prepared me for that." I was already been prepared before she died. So by the time she, like, "Okay. So I remember, she called me on the end. She was like, "To look for your mother often." I said, "Okay. I'll call you." And I remember at the time again, there was this thing about paying her salary, giving us some stipends. And at some point, the family said everyone should do it together. They said, "I want you to give me the money." Normally, I would have said, "Gramma, no." And in that moment, I felt a hodge. I felt a hodge. I never thought she would die. I was just obeying all the hodges I was having. And I did that. And I kept calling her offered. Then I remembered two weeks to add this. I called her. And immediately, we finished speaking. I heard this voice again then. That's how she's done. She's done with that. No, she's done with what she came to do. It felt like there's nothing more to say. That was the exact word. There is nothing more to say. And I just felt it was one of those words more. I'm like, "Okay. Okay." I mean, and two weeks after I was when I heard she fell again and everything went fast. I remember wanting to talk to her. I was told she was in the restroom. And before I knew it, I couldn't talk anymore. She was unconscious. And she died. The moment she died was when I began to realize what God had been doing here before. Like, all the process was to prepare me. Right? So that's why I feel that my story is more of, I was prepared for what happened. Compared to what you guys are to go through, right? That really helped me through the journey. So I'm not going to move too fast. I'm just going to stop here. And we can now talk about how I now continue from there. Thank you. Thank you so much, ladies. For talking and sharing with us about your experience. I think what we will talk about next will be like, what helped us, you know, to this journey? And what didn't help? So people can also understand how they can help people that are actually in this situation. How to help them. Because I feel sometimes people don't know how to be of help rather than making it worse. I think so. I think in my own case, I would have really appreciated it if somebody asked me, let's talk about how you feel. I'm not not pretending like it's not happening to me. Like, no people trying to put the responsibility. Because I know there is responsibility. I have three symbolists, right? It's not people constantly reminding me that. I'm going to say a bit of your work because this happened also, you know, I'll try my best to also interpret that. Now people telling me things like, "Egg, bonnie, but we need Latis Sharah." We need Latis Sharah. She's giving you something like, yeah, basically, you are the health desks. You need to be strong. Yeah, you need to be strong. You need to be man up for your symbolists. And this kind of just set us in my head. You can't be fine. You can't do this. I remember taking a job of 5,000 era. That was my first job ever then. Because I'm not saying that we were super rich, but to an extent, we were, you know, I never, ever, remember a time that I had to suffer that I needed 2,000 era. You know, then, Nairobi, Spenaira and Nigeria. 2,000 era. And then I'm suffering from it or not having. I mean, then I was even using fair. I think I was like a big cream then, if anyone can remember. That was my body cream. So I can't remember suffering, but when my mom died, a lot of things changed. I mean, my dad was in his world and I don't blame him. You know, because we all experienced grief differently. But I didn't understand that I felt my dad was adding more to our pain. Like, he didn't care about us. And then, I felt like people were saying that you're the dad. You know, mistake of your simply. So I had to take a job. You know, take a job of 5,000. I remember giving Toby on 5. You know, like, you take 500,000. You know, I find myself doing that and coming back home sad. I remember closing and I just want to be in the office all the time. Because also, my siblings were holding in body now. Those are when my body now is wearing them. University, you know, taking the exams. I feel like there was no common. These are the thoughts in my head. Why will a little girl be thinking about that? Come on. You know, I say thinking of the things I could do to help. I had to grow up fast. For me, that was so harsh. I feel then, if I had someone hold me by my ends, talk to me. You know, educate me. Especially, you know, people that have been dead, have seen. Even if you've not experienced, you've seen people see lots. Let me understand that lots we up on one. It's just it will stay up on to each and every one of us. Let somebody educate me about this. Let somebody tell me about this. Hold my ends and be empathetic at the time. But I didn't get that. I was just sharing your ideas. You need to, you know, I want to bring one of my mother's words. They're looking at you. They're simply looking at you. You need to, you know, man up. You need to be this and that and that. I'm sorry to cut you. Thinking about it now, some of the attributes that you actually display, it's very mommies. Just seeing this song that just naturally moves you. Oh, is this person okay? We need to reach out to this person. We need to reach this person. That would work. I think that's coming from a good place. Yeah. Because she has to grow up really fast. Yeah. Yeah. So, I definitely agree that someone actually sits in you and like, showing proper genuine consent. Yeah. Yeah. How this person do. Yeah. I think, yeah. Because then also, I had, I had that when I was, when I was serving in Locoja, you know, the people, I think I'm going to talk about what helped now. I already made a point on what didn't help back then. What helped me also was when I was serving, you know, it was like I said it was God of castrated. Oh, I had wonderful people. They took care of me like a baby. It was like, I know that I have my mom, you know, and when I was living, oh, I cried. I didn't want to live. You know, I had people take me through baby steps. I, not like I didn't know about Jesus, so I didn't know about Christ. But I genuinely had a relationship with Christ because then back then, I was like, my mom's prayer got me. You know, that kind of a thing. Mom and dad is praying for me. Why? Like, what about those things? But when my mom died, you know, it was a reality that shook my darling. You are now in your home. So I remember after we made this competition, I forgot, you know, I think Black's. A bunny, yes. You know, I was next to you for your PPE, your primary place of assignment. And then it could just park in front of me dominion city car. That was the name of the church then. Baby was like, "Oh, I was a former Miss Eboni. Follow me to my church." And I'm like, "Did you put something in your mouth? Strange, I just follow you." And I was with this other girl too, that one, that contested for a big bull, that beautiful tire was named. You know. And she just convinced me. And then I heard the voice like, "Follow her. It was strong in my ears." And then I took out the luxury shirt. I followed that. And then I reached the place to parents, more like Osborne and Wife. This one's their new hometown. Please help them. I was just going with God help me. I had told my dad that this is what is happening. I knew somebody would show up and do something to help me. But I followed them. "Oh, when I went to this house." "Oh my God, oh, they took care of us." Me and the lady were two that they put in their family. You cannot really know that. They don't know us from anywhere. And for me, that was like, they didn't even know what I was going through. You know. And the woman saw outside my face was or something. I remember she called me and I'm like, "Is it I don't want to save our daughter?" You know. And then I explained to her, "I just lost my mom." "Oh, she hugged me." I remember going. That was the first hug in the world. Oh. Y'know, yo'n't i- I can't even forget, every time I remember this couple, I- I thank God for them. Y'know, I remember this month cooking breakfast every morning for us, I remember finally getting my PPE, oh she was sad to let us go, 'You guys stay here, oh!' I was like, 'Where I add my PPE day, I have a house in the low, and they told me to come.' I could clean house, so um, I was- I was bawling then. Y'know, this genu- case, she talked to me about loss, she told me about Jesus, she told me that the truth of the matter is the only person that's gonna help me, is Jesus. Y'know, she told me about having passed, now I'm kind of tearing up. I was glad to have that conversation with somebody like, 'Oh, I don't know how to explain it, but that was amazing, I felt this was missing in my life.' Y'know, and from there, of course I was going to the church, checking up on me, we go for a evangelism, and then now in my PPE, also, 'Oh, they took care of me, oh my God.' I don't even know where to start from, food stuff, anything, they took care of me like a baby, I needed that, but fast forward I had to leave, you know, I had to leave that, Lord, what they were checking up on me, they would call me, 'Tosie, how are you? They really, really, really, really, like, genuinely loved me, so they taught me something, but they gave me a foundation to my Christian life, to my relationship with God, so that's helped me, moving forward from my service here. And that was when you were really stuck. And that was when my healing started, really. That was when I, now I go back, I had a better relationship with my dad, because I was so, I was mad with my dad. I'm sure if you're wondering that, who was going with this game, you know? But yeah, that was, that, it was not 100% but it was the start, and I was not section for, I want Dominion City, the church, you know, around, I didn't want, I wanted Dominion City, because it was like something was missing in my life, I found it, and I wanted something like that again, I felt all of them have the, of course, and they did, I found the church and it was, it was amazing story. So I think that people should acknowledge that each and every one of us have as much right to experience loss, to being in that process, I'm not just saying because you are, you are a dentist or you are the aides in your family, you are simply so try and man up. Nobody should try and man up, allow them to go through the process. You can help, you can talk to them about it, you know, introduce them to something that can be better. So I would say, yeah, those are the two strong points for me, I don't know, tell you. Yeah, I mean, while I definitely agree, you know, with, you know, saying that people should not say that you should man up or, I mean, given these circumstances, actually, but for some people, they don't have any other option than to, you just have to rise fast and move, for instance, during my secondary marriage, I still had a child to, to attend to or to take care of, or to be there for, so as much as I wanted to be in my space and boil my eyes out, I still had to show up for my family as much as I was in, but this is no excuse to not, you know, give in yourself times to the process. So definitely for me, something that helped was, I had a strong, what system in my husband. And that's a problem. Miss Carried is not just the woman going through. Yeah. It's also the man, the woman carried the baby fine in her body, but the man is actually going through emotional. But he was expecting that you also. Yes, but usually they have to drop their own grief and try to help the woman. So I'm really grateful, I'm shouting out to GD, thank you. Yeah. So yes, I think, give it time. I wanted to rush out of it, you know, like, it has no big deal. But all the time I tried to do that, it was more hot than, it was more like painful than I expected. I think it was like two months or three months down the line. I'm not like, first of all, that what happened to you was painful. Sit down and have that honest conversation with yourself, like it was painful. Because everything around you keep reminding you, yes, you have people around you, their babies, you see it pregnant person, there's someone that we're pregnant about the same time at the time. Our baby was growing and those things would constantly be there around you. But like just sit down and tell yourself, let's agree on one thing. This that happened to you is painful. And I think that's like the first step, that was the first step that helped me to heal. And from then I just started to pick up the pieces. But usually they were days, usually with grief now. Some days are better than other days. So I'm out of breath. Yeah, but I think even at time, knowing that I stumbled on Instagram posts around that time. And the quote was, "God can be trusted. God is good." And that just became like my mantra. Like to say, do a series of events that were also happening that we're not the best history here. Also around that time. So it was not even just the scary, but that's an important thing. Yeah, so I just would whisper to myself, "God is good. God can be trusted." When the emotions are coming sometimes, God is good. God can be trusted. And like I said, it was not easy to also now conceive again. After that situation, it took longer than I expected. I used to think I was very fat out of that. I don't want to try. I was back into it. But we're with you. Oh my God. Oh, through this time, I was thinking, "God is good. God can be trusted." I think that helped me. And there's also something that I think people do is. People don't want to talk about it. Yeah. They don't want to approach you and come on. I feel like maybe they think that, "Oh, they don't want to be a man." Which is good. Yeah. But if you hold it, a unique relationship with somebody, it's better to talk about it than to just avoid it. Yes. Yes. Yes. I agree with you. Yeah, because I feel like. Some people that I felt like, "You didn't even ask me about it." Just like, "I had about it." Sorry. Didn't even talk about it. It's fine. You don't want to bring up the memories, right? But we wish they had talked about it. Yeah, just like, I trust it. I think it helps. Because sometimes I just. And for me, I know how to make my notes. I'm very petty. Ah, just like, if you don't post me on my bed, I will hold it. I'm that petty. So it's. I feel like, if you have a friend, or you know someone that is going through grief, fine, you don't want to be mostly, but just talk about it. I don't just say those, let me know if you need anything. Anybody that tells me that, me personally, I just put you on part of my notes. I know you're too pretty. I don't know if it's the best. That's how I think about it. Because I feel like, if you actually want to help you, actually put more strong foot down. And husband has a different opinion. But for me, you know. Me too, I have a different opinion on that. I don't have an opinion on that. Yeah, so. If you know someone who's going through grief, try to, you know, talk about it with them, in a very lot, of course, in a very comfortable way. Yeah. As well. I'm someone that doesn't open up easily. Yeah. I agree. But if I sense a genuine, genuine approach, and I know, I know when it's genuine approach. My last one says, "My one is too much." But me, I know when it's genuine approach. Sorry to cut. I remember that time that Kenny reached out and I was confused on how to. I think I said the voice note I called it. I said, "Tell what, can I help you?" And I was like, "I said, "Tell what please, I'll kind of help you." "Pin you." I mean, to say it was wonderful. Did I go back from the hospital too? What's it? Yeah, yeah, did I go back from the hospital? I was just saying, "It's my pursuit." You know, it's my house. And even though the doctors are like, "You take only liquid." You're going to the hospital. That's. She was really wonderful. But, you know, like I said, there were days, some days are good, some days are good, but for me, everybody just get out. So, I think it was one of those days that she tried to reach out and I was not just. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think I would just talk about people mentioning it. So for me, I think I felt. I felt pained to be the one to raise that discussion with people. So, like, because I had bottled. Okay, because I had bottled a lot of things in my mind. And I felt like I was going to explode if I don't make the head fault. To talk about it, I'm just back in the watch, saying what she said, that it takes more effort for someone who is grieving to buy themselves talk about things. And that's why many people bottle it open in. As much as they don't want you to remind them frequently, they want that sometimes you talk about that something like, "You just lost your mom. You must be paid for how do you feel." You know, so talking about, from where I stopped, saying, "By the time she died, I now understood why everything that was happening was happening." And that was when I realized that, apart from the videos I made with her that day, I didn't have any other return. And that would have broken me. That someone I really cared about, I don't have a photo of us together on a video. I mean, that would have broken me. I just saw how it got to me. prepared me for that. However, I was broke. It was very painful. I always say no matter how it's okay. You think you're okay. Yes, you're never happy. You know when they told me, it felt like okay, I felt it like it felt like okay. This is why all that was happening. However, the next thing I'm like really, she's no more here. Like I felt so alone. Everywhere felt dry. I don't know if you guys feel like it felt like everywhere was on standstill and if like there were no people on these streets. Like I'm the only one standing and I mean, no, like, it felt like a strange breeze. It was just so strange. Right and I didn't mention the parts that the day she died, the time she died, I was inside, I was awake and it felt like I closed my eyes for a second. It was like I saw her bed whose one leg was tight to a string. Get loose. So I felt like okay, maybe my victory has now been released or I just just did it some way like okay, something until I heard that she died at that exact time. It felt it was very humbling. And so what happened after when I started grieving? It was painful. I cried terribly. I cried for days. I couldn't control it. Like I wanted to even like because there were some people I wasn't comfortable crying in front of me. I cried when I was like a baby. It felt like she left me and now we're known. And that was when I began praying again. I told God, can you show me where she is? Because it felt like I needed to see something bigger than what I knew. So in the moment of grief, I felt like she left me and I don't know where she is. First, I began to feel like it's all fair. I can't control what this good guy like she's healthy. There are elderly people that are way older than her that were not healthy that are still alive. Like why should she have died? And I got a lot of feedback. She's old now and that was a painful feedback too for me. She's old now. She's old. We're belly-nona, 30 years old my life. Oh they just ask you. I hate. I hate. Thank you. Like I always see night go and sleep. That does not grieve. Don't you expect that to die? But for me in my mind, I've known her for 30 years. It felt like a very short time. And most part of that I was in home five years. So at that point I was crying. I was grieving. I knew that what I was saying was like can you show me something bigger that will help me with this pain? It was more, you know. And that was when it didn't happen immediately. But I think another level of healing because I think the healing is always in faces. The next level of healing happened when I dreamt. And so high my dream. And what I saw in the dream was, I was sitting on a table. I was like, hey is this not you? They said you were dead. She just looked at me and she was smiling. So this smile was the memory that now kept me. So I kept saying this smile. Each time I think of him like she's fine where she is. She's fine where she is. So I thought that was enough but the time will go for burial. I had double feelings that I would like hope seeing her and all of that. And by the time we I was on the plane, I didn't want to understand how to feel like. I didn't know how to, you know, and all it. And another level of healing came when the Lord said, tell me that as much as you love her, you don't love her more than I do. So your love still has some selfishness in it. And the one who loves her to tell you. So if she's with me now, it's best for her. You know, and that gave me a bigger level of healing that took me through the burial. And since then, so till now, even when I miss her, I'm like, "Oh, because she's with God, I will see her sometime in the future." And that was how I would like healing up. Yeah, definitely has Christians. Yeah, it's always the hope of reuniting again. Yes. Yes. I think before we close this session, there are two things. I'm going to really urge people to listen to this because they are deep stories and I'm sure that people can relate to this. And people really need to experience this. Like, we can all be apt. Yeah, nobody should go through the things that we have gone through. We've gone through them. I was sharing it. Don't go through it. There are better ways in which you can, you know, if there are people out there that you know that you're comfortable to also talk to. Maybe they too in their home feeling that I don't know if she will feel, you know, but you know, you're very comfortable to talk to these people. Why don't you know, walk up to them? And I don't, I didn't have the standing then. You know, I would, I've love to walk up to somebody to say, I would love to talk to you about the way I feel. I think he's also totally okay, especially when you know that person. Yeah. Anyways, I would want us to talk about how grief changes and lessons from there. I think for me, moving forward now, grief, but, you know, I hear how people would say that this one, this person died, that this young age changed this person totally to be very top-persons. But in my own case, it made me more empathetic. It made me more compassionate. It made me see the world as totally as as much as you you are you it's okay to have a comfortable life. Of course, it is, you know, you walk you you have to as much as that is also, it made me see the world as actually this thing that I just chase. It's just, it's nothing, you know, as much as also even Christ has said that we should, he has given us this thing to also enjoy, you know, it's also there. I am not extendable. It just made me see that when some things happen in my life, you know, I'm just like, it's a pass, you know, it's a face, it's a pass. I didn't see, I'm not seeing it as I've gone through something really deep also. But it just made me, I'm trying to use a English word, but I'm not getting it right now. I'm having my mommy brain freeze right now, but I hope you hold on to some what I'm saying, right? Yes, please, if you're trying to say that, like because you went into the depth of an emotional feeling that you didn't know you could ever get out. Yeah. And that made you feel like no matter what you're going through, like it's really past. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely like it's really past. So it made me more compassionate to people. It made me also like for my friends, I also want to show up and be there for you. I, it made me see that when somebody is, is suffering now. You know, there's a bit of responsibility, or not, I won't say responsibility, but it's okay to be there for someone like, there's something I've lent, nobody reject love, like everybody love love. That's what I've come to understand that nobody, no matter the little hand or that you can show to someone, everyone loves it, everyone wants it. So that has changed me. And I will say the lesson that I've also lent is thinking about it, I think the only person that can help you on true grief. And so you will not be stuck because you can be stuck. It's Christ. I have seen it. I have experienced it is it just there is this piece that comes with it, you know, like how to lose it. That like she's in a joyful place. She's okay with she is. It's I don't know how to explain it, but you have to experience it yourself. You know, to explain it, but really my big lesson from this is Christ. No, no stories really. It's the only one if you don't know him, if you have not met him, just you know, even I'm trying to be sick, I help you time with Jesus. Really? And you know, be eager to know him, be eager. It would help you in whatever situation you're griffing right now. Just calling, just say the word Jesus. I need your help because it came to a point in my life. I'm just like somebody told me that you can help me with this grief, help me. I was I was oh, I was broken. I was sad. I don't in my world, I was a sadest person because I was literally nobody. I can never talk to my sister. There was literally nobody I could talk so I don't even know their feelings. My brother has never ever spoken to me about this before. So I could not have you also picked up my phone to say, let's talk. I think like anyone that yes is now knows how close we are. I'm like really, you didn't talk to them about it but when it's on that day, everybody was going through their own, you know, but yeah, only Jesus could. So this is my lesson from it and yeah, guys. Yeah, it's pretty similar obviously you just get more empathetic because you know what it feels like to be in that sadness, but I think that grief also comes with anxiety. Because in my case, that fear is going to happen again. It's almost like, yeah, just like almost like prepared for the worst. But I think that it's also which comes back to my faith in Christ. It also keeps me grounded because knowing that scripture says, okay, all things are working for my good. I don't know this will happen again. But even if it happens again, all things are working for my good. And also that don't be anxious for anything. With fear and supplications, make your question. Yes, yes, yes. So definitely that is also, I would say also talking to trusted people. Look, codes and put that trust in capital letter because people are different. Yes, yes, I agree with you. And I think that's why it's important to have genuine and identify your genuine relationships because of this. Yeah, those days will come and it's those genuine and trusted people that will help you through it. So if you have people like that in your life, good for you, maximize like play on that strength. Yeah, yes, yes. So I think this just helps me and that's what I'm definitely going on. I think sorry to look before you thought I think now that we're talking about it, maybe realize like one or two persons that have lost somebody in, oh, they have also lost somebody very close their dad, their mom, I would have, but I was in my own world also trying to figure out things myself. I think I would have actually loved to ask, it's okay to also hear no. I would have really loved to ask that, do you want to talk about the loss of your dad or the loss of your mom? I think I would, if I have anyone in my life presently that because we learn, you know, every day and just too hard to what's I was saying, like I would have love to walk up to that person and say, babe, would you like to talk about your dad? Oh, no, I don't want to, okay, you want to, yeah, let's talk about it because I've been there also. Yeah, I think also gestures, sorry, because same gestures like I said to get to say, sense me, pepper soup, you know, and my friends sent me dummy, they sent me flowers, like very beautiful flowers for like, those were things that's like, so I wake up in the morning, I just feel like this is beautiful, I continue to do simple gestures, so I've been very genuine and wonderful, I've been very honest, I know this cannot be emphasized, and I'm grateful that God actually plays this people in my life. Yes, yes, and I say I'm not taking my husband's support for granted because that's definitely one of the things that helps because sometimes you can just take the support you have from your personal support for granted. Yeah, sometimes you're even now angry or bitter towards them. Tell me why. These are the people that are taking the biggest hits just like. Yes, yes, yes. Like you guys are really spoken where I will just take it from where you stop turning around to say, like a lot of the fact that you're saying we begin to identify people around us who are going through similar issues and we can already begin to reach out to them and say, do you want to talk about this? Yeah, right. And in my case, what I learned, I think first, I think it gave me a summary of the life of this person. I just began to see, like dots began to connect, I just began to see, oh, like this is the, like it summarizes the message of the person that you lost. You will now see clearly, oh this is the message, this person communicated all through their lives. That is where you begin to take them seriously. Yes, and it's like wolf. Like this is, this is, you don't know what you have until you lose it. You lose it like, okay, like this legacy, this person left, I want to take it up or maybe things the person has been talking to you about to change or to work on, they become so real and you don't want to pick them and wrong with it. And that was what this did for me. And secondly, the major lesson I learned from this is, you see the people you see around you. Now when you see them, tell them you love them. Now when you see them, I'm sure hope, like to see, like, cherish every memory. cherish it. Like, like don't wait for tomorrow to say I love you. Don't wait until tomorrow to buy that better gift. Don't wait. Everywhere you can show care to people, you can show hope for their events. You can send them a happy birthday message. Do it please because you never can tell when it's to be the opposite, when it's to be and then you'll be regretted because you know why? I saw people crying at, you know, the events and I felt like I can't cry now because I feel satisfied. I feel like I did my best when she was alive. Right? So I'm not feeling guilty. I'm not feeling like if I had because I feel like most tears in various ceremonies are out of guilt. Like your guilty, you wish you had done more. So if we all can be good to one another, yeah. Even if anything happens, that's all part of it. There will be. The groove will be limited. I know this is different from time was. There's nothing that can prepare for that. But for people who you've known, you've related to the groove will be limited. It will still be painful. You would know that. Like Tosin said, when I'm almost alive, she's too good care of her. You would know that you tried your best. Yes. You know, I'm thankful for. Yeah. Thinking about it, I'm glad I was there. I remember one particular event that I took my mom to the toilet to pour and I was beating her and she looked at me. Oh, she prayed for me from the depth of her and she said this sentence in Europe. She said, "Tosin, omat tojure." "Tosin, omammi." "Omat tojure." Like Ram would take care of me. Yes. She said, "Your children will take care of you. They will love you. Heaven will be satisfied with you." Like she was just serious of prayer. Not thinking about it and I'm glad. Those times, I remember sometimes I'll go outside. I'm not like it was so comfortable. It was not comfortable. I'm not saying it was comfortable because there are times I also was don't pee, but I was dead. You know, this is just. And I'm glad I did. You know, this reminds me of my case too. I wasn't working. My self and my husband were just coming. We're trying to make hands meet. We had some issues with, you know, settling in and all of that. It was hard. But in the little I have, I would convert send it to her. I made sure every month she got it. You know, and I would have just said, "Mother, I'm going through a lot. I don't have the money to give you. I would sometimes in the future." So you see, but those little things I did, I am forever grateful for it. And I think that's a cherishing one another and doing the best you can now even when it's not convenient. Yeah. Well, thank you ladies. Thank you so much. So if you are out there, you have maybe a sick mom, a sick dad, and it's currently not convenient for you. Please try your best possible best, you know, to take care of that person. So you won't have any regret. And grief loss is inevitable. It will happen to each and every one of us at one point in time. We cannot escape it. That's our life is. However, we are just sharing our stories, you know, our journey through this. And I just want to say "Taiwo to Lu." Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for talking about grief. Thank you for coming here to share your experience. I'm sure that a lot of people are listening and learning from this. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much guys. I love you guys. I love you too, too. Thank you for having us. All right, everyone. See you in your shoes. Bye guys.