262: Let's Not Meet Again..

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I'll have the link in the description. I can't thank you guys enough for all your support and hope you enjoyed this episode with the two of us. Thank you. Okay, here we go. Let's do it. This is our fourth episode we've recorded together this week. Oh my gosh. Yeah, because we've had Clues, this is such a full week of recording. We're literally punching this in on a weekend because we're here on a Saturday. We're just getting it then. It's so wild, but we've had some really, really good episodes on Clues this week. I like still, I can't get over the fact that we have a show together still. I know. It's so fun, though. I was doing hard-sourced running just by myself for so long, and it's nice to talk to another person. I know. So, we're just, I don't know, I think our work ethic is so similar, and we like the same things, and we say no to the same things. So it's just like, it's truly such a good match. Two peas in a pod. Two peas in a pod. I know we're sitting here with our little blankets. I know. Oh, cozy. Too hot takes episode. I will say the last one I was on was Scary Stories, which is so much more of my domain. That's where I live. That's where I thrive. So I'm curious to see what you have for me today, because. Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be different. It's scary in a different way. Yes. You're like, it is still scary. It's still scary. It's still scary. But yeah, today's theme is kind of a let's not meet again. Like, do not come to my house, do not call me, do not pass go. And I do have a couple like spooky-ish vibes at the end, too. So excellent. I'm kind of just giving you everything. I love it. I love it. Let's not meet stories. There is something about them that is like catnip to me where I. I know it's bad for me, because I have such a body reaction to read them. Oh, it gave me nightmares last night. Have to read them. I fully had nightmares. Yeah. But it's just like it's popcorn inducing me, like you just, especially for you, you love a scary movie. I just like to be scared, I think, is what it is. Does anyone else enjoy being scared? Yeah, I'm curious for anyone watching who also loves scary movies and also loves the let's not meet and the creepy past isn't all that stuff. Like, what is wrong with us? But also, yeah, why do we. Why do we do it? And that. Someone was saying once that people with chaotic childhood sometimes really like horror because there is kind of comfort in the chaos or comfort in the controlled environment of like your emotions rising and falling and, you know, your heart is pounding and you're scared and you're sweating, but you know that you're safe because you're in a movie theater and it's just on screen. So. I went the opposite way. I had the chaotic, crazy childhood and then I was like, please put me in a room that's filled with care bears. Yeah. And rainbows, comfort and soft blankets and cozy pillows. I know, I kind of in the opposite way too in the sense that I don't think my childhood was that chaotic, but now I love the kind of the chaos and the heightened emotions and the scary and the adrenaline of it all. Yeah. I don't know. I'm so curious. There's got to be some sort of psychoanalysis to all of that. We definitely have some psychologist in the audience. Yes. Please let us know. Please help us. Do we need to do inner child work? What do we need? Yeah. What's going on? For those that don't recognize the voice with me today, we've got Kaelin Moore in the house of heart, starch, pounding. I just had Ron funch his on and he's like, I've watched like 2000s WME wrestling and now all I want to do is like have a wrestling announcer like announce all my guests for me. That's really good. We should have like entrance music as we come in. Just play a song. Just did. We'll put about it. He does the all the music for the show DJ in the corner. I get comments still about what the intro song says. I don't know you guys. Literally. Is it vocals? It's vocals. It's like a music plugin and he then distorted it and when you take all of the other plugins off of it and like play it at the speed it's intended to me, it sounds like taking me out. Taking me out. Yeah. But sometimes I hear that's a big meow. Oh yeah. To each they're all like. So maybe it's nothing. Maybe it is something. Yeah. But okay. Let's see what I got for you here. Let's dive in. I'm so excited. Let's do it. [MUSIC] Okay, this first one, coming from our slash relationship advice and I probably should preface this. Kaelin is a new mom. I am. Literally. Just had a baby nine weeks ago. It's insane. Recent. You shouldn't even be working again. Why do we have you here? I know I did go back to work pretty fast afterwards, which I don't know if I would recommend to be able to do. No. Do not. Weeds. They just like. I know. They don't work for a year off. Yeah. You really do need it. I need to stay sane. Yeah. Okay. So this one is just a couple of days old now. It's titled my 25 female boyfriend, 25 male, kept staring at a woman while we were at our baby's checkup. Interesting. All right. Continue. Instantly mad. Yeah. Hey guys. I want to start by apologizing for my English. It's my second language. I literally have no one to talk to about this and I feel like I'm going insane for feeling this way about this. So me, 25 female and boyfriend, 25 male have been together for two years and I'm currently pregnant with our first baby. I'm 27 weeks and last Tuesday I had my monthly appointment. I was looking forward to it since the last time I saw my baby, he was 600 grams, 1.32 pounds. And this appointment, he was 1 kilogram, 2.2 pounds and it was the 4D scan. Anyways, I woke up early, cleaned the house a little, made breakfast, took a shower and I got ready. I was super excited. I am currently still working and I made this appointment so we could both be there because we're free. Fast forward, we got to the clinic and I had to go in first as there was no parking spots available nearby and I was afraid of being late. When I got seated, there was a woman in front of me who was very beautiful. She looked younger, in shape, short, dressed very nicely. After a few minutes, I see my boyfriend walking in and he was barely looking at me. He was insistently looking at her while walking towards the seats. And after he got seated next to me, I could see him just staring at her. I felt sick like he was comparing me to her. I felt so freaking large and huge and ugly beside her. It just ruined the moment and the appointment for me. And he is such a respectful guy, I've never seen him stare at a woman or say anything about a woman before. I swear to God, in that moment I felt like he was just like the rest of men and there was nothing special about him anymore. And I feel so bad for feeling like this. He has all the rights to find other people attractive, but I felt like he betrayed me and our baby in that moment. I tried to brush it off that day because we also went to his parent's house to show them pictures with the baby, but when we got home, it was all I kept thinking about. I didn't talk to him about it because I know he will brush it off or say I'm exaggerating, but we also haven't been intimate in a couple of months now. It feels awkward because of the baby. So I kind of get it. He knows something is upsetting me because I've been distant, but he isn't pushing it further. And I don't think I can tell him what it is. I just feel so sad and pathetic for feeling this way, but it's just how I feel about it. And I don't know how to get over it. Or if I should get over it. It isn't like I can escape him now. We got engaged last summer and we bought an apartment together and the baby was planned. Now I just feel like I've rushed into it. Has anyone ever gone through something similar? How did you or how would you handle it? This is taking me back. Oh my god. Really? I think this it. Okay. I don't know if this was am I the owl? household, she's absolutely not the asshole for feeling this way. I think most pregnant women, or I would imagine a lot of pregnant women feel this way because your body is changing so much. And it's totally out of your control. There's nothing that you can do to make your body the shape you want it to be. And you have to just, I mean, you're basically building a baby from scratch. You have to be eating. You have to be gaining weight. The doctor wants to be doing all those things. Also, I mean, you're pregnant. So I don't know how intimate you're being a lot of couples also stopping intimate. And so that that all really gets into your head too. So I could totally understand where she's like, I just feel like he's not attracted to me anymore. However, I do think it's largely internal for her. I think him maybe looking at a beautiful woman in the doctor's office is not indicative that he has thrown your entire relationship into the garbage. And, you know, he's still at that 27 week appointment doing the 4D scan with you. And I imagine is excited to have this baby. It didn't sound like anything about this was that he wasn't excited about the baby. Oh, man, I just, I remember feeling that way too, especially around 27 weeks, you're more than halfway through the pregnancy. And your body just really starts slowing down and it starts hurting and you're just retaining so much water and gaining weight faster than you have at any point in the pregnancy. And just I like, I didn't feel like myself either. And I always was self conscious about how other people were perceiving me. And I'm curious what the fear is. Are you scared? He's going to leave you. And if so, do you have reason to believe from other behavior he's exhibited in the relationship that he's capable of doing that? Or do you think that this is maybe an internal self confidence thing that you're just having because your body is changing a lot? I could see it being more so that. I mean, you describe it. So while we're like this rapid weight gain and it, it's supposed to happen. That's what being a pregnant is. Like I'm pretty sure the average weight gain and pregnancy is like 35 pounds. They say 35 pounds. And it's just like, and that's average. Like I don't even know if that's average because that feels low. Like every single person I know has gained more than 35 pounds. I have friends that gained a hundred. Exactly. It's not a number. Yes. And your body is going to react so differently. Hell, give me all the weight versus me losing teeth. Like your body is going to do what it needs to do to literally 3D print and grow this life. And there's nothing you can do. Like I swear, the people I know that have been the sickest in their pregnancy. Throwing up three times a day every day are the ones that gain the most weight. Like your body just knows what it needs to do in this time. So insane. And so you just have to allow it to do what it needs to do to like protect this baby. Did you? Like I guess because I'm curious and I don't I know everyone when I say this, don't scream at me. Don't yell at me. But like obviously your hormones are so out of wow. That too. And like you can have so much anxiety. That's like anxiety. As we all know is like so. You don't really have a reason behind anxiety a lot of times. It's just there. It's with you. And it's making you think things that like aren't even real. Yeah, definitely. And so I'm kind of in this. And I'm like, you know, maybe he peeked at her. Like I don't know. I look at everyone in a waiting room. But like, yeah, are you kind of getting in your own head and creating something that like wasn't even there. Totally. And like he didn't notice her in the way that you feel he might have. Yeah. But it's something you're so self-conscious about. Yeah. You're assuming that we're sent. Yeah. And obviously I don't want to brush your feelings. Like right. Her feelings are so valid. Like so valid. But I think we I do this myself. And I'm not pregnant. I create an issue out of something that like is not even an issue because I have so much anxiety around it. Yeah. So I think like best case forward. It's like, you got to talk to him. You got to bring it up. You're clearly feeling disconnected. Whether it's a lack of intimacy, your body changing. Talk to him. This is your partner. You're engaged. Yeah. You're having a baby. You got to be able to have tough uncomfortable conversations. No, definitely. I mean, where do you fall then? As someone, I experienced anxiety. You said you experienced anxiety too. At what point? How do you navigate a conversation? I guess I'm just more curious from your perspective. Yeah. How do you navigate a conversation where you are aware that what your panic about might be a symptom of your own anxiety? Like sometimes I worry. Not that I worry, but sometimes when I'm bringing something up even with my own husband, I'm like, Oh, is this even an issue like does he need to be brought into this with me? Or should I sit down for a little bit longer and kind of sort through this before I bring it up? Oh my gosh. I struggle with this constantly. I sit with it a little bit, but I try to really then frame it like it's it is a me thing. And like, I feel I like I stick to the I feels a lot. Yeah. I love an I feel as the therapist does suggest as they say. So I try to be like, you know, like if I was in this scenario, I'd be like, you know, I'm I'm feeling a little insecure. I'm I'm not feeling, you know, the most comfortable in my in my body. Obviously, I'm 27 weeks pregnant, but I just I'm feeling a little disconnected from you. And, you know, I'm I'm worried that you don't find me beautiful anymore. And yeah, I just I'd love to find a way where we can like really connect connect. Yeah. Like I'm just feeling a little insecure. It's not about that other woman. Like it feels like it is, but it really is about you and the lack of connection between your partner. Yeah. She's she's just like like your you're mapping all of your worst insecurities onto her because she's pretty. It sounds like she's maybe not pregnant. Or not showing you're not showing something. And you're just like, I want to be her like I want to be able to walk around as like easily as she walks around and not be showing yeah. She's not showing. And so I get that feeling too. Definitely. And also like if you're at like a point in your pregnancy where it's like you're showing, but not like I feel like there's a point where it's like people are like, is she pregnant? Is she not pregnant? Like what's going on? And when you're in that stage, it's kind of like it can be even more kind of like, well, what am I? Like I don't look pregnant. But like you're going to get to a point where a lot of people talk about this on Reddit where they're like, it was so nice not having a suck in anymore. And I could wear that tight dress. And it was clear. I had a bump and totally it kind of goes both ways because I think for me there was also that like mental element of once people could tell I was pregnant. I knew how visual I was. I knew how much I was obvious to people. Yeah. And that too was also hard because I felt like I was able to hide it for a long time. I carried pretty small. What did it? And I got in my head about being like, I'm so tiny. And then finally one day they see you and they're like, oh, you're pregnant. And you're like, oh my gosh. I can't hide from this anymore. You had a you had a very unsolicited conversation in an elevator that I was like, damn. What did someone say to you in an elevator where they were like, yeah, I could tell in your face. Oh, yeah. That was I was like, dude, they were, it was my neighbor. I know she was trying, she's older. I know that she was trying to be so nice. The way she said it, she was like, your face had gained weight immediately. Thanks. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. That's actually not something I was self-conscious about before. But now I'm going to spend all night thinking about that. Thank you. And I don't know, I'm trying to like in my mind be like, where was the compliment that she was trying to hide in there? But there was one. I don't think there was one. But yeah, so some people, I don't know. Some people also, I think, take pride in being like, oh, I could tell. I knew before anyone. I just don't want to say anything. And it's not necessarily a helpful thing to say to people, you know? No. But I think, I mean, this is something I think probably a lot of people, even when you're not pregnant, I mean, our bodies change so much all the time. I've also gone through periods where I've just gained weight and then lost weight. And there's, I don't know, I feel like this is something probably a lot of people can relate to of maybe just not feeling comfortable and also just worrying that your partner is feeling it too and is no longer attracted to you, which sucks. It's like, it's the worst feeling. It would suck. And I'm looking at the top comment now. Yeah, I'm curious what people say about this. Yeah. And I'm going to go back and read the sentence over after I read this one just to like, like, I'm like, did I miss something? I'm not sure. Yeah. So the top comment at this point, it's only got 137 upvotes. It's normal to notice another person is conventionally attractive. It's not normal to act like a slavering dog and stare. How absolutely disrespectful. Yeah. I'm curious. Was he being a slavery dog about it and staring? Did I miss something? And after he got seated next to me, I could see him staring at her. Wait, okay, also in my mind too. I'm like, did he recognize her? Like, maybe he knew her. Did she look like someone he knew? I know. Because I've done that too. We're all like, like, look at someone so much to be like, is that Kara? You know, like, so, you know, and it's actually not even related to slavering over them. So just trying to place them. Yeah. So actually, no, I am curious about that. If that's, I mean, I guess I'm assuming a lot of intentions on someone that I don't really know, but I'm like, I'm so curious. And obviously, like, this is what we've got. Yeah. So I'm just trying to also like, I just, like, I feel like he loves you. Like, you're engaged. Like, yeah. So I'm like, I don't think he's got wandering eyes. Or are there other comments? I'm curious about what the general consensus is. Yeah. So next one down, only 50 upvotes right now. You really should talk to him now. If you plan on raising a kid with him and/or marrying him, you're going to have to start the practice of uncomfortable conversations now. That for sure. Before babies arrival. Yeah. 100%. A potential future you struggling with postpartum depression, freshly after giving birth, will not be properly up to the task, especially if you start hyper focusing on this with PPD. The growing together part will always include uncomfortable, difficult, sometimes frustrating or infuriating conversations, along with communicating needs of emotional support, validation, and reassurance. You could be Russian into things here if you can't even talk to him I think that's actually a really balanced comment. I like that a lot. Yeah my drop. Yeah, I like it I'm like okay. No, I think that's smart It's just like you got to get used to having uncomfortable conversations like just get to the root of what's going on Yeah, and a lot of people I do feel bad like I think a lot of people then start kind of hounding on OP Which I don't think is fair at all like yeah sounds like she's going through a lot Yeah, I like people are running her about like this comment says it's insanity to have a baby with someone You can't actually talk to why can't you communicate how you're feeling the relationship is doomed if you don't This kind of like go on a tie raid it seems like interesting Yeah, I'm curious. I wonder if people in the comments here are gonna agree with that too because I know where she's coming from with the like feeling and maybe not wanting to bring it up Because maybe you're reckoning with always is all in my head. I know OP does respond to that one Thank you. I appreciate the time that you took to write this. I'll be honest I'll have to leave it a couple of days to gather the courage for this type of conversation right now I just cry thinking about it And the person does respond to her. I think that's sensible get some emotional distance between what happened and how you feel about it But don't wait too long. Otherwise that will minimize and dilute the whole thing I know it's hard, but you have to put some steel in your spine. We are treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated That's one of the most important lessons I've learned in life Well, I definitely agree with the we're treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated Or I guess I hear what they're saying in that comments. Yeah, I know we don't really have an update on this one It's it's nine days old now upon my my refresh OP just kind of says like if I discuss it with him right now I might cry and he wouldn't take me serious enough and would just brush it off as maybe in pregnant Okay, actually that is a way bigger red flag in my opinion that's oh problem. That that actually is a problem if you can't have Tough conversations while pregnant because he just says well, you're just pregnant your hormonal your heart I was like I didn't want to bring up hormones because I hate when people are like You're just hormonal, which is not so not fair because you're still a real human being in those hormones So really thoughts and feelings and it almost yeah, did you feel like you still would have had those feelings But then maybe the hormones were like just an amplifier of real feelings 100% okay Because I'm like what did like did you experience anything where you're like oh my god my hormones are so out of whack like more so out like After I gave birth I would say even at 27 weeks That's not even really when the hormones ramp up I think if you're looking at the chart and I think I started feeling more hormonal after 30 weeks So this might not even really be hormone driven like this could be her Yeah, yeah, just how she's feeling in that moment and it's not driven by like a big crash or something Not saying that it's not driven by her anxiety But like this is still a very valid thing that she's feeling and if you're if the entire nine month period That you're pregnant you can't say anything to your partner because they brush it off as You just being pregnant Then I think that is a bigger problem in general. I'm gonna take out the scale. Yeah, we're waving the red flag Yeah, that I think is probably the bigger issue. Well, there's another comment here too That says we don't usually talk about our problems I guess it's been a minute since we had a heart-to-heart conversation. I'll gather the courage to talk to him You've got to talk about your problems. Well, yeah, and not to be because I always hate when people are like Well, wait till a baby gets here. It's gonna get worse Things will be complicated in a different way after the baby gets here. I'll just say that It's gonna be a lot of new things that you're going through things that you haven't experienced before that is really the time where Your communication has to be on lock You have to it's so important I mean you want to be with someone who understands you and gives you the time and yeah Here's your feelings and makes you feel validated like if every time I went to Justin and Was just saying like I feel sad that you know, you didn't Come back home right away after work or like whatever problem I can come up with in my head like if When I told him how I felt I was met with That's not real. I had to do this like excuses excuses or like brushing off my feelings I'm gonna feel horrible in that relationship. Yeah, you have to Have to open up and this is still new you guys have been together for only two years Yeah, like it took me Five years to really be able to set good boundaries and Everyone goes on their own timeline. Yeah, but now you're here having a baby things will get harder Get this going now. I would also add to I mean I could talk about all of this stuff forever You know learn so much in the lot it just from this experience, but pregnancy is inherently An imbalance of work in a relationship one person is using all of their blood and bone and Vitamins and minerals and everything in their body to build a human from scratch and the other person just isn't doing that And so you want to feel as like the pregnant part of the relationship that the other person is still putting in work in other ways to prove that Just just to balance out whether it's that they're making more Yes for you or that they're in charge of ordering all the whatever that you need or going out and running all the errands The power balance just changes so much or like the balance of work. I guess changes so much So I would be curious in this relationship if he's putting in the work because if he also isn't having any tough conversations with you And you're the one carrying the child changing your diet changing everything about your life to like make sure that you Are carrying this child That is also a big problem huge. I Completely agree. I'm so glad you said that because If your partner is like not participating in any big way like I would I personally would feel so much resentment You just want to feel like they're working as hurt as you're working and every day Feels like you ran a marathon. So the other person has to put in a lot of work My nightmare not necessarily but it but it is like yeah, it's a lot exhausting. Yeah, I mean you're doing so much doing so much I just saw this tiktok from someone and she was like How did I know I was pregnant and then it if you swipe it went to a video of her husband like throwing up And I went down the rabbit hole thanks to the comments on that about I'm probably going to butcher the pronunciation but Kuvade syndrome or sympathetic pregnancy. Oh interesting and this is like A real phenomenon apparently driven by hormonal changes and empathy that affects 10 to 65% of partners And like literally people were commenting and they're like yeah my husband had morning sickness the whole time I never had it once the whole pregnancy what like I've not heard of this I literally people were like my husband got so bloated he looked more pregnant than me Wow, I've heard of like sympathy Symptoms I guess from pregnancy, but I thought it was more just they're also moody and thinking that they're hormonal or something But not the actual physical symptoms no physical symptoms nausea vomiting waking fatigue and a variety of others I could not get over I felt down that rabbit hole so hard. Whoa so hard That's really wild so wild, but okay moving on to this next one Okay, this one is coming from our Sasha dating advice a couple days old titled he said he gives his mom Backrobes every night Let's do it So I went on a third date with a guy male 29 and we were on the topic of me buying a home He tells me that he has no desire to move out and lives with his mom He smokes weed with her all the time and does Bong rips with her on the weekend He then tells me he pays little rent and it covers the groceries she buys him and then he blirts out I give her backrobes every night Is this something normal to say on a third date with pretty much no context? Just context list just brings it up No Run yeah, I always worry when people Are too dependent on their parents and are also trying to enter a relationship Like are you just looking for another parent? Yeah, you know like you have this really a special mommy connection That is you know a boy mom thing yeah, I say now, but like Even aside from the the back massages just everything about that situation Just being that we do Bong rips on the weekend. I smoke weed with my mom every night She doesn't make me pay rent or she doesn't make me pay a lot of rent I pay a little rent, but then she takes him takes the money and buys my groceries Yeah, no because they just they're gonna want that from you and he's 29 he's 29 29 pushing 30 It's time to go grocery shop yourself. It's time to grocery shop for yourself. There's no way he's doing his own laundry. No chance Oh, I don't know. Did you ever date anyone like that? No I'm trying to think I yes you did Yeah, I feel like there were a few guys maybe that I dated that you could tell I mean this was I met my husband when I was 26 So this was definitely early 20 so the guys were a little bit younger where they just had someone do something for them for their whole Lives yeah, until this point like a place you could drive and your laundry would get done Like you could take your laundry to your mom's house and she would just do it for you and fold it So you just didn't have to learn that skill which sounds great, but like you should still know how to do it Yeah, you should definitely still know how to do your own house. I also want so much work packing it up Put in your car driving it somewhere. I know when you just do it yourself I know. Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately, I mean, it's like Sabrina Carpenter's entire repertoire, right? That's like what she sings about in all of her songs. I think everyone's like experienced people like this. Yeah. What did the comment say? Top comment. Guy here, not normal. Kind of Norman Bates asked. Yeah. It is next comment down. Why do you have to say that? Now, I just imagined this dude lighting up with the corpse of his mother and then giving it a back rub. Yeah. It is that like obsessive. Yeah. Someone goes, giving a family member a back rub doesn't mean a psychotic abusive relationship is at hand. Once again, I have to ask, what the fuck is wrong with people on this sub? I mean, I still have my mom like, if I go home and visit and I'm like sitting on the couch watching a movie with my mom, I'm kind of like, can you rub my feet? Yeah. Or like scratch my scalp. Yeah. Can you just play with my hair? I'm like, that's fine. But like, I feel like giving your mom a back rub every night, like, if Justin to that, I would find it weird. Yeah. I think so too. I think so too. Yeah. Again, it's not even just like the back rub. Who knows if there's anything like inherently weird about that, like with their relationship, but just everything about how close he is to his mother at 29 years old and not wanting to because whatever wants to move out. Yeah. That's a thing. Never wanting to move on with your life because obviously you can't be in a relationship with someone like that. Like if someone tells you, I can't ever move out of my mom's house because I just enjoy living with her. Are you going to, you're not going to marry that person. You're not going to have kids with that person. What are you going to do? So I'd say, I'm glad that he brought that up that early. Three dates in. So at least you know when you can run. You can run. But I would say that's the only option here is to run. Yeah. Never meet again. Bye. No, bye. Only third date. Get out of there. Yeah. Not that much time wasted. That's okay. You're good. But just don't give him any more time. Don't go back. No. Okay, move it on to this next one. Okay. Story number three for us here. This is coming from our slash true off my chest. It is 20 days old now titled, I've spent the best Christmas of my life since I got married and it's making my husband panic. I'm five months pregnant. When I found out about my pregnancy, my husband's nephew punched me hard in my stomach. Sister-in-law said it was a bit of a phase, but then Christmas came and mother-in-law called to say that the phase was still going on and since they didn't want any accidents that I should stay home this time. My husband to my surprise started packing on the 21st. Oh, you wanted me to stay? He said correctly interpreting my facial expression. I stood silent and then I said no, you can go. He smiled sheepishly. My work colleague unmarried older lady suggested that we could do something together and I spent Christmas with her. I don't remember the last time I was this happy during the holidays. I don't have a family and my husband's was the only one that I knew. And for the past 15 years, I've endured my passive aggressive alcoholic father-in-law, my pretentious mother-in-law, and golden child sister-in-law who peaked in high school and married the jock. I slept in, stayed in, ate whatever I wanted without anyone commenting on my body. There were no rants about how some minorities ruined it for the rest. Quote, "But of course you're one of the good ones." And the latest quote, "I don't think your baby will have blue eyes." Like I really cared or didn't understand basic biology. I didn't miss having to wake up at 7am and if you literally missed meal hours, you needed to wait for the next meal because it is disrespectful not to be on time. I didn't miss being forced to cook weird food from my home country so they can sniff and wrinkle their noses and call it interesting. Most of all, I didn't have my husband by my side being anxious the entire stay, not wanting to rock the boat, trying to soften the blows and explain that they didn't really mean any of it. When he got home, he was anxious, and me being very happy, as opposed to the usual crying all the way home from his parents, made him even more anxious. I told him that I was fine and that I had a great time. He's panicking. He apologized and said that in hindsight, maybe he should have stayed home with me instead. But then he wouldn't have celebrated Christmas with his family and they would definitely have been disappointed. I said nothing, just looked at his anxious face, probably with a frown that made him even more anxious. Everything is fine, I said again. Now, I guess I understand why he is panicking, because why have I let this go on for so long? My colleague is also a lonely woman with no family, but she is so much happier than I have been in many years. I have been thinking about this newfound freedom and loneliness since Christmas, and I guess my husband is sensing it. What a nightmare, what a nightmare family to have to do, to deal with that for 15 years. Oh my God. 15 years of that. You have the strength and mental composure of, I don't even know, like Mother Teresa. I know. Actually, you bring that up, made me feel a little bit better, because I was like, oh, it's very sad to have that realization when you're five months pregnant, because you're about to have a child, and you absolutely shouldn't be with this person first and foremost, and not anywhere near this family that's horrible, but it kind of breaks my heart a little bit that she might go through motherhood alone, but it does sound like she's a strong person. Oh my God. So strong. She, yeah. And honestly, like, because my mom had three kids with three different dads, and each one was like, they're not great, you guys. They're not great. And so she kind of went through this where like my bio dad, I don't even think he was at the hospital. I should ask for that. I'm like, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, he wasn't there, which was kind of a blessing, but because he wasn't involved, my mom let my dad, Jerry, like, step up to the plate, like they were friends, and then he was there for her, like they were kind of dating on and off, kind of messy. But then like because my bio dad wasn't really in the picture when I was a baby, Jerry, like he was my dad, I started calling him dad. Yeah. And then my mom was like, well, what should we do about this? And he's like, no, I'm dad. And then he stepped up. Wow. So when you kind of create more space for other people, that's a really good point. Like you find these other blessings that like you don't even, you might not even realize are out there. And every single day, I'm like, thank God that happened that way because that's so beautiful. It's such, like I'm here, I'm literally here because of him. Yeah. In like a lot of different ways. But like it just like I can't imagine not having him as my dad. Yeah. And this family, like this baby by the sounds of it does have a mixed ethnicity. Like they're saying these comments to you, I don't know if your baby is going to have blue eyes. I know. That's why you just don't want the baby to be raised around that. Hell no. That bullshit. No. Like them checking the baby to see how white it is, which is what I imagine that they're. That's what it's giving. Yeah. So it's just like, no, you don't want to get around that. That's horrible. No, that's really sad. But it's amazing that like you and your mom were so supported in that time anyways. Because I know it's really scary. A lot of women won't leave their husbands during this time because it's so scary to be like, am I going to have to go through this whole journey alone? Yeah. Oh, that would be, it would be terrible. All the responsibility going to fall on me. That's so, it's so sad. Yeah. But yeah, like you said, when you let that person go, you might actually open up space for someone better to come help you and support you. Absolutely. I know. And like honestly, I would feel really angry at my partner. Like I saw your face when it was like he just started packing to go without her. Well, first of all, wait, how old was the kid at the beginning? Because that we just started at a hundred. So there's no mention how old anyone in this is. But they've they've been together for 15 years at the time of writing this, which is about 23 days ago now. Oh, he was five months pregnant. So she wrote this February 20th, five months pregnant. So at Christmas time would have been about three months pregnant. Yeah. Three months pregnant. And the and when she announced that she was pregnant, the nephew punched her nephew punched me hard in the stomach. The fact that you're you weren't supported by your partner during that. He didn't cut off contact with every one that was not appalled by that. And they said it was a phase. It's a phase. How old we don't know how old this nephew is. Do do kids have where they punch adults? Like with all their might. And then you just like accept it and say that it's a phase. That is really upsetting to me. I mean, it's insane that the the mother-in-law was like, yeah, he's still going through that phase where he might punch you in the stomach. Yeah, he might be upset and try to. So you're pregnancy for you. So you just stay home, not, we'll have her over in the morning, and then you guys can come in the afternoon, not like, oh, we'll split time or, hey, daughter, love you, but you know, maybe you celebrate just your family. Yeah, you're punching child, can't come to my house without that, or even easier, hubby, you stay home. I'm your family. Am I not your family? No, I'm your family. And I'm also like, we're about to have a child together and that's your family. And if you can't even stay home for this, like what's going to happen? Like what? No, that's horrible. The fact that he said he apologized, and he should have maybe stayed home in hindsight, but then he would not have celebrated Christmas with his family. And they would have definitely been disappointed. Who cares? No. I'm your family. Like that's the thing that, like, you would have celebrated with your family because you would have been home with your wife, with your pregnant wife. What am I? Who is your family? What am I? Chop liver. Like, that's insane. Hi, I'm trying to look and see if there's any other comments. Yeah. Like, what are the people saying? OP. Or what's OP saying? I know. Couple comments from OP. I know for a fact, I'm never spending another Christmas with them ever again, at least not like my husband wants, which is basically the 21st/22nd through the 29th. He was gone for a week. A week? When you're three months pregnant, he takes off for a week to spend time with his family. No. Now, a few is six years old. It's definitely like the adults are all also at fault too, for not six. Trying to correct. Yeah. Correct that behavior. Uh-huh. There's a comment here that's just so sad. OP says, "I'm more lonely when I'm with his family than alone." I bet. Rarely feel lonely when I'm alone, then I think you're going to be better off alone. I think you're going to have a really much better time just being alone, like actually alone. OP says, "I will admit, I've never been good with talking about feelings, but I need to be better with my baby on the way." Yeah. And that's like literally the first story too. It's like, you just got to talk about how you feel. I know. I know. You're never going to trust your child if they go over to that family's house because if the six-year-old already punched you, I would always be paranoid that the six-year-old was going to really, really hurt my baby. Yeah. And I would never, ever want my kid alone, but it sounds like the whole family is prioritizing that kid. There is a comment here, and it's only got 12 upvotes, but OP does respond to it. Your husband seems traumatized by his own family, constantly anxious to be put in the middle, and having difficulties navigating the situation and being fully on your side, was he the mediator of the family? Does he show people pleasing tendencies? I think he is very scared you will leave him. And you are probably the only good thing he has. The others are his toxic family that he cannot shake. You guys should talk openly. Definitely low to no contact with the family. If your family is to have any chance of a chance to a happy future, he should get therapy to loosen the ameshment with his family. But if he is open and not resisting, I also think you might be better off on your own. Good luck to you both. And meshment's a good word. I think that is the word for it. He's clearly like two and meshed in his family. I mean, the undying loyalty, even when they say and do horrible things, kind of fits into that. But OP does respond and says he is the black sheep of the family for sure. That's why I've been patient and understanding because I know the feeling of neglect and not being someone's priority, but my patience is running out fast with the pace of the arrival of my baby. I suddenly have more important matters to be understanding of. My baby is not chosen to be born. I feel already a lot of pain for them. Yeah. I will be honest, I've been contemplating leaving my marriage, even though I love my husband very deeply, especially after I realized how good it felt to spend the holidays on my own terms. But then I thought divorce means I have no control over my child's exposure to his extended family. I can't have that on my conscience. I can't have them have access to my child whenever it is time for his custody. I believe that staying is my best option, especially since I have lots of love for the father of my child. And I guess he loves me too in his own way. That's going to be so scary as a parent if you're splitting custody. I have a friend who's going through this right now when you're splitting custody and you just send the kid, your baby, your everything into whatever chaos is happening at the other parent's place or the other family's place and no control over that because it's not your designated time. So I feel like I do understand that thought process of her of like, well, I don't want to drop my child off at this family's and they can just say whatever or do whatever or that six-year-old can just be around, punch and hit like, yeah, that is also really horrifying and really scary. And it's a very real fear. It happens. It does. Like I went through it. I'd get dropped off at my bio dad's place and alcohol was involved and I'd get screamed at, like, chaste. Like, Jerry's not your real dad. Like, I mean, I like feel like I'm like, I relate so much so it's like, yeah, that is absolutely a real valid fear, 100%. And I think it is a lot of times why people are like, you know, I'm in this until my kids 18. And then after that, they're an adult. They choose where they live and who they can see. But maybe I have more control if we're together because I can be the one with the final say. But if we're apart and I just send them with my, how often were you at your bio dad's? It kind of depended. Like, early on, my mom would really like try to make it work and like, wanted me to have a relationship. Yeah. And so he was close when I was baby and then moved further away as I was like 5 to 10. And so I'd go do weekends down there and it just got to a point where it's like, I would cry every time I had to go. I didn't want to go. I was stressed. It was just like horrible. So then she was like, didn't force it. And then it was like, birthdays and Christmas, which was, it was great going through high school. Like you obviously, I think I had like a big abandonment wound and like a lot of issues. And then like, I had a little sister and I was like, why is he a good dad for her and not for me? So like you're still a kid. You'll still go through those very normal things. But in the long term, now 2020, like being passed in, having all this hindsight, I'm like, so thankful that it did go the way it did versus 50/50 split custody. Yeah. Yeah. How long do you think it took you to kind of come to terms with the way that it all went down? I honestly don't think I did until like recent years. Like maybe I'd be curious to like listen to old episodes of me talking about stuff on the podcast and like what like angle I take to address similar stories that I can relate to. But I honestly think, especially in the past like three years and like when I was wedding planning and like realizing like something big, like who do I want to walk me down the aisle and who deserves that honor. And like I would say honestly, like that really helped kind of facilitate a lot of thought and like processing of things too. Yeah. But yeah, recent years at least in the last five. It's about 32. I know. I mean, it's the shit sticks with you. It's definitely something I think about a lot now having a kid is, oh my gosh, these things really do stick with people their entire lives. Yeah. And it's just like, it's so crazy. It's like, and what you remember too based on like the stress of a moment or how crazy it was. Oh, I had to remember that, but I don't, I don't remember getting to my puppy. Like, you know what I mean? Don't they say that too about like most things in like you remember the most stressful or like the most emotional parts that's kind of when your brain locks in and forms core memories. So it's unfortunate that the more stressful things are the ones that form us as people then maybe the more happy ones. I know. Yeah. It's crazy. Wow. But couldn't like wouldn't change a thing. You know what all led me to this, it gives me like experience to have, but I'm like, for this person, I'm like, I do 100% see where they're coming from. And I think they've got a really good head on their shoulder. Well, it sounds like it to where they'll figure it out. They're very aware of themselves. They know that they're happier not being with that family. They know they're happier when they're alone. Yeah. Just trust yourself in this trust yourself. And there's, you know, there's almost 9,000 uploads on this right now, 8.7K. And OP does respond to quite a few comments, like when the baby is born, start your own tradition of just the three of you for Christmas, sounds like your husband could do with a break too. What's his family going to do? Be even more fucking awful. They're already there. Yeah. And OP is like, definitely the best suggestion I've gotten here from many. That's what's going to happen. Yeah. That there's maybe a path forward with the three of them as a family. He's got to get on board. But he has to get on board. Definitely like in measurement therapy, for sure. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I kind of read what OP responded to someone does comment, the kid punching pregnant women? Yes. I should mark it over that. And someone responds down, it's a phase, the homicidal psychophase. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Oh, my son, you know, he's in his homicidal phase. It'll pass by seven. Like what? Someone responds, I've heard of a biting phase, but never in my life have I heard of a kid with a punch everyone in the bread basket as hard as you can phase. Yes. The kids should stay home. - Well, also, I mean, just as someone who, I have personal experience, I guess, with someone that I know whose younger brother was always told, it was a phase, it was a phase. And then the older he got and the bigger he got and the stronger he got, this was definitely not a phase. This was who he was as a person, but because all of his behavior was explained away and forgiven as a child, he never got the actual help that he needed. - Damn. - And that can have really disastrous consequences. - Absolutely. - That's a really good point. Also, the biting phase, that is crazy that that's a phase in the hitting, just like the hitting in the face phase. - The toddlers do. - What do you do with the biting phase? - Oh, if they bite you. - I've seen a Reddit post where this person had a nephew. I haven't read it yet on the pod. Maybe I should whip it out someday. - Yeah. - But they were like, I put hot sauce on my arm because my little cousin wouldn't stop biting me and the family was doing nothing about it. - Yeah. - So I put hot sauce on my arm. - I would say if you're the one being bitten and it's not your kid and you don't want them to bite you anymore, that's totally fine because the hot sauce isn't going to kill them and it's definitely going to have a negative association with biting my cousin. - I'm like, what? I need to know because I'm like, you just like, you don't know what you're going to do when you're a parent. Like, do the books talk about biting? Do they talk about the biting? The books talk about-- - Do they get there? - We rent a lot of books. - They kind of do. I guess they talk about ways to discipline your children. - Okay. - And they all say something different. It's so impossible to know what the right thing to-- - Crazy too. Like, I'm just going to, when we get to that phase because my baby's nine weeks old, so he doesn't do anything and can't be disciplined because babies-- - No. - Don't understand anything, they're perfect. - They're so good. - But I'm just going to have to read a bunch of studies and be like, what is actually effective? - That's the least damaging. - What is the least damaging? - Most effective. - I know. - Way to deal with this in a way that also like nips the behavior of-- - Yeah. It's something me and my older brother have talked about a lot because we grew up with a style of discipline that is frowned upon these days. - Of course, I think a lot of people will have that experience. - We got spanked. And so he does not spank his kids. He's very gentle parenting vibes. And so it's been really cool to watch how he's just gone the total opposite direction. And it's worked pretty well. His kids are good. - I love that. - So we love that. - Yes. You can have good outcomes with-- - Yeah. - A bunch of different ways of dealing with children. - Absolutely. - Also, every kid is just different. - I know. But if your parent out there and your kid was a bider, went through the biting phase. - Oh yeah, what did you do? - Please let us know. - I was a bider. - Were you? - I was a bider. Yeah, I remember I bit my mom once 'cause I would get really excited. And so my mom came home from work one day and I bit my mom. And I remember-- - You just ran up and chomped her? - She picked me up and I bit her on her shoulder. And it hurt her. 'Cause I was probably like three or four. I was getting strong. - Yeah. - Remember, she put me down immediately, was like stone face, put me down, turned around. And then my dad came and scooped me up and brought me upstairs. And like, I remember sitting on the bed and him being like, we don't bite. - Oh my God. - This isn't gonna happen again. - See, I didn't go through the biting phase. I went through the phase of like, I would go in the fridge and take sticks of butter out of the fridge. I'd bite the butter. I remember a vivid image of like trying to eat a napkin once. - Oh my God. - And then I would take the cat and I would go behind the couch and give her haircuts. - How about are we talking? - Oh, she was hacked. - Wow. - Little sweetheart, her name is sweetheart. She was not looking cute. How did they get you to stop? Or was it a phase? Did you just have to grow out of it? - To her, remember, I'm gonna have to ask. - Yeah, I'm curious. - Like why did I stop giving the cat haircuts? She ran out of hair to cut. I don't know. - Yeah, yeah, right, right. - It was like, I moved on to destroy other things. - Yeah. - Oh my God, I don't know. I went outside more. They put me outside. - Oh, kids, man. - I know, I know. It's just, yeah. - Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours, with flexible all day comfy grip. Just plump, dewy, hydrated skin. That still feels like your skin. Try new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. - Maybe it's Mavily. - You just never know how you're gonna actually have to deal with them. - You never know. But moving on to these ones. We're starting to get a little into the scarier, the scarier side of things. - Ooh, okay. I'm excited. - This is coming from our slash relationship advice. It is 12 days old, titled, "I genuinely think my husband is a psychopath." - Mm. - Whoa. - Hi, everyone. Please, I need help. I'm a 35 female and my husband is 36 male. We've been married for 10 years and have two boys, seven and five. I honestly don't know what to think anymore. About three months ago, my husband started sending me really nasty messages while he was at work. At first, it was just mean comments. Stuff like telling me, "I'm lazy, that I'm a terrible mother, that he regrets marrying me." It was completely out of nowhere. The weird part is that when he would come home from work, he would act completely normal, like nothing happened. He would kiss me, ask me what's for dinner, play with the kids. The first time it happened, I thought maybe he was having a bad day at work, but the messages kept coming. Sometimes he would send them during the day, sometimes late at night if he was working overtime, they got worse too. Saying things like, "I'm useless, that I'm lucky he hasn't left me yet, that no one else would want me." The first few times I confronted him, he acted confused, like genuinely confused. He would say things like, "What messages?" Or, "You must be misunderstanding something." I literally showed him the text on my phone, and he just stared at them and said he didn't send them, claiming that he lost his phone, which he did, but he had a new one and was still texting and calling from that number. I know it sounds ridiculous, but he didn't look guilty. He looked confused, almost scared. I thought maybe he was gaslighting me, but it was such a weird way to do it because he never got angry in person. Finally, about a month ago, I snapped. I showed him a bunch of the messages at once and told him I couldn't keep living like this. I told him if he hated me so much, he should just say it to my face. He kept insisting he didn't send them and said maybe that someone was messing with us. At that point, I was done. I packed my clothes, grabbed the kids, and went to stay with my parents who live in the same city. They were amazing and helped so much and I never felt luckier to have close family. Since then, the messages have continued, same number, same horrible tone, things like running to Mommy's house just proves my point. You're pathetic. You'll come crawling back eventually. I sent him screenshots back to the same number and he still swore again that he wasn't sending them. He was just saying that he lost his phone at work and he had to get a replacement, but he still had the same number. And when he would show me his phone, I didn't see the messages. I just thought he was deleting them though. He said someone must have found the phone and was messaging me. Last week, though, I let the kids stay with him for a couple of weeks since he's still their dad and they miss him. He's still denying everything. Says he never sent those messages and that he thinks someone is still using his old phone. Meanwhile, the text haven't stopped. At this point, I don't even know what to believe anymore. Either he's lying in my face or something really weird is going on. Has anyone ever dealt with something similar? I feel like I'm going insane and I don't know what to believe. We genuinely had the most perfect relationship before all of this. I don't know what to do. I'm scared I'm breaking my family apart for no good reason. But some of the texts have been so horrible. I can't even include them on here. - This is like horror movie, level stuff. - Insane. - This is something that would break me a little bit of I don't know what's real or what's not real, but I think you need to get down to a team mobile store immediately and ask them what's going on with the phone. Is this even possible? I think that would be my first reaction to be like, is this even possible? If you did lose your phone, can someone be texting me on? I don't know if she's being texted on WhatsApp or if it's just like the iPhone messages or what, but I would really need clarity on what is even possible. - Yeah, because with iMessage, you can be logged in from multiple different devices and it will still show from the number. I text on my computer and it still shows normal. - Could be on the computer. - Someone could have found that phone. It's interesting because with iPhone, you can lock the phone as lost or stolen. I'm sure with Android and other devices, you can do the same thing. So why didn't he lock it? You can even, I can remotely wipe my phone that I lost. - Did he not do that? Did he not go to the Genius Bar and have them shut down the other phone properly? - Or like why? - Do you just buy a phone on the internet? - Yeah, or like even for him, it's like, your wife is coming to you being like, why are you sending me this stuff? - She's being harassed. - This is really serious. - Why aren't you going and being like, I need to change my number. - Maybe. - I need to do something. - Did you watch the catfish documentary that like a no-number catfish? - No. - Netflix documentary? - Yes, you did. - You must have. - No. - About the teenage girl that's getting all the text messages? - No, you talked to me about it, but I never watched it. - Oh my gosh, Morgan, you have to watch the things I ask you to watch. - No. (laughing) - You give me so many. I don't know how you find the time to watch all this stuff. I'm just like constantly like turning through documentaries. - If you want reviews and like people talking about the most up-to-date insane documentaries from cruise ship murders to catfish things, go follow Kaylyn on Instagram, like you're on it. You are just, it's your job, you're on it. - Yeah, I do love a shocking documentary. So I don't even want to say too much about this because it is really wild what they figure out, but the top comment mentions it. - Yes, that's what I'm saying. Like it just immediately struck that note or like that chord in my brain, but I won't spoil it anything. But the premise is that this teen girl does start getting a lot of really scary messages. And everyone in her life is really trying to figure out what's going on. But the fact that the husband is just like, I don't know, it wasn't me. And then kind of ignores it is also concerning to me because this is real harassment. Clearly she's feeling like she's going insane. Or she doesn't know what to trust. That can really, really psychologically damage a person. - And also she left the house to go stay where outer sisters are. - Because they're parents, so they're parents. - Yeah, family. - Yeah, as a partner and someone's going through that, if that truly is not you and someone's using your identity to send these hateful messages to your wife, like you gotta help her figure it out. - Like I would want to clear my name. - I know exactly, which kind of makes me wonder if he is doing it. - That's why I'm like what the, like I would want to clear my name. Like this is not me. Like if someone was sending crazy stuff to anyone, my partner, my friends, I would do anything. I would change my number. Just might have it since like the fifth grade. - I would go nuts, but if it is him, 'cause have you dealt with stories like this before, I feel like you're kind of more wrapped up in like the psychology of people. But no, someone who is, I don't know, laying the good guy at home and then going to work and texting horrible things to his own wife, deleting the messages off his phone. So we can come back and be like see it wasn't me. That's some sort of abusive control situation. Or some, I don't even know. If it is him, yeah, no, that's like severe psychological abuse. - Yeah. - It's almost like in more extreme form of like negging to get someone to then like work harder for your approval. - Yeah. - Like to say things like your pathetic, you'll come crawling back eventually. Like some of it was kind of like, are you trying to like keep me under your thumb and like I need to seek your validation more? - Yeah. - But then some of it where it's like running the mommies, just proves my point. I don't know. It's interesting. - Like is he having an affair and the, he logged into his eye phone or like messages on her computer. Now she's sending this hateful stuff as a way to separate them. Or is he trying to like push her to divorce him or is it some sort of like you were saying nagging where I want you to stay with me but I want you to really fight for my affection. So I'm like planting the seed of doubt. What do you think? - Is your gut say if it's him or if it's someone else? - I can't really tell you my gut because we get an update. - Oh, okay, okay. - I don't know how it happens. So I've been like, I've been trying to like, I'm like, I can't, I can't ruin it. Okay. I will say I'm gonna read the top comment after the update and it does give a spoiler for that doc but I will make a very clear spoiler warning so you can skip but okay. Let's get in to the update. I did a lot more research and some comments helped me investigate. I think I know how the messages are happening from multiple devices because we message using WhatsApp after doing some research, it does allow for multiple devices to be connected to the same account. So it is possible someone else could be doing it from his lost phone but overnight the messages didn't slow down. They actually got worse. They weren't just insults anymore. Some of them started to feel like threats. I was terrified. Things about how I would regret leaving and some a lot worse. I barely slept last night because of it. At one point late last night I finally texted back and I said that if the messages didn't stop I was going to the police. I know a lot of people said not to do this but I couldn't take it anymore and I knew that whether it was my husband or not the person doing this would at least see it. I know I made a lot of people angry that I just couldn't make up my mind on what to do but here's your reminder, this is my husband. The man I loved unconditionally for over 10 years. Dumping him and blocking him out of nowhere isn't an option. We built a family and a life together. My life isn't a movie. I can't just cut the last 10 years out like many of you insinuated as well as calling me a liar, an attention seeker and pointing out every mistake I made. I know I posted online for help and I need to accept some hate but if you're sometimes people on Reddit can just go too far and I really saw that over the last day. Please think of the harm you caused when you leave a comment. This isn't just social media, it's my current real life and I know many of you that wrote these probably wouldn't say it to my face. Now the messages didn't stop. If anything, they got more aggressive. At that point I was convinced it had to be him and I decided to be true to my word and I actually went to the police station. I saw some comments about being able to track a device to a small location and you can ask for that. If you have the information about the phone, which I got from my husband and are on the phone plan, which I am on. The worst thing about all of this is that me contacting him about the kids and any information also went to whoever was sending the horrible messages. I was terrified about putting them in danger and maybe making who was doing this more angry. So I knew it was urgent to get help. At the station, they were able to track the missing phone. I claimed it was just lost because at the time I didn't know if I was going to file charges because it was my husband's phone. They actually gave me the location and the officer who helped was very nice. The address was very familiar and quite close to our house. So I decided to drive past to see where it was from. Turns out I had been to one of my husband's workplace parties there and the coworker that lives there, I'm actually quite close to. I was angry and honestly just exhausted from it all. The kids were with him, so I went over early to pick them up before he expected me. My mom came with me because I didn't want to go alone to took the boys so I could talk to him privately. I told him I knew one of his coworkers had his old phone and how I was disgusted that she was ever someone I considered a friend. By this point, I was absolutely breaking down. When I told him this, he just looked shocked. So I asked why was his phone at her house? - Yeah. - And how did she know your password? He just said maybe she took it from work and I don't know how she knew. But after reading some comments, I was done with these playing it down excuses. The answer didn't sit right with me at all. Something about the whole situation felt off. The messages had been too personal. Whoever was sending them new things that only someone very close to us would have known. So I pushed harder. It turns out the coworker, 30 female, wasn't just a coworker. There it is. She had been having an affair with my husband for over a year. - Oh my God. - He tried to claim it wasn't serious, but I was sick of him making me feel like I was overreacting. I know people said this was a possibility, but I could just never bring myself to believe it. I've never felt so betrayed. Everything made sense. She knew details about our relationship, our house, our routine, the kids, things that would be impossible for a stranger to know. All because my husband was telling her everything. I don't know exactly how she ended up with his old phone. He claims he lost it at work and thinks that she took it. I honestly don't know what to believe anymore. All I know is that the messages kept coming from that device and they just kept getting worse. Who knows how far she would have gone? Apparently, my husband lost his phone and whoever kept using it. Meanwhile, he'd gotten a replacement phone, but the old phone was still logged into WhatsApp. So technically, both phones were tied to the same account. And I didn't even realize WhatsApp wasn't the same as messages and things like this can happen. Part of me thinks there's no way he didn't realize the messages were constant. It's hard for me to believe he was completely unaware of what she was doing. Maybe I'm wrong, but trust in him is completely gone. At this point, I've officially decided to start the process for filing for divorce. This isn't the man I thought I married. And after everything that's happened, I don't feel safe around him anymore. For now, I'm staying with my parents with the kids. I don't trust him around them right now. And he has seemed accepting over this because of the affair and he still has to work. The fact that someone who smiled in my face sat in our home and acted like my friend was secretly involved with my husband for over a year and then spent time tormenting me pretending to be him is honestly one of the most disturbing things I've ever experienced. And I still can't even wrap my head around it. I still have this horrible. feeling that there's more to the story than either of them is admitting. All I know is that I've lost all trust for him and no amount of counseling could change that. We are done. Thank you all so much for the help. I'm genuinely scared what I would have done if I didn't reach out because I never expected this from him. I don't know if there will be another update. I have a lot of recovering to do. I feel like I just lost over 10 years of my life to a lie of a man and I need to get used to the idea of starting fresh. I'm so grateful to have my family and knowing they will be here to support me and the boys through this is the only thing that brings me comfort. There's obviously still a lot more I have to sort out, but I'm safe now. I just want to put the safety of me and the boys first. This will be my final update. Thank you all so much. I had a feeling. It was something like that. How did you know? I don't know. I think you literally, I just watched the wheels turn and you just like, you just, you literally clocked it to a tee. Yeah. Well, I was like, who would be sending those kinds of messages? Well, there is that one true crime case and I'm going to absolutely butcher it, but I can Google. Do you know what I'm talking about? What is it about? Oh, my gosh. Let me describe it to you. My brain doesn't work anymore since I had a child, but one woman was getting really hateful messages. And I believe that, oh, my gosh, he was like a cop and he was dating two women and one of them killed the other one, but she was getting really scary messages. And there's like a huge twist to it and I don't remember what the twist was at this point. She went on one date, one date, and then bombarded him with 65,000 text messages. Yes. Yes. You think you've had a bad date? I'm pretty sure I went nothing like this. A Phoenix man went on a date, one date with a woman he met online, didn't go well. Not only was there a threat, but she blocked him 65,000 text messages. Yes. Insane. Yes. And so, basically, I was just trying to think of like, who would have been sending those kinds of messages if it wasn't him? Yeah. And it would be someone who didn't want them together and I think the most obvious person is in a fair partner. And a fair partner. Well, it's interesting, too, because she tried to make it look like it was still potentially him. Yeah. Which is kind of like, as an a fair partner, all she had to do is tell her, hey, your husband's having an affair for a year with me. I think. And she probably still would have been done. Yeah. But the fact that she did it this way, it's almost like she did it this way because maybe she knew he was too dumb to figure it out or do anything to stop it. But then it's like, well, he wouldn't be mad at me because she left you because she thought you were sending these messages. It's almost like that plausible deniability in it all where it's like, well, you still love me, right? Or I wonder if she was afraid that if even if she told the wife, hey, your husband's having an affair with me, well, yeah, then the husband would be mad at her and maybe would break things off. Break things off her. Improved my entire life over this affair we've been having. And so maybe that's why, yeah, maybe she was trying to push the wife to divorce the wife. Push the wife. Like, I don't trust you. You're sending me these messages. I know it's you. Yeah. And he, in his head, I just lost my phone at work. I don't know what this is. Yes. You're not going to believe me. Well, fine. Doesn't matter. I got this other woman. Yeah. We can get divorced and I can actually go start a life with this other woman is probably like that woman was thinking. Yeah. I think that's exactly what she was thinking. Yeah. Diabolical. So diabolical. Diabolical. But now that woman, I wonder if that woman's going to get what she wants though because the original wife is now filing for divorce. Don. I hate stories like this. If the husband goes and ends up just like being with this woman. I mean, now that he knows. Yeah. Hopefully, hopefully he's not this scummy with someone like that, but that's so scary. I mean, one of the scariest parts about the whole story too is just the idea that, yeah, your husband's having an affair is a physical thing like that sucks to hear about. But he is telling this woman everything about your children, intimate details of your life, intimate details about your life. She's starting to feel maybe like parasocial with your kids because she knows so much about them. Oh, no, she's probably seen your kids and planning how she's going to be their new mommy. Oh, that just makes my blood boil that that is such a violation. All of it's a violation. But that there's something specifically about that of like, you know all of these intimate details about my life now. It makes me sick. It's really, really upsetting. It's crazy. I'm glad she went and talked to a professional on how phones work though because you're just going to keep getting lied to you. No, I know. You have to go actually figure out how the phones work. Well, and iPhones can do that too. You can be logged in on multiple devices. I've had multiple phones because I had a THT iPhone and then my phone. It's a common thing, but what's app is it's interesting. So, I'm so glad she went in and talked to the police. Have you ever had anyone like get your number or anything or just, I don't know, text pretending to be someone else? I get a lot of scam texts now, just like, this is the post office. Please pay for a package. Hi, this is Veronica. Nice meeting you the other day. I get that type of passage all the toll roads, the toll road scam. What's that one? Oh, they'll tell you you have an unpaid toll. Oh. And I'm like, no, I don't. I have a fast pass, bitch. Yeah, but they just assume people are going to click that link and you can't click and then you get fished. And then you get fished. Yeah. It's crazy. I just hate this one. It's crazy these days. It is. It's really scary. Everyone needs to start talking about the scams though. So, if we talk about the scams and what to look out for, then we know more about the scams and don't fall for them. Yeah, I got scam insurance. This was back because I left a job in California. We have Cobra. So Cobra reaches out to you once you lose a job, leave a job, whatever to extend your insurance. And somewhere in between like calling Cobra, setting this up like a scam company called me and realized because they must have like bought some sort of list, list of people who are eligible for Cobra. And I didn't even realize because you're just talking on the phone so much and like numbers are calling you and they're saying they're from Cobra. So this one number had slipped in in the middle of me processing my insurance or like I guess in between calls or something. They called me. I got up for the insurance with them and it was so fast and I felt like such an idiot. I was like, how could I not have caught this? And I called when I finally was getting real insurance, I called Blue Shield to and I told them what happened. I was like, I got scammed. And the guy working there was like, I just started at this job and actually I just got scammed even applying for jobs. He's like, I feel you so much on this like, don't worry about it. You're not an idiot. Oh my God. First of all, within insurance, we get a lot of people calling saying they got scammed, but he was like, I fully like interviewed online with a scam company. They gave me a scam job and I sent them my information and they stole like a thousand bucks from me. And I was like, you're joking. And he's like, yeah, it's really scary out there. I was. Oh my God. But I think more people are age are getting scammed than would maybe admit like, I don't know. I've heard so many stories and they're getting smarter. They are. It's not just our parents or like people. We'll be off these with getting scammed. I know. I keep seeing a lot of people post on Reddit about how their parents are falling victim to the scam where like a celebrity will message them. Oh, my mom has a friend that's out $10,000 because she's in a relationship with Johnny Depp online. Yeah. No. She lives in Florida somewhere and apparently Johnny Depp has been messaging her. Literally. I like saw someone. They're like, my mom thinks she's dating Brad Pitt and has sent him like 40k. Why is Brad Pitt asking you for money? The same way that like when we were little, our parents would say like adults never ask kids for directions. That's not. I'm like celebrities. Don't ask moms in the middle of Florida for money. $40,000. Why? Come on. I know. But like, you can talk to your parents like the one person on the subreddit was like, my mom is very aware. She like knows about all these other scams and blah, blah, blah, blah, but yet like she genuinely believes this. And I'm like, have you had to have like the AI conversation with your, I'll get like talks from my mom that are clearly AI and I tell her like, hey, just so you know this is in a real video. This is an AI little girl. And she goes, you're taking the fun out of it. She's mad at me for telling her it's AI. Honestly, I just saw a video where people are like, AI is going to actually make people not want to be online anymore because it's such. You don't know what to believe. And a lot of it's garbage. And so I'm like, I'm kind of excited about that potential because whatever a return to the earth, a return to to grass a little bit. Yeah. For me, like, it's so hard to decipher. Like even me, I'm online a lot like that one bunny video with the bunnies bouncing on the trampoline. Did it get you? It got me. Yeah. A lot of them do. And it's it's scary. And so I even think like it's ridiculous. Like I saw this one person. It was like a TikTok sponsored ad. And they were like, this isn't even me recording a podcast. It's actually AI. And I'm like, why would you put your why you put yourself out of a job? I know. What are you doing? I know. So rest assured, I will never replicate or duplicate myself using technology. I'm always sitting in this chair. I know. It's insane. Yeah, I wonder with now my son, if he's going to grow up in a world where when he opens his phone, he's like, this is the fake place like this is the place where nothing is real. And maybe that's healthier in a way because now we, you know, you open your phone and you're reading stuff. You just say, it's real. You go on Reddit or you go on YouTube and like the videos you see. You assume that they're real, but maybe one day there's going to be kind of a flipping point where just, you just assume everything you see on your phone is fake. Yeah, that's kind of, I'm like, it's, it's sad, but I'm like, I'm already getting there. Yeah. Part of getting there. It's definitely heading in that direction. It's insane. Speaking about phones and videos, I've got another doozy for us. All right. Let's do it. I've got a doozy. Please have all kind of a doozy. All of them. All of them. I will read, okay, here's the spoiler, okay? If you don't want it, the spoiler on that Netflix doc, because I'm going to read the top comment. So if you don't want it, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, top comment on that one with 6K upvotes. reminds me of that Netflix documentary, where the mom was sending texts to bully the daughter, but they didn't know it was her. Next comment. Oh my God, exactly. She was bullying the daughter and then comforting her and pretending to care. That was like the top comment before we got an update. - No, that's exactly what I was thinking about. Which, so the documentary poises it to be like, oh, the mom was doing this to the daughter so the daughter would need her more, but you know what, they left out of the documentary more again. How much the mom was obsessed with the daughter's boyfriend, who was the one who was right that the texts were initially saying, like, your boyfriend doesn't care about you. He hates you, blah, blah. He's with me. I'm giving him a blowjob right now. This is the mom texting the daughter of this. But if you read the long form article on the cut actually about this case, you realize like the mom was asking, the, I think his name was Owen, the boyfriend. The mom was asking Owen's parents, a 13 year old boy, if she could come to Florida with them for, to go watch his sports tournament. The mom had started coaching his track and field team for no reason. She didn't have a son on the team. She just wanted to coach Owen's team. The mom was like constantly trying to put herself closer to this. - They didn't mention any of that, but they talked about it and the doc, but they briefly mentioned it in the doc, but there's a moment where they interview Owen's mom and Owen's mom says something like, I always felt like Kendra was too obsessed with my son. And then they don't really follow that path a whole lot. - Oh, that's probably the most concerning path you could have followed. - A lot of the parents really believed that the true heart of what the mom was doing was her obsession with this team boy, not her desire to get closer to her daughter. 'Cause she texted her daughter thousands of times, kill yourself. You don't do that when you need your daughter to rely on you. You don't like, you know, it's just so unhinged. - I hope she like emancipated herself and like does not talk to her mom anymore. - It's sad in the documentary. You really see the daughter get closer to her mom after that because, I mean, she's 17 years old, but you know that by the end of this all coming out and what do you do when it's your parent and you've been lied to and you don't even know what's real and what's not? And I don't know if things have changed 'cause the daughter's even older now. - Yeah, hopefully, hopefully she like, I mean, you would need some insane therapy after that. - Oh my God, absolutely. - Hopefully she is following that and getting therapy and wow. Okay, now I'm gonna watch it. - No, you've got me convinced. - You have to. I mean, even though you know the spoiler now, it's still worth it. - I know it's a scene. - That type of dynamic. - I just want to see how she like tries to like genuinely be like, I was doing it because I want to be. I like, I want to see it. - Yeah, you want to see it. - They interview her and the documentary, they, she tells her side of the story. It's worth it to watch for that. - Oh my God. - But then read the article too, so you get like the full full scope. - Yeah, I'm just like, I'm sitting here, I'm. - Meet new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. - Maybe it's Mavily. Mine blown and this next one, it's got me a little mine blown too. So this is coming from our slash off my chest, two weeks old right now and it's titled, I sent a video that ruined my husband's life in college. My husband and I started dating in college. At the time, he was in a frat that was pretty intense, but I really didn't know the extent of what went on in there at first. They were always sus about things and had a bad rep slash people gossiping about them, but I assumed it was typical frat stuff. One night during pledging season, he came over with a couple of friends also in the frat and they started talking about something that happened with one of the new guys. They were all hammered and passing a phone around, watching a video. I asked what was going on and one of them showed it to me. It was a pledge sitting on the floor with a bunch of brothers yelling at him to keep drinking. I'm talking like chugging bottle after bottle and he was already clearly already out of it. I recognized my husband, then boyfriend's voice, as being one of the main guys in the video, the one doing the yelling and it made my stomach drop. The next day, I found out that the kid ended up in the hospital after someone found him lying outside. It got really serious. He was very sick. I remember sitting in my dorm, feeling sick thinking about it. A few days later, someone in the group chat sent the video again and they were trying to do damage control. I don't even remember why I saved it, but I did. I stared at it for a while and I went back and forth on what to do. I ended up anonymously sending it to the school's public safety email and also to the kid's parents on Facebook Messenger after some research. I made a fake account and I didn't associate it with my name anywhere. I remember shaking the whole time and for good reason because everything blew up after that. The school started an investigation. The video got around, became a big scandal and a bunch of guys got in trouble. My husband got expelled and the frat shut down. He was devastated and furious. Nothing came of it legally. The kid didn't want to press charges, slash one talk and no one else's face was shown so I guess there wasn't enough proof. To this day, my husband is still bitter and talks about how someone snitched and ruined his life. He always says that if he ever found out who leaked the video, he would destroy them. He thinks it was one of the pledges standing up for their friend and has never suspected me. And yes, we actually stayed together after all of that which probably sounds crazy. I don't know if it was my guilty conscience or what made me stay with him. But he comes from a rich family. So at least financially, his life really didn't fall apart in the way it could have. His parents set him up with different opportunities from their connections over the years. Still, he was never able to graduate college or get the kind of job that he had hoped for. The whole thing followed him around for a long time. We're married with kids now and it's been years. But every once in a while, the topic comes up again. Usually when we hear about a hazing story in the news, he'll go on a tangent about how someone betrayed him and how much he hates the person. I just sit there quietly. But being a mom myself now, my mind thinks about the kid on the floor, barely conscious with everyone laughing and keeping on forcing beers on him. If I hadn't sent the video, nothing probably would have happened. I stand by it. And if I could go back, I would do it again. And I know one thing for sure, our sons will never be allowed to join a frat. I'm so glad she sent the video to public safety and to that kid's parents. But I do fear that there's also something deeply wrong with her as well. Because you married this person after you know that he's capable of that. And he, like I wonder if there's some sort of dynamic where she likes that she has control or that. Yeah, oh, I have this secret where I ruined your life and I'm always going to have that over you. But also like, fuck this guy. Hazing is horrible, horrible. I'd like to say that it's better now than it has been, but I don't think that's the case. I don't know how it has. I think it's always been bad. And anyone who has that deep inside of them, that darkness that can be brought out to do that to another kid is just like so upsetting. Yeah. And you're bordering on like genuinely like a true crime kind of like behavior. There's so many cases where kids have died. There was a, even in California, there were two girls in a sorority that were, I want to say handcuffed to each other and then walked out into the sea and then they drowned. Because what do you think happens when you tie two people together and put them in the ocean? They die. No, this is horrific. And it's all in the name of sisterhood or brotherhood, whatever, no. They wouldn't do this to you. No. I was in sorority. We did not, I did not have any hazing. There was no hazing in my sorority. No, same. They were really. We were in the same one with me. Kappa? Nope, nope. I was off of me. Oh my gosh. Yeah, the little bears. The little bears? Yeah, there were really strict rules at my school about hazing and kids still got around it, figured out ways to do it to each other. But one fraternity even got kicked off of campus when I was at school for some really bad stuff that went down. It's insane. Yeah, your friends will not torture you and put you through stuff like this. Like it's insane. But yeah, I'm like, she's definitely. Like there's some cognitive disconnect here to be like, "I'm so happy I sent the video." 'Cause he's such a horrible person. But also I'm gonna marry you and have children with you. And I'm always gonna know that I'm the one that sent the video. And again, I'm very glad she did that. I think everyone involved should have gotten in trouble. I'm sad that the kid didn't press charges, but ultimately that was up to him. Totally get that. But interesting that you married him. What is that? I know you have children. Like how are you that disconnected? I know that's. I'm just thinking that there's something going on there. I don't know about that because. I don't know. I'm worried for your children. Literally, same. And the top comment is very curious as well. The top comment, 750 upvotes. I wanna know the story of why? Slash, how you married him after knowing this. Okay, I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking that. Someone goes, "He's rich and she's a gold digger." I mean, she did bring up his mouth. She mentioned, definitely. She mentioned it. But also he's now not able to get the jobs that he wanted to get 'cause he didn't finish his degree. And like, I think there's more to it than that. I mean, there is a comment from OP in response to the top comment. He did a huge public proposal at his birthday party with his whole family watching, so it kind of just froze and said yes. Probably on purpose, because he knew I wouldn't say no, like that. I have felt numb inside ever since. I'm not gonna feel bad for you. I don't know, I just, we have a lot more choices in life than just, oh, it was so public that I said yes and now I'm still, still married to him and also decided to have kids with him. Like, it just feels like you're not taking any accountability for any of this. No, and it doesn't show any growth on his part if he's still festering on this, so it's like, you can't even say he's grown up, he's different, he's a better person. He's still actively like, if I find out who it is. Yes, he's not sad that he hurt a kid and almost led to that person's death. He's mad that he got caught. That is a deep-seated behavior that I think gets mapped onto a bunch of different behaviors in your life, or like a bunch of different things that you do in your life, right? You just are mad when you get caught. You're not upset that you actually did something horrible. And yeah, he's still that person. And you have more agency in your life this poster than I think you're like willing to admit. I completely agree. The comment that kind of stands out speaking to that too is like one from this person that says, your husband is a monster. And I say is not was because the only response or reflection on the incident from him has been rage. Yeah, definitely, definitely. I definitely agree with that. No growth, like you said. No, I'm like, OP has another comment here in response to someone where OP says, I don't feel bad for him now. I think what he did is disgusting. I used to stupidly have a guilty conscience and that is what got me stuck with him. But I'm playing the long game and I have a plan if it ever comes out. See, that doesn't happen again. No, I know, but that's what I'm saying. Like, I'm playing the long game. There is something here. There's something she's working towards or sort of manipulation, kink that she has. I don't know. Do you watch that show on Hulu? Tell me lies. No, I haven't. I'm not caught up on it. I'm like, is this giving Stephen and Lucy? Like, what are we dealing with here? Oh, like what are they both just like mentally unhinged? I think so. I have. I think there's land if it ever comes out. Maybe something more to what does that mean? Also, what's your plan? What's your plan? Did you ever say in the comments? A lot of people are asking, like, why would you even mention the richness? Yeah, exactly. And I thought his family being rich was important context because it shows how rich kids get away with things like this. It's a burner account. People are saying I'm already saying too much with the story alone. So I'm not trying to give any more details. I'm not defending him. Read my other comments. I appreciate your concern, but I'm not going to delete my post. I'm tired of holding it in and a part of me doesn't care anymore if he finds out. I think he deserves the pain of finding out that it was someone he loves who was a traitor to him. He may have gotten off easy on this, but if he were to try anything on me, he wouldn't. Yeah, okay. So it's also about the long game of, no, I want him to know that his entire life has been a lie and that his wife was one that did it. And that betrayal will be the punishment. The kids were unintentional. I'm not really attracted in my husband at all because of what he did and would choose not to sleep with him. But I have to keep the act up. Girl, get a hobby, a little bit. Do you agree that like, you're wasting a lot of time on this? He does not know. He is not being punished. It's only if he would ever find out. So let that day be today. Also, he got his belts. There was at least some punishment to it. Like, it's not up to you to be the judge jury, the judge executioner on this one. Yes. Yeah, get out of there. Just leave and go live your life, you know? What the fuck? This is really unhidden. I didn't get into the comments. I didn't think this was going to go exactly where it went. It went there. Wow. It went there. I'm playing the long game. Oh my goodness. Just get divorced. Yeah. Get that alimony. Just get out of there. Get out of there. Wow. Wow. Is right. And what are she is going to update this ever if she goes through with her entire plan? I hope so. I'm going to start following the account. We'll see. Yeah. Get those updates. We'll see. I did message a couple of the people today asking for updates. So I sat over here. I'm like, please let me know how that went. Do people ever respond to you with the updates that way? Yeah. Very interesting. I saw your one about the cheese. The cheese. I know how disappointing. Incinerated. But what did they say? It was like an act of vengeance and act of someone sabotage them by burning all the cheese. I'm like, what do you mean? What's going on there? The Department of Health sabotaged you. Yeah. You're like a legal cheese operation. I know. And I really wanted that cheese. Can anyone in Canada send me cheese? I had some comments that people were like, I live near the Oxford County cheese trail. No way. Send me cheese. Someone said, I live in cheese capital in Wisconsin. Send me cheese. That would be easier. I do wonder if there's going to be issues sending cheese. These cross borders. Yeah. And I know you can't send fruit. I got stopped by one of the dogs in the airport once. Really? They sniffed me out. And what do you have on you? I had a sandwich from Joe and the juice that had a tomato in it. And you cannot bring fruit into the country. So that beagle sniffed out that tomato. Can you even bring a slice of tomato on a sandwich you bought in the airport? You cannot. No. I did not know that. And then they said, do you have any other items in your bag? And I said, no. And then they put my stuff through this crazy X-ray machine, different X-ray than normal TSA. It was nuts. Yeah. And they found a banana. And then I got even more trouble. Oh my gosh. But I forgot. My mother-in-law just came and visited. And she said they didn't even ask her to, you can bring liquids on planes again. Like everyone was bringing their water bottles. And she dumped hers out and they're like, oh, you don't have to do that anymore. That seems crazy. Which, yeah, I didn't realize. It's either a new rule that just got in place or I don't know. Huh. Yeah. Interesting. So interesting. So interesting you couldn't even bring a tomato. Another bring in full water bottles. Tomato. Unfair. Apparently bugs can harbor in them and then hatch. And I'm like, I sure hope not. Because I just ate that. Yeah. Because I'm eating this one. I ate that. Please tell me that. Okay. Going on to this next one. This one is coming actually from the Let's Not Meat subreddit. Good. Buckle up. Buckle up. It's titled Am I overreacting or is my mailman creepy? I 23 female live alone in a decently nice apartment in a nice neighborhood for two years now. For the most part, the mail gets delivered to the mailboxes at the front entrance of the building. Occasionally, packages are delivered straight to the apartment doors and it's pretty convenient. Well, about a year ago, I was home from work during the day because I took the afternoon off to go to a doctor's appointment. The doorbell rang and I have a ring camera. I saw it was the mailman, so I answered. I have this whole exchange on video. He was maybe in his 30s white, short 55-ish, very large glasses really disheveled then hair. I opened the door, smiled and said thanks so much and went to take the package. He stopped and stared at me like something was wrong. So I was like, oh, did you need to take a picture of the delivery or something? And to my surprise, he said, quote, I know you, I've seen you before. And you can see on the camera, my face changes. My body demeanor gets uncomfortable and I kind of move behind the door. I said, quote, I'm sorry, I don't think we've met. I went to shut the door, but he raises his voice and takes a step forward and said, quote, I've seen your name on your mail. I found you on Instagram. You're not allowed to do that, but continue. My face went white and I froze. I said, me? I was kind of like a deer in headlights. He said, yeah, you are a person of interest on Instagram for me. Your account was private, but you're pretty. I said thanks and slammed the door, locking it quickly. I was happy to know I caught the whole thing on video. I showed it to my then boyfriend who agreed it was weird. A few days later on Saturday, he's back at my door. He rained the bell about 10 times, waiting a few minutes, just staring. Answered him through the doorbell and I said, hi, you can just leave any mail, thanks. What he said next made me shake. He said, quote, I actually don't have any mail for you today. I just wanted to say hi. Can I come in for a glass of water? I decided to just not answer. To be honest, I didn't know what to say. But then about two weeks go by. My then boyfriend stayed the night and I slept in. I left early for work. I get a call around 10.30 from my boyfriend saying I won't believe what just happened and to check the camera. I do. The mailman came. He rained the bell a few times and my boyfriend answered the door. The mailman took a step back and my boyfriend stood for a moment and they stared at each other. He realized the mailman didn't have anything in his hands. He said, can I help you? And the mailman said, quote, where's the small girl who lives here? I'm pretty petite, five feet, 100 pounds. My boyfriend was stunned and said, quote, I live here too. From now on, leave our packages downstairs and slammed the door. I was really happy he said that because truthfully, he didn't live there with me full time, maybe two nights a week. [BLANK_AUDIO] to work. I didn't see the mailman again at all, actually. But then my boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago. I completely forgot about the mailman until today. I was entering my building when he was exiting at the same time. He stared at me and I went to walk by. He turned to walk after me and said, "Hey, I haven't seen that guy in a while who used to live with you. Did he move out? I panicked and walked faster, grabbing my keys, but I lied and I said, "Oh, he's around." And as I entered, I quickly said, "Hey, honey, I'm home and I slammed my door fast. I don't know why I lied, but something told me to make it clear that I wasn't alone. Am I being dramatic or mean or is he creepy?" "He's creepy. You're not being dramatic." "Ah, that is so creepy. And unfortunately, he does know where you live. That's the worst part. That was literally my thought that he came to your house and to come afterwards too and be like, "Oh, I actually don't have mail for you. I just wanted to show up at your place and see if you're around." "Can I come inside?" "Can I come in for a glass of water? Help. I need water. So thirsty." "No." "That's really scary. I mean, I guess you can report that person." "You should." "I would hope that they would take him off of your route." "It's already too far past because he doesn't know where you live, so even if he's taken off your route, you can just still come to your house or your apartment, but I would hope that they'd be able to take him off that route." "Yeah, they absolutely should. And then if he did come back, then you have this, oh no, he's stalking me and you can get a restraining order, a protective order, whatever it is because then there's no plausible reason for him to be there." "No, I know." "There's no reason. He's not the mailman anymore." "I know." "Oh, I used to get so scared in college, right? There were so many people that would knock door to door and sell baseball tickets or whatever." "Oh, okay." "Which always freaked me out and I lived in a house once and I remember this guy. Yeah, it literally came to the door. I was selling baseball tickets and I was the only one home and I don't know why I answered the front door. He looks like he was kind of my age and it wasn't, it wasn't that creepy, but I remember I closed the doors like that, "No, things I'm not interested left." And then like 20 seconds later, he knocks out the door again. He's like, "Well, actually, I just thought you were really pretty. Can I have your number?" I'm like, "This is not what this is. This interaction is done and you are also on the clock. This is totally unprofessional. It's just kind of weird." And I was like, "And you know where I live and you know that you probably assume that I live here alone or you don't know that I have roommates and this is just now getting really scary." I hate that. Yeah. And it's so hard. I just think like as a woman, like I'm very on edge. I'm very like kind of hyper aware of my surroundings these days. And even something that, like I was at a gas station recently and this person just like kept coming around my car and looking at my car and asking me, "How I liked my car?" And I'm just like, "Yeah, I don't want this." And I'm like, "I'm feeling uncomfortable." I'm like, "Uh, what do they say? Like, be rude." I'm just going to sort of like stay weird. The crime junkie. Yeah. Yeah. Be rude. Stay alive. Stay alive. Something like that. But it kind of is like, yeah, you don't, you almost don't want to come off as too docile in those moments because I worry that they're now sizing you up and being like, "Oh, she isn't like that." Or like, "Interesting. Walking around your car to put an air tag in it." Oh my gosh. That's too. Like the air tag of it all these days. And like, there's so many people on Reddit finding trackers on their cars. Does your phone, because my phone will let me know if there's air pods near you or me following with you. Yeah. Is it the same with trackers? Yeah. It pops up pretty quickly with the air tags. Great. I'm not sure about other ones like tile or other tracking things. Oh, because that's so scary. The fact that you could just like pop it under someone's car. And he was like walking around it, like going looking at the rams. And I'm like, "At your car, where was this?" Literally a gas station in Burbank. I'm like, "Okay, bye." He didn't ask. What did he ask about it? Just like, "How do you like your car?" That's a really nice car walking around. He's like, "He ended up pointed to his truck." He's like, "This is my hog." And I'm like, "Don't care." Yeah. Get me out of here. I was going to fill it up, put 20 bucks in. Bye. Bye. Do you think he's going to please an air tag on it? Or like, what do you think he's doing? I don't know. See, like, and I get, we have the true crime podcast now. Like I'm like, again, you're a little paranoid. Yeah. I'm like, that's just me. I'm like, I'm hyper-vigilant. You shouldn't have to be that way. You don't have to be that way. Don't, don't. In his head, he could have been just being nice, trying to strike up a conversation with a stranger at a gas station. I mean, we wanted to buy your car or something. I don't know. Who knows? Who knows? But it just, I'm alone. I'm like, not feeling the vibe. I got to go. Yeah. Not like I'm going to have a conversation right now. Yeah. I don't want to assume the worst, but it's easy to be made to feel uncomfortable nowadays. Yeah, but I do think sometimes you just catch a vibe with someone. And you're like, I probably shouldn't be here just like talking to this person. Yeah. I even, yeah, my husband has kind of like talked to me about that because I do think, sometimes I will sit and talk to a person and not really think twice about it. Yeah. But there's been times where Matt has been like, hmm, should you have sat with that person? It's funny. So like, actually, it's not necessarily, I know I'm being like so vague. It's not even really about people being creepy, but one time he was like, we were, I was having a conversation with someone and he was like, telling me about how him and his wife were open and they're like, and I had no idea that's what it was. And I told Matt and he was like, they were trying to sleep with you. So like, let me tell you about the situation. I was like, oh, okay. Now I can see the flattered, but like in the moment, I was like, there's no way it just like totally went over my head. I thought they were just like telling me about their lifestyle. And I was like, oh, cool. Interesting. Yeah. Like you're so curious. You're such a curious person. Yes. Yes. I didn't just went over your head. Tell me more. This is so. And he's like, kill him. And you're being a little nightly. You were just trying to sleep with you. Like, it's fine. Just next time. Next time is going to be over. That's what's happening. Yeah. So that's fair. So I guess, yeah, it's less so like, oh, this person was trying to take you. And more like this person was trying to seduce you, I guess, that yeah, called me out on not being aware of. This person though, definitely he's being creepy. Yes. And I think talking to the post people and getting him off the route is a good idea. I think so too. And we get updates. Great. Update. I took everyone's advice. I decided to reach out to the super of my apartment and explain the situation and show him the videos. He said he will implement a new policy that male personnel are not permitted to walk around the complex. Great. Simply go to the designated male room and leave. I also got a large men's work boot to put them outside my door. People were like, grab work boots, men, male looking work boots and put them outside your door. I did have the thought when he was like, oh, does your boyfriend live there? I would have been like, yes, he just got out of prison for murdering male men. And he's back home. And he lives with me now. Really? Yeah. Talk about it. I do like the idea of having like the work boots or just something unfortunately. Okay. So there was that case just around here of the apartment complex where a person had wandered in and they were specifically looking at doors that looked like women lives there. They're looking at the doors with the wreaths and the wreaths. That were nicely curated and clean looking maps. Yeah. So unfortunately, as a woman, it maybe does behoove you to dirty it up a little bit outside and make it look like a real like, I don't know, workman lives there. Yeah, from Goodwill or a thrift store. So said that you have to do that. Walk through a puddle, pop them outside. Just make it really dirty outside. Honestly, down. Yeah. It's like again, the fact that we need to do this. I know. Second update. Wow, I wasn't expecting so many people to care about my story. Thank you, everyone. I took the advice and everyone telling me this isn't acceptable. And I decided to call the postmaster. I sent them the video recordings I had and they assured me they will be looking into the matter as well as assigning a new male man to my route. I also made sure to go down to my local police precinct and file an incident report and they have the videos as well. Thank you, everyone. Also, I'm flattered. So many people are concerned. And I'm getting a lot of requests to post the videos considering I'm in them. And it shows my apartment. And this is still ongoing. I prefer not to post them publicly. Fair. If anyone thinks they have experienced the same thing with him, please DM me and I'll send the videos privately. Just not on a public forum. Which again, I don't know. People online don't, I don't know. I wouldn't send anyone the videos. No, me neither. Well, like, let's take a screen grab of him and send it to them if they think it's the same guy. Yeah, but you just don't want your apartment number and you're already having issues with people coming to your apartment. No, I totally get that. Isn't that crazy, though? Yeah. You're so on it today. The postmaster, man. You knew you knew all this. Change the route. I know. Yeah. Yeah. See, I guess just, you know, call the manager, if you will. Just try to talk to someone who can help you sort this out. And usually it's like their supervisor, whoever's in charge there. But I'm glad she did that. Of course, I would also be nervous about making this person mad. But I think that's just like our instinct sometimes as women, like, ah, don't make the person mad because that's going to make it worse. Like let me just play Kate until it is. Yeah. I mean, because that's not going to help you here. It's now being more talked about where there's everyone has heard fight or flight. That's like so common. But there's also fun, which is kind of that placate someone and freeze. Yeah. And so there's so many different reactions that you can have in these situations. No one is more right or wrong than the other. Yeah. It's scary. Your body, I mean, it's just, it takes over. I feel like fawn and freeze are the only feelings I've ever had in the situations. I've never been in a high stress situation where my instinct was to fight someone or to turn around and run away. I feel like I always just am like frozen in place or I'll try to make the situation better. So no one's upset and then that usually gets me into trouble. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - Yeah. There's only one time where I turned around to try to instantly swing at the person. - Really? - Yeah. - Walking down the street and someone, like, I was wearing a romper and they reached up the romper and grabbed my ass. - No. - And I immediately just turned around. - Good for you. - But they were a lot quicker and we were already like, already up the street. Like. - I'm like, I'm so sorry. - Am I a fucking bitch? - Yeah. - It's just crazy. - I'm so sorry. - But it's like, that's how, like, it can just, I'm like, oh. - Imagine setting your makeup then forgetting. It's even theirs. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all-day comfy grip. - Maybe it's Mavily. - Oh, it's just fucking nuts. - I know. - Yeah. - How am I supposed to hold fast? - Probably paranoid these days. - Yeah, that's true, that's true. - But okay. I've got one last one for us. - Okay, excellent. - It is a ghost scary story. That's real. - Thank goodness. - So if you don't like the ghosts and you don't wanna be scared or if you're listening late at night, goodbye, we shall end here. - Good night. - It's been so great to have you. But I think you're gonna be into the little spooky I got. - I'm excited. - So this is coming from our slash ghosts. And it's five months old. It's titled, "What is that one story?" That not only made you believe in the paranormal, but also sends chills down your spine to this day. And I'm not talking about, I heard something move in the kitchen. I mean something so disturbing. - Love it already. - And I will say like every single comment on this post, like is so believable. And like not like disturbing, disturbing. I'm not gonna go there. So like don't shut us down now if you did give it a chance 'cause it's so good. But I wanna post the link 'cause there's other comments on there from people that I want you guys to read. And maybe I'll post them on Instagram, but I'm only reading the one. So this is a personal experience. I had a friend when I was little. Probably age seven to 10, given how well I remember her. She was older than I was with long brown hair. She always wore the same thing. Black jeans and a red polo shirt. She would just show up and play with me, usually Barbies. We would play together for hours. And then she would tell me she had to go and she would leave. One night when I was 10, I woke up and one of my Barbie dolls was standing on my dresser and her little purple plastic brush was going up and down through her hair. I couldn't see anyone holding it, but I somehow knew it was my friend. I sat up in bed and I sternly told her that I didn't like what she was doing and that she was scaring me. The brush stopped. The Barbie laid down and all was quiet. I laid back down and I went to sleep. I never saw my friend again. I spoke to my parents about it a few years later and while my mom was incredulous, my father confirmed that he had seen her too. But they both told me without question that she was not a real person. Fast forward approximately 10 years and I'm moving out of my childhood home. I'd already been gone for a couple of years but I hadn't actually moved my things out. The day after I had mostly cleaned out my room, my dad called me and said, quote, "I have kind of a weird request for you. Could you come by and tell your friend that you're all right?" I was taking a shower and I saw her walk through the bathroom and then your bedroom door opened. I called out to her but I don't think she listens to me." So I did. I went home and I went to my old bedroom and I could smell her. My room smelled like incense despite none having ever been lit in there. I sat down in the middle of the room and just talked for a while. I told her I wasn't sure if she could hear me that everything was okay and that I had moved into a nice apartment near my new job. I told her about my new job. I told her about how old I was just in case she never knew. I thanked her for being my friend and I told her I was sorry about how our friendship ended that I never forgot her and I found some comfort knowing that she was still there. I told her that my parents were moving soon so I probably wouldn't be back to this house ever. I told her I didn't want her to be lonely that I hoped if she wants to move on she can now. Then I stood up, turned off my light, said goodbye and shut the door. I headed down the hall to tell my dad the deed was done. When all of a sudden my bedroom door clicked back open and I heard a very clear see ya. I turned around to look, decided to leave the door open and I waived. I'm 36 now and I had my daughter last year. One night early in the newborn trenches, I was operating on almost no sleep and just rocking the baby quietly in the dark when I got the urge to talk to her. I introduced my baby out loud and I talked about my birth experience. I told her how old I was now and how I was told I couldn't have children but here we are and I heard her laugh, sigh and whisper like she was trying not to wake the baby. Beautiful. I haven't spoken in her sense but I still think about her. Why am I crying over ghost you guys? Here's the thing is I read that sub all the time so I had read that story. Oh my God. But there's something about being just, I don't know, reading it again. Did you read the top comment on it about the male puzzle? No. Okay, I don't wanna read it 'cause I don't want it to like mess you up. Having a new baby it's like about the loss of a young child. Oh no. And so I was like I'm not doing that today. I don't know if I can do that right now. No, but the top comment on it is like so good. So I'll like read it for a social post and you can go listen to it on Instagram but it's just so insane that like, this is almost like her guardian angel. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I've talked about it on hard times pounding but I have a lot of nurses that listen to the show. Yeah. People who work at hospitals just have the most amazing ghost stories. They all, I feel like have seen paranormal things but a lot of the nurses talk about like when kids pass away or as unfortunate as it is but there's like little kids that have like friends they'll describe being friends with kids that have also been in that hospital but have passed away. Yeah. Like they're all each other's guardian angels and there's something about, I don't know, like was this a little girl that lived in the house before or and that was her friend and now she's older and she's still connected to her. It's really, really beautiful. I know, just insane and like to she followed this person like from one house to another has been quietly sitting there and then like you're in the newborn trenches which I'm sure you can relate to right now just like rocking the baby like, sleep. Yeah. And you just feel this urge and all of a sudden you hear a laugh, a sigh and a whisper. Beautiful. Like what? There is something about and I'm gonna cry. Um, the first few weeks of having a baby I think I just spent a lot of time like I'm crying. But you spend a lot of time thinking about like the people that just aren't there anymore. Like there is something about having a new life where you think about the people that aren't there and to experience it with you too. And I just like have felt them so much. I had an aunt who passed away when I was pregnant and I would texture every single update about the baby. Every single time I got a picture it's ended to her. She wanted to be so involved. And she was older so there's always a chance that they're just not gonna make it to the baby being born. But I guess I never really thought about that. And then one day I got the call that she had passed away and in my mind I was like, no, she's been such a part of this. Every step of the way, what do you mean? She's not here anymore. That's impossible. And she would text me every single month on the 16th because my birthday is February 16th. So she would always say like happy sweet 16 or just like, and that's when we would catch up and stuff. And so like the 16th of every month, I feel like, I don't know, I just like feel her. Like when I'm up late with the baby or I don't know, just I just feel as much with the baby too. Like I know that she was there, that she was, it's not like, oh, she's not gonna be part of this process anymore, like she was even more part of the process after that, you know? It's really special. It's beautiful that you have that connection. Yeah. Did you have you gone anything on the 16th of a month yet? No, I guess there's only been two. He was born on the 14th. So the first 16th was just wild. Because we had just brought him home and I was like, what has even happening? Like they sent me home with this little thing. Yeah, like we talked about that yesterday. The fact that like you literally just have a baby and they just like send you off like, okay, bye now. Bye. And you're like, what do I do? They're like, Google it. (laughing) 'Cause even some of the nurses too were like, hey, so like someone was telling me that the baby had like. they go blow out diaper or something. And so they call the nurse because they're like, "What do we do?" And the nurse was like, "Hey, so I'm not going to be at home with you, so you're going to have to figure out what to do because I'm not going to change all your baby's diapers right now." And then you don't know how to do it when you get home. So you guys figure this out. Which is what you do need to be told because you do have to start figuring it out fast. - Yeah, a little, maybe a little tough love enough. That tough, I was still healing. - I know, I know. So you still can't get out of bed and the nurse is kind of like yelling at you for-- - I only got you for two, three days if I'm lucky. Like, "Help me while I'm here." - And like, I'm paying a lot to be here, so can you help me out? - Yeah. - Yeah, I got that bill. - Oh my gosh, okay, so it hasn't happened yet. And I always like, I talk about it on the podcast when we do the spooky stories. I'm like, if you have lost someone and you're waiting for a sign, like it will probably come. - Yeah, I do. - It just hasn't happened yet. Like don't get discouraged. - They have a lot of people that they're trying to send signs to, you're on the list. It could come years later. - Yeah, they just got up there. Let them, you know, have a margarita or two. Like, I don't chill. It's like pretty good up there. So let them hang out for a bit. - Yeah. - They'll get to you and they get to you. No, I do say that too because I do hear from you. I talk a lot about signs on hard starts pounding because a lot of the ghost stories are people getting signs from loved ones. And I always, and it always breaks my heart, but I do get comments of people being like, my dad passed away and I still haven't gotten a sign which breaks my heart. Most people I talk to have like felt something and it's just a matter of time. And you have to be open to it too and you have to, you know, be looking out for stuff. - Absolutely. I love when you guys share your personal stories in the comments. There's one that's coming to mind from a past paranormal episode where someone was like, after my friend passed, I would take food over to their dad's place. Like, I would make sure he had meals. I'd always pop in whatever. And I would never accept any money from him. And, you know, it was odd because before that, I had lost my wallet. And so after, you know, after I brought him all this food and I wouldn't take any money, I got a call from the police that they had found my lost wallet. And in the wallet was enough money to cover what I bought my friend's dad. That to me, I'm like the ghost of your friend or the spirit or whatever, found your wallet, like divine intervention. It's just insane. So I'm like, I love hearing your personal story. So drop any of the comments. - I love that. - Yeah, me too, me too. I'm so curious what people are going to say. - Well, and go bombard Caelan with them too, right in. - Yeah, you can send harsersfounding.com. We love getting ghost stories. We read a lot of ghost stories. We have an episode with Morgan out that's all ghost stories from listeners. And there are some really freaky ones. People go on a couch like summer camps and like a whole bunch of bad stuff going on there. - Oh my God, I know. - Yeah, I love the listener ghost stories. I say this that like every time I make a call or listener ghost stories part of me is like, I hope I don't get any because I hope nothing scary is happening to the audience. And then my audience continually proves that like just the scariest stuff keeps happening to them. So if you go over there, maybe just write like from THT and then maybe I can selfishly to hear them too. - Yes, yes, and so that way I'll know. Yeah, I love that. - No, no, please do. - I love reading your stories on my show. - But where can people find you? - People can find me everywhere at heart starts pounding. YouTube, listen to the show wherever you get your podcasts. And then I'm also on Instagram TikTok at heart starts pounding. - And if you want more of us together, we've got our podcast called Clues. We've done some really good episodes. Like the three we did this week are such good episodes to highlight one case that's sticking with me still is my Trice Richardson who was a young black woman that went missing here in LA. And we implemented this thing called the botched board that just kind of highlights inadequacies of cases. And this one was botched. - So botched, so botched. What started as a woman having a mental health episode turned into a whole missing person's case. One of the most devastating stories, and also most preventable stories I've ever read about. - So preventable. So if you want more of that, head that way. But thank you guys so much for being here. And until next time. - Bye. - Bye. (dramatic music) (upbeat music)